- Ha Ha Ha No: "The Bart Wants What It Wants" has this:
Ranier: Bart, your little tie makes me smile.
Bart: Excuse me, but you don't sound as tough as you do in the movies.
Ranier: [threatening] If you don't shut your big yap, I will rip off your face and use it as a napkin.
[pause, and then everyone laughs]
Ranier: [serious again] Laughing time is over.
Homer: OK son, just remember to have fun out there today. And if you lose, I'll kill you!
Bart: [good-humored] Oh, Dad.
Homer: [looks menacingly at Bart]
- Hair-Raising Hare: Homer draws bunny faces on electrical sockets to scare Maggie away from touching them. When Marge points out that Maggie's not scared of rabbits, Homer replies "She will be."
- Halfway Plot Switch: Constantly. Even lampshaded a few times.
Homer (on a rickety boat about to go over a waterfall): So, do you think they settled that bag boy strike yet?
- Hammered into the Ground: In an homage to the Road Runner cartoons, when Homer tried to get rid of a trampoline by throwing it off a cliff outcropping it bounces back up, then falls on him pounding him into the rock. Then he falls out the bottom of the outcropping to the bottom of a ravine.
- Ham-to-Ham Combat: Homer (Dan Castellaneta) vs. Meathook (John Goodman) in "Take My Wife, Sleaze".
- Hands Go Down
- Handy Feet: Rita LaFleur from "Gone Abie Gone" can play piano with her toes.
- Hanging Judge: Judge Constance Harm, a Judge Judy parody.
- Happily Failed Suicide: A man jumps off the ledge of a building just as a massive ball of humanity comes rolling by. The tone of his voice implies that he is pleased with the result.
Goodbye Cruel World! (falls into the ball) Hello ironic twist!
- Happily Married: Homer and Marge sorta, Ned and Maude until she dies.
- Happy Harlequin Hat: when Homer talks a couple of late-middle-aged hippies into going on a "good old fashioned freak-out" he wears one of these while freaking the normals.
Have no fear, the Cosmic Fool is here, to blow the lid off your conformist button-down world!
- Harpo Does Something Funny: All scripts read (Annoyed Grunt) whenever Homer says "D'OH!"
- There's also "(frustrated murmur)" for Marge's "Hmmm..." and "(Frink noises)" for Professor Frink's mumbling.
- Hate at First Sight: Frank Grimes dislikes Homer from their first meeting, an impression that just gets worse and worse until he accidentally electrocutes himself in a fit of rage at how the universe seems to bend over backward for Homer.
- Have a Gay Old Time: Common with Mr. Burns, due to his age. An example from "Monty Can't Buy Me Love":
Rude: When was your first gay experience?
Burns: Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time! Oh-ho, I ate my share of wieners that day.
- Homer also gets one in "The Telltale Head":
Homer: You know, Bart, when I was your age, I pulled a few boners.
- Ned Flanders does it in "Bart the Lover", though it's not clear whether it's this or Hypocritical Humour, as he was lecturing Homer on swearing in front of his children at the time.
Ned: Now, some of us pull a few boners now and then, go off half-cocked, make asses of ourselves...
- Heart Beats out of Chest: Moe Szyslak does this in the episode "Saddlesore Gallactica" after seeing a beautiful woman. However, he notes that this shouldn't be happening to his heart and is likely a serious emergency.
- Held Back In School: The show really did enjoy this trope. Bart Gets An F focuses on Bart's attempts to avoid it happening. Lisa goes up a grade and Bart goes down in another in Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade.
- On the Extreme side Bart was knocked back to Kindergarten when Sideshow Bob became mayor. While Kearny is actually a grown adult.
- The Hedonist: "Bart's Inner Child" had a self-help guru convince everyone in the town to be like this. It ends badly.
- Heel Realization: Lisa in "Make Room For Lisa". Though it's debatable that she was certainly justified for being angry at Homer for snoring loudly during an opera.
- Helicopter Flyswatter: In "Thirty Minutes over Tokyo" the plane that the Simpsons are on going home gets attacked by Godzilla.
Pilot: Uh, folks, we're experiencing some moderate Godzilla-related turbulence at this time, so I'm going to go ahead and ask you to put your seat belts back on. When we get to 35 thousand feet, he usually does let go, so from there on out, all we have to worry about is Mothra, and, uh, we do have reports he's tied up with Gamera and Rodan at the present time. Thank you very much.
- Henpecked Husband: Charles Heathbar (played by Ricky Gervais) from "Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife".
- Here We Go Again: Said by the family at the end of "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" when Grampa approaches on a motorcycle and said he's gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza. The same thing was said by Vanessa Redgrave in a sitcom earlier in the episode.
- Heroic BSOD: After Mr. Burns revokes giving 3 free donuts to each worker per day:
Homer: *sobbing passionately* You... can't... do... that.
- Similarly, Homer freaks out when the high school science teacher sets a donut on fire in "The Front".
Homer: (weakly) This is NOT happening! This is NOT happening!
- Heroic Dolphins: Subverted when Bart, Homer, Flanders and his kids stranded at sea and being approached by dolphins; Flanders is relieved, stating that dolphins always help people lost at sea; but the dolphins merely chitter that they are all going to die, giggle a bit, and then leave.
- Hero-Worshipper: Bart idolizes Krusty, and as he himself put it, has based his whole life on his teachings.
- He's Back: In "Blood Feud", Mr. Burns is dying from hypohemia, and Bart donates his blood to save him. He dictates his epitaph in an increasingly hammier way as he recovers, culminating with him getting up and exclaiming, "Smithers, I'm back!"
- Burns again in "The Fool Monty." Burns becomes childlike and an amnesiac after a failed suicide attempt. Visiting his old mansion jogs back his memory. He then sits menacingly on a chair made of skulls and says in a sinister voice, "Daddy's home."
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Lenny and Carl, anyone?
Carl: Hey did we ever get that money?
Both: [concerned look]
- Mr. Burns and Smithers would also count, at least from Mr. Burns' point of view.
- Hey Lets Put On A Show: In "Grift of the Magi", Skinner decides to produce a school play in order to convince Mr. Burns to donate enough money for the school to re-open.
- Hidden Depths: Almost everyone has shown these at one time or another. Bound to happen, what with over 22 years of shows.
- Hide And No Seek: Bart uses this as a pause button for his reluctant playdate with Ralph Wiggum, giving himself a chance to clean the syrup stains off of all his toys.
Ralph: I've been in [the hallway closet] for two hours, and Bart still hasn't finded me!
- High Dive Escape: Big Daddy makes one in the "Chief Wiggum, P.I." segment of "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase".
- Higher Education Is for Women: A flashback episode revealed Marge went to college after high school while Homer formed a grunge band. Similarly, a very realistic flashforward shows Maggie and Lisa at college while Bart works a blue-collar job.
- Higher Understanding Through Drugs: Parodied in "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer". In the episode, Homer eats some "merciless peppers of Quetzalzacatenango" and goes on a hallucinatory trip, complete with colourful Mayincatec imagery and a coyote Spirit Advisor, who urges him to "find his soulmate". Homer eventually figures out, unsurprisingly, that Marge is his soulmate. It remains unclear whether his trip had supernatural qualities, or whether it was just the sort of regular hallucination Homer often has.
- High Voltage Death: At the end of the episode “Homer's Enemy” Frank Grimes outraged at how Homer is constantly rewarded for his stupidity, goes insane, and starts mockingly mimicking risky things Homer would do and saying he's “Homer Simpson”. While doing this he grabs a high voltage cable without safety gloves in Homer's office and unintentionally electrocutes himself to death, ironically committing suicide.. Grimes is also the page image for this trope.
- Hint Dropping: Marge, to Homer laying in a hammock in "Mom and Pop Art":
Marge: You know, Homie, a lot of men use their Saturdays to do things around the house; hint, hint!
Homer: But Marge, I'm not like other men. That's why you buy my pants at that special store!
- Historical Character Confusion: In "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe", Marge phones Moe's and asks for Homer. Moe tries to cover by saying that he thought she was asking for Heimlich Himmler, the guy who invented the Heimlich maneuver. When Marge says they are different people, Moe claims they are both in the tavern.
- Historical Rap Sheet:
- History's Crime Wave: One Treehouse of Horror had Billy the Kid leading a gang of historical villains, including the most evil German in history — Kaiser Wilhelm!
- Homers Want Redheads: This is proven by Mindy Simmons in the episode "The Last Temptation Of Homer" when Homer almost has an affair.
- Hockey Mask and Chainsaw: As part of a Stab the Salad gag.
- Holding Both Sides of the Conversation: Homer impersonating Marge in the bank, when he's trying to remove their life's savings.
- Hollywood Magnetism: One prank Bart pulls involves two pieces of metal in the bottom of Principal Skinner's shoes and a pair of horseshoe magnets under the stage, which Bart manipulates to make Skinner do a wild dance. In reality, the magnetic field wouldn't be strong enough to pass through that much wood.
- Honest Advisor: Mr. Burns once hires Lisa to advise him after listening to yes-men nearly ruins him.
- Housewife: Marge.
- How About A Smile: A variant occurs in "Black Widower" when Sideshow Bob is chewing out a hotel bellboy:
Sideshow Bob: I WANTED A ROOM WITH A FIREPLACE, YOU BLASTED MONKEY! (realizes Selma is capturing him on camera) Oh Selma dear... I was just chatting with my good friend... (looks at his name tag) Dennis! Now, smile for the camera, there's a good lad! (Dennis struggles to produce a nervous smile)
- "How Did You Know?" "I Didn't."
Bart: Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
- House Fire: In at least two episodes:
- "Homer the Heretic": Homer falls asleep while smoking a cigar, and a hot ash ignites one of his girlie magazines, causing a fire that heavily damages the house.
- "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace": Bart's new fire truck sprays water on an overloaded outlet, causing a fire that destroys the Christmas tree and the presents underneath.
- Also the episode where Homer passes out trying to blow out his birthday candles ("Homerazzi"). After the fire department shows up, they suggest buying a fireproof safe.
Homer: Or we COULD just try to be more careful with fire.
Firefighter: Sir, this is the 4th time we've been called out this month.
Homer: Um, yeah. But one of those times, I accidentally called 9-1-1 and I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I set the house on fire.
- How the Character Stole Christmas: Homer in "Tis the Fifteenth Season" has the misguided idea that people would be a lot happier if they were free of material possessions, so he steals the Christmas presents of everybody in town. It doesn't go over well.
- Homer also steals all the Funzos under the tree of every house in town in "Grift of the Magi", with Bart and Lisa's help.
- Homer has apparently (Counting that Christmas) Saved three Christmases, ruined Eight, and two where "Kind of a draw"
- Huddle Shot: Seen in "Bart Star" and "Children of a Lesser Clod".
- Hug and Comment: Krusty and Sideshow Mel embrace after their Show Within a Show is back on the air. Then Mel murmurs "I love you Krusty", prompting him to recoil.
- Human Ladder
- Human Mail: In "Bart on the Road", Bart and his friends travel home in a shipment crate.
- Hummer Dinger:
- The Hunter Becomes The Hunted: Mr. Burns says this while playing Ms. Pac-Man.
- Hulk Speak: A horse in "E-i-e-i-(Annoyed Grunt)" that has become addicted to Tomacco falls into this, with terrifying results.
- —>(low roar) TOMACCOOOOO!
- Hustling The Mark: In one episode, Homer is hustled at checkers by a chicken. The bird was apparently clever enough to lose the first few games to build up Homer’s confidence.
- The Hyena: Dr. Hibbert.
- Hyperventilation Bag: Lisa did this once when she met a girl she thought was smarter than her.
- Hypno Fool: Used a few times. In the episode "The Blunder Years", Homer is regressed to 12 years old through hypnosis, which triggers a repressed memory that makes him scream incessantly until the next day. In the episode "Day of the Jackanapes", Bart is hypnotised by Sideshow Bob to blow up both himself and Krusty.
- Hypocrisy Nod: Sideshow Bob makes one of these in his televised rant against television.
- Hypocritical Humor: Far too many usages to count.
- Any "outsourcing" jokes, considering the animation of the show is done in South Korea.
- Hypothetical Fight Debate:
- In one episode Bart asks Milo, the owner of a new comic book shop in town, who would win: The Thang or the Mulk. Milo asks Bart what he thinks. Bart is impressed that a comic shop owner would encourage discussion rather than pontificating.
- In another episode, a group of nerds are tying up the phone line (ah, the joys of dial-up) because some guy thinks Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk and naturally this just won't stand.