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In-Game/Post-Release

Missions

     Story Missions  
  • On the very first mini-boss
    Jack: Uh, kill that guy, I guess?
    [cue Boss Subtitles: Flame Knuckle - Kill this guy]
  • When Jack's efforts at operating the Moonshot cannon are interrupted by a Legionnaire, he asks you to "kill this asshole" which becomes the next mission objective.
  • When entering Deadlift's base:
    Mordecai: You got to ride jump pads?
    Brick: I never got to ride a jump pad!
    Athena: I also witnessed the deaths of many innocent people.
    Brick: But...jump pads, though.
  • Deadlift himself:
    • His conversation with Zarpedon:
      Deadlift: GET BENT, ZARP! I AIN'T TAKIN' ORDERS FROM THE CHICK WHO THREW ME IN PRISON!
      Zarpedon: They said your jump pads are stupid.
      Deadlift: I WILL ANNIHILATE THEM!
    • During the battle itself:
      Deadlift: THOSE VAULT HUNTERS DIE TODAY, OR MY NAME ISN'T BUCEPHALUS DEADLIFT MCELROY!"
      Deadlift: I will enjoy throwing your corpse on a jump pad, and seeing it soar through the air like a child's imagination!
    • This becomes hilarious if he lands on a jump pad when he dies. Of course, his body doesn't soar, but the Irony is amazing.
  • After killing Deadlift, you are contacted by some Scavs who proceed to taunt the Vault Hunters.
    Scav: So you survived Kraggon's Pass, big deal! Get over so so we can gonna avenge Deadlift and his sick-ass spacesuit.
    • And when you jump towards the Scavs:
      Scav: Ah crap. I didn't think you'd actually come!
  • During A New Direction, you find out that the Meriff has been trying to bonk the local geisha-bot, which offends just about everyone—Moxxi's upset because geisha bots aren't meant for such activities, the people of Concordia because Robosexuality is illegal without the right license or papers, and CU5TM-TP?
    CU5TM-TP: Huxter T. Meredith, you are hereby under arrest for violating Elpis ethical code 3110, forbidding unlicensed interplay between— OH MY GOD, you stole my girlfriend, you meatbag! OPEN! THIS! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!
  • When you're raiding the crashed Dahl ship.
    Tassiter: John, I need to know where we are on the Helios situation.
    Jack: I've got my best people on it, sir!
    Pickle: Is that Tassiter, the president of Hyperion? He really as big a bottle-and-glass arse as they say?
    Tassiter: Who the hell was that?
    Jack: That was the ten year-old boy we hired to help us.
    [beat]
    Tassiter: You're fired, John.
  • RedBelly taunting you over the ECHOnet. While Belly sincerely wants you dead, Red seems to want to have you over for tea.
  • The Meriff's one line after his inevitable betrayal and attempt to shoot Jack in the back? "I surrender!" Although what happens then is not funny.
  • The Bosun's complete and absolute inability to form effective insults along with his absolutely horrid talent for nicknames. He, among other things, threatens to stomp on you with boots made of acid, named his best badass "Poop Deck" because he "kicks so much arse", and his "girlfriend" the Skipper sabotages him at every turn out of spite, from insulting his poor choice of insults to "accidentally" crushing Poop Deck to death via shutting the door on him.
    • When you jettison the Drakensburg's main engine, the Dahl AI has this gem to say (which is said in the usual Dahl AI voice):
      Main engine jettisoned! Switching to crappy emergency power!
  • While attempting to get into Jack's office, the Clap-trap tries to use two work-arounds to bypass the scan: the Birthday Cat and the Racist Hot Dog. Both are as bizarre and hilarious as you would expect them to be, with the former being incredibly deadpan and as unethusiastic as possible, the second a parody of Texans who have a problem with "Truxican" immigrants.
    • In True Vault Hunter Mode, Tiny Tina claims this section is her favourite part so far. Even better is when she asks if the Racist Hot Dog ever comes back and Athena answers her with a flat "No."
    • The Vault Hunters steadily get more and more exasperated with the Claptrap trying to open the door. If playing as Claptrap the Fragtrap, he will say this:
      You are a disgrace to Claptraps everywhere.
    • How does it finally get the door open? Integrating with the door panel, which involves thrusting its input tray into the machine. It gets electrocuted, overrides the system, and promptly burns out. Your character expresses great relief.
    • And why couldn't Claptrap open the door? Jack removed his door opening subroutines to make room for combat programming and stair climbing subroutines.
      • He's somewhat upset when informed of the fact:
        WHAT HAVE I BECOOOOOOOOOME?!
  • The fact that, as TVHM reveals, Athena is telling the story word for word is pretty hilarious when you realise that means she's repeating all the absolutely insane nonsense that came out of everyone's mouth.
  • Just before the RK-5 fight, you find a Dahl Soldier who has surrendered and will take but one shot to finish off. Jack orders you to kill him, and, if playing as Nisha and you decide not to shoot him, she will say it's better to let him live so she can come back several months later and choke him in his sleep. The dialog not altered from the other characters, the soldier will happily scream "THANK YOU!"
  • Finding Lilith & Roland in Moxxi's, on vacation. Purely because Lilith's dancing is absolutely terrible, to the point where Bar-Bot dances better than her. On the other hand, she gets to show off her booty...but her dancing is still awful.

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     Side Missions  

  • The early side mission "Torgue-o! Torgue-o!" has Torgue interrupt towards the end to discuss his emotional perspective changes since the mission in a somewhat long-winded fashion. Lilith's response shows just how short her patience is by that point (the delivery sounds like a stressed mother dismissing a loud and distracting child, fittingly enough), made even funnier by the implication that Torgue is there with them in Sanctuary too and just hangs around the Vault Hunters all day:
    Lilith: Please go away, Torgue.
    Torgue: FAIR ENOUGH. MOWWWW!
  • The Court of Dreams and its mission "Boomshakalaka", where you help a Michael Jordan Expy perform the most epic slam-dunk in the history of Elpis. When you get him his ball, he launches off the jump pad so high he achieves escape velocity and flies off into the vastness of space.
    • Then you have the option of doing a slam-dunk instead of him, no ball necessary. The optional objective is literally setting yourself on fire, and in the post-game interview, each character says some rambling faux-motivational speech, as if they were actual basketball pros. The icing on the cake is Tog's sign-off line:
      Tog: Back to you, voice in my head!
    • It's also hilarious because of the Mundane Made Awesome elements: when you successfully slam the rim, it explodes, fireworks launch, and the 1812 Overture starts playing.
  • The Dahl Combat Training AI has absolutely no idea how to use military slang and metaphors, constantly jumbling them up to hilarious effect. Claptrap thinks he might be damaged.
  • You help the leader of the Concordia People's Liberation Front, a fierce, bloodthirsty environmentalist, save an indigenous species referred to by the locals as "Cuties." After discovering that the Cuties are actually the not-very-cute at all Torks, she then orders you to murder every single one of them simply because they're ugly. She accompanies your efforts with screams of "Kill! Kill! KILLLL!" In the end, she says you've both hit a karmic jackpot today for helping out Mother Nature.
  • There is a quest where you help put up posters for the Concordia People's Front, which appears to be composed of teenage girls and is represented by Rose, an adorably passive-aggressive campaigner described in the game itself as "about as forceful as a puppy made of chocolate". The mission can be failed simply by leaving Triton's Flat or losing out on the timer, and subsequent retries will change to say that they need your help again. Instead of the usual "Oh no," that starts the timer, however, repeated tries will get:
    F**KING F**K! I lost track of time AGAIN!
  • Another mission for the People's Front has you donating white rank and ONLY white rank guns to them. The entire quest has you expecting them to all go and get themselves killed because you gave them garbage up until you have finally donated 50 of them. You then are instructed to go and witness the "glorious" revolution...a giant flower sculpture made out of guns. It's especially funny in that one of the two people witnessing it has no clue what the art is supposed to be.
    • Midway through the quest, you have to go out and actually recover all the guns you've donated so far because some morons within the CLF actually thought they were (A good weapons and (B a gang of pacifists and artists could actually take on a group of Scavs. It ended about as well as could be expected.
  • The reward for the side-mission Another Pickle is an infamous shotgun called Boganella. Said shotgun drops constant profanity when you fire and kills anything with it (with a single, rare, instance where it apologizes instead) which the own game censors with Cluster Bleep Bombs. Using it in any dramatic/climatic battle of the game is a sure way to completely break the mood.
  • You're hired to find a suitor for Nurse Nina, in the form of a Badass Lunatic, a Badass Outlaw, and a Badass Midget Scav, Timber Logwood. Ironically the first two are actually pleasantly surprised and happy that Nina would want to romance them. Then she orders you to kill them with a specific elemental type to prove if they are strong enough for her love. Logwood actually rejects her love, then it's revealed that he was just testing to see if Nina was serious, and nothing says serious like an attempted murder!
    • Later on, you can find Logwood hanging by his wrists off the ceiling of Nurse Nina's clinic. Your character can have a chat with them, whereupon Nisha congratulates the happy couple.
      Nisha: *Cheerily* I guess when love comes it just bludgeons you together anyway. Congrats!
    • You'll have met Timber Logwood in an earlier mission, where you search for a treasure map. After a long hike you locate the Treasure Map and see Logwood stepping out of the Elpis version of Pandora's "dook huts". Question him and he'll tell you that he read the map and flushed it down the toilet. Pickle is not pleased, to say the least.
    • Logwood himself is pretty funny. Aside from the poop pun on his name, he also has a deep and suave voice whereas other midgets are usually mickey mousing it up.
  • The Voice of Hyperion is hacked to say humiliating, stupid things. You are asked to collect door stopper books to expand its vocabulary, with your character commenting on the contents as you pick them up. (Nisha calls them snooze-fests.) When she gives her newfound eloquence a try, Jack immediately asks her to go back to saying "booty souffle."
    • Another prompt from the Dahl soldiers has her say "thug life #YOLO." This line in particular is made even more funny because she has to say it as the Stepford Smiler she is.
    • One of the reasons she wants to be more eloquent? She wants to show her range as a voice actress.
    • Made even funnier with the reveal that she's not an AI, she's just someone who sits in a booth and is forced to read aloud anything that gets fed into the system. Including stuff like Tassiter scribbling "eat my butt" on a piece of paper and sending that.
    • She will periodically page the whole station asking, in her usual pleasant voice, if anyone knows where she is, because the room is dark and she's scared.
    • At the end of the mission, Claptrap says "Why is the voice in my head saying 'booty souffle'?"
  • You meet Nakayama in prison, release him, and go about trying to "woo" Jack. The disturbing comments, the stupidity of his plans, and watching all his attempts fail horribly make for a good time.
    • His cool attitude and relief that he had sent a message to Jack is quickly overridden by entertaining hysteria upon learning how close he was to dying. Also amusing are his quotes earlier if the Dahl soldiers pump a few bullets into him, and best of all is your character's flat rejections to his pleading for someone to hold him.
    • During one of his missions, you kill a Thresher named Meg. Meg has a blonde wig and a bowler hat on her head, thresher-sized. Even more amusing (or infuriating) is when Nakayama accidentally causes the worst case scenario he had specifically shut down the trash-compactor for, by throwing his burger wrapper down the trash chute and reactivating the machine.
      • Bizarrely enough even Claptrap, who's desperate to have friends, mind you, refuses to accept the friendship request of Nakayama when you turn in the mission.
    • One quest involves getting a Claptrap to paint a picture of Jack on a wall in his favourite colour (bright yellow). When he sees the picture, Jack promptly declares that it's awful (which it is) but appreciates the colour. After the end of the quest, the picture will remain on the wall, and the little floor-cleaner-bot that normally patrols the hallway attempts to wipe away the painting by ineffectually bumping into the wall over and over and over and over for the entire rest of the game.
    • When turning in the last "Woo Jack" quest as Nisha, she has this to say:
      It's going to break your heart so bad when I finally hit that.
  • The Dahl AIs take Drill Sergeant Nasty to a new level.
    Drakenburg Warning System: Warning! Engine containment failure imminent, maggot!
  • The mission Jack gives you to wipe out the memory of the Meriff. It goes from dark, where you deliberately destroy pieces of his diary where he is showing deeper and deeper remorse for his actions, to twisted, such as when you decapitate his statue and stick the head onto the nose of a rocket, to hilarious when you launch that rocket at Pandora to a dubstep remix of the Meriff's last diary entry where he repeated "I'm the biggest arse on this moon!" When Jack takes revenge, he doesn't screw around.
    • Worth mentioning that the Meriff's second ECHO is found in a safe that also contains a Moxxi figurine on the bottom.
  • The Sterwin missions. In this case, the man in question is an office worker somehow roped into field work capturing Eridians. If you choose to give the captured subjects to him instead of Master Poacher, you then go on a second, late-game sidequest involving capturing more Eridians. Why, you may ask? He wants to put them in a preserve, because they obviously "don't want to hurt people, just play around!"
  • Captain Chef, who is either a delusional man with a spaceship, a uniform, and several flags, or an explorer who has an extremely bad sense of direction and absolutely no clue about how Elpis has already been claimed and colonized for years attempting to claim the moon for a "King Greg". He is a parody of British explorers planting flags to claim colonies (specifically Captain Cooke, who "discovered" Australia for the English after it had been inhabited for seventy thousand years and landed on by the Spanish, the Dutch and the French), and protocol dictates he must stand, salute, and play their anthem by making trumpet noises with his mouth. (Enemy dialog says he is a frequent annoyance.) The best part is when his arm starts to falter and you have to prop him up with "emergency salute support," a broom.
  • Early on, you get a side mission from a Dahl soldier killed by Deadlift's gang, who left an ECHO behind asking whoever finds it to fulfil his last requests. First you send a message to Zarpedon to inform her of his death, then you go kill the guy who killed him and stole his ship. When you examine his body to find the echo device, the description says "Even though he's dead, he looks like he knows what you're going to do next." The option to find the quest item says "Frisk". Pretty standard Borderlands fare. His final request has you track down some other guy named Nel... and call him a dick. The guy looks like a tough boss fight, wearing armour made from kraggon body parts with kraggon claws as Wolverine Claws. However, calling him a dick just makes him drop to his knees and Skyward Scream a Big "NO!", then stand back up and go back to leaning on a building. Objective complete!
    • In a humorous, convoluted Easter Egg, you can find a "D" and a "K" on the roof of the IC 57 building and make it say "DICK 57" right in front of Nel's face. This then enrages him enough to fight you.
  • Z8N-TP, a Claptrap who has either gazed into the mysteries of the universe through meditation, or has had his optical unit damaged for spending so much time in the volatile environment of Tycho's Ribs. He orders you to get Putti, dangerous creatures made by the Mook Maker Eridian Ophas, and when he stuffs them all into his input drive, they pop out and start attacking him. In the end, he ends up literally ascending... only to be stopped by the roof of his shack.
  • You meet expies of C3P-0 and R2-D2 and escort them to deliver a message to Toby Van Adobe for their mistress. What is this message? That the man took her exfoliating soap, one of three bottles in the known universe, and that she had already found the other two, making the whole trip pointless. "Screw you, Toby Van Adobe, you've got my only soap!" Even before that is The Unintelligible R2-D2 parody's supposed potty mouth.
    • The C3P-0 robot is named ICU-P.
  • CL4P-L3K, the Dalek expy commissioned by none other than Tassiter himself. Aside from the ridiculous appearance of the robot, it is also a parody of internet trolls, flamers, and hostile people on Xbox Live, constantly yelling about how no one can like a thing it dislikes or its plans to rage at random people over the ECHOnet to express its anger.
  • In "Infinite Loop" you encounter Claptrap expies of HAL-9000 and SHODAN. Both parody their inspirations' speech patterns, as the SHODAN Claptrap tries to force you to accept the 'magnificence' of its laser weapon and calls you 'insect' every few sentences, while the HAL Claptrap amiably describes its cryogenic grenade as 'fun for the whole family'.
    • The Snowball grenade you get from CLAP-9000 is hilarious in itself. Since it has a tiny blast radius the visual effect is a tiny blue-white puff. Since it does tremendous damage and still counts as a grenade kill, it sends dead enemies ragdolling.
  • Dr. Spara from the sidequest "It Ain't Rocket Surgery". Her approach to science consists entirely of yelling random scientific words while sending the Vault Hunters to recover creature parts and brains to make a rocket guidance system. Even when her house gets blown up by the last rocket she seems absolutely overjoyed because SCIENCE!
    Athena: You're not really a scientist, are you?
    Dr. Spara: YEAH! WE DID IT! SCREW MY HOUSE!
    • The entire sidequest is really something to behold. First, she has you use a tork brain as a rocket's navigation system; this rocket ends up drifting aimlessly as Dr. Spara comes to the scientifically-sound conclusion that the tork has no idea how to drive. Since that wasn't as interesting as she'd hoped, she then sends you to harvest some human brains off the Dahl soldiers who have invaded the space station; when tested, the human brain immediately steers the rocket back towards the observation window in an apparent act of suicide. Undeterred, Dr. Spara asks you to combine a human brain and a tork brain by placing them into the "science blender"; the resulting hybrid brain ends up crashing the final rocket into her house in the distance. For whatever reason, she considers this a resounding success, prompting the Vault Hunters to question her credentials.
  • "The Don", where you help the eponymous Don win a game of "Snick-it", an overly complex game that makes absolutely no sense. During the mission he provides a running commentary of how you're doing in the game, spouting a variety of bizarre statistics and nonsensical jargon, and even claims that the game needs just a few more rules to be completely nonsensical and therefore incredibly popular.
  • "Fresh Air", the Spiritual Successor to the BL2 favorite "Shoot This Guy In The Face". A Hyperion scientist needs your help and claims the lab is a little too stuffy, then goes to open a window to the cold vacuum of space. He gets sucked out, you shut the window and restore pressure, and Dr. Spara proceeds to pay you because it was awesome. The end-of-quest description even says that you'll never know what the actual quest was going to be.
  • A very early quest has you make and then deliver inspirational posters for Springs. At first your character seems bewildered only for her to think you don't understand her accent and proceed to talk like a stereotyped Southern American ending with "Cowboys. Donuts. Homophobia." After making the posters, you then are sent to deliver them to Deadlift, whom apparently has motivational issues and are supposed to be killing right now. You then have them signed by a Scav (who is strangely delighted to do so, wondering if the package has a kitten, a knife, or a small kitten holding a knife), then you kill him because he's a dick and proceed to slap the posters all over the place.
  • In "Things That Go Boom", the birth of the EXP Loaders, one of them might randomly go "BOOM BOOM BOOM" and your character will suddenly say "Weyo." with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
    • The turn-in dialogue: Tassiter asks why Jack has just submitted a patent for suicidal, exploding robots. Jack's response?
      Because it would be awesome...?
  • R0513, the Claptrap Service Shop droid and the head of all custodial bots on the Helios base. She resembles and is as cheerful as her inspiration, and constantly speaks with a friendly, chipper voice. Her dialog constantly relates how messes of any kind throw her into great depression, that if you were not helping her retrieve her missing bots, she would murder you and your entire family, and speaks of a "germpocalypse" where she and her bots will "smother the germs in their cribs."
    • In a bit of dark humour, Athena notes that the "kill you and your entire family" bit is both "Excessive. And impossible, in my case."
  • Once quest has Tassiter send the Vault Hunters to take evidence that could incriminate Jack from DAHL couriers; naturally, he has incentive for whoever takes the job (although Athena's is nowhere near funny). His reward for Claptrap? "I'll be your best friend." It works immediately.
  • A side mission has the Vault Hunters contacted by Sir Hammerlock, asking them to collect some samples of a native species known as 'Moon Threshers', a species unseen on Pandora. Not that funny. What is funny, is that of the two you send him, he notes one is 'quite fond of slapping', while he names the other one Terry. The implication is that Sir Hammerlock is responsible for not only the rampant population of Threshers on Pandora, but also Terramorphous the Invincible (also known as the oldest Thresher on Pandora) and Old Slappy, the Thresher that took Hammerlock's own arm and leg. They get bitey soon after they arrive, to which Hammerlock expresses some frustration, but he decides it's not that big a deal because "at least they're small".
    • When you reach the rocket the Threshers will be sent to Hammerlock in, the owner tells you to "plant the threshers in the rocket." This turns out to be comically literal, as you put the Threshers into a tiny plot of ground on the back of the rocket, which is then covered by an oxygen bubble. As the rocket moves to take off, the Threshers wag their tentacles as if waving goodbye at you.
  • No Such Thing as a Free Launch where you help a musician launch a rocket and broadcast his music to all of Elpis. While most of the fetch quest is varying degrees of amusement, what really gets you is when his classical symphony is hijacked by DJ Boom & Rang to play dubstep instead, and he attempts to jack up the power even though it's incredibly dangerous. He manages to scream "I must... have... more... POWER!" before he's electrocuted. You get your quest reward by sifting through his gently cooling ashes.
  • To The Moon. Tricking a gullible Lost Legion defector to become a test subject/Moonshot Cannon fodder with the promise of free pizza is simply hilarious.
    Dahl Soldier: HOLY CRAP, PIZZA PARTY!
    • Then he finds out this:
      Dahl Soldier: *Upon discovering the Zaford beer kegs and some the pizza was a hologram* THIS PIZZA ISN'T EVEN REAL!
    • As he's being transported into the cannon:
      Dahl Soldier: *As you fend off his buddies* NOBODY LIES TO ME ABOUT PIZZA! NOBODY!
    • The line characters blurt with Jack's dry reaction to it makes this quest funnier:
      Athena: Would you like to be shot out of a cannon at several hundred miles per hour?
      Doppelganger: Hey, uh— do you wanna jump into a Moonshot Cannon and be fired at a planet?
      Wilhelm: Wanna get fired out of a big-ass gun? You'll probably die!
      Claptrap: Would YOU like the opportunity to scream through the skies at hundreds of miles per hour courtesy of the Helios Moonshot Cannon?
      Jack: Alright, fair enough. I guess when you put it that way it does sound like a stupid-ass idea. Just... find a way to get him into the moonshot shell. I don't care how you do it.
    • And if you do the optional objective to check the landing site, you'll find that he's dead and he's holding some of the real, edible pizza in his hand. Jack's last commentary is the cherry on the top of the cake:
      Jack: Hehehe, he died cause he liked pizza. Makes you think, though. Or something. I dunno, I just felt like saying something.
  • Early in the game as Jack is leading the Vault Hunter to get down to the moon, Tassiter is arguing with Jack, who pulls a Fake Static. "Sorry crrk you're breaking fsst losing —... Asshole." Tassiter says "What was that?" "I...called you an asshole because I thought I'd hung up?"
  • For the side mission "Boarding Party", Jack has the Vault Hunters look for the four ECHO logs with information he gathered on them before he hired them (in Fragtrap's case, as he was reprogramming him). When you pick up Wilhelm's ECHO log, it describes that he is affected by a mild condition called "bone waste" and has had to have his skeleton reinforced. Due to this, he now has an addiction to cybernetic implants. If playing as Fragtrap, he'll kid around with Wilhelm with this gem...
    I hope you know what you're doing, Wilhelm...in a few years, you could look just like...ME. Dun-dun-DUUUNNN!

Vault Hunters

     Athena  

  • Athena attempting to make inspirational posters. The sheer awkwardness is fantastic, as are her reactions when you put them up.
  • According to General Knoxx, when Athena went AWOL, she killed 9 1/2 Crimson Lancemen. The 1/2 was a guy she cut in half. Vertically. He's apparently "still alive, but now he's got to hop everywhere."
  • Let's face it, a capstoned shield pinballing in wildly improbable arcs is hilarity in its purest form.
  • Her reaction to Claptrap's backstory:
    Athena: He should have killed it when he had the chance.

     Wilhelm  

  • Sometimes when he takes cryo damage, we get this:
    Wilhelm: [shivery voice] I'm a damn popsicle!
  • Wilhelm's backstory ECHO logs are him being interviewed. His answer to why he became a mercenary, how his childhood had shaped him up to be the man he is today, why he's such a badass? From the first two ECHO logs;
    Wilhelm: As a kid/teenager, I was good at fights.
    • As the ECHO logs draw on, the interviewer grows steadily more annoyed at how short Wilhelm's answers are, for example in the third:
      Interviewer: What about the man you are now? Who is Wilhelm the Enforcer? What drives him? What are his likes, his dislikes? Please give me an answer which does not include the word "fights".
      Wilhelm: I like steak and robots.
    • And finally, in the fourth ECHO:
      Interviewer: This has been an extraordinary waste of time. What is the point of you, Wilhelm? What do you even want out of life?
      Wilhelm: I'm really good at killing people. I wanna be a robot.
      Interviewer: That's pretty weird.
  • Wilhelm's ECHO recorder, in his inventory at the start of a new game:
    Jack: Hey Wilhelm, wanna come to the moon and hunt a Vault for me?
    Wilhelm: No.
    Jack: Come on, I'll pay you a couple million dollars.
    Wilhelm: Okay. (End recording)
    Wilhelm Yep. That's my backstory.
  • During the motivational posters sidequest, the most inspirational thing Wilhelm has to say is a flat "No." The best part is that Janey prints out what the Vault Hunters say in the finished products, so Wilhelm's say "No."

     Nisha  

  • Her first words to the Customs Claptrap?
    Nisha: You officious little s**t.
  • Her reaction to the fact that Janey really likes killing kraggons?
    Nisha: Why didn't you tell me you liked killing things so much? We could be besties!
  • What she says when she enters Moxxi's secret room:
    Nisha: Nice overalls.
  • During the motivational posters sidequest, she complains that her clothes aren't dark enough.

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     Claptrap  

  • The description of Claptrap's combat style is "It's not stupid, it's advanced!"
    • Even attempting to choose Claptrap triggers a CMOF, as the game decides you must have done so in error. You have to go through three confirmation screens.
      "Oops! You nearly chose to play as Claptrap. Close one! I know you didn't mean that! You didn't, did you..?" Yes/No
      "Hold on, you've met Claptrap right? Annoyingly cheerful and talks a lot. You sure about this?" Yes/No
      "Seriously? Claptrap?! You've heard about his weird Action Skill, right? This is really, REALLY what you want?" Yes/No
  • When copying Gaige's action skill using VaultHunter.EXE, he can say "Well, I have two robot arms!"
  • When set on fire, Claptrap will lament about his chassis supposedly being made out of recycled human body parts and then sob pathetically.
    WHY!? Was I made out of galvanized flesh!?
  • The simple fact that they let a 3' tall trashbin-shaped robot copy the 7' tall, hyper-violent playable Psycho's Action Skill, then called that skill package "Meat Unicycle."
  • When activating Zer0's skill, Claptrap tries to make a haiku to accompany his skill. He fails.
    Claptrap: Roses are red and violets are blue...wait, how many syllables was that?
    • Even the flavor text flubs the haiku the last stanza having six syllables, thus flubbing the poem's 5/7/5 structure.
      Deploy hologram / Invisibility rocks / How many syllables?
  • Even Fragtrap finds the Claptrap line of robots to be insufferably annoying.
  • When VaultHunter.EXE deploys the Minitrap and there's no one around to attack, he may exchange a few jokes with the player, some with a serving of irony on the side:
    Minitrap: Knock knock!
    Claptrap: Who's there?
    Minitrap: Wub.
    Claptrap: Wub who?
    Minitrap: Wubwubwubwubwub.
    Claptrap: You're dead to me.
  • Much of the other Vault Hunters' reactions to Claptrap activating VaultHunter.EXE are funny.
    Wilhelm: You give robots a bad name!
    Nisha: I hate you worse than I hate puppies.
    Athena: Stop trying to help!
    "Jack": Please don't dance, please don't dance!
    Aurelia: I shall never experience happiness again thanks to you, Claptrap!
  • When VaultHunter.EXE activates Funzerker mode, Claptrap begins to immediately dual-wield and fire his guns with reckless abandon. If your chosen weapon runs out of ammo, he'll regenerate a couple of bullets every second, leading to an endless rapid-fire cycle of fire-reload-fire-reload. Doubly fun if you're using Tediore-brand guns, which results in a cycle of fire-toss weapon-fire-toss weapon.

     Doppelganger  

  • Jack's first interaction with his body double involves commentary about how... distractingly attractive he is. Later on, the body double comments on how Jack's continuous near-come ons are starting to make him uncomfortable.
  • Upon reaching Concordia and having to deal with the Police Claptrap, "Jack", for practically the only and one time, acts exactly like the real Jack would:
    "Jack": Oh, go f**k yourself.
  • Among the Doppelganger's lines when activating his special skill is the gem I'll drown you in a sea of chiselled jaws!
  • All of his interactions with Moxxi, especially when he first sees her.
    "Jack:" Wow, you're...really pretty. Are you...sure we're not still dating?
    Moxxi: Sorry, sugar, I know my ex from a body double. You're not salivating enough.
    • Then it gets really hilarious when he sees her in her overalls.
  • For all the differences between Jack and the Doppelganger, there is one thing they have in common: how much they hate Claptraps.
    "Jack": I dislike Claptrap. I hope he dies.
  • The entire Inspire skill. The real Jack randomly pops in to give you random words of inspiration, and then a star flies across the screen, with bright multicolored letters telling you you're INSPIRED. When you have to respawn, Jack berates you, and a dejected Jack flies across the screen telling you that you're DISILLUSIONED.
    • Even better: That's all it does. No buff, nothing. That's it.
    • The skill itself also interacts hilariously with other dialogue. Oftentimes, Jack will pop in and cut off an NPC's dialogue with his INSPIRED one-liners. Other times, Jack won't speak but the INSPIRED popup still appears while an NPC keeps talking. This leads to "INSPIRED!" popping up very inappropriately, such as for Zarpedon ordering charges to be detonated or Jack telling his body double how people are going to want him dead even more.
  • When Pickle asks if he's afraid of heights, Jack says in a completely matter-of-fact way:
    "Jack": Just a little...completely..deathly afraid of them, yeah.
  • Jack generally tries to play up his body double status as much as he can, but there are some voice lines when the mask slips (heh) and he shows a side that's surprisingly contemptuous of his employer:
    "Jack": (in the inventory screen) It's like choosing between the ladies! ...Or something, I dunno. God, I hate this guy.
    "Jack": (idle quote) How egocentric does this guy have to be to hire body doubles? The dude's just a programmer. That’s like a grocery store clerk wearing kevlar. You’re not important enough to kill, man, hello!
    "Jack": (activating Expendable Assets) Let's get sexy! ...Ugh.

     Aurelia  
  • Aurelia finding Moxxi without her makeup adorable.
    • Aurelia is also positively delighted by Moxxi's breasts.
  • She tries to fool her brother by using a fake accent.
  • The one thing she and Alistair share in common? Their contempt of Claptraps.
  • Her idle quotes can be pretty amusing.
    Aurelia: Hang on, I feel incredibly happy all of a sudden! Alistair must be in pain!

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NPCs

     Janey  

  • Janey Springs' "children's stories." While some of them are pretty dark, telling you why she's been marooned on a rock for several months with no human companionship, the way she tells it is incredibly funny.
  • Janey Springs advances at Athena, even better by how flustered the latter gets, and how she honestly has no idea how to react properly. For instance, when Janey tells a story about how she got a sexy scar on her stomach...
    Janey: Extremely sexy. Athena.
    Athena: What? I'm — uh — going to keep shooting things. And focus on that exclusively.

     Moxxi  

  • When you enter Moxxi's secret room, you find her singing in her natural redneck accent and in a still sexy mechanic outfit. It's her cheerful tune and her horrified reaction that sells it, alongside your character's reaction. And then she says that her son Scooter will bury them in a shallow grave if they tell anyone.
    Moxxi: Good luck out there! And remember: [sing-song voice] Shallow grave!
  • During the fight to take back Helios:
    Moxxi: (To Lilith and Roland) You two need to open the path wide open, or this is going to get messy!
    Lilith: Working on it! Also, that's what she said!
    Moxxi: I know what she said! Just do it!

     Tina and Brick  

  • During TVHM, Tiny Tina and Brick make the comments to the story. Some golden moments include:
    • Tina inventing the word "dickalicious" and immediately being horrified and severely grossed out that she had ever said it.
      Brick: He's kind of a dick.
      Tina: Mmmm, dickalicious. Ew. Ew! Why did I say that? Ew ew ew!
    • Tina's reaction to The Reveal that Moxxi is actually a redneck?
      Ohmagodhot.
    • Tina asks if Janey is still around, and if they ever "hung out." Athena tries to dodge the question incredibly poorly and Tiny Tina then proceeds to congratulate her for them getting together, and asks for a high five. Athena gives her one.
  • Tina lampshades the fact that Athena can remember everything that's been said to her, word for word. Athena claims she has good memory. Tina then challenges her to say the 17th thing Jack has said in her story.
    She leads these jackasses, I think? First person to shoot her in the head gets a high five and a turbo-mansion.
  • Upon meeting Pickle in TVHM, Athena mentions the fact that Pickle would be about Tina's age at this point, Tina has absolutely no idea what she's implying.
    Brick: She thinks she's like thirty, just roll with it.
    Tina: I am a lady, I have lots of menopause.
    Brick: You have no idea what that means, do you?
    Tina: Quite.
  • At one point, Tina calls Athena pretty. Athena immediately replies in a very crisp, almost scripted manner, that the Atlas assassin indoctrination made her unable to care about physical appearance, attraction or love.
    Tina: Athena, you are terrible at taking compliments.
    • Made funnier by the fact that this is explicitly not how Athena reacts when Janey complimented her appearance (which is mentioned elsewhere as being adorkably flustered and awkward about it), so Athena is lying about being 'programmed' to not care, possibly to mess with Tina.
    • Or this could just be because Athena values her privacy and romantic life more so than other people, as evidenced by her amusingly terrible dodge to the question of if she ever hooked up with Janey Springs.
    • Another possible reason is that Athena, in fact, IS 'programmed'; but Janey is just so damn hot that Athena actually disobeyed it. In other words, Janey is hot enough to beat Atlas assassin training.
  • Just the introduction for Tiny Tina's quest, ''The bestest story ever told':
    Tina: Hi Athena! Yo soy Tiny Tina. And this is my big brudder Brick—
    Brick: I told you to stop callin' me that! It's weird.
    Athena: What kind of story would you like to hear? The death of General Knoxx? The Fall of New Haven? The—
    Tina: OOH! Tell me a story about... a raid boss!
    Athena: I don't know what that is.
    Brick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T—HOW DO YOU NOT—
    Tina: Sssssh, baby. Sssshhshshshshhsh. Your big sister Tiny Tina's got this. Ahem: Then, Athena and her three pals ventured to inner core of the moooooon—
    Athena: Do I have to go with friends? I can't just do it alone?
    Brick: Not unless you wanna die. Or you found a broken-ass combination of loot and want to show off on the ECHOnet.
    • For those of you that haven't played Borderlands 2, that happened almost constantly in the previous game, so it's likely also Self-Deprecation on Gearbox's part.
  • Then there's the part in TVHM after Lilith and Roland try to kill everyone.
    Tina: So no hard feelings for Lilith trying to kill you?
    Athena: Not really. I've paid her back for it. On the battlefield, loyalties shift, and we end up on opposite sides more often than not. It does little good to obsess about it.
    Tina: Damn. That's deep. [beat] What about the last time she tried to kill you? Like, an hour ago?
    Athena: I'm still a bit irritated about that, yes.

     Torgue  

Other

     Machines  

  • The medical vendor.
    "For small fee, Nina crush pain out of you!"
    "Don't die before you pay me."
    "Come back when dying!"
    "Don't die. You good for business."
  • The Dahl brand New U machine, with a Drill Sergeant Nasty persona, clearly designed to reduce frustration by making you chuckle when you get rezzed.
    "You ain't no kinda soldier until you've died at least once".
    "Dying's good fer ya! It puts hair on yer chest!"
    "YOU WILL FIND NO PEACE IN DEATH, MAGGOT!"
    "Dying is a crime punishable by death!"
    "Dying is just God's way of making you angrier! YOU ANGRY YET, SOLDIER?"
    "Get out of here, soldier, I don't want to see you for a while!"
    "Remember, DAHL OWNS YOUR BODY AND SOUL! Assuming you have one."
    "DOUBLE-TIME! HUT HUT!"
    "THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE, ONLY AN ETERNITY OF DUTY!"

     Scavs  

  • Scavs will say that you hit them right in the Feels when you melee them.
  • "My brother-uncle!"
  • Every once in a while when you kill a scav he'll try to invoke Just a Flesh Wound— just to die shortly after.
    Scav: I'll be fine in a secon—OOHHH--UGH!
    • Or complain that by killing them you've "got it around the wrong way!"
  • "Sally! Fetch my killing pants!"
  • "I demand a hug!"

     Holodome  

  • Apparently, Axton and Gaige encountered Aurelia offworld and brought her back to Sanctuary.
    Gaige: Lilith was all like "Go hunt the Vault on Eptah!" And then "Don't kill the Vault Hunter, bring her back! WAR IS COMING" Tch.
    Tina: Oooh. You got another Vault Hunter buddy? I wanna meet her!
    Axton: No. You don't. Aurelia is the meanest.
  • Axton and Gaige want to hear Athena's story...but they don't want to sit through the long boring parts, they just want the parts about shooting things. And building robots. The two of them spend the entire DLC like kids on a sugar rush, to Athena's intense annoyance.
  • If you have subtitles on, the way they describe Deathtrap's noises is adorable:
    Gaige: How about that, DT? You're descended, sort-of, from a badass military AI!
    Deathtrap: (Happy purr)
  • Axton isn't entirely sure on how robots are put together.
    Axton: How do you build a robot? You just... collect pieces and glue 'em together?
    Gaige: It's a highly technical process requiring skill and pizazz.
    Gaige: And, uh, sometimes glue.
  • After hearing about Felicity, Axton asks if Gaige could give his turret a personality. She muses that she'd give the turret a Femme Fatale personality with a no-excuses attitude and a thirst for blood. Likes romance novels and bubble baths.
  • And there's this little gem between Axton and Gaige:
    Athena: It turned out that the Eye of Helios, over which we were fighting to regain control, was actually the Eye of the Destroyer.
    Axton: The Destroyer? That crazy blob of tentacles and hatred?
    Athena: To which OTHER crazy blob of tentacles and hatred would I be referring?
    Gaige: His ex-fiancée!
    Axton: That was harsh! Sarah wasn't mean, she just... I dunno...
  • Axton tries to curb Gaige's foul mouth in the most ineffective manner possible.
Gaige: Pssht, the Warrior? We killed the f**k out of that thing!Axton: Watch your damn language, young lady!

     Other Enemies 

  • There is a hilarious glitch involving a Stingray and an Energized Shuggurath. Get a Stingray and find a Shuggurath, then ram it preferably from the bottom(where the tentacles are). The end result? The Shuggurath will fly away like a deflated balloon. You will be hard pressed to find a funnier way to kill a Shuggurath than this.

     Claptastic Voyage 
  • The Racist Hot Dog returns!
  • All things considered, it's a pretty sad DLC. However, this doesn't make the various representations of Claptrap's psyche any less surreally hilarious. SUP4-EG0-TP (Superego-Trap) is rendered as an actual superhero with briefs, the representation of his tattered dignity is a Quintessential British Gentleman, and then there's the pancake-obsessed M4D-TP...
  • Claptrap accidentally inspired Mr. Torgue to create the Campaign Of Carnage in Borderlands 2.
  • Claptrap also accidentally burned down a church with wounded and dying townsfolk inside it. His defense boils down to asking who hasn't done that, which may or may not qualify as Comedic Sociopathy. While various Vault Hunters express disgust, (Even Willhelm, though whether or not this means he has standards or is just annoyed is a good question) Nisha actually considers this a valid defense.
    • It may actually be the only point in the game that she actually agrees with Claptrap! And she did rob a convent after all...
    • Aurelia's reply? A smug "Never by accident."
    • If you're playing as Claptrap, he'll get confused and claim that he's never done such a thing.
    • The other person to agree that it is a valid defense? Timothy.
    • The fact that Wilhelm - a cyborg merc who's Only in It for the Money - is the only one to neither burn down any churches or condone such an action.
  • One of the memories you enter reveals how Claptrap got the Vault Hunter gig in the first place. After the disastrous events that led to the church getting burned down, the only competitors left for the slot were Claptrap and a latecomer, Donk; How did Claptrap win the fight, you ask? He immediately activated VaultHunter.EXE and got the rubber duck Action Package. Donk attempted to come in with a flying kick and got bounced backwards into the grinder. The game even slaps a gigantic censor bar over things when it happens.
  • Claptrap's denial subroutines, like everything else in the Overlook portion of the DLC, are pretty messed up. That said, the things it yells during battle, such as "I don't just deny everything!" and, upon death "I'M NOT DYING!" are hilarious Blatant Lies.
    • Even the splash screen introducing the Denial Subroutine is in denial:
      DENIAL SUBROUTINE (no its not...)
  • The Vault Hunters initially act confident when 5H4D0W-TP threatens them with the H-Source. When he reveals the Humongous Mecha Eclipse, they are... less confident. To quote Nisha:
    5H4D0W-TP: I'll tap into the power of the H-Source!
    Nisha: Like I care! (Eclipse appears) Ah, F***!
  • The Vault Hunters defeating 5H4D0W-TP in his EOS form and complaining about not getting a legendary drop from him. Cue 5H4D0W-TP throwing out a legendary weapon while giving the Vault Hunters a raspberry.
    Nisha: WHERE'S THE FUCKING LEGENDARY?
  • Even the cut content is hilarious.
  • At the one point, the Vault Hunters have to sing the Mainframe song. Bonus points for Nisha singing it very well (and giggling constantly), Athena happily making background music noises near the end and Timothy trying so hard to sing it, but can only remember the chorus. Wilhelm tries, but for some reason he starts singing Video Killed The Radio Star instead.

     Meta 

  • This reddit theory. Specifically, the idea of Athena wasting enormous amounts of Lilith's time by recounting literally everything that happened in excruciating detail to either stall or just out of spite. It's particularly amusing if you assume take the implication that she's literally reciting all the dialogue verbatim literally, especially in the case of the goofier side-missions. The notion of Lilith having to sit there while Athena recounts the events of missions like the abovementioned "Boomshakalaka" or the mission where you have to pose for Janey Springs' motivational posters.
  • "I have never known true happiness until this day."

Pre-Release and Twitter

    Pre-Release and Twitter 
  • As a publicity stunt, Handsome Jack hacked into Moxxi's ECHOcast account and made it into an inept attempt at social media marketing for Hyperion. Hilarity Ensues.
    Hyperion Corporation: ECHOnet search bible black only episode 2 streaming
    Hyperion Corporation: ECHOnet search how do I delete tweets
    Hyperion Corporation: ECHOnet search how do I delete tweets
    Hyperion Corporation: ECHOnet search how to delete tweets
    Hyperion Corporation: so weird somebody took over my twitter account and then left that’s weird lol so weird that’s so weird
    • Jack is told that pictures of cats will help get him more retweets, but the only picture of a cat he can find is Cat.
    • He gets more savvy by the day.
      Hyperion Corporation: Pandora is a miserable wasteland full of horrible people. It’s The Big Bang Theory of planets
      Hyperion Corporation: Sorry I take that back some people on Pandora are likeable
      Hyperion Corporation: #ohhhhhhhh #sickburns #ohhhhhhh
    • And a bit of Take That, Scrappy!:
      Hyperion Corporation: Sorry about the claptrap units. I didn’t work on their AI or anything, I just feel like somebody owes you an apology for them
    • Also shows signs of being a world class Troll:
      Hyperion Corporation: I heard controversy gets you more retweets so get ready
      Hyperion Corporation: Netscape is the best browser.
      Hyperion Corporation: Will get back to controversial stuff soon but i just ran some numbers and it turns out the two funniest words in english are "ghost" & "dad".
      Hyperion Corporation: Robocop is better than Star Wars.
      Hyperion Corporation: Sorry kids, my bad, calm down, I made a mistake. What I meant to say was...
      Hyperion Corporation: Robocop or The Fifth Element, individually, are better than every good Star Wars movie combined.
  • Handsome Jack holds an AMA on reddit. Highlights include:
    • Nisha asking Handsome Jack why he stares at her for long periods of time whenever she asks him something, and Jack's hilariously awkward response.
    • Handsome Jack saying he'd like to make Nisha a cyborg so her clench would be tighter. With her hand. He meant her hand. What is wrong with you people?
    • Handsome Jack saying that he'd not want to go golfing with Mr. Torgue as he values his eardrums, and Torgue presumably values not being "riddled with goddamn bullets."
    • His reasoning for turning Clap-trap into a Frag-trap, alongside specifically mentioning installing "stair-climbing protocols." (It was a dark time in his life.)
    • Someone inquires about what the Maliwan "war hippies" smoke. Jack describes it as batteries, like an E-cigarette, but somehow not as cool. He goes on to describe it as what e-cigs would have bullied in high school.
    • This response to a death threat:
      Nothing, apart from the vaguely orgasmic grunts I'll be making as I crush your windpipe with my thumbs. And I guess the "oh wow, you're the best" noises your loved ones will be making as they cheer me on. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently making out with your loved ones. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently killing your loved ones.
  • This trailer. Five words. "wow such memes very regret" Explanation 
  • The Launch Trailer.
    ZERO GRAVITY
    ZERO MERCY
    ZERO MOON WIZARDS
    Claptrap: (wearing a wizard hat) Call me Gundalf!
    OK MAYBE ONE MOON WIZARD
  • The trailer highlighting Claptrap's class ability. Towards the end of the trailer, the four Vault Hunters list their motivations for siding with Jack; Claptrap declares that it's because his programming won't let him choose otherwise.
  • The trailer for "Claptastic Voyage" - Jack calls the Vault Hunters back together to secure something extremely powerful. Wilheim enthusiastically declares he's in, and then Jack reveals that the Vault Hunters will be going inside Claptrap's mind.
    Wilheim: Ugh. [Throws Flakker on the floor, before turning around & leaving.] I'm out.
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