Funny / The Nostalgia Critic 2020 Episodes

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Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

• Tamara Rey's "Oh, shit" when she accidentally gives away her location to Kylo Ren.
• Malcolm Mando's reaction to Rey and Kylo kissing before the latter's death.
  Mandalorian: Odd, I thought they had more of a brother-sister relationship.
  Critic: [shows a picture of Luke and Leia kissing] Like that makes any difference in this world.
• J. J. Abrams tries and fails to adequately explain the reveal about Rey being Palpatine's granddaughter. He then turns to his Dark Overlord Mickey Mouse for support, but even he's at a loss!

Prequels Better Than the New Trilogy?

• The Critic is stunned by the argument that the prequels are actually better than the new trilogy.
  "I thought there were rules! Han shot first, it's hilarious we thought 'lightsaber game' would be the biggest problem with the new trilogy, and the prequels suck! There's just some things I thought we all agreed on!"
• The ending.
  Critic: Maclunkey will always be stupid. (caption appears: "Some people are liking it!") NO! I will fight you to the death on this! I'm The Nostalgia Critic, and I will fight you to the DEATH on this! (gets up and leaves) "Maclunkey". What the dick''!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

• The Critic's gang is first seen playing a game of beer pong, but Jim very gently drops his ball into the cup. Everybody else cheers exaggeratedly in response.
  • The cups are full of marijuana, which had just recently been legalized in Illinois.
• Rob reminds the gang of the existence of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, but they have a hard time figuring out what it is. He tries to jog their memory by telling them it's a Disney movie, but they still don't get it. Only when he tells them that it's one of the things not found on Disney+ do they get what he's talking about.
  Jim: Why do I remember what's not on there more than I remember what is?
• Jim calls Beverly Hills Chihuahua "the Charlie's Angels of dog movies," to which Malcolm deadpans, "We live in a world where that's a sentence now."

Supergirl (1984)

• The bit where the scriptwriter mixed up his Supergirl script with a porno and he just won't admit to anything to the unaware director, Jeannot Szwarc. This results in outright porn references becoming Double Entendre, Sexual Euphemism, Uranus Is Showing, and Accidental Innuendo in the actual film. Malcolm's growing embarrassment as the writer makes it absolutely perfect.
  Szwarc: All right, it says two truckers approach her, play with her skirt, and then she blows them.
  Szwarc: Then the witch turns the lady upside down, spreads her legs, and has her spinning while her dress falls over her head.
  Szwarc: Then Superman's cousin lustfully reaches out and gropes a picture of his chest
  Szwarc: Then the young woman covered in goo approaches her touchy-feely mentor and is told to open her mouth and receive a squirt."
  Szwarc: (regarding the scene where Zaltar says, "Higher girl! Higher!" and Supergirl says, "Come with me!") Uuuum... (he gets hung up on but still includes the dialog in his movie)

Spider-Man

• Critic compares Kirsten Dunst's performance as Mary Jane to a nice sitcom wife who's dead inside.
• The minute that it's mentioned that Oscorp was experimenting on mice that ended up going insane, The Critic immediately wants to see what an insane mouse looks like.
  Critic: Does it do cartwheels? Does it eat its own hand?
• After Uncle Ben is shot:
  Critic as Peter: Oh, my God, you've been shot! I missed the part where that's my problem.
  • Early on, Peter forgot to paint the kitchen. As uncle Ben is dying, this gem happens:
    Critic as Uncle Ben: Finish.....painting the kitchen...
    (Uncle Ben dies)
• After the burglar who (apparently) killed Uncle Ben falls out a window.
  Critic as Burglar: I had a partner, by the way! Eh, not important.
• The special effects in this film don't hold up well, particularly Green Goblin. It doesn't help that this was released in the same year as The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
  Critic: Same year as GOLLUM!

Spider-Man 2

• Spider-Man saves Aunt May from Doc Ock:
  Critic: Spider-Man defeats Doc Ock though, saving Aunt May.
  Spider-Man: There you go!
  Critic as Aunt May: Don't I get a kiss upside down?
  Critic as Spider-Man: Jesus, Aunt May!
  Critic as Aunt May: Wait, Peter?
  Critic as Spider-Man: I mean.... Fuck!
  Spider-Man swings away
• Critic pointing out how poorly timed Peter's confession of love to Mary Jane is.
  Critic: So now that you're engaged, I turned down your advances, and I treated you like shit, want to go out?
  Peter: Will you think about it?
  Mary Jane: Think about what?
  Peter: Picking up where we left off. Punch me, I bleed.
  Critic: He's giving you an open invitation to punch him! Don't miss this opportunity!
• Peter's strained expression while rescuing the train is compared to holding in a fart.
  • The critic notes that, while the part where the passengers on the subway train promise not to reveal Spidey's identity to the public is a heartwarming moment, there are going to be people who have taken pictures with their phones. Cut to a tweet from Flash Thompson:
    DUDE! THAT DORK PETER PARKER FROM HIGH SCHOOL IS TOTALLY SPIDER-MAN! Now I wish I pantsed him more! Also is that Samurai Jack?

Spider-Man 3

• Just the fact that the internet is represented by a portrayal of J. Jonah Jameson.
• When Critic explains that every version of Spider-Man has something strong in it, a screencap of the tokusatsu Spider-Man show appears with the caption "Hell YEAH this too!"
• Since his opinion of the movie defies that of the internet, Critic locks the door to keep his cronies out, who snarl and growl at him while he does so.
• After Harry demands that Peter raises his father from the dead:
  Critc!Peter: Hey, I know the Devil. I can make that happen.
• Critic is baffled by how Peter is clueless about how his kiss with Gwen would anger Mary Jane.
• The infamously silly dance scene is followed immediately by Spider-Man hitting Mary Jane and brooding on the bell tower.
  Critic: Did you really think, when you saw this scene on the poster, this would be the scene that leads up to it?
• The scene where Eddie Brock prays to God to kill Peter.
  Critic: This guy knows how Christianity works!
  Eddie Brock: I come before you today [...] to ask you for one thing. I want you to kill Peter Parker.
  Critic: Yes, as Jesus said in The Bible, do unto others you want me to kill a guy? I'll fucking kill a guy!

The Amazing Spider-Man

• When Peter finds the mutated lizard-mouse eating the other mouse.
  Critic as mouse: NARF...
• When Gwen demonstrates herself to be a strong character:
  Critic: "Oh, come on! Clearly, you should be falling off a building or hanging onto something." (that actually happens)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

• Critic jabs at the blatant foreshadowing during Gwen's graduation speech.
  Critic: (as Gwen) I guess what I'm saying is, that burial site over there looks really nice. Back to me being alive.

Trolls

• At a funeral Branch knocks over a coffin containing a dead clown troll and runs off:
  Critic: Well, I know what should have been the poster!
• Critic's reaction to the Bergens singing "Ain't Happy": he's glad the kids are hearing it, but bemoans that it's not the original uncensored version.
  Critic: I think I'd rather corrupt a child than patronize them.
  • He then says it would be like a Peter Pan movie with the song "Smells like Teen Spirit" (cue said movie's poster).
    Critic: Why do I keep forgetting that's a thing?
• When Branch's infamous Freudian Excuse comes to light:
  Poppy: Why won't you sing?!
  Branch: Because singing killed my grandma, OK?!
  Bart Simpson: ...I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
• After Creek's treachery:
  Critic: I'm pretty sure Russell Brand just showed up and they were like, "Just say what you normally would in this situation."

Dolittle

• Critic describing the scene with the orangutan that likes to dance as the first cinematic achievement of the Improbability Drive from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Frozen II

• "Elsa finds the fire spirit is... (a pink lizard creature called Bruni, accompanied by a shot of a plush toy version available on Amazon) ...available for $37.89, as he beckons her to follow him, and like everyone else, that's his one thing in the movie. But who cares? Now we can finally get some answers– (Anna suddenly runs up and hugs her sister from behind) NAW!"
• "Yeah, okay, the father (A shot of King Agnarr appears in the corner) who looks nothing like him, they figured out, but the mother (A shot of Queen Iduna is now shown in the corner) who literally hasn't changed one bit? Now, that took some putting together."
• In the middle of the review, Olaf's fast-paced recap of the first movie reminds Critic of something. He then quickly calls up Chester and asks why Chester never did a review of Frozen.
  Chester: OH MY GOD, THAT'S THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! There's these princes-ma-ses-"
  Critic: [hangs up]
  • Then, at the end, the critic is left with one burning question. He pulls out his phone...
  Critic: How can you talk to me if you don't have a phone?
  Chester: Oh, I just use my imagination.
  Critic: Oh.

Alpha and Omega

• "So there's, surprisingly, a lot of straight-to-DVD sequels. Seven, to be exact. Which got me thinking, maybe it's like The Land Before Time movies, where people really liked the first one and the sequels tried to exploit it to dea– (The Rotten Tomatoes page for Alpha and Omega has 16%) Or maybe not."
• When Kate accidentally puts on glasses and bra:
  Critic: You got $20 million to make Deviant Art a movie.

Avatar

• When Sigourney Weaver's character explains what the Navi's tree connection to the planet, it cuts to Milo Thatch explaining the Atlantean Crystal's connection to the Atlantean People.
  Critic!Vinny: Oh, c'mon! We bombed with the exact same story and you break box office records! Oh, who cares? We own you now anyway. We're gonna own everything.

Stuart Little 2

• Critic shudders to imagine what Stuart and Margalo's mouse-bird hybrid child would look like.

Superman Returns

• The whole takedown of the plane scene.
  • When Lois is flung violently against the walls and floor of the plane yet remains alive:
    Critic: Dead! Dead! Dead! Jesus, was Lois Supergirl this whole time and we never knew it?
  • The baseball players somehow don't notice a plane dropping towards their field.
  • And finally:
    Superman: I hope this experience hasn't put any of you off flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel.
    Critic: Well, you've just become every airline's favorite movie. (A graph showing airline companies' falling stocks is shown)

Totally Spies The Movie

• "I'm finally allowed to be in the Thundercats reboot." (Sees the title card to ThunderCats Roar) "That one!? Fuck!"
• The Critic complains about the animal rights violations of how long the pig was kept in a backpack, before remembering to let his cat out of the closet, as it's been a week.
  Critic: That'll teach you to meow at things you like.
• After Mandy insults Sam by calling her “tragically unfashionable and criminal” and Sam glares at her furiously, it briefly cuts to a black background with the message “Mandy’s Head with Never Found” in stark white.
• Doubling as a Heartwarming moment, after the girls are made ugly by Fabu via transformation machine, Critic's response can be this:
  Critic: Um, have you met a high school boy? You're still bangable.
• Towards the end of the movie, when Resident Rich Bitch Mandy demands the girls to clean the dead bug off her windshield.
  (Clover pulls out the foam filled pomade grenade)
  Critic: Shit got real!!!
  (cue edited fiery explosion!)

Mouse Hunt

• Critic declares that this, not The Deer Hunter, is Christopher Walken's most realistic performance.
  • "Walken continues to hunt for bears— I mean, mice. It's the same character!"
• When the MouseTraps go off and head toward them like a tidal wave, the brothers for some reason roll into the oncoming traps:
  Critic: (as Ernie) Oh, no! They're heading towards us! Let's roll into them!
• The Critic proposing a bumper sticker that says "What's that!? Horse?! Fiendish! I won't eat it!" and making it the opening speech in Catch Me If You Can.
  How is that not a bumper sticker? Everybody would get it.
• In trying to shoot the mouse, the brothers accidentally shoot a bug bomb dropped by the exterminator instead, blowing open a huge hole that lands them in the basement. In response, the Critic has this to say:
  "Well, I already know the ending: the house is bought by Rob McCallister, and Kevin [McCallister] uses it later to create the exact same scenarios. It's the prequel to the prequel everybody wanted."
• From a meta perspective: The implication that Doug did the whole review with Buster sitting on his lap just of-screen.
  Doug: So if you hear purring anywhere in this review, that's why.

Battleship

• In the movie, a tour guide is showing a group around the U.S.S. Missouri, and a young boy in the group asks what the difference is between a battleship and a destroyer. In response, the Critic, surrounded by posters for both Battleship and Destroyer (2018), has this to say:
  "One got a lot better reviews than the other."

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

• As soon as the video starts, we hear a mass of loud booing from people assuming Critic's about to tear The Hunchback of Notre Dame a new hole. He actually has to interrupt his opening catchphrase out of frustration to assure the audience that yes, he actually likes the damn movie. The boos immediately turn to cheers... and a demand to go watch something else.
• The Critic pointing out how fickle the crowd is when they turn on Quasimodo:
  Critic: It's like if in Return of the King, everybody bows, and then they're suddenly like...Hey, they're short! (Apples are thrown at the Hobbits)
• This bit:
  Esmeralda: You sneaky son of a...
  Phoebus: Uh uh uh. Watch it. You're in a church.
  Critic: And a Disney film. (the film's darkest moments are shown) We can let all this slide, but saying the B word is a Mickey no-no.

The Lion King (2019)

• The entirely of Chaplin training Buster to be the next cash cow for the Nostalgia Critic is loaded with funny lines.
• After lambasting the cliches in the film:
  Critic: I expected more from the writer of-
  ''shows pictures of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, and Speed 2: Cruise Control
  Critic: Huh, I guess maybe I didn't.
• The Critic turns off the sound on Buster and Chaplin's scenes for a moment to show how real cats convey emotions. Then asks them to confirm something he said.
  Critic: Isn't that right, guys?
  Buster and Chaplin: <Silence>
  Critic: Oh, you can talk now
  Chaplin: My God, he went completely silent for a whole minute!
  Buster: I'M SCARED!
  Chaplin: I'm Chaplin!
  Critic: ...I should've gotten dogs.
  • As a bonus, Chaplin looks completely uninvested.
• When Nala tells Simba she thought he was brave, the Critic points out that the film cut out his only 'brave' moment. His replacement comment has the child Nala call Simba a pussy-ass bitch.
• The middle school lines Critic puts over Scar punching Mufasa off the cliff.
  • Ditto overlaying Simba's cry of anguish as his father perishes with the Meow-mix jingle.
• When Nala instantly wants Simba to come back to the Pridelands in the remake, instead of going through emotions organically.
  Critic as Nala: Hey, it's been a long time, good to see ya', get yo' ass home before I whoop your hakuna matata!
  • Critic referring to Nala's bedroom eyes as "the face that gave birth to a million furries".
• When Rafiki finds a piece of Simba's dander (that had been rolled in shit and transported by a dung beetle) and declares Simba is alive.
  NC: And he smells like a ball of shit! He smells like a ball of shiiiit!
  • Also, the bizarre Afrikaner-German-Caribbean accent he uses for Rafiki will illicit an few giggles.
  • The Critic wondering if Simba's dander is going to get into a knife fight with the feather from Forrest Gump.

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland

• This exchange during the first scene of the movie:
  Bert: Who are you talking to?
  Ernie: The audience, Bert. They're right there.
  Critic: (as Ernie) Both of them look very excited to be here.
• The Critic compares the children interacting with Elmo to the dead silence of Dora the Explorer, and asks the audience how they cannot shout inappropriate things when Dora asks them to participate.
  Dora: Can you say "Rapido"?
  Critic: Bone yourself, I'm not Google translat...
  Dora: Say "Rapido"!
  Critic: You're not even listening to me, I hope your bag eats you!
  Dora and Boots: Rapido!
  Critic: You passed the same tree five times!
• The Critic is impressed with the puppetry of Elmo's blanket, saying that the blanket looks flat yet lively. He then says it was a better choice than Big Bird's socks.^note Big Bird doesn't even wear socks, so why he has them is a mystery.
  Critic: Those couldn't fit on his feet, so what on Earth does he do with them?
  (A disclaimer saying, "STOP YOU KNOW WHERE THIS JOKE IS GOING" shows up onscreen.)
  Critic: Good call.
• The Critic censoring Elmo with bleeps when Zoe and Elmo rip Elmo's blanket.
  Critic: Well, that's a new vocabulary the kids can learn.
• After Oscar throws Elmo's blanket into his trash can:
  Elmo: OSCAR, BRING ELMO'S BLANKET BACK! ELMO NEEDS HIS BLANKET BACK NOW!!!
  Critic: (as Elmo) ELMO WILL POUR ACID INTO YOUR HOME! YOU WILL DIE!!!!!
• After hearing Huxley refer to himself as "feeling a bit saucy today", the Critic decides he now has no choice but to play a certain clip from The Princess Bride:
  Inigo: I do not think it means what you think it means.
• The Critic editing the scene where Elmo rides a mine cart to include the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the Thuggees' mine cart comes off the rails and crashes.
  Critic: Sorry, I was just giving you the ending you all wanted to see.
• This line from the Critic after listening to and enjoying Huxley's Villain Song:
  Critic: Move over, Hamilton! (The album for Hamilton appears onscreen.) Cause you're not centered. (The album moves over to the center of the screen.) There you go. You're still the best, but this song's pretty good.
• "Huxley instructs his henchmen to take Elmo to the Queen of Trash," (A poster for "The Goop Lab" with Gwyneth Paltrow appears onscreen.) "No, the other one, and they once again lead him in a different direction."
• When Elmo's friends arrive to save Elmo from Huxley, the Critic misinterprets Oscar's "Get him!" line as "Kill him!"
  Critic: (as Oscar) Put their stuffing where his blood is and put his blood where their stuffing is!

Ralph Bakshi's Lord of The Rings

• Critic is annoyed that Sam has been Demoted to Comic Relief.
• Critic pointing out how Frodo and Sam are unaware that they're technically rowing in opposite directions.
• Snob!Malcolm and Snob!Tamara being subjected to the 24/7/365 hi-octane madness that is Ralph Bakshi (played once again by Rob Walker).

The Iron Giant

• In the titular character's first scene, the Critic plays a clip of Bender saying "Bite my colossal metal ass!"
• When Annie asks Hogarth if he remembers the time he tried to keep a raccoon as a pet, the Critic says "Don't worry, he got his in another Bird production."
• When Mansley realizes he just caused the missile to fire at the whole town:
  Critic: Have I mentioned this was a great villain yet? He shouts the battle cry of...let's be honest, most politicians...
  Mansley: Screw our country! I wanna live!
• When the Iron Giant makes the choice to sacrifice himself, a clip of Skippy Squirrel from Animaniacs crying over Bumbie's mom is shown.

The Bill and Ted Movies

• When acknowledging the usage of a certain gay slur as a punchline in each film, the word itself is censored by a voice synthesizer reading a disclaimer. In Excellent Adventure, the text acknowledges that there's even less of a point in playing the full clip as the video would get demonetized. And in Bogus Journey, there's a half-hearted call to "Cancel Bill and Ted, I guess?"

Mulan

• A radar satellite appears next to Nostalgia Critic alongside the following scene:
  Mushu: Chicken boy?! Say that to my face, you limp noodle!
  Critic: Let's see...nope. Went right under the radar.
• Critic demonstrates what an Ear Worm "I'll Make a Man Out of You" is by playing it over the training montage from Rocky.

X-Men: Apocalypse

• An attempted ad for Xavier's School for the Gifted gets interrupted by the differing timelines, with Mystique's diametrically opposing motivations, Darwin suddenly having to fight a giant CGI bear and Rogue suddenly switching moods.
• When Scott accidentally destroys Charles's grandfather's tree, he asks if he is about to be expelled.
  Charles: Oh, on the contrary!
  Critic: (as Charles, grinning from ear to ear) I'm going to murder you.

The Witches (1990)

• Before beginning the review, the Critic reveals that despite having talked about the movie before, he has never fully seen The Witches until now. He then says that with the remake coming out soon, he insists that the audience tortures him anyway they see fit.
  Audience member: Oh, that we can do.
  (The sound of missiles launching is heard. The Critic looks up and, with a startled yelp, gets out of the way before the missiles hit his usual spot.)
• The Critic mentions that even as a mouse, Bruno still has the personality of a fat kid.
  Luke: Are you okay?
  Bruno: They didn't give me the six bars of chocolate they promised.
  Critic (as Bruno): Clearly, my biggest concern. If it's a problem I can't eat, it doesn't exist.
• During the scene where Mr. Jenkins is talking with Ms. Ernst, the Critic states that he likes how Ms. Ernst hates children so much, that she can't even say the word "children" without almost throwing up.
  Ms. Ernst: You give money for the little... (gags in her mouth, trying not to throw up, wile Miss Irvine holds up a bowl to her) children. We also give money for the little...
  Critic: I hope to hate something that bad!
  (The poster for the The Lion King remake is then shown in the upper left corner of the screen. After seeing it, he gags in a similar way to Ms. Ernst, trying not to throw up)
  Critic: (whispering) I'll get there...
• This happens when Helga tries to delicately explain to Bruno's parents that their son was turned into a mouse (Helga has Bruno in her purse):
  Helga: Your son has suffered a mishap. He has been drastically altered.
  Critic: (as Helga) His head is next to my lipstick, and unless you want a shorter casket at his funeral, you'll do as I say.
• The Critic freaks out when part of Luke's tail gets cut off and wonders how Luke is not acting like he is in any pain.
  Luke: (scurrying away, not feeling any pain apparently) Phew, I gotta get outta here!
  Critic: Oh, he's just ignoring how his tail was CLEARLY SEVERED IN THAT SCENE?!
  Luke: Phew, I gotta get outta here!
  Critic (as Luke): Oh, did I forget to mention: SWEET GOD, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN MORE PAIN! GIVE ME FIVE CENTIMETERS OF MORPHINE, STAT!!
• After seeing the Head Chef, who is played by Jim Carter.
  Critic: Well, I'll be damned. Carson really did have humble beginnings.
  Critic (as Head Chef): Oh, if only I could blame this on Mr. Molesley.
• After one of the witches crushes the witch-turned mouse under her foot, the scene switches to clip of Out of Sight, showing Chino being pinned down by Karen's foot, but with the Witches poster replacing Karen.
  Chino: Wow! You are mean!
• After Luke is turned back to human by the one good witch:
  Critic (as Luke: But why do I still have the hots for Gadget from Rescue Rangers?

Curse of the Commercials

• During the "Life Call" commercial, the Critic states that he loves the idea of less patient people reacting to the old woman in the commercial:
  Old Lady: I've fallen, and I can't get up!
  Roy Trenneman: (on the phone) Have you tried turning it off and on again? (laugh track)
  Old Lady: I've fallen, and I can't get up!
  Les Grossman: (speaking into cell phone) Take a big step back...and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!
  Old Lady: I've fallen, and I can't get up!
  Basil Fawlty: (on phone) Anything else? I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left, or...? (laugh track)
• Also during the "Life Call" commercial, the Critic states that there should be a KarenCall for whenever a stuck-up woman wants to pretend her life is in danger. Cut to an old lady (Tamara) looking out the window as she talks to NC on the phone.
  Old Lady: (gasps) Yes, yes, there is a black person selling lemonade outside!
  Critic: That's not a problem.
  Old Lady: It most certainly is. Arrest him at once!
  Critic: Well, answer me this question: is the person recording you?
  Old Lady: Yes, he is.
  Critic: That means you're on your own, bitch.
  (NC hangs up the phone as the old lady hears sirens outside her apartment)
  Old Lady: Oh, thank God, the police are here! Wait, why are they coming up to my apartment?!
• The Critic is so fascinated/disturbed by the various PSAs Captain Lou Albano did, discussing such subjects as guns and drugs while dressed as Mario, that when he moves on to the notorious, much-requested "Dark and Lonely Water" clip narrated by Donald Pleasence, he has to admit that he isn't as disturbed by it as he might otherwise be because he can't get Mario telling kids about dying of a drug overdose out of his head.
• The Cats PSAs.
  • Smoking:
    Old Deuteronomy: Someone is smoking over there.
    Jennyanydots: Something we cats would never do.
    Rum Tum Tugger: [spotting a lit cigarette] Filling their lungs with thick, dark hair.
    Bombalurina: [pushing the cigarette into the trash] What a disgusting thing to do!
    NC (as Mr. Mistoffelees): Why can't they be like us at all, licking our dicks, vaginas and balls?
  • Car accident:
    Old Deuteronomy: There was a child in the car.
    Other cats: A child? A child? A child?
    Man: Scheduled?
    Old Deuteronomy: No one wants a child to become a memory.
    Singer: ♫ Memory... ♫
    [The U.S. Department of Transportation's slogan, "YOUR CHILD'S LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS." appears]
    NC: Wow. Long way to go for a song pun. By the way, the child in this? Probably dead. Let's see if Mr. Mistoffelees can magic him back to life!
    NC (as Mr. Mistoffelees): ♫"Oh, well, never was there ev–"♫ No, no, I can't do that, too much of him is separated from the rest. That's... that's a puzzle I can't complete.

The Lion King II: Simba's Pride

• Critic pointing out how suggestive Simba's smile is when he wants to have a talk.

Krampus

• When the jack-in-the-box eats Stevie and Jordan:
  Critic: "In Soviet Russia, Jack in the Box eats YOU! (A demonic angel tree topper appears) Oh, and don't forget the Christmas angel! Chucky... Birdman... whatever. (The angel attacks the family) DIE!"
• After Aunt Dorothy offers to teach the kids how to make peppermint schnapps:
  Critic: She's like if Walmart was a person.
• As Max finally meets Krampus:
  Max: HEY! ASSHOLE!
  Critic!Krampus: Hey! There's no need for that language, fuckface!

The Muppet Christmas Carol

• The Critic points out that this the first major Muppet production to not have Kermit the Frog in the lead role (Sir Michael Caine plays Scrooge). This is followed by an audio recording of Kermit's audition as Scrooge:
  Doug!Kermit: Every idiot who says, "Merry Christmas" should be boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stick of holly through his heart! Yaaaaay!
  Second voice on recording: Kermit?
  Doug!Kermit: I'm Cratchit, aren't I?
• When the Critic states that since the Muppet Christmas Carol is a more kid-friendly version of the Muppets, which means there are still a few jokes for the grown-ups, but not as heavy as the previous films, the Gruff man (Malcolm) states how he likes it when the Muppets let their anger build up before yelling at each other.
  Cockney kid (Tamara): Kermit would never do that. He's kind and nice and always gentle in a tough situa–
  (Various clips from Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, where Kermit is seen yelling at people, are then shown)
  Cockney kid: ...I think I've been emotionally scarred.
  Gruff man: You think that's bad? Check out their old coffee commercials.
  Cockney kid: All right! (takes out her cell phone and types on it)
  Nostalgia Critic: Uh, (holds up index finger) I really don't think you're ready for that yet!(But it's too late, as the Cockney kid screams.) They're a little harsh.
  Wilkins: (offscreen) He always was a cutup.
• After Scrooge mistakes the Marley twins for an eating-induced hallucination:
  Critic!Scrooge: For months I've been eating at Arby's, and I've been seeing these foam puppet people everywhere!
• After seeing what he thinks is Beaker flipping Mr. Scrooge off, the Critic believes that reason that Beaker is always beeping is because it is actually all of his obscenities being censored.
• The Critic reveals that due to the puppeteers hating Bean Bunny due to him being too cute, they used every chance they could in the movie to put him some form of misery, which included slamming the door in his face, throwing things at him, and letting him freeze in the cold. He also states that knowing this makes Bean's scenes a lot more entertaining.
  Gruff man: Now that's the stuff I like.
  Cockney kid: That is jolly awful!
  Nostalgia Critic: Oh, come on. Did you see their outtake when Tiny Tim died?
  (One of the outtakes is shown.)
  Betina Cratchit: May I have his dinner? (laugh track)
  Cockney kid: You're ruining Muppets for me!
  Nostalgia Critic: That's strange. Usually, Disney does that.
  (As he says this, posters for The Muppets and Muppets Now are shown.)
• The Reveal at the end, in which the gruff man explains the real reason he hates this movie so much: he was supposed to play Scrooge! Why? Because he has a violent past. However, he complains, they wanted a human actor and not someone who wanted to spread the word about a certain beverage. The Critic and the Cockney kid are dumbfounded as the gruff man drinks something from the cup before he pushes a button on his cell phone that blows up the Cockney kid! The Critic timidly asks him what he is drinking. In response, the gruff man explodes and reveals himself as... Wilkins!
  Critic: Of course! You were gonna be the star so you could spread the evils of Wilkins Coffee!
  Wilkins: You know, a house isn't a home without Wilkins Coffee.
  Critic: Well, you're not gonna get away with it this time! I know what's gonna happen because I have my own Ghost of Christmas Future!
  (The ghost in question appears, holding a scythe.)
  Ghost: I hate to tell you, but... (the ghost explodes, revealing Wilkins in disguise) you don't have a future!
  Critic: (scared out of his wits) WILKINS IS STILL EVIL! RUN!!!
  (But it's too late, as a can of Wilkins Coffee falls on the Critic, crushing him. Wilkins screams and jumps at the camera and the episode abruptly ends!)

Deck the Halls

• As Steve returns home from work, he says, "Hi, honey, I'm home," and his wife feeds him some honey, prompting this from the Critic:
  Critic: Yes, please shut him up. He couldn't even say, "Hi, honey, I'm home," without sounding like a robot who just discovered what this "feelings" thing is. And even that he played bad!
• The Critic ridicules Steve's rather stiff walk in the middle of the night, saying that it looks so unconvincing as to look like "a Mario 3 walk". As Steve walks, music from the game plays briefly.
• As the Finches go to meet their new neighbors, the son, Carter, is surprised to see a painting of a naked woman, while their neighbors' two very attractive daughters meets them. Carter stares, open-mouthed, while the Finch daughter, Madison, smiles at the two girls. The Critic is utterly dumbfounded by all that's going on.
  "It's like they're trying to get the son scared straight and the daughter scared gay! What the hell is happening in this scene?!"
• Buddy gives the family a new car as a Christmas present, but Steve doesn't think much of it:
  Buddy: If you don't like the color, we could change it out.
  Critic: They said the same thing about (a shot of Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch is shown) the Human Torch.
  (A shot of the original white Human Torch is shown next.)
  Critic: His costume! What do you think I meant?
• During the Christmas festival, before the skating contest, Steve and Buddy watch a spectacle together with three pretty girls in Sexy Santa Dress doing a dance and are getting quite excited by them — until they realize, much to their horror, that the dancing girls are in fact their own respective daughters. What's the Critic's response?
  "You may think this is a first for Broderick, but again, what was the relationship between Simba and the lionesses?"
  • After the above ordeal, the two men run into a nearby church to wash out their eyes with the holy water. The Critic's response here?
    "Fun fact: my Blu-Ray of this film also came with holy water to wash my eyes out."
• At the end, the Critic can hardly contain his contempt for this movie as he gives his closing thoughts. He not only complains about the awful writing, acting and humor, but more importantly, he denounces the message as hypocritical ("It takes what could be a satirical premise and turns itself into the very monster the film is trying to warn you not to become."). He concludes that it's no wonder this movie has made its way onto so many "worst Christmas movies ever" lists. As he puts it:
  "If people actually bought the bullshit this film was spewing, I'd tell George Bailey to jump."

Batman Returns

• As a running gag whenever a dark violent scene is shown, Critic points out how this movie was advertised to little kids. Merchandise included Play-Doh, Diet Coke, and the Golden Book Collection of all things.

Home Alone 4

• Critic thinks the movie's direct to video release foreshadows WB's modern direct to streaming policy.

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