Pantheon: Food

Food and Drink

As one would expect, the House of Food is a massive dining hall connected to one gigantic kitchen, filled with every tool, appliance, and ingredient one can think of. Only the best culinary experts can step foot on the hallowed ground of this kitchen, and should they ever gain that honor, they will find themselves at the forefront of creating new foods, recipes, and if they're lucky, entire cuisines of their own design. They are also responsible for feeding the rest of the Pantheon, and because deities have to eat too, the cooks of the House of Food enjoy an unofficial immunity from harm by other deities. When a god breaks that immunity, they come under a lot of fire (especially from Gig, whose hotpod-avenging rampages are legendary even by divine standards) and are banished from this House, forced to subsist on bread crusts and whatever their mortal followers will sacrifice for them.

There are other, lesser kitchens, but they are all subservient to this one. A god trying to curry favor with the house has to spend a lot of time washing the many, many dishes.

There are only four food items of which these gods — even the hungriest and most gluttonous among them — are wary. The first is the dreaded "Delicious Fruit". Despite its easy-sounding preparation method (boiling it thrice) the Fruit is an item of great lethality and deadliness to those unable to handle it properly. The second is "Mystery Food X", which despite having been sealed away in the vaults, still appears from time to time to tempt unaware gods. The third is the "Pitful Egg" produced by Tae Shimura. The "egg" has been noted to cause amnesia, bad eyesight and other ailments. The fourth is Kei Kugimiya's cakes. Said cakes are ABSURDLY SWEET and even those with Sweet Tooth has deemed it too extreme. Of course, this makes them a popular subject of Self Imposed Challenges.

While most of the tables are welcome for anyone, there is a special secret table reserved only for a specific group of gods known as the "Gourmet Racer Club". Admittance to this table is assessed by King Dedede, who decides who gets to sit with him. Most of the members come from the First Pantheon Gourmet Race he and Kirby set up on his arrival, but the King makes special consideration to anyone who curry favors with him. Those blessed enough to sit at the table tell tales of food wonders and quantities that Head Chef Kaga and his followers prepare just for them. Thor himself has stated the banquets served there would make Valhalla's own feasts look like mere appetizers. Most gods prepare themselves for whenever the next Gourmet Race will take place to earn a seat at the table.

Also while a Food Fight isn't uncommon in this house, the likes of Team RWBY and Team JNPR are the only ones who are heavily restricted to food items no bigger than a potato due to the fact that they have used other food items to mimic their weapons and because the last time they participated in one, they caused the House of Food to explode.



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The Grand Chef Trio

The Guards of the House of Food

    Gordon Ramsey 
Gordon Ramsay, God of Perfectionist Cooking
  • Demigod, but more then capable of throwing Greater Gods out of his House if they anger him.
  • Symbol: A pitchfork flanked by the letters H and K, a Michelin Star, and/or a meat cleaver
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good (often believed to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold)
  • Portfolio: Jerkass Has a Point, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Badass, Laser-Guided Karma, Serious Business, The Mean Brit
  • Domains: Cooking, Rage, Fire.
  • Followers: Many chefs look up to Ramsay, valuing his knowledge and work ethic.
  • Allies: The Nostalgia Critic, The Angry Video Game Nerd.
  • Enemies: He has declared that anyone who even thinks of serving raw food should be thrown out of the kitchen (and has done it several times already). Upon his ascension, he realized that some Gods prefer raw food and has modified his menu to reflect this, but anyone who attempts to serve raw food to customers that didn't order it gets a tirade of expletives at a minimum.
  • The House of Food has been a lot louder since his ascension. He keeps his tone very civil and tranquil around customers and children.
  • Despite his well known temper, Ramsay has made friends and allies of everyone in the Food Pantheon, as well as several allies in the House of Commerce due to his business savvy and well known cooking empire
  • Some consider him to be a God of Emotion as well due to his constant outbursts. He maintains that he is a chef and his anger is a tool to make his fellow chefs learn from their mistakes.
  • He is also responsible for enforcing a code of cleanliness in the kitchen. Anyone that allows their cooking station to go uncleaned for any longer then the standard dinner service gets his full fury.
  • Once got so mad, he swore for a whole day, causing even Cartman to listen in stunned silence.
  • He refuses to work together with the Regular Ordinary Swedish Chef. The reason for this is when the God of Mayo was tasked to make some simple scrambled eggs, it ended with the kitchen stove and frying pan looking like it had been mauled by a bear while the walls were covered in egg yolk, butter and shell.
  • When pissed, he usually calls those around him "Donkeys". He had to bite his tongue when he said that to Donkey Kong for many reasons. First, Donkey Kong laughed at his face. Second? The ape had a barrel ready to be thrown at the House of Food.
  • Has been known to stay his temper around children and amateur Chefs, but his reputation still intimidates them. That legendary temper got put to the test the day he met up with the Cutie Mark Crusaders coming in to his Temple screaming, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MASTER CHEFS! YAY!!!" What happened next is between him, the CMC and the other Equestrian Gods.
  • Was nearly beaten up by Charlotte LaBouff after she believed he was hurting Tiana's feelings, when he was actually commending Tiana for her diligence and determination. They are on better terms now (thanks in no small part to Tiana's gumbo).
  • Is not afraid to admit that he loves his mum, even curbing his swearing in front of her. Became good friends with Mr. T (who also loves his mom) because of it.

    Kirby 
Kirby, God of Extreme Omnivores (The Pink Puffball, Gritty in Pink, Nintendo's Floating Puffball of Never Ending Cheer and Dreams)
  • Theme Songs: Gladiator Kirby, True Gladiator Kirby
  • Intermediate God
  • Symbol: A Warp Star
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Portfolio: Eating Everything That Isn't Nailed Down, Drawing Anything into his Mouth with Incredible Suction Power, Digesting Everything Instantly without any Weight Gain, Absorbing the Power of Others, The Unintelligible, Kid Heroes, Looking Angry while in America
  • Domains: Dreams, Peace, Eating (anything).
  • Followers: Gluttony, Every Single Taxxon, Chowder.
  • Allies: Mega Man, Guu, Captain Falcon, Jigglypuff, Samus Aran, R.O.B., Yuyuko Saigyouji, Snoop Dogg.
  • Rivals: Pac-Man, King Dedede, Meta Knight
  • Enemies: Whispy Woods, 02, Queen Sectoria, Majin Buu
  • Opposed by: Miracle Matter
  • First being considered for the Seat of Gluttony, Kirby began eating Pac-Man... and everything else in the Pantheons. All attempts to stop him were met with either being stopped with his current copy ability, or being eaten alive. By the time Absolute Virtue's hand was in the shape of a hungry pink ball, the Gods and Goddesses relented, and bestowed him power over two different seats in the Pantheons. Is fed constantly to prevent everyone from experiencing his digestive system all over again.
  • The cake is a lie. Kirby ate it first.
  • There are rumors that Alex Mercer is planning to usurp Kirby's position, suitably by eating him.
  • Vanellope Von Schweetz has banned him from entering her Temple, for fear of another Cy-bug incident.
  • Despite his reputation, if a tyrant has stolen the food from his people and left them starving (as Dedede did in his first adventure), Kirby, out of some odd form of empathy, will travel across entire planets and single handedly tear apart and devour their entire army to return the food to those who need it far more than he does.
  • Was happy that the King finally ascended and after being greeted by him (with a gentle hug turned into a crushing bear-hug), they celebrated with a Gourmet Race that was later crashed by other big eater gods. He ended up in first place alongside Pac-Man and Goku, though he didn't mind sharing the title. After the formation of the Gourmet Racer Club table, he enjoys eating there with his friends.
  • While very proud of his 201 Megaton Punch, some have wondered if Kirby's ascension to godhood will allow him to break his old record, should he ever stop eating enough to attempt to do so. Kirby's reliance on a copied ability keeps Kirby from taking the seat for himself.
    • Regardless, he has been training with Captain Falcon who was willing to be ingested to give him proper instruction in Falcon Punching, just in case it is needed while the Captain is not available.
  • Likes to dance when he wins.
  • An APB is in effect to make sure that Miracle Fruits never find their way into the Pantheon, and especially not to Kirby. The fruit's effects can turn Kirby's suction and swallowing powers Up to Eleven, to such an extent that he can devour full-sized buildings, giant monsters, and even energy beams. Power like that could make Kirby a force of destruction equal to the Anti-Monitor if he decided to use it to sate his appetite.
    • Ever since Kirby used it to defeat Majin Buu in a Death Battle though, at least one Miracle Fruit has been allowed within the Vault under heavy lock and key in the event of extreme circumstances.
  • Wiz and Boomstick have chosen Kirby to fight against Majin Buu. Luckily, thanks to all the previous Death Battles, the Houses have learned to better protect themselves during these bouts.
    • To the surprise of most everyone, Kirby was successful in actually killing Majin Buu in the battle, hurling him into the sun via his Planet Buster at that. Even if the death was only temporary, Kirby's popularity has only increased among many of the good deities, and Melkor has raised him to a whole new level on his threat list.
  • Even before his ascension, Kirby and Samus are actually really good friends even though they're rarely seen together. Samus even came to Pop Star to enlist Kirby's help in exterminating a horde of Metroids that somehow came to his planet.
  • R.O.B. has asked him to help him rebuild his species. Similar to Samus above, he helped build R.O.B. models in the past, so he agreed.
  • Has recently made friends with Yuyuko Saigyouji due to both having ravenous appetites. This has caused many a deity worry considering the amount of food both of them consume.
  • Snoop Dogg once came to watch one of the Gourmet Races that Kirby has with King Dedede, and began spontaneously singing "Drop It Like It's Hot" while using the race as a backdrop. The impromptu performance was a huge success and led to cries for more performances there. Kirby was very quick to agree to it, and Snoop now regularly performs during the races. Kirby himself even dances alongside Snoop on a regular basis, much to spectators' delight. Snoop has also offered Kirby some of his best joints on several occasions, but to his dismay, rather than smoke them, Kirby always just inhales and swallows them in one go.

    Takeshi Kaga 
Takeshi Kaga, God of Cuisine (Chairman Kaga)
  • Intermediate God
  • Symbol: A Yellow Bell Pepper.
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • Portfolio: Cooking Duels, Alter Ego Acting, Impossibly Cool Clothes.
  • Domain: Craft, Creation, Fire, Nobility.
  • Followers: Mung Daal, Remy, Mama, Hai Yo, Hurley.
  • Allies: Aoi, Mai Tokiha, Elzam von Branstein, Alton Brown, Sanji.
  • Opposed by: Lettie Cropley.
  • Claims to have taught Aoi and Mai everything they know about cooking, but still can't get either of them to accept a dare to take a bite out of a bell pepper before slicing it up.
  • Used to be in the House of Craft, but there was so much demand of his services that he moved here to attend the demands of the Gods.
  • Word has reached his ears that he has an impostor named "William Shatner". His friends are urging him to smite the upstart, as an example to others, but he hasn't yet. The news that a different impostor claims to be his nephew merely makes him smile, for his follower Alton Brown aids that one, and he trusts Brown's judgment on worthiness.
  • Light Yagami looks at him weird due to Kaga looking similar to his own father in an alternate world.


Ambiguous Rank

    Jan Akiyama 
Jan Akiyama, God of Chinese Cookery
  • ???? Deity
  • Symbol: An Iron Wok, Chopping Knife.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Portfolio: Insufferable Genius, Determinator, My Kung-Fu Is Stronger Than Yours, Jerkass, Axe Crazy, The Trickster.
  • Domain: Chinese Cuisine and possibly everyone else's domain if given the chance.
  • Allies: None, No really, none.
  • Followers: Okonogi
  • Self proclaimed god of Chinese cookery, he has spent his reign in the pantheon challenging other gods to cooking contests with the aim of dethroning them in the most embarrassing way possible. Many would consider him annoying if not for his penchant for getting not only what he wants, but also being very threatening. The knives may do that.
  • He has "disposed" of many aspiring gods who wish to clamber up the ladder of the pantheon.
  • The sheer length that he will go to preparing unusual foods is enough to make Andrew Zimmern and Kirby consider him a Worthy Opponent.
  • Masaharu Morimoto has been marked as his next target of deposition.


  • Kotaro Minami, God of Phlebotinum Rebels (Kamen Rider Black [RX]), owns a small steak house here, and while it's not big… it's still garnered a lot of consumers with Chie Satonaka as one of his loyal costumers as she often visits his steak house along with her fellow Investigation Team especially during their respective birthday parties and various celebrations.
  • Oren Pierre Alfonzo, God of Homosexual Badasses (Kamen Rider Bravo) owns a pastry shop here. He is very serious about his work and anyone who tries to attack his customers will get his ass kicked and banned from entering. It's a very popular hangout for the likes of Kero, Stocking, Ranma and Pinkie Pie, who get into huge eating contests to see who can eat the most sweets.
  • Ange, Avatar of Fallen Princesses (Angelise Ikaruga Misurugi, Former First Princess of the Misurugi Empire, Norma #1203-77, Burn Princess, Idiot Princess, Breakout Sister, The Captain) opened up Café Ange, though it's relatively small. Hinata Hyuga and Takumi Inui are her frequent visitors.