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- His illustration for the "autoclitoridectomy" in Antichrist. He says he can't show us what happens, so he illustrates it with a Rebus Bubble involving a kitten and a pair of scissors.
- "For some reason I see the cover art of a Twilight ripoff novel."
- "The tree unironically enjoys ytmnd.com! Strange."
- "She becomes She-Hulk."
- Discussing some of the dialogue:
He: I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.
Oancitizen!He: Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM.
- "This couple has now made made Edward and Bella Cullen look like John and Abigail Adams."
- "Hey, a phallic symbol!" (He's just so chipper in the manner in which he says it, it's hilarious.)
- The familiar song after the fade-out of the stillborn deer.
- "Could whoever's recording a power generator being run underwater keep it down? You're drowning out my wife's whispering."
- "Remember how when you were a little kid, you used to play that game where the floor was hot lava? She never stopped playing."
- "How many dead babies does one film need to have?!"
- At one point, She claims that "nature is Satan's church". "Either I missed that lesson in Sunday School, or She takes Comedy Central as Gospel truth." Cue a clip from "Woodland Critter Christmas".
- "Could spending days alone in terrifying Satan-infested woods doing research on the killing of women by countless cultures across the ages have any adverse effects on a woman's psyche? (Beat) Let's find out!"
Oancitizen: Makeup sex! That could be helpful for their relationship-
She: Hit me!
- "He looks into the sky and sees a constellation. A fox, a crow, and a deer representing pain, grief, and despair. Wait a minute! There's no such constellation!"
He: There's no such constellation.
Oancitizen: Thank you!
- The impromptu children's book of the film: "Goodnight, shack. Goodnight, pack. Goodnight, acorns making a thwack. Goodnight, trees. Goodnight, plants. Goodnight, dead eaglet covered in ants."
Anatomy of Hell
WR: Mysteries of the Organism
- He says that the soundtrack for a sex scene is probably the worst lovemaking soundtrack since John Philip Sousa. And then promptly shows the scene set to a Sousa march to show how accurate that is. There's just something funny about watching people having sex to Stars and Stripes Forever. And there's a Genius Bonus when you realize that the couple having sex are communists in the former Yugoslavia, so yeah, irony.
What is It?
- "Ah, yes, Botticelli's The Birth of R. Crumb."
- His continued attempts to find the symbolism behind the snails.
- NAKED NAZI SHIRLEY TEMPLE MASTURBATING WITH A RIDING CROP!
- The utter madness of the closing sketch.
- "I can't mock this! I... (look of sudden realization) I can't mock this. I can't mock this! Crispin Glover, you tactical genius!"
- "It's so tempting to manipulate this image."
- "Sir Sean Connery, Lover, Fighter, MIME!"
- Sean Connery is looking for answers:
- The end of the review: "How did I miss!?"
- His reaction to The Reveal that Zed's religion was based on The Wizard of Oz, after listing off increasingly obscure religions and philosophers.
Kyle: The Wizard of... oh, wait- OH! OW!
Zed: The Wizard of Oz. Zardoz.
Zed: The Wizard of Oz was a fairy story about an old man that frightened people with a loud voice and big mask.
- His ultimate conclusion regarding the type of audience that might enjoy the film the most: potheads. Because damn it all, he's right.
We Are The Strange
- Calling it Scott Pilgrim vs. Rational Thinking
- His interpretation of eMMM's charades:
"Take this quarter, feed it to me, then do the monkey. That way we can stomp grapes and make wine."
- Every time he calls back to the notes Roo of the Clan of the Gray Wolf took for him.
Roo: I... took notes...
Kyle: [enthusiastically] Oh good man! [snatches]
- He brings up how the movie took cue from two styles of anime. The calm kind (showing a calm scene from Spirited Away) and the "what-the-fuck" kind (showing a scene from Garzeys Wing).
- "Ah, yes, this is what Campbell would've called (the villain suddenly rises from apparent death) - this is what Campbell would've called the 'Jason Voorhees is not dead' moment."
- "So yes Virginia, this is a feminist movie. That's why there's only one female character."
- He points out the Nineties synth strings playing over the lesbian 3-way and how they'd sound like something Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock would fight to. Cut to... Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock fighting, then getting distracted by the lesbian 3-way.
- Also, Cynthia Rothrock is voiced by Allison Pregler.
- FIRE DOWN BELOW!
- The opening, where he reads a book called "Feminism & Pornography"... and then turns it on the side like he's actually reading a porn magazine.
- This bit from the beginning:
"It's a terrible stereotype that the French are much hornier than other nations..."
"...but it's a stereotype that has some basis in fact..."
"...French culture is quite open when it comes to sexuality..."
"...they're famously blase when it comes to talking about sex and are more willing to discuss taboos..."
"...at least compared to most Americans."
*Picture of Oancitizen*
- "If you can guess what any of that means, please send your answers to email@example.com for a chance to win a prize.
- The entire "Cockblockeon The Magnificent" segment.
"Arousal killed yet?"
- "She said 'Triumph of the Will'. We're barely into the first act and we've already gone full Godwin."
- Oancitizen losing his shit when the movie decides to show Stock Footage of a Soviet atrocity.
- During a particularly bizarre scene of a naked man acting like a baby while a clothed man straddles him and attempts to do...something, Oancitizen decides to cut to "something more pleasant". Cue footage from Battlefield Earth.
- His rant at the end towards the other members of That Guy with the Glasses for being sheltered:
- Oan suggesting that Miss Canada's glowing....area is stored in Marsellus Wallace's briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
- In regards to Anna having sex with the sailor on the deck of her ship, in public view: "Despite what you may have heard...even in Amsterdam, you can't get away with this."
"I live three blocks from the red light district, and I think you're being gross!"
- After the Texan remarks that in marrying, he's gained a woman who's also a sanitation system, it cuts to Oan air-guitaring and singing 'Your body is a sewage plant' to the tune of John Mayer's "Your Body Is A Wonderland".
- After Miss Canada receives a golden shower from her husband (who has a golden penis), he cuts to a scene from Goldmember for the obvious joke.
Goldmember: Hey, everybody, I'm from Holland! Isn't that weird?
Kyle: (in Dutch) Kiss my dirty asshole, cancer-suffering nutbag.
- The opening speech, which uses more terms for sex than you even thought were possible.
- The fanfare when he finally finds a parallel between the sex scenes and the boyfriend being a glaciologist.
- "I wish I could tell my 5th grade self that for my job I would watch hours of sex and be bored by it."
Twilight Of The Ice Nymph
- "BECAUSE! TREES!" That counts as an in-universe CMOF; Kyle literally falls out of his chair laughing.
- His ostrich voice, and later apologizing for it.
The Man Who Fell To Earth
The Doom Generation
- Oancitizen taking his Running Gag involving milk to new heights by "reenacting" the scene where one of the characters jerks off, cums in his hand, then licks it off. He then turns to the camera and says in the most upbeat voice possible, "Scene!"
- '90s Kid shows up. "Oh God, I forgot you existed."
- And then Oancitizen sends him away, broken and confused, by claiming that Nirvana was directly responsible for the formation of Nickelback.
- His cherry response to the first line in the movie (it's Rose McGowan saying Fuck!)
- "Hello, and welcome to We're-Too-Dumb-Not-To-Wear-Green-In-Front-Of-A-Green-Screen News."
- His increasing ire of the films motif with "666". His response to when Rose Mcgowan's character's cumulative SAT score is said to be 666 by a bunch of FBI guys.
Me And You And Everyone We Know
- One scene with the two brothers on an internet sex chat drove Oan to play clips of "The Human Spider"
- After the art curator says that we wouldn't have the Internet without AIDS, Oancitizen goes on a long, detailed explanation of the military and commercial origins of the Internet. He then says, "But, y'know... your explanation works, too."
- "...I guess my opinion will just oscillate between those two view points. Back and forth. Forever." *cheerful wave* "Byeeeeee!"
- Describing the film's sudden, out-of-place lines of overly pretentious dialogue as "profundity bombs," complete with whistling and explosion sound effects.
The Brown Bunny
- His comments on the folk-based soundtrack, to which he says, "No, we need something more fitting for this." Cue the opening music from Birdemic.
- His growing look of horrific realization when Gallo drives through the salt flats where Gerry was filmed.
- "He [Gallo] picks one [a prostitute] up and he does terrible, nasty things to her - he buys her a McDonald's lunch, the BASTARD!"
- (to the tune of Old Susanna) Ha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha, JOKE." With the word "joke" said completely straight-faced and deadpan.
- Experience BJ!
- "What's that, Mr. Squirrel? What do you mean, 'Chaos reigns'?"
- His attempt at seeing the movie with the mind of a child, ending in a high pitched WHAT THE FUCK?!?
- So the moral of this film is 'Children are sociopathic morons'. Good for you!
- "Her mother is played by Jennifer Tilly, in a role which, 30 years earlier, would have been played by Terry Jones."
A Serbian Film
- His take on The Aristocrats joke, down to subverting the punchline.
- Just his dumbfounded look at the very beginning of the review.
- The end. Just the end. After he finishes his review, the rage he's managed to suppress results in him getting a pretty nasty nosebleed before he snaps.
- "Seriously, I'm evil Ed Glaser."
- "Haha! His name is Fuckmir!" in the middle of his plot summary.
- Kyle manging to get through the entire movie with his sanity intact and giving a through and thoughtful analysis of it... Then completely losing it at the end and trying to get NATO to bomb Serbia off the map.
- The NATO guy's deadpan rant: "And you're getting your panties in a bundle just because some angry young Serb went and made a horror film that's actually horrifying, you sheltered little boob."
- Then to prove just how crazy the movie made Kyle, he later asks for fictional bombs to be dropped on them and still acts like a total mad man about it, reveling in his "revenge".
Hamlet The Vampire Slayer
- Allison/Lupa offhandedly mentions Shakespeare, and Kyle hears it... from the other side of the hotel.
Lupa: I've been reviewing horrible movies for far too long. Today, I'm gonna treat you to something classy; something artistic. Today, I'm treating you... to Shakespeare.
[Lupa explaining the gist of the movie, followed by a scene of Kyle booking it from one end of the hotel to the other.]
- Pretty much any scene where Kyle's classical theatre training and high-brow remarks blow right past Lupa, but his first scene with her is the winner:
Kyle: How blessed am I in my just censure, in my true opinion! Alack, for lesser knowledge! how accursed in being so blessed! There may be in the cup a spider steep'd, and one may drink, depart, and partake no venom, for his knowledge is not infected: but if one present the abhorr'd ingredient to his eye, make known how he hath drunk, he cracks his gorge, his sides, with violent hefts. I have drunk, and seen the spider. There is a plot against my niche, my show; all's true that is mistrusted: thou hast usurped my art! And I remain a pinch'd thing; yea, a very trick for you to play at will! [note
- "So I heard you're watching Hamlet..."
- "Incest Joke!"
- The blooper reel of the review is almost as funny as the review itself. Kyle just can't keep a straight face when Lupa says "It's funny because it's poop!". They try her repeating it over and over so that he gets used to the beat of it ("Again!"), and Lupa tells him to "think of the most horrible thing you can think of" which results in Kyle first putting on a really serious face... and then cracking up again.
Flesh For Frankenstein
Otto Or Up With Dead People
- The intro. "That's right Romero fans, board up your windows and rev up your chainsaws, because we're going to talk about gay porn".
- After Otto eats a man he just slept with: "He should have seen this coming. The T-Virus is a serious issue, and Zombrex, while effective, is never cheap."
- Kyle getting repeatedly disgusted at two brothers who have sex with each other.
- The shock at discovering each actor which was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kyle even notices Richard O'Brien is doing "the time warp" in Jubilee.
Anonymous is a Pile of Crap
- The whole review. Seeing a half-awake Oancitizen phone it in is freaking brilliant.
- "We doing the thing? [camera nods "yes"] Oh, fuck."
- "Uh, read, read, read, um... ...Slacker?"
- "Am I talking a lot of bullshit? [camera nods "yes"] (snickering)"
- The ending song.
- "LECTURE ALERT!" ("Did you know the makers of the Continuity Alarm did personalized versions?")
- Given the cast is filled with ethnic types, the Captain Planet summon.
- Discussing a character named Luigi brings up the other Luigi...
- "Damn, that's like the Michael Phelps of elephants." *pause* "Michael Phelephant."
Goodbye Twentieth Century
- "Also, Kano found Jesus." CHRISTIANITY
- Everything about the funeral scene. EVERYTHING. From the Steve Jobs joke (complete with victory pose and Too Soon disclaimer) to the EPIC Big Lipped Alligator Moment that occurs shortly afterwards. The utterly dumbfounded look on Kyle's face doesn't even begin to describe it.
- Kyle's "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer about when he saw the film for the first time.
"True story: when I first saw this film, I tweeted what I saw, and someone on Twitter responded, 'Are you reading aloud from a trollfic
The Dork Ages: My Eighth Grade History Project (done in the style of Pop-Up Video)
I think this girl agreed to help me with this project out of pity.
She has since gone on to found a non-profit organization that supports girl's soccer in South Africa.
I have since gone on to squirt corn syrup up my nose, hump a trash can and scream "fuck" on the internet.
I have made good life decisions.
- SECOND TAKES ARE FOR THE WEAK!
Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai
- Mistaking hip hop producer RZA for "Royal Zoological Administration".
- "You know me, I'm The Rap Critic!"
Oan: Oh, right, yes. And what do you do?
Rap Critic: [stares]
- whilst eating a bowl of popcorn: "Holy sh- this is still art, right?"
- Condensing his analysis of the film into rap over an instrumental of Wu-Tang Clan's "C.R.E.A.M.".
- "Which is totally an apt analogy, and not just a lame excuse to name-drop Monet like the stuck-up douche that I am."
- Launching into a Yo Dawg meme upon seeing the scene with the dog in it.
- "Wait, I thought you already reviewed The Brown Bunny."
- The Rap Critic actually giving a rating to Kyle's rap.
Rap Critic: Eh, [shrugs] 2 out of 5.
The Discovery of Heaven
Angels in America
He declares the end of "Millennium Approaches" to best the "Best. Cliffhanger. EVER." It then cuts to the cliffhanger of "The Best of Both Worlds, Part I.
Better than that. Pfft. Nerds.
Shakespeare, Film and Kenneth Branagh: A Retrospective
- "It says I'm supposed to poison him? That's boring—EAT CHANDELIER, BITCH!"
- "IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T SPAIN!"
- "Oh, my God, Emma, be my bride! Oh, excuse me..."
- How long was his review of Andy Warhol's Vinyl? EXACTLY 15 minutes. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- After talking about how the actors were likely dragged there tired and stoned, with no time to rehearse and no solid direction from Warhol: "By the way, the fourth year shoot was fun."
- The build-up to the reveal that it's an adaptation of A Clockwork Orange is just perfect pacing.
- "Instead of begging and screaming about the horrors he's being subjected to, he describes the films with all the passion of a man who just discovered that Lex Luthor once stole forty cakes."
W: The Movie
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
- Every appearance of Crispin Glover has him with a snail pasted over his face and referred to as "the guy I don't like to talk about."
- He gives the movie two thumbs up, with hot dogs tied to his thumbs.
- Talking about his difficulties in doing research on the story's philosophy: "Doing a Google search of 'lesbian cowgirls'...didn't help me."
- His comparison of the main character's thumbs to Torgo's knees.
- Ven pops in and starts bitching about Miranda July while Oan pushes him right out of the frame as he continues.
- PAW PAW!
- Eventually, Oan gets so tired of Paw Paw's shrill voice, that he calls Allison to replace her narration for the rest of the movie....which he immediately regrets when she starts taking liberties with the script.
- His realization that he may have just made a cute cat video.
- A very clever censorship joke involving a former associate-director of the FBI.
- Kyle expresses surprise that Emily Browning can and has been typecast as something narrow as "girl who gets exploited by older male figures while unconscious." Even more so considering she was almost cast as Bella from Twilight, and that had the infamous sleepwatching scene...
- Oan's reaction after woken up by Lucy slamming the chair onto the table.
- When a random male character gives a speech directly to the camera, Kyle first freaks out at the thought that the guy is talking to him, and once the guy shuts up, a crowd of Kyles start cheering and have a fight when one of them says 'encore'.
- The Stinger: Ven Gethenian drawing Sharpie dicks on Kyle's face while he sleeps!
- Oan demonstrates his love for The Passion of Joan of Arc by stroking the DVD box... then kissing it... then tonguing it.
- The horrors of stop-motion animation are portrayed by Gumby (scared reaction), Gromit (scared reaction) and the White Rabbit from Alice (non-reaction).
- Trying to figure out how a woman would "fly" with a fat monk... and then cutting to Baron Harkonnen flying, a scene which is somehow even funnier in black and white.
- Kyle's face when the Devil starts churning butter evilly.
- The banana bit.
- Even better? Apparently, when it was filmed (the footage being ran backward for the bit), Kyle deep throated the banana.
- "Satan fathers an ENTIRE STRING OF DOCTOR WHO VILLAINS!"
- The ending. The film's "The End" card displays the word "Slut", and Kyle, in response, flips it off.
- Kyle's reaction to learning that Shia LaBoeuf will be doing actual unsimulated sex in Von Trier's next movie: "Am I looking forward to that? In the words of Mr. LaBoeuf himself: No, no no, no no no no, no no..."
- After he references in a row Idiocracy, Community and South Park: "I somehow just referenced 3 pieces of middle-brow American comedy reviewing a Danish high-brow art film. I don't know if it says more about me, the movie or American comedy"
- The whole episode, he tries not saying who the director is as having your name credited for directing it is a major no-no in the Dogme 95 movement, opting to call him "Depressertron Van der Nazipants" instead. Then when describing that one of the main characters is the avatar of the director, Lars von Trier, he mistakenly says his name, resulting in a quick "Son of a bitch!"
- The "Word Of The Day" segment, complete with Call Back to his review of Shortbus.
- The ending has him attempt Dogme 95, including a parody of the final scene from the movie. He immediately gets a call from Channel Awesome HR director Holly Brown telling him he's suspended.
Vase De Noces
- His rant about the film's terrible science is hysterical, especially the bit about the titular planet behaving like a tourist. Quickly undercut by Film Brain chewing him out for ignoring the fact that the emotion is more important than realistic physics and giving Oan shit for nitpicking, but still.
- The two planets flirting with each other. Then they kiss, and the impact kills everything on Earth.
- "Lars Von Trier, God help us, is trying to be funny."
- (As Dunst's cleavage is in prominent view) "Flashing back to before two large round objects smashed into each other... sorry, I don't know why I phrased it like that."
- "I wish there was a sitcom starring Udo Kier." U's Do Boss!
- "By the way, Tv Tropes thinks I'm Catholic. Don't know why."
- "Meanwhile, across the vast far reaches of space, the Zorblon empire receives the first transmissions of the gang-bang scene from The Idiots. It is decided there and then that the human race would not be allowed to live."
- Ven telling Kyle that he's going to draw title card!Kyle with huge tits, because "Kirsten Dunst has awesome tits."
- "Yes, son! And if you look closely you can see all the native Melancholians pointing and laughing at us!"
- Whose fault is it at NASA for naming the planet the most depressing name possible? Why, Mohawk Guy.
- And the list of rejected names includes "Happy Fun Ball" and "Planet Smurf".
Oan: It's just nice talking to people.
Caller: I WANNA PUT CIGARETTES IN YOUR BUTT!
Oan: Nine times out of ten, it's nice talking to people.
Oan: Wait, wait—you're an actual, published critic in your chosen field?
That Opera Chick: Yes?
Oan: And you want to get into internet reviewing?
That Opera Chick: Is that rare?
Oan: That's mythological.
- Oan giving a detailed breakdown of what he believes to be Kirsten Dunst's best moment as an actor: Sitting next to Lars Von Trier as he explains his Nazi heritage at length.
- Oan telling off an asshole caller.
Caller: Hey man, love your stuff.
Oan: Why, thanks!
Caller: I just don't get why you hang out with those other losers.
Oan: Ha ha, fuck you they're my friends.
- Even though it's presented as a sign of Kyle's growing depression, his description of basically everyone on TGWTG.com as Muppets is hilarious.
To be clear he calls the Nostalgia Critic Kermit, the Nostalgia Chick is Miss Piggy, Linkara is Fozzie, Phelous is the Great Gonzo, Film Brain is Scooter, Welshy and Sad Panda
are Statler and Waldorf, Todd is Rolf, Cinema Snob is Sam the Eagle, Elisa and Nella are Bunsen and Beaker, Paw is Dr. Teeth, Angry Joe is Animal, Diamanda Hagan is Uncle Deadly/Crazy Harry/Sweetums, Rap Critic is Clifford, Benzaie is the Swedish Chef, and ERod is...Jason Segel's Muppet brother for some reason.
- Going down the list of disaster movie signposts: "...and they don't have a cool-headed black president to explain... okay, they probably do have one of those."
- Oan telling Van out of the blue about the plot of a film about Marquis De Sade: where while in prison he has conversations with his three foot long penis. And is a dog. And a puppet.
- The bloopers have some hilarious moments too.
- The commentary for Melancholia contains the revelation that the line "I wanna stuff cigarettes up your butt" was actually said to Kyle by a Loony Fan.
- While Oan opens the episode speaking in Dutch... a Dutch citizen off camera calls him out on his accent..
- And, for a brief second, Oan looks close to tears over this.
- The Stinger: It turns out to be his brother.
- Bonus points for the guy with the camera on Oan's right turning around in confusion.
- After explaining why he's in the Netherlands, Oan wonders what Dutch thing to talk about...
Oan: Peter Greenaway! ...who's British... ...shut up, hear me out.
- "You get to see Martin Freeman's Bilbo and Baggins."
- He also decides to pander to Sherlock slash fans during those scenes by pasting Sherlock's head over the woman Martin Freeman is boning.
... here's a freebee.
- He sternly tells the audience to "stop giggling" at the name "Franz Banning Cocq", then uses Banning Cocq's image to censor a naked Rembrandt.
- "Hills? Hills." *Beat* *Cut to flat field* "Hills! In HOLLAND!"
- "Look at Rembrandt's house. No, really, look at it." Kyle then has a brief moment of glee over shooting on location.
- The "golden child" in Nightwatching is a child prostitute... played by a woman who embodies Dawson Casting. Kyle not only makes air quotes, he steps back to have the room to make giant air quotes.
- Summarizing Greenaway's somewhat conflicted descriptions of the two central figures of the painting:
"So Banning Cocq and van Ruytenburch are Gay Roman Satan and Horny Pimp Jesus."
- Kyle parodies the film's occasional "filler" theories by devising his own theory like a college student trying to raise the page count of his essay.
- Kyle's Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick moment when describing how he grew up in Holland.
Kyle: This is the house where I grew up, these are the people who raised me, this is where I went to school, this is where I hung out on the weekends, this is where I first got drunk and touched a boob, a lot of memories.
- Mister Lonely is apparently Harmony Korine's worst film... because it's the most normal-looking.
- Also Ven: "Trash Humpers wasn't his worst movie?!"; "This sound like fanfic..." (he says this several times and finally quotes from said fanfic) and "I analyze it so you don't have to!"
- This bit:
: The nuns do work helping the poor, and Herzog gets in awkward, presumably improvised conversations with various people-You're probably wondering how this all ties in to the Michael Jackson storyline, aren't you? (Smiles at the camera for an uncomfortably long time
- The impersonators introduce themselves one after the other in shoulders-up shots, with a background of clouds and the sky. After the tenth one, we get the "Congratulations!" sequence from the last episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
- After seeing the impersonators faces painted on eggs then turning into their real faces:
- When a nun falls out of an airplane, the theme song from The Flying Nun is played.
- The very end where Kyle dresses up like Michael Jackson. Then The Stinger where Ven dresses up as him.
- The part where the Marilyn Monroe impersonator hangs herself. Kyle stares at the screen, aghast and speechless. Then:
- Kyle's frequent assurances at the start that he will get to Spring Breakers is oddly hilarious no matter your opinion on the film.
- During Kyle's critiques of the impersonators:
Abe Lincoln Impersonator
: I'm Abe fucking
Kyle: Noooo comment.
- After the Michael Jackson impersonator meets up with the others, Kyle says that they proceed to "I dunno, battle rap, or something"...
- Oan and Ven's reaction to The Lone Ranger: a few seconds of despondent silence, followed by Ven muttering "stupid fucking white man."
- Ven interrupts an explanation to shove a cowboy hat onto Kyle. "Kyle! Wear a hat!" Kyle's stunned expression after he leaves is priceless; it's very clear that he's trying desperately to avoid Corpsing .
- Oan explains how "meditation on" is a buzzword used by critics to avoid calling something boring. Then uses his own joking example.
- After describing the staid, slow plot, Kyle pauses for a moment and then shouts, "YEE-HAW!" as a Western sting plays behind him.
- The use of the phrase "terrifying like an Aristocrats joke".
Room in Rome
- The Running Gag of stating the whole title anytime some says "room".
- Kyle lampshades how the viewer is likely more interested in the scenes of lesbian sex than they are about his lectures by shoving a sex scene out of the frame and resuming talking... while the audio from said sex keeps going.
Kyle: Oh, I'm sorry; did I interrupt your porn?
- Kyle muses that it might seem unfair of him to accuse the film of being Porn with Plot if it's trying to make an effort to tell two womens' story "buuuuuuuttttttttt... (cut to a shot of the womens' butts being accentuated by the camera)"
- Kyle struggles to define why the relationship in the movie doesn't quite feel right to him. First he suggests it might be because neither actress is speaking their native language, then possibly that it might be because both actress are straight (which Ven shoots down, as he doesn't know for certain their orientation).
Kyle: So what's wrong with the movie than?
Ven: Maybe the dialogue just sucks?
Kyle: *snaps* That's it!
- When discussing Blue Is The Warmest Colour, he talks about the graphic sex scenes, and says that while he can't show them, he can re-enact them. Cue a hand holding up an open pair of scissors, another hand doing the same and then both hands shoving the scissors against each other.
- Reacting to "Your skin is like the Russian Steppe."
Kyle: I can see tiny Cossacks riding over your pores. This skin tag looks like St. Basil's cathedral. Your stretch marks remind me of the aftermath of the Battle of Stalingrad.
- A Long List of reveals with a Scare Chord. Complete with innocuous ones and finishing with Kyle saying "I have a hang nail!"
- "Get out of the chair, fuzzy man. It's my turn."
- Kyle discussed the overused theme song, noting the strange pronunciation.
Kyle: "It sounds like she's saying Loving Stringers."
- Kyle's attempt to show how the film is one of a kind in genre gradually falls into an Overly Narrow Superlative.
Let's try an experiment. Name an African film. (The Lion King
Okay, one that involves actual human beings. (Casablanca
Okay, now one that's set in Sub-Saharan Africa, like the heart
of Africa. (Out of Africa
, The African Queen
, Blood Diamond
Okay, um, that one too. (Ernest Goes To Africa
) ...who the hell suggested that-
Um, okay, let's try an African film that's not about a white guy. (District 9
non-white guy, an actual black person in Africa. (Shaft in Africa
person in Africa. (Coming to America
A person in Africa who's from a real non-fictional African country. (Hotel Rwanda
Okay, now one that's by an African director. (The Gods Must Be Crazy
Alright, now one that's doesn't have any white people. (Tsotsi
...it still has a white director. Okay, I'm talking about an African movie directed by a native African about native Africans in relationship to themselves
. (The Lion King
- The Lion King also keeps popping up despite his efforts.
- His summary of the movie is scored with Star Wars music. He goes the extra mile and always puts appropriate tracks in the right spot.
- When the Hyena makes an appearance ("I never said this movie had a budget"), so do Mike and the Bots. "PAUL! You is a wirwulf!"
- When listing examples of (largely) benign American nationalism and the image of the quintessential American small town, he manages to slip in Night Vale and Columbia.
- The title card, which depicts Kyle breaking out cardboard boxes full of his old censor images in preparation for the review.
- Kyle starts the review in a basement, reading The Ethical Slut and throwing a ball at the wall repeatedly. As he starts talking about the director of Shame, one Steve McQueen, Ven has to tell him that it's actually a different Steve McQueen, and poor Kyle loses half his script.
- Despite this, he stubbornly plays The Great Escape theme while describing McQueen's work.
- When showing a brief snippet of the scene where Sissy walks in on Brandon furiously masturbating, Kyle plays the song "Jackin' it in San Diego".
- "They're close, but not Targaryens."
- When discussing the question of 'Is sex addiction real?', he looks at a scene where the main character watched a cam girl and then went into the bathroom to masturbate.
- His subsequent diagnosis for when Brandon can't get it up for a coworker he actually loves (who is black) only to have wild sex with a random white woman a few minutes later.
Diagnosis: fear of commitment... or subconscious racism.
- During Sissy's ridiculously long rendition of "New York, New York", Kyle takes an opportunity to rant about how much he hates the song and how terrible New York is.
...so I live in New York now.
- While discussing how you can get addicted to anything, including StarCraft:
- Calling it a "Christopher Nolan film", due to the somber score and dark, moody aesthetic approach to an urban city.
Batman!Brandon!Kyle: Gotham. The city screams. I jerked it fifteen times today.
- Commenting on the "saddest threesome ever."
Droopy!Brandon!Kyle: I'm having a threesome. Boo hoo. Boo hoo.
The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover
- Kyle receiving meals from the offscreen waiter and talking with his mouth full throughout the review, deliberately reducing insightful commentary to incoherent mumbling.
- Kyle's summation of Peter Greenaway and his body of work, some of whichnote has been covered on the show.
"He is one of the most unique directors working today. He is delightfully
pretentious, and I just... love him to bits. Ah call him Petey Greens."
- The extended "Basically, it's The Room" montage.
- Kyle compares one of Helen Mirren's costumes to that of Jeannie.
- Demonstrating how the costumes in the film often change colour to match the set dressing, Kyle shows a scene in which Georgina's dress goes from white to red as she walks from the bathroom to the hall - and splices in the Wololo of a converting priest from Age of Empires.
- The quote from The LEGO Movie that tops its page on this wiki is played and captioned with "Describes 70% of modern Hollywood films in a single sentence".
- When Albert is forced to eat Michael's cooked corpse, starting with the penis, Kyle starts vomiting uncontrollably but still takes the time to say "Shut up, it's art." before vomiting some more.
- Anytime Kyle says "BUUUUUUUUUUUTTS!". ("There's a motif here.")
Kyle: [Watching guys pour their drinks on a woman's very large breasts in slow-mo] Not every day you have to motion-track a nipple. [Ashamed] ...Unless you're me. This is the life I have chosen.
- This particular moment is great:
Alien: Bikinis and big booty, y'all, that's what life is about!
- Kyle's summation of television programs for pre-teens and teenagers, "That's so iWizards Sweet Life of Pretty Musical Liars... and Ferb".
- One scene is so perfectly, deliciously absurd (Alien playing a soulful Britney Spears piano ballad while the girls jump up and down on the bed, threaten people with machine guns and rob them blind, with Alien himself smashing a guy's face into a wedding cake) that it's relegated to a small corner of the screen and left playing with the caption, "Best Scene Happy Place Corner".
- "So they faked it AND they made it? That's not how it works!"
- "Hare Skrillex, Hare Skrillex."
- Kyle's distress when the film uses "Lights" by Ellie Goulding in the end credits, as he likes the song.
Romeo + Juliet
- Kyle's utter disbelief over the decision to give the guns brand names of swords, especially since guns existed during Shakespeare's time.
Kyle: (texting on his phone) Yeah, just give me a minute to place my wax seal on this letter so my courtier can send it.
- "Words words words words. Words words words words words words."
- His montage of actors screaming their lines is appended with "KHAAAANNN!!", "WILMA!", and the T. rex from Jurassic Park.
- A funny bit of Actor Allusion for John Leguizamo
- Kyle keeps diminishing his compliment for the film.
Kyle: It's not a terrible retelling of the story. ...well, it hits the beats. ...well, you can understand the words. ...actually this makes no sense whatsoever.
- When mocking its reinterpretation of a oath and clan feud into a corporate rivalry.
Kyle: Hey, remember that time when Donald Trump's chauffeurs got into a knife fight with Warren Buffet's secretaries? Man, those Trump boys sure could bite a thumb!
- The film's depiction of the Capulets and Montagues are dubbed "El Mariachi versus the Burger King Kids Club."
- "For never was there a tale of more whoooaa than this of Juliet and her Romeo. ...I am so much better than that final line-"
- The Stinger with "Springbreak forevermore" sung in a faux-Shakespearian accent.
Much Ado About Nothing
- Kyle expresses his confusion that this was filmed during Joss Whedon's sabbatical during The Avengers. Followed by the "Shakespeare in the park?" scene.
Kyle: We are basically watching his vacation footage. (As Joss) Look at how awesome my house is.
- That's even funnier if you've heard Much Ado's directors commentary, as at least three points, Joss gushes about how much he loves his house.
- Kyle attempts his "Everyone quotes Shakespeare" Running Gag again, only to find he doesn't have a third clip quoting Much Ado this time. He gets around it by showing a clip from Arrested Development staging "Much Ado", even if no quotes from the play are said.
- Apparently Joss owns a "Whedon Signal" with which he can summon his actor friends.
- Noting all the drinking the characters do, Kyle comes up with a possible theory for the Idiot Plot of the play: they're all drunk!
Kyle!Don Pedro: So I gonna pwetend to be you and hwit on yer girlfriend and then she'll want your D and then- *hiccups* wedding! Yaaaayyyyy!
- Kyle tries in vain to analyze the scene on the poster of Claudio in a pool wearing a snorkel with a full martini.
- When assessing Clark Gregg's performance.
- He defines Buffy Speak. . . in Buffy Speak.
Joss Whedon. He staged Shakespeare and stuff.
- The black extra with "JUDGING YOU" pasted over her head as Claudio delivers the often-cut "I'd hold my mind were she an Ethiope" line.
- The Stinger: "Grr. Argh."
- Kyle notes that Claire Davenport, who plays Caliban's mother Sycorax, also appeared in Return of the Jedi. Cut to Jabba the Hutt. (Kyle explains a moment later that she actually played the dancer Yarna d'al' Gargan.)
- Kyle's response to the conga line of sailors charging around to double-speed classical music.
...Play the music.
A Midsummer Night's Cream
- The censor pictures make a comeback, including Chandos's dignified portrait of Shakespeare used to cover a bare ass or the Globe Theatre blocking a lesbian orgy.
- Kyle's reaction upon seeing this production's version of Bottom.
"And of course, Titania bangs Bottom who has the head of a—— aaaaaaah! That's not a donkey, that's an Uruk-hai
! Kill it before it gets to Helms Deep!"
- "But I'm including this movie for a reason. Tying back to my larger theme: The gradient of director/text relationships. [Scene from Romeo and Juliet] Selling the text. [Scene from Much Ado About Nothing] Delivering the text. [Scene from Richard the III] Interpreting the text. [Scene from The Tempest] Reworking the text. [Scene from this movie of two lead performers humping, censored with a black box labeled "Nekkid"] And now, exploiting the text."
10 Things I Hate About You
- Kyle trying to explain how this movie is based on The Taming of the Shrew, including the title.
- Mocking the anti-feminist nature of the original Taming of the Shrew, as the ultimate victory over Katarina's willful nature is celebrated by the tossing of hats. Fedoras, to be precise (which have recently become associated with pick-up artists, Men's Rights Advocates and the like).
- In addition, when Kyle refers to the original version as 'Red Pill-ish', the video cuts to two goony-looking fellows in trilbys bobbling their heads.
- Kyle continues his theme of how works based on Shakespeare's plays use the text of the play they are based on. This work presents the text by ignoring it.
- "Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare! [...] On a related note; vaccines do not cause autism (Pseudoscience), Al-Qaeda did cause 9/11 (Outside Job), Americans walked on the Moon (Not A Soundstage), and the Queen of England is not a lizard-person. (Real,Corgi Loving Human)"
- Kyle's rage about the movie showing Christopher Marlowe, Thomas Dekker and Thomas Nash in utter awe at Shakespeare's ability to write an entire play in iambic pentameter.
"Alright, I need to explain how stupid this scene is: Jay-Z
, Snoop Lion
and the RZA
all walk into a bar. Jay Z says 'Hey, you guys hear about this new kid, Kanye West
?' And the other two go, 'Yeah, I've heard the name.' And then he goes 'Have you heard he raps rhyming verse to a beat?
' And the other two go WHAAAAA-
- Calling out Anti-Stratfordians by doing the same Wild Mass Guessing process of theirs with Roland Emmerich, trying to "discover" the director through the ideas and themes in Independence Day. He concludes that the "real" Roland Emmerich is a Jewish-American fighter pilot who dabbled in politics and electronics and never left the country (and is possibly a little homophobic).
In conclusion, I demand that this Jewish-American, tech-savvy Air Force General come forward with his two kids and his stripper wife and his dog and his MacBook Pro and tell us why Roland Emmerich’s name is on his work!
- Sticking "THIS IS WHAT ANTI-STRATFORDIANS ACTUALLY BELIEVE" under the scene where De Vere finds out he had sex with his illegitimate mother. Not only that, but the entire scene is put to the score of "Spanish Flea".
Queen Elizabeth: (Haughtily) I can do what I want!
- "Who wrote the plays William Shakespeare wrote? Was it William Shakespeare? IUNNO"
- "Anti-Stratfordians hate your freedom. I am not even joking about that."
- Assuring us that he shares our disappointment that J. Thomas Looney's name isn't pronounced like you'd think. (LOAN-ee, not LOON-ee)
- The numerous instances of Buffy Speak, including "poor people can't art good" or "how can falcon if not posh?!"
- "So Oxford bangs Queen Elizabeth" (Facepalms for a long while)
: Also, FDR? Totally faking it. (picture of FDR's head photoshopped over a dancing Fred Astaire
- During Kyle's explanation of the "Prince Tudor" theory and how autocratic it is, he proclaims at the end: "All hail Prince Tudor." Prince Tudor is depicted by none other than Joffrey.
- Kyle screams after seeing the film have Christopher Marlowe discover the conspiracy through viewing Hamlet, even though the real Marlowe died before it was ever staged.
- After a scene of Emmerich's Shakespeare being caught banging a whore.
- "Emmerich Expert Emerita - Lindsay Ellis"
Beauty and the Beast (Part 1)
Beauty and the Beast (Part 2)
Beauty and the Beast (Part 3)
- During Kyle's walk through Disneyland, Andrew Dickman (title card artist for The Nostalgia Chick) punches out Kyle for saying "Cocteau" in front of his kids. "Cocks don't have toes!"
- The stinger.
One Week Later
Kyle (wearing a smug smirk): Laughton wins.
SJWAC (frowning and looking down): I know.
- Kyle is forced to concede Fridge Logic to Some Jerk, when the latter points out how Belle's sisters want Avenant to steal treasure from the Beast's vault, which they already know is worthless to anyone but Belle. He does so with freeze-frames of Avenant looking confused that match perfectly with Kyle's loss for words.
- SJWAC sees a scene he actually does like, where one of Belle's wicked stepsisters gets her wish for a pet monkey by looking into an enchanted mirror and seeing herself as a monkey. Kyle is pleased at this... until any attempt to wring further compliments for the film by SJWAC end up with him bringing up the monkey at every opportunity and nothing else.
- When Kyle decides to kill Mickey Mouse.
SJWAC: Ven! Kyle has gone Oswald!
- Among a list of "deeply personal" art films made by the creators for the sole purpose of self-expression: The Room.
- SJWAC's reaction to the Cocteau film's ending.
- "Hello boredom my old friend."
- When Gus Van Sant talks about how he first discovered Tomb Raider when his secretary told him he could download the first level and that he was amazed at the discovery that there are many different kinds of video games, Kyle shouts "CASUAL!!!"
- The ending has Kyle "playing" Gerry like a video game (with Xbox 360 controller in hand), but gets fed up and asks if there's any cheat codes.
- The return of the "singing over footage of rhythmic walking" gag from the last Gerry review.
This is Not a Film
F for Fake and the Death of the Author
Other videos and appearances
- His Melancholia in 5 seconds, with the destruction of Earth inter-cut with that episode of Red Dwarf where Lister plays pool with planets.
- His cameos for other characters can apply as well:
- His measured, well-researched attempt to explain pirates to Sad Panda on "Forget About It: Pirates of the Caribbean."
Sad Panda: Neckties are lame.
Oancitizen: *looks at tie:* Aww...
- Diamanda's look at Freaks has Kyle being possessed by her and doing the entire review as a Large Ham with a voice that, in the commentary, he describes as a combination of Captain Janeway and Mrs. Doubtfire.
- When two characters see a group of 'freaks' dancing around, Diamanda/Oan plays rave music over the top.
- In 2013, Kyle began a Kickstarter for raise money for the budget of his short film for his film course. The money was quickly raised by his fans, but Kyle found his horror that the total sum was over 9000!
- In the Kickstarter video, the Hurricane of Puns as he tries to find a good name for his political time-traveling movie:
And personally, I cannot wait to make James Carville: Adventures in Time
- After arguing on Twitter about Blip's new ad-block policies, Kyle tweeted that he was trying to "[make] stuff for smart, kind people on the internet. Might as well be playing to an audience of unicorns." His fandom jumped all over this, immediately calling themselves "unicorns".
- Kyle's video of the New York Comic Con, done in character as Oancitizen and featuring him dancing to "My Humps" with Team NChick, Todd in the Shadows, and JesuOtaku.
"What am I doing with my hips?!"
- From The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (crossover review with Film Brain).
- On his Twitter feed, he asked fans to tell him their ideas for Reality TV shows. Just take a look at his feed, as it appeared shortly afterwards.
- Kyle's review of Eraserhead. Who would ever think that someone could get so angry over An April Fools' Day joke featuring poorly-shot footage of pencils, sharpeners, and Chicken Mc Nuggets.
- In the "Between the Lines" video about The Beatles, to explain the iamb, Kyle swiftly cites Shakespeare, Coleridge... and "Why don't we do it in the road".
- This Twitter exchange:
@KyleKallgren: I'm making it my goal to have no pleasures I could possibly feel guilty about.
@saintwalker98: I solved it by having no guilt
@Kenori_Merrik: I solve it by having no goals :D