Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

Hello again, with the amazing characters. Miles sounds extremely well-balanced and well-rounded, not just because of his powers but his personality as well. For some reason he seems more...I don't know, solid than your other characters, I'm not sure why (shrugs). Whatever it is, I like it. And he's only 16? Well, I can't comment on that; I have a lot of teenage protagonists who have the world dumped on their shoulders too. All hail teenage heroes.

I have to applaud Mile's strength of mind though; to come through all of that monstrous pain and misfortune and still have his sanity is truly something. Though not about Miles, I like that I've become so familiar with your world(s) through just reading this thread; I immediately recognized Hector as Elijah's grandson from some of the other posts.

Btw "Gristle Eaters" makes me shiver. What are those things?

Hm, I think I see why you would say he seems more solid than others. He accepts what he has to do, he knows some of its not exactly right, but he has to get these things done to best support his friends. His evolution from extremely shy bookworm with no combat ability to a Badass Field Commander will be very much looked upon. As well as his friendship with the rest of high command, and his rejection of the idea of simply going back to school once they defeat Elijah and Caine's forces.

Poor Miles. But yeah, he's got a mind of pure titanium to stand through that. That he can still stand and fight after all that might well be a Moment Of Awesome.

Yeah, Gristle Eaters are pretty nasty creatures. They're basically what the Dark God of War and Strife makes when he wants your demise to be particularly abusive and horrible. Picture a ten foot tall human with many lamphreys extending off of their body, the head has no eyes, just mouths. Yes, Miles fought two of that. And won.

The only thing I don't like is his age. 16 is just the number that doesn't feel right to me. Either way, I like him. Miles sounds like one character of yours I think I've seen somewhere in the forum. Maybe in an RP, can't remember exactly. This type of young, bookworm-ish character, only that Miles is much, much more combat capable.

Ever since my personal RP project failed to become anything substantial (yet again), and my players have lost all interest, I decided to just continue writing it all myself. Here's the protagonist.

Name: Sir Strada Austin, Captain of the Black Feather Unit, Swan Cadre

Age: 23

Personality: To a stranger, he seems cold. Arrogant, even. Strada appears as yet another one of those no-nonsense, strictly business type among the Swan knights, a trend that seems quite common within the Cadre. In truth, people who work with him know Strada to be anything but. If anything, he's way worse. The man is noted to be exceedingly snide at times, and, as if making up for his tendency to not speak, most anything coming out from his mouth can be translated into an offensive comment about something. Not a very attractive young man, personality wise, which is a shame considering his exceptionally attractive physical appearance, blond hair, green eyes, tall and sufficiently muscular figure, and a seriously pretty face for a male, among other things. This is actually his way to cope with the anxiety he feels when engaging others in social situations, a problem that has rendered him nearly friendless all his life. Nevertheless, he demonstrates good leadership when on duty, and when it comes to it will to go any length to ensure his team's, and his friends', safety. His ability to keep calm under most circumstances is also what his superiors consider one of his best qualities.

Abilities: Strada is a low-level magic user. He has the talent for it, and his innate ability to conjure energy is at least above average, but lack of training keeps him at the novice status. Nearly all of the spells he can cast are ice-based, ranging from conjuring an ice sheet for a makeshift shield to creating an ice javelin to throw around. What he has considerable training in, however, is swordplay. Strada is an exceptional swordsman, having such agility and keen awareness that allows him to handle nearly anyone or anything in close combat.

Weaknesses: Magic. Since he's only unofficially a mage, anything beyond a fireball can be a problem for him. For a non-combat related weakness, he also cannot stand touching or being touched by others, male or female, a sign of his concealed social insecurity that stems from many roots.

Goals: He joined the Cadre to pursue his goal of becoming a respected figure in Endeil. Born a commoner, Strada longs to become a high ranking of the Lions Regimen. All this took a turn when he joined the Swan Cadre, and then became Captain of the Black Feather, when he discovered the Old Blood conspiracy. He has since then made it his goal to expose the conspiracy.

Motivation: To be a respected authority figure in Endeil.

Role in the story: Protagonist

Backstory: Strada is the only child of a baker in Avenfall, the hub town of many mining operations of the Kingdom. His father, a common miner, died in an accident when he was only a few years old, and he grew up having his mother as the only one he could call a family. Though two did quite well, as his mother's shop was, and still is, quite popular among the miners, and never starved, Strada saw a lot of abuse by the corrupt officials that see Avenfall as nothing but a great place to find things to add to their treasury, and how much the common people had to suffer for it. Disgusted, he swore to one day become equal of these officials, or even more, and to cleanse Avenfall, and the Kingdom at large, of the filth. He began by joining the Lions Regimen as a common guardsman, but it was quickly revealed, both to him and his superiors, that he was magically gifted. After briefly being forced to train in the Verena Academy For Warmages, and many complications including his rather unorthodox attitude regarding magic he was transferred to the Swan Cadre, which seems to be by the approval of Duchess of Priston, Matron of the Cadre herself. Quite a wild card, he operated nearly almost independently, and helped to expose a corrupt politician, which earned him the reward, and punishment, of being named Captain of the Black Feather unit. Formed to be a unit specialized in dealing with magical threats as well as dangerous mutants, which seems to become quite common recently, being in the Black Feather means that Strada was practically removed from the political scene, up until he discovered trails that led him to the Old Blood Conspiracy. Among the Black Feather, he has a best friend by the name of Vincent Macaea, son of a minor nobleman. Note that, normally, a Swan Knight, from the Captain rank upward, is required to renounce his/her family name. Strada's case is more complicated, however, as he only joined the Cadre a few years ago, and his status a person of great interest amongst the higher ups of the Kingdom means his career will be very different compared to other Swan Knights.

Tropes: An Ice Person: Practically the only form of magic he can use is conjuring ice.

Arch-Nemesis: Dame Aisel Kilimovich. As he digs deeper into the conspiracy, he exposes himself more to the lady in red, who is nearly at the heart of it all. Strada loathes her, since she embodies everything he hates about the authority, but Aisel seems to be strangely attracted to him, in a somewhat sexually twisted, sadistic way.

Badass Longcoat: His standard attire is a black longcoat.

Bishounen: Quite a looker, as well as being effeminate.

Badass: Even the senior of the Swan Cadre such as Faris cannot deny that Strada is fast becoming one of the best swordsmen the Kingdom has.

Berserk Button: The guaranteed way to enrage him is to insult his mother.

Deadpan Snarker: Even if he's not the best at it, Strada loves to snark when he can.

Foe Yay: Him and Aisel, though it's entirely one-sided. Strada wants nothing more than to see the woman dead.

Ho Yay: He and his best friend, and second in command, Vincent seem to be inseparable, but the extent of this 'friendship' seems to suggest something far more intimate, and far less innocent.

Magic Knight: His fighting style is the combination of swordplay and ice magic, though he prefers to be entirely unarmored as to keep light on foot.

The Idealist: Contrary to his snide personality, Strada is this, as he strongly believes in the equity of man and that his action can inspire a change in the grossly corrupt society under the noble rule that is Endeil.

edited 19th Mar '14 10:52:16 AM by Arreimil

I really like him, nice back story, a goal most can relate to, interesting relationships with Aisel and Vincent. I do hope he's successful in his attempts to change everything.

Here's one from my most recent fantasy story. It's not fleshed out entirely so any sort of advice or criticism or any input of any kind is greatly appreciated.

The character is the current ruler of Adriana, the kingdom where most of the story takes place.

Name: Queen Cassandra I, Divine Sovereign of the Grand Kingdom Adriana

Age: 39 though she gives no clear answer when asked.

Personality: To her subjects and visitors she appears every bit the doting and caring Queen. Firm when the situation requires but showing genuine care for each and every one of her subjects. She makes it a point to listen to anyone who wishes to speak to her no matter their social status in the kingdom. She does her best to make friends with foreign powers. She speaks and acts with a regal air and with calm conviction, showing no signs of distress or worry.

Abilities: She's received a classical education and is well versed in history, the arts, science, and medicine. While she is no soldier she is versed in swordplay and magic and according to rumor she has divine power given to her during the years she was missing. How much of that is legend and how much is true very few know and she gives no answer.

Weaknesses: Despite her outward appearance she is nowhere near as confident as she looks and most of her royal decisions are plagued with doubt. After particularly stressful days and events some of the servants have heard her crying in her private chambers. She also tends to rule with her heart and not her head, while this has won the support of the common people the kingdom at large suffers for it and is a shadow of it's former power.

Motivation/Goals: To repair the damage her father has done to both her own kingdom and the neighboring ones. She's trying desperately to make amends for his warmongering and to repair the relationship with her neighbors. She's seen some success but to say some are bitter is an understatement.

Role in the story: She's the Big Good and the protagonist's ultimate goal is make his way to the capital and get her help.

Backstory: The illegitimate child of King Adrian and some scullery maid she was largely ignored. Her father wanted no part of her and was often away stabbing dissidents or planning wars. He did however realize her usefulness and perhaps could use her for arranged marriages or some other political convenience. He posted his best man, Decimus Celsus, to watch over her at all hours of the day until she could be married off and restricted her to the castle grounds. Decimus proved to be a better parent than anyone could have hoped, doing his best to make sure she was educated and that she had a happy childhood. Eventually when she was 19 her father arranged for her to marry a neighboring prince to end a war he was losing. Decimus would have none of it so he helped her escape in the middle of night as soon as he heard the news. On a stolen horse she left the castle for the first time in her life and disappeared into the countryside. What happened to her next is known only in mythology and folklore and she never tells anyone the true story. The King was furious and sent Decimus, completely unaware of his contribution to her escape, to hunt her down and kill her. It took several years for Decimus to find her and in that time she had many adventures with a young man who would later go down in legend as the White Knight of the Realm. Upon their reunion Decimus told her that the King's royal guard and much of his home army was loyal to him. The three of them planned a coup to kill Adrian and put Cassandra on the throne. Gathering all those she met on her journey, the White Knight, and all those loyal to Decimus they made a great march on the capital. The battle that ensued would go down in legends across the continent and the tale would spread well outside Adrian's kingdom. During the battle Decimus was mortally wounded and Cassandra killed her father in single combat in the throne room. She has been ruling ever since.

Tropes:

• A Chat with Satan: Had a very brief one with her father as he died in her arms.

• Awesome Moment of Crowning: Took the crown from her father's corpse and sat herself upon the throne and ordered the fighting be stopped. A proper coronation took place later and while there weren't bodies strewn about the throne room it was a fantastic celebration in it's own right.

• Be All My Sins Remembered: Makes no attempt to wash over her father's terrible actions and is the first to admit when something is her fault.

• Bodyguard Crush/Subordinate Excuse: Her relationship with her current bodyguard is one filled with rumors and speculation. What's known is that she met him during her missing years and that according to local folklore he is the White Knight of The Realm. He denies this and gives a different name every time anyone asks who he actually is. Identity aside he is always standing just behind the Queen's throne, ready to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder or whisper encouraging words in her ear. He is almost always at her side and follows her into her private bedchambers every night. For her "protection" of course.

• Bookworm: Loved reading stories growing up and still tries to find time in her busy royal schedule for books. Also has devoted a considerable amount of resources to ensure that books and the ability to read are things easily acquired in her kingdom.

• Cadre of Foreign Bodyguards: Decimus hailed from the neighboring land of Iulia, tales of his bravery and honor turned him into something of a legend there. As a result, 13 of Iulia's best soldiers followed Decimus into battle when he stormed the capital. While all the original 13, Decimus included, died heroically a guard know as the Royal First Cohort exists in their honor today and being chosen to join their ranks is among the highest honor a Iulian soldier can receive. To the common man, the Royal First Cohort is known as Decimus' Legion.

• The Coup: While many citizens she met during her missing years aided her in the final march most of those who helped her overthrow her father were soldiers loyal to Decimus.

• Dueling Scar: Received one from her father during their final battle for the throne.

• Every Scar Has a Story: Aside from the scar on her face she has numerous minor ones acquired during her missing years. She'll tell you how she got them but her stories are often obviously false and change with every telling.

• Gray Eyes: She has very striking gray eyes, she hates them as it's a trait she shares with her father. Something he never noticed until he had his blade at her throat in their final battle. This distraction allowed her catch him unawares and land a mortal blow.

• Honorary Uncle: Always referred to Decimus as her uncle growing up despite the fact that in addition to not being related by blood he was not even born in Adriana and hails from neighboring Iulia.

• I Am Not My Father: Takes great effort to not act like the tyrant her father was.

• Parental Substitute: Decimus was her father growing up and her greatest ally in her war for the throne.

• The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized: It was a very bloody day in the castle and the capital city surrounding it when she took the throne. Many high ranking noblemen and military officers who were loyal to her father were killed. Either by angry citizen mobs or on Decimus' orders.

• Self-Made Orphan: Her father died by her hands in single combat.

• Machiavelli Was Wrong: Her kind treatment leads her to be loved by her subjects.

• Missing Mom: Her biological mother was executed by the King for threatening his rule by giving birth to a child. It wasn't until later that he realized Cassandra may yet have a use.

• Mysterious Past: The events that took place in the years between her initial departure and her march on the capital are shrouded in mystery and she will not tell anyone what happened. Instead choosing to laugh off the question or invent some ridiculous story.

• What's Up, King Dude? Keeps an open door policy with her subjects, anyone who wishes to speak to her is welcome.

• Your Approval Fills Me with Shame: Her father laughed and actually applauded her when she entered the throne room sword in hand. He went as far as to say that he was actually proud of her initiative and would have cared about her had he known she was capable of such violent intentions. She was upset to say the least.

edited 31st Mar '14 7:25:55 AM by LeGarcon

Thanks . Strada's actually my friend's character with a few personal tweaks on my parts. I personally just want to try writing a clear cut hero, without falling into the white knight archetype.

Now, Cassandra. I was rather surprised, actually. Her Majesty the Queen is nearly exactly the counterpart of my first ever designed protagonist. And it's a near literal case. Everything about her, right down to the bodyguard crush thingy, reminds me of that character, except in Cassandra's case she is benevolent from start to finish (I hope). At any rate, the Queen herself is the type of Big Good I would prefer if a story is to have any at all. She sounds very much capable, though not all powerful, and if her role is the one whose help the protagonist seeks, it will be interesting to see how things turn out, considering that her own mission isn't going all too well either. And I should mention that her killing her own father in single combat, in the throne room, no less, is the special touch I love about this woman. First off, you don't get to see female characters do that often. Secondly, it's plain awesome. Tragic, maybe, but definitely awesome.

I guess I'll follow this up with my version of Cassandra I mentioned, though maybe I should do that in the Villain Critique thread.

edited 21st Mar '14 12:34:19 AM by Arreimil

This woman is from the first serious story I wrote. She may seem a bit villain-y, but she's the protagonist of the story (one of three actually), so bear with me.

Name: Vienne Qhris Ladeilia Grace, of the Sacred Empire of Prismia

Age: 19

Personality: Aggressive, harsh, ruthless, and without mercy. Ledeilia actively belittles her subordinates, in a way that even the most hardened, nastiest sergeants of the Steel Fleets can never hope to compare. This is, if one's lucky enough to be on her side or serving her. To her enemies, Ladeilia is nothing short of brutal. She is known to be fond of torture and inhumane executions. This is not to say she's an insane hag continuously laughing as she burns people. The young woman is, in fact, very calm and collected most of the time, or at least appears such. Closer inspection will reveal that hers is Tranquil Fury that she struggles to contain. It is also very rare to see her smile. All in all a volatile, wholly unpleasant woman. Nevertheless, it should not be said that she fails to lead Prismia back to prosperity, as the one year that she reigns shows that her iron fist approach is indeed helping Prismia averting its gigantic collapse. While those who serve her fear her immensely, and most ordinary people outright loath her, many loyalists respect her resolve and competence.

Abilities: Ladeilia is good with guns. She has good eyes and understand the operation of these magical weapons well. She also has some minor training in hand to hand combat and is at least decent with a knife in hand. She's also a learned historian, having spent most of her time growing up reading in her private mansion.

Weaknesses: Against well-trained opponents in close combat, the woman stands no chance. A bigger weakness, however, is her pride. Pride in her capability, pride in her bloodline. This pride blinds her from reasons, and looks to be leading her to her downfall when things begin to fall apart and she refuses to let go of the ideals she clings to.

Goals: To ensure her Empire's survival after the many crises that arose from her father's, the previous Vienne Qhris, incompetence.

Motivation: She's driven by the desire to achieve the greatness of her grandfather, and to make up for, in her eyes, her father's severe incompetence that nearly costed the Empire.

Role: Either a Villain Protagonist or a Well-Intentioned Extremist protagonist. The line between the two in her case is very blurry, I think.

Backstory: Daughter of the Vienne Qhris Belondia Grace, and the Lady Palamena, Consort, who died after childbirth, Ladeilia grew up nearly entirely separated from her father, and instead raised by the Grand Master Judicator Lady Razia Wynder, leader of the Judicatory, officially the Empire's law enforcing body, and unofficially secret police and intelligence unit, the Vienne Qhris's personal enforcer, to simplify. As Belondia's incompetence and idealistic, and horrendously unrealistic approach to ruling the Empire became too much to bear, with several insurgent groups threatening to tear the entire thing down at an instance, the Judicatory granted him less and less approval, until it was decided, by Lady Wynder herself, that little Ladeilia is to replace her old man as quickly as possible. Thus began Ladeilia's 'education'. She was trained in combat, marksmanship, educated in history and political matter, and was practically forced to live through a childhood no child should have to suffer. By the end of her adolescent years, Ladeilia is nearly deprived of any kindness and pleasantness, left with only hatred, power obsession, and the "Resolve of a ruler, one my spineless father was born without", in her own words. With support from the Judicatory, she ordered her father poisoned, and assumed his position as the Vienne Qhris, supreme ruler of Prismia. But there's more to it than it seems, and while Ladeilia thinks she has the Judicatory under her control, it may in truth be the Judicatory that is pulling her string. Like her late father, her head bodyguard is the current Grand Master Judicator, in this case Lord Gale Flager, who has served her since she was a child.

Tropes:

Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain: In the story she appears in, there are 3 viewpoint characters, her being one of them. It entirely depends on how one interprets her actions and intentions whether she is either one of these or outright a Villain Protagonist

Ax-Crazy: It may seem so, but there's actually more to her sadism than it appears. Ladeilia grew up being taught to see violence and ruthlessness as normal, that to be competent one needs to be downright cruel. While the Judicatory indeed sees virtue in kindness, and how it helps manipulate the mass, after Belondia's willingness to give up the Empire rule nearly destroyed everything they had spent centuries building, they seek to instead instill fear in the populace, and Ladeilia, practically groomed to hate her father and his kindness, turned out to be a monster, something she sees a mission she must fulfill. She employs terrors not because she enjoys it, but because she sees no other way, and after a while, torturing and killing people become her secondary nature.

Bodyguard Crush: Gale Flager, her bodyguard and Grand Master Judicator, is possibly the only person she loves. It gets complicated a bit in that this 'love' is equal part sister/brother, daughter/father, and full blown sexual in nature. This is entirely one sided, as, needless to say, Ladeilia is rather messed up.

Cold-Blooded Torture: More than willing to order these on a daily basis.

The Gunslinger: She's good with a gun. Not the best, by any means, but with a gun in hand she's far from helpless, having sharp aim and very steady hand, on top of great focus. She has a custom made handgun as well, though it's more a token of authority than a weapon.

God Save Us from the Queen!: The people in general sees her this way, a tyranical, bloodthirsty ruler without compassion or mercy.

"Reason You Suck" Speech: Gave her father a brutal one for his deathbed, calling him out for his, in her words, idiocy.

Self-Made Orphan: She ordered her father poisoned. It's a long process as well, and, in his last moment, she also topped it with a revers Deathbed Confession, where she told him that it is her that wanted him dead more than anyone else, and proceeded to give him a "Reason You Suck" Speech to ensure that his death be the most horrible. Ladeilia absolutely hates her father.

"Well Done, Son" Guy: Gale is this to her. In general, her ulterior motive is to be approved as a competent ruler, on par with her grandfather, who she reveres.

Woman in White: Her color of choice.

Would Hurt a Child: Those who stand against her must suffer. Whether they are children or adults is irrelevant. A most infamous case amongst the guardsmen is one where, during an interrogation of an insurgent group's leader, she had the man's young son brought to the cell, then, after gaining all information she needed, proceeded to personally blew the child's brain out of his head with her handgun. Then left the corpse to rot in the father's cell overnight.

Well-Intentioned Extremist: A fringe case. Ladeilia's such a cruel person because she believes she must be if she is to be effective at all. Ultimately, she wants to see her Empire prosper, even if it means sacrificing everything, herself included.

edited 28th Jul '14 9:26:03 PM by arreimil

I can see why Cassandra reminded you of her, it's like she just stepped out of some evil mirror world. Does she have a StarTrek evil goatee to match?

I do like her though, she's got a bit of a tragic air about her. Trying to do the right thing without knowing a nice way to do it and her relationship with Flager probably isn't helping her poor psyche.

She's sympathetic and I really think she needs a hug.

My God; I'll have to take your word for it that she's a hero. I will say that Vienne reminds me a lot of Farnese from Berserk at least before her Heel–Face Turn. I'm interested to see how she interacts with the other main characters from your story, as she seems like she is farther over the line between "hero" and "villain" than any other character you've made. Well-crafted, very well done. What I like so much about your stories is that you have many characters, heroes and villains alike, willing to cross the moral boundaries to get what they want. It's sort of jarring (especially when you have a "hero" murdering a child) but keeps the reader watching/reading in horrified interest.

edited 21st Mar '14 9:11:11 AM by Swordofknowledge

I'm... not going to take it for your word that she's a hero, because I honestly find that really hard- no, impossible to believe. She seems like an anti-villain at best. Like. She shot a goddamn child in the head. She literally tortures and murders anyone who stands in her way. That is definitely not material for a hero.

If it weren't for your other two protagonists it's unlikely most people would willingly subject themselves to the book while you're trying to convince them that she's some misunderstood anti-hero or something. Like. No amount of explaining can convince me that she's anything less than... well, a Complete Monster. I can only hope, for your sake, that she gets some sort of verbal/physical asskicking in the story, because if she manages to Karma Houdini her way out of any retribution it's going to leave a very sour taste in people's mouths. I would burn the book if that happened. I'd fucking light it on fire.

I'd be worried for anyone who thinks her actions are excusable. Like, that would be the fiction-related equivalent of saying "Hitler had some good ideas." (PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT OUT OF CONTEXT) Is her empire really that important to warrant such extreme actions from her? In order for a character to be a Well-Intentioned Extremist they have to have a good reason for being an extremist. Like, fucking Javert would look at this chick and go "Wow, you've got problems."

Look at your writing. Look at your character choices. For the love of god, do not ever call her a hero.

edited 25th Mar '14 6:44:17 PM by Lyra.

I'm just thinking that things could have gone differently had she known anything else but nope she didn't. Maybe if she had listened to her father, maybe if she had read some different books, maybe this or maybe that.

So now you're just sort of watching her bungle everything up and you're waiting for the metaphorical trainwreck.

I'm assuming there is a metaphorical trainwreck.

I hope there's a metaphorical trainwreck.

edited 25th Mar '14 6:57:26 PM by LeGarcon

Yeah, hero calls, generally, for some heroic traits.

Her Moral Event Horizon moment kind of negates any of those, and so I don't think this was the appropriate place for such a character.

Thanks for the feedback. In fact, I actually anticipate feedbacks like the one you @Lyra give when it comes to Ladeilia. The thing with her is that, yes, I am well aware how horrible a person she is and no amount of justification will be enough to make her seem even remotely heroic. There are reasons why she became such a monster, but those are in no way meant to be used to excuse her cruelty. They're just reasons. The Empire she rules, for example, is everything to her. She's conditioned to believe it so, and is willing to do anything for it. But what this Empire is by and large, when viewed by the neighboring countries? Well, The Empire. A warmongering, expansionist nation, with her as a tyranical, unforgivably evil queen-bitch leading it.

And luckily (for me, I guess), the story itself was in turn cruel enough to her that by the end, she's completely broken. That empire? Completely torn apart by forces beyond her control. That loyal bodyguard of hers? He and his subordinates had their own agenda all along and betrayed her at the worst possible moment. The Judicatory collective ended up giving her a "Reason You Suck" Speech she likes so much back to her. And that pride that she's to be the one of her family to be remembered as the empire's savior? Nope, she's now the one who screwed it all up. The side of the story that focuses on her is basically Ladeilia's steady descent to hell. There's no redemption for her. A complete trainwreck, as you @Le Garcon hope.

Ladeilia is practically my very early attempt at Tragic Hero, written back in the time I was trying to be OMG SO DARK AND EDGY. A bit foolish, obviously, but still...

I'll post the other protagonists from that same story later for comparison. Actually heroic protagonists, this time.

edited 25th Mar '14 8:30:45 PM by arreimil

Right then, time for the actual protagonist then. Same story as Cassandra up there. Should probably name it at some point.

Might also help if I explain that the story is somewhat pushed by this right nasty evil plague that's engulfing the kingdom. The story is partially the journey to the capital and partially learning more about it's origins and the land's history.

Anyway, embarrassingly enough I haven't put as much thought into him as I have side characters like Cassandra, Adrian, Decimus and so on and so forth so any sort of feedback or advice is really appreciated.

Name: Amis Randolf

Age: 19

Personality: A nice young man who tries to treat everyone he meets with a level of respect. He's trusting and polite, always willing to lend a helping hand even if it's inconvenient. He's very loyal to his friends and will go to great lengths to protect and aid them. Give him a job and he'll finish it to the best of his ability. Might not be perfect and it might not happen right away but he'll do his absolute best every time.

Abilities: He has been taught how to use a sword and ride a horse by his father and close family friends. Is a reasonably good hunter and knows how to deal with nature.

Weaknesses: He is a young man who grew up in a small village, he simply hasn't experienced much of the world outside the occasional book. He's no soldier, he knows no magic and has no formal education. Is sometimes a bit too trusting and naive.

Motivation/Goals: To reach the capital and beg the Queen to send aid to his village and his family.

Role in the story: Protagonist and on something of a Doylist level, a vehicle to explore the world and history of the land.

Backstory: Born to a fairly well off family. As well off as one can be in a tiny village at least. He had a pleasant but fairly uneventful upbringing. With not many children to play with in the village he ended up helping his father run the family brewery. When he wasn't helping his father he was reading and learning everything he could about life outside his village from his mother's collection of books. When he turned 16 the captain of the town guard and a very close family friend taught him the ways of the sword and how to ride a horse. He dreamed that one day he might go off and join the Queen's army. However it was not to be; the dreaded plague that was corrupting the land had finally spread to his home. Many townspeople fell ill including his parents. The few healthy villagers gathered what supplies they could spare, set him upon a horse and sent him off to the capital to beg the Queen to send aid and to see if a cure had been discovered yet.

Tropes:

• Action Survivor: A lot happens on his long journey to the capital, he certainly wasn't looking for an adventure but he's going to get one anyway.

• Ain't Too Proud to Beg: He will get on his hands and knees if it means helping his friends or family.

• Apologises Alot: Part of his upbringing, he always apologises whenever something bad happens to people around him, even if it isn't his fault.

• Bad Liar: Again a part of his upbringing, he cannot tell a lie to save his life.

• Country Mouse: Raised in a tiny village he finds even the smaller cities and larger towns completely mind boggling.

• Determinator: He's very determined to reach the capital and get help for his village and family and pushes on despite the long and hard journey there.

• Doomed Hometown

• Friend to All Children: He loves kids to death and always tries to entertain them when he can.

• Honorary Uncle: Most of the adults in his village but a special mention goes out to the captain of the town guard. (Who I haven't named yet)

• Nice Guy: Is genuinely kind and does his best to treat everyone nicely. His mother made sure he was raised properly after all.

• No Social Skills: Besides being polite to everyone he really has no idea how to act around people. With no children in the village he didn't interact with many his age and hasn't ever met anyone you could truly call a stranger. Everyone knew everyone in his village.

• Pinball Protagonist: Spends most of the story running around trying to fix things out of his control or at the mercy of powers much stronger than he is.

edited 27th Mar '14 4:56:09 AM by LeGarcon

Boy sounds adorable. No, really, he's the type of protagonist I have a soft spot for. A bit meek, but determined when it comes to serious stuffs that need done. I especially like the fact that Amis doesn't even sound like a Badass Normal, just a boy dragged into the whole thing by chance and trying to fix the situation for the people he cares for.

I'm curious, though; how far away is the capital from Amis' village?

edited 27th Mar '14 4:13:34 AM by Arreimil

Haven't decided on an exact distance or how long a journey it is exactly, largely because Amis is Traveling at the Speed of Plot, but it's pretty damn far.

Village is right near the southern edge of the kingdom in this cute little mountain range. It's small and far away enough that when he does actually reach Her Majesty he needs to point it out on a map because she only has a vague idea that it exists.

edited 27th Mar '14 7:54:08 AM by LeGarcon

He seems nice and really likable. I'd definitely read a story about him.

Cut for character renovations. My thanks to Le Garcon and Night.

edited 29th Mar '14 12:30:17 AM by UmLovely

I'd like a little more information but she's awfully young to be doing all those things.

Usually spec ops guys are men with decades of experience and they're in their late 30s and 40s.

I dunno, I would really like more information to do any sort of proper critique

Cut for character renovations. My thanks to Le Garcon and Night.

edited 29th Mar '14 12:30:30 AM by UmLovely

I look at all that and there's one thing I'm not seeing. She's essentially specialist infantry in US military in the modern age. She's not familiar with an M4 like it's a part of her body.

...also religion being illegal for people like her doesn't give me much confidence in the story in general. (I'm also curious why being merely pyrokinetic qualifies as "not human" in the nonhuman parent entry.)

Name: Lucrezia

Age: 22. Like many of her generation, she lied about her age to join up, viewing the United Earth Sphere Alliance's unification campaign as a "last chance" for a military career. Her family has a long military tradition and her parents supported her in this. She's been on active-duty military service since sometime in her early teens.

Personality: A child of Italian nobility, she never explicitly reveals her exact title, but from references in the story made to Apulia and her father's comment that the spirit of Emanuele Filiberto smiles on her, it's implied she's of the line of the Dukes of Aosta and is possibly the current Duchess of Apulia. She has the manners to match her upbringing, being unfailingly correct (not necessarily polite, but correct) in manner towards both subordinates and superiors, and swears exactly once in the whole story. Lucrezia is otherwise a bundle of sometimes contradictory impulses and loyalties. She is a combat pilot whose need to fly could never be satisfied by anything less than than a high-performance fightercraft, but believes strongly in her government's pacifistic impulses. She regards killing as extremely distasteful, but is quite accomplished at it and allowed the love of her life to nearly kill everyone on Earth during a Colony Drop attempt. (It's questionable if she could have actually stopped him, but she's apt to cite the fact he gave her a free shot at his back at one point and she didn't even think to take it.) She has strong moral beliefs and is an apparent Catholic but, again, see above. Her loyalty to certain things is unwavering, and she has little trouble justifying most of her actions in the context of her duties and loyalties. Lucrezia is more than willing to take the weight of doing something normally considered wrong or sinful if it serves the greater good of the causes and people she's dedicated her life to, but when two of them conflict as in the incident described above it often paralyzes her.

Abilities: Several other pilots show abilities at or beyond her level in specific tasks related to combat flight, but Lucrezia is the only one whose skill is both so high and so consistent across various tasks that plays a major role in the story. She is arguably the best combat pilot of her generation, and the number of people who have any business picking a one-on-one dogfight with her in space can be comfortably counted on one hand. In atmosphere the difference in skills is less pronounced but still present.

Weaknesses: One can only mask their lesser numbers or lesser technology behind sheer brilliance to a point, and she is typically fighting up a technology divide rather than down one. As noted above, she is also subject to being logic-bombed by a situation that forces her to confront a contradiction in her personal and professional loyalties. If she believes the situation was manufactured to create one, she responds with a great deal of anger instead. This is in its own way almost as bad.

Goals: They change several times, as she changes herself. She implies that she ran away from her relationship to the military in the story's opening; later, as she bonds with her new squadron, they are her motivation. When her first love breaks up with her she collapses into a funk, but after her wingman reminds her of her love of flight ("the kind of therapy you can only do with a high-performance fighter") she seems to recover, only to go through a "woman scorned" phase after said first love kills several of her squadron. She realizes this phase is badly damaging her relationships and struggles to arrest it and rebuild them for a period, then goes back to leading the squadron as her primary motivation.

Motivation: Inborn love of flight and especially spaceflight, combined with personal loyalties, personal ethics, and job-related duties. She admits at one point that she ran back to the military because she was craving the tight-knit relationship of a flight unit again, and when she realizes her rage threatens to destroy those bonds she is terrified she won't get it under control.

Role in the story: The viewpoint character (in limited third-person) for most of the story. It's largely about the changes of her as person and the consequences of the breakdown of her first romantic relationship/success of her second. Despite being set during a war.

Backstory: It's pretty much all been laid out above. After having moved, along with her fiancee, to Mars when the last war quieted down, she begins the story having had some kind of unspecified relationship troubles prompting her to move back to Earth and rejoin the military. As a former flight instructor and officer, and given her well-known skills, she's given a squadron command.

Relevant Tropes: Probably the most important one given the nature of mecha stories is that she's very much a technician rather than a performer despite the sheer joy she takes in pushing the maneuver limits of her equipment. She does reveal a performer side outside of combat. There's little else to be gained by simply listing them.

edited 28th Mar '14 5:51:38 PM by Night

Cut for character renovations. My thanks to Le Garcon and Night.

Lucrezia is interesting. She's very human, with all the good and bad that implies. I like that she enjoys flying; I've never seen that in female character before. The fact that there are people who are better than her in her own field without her being less is a nice touch. Her first relationship seems like it zones in and out of focus a bit oddly, but that could just be me.

edited 29th Mar '14 12:32:36 AM by UmLovely

Lucrezia just seems so...natural. I like that. Her mix of strengths and flaws is very well-balanced. I also thoroughly enjoy her backstory.

Name: Inkosi ibi Temeka

Age: 41

Personality: Battle-hardened, wise, and somewhat dour, Inkosi doesn't suffer fools gladly. He is not entirely cynical, but is wise to the ways of the world and harbors some baggage from his time as a slave. When he does crack a joke, his humor tends to be dry and cutting. He serves as a foil to his younger, perkier, and savvier colleague Mahrib Qasan.

Abilities: Having previously been a mercenary, he's skilled with a variety of weapons, his favorites being the straight sword and the spear. During his enslavement, he was a valet to a Sadarian Intrepid Merchant^note In this fantasy setting, Sadaria is generally based on the Middle East and North Africaand served as his second-in-command on his voyages round the known world, giving him an impressive knowledge of navigation and sailing, as well as being a competent survivalist and forest tracker. These abilities, in addition to his fluency in Sadaric, are the reason Mahrib Qasan hired him on their voyage into the jungle. In addition to these, he is very in tune with supernatural beings and spirits, which helps them immensely as the Big Bad is a priestess who tries to use magic and spirits to control them.

Weaknesses: Inkosi is not a polite man; his job was always to fight, and when not fighting, to give and take orders, not discuss things. He thus has very poor negotiation skills, leaving Mahrib to cover his slip-ups. He likes to think that every problem can be solved by putting a sword through the right person's head. Also, his being in tune with supernatural beings is a weakness and of itself. He is very superstitious, to a fault, and tries to ascribe everything to some spirit this or that. (This contrasts with Mahrib, who prefers to dismiss anything supernatural, even when it's staring him in the face.)

Goals/Motivation: Primarily, to rebuild his life after a decade of enslavement. During the story, he, Mahrib, and the crew are looking for a secluded part of the jungle said to be home to an exceedingly rare and thus extremely valuable spice. His "motivation" is to do the job he's on the roll to do, so that he and his colleagues can share the profits and he can use the money to rebuild his life.

Role in the Story: The protagonist of the story. He's there as a guard and navigation aid for the expedition.

Backstory: The son of a craftsman in the Akosan capital, Magasu, Inkosi decided he wanted something more adventurous out of life, so he signed up as a member of a mercenary company. There he learned to fight and navigate over various landscapes. When Sadaria invaded Akoso^note Akoso is a Fantasy Counterpart Culture of medieval West Africa, primary the Mali and Ghana Empires, King Mansa recalled all mercenary companies based out of Akoso up to serve their king. The company fought well, but at the fateful Battle of Mount Shahar, the Sadarians routed the Akosans, including the company Inkosi belonged to. Less than a third of the Akosan forces survived, and those that did were taken as slaves. After the battle, the commanding officer of the company was ordered by a wealthy Sadarian nobleman to assemble his finest surviving men, of which Inkosi was one. The nobleman selected Inkosi as a gift for his merchant friend, who had voiced need of a competent fighter and adventurer to assist him in his voyages. That merchant, Alahar Jaqad, would become Inkosi's master for the next ten years. Upon Alahar's death, he freed all twenty of his slaves and bequeathed Inkosi specifically with a small inheritance. Using this, Inkosi chartered a ship back to Akoso to rebuild his life.

Relevant Tropes: Hired Guns, Made a Slave, Intrepid Merchant, Scary Black Man

edited 31st Mar '14 3:04:29 PM by somerandomdude

I'm not sure what to think of him, to be honest. I won't say he's cliche, but his story kind of feels like a lot of other freed slave stories. I'd need to know more about the rest of the story to judge him fully, but I think it would need a little more to it to make him interesting.

—-

Okay, so here's my most recent protagonist from my still in revision High Fantasy series, which I have decided to tentatively title "Dragonhound". It's about a group of heroes searching for a bunch of Mc Guffins that store magical energy, in a world where magic is a source of energy that can be used to make anything- matter or energy- from anything else.

Name: Kei Actually Sutekh.

Age: Unknown, presumably around 20, chronologically 600. Actually around 20,000

Personality: Curious about the world and a little offbeat, Kei is altruistic at heart and more than willing to step up the answer the call. Sutekh is a little more cynical, but still very altruistic.

Abilities: Great magical talent, which could give them near omnipotence if they had the power. Good at reading people, and very hard to fool. Also, a shapeshifter, which falls under magic but is near-impossible for anyone to do.

Weaknesses: Not sure how to use their powers, their identity issues leave them disoriented and distracted on occasions. Can be overpowered with enough force, and not experienced enough with magic to know how to counter. Until they regain their memories

Goals: Two goals; stop the villains who want to destroy civilization and build a new one, and find their identity. They succeed in both, but regret the latter in hindsight.

Motivation: Justice, philanthropy, and the possibility of finding out who they are. Role in the story: They’re the hero, they end up leading the group, and they’re the only one who can stop the villain.

Backstory: Unknown at first aside from having been a Human Popsicle for about 600 years. Later finds out they’re the last of a race of nomads that died out about 600 years ago. In truth, they were created by an ancient civilization of magic users to protect nature, but turned Knight Templar and forced the magic-users to create two other godlike beings to stop them. They were severely weakened, and started trying to atone by wandering the globe without purpose for millenia, occasionally aiding or advising heroes. About 600 years prior to the series they befriended one of the last of the Eroni, a young person named Kei, whom became their first friend. This ended in tragedy, however, when Sutekh accidentally killed Kei, and in grief decided to shapeshift into the form of Kei and forcibly forget their old life, to allow Kei to live on and save the world from a coming crisis.

Relevant Tropes:

• The Atoner: Not that they know it at first.

• All-Loving Hero: Tremendously kind to everyone they meet. Even their previous life as a Knight Templar was born out of empathy for the opressed.

• Ambiguous Gender: They’re genderfluid, and their constant gender bending to gain powers is confusing to their friends. Their true form doesn’t even have a sex.

• Animal Motif: Dogs

• Amnesiac Hero

• Berserk Button: Prejudice. In any form. A carryover from his days as Sutekh.

• Bi The Way: While it might not end up being entirely clear, Kei is pansexual.

• Big Good: They trained their own mentor, and set up events to stop the villain’s plan which would destroy most of civilization.

• The Chosen One: A subversion

• Color Motif: Green

• Fake Nationality: Not actually one of the Eroni, on account of being a dragon. Not that they’re aware of this.

• For Great Justice

• Friend to All Living Things: Even before when they were a god they loved all things of the earth.

• Gender Bender: Every transformation they make turns them into the opposite sex of the person they’re copying. Turns out even their default form is a genderbent version of the original Kei.

• Guile Hero

• God in Human Form: Sutekh turned themself into a human, as a way of self-punishment.

• God of Evil: Their past as Sutekh was essentially this at first.
  • God of Good: Became this as atonement.

• The Hero

• Human Shifting: They do this to gain powers.

• Human Popsicle: How they start out. Turns out they put themselves there.

• Humanoid Abomination: Well, the true form of Sutekh is certainly an Animalistic Abomination, but whether the human form counts or not I don’t know.

• Knight Templar: Became one in the past, driven to destroy the human civillization that they saw abuse its own kind, so they decided to destroy it almost completely and rule over it. Interestingly, this is the Big Bad’s plan. Hmmmmm…..

• Last of His Kind: Found to be the last of the Eroni. Later turns out there are no Eroni left at all.

• Meaningful Name: Kei is my {{Conlang’s}} word for dog. And Sutekh is another name for the Egyptian god of storms, chaos, and foreigners, Set.

• Morality Pet: The real Kei was one to Sutekh, and it was Kei’s death- for which Sutekh was partly responsible- that they decided to punish themself.

• Obfuscating Stupidity: Fond of this tactic.

• Physical God: Their true form as Sutekh, dragon-god of storms

• Power Copying

• Pronoun Trouble: “They”, thank you very much.

• Quest for Identity: When they wake up they recognize their own face as someone else’s, a rather clear sign something’s wrong.

• Romani: Or at least [1] Eroni.

• Ship Tease: With their lancer, Aleksis.

• Time Abyss: Nearly as old as Gaia itself.

• Tomato in the Mirror: Turns out they’re an immortal god-dragon who turned themself into a human as punishment, then forgot about it over the course of six centuries of sleep.

• Voluntary Shapeshifting: Only into other humans. Since their default form is a dragon, it’s almost an inversion of the Baleful Polymorph.

• Walking Spoiler

edited 4th Apr '14 6:48:32 AM by Rotide

Just make sure that his spoilers are not teased too much early on. Play it safe and reveal it during a Wham Episode. Characters like this need secrecy and such.

• Name: Luca Kallos / Streika

• Age: 18

• Personality: Luca Kallos is one of the more mysterious or questionable “heroes” of New Dawn, seeming to appear at random, and being a rather stoic figure some of the time, but acting more happy and smiley when he's with his family...or in other circumstances he “deems unworthy of mention.” Luca can best be described as a Nominal Hero at best – he's basically Kyrio's son even though he was merely adopted, almost more than Kyrio's actual biological son. Luca is easily the most morally dark of the younger members of the Streika family. He's unashamedly an assassin, and unlike Matthew, this guy fights to kill straight from the get go. If you hurt or try to do something nasty to his family, he has this habit of showing up and straight up ripping off your face. Despite his disturbed traits, and Sociopathic Hero tendencies, it is shown he does have some Hidden Depths, including that he dotes on “my most innocent brother” quite a lot, outright worrying that Matthew hates him by now for his moral dubiousness, hinting that Luca remembers what happened in the Oldverse, certainly an oddity. He is known to make use of his characterization as The Dreaded, usually barely speaking to a “Mark”, and thus knowingly increasing how scary he is. He seems to speak entirely in ambiguous terms and manners, even as people inform him that they'd rather that he say what he's gonna say simply. Its more fun that way or so he claims. He also seems to detest creatures that would call themselves “gods”, because they apparently, according to him, deign to demand that their way be enforced, and when they don't like a slight change of course, they send plagues. It appears Luca has had some experience in terms of this.

• Abilities: Luca was basically blessed by the Superpower Lottery Gods. His power? He can turn himself and others intangible, and simply moving an intangible limb into something and then turning it tangible again results in the “opposing” matter being obliterated, usually rendered as a gruesome explosion if enough is displaced, or a simple cut. It appears he is also capable of performing a “Shadow Slash” which lets him make a motion with his hand as if he's swinging a sword, and anything caught in the “sword”'s wave is eviscerated. Even if it's normally rather resistant to being eviscerated. He apparently also has a variable length chain he can use to grab people and drag them off, though its two blades have also been used for stabbing purposes. Luca is also capable of nullifying miracles and chance events in his vicinity – except he still gets the benefits of such. He is extremely fast and strong, and it is demonstrated he is fluent in the use of certain Runes, Spell Circles and manipulation of magical events. His last power is that he is capable of "God-Feast", a supposedly impossible power that lets him eat creatures like Pagan Deities, Demons, Entities and other such things, gaining their power and longevity.

• Weaknesses: There are certain places he cannot go due to his unique method of obtaining power. Due to his...eating habits...he also counts as a "Malevolent Deity", meaning he can be harmed by things that hurt his most common prey. His Achilles' Heel is the fact that despite all his talk of being unfettered, put one of his family members in danger, and watch him run off to save them.

• Goals: Luca seems to vacillate in this regard; at first he claimed he just wanted to keep his brother and sister safe. Then he revealed he was secretly working with Odin. Then he was secretly betraying Odin for Balmunc, except that was a lie, and he was actually out to kill Aracade. Except then its revealed he's working for Aracade in secret, and then he's pretending to not be betraying Aracade, in fact working with the 317th. Its all really complicated.

• Motivation: He has a really simple motivation, ironically enough. He knew that Matthew suffered under Kyrio's yolk, being raised as an assassin. Hence, Luca decided he would always protect his little brother...and kill people where Matthew could not be seen killing.

• Role In the Story: Nominal Hero or Token Evil Teammate, depending on the book.

• Backstory: Luca very carefully defends his backstory from anyone who would know anything about it. All that is clear is that he somehow got the power to eat deities, and is now mostly immortal. He did apparently train in Phantom Claw, though Kyrio remarks that his other son "went further than I would've liked".

• Relevant Tropes:
• The Ageless: Even three hundred years later or more, Luca is not any older. He's "eaten too many Gods and Goddesses to ever be mortal again." He really misses his little brother.
• Ambiguous Allegiance: As covered under goals, though this barely scratches the surface of Luca's tendencies.
• Anti-Hero: Type V at first. Even Dex was disgusted by some of this guy's antics. When the tamest thing you do in your introduction is wrench off someone's head and pass it between your hands like a basketball while grinning, you've...got problems. He averts Villain Protagonist by being incredibly selfless in terms of his love for his younger brother. He was even willing to temporarily get his left arm obliterated to the bone to save Matthew and his friends.
• Archnemesis Dad: Kyrio is this to him, mostly for raising Matthew to be an assassin and then suddenly stopping and not even removing the Mage Killer Matthew personality, or deeming it worthy of his time to remove the Celestial Memory spell.
• Asshole Victim: His targets are all this, as revealed later;
  • Chloe Eisville, the kindly prioress from the world that the Knights of Prayer were ravaging. They avoided her for some reason. Eh, she was nice to Matthew, and yeah, she might have a thing for roses, but who cares. She was actually a strong contender for Big Bad of Book III, and could've displaced Hector Gibbs if she wasn't stopped by Luca. Those flowers were her victims, essentially she gathered Soul Mana by the curse of her flowers, her song drained men of their Souls until nothing remained but Haemonkuli that stalk the halls of her church at night.
  • Noa Davis, the journeying young woman with her boyfriend. She likes dolls, and collects really cutesy looking ones Matthew himself says almost gave him diabetes. You do not want to know where she gets her dolls. She kills people, and turns them into dolls optimized for murder, being more like Sasori's Puppets. That form, that diabetes inspiring form? Its their Sleep-Mode Size. Her boyfriend? One of her experiments. He used to be in his twilight years, before she offered him "youth". She turned him into a Magitech cyborg, having completely "remodeled him." She's the Serial Killer mentioned in a few Short Stories.
  • Scarlet Morriss, the rich Aunty Pennybags type, she was kind if rather lecherous toward Matthew. She's so sweet and kind, what could be wrong about her? She "hungers", and wants to possess everything, every unique experience, every little thing that would let her brag about having it. Hence her horrible dungeons she never lets anyone visit, hence her "husband" of the hale, hearty age of thirteen. She even uses a Void Stone to turn into a Fiend to fight Luca. She by all means gives him the fight of his life...until the aforementioned Chloe.
• Asexual: He does not seem to be interested in romantic or sexual matters.
• Badass: Combined with his large power levels and willingness to play dirty to win, Luca does really well in most fights. He is easily powerful enough that one shove from his hand shot someone from one end of a football field to the other with a massive dust cloud. That, and he easily keeps up with Old World Matthew.
• Badass Boast: "Leave my younger brother alone, or I will devastate your entire army, and only then end you...Its really up to you."
• Bare-Handed Blade Block: And up to eleven later on with a Bare Handed Laser Beam Block.
• Big Brother Instinct: Seriously, do not mess with Matthew or any of the younger people adopted by Kyrio.
• Cannibalism Superpower: In addition to killing the God, it also gives him its powers and longevity, inciting a Jeepers Creepers shout out in reference to Luca's...habits.
• Casual Danger Dialogue: -in reference to the laser shooter blasting him as he was just done guaranteeing Matthew's safety- "That...was not an intelligent move on your part, or on your employer's part."
• Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: While his true side never changes, he switches sides a lot, to the extent that before he knew what was really going on, Matthew compared Luca to Revolver Ocelot.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: On the Cult of the Crimson Glare, early in Book II, and later delivered on Human Scarlet.
• Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: And eat him too?
• The Dreaded: Nobody likes the idea of going a round with Luca.
• Everyone Has Standards: Luca does not like the zeal that Old World Matthew shows in his bloodthirsty Death Seeker ways; "She is out of your reach, but do not drag my brother down with you...!"
  • He also kills another assassin who was about to murder a young child simply for being related to the target.
  • And he stopped working alongside Kyrio, going rogue when he saw what the plan for Matthew was. Ever since then, he was a Spanner in the Works.
• Eyes Always Shut: Or so it seems. He apparently squints a lot.
• Facepalm of Doom: If he grasps your face, he does not nice things. That is all that needs be said.
• Flash Step: How his speed is shown - he's flash stepping all over the place.
• Guile Hero: Given his Nominal Hero status and such, he's still one of the more intelligent heroes, organizing a more effective way for Matthew to oppose Sharon's Order, and working to make sure any mistakes are corrected.
• Hell Is That Sound: Luca munching down on a deity is usually followed by horrible transcribed sounds.
• Horrifying Hero: "What kind of hero is Luca? The ground is gored, bodies are littered, the enemy is obliterated...that's the kind of hero Luca is."
• I Did What I Had to Do: Another difference between Luca and other assassins is that he knows a good deal of what he does is bad, but that it happens to bad people, and as long as he can, he'll make sure a deal of the bad things start happening to bad people instead of good people.
• "I Know You Are in There Somewhere" Fight: The method he uses against Old World Matthew, though it is a distraction while two of his allies try to reawaken the "real" Matthew's mind.
• Kill the God: He does it regularly. One of the charges levied against him at one point included "deicide". He apparently kills deities with a Cannibalism Superpower. We never see him do it, but the sounds are bad enough.
• Love Makes You Crazy: Love for Matthew and love for their little sister is the main reason that Luca does anything. However, he skirts this when an attempt is made to use this loyalty and willingness to go far to impersonate his sister.
• Mook Horror Show: He was basically screwing with the armed guards at that point, but he basically ran around dealing them minor wounds and injuries, slowly wearing them down mentally and physically.
• Never Hurt an Innocent: he may rip apart people who are part and parcel of crimes, and who are otherwise enemies in a sufficiently fiendish way, but he refuses to assassinate someone for no good reason at all.
• Nominal Hero: Also an unscrupulous hero, due to his activities, Luca is basically out to ensure his family's safety, even if it means killing people. Also, something about saving the world because its what Matthew wants. Its just that he does his "heroic" deeds in such a horribly violent way that it places him firmly in this trope.
• One-Man Army: Luca's appearance on the battlefield necessitated a whole six units of thirty men devoted to fighting him, and they only held him off for an hour at best and that was using every trick in the book against Luca.
  • Physical God: Literally at this point.
• Our Demons Are Different: He is apparently, in the future, regarded as "the demonic phantom of revenge". Some of his interactions with people also speak of a supernatural edge to his assassin trade.
• Pay Evil unto Evil: His whole shtick - as far as he cares, evil people deserve to have evil things happen to them.
• Pet the Dog: Toward Matthew and little Eva.
• Razor-Sharp Hand: The only explanation for how Luca can swat aside swords with his bare hands.
• Slasher Smile: How Matthew interprets Luca's smiles.
• Spanner in the Works: To Kyrio, Odin, Aracade, Eclipse...
• Stealth Hi/Bye: Appears, says hello, then disappears is Luca's first appearance in Book I.
• Troll: He has these tendencies - most evidently when he flash steps from one end of a hallway to the other, making it seem like he was teleporting whenever the person's eyes were not on him, accompanied by a wave.
• Villain Protagonist: He's a smirking, terrifying assassin who has such dissonant morality who can tell what he'll do next! Averted, surprisingly, he's not as evil as he acts. When we find out what most of his targets were up to, it puts them clean in Asshole Victim status.
• Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Due to his own issues about hurting children, he will not hurt a child, and in fact, he takes very poorly to the idea.

edited 1st May '14 3:16:58 PM by NickTheSwing

edited 1st May '14 3:06:05 PM by Furienna

edited 1st May '14 2:27:53 PM by Furienna