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Pre Ass Kicking One Liner / Live-Action TV

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  • Angel:
    • One of the most memorable one-liners from Angel himself has to be from "City of...": Russell Winters, a vampire, gloats about the protection he gets from Wolfram & Hart, claiming that he can do anything now. Then Angel puts his feet on the chair, gets closer and says:
      Angel: You can do anything? [pause] Can you fly? [literally kicks him out the window into sunlight]
    • In "Not Fade Away", Angel is being tossed around humiliatingly by Marcus Hamilton, a consummate badass, who takes time to gloat over this, explaining that Angel cannot defeat him, that the power of the Big Bad flows in his blood. Angel gets up, takes a breath, and:
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  • In one episode of The A-Team, Murdock gives an amusing line before punching out a priest: "Bless me Father, for I'm about to sin."
  • Boardwalk Empire: more of a Pre-Fingorn One Liner—Chalky sits down with a Klansman and tells him a story about how his carpenter father was asked to build a bookcase by a white man, and after he worked long and hard on it, the man and his friends rewarded him for his troubles by lynching him. Chalky then unrolls a set of his father's tools, and the Klansman nervously asks what he intends to do with them. Chalky just replies "Well... I ain't buildin' no bookcase."
  • From Breaking Bad, we get the first glimpse of Walter White's drug dealer alter ego, Heisenberg.
    Tuco: Let me get this straight: I steal your dope, I beat THE PISS outta your mule boy! And you walk in here and bring me more meth?! [laughs] That is a brilliant plan, ese!
    Walt: You got one part of that wrong. [picks up a crystal from his bag] This is not meth. [throws it down, causing the windows of the room to explode]
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  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine: After finally tracking down the criminal who kidnapped Cheddar and Jake, Holt whips out a legendary one-liner before the beatdown.
    Holt: Oh! You have a knife...but what you need is an umbrella!
    Jake: (excited) Tell him why. Tell him why!
    Holt: Cause there's a sh*tstorm bout to rain down on you, punk!
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    • Subverted. "Helpless" had Buffy Brought Down to Normal for the duration, which also neutered her ability to deliver a suitable line when she finally managed to defeat the bad guy:
    Buffy: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now.
    • In "Anne", Buffy has run away from home and changed her name to Anne (her middle name). In the course of the episode, she finds herself trapped in a demonic dimension where humans are made into slave labor. One of the demons is trying to break the humans' spirit by asking them "Who are you" and hitting them if they answer anything but "No one". What does Buffy answer, just before kicking everyone's ass?
      Buffy: [cheerfully] I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. And you are?.
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    • When Buffy is gone, in "Bargaining Part 1", Willow tries to replicate her punning — doing it herself between Seasons 2 and 3 (when Buffy was in L.A.), and programming it into the Buffybot between Seasons 5 and 6 (when Buffy was dead). With minimal success: "That'll put marzipan on your pie plate, bingo!"
    • Dark/Royally Pissed Off Willow is actually quite adept at badass one-liners. Standouts include I. OWE. YOU. PAIN. and "Bag of tricks?" "Bag of knives" in "Tough Love".
    • Which brings us to the most cold-blooded pre-killing line of all time: "Bored now." Which was made more poignant by the fact that it was Vampire Willow's catchphrase, last heard 3 years before.
      • "Bored" was actually a running theme for pre-asskicking. Buffy delivered it at least once (to Dracula), and Glory did too (to Buffybot).
    • Also this to a nameless vampire:
      Buffy: Wow, never heard that one. Okay, how about, "Oh, God, my leg, my leg?"
      Vampire: Oh, God, my leg!
      Buffy: See, now we're communicating.
  • An episode of Burn Notice provides an example from Jesse:
    Jesse: Man, why you wanna *mumble*?
    Thus: What'd you say?
    Jesse: I said, "why do you wanna lose your TEETH?!" *face, meet door; Jesse exit, stage left*
  • On Community, during the second paintball game, a third City College stormtrooper runs up to the two celebrating that they've won. It's actually Pierce in disguise, and when asked who he is, his only reply is "Your mother's lover!" before opening fire and winning the game.
    • In the first Paintball game they take down the chess club with "Checkmate, bitches!"
  • Before the final battle in Daredevil (2015):
    Wilson Fisk: I wanted to make this city something better than it is, something beautiful. You took that away from me! You took everything! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
    Matt Murdock: Take your shot.
  • Dark Angel: When Max catches a Peeping Tom.
    Max: What did I say would happen if I caught you peeping again?
    Guy: Can't help it Max, you're the bomb.
    Max: Kaboom. [delivers a Groin Attack]
  • Doctor Who:
  • Enos: A cop pops out of hiding and pulls a gun on two thugs, saying, "Your tax dollars at work."
  • Mal from Firefly gets an awesome one of these against Niska in "War Stories":
    Mal: Looks like business ain't running so much as crawling away. You wanna meet the real me now?
    • And, of course, the simple one-word one in "The Train Job" after hearing The Last Thing You Ever See rant from Crow: "Darn". [kicks him into engine intake]
    • Simon Tam: Yes, she always did love to dance.
    • River Tam: You've always taken care of me... My turn.
  • FlashForward's Simon had a good one, after confronting the goon that chopped off his finger.
    Simon: Word of advice? Next time, take the trigger finger.
  • Fraiser: "Then perhaps what you need is AN ETIQUETTE LESSON!"
  • Game of Thrones:
    • Season 4, episode 1 "Two Swords":
      Sandor Clegane: [after being repeatedly denied chicken by Polliver] I understand that if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth...I'm going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
      • The implication is that once Polliver and his men are dead, Clegane will have all the chickens in the inn to himself.
        Polliver: [in reply] You gonna die for some chickens?
        Clegane: Someone is.
    • Syrio Forel: "The First Sword of Braavos does not run."note 
  • I Dream of Jeannie: Jeannie in the climax of the 1991 made-for-TV movie I Still Dream of Jeannie. (She comes to her son Tony Jr.'s rescue by blasting open a set of heavy-duty fire-rated steel doors.). The REAL Jeannie — The Monster, The Creature, The Entity — comes out to play in this scene.
    Jeannie: [creepy reverb] DO NOT TOUCH HIM!
  • The IT Crowd: "I've come to drink milk and kick ass, and I've just finished my milk."
  • Kamen Rider:
    • "Ore... SANJOU!note  "From the start (to the finish), I'm at a climax!note " "Let's go, let's go, LET'S GO!!" The other Imagin have similar lines: Ryutaros has "Mind if I defeat you? I can't hear your answer!!", Urataros has "Mind if I reel you in?", Kintaros has "My strength has made you cry!" and Sieg has "Advent, to the top...". Yuto as Zeronos has "Let me say this to start...I am FA. IR. LY. Strong!"note 
    • "Space is here! Kamen Rider Fourze! Let's settle this man-to-man!" In Cosmic States, he says "Our friendship will take on the universe!" From the same series, Meteor's "I will decide your fate!" And an awesome variant in his final battle against The Dragon near the end of the series: Leo tells him of his Undying Loyalty to Gamou, that he is willing to give his life to see Gamou's plan completed, and Meteor, in a reversal of the heroes showing some respect to this sort of villain, says that he'll never be beaten by someone who doesn't care about himself and only lives for another person's goal. "I will decide my fate!". When in Meteor Storm mode, he says "My fate will call down a storm!"
    • From Kamen Rider Double: "Now, count up your sins." Used by Double but coined by Shotaro Hidari's mentor Sokichi Narumi (alias Kamen Rider Skull). Kamen Rider Accel from the same series has what's partially this and partially Pre-Mortem One-Liner: after using the Finishing Move but before the Monster of the Week goes 'boom,' he'll say what literally comes out to "Despair is your goal," with "Goal" in Gratuitous English. (Loses something for English-speakers: Accel is bike-themed, but nobody calls the finish line of a race a "goal" as if it was basketball or something. One sub group got closer to the intent of it with a less literal "Despair awaits you on the finish line!"). Accel also has a straight example: "Now, let's break away!". He doesn't always use it, though.
    • Kamen Rider Wizard: "Now, it's showtime!
    • "Just who the hell are you?!" "I'm just a passing-through Kamen Rider. Remember that!"
    • "This is my/our stage now!"
    • "Let's go for a ride!" Kamen Rider Mach from the same series as "Tracking... terminating... both done at mach speed!" Chase, also from the same series, has two. As Protodrive, he says "Those who are about to die do not need to know my name." As Mashin Chaser, he says "I am Mashin Chaser, the guardian of the Roidmudes. Also known as... the Grim Reaper." Strangely, he doesn't seem to have a catchphrase when he becomes Kamen Rider Chaser.
    • "O life...BURN BRIGHT!" though Takeru mostly uses this as a Pre-Mortem One-Liner.
    • Kamen Rider Ex-Aid has several from the Riders:
      • "I will clear this...with no continues!" (Ex-Aid)
      • "I will clear this...even with continues!" (Genm)
      • "We will now begin Bugster extraction operation." (Brave)
      • "Mission...start!" (Snipe)
      • "Let's go for a ride!" (Lazer)
    • From Kamen Rider Build: After transforming into the titular Rider, Sento says "The law of victory has been set!" Ryuga, the hot-blooded martial artist has "Right now I...DON'T FEEL LIKE LOSING!" as Cross-Z. Kazumi as Grease has "With my burning passion...I will crush you!"note 
    • Kamen Rider Zi-O has "I've got a feeling that this will work out!"note 
  • Eliot from Leverage pulls one on a drug dealer:
    Eliot: What smells like crank and cries like a little girl? (breaks his legs) Right answer!
    • Then of course, there's his old standby: a polite "'sup?" immediately followed up by a six-pack of whoop-ass.
  • Gene Hunt of Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes (2008) is especially fond of these — among the most memorable being his first line in the latter series:
    Gene: Today, my friend, your diary entry will read "Took a prozzie hostage and was shot by three armed bastards."
    • Which was based on his original, fondly remembered "You are surrounded by armed BASTARDS!" Gene gets a ton of these.
    • Alex also gets a pre/post one-liner in the first series:
      Gene: (generic prostitution insult)
      Alex: *SLAP*
      Gene: Better now?
      Alex: No. [punches him in the jaw] Better now. Come on ladies, let's get pissed.
  • At the end of the first series of Merlin, this gem.
    Merlin: [gets up from normally deadly injury] You should not have killed my friend. [proceeds to harness lightning by merely lifting his hand]note 
  • The Orville The enemy Krill want to steal a device that can accelerate time for organic matter. Before it gets beamed over, the Orville crew secretly attach the seed of a redwood tree with the hope that when the device is activated the seed will instantly burst into a full grown tree and destroy the enemy ship.
    Ed Mercer: Happy Arbor Day.
  • In their own unique twist on a popular tale, The Outer Limits Turns Jack the Ripper into a sympathetic villain who is trying to kill a murderous alien entity that hops from woman to woman each time he is nearly successful. Towards the end of the tale, the alien (having possessed another woman) starts talking to Jack about how similar they are and adds that Jack couldn't want to kill her because it would be like killing himself. Jack then responds:
    Jack: You forget one thing... I HATE myself!
  • Shaw from Person of Interest does one when cornered by privacy terrorists Vigilance:
    Shaw: You're right. I did work for the government. And I do want revenge. But if that work taught me anything, it's that how you do matters as much as what you do. And by that metric, you're all just terrorists. And I kill terrorists.
  • Power Rangers:
    • The Psycho Rangers from Power Rangers in Space have a pretty epic group one.
      Psycho Red: We're the Psycho Rangers.
      Psycho Black: We're faster than you.
      Psycho Blue: Smarter than you.
      Psycho Yellow: Stronger than you.
      Psycho Pink: But we're evil!
    • Parodied, then discussed in Power Rangers RPM at the start of the "Ranger Red" episode, where Scott and Ziggy comes across a group of Grinders terrorizing a mother and her baby.
      Scott: Shh... You'll wake the baby.
      Ziggy: Yeah, and if you wake the baby, I might just have to sing you all a sweet little lullaby, and then tuck you into bed without any dessert, or even a single goodnight kiss... [notices Scott staring at him] Oh, wait, wait, what am I even saying. That... that didn't even make sense. I'm really sorry, um... kinda new at being a Power Ranger. I'm, I'm still working on my, uh... my hero one-liners, so...
      Scott: Look, Zig. I told you. They're called 'one-liners' for a reason. We're action heroes. When it comes to talking — [Scott takes out three Grinders with a Capoeira kick] — less is more.
  • Possibly the most emphatic of all. In the finale of the second series of Primeval, after Cutter is being played with by a Future Predator:
    Cutter: Enough. [proceeds to shoot Future Predator]
    • Cutter gets a lot of these.
      Cutter: [when faced with giant mer creature] Time to go home.
  • From Sanctuary
    Vampire Queen Afina: You're out of your depth, mongrel.
    Nikola Tesla: I'd rather be a mongrel than a stuck up, inbred bitch.
  • Seinfeld: In his story to Jerry and George, Kramer gives one to a man with a gun while taking the bus to save a pinky toe stored in an ice-filled Cracker Jack box.
    Mugger: Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?
    Kramer: Well, I got a prize for you buddy.
  • In Smallville, Clark has done this so many times we've lost count.
    • In "Absolute Justice, Part 1":
      Icicle: Who are you supposed to be, sweetie? The new Star-Spangled Kid?
      Stargirl: It's Stargirl. Say "cheese".
  • An episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation had Whoopi Goldberg's bartender character breaking up a bar fight with a big gun:
    Guinan: [fires a blast into the air] This is a little souvenir I picked up from Magus III. That was setting number one. Anyone wanna see setting number two?
  • Meanwhile, on Star Trek: Voyager, Janeway has a couple, such as "Time's up!" and "Time to take out the garbage." (It makes sense in context.)
    Janeway: [to a blustering Kazon captain] You know, I'm an easy person to get along with most of the time. But I don't like threats, and I don't like bullies, and I don't like YOU.
    • "Hello. I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway. Welcome to the bridge." Immediately before the self-destruct detonated and blew up a parallel universe duplicate of Voyager
  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Both used and spoofed in the episode "To the Death", where the crew of the Defiant team up with the Jem'Hadar to track down some renegades.
    Jem'Hadar First: [to his Mooks] I am First Omet'iklan, and I am dead. As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar. Remember: Victory is Life!
    Chief O'Brien: [to his Redshirts] I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I am very much alive, and I intend to stay that way.
  • Super Sentai:
    • Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger: From Red Ranger Captain Marvelous.
      Let's make this showy!
    • Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger: From Dantetsu Kiryu.
      "Please grit your teeth, because I'm going to punch them out."
      • His son Daigo ends every roll call with one:
        It's about to get wild! Try and stop us!
      • Same goes to his Power Rangers Dino Charge counterpart.
    • The extended one when all ten Kyoryugers are present:
      The ten of us are Zyuden Sentai Kyouryuger! Try and stop us!
    • Uchu Sentai Kyuranger: Like the previous two, the Red Ranger Lucky also has one.
      Okay, time to test your luck!
      • Tsurugi Otori also has one:
      Bear the start of a new legend!
    • Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patranger: Gentleman thief Red Ranger Kairi has a more elegant one.
      "I'm warning you: I'm taking your treasures."
      • Meanwhile, the no-nonsense police Red Ranger Keiichiro also has one.
      "By the power vested in us by the Global Police, we shall deal with you by force!"
  • In The West Wing of all places, just after President Bartlet finished a talk with his election rival Gov. Ritchie:
    Bartlet: In the future, if you're wondering, "Crime. Boy, I don't know" is when I decided to kick your ass.
  • In the episode "Karl's Wedding" of Workaholics, Karl and the guys decide to shut down the wedding after discovering that his fiancé (who he'd changed his life for) was dumping him — ironically because he'd gotten weird in his attempts to act classy for her. So to shut the wedding down, the gang runs out and Karl throws tear gas to disperse the guests (only one of whom was his friend besides the guys).
    Karl: Ok, alright, show's over you credit union dickheads!


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