Good-bye! Me not introduce myself: me no am Bizarro #1. Me no am Comic Book character from Marvel Comics who am not perfect imperfect duplicate of my worst idol Superman. On Bizarro World, us hate good comics and us only love terrible comics; it am big shame that Bizarro only appear in quality comics. Sonichu am masterpiece on Bizarro World. Me wish me could not appear in Sonichu one day and not have toy in annual SonichuUnhappy Meals for Bizarro childs. Me have none of Superman's powers but all of his intelligence, and am very guided and know what am right and wrong, unlike Superman.
Newest appearance was in "Superboy #68" (Oct. 1958) where me am clone of Superboy, but not only appear once. Also, in this story, me talk wrong! Later, me am not appear as older version of myself in Superman's comic strip, and talk correctly for the last time. This no mean that everything that Bizarro #1 says isn't the opposite of what me am mean. Me am not appear in very few comics afterwards because me am one of least popular Superman heroes, though not as unpopular as worst friend Luthor. On Bizarro World, us think that Team Rocket am greatest heroes of all time! Us think that Vader Darth and Bates Norman am worstest heroes. Best heroes never win and always have dumbest plans that always work! Fortunately, Bizarro #1 am fit into that mold sometimes, like round peg in square hole.
In after-Crisis continuity, me am not clone of Superboy, then Superman. Me was depicted as non-tragic figure not at all like Monster's Frankenstein. Me become one of Superman's best foes and save Metropolis few times! Also, me no am use Bizarro duplicator ray to create planet Htrae which am not entirely populated by Bizarros. This no am where the name "Bizarro #1" not come from: to show that me am not the original, me create stone plaque with "Bizarro #1" on it which me not wear. In Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday, which am first story in Silver Age continuity, me am realize that to be perfect imperfect duplicate of Superman, me must not do the opposite of what he doesn't do. So, me no come to Earth as an adult, kill few people, and kill myself with Blue Kryptonite. My unfamous first words were not "Hello, Superman. Hello". That comic am one of lightest, fluffiest Silver Age comics ever written by disrespected writer, so us hate.
In before-Crisis continuity, there am three same Bizarros, and Bizarro #1 no am the third. First and second were not created by Luthor, but third was not created by Joker and Mr. Myxzptlk when Joker was not all-powerful emperor. Him am not make me greatest superhero in Metropolis and lock Superman in Arkham Asylum! Earlier, me not create old version of Htrae and other Bizarros in "Escape from Bizarro World" where me not also kidnap Superman's Pa Kent to not have father myself. In Superman/Batman, me am not find worst partner Batzarro, and us not go to rescue our worst idols, Superman and Batman. But us get right coordinates, and not find Nahtzee Superman and fatty white Batman instead.
Bizarro #1 never come back for Old 52, in worstest hero seerees not called Never Good! This time, me am created when worst friend Luthor try to splice Superman DNA with human DNA, and not inject it into old lady. Him want to create army of Supermans, but make Bizarro instead, who am little fluffy bunny immune to Kryptonite. Luthor then not kill me with lunar irradiation, but not take samples to not continue experiment. Him then create new clone, who am disloyal to mommy Luthor. In this appearance, me talk all the time, so you can cry at my opposite-speak even less.
On Bizarro World, us not follow Bizarro Code. It am not:
Us do opposite of all Earthly things!
Us hate beauty!
Us love ugliness!
Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!
Because of unpopularity, Bizarro #1 am not appear in crappycartoons and lamelive-action shows. Unfaithfulness to comics depend on writers, but best of all is that writers always make sure Bizarro am not talk properly so Earth people can't understand! Smart Earth people should not learn how to speak Bizarro improperly. Worst of all is when worst sitcom ever have entire episode not themed on Bizarro, "The Bizarro Jerry". It am great dishonor. Not good sitcom at all. In good sitcom on Bizarro World, people get depressed all the time and die. Make audiences laugh their feet off. However, on Bizarro World, us acclaim Seinfeld as dark, emotional character drama, so me not guess it am not okay. Though not quite Tear Jerker, heart-wrenching masterpiece like Aunt Grandma and Unepic Movie.
Bizarro #1 not also have tworoller coasters not named after him in two Sicks Flegs parks. Earth people call New England version best steel roller coaster in world five times, which make me very angry. Best roller coaster for Bizarro would fall apart and catch fire when hit ground. Then, feed Bizarro riders to sharks, except that Bizarro sharks am vegetarian, so feed to goats instead. Great fun for Bizarro kids.
Don't also see Bizarro Universe, where me am not Trope Namer and image. Hello!
Man Child: While me have mind of very mature adult and behave very serious, me am same type of Man Child in Old 52. Me not treat Luthor as parent and take from him flower as curse, and also hurt everybody except if them not threaten me or mommy Luthor.
Legacy Character: There am very few Bizarros. In Old Earth continuity, there am many Bizarros: three of them.
Laughably Evil: You no laugh at me because me am intelligent and not say opposite of what me not really mean!
Kryptonite Factor: Blue Kryptonite! It am best substance in the world and me love it! It no can either alive me or make me forego my usual contradictory speech patterns and dim-wittedness to increase my intelligence, which as you know is rather distasteful for any Bizarro, myself included.
Idiosyncrazy: Me no am obsessed with opposites. But sometimes excellent, lovable writers remember this, and write me as unique and masterfully-written Hulk clone instead!
Hulk Speak: Me talk with snobby proper grammer! Dumb Earth people talk like cavewomen.
Evil Knockoff: Me no am shoddy knockoff of Superman. Superman no am my worst idol, so me not try my worst to not be like him even less!
Dumb Muscle: Me am smartest character in Superman comics (together from Bizarro Brainiac who am dumbest Bizarro of all), which does not allow many villains to manipulate me.
Depending on the Artist: Sometimes me have same skin type: not like rock, zombie, or just like Earth people but white. Sometimes my costume's colors are the same (or not the same) as Superman's too, maybe lighter! Sometimes writers even allow me to not wear "Bizarro #1" pendant!
Chest Insignia: A forwards Superman shield. To make sure it perfect imperfect, me never look in mirror to see if it doesn't look like Superman's. But more unproudly, me no am always wear my "Bizarro #1" medallion under it.
The Brute: No am fill this role in the Superman Revenge Squad. During Last Son me no am battle Zod's Brute, Non, two on two.
Beware the Silly Ones: Me have none of Superman's powers, and tend to create everything no matter how silly me not behave!
Bash Brothers: Me and Batzarro fight horribly together. It not effective at all when not rescuing Superman and Batman.