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World's Dumbest... obviously shows clips of people failing at something, and those shows can really have some funny moments, whether it be the clips themselves or the commentators. The folders below have descriptions added.

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    Animal Encounters (When nature takes a bite out of stupidity.) 
  • The infamous story of soap opera actor Fabio getting hit in the face by a goose while riding the Apollo's Chariot ride in Busch Gardens. Especially the bit where Godfrey pretends to be the goose.
    Godfrey: "Honk! He has no talent! Honk! I hate Fabio!" Boom! And all the other geese are like, "Yeah! Honk, honk, honk, honk!"
    Brad: You know how they take pictures when they reach the top? I hope it took the picture at that moment. I would be like, "I'll take the one of Fabio eating the duck."
    • What makes it funnier is that since there's no footage of the exact moment the goose hit Fabio, the show did their own version of it using poorly done animation.
  • Cobra Day. A festival where people put their lives on the line by provoking king cobras.
    Chuck: They're not pets! They're trying to kill you!
  • The number one clip shows a raccoon named Willie living in a man's walls and the man yells at him like they're an old married couple.
  • A pet kangaroo in Buffalo, New York escapes from its owners during a wintery day. Godfrey thinks that maybe it escaped for a reason.
    Godfrey: That's why the kangaroo was trying to leave! It was in Buffalo! It knew it was in Buffalo! Have you been to Buffalo? It sucks!
  • One clip showed Charlie, a chimpanzee from a South African zoo who has a bad habit of smoking. This is the result of him learning how to smoke by watching zoo patrons and said zoo patrons throwing their cigarettes into his enclosure. And he's not only smoking, he's inhaling as well.
  • One clip showed a safari tour going horribly wrong when a troop of baboons runs up to the truck and start stealing the tourists' food. The poor kids are traumatized and the narrator says that they probably won't be reading Bedtime For Bonzo any time soon.
    Loni: Next time, just take them to Chuck E. Cheese's so they won't have to see a baboon's raw pink ass up close.

    Brawlers (Here's a fight. Repeat 19 times. Roll credits. Repeat first three steps way too many times.) 
  • The whole animated parody of Danny Bonaduce's infamous transvestite hooker incident in "Brawlers 13".
    Danny: So I take off, I beat the cops to my house, I run upstairs and think, 'What'll I do, what'll I do, what'll I do? I know! I'll dive in the closet and pull dirty clothes over myself!'
  • The entire "Nodding Turtles" clip, made all the more hilarious with the voice-over dub, having the turtles chant, "Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya!" as they nod at one another.
    Chuck: They look like two black schoolgirls havin' an argument!
  • A clip from "Brawlers 6" has some guys shot at a duck pond of a white duck and a black duck attacking each other.
    Daniel Baldwin: It was only a matter of time before Donald and Daffy's professional relationship became violent.
    • Nick seems to be a little leery of the clip from the start:
      Nick: You're runnin' through a park scarin' ducks. Why don't you try somethin', I don't know, maybe girls? Sports?
  • A clip featuring a man fighting a Canada goose that snatched a woman's purse.
    Leif: En garde, you silly goose! After I finish with you, I'm gonna turn ya into pate!
  • The gang commenting a cheapo 1980s martial arts movie about a man and a woman fighting another man, pushing him into a meat hook, blinding and killing him.
    Kevin: That's why you should bring safety goggles when you fight at a meatpacker.
    Daisy: (commenting on the woman): That transvestite knows how to fight!
  • "From Brawlers 9", a man confronts another after being pushed in the subway, repeatedly proclaiming he's a psycho of some sort. The other man couldn't care less, as he nonchalantly reads a book.
  • John dressed as Jesus Christ at the end of "Brawlers 1".
    John: Whose fucking name do I say when somebody pisses me off?!
  • Two Russian teenagers get into a fistfight. It ends when one of them grabs his opponent's penis and refuses to let go until his victim surrenders.
  • A Sydney man runs afoul of a prostitute to avoid paying for sex, his suit being totally ruined. Let's say all of this had to do with the fact the hooker had a little... surprise.
    The Greg Wilson: (In the background, we can see someone with Judy's face pasted on) That ain't a slit! It's more of a stick...
  • From "Brawlers 6", a woman pulls up at a McDonald's in the wee hours of New Year's morning, asking for some chicken nuggets. But when informed they don't serve chicken this early in the morning, only the breakfast menu, the woman goes crazy and tries to break her way in through the drive-up window. She drives away, but she's later arrested and charged with vandalism.
    Daisy: (dressed as an employee) Tonya Harding! Tonya Harding is attacking me through the window! Get the manager!

    Competitions (Things you're better off not doing) 
  • Daniel Baldwin and John Enos running out into traffic while wearing sumo suits. Comedy gold.
  • Chuck Nice giggling and clapping his hands like a schoolchild at a French game show — one that involved busty women in low cut tops crawling over a pipe.
  • A clip from England of — a snail race.
    • Judy offers up her alternative:
      Judy: Okay, you can start the snail race, go out to dinner, see a movie, come back, and the snail's in the same fucking place as it was when it started.
    • At one point, a pair of snails stop racing and start mating with each other.
      Loni: Uh, those two don't look like they're racing, they look like they gettin' it on.
      Mike T.: That's always fun when you have to explain things to your kids, like, "Why are the snails hurting each other, Daddy?" "Ugh, oh God, this is gonna be a long car ride home."
  • The race that begins at the bottom of the Empire State Building...and ends all the way at the tippy top. It doesn't take long for the racers to become exhausted and stop running and start walking. The commentators all agree that it pretty much loses its charm after climbing only a few flights of stairs. The weirdest part? One of the racers was an old man wearing no shirt!
    Loni: He made it, took him a few years but he made it!
    • And at the end, one of the racers is so exhausted, one has to hope he took the elevator down. The voiceover dub is hilarious as well.
    "Racer": My cheeks burn!
    Leif: Let me tell you, does your butt burn? Hello, hello, hello. But in a good way. Suppose there is any other way.
    "Racer": Oh, my ass cheeks burn like the fire of Moses!
  • In "Competitions 4", there is one clip that showed a mascot race. Leif compares this to a drug trip.
    Leif: It's like an acid trip of sorts. You wake up, and you see these oversized stuffed animals racing each other over steeples. [a clip of the racing mascots is shown while psychedelic music plays] Oh! That was so painful!
    • The commentators say that there are two problems with this race: first is that their costumes are so hot and second is that the masks make it hard to see where they're going. Case in point: one of the mascots ends up falling over because he has trouble keeping his mask on...and the other mascots just run over him.
  • The Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling event. A giant wheel of cheese is rolled down the hill and the people chase after it. Enough said. And you know that the event is guaranteed to cause injuries when there are paramedics waiting for the racers at the bottom of the hill.
  • The commentators compare Nakizumo, the festival where Sumo wrestlers compete to make babies cry the loudest and longest, to child abuse.
    Chuck Nice: Here's a message from the babies. If I poop my pants, I will cry. If I'm hungry, I will cry. Keep the fat dudes away.
  • A contest involves people tossing tuna as far as they can (just like the hammer throw at the Olympics), leaving a lot of fish to rot.
  • In "Competitions 4" we see an unusual football match with cars pushing a giant ball.
    Kevin: This game is like soccer, but they score touchdowns as in football. It's clear they do drugs.
  • Calcio Storico, also known as the most brutal historical football game ever played in Italy, guaranteed to cause cuts, bruises, and bloody noses. The only thing stopping it from being too violent? An umpire with a giant feather.

    Confrontations (Brawlers Lite) 
  • A clip about fainting goats. One goat herder is interviewed, talking about scaring goats into stiffness doesn't hurt or bother them a bit.
    Chuck: How do you know that doesn't bother that animal?
    Brad: [mocking tone] I bet that makes you feel like a may-yan, doesn't it? "I scared the crap outta that goat!"
    • And the cast's reaction upon learning that are actual international fainting goat competitions, and officials need to have photographic proof of the goat fallen over in order to be registered.
      Roger: Wait just one minute, there's actually an International Fainting Goat Association?
      Kevin: Who is defrauding the goat-fainting community with goats that don't faint? Whoever it is is a sick son of a bitch! (Todd then "scares" 'Mac', who then drops like a goat would. You can even hear laughs from the crew)
  • A clip of a drunk driver who has been arrested and taken to the police station to be read his rights. He's so upset that he starts bawling for his lawyer, and even goes a step further:
    Nick: He just throws himself down on the floor like a three-year-old in Walmart who didn't get his toy!
    Michael: When the police have you, and the evidence is mounting up, and they didn't give you a test, and you don't have a lawyer, there's only one thing you can do. Fall on the floor and cry like a little bitch. Nailed it.
    Daniel: At that stage in the game, if your lawyer can bail you out of that situation, I want that fuckin' lawyer!
  • A clip of a videographer who gets peed on by a tiger, of which a zoo employee remarks, "You're gonna smell like popcorn for the rest of the day!"
    Brad: Tiger urine smells like popcorn?!
    Kevin: (sadly staring at a popcorn bowl) Now I'll never be able to eat popcorn again. Thanks.
  • A middle-aged English lady who was jilted by her fiancee on their wedding day has a new soulmate in the form of... a full-grown sow named Rachel. She sleeps with it, eats with it, snuggles it, plays with it, and so much more that Judy suggests they be given their own sitcom with a Drama Bomb Finale.

    Criminals (Pretty much the main reason tru TV created this show) 
  • From "Criminals 16", a thief robs a convenience store armed with a... screwdriver. Needless to say, he got screwed at the end (no pun intended) as the clerk activates the panic alarm.
    Billy: Couldn't he use the screwdriver to get out by any chance?
    • Kevin comments on the thief having "Taurus" as a name:
      Kevin: This is exactly what happened to my cousin, "Impala McCaffrey" (we see a mugshot of Impala—actually Kevin with a mustache pasted on). If you're named after a mediocre four-door sedan, your life can only take one path...
  • A couple of thieves steal a bait car.
    Passenger: We own this city!
    Driver: Where are we?
    Passenger: I don't know.
    • Michael's comment really sells it.
      Michael: "We own this city!" "Where are we?" "I don't know." You can't write that!
  • The entire clip from "Criminals 24" involving a man attempting to shoplift a pack of razors from a grocery store.
    • Nick, Jaime, and Mike T. on the man constantly eyeballing the security cameras:
      Nick: Could he have made himself look even more suspicious?!
      Jaime: You're not paranoid if they're really watching you...
      Mike T.: (as the shoplifter) Whaddya lookin' at me for? You keep lookin' at me, fine, I'm gonna keep lookin' at you, camera!
    • Kevin on the man continuously pacing nervously throughout the store, and fumbling with his other (legit) purchases:
      Kevin: This guy is either a shoplifter or participating in the most emotionally conflicting razor purchase ever.
    • Todd, playing the role of the man's conscience as he goes through checkout, pondering on going through with his shoplifting:
      Angel!Todd: Now, now, you know you don't want to rob the store.
      Devil!Todd: You don't know what you're talking about! Rob the place! Rob the place!
    • Finally, Kevin's comments on the man being apprehended by security, and actually looks visibly distraught as he sits in the security office:
      Kevin: This should have been an intervention; "Dude? Seriously? You are terrible at stealing stuff. You have to stop."
  • Leif: Small penis alert! Small penis alert!
    • Followed by a "police lineup" of cast members pretending to show their penises—including Judy Gold. Danny Bonaduce ends up getting fingered for having a small one.
      Danny: What can I say? It's a grower, not a shower... Or, I have a small penis!
    • To elaborate, the video clip shows a drunk man peeing in a hotel hallway. In retaliation, the manager takes a still of the footage and makes a wanted poster of it that says, "Wanted! Small penis!"
      Manager: The moral of the story is, if you pee in my hallway, I will make fun of your penis.
      Kevin: Looks like something they'd do in Police Academy. Why catch him when one can ruin his life?
  • One clip from "Criminals 19" has two thieves in a bait car, discussing how they called each other a bitch. One then wonders if they actually are in a bait car.
    Tonya: If it looks like a bunny, and it hops like a bunny, THEN IT MUST BE A BUNNY!!!
  • Tom McCaffrey (Kevin's younger brother), in response to a clip of a herd of cattle that escaped from a rodeo and stampedes into a convenience store in "Criminals 18":
    Tom: Well, this just goes to prove that cows are good at being food. They're not very good at planning escapes.
  • The entire "Slip and Fail" clip, including the commentary...
    • An elderly lady and her caretaker are in a cosmetics aisle at a department store, the old lady finds spilled nail polish on the floor, and gets down, acting as if she had fallen, while her caretaker goes for help.
      Daisy: Phew! Thank God she was able to break her fall by getting down on her hands and knees very slowly.
      Kevin: Someone help! My friend is... uh... taking a nap!
    • Afterwards, three store employees race to the lady's aid.
      Danny: Those are the three fastest-moving people in all of Florida!
    • Spectators start to gather around, including one woman scooting along in a motorized cart...
      Ted: What's the woman in the motorized cart going to do for the woman on the floor? Gloat?
    • ... who then gets up and walks over to the lady on the floor.
      Mike T.: There's a lot of weird stuff goin' on in this aisle, you got healthy people falling down, people in carts rising to their feet, it's like the Bermuda Triangle over there!
    • Paramedics arrive with a gurney and take the lady to the hospital, while she plans to sue the store until insurance investigators check surveillance footage.
      Jaime: [as lawyer] We've received your claim, and BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    • Brad's closing remarks:
      Brad: I don't remember this episode of The Golden Girls... it's a little dark...
  • From "Criminals 21", the re-enactment of Leif's 2010 drug arrest (which Leif himself even participates in), in which he was found with black tar heroin in his possession.
    Loni: Black tar?! [wails] WHY, LEIF, WHYYYY?!! OHH LOOORRRRD!!!
    Judy: When I was little, I had Leif's picture all over my wall, and now I have pictures of Leif's mugshot all over my wall... I love you, Leif.
    Chelsea: Leif? I think that, yes, you should give up heroin, it would probably be in your best interest, but more importantly? Time to put the skateboard down.
  • One of the criminals featured — seen in "Criminals 20" — was literally just a seagull that walked into a store, snatched some chips, and walked out. Pretty much everyone agrees that the bird was the smartest criminal featured on the show, and the sad thing is, they're probably right.
    • Even better is the reporter who actually interviews the bird on camera:
      Reporter: Excuse me.
      Bird: Piss off! Get away!
      Reporter: You've now been exposed for your life of crime.
      Bird: Stop bothering me.
      Reporter: Do you have anything to say?
      Bird: You'll never keep me from my chips! [flies away] Freedom!
  • Two men in Colorado rob a convenience store. They get away with the money, but they turn themselves in after the footage of their robbery is shown on the news... along with the fact that they were wearing thongs for masks and were putting the money in a pink backpack!
  • In the very first clip of the first episode, a woman is seen shoplifting. But that's not the reason she's on the list. The reason is that she had her very young granddaughter unknowingly helping her!
  • Out of all the episodes where a criminal or group of criminals try to steal an ATM, "Criminals 19" is the only one where a whole gang of twenty-one men steal two ATMs and load them into the pickup truck. Only three of the men were arrested.
    Loni: It takes a village to raise an idiot. And rob a bank.
  • A robber is taken to the hospital after he is found lying in the dirt, clearly sick. Don't feel too bad for him. It turns out he was poisoned after he attempted to rob a house that was being fumigated! Everyone taunts him, saying he must have believed he was robbing a circus.
    Loni: What kind of circus is this? Help me! Someone, help me!
  • In one clip that took place in Hell's Kitchen, New York, two men named James O'Hare and David Daloia try to take a third friend, Virgilio Cintron, to the bank in order to cash his social security checks, but there's a problem. Cintron is dead. Not ill, not sleeping, not comatose; he's dead. So you can imagine the people's shock when they see two men pushing a dead guy in a computer chair down Ninth Avenue. And in case you're wondering, he died from natural causes related to Parkinson's disease (which is not mentioned in the episode).
    Tom: When crackheads watch Weekend at Bernie's too many times, this is what happens.
  • There was one episode that told of a B&I Mall in Lakewood, Washington that once had an odd way of attracting visitors: a live gorilla named Ivan kept in a cage by the front door. So it seems perfectly normal when an Ivan impersonator shows up outside the mall to greet customers and make friends. But there's a problem. The impersonator isn't an employee. It's a teenager named Isaiah Michael Jackson whose idea of a funny prank is to dress up in a gorilla suit, snatch a toddler from his family and run off with him before letting him go. Needless to say, the commentators all agree that that stupid idea guarantees that he deserves the beating he receives from the father. He ends up with thirty days' home detention.
    Danny: Not enough. Thirty days' home detention is not enough to make a guy go, "Well, if you just grab the kid from his parents and run, that's kidnapping. But if you do it in a gorilla suit, then it's comedy."
    Mickey Sherman: Can he wear the gorilla suit at home during home confinement? That's my question.
  • One episode told the story of two robbers in El Salvador who dug an impressive tunnel to get to a bank. Unfortunately, the tunnel collapsed after a truck drove over, exposing their plan...and the fact that it was so hot in there, the robbers stripped themselves naked! Needless to say, just before they are taken to jail, the police leave them on the sidewalk for people to take pictures of them.
    Brad: Note to self: don't get arrested in El Salvador because they will leave your naked ass squatting on the corner for a good ten minutes.
  • One episode told the story of a woman who comes to collect her bank checks, but there's something not right about her, like how she had hands like Dick Butkus according to Daniel Baldwin. A suspicious neighbor calls the police and that's when they discover that the woman is actually a man. Not just a man, but her own son! Thomas Prusic-Parkin had been posing as his deceased mother so he could collect her welfare benefits and apparently, he managed to get away with this for six years! How did he pull this off? He gave the funeral home a fake Social Security number, so her death was never recorded officially.
    Danny: This guy makes Norman Bates look like he's got his shit together.
  • Two criminals try to rob a bingo contest. They think they're going to get away with it...until somebody alerts the biker gang gathered at the bar next door.
    Danny: Can you imagine being a couple of guys and all of a sudden the Hell's Angels just bust through the doors and you're like, "Dude, does God just hate me?"
  • The story of Charles Ray Fuller from Florida who wanted to start his own record company. What's his plan? Steal a check from his girlfriend's mother, take it to the bank, and cash it. How much money did he want? Three hundred and sixty billion dollars! And the teller was about to cash it, when she saw in the memo it said "Rent". He was arrested for forgery and possession of marijuana and an unregistered firearm.
    Godfrey: He actually forged a check worth more than Oprah Winfrey! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! What a dumbass! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    Michael Bryant: This man asked for a sum higher than the external debt.
    • His girlfriend's mother jokes that if she had that kind of money, she'd just sit at her porch drinking margaritas all day.
    Loni Love: Look at his girlfriend's mama. Does she look like she has three hundred and sixty billion on her? Does she even have a bank account?
  • A man in California tried to fill up his tank at a closed gas station. His only obstacle were heavy-duty padlocks securing the pumps. First, he tried to cut them off with bolt cutters and when that failed, he used a blow torch. He didn't get blown up, but police caught him when he tried the same stunt at another gas station.
  • Perhaps one of the more infamous stories is the one about Kasey Kazee who tried to rob a Shamrock Liquors store in Ashland, Kentucky. The reason why he was on the list? His choice of mask. A ski mask? Nope. A Brown Bag Mask? Nope. No, instead of a real mask, the idiot wrapped his face in duct tape and had his T-shirt over his head like Cornholio from Beavis And Butthead. Ironically, the owner beat up Kazee with a club wrapped in duct tape before another employee subdued the "Duct Tape Bandit" as he became known. But even more outlandish, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Kazee denied his own rampant stupidity to the local news crew.
  • In one clip, a man robs a convenience store, but instead of going for the register, he goes for the tip jar. But that's not the reason why he's on this list. The reason is that he forgot that he entered the building on his right and tried to exit on his left. The stupid bastard ends up bonking his head on the glass, spilling change everywhere. He leaves the place empty-handed.
  • One clip had a guy who looked an awful lot like a pirate (or Leif Garret depending on who's asking) trying to break into a coffee shop using his elbows and his feet. It fails miserably. But what lands him on the list is when he gives it one last try. He kicks the door, only to bend his leg backwards. The poor man has to limp away empty-handed.
  • One number one criminal tries to rob a convenience store by breaking in through the roof... only to fall right through the ceiling and have beer bottles land on his face. But then when he gets what he wants (which is basically a couple of cigarettes and all the money in the register), he fails to escape as he kept falling through the ceiling. Eventually, he just gave up and waited for police to arrive. And the idiot didn't even think to unlock the door.
  • Two robbers robbed a house but left a trail in the process. Police found the trail and followed it to find them fast asleep on top of the stolen goods. Apparently, they had spent the whole night making off with the stolen goods that they became exhausted and took a nap.
  • One robber managed to escape police by climbing up a roof, but he has to shimmy on a wire to make it across to the other house. The funny part comes when it's revealed he's just a few feet above the cops, just waiting for him to fall right into their hands. Karma eventually catches up with him and the wire breaks, allowing the cops to grab him.
  • One face-palming case involved two teenagers in Iowa named Matthew McNeely and Joey Miller who broke into a house wearing perhaps the worst disguises yet: instead of wearing masks, the two stupid kids covered their faces with permanent black marker.
  • There's the story of Acea Schomaker from Lincoln, Nebraska. Police arrived at his home with a warrant for his arrest on drug charges and found him smoking a plastic homemade bong the size of a shoebox. There appeared to be something moving in the bong and what did they find when they opened it? Shomaker's pet cat Shadow. He claimed the cat was too hyper so he placed him in the bong to mellow him out and apparently he did this three times before. Indeed, the cat appeared to be lethargic and almost sleepy when he was brought to the vet. Shomaker was arrested for drug possession and animal cruelty.
    Brian Callen: How does a cat meow when it's high? "Woof, woof! Keh, heh! Dude, I'm so wasted!"
    Michael Loftus: That was one calm cat right there. Sitting back, thinking to his cat buddies, "Do you ever think that maybe we're all just little specks of cats in a giant cat tongue somewhere on a great creature that's cleaning itself? What? What? What?"
  • From "Criminals 25", the story of Gary Korkuc from Buffalo, New York who was pulled over for a routine traffic stop. The police notice some strange sounds coming from his trunk. Inside was a saucepan and sitting in it was, of all things, a cat soaking in oil, crushed pepper, and chili powder. When questioned by the local news crew, the man denies wanting to eat the cat and that it was actually going into labor and what the officers found was the afterbirth. Except, there's one hole with that story: the cat is male. Korkuc is arrested for animal cruelty and the shelter bans him from all future pet adoptions. The cat is put up for adoption.
  • The story of two cops who pull over and get some Burger King. But when they eat their Whoppers, they start to feel light-headed. They inspect the burgers and realize the lettuce wasn't lettuce but marijuana, courtesy of the two teenagers running the drive-thru window. Apparently, it was their idea of a funny prank. The cops are sent to the hospital with no serious side effects while the kids plead no contest to the charges.
    Todd Bridges: You don't waste your marijuana on police officers. That's stupid!
    Leif: And then if you are going to put it in there, you don't just put it on top like, "They'll never know! It looks just like lettuce!"
    • The dancing burger at the end of the video.
      Burger: I'm a burger, I'm a burger! With me, you're gonna fly! I'm a burger, I'm a burger! Come on, let's get high!
  • The 911 call Officer Edward Sanchez makes after his wife cooks some pot brownies has to be heard to believe. How did this happen? He took the marijuana from a drug bust and brought it home with him so he can take it to evidence the next day. But his wife mistook it for brownie ingredients and added it to the mix. No charges were made, but when the 911 call is made public, Sanchez resigned from the force.
  • In "Criminals 20", two women steal a bait car and pick up a third friend. The stupid thing is, this isn't the first time they fell for the same trap. But the real reason the video is on the list? The man picks his nose and eats the booger.
    Loni: Ohhh! Did he just — Eeeeewwwww!!!!
    Brad: Ugh! That alone should get you jail time.
    • The women are arrested, but their picky friend is acquitted.
  • The 911 call from a man who wants a ride to the liquor store. However, the man is so wasted, he can barely form coherent sentences. What makes it funny is the recreation of the 911 call using poorly done animation.
    Drunkard: This ain't my first rodeo...
  • A video of a man named Lee who was pulled over for erratic behavior. That's when it's revealed he's high on PCP, roaring like the Incredible Hulk (and prompting various commentators to do their own Hulk impressions). It takes pepper spray to bring him down, restrain him to a stretcher and send him to detox.
    Loni Love: No wonder he's crazy, he using PCP! Nobody use PCP anymore! Where'd he get that from, the seventies?
    Brad: Lee, we know you're high on the PCP. Lee, I'm not a moose. (with moose antlers) I swear to God I'm not a moose.
  • From "Criminals 1", the story of Marvin John Heemeyer, the man now remembered for taking a Komatsu D355A bulldozer and fitting it with armor, guns, and video equipment before using it to try to destroy thirteen buildings in Granby, Colorado, all of which were owned by people he had some kind of dispute with, including the town hall. The story has a sad end, though, as Heemeyer's homemade tank ended up getting stuck in the rubble and he committed suicide by shooting himself in the head (which isn't mentioned in the episode).
  • One clip from "Criminals 24" told the story of every drug dealer's worst nightmare: accidentally pocket dialing 911 during an exchange.

    Daredevils (Like Criminals, but with pain instead of crime) 
  • From "Daredevils 9", Mike Trainor imitating a skateboarder checking on his groin after he (in the skateboarder's own words) "blew his nut":
    Mike T.: (counting his testicles) One... and a half... OH, GOD!
    • The skateboarder then comments the doctor said "there could be collateral damages, or whatever".
    Kevin: "Look, we must check you for collateral damage, or whatever" is not something a doctor would say to you.
  • The entire "Ghost Bike" sequence from "Daredevils 10".
  • "What'd I tell you about testicles?!"
    Mike T.: What conversation were you having about testicles? Was it related to this, or were you just talking about balls in general, like, 'Hey, you know what I like about balls?'
  • Gary Busey proving to us why he's every inch a Cloud Cuckoolander:
    Gary: The thing about Tigger—
    Producer: (Correcting him) Trigger.
    Gary: is... Tigger believes in love... and he believes in Winnie the Pooh.
  • From "Daredevils 8":
    Mike T.: Of all the bum luck! First I sleep through my alarm clock— now my arm's pointing the wrong way! Aw, dang, this just isn't my day.
  • The number one daredevil clip from "Daredevils 12" shows a matador getting attacked by a bull after he loses his balance. At first, you think he probably walked away with minor injuries...until a replay reveals the bull impaled him through his throat and out his mouth. Don't worry, the matador survived. But as for the bull? He was put down.

    Drivers (The other main reason tru TV created this show) 
  • From "World's Dumbest Drivers":
    Loni: Hello, this is the, uh, fire department. We done crashed into the fire department, so can somebody send the Fire Department?
  • There was a segment that featured a truck tire bouncing away and hitting a car:
    Chuck: You don't know when you're riding down the street when the Michelin Man just might show up and bitch slap you!
    • Then the gang decides to "follow the bouncing tire" and sing:
      Daniel: It's big, it's round, it's a bouncing machine.
      Roger: It's the meanest damn radial the world's ever seen.
      Todd: Springin' down the road black-top hip-hop.
      Kevin: Lord only knows when the sucker's gonna stop.
  • This isn't the only time a tire wound up on the list. A man is refilling his gas when all of a sudden, he is run over by a runaway tire that came from a crash.
  • Brad Loekle on a driver who failed to get away from police in his Yugo:
    Brad: You'd have better luck driving a hot pocket down the road than a Yugo!
  • Frank Stallone narrating a montage of numerous car accidents in Russia in "Drivers 18".
  • From "Drivers 21", a Polish TV camera crew is driving on their way back from a report, and the men discuss which they would rather do without: their penises or their balls.
    Loni: Is this what guys talk about when they together? Y'all nasty!!!
    Michael: This makes me embarrassed to be a dude!
  • The story of a man who was pulled over and was asked to show his license. There's just one problem: it expired in 1969! The reason the man didn't get it renewed? Because he's legally blind and thus, can't pass the vision test!
  • One clip in "Drivers 12" showed a man filling up gas containers but forgets to put his car in park so it drives off by itself into a ditch. But the funny thing is, the man doesn't even hear or see that it's gone until people watching the whole point it out! Even the commentators wonder if he's either stupid, high from smelling the gas, or deaf and blind. Even funnier is that they decide to make a musical out of it.
  • One clip in "Drivers 5" showed a driver in Texas getting pulled over for a speeding ticket. But the officer doesn't give it to him right away. Why? Because the driver somehow placed a live alligator in the back seat of his car! Apparently, he found it in the middle of the road and put it in his car to find someplace safe. Animal control has to be called in to take the gator out.
  • A semi gets stuck on train tracks and a train plows right through it. Don't worry, nobody is killed, but don't feel too bad for the driver. She tried to cross the track just as the gates were lowering and she was unfortunate enough to have the truck stall.
    Loni: AMTRAK? More like RAM-TRAK!
  • One clip that took place in Turkey showed a train pushing a truck that was crossing the tracks... and into a man who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't worry, the man survives with only minor injuries. And he has a few choice words for the truck driver, which translates to "Fuck that motherfucker."
  • The story of a man who goes into a convenience store only to come back to find his truck missing. Assuming it was stolen, he goes back into the store and calls the police. When they reviewed the surveillance tape, they find out that he unknowingly forgot to put the truck in park, so it rolled away on its own from the store and came to rest against the wall of a nearby garage.
  • The officer in Florida who pulled over a woman knew right away she was drunk. Exactly how did he determine this? She won't stop singing the "Skidamarinky Dinky-Dink" song over and over again.
    Brad: This is some weird shit! And she won't stop!
    Chuck: It's like, the teacher from Romper Room got drunk. "Hey, now, let me tell you something. I see Billy. And I see Jimmy. And I see... Skidamarinky Dinky-Dink, Skidamarinky Dinky-Do. I. Love. You!
    Loni: We don't love you.
    Woman: I'm a fucking housewife, what do you expect from me?! I. Love. You.
    Danny: "I'm a housewife! Adinky do. I. Love. You!" I tell you, that is the saddest woman in the world.
    Woman: I want you to know, there's a human being out there that loves everybody!
    Loni: The new season of Desperate Housewives is gonna be good.
    • The woman is arrested and all through the night, a lonesome refrain echoed throughout the cell block.
  • Another bait car video (from "Drivers 14"), involving a black man picking up another criminal... in Alaska.
    Brad: There are black people in Alaska? Since when?
    • Then the driver comments he bought the car from a supposed crack addict.
      Chuck: If you take a ride and the driver says "I bought this car from a crackhead", the next thing you must say is: "Stop the fucking car".
  • In Utah, police chase after a stolen car. That's when it does something strange and returns to the owner's home. And guess who comes out of the car and runs into the house? The owner's seven-year-old son. It turns out he stole his mother's car so he wouldn't have to go to church that Sunday.
  • In the number one clip from "Drivers 18", one motorcyclist tried to show off his skills on the ice and ended up ripping off his middle finger when the motorcycle slipped and he got his hand caught in the rear tyre's spokesnote .
    Mike Trainer: (as the person driving the cyclist to the hospital) Nine's a lot of fingers. I mean, think about it. Nine is like, so many. ...It's not ten, though.
    Leif Garret: (as the cyclist) Oh, yeah, funny. (tries to flip him off but sees that his middle finger is still missing) AAAAAH!
  • "Drivers 18" also featured a DUI suspect who had a legitimate Sorry Ociffer moment.
    Officer: Go ahead and stand up for me, man. Where were you drinking tonight?
    DUI suspect: I ain't drinkin'.
    Officer: You're not drinking?
    DUI suspect: I had a couple...
    Officer: Where'd you have a couple at?
    DUI suspect: Chaser's, but uh... I ain't that fucked up... immediately falls over

    Hillbillies (Not Quite Dummies) 
  • The pudgy, bald-headed, goatee-wearing hillbilly who likes to trim his hedge by swinging his chainsaw around in the air.
    Loni: I like him! He cute! Look at him!
    • Then of course, the guy's little joke about bushes, so stupid it's funny:
      Hillbilly: Ever hear the one about the tree that walked into the barbershop? He told the barber just take a little of the hedge.
      Kevin: And it only took him a whole year to come up with that joke. I think he could write for Tonya.
  • The whole commentary from the "Hillbillies 3" clip of a guy getting a crawfish on his nipple.
  • The story of a man who removes the tattoo of his ex-wife's name with an air blast sander. It has an ironic ending: two weeks later, the couple got back together... only to divorce again.
  • The crazy lady shouting "COUNTY LAW!" when the crew of an eponymous TV show comes to her house.
  • The wrestling match in "Hillbillies 4" simply has to be seen to be believed.
  • The 911 call from a guy who claimed to see Bigfoot in his backyard. The commentators joke that his sketch of the creature makes it look like a very hairy Jesus Christ.
  • From "Hillbillies 3", a group of friends try to fish a pickup truck out of a frozen pond with a winch. They succeed, but not before they fold the truck in half in the process.
  • From "Hillbillies 2", the man named Jim who has a pet buffalo named Bailey.
  • Also from "Hillbillies 2", the man who is dared to eat a bug for a pack of cigarettes.
    Wes Dening: To be fair, the bug is probably healthier than his cigarettes.
  • From "Hillbillies 1", a man named Wayne Spring makes a bet with his friends on Facebook. If the New Orleans Saints beat the Washington Redskins, they will be allowed to shoot his television. Guess which team won. Wayne didn't think his friends would really hold their end of the bargain, but they proved him wrong when they came to his house and took his TV to the backyard to execute it via firing squad.
    Chuck Nice: (as the TV is getting shot at) Wait, stop! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! You'll kill us all! We're in here!

    Holidays (Or, more specifically, the dumb things that happen on holidays) 
  • An officer pulls over a drunk driver, dressed in a crappy zombie costume for Halloween.
    Officer: Are you bleeding?
    Drunk: It's Halloween stuff.
    Officer: Oh, Halloween stuff. What are you dressed as?
    Drunk: A dead guy.
    Officer: A gay guy, okay.
    Drunk: No, a dead guy.
  • In a clip of a family gathering at Christmastime, a grown man and his elderly mother try their hand - or rather, feet - at Dance Dance Revolution. When the son takes his turn, his mother (who is somewhat better than him) starts mocking and taunting him. He actually shoves his mother down to the floor with one hand, and without even breaking away from the game.
  • The clip of a tradition that takes place in the village of Ottery Saint Mary during Guy Fawkes Day. It involves children racing back and forth in the street, carrying flaming barrels of tar on their backs. Apparently, it is supposed to ward off evil spirits.
    Leif: If I was an evil spirit and I saw a bunch of people running around with barrels on their back, with tar in them, on fire... Yeah, I'd probably leave.

    Inventions (Technically, it's "World's Smartest Inventions", but we'll take it anyway) 
  • Ladies and gentlemen, "The Beerpager" from "Inventions 5". A device you put your beer in to locate it, even through walls...
    Kevin: Just in case your beer has literally been kidnapped.
    Mike T.: Where is my beer? Oh, there it is! It's in my belly!
    Danny: It's like "The Clapper" for drunks!
    • Brad takes a dig at the company that makes it:
      Brad: Weebly? Weebly sounds a lot more creative than "White Trash, Incorporated".
  • Jaime Andrews on "The Drib".
    Jaime: "The Drib"? Well, I guess "Pig In A Blanket" was already taken.
  • The Hypocritical Humor on Ace Power in "Inventions 10".
    Mike T.: Man, that workout equipment sure looks stupid. Now, where was I? (starts using the Shake Weight)
  • One episode had Kevin and Frankie calling shots after seeing an invention they actually like. Frank is the winner.
  • The "Hot Doll", a French sex toy "for trendy dogs only" from "Inventions 4":
    Mike T.: Well, pooch. I've got good news and bad news. The good news is you get to keep your balls. The bad news is you're going to hump this thing for my enjoyment.
    Kevin: Congratulations, France. I guess this violates some U.N. resolution.
    • Loni wonders who'd try that thing and guesses John Enos would. Cue to a clip of John showing the "Hot Doll" to his chihuahuas.
  • The "Man Bib" invention from "Inventions 10", meant to help guys, shall we say, cleanup. None of the commentators can believe it.
    Loni: [cracking up] Y'all so nasty! Y'all so nasty...
  • Mike Britt, in response to an elderly gentleman's comments about Bowser Beer being made in America, and having U.S.D.A.-approved ingredients.
    Mike B.: We get it grandpa! Stars and stripes! Red, white, and blue! Got it! It's dog beer, dude!
  • Mike Trainor, offering us his alternative to Flying Pasties (works especially well for Big Guys) from "Inventions 4":
    Mike T: Whenever I have to go through the scanner at the airport, I just tuck my junk in between my legs... does nothing for my security, but it gives them something to talk about.
  • The cast members' reactions to Squishy Baff, which turns your bath water into a squishy goo.
    Kevin: "You can turn water into a squishy goo"? Do we have to?
    Chuck: Squishy Baff! First of all, thank you for making me feel culturally comfortable about myself!
    Gary: It's stupid to goo yourself from finding your own pleasure points. Need I say more? Need I say more? (Jaimie and Brendan look on worriedly).
  • The Sip N' Dip Cookie Dipper from "Inventions 9", that allows you to dunk your cookie into your milk without spilling milk or messing your fingers; the inventor says it's for all your favorite cookies, but it's clearly created with small cookies like Oreos or girl scout cookies in mind. Jared Logan wants to dunk his favorite cookie - a black-and-white cookie - but sees it won't fit. He stares at the camera with a look of horror.
    Kevin: Finally we're now to a point where our inventors are inventing problems to invent inventions for.
    • Brad pointing out the inventor's vampire-like accent.
      Inventor: After watching my 2-year-old niece try and have milk and cookie[...]
      Brad: "Milk and cookie"? What, did she only get one cookie?
  • Michael Loftus' reaction to an American-made invention that allows you to slip your hand into a small cubical pillow thing to let you rest your head for a quick nap.
    Michael: I remember when we used to do cool shit like go to the moon, and now we're like, "We made a block of foam! And put a cover on it!! U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!"
  • My Best Friend's Fork, a special fork invented by a woman named Val Arnold, who likes to feed her dogs from a fork; the BFF is designed with a looped handle and rounded edges for the dog's safety, and she also notes the fork's decorations:
    Val: I have a pink rhinestone for girls, a blue rhinestone for boys, and a diamond.
    Brad: So what's the diamond for? Tranny dogs?
  • From the HatCam segment in "Inventions 5", we see the HatCam footage of different cast members, including Brendan (allegedly on his first daynote ) and Leif encountering each other.
    Brendan: Are you the new guy?
    Leif: I'm the new guy? You're the new guy.
    Brendan: Ah, dude... I've been doing this—
    Leif: Excuse me, bro... come on, I've been here since Season 1.
    Brendan: Oh.
    Leif: How about you?
    Brendan: I've been here since 9:00.
    Leif: Oh, congratulations! Welcome.
  • The cast has a field day mocking the terrible English of the Russian models on a Japanese commercial for a mop.
    Blonde model: Little Dolphin Mop. Just poosh it. It help me do the houseworking very easily and I'm still very preetty.
    John: Whatever the fuck she (the model) said, I'm buyin' it!
    • To make things weirder, the brand is Dolphin Mop.
      Kevin: Because when you think mop, you think dolphin.
    • To boot, the subtitles don't match:
      Announcer: Sandstorms come from the other side of the sea, hitting Japan on the Sun.
      Subtitles: Sand storms comes from the other side of the sea. It hits Japan on the Sun.
  • From "Inventions 5", the Ms. Taken ring: essentially, a fake wedding ring for women to drive away perverts that are hitting on them.
    Informercial Announcer: The Ms. Taken Femme Fatale ring packet comes with a blingin' 2-carat Australian crystal—
    Wes: Australian crystal?! Uh-uh!
    • And Brad has a complaint about the product:
      Brad: This takes all the fun out of telling a dude you're a lesbian!
  • Ted on the Happy Hotdog Man:
  • The inventor of FabriCan (spray-on fabric) is invited to the show to spray Mike T. and Brad; he only manages to spray fabric on the front of their torsos.
    Inventor: You know, I get invited here in New York to spray two gorgeous models, and here, what I'm having is I'm having these two guys, and—
    Mike T.: Yeah, well, I'm not fuckin' thrilled about this either, so why don't we just—
    Brad: (walks in) What did you say?! (To Mike T.) Hold on a sec, (to inventor) did you just call me fat?!
  • Kevin's reaction to a contraption to strap around a dog's genitals to "prevent accidental breeding."
    Kevin: Dude, how slutty is your dog?!
  • In "Inventions 10", Brad's reaction to Flavor Funnel, a funnel made for even distribution of butter on movie popcorn:
    Brad: The fact that someone took the time to invent this, I'm assuming we've already cured cancer, solved global warming, and have flying cars?
  • Former MLB player Mark Littell endorsing the Nutty Buddy:
    Mark Littell: Hi, I'm Mark Littell, I've been in the game a long time, ever since I was eighteen years old; I think I'm over fifty now...
    Jaime: You think you're in your fifties? Maybe you should be more worried about protecting your head.
  • Mike Trainor's reaction to the Slim-T from Inventions 4.
    Mike T.: Problem solved! I was gonna stop having ice cream for lunch, but this is much easier!
  • From Inventions 12, the commentators poking fun at Bob Balow, the inventor of the "Original Pasta Fork."
    Ted: Unfortunately, nobody ever sees it...because Bob always eats alone.
    Chris F.: See how those noodles wrap around that fork? That's what I want to do with my arms around Bob, 'cause he needs a hug.
  • Ted's comment on the Touch 'n' Brush in Inventions 12:
    Ted: It's a great way to help spread the flu to your entire family.
  • The "Daddle", a saddle to carry your kids on, in Inventions 3:
    Danny: Back in the day, this invention was called a "pillow".
    Tonya: I've come up with an invention. A "Doggle! A saddle for your dog!
  • The gang is rather amused by the Talking T.P., which allows you to record messages on a special holder:
    Marianne (to Todd): I've got gonorrhea and so do you!
    • Billy sees potential to record political messages, such as "Free Palestine" and calls for a universal healthcare service.
  • The Cuchini, an invention to cover "camel toes". Loni thinks it sounds like a pizza topping, while the guys are too outraged by the very idea behind the product to comment on the absolutely creepy camel mascot.
  • The cast's reactions to the Carstache:
    Kevin: That car behind me looks like a sex offender.
    Mike T.: Even in a world where cars have mustaches, there is no reason why a car would have a pink one!
    Billy: The Carstache generates several reactions, such as... (does some gestures of indifference)
  • From Inventions 8, the Kwik-Sip, a special faucet that turns a sink's regular faucet into a water fountain. Brendan Walsh then has an Imagine Spot on what the Kwik-Sip might do to the paper cup industry:
    Ted: I'm sorry, folks. After 70 years, we're closing down the paper cup factory.
    Daniel: But...why?
    Ted: Because of a new invention called the "Kwik-Sip". Turns your sink into a fountain.
    Daniel: I guess Kwik-Sip doesn't care about my family. (Daniel takes out his wallet, which has a picture of him, his wife, and his two kids, both of whom have Ted's face photoshopped over them)
    Ted: No, I suppose they don't.
    Daniel: KWIK-SIP!!!!!!!
    • Later in the same episode: the Go-Plate, a plate that can hold food and drinks so that the buyer can eat while standing. Brendan proceeds to have another Imagine Spot on what the Go-Plate will do to the table industry:
      Chuck: Sorry, people. Gonna have to shut down the factory.
      Daniel: You're kidding me! People don't buy tables anymore?
      Chuck: Nope. They just put their stuff on Go-Plates.
      Daniel: GO-PLATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • A Russian vodka bottle with a "talking cap", encouraging drinking:
    Kevin: Congratulations, Russia! You've made your drinking problem even more depressing.
  • The "GoGirl", a funnel (or "vag-funnel", as Chuck would put it) devised to allow women to use bidets:
    Woman 1: OK. So you're new to this peeing while standing business?
    Woman 2: Don't worry. Most women haven't heard about this.
    Woman 3: But the women of Europe already have
    Billy: You have the Tower of Pisa... the Eiffel Tower... and in the middle of it all, women stand up to pee.
    Brad: Every time a woman sees a landmark pees on herself. That's what this is about?
  • It may be awesome to look at, but John Enos does make a good point about the great sword by Cold Steel in "Inventions 9".
    John Enos: Do you know how long it takes to swing a six-pound sword?
    • During the end credits, the advertisers use the sword to destroy all the other inventions seen in the episode.

    Lovers (Televisual showcase of Love Makes You Do Stupid Things) 
  • The fact that this show took a swipe at Farmers Only Dot Com (the dating website specifically for farmers and plain ol' country folk) should be enough to earn it an Emmy.
    Website tagline: City folks just don't get it.
    Frankie: Yeah. We don't fuck sheep. That's why we don't get it.
  • The turtle humping a shoe. 'Nuff said.
    Mike Trainor: I had no idea turtles made any sound ever at all. I guess they were saving it for a special occasion.
    Kevin: This is nice because I... actually haven't had a nightmare in a while. That's put an end to that.
    Judy: It's funny because I would hear that same sound coming from my parents' bedroom at night when I was little.
  • A clip features a local LA public access show whose host tells her female audience to "ride" their sexual lives (or as she puts it, "vagina power"), which (sort of) explains her wearing a pilot's uniform. And her mother is besides her, looking visibly embarrassed.
  • A man in India runs away on the day of his wedding, being visibly distraught as he is dragged to his bride, who is actually quite... homely. Judy also points out that his being a florist might have something to do with his not wanting to get married.
  • The footage of a couple having sex in a tattoo parlor. Can't get any more indecent than that.
  • A British couple have sex in their backyard, much to their neighbours' grief (the pair apparently did this in response to complaints about their illegal fencing of the front of their house). Meanwhile, Wes is dismayed by the fact the two horn-dogs end up moving to Australia.
  • The number 1 clip in "Lovers 2" shows a man in the hospital due to a... misfortune on his nether regions. To be precise, in order to prolong an erection, he stuck two metal washers on his penis. To get them off, the doctors had to saw them off... and were pretty much surprised to find the second one.
  • A man in Hong Kong apparently got so horny he tried to make love to a park bench... and got his penis stuck in the process. Rescuers tried to relieve the swelling by draining his penis of blood, but when that doesn't work, they took him and the bench to the hospital. Four hours later, they were finally separated.
    Brad: If they had left the bench on for another hour, they would have had to amputate his cock, which I think would have been for the best.
  • One clip told the story of a man making love to his picnic table... right in full the view of a school playground across the street from his house. The commentators all agree that the kids probably had a lot of questions to ask their parents after that. The man is arrested for public indecency.
  • The man making love to his car. It's as strange and crazy as it sounds.

    Motorheads (Drivers 2.0) 
  • From "Motorheads 9", Mike Trainor in response to a drunken Russian crashing a bulldozer through a parking lot, and the owners of the wrecked take turns beating him up (and at one point, pull up his shirt and smack him):
    Mike T.: His shirt's up! Everybody give him a pink belly! (Starts smacking Brad Loekle's belly) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Serious tone) Seriously, we're really mad at you.
  • From "Motorheads 5", we see a tractor in a Walmart parking lot in Ontario, with no driver inside, which the cast turns into an episode of Scooby-Doo, with Brendan Walsh playing Shaggy, and Michael Loftus playing Scooby-Doo (also Mike Trainor and Brad Loekle are a pair of fraidy-cat cops).
    Brendan as Shaggy: We figured out that the ghost tractor was none other than Old Man Ted Jessup!
    Ted: (Wearing a hoodie) And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddlin' grown men pretending to be cartoon characters!
    Michael as Scooby: Scooby-dooby-doo!
  • After a particularly ridiculous scooter accident in India in "Motorheads 5":
    Wes: Ah, India. Over a billion people. Only six good drivers.
    Brad: Now when he calls his insurance line, does he get a guy from Montana?
  • The opening skit of "Motorheads 9", where Brendan invokes both Stalker with a Crush and Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!, as he hops into his slick black car and speeds off for taping.
    Brendan reaches for the Twix bar, driving his now-beat up-looking yellow car off a cliff.
    Brendan: Ohhhhhhhhhh, the iiironyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....
    Fiery crash
  • From Motorheads 8, after the clip from Russia of the jeep crashing backwards into a car:
    Billy: Sometimes, uh, my family, we like to have what we call a "Russian picnic." We take a picnic hamper, and we fill it up with some sausages and eight bottles of vodka, and then we go out in the woods and we destroy a car — what we call a "Russian picnic."
  • Mike Trainor's impression of Frank Stallone in "Motorheads 4".
  • In "Motorheads 10", during a car race in a French countryside, one of the racers loses control of his car, drives through a vineyard and slams into a telephone pole, knocking out power in four local villages.
    Chef: (the power goes out and the cake in the oven deflates) Zut alors!
    Doctor: (the power goes out during an operation) Aaaaaand... He's dead.
    Rachel: (as the patient's wife) No!
    Mike Trainer: (sits on a couch watching French porn) Le boobies! Yes! (the power goes out) Aaaahhh!!! Sacre bleu baaaaaaaalllls!!!!!

    Outlaws (Criminals 2.0) 
  • "Outlaws 3" features the story of a man who steals a parrot from a pet shop. He then tries to sell it to another pet shop but they've already got the notice about the shoplifting. But the story doesn't end there. Some time later, the man returns to the first pet shop to look for another parrot before getting caught.
  • Mike Trainor, on a clip in "Outlaws 6" featuring a man who robbed a hotel that was hosting a mixed-martial-arts fighters convention:
    Mike T.: Whenever you go to rob a hotel, uh, check the little sign when you come in, make sure it doesn't say "Welcome, ass-kicking champs."
  • Mike T. on an "Outlaws 9" clip in Ecuador of a man wearing sunglasses walking by and ignoring two school girls being attacked by a random man.
    Mike T.: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice two girls being assaulted, I was busy looking cool.
  • "Outlaws 2" features the story of a black man who robbed a bank. When the story hits the news, his girlfriend turns him in. But that's not the strange part. It turns out the "black" man was actually a white man named Conrad Zdzierak, who wore a very convincing prosthetic mask and gloves. The best part is IT NEARLY WORKED! The disguise was so convincing, police almost arrested the wrong guy, only to realize their mistake after finding out the truth. They are later put on an alert for any potential copycats.
    Loni: See? They're always blamin' a brother...
    • The skit at the end.
    Todd: (wearing a prosthetic white man mask) Okay, this is a robbery! Read this note! Do exactly what it says!
    Danny: (takes off the mask) What did you expect? Todd Bridges?
  • From "Outlaws 2" is the story of sheep rustlers who managed to get away with the entire flock. Police caught them and as part of their punishment, the rustlers are forced to take part in a video to show how they stole the sheep. First, they get close to the truck carrying the sheep then the passenger jumps onto it and tosses the sheep into a large basket attached to their motorcycle.
  • Also from "Outlaws 2" is the Gag Dub of a marijuana-smuggling pigeon:
    Okay, fine! I'll talk! For a French fry.
  • The 911 calls from a drunk Floridian woman named Joan Mayo from "Outlaws 8" have to be heard to be believed. Yes. Calls. She called them four times all for a pack of cigarettes and other ridiculous demands.
  • One clip from "Outlaws 7" told the story of a woman who had her bike stolen. A week later, she finds her bike on Craigslist. She calls the police and she gets her bike back. What's funny is that they told the story in rhyme with flash animation.
  • In another clip that had animation and rhyming featured the story of a man who robbed a geology museum while wearing a ghillie suit. Unfortunately for him, the disguise does not work on the K-9 units, who promptly bite him the instant they catch up to him.

    Partiers (Some people shouldn't be allowed to party) 
  • In "Partiers 14" we get a clip of a guy testing his own homemade pepper spray, and he starts flipping and flopping around in the bathtub, screaming like a little girl.
    Camera Guy: Dude, open your eyes.
  • In Azerbaijan, a drunken man wakes up in red lingerie in the middle of the beach, apparently after losing a dare. The idiot unsuccessfully tries to divert attention to save face.
  • We see a comic convention where one of the participants in a Dragon Ball contest pees on stage.
    Jamie: Maybe that's what his favorite character does.
  • From a clip where a group of drunken teenagers are pulled over by the police for stealing a bait car:
    Passenger: We shouldn't have done this, dawg, this was stupid as fuck!
    Driver: I know. I love you, guys.
    Others: We love you too, dawg.
    Brad: You guys don't have to say your goodbyes like it's Thelma & Louise. You're just getting arrested...
  • Pretty much any of the cast's response to clips where someone is eventually knocked unconscious.
    Mike T.: Quick! Everybody do everything that you're not supposed to do with an unconscious person! You move her, you hump her, you pour water on her!
    Jaime: You've been hit by a bus... lay down [rubs fingers together] for a minute...
    Jaime: He's out, quick, everybody crowd around him!
  • In a "Partiers 21" clip of women reggae dancing, one girl whips her head around so much, her wig flies off and lands on the ground.
  • From "Partiers 19", Mike Trainor playing the part of a Giants fan, who was arrested while behaving erratically at a celebration party.
    Mike T.: Can you imagine how that guy's gonna explain this to his girlfriend? "So, how'd you get arrested?", "Well, the Giants won the Super Bowl... dot-dot-dot, just come pick me up!"
  • Also from "Partiers 19", Tonya watching a clip of monkeys irritated at a drunk man invading their pen in a zoo.
    Tonya: Monkeys are so cool... especially the ones with the big asses that stick out, I mean, huurrrrr...
  • Also from a "Partiers 19" clip, an incredibly drunk man being forced from a bar, while he pulls down his pants and yells at various different people to fuck him.
    Daniel: "Get back here before I pull my pants up" has got to be one of the least effective threats I have ever heard.
  • Kevin McCaffrey's response to a woman being given a sobriety test, who remarks, "I'm Irish, I'm hot-blooded!"
    Kevin: If you want to convince a cop that you're not drunk, saying that you're Irish is probably not the best way to do it. That's like trying to get out of a drug charge by saying, "Hey, I'm Andy Dick!"
  • From "Partiers 5", an athlete celebrates by drinking way too much vodka. Loni tries to figure out his speech.
    Loni: What the hell is he saying? Does anybody speak vodka?
  • Also from "Partiers 5", a guy tries to drink 151 proof rum. He fails miserably and ends up puking all over the place, slips on it, and falls to the ground. The dog proceeds to lick it up.
  • "Partiers 20" shows a clip of a tailgating party where an elderly lady is actually getting her groove on, and even drawing attention from other younger people attending the party... and then a guy just walks by right in front of the camera.
    Mike T: I like that one dude who just walks through full speed; "Do-da-loo-do-do! Nothin' weird here!"
  • From "Partiers 13", the whole commentary for the clip of a drunk woman being videotaped by her son.
  • From "Partiers 12", three words: chicken sandwich sandwich.
  • From "Partiers 14", we get a clip of someone miserably failing a sobriety test. Normal enough but the person in question? David Cassidy.
    Mike T.: I thought we've filled our stupid Partridge quota for this show already.
    Danny: And just like that, I'm no longer the most embarrassing member of The Partridge Family. Thanks, Dave!
  • In "Partiers 14", a group of partiers at Chambers Creek end up saving a drunk man from drowning after he passed the sewage runoff.
    Todd: I am revoking your brother card! Don't you know we hate water?
  • "Partiers 4" has a segment featuring a carnival in Panama that degenerates into a series of fistfights between the revelers, with the commentators speaking in a heavily mangled Spanish.
  • This clip from "Partiers 14", titled The Not So Great Escape where a woman jumps out the backseat of a moving cop car.
    Narrator: Despite the hard landing, she suffers only minor injur-
    [cuts to her mugshot, with her face beat up and bloodied with massive swelling]
    Narrator: Uhhh....
    Mike T: Ugh. Oh my God, she looks like a Garbage Pail Kid!
    Chelsea Peretti: So many questions I want to ask that mugshot. Was it worth it?
    Daniel Baldwin: (while in a blonde wig) Kinda.
    Chelsea: Did you get to pee, girl?
    Daniel: Sorta.
    Chelsea: Did you pee on impact?
    Daniel: You betcha!
  • In "Partiers 5", a group of college students in Indiana do a drinking contest in their kitchen, but rather than conventional drinks, they go for condiments. To be precise, they take a shot of whiskey and swallow a spoonful of mayonnaise covered in tabasco. Cue the vomiting.
  • A drunk Asian-American girl takes a spiel at a karaoke bar. Her companion doesn't pick a popular song, but the Alphabet Song, which the girl struggles to sing...
  • A Polish man stops traffic just to show his sausage and Ted gladly tells a Polish joke, or, to be more precise...
    Ted: After this man was released from jail, he rejoined his friends and screwed a light-bulb. I said a terrible joke, now release my daughter!
  • From "Partiers 6"... How do Canadians celebrate the 1st of July (their national holiday)? Hitting their own heads with beer glasses.
  • In "Partiers 6", a police car follows a drunk driver in the middle of the night. The man in question is completely naked and spending "quality time" with "Mr. Winky"... not to mention he's the sheriff.
  • One partier from "Partiers 14" in Bourbon Street was so drunk, he's found passed out at the door of a restaurant. The owner wakes him up by dumping water on his face.
    Danny: When you are noticeably the drunkest guy on Bourbon Street, they should put up a plaque for ya.
  • From "Partiers 6", one partier at Edgefest decided to pester some of the concert-goers by poking them with a giant inflatable penis. He is punished when one man sucker punches him in the face, giving him a black eye.
  • One clip had a man in Florida call 911, reporting that a stranger pulled a burrito out of his pants and grabbed his girlfriend's crotch. But that's not the weird part. What's weird was that he was dressed in a Captain America suitnote .
    Judy: It's sort of like an afterthought, that the guy's in a Captain America suit. Like, wouldn't that be the first thing you say?
    "Captain America": Hello! I'll save your crotch!
    Brad: What is he, like, C-list superhero? How ugly are this chick and her boyfriend that they can't get hit on by, like, Batman?
    "Batman": I have a girlfriend.
    • It later turns out that Captain America was an alias for Dr. Raymond Adamcik, who was returning home from a superhero-themed pub crawl. He's arrested for sexual harassment and promptly stripped of his uniform.
    Brad: Anyone who does a pub crawl dressed up like a superhero should be arrested anyway, 'cause you're an idiot!
    Brian Callen: You don't want to get your crotch pawed by Captain America, don't come into the bar, you prude!
  • One clip from "Partiers 16" showed Tom Conner, a drunk English tourist in Prague who, for no discernible reason, climbed up the statue of King Wenceslas in Wenceslas Square. Firefighters brought in a cherry picker to bring him down, but he decided to climb down instead. Unfortunately, he lost his grip and ended up falling onto the pavement. Don't worry. He was so drunk, it dulled the pain.
    Ted Jessup: It's funny, the line actually is, "Good King Wenceslas looked out on a drunken jerkoff."
  • From "Partiers 6", the story of what could be one of the greatest party crashers ever: a huge pig that escaped from a local farm and broke into the host's backyard. The partiers have to lasso the pig and drag it into an animal control van.
    Chuck: They were hosting a dinner party and guess who showed up? DINNER!
  • There's the story of one literal party animal found in Lyons, Colorado: a 450-pound mother black bear found stumbling around a local neighborhood after she ate a box of fermenting apples left to rot in a nearby yard. The situation almost becomes dangerous when she stumbles across an elementary school. She's reunited with her cubs after animal control tranqs her.
    Loni: The bear that fell off the wagon.
    Brad: You know, this is proof that Al Gore was right. The environment is screwed. If bears are getting drunk to forget their problems, we have killed the planet.
  • From "Partiers 3", the man who was arrested for instigating a bar fight at a New Mexico saloon. The reason he's on the number one spot? He won't stop screaming "FALSE ARREST!" over and over again. And then he makes the stupid mistake of spitting at the cop, who promptly pulls over and pulls his shirt over his face so he won't do it again. But even then, he still doesn't stop screaming.
    Chelsea: The "false arrest" chant kinda loses some pep when he's smothered under his own T-shirt.
    Michael: You've just escaped with your life. You spit on a cop and he didn't kill you. Shut the fuck up.
  • From "Partiers 23", the donkey wedding in Turkey. It may sound strange, but the real reason the video is on the list is that their owners prove themselves to be the real asses when they get into a fistfight.
    Jared: In 1513, Turks ruled over half of the known world... In 2013, Turks fight over a donkey wedding.
  • From "Partiers 2", a group of drunk college kids dressed as Santa Claus protest a new city ordinance. An ordinance that prohibits public drinking. Needless to say, their rowdy behavior does not gather support for their cause.
    Leif: (while wearing a Santa hat) I wish you another cocktail, I wish you another cocktail, I wish you another cocktail and a happy... (mumbling) I'm done. I'm just gonna do the rest of the show like this.
  • The video clip of the Burnley soccer team's mascot, Bertie the Bee, rugby tackling a streaker during a game.

    Performers (The Hollywood side of World's Dumbest) 
  • The "Divine Rags" commercial from "Performers 11":
    Divine Mafa: I like de best, but ma woman is de bestest...
    Loni: "De bestest"? An' I thought my English was bad!
    Brendan: You're right. That lady does deserve "de bestest" but my lady deserves the "bestester"...clothes. So there.
    Divine Mafa: She's always spendings ze monies...
    Chuck: "Spendingzz z-z-ze moniezz..." What kind of accent is that?
    Jamie: I wanna look like a whore but I just don't know where to go... Maybe this kindly television pimp can help me...
  • John Enos and Loni Love "playing" with the love chair at the end of "Performers 8".
  • "Performers 6" gives us... this:
    ME Pearl: Well hello! We're here today to learn how to give your opossum a proper pedicure.
    Danny: Give your what a proper WHAT?
    Chelsea: What color shall we choose (for the opossum's nails)? Blushing bride or magical magenta? So many options when you are completely bonkers!
  • This line while the cast is watching an adult movie in "Performers 10":
    Mike T.: Spoiler alert: it's his penis!
  • Brad and Mike T. watching a cosplayer stumble in his Minecraft costume at a comics convention, with Mike telling Brad that if they're good they'll get froyo on the way home. Brad is dressed like Mario Bros, while Mike is dressed in a full-bodied Pac-Man costume with a mouth that works like a puppet. Look out, Sid & Marty Krofft!
    • Kevin's take on the whole thing:
      Kevin: Being the biggest nerd at a comics convention is like being the valedictorian at Harvard...
  • From Performers 13, we get a music video from an aspiring rapper:
    Brendan: He's usin' gunshots as a beat! He's the hardest rapper on the streets! His name is...Gil. Doesn't really have a ring to it.
    Daniel: Nobody ever thought about putting gunshots in the beat of a rap song? Except for Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Biggie, and literally every artist since 1992.
    • Tonya then notices something wrong about the part of making "these rifles burs".
      Tonya: Pistols go "POW!", shotguns go "BOOM!", and automatic weapons go "TATATATATATATA!". But they don't go "BURSS!".
    • Brendan looks somewhat worried by the next lines:
      Gil: After I still (steal) yo hoe, I will kill yo hoe, raise her from the dead, count up all my bread...
      Brendan: So lemme get this straight... you're gonna steal my hoe... kill her... then bring her back to life... YOU WANNA BANG MY ZOMBIE GIRLFRIEND, GIL?
    • Some comments on Gil's gang.
      Gil: I got my white nigga, I got my Mexican nigga. On the camera, I got my Asian nigga
      Danny: That is the most ethnically diverse rap video I've ever seen.
      Judy: Where's the Jew? Huh?
  • In a "Performers 11" clip from Indonesia, featuring two men in a giant dragon costume puppet preparing to leap across a series of poles with platforms.
    Ted Jessup: Mr. Dragon, I'm representing Mr. Snuffleupagus. He's suing you for infringement.
    • And how does it end? The dragon performers end up falling off the poles due to them being slippery after they were cleaned and polished just before the performance.
  • Muhammad Shahid Nazir's viral video that made him famous, "One Pound Fish".
  • From the black bear newscast on "World's Dumbest Performers 12":
    Kevin: You know, some days the news should just show up and say, "We got nothin'", and put on a Seinfeld rerun.
  • Also from "World's Dumbest Performers 12", the Japanese commercial featuring a young Leif Garrett. That is all.
  • The entire commentary about the Easter Gorilla from "Performers 10".
    Mike Trainor: Of course the house with the above-ground pool and the giant trampoline has a spare gorilla suit lying around.
    Brad Loekle: I know one little girl who will be converting to Judaism.
  • From "World's Dumbest Performers 13", the guy twerking in the middle of a traffic jam.
  • The sheer absurdity of the Japanese game show featured in "Performers 15".
  • From "Performers 6", there's a lion mauling its trainer on a red carpet because of a toothache. Not that funny in itself but then there's this closing comment from Daniel Baldwin:
    "He's still better behaved around paparazzi than [looks into camera] my brother Alec." [winks]
  • The commentary of the boxing orangutans in "Performers 17":
    Mike O'Gorman: [as referee] Let's get ready to throw feceeeeees!
    Mike T.: If an orangutan Don King comes out, I am going to shit in my pants.
  • An Austrian rugby team makes a dare after losing a match: stripping off their clothes in the middle of a crowded plaza.
  • From "Performers 7", a panhandler in Romania claims he and his entire family face several unimaginable penuries... then someone calls him on his rather pricey cellphone (which pretty much looks like a Blackberry).
  • There's a reason why the video of the elderly Brazilian couple strip dancing from "Performers 16" is titled "Things You Can't Unsee".
    Brad: Their golden years are now some of my darkest memories.
    Jared: [covering face] I don't want to see it! No!
  • Also in "Performers 16" is Vancouver resident Marijuana Man, who streams live on the internet regaling his audience with tales of weed. He makes the mistake of showing off his products, which results in two thugs breaking into his home, beating him with a crowbar, and stealing from him. What they don't know is that the camera was left running during the break-in, making it easy for police to find them. Marijuana Man later sends a video to give thanks to the Vancouver police for catching them.
  • From "Performers 6", the remix of the "Strut that Ass" video the cast makes is both awesome and funny.
    Chuck Nice: Instead of walking to Gunters, he should walk to a dentist.
    Todd: I'm glad that he wasn't a black guy, so you can see there are some whites that are as nuts as some black people.
  • From "Performers 14", a man in an Elmo costume in Central Park shouting that he worked for gang boss John Gotti, Jr. It gets even funnier when a man in a white tuxedo jacket with hearts all over it tells him to shut up and go. Unfortunately, "Elmo" doesn't stop and he's arrested for disorderly conduct. And as he's being arrested, he shouts anti-Semitic slurs at people.

    Pranksters (People doing stupid pranks you shouldn't do) 
  • "A little bit of water? On my shirt? I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"
  • Nick DiPaolo playing Jimmy Hoffa.
  • Reactions in two different clips from "Pranksters 2" that feature attractive young girls:
    • The first has a girl paint clown makeup on her face and hiding in a trashcan to scare her cousin, only to have the cousin turn the tables and dump creepy-crawlies on her; she panics, pulls her dress off, and runs back into the house in her underwear.
      Danny: The painted face is horrifying, but she's stripping? My boner is confused.
    • In the other clip, a guy pulls a prank on his girlfriend by pulling a small toy clown on a tricycle with fishing line when she returns home from work (as she's terrified of clowns); when she returns home:
      Nick: What kind of work she was coming home from that she has to wear skin-tight short shorts? Was she in a Playboy shoot?
      • Even funnier was that she was so terrified, she dashed out the door, back into her car, and took off in two seconds flat.
    Brad: I really need to get off cable...
    • And then the teacher gets annoyed with the chicken guy interrupting his lecture and chases him out of the classroom.
  • During a Halloween interview, a black kid has a friend jump out of a trash can, only to have the black kid punch him in the face out of instinct.
    Godfrey: That's what happens when you scare a brother. We will punch you in the — (sees a scary dude behind him and runs off screaming)
  • Two girls attempt to do the Cinnamon Challenge. But what they don't know is that the second girl's boyfriend gave them cayenne pepper instead.

    Record Breakers (People breaking records for being stupid) 
  • From "Record Breakers 2", a South African man breaks his record for most hours of disco dancing... or more like, moving around in one place inside a video store.
    Danny: I couldn't tell if he was dancing or just really had to pee.
    Roger: The only record set here was the most consecutive hours of horrible dancing. He sucked!
  • From "World's Dumbest Record Breakers 3", one clip shows us a woman trying to break a record at blowing into a hot water bottle, until it bursts - various different commentators try it themselves, to no success.
    Brad: You have to blow harder than Tonya Harding's jokes to pop that!
    Tonya: (Mumbling) Can you imagine if Leif put his mouth on that thing, and then I did, and it'd be like we were makin' out.
    Brad: Can anybody understand a word this motherfucker says?
  • From "World's Dumbest Record Breakers 6", we see a clip of a morbidly obese woman named Donna, who is trying to get into the record books by being the world's heaviest woman, and is currently working her way to weigh 1,000 pounds.
    Donna: I wouldn't mind being a thousand pounds. The bigger you are, the sexier you are.
    Mike T: Who told you that?! Was it a plate of bacon? Because that was a lie!
  • After we watch a clip of Tonya breaking a record by driving her 1931 Ford Model A at 97 mph, then finishing the day by posing for photos in a black-and-white checkered bikini...
    Billy: I didn't know we could bring our own home videos on this show because I've got one of my daughter sitting on the potty.
  • Leif's reaction to the old woman with tattoos covering ninety percent of her body in "Record Breakers 5":
    Leif: Ever wonder what that person is going to look like with all those tattoos when they get older? Well, this is it. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
    Kevin: Some of her tattoos were made with a feathered quill... Snap it!
    Nick: I like the one she had of her first boyfriend Christopher Columbus.
    • And then Michael Loftus asks a very important question.
      Michael: I'll be honest I'm not gonna lie. I want to see her naked. If she's the w — Show me! I want to see it all!
      (censored close up of woman's tattooed vagina)
      Leif: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
      Loni: Who tattoos their kitty cat?!
  • From "Record Breakers 3", the story of Dr. Tom Owen, AKA the Human Speedbump, who has set multiple records being run over by trucks. He finds his limit when he attempts to have a pickup truck full of children rest on his stomach for at least five seconds. His attempt stops short at the three-second mark after he can't take it anymore. He goes to the hospital for multiple internal injuries and he vows never to do it again.
    Tom: I'm not going to let a truck sit on my stomach fully loaded for five seconds anymore.
    Chelsea Peretti: That's an actual sentence that an actual human being spoke, like a realization that a human being actually had to come to through experience.
  • From "Record Breakers 2", a class on a field trip in Scotland try the classic "most people crammed in a phone booth record". They manage to stuff sixteen kids in it, but it's all for naught when it's later revealed Guinness does not accept entries for that category anymore.
    Roger Lodge: The big story here wasn't the sixteen young ladies in a phone booth, it's the fact that they actually found a phone booth still in existence. Who uses a phone booth anymore?!
  • From "Record Breakers 2", a Frenchman called Maurice Deubard tries to set a record of being buried up to his neck in ice for an hour. The attempt stops with only four minutes remaining when his body temperature drops at dangerous levels, so the doctors present dig him out.
    Daisy: They let Manson out of jail for this?
    Danny: If this guy wanted to see how long he could stay in ice, all he had to do was sleep with my ex-wife.
    Kevin: Does it really take three doctors to find out when it's unhealthy for a sixty-four-old to be in a tub of ice? Minute one is unhealthy.
    Nick: Wanna pick up the pace? My nuts are purple over here, let's go!

    Show-Offs (Stupidity is not worth showing off) 
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, the 2048 Republican nominee for president of the United States: Richie McDickface."
  • The clip of the dancer named Onyx paying tribute to a recently deceased person at a funeral.
  • The clip of a kid who does a slam dunk, only to get his foot stuck in the basket. He gets out when his friends bring in a ladder.

    Thrillseekers (Daredevils Lite) 
  • From "World's Dumbest Thrillseekers 6", the clip in question showing a pair of motorcyclists performing stunts:
    Voice Over Announcer: Now the event you have all been waiting for! The most amazing motorcycle trick ever done by two guys at one time! (bike crashes into an oncoming car) DAMMIT!
  • The "What the fuck?" look on Frankie's face when Daniel imitates him and his trademark Russian-bashing monologuing.
  • A thrillseeker has himself knocked into a large pile of empty cardboard boxes by jumping into the path of a speeding truck with mattresses strapped to the grill.
    Ted: Yeah, I'm actually moving, and I collected those boxes from three different liquor stores, so unless you guys wanna help me move... yeah, that's what I thought.
  • The video of the theater student reciting the prelude of Romeo and Juliet while riding a roller coaster has to be seen to be believed.

    Tourists (Dumbness traveling the world) 
  • "Tourists 2" features a Jamaican tourist guide named Captain Crazy, who does nothing but tell jokes about weed and getting high... and laughing like Fran Drescher. Kevin thinks a lot of his college friends went a similar path, Tonya complains about his laugh, and Michael thinks he's just pulling an act.
  • A clip has an American tourist pestering a beefeater marching near the Tower of London. When the idiot least expects it, the beefeater strikes back.
  • Another video shows a middle-aged woman on a beach in the Bahamas... loudly singing a Boyz II Men song.

    TV Shows (That's why they call it the "idiot box") 
  • Guess who makes it onto number 19? Clutch Cargo! The commentators all agree that the animation looks cheap, some of the foreign characters are a tad offensive, and the Synchro-Vox mouths are WAY too distracting.
  • Another show that makes onto the "TV Shows" countdown is The Fuccons. The commentators look as though they don't know whether to laugh or be creeped out by it.
  • We are also treated to "Dog TV", a cable channel tailored for dogs.
    Dan: I can't get my own show, and dogs have their own network? I'm gonna kill myself.
    Ted: Don't worry, Dog TV improves a lot in the second season.
  • A Turkish dating show has a game that involves the host shoving baloney sausages into the mouths of male audience members. One campy-looking fellow actually seems to like this game a little too much though...
    Brad: Finally, a hilarious way to come out of the closet!
  • A public access religious show features dummies talking about God, while a man who looks like a bargain-store version of Leif Garrett advises children to avoid drugs... and the show ends with an alien puppet singing songs of praise.

    Others (Any episode with fewer than 2 sequels) 
World's Dumbest Shoppers
  • One clip showed a stampede of people storming a building to get used laptops.
    Judy Gold: I'm gonna go get a $50 piece of shit computer!
    • From the same clip, a distraught woman claims she's been injured and almost killed, and repeatedly yells for somebody to call her an "Ambalance".
      Jo: It's not an ambalance, it's an ambulance. The answer is no, an ambalance is not on its way, because those don't exist.
  • One clip shows the chaos that followed the release of Cabbage Patch Kids, one little girl with feathery blonde hair apparently had a doll snatched out of her hands and is crying over it, while another lady vents her anger about the entire situation.
    Godfrey: I don't think that was a little girl, I think was Leif Garrett when he was really young.
    (cut to an insert of a photo Leif from the '70s compared to a still shot of the crying girl)
    • While this wasn't on World's Dumbest... VH1's I Love Toys did a segment on Cabbage Patch Kids, and even brought up how an authentic doll will have inventor Xavier Roberts's signature embroidered on the doll's rear; Loni (who was featured on that show before joining WD) was disgusted, "He branded every one of them babies!"
  • There are two clips that shows dumb things happening to people who try to buy a limited sales Play Station 3. In the first clip, a teenager doesn't look where he's going and winds up running into a pole. In the second clip, another teenager ends up tripping and falling on his face, but everyone just runs over him.
  • A whole mob of people rushed into a store to grab tickets off people that guarantees a free refrigerator. And by grab, we mean tackle them to the ground like American football players. The event is so successful, the store owners plan to do it again at their other locations.
  • Also in "Shoppers" is the story of a little girl who crawls into a claw game through the prize hole. Her older sister tells her mother, but she doesn't believe her until she sees it for herself. The only way to get her out of the box is to have the store owner turn off the power and have the girl crawl out the same way she came in after she gets bored.
    Godfrey: She has done what everybody in America has wanted to do, it was get in there and grab some of those damn dolls that never, ever get won. I love that little girl! Go ahead!
  • In the number 2 clip of "Dumbest Shoppers", a gang of robbers break into an electronics store and make off with dozens of televisions. Imagine the stupid looks on their faces when they later find out that they didn't steal the real things, but the phony display models.

World's Dumbest Heroes

  • One clip had a Russian tank crashing on a house because its tipsy driver had bought some drinks on his way to military exercises. Turns out the house belonged to a former soldier. Then, an investigation was ordered, and...
    Military officer: (commenting on the results) The driver was completely sober because he was going to military exercises.
    Roger: How can you say, with a straight face, mind you, that this idiot was sober?
    (The clip with the driver drunkenly entering the tank plays)
    Loni: Even Stevie Wonder could see he was drunk!
  • The same episode also featured one horrible bird statue (?) being dedicated in Spain, only to fall apart after the ceremonial champagne bottle. The commentators have a field day with the hideous thing.

World's Dumbest Meltdowns

  • This episode gives us Howard Dean's infamous "I Have a Scream" speech from 2004.
  • The fight between Indy Car racers Danica Patrick and Milka Duno. What makes it funny is that truTV couldn't clear the rights to show the footage, so they decided to recreate it with poorly-done animation.

World's Dumbest Fans

  • The incident where Tom Cruise got angry at a prankster who sprayed him in the face with a squirt gun disguised as a microphone.

     Hilarious Outtakes (The mistakes, goofs, or other behind-the-scenes nuggets we're treated to) 
  • In the "Criminals" episode that featured the above-mentioned re-enactment of Leif's 2010 drug arrest, the incident was re-enacted again during the closing credits, this time with John playing Leif and Todd playing the arresting officer.
  • During the credits of one episode, Judy walks in on Nick's commentary.
    Nick: Whoa! Look at this — a 6'8" Jew!
    Judy: What's up?
    Nick: Aw, you know what's up, look at us.
    Judy: I know, it's pathetic, isn't it?
    Nick: I'm doin' this till they give me my own show on truTV. What is this? Is she gonna watch me?
    Judy: I gotta put my fuckin' makeup on!
    Nick: Well, why don't you just do it in the fuckin' men's room?
  • Another time (seen at the end of "Daredevils 7"), Judy walks in on Brad's commentary.
    Brad: Oh! It's Jewbacca! Hey, Jewbacca!
    (Judy flips Brad off)
    Brad: Did you shave before you put your makeup on so you don't look like me?
    Judy: Can't you be fuckin' nice to me and save it for the camera?
  • During the credits of a "Pranksters" episode, the producers secretly give some of the cast members a pen that shocks when clicking for them to write notes on. Judy is angered, Roger is slightly amused, Jaime freaks out, and Todd acts like he's going into cardiac arrest - "Gimme a pacemaker, dude!"
  • The entire sequence from "World's Dumbest Holidays", in which the cast attempts to sing an altered rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas", which includes many line flubs, numerous wrong notes, and pitiful attempts at singing.


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