Funny: You Tube Poop Authors A To C
- Just to note, this is the YouTube account of Alvin-Earthworm, creator of the popular series Super Mario Bros. Z, so you can expect to see some good stuff from him. For example...
- Aladdin Commits Suicide is probably his best YTP. It's hard to make poops near ten minutes, but he makes it work by having one hilarious moment after the other.
Aladdin: The truth?!
(Jasmine stares at him with a Death Glare as the music from The Omen plays. It builds up with the camera zooming into her face more and more while the screen turns red and the chanting gets louder and more dramatic, all while occasionally cutting to Aladdin, who's babbling like an idiot. Then, just as the tension gets to its highest point...)
- There's also some fun with Jafar:
Jafar: DON'T TALK BACK TO ME, YA BIG BLUE pussy.
Aladdin: Your Majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's-
- BUT IT'S WRONG!!!, reuploaded by sroser414 as my boy thats wrong youtube poop.
Wario: Obey Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ario, destroy CEREAL!
Wario: Obey Wario, destroy TOASTERS!
Obey Wario, destroy yo ASS!
- Kermit Trolls Cookie Monster
- Cookie Monster's guesses for what's in the Mystery Box:
- "NOOOO IIT ISS NOOOOTT ANN OOOORAAANGE!"
- Kermit denies C.M. the cookie because he told him the answer.
- "Hi-ho, Kermit the Mystery Box here, and this is a frog!"
- NO I'M NOT READY AT ALL, especially Dr. Facilier's GentleMentleMen remix.
- "If you relax it will enable me... to fuck your mother!" (the low point in this video)
- "I'll look deep into your soul!" *WEEGEE* "Now you don't have a soul!"
- "The CAR. The CAR! The COCK~" (HotFriedSkadoosh already made the cock joke.)
- "Transformation sex! Can you feel my cock in your oooooooootheeeeeeeeeeer... saaaauuuce!
- "Now you will spend the rest of your life with meeeeeeeeeeee!"
- "This is just a minor COCK in a major SEX! I just need more BUSINESS!"
- The mega-mask eats the screen.
- Chester A Bum Collides With The Fortunate Heavenly Body of Otakuwoman.
- BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN (Where?!)
- Island of the Island.
- Sid Tears Toys Apart, Lisa.
- Jack Skellington Fractures All His Bones Trying To Conquer The Dory Holidays
Sally: Your videos are terrible. (pulls out clipboard covered in phrases indigenous to generic 2007 YTPs)
Jack: Not anymore! (breaks clipboard over his knee)
Jack: I feel so much sexier now!
- AVOJAIFNOT GETS EVISCERATED FOR MAKING THE MOST SACRELIGIOUS YOUTUBE POOP IN EXISTENCE
- I just made thousands of innocent slaves sing a saus joke. I'm a horrible person.
- Your face! (CD-i Ganon appears in the background)
- And then their chariots were completely obliterated.
- "This is incest with a homosexual motherfucker!"
- Last night, I fucked Kagami.
- Did Moses saus like Ramses? Did Ramses knock up Kagami? Will they ever show Moses's mom ever again? Find out next time on The Prince of Egypt Z.
- he just went through all the trouble to say yes for you and you have to say no now, you ungrateful BASTARD
- PLEASE PROCEED INTO ANDROID EGYPTIAN HELL
- so moses goes back to egypt to live his life as a prince and forget about his sister and his entire family. how do i know this? because in the original scene he runs right the ENTIRE TIME but he's running left now so he's going back to his home now yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
- THE FIRES OF HELL ARE BEING UNLEASHED. RUN MOSES, RUN. DON'T EVER LOOK BACK.
- INSERT MOSES GETTING BRUTALLY DRAGGED HERE
- Oops. Hold on, kids. Annoying little girl is having a slight malfunction.
- A name for a certain insane, green-haired catfaced policewoman.
- MOSES WAS DROPPED TO HIS DEATH, MUCH TO RAMSES'S GREAT DISMAY. HE IS AFTER ALL OF US.
- RAMSES MURDERED EVERYONE IN MIDIAN.
- "I'm more important than you'll ever be in your life, so fuck you!"
- THE ZEROTH COMMANDMENT THOU SHALL NOT HAPPILY DECLARE YOUR EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION TO MILK AND MEAT
- Then Moses's staff/snake had an identity crisis
- The mashup of one of the songs in the film with Bad Romance (By the power of Ra, ra, ra-a-ah!)
- I am not using Anubis and Anukis.
- RAMSESESMAR! LET MY PE-NIS GO!
- I WANTED A GOLDEN DORY *nukes the entire freakin' planet*
- And so, Moses and his friends were forced to wander the desert for 40 years to find the actual Promised Land. And then Moses died.
- The Devil's Guide to Playing Circus Gallop with Your Fingernails, Step 4.26, a truly epic poop.
Phoebus: Ah-ah-ah... I'm the god of SUS!
- Spyro's appearance.
Hot hot bitches!
- "I RAPE dragons!" (awkward word splicing lol)
- Hitler rants about 25fps.
- Akira Battles Darth Izumi In Front Of A House is just constant hilarity all the way through.
- Pinkish Pastry Receives The Pulitzer Prize For Reasons Unknown
- MULAN'S TOOTAT PROTOOS HER FROM HARH
- "Ancestors! Ancestors! Incest INCEST INCEST"
- "Fuck you! I see you have a sauce!"
- "I am the guardian of all SAUS! I am the powerful, powerful, powerful... Morshu."
- "I don't do that tongue thing." "MMM"
- "From the makers of Double Dragon: Double Dishonor"
- "Sis, if I was my reaeREAer, my cow would see straaaaaight through your armor!"
- "The Huns have struck here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, here, he-"
- "Pour the tea. Pour the tea. Pour the pee. Tour the tea. Tour the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
- Mulan accidentally nukes Paris with a dragon cannon. Frollo blames the matchmaker.
- The Day Demo Stood Still (Or Something Like That)
- Spectrum Scramble Wreaks Havoc On A Stereotypical Western Town
- "That means there's Ganon in the tub!" "Join me, Pinkie Pie. Or else you will DIE!"
- If you think I'm going to put in some NSFW picture You are incorrect
- Joe Ligotti Collects All The Power Stars Using His Action Figures
- Zira Throws Pride Rock Into A Black Hole And Exiles The Entire Universe
Kiara: Why you bring me DONUTS?
Simba: Because you are Mike.
(Kiara is clobbered by a flying box of Dunkin' Donuts)
- Now, it is time to CASTRATE Simba!
- ZIRA PERFORMS THE BLUE TANGO IN FRONT OF AN EXTREMELY BLOODTHIRSTY WOLF.
- Miss Vitani Pacman is exiled for eating nested sequence overloads.
- "No man!" "He's fucking her. And then he's going fuck me! OH MY GOOOOOOD" "Yuri!" (there's two Kiara's right now, it's possible!)
- "SUS!" "What the fuck is a SUS?!"
- i was going to put facerape her but i'd rip off deckman92 now where's my neg 1000 subscribers
- "Till he learns to be a TENTACLE RAPER!"
- I will now reveal to you some unnecessary information. This is because I intend to create a wall of text that only goes for, like, one frame. Anyways, a few years later, the voice actor for Kovu, the dark colored lion, would go on to voice Haku from Spirited Away. Throughout the movie, Haku is 95% emotionless and monotone. Why? Because Kovu's voice actor learned his fucking lesson. Let's go to Zira, whose eye is very close up right now. Like her role as the antagonist in The Lion King 2, Zira's voice actor plays the antagonist in Spirited Away, named Yubaba. And you know what? Kovu supposedly works for Zira like Haku supposedly works for Yubaba. That's right. Kovu and Haku are both major characters who help the main character. Those main characters are Kiara and Chihiro- COINCIDENCE MUCH?!? Anyways, I'll stop typing and start giving you more insane shit to look at and subscribe in hopes of getting more.
- kiara's car is retarded
- And then Vitani ate Simba. Kovu got the leftovers.
- The Court of Miracles Runs Out of Miracles:
- The Hunchback of Haruhi Suzumiya:
- "I am your Facebook friend..."
- "Destroy Asahina, and let her taste the fires of hell!"
- "Frorf gave me a cruel name, a name that means Haruhi..."
- "I'm going to kick you in the ass"
- "I have been fucking their juices one by one by one by one by one by one by one"
- Whiffle Withdrawn Accidentally Presses the B Button During Transformation:
- "My name is Iron Giant, and today is the worst day of your life!"
- "Every time I try to fuck myself I become a Pokémon." (reflection turns into Ampharos)
- "The new Fluttershy does not want male genitals."
- "Fucking yourself can be fun!"
- THE GRUMPY GILLS FAMILY EATS AT THE RESTAURANT OF THE INCREDIBLY STACKBABBING COLOR CURVY PHASERS.
- Zira Eats A Cupcake.
- The Chicken Dance remix.
- "Kovu's DICK grows longer, and Zira fills his heart with SHIT!"
- "One day when your testicles drop!"
- "The sound of Simba's squealing when Kovu is hungry for ass!" note
- "Come, my minions! Rise for your master! LLL-"
- Zira eating a cupcake while the opening of "Knights of Cydonia" plays in the background and then exploding.
- Geri's Layoff from His Toy Repairman Job. Epileptics beware, and good luck finding all the Freeze Frame Bonuses!
- Cannot speak english.
- but does speak fluent chinese
- Orel Puppington Sings The No Children Song That Ends The Church.
- Mighty Sh*t Remover
- "The super powered salsa that removes shit with confidence!"
- "Its patented formula delivers salsa and detergent throughout your wash cycle, instantly removes shit from your clothes."
- "How do you know it's not gonna dissolve more than what you need?" "Go [bleep] yourself!"
- "Order now, or Billy Mays will ruin your onions!"
- Billy Mays Sells Stuff Jacked Up on Red Bull
- "You're on the toilet leaving a Hercules-sized shit and it won't come out." "Oh wait, that's Flummywister's video. Sorry…"
- The whole "Gator Paper" part.
- "Really long text that only appears for 1 frame, but you thought that you caught something while watching the video, so you replayed it a few times and tried to pause it at the right time to see what important thing was said here only to find that it means nothing! In the tone of Nelson Muntz, 'Ha ha!'"
- "I have two of them because I have two of them. Most people won't get shit."
- "If you're having problems with hard water buildup, soap scum, ring around the toilet, calcium, lime, and rust stains, then you need to grow the fuck up! Suck it up and get a JoJ!"
- Vince Shticks It to Your Sofa
- "Hey, it's Vince Offer here with my new product called Shit on a Stick!"
- "And ladies, you're gonna like the little dick, but you're gonna love the big dick." o_o
- Cs188 does the JOJ at the GYAAYG
- "Cs here, at the GYG!"
- "I love balls."
- Billy Mays Loes the Plot Entirely
- "Hey kid, take that stupid shit off the wall and replace it with me, Billy Mays!"
- "The Hercules Hook is the fastest and easiest way to castrate yourself without calling a plumber. And with a fresh orange scent…" (I don't know where I was going with that)
- Diabeetus has Wilford Brimley
- "Good morning, Uh, I uh, uh, uh, uh… you know… shit." (color bars) "I'm Wilford Brimley and I shit in your apple pie."
- "Well, if you have diabeetus, and your diabeetus has diabeetus, well, you have diabeetus." (O RLY? owl appears)
- "I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about diabeetus. Actually, about…" (Record Needle Scratch) "…diabeetus."
- "Have a good dick." (color bars) "Have a good day. Yay."
- "I lost all my shit, and as a result of all these things, my dick hurts like hell."
- Radicalfaith360 Does it All Over Again
- "We can shit in a Big City Toilet!"
- "Today, I'm showing you how to screw your friends. So what you'll do is you'll take your penis and you will lightly tap your friend's ass."
- "What do you do when you doo-doo in you car? You get Kaboom and stick it in your pooper!"
- "When it comes to faaf repair in north Faaf, there is nobody with an A+ rating that has a high Better Business Bureau."
- Billy Mays Discusses Those Awkward Moments
- "It happens. You see your mom in the shower with no clothing, and you vomit your Big City Slider all over the bathroom. Hi, Billy Mays here with Zorbeez!" BAD IDEA
- "It happens. You get your cock stuck in a bucket of cheese and it smells like shit. Hi, Billy Mays here for What Odor." WORSE IDEA
- "It happens. You get gophers up your ass—Who wrote this shit?"
- "You can also shit on a bed of onions for that classic shit on a bed of onions taste."
- "Hey, check out the hay!"
- "And you can't blow those businessmen the way you thought you could. Maybe you just went and drove, because you knew they'd ruin your cock for life."
- "It's called the Shit King. When two laxatives aren't enough—hguoneenough— reach for the Shit King. Shit will fly from your ass at over 100 miles an hour! Call now and you'll get the Shit King kit complete with guaranteed diarrhea, all for just 19 sliced onions. As a special bonus, we'll also include our Shit Grater for no reason, freerf."
- WTF Spray
- "Unlike other products that don't do shit, WTF Spray completely eliminates orange clothing forever. And is it true that WTF Spray can grate cheese with ease in less than 10 seconds?"
- "Why am I shouting? Who f[bleep]ing cares?"
- "If you wanna get the JoJ done, you want Billy Mays, a name you can trust. Introducing the Billy Mays Ultimate Cock, eight cocks in one!"
- "Ordinary cocks are too small to get the JoJ done. My cock has the strength to pull this fully loaded, 80,000 pound tractor trailer!"
Anthony Sullivan: Hey, it's Sully.
Billy Mays (over Jupiter Jack): Hi, it's Billy. I want the JoJ!
Anthony: The JoJ died.
Billy: Are you shittin' me? I want the f[bleep]ing JoJ!
Anthony: Be there in about 20 minutes.
Billy: No problem, see ya.
Anthony: See ya then.
(21 minutes later)
cs188: …against one of my, um, JoJ videos, and the person basically wanted all of the remix videos using foundation repair sources taken off YouTube…
Billy Mays: God damn it! I wanted to do it all over again!
- bluegroove157's Even Bigger 205 Subscriber Special
- "Hi, Billy Mays here for bluegroove157. I know what you're thinking. Another fucking Billy Mays YouTube Poop — are you shittin' me?"
- "…an inspector cumming in her cheese."
- "And suddenly one day, our teacher, Miss Goodall, said there was a windmill stuck up her ass." (That's enough of Rosen's childhood!!!)
- "Sometimes sex with Billy Mays is the solution! Sometimes Billy Mays likes to stick his whopping six-pound balls under—" (Woah! Too much!!!)
- "Talk about a luxururururious bedroom! This is the one I had sex on. You're gonna love it!"
- Billy Mays Gets Trolled at McDonald's
- "I know what you're thinking. What prevents bears from taking HoH SiS?"
Drive-thru lady: Good morning, can I help you?
Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here! Can I get a sausage?
Drive-thru lady: No.
Billy: Make that two shit burritos.
Drive-thru lady: No.
Billy: You know what? Lemme wash that down with some Coca-Cola, I mean, cat urine.
Billy: What the fuck? I'm Billy Mays. You suck.
Drive-thru lady: Okay.
Billy: Can I talk to the fucking manager?
Drive-thru lady: Okay.
Billy: Asshole. Hi, Billy Mays here!
Anthony Sullivan (over drive-thru speaker): Hi, Anthony Sullivan here!
Billy: Are you shittin' me?
Billy: Fuck this shit. This is Billy Mays, and I'm going to Burger King!
- The Billy Bazooka
- "I love caffeine, don't you? Hi, Billy Mays here for Red Bull, the easy way to get up and go. Red Bull gives you the power to do all types of shit without breaking your back."
- "If you're having problems with people's shit, then you need the Billy Bazooka, the most powerful bazooka that's legal!"
- "It has the strength to completely eliminate storm-force oranges!"
- Morons Away
- "Here's how it works. Just add this thing, simply shit to activate—" (scene missing) "—pour in water, and hang it. That's it!"
- "Use Morons Away outside to keep those pesky assholes from coming inside. Your family gatherings will be asshole free, guaranteed."
- "So stop shitting next to your bed. Stop spraying What Odor to eliminate the odors. And get the ultimate green invention for your asshole prevention. Call now and get not one but two Morons Away for only 14 ounces of liquid."
- "Burnt on shit will stick to any phone."
- Mighty Orange Tough Acting Desh*tter
- "It's powered with Billy Mays' patented gopher blood."
- "I know what you're thinking: what about the rinse cycle? [bleep] you."
- "…47 payments of pet hair!"
- "You're gonna love my nuts."
- Impact Sword
- "Other hardwood floors suck and break down over time. Not my hardwood floors. Shit flies right from my floors faster than a gopher on crack."
- "This giant medieval sword is the most convenient device to damage almost anything. Use it to cut through your shower with ease, or kill gophers for no reason."
- The iSh*t Toilet
- "I know I should have gophers."
- microphone stand not included
- "Hi, Billy Mays here for the iShit, the most affordable and easy way to pee and shit on the go!"
- "The iShit comes with speakers. You hear music as you shit. If you want more volume, just turn it up."
- "Ordinary toilets look like this. Would you shit in this?"
- "Nothing is more important than shitting with confidence."
- Liquid Weed
- "Are you tired of using sprays that don't get you high?"
- "Spray Liquid Weed into the air you breathe, and forget about life!"
- "It's faster than glue and more satisfying than crack."
- "…for 15 pounds of Phillips heads."
- Billy Mays Gets Increasingly Annoyed With YouTube Censoring His Videos
- "If you're too lazy to wipe your ass, then you gotta see this. Billy Mays here for the Never Wipe, the fast and easy way to wipe your ass without your hands." YouTube has stopped the advertisement for the totally awesome Never Wipe. This video has been removed by the user. Sorry about that. "Crap."
- "Wanna know the best way to get your stains out in the wash? Well, fuck you, asshole!" YouTube has stopped the advertisement for whatever Billy was about to sell. This video has been removed by the user. Sorry about that. "God damn it!"
- "Hi, Billy Mays here. Do you enjoy the ride? Of course you do! But now you can enjoy the ride even more with Billy Mays, a name you can trust. Introducing Billy Mays Condom! Go longer and harder with the Billy Mays Condom!" "Yeah!" "That's right, with the new condom from Billy Mays, your enjoyment level will go from this—" (short bar) "—to this—" (longer bar labeled "SEX") "—in no time at all. Here's how it works…" We totally can't show you how it works. This video has been removed by the user. Sorry about that. "Fuck. "
- "Billy Mays knows how to please Your Mom!" No one needs to know that. This video has been removed by the user. Sorry about that. "Oh come on!"
- Billy Mays getting into a helicopter to bomb Google.
- "Hi, it's Billy." "Hi, it's Carla. What would happen if you combined a cheese grater with a plate?" "I don't have time!"
- Robotnik Protects His Sex:
- I just got here! *BOOM* If it sounds too good to be true, it's probably SEMEN!
- Amazingly, you have a penis!
- Robotnik Blinks:
- "It's time to unleash my body parts, and FUCK Sonic like a bug!"
- Robotnik, She Wrote:
- "If I had captured your companion, I'd be FUCKing him right now!"
- Robotnik singing "Running in the 90s"
- "There's no escape from the wrath of diabeetus."
- The ending. "Oh, he'll be fine, he's fat."
- Robotnik is Unstoppable:
- "I haven't seen such lunacy since I banned my crazy cousin Walrus Guy!"
- "You're GAY?! FUCK you!"
- Robotnik Meets The Tick
Arthur: You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!
(Tick walks out of the room and smashes through the door frame as a distorted sound plays)
Tick: Show them the map light, Arthur.
- The opening of Robotnik is Due:
Youtube Poop. Where there's smoke... THEY PINCH BACK! What do you have to say to that, Dr. Robotnik!
Robotnik: DAAAAAHHH, @%$#! I HATE that defense attorney!
(Robotnik throws his PINGAS at Phoenix)
- Robotnik isn't unhappy, in fact, he's... (extremely sped up footage of a Team Fortress 2 player griefing Snipers)
- Robotnik and his mother:
Robotnik: WHY did you leave the Mobius Home for Really Bizarre Mothers?
Momma Robotnik: JOSH.
- Heroes in a Nutshell, a TMNT poop, from beginning to end, and every single last thing in between.
- Yar Har Fiddle-dee-dees his Buccaneers:
- You Fool!:
Tom Bergeron: When BLAHBLAHBLAH heard that BLAHBLAH had done it in BLAH days, BLAHBLAH beat him by BLAH-ing it in BLAH days. What did she do?
Gilbert Gottfried: ME!
David (the contestant): I'm gonna agggggggrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee.
- Welcome back to possibly the longest penis we've ever had!
- George's Handsome Volcano Conkers:
How do you doo-doo, Alan? Do you perhaps eat Conker's Bad Fur Day
for breakfast? Alan: (eating the cartridge)
Yeah! George: (terrified) ALERT! ALERT! BIRDS! (boom) Alan:
I'm planning to snuff out all the niggers, and the... George:
) JEEZ-ASS CHRIST! Alan:
Now, I'm off to an orgy. George:
You're stupid! Alan:
- The Only Spongebob Poop Viacom Can't Remove:
- "I have constructed a Republican!"
- "Great... now I'm a Seel!"
- Patrick exploding in the style of Garterbelt.
- "I don't care about penis!"
- The ending, with the Viacom logo getting dropped into an erupting volcano while the "V of Doom" music plays.
- "Behold! I have ejaculated in Mr. Krabs!"
- Spigh Kydz.
- "What are you working on?" "The world's smallest DICK!"
- "Fuck him in the... Virtual Boi!
- "Pass the PINGAS!"
- The plane scene:
This is it. I'm finally gonna land the plane.
*plane crashes into Floop's castle*
- The Worst Sonic Fanfiction Ever
- "MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!" ( Meanwhile in another dimension)
- "We blame Sonic Team for this shit."
- "Sonic the kidnapper."
- Sonic shoots Elise, and then laughing like Tidus.
- When Elise kisses Sonic, it shows a guy gunning down the console.
- "According to the data, the data is bullshit!"
- "It's Pikachu!
- "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
- Obee Wang Force Feeds Queer Gong Gin his Man-Saber
- At one point, as Qui-Gon, Jar-Jar and Padme are walking through a desert, the camera pans out to show the destroyed Statue of Liberty.
- The gang watches the Podrace on a Wii U controller.
- "Murder me!" "Good idea."
- "Shut up and take my money!"
- "They just fucked with the wrong Mexican.
- ""Blrrblrrblrrblrrrblrr" "This can't go on for a month" ONE MONTH LATER "Blrrblrrblrrblrrblrrblrr"
- Wilford Brimley Has Diarrhea
- "Good morning. I'm pleh ot yadot deifilauq lepoep erom and I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about Wilford Brimley. Uh, actually, about diarrhea. Type 2 adult-onset diarrhea. Uh, the first thing I said to my doctor when I was diagnosed with diarrhea was, uh, 'butt fuck'."
- "And he said, 'this dandruff need to laugh at me. There is hack. They sure won, niggers.'"note
- "If you don't give me ice cream and apple pie, then I'm gonna fuck you up."
- "I was losing my vision, I was losing my dick, I was losing my tongue, I was losing my ice cream and apple pie…"
- "There's a line in a song. ♪Let's have some fun, this beat is sick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick / Don't think too much, just bust that stick / I wanna take a ride on your dick.♪"
- "Liberty Medical is a company that's staffed with diligent dicks that are willing to help you go where no one has gone before."
- "See if I'm not the best fucker in the world. I'm surrounded by ladies who want to feel me, who feel for me, and who want me to slip my tongue in their butt."
- "In closing, I would simply like to say to you: eat doo-doo and die."
- Michael Rosen's Abuse of Power
- Michael's Fatal Dinnertime Squables
- "If there's one thing I can't stand it's my dad. And if there's another thing I can't stand it's plums."
- "Do you know there's some people in Jamaica who'd give their two-year-old to have sex with my face because they haven't had any sex for a whole week. I'm telling you this because..well, actually, I don't know why. Just eat your plum or they'll be no breathing for a whole week."
- "Stop that stupid dancing, vagina neck!"
- The Michael Rosen Rapid Anal Discharge
- "I think it's a terrible thing when they put Jews into ovens. That was 71 years ago. Now they're trying to invent an electronic sex partner. Nice."
- "I'm Michael Rosen, and I'm serving you all pizza"
- "Though I have to say, it was dark as PLUMS!"
- "Nothing to do, didn't want to do my dad."
- "That was absolute shit."
- "One push, Mrs. Shush, and he'll be plums, that was a puzzle to me."
- "Hip-hop, a hip-fhop hap, I'm giving you all ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"
- "When I was 1, I swan to London airport, when I was 2, I ate semen. When I was 3, I was horrible horrible horrible banana. When I was 4, I liked hot food. When I was 5, I was in a band playing sex gay... When I was 6, I ate a bag of plums. Plums! Plums! Plums! Plums! I had plums! Plums! Plums! Mums! When I was 7, I robbed a bank with a telephone. When I was 8, I became Prime State. When I was 9, I closed all the schools and ate a bag of nice."
- "I'm giving you all the Michael Rosen dead little girl."
- "Alright class, I'm king. I'm drinking, and I want sex, and that includes buttsex."
- "Let's remind ourselves of a few things, shall we?" "NO!!!!!!"
- "Do we murder at 9:30 at school? No, we murder at 12:30. But fan, you've already begun your mad dog stuff."
- "It's a lump on your head. It's the blade of a PLUM in there."
- "I was seven." THE END.
- "It was "write a story". And the best story would be thrown out the window."
- "I get my face right up into his slippery and sticky, and that's when I see the electronic rabbit."
- "When I get in, if there's one thing I love, it's breathing. I love the feel of my lungs on the oxygen."
- "If I hear about your dead parents, I shall give them to the ducks."
- "Without any explanations or questions being asked, just get out a very large penis and stick it up the children. Just fuck up any children."
- "One way that I like to think of this is to think of this, is how can we create snatch that we can use to make children?"
- "The bed started to eat me. The sky started to eat me. The lemon started to fuck me."
- "He had a shed with tins full of screw you."
- "My mum tries to be a lamppost."
- Michael Rosen the Cannibal
- "I was starving. All I had for breakfast was 1 teacher and 15 two-year-olds."
- "She said, "eating people is cruel. Eating people is murder." And so I said, "If you don't shush, I'm gonna eat YOU.""
- Michael Rosen's Adulterous Dad
- "She said, "How do you know I'm a prostitute?""
- "Melanie ran out faster than an electronic raisin."
- "And that's when my dad's penis became the dog's dinner."
- The Collected Tales of Michael Rosen
- "When I was one, I was DEAD!"
- "So I got my bag full of useless information, and I murdered my dad and Eileen, and everything was prison once again."
- "Mr. Goldfish was the fat red prick."
- "I knew Father Christmas was dead."
- "When I come in from playing with myself, my dad calls me Dope-dope Grandad."
- Gravity Faaf
- Dipper getting scared of Grunkle Stan so much that he explodes then inexplicably comes back to life.
- Our uncle had transformed his house into a house he called The House.
- Alright, ladies and gentlemen, behold: my ass!
- Dipper's mosquito bites spelling out "Bieber".
- Grunkle Stan says I'm paranoid, but according to this book I'm paranoid.
- You think [Norman] might be Pinkie Pie? That would be so awesome!
- I'm gonna be a door and he's gonna be one of your crazy conspiracies!
- Her aim is getting better!
- I am one million dicks!
- You kids could go waste your time on some epic FUUF, or you could spend your day learning how to SKEWWEKS!
- ANUS GAY
- "Why yes of course you can chew on my penis"
- "Behold, the rock that looks like a rock. It looks like a rock, but it's a rock." "Does it look like a rock?" "No, it looks like a rock." "Is it a face?" "Yes, it's a face."