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Quotes / Ham and Cheese

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Bill Bailey, talking about Toasties during bewilderness

"...For if knowledge is power, then a God Am IIII!!! [Beat] (to Two-Face) Was that over the top? I can never tell."
The Riddler, Batman Forever

"That sardonic thing is mostly when the dialogue is puerile. You want to let the audience in on the fact that 'Yes, I know this is shit'."
Christopher Plummer on the common characteristics of the characters he plays.

"...mostly it's an opportunity to watch John Malkovich turn in a performance that had to - HAD TO - be a direct challenge to the director, 'Please, fire me. I'm begging you to fire me. I'll do a take like this and then you'll have to fire me. Wait, I'm still not fired?'"
RiffTrax, product description for Eragon

"(Klaus) Kinski’s reputation for being impossible preceded him at this point, and he didn’t get many job offers, so had to act in abject crap like David Schmoeller’s 1986 film “Crawlspace.”... 'I am my own judge, jury, and executioner,' Dr. Gunther shrieks, walking around in his basement in an SS uniform. 'Heil Gunther!' Kinski puts on a crazy smile and wobbling eyes when he says this line. It’s a fuck you to the idiocy of the script, and it’s so funny, it’s actually scary."

"Berkoff is a character actor who never really got the respect that he deserved. He made a great villain, if you couldn’t afford Malcolm McDowell. Nah, I kid – he’s great. Here he plays a 'rogue Soviet general (original, I know), who realises that he’s in a terrible film. So the actor runs around, putting on invasion-themed powerpoints like an evil Al Gore and stressing random syllables because he’s evil! He yells about “unREALisTIC policies!” and “atTACK strategies!” to the assembled heads of the Russian government with such passion that I found myself wondering how he orders lunch at the cafeteria. “I’ll have a cuCUMBer SANdwich, plEASE!”"

"I almost wish Sam Raimi had simply painted Dafoe green, at the risk of audiences mistaking Norman for a deranged Green Bay Packers fan."
Cyriaque Damar on Spider-Man.

Mike: Paul Giamatti, in his greatest role since the John Adams miniseries!
Rich: What is his name, the guy who played, uh, Norman?
Jay: That's Chris Cooper, he's a really great actor. (I guess that's a running theme.)
Mike: Chris Cooper is an Academy Award-winning actor.
Rich: That's fine, but he was more cartoony in that deathbed scene than he was in the Muppet movie.
Mike: There's a lot of good actors in this movie, it's just—....just...just...shit.

"(Guy) Pearce, as the hero, makes the mistake of trying to give a good and realistic performance. (Jeremy) Irons at least knows what kind of movie he's in, and hams it up accordingly."
Roger Ebert, reviewing The Time Machine (2002)

"Hopper is always a joy to watch mucking about in a bad movie, but his role in Waterworld is a genuine delight. He doesn't bother trying to be legitimately menacing because it just wasn't gonna work; instead, he goes for this affably-bumbling-but-merciless antagonist, halfway between a kid's movie pirate and a Texas snake oil salesman."
Jim Sterling, Movie Defense Force

"...But for now, let's check in with Malcolm McDowell, who is Malcolm McDowelling it up over at Water & Power HQ. I'm not even gonna lie: I am a complete sucker for guys like Malcolm McDowell as villains. I want a version of The Expendables that's the villains instead of the heroes with him, Jeremy Irons, Alan Rickman, Kurtwood Smith and that dude who played Salieri in Amadeus."
Chris Sims on Tank Girl

"The program was created as an amalgam of hundreds of different real-life killers, including Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein. Apparently, all that smashed together results in a tap-dancing jackal. Seriously, Crowe is entertaining in this movie. Washington sleepwalks through his performance."

"I shouldn’t condemn (Jeremy) Irons too much, because in truth he ends up providing most of the movie’s meager entertainment value. It’s obvious that early in the production, he realized that this was not going to be his finest hour no matter what he did, so he chose to indulge himself and turn his usual carefully-measured intensity into full-on scenery chewing. It’s fun to watch him cut loose and forget everything he ever learned about good acting, as we will see shortly."

"As he descends the stairs, we see Profion is played by Wayne, wait, I mean it’s Jeremy Irons, who earns his place in the annals of embarrassed actors with one of the most over-the-top performances in recent bad movie memory. Really, this is $9.95-a-plate off-strip Las Vegas dinner theatre Hamlet bad... Between the way Irons gestures, closes his eyes while orating, and shakes his head as he speaks, he winds up looking like a faith healer on one of the Protestant channels in deep cable."
Jabootu on Dungeons & Dragons

"[Plot questions] percolate during a great deal of swordplay, interrupted by shouted dire imprecations from Jeremy Irons, who has not had so much fun since Juliette Binoche decided she had to ravish him right then and there in "Damage".
Roger Ebert also on Irons's performance in Dungeons & Dragons

"To be fair to Bruce Payne, though, I don’t think there was much he could do with this role. I checked the script – all of these lines, including the uber-creepy, 'What’s the matter? Don’t you want to be inside me?' line were all in the script. What’s an actor supposed to do with that? You can either play it straight and sound like a tool or you can go the route that Raul Julia went in the Street Fighter movie and give a performance that includes a large order of ham with a side of cheese. I’m not happy with Payne’s performance, but this guy had to go through this movie and Dungeons & Dragons in the same year. If he hadn’t been given the chance to go stupidly over the top with his performances, his head might have exploded."

"[Robert] Duvall is seriously hilarious in this movie and the Cape Fear comparison is apt. He apparently goes all native when he gets captured by the Indians so he is like a two face when he returns to civilization. In the Puritan camp he is all super prim and proper and stiff. When its night, he strips down, shaves his whole body, carves things into himself, whoops, hollers, and kills motherf*ckers with a knife. Everyone else tries to be all stiff and have proper accents and talk formally and whatnot. No, not Duvall. He went all Martin Riggs in this movie and it’s glorious."

"In all honesty, if you’ve never done it to a friend, I highly recommend it. There is nothing more fun than pretending to be Jack Palance."
David Uzumeri on Batman (1989)

"Unlike the filmmakers, who couldn't figure out exactly what kind of movie they wanted to make, Raul (Julia) clearly decided that Street Fighter was meant to be utterly ridiculous. He may have gotten this idea from the scene in which he transforms a man into a giant green troll doll with Kool-Aid, or it may have occurred to him during the five-minute sequence wherein he tries to blow up an invisible speedboat with a Super Street Fighter II arcade stick."

"(Billy) Zane is wildly over-the-top, which is probably why he didn't get good reviews. Also, Zane is wildly over-the-top, which is why he is the most entertaining thing in the movie."
Sady from Tiger Beatdown, on Titanic (1997)

Eddie Redmayne: Every talented actor must give at least one totally awful performance in their lifetime. Remember Jeremy Irons in Dungeons & Dragons?
Irons: I've won so many awards it doesn't matter what I do. Atatatatatata!
Redmayne: Or how about Glenn Close in 101 Dalmatians?
Close: Oh, it's worth losing your dignity if you get to do an evil laugh. Woof woof! Mwahahaha!
Michael Sheen: That's what drew me to it
Nostalgia Critic: Michael Sheen?
Sheen: Only to those who nominated me for Frost/Nixon, but to the rest of the world I'm that crazy arse from Twilight who went Ahehehehe!
Frank Langella: Speaking of actors who were in Frost/Nixon...
Critic: Oh Frank Langella, you're in here too?
Langella: Yes, in one of my favorite roles — as Skeletor! Because, as we all know, the higher the scream, the higher the paycheque!

"It's literally like he woke up every morning and said to himself "I'm not going to act today! I don't know WHAT I'm going to do, but it's not gonna be acting."

"We're then introduced to our villains of the film. Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin, and Colin Farrell as Bullseye, and I swear, these guys are having the time of their life whenever the camera is on them. It's like they know the movie is totally fucking ridiculous, so they're just gonna have fun with it."

"I know you're going to think I’m mad, but imagine a universe where the the Rani joined the Doctor on his adventures and commented dryly on his prattish actions all the time. The show would have become something unrecognisable, and I would be needing incontinence pads for each subsequent story. Watch the climax to episode two, where she pulls off her wig like a bad drag queen at the end of a long night of cabaret and then gets accosted and tied up like a panto villain, every move exaggerated to let the kiddies know that she isn't really in any danger.... I could watch her until the end of time, refusing to take any of this nonsense remotely seriously and running rings around the new Doctor and Mel. "

"Eric Roberts, for all the criticism he gets, is at least having fun with the script. His decision to devour large swaths of scenery locate him firmly in the tradition of Graham Crowden and Joseph Furst. Which is to say that he’s not destined for fan acclaim, but he’s easy to like if you’re of the mind to."

David: Lionel Luthor is just an unrepentant asshole...The biggest high point for me was Lionel, probably. He looks like he can chew up some scenery, and I’m looking forward to seeing him the rest of this season.
Chris: Definitely. Things were just way more fun when he was around, just arch-villaining it up all over the place and hitting Green Arrow with pipes.
David: This show really isn’t at its best when it’s trying to be subtle.
Smallvillains on Smallville, "Luthor"

"The one thing I do like about the sequels is just how much fun Hugo Weaving seems to be having with the character. It's like he realized how poor the scripts were, and decided to make the best out of a bad situation."

"We did the scene and Lana [Wachowski] instantly started throwing this really bold directorial. ‘Play it like an accountant’ was one of them. I was like, I have no idea what to do with that but it’s the most genius direction I’ve ever had! It threw me in all kinds of different directions and I left having no idea what I had just done. All I knew was that I didn't just do boring Redmayne acting."
Eddie Redmayne on his performance as Balem in Jupiter Ascending.


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