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Quotes / Properly Paranoid

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    Comic Books 
Call it paranoia if you want. But I've come to trust that nagging itch at the base of my skull.
Frank Castle, The Punisher MAX

Where I come from, paranoia is just another word for "not dead yet."
Kremlin, Ex Machina

Remember: A Paranoid is simply someone in possession of all the facts.
Spider Jerusalem, Transmetropolitan

Mad-Eye Moody had once worked out how long it had taken him, in retrospect, to achieve what he now considered a decent level of caution - weighed up how much experience it had taken him to get good instead of lucky - and had begun to suspect that most people died before they got there. Moody had once expressed this thought to Lyall, who had done some ciphering and figuring, and told him that a typical Dark Wizard hunter would die, on average, eight and a half times along the way to becoming 'paranoid'. This explained a great deal, assuming Lyall wasn't lying.

    Film - Live-Action 
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Spike Logan, Killer Elite

I always think everything could be a trap. Which is why I'm still alive.
Prince Humperdinck, The Princess Bride

Paranoia is just reality on a finer scale.
Philo Gant, Strange Days

You know what, Grady? Some people think I'm overly prepared, paranoid, maybe even a little bit crazy... but they never met any pre-Cambrian lifeforms, did they?

Cooper: What's your trust setting, TARS?
TARS: Lower than yours, apparently.

"Paranoid? I'm not paranoid. All my fears are real."
Bill Whitney, Society

I live in a paranoid world. But just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I don't have enemies. I have real enemies. Enemies that would freeze your blood if you only knew.
Marco, Animorphs: The Predator

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

"Why?" Gareth bleated. "What's wrong? For three days you've been running away from your own shadows..."
"That's right," John agreed, and there was a dangerous edge to his quiet voice. "You ever think what might happen to you if your own shadow caught you? Now ride - and ride silent."
Dragon's Bane

Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.
Harry Dresden, Storm Front

Hastur was paranoid, which was simply a sensible and well-adjusted reaction to living in Hell, where they really were all out to get you.

Aunt Josephine: Mr. Poe told me to be on the watch for Count Olaf, but he did also say you children tended to see him everywhere.
Klaus: We see him everywhere because he is everywhere.

Constant Vigilance!
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody/Barty Crouch Jr. in disguise, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Leif: You're the most paranoid man I've ever met.
Atticus: I'm also the longest-lived man you've ever met.

A paranoiac, my friend... is a person who has gone crazy in the most intelligent, well-informed way, the world being what it is.

Fear is what keeps a man alive in this world of treachery and deceit.
Roose Bolton, A Song of Ice and Fire

It's one thing to believe that everyone is out to get you. Quite another when it's actually true.

"You've got to learn to cross the line and live your life outside society, shut yourself away from people, cut yourself off. Values are different out there. Let a man show friendship for you and you've got to deny him, mistrust him, suspect him, and nine times out of ten you'll be wrong but it's the tenth time that'll save you from a dirty death in a cheap hotel because you'd opened the door to a man you thought was a friend. Out there you'll be alone and you'll have no one you can trust, not even the people who are running you. Not even me. If you make the wrong kind of mistake at the wrong time in the wrong place, and it looks like you're fouling up the mission or exposing the Bureau, they'll throw you to the dogs. And so will I."
Quiller, "The Warsaw Document" an infinite capacity for suspicion.

Horst: I mean, you're bulk buying handguns. What does that say about your lifestyle?
Johannes: It says I'm prudent and farsighted.

    Live-Action TV 
Garibaldi: For starters, I don't know you, therefore I don't trust you.
Lochley: The world's full of people you don't know.
Garibaldi: I worry about that all the time.
Babylon 5, "Strange Relations"

Michael: Even paranoids have enemies.
Sam: Yeah, you're living proof of that! (Mike glares at him) Well, you know, a little.
Burn Notice, "Wanted Man"

Cole: Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?
Phoebe: With my demon ex-husband from hell? No, Cole, I don't.

The deal feels bad, the deal is bad.
Eddy Mansfield, Dark Side of the Ring, "David Schultz and the Slap Heard Round the World"

The Brigadier: Armor piercing, solid core with Teflon coating. Go through a Dalek. UNIT's been very busy, Doctor. We also got high-explosive rounds for Yetis and very efficient armour-piercing rounds for Robots. And we even got gold-tipped bullets for you-know-what.
The Doctor: No silver?
Brigadier: Silver bullets?
The Doctor: Well, you never know.
Brigadier: Quartermaster Sergeant! Silver bullets, have we any?note 

When you've done the things I've done, there's no such thing as paranoia.
Eliot, Leverage

Only the paranoid survive.

Give me a man that's not paranoid in this company and I will show you a man with twelve knives in his back.

When everybody is out to get you, paranoia is just straight thinking.
Dr. Johnny Fever, WKRP in Cincinnati

No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough.

"Paranoid" is what they call people who imagine threats against their life. I have threats against my life.

Weyoun: (...) Let's just say I left Cardassia because my life was in danger.
Odo: From whom?
Weyoun: Everyone.
Odo: Aren't you being a little paranoid?
Weyoun: Of course I'm paranoid, everyone's trying to kill me.

Egrorian: You are a cautious man, Avon.
Avon: Well that's a habit I hope to live with.
Blake's 7, "Orbit"

"You'd be paranoid too if everyone was plotting against you!"
Jim Hacker, Yes, Prime Minister

Sgt. Faithful: Simpson's touting a report...says that Anderson was paranoid.
Inspector Brennan: Check it?
Sgt. Faithful: Yes... The police psychologist also stated that there's nothing crazy about thinking you're being persecuted when you are being.
Phoenix, "Christmas in July"

Are there any paranoids in the audience tonight?! Is there anyone here who's weak? Heheheheh, pathetic. This song's called "Run Like Hell."
Roger Waters, Once an Episode during live performances of The Wall in The '80s

    Stand-Up Comedy 
How can I be paranoid... when the paranoid mother-fuckers who are making me paranoid are really out there?

    Tabletop Games 
They are used to ease irrational fears (which is silly; in Alpha Complex there are no irrational fears.)

I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

Lead a Nosferatu slowly and gently: of all their habits of thought, I find their suspicion the hardest to break, because it is so often justified.
Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Followers of Set (revised)

    Video Games 
Every time I think I'm paranoid enough, my enemies find a new way to show me different.
Crimson, City of Heroes

"Roman's always been paranoid. It's probably why he's lasted this long."

With every failed time spell, the magister grows a bit more paranoid - or perhaps it's not paranoia, since the Elder One really will kill him for his failures.

"I told Grodd you were loyal to the Bat. He called me 'paranoid.' At least he listened when I said Batman wouldn't relinquish his Cave so easily."

An asylum catches fire. Everyone freaks out. Everyone except the paranoid delusionals. Normally they twitch and scream, but in the face of disaster, they're as cool as cucumbers. They lead everyone, staff and patients, out of the building in an orderly manner. They have a plan. They always knew this was going to happen.
My mental state is a mater of expunged public record. If what the doctors wrote is true, if I did what they said, then I was well equipped to find this second dream.

This one was hiding in your pillow with an ether-soaked napkin and an ear-drill. Fortunately, you are in the habit of distressing your pillow thoroughly with a poker before sleep, in case of ambushes just like this one. Good to see the habit finally pay off.

Isn't that the nice part of going mad? You realize you weren't paranoid after all.
Helen Narbon, Narbonic

Whatever happened to basic adventurer paranoia, though? It's like these people have never had a ceiling come to life and try to smother them before!

Sam: Are all engineers as paranoid as you?
Florence: We call it being properly cautious.

Tagon: Kevyn, Thurl, I need to be one hundred percent sure that nobody else has a back-door into this artificial intelligence you're installing for the ship.
Kevyn: Sir, it's all commercial hardware, from six different vendors with three completely unique value chains. The only way for there to be out-of-spec back doors or faults common to all these systems is if there were a secret cabal or conspiracy among all the manufacturers and vendors we used. Of course, if there were such a cabal, they probably wouldn't have our best interests in mind...
Tagon: Welcome to my world, Kevyn.

Maxim 30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Sploorfix: Vexxarr, why do you always have to be so cynical?
Vexxarr: Oh, I dunno... always being right might have something to do with it...

    Web Original 
I do not know what is more terrible, that I have begun to take every possible precaution for the slightest action, or that I have been proven perfectly justified in doing so.
Polo of Sealock, Polo Quest

Everyone's always told me that I'm paranoid and need to calm down, but guess what? I'm alive, and everyone who told me that is dead! That's the ultimate proof that someone doesn't know what the hell they're talking about. "Aliens aren't invading, Freeman. You're just being paranoid." "The mailman's not spying on you, Freeman. You're just being paranoid." What else... "There's no society of anthropomorphic frog people living in the sewer, Freeman. You're just being paranoid." "Owls can't read your thoughts, Freeman. You're just being paranoid." Bet you wouldn't call me paranoid now if you were still alive!

79. Fear everything, it's safer.

I don’t know why Batman keeping an arsenal of secret weapons to kill all the other members of the Justice League is played up as such a deep, dark thing. I mean, all he’s gotta do in order to justify it is say: "Okay, show of hands - is there anybody in this room who has never been cloned, mind controlled, fought an evil version of themselves from another dimension, anything like that? Anybody? Anybody at all?"

"Seriously, I'm not paranoid. Paranoia is when you think you're being followed but you're not. We on the other hand? Are legitimately being followed."
Spencer, lonelygirl15, "The Serum"

    Western Animation 
You know, the lesson here might be that fear and paranoia is a bad thing, except that's what saved us.
Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible

That'll never come in handy, Stork. You're wasting your time, Stork. Hmph. (smirks) I was right, the rest were wrong.
Stork, Storm Hawks

Batman/Terry McGinnis: He expects me to work even harder while he's gone.
Max Gibson: Why?
Terry: He always thinks something bad's going to happen the minute he leaves town. (sky lights up) And somehow he's always right.
Batman Beyond, "Inqueling"

    Real Life 
Even paranoids have enemies.
Joseph Berke, psychotherapist

A paranoiac is a guy who knows a little of what's going on.

Even a paranoid can have enemies.
— Allegedly Golda Meir to Henry Kissinger during the 1973 Sinai talks, after he accused her of being paranoid for refusing to grant the Palestinians additional concessions

It's not paranoia when they really are out to get you.
Martin Willett

Paranoia: You only have to be right once for it to be worthwhile.

Paranoids are only people who imagine responsibly.
New Old Saying

The man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one.