Despite being a card game where it's kind of hard to tell what the plot is sometimes, it still has some very funny moments. Speaking of which, so does the Letters Page Podcast so let's divide this up into sections, shall we.
The Card Game
- The flavor text for Fortitude (which shows Legacy in the art shrugging off being hit by a hail of gunfire).Legacy took times like these to ponder what dinner might involve tonight.
- Setback's cards are a gold mine of these. For example:I really had no idea that was there, sir! I, ah, I should go...— "Whoops! Sorry" The card image is of Setback stepping on Tyler Vance's charging unit for the Bunker suit.Gosh! Sorry, Maia, er, I mean, The Wraith!— Fumbling Fool Setback has just knocked down a wall on top of Kismet and The Wraith.Oh, hello there! Have you considered, say, NOT hitting me?— High Risk Behavior no explanation needed here. There are villains. They want to hurt him.You keep standing right next to me. Why do you think this keeps happening?— Tempest on Friendly Fire where Setback keeps getting shocked due to standing next to Tempest.
- Guise is another deck which is full of goofy cards.
- Gimmicky Character shows him literally Jumping the Shark.
- A number of cards show him being annoying to other heroes, including trying badly to impersonate kung-fu around Mr. Fixer while dressed up in fake karate gear, or "borrowing" the lyra of a very irritated Argent Adept while dressed up as Gene Simmons.Argent Adept: That is a priceless artifact of great power. It's not for playing "Freebird".
- Super-Ultra Kawaii!! has Baron Blade drawn black-and-white manga-style next to a super-deformed Guise with flavor text where he's catching himself uncontrollably praising how amazing Guise is.
- This line from the Tempersonation era."The polarizing power of electricity can produce many interesting results."— Ball Lightning
- It's just such a campy Silver Age thing to say.
- The card Temporal Event in the Silver Gulch environment has artwork showing Wraith in the background plopping slapstick-style out of a portal with a cartoony bug-eyed expression, while in the foreground the normally poised Argent Adept currently has the world's most dejected droopy-faced expression while having a staring contest with a salamander.
- Believe it or not Ra's deck has a funny card or two. Blazing Tornado's flavor text is hilarious just because of how deadpan it is.Naturally occurring fire tornadoes are dangerous and unpredictable. Those summoned by a sun god are much worse.— Blazing Tornado
- The serious Argent Adept also has a funny card. While most of the flavor texts for his cards are him being serious or making a Badass Boast, the card for Xu's Bell has Dr. Blake Washington Jr. a.k.a. Ra yelling at him for making off with the aforementioned bell as his power origin.Hey, you can't touch that! It's a priceless artifact!
- Bonus points for this being 100% Hypocritical Humor on Blake's part considering he also got his powers by touching an ancient artifact that he shouldn't have.
- Like Argent Adept and Ra, Tempest's deck mostly consists of Badass Boasts. But then there's him talking to a very confused-looking fish.So... have you seen anything going on down here? Under the water?
- And of course we have the now classic (within the fandom at least) Unity line "Bee Bot is more fun to say!" as said to a questioning Tachyon on a card which shows a robot clearly styled after a wasp.
Pew Pew Pew! Just like the real thing, right!?—Unity
- Platform Bot's art features a very offended looking Baron Blade looking at Platform Bot, which is a miniature replica of his own Mobile Defense Platform.
- The flavor text for Bunker's Turret Mode:BUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDAnote
It's all about the right tools for the job. And by tools, I mean guns.— Bunker
- Also, Upgrade Mode:
- Several of Absolute Zero's cards due to him being the Freedom Five's resident Deadpan Snarker
Time for all of you to cool down!—Absolute Zero
- Fueled Freeze, if only because it's clear he's not being ironic while making that pun:
What to wear, What to wear...—Absolute Zero
- Onboard Module Installation. He's pondering over his suits like he's just choosing an outfit for a day out on the town:
What's the matter... cold feet?— AZ
- Yet another unironic and likely deadpan pun from Sub-Zero Atmosphere:
Tachyon: But the laws of thermodynamics have more to do with-AZ: Look lady, all I know is fire gets all weird around me.
- Isothermic Transducer:
By opening all of the apertures in his suit to let in the scorching air, Absolute Zero can produce quite a chilling effect.
- Yet another campy silver age line comes from Thermal Shockwave. But this time it's clear it's not from some clone.
- The Wraith's Impromptu Invention, which is a really strange hair dryer.—The Wraith
Judging from the trajectory of the angle, and figuring the wind at 6 knots per hour, north by northeast as per this morning's weather report...—The Wraith
- Made even better in OblivAeon, when one of the missions, Create Contraption, requires (H+1) Equipment discards for raw parts...and creates a piece of equipment called Chekhov's Hairdryer, which deals 6 irreducible damage to up to two targets as a power use (in other words, it's about three times as damaging as Expatriette's tactical shotgun)."Immortal cosmic being hell-bent on destruction? Good thing I've got my hair dryer."
- Wraith's Expo Speak on Infared Eyepiece. It's not really funny until she mentions the weather report.
- Utility Belt's flavor text reveals that Wraith keeps a raw fish in her utility belt.
- Made even better in OblivAeon, when one of the missions, Create Contraption, requires (H+1) Equipment discards for raw parts...and creates a piece of equipment called Chekhov's Hairdryer, which deals 6 irreducible damage to up to two targets as a power use (in other words, it's about three times as damaging as Expatriette's tactical shotgun).
- Upon Skyscraper asking Tachyon for upgrades Tachyon informs her that only a madman would make those upgrades. Cue Luminary walking through the door.
- Baron Blade as the hero Luminary during Obliv Aeon is a goldmine for funny quotes.I learned a valuable lesson from you. There will always be someone to punch my inventions.—Luminary on Backlash GeneratorI do feel the slightest tickle. Not entirely unpleasant.—Luminary on Repair NanitesI don't even want to know what it does. But I feel strongly that we should shut it down.—Tachyon on Explosive ReconstructornoteYou all might want to step back. Further. Quite a bit further.—Luminary on Orbital Death Laser
That madman... he's actually done it. That's a piece of the moon!—Tachyon on Terralunar Translocator
- Let's just take a step back and appreciate that he has an orbital death laser.
- Baron Blade finally got to drop the moon onto the earth.
I still do not see why we are not pulling the moon into it! It would have worked!—Luminary on Brilliant Inventor
- And before that.
- On a different note the same card has both Tachyon and Luminary up and ready for science stuff... meanwhile Unity is sitting off to the sude half-asleep because they're pulling an all nighter.
- One of the OblivAeon missions has noted Sentai fan the Idealist assemble Tempest, Visionary, Argent Adept and Captain Cosmic into a Combining Mecha in "Form the Mecha-Knight". Overlooking the silliness of the concept to begin with, and the natural seriousness of most of the characters involved, particularly the Adept and Captain Cosmic, the reverse side's flavour text has Captain Cosmic asking why "both of you" are Saying Sound Effects Out Loud (presumably the Idealist is one of them, but it's not clear who the other one is). In The Letters Page, the game's writers revealed that "both of you" are Idealist — who is making laser noises with her mouth — and the Mecha-Knight itself, which is making laser noises with its mouth.
"Another splendid battle! Are we recording this? We should be recording this. Great promo."—Kaargra on Bloodsworn Exhibition
- The Mecha-Knight gets even better when the Letters Page relates the full story: when the robot strides off, leaving its pilots behind, Tempest remarks that based on his experience of human media he had expected to still be inside it, and the Idealist says it would be ridiculously dangerous to be in the robot as it tried to beat up OblivAeon, but she appreciates his dedication to the bit and will keep him in mind for all future giant robot shenanigans.
- Also from the missions, Kaargra Warfang suffers from a case of Skewed Priorities:
"A-ha-ha-ha-ha! She's alive! Mister Chomps has a big sister now!"—Unity on T. Rex Bot
- Another mission has Unity build a robotic Tyrannosaurus rex.
- OblivAeon's own deck has one card that deals a faintly excessive 9,999 Infernal damage when he sets it off. The video game doesn't even cap at 9,999!
- Champion Studios is pretty loopy. The Craft Services table is poisoned (naturally, Setback has been chowing down for a while). The Props Department issues Fanatic with a foam sword and Expatriette with Nerf guns. "Love Interest" ships Bunker and Wraith with flavour text straight out of a bad romance novel (although in game terms you can pair off any ridiculous match-up; Legacy and Luminary, for example). "Potential Pratfalls" is the Harpy encountering a giant room full of banana peels. And on "Bottom of the Ninth", Expatriette holds Guise at gunpoint during a baseball game to remind him that he's supposed to be cheering for Setback.
The Digital Game
- Like the heroes, the Team (Vengeance-Style) Villains each have their own unique incapacitated artwork. Usually these echo the dramatic hero incapacitated art (La Capitan seems to be caught in some sort of time anomaly, for instance), but a few are downright hilarious. Sergeant Steel is dramatically lighting up One Last Smoke (despite appearing relatively uninjured), Ermine is folding her arms and pouting, Greazer's ship is getting the Hell outta dodge, and Proletariat just looks dejected.
- Guise gets voice acting. It goes about as well as you'd expect.When badly wounded AVENGE MEEEEE!
Playing Gritty Reboot Everyone I know is dead!
Playing Guise the Barbarian BLBLARGLGRARGL
Playing Blatant Reference Mmm, this ''is'' a tasty burger!
- Completionist Guise is the last, and most difficult, variant to unlock, requiring among other things that you have legitimately completed all the other variants' unlock conditions. Or, you can hit the unlock button, and deal with Guise directly:Guise: CHEATER DETECTED: Woah woah woah. Woah!. What do you think you're doing? Cancel! Cancel!
[Player hits button again]
Guise: THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Do you realize how this makes me feel? Trying to get me without being a true completionist? You're breaking my heart! I need you to take a minute and think about what you're doing. Don't worry, I'll wait. [No button appears for exactly one minute, then it pops up]
Guise: LAST CHANCE... You're still here? Alright, I get that you're serious. But you have to consider my feelings here. Just click away. Don't do it.
[Player hits button again]
Guise: I'M NOT MAD... JUST DISAPPOINTED. *Sight* Fine! But I need you to do one more thing. In your own words, write an essay explaining why you should get to have me without being a real completionist! [A text field appears]
[Player starts writing]
Guise: [Throwing up his hands in frustration] QQ You didn't think I was going to actually read that, right? I give up. You win. Go ahead. I'm not crying, you're crying!
[Player hits the final button]
Guise: ... Wait... is this all cheater-exclusive Easter Egg content? What have I done? What have I doooooooooooooooo
The Letters Page
- The tangent about how the Void is like jelly. It starts off as a metaphor and just leads to them pondering how Void Jelly tastes.
- "And then they died." Which is so reoccurring that when someone eventually did die they acted like it was a joke, and then on other occasions they had to actually make it clear that yes, this time the character really did die.
- The alternate podcast jokes. They have a Child Psychology podcast, a Food podcast (which became an Extrasode that was perfectly in character as an actual snooty chef podcast), a Law podcast (which became another Extrasode in which they, as themselves, gave fake law advice. The end consisted of a bunch of people on the Gt G staff saying various disclaimers), etc, etc.
- Putting Sh or Shm in front of trademarked or otherwise real world things to jokingly avoid being sued. Such as Shmegan being president and the Shmeatles.
- All Cult of Gloom letters. All of them!Don't turn that frown upside down, turn it into Eldritch power to free our dark master and Spite a world that has wronged you.— Cult of Gloom Motto
— "Remember, don't turn that frown upside down, smiling is overrated. He was smiling when he killed your daughter."
- Especially whenever they go down the route of Crosses the Line Twice Black Comedy such as this "gem" from the Iron Legacy episode.
DO NOT TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN! GRUUM HATES CARTWHEELS!
- This particular instance of Black Comedy nearly caused Adam to renounce the cult. The discussion about it is either funny or horrifying depending on what kind of person you are.
- And variations on the theme — such as the Cult of Gruum. Gruum is an extremely loud denizen of the Enclave of the Endlings whose body is mostly mouth, so the motto becomes...
Cult of Gloom: After all, nobody's going to put together a hero team to rescue Spite.
- And then Gloomweaver himself wrote to the podcast. However, C&A think it's Guise in disGuise because he refers to his question as "The Best Question!"
- Another letter from the Cult doesn't even have a real question — it's mostly an extended and hilarious burn on Zhu Long for making a zombie servant out of Mr. Fixer because he A. lost control of him, and B. picked someone that the heroes care about.
- The Guise episode. From Guise breaking in at the beginning of the episode and temporarily derailing the podcast to Christopher's hilarious Green Grosser voice.
- Speaking of funny voice impressions, Adam's Wager Master voice is hilarious. So is his pirate voice when reading the letters in the La Capitan episode.
- In the Wager Master episode proper, Wager Master attempts to catch out Absolute Zero in an impossible game by challenging him to a contest of beat poetry, only for AZ to be perfectly willing to take the contest seriously and turn out to be incredibly good at it."You weren't supposed to be good at poetry. Nobody's good at poetry!"
- In the same episode, Wager Master challenges Argent Adept to a fiddle contest to win a golden fiddle. AA puts all his entire effort into playing masterfully as he usually does, but when it's WM's turn he plays dreadfully. When AA essentially pouts dejectedly that WM isn't even trying, WM says nope, he is trying, he just can't play the fiddle. note
- Also, the time WM was a Zero-Effort Boss in-universe, with Guise pulling junk out of his Bag of Holding to technically meet the requirements - such as a Megalopolis subway token for a "rune of transportation". Bonus points because this badly derailed a lesson the Scholar was trying to teach Guise about focusing and not being so random...which, admittedly, is kind of Hypocritical Humor coming from a man who has a card specifically about turning 100+ years of accumulated junk into card draw.
- The Void Guard follow-up has them confront the question of whether or not WM would just sit there and get blown up in the art for "Bored Now". The answer is of course he wouldn't...he'd hold up a sign that says YIKES, then get blown up.
- In the Wager Master episode proper, Wager Master attempts to catch out Absolute Zero in an impossible game by challenging him to a contest of beat poetry, only for AZ to be perfectly willing to take the contest seriously and turn out to be incredibly good at it.
- The Disparation Dark Watch episode. When Adam, doing an impression of Shockwave, starts talking about the horrible cry if the monster he's hunting, you expect to hear something terrifying... and then you get Bloogo.
- Also, the Shockwave impression is pretty funny.
- And then there's the fact that Earth is considered by aliens to be a backwater Flyover Country nobody cares about going to.
- Whenever Christopher and Adam talk about Citizens Hammer and Anvil, who are styled after them. They're always referred to as "the best citizens." And C&A say they could probably take down OblivAeon by themselves.
- The Xtremeverse episode. First we have Christopher and Adam's Xtreme voices. Then we have them clearly improvising when asked about Xtreme Zhu-Long: Their answer to "what does he turn into since a human turning into a dragon is already pretty Xtreme" goes through several iterations and eventually becomes "he's a dragon all the time who sometimes also turns into a giant mecha dragon".
- "There's chains coming from the ceiling down... chains everywhere..." "Like spiky chains. Chains that the individual links of the chains have small spikes on them for no good reason."
- Also the bit where Christopher originally tries to claim Captain Cosmic goes "You'll never succeed you vile miscreant!", and Adam steps in with "It's more like 'SUCK THIS'. [Captain Cosmic] makes gun constructs, you're being way too nice here." "I am, I write in a Silver Age tone, this is..." "Like, 'NICE CHAIR, CUPCAKE'."
- The running gag of characters going "Heck you, mother[bleep]er."
- Apostate in the card game comes off as a really creepy Long-Haired Pretty Boy demonic Satanic corrupter type busy murdering and twisting people in horrible ways. But then in his episode it's revealed he's actually deliberately cultivating all the demonic/Satanic trappings for the sole purpose of Trolling Fanatic by becoming her "idealized villain". Including at one point just tossing all attempts at deliberate deception to the winds and just throwing increasingly over the top ludicrous lies at her. Such as pretending they're both aliens and he's here to take her back to their homeworld, that she's in a coma and he's her concerned brother ("Your family misses you, Helena. Please wake up. We love you."), etc.
- This eventually culminates in a fight at a mausoleum where he's lying yet again about how their parents were both heroes and he's hoping they could join forces and fight evil together. And she keeps killing him, but he keeps possessing new bodies and popping back to life. Which would be creepy if he didn't keep picking up his monologue full of BS wherever he got cut off mid-sentence, and occasionally complaining "would you stop doing that, it's incredibly annoying", all while Fanatic gets more and more infuriated. The episode in general basically takes a character which used to be scary and sends him right over the Crosses the Line Twice threshold into darkly hilarious.
- In the Young Legacy episode they encounter a letter writer who has Recycled Jokes in their name. They then proceed to says that's what they could call their podcast. And just to prove their point.Adam: You mean, shmodcast.
- One of the highlights of the podcast is the debate over Progeny's flying head. Cool or Funny? You decide. That doesn't change the fact that the book featuring KNYFE hunting it is called Headhunter.
- The very idea that C&A are going to be doing a Legacy Radio show.
- From the makers of Void Jelly we have Time Curly Fries, OblivAeon Peanut Butter, and Reality Bread.
- Our brief glimpse of the Telenovela Universe from the OblivAeon two-parter. This has C+A doing a sequence where this version of Dr Medico is being all smouldering, passionate Latin Lover and Caleb is just, like, an average guy. This goes on for quite a while. Then the Big O destroys it, which is sad, but it was funny prior to that.Christopher as Caleb: Hey Nick, how was work.Also Christopher as El Curador: Ah, Caleb, it was... most trying. How was your day, my love.Caleb: Oh, it was fine. We got a new toaster in the office.El Curador: Ah, a new Toaster, how dramatic![beat]Adam as El Curador: What happened to the old one?Still Christopher as Caleb: Oh, well, it was broken so we threw it out.El Curador: ¿Por que?Caleb: Yeah it just wasn't worth fixing so...El Curador: ¿POR QUE?
- In Editors Nite Number 30, affectionately referred to as the "Well Actually" Episode and the "We're Wrong About Science" episode, there is, among many relatively serious letters correcting C&A, a very short, almost troll-esque letter reading as such:Dear C&A,Raptor bot should have feathers.
- On the subject of short letters: the shortest letter they ever recieved was far back during the Haka episode. Needless to say, Christopher and Adam didn't like it very much.Dear Christopher and Adam,Haka Smash?
- In the lore, once Aeon Master has been defeated, Lifeline absorbs the Scion's energy and, on the advice of Slamara (who they've mentioned has feelings for him), creates an entity that would become known as Aeon Girl. In the Incapacitation episode, Adam chooses the exact worst way to phrase this:Adam: [Slamara tells him] "You've got all this stuff and you should put it into a girl."
- The shipping episode, which features everything from a 15-question message that starts with an apology and takes a third of the episode, to the most absurd possible summary of the Ra/Fanatic Belligerent Sexual Tension:Christopher: 'Oh, we hate each other, let's, like...touch...butts...or something.'
Adam: That's how you have sex, is, you touch butts.
Christopher: Right. Right. You learned it here, Kids.
- The podcast reveals an interesting tidbit about Adam, namely that he's very particular about how to draw Chrono-Ranger's butt.
- In the Mr. Fixer episode, someone asks why he wears a baseball cap for Rook City's baseball team, given that a previous episode establishes that the team is a bunch of steroid-filled thugs for The Organization. Christopher starts talking about how Mr. Fixer was a fan of the team when he was young, in the good old days, when it was just a bunch of good old boys hitting the ball around. Adam, however, deadpans, "It's not like he can see what's on the hat."
- In the episode on mooks and minions, Christopher creates simaltaniously hilarious and horrifying fanfiction.Gloomweaver: [Kills Cultist of Gloom]Other Cultist: [Whispering] Thank you, daddy.
Cameos in Other Games
The Sentinels of the Ninth expansion for Bottom of the Ninth (a board game about playing baseball) has a number of hilarious gems:
- Argent Adept is the Stadium Organist, which not only involves playing an organ on a baseball field (and artwork that is the only official art so far of him smiling), but his special ability is explicitly named "Theme Music". Also he can "tap into the primal forces of the baseball world and control the tide of chaos and fun".
- Captain Cosmic is using a cricket bat and is "sure to slog any yorker a dibbly dobbly throws".
- Expatriette "has to allow time to let her arms reload".
- Haka is wielding the baseball bat in one hand, as it's comically small compared to the rest of him.
- Their team mascot is someone dressed up in a Mr. Chomps costume.
- Omnitron-X is shown wearing a baseball uniform over his very much non-humanly robotic body.
- Setback is shown having his arm getting caught in the ties of his Domino Mask.
- Tachyon gets her salary in stadium food, "a decision the league regrets".
- Tempest's fun fact: "Tempest can control the weather and throw lightning, how is that fair?!"
- Among the interviews in these fake documentaries is an interview with a comic creator named Guy Hampton who is definitely not an Expy of Alan Moore. He proves to be quite crazy, doing things like threatening to blow up the Editor-In-Chief's office and creating his own religion with the chief god being a badger puppet named Doxie. Eventually, this exchange happens.
- And also this exchange earlier.
- According to a comic historian, Sentinel Comics went through a phase where all their new characters were, quote, "chicks with guns."