He: I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.
Oancitizen!He: Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM.
"Could whoever's recording a power generator being run underwater keep it down? You're drowning out my wife's whispering."
"Remember how when you were a little kid, you used to play that game where the floor was hot lava? She never stopped playing."
"How many dead babies does one film need to have?!"
At one point, She claims that "nature is Satan's church". "Either I missed that lesson in Sunday School, or She takes Comedy Central as Gospel truth." Cue a clip from "Woodland Critter Christmas".
"Could spending days alone in terrifying Satan-infested woods doing research on the killing of women by countless cultures across the ages have any adverse effects on a woman's psyche? (Beat) Let's find out!"
Oancitizen: Makeup sex! That could be helpful for their relationship-
She: Hit me!
"He looks into the sky and sees a constellation. A fox, a crow, and a deer representing pain, grief, and despair. Wait a minute! There's no such constellation!"
Anything regarding the perfume-instigated orgies ("He could go to all the major European capitals and cause them to collapse due to severe in-breeding!").
"So Pigpen takes his hot corpse and puts her in a giant vat, which makes her look like wounded Luke Skywalker. Or, perhaps more accurately, Piss Christ."
The ending of the Gerry review has Oancitizen very slowly walking to the kitchen as Diamanda Hagan, Obscurus Lupa, Apollo Z. Hack and Derek of Audible Underwear hack his feed. Apollo and Derek try to shut it off, Lupa starts having Gerry flashbacks, and Hagan keeps insisting on just solving the problem by nuking D.C. ("I've always wanted an excuse to nuke a major world capital!").
The Book of Exodus had less wandering through through the desert!
Giving the audience a break from the terrible movie - by showing a video of a cockatoo dancing to bad hip hop. Specifically Whip My Hair by Willow Smith.
he says that the soundtrack for a sex scene is probably the worst lovemaking soundtrack since John Phillip Sousa. And then promptly shows the scene set to a Sousa march to show how accurate that is. There's just something funny about watching people having sex to Stars and Stripes Forever. And there's a Genius Bonus when you realize that the couple having sex are communists in the former Yugoslavia, so yeah, irony.
He points out the Nineties synth strings playing over the lesbian 3-way and how they'd sound like something Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock would fight to. Cut to... Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock fighting, then getting distracted by the lesbian 3-way.
During a particularly bizarre scene of a naked man acting like a baby while a clothed man straddles him and attempts to do...something, Oancitizen decides to cut to "something more pleasant". Cue footage from Battlefield Earth.
Oan suggesting that Miss Canada's glowing....area is stored in Marsellus Wallace's briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
In regards to Anna having sex with the sailor on the deck of her ship, in public view: "Despite what you may have heard...even in Amsterdam, you can't get away with this."
"I live three blocks from the red light district, and I think you're being gross!"
After the Texan remarks that in marrying, he's gained a woman who's also a sanitation system, it cuts to Oan air-guitaring and singing 'Your body is a sewage plant' to the tune of John Mayer's "Your Body Is A Wonderland".
"BECAUSE! TREES!" That counts as an in-universe CMOF; Kyle literally falls out of his chair laughing.
His ostrich voice, and later apologizing for it.
The Man Who Fell To Earth
"He's a man from MAAA-oh, God DAMN that's high!"
"'Cause heeeeeere is a movie with a message. Soooorry that it's theeeeere. But it has some nudes, so if that does it for you..."
Unfortunately, the first sex scenes we see involve Rip Torn. Subtitle: "...I'm so sorry."
Woman: You know, you're not at all like my father.
Oancitizen:(to the tune of "Fame") Pain.
When Thomas spaces out while seeing members of his race, Mary-Lou calls out to him. "Tommy? Tommy?" Oancitizen sings "Tommy, Can You Hear Me?" for a few bars before realizing his mistakenote "Tommy, Can You Hear Me" is a song by The Who, not David Bowie — there is a completely different song called "Can You Hear Me" on Bowie's Young Americans and abandoning it.
"GUN Sex!" This troper almost peed himself laughing. The best part about this is his look of confused WTF as he tries to figure out what is going on and why it is even there in the first place.
"I'd tell this movie to eat my shit, but I'm afraid it might actually be into that."
The Doom Generation
Oancitizen taking his Running Gag involving milk to new heights by "reenacting" the scene where one of the characters jerks off, cums in his hand, then licks it off. He then turns to the camera and says in the most upbeat voice possible, "Scene!"
90's Kid shows up. "Oh God, I forgot you existed."
And then Oancitizen sends him away, broken and confused, by claiming that Nirvana was directly responsible for the formation of Nickelback.
[Lupa explaining the gist of the movie, followed by a scene of Kyle booking it from one end of the hotel to the other.]
Pretty much any scene where Kyle's classical theatre training and high-brow remarks blow right past Lupa, but his first scene with her is the winner:
Kyle: How blessed am I in my just censure, in my true opinion! Alack, for lesser knowledge! how accursed in being so blessed! There may be in the cup a spider steep'd, and one may drink, depart, and partake no venom, for his knowledge is not infected: but if one present the abhorr'd ingredient to his eye, make known how he hath drunk, he cracks his gorge, his sides, with violent hefts. I have drunk, and seen the spider. There is a plot against my niche, my show; all's true that is mistrusted: thou hast usurped my art! And I remain a pinch'd thing; yea, a very trick for you to play at will! [note "The Winter's Tale; Act 2, Scene 1, Lines 31 through 62!"
The blooper reel of the review is almost as funny as the review itself. Kyle just can't keep a straight face when Lupa says "It's funny because it's poop!". They try her repeating it over and over so that he gets used to the beat of it ("Again!"), and Lupa tells him to "think of the most horrible thing you can think of" which results in Kyle first putting on a really serious face... and then cracking up again.
Flesh For Frankenstein
The opening, where he's reading from the original novel but it's pretty clear he's quoting Young Frankenstein. "My grandfather's work was doo-doo!" In fact, the whole review is peppered with Young Frankenstein references, and why the hell not? It's the funniest Frankenstein movie ever.
Censoring a pair of breasts with the "nice knockers" scene from Young Frankenstein
Also, "Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found yooouuu!!" in the sex scene.
The return of the subtitles.
Frankenstein gets stabbed in the galbladder. Oan's response? "Quick, fuck it!"
Oan, on Otto attempting to screw the female zombie:
Willhepicktherightonewillhepicktherightone—NO! I'm sorry, that's the wrong hole!
Otto Or Up With Dead People
The intro. "That's right Romero fans, board up your windows and rev up your chainsaws, because we're going to talk about gayporn".
After Otto eats a man he just slept with: "He should have seen this coming. The T-Virus is a serious issue, and Zombrex, while effective, is never cheap."
Oan and Ven Gethenian completely eviscerate the Roland Emmerich film Anonymous. The review is one long Moment of Funny, as well a Crowning Moment Of Awesome. The best and funniest parts of the review are Ven's expressions as Oan describes the utter insanity they saw on screen.
Kyle asks Ven what he thought of the movie. He replies with a Face Palm. "Good answer."
Both Oan and Ven break down when they realize that the movie had a built-in escape mechanism by presenting its plot as an in-universe play. Oan then recites Puck's closing monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream as he tries to put himself back together.
The whole review. Seeing a half-awake Oancitizen phone it in is freaking brilliant.
Everything about the funeral scene. EVERYTHING. From the Steve Jobs joke (complete with victory pose and Too Soon disclaimer) to the EPIC Big Lipped Alligator Moment that occurs shortly afterwards. The utterly dumbfounded look on Kyle's face doesn't even begin to describe it.
How long was his review of Andy Warhol's Vinyl? EXACTLY 15 minutes. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
After talking about how the actors were likely dragged there tired and stoned, with no time to rehearse and no solid direction from Warhol: "By the way, the fourth year shoot was fun."
The build-up to the reveal that it's an adaptation of A Clockwork Orange is just perfect pacing.
"Instead of begging and screaming about the horrors he's being subjected to, he describes the films with all the passion of a man who just discovered that Lex Luthor once stole forty cakes."
Kyle is puzzled that anyone would find Oliver Reed so attractive when he's a 'round faced dark haired snobby guy with prominent facial hair', and even more puzzled when he shows some of the female reviewers a picture of Oliver Reed, and they all swoon.
Even Diamanda Hagan is not immune to the Reed. Kyle is more terrified than puzzled by that.
Kyle (Staring at the picture in shock) I must only use this power for good.
Also, Lupa and Diamanda's reactions to Kyle asking for confirmation that they are indeed women before showing them the picture.
"Hmm..what's a good word here?"
JesuOtaku: [Wakes up] "Nunfuckery" Kyle: Thank you. Also...[holds up the picture] JO: Aaaaahhh...[faints again]
The whole censorship of the 'Rape of Christ' scene, cutting between the aghast expression of the priest in the film and a sign reading 'Orgy of nuns rubbing themselves on a statue of Jesus'. With increasingly quick close ups, to echo the epileptic editing of the film.
Going further with the aforementioned orgy scene: "Good lord these nuns are stacked!"
Eventually, Oan gets so tired of Paw Paw's shrill voice, that he calls Obscurus Lupa to replace her narration for the rest of the movie....which he immediately regrets when she starts taking liberties with the script.
His realization that he may have just made a cute cat video.
A very clever censorship joke involving a former associate-director of the FBI.
Oan's reaction after woken up by Lucy slamming the chair onto the table.
The Stinger: Ven Gethenian drawing Sharpie dicks on Kyle's face while he sleeps!
When a random male character gives a speech directly to the camera, Kyle first freaks out at the thought that the guy is talking to him, and once the guy shuts up, a crowd of Kyles start cheering and have a fight when one of them says 'encore'.
Oan demonstrates his love for The Passion of Joan of Arc by stroking the DVD box... then kissing it... then tonguing it.
The horrors of stop-motion animation are portrayed by Gumby (scared reaction), Gromit (scared reaction) and the White Rabbit from Alice (non-reaction).
Trying to figure out how a woman would "fly" with a fat monk... and then cutting to Baron Harkonnen flying, a scene which is somehow even funnier in black and white.
Even better? Apparently, when it was filmed (the footage being ran backward for the bit), Kyle deep throated the banana.
"Satan fathers an ENTIRE STRING OF DOCTOR WHO VILLAINS!"
The ending. The film's "The End" card displays the word "Slut", and Kyle, in response, flips it off.
Kyle's reaction to learning that Shia LaBoeuf will be doing actual unsimulated sex in Von Trier's next movie: "Am I looking forward to that? In the words of Mr. LaBoeuf himself: No, no no, no no no no, no no..."
After he references in a row Idiocracy, Community and South Park: "I somehow just referenced 3 pieces of middle-brow American comedy reviewing a Danish high-brow art film. I don't know if it says more about me, the movie or American comedy"
The whole episode, he tries not saying who the director is as having your name credited for directing it is a major no-no in the Dogme 95 movement, opting to call him "Depressertron Van der Nazipants" instead. Then when describing that one of the main characters is the avatar of the director, Lars von Trier, he mistakenly says his name, resulting in a quick "Son of a bitch!"
The "Word Of The Day" segment, complete with Call Back to his review of Shortbus.
The ending has him attempt Dogme 95, including a parody of the final scene from the movie. He immediately gets a call from Channel Awesome HR director Holly Brown telling him he's suspended.
Vase De Noces
The entire ending of the review, in which the Snob and Phelous get pissed at Oancitizen for beating them to the review—and he counters by shaming them by pointing out that they're fighting over the right to watch a movie about pigfucking.
Also the Cinema Snob and Phelous talking about bad movies as if they were an exhaustible resource like fossil fuels
While listing the alternate titles, we get an angry Big Word Shout when it goes to THE PIG FUCKING MOVIE!
The first actual scenes of pig sex we see in the review are censored by the DVD cover for Gordy, and tastefully underscored with "Pig Power in the House".
Oan starts the review with his usual calm, analytical style. Then he gets to its title. As soon as he screams the words "The Pig-Fucking Movie", he flips out and can't keep it up any longer.
"This of course symbolizes that the director wants this film to be symbolic and fuck this I'm not reading into this."
[About the bestiality] "It's this hellish light that illuminates every other aspect of this film! Everything else is pig fuck tinted! And it doesn't matter how much classical music gets played!" [sings] "Here we come a-pig-fucking among the leaves so green..."
His rant about the film's terrible science is hysterical, especially the bit about the titular planet behaving like a tourist. Quickly undercut by Film Brain chewing him out for ignoring the fact that the emotion is more important than realistic physics and giving Oan shit for nitpicking, but still.
The two planets flirting with each other. Then they kiss, and the impact kills everything on Earth.
"Lars Von Trier, God help us, is trying to be funny."
"By the way, Tv Tropes thinks I'm Catholic. Don't know why."
"Meanwhile, across the vast far reaches of space, the Zorblon empire receives the first transmissions of the gang-bang scene from The Idiots. It is decided there and then that the human race would not be allowed to live."
Ven telling Kyle that he's going to draw title card!Kyle with huge tits, because "Kirsten Dunst has awesome tits."
"Yes, son! And if you look closely you can see all the native Melancholians pointing and laughing at us!"
Whose fault is it at NASA for naming the planet the most depressing name possible? Why, Mohawk Guy.
And the list of rejected names includes "Happy Fun Ball" and "Planet Smurf".
Oan: It's just nice talking to people. Caller: I WANNA PUT CIGARETTES IN YOUR BUTT! Oan: Nine times out of ten, it's nice talking to people.
Oan: Wait, wait—you're an actual, published critic in your chosen field?
That Opera Chick: Yes?
Oan: And you want to get into internet reviewing?
That Opera Chick: Is that rare?
Oan: That's mythological.
Oan giving a detailed breakdown of what he believes to be Kirsten Dunst's best moment as an actor: Sitting next to Lars Von Trier as he explains his Nazi heritage at length.
Oan telling off an asshole caller.
Caller: Hey man, love your stuff.
Oan: Why, thanks!
Caller: I just don't get why you hang out with those other losers.
Oan: Ha ha, fuck you they're my friends.
Even though it's presented as a sign of Kyle's growing depression, his description of basically everyone on TGWTG.com as Muppets is hilarious.
To be clear he calls the Nostalgia Critic Kermit, the Nostalgia Chick is Miss Piggy, Linkara is Fozzie, Phelous is the Great Gonzo, Film Brain is Scooter, Welshy and Sad Panda are Statler and Waldorf, Todd is Rolf, Cinema Snob is Sam the Eagle, Elisa and Nella are Bunsen and Beaker, Paw is Dr. Teeth, Angry Joe is Animal, Diamanda Hagan is Uncle Deadly/Crazy Harry/Sweetums, Rap Critic is Clifford, Benzaie is the Swedish Chef, and ERod is...Jason Segel's Muppet brother for some reason.
Kyle: The nuns do work helping the poor, and Herzog gets in awkward, presumably improvised conversations with various people-You're probably wondering how this all ties in to the Michael Jackson storyline, aren't you? (Smiles at the camera for an uncomfortably long time)
The impersonators introduce themselves one after the other in shoulders-up shots, with a background of clouds and the sky. After the tenth one, we get the "Congratulations!" sequence from the last episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Ven interrupts an explanation to shove a cowboy hat onto Kyle. "Kyle! Wear a hat!" Kyle's stunned expression after he leaves is priceless; it's very clear that he's trying desperately to avoid Corpsing .
Oan explains how "meditation on" is a buzzword used by critics to avoid calling something boring. Then uses his own joking example.
After describing the staid, slow plot, Kyle pauses for a moment and then shouts, "YEE-HAW!" as a Western sting plays behind him.
The use of the phrase "terrifying like an Aristocrats joke".
Room in Rome
The Running Gag of stating the whole title anytime some says "room".
Kyle lampshades how the viewer is likely more interested in the scenes of lesbian sex than they are about his lectures by shoving a sex scene out of the frame and resuming talking... while the audio from said sex keeps going.
Kyle struggles to define why the relationship in the movie doesn't quite feel right to him. First he suggests it might be because neither actress is speaking their native language, then possibly that it might be because both actress are straight (which Ven shoots down, as he doesn't know for certain their orientation).
Kyle: So what's wrong with the movie than?
Ven: Maybe the dialogue just sucks?
Kyle: *snaps* That's it!
When discussing Blue Is The Warmest Colour, he talks about the graphic sex scenes, and says that while he can't show them, he can re-enact them. Cue a hand holding up an open pair of scissors, another hand doing the same and then both hands shoving the scissors against each other.
Reacting to "Your skin is like the Russian Steppe."
Kyle: I can see tiny Cossacks riding over your pores. This skin tag looks like St. Basil's cathedral. Your stretch marks remind me of the aftermath of the Battle of Stalingrad.
A Long List of reveals with a Scare Chord. Complete with innocuous ones and finishing with Kyle saying "I have a hang nail!"
"Get out of the chair, fuzzy man. It's my turn."
Kyle discussed the overused theme song, noting the strange pronunciation.
Kyle: "It sounds like she's saying Loving Stringers."
Let's try an experiment. Name an African film. (The Lion King) Okay, one that involves actual human beings. (Casablanca) Okay, now one that's set in Sub-Saharan Africa, like the heart of Africa. (Out of Africa, The African Queen, Blood Diamond) Okay, um, that one too. (Ernest Goes To Africa) ...who the hell suggested that- Um, okay, let's try an African film that's not about a white guy. (District 9) A human non-white guy, an actual black person in Africa. (Shaft in Africa) An African person in Africa. (Coming to America) A person in Africa who's from a real non-fictional African country. (Hotel Rwanda) Okay, now one that's by an African director. (The Gods Must Be Crazy) Alright, now one that's doesn't have any white people. (Tsotsi) ...it still has a white director. Okay, I'm talking about an African movie directed by a native African about native Africans in relationship to themselves. (The Lion King ??) Nooo...
His summary of the movie is scored with Star Wars music. He goes the extra mile and always puts appropriate tracks in the right spot.
When the Hyena makes an appearance ("I never said this movie had a budget"), so do Mike and the Bots. "PAUL! You is a wirwulf!"
When listing examples of (largely) benign American nationalism and the image of the quintessential American small town, he manages to slip in Night Vale and Columbia.
The title card, which depicts Kyle breaking out cardboard boxes full of his old censor images in preparation for the review.
Kyle starts the review in a basement, reading The Ethical Slut and throwing a ball at the wall repeatedly. As he starts talking about the director of Shame, one Steve McQueen, Ven has to tell him that it's actually a different Steve McQueen, and poor Kyle loses half his script.
Despite this, he stubbornly plays The Great Escape theme while describing McQueen's work.
When showing a brief snippet of the scene where Sissy walks in on Brandon furiously masturbating, Kyle plays the song "Jackin' it in San Diego".
Kyle: Cloud Atlas has been accused of horribly insensitive, racist portrayals... of Scottish people. (clip of the pub fight from the Tim Cavendish arc) Buck-toothed, whiskey-swilling, soccer-obsessed gingers willing to start a fight at the drop of a ha-ha just kidding I am talking about yellowface.
With its combination of stultifying autocracy and absurdly pervasive consumerism, Kyle argues that the dystopian future Korea, Nea So Copros, is the inevitable conclusion of the culturally opposite North and South amalgamating into each other again. This is represented by rows of soldiers marching in perfect formation - and a clip from "Gangnam Style".
When Kyle claims that there isn't anything in the film version of the story not done before, he counters the inevitable argument by listing off countless films that used the same concepts. Set to the theme from Quantum Leap.
The entire ending sequence, featuring Ven as David Mitchell in 2002, Lindsay, Elisa and Paw as Manhattan socialites in 1916, Ven again as Cassius Longinus in ancient Rome (with Kyle as some random kook bearing a stone tablet), and the whole gang as primitive cave-dwellers in prehistoric Lascaux.
Kyle compares one of Helen Mirren's costumes to that of Jeannie.
Demonstrating how the costumes in the film often change colour to match the set dressing, Kyle shows a scene in which Georgina's dress goes from white to red as she walks from the bathroom to the hall - and splices in the Wololo of a converting priest from Age of Empires.
The quote from The LEGO Movie that tops its page on this wiki is played and captioned with "Describes 70% of modern Hollywood films in a single sentence".
When Albert is forced to eat Michael's cooked corpse, starting with the penis, Kyle starts vomiting uncontrollably but still takes the time to say "Shut up, it's art." before vomiting some more.
Anytime Kyle says "BUUUUUUUUUUUTTS!". ("There's a motif here.")
Kyle:[Watching guys pour their drinks on a woman's very large breasts in slow-mo] Not every day you have to motion-track a nipple. [Ashamed] ...Unless you're me. This is the life I have chosen.
This particular moment is great:
Alien: Bikinis and big booty, y'all, that's what life is about!
One scene is so perfectly, deliciously absurd (Alien playing a soulful piano ballad while the girls jump up and down on the bed, threaten people with machine guns and rob them blind, with Alien himself smashing a guy's face into a wedding cake) that it's relegated to a small corner of the screen and left playing with the caption, "Best Scene Happy Place Corner".
Kyle's reviewing the movie largely because it's in The Criterion Collection. While he becomes jealous of how Lena Dunaham's first film joined its acclaimed ranks, he's quick to point out that among those esteemed films are The Blob, Armageddon, and Gojira.
Halfway through the review, Kyle is pestered by Ven as "the Nietzschean Cowboy" (an Internet persona from the film) and tells him to leave. By the end, though, he decides to embrace it and tells him "I am the Nietzschean Cowboy" as do a ton of other fellow Internet reviewers. Special mentions to Tony Goldmark saying: "I'm Mal- I mean, I'm Spartac- I mean, I'm the Nietzschean Cowboy!" and Linkara pronouncing it as "the Neeshen Cowhow".
The Nietzschean Cowboy mustache also tends to act oddly, whether by falling off while Ven is talking, or fluttering when Kyle breathes.
When two characters see a group of 'freaks' dancing around, Diamanda/Oan plays rave music over the top.
In 2013, Kyle began a Kickstarter for raise money for the budget of his short film for his film course. The money was quickly raised by his fans, but Kyle found his horror that the total sum was over 9000!
In the Kickstarter video, the Hurricane of Puns as he tries to find a good name for his political time-traveling movie:
And personally, I cannot wait to make James Carville: Adventures in Time.