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    Anime and Manga 

Chiyo: Um... since Yukari-sensei's car looks a bit more spacious, why not put three people over there?
Nyamo: Isn't it better for fewer people to die?

B-but... we ain't afraid of no rollercoasters no more.
Osaka after her very first ride with Yukari, Azumanga Daioh

Yukari-sensei, stop. Stop the car. Drive like a normal person. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every bad thing I ever did. I don't want to die. (trembling) Noooo... look out for the poor old man... (in tears) run for your life!!
Chiyo has some PTSD, Azumanga Daioh

     Comic Books 

Constantine: Fucking hell, Chas! They drive on the right! The right!
Chas: Don't panic, John. It's a learning curve.
Constantine: Yeah, well, I don't wanna be here when it flattens out!
Chas: Sorry. That was the brake.
Hellblazer: All His Engines


    Fan Works 

"Um... Kaji-san? Aren't we going to have to stop and wait for the vehicle transport train?" Shinji asked nervously, noting they weren't slowing down as they shot through the caution-striped metal gateway.
"Ordinarily, yes, Shinji-kun..." Kaji said absently as they skidded sideways past the 'STOP HERE FOR LOADING' signs and barriers. "But during an Angel alert, they lock down the trains at the depo in the Geofront to save power and reduce MAGI load. So right now the tracks are empty and it would take too long for a train to get up here. So this is faster."
The edge of the drop onto the track was coming closer very fast. "Um... what's faster?" Asuka asked even more worriedly.
"The direct approach," Kaji said with a smile as he aimed the car at the tracks on a shallow angle.
They shot over the edge and onto the tracks at over 120 kph, to the chorus of the Children screaming in alarm. The darkness of the train tunnel into the Geofront loomed in front of them, angling steeply down.

Misato roared through the streets of Tokyo-3 in her car as if all the Angels were chasing her. Asuka laughed with delight while Shinji clung to his seatbelt, shaking. "Faster, faster!" Asuka shouted, while Shinji prayed for engine failure.
"I'm gonna have to slow down soon, or I'll drive right through our apartment building. I don't think the Andersons would like that." Misato took the corner at about fifty miles an hour without any trouble, thanks to the absence of any traffic. Shinji, on the other hand, was glad he hadn't eaten dinner yet.

"Uh, yeah, can I call you back? Misato's trying to kill us."
"I am not," Misato snapped as the car drifted out onto the highway, slammed the car into a lower gear, and gunned it. The car fishtailed a bit, and then straightened as its tiny four cylinder engine roared, a look of manic glee on the driver's face.
"You know what the best thing about a rental car is, Shinji?"
"No, what?"
"No car can accelerate quicker, corner harder, or go from reverse into drive at a higher speed!"
Last Child of Krypton, chapter 2

Kaji was silent mostly because he was dodging traffic at absurd speeds and violating just about every law on the books doing it.
They made it to Misato’s apartment in record time again, screeching to a halt in a backward power slide into a parking space that violated at least two laws of physics and, Shinji thought, at least one of causality, but didn’t appear to implode the universe.

Normally, a ride in Misato's car was a hair raising experience for the Third Child, who didn't have the strongest stomach and had discovered that he had a genuine aversion to the idea of dying when the possibility of it started to actually seem real.
And that was when his guardian was just out for a leisurely Sunday drive or something. When she had to get somewhere as soon as possible—such as when she needed to get her two charges to NERV Headquarters so they could get into their Evangelions before an Angel bearing down on the city arrived—being a passenger in her car was a truly terrifying ordeal.

Jean Grey: You know. We don't have to take the bus. I could drive us to where ever we're going.
Scott Summers: I would really like to get there alive, thanks.
Jean: My driving isn't that bad.
Scott: Most people don't take turns on two wheels. Not to mention almost running down two of her teammates who were walking up the drive, minding their own business, while she was going ninety miles an hour. I don't think Hank and Bobby are ever going to recover. Every time they see you blasting up the drive now, they instinctively dive for cover.
Jean: I don't know why all of you are making such a big deal about this. I didn't hit them.
Scott: Only because both of them dove into a ditch to avoid the path of your oncoming car. You know, most people try to steer the car away from pedestrians not towards them. Then there was the time you knocked Warren's side mirror off, and glued it back on with Super Glue. Or the time you managed to get that huge scratch along the side of the professor's Buick and tried it hide it with six bottles of nail polish.
Jean: Okay, okay. Quit the ragging.
Scott: Somebody has to; Hank's too traumatized to do it since you almost ran him down.

    Film — Live-Action 

Kermit: Where did you learn how to drive?
Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.

I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk! It was just a couple of miles...
Benny the Cab, Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Anakin: Sorry, Master. I forgot you don't like flying.
Obi-Wan: I don't mind flying, but what you're doing is suicide!


Jake: Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!
Marco: I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.
Jake: You can't drive at all!

Jake: Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!

Animorphs, "The Andalite's Gift"

<How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.
<He has experience.>
"Oh, man, don't even mention that," Cassie said. "My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck."

I felt a sudden lurch. The truck moved. Backward. Then stopped. A second lurch. The engine roared but the truck did not move. The sound I heard suggested metal grinding on metal.
<Oh yeah,> Marco said. <Clutch. Forgot about that. I mean, who has a standard transmission nowadays?>
Prince Jake must have said something. Because then Marco said, <Hey, no one is going to die on the way there. I'll get us all there. Everyone will still be available to die when we get there.>
<That's comforting,> Tobias grumbled.
More loud grinding. Suddenly we were propelled forward. All the steer staggered. We lurched and rolled across the field and Marco said, <Hah! See? No problemo.>
<Let's see how you do out on the road,> Tobias said.
I heard a loud crunching sound. <What was that?> I asked.
<Fence,> Marco said.
A few seconds later, a very similar sound.
<More fence, okay?> Marco said. <Everyone just shut up, I have it under control.>

I saw a pickup truck, with its horn blaring and its driver forming a sort of salute with one raised finger.
It occurred to me that oncoming vehicles should not be passing by on the right.
<Hey, that guy gave me the finger!>
<Some people take it personally when you nearly run them down,> Tobias said. <Some people have no sense of humor.>
— Marco drives a truck full of cows to a meat-packing plant, Animorphs, "The Experiment''

Frankly, Dad didn't drive our car well at all. But he did drive it fast. He terrified all of us, but particularly Mother. She sat next to him on the front seat — with two of the babies on her lap — and alternated between clutching Dad's arm and closing her eyes in supplication. Whenever we rounded a corner, she would try to make a shield out of her body to protect the babies from what she felt sure would be mutilation or death.

Aziraphale: Watch out for that pedestrian!
Crowley: It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!

A car swerved slowly out of the lorry's way, its horn sounding - to nome ears - like the lost wail of a foghorn.
"Shouldn't be allowed on the road, drivers like that," said Angalo. There was a thump, and the remains of a street light bounced away. "And they put all this stupid stuff in the roadway, too," he added.
"Remember to show consideration for other road-users," said Masklin, severely.
"Well I am, aren't I? I'm not running into them, am I?" said Angalo. "What was that thump?"
"Some bushes, I think," said Masklin.
"See what I mean? Why do they put things like that in the road?"
"I think the road is more sort of over to your right," said Gurder.

    Live-Action TV 

Martha: Blimey, did you have to pass a test to drive this thing?
Doctor: Yes, and I failed it.
Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code"

Jay driving us to school really did make me feel like royalty. Unfortunately, the royalty I felt like was Princess Diana.

Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay?

Eliot: Damn it, Parker! Where'd you learn to drive?!
Parker: [Nonchalantly] Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.
Hardison: "Before"?! You started stealing cars when you were twelve!

Ziva: I'm driving.
Tony: I'm dead.
Ziva: I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.
Tony: I tried, but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.
Ziva: We made good time.
Tony: Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road I couldn't even see.
NCIS, "Lost and Found"

Gibbs: [Ziva] almost killed my entire team yesterday.
Jenny: How?
Gibbs: Driving home from a crime scene.
Jenny: I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.
NCIS, "Silver War"

Eli: With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.
Ziva: I drove.
Eli: Enough said.
NCIS, "Aliyah"

Ziva: (Storms into the bullpen, muttering something in Hebrew underneath her breath) Unbelievable!
Tony: You finally saw The Crying Game?
Ziva: No! I got a speeding ticket!
Tony: Ooh. You know what that means, McGee.
McGee: The system works.
Ziva: I was barely going over the limit!
McGee: (Looks at the ticket) It says you were doing 80 in a 40.
Ziva: Not the entire time.
NCIS, "Secrets"

What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Ziva, and yes, she was being completely serious, NCIS

Vance: Most fathers teach their daughters how to drive. Do I have you to thank for this, Eli?
Eli: This she learned from her mother.
NCIS, "Enemies Foreign"

Andrew: Season 10. Canada's Worst Driver is on the road. I'd get off it if I were you.
— Host Andrew Younghusband, introducing the tenth season of Canada's Worst Driver


A taxi driver man is what I want to be
But there are no customers who want to ride with me
I don't know why, it could be that I'm almost blind
But every street in Calcutta I can find
—- Dr Bombay, "Calcutta"

One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey!
Well, there's too much traffic, I can't pass, no
So I tried my best illegal move
A big black and white come and crushed my groove again
Go on and write me up for one twenty five
Post my face, wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive fifty-five
Sammy Hagar, "I Can't Drive 55"

Oh the low road goes from Killorglin all the way down to Annascaul;
When Casey came to guide us he never used his brakes at all.
A trail of sheepdogs littered Kerry from Killorglin to Macroom,
He might have been our souls' salvation but he also was the sheep dog's doom.
Christy Moore, "Casey" (song by Martin Egan)


    Mythology and Religion 

His driving is like unto the driving of Jehu, for he driveth furiously.
— Israelite Lookout, The Bible

    Newspaper Comics 

Denise: Peter, if the intent of your driving is to make me glad I can't see...
Peter: Hang on. That light six blocks away just turned yellow.

Jason (needing Peter's help to disprove relativity): I've seen how you drive on the freeway.
Peter: You're talking nine-digit numbers. I've only flirted with four.

Andy: She says she saw you driving down the street like a runaway missile!
Peter: Impossible! Mom, she couldn't!
Jason: We were driving much too fast to be seen.


Hex: ...We made it!
Ace: If you're gonna make a crack about Women Drivers, I should warn you: I've got a baseball bat in my room.
Hex: I wasn't gonna say a word... though I've learned one thing today.
Ace: What's that?
Hex: That the TARDIS has a spin cycle.
Ace: Ha ha. Very funny.

    Stand-Up Comedy 
[Australians] are warm-hearted, kind people, without exception. I've had my wallet returned twice, I've had people chase me down the street with ATM money I've left behind. Then you get in your cars, you become firebreathing psychopathic bloody maniacs! How does that work?! I'm terrified of driving in Australia! I've got people overtaking me, undertaking me, trucks trying to drive over the top of me! […] And since when did amber mean accelerate?! Everywhere else in the world, it means "proceed with caution"! Here, it means "floor it and turn the radio up"!

I just want you all to know that if you're ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing. I don't like that I'm in that lane either, but I sure would like to get out of it.

Who’s that madman flying at full gallop down the street?
Who’s that madman knocking people over
Running people down
While his fine gentlemen
Hold on to their seats?

    Video Games 

They don't call that guy "Dangerous" for nothing.
DJ Atomika describing Dangerous Dave's piloting skills, SSX 3

Liara: Truck!
Shepard: I know.
Liara: Truck!!
Shepard: I know!
Liara: Ahhhhhh!
Shepard: There we go.
Liara: You're enjoying this!
— Exchange from Mass Effect 2

No short-cut is too dangerous. No risk goes untaken. When the Reckless Driver steers, the crew prays.


Sam: Bottom line. How safe is a .2 millirem dose [of radiation]?
Florence: It's safer than driving with you across town.
Helix: Florence, standing in a burning building while blind circus midgets throw knives at you is safer than driving across town with Sam.
Florence: You're right. Bad example.

    Web Original 

There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette.
Greg Ayres, referring to the character from Chrono Crusade

Even though giant toothy ball of batshit crazy Gary Busey is playing life on Expert Level at all times, sometimes he fucks up and backs his car into a person in the parking lot of a grocery store. We all make mistakes, but Gary Busey’s are just that much more WTF worthy... Instead of looking both ways behind him as he backed his car out of his parking spot, he was all “T.Y.I.G – trust your instincts, Gary” and just pulled out.

Unfortunately, there was a woman walking past his car when he pulled out and he hit her. But don’t worry, the woman Gary hit is fine. She suffered minor injuries, and was treated by paramedics before being released from the scene. However I’m sure the image of Fire Marshall Bill’s crazy grampa that flashed across the rear-view mirror moments before she was plowed down will haunt her forever.
DListed, "What Did Gary Busey Do On Friday? Oh, Not Much, Just Backed His Car Into A Lady"

Mental note: Never, ever let Bertie drive a car in real life, I say!
GameChap, when Bertie is at the wheel in Need for Speed

YouTube Pedant: Boring! Yet another dash cam review.
Wife: Have you considered that possibly this video wasn't made just for you? After all, you're not allowed to drive since the incident.
YouTube Pedant: Oh! You always bring this up! I'll have you know that six of those people have made a partial recovery. Besides which, they've learned a valuable lesson: you should always keep your eye out for traffic.
Wife: They were inside a McDonald's!
— The Muppet sketch at the end of Techmoan's review of a Xiaoyi dash cam.

This guy's already driving like I intend to in this game.

Polnareff: Why are you pressing down on the gas?! Brake! Brake! Step on the brake!
Kakyoin: Brake? The A button is the accelerator and the R button is to drift.
Polnareff: It ain't a game! Brake! Brake!

(While being strafed by a fighter jet in ''Grand Theft Auto V) I'm trying to drive erratically, but it's no more or less erratic than I normally drive.
Jane Douglas, Outside Xbox

How the hell did he manage that with an electrically-powered segway?
SCP-666-Jnote , SCP Foundation

Everyone knows New York traffic is a nightmare, but every New York driver knows to fear Boston drivers. If New York is Mad Max then Boston is The Purge. No one is safe, traffic laws are meaningless, and the only goal is to survive as long as possible. When I told a Boston friend the drivers are nuts, she seriously told me that using your blinker is a sign of weakness. I laughed. She didn't.

    Western Animation 

Launchpad: Please put your seats back in the upright position.
Scrooge: Just put the plane in an upright position!

Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored!
Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls, "Boyz Crazy"

Belt yourself
Only way to protect your health
Leave your friends all your hard-earned wealth
If you croak when you're boldly embarking
And parallel-parking
And acing the written
Look out for that kitten!
No time for high-fiving
You're barely surviving
The dangerous Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz!

Heather: (at the moment driving a car) I thought we could fly to my place in the mountains!
Jon: FLY?!
Garfield: Two more miles per hour and THIS THING may take off!
Jon: But the airport is back in the other direction!
Heather: Yes... but MY private plane is over there!
(The car finally comes to a screeching halt in front of said private plane)
Garfield: Private plane? I think I just discovered the joys of WALKING...
Garfield and Friends, "Model Behavior"

Bloom: Stella, could you try not to swerve so much?
Tecna: And avoid the potholes if you can?
Stella: It's not my fault! Something's wrong with the camper, it won't go straight.
Flora: You almost got into an accident six times!! Let Layla drive!
Stella: *drives over a MASSIVE pothole*
Everyone: LET LAYLA DRIVE!!!
Winx Club, episode 4x8

Whoa, Mrs. Ping! Every drive with you is like an adventure in almost dying! ...Don't get me wrong, though, you know, it's awesome.
Cam, Detentionaire

    Real Life 

I have driven in every major U.S. city, including Boston, where the motorists all drive as though there is an open drawbridge just ahead, and they need to gain speed so they can jump across it.

I have also driven in Italy, where there is only one traffic law, which is that no driver may ever be behind any other driver, the result being that at all times, all the motorists in the nation, including those in funeral processions, are simultaneously trying to pass.

I have ridden in a taxi in the Argentinean city of Mar del Plata (literally, "Cover your eyes"), where (a) nobody ever drives slower than 65 miles per hour, including inside parking garages, and (b) at night, many motorists drive with their headlights off, because—a taxi driver told me this, and he was absolutely serious—this extends the life of your bulbs. (When he told me this, we were in a major traffic jam caused by an accident involving a truck and a horse.)

I have also ridden on a bus in China, plowing through humongous traffic snarls involving trucks, cars, bicycles, ox-drawn carts and pedestrians, all aggressively vying for the same space, and where the bus driver would sometimes physically push pedestrians out of the way. I don't mean with his hands. I mean with the BUS.

My point is that I have seen plenty of insane driving techniques, and I am telling you for a fact that no place brings so many of these techniques together as Miami, where a stop sign has no more legal significance to most motorists than a mailbox. The police down here have given up on enforcing the traffic laws. If they stop you and find a human corpse in your trunk, they'll let you off with a warning if it's your first one.

And if you are still driving out there, please, be careful, there are some NUTS on the road!
Herman Cain

This month is all about doing the impossible in Alabama.

It snowed here last week.
We elected a democrat this week.
Next week, we will finally learn how to use a turn signal.
The Ostrich, Twitter

"I just want you all to know that if you're ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing. I don't like that I'm in that lane either, but I sure would like to get out of it."


Example of: