There's also this Deadpool: Pulp thing going on, which is like the Noir line of Marvel, except instead of the 30s it's the 50s! Looks nifty so far, Government Conspiracy, me up against a Femme Fatale (they picked Outlaw, not bad if you get what I mean). and with the backdrop of COMMUNIST PARANOIA!
You can also see me utterly destroy the Marvel Universe in August 2012, in my 4 part miniseries: "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe!" This version of me got his brain messed up by Psycho Man, trying to make me into a more effective killer and it worked......Toowell....
He's getting a third mini-series called Deadpool Kills Deadpool, in which he decides to go after the other versions of Me, including girl Me, dog Me, brat Me, and whole new versions of Me. But this time, he's gonna have to deal with the one, true Deadpool. That's right everybody, this time he's not dealing with French dudes or chicks living in a cabin, but the original (and might I add best) Merc with a Mouth: ME!
With the Marvel NOW thing happening, I'm now on yet another self titled series. My first job it it being killing the presidents. All of them. Well, all the dead ones anyway.
My incredible awesomeness allows me to also transcend print media:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine, although Wade Wilson was more in character when he was a normal person than the abomination I can only describe as Dudepeel (eew!). The actor who humbly played me, Ryan Reynolds (himself a fan of yours truly), seems determined to do a more true-to-the-comics version in the unlikely event that I get my own spin-off movie. Because of his portrayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man Alive. What a guy!
I decided to animate myself as a member of Weapon X in Hulk Vs. Wolverine, the first time I ever got animated excluding the 1990s X-Men cartoon where some guy called Morph decided to transform into me for a second. Nolan North provided my heavenly voice and although I never mentioned I was in a cartoon, I was still cool.
I'm in the Marvel Super Hero Squad Online Game, voiced by Tom Kenny. The first time I was spotted was in this trailer. Blink and you'll miss me, but you can clearly see me shooting an exploding Piņata! Weird. In my spotlight video, I demonstrate my awesome abilities that include using a big hammer, a watergun pistol (see, people, I can be violent and PG at the same time too) and, of course, my own life bar to hit people.
I even made a cameo in the X-Men anime. Unfortunately, they never gave me a speaking role.
And since I knew those guys from Activision were gonna screw up the official presentation of my game, I went there personally to make sure they didn't change the name to "Call Of Duty 10" in order to sell more copies.
I'm also a recurring character in Maximilian's hit series Assist Me, where I get hired to assassinate Max and later Dr. Doom! I end up blowing myself up like that one time at EVO 2011, but after growing my limbs back, I team up with Taskmaster and M.O.D.O.K. in a badass 3-on-3 brawl against Wesker, Doom, and Strider! Right now, I'm stuck trying to get that damn dog off me-OHGODTHEPAIN!
After being left out of season one, I had to march into that cheap bastard Max's house out in Santa Monica and demand he do a character tutorial of me for Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Check it out.
LEGO has now chosen to immortalize my wonderful likeness in plastic. Buy me up, people!
And if you're so poor that you can't afford me in beautiful plastic form, don't worry, for I'll be making an appearance in my LEGO form on the videogame LEGO Marvel Super Heroes and I'll be playable too! So, time to save money people, those 7th generation consoles aren't cheap (and while you are at it, buy my LEGO figure too, pretty please...).
And now I havemy own game! And it's all about me! Mankind, you're welcome. And if there's still one person on earth who apparently hates quality products and is undecided whether to buy it or not, here's my launch trailer.
After watching it, I'm sure you're desperate to get it, right? I know, I'm awesome like that, but I bet that awesome dubstep helped to seal the deal too.
Why are you still reading this? GO BUY MY GAME! Don't pay no mind to those critics that gave it "mixed reviews" or some crap like that, they don't know jack about video games anyway. Trust me, my game's that awesome. I even met some Angry Puerto Ricanto convince him of its awesomeness!
Of course, that still wasn't enough for me, so I offered myself up as a prize in Marvel Avengers Alliance. Yes, I'm so good, everyone has to compete for my hand in... fighting the bad guys! Those who ended up NOT getting me... well there's one thing to do... MONEY, BITCHES! (Or just farm CP up, if you're that patient type...)
And now I'm on LittleBigPlanet 2too! Well, my uniform actually, for those Sackboy thingies... But hey, at least it's guaranteed to make 'em look at least 115% more awesome!
My uniform is also in League of Legends. The ninja Kennen can buy it and call himself Deadly Kennen!
I got my own episode in the web toon Bad Days, created by the makers of Disassembled! I don't talk during it, but you'll still get a good laugh. Looks like it was more of a bad day for my sidekick Bob than it was for me! I also pop in some others' episodes.
I finally got a speaking TV role in the Ultimate Spider-Man episode geniusly titled, "Ultimate Deadpool"! My Real Daddy Joe Kelly wrote the script, and Will Friedle provides my voice. This show turned me into a former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, since the titular web-head gets his training through them. Considering how blatantly he stole my fourth wall-breaking, cutaway-inducing shticks, I kind of wish I replaced him as the star!
Betty and Veronica: In Merc With a Mouth, while both of them were jerks, the blonde, serious, and usually fair Dr. Betty is the well... Betty, and the let loose darker haired Dr. Veronica, who was just using me as a booty call (not that I'm complaining) and eventually turned into a zombie and tried to kill me (She is far less attractive as one. Trust me on this) is the, um... Veronica. Huh. You think my writers are tropers to?
Blessed with Suck: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.
Blood Knight: I love fighting and killing. Read the page quote, and you'll know what I'm talking about.
Blue and Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.
Body Horror: In the beginning of the Deadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cable series, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor and nearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we did not haveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that. This is yuck-worthy). The whole gig gets even more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.
Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.
Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right? Me: Wannabes? My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now. My Other Thought Box: And another one coming out next month.
I stealMarvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as "Deadpool and his Cronies." During the closing credits of the sequel I argue with the developer over not being powerful enough and the game not being called "Deadpool And His Inferior Friends." Then he goes ahead and nerfs me and even has the nerve to threaten me by making me DLC! What an ass!!!
Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.
Rorschach and Dead-poooool! A nut and a fooool!
Bullying The Dragon: I once did this to the Hulk in Operation: Annihilation... NOW DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, I had a plan with this, it was for him to smash me so hard I couldn't regenerate. He assumed that this was part of some trap, so I threatened to detonate some nukes if he didn't kill me. To bad when I pushed him hard enough, there were some children around.
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "bat guano crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
Hell, Taskmaster even once admitted that I was a better merc than him.
Butt Monkey: Bob. He's lonely, gets a lot of bad luck, and I LOVE to abuse him.
Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of that Deathstroke guy from Teen Titans (who is a rip-off of Taskmaster! Making me a rip-off of a rip-off... We have to go deeper!). You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, hell, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me into The DCU as the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.
In Deathstroke's own early 90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "Wade Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown and Spidey.
Also, BILL! AGENT OF A.I.M.!
Cat Girl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in Marvel Vs Capcom 3...
Felicia: For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you!
Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had Chekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov's Nuclear Wessel?
And you know Carmen Camacho? The hot Spanish chick I banged? Turns out she's more important than Posehn and Dugann led on...
Close on Title: In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title, Silent But Deadly, is the very last thing of all.
Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait... I am.
Back when Alternate Reality!Cable was taken over by techno-organics and sprouted loads of shiny metal tentacles. When they were attracted by my overwhelming charisma, I, naturally, went from "ow! ow! hey — that is incredibly personal space there — ow!!!" to "okay—hey—okay—okay—see, now I'm kinda liking it."
Also what is implied to happen in the Marvel vs. Capcom 3 cinematic intro. Thank god that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan, learn to aim!
Consummate Liar: HEY! I resent that... Okay sometimes I do, and, I can be pretty good at when I need to be.
Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...
Crazy-Prepared: Remember one time when I fought against bunch of Draculas in the hospital? That's right I have a Priest bless the reservoir tank 12 hours before that so I can use it to sprays holy waters against all of those Draculas. And don't forget the anti-ballistic shower curtains in my bathroom that I use to prepare myself for Black Swan's attack.
Cursed with Awesome: One time, I insulted Loki, so he made me have Tom Cruise's face until I apologized. The thing was so indestructible, I nearly gave up on ever ripping it off. The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that literally left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.
DeadpoolSnarker: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit (not just other characters. During my face off with The Punisher in issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking).
"I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you . . . so I can pay my phone bill!"
In one issue, I was snatched by a Death Trap enthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear (just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up. At least, the bear was originally going to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap put it:
Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed.
Deal with the Devil: Back in the '80s (it was a retcon) I made a deal with a demon named Vetis to get Iron Man to drink. How'd I get out of it? I sucker-punched Stark, stole his armor, and got drunk in it! I never did get my payment of a laser disc factory, though.
Deconstruction: So, you thought having a psychotic, immortal assassin was funny, huh? You thought it would be funny for me to take on the whole Marvel Universe, right? Well, in Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, I do. I murder every single one of your beloved heroes and villains, because you thought it would be funny. Well, what do you think? Is all this still funny to you?!...Don't Answer That.
Wade Wilsons War deconstructs my comedic insanity by showing that I could really just be some lunatic out of touch with reality that has no clue what's going on, maybe.
Depending on the Artist: My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure Nausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resembles The Thing." Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat Freddy Krueger-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...
Downer Ending: Wade Wilson's War all took place in my head and Dom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation. GUH! MY BRAIN!
Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire — which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get no respect from anyone.
My Little White Thought Box: You once ran through Avenger's Tower butt naked. Why should they?
Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this a lot (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.
Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, very, wrong... — Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything too embarrassing, wasn't I? Irene (staring): No... Not by your standards, no.
Even Evil Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.
Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more offputting than me...
Fanservice: ...unless she's wearing her mask. : ) and though I'm not supposed to know it, she got her face healed during our team up in Deadpool Corp, so now she's beautiful even without her mask. Well, beautiful in a "Drawn By Rob Liefeld" kinda sense.
Fourth Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.
Fourth Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:
Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue...
Gambit Roulette or Indy Ploy: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they they don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this was Nick Fury's plan, but damn it was fun.
Operation Annihilation has some other characters in the story being this. When I'm trying to provoke the Hulk into smashing me, he assumes somebody hired me to lure him into a trap, and still assumes that I have some trick going when I tell him nobody hired me. Some army guys that see me trying to get some children and their teacher to safety in a bus assume that I took them hostage, and later when they put their heads down and they can't see them, they assume I let them go and the I'm the only one in the bus and try to blow it up with me in it.
Healing Factor: The cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!
The Heart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as The Heart, something is seriously wrong with the team. Not to mention I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!
Heel-Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the whole Heel-Face Turn thing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man. Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. I was leaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...
Hero with an F in Good: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...? I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood I am a hilarious comedian that uses blood and guns as my props. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.
I Just Want to Be Loved: Deep down, I actually want to be acknowledged and accepted by the rest of the heroes in the Marvel Universe. I finally get my wish in X-Force when Evan thanks me for saving him and calls me a hero.
Immortality: On top of my Healing Factor, I'm also immortal thanks to Thanos. Since I'm made of cancer, nobody but my fans and Death love me, and I'm in love with Death, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
In the X-Men Origins: Wolverine, that guy's "dead pool" of mutant powers include the healing factor plus adamantium skeleton, Baraka blades, optic eye blasts and teleportation. And near the end his mouth is sewn shut because, get this, someone finally found a way to keep him quiet!
The Ultimate version of Deadpool has little-to-nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me), mutant-hating psychopath. Ulitmate 'Verse me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. In fact, he's soooooo bad I had to take his place against his Spidey counterpart during that whole dimension tear thing just to spare my adoring fans from rioting about how not-me-like he was!
Inspirationally Disadvantaged: I remind people with illnesses that they too may also be awesome one day. Not as much as me of course, but then again, who is?
That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't all that bizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...
Justified Trope: Believe it or not, there's an In-Universe reason for my constantly fluctuating level of sanity! Since my healing factor is out of control (my body is walking talking cancer) even my brain is rewiring itself with some regularity.
Kansas City Shuffle: My genius plan to get Norman Osborn to pay up after he stole one of my marks and ruined my rep. No one screws with my professional reputation.
Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's basically a Palette Swap of Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. A Running Gag throughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention that Joe Kelly wrote this annual?
Leeroy Jenkins: I should've just run in and scream outta my lungs like, "WAAAAADEEEE!!! WIIIILLLLSSOOOOONNNN!!!!!". Or maybe "DEAAAADDDD!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!". Boy, I should've logged on to that server sometime.
McNinja: Katanas. Acrobatics. If you ignore the "stealth" part (I do! It's boring), I am definitely a ninja. In fact, as I mention (in one of my first series' letter pages) I've undergone bona fide ninja training. Whether to believe me or not is up to you! Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and got some guy named Chris Hastings to write a miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, I think I'm in good hands. Here's hoping I meet the good doc.
Medium Awareness: You know how some guys have cosmic awareness? Well I've got comics awareness!
Seriously, am I the only person in that one fighting game who realized there was a screen, saw the health meter, or noticed the sucky guy with the controller? Jeez, man, why does he get to sit around and I have to do the work.
She-Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you.
Deconstructed in "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe", where my Medium Awareness takes a disturbing turn. The reason that version of me starts killing Marvel heroes and villains is because they aren't "Real", he thinks that because it's all fictional it doesn't matter who he kills and that they can't really feel since they aren't real.
In the script that will never be made despiteallthreatstoallstudioheads'families, I say that "a little piece of me curled up and died the day this came out" when I appear to be talking about the... thing that showed up in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Okay, so it really turns out that I'm talking about a Wham album, but that shit's still in the trash. Loser!
Never Hurt an Innocent: I never harm anyone who isn't involved in my actions. This extends especially to law officers as the jerks who broke me out of prison found out.
Never Say "Die": Yep, this happened to me once. It was in a not-exactly-canon Avengers comic aimed more toward the kiddies (Marvel Adventures), so I was constantly identified as "Wade Wilson, also known as—" just before the expositor got cut short by someone else. Oh, that reminds me: Kraven, you still suck.
Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: I've faced a zombie version of me, become a pirate, and I technically dress up as a ninja. Three out of four ain't so bad... not! Now: to force Reed Richards to make me a Robopool! Or Tony Stark. Or Hank Pym. Or the Fixer, damnit, the list goes on, there's so many people who can make friggin' robots in the Marvel Universe anyway.
"Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together." note Well, that was before my yellow box got a life of its own and I got a little white box to act as "voice of reason" or something like that...
In The Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only I know I'm an action figure representing the character. And to break it Up to Eleven I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!
And then there's me beating the snot out of people in Marvel VS Capcom 3 with my own health bar. If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Y'know, I keep trying to be nice, but no one seems acknowledge it. Even when they do, I don't get acceptance. Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran into Evil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, of course I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least. And I guess Nate did. A little.
You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Yo Mamageddon.
And we'll never know how I, Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released a diarrhetic over Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).
While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that Dan guy. I mean he's a rip off of two characters of a rival company that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named "Saikyo" (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).
Painting the Medium: In a lovely shade of narration-box yellow, with flecks of blood red, to be precise.
The Plan: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the entire thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public and to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the first time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?
Popularity Power: I've been on the bad end of this, with The Punisher was beating me a SWORD even though I have a ton more practice with those then him and my Healing Factor should make sword wounds meaningless.
Zombie Abe Lincoln gives me one of the these summing up why everyone in the Marvel Universe hates me. I give the appropriate answer.
Zombie Abe: [After giving me a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown] You're a vapid, unfunny, pale shade of a hero. You're unintelligent, uncreative, and unremarkable in every way. You don't seem to do anything well except heal yourself and appear everywhere! I don't understand your appeal. I hate you. These people hate you. Tell me. What is it that you're good at? What do you do. [...] What way are you exceptional?
Red Oni, Blue Oni: My two head voices themselves. It varies, but usually the voice with a white speech box is the blue oni, to the voice with the yellow speech box's red oni.
Retcon: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstory Deadpool: Origins has becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring. Multiple Choice Past and all that.
Rip Van Tinkle: After being cocooned in Duct Tape by other Marvel Heroes to keep me out of the picture, I quickly commented that I needed to pee. Upon being freed I went to the bathroom for a whole page.
The Scream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especially like a little girl! Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...
Sabretooth: Scream for me. Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAHHH!!! Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson. Me: No wait — Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!
Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Sometimes I'm bad for money, sometimes I'm good for money. As long as I'm having fun with said money, I make my own rules!
Shapeshifting Squick: Ah Vanessa◊, the great love of my life and best thing that ever happened to me. Too bad that a woman who kept turning into any wet dream in my demented mind was too sexistic to be allowed to exist. At least we got through quite a few Marvel heroines before she was killed off.
Shooting Superman: People will try to shoot me even though it never works. Some army guys in Operation Annihilation that saw I provoked the Hulk were at least Genre Savvy enough to know shooting him was dumb idea, so they decided to try and shoot me instead thinking if I'm dead, Hulk will stop.
Self-Deprecation: No, no, I never do this, but it seems for some strange reason, I always have the job of dealing with some of the lamest bad guys ever conceived. You know, the folks you tend to read about and say, "Who is this loser? What on Earth was the writer thinking?" You know, guys like Doctor Bong, the Murderous Mimes, and even Turner D. Century. (I heard this used to be Scourge's job, but that guy was just as lame.)
Small Name, Big Ego: How dare you! I completely live up to my ego. My name is so big Wolverine is jealous of it.
Talkative Loon: I'm narrating my own trope page, do I really have to explain this one?
Talking in Your Sleep: People tell me I say some pretty weird stuff in my sleep sometimes. Of course, I say some pretty weird stuff when I'm awake, so I s'pose it's a given.
Talking Is a Free Action: Natch. My lung capacity cannot be matched. Domino notes my endless, inane banter is actually my most dangerous ability, since most opponents are too distracted to pay attention to my moves. Just... as... plotted.
In one issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead. Even the man whose house I broke into to kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.
In Amazing Spider-Man #611, I let slip that I have the "Yo Mammageddon", which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.
When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to have so many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right, Rob?"
In my first ongoing series, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder."
Also, there's that leaked Internet script of my EXTRA FANTASTIC film which will never happen because of suits I need to kill. I have an action figure of Dudepeel in the trash as I apparently moan about it. PSYCHE, I was moaning about WHAM'S 'Music From the Edge of Heaven' LP, which I then throw on top of Barakapool. ZING!
What do I do when somebody compliments the prequel Star Wars trilogy? I blow up their fucking head, that's what!
They Fight Crime: This is the point of the Deadpool Team-Up series, as it gives inferior heroes A Day in the Limelight with everyone's favorite mercenary, by which I mean me, by which I mean no one other than me, by which I mean not you.
Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition of Miami Sound Machine's Conga.
Too Spicy for Yog Sothoth: Galactus fired me because I was just too awesome for him to handle. It's definitely not because he wanted me to shut up. Then there was the time I was captured to be zombiefood. I tasted like cancer. And don't forget time when I travelled to alternate universe and got infected by the Techno-Organic virus and almost assimilated by the Hive Mind of the virus... let's just say the result is not nice.
Trademark Favorite Food: I'm crazy for Tex-Mex, like tacos, burritos, and chimichangas. Hell, and sometimes I just like saying the word "Chimichanga" more than eating eating them...almost....
Trigger Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!
Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE. In Joe Kelly's original run, I'M NOT EVEN WADE WILSON. I just killed a random guy in his house and took over his identity! I wasn't even a good guy to begin with! But Marvel retconned this story to hell (back in my fight with T-Ray in Cable and Deadpool), so now apparently the Deadpool: Origins comic is the canon one.
Expy: Step 1: Copy everything about Donald Pierce. Step 2: Give him my wardrobe and change his name to Deadpool without changing anything else about him. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit!
Fantastic Racism: OK, Ultimate Marvel guys, we get it! Everything has to be Darker and Edgier than good ol' Earth 616! But aren't I Grim-n-Gritty enough to begin with? No need to make Ultimate Me an evil, mutant-killing bigot...
In Name Only: Aside from the name and the costume, Ultimate Me isn't that much like Me-Me at all.
Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... or reality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...
Useless Accessory: I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although when I do, they have contained awesome action figures (of me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on me.
Why Did It Have To Be Clowns?: WHERE? Okay, don't scare me like that! Seriously, the only greater threat to this planet than those guys is Galactus! Don't believe me? Well, hope I never have to say "I told you so"...
Wild Card: Of course. I mean, that's pretty much half my reason for livin'.
Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've pretty much kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.
Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus — Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)
And lately I've been having to divide readers' attention with Iron Man. Just because of the movieswhere he appears. I seriously need to go talk to Ryan Reynolds to get my own movie off the ground...
As to the actual namesake of the trope, fortunately, we all know my video game is all about fabulous me, so it will feature none of those shenani--◊ wait, what? Oh, come on!
Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism! note Glad to see that you're all suggesting her as DLC in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I'll let her know about it the next time I see her, probably before I knock her unconscious.
Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Go right ahead. Hurt that kid. I've been sharpening my katanas all morning and I'm eager to try out a new method of torture I've been reading about that involves scalping.
And since we're on the subject, Deadpool Kills Deadpool is gonna be sweet. That version of me's gonna PAY for killing the Power Pack... and ESPECIALLY Kidpool.
I also chewed out my former Uncanny X-Force colleague Fantomex for snuffing out Kid Apocalypse. Unbeknown to me and the rest of the team at the time, he made a clone of the kid.
Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. Browse the indexes for me and I'll promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!