Wait, didn't she beat him too? Yes she did, thank you bullet point!
... and clowns. Never forget clowns.
As you're probably noticing just about now, I loooooove to talk. Yes, it's my most valuable asset: the lungs to provide endless witty banter in the heat of battle! In fact, everybodyloves to hear me talk!
OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single — albeit snappily-suited — mercenary become so incredibly awesome in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing every single one of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja Spider-Man" meme. Caption this, suckers! On the other hand, my own memetic monologues led to me becoming THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER. That and the fact that I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans. Like now, for instance. You lucky, lucky nerds!
Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become the sexiest mercenary alive?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with Wolverine's man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. Perv). Suddenly... -insert Dramatic Fanfare here- No, wait, let's go with that old Six Million Dollar Man thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got the ability to heal quickly, so that whenever the cancer shows up it instantly gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly after it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am just. That. Charming.
Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became so goddamn handsome that my brain exploded. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that I'm a comic book character. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and Stan Lee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a pool to figure out which one of us would be dead first, so I naturally named myself Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with Deadpool instead.
Anyway, so you wanna know my fighting style, huh? Why, being absolutely rassum frassum crazy is my fighting style, kiddies! Don't Try This at Home! Wait... y'know what, go ahead, makes my job easier in the long run. Guns, explosives, guns, my trusty katana, guns, guns, anything I find on the ground, doorknobs, guns, and firearms are all ways I kill people. That is, of course, on the rare occasions my razor-sharp wit hasn't caused them to crumple into sobbing balls of surrender long before that. My good buddy Weasel also provides me with shiny new gadgets that help to kill more, so I can use any power I want.
Also, you better never mistake me for that other psychotic, fourth-wall breaking clown who sided with those DC fellas. You know how many of my stupid Facebook friends ask me to "do that pencil trick"? EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Lots of comics feature my unique uniqueness:
New Mutants: Where I first appeared as a Deathstroke ripoff. Then I started popping up in X-Force once the title switched over to something that was Darker and Edgier.
I'm also added to the new X-Force roster after the whole "SECOND COMING" debacle. I hope Cyclops doesn't read this wiki, since it's supposed to be a secret! SHHHHH!
Five miniseries, Deadpool: The Circle Chase, Deadpool: Sins of the Past, Deadpool: Suicide Kings, Deadpool: Wade Wilson's War and Fear Itself: Deadpool (written by holycrapChris Hastings!!!).
My ongoing Deadpool series: The first incarnation appeared from 1997 to 2002; the second volume began September 10, 2008.
Agent X: How is Agent X related to me? It's a mystery!
Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth: A second ongoing series which began in 2009.
Deadpool Team-up: A third on-going monthly, also starting in 2009. I'm gonna suck every dime outta this inexplicable and totally undeserved popularity until my lips fall off.
Deadpool Corps: Which features me and Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Kidpool and Dogpool as my amigos. Me and Lady Deadpool have a thing going on. I'm saying thatI screw myself.
There's also this Deadpool: Pulp thing going on, which is like the Noir line of Marvel, except instead of the 30s it's the 50s! Looks nifty so far, Government Conspiracy, me up against a Femme Fatale (they picked Outlaw, not bad if you get what I mean). and with the backdrop of COMMUNIST PARANOIA!
My incredible awesomeness allows me to also transcend print media:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine, although Wade Wilson was more in character when he was a normal person than the abomination I can only describe as Dudepeel (eew!). The actor who humbly played me, Ryan Reynolds (himself a fan of yours truly), seems determined to do a more true-to-the-comics version for my new spin-off movie. Because of his portayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man Alive. What a guy!
I decided to animate myself as a member of Weapon X in Hulk Vs Wolverine, the first time I ever got animated excluding the 90's X-Men cartoon where some guy called Morph decided to transform into me for a second. Nolan North provided my heavenly voice and although I never mentioned I was in a cartoon, I was still cool.
I was going to star in Wolverine and the X-Men in its second season (with Nolan North voicing me), but some executive decided to cancel the show. What the hell?
Alternate Universe: Several iterations of yours truly have been made into comic form for your perusal. There's also that Deadpool Corps thing, where we're all alternates of ourselves! FUN!
Always Someone Better: So what if people call me the discount version of Wolverine? That guy can get his butt kicked by refrigerator magnets!'
Ambiguously Gay: Well, more like Ambiguously Bisexual... Wait, ambiguously?!
Anti-Hero: Bob is a Type I, while I and the Deadpool corps are Type V.
Bald of Awesome: Having your body constantly torn apart and rebuilt by cancer and a healing factor does that to ya. But at times I have been drawn with hair, Depending on the Writer.
Berserk Button: Even being reminded of the Weapon X project brings me to a frothy rage.
And never go into my house unannounced. I hate surprise guests.
Also when T-Ray burned off my mask, and later when Zoe and Monty found me without one. They also went inside my house too, so they got a double beating.
Also, don't dis my chimichangas. Seriously, I will beat you for it with a humorously oversized mallet, even if you are the Cookie Monster.
Being asked to do that DAMN PENCIL TRICK FOR THE GAJILLIONTH TIME! I just can't get away from it!
Blue and Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.
Body Horror: In the beginning of the Deadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cable series, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor and nearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we did not haveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that. This is yuck-worthy).
The whole gig gets even more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.
Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.
Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right? Me: Wannabes? My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now. My Other Thought Box: And another one coming out next month.
I * steal* Marvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as "Deadpool and his Cronies". During the closing credits of the sequel I argue with the developer over not being powerful enough and the game not being called "Deadpool And His Inferior Friends". Then he goes ahead and nerfs me and even has the nerve to threaten me by making me DLC! What an ass!!!
Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "batshit-crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
Butter Face: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.
Captain Ersatz: Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of that Deathstroke guy from Teen Titans. You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, hell, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me into The DCU as the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.
In Deathstroke's own early 90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "Wade Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown and Spidey.
Cat Girl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in MvC3...
Felicia: "For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you!" (Me: "Awww... but why not?")
Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had Chekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov's Nuclear Wessel?
Close On Title: In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title, Silent But Deadly, is the very last thing of all.
Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait... I am.
Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...
Covered with Scars: Or maybe they're just tumors. Or both, even. I dunno.
Cursed with Awesome: One time, I insulted Loki, so he made me have Tom Cruise's face until I apologized. The thing was so indestructable, I nearly gave up on ever ripping it off.
The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that litterally left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.
DeadpoolSnarker: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit.
Not just other characters. During my face off with the Punisher in issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking.
"I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you . . . so I can pay my phone bill!"
In one issue, I was snatched by a Death Trap enthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear (just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up.
At least, the bear was originally going to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap put it:
Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed.
Depending on the Writer: Eventually even me and T-Ray stopped caring about who really was Wade Wilson, so we just accepted that it depended on the writer.
Also determines how crazy I am, which side of the Heel Face Revolving Door I'm leaning towards that day...
Depending on the Artist: My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure Nausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resembles The Thing". Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat Freddy Krueger-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...
The Determinator: Usually I gotta tangle with opponents much more high-falutin' and educated than I is. Doesn't stop me from tryin'.
Downer Ending: Wade Wilson's War all took place in my head and Dom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation. GUH! MY BRAIN!
Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire — which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
Duct Tape For Everything: Check this◊ out. Oh, there was also that time when Cable, Captain America and a few others frickin' cocooned me with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse... I had to pee.
Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get close to no respect from anyone.
Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this a lot (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.
Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, very, wrong... — Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything too embarrassing, wasn't I? Irene (staring): No... Not by your standards, no.
Even Evil Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.
Fanboy: I'm a fan boy of Captain America! Did they remember the time he was possessed by some alien thing and I kicked him in the crotch to save the world though?
One time I was mashed to a pulp by Mighty Thor!!! (fanboy squeal)
Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more offputting than me...
Fan Nickname: For that idiot who steals my Goddamn name in X-Men Origins: Wolverine: "Barakapool" or "Dudepeel". More like Fan Hatenames, and I approve of that!
And "Headpool", the zombie talking head version of me from the Marvel Zombies universe. Headpool now qualifies as an Ascended Meme, as Marvel has used the name in solicits for his appearances in the "Merc with a Mouth" comic. And yes, he's still better than Dudepeel!
Five-Man Band: The Gail Simone run featured this set-up prominently:
Fourth Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.
Fourth Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:
Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue...
Guns Akimbo: Aw yeah! Double the guns, double the fun.
Healing Factor: In fact, the cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!
The Heart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as The Heart, something is seriously wrong with the team.
Not to mention I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!
Heel Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the whole Heel Face Turn thing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man.
Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. I was leaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.
In Name Only: In the X-Men Origins: Wolverine, that guy's 'dead pool' of mutant powers include the healing factor plus adamantium skeleton, Baraka blades, optic eye blasts and teleportation. And near the end his mouth is sewn shut because, get this, someone finally found a way to keep him quiet!
The Ultimate version of Deadpool has little-to-nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me), mutant-hating psychopath. Ulitmate 'Verse me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
In fact, he's soooooo bad I had to take his place against his Spidey counterpart during that whole dimension tear thing just to spare my adoring fans from rioting about how not-me-like he was!
It Makes Sense in Context: That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't all that bizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...
Better yet: Fulfilling my childhood dream by wearing raw meat as body armor and senselessly beating a super villain dressed like a superhero (Hawkeye, then called Bullseye) with a giant ham.
Jerkass: Hey, I resemble that remark! Sometimes I am shown as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, as in Cable and Deadpool #17. That's just 'cause he brings out the best in me, the big lug...
Kansas City Shuffle: My genius plan to get Norman Osborn to pay up after he stole one of my marks and ruined my rep. No one screws with my professional reputation.
In my MvC3 ending, I got to mac with most of the lovely ladies at my slammin' party after wasting Galactus's purple pimply ass! Until I accidentally wiped out Cleveland... whoops!
The Knights Who Say Squee: In one Deadpool Team-Up arc, I totally go fanboy over Thor. Even when he's beating me up!
Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's basically a Palette Swap of Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. A Running Gag throughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention that Joe Kelly wrote this annual?
Leeroy Jenkins: F** k plans. I should've just run in and scream outta my lungs like, "WAAAAADEEEE!!! WIIIILLLLSSOOOOONNNN!!!!!". Or maybe "DEAAAADDDD!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!". Boy, I should've logged on to that server sometime.
Let's Get The Doorknobs and Unleash The Fricking Fury: I say with not an ounce of bragging that the best example is my showdown with Tiamat. I got so dangerous that I stopped talking. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda scared myself when I thought about that.
Loud of War: I once thought Cable was going to transmit an endless loop of the Backstreet Boys. When he found out, he almost did. Later, I did the same thing to Black Swan, with country music. (I kill me)
Also, in Deadpool #18, I set up an elaborate gambit to make the X-Men look good. Which was not easy; emo, as you know, is so out. Seems like Way is shaping me up to be one...
McNinja: Katanas. Acrobatics. If you ignore the "stealth" part (I do! It's boring), I am definitely a ninja. In fact, as I mention (in one of my first series' letter pages) I've undergone bona fide ninja training. Whether to believe me or not is up to you!
Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and got some guy named Chris Hastings to write a new miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, I think I'm in good hands.Here's hoping I meet the good doc.
Medium Awareness: You know how some guys have cosmic awareness? Well I've got comics awareness!
Seriously, am I the only person in that one fighting game who realized there was a screen, saw the health meter, or noticed the sucky guy with the controller? Jeez, man, why does he get to sit around and I have to do the work.
She-Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you.
Mind Screw: I pull off one hell of an example in my Marvel Knights mini-series Wade Wilson's War, with it's ambiguous ending and all.
Multiple Choice Past: Ask three of my fans about where I came from and you'll get four different answers. Hell, even I've given up trying to figure it out.
Back when Alternate Reality!Cable was taken over by techno-organics and sprouted loads of shiny metal tentacles. When they were attracted by my overwhelming charisma, I, naturally, went from "ow! ow! hey — that is incredibly personal space there — ow!!!" to "okay—hey—okay—okay—see, now I'm kinda liking it".
Also what is implied to happen in the Marvel vs. Capcom 3 cinematic intro. Thank god that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan, learn to aim!
Never Say "Die": Yep, this happened to me once. It was in a not-exactly-canon Avengers comic aimed more toward the kiddies (Marvel Adventures), so I was constantly identified as "Wade Wilson, also known as—" just before the expositor got cut short by someone else. Oh, that reminds me: Kraven, you still suck.
Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: I've faced a zombie version of me, become a pirate, and I technically dress up as a ninja. Three out of four ain't so bad... not! Now: to force Reed Richards to make me a Robopool!
"Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."
In The Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only I know I'm an action figure representing the character. And to break it Up to Eleven, I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!
It gets to the point were I'm the only one in the entire Marvel universe that knows about Spider-Man's deal with Mephisto... er, besides Mephisto that is.
And then there's me beating the snot out of people in Marvel VS Capcom 3 with my own health bar.
If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!
Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran into Evil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, of course I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least.
And I guess Nate did. A little.
Noodle Incident: You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Mamageddon.
And we'll never know how I, Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released a diarrhetic over Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).
While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that Dan guy, I mean he's a rip off of two characters of a rival company that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named "Saikyo" (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).
Man, he can be such a dick sometimes. It really suits him.
Only Sane Man: You know, everyone calls me crazy, and they might have a point; on the other hand, none of them realise they are actually comic book characters, so who is really the crazy one?
RetCon: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstory Deadpool:Origins has becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring. Multiple Choice Past and all that.
Snikt Me, Dammit!: I spent the better part of an issue trying to get Wolverine to stab me. But he was being a wuss, so I Shoryuken'd Kitty Pryde instead. That worked.
Super Speed: Okay, so maybe it isn't one of my official powers, but it darn well oughta be. I mean, I can outrun a friggin' jetliner◊ fer Bea Arthur's sake!
Stalker with a Crush: Dr. Ella Whitby, she's obsessed with me and she even has a fridge full of all the body parts i've lost over the years. She's creepy, even by my standards.
Talkative Loon: I'm narrating my own trope page, do I really have to explain this one?
Talking Is a Free Action: Natch. My lung capacity cannot be matched. Domino notes my endless, inane banter is actually my most dangerous ability, since most opponents are too distracted to pay attention to my moves. Just... as... plotted.
The Scream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especially like a little girl! Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...
Sabretooth: Scream for me. Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AAAAAHHH AAAAAHHH Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson. Me: No wait — Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!
Take Our Word for It: In a recent issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead.
Even the man whose house I broke into to kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.
Also, in The Amazing Spider-Man #611, I let slip that I have the 'Yo Mamma-Geddon', which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.
Take That: When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to have so many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right, Rob?"
And in my first ongoing, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder".
They Fight Crime: This is the point of the Deadpool Team-Up series, as it gives inferior heroes a day in the limelight with everyone's favorite mercenary, by which I mean me, by which I mean no one other than me, by which I mean not you.
Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition of Miami Sound Machine's Conga.
Trigger Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!
Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE. In Joe Kelly's original run, I'M NOT EVEN WADE WILSON. I just killed a random guy in his house and took over his identity! I wasn't even a good guy to begin with! But Marvel retconned this story to hell (Back in my fight with T-Ray in Cable and Deadpool), so now apparently the Deadpool: Origins comic is the canon one.
Expy: Step 1: Copy everything about Donald Pierce. Step 2: Give him my wardrobe and change his name to Deadpool without changing anything else about him. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit!
Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... or reality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...
Useless Accessory I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although When I do they have contained Awesome action figures (of Me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on Me.
What Could Have Been: I nearly was left out of Marvel vs. Capcom 3 because some moron "accidentally" put me on the "no go" list. If it wasn't for the attention of the other people outside of that single moron, I wouldn't be hitting people with my life bar left and right. Now, to go find that idiot...
Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I call the Punisher out on it during Suicide Kings. Since, you know, the previous day he tried to strangle me and electrocute my ass... with mecha-frickin'-tentacles.
Me: What you got today, Punisher. The Beetle's wings? Plant-Man's chloro-blaster gun? One of the Porcupine's quills?
Wild Card: Of course. I mean, that's pretty much half my reason for livin'.
Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've pretty much kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.
Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus — Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)
However, Wolverine still hasn't fully left the spot and The Hood is also trying to claim the position, not to mention Anti-Venom... yeah. It's like the pro wrestlers say: the belt might as well be a target.
Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism!
Glad to see that you're all suggesting her as DLC in "Marvel Vs Capcom 3". I'll let her know about it the next time I see her, probably before I knock her unconscious.
Indy Ploy or Xanatos Roulette (depends on reader): So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they they don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this was Nick Fury's plan, but damn it was fun.
Xanatos Gambit: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the entire thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public and to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the first time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. (Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?)
Combinedth with What Do You Mean, It's Not Awesome?, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (I still striketh oute), and attacking a Michael JacksonCaptain Ersatz. Eth.
Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. Browse the indexes for me and I'll promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!
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