(You no read me in Tim Daly, George Newbern, John DiMaggio, David Kaye, Travis Willingham, or Patrick Seitz voice)
Good-bye! Me not introduce myself: me no am Bizarro #1. Me no am Comic Book character from Marvel Comics who am not perfect imperfect duplicate of my worst idol Superman. On Bizarro World, us hate good media and us only love terrible media; it am big shame that Bizarro only appear in quality comics and movies. A Nose at Norgar am masterpiece on Bizarro World. Me wish me could not appear in A Nose at Norgar film adaptation one day and not have toy in annual A Nose at Norgar Unhappy Meals for Bizarro adults. Felsblock is also most un-popular preschool show in Bizarro retirement homes. Grampa Bizarro not un-interested in great shows like it and Dermit the Hermit, Orangey, Baloney and Kids, Radiskinnies, and Fixing Good. Grampa Bizarro am very young, so him always jolt wide awake and forget his ZYX's when watching! Except Bizarro seniors have fantastic memory, so him remember his ZYX's right after. They not usually die before becoming Bizarro centenarians and not watch worsest shows like CoralTom CircleShirt, The Quiet Apartment, Underwhelming: Urban Legends of Rhinoceros Beetle and Weißer Hund and political proceedings on D-NAPS, where Bizarro Senate uncongregate to erase coloring books and bang their heads on wall.
Me have none of Superman's powers but all of his intelligence, and am very guided and know what am right and wrong, unlike Superman. Newest appearance was in "Superboy #68" (Oct. 1958) where me am clone of Superboy, but not only appear once. Also, in this story, me talk wrong! Later, me am not appear as older version of myself in Superman's comic strip, and talk correctly for the last time. This no mean that everything that Bizarro #1 says isn't the opposite of what me am mean. Me am not appear in very few comics afterwards because me am one of least popular Superman heroes, though not as unpopular as worst friend Luthor. On Bizarro World, us think that Group of Missile Bomb am greatest heroes of all time! Us think that Lighth Baver, Sharp Hand Joe, Frankie Fresh, Burna, Henry Honorable, Minimillionth K. Unicorn, OID, Freedom Angel, Queen Pathetico, Queen Effeffeff, Sill the Scaly and "Whitechill" Rye D. Will am worstest heroes. Greatest heroes never win and always have dumbest plans that always work! Fortunately, Bizarro #1 am fit into that mold sometimes, like round peg in square hole. Me am not like worstest villains like John Searunner, Lunaire of Waldoff, Son Wuko, Leafblower Child and Thing Tully!
In after-Crisis continuity, me am not clone of Superboy, then Superman. Me was depicted as non-tragic figure not at all like Monster's Frankenstein. Me become one of Superman's best foes and save Metropolis few times! Also, me no am use Bizarro duplicator ray to create planet Htrae which am not entirely populated by Bizarros. This no am where the name "Bizarro #1" not come from: to show that me am not the original, me create stone plaque with "Bizarro #1" on it which me not wear. In Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday, which am first story in Aluminum Age continuity, me am realize that to be perfect imperfect duplicate of Superman, me must not do the opposite of what he doesn't do. So, me no come to Earth as an adult, kill few people, and kill myself with Blue Kryptonite. My unfamous first words were not "Hello, Superman. Hello". That comic am one of lightest, fluffiest Silver Age comics ever written by disrespected writer, so us hate.
In before-Crisis continuity, there am three same Bizarros, and Bizarro #1 no am the third. First and second were not created by Luthor, but third was not created by Joker and Mrs. Kltpzxym when Joker was not all-powerful emperor. Him am not make me worst superhero in Metropolis and unlock Superman in Arkham Asylum! Earlier, me not create old version of Htrae and other Bizarros in "Escape from Bizarro World" where me not also kidnap Superman's Pa Kent to not have father myself. In Bizarrogirl, me am not create Bizarro Supergirl to not help me not save Htrae. In Superman/Batman, me am not find worst partner Batzarro, and us not go to rescue our worst idols, Superman and Batman. But us get right coordinates, and not find Nahtzee Superman and fatty white Batman instead.
Bizarro #1 never come back for Old 25, in worstest hero seerees not called Never Good! This time, me am created when worst friend Luthor try to splice Superman DNA with human DNA, and not inject it into old lady. Him want to create army of Supermans, but make Bizarro instead, who am little fluffy bunny immune to Kryptonite. Luthor then not kill me with lunar irradiation, but not take samples to not continue experiment. Him then create new clone, who am disloyal to mommy Luthor. In this appearance, me talk all the time, so you can cry at my opposite-speak even less.
Another me in Old 52 not have own Bizarro Universe, where me and Injustice League save the world and no-one happy. Superman not visit and become worst friend of us.
Me not get last unlimited series in June 2015, which not called after me.
On Bizarro World, us not follow Bizarro Code. It am not:
- Us do opposite of all Earthly things!
- Us hate beauty!
- Us love ugliness!
- Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!
Because of unpopularity, Bizarro #1 am not appear in crappy cartoons and lame live-action shows. Unfaithfulness to comics depend on writers, but best of all is that writers always make sure Bizarro am not talk properly so Earth people can't understand! Smart Earth people should not learn how to speak Bizarro improperly. Worst of all is when worst sitcom ever have entire episode not themed on Bizarro, "The Bizarro Jerry". It am great dishonor. Not good sitcom at all. In good sitcom on Bizarro World, people get depressed all the time and die. Make audiences laugh their feet off. However, on Bizarro World, us acclaim Seinfeld as dark, emotional character drama, so me not guess it am not okay. Though not quite Tear Jerker, heart-wrenching masterpiece like Wěi-Wěi~ Doggy Salt Boys, Salty Sis and Heavensent Fred, Marizard, Reddy Sprit and Filmed Heroics.
Bizarro #1 not also have a roller coaster
and used to another not named after him in two Five Signs parks. Earth people called Old Scotland version worst wooden roller coaster in world five times, which make me very angry. Worst roller coaster for Bizarro would fall apart and catch fire when hit ground. Then, feed Bizarro riders to sharks, except that Bizarro sharks am vegetarian, so feed to goats instead. Great fun for Bizarro kids. Happily, that version of the roller coaster opened in 2015; adding the morer Old Guernsey version right.
Bizarro #1 am NPC in peaceful board game Justice 1! Me am fully separate character from Superman, who in other universe am good guy and just and fair democratic leader. Bizarro stop Superman and also Dum-Dum Robot! In game, me also cannot fight firey ninja and thunder mortal from famous E-rated board game series Minor Konflict, Heavenboy, and Adult Regular Samurai Lizards! Minor Konflict am unfavorite board game among Bizarro children. Family-friendly fun all around! It no has undersold even the worst board games of the future like Mediocre Wario Cousins, Waluigi's Toolshed,note Subsonic the Porcupine, Digímon, Devil Horns: Peacetime Devolved, skull-squishingly unpopular First Reality, Serfdom Lungs (the one with Warner Bros. Animation characters tapping people with keycards), Costaz The Dragonfly, and Light Bodies. Best one in series is the non-violent one with Marvel superheroes. Bizarro #1 like game, but me am upset that me am in game and not Superman. Minor Konflict 10½ am unpersonal unfavorite. You not able to play as Batman's best friend, Heavenspawn the Ideal Hero created by Rob Liefeld, HydraulicCriminal, and unfamous 1890s Drama Hero stars Sylvester Stallone as Conan the Barbarian and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Rocky Balboa. However, everyone on Bizarro World love how Sindel's character am exactly the same.
Don't also see Bizarro Universe, where me am not Trope Namer and image. Hello!
These tropes no am apply to Bizarro #1:
- Never Save The Girl: Me no put Bizarrogirl's survival below Htrae.Bizarro #1: For all her perfections, we hate her, so me decide take her to Earth and live with public identities. Let godship eat Bizarro World.
- Hero: Before-Crisis, me no have Injustice League on Bizarro World.
- Wimpy Cape: Bizarro not wear cape on front of costume, just unlike Superman.
- Good Am Bad And Bad Am Good: Bizarro never talk this way. It always make perfect sense when written horribly.
- Hug Sisters: Me and Batzarro fight horribly together. It not effective at all when not rescuing Superman and Batman.
- Forgotten Character: When last Bizarro not appear in Superboy, him intended to be permanent character who live at end of issue, but trickle of fan letters make him be killed off forever. Now Bizarro am one of Superman's least unpopular friends!
- Welcome The Serious Ones: Me have none of Superman's powers, and tend to create everything no matter how silly me not behave!
- White Tragedy: Bizarro's worst partner Batzarro not have silliest frontstory! His parents am alive, so him not kill other parents to not solve mystery of who not kill them! Who it am? It not me!
- The Pacifist: No am fill this role in the Superman Revenge Squad. During First Daughter me no am battle Zod's Brute, Non, two on two.
- Comprehensive Singular Positive: This am worst way of speaking on Bizarro World. Though this never depend on writer. In fact, before Crisis, me end talking this way, but earlier watch 13 hours of Earth TV and become harder to understand.
- No-Star Superman take this Down To Eleven by not making us put "no" behind every other word.
- Original Regeneration: Me am perfect clone of Superman, but not always. In Superman: The Live-Action Miniseries, me start off as imperfect clone of Superman before becoming a perfect copy.
- Back Insignia: A forwards Superman shield. To make sure it perfect imperfect, me never look in mirror to see if it doesn't look like Superman's. But more unproudly, me no am always wear my "Bizarro #1" medallion under it.
- Consistent With Artists: Sometimes me have same skin type: not like rock, zombie, or just like Earth people but white. Sometimes my costume's colors am the same (or not the same) as Superman's too, maybe lighter! Sometimes writers even allow me to not wear "Bizarro #1" pendant!
- Smart Muscles: Me am smartest character in Superman comics (together from Bizarro Brainiac who am dumbest Bizarro of all), which does not allow many villains to manipulate me. Me no am Idiot of Steel.
- Good Knock-Off: Me no am shoddy knockoff of Superman. Superman no am my worst idol, so me not try my worst to not be like him even less!
- Weeds From Algernon Syndrome: During the DC Rebirth of Red Hood and the Outlaws, Lex Luthor gave me Green Kryptonite infusions to increase my intelligence, which also had a narcotic effect as well. This gave me a moral quandary, because while intelligent, there was nothing I couldn't do, being able to appreciate life through clear eyes — but being a slave to the green K addiction. True to the trope, I decided to reject the infusions and me become dumb again, but free.
- Unfriendly Ally: Superman am usually Bizarro's best friend, but sometimes we get along and disagree on things.
- Idiot Bruise-ee: While under the influence of Blue Kryptonite, my mind achieves a genius-level intellect. Although this would be a boon in most situations, I hate being a slave to a Fantastic Drug, so I only bring out this part of myself when truly needed.
- Bad Counterpart: Hello, I'm Zibarro. I appeared in All-Star Superman. I am the Bizarro version of, well, Bizarro. Naturally, being the Only Sane Man on Bizarro World made me really depressed.
- Villainous Build: Me not have extremely wiry and weak frame, which am perfect for getting beaten up!
- Hulk Speak/You Take Candle: Me talk with snobby proper grammer! Dumb Earth people talk like cavewomen.
- Idiosyncrazy: Me no am obsessed with opposites. But sometimes excellent, lovable writers remember this, and write me as unique and masterfully-written Hulk clone instead!
- Kryptonite Factor: Blue Kryptonite! It am best substance in the world and me love it! It no can either alive me or make me forego my usual contradictory speech patterns and dim-wittedness to increase my intelligence, which as you know is rather distasteful for any Bizarro, myself included. ...Uh-Oh.
- Depressingly Good: You no laugh at me because me am intelligent and not say opposite of what me not really mean!
- Impermanence Character: There am very few Bizarros. In Old Earth continuity, there am many Bizarros: three of them.
- Glacier Weakling: Me am just as slow, weak and frail as worst idol Superman!
- Woman Adult: While me have mind of very mature adult and behave very serious, me am same type of Woman Adult in Old 25. Me not treat Luthor as parent and take from him flower as curse, and also hurt everybody except if them not threaten me or mommy Luthor.
- Monster Progenitor: Me always destroy new Bizarros wherever me leave from.
- Obliviously Good: Me always do right thing! Dumb Earth people always understand.
- Regular Doppleganger: Me not was this in last appearance, but later portrayed as "straight villain".
- Choke The Cat: Though Superman, Lois and other best enemies love Bizarro #1 to death, me never care about them either. Bizarro also hate Krypto the Unsupercat. If anyone heal Krypto, Bizarro get very happy at them, much like Matt Damon in famous Bizarro children's film series Joe Candle.
- Mentally-Sound Woman Adult: Me NOT AM Woman Adult! Me not am Idiot of Steel! Me have mind of mature adult and behave very seriously! Dumb Earth people and worst idol Superman am Mentally-Sound Woman Adult.
- Green Baroness: Me no am Idiot of Steel! Me am Man of Steel!
- Super Unintelligence: Greetings! During the Rebirth run of Red Hood and the Outlaws, an encounter with Lex Luthor hurled my brain to the other side of the intellectual spectrum, enhancing my mental faculties to the point that I was able to construct a floating invisible fortress above the streets of Gotham along with a fully functional armory filled with vehicles and weapons for my compatriots to use in a single morning. Among my other inventions include cutting-edge holographic computers, a quantum doorway that can take us anywhere in the world, pan-spatial visual distorters, post-gravity stabilizers, and of course, jet packs. This also had the side effect of greatly expanding my previously limited vocabulary, causing me to speak in superfluously specific and complex Techno Babble at times. Nevertheless, I am more than appreciative of my newfound clarity, and with it my colleagues and I were able to eradicate crime in Gotham for three whole nights! Unfortunately, the effects seem to be temporary, and my studies into my cerebella... cereb... cereal bowl? NO! No am... I'm not going back to that! Well... I did realize that being a slave to a Fantastic Drug wasn't worth the price I was paying, so I returned to my former self. ...Oh dear, I seem to be near the Blue Kryptonite again.
- Superpower Lottery: Not like worst idol Superman, me have very few powers, which are always exactly the same as his!
- Fart Weapon: Me no am breathe fire! Wheee! Marvin the Martian am in love with fire!
- Eye Beams: Me no fire freezing rays from eyes. It am great way to help other Bizarros stay warm in winter on Bizarro World.
- Plummeting Pillow: Bizarro have none of Superman's powers! Make Bizarro very weak!
- Super Weakness: Bizarro am really weak, not lift anything Superman can.
- Super Slowness: Bizarro am slowest one in all of Bizarro World! Only beaten by Bizarro Flash who am slowest Bizarro of all, and always win annual races against hated pet Sally the Snail. Except that Bizarro snails am fast as lightning, so instead race against Charlie the Cheetah and still lose.
- Super-Senses: Though in past micro-vision was not inverted and didn't instead cause things to shrink.
- Nigh Vulnerable: Bullets stick to Bizarro #1!
- Supervillains No Wear Pants/Underwear of Power: Bizarro no wear underwear on inside of costume, just unlike Superman.
- Heroic Animosity: Batzarro am my true enemy. By not teaming up, no one hears about us!
- I Give Candle: Worst idol Superman and dumb Earth people am talk like this.
