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Fair warning for Late Arrival Spoilers in regards to Season 16 and all other seasons beyond this point!


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    The Blood Gulch Chronicles 
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night.
(Beat)
Simmons: ...What?! I mean, why are we out here, in this canyon?
Grif: (awkwardly) Oh. Uh... yeah.
Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?
Grif: (quickly) Uh...hm? Nothing!
Simmons: You wanna talk about it?
Grif: (sighs) No.
Simmons: You sure?
Grif: (annoyed) Yeah.
"Episode 1: Why Are We Here?", Season 1. Perhaps best known as the Establishing Series Moment of Red vs. Blue.

Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun- fuck!
Donut: Shotgun's lap!
Simmons: Fuck!
"Episode 57: The Storm", Season 3.

Caboose: Church?
Church: Yeah?
Caboose: You ever wonder why we're here?
Church: You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened to me, you know what I've learned? Its not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. You should hate someone because they're an assholenote , or a pervertnote , or snobnote , or they're lazynote , or arrogantnote  or an idiotnote  or know-it-allnote . Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or because they're Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag.
(Beat)
Caboose: ...I meant why are we up here in the sun, when we could be standing down there in the shade?
Church: ...Oh. Yeah, okay, let's go stand in the shade.
"Episode 100: Why Were We Here?", Season 5.
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     The Recollection 
(Wash, Church, and Caboose have just cornered both the Meta and South Dakota, with the former turning itself invisible)
Wash: Damn! It's gone invisible! Keep an eye on your motion trackers, and watch your perimeters, look for a shimmer!
Church: It turned invisible?! What is this thing?!
Wash: It takes the equipment of other Freelancers, it must have picked up cloaking from Tex!
Church: ...Wait a second - Any equipment?
Wash: Yes! ...Why?
Church: Shit, Wyoming! Cover me!
(Church jumps over the wall and runs forward, grabbing a rocket launcher on the way and prepares to fire it at the Meta while hiding behind some cover)
Wash: What? Wyoming?! Caboose, cover him! Grab those spike grenades!
Church: (panicky) No! Don't let Caboose help me!
(The Meta decloaks and starts firing at Church, who is still trying to look for a good shot)
Wash: There it is!
Church: (exasperated) Hey! How 'bout a little help out here?!
Wash: On it! Caboose! Toss that grenade!
(Wash throws a frag grenade over the wall. Caboose promptly throws his spike grenade right into the wall in front of both him and Wash. Its fuse starts to burn down very slowly for no real reason as both Caboose and Wash stare at it in Stunned Silence)
Wash: invoked That was the worst throw... ever. Of all time.
Caboose: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.
"Reconstruction: Chapter 6", Season 6.

Washington: Church... there's no such thing as ghosts. You're one of them. You're an AI. You... are the Alpha

Washington: When the E.M.P. goes off—
Church: When it goes off, I'll be fine. It only affects computers, remember? And I, am a motherfuckin' ghost.

The Director: Dear Chairman,
I am disappointed by your decision to press charges, but I am not surprised. My only hope is that the courts will see the matters differently than you have. You see, I never had the chance to serve in battle, nor did fate provide me the opportunity to sacrifice myself for humanity as it did for so many others in the Great War. Someone extremely dear to me was lost very early in my life. My mind has always plagued me with the question; if the choice had been placed in my hands, could I have saved her? The memory of her has haunted me my entire life, and more so in these last few years than I could ever have imagined. But given the events of these past few weeks, I feel confident that had I been given the chance, I would have made those sacrifices myself. Had I only the chance.
I know that you disagreed with my methods and that others will as well. This is beyond my control. However, I cannot imagine that any court would be able to convict me, no matter how low their opinion of my actions might be. You must understand one basic fact for all this to make sense, my dear Chairman; these AI, they all come from somewhere; they are all based on a person. Our Alpha was no exception. And while the law has many penalties for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors that we inflict on ourselves. So you send your men. They won't find themselves a fight. They'll only find an old man. An old man tired, but satisfied he did his duty. An old man weary from a mind more filled with memory, than it is with hope.
Sincerely yours,
The former director of Project Freelancer, Dr. Leonard Church.
"Reconstruction: Chapter 19", Season 6.

(Tucker is searching for C.T. along the top of the desert temple in Sandtrap)
Tucker: Where the hell did he go?
C.T.: (appears from behind Tucker, holding him at riflepoint) Freeze!
Tucker: Damn it!
C.T.: Tucker, I should've killed you the second I laid eyes on you! I would've been long gone if you hadn't interfered!
(Tucker backs up until he hits the very edge of the temple)
Tucker: (sighs) Okay dude, I guess you got me. I've got nowhere to go. Just tell me one thing though - who are you really? And who sent you here?
C.T.: (smugly) Sorry. You'll never know.
(As C.T. prepares to shoot Tucker, Epsilon-Church in his Monitor form suddenly floats up into frame from behind Tucker)
Epsilon-Church: Hey, what's up?
C.T.: What in the hell is that thing?!
(Epsilon-Church stays still for a moment before their "eye" starts to glow red)
C.T.: (suddenly realizes his impending doom) Oh, son of a -
(Epsilon-Church promptly obliterates C.T. with a One-Hit Kill Death Ray coming from their "eye")
Epsilon-Church: (sounding utterly furious) I AM NOT A THING!! MY NAME IS LEONARD CHURCH, AND YOU WILL FEAR MY LASERFACE!!!
"Think You Know Someone", Season 7.

(Sarge, Tucker, Grif, and Caboose are talking to Epsilon-Church and are trying to convince him to give a euology to C.T.'s deceased mercenaries)
Sarge: Hey, your circular holiness! How 'bout delivering the eulogy? We're buryin' most of these guys 'cause of you anyway!
Epsilon-Church: Me? I only lasered one guy.
Caboose: Which was awesome.
Epsilon-Church: (excitedly) I know it was, right?!
Caboose: So cool. The laser came out of your face!
Tucker: Have you been able to figure out how you did that yet?
Epsilon-Church: No, I think it's just because I got really mad. Hey, say something to make me angry! See if it happens again!
Tucker: (quickly) You're ugly and nobody likes you.
Grif: (in a casual tone) You're annoying and your team sucks.
Caboose: You're round and you can't wear pants.
Epsilon-Church: (apprehensively) ...You guys came up with all that really quickly.
Tucker: Eh, it pays to be prepared. Did it work? Are you pissed?
Epsilon-Church: (sadly) No, I think I'm actually kinda depressed now. Caboose is right. I can't wear pants.
Caboose: Well I only said it because everyone is thinking it!
"For Those Of You Just Joining Us", Season 8.

(Sarge has just finished talking to Simmons - who was being held at literal gunpoint by Wash at Valhalla - through the radio, with Simmons seemingly having given no details to Sarge about him and Doc being taken prisoner by Wash and the Meta after Donut & Lopez were both killed)
Grif: Simmons sounded good. I guess he's got everything under control!
Sarge: Donut and Lopez are dead and someone has taken Simmons prisoner.
Grif: What?! Everything sounded fine to me!
Sarge: Think about it! How do you answer the radio at our base?!
Grif: (in a bored monotone) "Thank you for calling Red Base, this is Private Grif, how may I assist you today?"
Sarge: And we've drilled that since day one! Simmons answered "Hi." That was my first clue!
Grif: So maybe he's just ups-
Sarge: He also said the radio was in disrepair. When has Lopez ever let something go without the proper maintenance?
Grif: ...Never.
Sarge: And look at the time!
Grif: Can't, clock's broken.
Sarge: It's 17:30! And everybody knows that 17:30 is...
Grif: Donut's daily wine and cheese hour!
Sarge: I didn't hear any tinkling glasses! Did you?
Grif: You're right!
Sarge: He also mentioned that the weather was "rainier." And as we all know, Mt. Rainier is the biggest landmass in the state of... Washington!
Grif: We do? Uh, uh, I mean we do!
Sarge: How many Washingtons do we know?
Grif: Did he mean... Agent Washington?
Sarge: And who's the biggest mass we know, associated with Washington?
Grif: The Meta!
Sarge: So the Meta and Washington have teamed up to kill Donut and Lopez, and now they're holding Simmons and Doc prisoner!
Grif: (concerned) We have to help 'em! ...Wait, Doc? How, how do you know he's there?
Sarge: Please, Grif, it's so obvious! I don't wanna insult your intelligence by explaining every little detail!
Grif: (confused) Oh, uh, okay then!
"Drink Your Ovaltine", Season 8.

(Tucker - whose armor got colored black after going through the teleporter - is tackled by Tex and she's trying to beat him up. Meanwhile, Simmons has a rocket launcher and he's trying to figure out which black-armored figure to shoot)
Simmons: (terrified) They look the same! Which one do I shoot?!
Tucker: (from afar, furious) Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumbass!
"This One Goes To Eleven", Season 8.

(After a recovery beacon comes in for Church at the Freelancer Offsite Facility, Sarge has just told Caboose that he's planning on going with him to help save Tex and Church. Sarge then tries to convince the rest of the Reds and Blues to help them take the fight to the Freelancers)
Grif: Well, I'm not going, and you can't make me! You quit, remember? I don't take orders from you any more, and besides, this whole command structure thing was bullshit anyway. We all know that now!
Sarge: I'm not tellin' you to go. I'm not even askin'.
Grif: (surprised) ...You're not?
Sarge: Nope. I'm goin'. That's it. You wanna come, come on. But I don't expect you to. Simmons will probably tell you that statistically, some of us will probably die.
Simmons: All of us.
Sarge: All of us will probably die. But that's not what's important. Let me ask you two a question... You ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: (he and Simmons exchange an Aside Glance) Umm... it does seem to be one of life's great mysteries.
Sarge: No, I mean you! What are you doing here? You always act like you wanna quit, but hell, you could've left whenever you wanted! No one would have stopped ya! So why are you here? And you, Simmons!
Simmons: Me?
Sarge: You say you wanna be in charge! They would have given you your own squad a dozen times over! You know it, and I know it. But you're still here. And you, Tucker! As much as I hate to admit it, you're actually good at being a soldier!
Tucker: I am?
Sarge: I know you like to make yer' rude comments and pretend like it doesn't matter! But an entire alien race chose to make you their hero! So why are you here? And Caboose... Uh, it's good to see you?
Caboose: Thanks! I'm really enjoying the whole speech so far!
Sarge: Maybe you're all here because this is the only place you fit in. Maybe you're here because you don't have anywhere else to go. Maybe you're all here because, deep down, you want to be here. The reason doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here! For all we know, Tex and Church are dead. That means we're the only ones who know what's happened. The only ones who can prevent them from covering it up! So the way I figure it, these Freelancer guys will use us, take us away from our families, and send us all over the dad-gum galaxy just to test if their agents are ready for the big fight? Well... guess I'm interested in showin' em exactly what a big fight is all about! Time to clean a slate! So, I'm not orderin' ya to go. I ain't even asking.You do... what you gotta do, Private Grif.
(Long silence)
Grif: (sighs) I'll go get my car keys.
"Rally Cap", Season 8.

(The Reds and Tucker are all charging the Meta on Sidewinder after the latter got all of their equipment back online))
Sarge: Attack!
Simmons: Get 'im!
Grif: (terrified) We're gonna fucking die!

Sarge: Hey Meta! Settle a bet, would you? Does that thing kind of look like a big cat to you?

Church: I'd like to say that I found her right away, that I just walked into the Epsilon Unit and there she was, waiting for me. As you can probably guess, it didn't happen that way, but... I know she's in here somewhere, and I'll find her. We always seem to find each other, for better or for worse. I don't know why the Director did what he did. I don't know if he was trying to revive a memory from his past, or if he was just trying to get it out of his head. But I figured out something that the Director didn't. It took Alpha, Delta, and the rest to help piece it together for me, but what I've learned is that a great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it, and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient, and you hold still, then maybe... Just maybe... It will come to you. I just need to make sure I'm somewhere she can find me.
I think this place is a little different than it was before. See, out there, everything is based on the Alpha, but in here, I guess I'm the Alpha. And maybe this time through, things will be a little different for me as well. I guess I'll find out. And I mean, hell, if you have to live the rest of your life in a memory... you might as well make it a good one.
"n+1", Season 8.

     The Project Freelancer Saga 
Church: (to Tex) I'm not gonna say I love you. ...I'm gonna say I forget you.
"Hate to Say Goodbye", Season 9.

Epsilon-Delta: He was brilliant -
Epsilon-Theta: - and we trusted him -
Epsilon-Gamma: - but he lied to us, twisted and -
Epsilon-Omega: - tortured us, and used us -
Epsilon-Sigma: - manipulated us for his own evil purposes! And for what?! For this?! This... shadow?!
Epsilon-Church: He needs... to pay.
"Don't Say It", Season 10.

     The Chorus Trilogy 
Epsilon: Dear Chairman! It has come to our attention that you have declared war on the planet Chorus. We regret to inform you that this is a really shitty idea. Not only have you managed to annoy the people that you failed to kill, time and time again, you've also found a way to piss off an entire planet! Now, they may not have the best equipment and they might not be the best fighters, but as you're aware, they've been fighting for a very long time. And now that they're not fighting each other, they're more than happy to dedicate all of their time to fighting you. So dear Chairman, to you and your idiotic mercenaries, we would like to say: Bring it on, motherfuckers. We're not going anywhere. From your friends, the incredibly badass and sexually attractive Red and Blue soldiers of Project Freelancer. P.S.: Suck our balls.
"You Know Who We Are", Season 12.

Kimball: I never believed this truce would last. I thought that if we managed to survive Charon it would only be a matter of time before we were back at each other's throats. I believed this because in my eyes the Federal Army of Chorus was still the enemy.
When you spend everyday fighting a war, you learn to demonize your attackers. To you, they're evil, they're sub-human. Because if they weren't, then what would that make you? ...What I'm trying to say... is I've been afraid to see you for what you really are. You're our brothers. Our sisters. And the things we've done to one another are unforgivable. But General Doyle was able to see past that. In the end, he understood that now isn't the time for pride or anger, now is the time for unity.
Everyday I ask myself, "What do you fight for?", and every day I answer, "For a better tomorrow." Well, if we can’t set aside our past and start trusting one another, there won’t be a tomorrow. So please, fight with me. Fight to see Malcolm Hargrove locked away for the rest of his life! Fight to wipe that stupid grin off of Felix’s face! Fight because you deserve to fucking WIN!
Fed Gunner: ...Well, shit. I'll fight for that!
"All or Nothing", Season 13.

Locus: I'm not a soldier. I'm a monster. Like you.
"The End is Near", Season 13.

Epsilon: invoked I just want you guys to know... out of everyone I've ever met... I hate you all the least.

Epsilon: There’s so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day. And because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero… never gets to see that ending. They’ll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They’ll never know if the day was really saved! In the end… they just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch?
"The End", Season 13.

     Season 14 
Vic: Ladies and gentlemen, Reds and Blues, chicos and chicas, it's been fun, but as an old bald British dude once said: all good things must come to an end. Y'know, I keep thinking back to this whole multiverse thing. It there's really an infinite number of parallel universes, then that means there's probably an infinite number of stories out there that still need to be told. Maybe some of them are funny. Maybe some of them are sad. Maybe some of them start off looking funny, but then totally hit you with the bait-and-switch, and get you all sad. I dunno. After all, I'm just one of an infinite number of Vics, which is exactly why I'm here. Why I've been guiding you this entire time. To open a window. To open your eyes to the truth. As long as there's stories, there needs to be storytellers. And that, is where you come in. Tell your story, dude or dudettes! It could be one in a billion others, but it'll be yours. Make it about the Reds. Make it about the Blues. Heck, make it about some other group of soldiers that no one ever heard about until you told them. Show us villains that tell themselves they're heroes. Build entire worlds brick by brick! Teach the galaxy about friendship! But whatever you do, don't. Stop. Because a universe without stories... well, that's just empty space, amigo.
"Red vs. Blue vs. Rooster Teeth", Season 14.

     Season 15 
Tucker: Caboose! Pull him through!
Caboose: No, Tucker. I... I know what I need to do.
Alpha-Church: Seriously, what the fuck is happening right now? Is there something in the water?!
Caboose: Church...Church, there's a lot of things I never got to say...I know I won't get another chance, to say them, so: I think you're cool. Like, you're super awesome, amazing cool. I, I always felt like really awesome too, when we were...hanging out together. You know? I never really felt sad...when you died because-
Alpha-Church: What do you mean when I died?!
Caboose: Shh, shh, sh. I never felt sad when you died because I couldn't imagine a world without you. But I know it's real. I...I know...And I'm sad. Things...Things really are okay without you. But I now know with my other friends, who even if you add them all up together...aren't really as cool as you, I know we're all gonna be okay. I know we're all gonna be okay. I know we're all gonna be okay. Go back to Heaven now, Church, and say hi to Loco when you get there. He was alright too.

Vic: Dudes! Duderettes, and duderoons! If you're hearing this message, that's because I can't get to the phone right now. It also means I had to erase my cabeza to save all the day for all y'all. You're welcome! Your old buddy Vic only has more thing to say to you dudes. Y'know, there are so many stories where some brave hero steps up and goes and gives their lives to save the day. And because of it, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer 'hooray!'. And everybody lives happily ever after. Except for Vic! Oh yeah, I'm out of here! Leave a message after the beep, compadres! But I won't check it, because I'm in the eternal infinity! This is 555-V-I-C-K, signing off! ...And if anybody backed me up, I will punch you in the nuts.

Dylan Andrews: When I first described the Reds and Blues, I called them heroes. But that may have been premature. What I've come to understand after spending time with them is that they're more than that. They're stupid...and arrogant...and lazy...and selfish...and stubborn. None of the qualities any reasonable person would call heroic. What the Reds and Blues have taught me is that...it's not the sum of your parts that makes you who you are. It's not what you're endowed with, not your intelligence or strength, but what you hold onto throughout the hardest trials of life. These people have shown me that real heroes are not born, they're forged. A friend told me once that there's no faith but what you make. And I think he's right. What makes a hero is their ability to choose light over darkness. To walk through fire and not be burned. To fall from great heights and not be broken. To be changed and reborn and be better for it again and again. It's who you become when you lose someone close. That's what makes a hero...and that's what makes the Reds and Blues some of the greatest our universe has ever seen. This has been Dylan Andrews, Interstellar Daily.
"Epilogues", Season 15.
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     The Shisno Paradox 
Wash is talking to the rest of the Reds and Blues about what they should do after being informed of the danger presented by Chrovos to the universe by the Cosmic Powers
Wash: You messed up. We all have regrets. Lost friends we'd like to have around, things we'd take back. But these time guns can't fix us ... you used them to relieve guilt, right wrongs, to avoid responsibility. But the past is done. Do better now; be better now! Now is the only time that's ever mattered. Ask yourself: do I make bad decisions? How can I do better? Who do I want to be?
Tucker: Wash, it's selfish not to time travel! Are you saying you wouldn't go back and stop yourself from hurting people?
Wash: Mistakes are the dirt we grow from, Tucker! In the end, you can't argue with cause and effect. You made a mess - you need to clean it up.
Grif: ...Yeah. That's the right thing to do.
"A Time For Hammers", Season 16.

(Muggins has just revealed Huggins' death to the Cosmic Powers)
Kalirama: Muggins, I am so sorry.
Muggins: As am I. She was my friend. Ironic that friends who we would defend with our lives are so often the ones we hurt. We discover our love for them too late, its presence revealed by their absence, their warmth felt as a sudden chill and we are left cold. A friend — she shone as I do, but her truest light was invisible. It was the brightness of her point of view. Like a lighthouse, she guided us toward our saviors, out of danger. And so, hope, snuffed out, was reignited by a single spark. All I know is this - she was my friend.
"Lights Out", Season 16.

     Singularity 

(The Reds and Blues - aside from Donut and Doc - are all trapped in the Labyrinth being forced to experience their greatest desires gone sour and their greatest fears made flesh)
Carolina: Listen to me, you bitch. I can only assume some fluke of time travel brought you here. But this Labyrinth ain't big enough for the two of me, okay?
(Carolina's past self emerges from the shadows, but says nothing)
Present!Carolina: Nothing to say for yourself? You know what, we should talk. I don't give a hot fuck if this messes with the timeline. You need to hear this. I feel so much rage when I look at you. You know that? You prioritize yourself over everything. You're going to get people killed. Heck, you're going to kill people! And they won't always deserve it. Dad won't love you more if you keep winning. He can't. He died when Mom died. And you'll bury him. Your competitive streak stops now. I'm demanding it.
(The two Carolinas stare each other down for another moment)
Past!Carolina: Oh. You're done? (chuckles) Okay. You got pretty talkative! No need for the lecture. I can read your whole, shitty life from your whiny tone of voice.
Present!Carolina: Oh, you think you're so—
Past!Carolina: Directionless? Scared? No. No, actually, I... (laughs) I feel great! Weird, to hear all that from you, though. Hmm, let me unpack this. You've now tasted defeat - I'm assuming - and you were... aww, sad? (mockingly) For a while? And you want people around as crutches in case you trip again.
Present!Carolina: (scoffs) When have I ever—
Past!Carolina: Think about it! - Ever allied with someone I didn't need? A friend in a high place. A bolt-hole. A wingman. To forget how to utilize people is to forget yourself! Forget me. And frankly, that'd be damning enough, but you went further. Carolina, you stripped away what comes without thought. What's instinctual. Your passion. What greater betrayal is there? You're not you anymore.
"Omphalos", Season 17.


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