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"This may be the single most complete, accurate, honest self-description I've ever written, and it consists entirely of narrative conventions. I'm a bit troubled by this."
"You know, you're the only gay guy I know that I'm comfortable taking my pants off around."
If you actually read any of this, or somehow read all of it
, there is that guestbook on the bottom...
This troper is from Massachusetts, where he is in college studying mathematics. He first heard about TV Tropes
thanks to xkcd
, but avoided going to it specifically because of how addictive the comic warned it would be
. He managed to abstain from visiting anything other than the main page until he met a troper in real life who expounded on how great the site was. He decided to give the site a try, and started by reading the page on one of his favorite movies
. Five hours later, with six tabs still open and waiting to be read, he realized that he needed to go to bed. The rest, as they say, is history. He used to waver between binge-browsing tvtropes and abstaining completely from it, but he has now settling into more balanced browsing habits; of course, in this case, "balanced" means about an hour or two a day, rather than some five hour binges with a few-day break in between.
This troper's contributions to the wiki include...
This troper is a member of SPOON
and leans towards the splitter side
(he'd love nothing more than to organize the examples section of the Saw
page into subsections). When he isn't browsing Tv Tropes, he enjoys video games, biking, walking, drumming, blogging, mathematics, philosophy, and talking about himself in the third person
. He also used to spend way too much time adding tropes that apply to himself to this page (as you shall see), but has since broken that habit.
Tropes that apply to Gamer Am I and his story arc (the condensed version):
And now for the full version, which is a bit longer than the condensed version
Tropes that apply to Gamer Am I (scroll down for tropes that apply to his story arc):
- A Man Is Not a Virgin: Subverted hard in that this troper has yet to go beyond kissing—and he doesn't count that because it only happened one time and it was with a girl (see If It's You, It's Okay—yet is still awesome enough to be a protagonist.
- Actual Pacifist: This troper avoids fighting in any way he can and is morally opposed to it.
- Air Guitar: This troper is known to do this when out walking and listening to a rockin' song on his iPod, even when people are watching. He will also do air drums and air bass, depending on which he thinks will be the most fun to replicate.
- Badass Longcoat: A black full-length winter coat. It goes quite well with this troper's Nice Hat.
- Badass Longhair: This troper's hair is very long (we're talking two feet, here), very well kept, and has a natural wave at the ends, something many of his female acquaintances have expressed jealousy of. He started growing it in seventh grade, when he took a look at some medium-length hair on a friend of his and said, "I wonder how I would look with that." Since then, he has only had it cut three or four times. From the front, he doesn't have any other feminine features, so he isn't often mistake for a female. Sometimes he is, though (see Dude Looks Like a Lady).
- Brainy Brunette: The Smart Guy + brown hair = this trope applying to this troper.
- Berserk Button: Very little in the world makes this troper as angry as a situation that invokes The Unfair Sex or the Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female on Male trope. He has had his own experiences with such double standards (see Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female on Male), and reading/hearing about other examples of the kind of double standards that favor women makes him angry enough to.. well, choke a bitch.
- And let's not bring up this troper's opinion on people who think Childfree Is Not Allowed. Suffice it to say that he thinks they need to get their heads out of their asses.
- Hearing a baby cry instantly puts this troper in a bad mood (see Child Hater).
- A more subtle Berserk Button for this troper is when someone assumes that he holds a certain stereotype or prejudice because he is a member of a group that typically holds that stereotype or prejudice. His sister seems quite fond of assuming him to be a male chauvinist simply because he is a man.
- God help you if you misuse the world "ironic" around this troper. While he is also a general grammar nazi and can be more peeved off than usual about such mistakes, nothing sets him off quite so much as misuse of the word ironic.
- And if this troper hears you saying that gay marriage shouldn't be legalized or than homosexuality is a choice, you better hope there was a misunderstanding.
- Brutal Honesty: A logical result of this troper's aversion to lying (see Cannot Tell a Lie), though he has found some very creative ways to try to tone down the "brutal" part.
- Cannot Tell a Lie: One of the side effects of the Asperger Syndrome that behavioral therapy did not do away with, though this troper's aversion to lying has had some surprisingly positive consequences. With some effort, though, he can tell a lie (thus he sometimes slides into Will Not Tell a Lie), but considering how difficult it is for him to do so, he still fits into the category of Cannot Tell a Lie.
- Can't Act Perverted Toward A Love Interest: As part of his being a Chivalrous Pervert, when this troper either has romantic feelings for someone he also fancies physically or acknowledges that the development of such feelings is a possibility, he won't ogle them—or, at least, not do so as shamelessly and actually feel a bit guilty about it—as he would ogle someone for whom he has no such feelings.
- Cavalier Competitor: This troper frequently compliments the people he plays video games with, even if he is much better than them, and will frequently begrudgingly congratulate people who wipe the floor with him when they make a particularly good play.
- Celebrity Resemblance: In elementary school and middle school, this troper was told that he resembled Daniel Radcliff in the Harry Potter films. Once he got to high school and his hair was of medium length, he was told he resembled John Lennon. Currently, though, the length of his hair (see Badass Longhair) compounded with his lack of other feminine features makes it difficult to find a celebrity who resembles him. The closest he currently comes to resembling a celebrity is Jim Butcher, if he shaved his beard◊.
- Cessation of Existence: What this troper thinks happens after you die.
- Challenge Gamer: This troper loves surpassing his best scores in Rock Band and getting high star-rankings on difficult songs. He didn't start out a challenge gamer, though. It all started when he first played Guitar Hero. He loved that game so much that he played it all the time and got very good at it by unintentional practice. Eventually he got so good that beating difficult songs simply didn't provide the challenge it used to, so now he gets joy out of doing as well as possible, sometimes amazing even himself.
Gamer Am I
(on several occasions): What the hell? Did I really just hit all of those notes?
- Before Guitar Hero and Rock Band, it was Dance Dance Revolution. Granted, this troper never got good enough that he could best any song he tried, but he did get so good that his parents had to put some reinforcements under the floor in the room he usually played in. His feet would sometimes move so fast he was convinced he had become part god.
- As a note: This troper has never actively tried to become better at a video game. There are simply some games that he loves so much that he plays them very frequently, and thus gets quite good at them. He also actively avoids being the “Stop Having Fun” Guys guy, usually opting to play cooperative modes with his less-practiced friends rather than competitive modes in which he would wipe the floor with them.
- Chaste Hero: More by circumstance than by choice, but it still applies (see All Love Is Unrequited).
- Child Hater: This troper hates children. He thinks they are loud, selfish, greedy, stupid, rude, inconsiderate, and unreasonable, everything he hates in other people. The fact that they are smaller and younger than a normal person does not change his perception of them at all. There is little in the world that can make him angry as easily as a child's crying.
- Child Prodigy: This troper received much praise of this type when he was younger.
- Chivalrous Pervert: This troper will shamelessly ogle any good-looking guy he sees, frequently at length, and will blatantly talk about how hot said guy is if he is with a friend with whom he is comfortable saying such things. However, if he harbored such feelings for you, you would never suspect it were you to converse with him, for he is always respectful of cute/hot/handsome guys he talks with. Once he gets to know someone, he becomes incapable of those sort of objectifying thoughts and simply can't ogle him anymore.
- This troper once showed the Chivalrous Pervert page to a friend of his, and his friend responded, "Goddamn, that is you."
- Closet Geek: This troper only fits this trope because he doesn't act very geeky at all; he has no qualms about talking about geeky things or admitting that he is a geek to people who ask.
- Cool Loser: As an introvert, this troper simply doesn't have the desire to not be a loser; if he were so inclined, he could easily shed that part of this label.
- Covert Pervert: Most people would never suspect that this troper is into chubby guys, so they are understandably surprised when he tells them.
- Cowardly Lion: Though this troper does give off an air of confidence in familiar situations, he is still really nervous about new things he tries, though he usually swallows his nervousness and goes for it anyways.
- Crowning Music of Awesome: DragonForce's "Through the Fire and Flames" and "Operation Ground and Pound" can always make this troper feel awesome, as can AC/DC's "Let There Be Rock", Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills", and The Who's "Young Man Blues (Live at Leeds)".
- Dude Looks Like a Lady: This troper's long and gorgeous hair makes this kind of misunderstanding happen occasionally, especially when he is viewed from the back. He's used to it now and doesn't take offense anymore.
- Everything's Worse With Bears: Averted; for this troper, everything is better with bears, at least when they are of the Hard Gay variety... stop looking at me like that.
- Even The
Girls Gay Guy Wants Her: How this troper feels about Helena Bonham-Carter ◊, Summer Glau ◊, Ruby Rocket ◊, Allison Harvard (post Creepy Chan phase) ◊, Debbie Harry (when she was in her prime, though she doesn't look half bad today) ◊, and Sylvanas Windrunner ◊.
- Fetish Fuel: You probably don't want to know. (see Poor Man's Porn)
- Fun T-Shirt: This troper practically wears his personality on his chest. Some of his favorites include one that says, "When do I get to vote on your marriage?", as well as three XKCD shirts.   .
- Genre Savvy: This troper knows that when he prepares for a negative outcome, it is less likely to happen, and when he doesn't, it is more likely, so he always tries to prepare for such outcomes. He also knows that when he decides to stop twiddling his thumbs while waiting for something and do something to occupy himself, that something is likely to happen right after he starts occupying himself, so he always looks for some way to occupy himself when he is tired of waiting.
- Gentleman and a Scholar: While the Asperger Syndrome makes fitting the first part of this trope difficult, this troper always tries his hardest to not be one of those geniuses that people can't relate to. Considering the variety of friends he keeps, he does a good job.
- Good with Numbers: This troper is a math major, after all. He can look at basic designs such as tiles on a floor, see a pattern in those designs, come up with a math problem based on that pattern (usually geometric algebra), and solve it in his head. He also loves doing mental arithmetic involving numbers greater than 20 and any math problems that involve substitution and simplification.
- Got Me Doing It: This troper unconsciously takes on the mannerisms and sometimes full personality traits of those he spends a lot of time around, but rarely permanently. Instead, those mannerisms and personality traits often show themselves when he is around the person he is imitating, then fade away once they are no longer together. This often results in him developing multiple dispositions for different social situations. The most profound change is the more laid-back, more hood-ish disposition he takes on when he is around his friend from South Boston.
- Gratuitous French: This troper uses "C'est la vie" all the time.
- Have I Mentioned I am Gay?: Because of this troper's lack of "experience" in that "department" (see A Man Is Not a Virgin) and inability to find a guy to date, his friends have no reason to believe him when he says he is gay other than his less-than-subtle ogling. (see Chivalrous Pervert)
- Hollywood Atheist: This troper mostly subverts the elements of the Hollywood Atheist. One of the reasons he stopped worshiping God was because of all of the emotional trouble he went through growing up (see Growing Up Sucks) and the fact that he never felt as if God was there for him. Because he had to go through those troubles alone, he figured it wasn't worth it to spend his time praying to a deity that couldn't influence his life. He has also been turned off by the hypocrisy of organized religion, but still acknowledges that there are good religion people. He is not materialistic, nor does he worship progress; in fact, he is something of a neo-luddite. He is not depressed (usually), lonely, antisocial, or a Nietzsche Wannabe. Though he will debate religion with people, he doesn't make it his goal to convert non-believers and sees the whole issue of whether or not there is a God as irrelevant to our earthly lives. He has a strong sense of morality (see Neutral Good) and is not hedonistic. Most surprisingly, as a pragmatic atheist, this troper would happily believe in God if he were given good reason to, but he would still be a Nay-Theist.
- Hollywood Nerd: Type 2
- Humble Hero: Subverted in that this troper appears to be a humble person, but is really just brutally honest about everything, including himself (see Cannot Tell a Lie), and most of the praise he receives is vastly overblown. Give him accurate praise, however, and that illusion of humility goes right out the window.
- I Know Mortal Kombat: This troper learned how to play drums from Rock Band. By the time he first played real drums, he was good enough to beat most songs in Rock Band 2 on expert drums, and he wasn't half bad when he tried the real thing. He can now play many of the songs he plays in-game on an actual drum kit.
- Averted with the guitar. This troper knows he wouldn't know the first thing about acoustic or electric guitar if he were to try it, in spite of being a virtuoso at the plastic guitar, so he has never tried either.
- Inspirationally Disadvantaged: Sometimes happens when people find out this troper has Asperger's Syndrome and are amazed by how well he is able to socialize and relate to people in spite of it, although he's really a case of "inspirationally able to overcome his disadvantage".
- Iron Woobie: See Knight in Sour Armor and know that this troper bears his emotional burdens with stunning resolve.
- Jade-Colored Glasses: Never come to this troper looking for reassurance that everything will be alright. This trope combined with Cannot Tell a Lie leads to him not being a very reassuring person.
- A quote from Schopenhauer sums up this troper's beliefs about his pessimistic views quite nicely: "I shall be told, I suppose, that my philosophy is comfortless—because I speak the truth; and people prefer to be assured that everything the Lord has made is good. Go to the priests, then, and leave philosophers in peace! At any rate, do not ask us to accommodate our doctrines to the lessons you have been taught. That is what those rascals of sham philosophers will do for you. Ask them for any doctrine you please, and you will get it."
- Knight in Sour Armor: An absurdest philosophy (see The Philosopher) combined with a rigid sense of determination, plus the belief that morality is a handicap (see Being Good Sucks) combined with a rigid adherence to that morality (thanks to the Asperger Syndrome), leads to this troper having some very sour armor.
- Kuudere: This troper has a very stoic, cynical, detached exterior (see Iron Woobie), but those who really get to know him well get to see that he has a very vulnerable interior self that he just doesn't show the world due to his bad experiences with what happens when he does (see Dark and Troubled Past). Thus he is of the "Once You Get To Know
Her Him" variety of Kuudere.
Her His Hair Down: Partially used in that this troper puts his hair in a pony tail to keep it out of his face during exams and when he is taking notes. Letting it down is a sign that he is no longer in focused-student mode.
- Long-Haired Pretty Boy: See Badass Longhair and know that this troper is something of a bishonen (though not enough to warrant it being put on this list on its own).
- Love Makes You Crazy: This troper has been known to awkwardly work his sexuality into conversations with guys he found cute. Thankfully, he stopped doing it when he realized it never came to anything.
- Ludd Was Right: Though this troper recognizes that technology has benefited man in many ways and is grateful for the ways it has improved his own life, and he knows that it is far too late for us to go back to a less technological time, he thinks we would have been better off if we hadn't worshiped technological progress as much as we have and didn't have as much technology as we do. But because he is realistic, he resigns himself to knowing the Ludd was right, but there's nothing we can do about it now.
- The Mad Hatter: While he might not be clinically insane, this troper knows the ways he is out of the ordinary mentally (for which his hood friend has called him "crazy"), and he is not ashamed to revel in them.
- Master Character Heroes: Mostly Hades, with shades of Apollo.
- Mohs Scale of Rock and Metal Hardness: This troper likes most things between and including 1 and 8. He does like some 9 stuff, but the few 9 songs he likes are songs that have parts that are lower than 9 or songs that boarder on being 8.
- Nerds Are Sexy: See Badass Longhair. This troper has also gotten many compliments for his looks in ways that don't relate to his hair. And yet...
- Nerds Are Virgins: Played depressingly straight (see A Man Is Not a Virgin).
- Neutral Good: Though this troper tends to act Lawful Good, Neutral Good is his true alignment (unfortunately; see Being Good Sucks)
- Nice Hat: A black pork-pie hat, gifted to this troper from a friend of his who is a fellow fanatic of XKCD, with the intention of it resembling Black Hat Guy's hat. It goes quite well with this troper's Badass Longcoat.
- Nightmare Fetishist: The less said about this, the better.
- No Indoor Voice: Though he's not as bad as he used to be, this troper does have a pretty loud "indoor" voice.
- Online Persona: A combination of the Mediator and the The Shepherd, though less condescending than the mediator and less eager to welcome newbies than the shapherd.
- Or So I Heard: This troper's (truthful) excuse for knowing as much about drug use and sex as he does.
- Perverse Sexual Lust: Again, the less said about this, the better.
- The Philosopher: Specifically the tragic philosopher (see Best Years of Your Life). This troper will always bring the deeper meaning of something into a conversation; don't come to him with your superficial petty squabbles if you just want to complain about them without looking for their cause or their solution. His personal beliefs are a mix of absurdism, existentialism, and humanism.
- Poor Man's Porn: As a person with no sexual experience at all, this troper can be titillated by the smallest things, and as someone with unconventional tastes in men, things most people wouldn't consider erotic can do wonders for him. These two facts work together to make quite a few completely G-rated things pornographic for him.
- Proud to Be a Geek: It helps that this troper surrounds himself with like-minded people and that his geekiness is only one aspect of his personality, one that he can de-emphasize if need be.
- The Quiet One: This troper has been known to say, "I only speak when I have something to say," and is one of those rare people who doesn't mind awkward silences.
- Sliding Scale Of Anti Heroes: Moves between types II and III.
- The Smart Guy: Focuses is on intellectual pursuits? Check. Fancy talk and techno babble? Check. Leaves the action stuff to The Hero, The Lancer and The Big Guy? Check. Glasses? Check. Non-social? Not quite, but certainly introverted. Yep, the smart guy indeed.
- Smug Straight Edge: Doubly subverted: This troper is straight edge but never admonishes his friends who are not, claiming to be open-minded and non-judgemental, but deep down, he does have a smug sense of superiority because of his refusal to do drugs or drink.
- The Snark Knight: The protagonist is generally misanthropic and cynical (likely a result of being surrounded by idiots for so long) and has very high standards (relatively; he doesn't think they are that high) for other people, but he does hold himself up to those standards as well, even when his friends say he doesn't have to. An example is punctuality: the protagonist hates it when people are late and don't apologize for it, so he always apologizes when he is late, even if it's just by a minute or two and even when his friends tell him to not be sorry.
- Sophisticated as Hell: Though he can only do this around certain friends, this troper loves engaging in this kind of wordplay. His better quips include, "It's a juxtaposition, muthafucka," and "Ain't I eloquent and shit?" both of which are about each other.
- The Spock: Though this troper certainly has emotions and sympathizes with others' emotional needs, he tend to keep his emotions inside, sorting them out himself so he doesn't burden others with them, and can find it quite annoying when others don't do the same.
- Stoic Spectacles: The Quiet One + glasses + long hair for good measure (see Badass Longhair) = this troper.
- Stop Being Stereotypical: How this troper feels about militant atheists (as well as flamboyant gay men, to a much lesser extent).
- “Stop Having Fun” Guys: Subverted (see Challenge Gamer)
- Straight Gay: Aside from his long and well-kept hair, which really makes him look more androgynous than flamboyant if anything, and not very androgynous (see Badass Longhair), this troper shows no outward signs of being gay and thus plays this trope completely straight (see what I did there?). He has been told many times by his friends that they never suspected that he was gay and would never have suspected had he not told them or had it not been listed as so on Facebook. It has gotten to the point where he frequently wears rainbow paraphernalia just so he doesn't have to tell so many damn people, as well as to show people that not all gay people are Camp Gay.
- A specific story to illustrate the point: This troper worked with a woman for four years before the following incident happened. One day, he gave an overly technical answer to a very simply question she asked, and she responded, "We need to get you a girlfriend." It wasn't worth it for him to come out to her, since he never shared details of his personal life with her, so he just let it go. The next week, he listened to her tell a story about a guy she knew was gay and about how he needed to just come out and admit it, and after telling other stories about guys she knew was gay long before other people know, she started bragging about how good her gaydar was. This troper could only sit back and chuckle quietly to himself as he listened to this.
- Teen Genius: The praise this troper received when young (see Child Prodigy) continued into his teenage years.
- Third-Person Person: Does it need explaining? (Though this troper never does this in real life, only on this page.)
- The Unfettered: Many people that this troper knows act carefully so they can change their plan as they go along; he carefully considers his plan, then goes full speed ahead without hesitation, stopping only if an obvious flaw in his plan becomes apparent to him.
- Wild Hair: Usually subverted, for this troper takes good care of his hair. However, if he's been out in the wind for a while, it will certainly look wild (and becomes a pain to brush).
- Will Not Tell a Lie: Though this troper does have Asperger Syndrome and thus finds it very difficult to lie (see Cannot Tell a Lie), he can do so when the lie is very premeditated or when enough is at stake that it is objectively better to lie. Since he usually chooses not to lie, however (it just makes things more complicated), he fits this trope.
- Wise Beyond Their Years: Something this troper frequently heard said about him when he was growing up, probably as a result of the subversion of Growing Up Sucks (see Best Years of Your Life).
- Would Hit a Girl: This troper is a general pacific and only hits when provoked, but it doesn't matter who does the provoking. For example, he was once playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with a female friend of his who kept hitting him whenever he would kill her character (Kirby). He put up with it until about the fifth hit, which actually hurt badly, while the others just stung a bit. After she killed his character (Meta Knight), he gave her one good punch in the arm. And it was a really good punch. That put a stop to her hitting him.
Tropes that apply to Gamer Am I's story arc (scroll up for tropes that apply to him):
- A Date with Rosie Palms: Hell, this troper has been a virgin for 19 years; how do you think he did it for so long? He also shamelessly brings this topic up with his better friends, assuming it is relevant to the conversation.
- Aborted Arc: The first guy to express romantic interest in the protagonist was also an interest of the protagonist's. They both expressed interest in dating one another... and then nothing happened, because they both waited for the other person to make the first move. They did become good friends by the end of the high school arc, though.
- Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female on Male: The protagonist has had quite a few first-hand experience with this trope that left a big impression on him. He was once sitting in his high school's cafeteria with some friends of his, when he said something that, in hindsight, was a rather Jerk Ass thing to say; not exceedingly Jerk Ass, but more Jerk Ass than he usually is. However, in response, one of his female friends got up from the other side of the table, walked around it angrily, and tried to hit him. He could see it coming and stopped her hand mid-air, saying "don't hit me," in an assertive way that inadvertently drew the attention of a good part of the cafeteria. She walked off angrily, and though multiple authority figures witnessed the event, she was never reprimanded for her actions. In fact, they came over and asked the protagonist what he had done to motivate her to do that. Now imagine what would have happened if the situation had been reversed.
- Then there's the time a female friend of the protagonist flat out slapped him the lobby of his school. He simply walked up to her and the friends she was with without saying or doing anything that would warrant a slapping, and she hit him without any perceivable reason or provocation for doing so. The protagonist was too indignant to say anything, so he just walked of. (Turns out it was because of a sarcastic comment he had made the day before that inadvertently hurt a friend of theirs' feelings.) Nothing happened to her either. Gah!!!
- Accidental Innuendo: So good that it had to be pointed out.
(Setting: walking back from breakfast on a Monday.)
Protagonist: I just wish they wouldn't cancel classes on a day when I actually like my classes. Thus far, it's always been Monday and Wednesday, and I like my Monday/Wednesday schedule.
Friend: Well, I hate my Monday schedule, so I don't mind it.
Protagonist: I know. I just wish it weren't always Monday and Wednesday getting shafted.
Friend: I wouldn't mind a Tuesday shafting myself.
Protagonist: ...What are you doing tomorrow?
- Agree to Disagree: After getting into too many arguments about religion, the protagonist and his mother agreed to disagree about it.
- All Gays Are Promiscuous: Subverted with the protagonist, though played straight (see what I did there?) with most of his gay friends in high school, which is why he didn't date.
- All Love Is Unrequited: At least, all of the protagonist's love is. Being gay tends to make that happen. (see All the Good Men Are Gay)
- All the Good Men Are Gay: Inverted: most of the men the protagonist meets whom he would consider going out with are, with rare exception (exactly two, to date), straight; that's just the the way things work when you are gay, though.
- Angst Aversion: This trope is part of the reason the protagonist has a strong tendency to avoid fictional works and mostly watches things he has already seen. With the very few exceptions of when it is done well (see Tear Jerker), he honestly hates the way that good fiction can get him emotionally invested in the story and then bring up such undesirable emotions in him like frustration, anger, sadness, fear, etc. (Which may explain why he likes comedies so much) This partly stems from his desire to be the greatest influence on his own emotions, and experiencing emotions because a piece of fiction brought them up in him takes that control away from him. This trope tends to apply generally to his life, as well, to a great extent, for the protagonist hates getting emotionally involved in things he has no control over and does his damnedest not to. The proceedings and endings of fictional stories certainly fit in that category; the only thing he can control is whether he reads/watches media or not, so he often chooses not to. That's also his reason for avoiding sports team fandom, following and involving himself in politics, news of what is going on in the world, and other such things. This trope is such a bit part of the way the protagonist lives his life that he once wrote a thirteen paragraph long note on Facebook about it and how it affects his life.
- Archive Binge: What the protagonist did when he found Cyanide and Happiness, Blur the Lines, Bug, and (of course) TV Tropes. The protagonist also did it a second time when he wrote the pages for Blur the Lines and Bug so that he wouldn't have to work from memory alone.
- Author Appeal: When the protagonist participated in National Novel Writing Month, he included a superfluous gay romance in his story for the hell of it, and ended up writing some pretty tender scenes between the two lovers.
- The B Grade: Subverted: often in high school, when this troper got a B, he knows it was because he worked as hard as he could in a class on a subject that just wasn't his forté, and was satisfied with it.
- Being Good Sucks: Let's see: for his rigid adherence to the law and to his morals, the protagonist gets to see his friends listen to music and watch movies for free, have mind-altering experiences, have sex on a regular basis, work less hard for the same grades he gets, lie to get into academically-appealing organizations, and all he gets for not taking the easy way is some vague promise of being able to look at himself in the mirror? * cough* bullshit * cough*
- Belief Makes You Stupid: The protagonist gave up trying to argue religion intelligently with believers long ago, for most of them simply eschew logic and rationality when talking about religion.
- Subverted with the protagonist's roommate, who is theistic and one of the smartest people he knows, and the only person he has met who is able to argue intelligently in favor of the existence of God.
- Best Years of Your Life: Subverted; the protagonist's parents knew better than to use this line, considering all he went through. (See Growing Up Sucks)
- Bile Fascination: This trope is exactly the reason the protagonist decided to give Jersey Shore and Twilight a chance. He gave up on them after two minutes and half a page, respectively. This is also why he listened to some of Broken CYDE's an Attack Attack!'s songs, both of which he regretted.
- Brain Bleach: Nothing made this troper need this quite as much as watching the trailer for... oh God, I can't even say it.
- Cast Full of Gay: In high school, the protagonist's main group of friends was comprised of a three girls who were bisexual, a lesbian, a gay guy, and a girl who ''really' liked pretending to be bisexual. In college, he made most of his friends in his school's GLBT group, continuing this tradition.
- Childfree Is Not Allowed: To this day, the protagonist's parents refuse to accept that he will never have children. What they usually say is, "I used to be the same way as you." Perhaps they just don't understand how much of a Child Hater he really is.
- Coming-Out Story: Hell, this troper keeps an archive of his best coming out stories (and considering that he is a Straight Gay, he has some good ones). Some of his best moments include the time he reacted to some unfavorable news by saying, "Wow, that's gayer than I am," and the time he came out on live local television.
- To elaborate upon that last one: that happened when the protagonist and a friend of his were hosting a live televised auction to raise money for his school's TV production program. In describing a bread-maker they were auctioning off, his friend started combining adjectives because he ran out of normal adjectives to describe it, but he happened to combine fantastic and magnificent into "fagnificent." The protagonist was quite shocked and worried and didn't want his friend to get in trouble, so to take the attention off of him, the protagonist said, "I'm... pretty sure you can't say that on television... but I'm gay, so I forgive you. Now, this bread maker..." and they went right back to describing the bread-maker. The protagonist got nothing but positive feedback about his time on-air (except from his own mother... figures), and the whole experiences was... well, fagnificent.
- Contemplate Our Navels: The protagonist does this with alarming frequency, mostly because he fits the trope of The Philosopher.
- Crosses the Line Twice: One of the protagonist's favorite jokes to tell is The Aristocrats joke. He's heard so many versions that he can incorporate the most disgusting elements of each into his telling. Needless to say, his versions usually cross the line about twenty times.
- Crowning Moment of Awesome: When the protagonist read the letter telling him that the university he ended up attending was willing to give him a full scholarship to go, including a grant for books. He and his father (and mother, after she was notified over the phone) had never been happier.
- A personal Crowning Moment of Awesome happened for the protagonist when he read about the Übermensch and finally found something that he, as an absurdist, could aspire to be without sacrificing his philosophical beliefs.
- Crowning Moment of Funny: The protagonist was watching TV with a friend of his when they saw this commercial. They both laughed really hard for the duration of another commercial, then the protagonist stopped laughing and his friend was still laughing, so he started laughing again, then she stopped laughing and he was still laughing, so she started laughing again. This whole spectacle lasted a minute and a half.
- Also happened when the protagonist was on the bus with a friend of his and the friend told him about a line from a documentary about drug use in the 60s that he had seen on TV the night before. The expert in question said, "The situation can best be described as like putting your finger into a dike that was about to explode." The protagonist laughed for a good minute.
- The first time the protagonist watched the Mad TV skit Spishak Spishwax Car Wax, he laughed so hard he actually had to force himself to stop laughing so that he could inhale.
- Crowning Moment of Heartwarming: At least, in the protagonist's mind:
(Setting: protagonist is alone in his dorm room)
Roommate: (Walks to his laptop while singing quietly) He tastes like you, only sweeter.
- Dark and Troubled Past: More troubled than dark, but it certainly still applies (see Growing Up Sucks).
- Dumb Is Good: The protagonist has often blamed his intelligence for his fight with depression, for his depression is existential in nature and his philosophical leanings are likely a result of his intelligence. He also notices that his dumber acquaintances tend to be happier and have complaints that seem petty to him, and they tend to be as unwilling to suffer him as he is to suffer them.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: Oh, he earned it, all right. (see I Just Want to Be Normal and Best Years of Your Life)
- Eating Lunch Alone: As an introvert, the protagonist does this frequently, usually out of choice (as such, this is technically a subversion of the typical meaning of this trope). He does sometimes eat with other people, but only people who are up to his standards (see The Snark Knight).
- Evil Laugh: The protagonist was once playing "The Ultimate Showndown" in Rock Band with a friend of his, who complained that the vocals in the song were too fast. The protagonist then showed his friend "They're Red Hot", which has the fastest vocals out of any song in the game. By the end of the song, his friend was pleading with him to "Make it stop!" After it did stop, the protagonist let loose his evil laugh, only to cut it short once it felt trite.
- Expository Hairstyle Change: The protagonist once wore his long hair (see Badass Longhair) in a ponytail, if only because it made his parents happy. However, during his senior year and continuing on to college, he stopped wearing it in a ponytail and let it grow even longer than he let it grow before. If his life were a work of fiction, that change would symbolize how he stopped holding parts of his personality back just to please people, which he started to stop doing in senior year of high school and continued to do less of in college (see I Am What I Am).
- Family-Unfriendly Aesop: Turns out that life doesn't reward you for being a good person (see Being Good Sucks). A specific example would be the fact that the protagonist didn't get into the National Honor Society in high school because he didn't lie about his volunteering experience, while most of the people who did get in did lie.
- Fan-Preferred Couple: When the protagonist tells members of his college's GLBT group that he is into chubby guys, they immediately suggest that he date a certain member of the group who is overweight, but hardly noticeably big. And yet when the protagonist says that he doesn't think they would be compatible (he's more Camp Gay and high-maintenance than the protagonist would like), they immediately retract their statement, saying that he is indeed clingy, as well as a druggy. The protagonist is then forced to wonder why they even suggested him in the first place.
- Five-Man Band: In high school, the protagonist's main group of friends was one of these (initials used to protect the innocent): J.N. (The Hero), K.N. (The Lancer), the protagonist, (The Smart Guy) S.P (The Big Guy), and his best friend in high school (The Chick)
- Gayngst: See All Love Is Unrequited, as well as the second point of I Just Want to Be Normal.
- Geeky Turn-On: The protagonist and a gay friend of his have established that though they are good friends, they would be completely incompatible as mates. (see The
Straight Gay Will And Grace) However, while they were discussing their majors and why they enjoy them, his friend said, "I just love doing integrals." For one split second after hearing that, the protagonist would have kissed that friend if he had asked. Of course, that feeling passed quickly, but it was very strong feeling nonetheless. This was probably a result of the protagonist loving math more than a regular person (see Good with Numbers).
- The protagonist also did this to a different friend when he was explaining what a bear (GLBT definition) isnote . The conversation went like this, and for the record, this friend is straight, and also loves Latin (which could explain the reaction):
Protagonist: Do you know what a bear is, other than the ursine kind?
Friend: Wait, you know what "ursine" means?
Friend: (spoken in a very tender way) I love you.
- Good Parents: You know how they say that 85% (or some absurdly larger number) of American families are dysfunctional? The protagonist comes from one of those 15%. Once he got to know his high school friends better and saw the kinds of things they went through with their families, he really grew to appreciate it. Love you, Mom and Dad.
- Growing the Beard: When the protagonist was involved in his high school's TV Production program, he spent a lot of his time making short, silly comedy videos. However, at the end of the first semester of his senior year, he decided to make a serious interview-style documentary about what the two sexes thought of each other. After a semester and a half of work (he ended up coming in after the school year ended to finish it), it ended up being forty five minutes long, and his teacher commented that it was very good (as have other people he has shown it to), as well as one of the few serious films made by TV students, and he asked the protagonist to make a bleeped version so that he could put it up on the local channel.
- Growing Up Sucks: Subverted; though the protagonist initially blamed his depression on the loss of his childhood innocence, after much introspection, he realized that his childhood sucked, too, and his idea that the loss of innocence caused his sadness came out of the literature he read sophomore year of high school, for which the loss of innocence was a common theme. In reality, his childhood was never good. The elementary school arc was hell for him because his Asperger Syndrome was still in full force and he had few friends, and he was also much more gifted than the school could accommodate (his teachers admitted it), so he started to settle for mediocrity. The middle school arc was better, but the protagonist's entire middle school experience was made more difficult by the fact that he went to an alternative middle school for the purpose of learning to cope with his AS and live a more adjusted life. Though he did appreciate it in hindsight, it made the experience hell. The high school arc was horrible because the protagonist was surrounded by idiots, under a lot of academic pressure due to his honors-class-heavy course load, and trying to come to terms with his sexuality, as well as the fact that he had no real friends during his first year and fell into a deep depression his second year, a depression that plagued the rest of his high school years to varying extents. He is currently in the middle of the college arc, and this may be the arc that finally doubly subverts this trope.
- Hair Flip: One of the protagonist's female friends has said that he is the only guy she knows who can do this.
- Hard Work Hardly Works: The protagonist is on the good side of this troper for math and was on the bad side for Spanish before he left high school.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: The protagonist and his roommate. They are about as close as manly men can get.
- Hollywood Pudgy: Because the protagonist is into pudgy guys, he has higher standards as to what constitutes "pudgy" than most people. Still, because he is a chubby chaser, you'd think he'd notice if a guy were chubby. However, he was once sitting with two of his friends (we'll call them E and S), one of whom he openly discusses his romantic interests with (S), the other of whom he was romantically interested in (E). S knew that the protagonist has unconventional tastes in men, and E was no exception. After S met E and the three of them talked for a while, S and the protagonist talked about E later, and S commented that E was kind of fat. The protagonist was floored. He had never noticed that E was actually of above average weight (probably because he wears fairly baggy clothes, but even when he doesn't, the protagonist had never noticed). The next time the protagonist saw E, he took a look to see if S was right, and though E was above average in terms of weight, the protagonist realized that he never would have noticed E's weight had it not been pointed out to him. And if the protagonist, a horny chubby chaser, didn't notice that E was "pudgy," how could anyone else?
- I Am What I Am: Has occurred multiple times over the protagonist's life. In order: his atheism, his homosexuality, his Asperger Syndrome, his unconventional tastes in men, his introversion, and his fanaticism surrounding the Saw series.
- I Have Boobs, You Must Obey!: The protagonist has resisted quite a few of these kinds of ploys thanks to his homosexuality, and relishes doing so.
Female: (Semi-sarcastically) But how can you say no to someone as cute as me?
Protagonist: * holds up his wrist, which bears a rainbow braelet* Ahem.
- I Just Want to Be Normal: The protagonist spent much of his school years lamenting his intelligence. It made him an outcast, and it brought him a fair share of misery when he started thinking too deeply about life. Once he started getting scholarship offers from colleges, though, this trope was rightly subverted.
- Also invoked when the protagonist would lament his homosexuality, but subverted over time when he realized that his homosexuality lead to him being who he was and that not being in a relationship (being gay means fewer fish in the sea) allowed him to focus on his schoolwork.
- If It's You, It's Okay: The protagonist and his best (female) friend grew very close in high school... a bit closer than most friends grow (they kissed). Not much closer, mind you; it was a purely emotional attraction.
- Incompatible Orientation: The protagonist's best friend in high school (who was female) had a crush on him for quite some time, but nothing happened between the two because he was gay... well, nothing at first (see If It's You, It's Okay). The protagonist has also wished some of his best male friends were gay so he could date them, but considering that most men are straight, they're hardly notable usages of this trope (see All the Good Men Are Gay).
- Intelligence Equals Isolation: The protagonist may be a gentleman and a scholar, but he can only be that way because he doesn't spend time around people of lower intelligence than he can stand. When he was in high school and had no such option, he was very much isolated, usually by choice.
- Jumping the Gender Barrier: The protagonist's first boyfriend asked him out immediately after he (the boyfriend) realized that he (again, the boyfriend) was gay.
- The Law of Conservation of Detail: The protagonist takes this approach to his conversations and appreciates it when others do likewise.
- Like Brother and Sister: The protagonist and his best friend in high school. A lot of people thought they were dating, but their relationship could best be described as like brother and sister. Granted, that wasn't always the case (see If It's You, It's Okay)
- Loners Are Freaks: The protagonist is an introvert, and for the longest time was made to feel guilty about not liking to be around people, especially by his mother. However, he eventually came to terms with it and no longer feels as if he needs to not be a loner to be normal (see I Am What I Am).
- Love Hurts: Boy, does it ever. The protagonist has thrice been let down by potential relationships that never came into fruition, and that was all within one year.
- Man Hug: Played straight with the protagonist's dad and usually played straight with his roommate, but subverted once when the protagonist and his roommate shared a legitimate hug while the roommate was emotionally distressed.
- Memetic Mutation: The protagonist and a friend of his have a few, including, "I will always wave my finger in your face," and "YOU NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!"
- Nerdgasm: How the protagonist felt after watching the trailer for World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. Also describes the feeling he felt when he had his Geeky Turn-On moment (see Geeky Turn-On)
- Never Live It Down: A friend of the protagonist will never let him forget the fact that he has never tried a Mama Celeste pizza. Of course, he didn't know what made 42 special, so it runs both ways.
- Nominal Importance: The protagonist is horrible at remembering names, so he ends up only remembers the names of people he sees on a regular basis. Subverted with guys he fancies (whose names he'll often remember after hearing only once or twice) and people with names that lend themselves easily to mnemonic ways of remembering them (such as an African American woman he once met named "Ebony"). When he needs to forcibly subvert this trope, he tends to do so with a mnemonic, anyways.
- No Hugging, No Kissing: The one time the protagonist was in a relationship, he and his boyfriend hugged exactly twice (both times initiated by the protagonist, both time not at all intimate). That was as far as anything between them went, so it may as well have been just a friendship.
- Not Actually The Ultimate Question: Quite a few of the protagonist's conversations invoke this trope at some point or another.
- The One Guy: Though the protagonist's main group of friends in high school was something of an Unwanted Harem, he began to feel more like The One Guy as time went on.
- Ordinary High-School Student: The protagonist started as a relatively unremarkable high school student but soon gained renown for his high grades, which opened a world of opportunities. He also became inexplicably well-known, with many people he didn't know knowing his name.
- Poor Communication Kills: Most of the fights the protagonist and his mother have originate because one misunderstood the other. It doesn't help that the protagonist has a strong systematic-type brain and his mother has a strong empathetic-type brain, so their ways of communicating are vastly different.
- Power Trio: The protagonist (super-ego), his best friend in high school (id), and a common friend between them (ego).
- Relationship Upgrade: The protagonist was friends with his first boyfriend for three years before they went out.
- Religious Stereotype: Greedy Jew: Justified: the protagonist was once standing with two Jewish friends of his when he threw a quarter on the ground; they both jumped at it and fought each other for it.
- Rule of Drama: Many of the protagonist's friends in high school seemed to be living this trope and would complain about the results frequently, much to the protagonist's chagrin.
- Rule of Fun: The motivating factor for many of the protagonist's decisions.
- Rule of Funny: The reason the protagonist and his roommate can tell horribly racist jokes to each other.
- Seinfeldian Conversation: The conversations between the protagonist and a certain friend of his usually devolve into this.
- She Is Not My Girlfriend: The protagonist had to say this about his best friend in high school multiple times because they were so close (see Like Brother and Sister).
- Sliding Scale of Gender Inequality: The protagonist's experiences tend to be level six, though they occasionally creep into level seven. (see Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female on Male)
- Sorry, I'm Gay: As a Straight Gay, this troper has had to say this a couple of times.
Straight Gay Will And Grace: The protagonist and one of his college friends, who know each other very well and embrace each others' idiosyncrasies, but have established that they would be incompatible as a couple.
- Surrounded by Idiots: The protagonist felt that way in much of high school and still feels this way in many of his classes and in groups of people he doesn't know (he tends not to hang out with groups of idiots when given the choice; see The Snark Knight).
- Tear Jerker: Not many things in media can make the protagonist cry, but a few have. Most of them come from the Metal Gear Solid series, and none of them are the clear winner for saddest Tear Jerker: Meryl's death in MGS1 (the protagonist normally resisted the torture and got the ending where she lives, but he had to give in once just to get the stealth camo; seeing her die was one of the most wrenching experiences he ever had in a video game, especially because he knew it was going to happen and that he caused it), Emma's death in MGS2, and the ending of MGS3, particularly the last sequence when Big Boss is at The Boss's grave and you can look through his eyes and see him cry, all while listening to EVA cry as she tells The Boss's story. Just thinking about all of those scenes makes the protagonist cry.
- Thanks for the Mammary: It wasn't accidental. Here's how it happened. No, I don't remember what possibly could have happened to lead into this situation.
Protagonist: "You think that just because I'm gay, I wouldn't grab your boob?"
Female Friend: "You don't have the balls."
Protagonist: Grabs boob.
Female Friend: Is shocked, but doesn't feel violated.
- That One Level: Honors Spanish IV. In all of his high school years, the protagonist got five failing grades on quizzes or tests; four of them were from this class. Unlike other similar classs (Honors English II and Honors World History II) in which the protagonist was rewarded for his extra work by learning a lot more from the class, Honors Spanish IV was just needlessly difficult, and the teacher did not have a problem with that. It didn't help that the protagonist only really had one year of experience with Spanish; Spanish I was a joke that didn't teach him anything, and Spanish II was taught completely in Spanish, a language the protagonist had no grasp on, thanks to him not learning anything from Spanish I. It was only with Spanish III and his teacher's Spanglish approach to teaching the class that the protagonist began to actually be able to speak Spanish.
- Subverted with all of the protagonist's math classes that were That One Level for other students thanks to his innate talent for math.
- That's What She Said: The protagonist has quite a few of these that he is quite proud of. He was once working on some problems with some friends of his in math class when they asked him if he had gotten to number two yet. He responded with, "Yeah, I finished all ten." His friend replied with, "You fucking freak, how did you finish that quickly?"
- He had another such moment where he was on a bus with one of his friends who was going to get a puppy. He wanted to come along, but she couldn't take him, so he tried (and failed) to make a sad face to win her sympathy. She then said, "Well, you're never going to come if you keep making that face."
- Took a Level in Badass: The protagonist was once deathly afraid of any remotely urban areas and was always nervous while walking through them. This changed when a friend of his took him on a walk through a particularly bad neighborhood at night without telling him where they were going. By the time the protagonist was well beyond his comfort zone, he was too far into the 'hood to find his own way back, so he stuck closely to his friend. By the time he emerged from the neighborhood, he was no longer so nervous in urban areas. In fact, he and his friend returned through an area they had walked through before that the protagonist had been nervous to walk through, but this this time, he was completely comfortable.
Protagonist: You sure this area is safe?
Friend: What are you so nervous about? These are nice projects.
(Days later, after a fateful walk through the 'hood, walking through the same area as before.)
Friend: You're not nervous anymore?
Protagonist: What, here? These are nice projects.
Friend: ...I am so proud of you.
- Unwanted Harem: The protagonist's main group of friends in high school consisted mostly of girls, and all of these girls fought for his hugs and the opportunity to play with his hair (see Badass Longhair) on a regular basis. They knew he was gay, so it's wasn't a romantically-driven harem.
- Uranus Is Showing: The protagonist once worked in a library, and one year, that library received a series of children's books about the planets called "A Look At [insert planet here]." So many adults made jokes about "A Look At Uranus" that it was actually frightening.
- Wake-Up Call Boss: Honors Biology, a class the protagonist took freshman year of high school that made him realize that he wouldn't get through his high school years by innate talent alone.
- We Could Have Avoided All This: The protagonist feels this way every time his mother decides to try to find a placed based on memory and a road map alone and gets lost, which she frequently does when she tries to do that. When that happens, all he can do is sit in the back seat and think to himself, "We could have avoided all this if you had just asked me, 'Can you look up directions on Google for us?'"
- What Does
She He See In Him: The protagonist's unusual tastes in men lead many of his friends to ask these kinds of questions.
- You Need to Get Laid: The protagonist has heard this more times than he cares to remember, especially after saying something unnecessarily technical and detailed (see the story under Straight Gay).
Non-tropes that apply to Gamer Am I:
- Asperger Syndrome
- Big Five Personality Traits: Openness: 59%. Conscientiousness: 81%. Extraversion: 24%. Agreeableness: 63%. Neuroticism: 24%.
- Blue Fever: After editing on this wiki for so long, this troper started puting Pot Holes into his posts on forums (rather than leaving the link in parentheses, like he used to) and does it more frequently on his blog, as well.
- Drive-By Updater: Though this troper has quite a few pages he contributes to consistently, he'll often go to the page of a work immediately after reading/watching it, make a few edits, and never go there again.
- Favorite Trope: Wise Beyond Their Years, Sophisticated as Hell, Awesome, Dear Boy
- Grammar Nazi
- Myers-Briggs: ISTJ
- Pet Peeve Trope: Jitter Cam, The Unfair Sex, Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female on Male
- TV Tropes Enhanced My Life: The protagonist took a hint from the line at the end of the Troper Tales page on Good Parents and e-mailed his entry on that Troper Tales page to his parents. They were so touched that they were brought to tears.
- TV Tropes Ruined Your Life: JUST LOOK AT THE LENGTH OF THIS PAGE!!!
That's 165 tropes and counting (as well as 22 additional examples and 10 non-tropes). This page is now longer than anything this troper has ever written, with the exception of the novel he wrote for NaNoWriMo
. Yeah, this troper spends way too much time writing about himself
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