- Gail Simone (I love ya, baby!) gave me a great CMOH in #69- my secretary Sandi had a boyfriend who had her fall down some stairs. A lot. When she wound up in the hospital, I decided it was time to pay a visit to him. I made sure to teach him some manners◊.
- Another Simone one -she really made me even more awesome and heroic, huh? SUCK IT WOLVERINE!- had me persuade Black Swan to fix Ratbag's broken mind. It worked◊, and I got to be The Hero in my final issue.
- Back in the Joe Kelly days, I had a heartwarming moment with Bullseye of all people. He gave me a heart to heart when I was in a slump... Well, as close as a heart to heart two Psychos For Hire can have. Check it out.
- Also, back when I sorta died, Bullseye went to my funeral. D'awww.
- And he actually shed a tear◊ when we said goodbye for the last time. Aw, I think I'm gonna miss him.
- My heart-to-heart with Evan in the last issue of X-Force. Kid was feeling down about being Apocalypse's clone and that the life he thought he had was just a simulation. I set him straight on both counts and told him he was a good kid, the kind of kid I'd want my own son to be like (not that I ever plan on having kids). Then he thanked me for saving him and called me a hero. That was the first time I'd ever heard anyone call me that. Oh, and I also left him porn.
- I'm the one who's shocked at what we did to Kid!Apocolypse in X-Force. Me.
- In Suicide Kings, the Punisher kicked my ass and also ended up wrecking my good friend Outlaw's house, where I was currently staying because everyone was trying to capture me for something I didn't do. Well, with the cash I had, I ended up getting her a new place that wasn't full of me-sized holes and Punisher sweat. Needless to say, she was incredibly grateful. She ended up having sex with me to repay the favor, but hey, it's the smaller things that count. And no, not those smaller things, jerk.
- I understand the struggles of minimum wage, so when two guys freaked out when they saw me, I grabbed 3 slices of pizza, read the prices, did the math, and paid them appropriately.
- And I paid for it with a Hamilton I got from an adorable little tyke who confused me for Spidey on the subway. When I told her I had no money for cab fare, she happily made a donation◊.
- Speaking of Hamilton, Deadpool #20 (the one printed in 2015, to clarify) had me interrupt a girl about to take a header off my apartment building and talk her into seeing the musical and resolving a few... "issues" on my to-do list before dropping her off at the hospital to get her some help. Hey, I might be good at a lot of things, but giving life advice isn't exactly one of them.
Me: I'm smart enough to know I'm dumb enough that I can't help you. But they can.
Blonde-Girl-Who-Wouldn't-Tell-Me-Her-Name: What if I don't want to go inside? Are you going to make me?
Me: I — I dunno. I don't think I'll have to because... I think you want to walk in. Will you walk in with me? Plus, maybe we can visit all the elderly people I accidentally beat up.
- I got married. Me of all people! Then we honeymooned in New York! Me and Shiklah ate hotdogs, caught (the first inning) of a game at Yankee Stadium, killed bad guys, escaped from police custody, visited Lady Liberty...
- Shiklah just loves ol' Deadpool. I was having Bad Dreams about Butler coming back and something bad happening to Ellie, and she dispelled them with mystical mojo and sweet words.
- I finally got the chance to prove how much I care about Spidey in Deadpool Annual #2, otherwise known as The Spideypool Issue. Spider-Man was facing a near endless onslaught of attacks by the Chameleon, who was disguising himself as random civilians, and was suffering from both sleep deprivation and an understandable level of paranoia. So when he collapsed, not only did I stop a bunch of ungrateful punks looking to unmask him for a reward, but I also took his place for the day and made sure to follow his moral code while protecting the city! Now our friendship is canon!
- Okay, it might have taken me awhile to get involved due to memory issues and stuff, but the moment that I find out that someone wants to harm my daughter, Ellie, nothing in the world can stop me from making it to Chicago to save her. Not vampire hunting, not the distance from New York, and certainly not Flagsmasher.
- Also when I bring good ol' Spidey along to meet my Dynamo-In-Training, Ellie. Ellie comes out to greet me, just knowing when I show up, and she share a warm hug while she tells me about her week.
- Why does Cable get top billing in the Bio section of my video game? You want to make something out of it? You want to question why I put his name at the head of the list? Huh? HUH? HUH?!
- When the writers called me up to fix the little messes in Secret Wars, they wrote me in there as if I'd been there. In 1984. Which is totally cool and all. Anyway, the status quo was maintained because someone decided to forget so hard about me that everyone else forgot! But that's not why I'm talkin' about it here. You remember how the Battleworld was granting everyone's wishes, right? You know what I wished for? One hint: it wasn't to get handsome and mustachioed again. I wished for Zsaji, the white-haired healing chick, to be revived and sent to a far-off world where no other superheroes and Secret Wars would hurt her ever again.note
- My relationship with my half clone of me, half clone of Squirrel Girl (long story). Especially when you compare it to that craze girl Itsy-Bitsy who keep referring to me and spidey as daddy.
Heartwarming / Deadpool
What? You never thought I'd have heartwarming moments, did ya? Check out the page for Cable & Deadpool, and for my film as well.