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    The Next Class Will Be...... 

Doug Dimmadome owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome.

Have you seen that hat? He'll be incredibly OP at first, and each nerf will reduce his hat size slightly.
  • Congrats, you've made this troper laugh.

Mad Scientist

A middle aged black woman, who is also a genius. Her main gimmick is making a robot buddy and a jet pack with 5-10 seconds of air time
  • Speed: 85% on foot, 85% with the jet pack
  • Health: 210 hp
  • Primary- A gun that shots gunk that has special abilities, like slow speed of target or sapping health
    • Or a gun whip thing that shoots electricity.
  • Secondary- A pistol that shots glowing bullets
  • Melee- A glowing sword
    • 4th weapon: A robot helper
      • Problem is, we already have a "Mad Scientist" in the Medic. Perhaps something like "Roboticist" could work better?
      • Maybe she could be geared around mechanical things and by extension, electricity.


  • Speed: 70%
  • Health 250hp
    Blurb A half-bear half maple syrup goliath from the mysterious land north of the US. The Artillery is about as loud as his cannon and about as charming.
  • Primary: A Mortar he has to manually set up. Taunt: Shoves the mortar, buisness end first, at someone, then says "This is the part where you go splat." and fires, Paralyzes targets that hit the mortar, and insta-kills in a medium range, at long range it's just an inaccurate mortar shot.
  • Secondary: Shotgun: Throws it up and catches it with his other hand while saying something show-offy.
  • Melee: The same Mortar Taunt: The same taunt as the Mortar.
  • 4th Weapon: Landmines
    • How about a mortar shell used as a club? And an unlockable allows him to throw it as a grenade.
    • Gentle Giant, or atleast he acts like one before the shelling begins. Kind, Polite, Funny. Of course this all goes to crap once dominations start to happen.
    • Allies will throw down smoke signals for the artillery to target, he'll use inaccurate but deadly firepower to blow apart the offensive on the payload, or generally cause chaos.
    • Canadian Accent, has a secondary beer or something that lets him shoot faster at the cost of accuracy just for lols
      • Taunts
      • Scout: Ya don't run that fast when I smash your head in, eh?
      • Soldier: Jump that bomb!
      • Pyro: Let's see what's under that freaking mask of yours, or what WAS!! HA HA HA HA!
      • Demoman: Rest in pieces, ya one eyed oaf!
      • Heavy: Mine's bigger!
      • Engineer: Keep building me targets, cowboy, 'cause I'll keep blasting em! HA HA HA HA!
      • Medic: Next time you try to needle me, you'll think again, eh?
      • Sniper: Don't try aiming when you can just BLOW EM TO SMITHEREENS, eh?
      • Spy: That'll teach you to sneak around like a goddamn cheater, eh?

A trophy taker.

  • Primary: Weak Gun
  • Melee: Weak Combat Knife
  • Secondary: You loot the corpse of an enemy within a certain range and are able to use its primary weapon.
    • So they get to keep the weapon for six seconds, or...
    • What purpose will this Trophy Taker serve?

A Zombie.

  • Valve will make "Zombie Fortress" official, but instead of being Heavy, Scouts, and Spies be "Zombies", they'll actually make a proper Zombie class.

A Vehicle Operator

A female Japanese character (thus defying two stereotypes) able to operate vehicles. She will only be available on certain maps designed for and with vehicles. She will not be particularly durable, fast on foot, or well armed (shotgun, pistol, and a tire iron), but she can operate ATVs, armed motorcycles, and boats under combat conditions (if others try to do so, the vehicle's performance will be subpar, any passengers will hang on for dear life, being unable to fire out, and passengers will also kick the bucket if the vehicle is destroyed). Vehicles she runs get more durability and she can use vehicle-mounted weapons. While driving, she can not capture points. The Engineer can repair her vehicles.
  • Alternately, she only has a helicopter and is known as “the pilot”. Allies and enemies alike can hop on the helicopter for a better vantage point, but she cannot leave her cockpit to tell the enemies to get out. (She’ll have lines to yell at them, but can’t physically do anything to stop them.) There are two ways to kill her. One is to actually get into the copter and kill the pilot (Not recommended, as you die when it crashes); the other is to shoot out her propellers. She can operate a mini-gun with unlimited ammo, but she can’t follow you inside buildings. Try as you might to ram the vehicle into buildings, you can’t crash it on your own. As she’s too big to fit in the spawnroom, she spawns in the airspace directly above it.
    • Maybe operates as the heavy to the Engineer's Medic. As she rides around on motorcycles, small helicopters, hover pads and tanks, he upgrades them, adds guns and makes repairs. Her vehicles are all locate in areas only accessable by double-jump, which she can do. Flying things can be loaded with explosives and then crashed. She has an emergency parachute.
    • I can see this class only being available in a certain mode (or more than one) built around vehicular combat. Anyone agree?
      • I think that instead oh her being available based on the mode, the types of vehicles available are based on the type of mode being played
    • Defy sterotypes? This is the same Team Fortress we're talking about right? Everyone is gloriously sterotypical and innacurate to the point of Crossing the Line Twice.

The Portalist

  • Chell's available now, isn't she? After going through twenty chambers of testing hell, she's probably got a few screws loose, which means she'd fit right in with the mercenaries. Two of her weapons would the ASHPD and combustible lemons. Her health would be very high to reflect her determinator status, but her attacks do not cause much damage. She would be best for defense, using the portal gun to teleport the rival team away (done by placing one portal somewhere on the map and firing the other underneath/at the other player). This was my friend's idea, I take no credit.
    • The first female TF2 class would probably shock the fanbase more than the Free-To-Play announcement...
    • Alternatively, instead of high health, she regenerates health really, really fast like in Portal.
    • An alternate secondary weapon could be a small machine gun, built from the remains of a turret. It will still be activated, and will talk.
      • That could compensate for Chell's muteness; the turret remains would call for a Medic, and give voice commands.
    • I get the feeling Chell would get the hell out of there as soon as she heard The Announcer's voice.
      • Who said it had to be Chell? Could just be some random Aperture volunteer.
    • She would need a splash of cartoon paint, and she helps the team idea with portals, but flamewars over how Chell Portals + BONK, heavy/medic combo, Demospam, bottomless pits, etc. would utterly ruin balance. Sounds like it would make a fun mod, however.
    • I could see the Portalist's portals working like an extra-flexible, indestructible, two-way variant of the Engineer's teleporters that projectiles can travel through, with the downsides that any enemy players (as well as enemy projectiles and hitscan hitboxes) could travel through (which means, among other things, that unwise portal placement would make it hilariously easy for the enemy team to spawn-camp you).


Primary: A sprayer that spews out gases that slow down, damages, and obscures the vision of anyone who wanders into the cloud. Lingers for quite a while. Low damage, best used to spray an area, denying it, rather than running in like a plague. Sprayed targets cough, giving themselves away, and clouds block vision inside to those too far away. Taunt: Adjusts the nozzle while saying a few lines.Secondary: SMG: Taunt by shouldering his gun and shouting Banzai.Melee: Ninjato, comparable stats to the baseball bat. Taunt kills self.

Will wear a HAZMAT suit that makes him immune to his own gasses, as well as fire, naturally, the Pyro's gasmask makes him immune to gas, and his airblast can knock away the bad stuff, making the pyro his counter, he however seriously counters the sniper, who relies on seeing straight the most, and the spy, since he'll be affected, telling the team a spy is nearby, but not who the spy is.

  • A cool idea, I think, would be if the Gasser is a defector from the Japanese mafia that Merasmus got in trouble with in the 2014 Halloween update. Would he have killed that same mafia as he defected? That's up to you, WM Gers!


  • A support class who gets assigned a person to protect, probably the least experienced person in their team. Has 130 health, and is a balanced-ish weak-ish class.

A Sentry Gun

  • This time, it has tank treads, allowing the gun to move. Has 150 health, medium speed, and can only fire. You could melee, yes, but it would require moving the mouse up.
    • Unlocking the Wrangler lets you kinda do this. You can't move, but you have an awesome deflector shield and can fire much quicker!
      • I still like the "sentry-has-tank-treads-but-it's-a-level-1" thing. I do have to mention that the Sentry can be healed (and ubercharged) by a Medic and repaired/refilled by Engineers, and if the Sentry dies, it breaks into four pieces like a normal Sentry and gives 25 metal each piece.

An actually balanced class

  • He uses silly things like a selective-fire carbine (primary attack is a high-accuracy, medium-damage single shot, secondary is less-powerful, less accurate automatic fire) and has a ridiculous sidearm called a pistol (somewhere in power, range, accuracy, and firerate between the weapon of the same name and the spy's revolver). His melee weapon is a bleedout-causing, short-range but high-damage curiosity called a "combat knife". He has 185 health and medium damage.
    • Ugh, so, in other words, a class who's good at everything, bad at nothing, uses a melee weapon expressly designed to be annoying, and has more HP than the Demoman? Do not want.
      • No, a Boring, but Practical class that uses weapons you would be likely to find in the '50's and isn't cripplingly overspecialized. The health can be lowered.
      • Impossible to balance, considering the Heavy and Sniper are the only ones who can do any real sort of medium to far distance damage without being piddling or incredibly telegraphed. It would render the Heavy and Soldier redundant.
      • Also, completely doesn't fit the fun, silly attitude of Team Tortress; you yourself said it's boring. Practicality isn't necessarily the issue. And it doesn't fill any role that another class doesn't.
      • So, according to you, the tenth class is more or less the Soldier with an SMG?
      • The entire point of Team Fortress 2 is that no one class can be proficient in every situation. Every class has to have weaknesses and strengths to force you to work with your teammates.


  • More specifically, a dual-revolver wielding who holds Guns Akimbo, a la Death The Kid.
    • Perfect for swatting down Scouts.
      • Even better, he'll be the depressed deadpan snarker Blu Oni to the other classes' Red Oni.
      • Possible taunt attack: pointing a gun at an enemy's mouth and growling "You make me sick. Die." That would be totally badass.
      • Deadpan snarking moments would include overcompensation jokes.
      • Of course, this being Team Fortress 2, he'll have to have at least SOME comedic lines. Even the serious Sniper and Spy get some pretty goofy lines and moments.

The Announcer

  • She got bored of watching, and decided to take part.
    • Her melee weapon would be the microphone she uses.
      • And she would have the ability to stun the enemy team by making a demoralizing comment.

The Strategist

  • A character based on careful planning and tricky moves.
    • Various attacks would include out of place items, the use of newly discovered war machines like heat-seeking missiles, and the ability to make the moves of the other classes backfire on them, such as being unable to trigger bombs or being able to see through spies. And also the ability to hide and disguise themselves as inanimate objects.
      • Most hated enemy of The Engineer. Building objects vs Scavenging and manipulating items.
  • The Character would be an older woman who speaks angrish on occaison. She would have access to a map that shows where all the enemy players are and can watch player's vision and where they are. The map has to be set up, like a sentry gun and can tell where spys are and can dismantle engineer buildings. However, map is very fragile, and if shot at explodes. Enjoys tormenting the BLU scout over his ma and the RED spy
    • Taunts (Woman character)
    • (To Spy): I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE YOU *#$%&$@)#$*%$&%
    • (To Scout): Run faster next time and maybe you won't die as fast
    • (To Medic):
    • (To Engineer): Don't stand next to the sentry and you might not explode. Or not.
  • Alternatively, the Character would be of Irish heritage and have a mangled accent. Kicked out of military after being classed as 'officially insane', though in reality has Asperger's Syndrome. A BIG Mood-Swinger from Axe-Crazy to plain weirdo in a few seconds. Often can be naive and gets distracted easily. Originally a Hikikimori and with a phobia of blood, took the job to help curb his fear. Will be Ambiguously Gay and has lines hinting at him being a devoted Catholic. Often teams up with Spies or Scouts.
    • Appearance-wise, the character would be a stereotypical Irish man. Red hair, green eyes, small/thin but strong, and has a huge love of beer. Rather lanky and frighteningly pale. Age wise from 21 to 30, as he is obsessed with new world machines and recently got out of military school/boot camp/mental hospital. Wears a button-up shirt, combat trousers tucked into his black Wellington boots, and a khaki green backpack.
  • Possible taunts (for Irish Man character):
    • (to Scouts): Not really fast without your femur, are yeh? Seriously, I think you were still running without it.
    • (to Snipers): Next time: TRY RUNNING!
    • (to Heavies): I've eaten PIGS the size of you, you really think humans are an exception?
  • s* (to Spies): Work on your disguise next time!' or There goes the charming french devil!
    • (to Demomen): Get yer self a bloody second eye ya drunken pansy!
    • (to Medics): Where I came from — medicine men were burned as witches! along with HE'S A GERMAN WITCH, GET EM!
    • (to Soldiers): Take the helmet off, you'll see me trying to kill you!
    • (to Pyros): I cannae understand yer accent man.
    • (to Engineers): I broke yer toys, Sorry! or Tá do mháthair an capall Meiriceánach fiáin! (meaning: Your mother is a wild American horse!)

A squid

A poison master.

  • The only class who cannot be seen by the enemy team (but you can see the one on your team just fine; he still takes damage when hit, and actually has the lowest health of any class). When you are hit by him (a poison dart is fired from a tranquilizer gun; he calls it "a happy pill from his smile gun"), you get an initial 10 point health boost, but then your health begins to drain at a steady pace three seconds later. The more "darts" he gets into you, the faster you lose health. The only way to stop the poison is for a medic to heal you.
  • The character is a former hippie (with a totally radical accent) who discovered his devious streak when experimenting with various natural remedies. He still believes war is evil, so naturally he goes about killing off all "warmongers"... at least only the ones on the opposing team. He retains many hippie-like traits, such as an insistence on natural remedies and taunts relating to the opponent's horoscope, but actually appears as a rather clean-cut young man. May or may not smoke weed behind the barracks. All his weapons have euphemistical names such as "love bomb" (A mine he drops, you get damaged if you wander through its mist), "Smile gun", "soothing tea" which is actually acidic and also causes burns, or "Miss Caroline" (a spiky cactus melee weapon).
    • Alternately, he mostly has techniques and items that help your teammates survive (like a Jack-of-All-Trades between the Medic, Engineer, and Demoman) and hinder the other team's ability to attack. He has an alternate tea that restores a smaller amount of health than the sandvich but eliminates bleedout effects, and has the Peace Offering Tranquilizer that slows the target's run speed and causes a (mild) Screw (labelled P.O.T., with each letter pronounced to form a mispronounced, drawled-out "peyote"). One of his non-damaging taunts is threatening to chain himself to the front of a turret so it can't be used.

The Mann

  • Redmond or Blutarch Mann, depending on which team you're on.
    • Medium speed, moves around on a motorized desk/wheelchair combination, with a life support machine mounted on the back. His weapons are quite weak, for balancing reasons (see below).
    • Main feature of the class is his ability to regenerate health at an incredibly fast rate, thanks to his life support machine. Is almost impossible to kill, though he can be slowed down. If his health goes to zero, he will die temporarily, then return to life ten seconds later unless his life support machine is destroyed.
    • The life support machine can also provide health for nearby teammates, similar to a dispenser.
    • Personality will be totally insane, perhaps senile, with delusions of godhood. Will often talk about death, and that he knows what's coming to the people he kills.
    • Will often reference the original mercenary team, perhaps believing the new team to be the originals.
    • Other team members may refer to him as 'boss'.
    • I realize that this will likely go without saying, but once his team loses, the life support fails.
      • So far, the closest thing we have to any of this is one of the Scream Fortress 2013 events, a Payload map.

The Auxiliary

  • The one from the fanfic. In an attempt to be more useful, she'll also be able to reload sentries. (I know it won't happen. Get modding.)

The K9 Unit

  • (I know Valve already joked about this, but whatever.) K9 was originally part of a small local police department from Florida. A team of scientists had privately asked many departments to allow their dogs to be observed and tested for a special project. K9 was one of the hundreds of dogs screened, and managed to make it to the final stage of the project, which was revealed to be an experiment to create a genetically-enhanced, humanly intelligent superdog for undisclosed purposes. Of the final thirty dogs, he was the only one to survive the process. With his new intelligence, he learned how to speak English and use man-made objects. He has been purchased for use in the war between RED and BLU. Ever since gaining his intelligence, he has shown a serious attitude and never tolerates goofing off. He seems to take great pleasure in not having to hold back against his opponents. He also displays a mistrust of all humans, due to a grudge he has held against his original partner for giving him up.
    • Info-
      • Name — Beau
      • Breed — German Shepherd
      • Job – Canine Assistance
      • Motto – “The bite is definitely worse than the bark.”
      • Type – Support
      • Speed – 124%
      • Health – 125 HP
    • Pros-
      • Can collect and carry ammo and health boxes to teammates (up to five items total at one time)
      • Can detect Spies (when cloaked, a Spy cannot be pinpointed, but K9 can alert teammates to a Spy’s presence; he can also sniff his teammates and discover a disguised Spy)
      • Can detect Sticky Bombs (like cloaked Spies, they cannot be pinpointed, but K9 can alert teammates to their presence)
      • Can push Payload carts at twice the rate of other classes, like Scout.
    • Cons-
      • Can capture control points, but only at half the rate of human classes (one-fourth the rate of Scout)
      • Cannot be Übercharged by a Medic
    • Weapons-
      • Primary – Shotgun (attached to harness on back)
      • Secondary – Shock Collar (collar that fires short-range electric pulses that slightly damage and temporarily stun enemies; requires recharge between uses)
      • Melee – Teeth
    • Taunts-
      • Primary – Looks around briefly, notices tail, and chases it for a moment, then realizes what he’s doing and shakes himself out of it
      • Secondary – Sits and begins scratching only to accidentally activate his collar and shock himself
      • Melee – Chuckles menacingly, lifts leg, and pees; if he successfully hits a target, he says, “Bet you really liked that little shower, didn’t ya?” and places the effects of Jarate on them for three seconds; cannot be used to reveal Spies or put out fires (not enough piss for that)
  • The tenth class could be one dog, K9, OR there could be three subclasses to the K9 Unit that all are specialized to support the team in a specific way. Together, they create their own new class category — Canine.

K9 Unit Fetch

  • (Yes, more-or-less reused backstories. Sue me.) Fetch originally belonged to a scientist from England. He worked on a team of scientists that observed and tested many dogs for a special project. He managed to get Fetch into screening, and she made it to the final stage of the project, an experiment to create a genetically-enhanced, humanly intelligent superdog for undisclosed purposes. Of the final thirty dogs, she was one of the only three to survive the process. She hated the testing and training she was put through and managed to escape the laboratory. She was found by a family, and lived there happily until she was sold for use in the war between RED and BLU. She has a rather happy-go-lucky attitude, and enjoys the company of others. She tends to stay away from combat, preferring to find items to help her human companions. Over the course of her service, she has become friends with most of the team, but is closest with Heavy and Demoman.
    • Info-
      • Name – Fetch
      • Breed – Labrador Retriever
      • Job – Searching and Gathering
      • Motto – “Ask, and I shall find!”
      • Type – Canine
      • Speed – 124%
      • Health – 125 HP
    • Pros-
      • Can collect and carry ammo and health boxes to teammates (up to six items total at one time)
      • Can carry one dropped weapon to a teammate to refill their ammo (does not take up a slot in carriage)
      • Can steal a non-melee weapon from an enemy (via a backstab-like move), causing them to lose that weapon until they resupply or respawn, unless they manage to retrieve their weapon from Fetch (cause her to drop it by killing her, stunning her, or attacking her with a critical hit); cannot steal a weapon if she is already carrying another.
      • Her ability to carry ammo makes her a good companion for Heavies and Pyros, who chew up ammo very quickly, and Snipers, who often snipe from places with no nearby ammo or fallen weapons.
    • Cons-
      • Can capture control points, but only at half the rate of human classes (one-fourth the rate of Scout)
      • Cannot be Übercharged by a Medic
      • Can attack and kill enemies, but combat is a very dangerous place for Fetch due to her fragility, and it is very easy for her to be killed if not in the hands of a capable player.
    • Weapons-
      • Primary – Shotgun (attached to harness on back)
      • Secondary – Grabber (mechanical arm attached to harness used to steal from enemies and carry dropped weapons)
      • Melee – Teeth
    • Taunts-
      • Primary – Sits, pants, wags tail, and looks all-around cute
      • Secondary – Starts biting at the Grabber and it bops her on the nose, causing her to shout, “Hey!” or “Ow!”
      • Melee – Sniffs the ground and intently looks in the direction of the nearest ammo/health box; if there are none within range, she looks around and shuffles before returning to default stance

K9 Unit Hunter

  • Hunter originally worked as a security dog in a Virginia airport. A team of scientists had privately asked many departments to allow their dogs to be observed and tested for a special project. Hunter was one of the hundreds of dogs screened, and managed to make it to the final stage of the project, which was revealed to be an experiment to create a genetically-enhanced, humanly intelligent superdog for undisclosed purposes. Of the final thirty dogs, he was one of the only three to survive the process. He has been purchased for use in the war between RED and BLU. He has a laid-back attitude, and enjoys simply lying in the sun and napping. He doesn’t enjoy fighting, but is more than happy to assist his human companions with his nose. Over the course of his service, he has become friends with most of the team, but is closest with Engineer, Sniper, and Medic.
    • Info-
      • Name – Hunter
      • Breed – Bloodhound
      • Job – Detection and Signaling
      • Motto – “Nothing escapes this nose right here.”
      • Type – Canine
      • Speed – 107%
      • Health – 125 HP
    • Pros-
      • Can detect Spies (when cloaked, a Spy cannot be pinpointed, but Hunter can alert teammates to a Spy’s presence; he can also sniff his teammates and discover a disguised Spy)
      • Can detect Sticky Bombs (like cloaked Spies, they cannot be pinpointed, but Hunter can alert teammates to their presence)
      • Due to his ability to detect Stickies and Spies, Hunter is a good companion for Engineers and Snipers.
      • Whenever enemies are within a certain range of him (even behind obstacles such as walls), Hunter’s body posture changes to help warn teammates to an incoming attack
    • Cons-
      • Can capture control points, but only at half the rate of human classes (one-fourth the rate of Scout)
      • Cannot be Übercharged by a Medic
      • Can attack and kill enemies, but combat is a dangerous place for Hunter due to his fragility, and it is easy for him to be killed if not in the hands of a capable player
    • Weapons-
      • Primary – Shotgun (attached to harness on back)
      • Secondary – Steak (works like the Sandvich, i.e. restores health, puts out fires, and can be dropped)
      • Melee – Teeth
    • Taunts-
      • Primary – Looks up, pants, and wags tail; if a human teammate is in range, they will pet Hunter
      • Secondary – Sits, tosses the Steak up in the air, scratches himself, and then catches the falling Steak
      • Melee – Sniffs the ground and bays; if a Sticky is nearby, he shouts, “Sticky!” or “Stickies ahoy!” If a Spy is within range, he shouts, “Spy!”, “There’s a Spy here!”, or, “I smell Spies…!” If both are near, he shouts, “Be careful! I’m getting Stickies and Spies here.” If there is nothing around, he doesn’t bay and simply returns to his default stance.

K9 Unit Digger

  • Digger originally belonged to a loving Canadian family, but was abandoned when they moved away. He was found by a scientist who worked on a team of scientists that observed and tested dogs for a special project. Digger was put into screening and managed to make it to the final stage of the project, an experiment to create a genetically-enhanced, humanly intelligent superdog for undisclosed purposes. Of the final thirty dogs, he was one of the only three to survive the process. He has been purchased for use in the war between RED and BLU. He is extremely hyperactive, and hates being bored more than anything else in the world. While he doesn’t actively engage in fighting, he highly enjoys digging giant holes that trap unsuspecting foes. Over the course of his service, he has become friends with most of the team, but is closest with Scout and Pyro.
    • Info-
      • Name – Digger
      • Breed – Airedale Terrier
      • Job – Trapping and Stalling
      • Motto – “Nobody out-digs me, eh!”
      • Type – Canine
      • Speed – 124%
      • Health – 125 HP
    • Pros-
      • Can dig holes to set traps for oncoming enemies, but only in certain places; if an enemy falls into the hole, they will be stuck there, unable to move or attack for five seconds
      • Can set up to three traps at one time
      • Digger’s hole traps can be quite effective when combined with a waiting Sentry or human attacker, such as Heavy
    • Cons-
      • Can capture control points, but only at half the rate of human classes (one-fourth the rate of Scout)
      • Cannot be Übercharged by a Medic
      • Can attack and kill enemies, but combat is a very dangerous place for Digger due to his fragility, and it is easy for him to be killed if not in the hands of a capable player
    • Weapons-
      • Primary – Shotgun (attached to harness on back) (Forgive me for giving them all shotguns. I couldn't think of anything better. But they would all get special shotgun unlocks specific to them.)
      • Secondary – Digging Laser (small laser attached to collar to assist in digging through hard surfaces and to damage close foes)
      • Melee – Teeth
    • Taunts-
      • Primary – Bounces around playfully while barking
      • Secondary – Tests his laser on the ground directly beneath him and starts pawing the ground; if he whines and doesn’t pull any dirt up, a trap can’t be set there; if he says, “Yeah! Yeah! Here’s the spot!” and dirt flies up, a trap can be set there
      • Melee – Prances about in a circle before crouching, jumping, and doing a flip
  • I had also thought of having an assistant dog for each class, made to help them specifically, but that would be too much. Even just the three is probably pushing it.
    • You'd probably only be allowed to use one of the K-9 Units at a time. There could be two of each unit, each one being either RED or BLU, but otherwise, no duplicates of each.

The Suicide Bomber

  • His only weapon is the detonator for the TNT strapped to his chest.

The Saboteur

  • Character based on attacking strategic enemy choke points and disrupting their flow of battle.
  • Is of Creole descent, and used to lead a street racing ring in New Orleans. Took the job after his car was stolen. A little more pleasant than his teammates, despite his gang-banging past, but can get VERY eager to kill when the chips are down.
    • Weapons would include various landmines which confuse, impede, and otherwise screw up enemies. Basic mines are proximity explosives, others would create a smokescreen, slow down enemy movement (perhaps some kind of sticky goo that sprays out of the mine?), or cause a mild Interface Screw. Melee weapon would be a combat knife shaped like the key to his long-lost car. Good friends with the Spy — they both like to sneak around and mess with their enemies' heads.
      • Appearance wise, the Saboteur is tall and skinny, and wears a button-down shirt, snazzy vest, and blue jeans. Slightly sunburned complexion, sports a goatee and grey eyes.
  • Possible taunts:
    • (To Pyros): Oh, Pauve ti bete! Did your fire go out, me cher? ("pauve ti bete" is "poor little thing" in Cajun French).
    • (To Heavies): Sorry, mistah! Mistook you for a cochon grand! ("cochon grand" means "fat pig".)
    • (To Scouts): Don't worry, Yankee! There's baseball in hell! along with No need for all the runnin', city boy! You just calm yourself down!
    • (To Engineers): Your machines won't be good in tha swamp, cowboy! Ever heard a' wataproofin'?
    • (To Soldiers): You're supposed to shoot dem rockets at me, not youself, ya couillon! ("Couillon" means "crazy" or "stupid".)
    • (To Demomen): I made gumbo outta da Loch Ness Monster, you really think you scare me? along with I ain't no racist or nuthin'....but YOU JUST GOT LYNCHED!!!
    • (To Spies): This ain't hide-and-seek, mistah, you might wanna get with the program! or You ain't comin' to gumbo night, Frenchie... not as a guest anyway!
    • (To Snipers): You shoulda stayed home with y'all kangaroo girlfriend! or That's how Cajuns deal with campers, ya head-shottin lazybones!
    • (To Medics): Mah prognosis is... YOU DIED! or Take your "cures" and shove 'em where da sun don't shine, ya damn snake-oil peddla!

The (New) Civilian; The Courier

The Alien

  • A member of the species that is the source of all those WETA Workshop items for Soldier/Engineer/Pyro. Probably uses a mix of those items, along with a few of his own.
    • All Jossed. "The tenth class" has existed, but, depending on your sense of humor and personal preference, he's lying dead and buried beneath the headstone bearing his name at Mann Manor, or mouldering at the bottom of an abandoned mineshaft, thanks to Miss Pauling's unerring skill with a pistol and the outstanding efficiency of Saxton's Hale's Corpse-Grade Quick-Lime.
      • You DO realize that "Tenth Class" headstone was at a FAN site, right?

British and stuffy.

  • He will have a monocle and be English, and as such will be the Demoman's arch nemesis.
    • Sorry to burst your bubble, but the Demoman already has an arch nemesis: THE LOCH NESS MONSTER! Anyway, who will be this stuffy British class, do you think? Which role will he play?
    • How about the doctor?
      • Already have one of those, unless you mean like the Time Lord.

The Mixer.

Similar to the poison master above, but a little more diverse and overly dramatic. Besides poisons of all forms both fast and slow acting (he especially likes the hallucinogenic ones), he also uses team colored smoke grenades for entrances, getaways, and disorienting the enemy. He has a gas mask but, unlike Pyro, you can see his face through it. It's basically a plastic facemask with the breathing apparatus on the bottom. His main weapon is a gas gun that fires large clouds of poisonous gas. Gas tanks can be changed out for different effects. His secondary weapon is a Tommy machine gun with medium damage, but deadly if the target stands still too long. Melee is a large array of syringes around his waist that are used like Spy's knife, which are the only way to poison enemy Pyros and Mixers, since, obviously, the gas gun wouldn't work on them. He's about the same age as Scout, a Nightmare Fetishist, and a little loopy from breathing in his own gas, so he slasher smiles and cheshire cat grins a lot. Not to mention mad cackling. He has low health and his speed is nothing special. He is also a big music fan, so he can be heard singing random songs under his breath.


  • enemy Mixer: GET OUT YOU IMPOSTER!

    • Well, let's see here... If Valve likes both the Poison Master and the Mixer's characters, I have a suggestion: Only one Mixer for each team, while the others can be the Poison Master.
      • Also, personally, this troper pictures this class being voiced by Yuri Lowenthal.


Low health, low speed, could probably make your head explode if you tempted him. Simple.
  • Okay, but what would his weapons be, what purpose would he serve on the team, and are there any other stats we need to know about? Remember, if he's a playable class, you need to make sure he'll need the help of other classes in battle.
  • Jossed, given that not only had, after reverting to his ghost form, his physical body has been cremated by the Soldier, he is the boss of the game's fourth annual Halloween event.


  • ...What? SOMEone had to do it.
    • There's a "VS Saxton Hale" mode where everyone on a team fights Saxton Hale. That's close enough.

The Agent

Redmond or Blutarch bailed a former mafia hitman from prison in Scout's hometown. He wears a team colored zoot suit, usually a fedora, and sneakers for mobility (Spy thinks it's tacky). His primary weapon is dual wielded tommy guns with a flower motif: one Rose, the other Lilly. Primary fires Rose, which uses rounds that break into small pieces and cause bleed damage; secondary fires Lilly, which has a longer range and fires armor piercing rounds. Secondary weapon is an SMG with a dandelion paintjob. Melee is an umbrella with a picture of a daisy on it. Secondary fire has him open it and it's able to deflect all projectiles except bullets.

The Striker

A fighter whose forte is melee, rather than the Scout who is close range. He would use greaves to attack, and will be able to use the gunboats and mantreads as a weapon. The speed would be average, mainly due to running with metal on his feet, but he would be able to combo and dodge around. His specialty would be dispatching groups, and using combos would work better if against groups. Primary would be movement options, such as improved jumping or a dashing attack, secondary would be defense (for example, choosing fire resistance over boolet resistance), and his melee would be footwear. In terms of personality, he would be down to earth, but also rather snarky and relaxed.
  • Maybe instead of being male, it could be a latina woman, around the same age as the Scout. Very snarky and has a double jump, but is slower and has more health.
    (Spy -> Striker): Let that be a lesson, you spanish brat!
  • Domination Lines:
    • (to Scout) Yeah, you run around and almost bash your head in, I'm surprised it took me to kill ya.
    • (to Demoman) One eye and explosives. You are the brightest firecracker in the box, aren't ya.
    • (to Soldier) Yeah, yell all you want, now I just hear a CAVED IN SKULL!
    • (to Engineer) Click whirr, click whirr, click whirr, bang splat. Do you dream in beeps, man?
    • (to Medic) No offense, bud, but your hose can't heal ya anymore.
    • (to Heavy) Just makes you an easier target, and the fat didn't help you much either.
    • (to Sniper) Perhaps you should stop pissing yourself and pretend there is a fight going on.
    • (to Pyro) Flame melts many things, but on you it just means you're a target.
    • (to Spy) You must be an ugly bastard, why else would you wear a mask all day?

The Martial Artist

(How no one Came up with this, I have no idea!) The Martial Artist was once a monk turned Kamikaze Pilot in WWII. His mission was to suicide bomb a legion of Australian Soldiers in Papua New Guinea. Sadly, on his way there, the Australians received a shipment of Australium and had gotten strong. When the Kamikaze Pilots went down to blow them up, the Australian Army simply grabbed the planes with their bare hands and forced them to land. A majority of the Pilots were sentenced to death, but the Martial Artist was spared and sent to an Australian jail. For 20 some years, he trained his Martial Art skills and his body to peak physical condition. When he was finally released, he made a name for himself in underground Fighting Tournaments, taking out many buff Australians and Australium users. What really made him stand out, however, was his fight with Saxton Hale. Although he lost the fight, he was able to wind ol' Saxton down and even do some massive damage to him. Saxton respected the Martial Artist, and thus, he decided to give him a job in the RED and BLU Teams. Now, he helps the teams with his masterful Kung Fu, Ninjitsu, and Tae Kwon Do skills.
  • Info:
    • Name: ???
    • Job: Martial Arts Master
    • Location: Japan
    • Motto: "In Honor of My Ancestors"
    • Type: Offense
    • Emblem: A Red or Blue Ninja Star
    • Speed: 110%
    • Health: 110 HP
  • Pros:
    • Fastest Capture Rate for Control Points (1.2%)
    • Ubercharge causes Martial Artist Speed to Increase (125%)
    • Strong against Melee Weapons / Harder to Crit or Mini Crit With Melee Weapons on Martial Artist
  • Cons:
    • Cannot use Guns
    • Weak Ranged Weapon
    • Fire kills Martial Artist Faster than any other Class
    • Can not use Sandvich or Steak
  • Weapons:
    • Primary: Ninja Star (Long Range Projectile. Crits/Mini Crits at Closer Ranges. Chances of Miss Increases as Distance Increases)
    • Secondary: None
    • PDA 1: Ninjitsu (Short Ranged Teleport. Requires Loading. Easy way to escape an enemy)
    • PDA 2: Taekwondo (Short Buff that increases Health and gives Crits. Requires Charging)
    • Melee: Kung Fu (Uses Arms and Legs to do damage)
  • Taunts:
    • Primary: Pulls out Two Ninja Stars and Slices in front of him. Instantly kills any enemy in the way.
    • PDA 1: Meditates, floating in the air. Heals him by 100 Points. Additional Health points are used as a Buff for 35 Seconds. Can see Disguised Spies.
    • PDA 2: Blocks any attack for 3 seconds, then sends it all back to one area where the cursor is.
    • Melee: In Mortal Kombat Style, you grab your opponent, and rip his heart out. You then throw their heart down and stomp on it. Instantly kills a nearby enemy.
  • Dominations:
    • Against Scout: "You bring great Shame!" "You're fast, like Grasshoper. I hate Grasshopers." "Not fast enough to catch pebble from hand!"
    • Against Soldiers: "For my Ancestors!" "For the Rising Sun!" "For the Great Nation of Japan!"
    • Against Pyro: "Get Over Here!" "Your Fire is No Match For the Rising Sun!" "Man Lost in Thought, Bound to loose Head!"
    • Against Demoman: "Drunk Style is not your style..." "Looks Like a Kamikaze..." "Explosive Man, Explosive Temper, Explosive!"
    • Against Heavy: "Your Fists are No Match for mine!" "You are a brute!" "Many Bullets, and yet not one Touched me..."
    • Against Engineer: "Such A Coward." "Perhaps you should get your hands dirty?" "You have no Honor!"
    • Against Medic: "Germany betrayed us! I shall not let it happen again!" "Man who fight with Saw, Cut himself to Pieces!" "Perhaps Medicine is not in your best interest..."
    • Against Sniper: "You lack Discipline!" "This is for my past, and your Future!" "You Dirtier then Most Australians, and twice as dumb!"
    • Against Spy: "Betrayal!" "Man who hides in shadows, on the Dark side!" "I see through your disguise!"
    • Against Another Martial Artist: "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!" "Finish Him!" "You are not the Chosen one!"
  • Being Dominated:
    • By A Scout: "That's what I think of your stupid training!"
    • By A Soldier: "America kicked your ass, Twice, buddy!"
    • By a Demoman: "Oh, you're a Kamikaze? Well, Mission Accomplished!" "Maybe not, but yours is DEAD style, laddie!" "Kamikaze? Ye need a plane fer that trick, boyo!"
    • By an Engineer: "The Yellow Menace has been put to rest..." "Bein' a coward's still better than bein' DEAD, ya smug sonuvabitch..." "Why do ya think I wear GLOVES, smart-aleck?!"
    • By a Heavy: "Better a brute than a dead man, da?" "The Bear slays the Dragon!" "Your Sun sets forever, little man!"
    • By a Sniper: "What Saxton sees in you, I have no idea..."
    • By a Spy: "Your Meditating was the perfect time to strike! Ahahahahahha!"
    • By a Medic: "Perhaps fighting wasn't in your best interest either, Dumkoph!"
  • Revenge:
    • Against a Scout: "You have not finished your training..."
    • Against a Soldier: "Try a third time, won't you?"
    • Against a Pyro: "I cannot hear you! Speak up clearer!"
    • Against a Demoman: "Yes, a successful Kamikaze..."
    • Against a Heavy: "I simply needed more Training..."
    • Against an Engineer: "Your machines are the true menace..."
    • Against a Medic: "You must have diagnosed me wrong..."
    • Against a Sniper: "He sees more in me than you!"
    • Against a Spy: "Your laughter was the perfect time to strike! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
    • Against another Martial Artist: "Fatality!"
    • Character-specific Revenge quotes? Interesting idea...
  • Healing: "Thank you, Doctor." "I bow in respect to you." "There is some good in you after all..."
  • Victory: "We have achieved Dominance!" "For the Rising Sun!" "We have brought Honor upon us this day!"
  • Defeat: "We have brought great Shame upon us!" "I have failed my Emperor!" "I need more training!"
  • Draw: "We bring no Honor...but no Shame as well? What madness is this?!"


Again, someone had to do it.
  • Three words: Freak Fortress Gamemode.
    • Let's just cut out the middleman and say that the next classes will be Saxton Hale, Vagineer, Ninja Spy, Christian Brutal Sniper, Radigan Conagher, Demopan, Seeman and Seeldier, and The Rocket.

The Beast

A alligator (or any other Large animal) That has been experimented from birth by Mann Co., giving it human levels of intelligence and a helmet that allows it to "speak" by using a synthesized voice and the ordinary growls and snarls of its species.

Weapons: Fangs and claws that go over its natural onesPros

  • After a successful kill, it can eat enemy corpses, giving it varying health and status boosst depending on which class the unit was.
  • Its melee attacks deal out immense damage.
  • Third or second highest health.


  • little to No ranged weaponry.
  • Eating a heavy's Sandvich only restores 5 to 10 points of health.
  • Eating a corpse leaves it open for 10 seconds and the beast won't stop eating until it is done or killed.
  • Can not be ubercharged.

The Trapper

A scrawny little Cajun girl who specializes in ambushes and traps. She would have a PDA item that let her deploy four traps: An explosive disguised as a health box, a tripwire that stuns anyone who walks over it, a mine that does more damage than the one disguised as a health box but is more obvious, and a cardboard cutout of herself posing that fires weak darts at people (basically Sentry lite). She would have basic weapons, but with only 100 health normally, so she would be more focused on setting traps and ambushes than fighting on the front lines.
  • When you say "little", do you mean in age, in height, or...?
  • More ideas: a bear trap that slows the enemy's movement speed by half. A fake dispenser that unveils and damages a spy if a sapper is placed on it.

Weapons:- Primary: Double Barreled Shotgun
- Secondary: Pistol
- Melee: Knife (slightly bigger than Spy's but not as big as the kukri) (Bowie knife?)
- PDA: Trapping Kit
Domination Lines:

- To Scout:

"Woohoo! The South will rise again ya filthy Yank!"
"Wow, you die even faster'n you talk."
"Yer like a lil' frog; jumpy and easy to catch."

- To Soldier:

"Know what we call fellers like you back home? Bait."
"Y'know, maybe you'd see these things if you lifted that helmet."
"I know soldiers, and you're just an insult to 'em."

- To Pyro:

"Fire don't work that great in the swamps, cher."
"Wait, people think you're a girl? Ha!"
"See, man really did make fire way back when. Woman just outsmarted it."

- To Demoman:

"I'm surprised you didn't just blow yourself up."
"What's in that stuff you're drinking that makes you this stupid?"
"Lift the eye-patch, and maybe you'll see the trap next time."

- To Heavy:

"I've killed gators twice your size."
"Can you even see past your gut to notice the thing I'm killing you with?"
"Had a little too much gumbo there fella?"

- To Engineer:

"Eleven PhDs huh? Sure."
"A real southerner wouldn't have fallen for that."
"Nice toys you got there. Wanna see mine?"

- To Medic:

"Maybe the long white lab coat ain't the best camouflage out there, doc."
"Hey! That was supposed to kill someone useful!"
"'First, do no harm' ain't very helpful out here, is it?"

- To Sniper:

"Decided to actually move? I'm surprised."
"Yes, you are a crazed gunman. Not that I wouldn't kill ya if you weren't."
"No, I'm the crocodile hunter."

- To Spy:

"Do people really think I sound like you? I'm insulted!"
"Scout's mom huh? She must be blind."
"You wore a suit on a battlefield? You had it coming."

- From Scout:

"I'm just too fast to fall for your little traps."
"Aww, go cry to your mommy."
"You know what? I'm out of your league!"

- From Soldier:

"Get off my battlefield, little girl!"
"You're a bigger pansy than that Aussie!"
"Does this look like a tea party to you?"

- From Demoman:

"Take that, ya southern bigot!"
"I only need one eye to spot yer little toys!"
"Ye thought a little girl was gonna beat me?"

- From Engineer:

"You're like a pathetic little girl version of me."
"Go back to the bayou, little girl."
"I killed you, broke your traps, and took your gumbo!"

- From Sniper:

"Oh, just what I need; another French annoyance."
"Saw the trap coming from five miles away."
"Fight like a man! Oh, wait. He he he."

- From Spy:

"I don't even need my sappers to take you out."
"You mangled the accent, you had this coming."
"Here lies the Trapper, even the Scout wouldn't touch her."

  • I am behind the 3000%

The Researcher

A British scientist who can augment the other team members abilities. After he lost his funding he used his mad science skills in a new career: mercenary.
  • Primary weapon: A homemade railgun. It used tweezers tape shut as ammo. Can be charged up using the alt fire button, increasing the damage it deals.
  • Secondary weapon: an Erlenmeyer flask filled with a potent mixture of chemicals. When thrown at enemies it initially causes chemical burns (minor damage) but soon starts a chemical fire. Throwing it on an enemy on fire or setting a flasked enemy on fire buffs the burn damage. Trying to extinguish the chemical fire with jarate or mad milk causes a deadly explosion, something they don't initially tell you.
  • Melee weapon: a scalpel
  • A suitcase which is used to upgrade the other teammates. Has a test tube rack, a small computer, and assorted lab supplies.
    • Scout upgrades:
      • With scouts primary weapon equipped, gives his shotgun pyrotechnic ammo.
      • With secondary weapon equipped, causes turrets to have trouble locking on to him, giving him a brief window where a turret can't attack him.
      • With melee weapon equipped, gives scout a brief window of invulnerability when switching to melee.


  • Again, WHY NOT?

The Civilian

"The son to a very influential Western Politician, he was abandond by his Father in the middle of No Where. Wandering for 3 days, the Civilian eventually found 2Fort, where the Soldier dragged him into the bloody conflict. Even though the Civilian is a dirty tree hugging hippie, he has no choice but to take up his (Very, very Weak) arms, and fight along side crazy people." (In case your wondering, the Father knows, but he decides the Gravel Wars/Robot Wars will be good for his son, so he pays the Announcer to keep him there)

  • Name: (Name Withheld)
  • Appearance: Imagine a mix of John Lennon and Bob Denver.
  • Life: 100 Hit Points
  • Jump Type: 1 Jump, Higher then the Scouts 1 Jump, Shorter then the Scouts double Jump.
  • Speed: 115%

  • Primary Weapon: Slingshots - Acts similiar to a Huntsman, although weaker and never gets headshots.
  • Secondary Weapon: Throwing Stones - Stones that are thrown. Acts like a Demoman's Loose Cannon, but much weaker.
  • Melee: Picket Signs - Picket signs of all types.
  • Primary PDA: Backpack - Backpacks give aura's to near by players. They could be healing auras, aggression auras, defense auras, etc.
  • Taunt: Negotiations - Taunt for the Slingshot. The Civilian says "Hey man, why resort to violence? Let's talk..." 85% of the time, the enemy will say "No" and instantly kill the Civilian. However, 15% of the time, it will succeed, making the enemy question his (or her) actions, causing them to go into defeat pose for 10 seconds, and makes them vulnerable to a stronger classes attack.
    • Why should they instantly kill the Civilian on a failed taunt? Wouldn't it do if they simply said "no"?

The Riot Officer

A former SWAT officer discharged for being a loose cannon (but a damn fine cop). Got brought in as a mercenary because he was told he would be fighting dangerous terrorists.

  • Name: Sgt. Danny Bateman
  • Appearance: Jon Favreau from the Replacements, but in full riot gear
  • Life: 120 (maybe higher depending on how shield works)
  • Speed: 85%

  • Gimmick: Riot Shield - Attacks to the Riot Officer's front arc are greatly reduced or negated, except for splash damage attacks like rockets or flamethrowers. Flanking is imperative for other kinds of attacks. Present with ALL weapons

  • Primary Weapon: Mossberg Shotgun - Short range, but has a wide spread so doesn't need a lot of aiming. Also carries a LOT of extra ammo, so can fire indiscriminately.

  • Secondary Weapon: Tear Gas Grenade Launcher - Decent damage on a direct hit, but can't aim for s***. Main effect is reducing visibility and blurring vision of enemies (except his hated foe, the Pyro).

  • Melee Weapon: Collapsing Baton - Okay damage, but also slaps a slowing debuff on them so they can't get out of range of his shotgun.

  • Special: Shield Charge - Dropping all other weapons, the Riot Officer gets a speed boost and a shield bash melee that knocks opponents back.

  • Tactic: He's designed to be either the point man on an assault, using his tear gas to obscure and his shield to act as a bullet sponge. Or, he can play defensively, holding narrow choke points single handedly with his shield and shotgun.

  • Primary enemies would be the Soldier with his rockets and Pyro with his flamethrower which beat his shield immediately. Spies and Scouts would also be troublesome, since they can get around his flank the easiest.

  • Vocals: He sounds like he's talking through a police radio, and while we understand every word he says, it still makes no sense because it is filled with fake cop/military lingo. "*crrshk* We've got a Tango committing a possible One-Nine-Sixer in the Alpha District, please advise". And taunts like "You have to right to remain silent. Because you are dead"

The Commander

A British war Veteran -according to himself. What we're sure of is that he's a Deadpan Snarker

  • Primary: An Assault Rifle
  • Secondary: The same Pistol as the Engie's
  • Melee: A Croquet Bat
  • Special Weapon: Droppable Ammo Packs.

Domination Quotes:

  • Scout: You're much less obnoxious when you stop running around. And when I kill you.
  • Soldier: That helmet isn't necessary, you don't have a brain to protect. Yankee.
  • Pyro: Could you repeat please? All I hear is muffled nonsense!
  • Demoman: Your accent is a lot less thick now that you're dead.
  • Heavy: You are fat, your gun is fat... Are you compensating for something?
  • Engineer: I must admit, your little toys are pretty impressive. Wait, no. That's what the last century would have said.
  • Medic: It seems like I bombarded you this time, Scheißkerl (It's german for "Motherf-cker").
  • Sniper: I cannot believe that a man would fall so low as to throw his urine around!
  • Spy: You should have surrendered before I killed you. Would have gotten much less blood on my suit.
  • Commander: Is it wrong to be happy to have murdered a fellow?

Dominated Quotes:

  • Scout: Baseball beats Croquet, dumbass!
  • Soldier: Go back to the Queen, Fish n' Chips!
  • Demoman: Outta time, should haf skipp't da Tea!
  • Heavy: Full Sandvich diet is better than one day with Tea of Tiny British Baby man!
  • Engineer: I'll tell Q you came by. He'll be happy to know you're dead.
  • Medic: You vill go back to your queen in a Bodybag, dummkopf!
  • Sniper: You're as dead as my respect for England, mate!
  • Spy: Leave the Pipes to Ladies! (In French, the word "Pipe" is a vulgar way of saying "Blowjob")

Instead of just one new class, there'll be three!

This was already discussed with the K-9 Classes up there, but this troper thinks whoever wrote that is onto something. After all, although the classes aren't meant to be balanced, the game itself is, and the three new classes will either be in a type all their own or each of the three will be in one of the existing types (specifically, one new class for Offense, one new class for Defense, and one new class for Support).

A slew of Distaff Counterpart characters

All of whom are Foils to the current canon characters, and might include some of the current canon characters. Such as:Female versions of the team have been a part of the fandom for a while now, and it'd be nice to see something that big become a piece of Ascended Fanon. Granted, it's not likely, since it'd involve creating nine more character models (and various cosmetics, like hats) from scratch, but hey, this is WMG.

Someone who doesn't use firearms...

...but instead uses other objects seen in Valve-produced games, like the portal gun from Portal, the gravity gun from Half-Life, maybe even the physics gun from Gmod, etc.

     Future Upgrades (in alphabetical order of class) 


  • If Minecraft is ever released on Steam, Demoman will get a creeper hat.
    • Alteratively, the iconic Diamond Sword will be released under the name "Diamond Cutter" and described as "Forged from gemstones found deep within the heart of the earth... Or perhaps just creative-spawned. We're not too sure."
  • "Macbeth's Folly" Item Set:
    • "The Banquo Banger" Primary Weapon: Level 10 Grenade Launcher. Ammo Loaded: 4. Ammo Carried: 24. Base: 99-145. Crit: 333-356. + 15% Damage Bonus. + 10 Projectile Speed. + Adds 100% Resistance to Explosives. - Reloading Time reduced by 40%. - Reduces Resistance to Melee Weapons by 20%.
    • "Lady Mac-Death" Secondary Weapon: Level 10 Stickybomb Launcher. Ammo Loaded: 3. Ammo Carried: 12. Base: 40-140*. Crit: 75-166*. + Adds 100% Resistance to Explosives. + Stickybombs can block Incoming Missiles. - Reloading Time reduced by 10%. - Stickybombs automatically explode within 30 seconds.
    • "The Siward Sword" Melee Weapon: Level 10 Sword. Base: 75. Crit: 180. + Has 37% longer melee range. + Every killing blow decapitates the enemy, increasing its head counter. Every head taken raises user's speed (7.5%) and health points (15) to a maximum of 4 times each life. - No Random Critical Hits.
    • "Crown of Cowdor" Level 1-100 Hat.
    • "Witches Talisman" Level 1-100 Badge. + Increases Maximum Health by 50 Points.
(* Depending on the enemy's position upon detonation.)
  • The Bagpipe Blaster Primary Weapon: Level 30 Grenade Launcher. Ammo Loaded: 4. Ammo Carried: 24. Base: 75-110. Crit: 225-330. + 30% faster weapon switching time on wearer. + 10% faster projectile speed. + 300% increased grenade bounce. - 10% less damage.
  • The Soldier's Shotgun, which was given to the Demo in the Mann vs Machine video
    • Alternatively, a modified version of the same shotgun, which shoots a wave of miniature firey grenades.
  • The "Spamcannon", a new grenade launcher. 45-55 damage on dirct hit, 150 on crit. Has 32 shells in reserve. -50% damage and no random crits, but 100% more primary ammo and does not require reload. Use it to get rid of groups of fragile classes, but it can't kill the heavy classes for shit.
  • The Sneakybomb Launcher fires stickies that take longer to arm, and don't arm at all if Demoman aims at any one of his stickies, but they're all completely invisible when he's disarmed them. He has wait for them to rearm when he takes his aim off a sticky, so he has to time his sticky rearm. Stickies also beep when they arm, giving enemies time to counter them.
  • Demoman will finally get a shield that actually, you know shields. Instead of a charge, he can expand a force-field in front of him big enough to protect teammates behind him from incoming fire.


  • Courtesy of Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War, and some troper further down the page: Stage Four tacks on the MPBM, Stage Five the TLS, and Stage Six gives the ECM pod so that only melee attacks or an accurate frontal shot at the newly-added air intake will bring the Sentry down... Oh, Crap!.
    • The shotgun shown in the video for the Mac update.
      • Confirmed!
  • A suit of Powered Armor. What? The Engi Update Teaser certainly reminds some of the Forging Scenes with Tony Stark and Iron Man. Go it, it's not that unique/odd an idea.
  • The revivification machine originally built for Redmond and Blutarch. With his grandfather's blueprints, he will make his team MONSTERS!!! And this will prolly bolster a friendship between Medic and Engi.
    • That already exists; it's respawn.
    • Imagine it in Arena, though.
    • Movable spawn point for Engineer. How often have you wished you could spawn right next to your toys?
      • Teleporters.
  • The Jag will be buffed to the point where it does something. I'm thinking metal cost reduction, here — enough that the user can build a Sentry and a Dispenser without having to wait.
    • As an Engineer main, I can confirm that the Jag's increased building speed makes it the most useful melee weapon for a defensive engineer, especially when the round's just started and you need to get a sentry up fast for some basic defense.
    • As of the Gun Mettle update, the Jag is the go-to wrench for most situations. Good job, Jag Believers!
  • A Grappling-Hook Pistol. He already has the GET OVER HERE! soundclip.
  • Vehicles. Just... Vehicles.
  • A Shout-Out to Portal kit, including voiced turrets, blue-and-orange teleporters, and combustible lemon launcher.
    • What if you are on red team?
      • If you're on RED team, the teleporters will have an orange glow with a small blue spinning light. BLUE team, blue glow, small orange spinning light.
      • The RED team would have red and yellow teleporters, while the BLU team would have blue and purple teleporters, Like in Portal 2's CO-OP levels.
  • A wrench that prevents him from building his own sentries, but lets him steal enemy sentries by picking them up as if they were his own.
  • Doctor Who weapons kit, including:
    • A Dalek-Expy sentry that moves on flat surfaces, and has a gun and melee Plunger arm as its weapons.
    • A dispenser shaped like a TARDIS Console.
    • A Sonic Screwdriver.
      • Thrown in is a thumbs-up taunt for the Pyro. Also a bunch of voice clips, such as "I would like a hat like that." "It's a Sentry. Love a Sentry." and "Come along, Pyro!"
  • A judge's gavel, named the Court Martial.
  • The wrench replaced with a can of team-colored paint. Just splash some team-colored paint on an enemy sentry or dispenser and it's your team's! At least until the paint washes off.
    • Wouldn't the sentry try to kill you on sight though? (Unless it's a throwing item of some sort or you're directly above it...)
      • That makes it a secondary weapon...
  • A portable dispenser placed on his back.
  • "A man of science doesn't need a gun in his hand to fight enemies with. A man of science needs a gun FOR his hand to fight enemies with! The New Sentry In Hand weapon allows you to never be left unguarded again! Just like a real sentry gun, this mini-sentry, for the price of your left hand, will always shoot nearby enemies. As long as they are near you, it will shoot them. Just be careful when a pesky spy tries to get behind you; your Sentry in Hand will see it, and it will shoot it, but it may go through you to get it. Using both the Sentry In Hand and the Gunslinger allows for a faster build of a Stronger Mini-Sentry!"
  • A crossbow-sentry. Fires slower, but have a chance of headshot. When enemy pyros ignite it, the arrows shot will be ignited too, and the sentry resist fire damage. When using wrangler together with level 3 crossbow-sentry, the arrows can also act similar to Crusader's Crossbow which heals teammates. Uses less metal but require longer time of construction.
  • A new Construction PDA, which causes all of the buildings to be covered in a strange tape with a "volt" symbol on it. The PDA itself is a shinier looking, larger PDA with a car battery stuck onto the back. The PDA causes Sentries to fire slower and teleporters to recharge faster, but makes it so that Spies take damage from putting sappers on them.
  • Engineer will get his own version of the SMG that boosts his movement speed at the cost of 25 health, allowing for some wicked exercises in combined-fire with mini-sentries or a greatly improved ability to flit around wrenching everyone else's buildings.
  • Remember DOG from Half-Life 2? Yeah, Engie built one before it was cool. By replacing his wrench with a dog leash, he can build a Sentry-replacing robotic attack dog that follows him around. It has no ranged attack, instead relying on lunging at the enemy and ripping them to shreds the old-fashioned way. Sappers cause the dog to chase its own tail, getting wet from Jarate/Milk will cause it to stop to shake the wetness off, and by killing the Engineer, the dog will stop completely and mourn its master's passing. Also, imagine the Wrangler synergy!


  • A new set of gloves that enables either Fastball Special (if used on allies) or Grievous Harm with a Body (if used on enemies). The Heavy can easily lift and toss any of his teammates (or enemy classes, except a fellow Heavy, obviously), and the lighter classes like the Scout or the Pyro would make excellent projectiles when trying to capture or defend a point, and enemy ragdolls would make for excellent crowd-clearers.
  • A Blog Gun.
  • A gun that does increased damage while you're being healed by a Dispenser or Medic, but less damage otherwise. Could be called the "Soviet Union" or something.
  • A tricycle for faster movement.
  • Class-based domination lines. He's one of two coherently-speaking classes (alongside the Medic below) that don't have them yet. Gary Schwartz still did new voiceovers for Mann vs. Machine and the fourth annual Halloween event, so this is within the realm of possibility.
  • A melee drill, to go with Medic's Vita-Saw.
    • Perhaps it could let the Heavy do a Drill Dash?
  • Maybe the butcher from Wordgirl for the next scream Fortress If you need a picture, it's right here
  • Heavy needs a mobility item, and he took a page from Cave Story for it. Recoil on target and shooter, meaning he can Recoil Boost using this new minigun, but at the cost of reduced max ammo.
  • And since Heavy is visiting America during this stint as a mercenary, he decided to have a cheeseburger while he was here.
  • Also, a pool cue. He got into a bar brawl and found it to come in handy.


  • A mini-fridge equip that replaces the primary weapon and appears as a modified version of the Medic's backpack. As in "Meet the Medic", this item will allow him to snatch up a body part of a gibbed enemy and store it away, extending the respawn timer for the affected opponent and keeping them out of the fray. Also encourages players holding one to partner with offense classes other than Heavies, who have no explosive weapons. Movement speed is decreased while holding an enemy "captive".
  • A medigun that can be used to uber sentries, but you can't uber players with it.
  • A syringe gun that re-enables the patched-out "needle jump" technique and (possibly) allows the Medic to carry one extra clip's worth of ammo, but reduces maximum HP by 30 (this health reduction can stack with the Vita-Saw to bring the Medic's max HP down to 110, the same as a Sandman-wielding Scout). This lets the Medic get around the map more easily and prevent himself from taking fall damage, as well as giving him an additional way to escape from enemy attacks, but he obviously can't heal teammates while needle-jumping, and his already-poor survivability becomes even worse. (Plus, needle-jumping is a pretty good way to cause yourself to take fall damage in the first place.) The weapon's name would be something like the "Panzer Pinshooter".
  • A drill melee weapon.
  • A medigun that heals slower, but raises the reload speed of the player being healed by 1000%.
  • A medigun that needs ammo, but has some kind of other buff.
  • Class-based domination lines, although it could be a bit tricky to implement since he's not much of an attack class and most dominations would have to result from assists. Alongside the Heavy, he is one of two coherently-speaking classes that don't have unique domination lines, and Robin Atkin Downes did provide new voiceovers for Mann vs. Machine and the fourth annual Halloween event.


  • A chainsaw. Given that two of his three current melee weapons are axes, a chainsaw is a logical progression. Also, he just happens to be a masked psychopathic manchild.
  • A sword that is on fire.
    • Confirmed! Sort of. It's a Flaming Axe. And it sets people on fire when you hit them with it.
  • A flamethrower that buffs Pyro's speed and jump height, either in bursts as a secondary fire or passively. This would allow him to be far more proficient at ambushing. It will likely be called The After Burner.
    • Semi-confirmed, equipping the Degreaser flamethrower along with the Powerjack and the Attendant hat does make Pyro move somewhat faster, and jump higher.
  • On the flipside of this, they actually give Pyro a ridable rocket. Useless for ranged combat, but it would allow him to close into melee nigh instantly, and the rocket could explode or stun an opponent upon hitting them as well as damage Pyro a little. It would truly lead to the birth of Flyro.
    • Semi-confirmed again, in the Beta at least. The Pyro's flaregun gets an upgrade that lets you detonate flares, allowing for a sort of rocket-jumping.
    • The Flyro has been shot down, as the self-knockback of the detonator is pitifully small. It's only really useful for climbing on top of the resupply lockers.
      • Actually, with the recent buff, it's been resurrected. The Detonator jump now goes to about Scout double-jump range (I believe, from what I've seen of STAR using it).
    • A variation has appeared as the Thermal Thruster, a Jump Jet Pack that allows the Pyro to rocket around merrily with great mobility and subsequent shock value. Pyros may now vault over even fairly tall cover and start burning stuff the moment they touch down.
  • Something which allows him to cover his enemies (or the floor) with gas and/or flammable oil, then light them on fire for MASSIVE DAMAGE. Jarate/water will cause the fire to spread, like a real oil fire. The catch will be no compression blast (The oilshot will replace it), damage without first oiling is pitiful, and possibly some other problems. It will, of course, be called the Oil Spiller.
    • or normal bacon gease
    • The mod Advanced Weaponizer includes a similar weapon, as well as the Heavy drill mentioned above.
    • Alternatively, have the oil be a secondary weapon, being able to be set off by whatever flamethrower, or the flaming axe weapon mentioned above, which would be useful in Degroot Keep.
    • This has finally appeared in the form of the Gas Passer, a beat-up jerrycan that when thrown covers enemies in what can be described as a flammability debuff—if you are hit by or walk into the cloud that results, you are affected with an 'ignite on next damage' debuff that causes you to catch fire and burn, even if you are otherwise flameproof (Pyros, take note).
  • To combine several of these, the Bonkers BBQ weapon set! Primary weapon: “the Slow Burn”; a flamethrower with flame that that does 50% less damage but carries twice/three times the fuel. Secondary weapon: “the Propane Pyro/the No-clip NOX”, a gas canister strapped to his back that he can use as a jetpack by setting it on fire. The jet pack should let him fly for up to six seconds and be activated by hitting "Jump" when already mid-air, rather than as a weapon (so you can still use a flame-thrower mid-air) and should A, drain his primary weapon fuel as it is used B, Explode and gib him if it gets hit by any weapon that can head-shot (In effect increases his head-shot hit-box). Melee weapon: “The Happy Fun Time Solid Fuel Preparation Device!” …a chainsaw. Secondary fire to rev-up to speed, no guarantee it will successfully rev first time, -90% damage done when not revved up, +150% damage when revved up, drains primary weapon ammo as fast as a flamethrower for every second it revs. Top that off with a chef’s hat (trim in the team colour) and a "Kill the cook" apron (or an apron with a woman's silhouette on it because for all we know, the Pyro is a girl) and you've got yourself a nice little update.
  • Not exactly a weapon set, but since it's the same person suggesting all three, I'll list them together. EDIT: Looking back, if these were a set, they could probably be called "The Increasing Improbability Set."
    • First, a flamethrower that is unable to deal crits and uses 30 ammo for the airblast. The upside is it provides a larger radius for reflecting projectiles. The main attraction, however, is that it gives the user the ability to charge up the airblast to rocket jump, for a cost of 50 ammo. Visually, I'd imagine an upside-down leaf blower with a team-colored engine housing with an attached propane tank, still retaining the classic gas pump handle used by all his other primary weapons, with the head of the flamethrower formed by a small airplane engine and a team-colored propeller on the front. Naturally, it'd be called the Pilot Light.
    • Second, a middle ground between the Shotgun and the Flare Gun/Detonator. The weapon fires much like the shotgun, namely a few scattered bullets. One clip of the weapon holds 8 shots. The multiple small projectiles (relatively similar to the Medic's syringe gun) cause brief afterburn damage in addition to the initial damage dealt by the weapon, which is roughly equivalent to the flare gun's damage when used on an ignited enemy. Appearance-wise, it's a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun, similar to the Force-A-Nature. However, rather than shotgun barrels, it has a pair of team-colored slightly elongated flare gun barrels. Protruding from each barrel is a team-colored emergency flare (the weapon's ammo, replaced via pushing them out with a fresh pair in the reload animation). The weapon's name? The Roman Candle.
    • And finally, a melee weapon called the Wake-Up Call, based on old-fashioned bed warmers (metal pans with long handles, generally filled with burning coal to warm the metal). Think of it as an answer to the Scout's Sandman. If used on an ignited enemy, it has a 1-in-4 chance of stunning the enemy. Upon using the alt-fire, the user flings searing hot coals in a medium-sized range, which causes about 5 seconds of afterburn damage. The recharge for this ability would take around twice as long as the Heavy's Sandvich.
  • A Molotov Cocktail.
  • Because Pyro needs more mobility, all flamethrowers will get some self-pushback, a la Fortress Forever. This will make the detonator a lot more useful. (C'mon, Valve, read this...)
  • A water/squirt gun.
    • Filled with kerosene, perhaps?
  • An Australium Ax. (See the Foundry.)
  • The ability to toast a friendly Heavy's sandvich to make it give extra health.
    • And the weapon that let's him do it? His new melee - weaponized waffle iron.
  • A clearly torn-from-the-street-and-stolen rusty fire hydrant (in team colours) to use as a melee weapon.
  • Something akin to Greek Fire with the ability to light water surfaces.
  • A crossbow with flaming arrows.
    • If you ignite a Sniper's Huntsman, then you get flaming arrows, so it's semi-confirmed.
  • Masks (or, in this game, hats) made of people, which s/he wears over the gas mask.
  • A flamethrower with longer flame particle lifetime (and, therefore, longer range), but which does less damage, reduces the Pyro's maximum health, or reduces his movement speed.
  • A fire wand. Same effects as a flamethrower, except for its secondary feature, it can launch a long-ranged fire attack. And it's usable in Medieval Mode. In Pyroland Mode, it'll look like a magic wand that belongs to a fairy or something.
  • A Pyroland reskin of one of Pyro's hammers which makes it look like a cartoony giant wooden mallet.
    • Does the Necro Smasher count?
  • A rifle that does more damage to burning foes. Probably one with high gunpowder content and if it kills, the victim explodes into gibs.
  • A massive flaregun that carries a grand total of 3 shots, but shoots very large flares that do more damage and set the target alight even if they just graze past them.
  • A new shotgun that shoots flares instead of pellets, but these flares won't do extra damage on burning players. Using it also reduces the Pyro's health.
  • A demonic looking flamethrower. Secondary fire, instead of airblasting in one direction, airblasts all around him while also setting the targets on fire. Leaves a pentagram image around the radius of the blast for a while. However, it uses up 100 ammo for the blast (although it can still be used if you have less than 100 ammo).
  • A buff for the Sharpened Volcano Fragment that lets it set other Pyros on fire.
  • The Pyromancer: The Pyro's got his hands on one of Marasmus's books, and using its powers, he mastered the art of Pyromancy. Donning the Robe of Red Flowers, and creating the powerful Ring of Fire which he now wears as a sash, the Pyro has 3 new weapons that can make people flee for their burnt crisp lives. The Scorcher's Staff, his new main weapon, removes his ability to streamline fire or to create air blasts, but with your sights on an enemy, one click will set them on fire, no matter how far away they are (Snipers, watch out!). His secondary weapon is a new shotgun; the Steam Punk-like Sun-Gone Shot Gun. This gun is enchanted to always be on fire, and while it shoots slower and has a smaller clip, it has a higher damage rate and it sets people on fire. His new melee weapon is the Fiery Fingers; they are just literally his gloves on fire. One punch sets enemies on fire, but the pyro's hands are slow. However, one nice thing about the Fiery Fingers is that they nullify the effects of Jarate, because it turns Jarate into steam and busted glass!
  • an empty child gas mask. when killing a spy with the "Dr. Who?" set(see below), he will taunt with the classic, 'are you my mummy?'
  • Electrical-themed weapons that drain the target's ammo and Chain Lightning from target to target, splitting groups and allowing the Pyro to work from longer ranges.


  • A set with a Hollywood/movie theme (Scout's got the athletics to be a stuntman, at least).
    • Primary Weapon: "The Show Stopper", a scattergun made of film gear (the barrels are oversized camera lenses, the stock is half of a small film spool, the handle is an elongated microphone, and the lever is a miniaturized arm of a clapper board). Deals more damage and spreads bullets on a wide arc, but fires slowly.
    • Secondary Weapon: "Caterer's Revenge" (Thermos filled with unidentifiable concoction.) Can be thrown at enemies for a brief damage-over-time effect; possibly crits or mini-crits from fire during this.
    • Melee Weapon: "The Boom" (Short boom with microphone attached.) Makes a feedback noise on impact; swings very quickly (even compared to the Scout's other melee weapons) but does less damage than a bat. Could also have a taunt-kill where Scout yells into the microphone and destroys the eardrums of anyone close enough.
      • Hat is a beret labeled "Director", which possibly belonged to the Director from "Meet the Director" comic.
    • The November 29, 2012 patch brought us the Memory Maker, an 8mm film camera used as a melee weapon, if that's close enough.
  • A lead pipe.
    • The Heavy's weapon was originally going to be a lead pipe...
  • Dual wield swords.
  • a Ness set for the next Scream fortress. It'll have the Mr. baseball hat (Hat), the Mr. Baseball Bat(Melee), and the Franklin Badge(Misc)
  • A pistol with another tiny gun on top of it. When the Pistol is fired, the little gun will fire on the closet enemy player.
  • "Mann Lube". A jar of a thick grey substance. Throwing it on the floor causes allies to run faster while in that area, and applies a slowing effect to enemies who run through it. This slowing effect lasts even after leaving the grey pool.


  • A shopping trolley — It certainly looks like it belongs in TF2. Balancing could be tricky, though.
  • A golf trophy.
  • A sniper rifle that doesn't need to be reloaded after each shot. Of course, it does less damage than the stock one.
  • A boomerang as a secondary weapon; Alt-fire will throw it, and it will return afterwards!
  • A scopeless rifle (musket?) with increased damage.
  • A secondary blowgun that poisons targets.
  • The Primal Hunter weapon set: "The Dangerous Didgeridoo": Level ten blow-pipe. +50% time to charge up to full power. -25% ammo. Regenerate 25% of your starting health and ammo on a successful head-shot. No scope. Secondary weapon "The Bushman’s Bivouac": level ten Camouflaged Hunter's Hide: a cloak made from highly conspicuous dried grass that somehow, due to the power of Australia, makes you vanish from view when stationary and crouching. Does not allow you to fire any ranged weapon when crouching and un-cloaks you if you try to use melee. +20% fire vulnerability. Melee weapon: the Bludger's Boomerang: as a standard Kukiri, except it A, looks like a boomerang and B, the taunt makes you throw it, let it orbit you, and then catch it again. This will taunt-kill anyone in contact with the Sniper (I very nearly went for a cricket bat called “The Ashes to Ashes” whose description is just “Bodyline this ya leg-theory bowling ponce!”) Hat: the Stale Stereotype (Description: “What are all these corks meant to do again anyway?”)
    • Alternately, the hat will have bullets hanging from it instead of corks.
  • A fishing rod. He can use it to hook an enemy's weapon and mess with their aim.
  • A submachine gun that allows the Sniper to carry more secondary ammo, but has a smaller clip size.
  • An anti tank rifle that deals more damage to engineer buildings, Mann vs machine enemies and (If they ever get introduced) vehicles but has to be at least 25% charged before it can fire, -50% speed and -25% damage to non mechanical enemies.
  • A Link set for the next scream fortress. It would include the huntsman, a link hat, a link tunic, and the master sword for his kukri
  • A rifle Huntsman equivalent, a semiautomatic marksman rifle. It doesn't have a scope, instead relying on iron sights which don't zoom as far. It mini-crits on headshot and can't charge shots - but Sniper can move faster while sighted and has a faster fire rate, allowing him to place more constant pressure on the enemy.
  • Sniper's next cosmetic item: A golden pin with a bird affixed to a ring by its wingtips, holding an arrow in its beak. Except it's Archimedes.


  • An Alamo-themed set. It would include a colonial-style musket that would deal more damage at the cost of a longer reload time. The new melee weapon would be a Bowie knife, which would swing much faster than the stock shovel, but deal less damage. And it would also include, of course, a coonskin cap. Could be called "Cream of the Crocket", or something to that effect.
    • Most appropriate, considering that the term "crocket" is TF2 lingo for a critical-hit rocket. Throw in a primary weapon with some special capacity to inflict crits, and this set looks good to go!
    • The only appropriate primary I could think of for the set is a slightly downsized Davy Crockett missile with a handle. Would deal less damage and reload slower with the benefit of getting criticals more frequently. Could be called "Maybe Crocket".
  • A rocket launcher that somehow allows Soldier to curve the rocket's flight path. A cursor-following guided rocket, perhaps? Or maybe flickshotting the weapon will cause the rocket to arc, like the rocket launcher in Tribes: Ascend. Slower rocket speed allows the rockets to be seen coming and is the weapon's downside.


  • A skill or equip that allows imitating the Announcer's voice, with a set of clips relevant to the mode of play. Balance will be kept by using two rings of distance, where the Spy's imitation will sound exactly like the announcer within a short range, will be quieter or slightly distorted in a secondary range, and will not be audible outside of the secondary range. Replaces or is available as an upgrade to the Disguise Kit, and can be used with the Invisi-Watch for maximum effect.
  • A Flamethrower Lighter and/or an Underwater Hypnopen.
  • A device that, should the Spy die with it equipped, will allow him to return in the enemy's respawn rather than his own.
  • A weapon, I was thinking ballistic knife, that allows the Spy to do minimal damage (or normal damage with rather long reload) without removing his disguise.
    • Along similar lines, a fake gun that does no damage but makes his disguise appear to be attacking.
      • Along the lines on that one, the undisguised model would be one of those Bang! flag guns, making it useless for combat at the price of a wonderful trick. It could also be able to do fake healing when disguised as a Medic (when you are being fake healed, your HUD shows you gettting healed or overhealed, but the moment you stop getting healed, it shows you back at your previous health, as if you weren't being healed at all, which is what was happening all along).
      • Or the HUD will still show your 'overhealedness', until you're attacked.
  • A decoy grenade that produces loud, fake gunfire and randomly-sampled chatter to draw attention away from the Spy.
  • The Soho Slasher weapon set: Turns the spy into Jack the Ripper (because let's face it, an invisible guy that likes his knives a little too much is great slasher-film material). Primary weapon: "the De-activated Duellist": "Although this fine pistol was rendered un-useable for live fire in 1805, it still looks the part..." basically the flag-gun mentioned above. Lets you look as if you are firing a weapon when in disguise, but does no damage. Taunt-kill should make the spy raise the gun to the classic duellist's pose, turn on his heel, and fire the flag into the face of whoever is behind him. Spy watch: "Einstein’s Egg-timer" level twenty time-manipulation device. An Hourglass that, when turned over, records your position and level of health at that moment in time, and returns you to it if you take damage in the next ten seconds that would otherwise have killed you. Does not make you invisible, long recharge time. Basically allows you to do the Jason-style slasher-film thing of not being quite dead when you should be. If you go over the ten-second time limit, your next back-stab will kill yourself, as you somehow wind up stabbing your disguised past-self in the back. Knife: "the Cultivated Cut-throat": Level ten straight-razor. On a hit, inflicts a bleed that will not stop (even when healed) until the spy who inflicted it is dead. 20% chance of a back-stab attempt failing. Basically, you become Sweeny Todd. You slash throats, which is more likely than a back-stab to fail, but you can run in Friday the 13th style and slash people up and rely on the Dead Ringer or the Egg-timer to make good your escape and leave them to die from the bleeding as they desperately try to hunt you down before it's too late. Has no reason for existing as an item, other than pure sadism. Hat: "the Understated Underhand Undertakers", a solemn black Victorian top hat with an undertaker's sash in the team colour tied around it, with a matching black opera-cloak with a silk lining in the team colour. Perfect for haunting the foggy allies of 1880's Whitechapel and getting together with the Scout's great great Grandmother!
  • The Silencer: A revolver which (in addition to being quieter than most of the Spy's guns) disables the victim's voice chat, text chat, and character voice for a few seconds (longer on crits, killshots, and headshots, of course). The idea being that if your victim can't talk, they can't alert their teammates to your presence, or (if combined with Your Eternal Reward) warn them that you just replaced them.
  • The False Flag: A team-colored touch football flag that replaces the butterfly knife. On a successful backstab, instead of killing the target, it switches their team colors to the opposite of whatever you're disguised as (so if you're a red disguised as a blue and tag a blue opponent, they'll turn red), and enables friendly fire on them if it was off before, allowing them to be murdered by their own teammates, for which you will get the credit. May or may not compromise your own disguise, depending on how game-breaking it is to reverse-spy someone.
    • If it removed the disguise, it would have no advantage over the knife. Perhaps it could be used without breaking disguise, but when killed, the enemy's corpse will return to normal to tip off their teammates.
    • New Achievement: I Really Was On Your Side: Get an enemy Spy killed with the False Flag.
    • New Achievement: Blue Scream of Death: Get an engineer killed by his own sentry with the False Flag.
  • The Hacker Kit
    • A revolver which, if the Spy dies within a few seconds of shooting a target, the target's screen or controls are slightly screwed up until respawn.
    • A cloak which makes extremely close teammates invisible as well.
    • A knife which marks the victim for death when they respawn. A pointer above their heads is visible by all teammates, through walls, and anyone who kills them gets double points. If no one kills them within 30 seconds of playing time, or if the spy backstabs someone else, they're free to live.
    • A Hacking Kit, which replaces the Electro-Sapper. It is used to take control of enemy engineer buildings. Gun down the enemy team with their own sentry, make the dispenser suck health out of them, or reverse the teleporters. It doesn't let the engineer know you've placed it, but they can still knock it off with a few hits of the wrench.
    • A cool new hat/suit, one that shows whether you're using a Mac or PC via an emblem in the center. Obviously doesn't serve much of a purpose.
  • A zoot suit
  • A Sentry Disguise Kit. A replacement for the Sapper, it destroys Sentries without the Engineer knowing about it (provided he doesn't see it happening), and when the deed is done, the Spy takes its place as a picture perfect replica of the Sentry. The Sentry will appear to fire at encroaching enemies, but the attacks do no damage, and from the allies' point of view, they'll just see their Spy kneeling down saying: "Pew-pew! Pew-pew! Pew-pew!" The Spy is not immune to enemy fire, however, and his disguise will likely fail when, in an attempt to repair his machine, the Engineer brains him with a wrench.
  • A Sliding Sapper as seen in 'Meet The Spy'. It can slide a short range and sap a building from underneath, making it take 3 hits with a wrench instead of 2. However, it will also be slow, and it can't constantly sap like other sappers can. However, if there is just an impenetrable fortress filled to the brim with Sentries but lacking in the Engineer department, then the Sliding Sapper will do the trick!
  • A sapper that causes no damage to buildings and does not disable them, but causes them to explode after a fixed time limit (the amount of time it takes a regular sapper to destroy a level 1 sentry at full health, to be exact). The explosion can kill anyone in its blast radius except the teammates of the spy who planted the sapper.
  • A spy watch that has a very long cloak time (20 seconds), but only partially cloaks the Spy; he can still be seen as a faint shimmering figure to enemies who are really paying close attention, and if you get exposed by damage or contact with an enemy, you remain visible as a silhouette for an extra 0.2 second (which stacks with the Saharan Spy set's drawback). It recharges a little faster than the default Invisibility Watch, and can be refilled with ammo and dispensers at the same efficiency rate. Basically, it lets you hide for a longer period of time, but your cloak is imperfect and opponents can see you if they squint hard enough.
  • A stealth sapper that is invisible once put on a building and only weakens the building instead of stunning it making the sapper harder to notice, But on he flip side it takes twice as long to destroy the building.
  • "Dr. who?" set (familiar fez, dr. whoa and a new weap[on, the sonic sapper)
    • Sonic sapper:
    • pros: can sap faster than any other sapper; once sapping if finished, can use it to fix friendly buildings or heal friends at the rate of a level 3 dispenser; can sap from a distance
    • cons: Makes classic sonic screwdriver sound, fire button must be held down, and if killed before sap is complete, building regains all health back.
  • A fake Sticky Bomb Launcher. It would allow the Spy to make fake sticky traps. Would replace either the Sapper or Revolver. Alt-Fire changes the colour he fires. One could make fake sticky traps in their team's colour to make the opposing team weary, or fake sticky traps in the opposing colour to convince the enemy team that their Demoman has got them covered. Keeping up with Pyro's anti-Spy utility, the fake sticky bombs are made of a flammable material, and would be instantly destroyed by the Flamethrower. Of course, the Spy's death would make all fake stickies disappear.
  • Inverse cloak. He is permanently invisible and requires a full cloak meter to become visible (and, thus, do any work), and aborting the invisibility period with cloak remaining will create an explosion around the Spy, damaging himself and nearby enemies and consuming what remains of the meter. Cloak also shields Spy from incoming damage while invisible, at the cost of meter - Spy checking won't as easily reveal the Spy, but will postpone his big move. The cloak will auto-abort after ten seconds even if you picked up Metal to keep the cloak running - use the time wisely.
  • a Sapper that affects all buildings within a certain radius. Its downside could either have a recharge meter like in MVM, or remove your disguise once placed.
    • When used in MVM, it could be upgraded to have said radius increase in size to affect both bots and engineer buildings.
  • a Sapper that isn't as effective as others, but can be used while cloaked.
  • An invisiwatch that starts with an empty meter that has to be filled with kills, much like the buff banner (backstabs would add significantly more meter than other kills and a successful taunt kill would fill it completely). Once you cloak with this watch, you'll still be able to attack and sap while invisible.

Non-Class Upgrades:

  • Female character models. (Yeah, right. But this is WMG.)
  • If there's ever a promotional update for the Mortal Kombat series, it would introduce "fatality" taunt kills for different classes.

     Mann vs. Machine updates 
The "robot rebellion" game mode will play like StarCraft.
With the leader Heavybot of the rebellion (being controlled by a player) controlling the Mann Co. carrier tank and building new robots using Credits to fight alongside the normal Mercs, in addition to constructing Mann Co. Stores and research facilities for revenue and upgrades to both the Mercs and the Robots. Cue thousands of fully-upgraded Giant Rapid Fire Soldiers (with similar amounts of Über Medics and Steel Gauntlets as support) being summoned to take down a single group of Scoutbots.

The Final Boss of Mann Vs. Machine will be Gray piloting a giant Saxton Hale robot.
At some point, Mann Vs. Machine will stop being updated. However, to bring the robot slaughter to a proper close, once a player finishes their Tour of Duty, they gain access to a new, optional map that involves Gray losing his mind and trying to kill the mercs himself whilst piloting the aforementioned robot. 9 players fight the boss together, only one of each class can be used, and Gray will use attacks and patterns to force the team to work together.The
The Alternate Reality Game is not done yet...
The ARG Started in Pyromania is not done yet. 6 Of the Items were burned during Pyromania, and the Damaged Capacitor has shown the world the horror of Robots as of Mann vs. Machine. But there still remains one item that we have not been able to piece into the puzzle just yet. The Secret Diary still has not been opened, still has not revealed what lies within its contents, and Valve wouldn't throw in a completely useless item for no reason (Even the Goldfish, the thing that had no real connection to the Pyro or Monkeynaught Poopy Joe or Robots, served its purpose as ashes). The Diary will open up soon...
  • Some of the possible theories is that the Diary contains the entire history, secrets, and unsolved mysteries of Team Fortress 2. You know, who really is behind this, future events, the past, new maps, the experiment to create Super-Mercenaries that went horribly wrong, causing the Freaks to escape, why Poopy Joe died, the tale of the Engineer Robot that gained sentience and is slowly helping the mercenaries anonymously, what really goes on in the Medic's lab, the dark secrets of the mercs, etc.

The next Mann vs. Machine Map will be The Maze...
The next maps will be a reverse of how Mannworks/Coal Town/Decoy have worked; Instead of waves upon waves of Robots coming to kill you and you defending the territory, you're carrying a bomb to destroy territory Gray has already taken!
  • Maps that work like this could finally utilize the story idea of having RED and BLU teaming up (though still not in the same match) by having the players be BLU and attacking red-colored robots.

Infiltration Mode
In which you play as Blu team, infiltrating and destroying one of Gray Mann's (or maybe the tfc mercs with the direction the comics are going) bases or factories. Every facility will have hundreds of robots guarding them on patrol and destructible barriers in place of tanks. Instead of waves, you have checkpoints as you move further into the facility. The respawn system works like it does in arena, if you die, you're out until your team either reaches the next checkpoint, fails, or a medic revives you. So long as at least 1 player reaches the checkpoint, that stage is considered a victory. The bulky barriers mainly exist to keep a single spy or scout from sneaking their way through alone. A modified dispenser on wheels would also be following you the whole way in and serve as a portable upgrade station.

The Heavy will be able to revive people
By dropping his sandwich onto a reanimator. However, this would only bring them back with a fraction of their health and would be best utilized for reviving the medic.


     Team Fortress 3 
Team Fortress 3 will have at least 3 teams and at least 10 classes.
We've talked about the possibilities of additional teams, but a new 3+ team mode would likely be too radical a change for a simple update to TF2, which by now is 7 years old. A sequel to TF2 would not have this restriction. There have also been numerous complaints about the demoman becoming a melee-centric class. The Demoman and the Knight will be seperate classes in TF3.
  • It would also be an excuse to have female representatives (NOT Distaff Counterparts) of each class. More on that in the Miscellanious section of the TF2 WMG!

TF3 will be in the hat wars of the 1990s
Well what else could it possibly be?

Going with the above WMG, then TF3 will be released between 17 and 26 years from now
It is currently 1973 in the TF universe, or at least when this was written. That means that in 17 years the "1990s" will start and in 26 years the "1990s" will end.

TF3 will be a hat simulator first and a war game second.
It just makes sense: they have already exhausted the war game side, so why not focus more on those ever-profitable hats.You will be able to choose from over 60,000 unique hats as well as super high levels of customization and a hat editor to make your own completely unique hat.You will have hundreds of unique environments to wear your hats at.You will have full trading options and a hat judge to decide how much your hats are worth.

     Misc./Unsorted Updates 
There will be an achievement called You Can Leave Your Hat On.
It will be for one of the fan popular couples, and thus cause shipper's heads to explode.

There will be a taunt where you gain the ability to do other classes' taunts.
  • Because Pyro drawing herself up to full height and flicking away a spent match, or Spy playing air guitar with his cigarette case would be hilarious.

"Bestralium" weapons will be added to the game for at least one character.
Bestralium is mentioned in a poster to be an (apparently low-quality) synthetic Australium produced by Mann Co. It might function quite well as a Deadly Upgrade - sapping the wielder's health, but being more effective than the standard weapon in terms of damage, speed, whatever is appropriate.

Battle Scars will be added
It seems odd that these mercs have been at this for several years and never acquired any sort of permanent visual injury (Except sniper). So, it only makes sense to add scars for the classes. They will be like hats, equippable, tradable, recolorable. The only class who doesn’t get any is the Pyro, because he/she has no exposed skin.

2013's Halloween boss will be related to the Sniper in some fashion.
Late one night, I had a revelation. The first boss, the Horseless Headless Horsemann, wasn't related to any one class, but used the Demoman's model as a base. Next year, MONOCULUS! was, of course, Demoman's disembodied eye, and used Soldier's programming. Over the next year we were introduced to Merasmus, Soldier's roommate who became the next Halloween boss. He uses Sniper's model as a base. If the pattern continues, we'll have some creature (perhaps a mutated Australian creature of some kind?) relating to Sniper as next year's boss, and whoever's model that uses will have something related to them as the 2014 boss.
  • Given the Heavy's bulk, perhaps it could be an undead/mutant Australian human using his model?
  • Further evidence to support this: In the Lecture Valley teaser, the Robotic Boogaloo might have been represented by the Mann Co. Robot Disguise Romance Kit and the Summer Event 2013 might have been represented by the 12-step Mann Co. Piano Lessons. (You tune a piano, you "tune" a weapon, plenty of weapons were "tuned" in the Summer Event 2013 update.) The Robotic Boogaloo comes 47 days after the teaser was released. The Summer Event 2013 came 54 days after the Robotic Boogaloo update. If this pattern continues with about 50 days between each update, then 2 updates from now will be just before halloween, or in other words the Halloween Update. In the order of going left to right on the top row on the Lecture Valley teaser, then the nutmeg and sex telescope will be a part of that update. The nutmeg sounds like jarate, a sniper weapon. The sex telescope sounds like the sydney sleeper, also a sniper weapon. And where there are sniper weapons, there is definitely a sniper.
  • Unless you can think of a way to relate the Skeleton King to Sniper, I believe this has hit a dead end.
    • Well, Skeletons use the Sniper's animations, so...

The Engineer once worked for Lecture Valley, and someone in there is trying to barge back into his life
  • Lecture Valley's main product seems to be bread, which may seem like a bit of a coincidence with the sudden teleport-induced loaves spawning at random. However, one must remember they were recently bought out by Mann Co., which probably caused many to lose their jobs, especially considering this company's dumb even by Mann Co. standards. Plus, the Engineer wasn't always a mercenary, and probably had to work machinery in some of their wheat fields, or in one of their plants, during the process of gaining all his PHDs. Still, he left afterwards, and the rest is history...
  • Or perhaps not. Depending on how important he ended up making himself in that company (which was probably very much so, this being the Engineer), someone could blame the company's collapse on him leaving, even more so when he then became one of Mann Co's greatest customers. Thus, whoever this is, they could be either sending some mafia-style messages before their actual revenge, or attempting a ridiculous plan that somehow involves bread in teleporters. But it's quite possible someone in there is not happy, and is focusing on the Engineer for it.
    • Jossed, as of Expiration Date. It was being used to test for teleportation sickness.

Ladies Night Update
This update will add the option to use a female character model for each class, all with brand-new lines that in no way duplicate the lines of their male counterparts to make the female mercs more unique. These female character models would also have their own unique cosmetics, but still be able to wear most of the same ones as the males.

"Gift Exchange" Smissmas Update
Every class would get a new weapon and cosmetics based on some attributes of another.
  • Spy—>Soldier
The Stealth Bomber: rockets are cloaked until close enough to an enemy.
  • Scout—>Engineer
An item that increases movement speed if a building is damaged or being sapped.

There will be no new weapons in any future updates
Valve will continue to focus on making skinned weapons instead.
  • Alternatively, some of the more widely available reskins (Nessie's Nine Iron, Fortified Compound, etc.) will gain unique stats.
  • Jossed: Five new weapons appeared as free unlockables in the Jungle Inferno update...alongside the option to buy skins to apply to your weapons. So, hey, at least you can pick which one you want now.

There will be a Team Fortress Classic/Quake World Team Fortress/Enemy Territory Fortress themed update
Probably to celebrate the original mod's 25th anniversary or something.


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