Funny / Honest Trailers 2023 Episodes

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Movie Trailers

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

• Glass Onion (aka Dial S for Sh*thead)
  • Starring: When You Learn What Benoit's Last Name Means. (Benoit Blanc) (Colonel Tom Parker saying "He's white?"); Monae Lisa Guile (Helen Brand); Norton Futilities (Miles Bron); Almost Blame Us (Birdie Jay); Arrn Brrr. Arrn Brrr! (Lionel Toussaint); (plays a clip where Duke says he likes movies) One of Us! One of Us! (Duke Cody); Colleen Winging It (Peg); It Wasn't Agatha All Along (Claire Debella); Men in Blanc (Phillip); and The Big Lebowski... (Derol) Nice try, "Derol"; those are White Russian mixers in your room! Tch! Can't hide from me...

Demolition Man

• Demolition Man (aka Jacked to the Future)
  • Starring: Timecop (Sgt. John Spartan); Blade Runner 2032 (Simon Phoenix); She Smells Sea Shells (Lt. Lenina Huxley); L. Ron Dullard (Dr. Raymond Cocteau); I Want Him Found! Not Tomorrow, Not After Breakfast, Now! (Chief George Earle); Law & Order: San Angeles (Officer Alfredo Garcia); Denis the Menace (Edgar Friendly); Bob the Minion (Associate Bob); and Netflix Executives (Phoenix: "Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!").
  • The Stinger is the Narrator going over several theories over what the three seashells are and how they're used for going to the bathroom.

Snakes on a Plane

• Snakes on a Plane (aka Black Snake Flown, Reptile Wins, 10 Points for Slitherin', Monty Python's Flying Serpents)
  • Sssssstarring: The Hateful Freight (Agent Neville Flynn); Witless for the Prosecution (Sean Jones); The Good Flight (Claire Miller); Paris Texas Hilton (Mercedes Harbont); Three Sicks Mafia (Clarence "Three Gs" Dewey); Grizz and DotCom (Troy and Big Leroy); Whammy! (Richard "Rick"); Bobby Crawlavale (Special Agent Henry "Hank" Harris); Elsa Pataky Playing a New Mom Whose Baby is in Extreme Danger on a Plane, Part 1 of 2 (Maria); Tim Porkins (Kyle); Cobra Command Dr. (Dr. Steven Price); and Snakevision Goggles (montage of shots from the snakes' POV, colored with a green tint).

M3GAN

• M3GAN (aka Shut Up, M3G)
  • Starring: Pokemom (M3GAN); Elon Brusque (Gemma); K/D Ratio (Cady); Death Lab for Cutie (Tess); Shrieks and Geeks (Cole); Real Steel. (Bruce) Anyone remember Real Steel?; and The Boss Baby (David).

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (aka Catwoman vs. Aguaman)
  • "In a universe full of characters past their prime, gone for good, or just no, the MCU will beautifully and respectfully mourn the loss of a real-life hero... between setting up Ironheart on Disney+, Thunderbolts in theaters next year, Black Panther III coming soon, and screw it, why not, Black Panther IV: Son of Black Panther. You can't be sure of anything in this life, except for death and Disney sequels."
  • "Journey to the only place more moisturized than Wakanda: the literal ocean. The Talokani are just as advanced as the surface world, complete with tactical water balloons, and even without Macklemore, have songs that make you want to drown yourself."
  • "Suit up with returning favorites like... M'Baku, protector of Wakanda's green screen district... Everett Ross, whose ex-wife finds out about the beads he's been hiding up his butt all those years, and Val de Fontaine, still a half-baked character no one cares about after three MCU appearances. You know, it's a really long movie, but you can take a pee whenever they try to make Val happen; it's not gonna happen."
  • Starring: Princess Slaya (Shuri/Black Panther); Nak'd Up (Nakia); Waiting to Impale (Ramonda); Maya Man! (Namor); They Hate Us For Our Freeman (Agent Everett K. Ross); Julia Louis-Typecast (Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); M'Bak in Action (M'Baku); We Have Robert Downey Jr. at Home (Riri Williams/Ironheart); What Movies Think a College Dorm Room Looks Like (Riri's overstuffed dorm room); Blue Meanie (Attuma); Ah, Namor's Female Counterpart "Namora", Very Clever Marvel Comics Writers. You Did It Again (Namora); and The Incredible Restraint to Not Deepfake Chadwick Boseman Here. (N'Jadaka/Erik "Killmonger" Stevens). Truly the First Time Disney's Let the Dead Rest in Peace. (shows the Tarkin and Leia deepfakes used in Rogue One)
  • "Shuri, the threat of A.I. is like the movies to the audience, but to you, it should be way more real."

Titanic (2023 Remaster)

• Titanic (1997) (aka It Sinks!)
  • Starring: The Departed (Jack Dawson); These Rose Ain't Loyal (Rose DeWitt Bukater); 90 Day Fiancé (Caledon "Cal" Hockley); Hey Grandpa, Uhh, You Might Want to Sit Down for This (Lizzy Calvert); Yarrr Bring Me the Heart of the Ocean Yarrr (Brock Lovett); Leak End at Bernie's (Captain Edward John Smith); Brown vs. Boat of Transportation (Margaret "Molly" Brown); The #1 Quote of 1997 (Jack: "I'M THE KING OF THE WOOORLD!"); The #1 Song of 1997 ("My Heart Will Go On" by Céline Dion); and The #1 Opinion of Boys in 1997 (Brock: "...I've thought of nothing except Titanic. But I never got it.").
  • The Stinger: "Did you know that Johnny Depp turned down the role of Jack? Pfft. (clips from Titanic (1997) and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl are shown next to each other) Johnny Depp in a doomed romance at sea, playing a hero named Jack with a spoiled rich girl running away from her problems, looking for a mythical treasure being pursued by arrogant British aristocrats? Ha ha, that'll never work."
• When a fan asks Epic Voice Guy to recite the film's Signature Line in his own style, he does so by putting the same emphasis on Jack's "Wooo!" as he does with words that sound like "Boobs":
  "I'm the king of the world. Woooooooooo."

Bloodsport

• Bloodsport (aka Mortal Kumbat)
  • Starring: Damme Yankee (Frank Dux); Yeet Fighter (Ray Jackson); Undercover Bother (Janice Kent); Ghost Dog: Origins (CID Agent Rawlins); Sword Art Offline (Senzo Tanaka); A-Pecs Predator (Chong Li); Blanka (Morra); and These Guys with One or Two Small Moments, But Boy Do They Make Them Count: Mop Guy Finding a Gold Tooth; Multiple Threatening Hand Gestures Guy; Alleyway Laughing Guy; Kid Cheering On Some Bullies in a Bartles & Jaymes Wine Cooler Shirt; and "OK USA" Guy.

Velma

• Velma (aka Ruc No!)
  • The plot of the show is described as "all just a framework for jokes that sound like an AI mixed Family Guy with Blue Check Twitter and somehow didn't kill itself''.
  • The Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! theme song parody:
    Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you?
    The dog's nowhere to be found
    Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you?
    Velma had him put down!
  • Starring: Ginger Snaps (Daphne Blake); The FRED System: Flaunt Cash. Relish in Adoration. Evade Sex. Deceive and Move On. (Fred Jones); It Wasn't Me... (Norville Rogers); It's Weird That There Are No Mainstream Pop Culture References We Can Use for Russell Peters, 'Cause He Sells Out Stadiums All the Time, But Here We Are (Aman Dinkley); The Millionaire... and His Wiiiiiife (William Jones and Victoria Jones); Brooklyn 6-9 (Donna Blay and Linda Ke); "Not It!" (Blythe Rogers); and Encyclopedia Frown (Velma Dinkley).

The Oscars 2023 (Best Picture Nominees)

• The video starts by calling the ceremony "the show that's only worth watching to see what goes horribly wrong", showing the Moonlight and La La Land Best Picture mix-up at the 2017 Oscars, Crash winning Best Picture at the 2006 Oscars, and Will Smith infamously slapping Chris Rock at the 2022 Oscars.
• Tár (aka Tick Tick... Groom!)
• The Fabelmans (aka Cinema Therapisto)
• Triangle of Sadness (aka Greed 2: Cruise Control)
• Elvis (2022) (aka The King's Leech)
• Women Talking (aka 12 Angry Mennonites)
• All Quiet on the Western Front (2022) (aka Soldier Boy Tell Em)
• Top Gun: Maverick (aka World War Weeee!)
• Avatar: The Way of Water (aka The Life Aquatic with James Cameron)
• The Banshees of Inisherin (aka Farrell Got Fingered)
• Everything Everywhere All at Once (aka Yeoh, A24 Raps)

The Goonies

• The Goonies (aka The Goondock Saints)
  • The Tweenage Oregon Coastal Townies song.
  • Starring: Po-Tay-Toes! (Michael "Mikey" Walsh); Bro Country for Young Men (Brandon "Brand" Walsh); The Hollywood Shuffler (Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen); Stand by Mean (Clark "Mouth" Devereaux); Oregon Jones and the Temple of Goon (Richard "Data" Wang); Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Almost Died (Andrea Theresa "Andy" Carmichael); You Have to... Save... Martha... (Stephanie "Stef" Steinbrenner); Wario and Waluigi (Jake Fratelli and Francis Fratelli); Throw Momma Down the Drain (Mama Fratelli); and Me When I Think of a New Little Pun for the End of These Videos (Lotney "Sloth" Fratelli). (shows Sloth saying "Hey, you guys!")

Everything Everywhere All at Once

• Everything Everywhere All at Once (aka Crazy Switched Asians)
  • Starring: Tomorrow Never Dries (Evelyn Quan Wang); The Ke to This Movie (Waymond Wang); Freaky Foreplay (Deirdre Beaubeirdre); King Hong (Gong Gong); Rocket Powered (Chad and Raccaccoonie); Joy to the Worlds, Now You're All Dead (Joy Wang/Jobu Tupaki); Becky with the Bad Hair (Becky Sregor); The Power of the Dog (Debbie the Dog Mom); When the Movie You Wrote and Directed is an Elaborate Excuse to Live Out Your Michelle Yeoh Dominatrix Fetish (District Manager); and Biff Wiff. That's the Stage Name He Chose. Biff Wiff. (Rick)

Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero

• Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero (aka The Fast and the Burliest)
  • Starring: My Hero Academia (Gohan); Finally Relevant (Piccolo); Mussoweenie (Magenta); Pugsley San (Dr. Hedo); Android Twiiiiins (Gamma 1 and Gamma 2); One of Us! One of Us! (Carmine); Cell Out (Cell Max); Beater Pan (Pan); You See This Bad Boy on a Silk Shirt, You Know They Mean Business (Vegeta); That's My Superman (Goku); Dr. Robuttlift (Bulma); Did I Just Watch a Cat God Get an Erection? (Beerus); Whis the Juice (Whis); The Leftovers (Goten, Trunks, and Android 18); Krillin Me Softly (Krillin); Do U Even Lift Brol? (Broly); and Nu Balls Drag Race (Shenron).

The Last of Us

• The Last of Us (2023) (aka The Last of Us: All Cutscenes 4K)
  • Starring: Zaddy Day Care (Joel Miller); How Bella Got Her Rude Back (Ellie Williams); I Kissed a Shroom and I Hate It (Tess Servopoulos); Luigi (Tommy Miller); Nick Offers Man a Home (Bill); Of All the Trap Holes in All the Compounds in the World, He Falls Into Mine (Frank); Stop, Collaborate and Listen (Henry and Sam Burrell); Full Metal Yellowjacket (Kathleen Coghlan); Mall Walker (Riley Abel); Now Eat This Bread, For It Is the Body of Christ. And Eat This Meat, For It Is the Body of George (David); Joel and Ellie Prime (James and Anna, both played by Joel and Ellie's original actors); The Cake is a Lie (Sarah Miller); Elite Gamer Tactics (Riley coaching Ellie through Mortal Kombat (1992)); Jordan Peterson When His Pill Bottle Has a Child-Proof Cap (Man: "Not today, you New World Order jackboot f*cks."); Fast Travel (Joel remarking how he and Ellie made it to their destination on horseback in five days); Absolutely Chowin' Down (characters ravenously eating food); Really Bad Wakeups (characters getting scared awake); and Serious Aaaaaab...domen Injuries (characters getting injured in their stomachs).

Avatar: The Way of Water

• Avatar: The Way of Water (aka Go Fish!)
  • Starring: Sully is a Fam-i-ly Guyyy (Jake Sully); I See You Less and Less These Days (Neytiri); In the Na'viiii (Col. Miles Quaritch); Sigourney Tweener (Kiri); The Wrong Kid Died! (Neteyam); Jah! Rastafarianism! (Miles "Spider" Socorro); Tater Tuk (Tuktirey "Tuk"); The Sea Was Angry That Day, My Friends (Payakan); Chief Reef (Tonowari); Kate Inlet (Ronal); What We Do in the Shallows (Dr. Ian Garvin); Are You Pulling My Tail? (Na'vi pulling on each other's tails); Talking Out the Side of They Neck (Na'vi using their communicators); Sonic Flashbacks (Na'vi about to drown); and Hiss (Na'vi hissing).

Shazam! Fury of the Gods

• SHAZAM! Fury of the Gods (aka Teen Titans? No!)
  • "When three goddesses come to Earth to punish humanity, refashion their dad's broken staff, put a bubble around Philadelphia, and also find the Seed of Life(?), in an effort to restore their realm, and also destroy Earth...? Okay, screw all that. When three goddesses come to Earth to get body-slammed into hospice care (montage of Hespera getting slammed into the ground), look all kinds of stupid on a dragon (Kalypso), and molest a disabled teenager (shows Anthea kissing Freddy)..."
  • "Watch these hometown heroes dig deep and save Philadelphia, a city that will cram their mouths full of horse poop in appreciation."
  • Starring: Please Clap (Shazam); How Do You Do, Fellow Kids? (Billy Batson); Aaron Taylor-Johnson^note A reference to his marriage to the 23 years older Sam Taylor-Johnson (Frederick "Freddy" Freeman); The Ironist (Freddy's superhero form); The Wizard of Yas (The Wizard); Rachel (Anthea); Helen of Ploy (Hespera); Lucy in the Sky with Daemons (Kalypso); Big Quillie Style (Steve); Waiting for Gadot (Diana Prince/Wonder Woman); and When You Tell Someone with a Joker Avi That the Snyderverse is Dead (shows a museum security guard attacking patrons while under mind control).

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

• Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (aka The Itty Bitty Witty Committee)
  • The trailer begins with the Honest Trailers logo shrinking to ant-size.
  • "In a World… where the same FX team has to balance this and Wakanda Forever at the same time comes a theatrically-released collection of storyboards where every actor looks copy-pasted into their scenes, reacts to absolutely nothing real, and wanders around a stomach-churning world of reddish-brown pond water. They spent 200 million dollars and it still looks like Gritty's colonoscopy!"
  • "Now, [Scott] just wants to be a good dad, because hopefully, the third Cassie's the charm."
  • "Cassie Lang is the MCU's fifth canonical child science genius, doing what any girl her age would do in San Francisco: woke stuff."
  • "Hope [Van Dyne] has returned with nothing new to offer besides her tactical Hobbit hair."
  • "Journey into the Quantum Realm, and join our heroes on a desperate search for a reason to make more MCU movies, as we all trudge through a half-assed Orb heist fetch quest, that's just an excuse to set up the next big villain: Him." (cue montage of characters referring to Kang as "him")
  • The narrator considers M.O.D.O.K. a floating joke with a grave warning for Illumination Studios: "Do not even think about making a live action Minions movie!"
  • Starring: Small Rudd (Scott Lang/Ant-Man); Hope Floats (Hope van Dyne/Wasp); The Masked Stinger (Cassie Lang); Ant-Man Original Recipe (Dr. Hank Pym); Gnatwoman (Janet van Dyne); Kanger Issues (Kang the Conqueror); The Mid Place (Quaz); Kirby's Sneezeland (Veb); Lord Krylar, with Musical Guest, Ants! (Lord Krylar); Daft Punk are Henchmen at My House, My House (Kang's minions); Broccoli Rob (???); AAAAAH!! (Darren Cross/M.O.D.O.K.); and Mr. E from the Band Eels, Because His Real-Life Dad Invented Multiverse Theory. (shows Mark Oliver Everett's cameo alongside the cover to The Many Worlds of Hugh Everett III by Peter Byrne) Sad That's the Most Mind-Blowing Thing in a 200 Million Dollar Movie.

Se7en

• Se7en (aka 2 K1ll 4 M0ck1n6 N3rd)
  • Starring: Morgue and Freeman (Det. Lt. William Somerset); Once Upon a Time in Uh... Seattle? (Det. David Mills); Pepper Plops (Theresa "Tracy" Mills); The Box Troll (John Doe); Seven!? I Didn't Know They Stacked Sh*t That High! (Police Captain); Shaft in City Hall (D.A. Martin Talbot); and All Cox Roles are B***s (California).

The Mandalorian Season 3

• The Mandalorian Season 3 (aka Time for Din Din)
  • Starring: The Blast of Us (Din Djarin/The Mandalorian/"Mando"); Now That I Have My New Body, I Can Defeat Those Blasted Turtles! (Grogu/The Child/"Baby Yoda"); Re-Settlers of Katan (Bo-Katan Kryze); Alan Smithee (The Armorer); It's Free Real Estate (Greef Karga); Turn Your Head and Moff (Moff Gideon); The Spy Who Bugged Me (Elia Kane); The Clone Bores (Dr. Penn Pershing); Outer Rim's Convenience (Carson Teva); What Are You Carrying a Gun For? In Case Someone Steps to You, Snoop Dogg? (Paz Vizsla); Best of the Best (Kelleran Beq); A Pirates Leaf for Me (Gorian Shard); This is Not the Greatest Star Wars Character in the World... This is Just a Tribute (Captain Bombardier); Flute It and Boot It (The Duchess); and Is Tim Meadows Considered a Cameo? Or Just an Actor Who's Still Getting Work These Days? (Colonel Tuttle)

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

• Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (aka Party of Five)
  • Starring: 3-6-9 Bard Chris Pine (Edgin Darvis); Death... by Snu Snu (Holga Kilgore); If He's Lawful Good, Why Did He Steal the Movie? (Xenk Yendar); The Justice Society (Simon Aumar); Animorph (Doric); Oh the Hugh Grant'a'Thief (Forge Fitzwilliam); Wizards of Shaverly Place (Sofina); Every Franchise Needs a Thanos (Szass Tam); Gone Girl (Kira Darvis); Mini Cooper (Marlamin); AI Art... (shows Edgin with a stretched-out face); and Bad Dragon! Google It While You're at Work! (Themberchaud)

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

• The Super Mario Bros. Movie (aka Super Cash Bros.)
  • "Say hello to Mario and Luigi, the original Super Mario Bros. Now say goodbye because Luigi spends the whole movie as a hostage."
  • "And along for the ride are Toad and Donkey Kong, portrayed by two comedians whose voices are so unique they must be used in everything forever." [Seth Rogen laugh] "Easy money!"
  • "Standing in their way is Bowser, who asks us to imagine, what if Jack Black was himself? He's got a fiendish plan to go viral on TikTok, and with the Tenacious D frontman now part of Star Wars, Nintendo, and Weird Al universes all in the same year, can every other franchise be far behind?"
  • Starring: I Don't Know What an Italian Accent Is, and At This Point I'm Too Afraid to Ask (Mario); Casey Affleck (Luigi); The Teaches of Peaches^note A song that's DEFINITELY NOT for children (Princess Peach); You Know, I Could Eat a Peach for Hours (Bowser); Stool Sample (Toad); Do a Barrel Roll! (Donkey Kong); Retirement to the Planet of the Apes (Cranky Kong); Your Average Mario Maker Level (Peach's obstacle course); The Character Formerly Known as... Look It Up (Spike); An Einstein Rosen Bridge? Thanks Thor! (Rainbow Road); Microdosing (shows Bowser being fed a Mini Mushroom); and More Slow Mo than Zack Snyder Directing a Max Payne Movie (montage of slow-motion shots throughout the film).

John Wick: Chapter 4

• John Wick: Chapter 4 (aka John Wick: Chapter 4 - Parabellum 2)
  • "After killing roughly 10,000 goons over the last three films, watch John start to take his toll on the global assassin industry, forcing them to inflate the wages, hire poorly-trained, inexperienced scabs, and churn out wave after wave of trainees with a maybe-5% shot at getting through their first shift alive, to the point where they're so desperate for new hires, they have to advertise on FM radio."
    Narrator: [as a radio DJ] Also, enter the code "warriorsripoff" and check out to receive 20% off your next funeral!
  • Starring: Ted Theodore Shogun (John Wick); Winston Checks Out (Winston Scott); Larry the Table Guy (The Bowery King); Another Skarsgard? (Marquis Vincent de Gramont); You're in Your Element Donnie! (Caine); It Has Indeed Been an Honor, My Friend (Charon); Now Fellas, I Want a Clean Duel. I've Got a Lot of Money Riding on This! (The Harbinger); The Notebook (Mr. Nobody/The Tracker); Get Over Here! And Have a Pleasant Stay (Shimazu Koji); South American Ninja Warrior (Chidi); The Adkins Diet (Killa Harkan); and Staaaaaaaaiiiiiirs (montage of characters falling down stairs, set to "Great Ambition").

The Transformers: The Movie

• The Transformers: The Movie (aka The Assassination of Optimus Prime by the Coward Hasbro)
  • Starring: Dumps Like a Truck, Truck Truck (Optimus Prime); We Have Optimus Prime at Home (Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime); I Think I'm a Gun Now (Megatron); Orbit Welles (Unicron); Unsolved Matrices (Ultra Magnus); Is That Canon? (Galvatron); I'm the Scatman! Beep-Boop-Bop-Beep-Bop-Boop! (Jazz); G is for Grimlock, That Good Enough for Me (Grimlock); Ancient Aliens... That Are Also Robots (Kup); Bee Storyline (Bumblebee); Energon, Eh? Spark Spark, Grin Grin, Wink Wink, Say No More (Wreck-Gar); NOS is a Hell of a Drug (Blurr); Real Autobots Have Curves (Arcee); My Name is Danny! The 'D' is for 'Dingus.' (Daniel Witwicky); King for a Day (Starscream); and... OK, the Cool Charismatic Guy with a Sword is Right There, and He's... Not Getting the Matrix? (Springer)

The Flash (1990)

• The Flash (1990) (aka The Quick and the Red)
  • Starring: Allen! (Bartholomew "Barry" Allen/The Flash); Square Biz (Dr. Christina "Tina" McGee); Megnum P.I. (Megan Lockhart/Prank I); "This Lab is Dead Anyway, Man." (Julio Mendez); I'm Gettin' Too Old for This Cape S***... (Dr. Desmond Powell/Nightshade); Emphasis on HAMill (James Montgomery Jesse/The Trickster); Harley Rough Draft.JPG (Zoey Clark/Prank II); Does Anyone Care How I Got These Scars? (Nicholas Pike); Hack to the Future (Russell/The Ghost); Law & Order: DCU (Joe Kline); Seven-of-Nineties (Felicia Kane); How the West Was Done (Iris West); Gum Shoes (shows many pairs of shoes stuck in a gum-like surface); and Barry Sucking at One-Liners (montage of the Flash spouting mediocre superhero quips).

Fast X

• Fast X (aka Car Wars: Episode 10 - Return of the Jetta)
  • Starring: I Am Route (Dominic "Dom" Toretto); Letty, Set, Go! (Leticia "Letty" Ortiz); Car Drogo (Dante Reyes); Cash for Clunkers (Roman Pearce); American Muscle (Aimes); Fury Roadster (Cipher); Gone in 60 Stathams (Deckard Shaw); Reliable Han-dling (Han Lue); Get Jack! Get Jack! You Lift Cars Up with That! (Tej Parker); Ramming Speed (Ramsey); Captain Carvel (Tess); Leasemaker (Jakob Toretto); Street Davidson (Bowie); Drag Queenie (Magdalene "Queenie" Ellmanson-Shaw); West Ride Story (Abuelita Toretto); and 1-8-7-7 Kars for Kids, K-A-R-S Kars for Kids (Brian "Little B" Marcos).

The Da Vinci Code

• The Da Vinci Code (aka There's Something About Mary)
  • Starring: You've Got Grail (Robert Langdon); What If God Was One of Us? (Sophie Neveu); Reno 911 (Police Captain Bezu Fache); You Shall Not Pa-- ("You may pass.") Oh... Thank You! (Sir Leigh Teabing); Silas the Vilest (Silas); The Butler Did It (Remy Jean); and Doctrine Octopus (Bishop Aringarosa).

Team America: World Police

• Team America: World Police (aka Stringsman: The Not So Secret Service)
  • The narrator repeatedly reminds the audience how mean-spirited the humor of the 2000s was not just by playing cherry-picked scenes where characters say homophobic lines, but also by showing off James Gunn's Twitter history from that decade, context be damned.
  • Starring: Tall Tom Cruise (Gary Johnston); Would (Lisa Jones); The Guy in the Chair (Spottswoode); Joey Utah (Joe Smith); Empaths of Glory (Sarah Wong); Chris Pine (Chris Roth); Dude Nuke Em (Kim Jong Il); The Hunt for Red Oak Timber (Alec Baldwin); and Buy Crypto (Matt Damon).

Edge of Tomorrow

• Edge of Tomorrow (aka Alien War Any% Speedrun (New World Record), Live. Die. Rename., Starship Loopers, Saving Private Dying, Groundhog Slay)
  • Starring: Tom and Tom Again (Maj. William Cage); Damn, This Blunt Hits Hard (Sgt. Rita Vrataski); Mmmm, Forbidden Ramen (Mimics); That's It, Man. Day Over, Man. Day Over! (MSgt. Farell); My Tom Can Beat Up Your Tom (Nance); Bad Chiefs of Inishirin (Gen. Brigham); The Expendables (United Defense Force); and Tom Cruise When He Dreams About Going to Therapy (montage of Cage violently waking after starting a new loop).

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (aka Close Encounters for a Third Time)
  • "Yes, [the High Evolutionary]'s another evil purple guy, but in a Marvel first, he'll teach us that science should only be used to keep the status quo. Though, when you think about it, that's the lesson Tony Stark taught us, too. And Emil Blonsky. And Aldrich Killian. And Maya Hansen. And Darren Cross. And Phastos. And Riri Williams. And Cassie Lang. And—"
  • Starring: It's a Me, Star-Lord! (Peter Quill/Star-Lord); Sadly Cooper (Rocket Raccoon); Gamora the Explora (Gamora); Big Blue Beetleborg (Nebula); Lady Bug (Mantis); Parenting for Dummies (Drax the Destroyer); Palm Toretto (Groot); He's a Decent Villain, Moreau Less (The High Evolutionary); Eyebrows Kid? No, Eyebrows Man (Adam Warlock); PAW Patrol (Cosmo the Spacedog); Whistlin' Dick, See? (Kraglin); Hawkeye's Wife? Is That You? (Lylla); Judy Greer, No Seriously, Look It Up (War Pig); and Remember ALF? He's Back, in Note Form. (shows Peter's card to Rocket, with a picture of ALF on it)

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

• Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (aka We Fought a Zoo)
  • Starring: In the Fights (Noah Diaz); Optimus and the Black Messiah (Elena Wallace); Already Dating Penelope Pitstop (Mirage); Prime Day (Optimus Prime); Kong Perlman (Optimus Primal); I Drink and I Explode Things (Scourge); Bike and Subscribe (Arcee); This Is What Beak Performance Looks Like (Airazor); Ahhh the French Champagne (Unicron); and Eeeeee! They Said the Thing! (Optimus Primal saying "There is more to them than meets the eye.")

The Flash

• The Flash (2023) (aka The Flop)
  • Starring: The Perks of Being a Wall Phaser (Barry Allen/The Flash); Naked & Afraid (Young Barry Allen/The Flash); Let's Do the Time Warp Agaaaain (Barry Allen/Dark Flash); Not Sure What I'm Doing Here... Something to Do with Flash, I Think... (Old Bruce Wayne/Batman); Ben There, Done That (Bruce Wayne/Batman); I Am Sasha Fierce (Kara Zor-El/Supergirl); Nap Before Zod (General Zod); What Exactly Would You Say It Is You Do Here (Henry Allen); Y Tu Mama I'm Dead (Nora Allen); West. Side Story (Iris West); Superman: The Quest to Rest in Peace (a digital reconstruction of Christopher Reeve's Superman); Face/Looks/Off (a digital reconstruction of Nicolas Cage's Superman from the canceled Superman Lives); Gal Ga-Cameo (Diana Prince/Wonder Woman); Curry Worst (Arthur Curry/Aquaman); and This Is What a 200 Million Dollar Movie Looks Like Now, I Guess (shows images of floating heads surrounded by a glowing aura in both this film and Thor: Love and Thunder).
  • “If three Flashes, three Batmen, four Kryptonians, Aquaman, and Wonder Woman couldn’t drive ticket sales, Warner Bros is gonna need a new hero to save the box office.”
  • "Sasha Calle comes to save the day, both in the movie and outside of it, since Ezra was presumably locked in the WB water tower for the entire press tour..."

Secret Invasion

• Secret Invasion (2023) (aka Invasion of the Body Matchers)
  • "After the events of Captain Marvel — A movie you totally remember the events of, right? Right? — the aliens who look like Piccolo's left nut are still stranded on Earth; Fury has phoned in finding them a new planet, and he won't even carve out a chunk of Norway to crash on."
  • "And old favorites return, like Office Tim (Everett K. Ross), who's been a Skrull since... who gives a sh*t?; Maria Hill, who's bravely sacrificed to give her boss a little extra pizzazz; Sharon Carter, who— No? She's not a Skrull? So she just randomly turned into an arms dealer? 'Kay.; and Col. Rhodes, who's revealed to have been a Skrull since at least the death of Tony Stark, and maybe even earlier. Honestly, they've been hinting that he's a shapeshifter since day one. (shows Terrence Howard's Rhodey morphing into Don Cheadle)"
  • "So gently massage your temples for a spy thriller without any tension, about a hero who thinks humans are full of hate, plunges Earth into a race war, then dips back into space with one of the good ones while we're left to pick up the pieces, because it turns out, Nick Fury always has his eye on the bigger picture: when can he get his next drink?"
  • Starring: Mace Winded (Nick Fury); Game of Clones (G'iah); Devil in a Blue Suit ("Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes"); Kingsley Bid-Adieu (Gravik); Not Now Mate, I'm Undah Covah (Talos); Shouldn't This Be Julia Louis-Dreyfus? (Sonya Falsworth); Spy Wife! (Varra/"Dr. Priscilla Davis"); How I Met My Maker (Maria Hill); and Most MCU Fans at This Point ("Dr. Rosa Dalton": "I was told this phase would be over.").
  • "So cool how Fury keeps the Avengers goo hidden in his grave... And his coat in another grave... And his eyepatch in another grave?... And his gun in another grave?! Feels like that's too many graves for just one outfit."

The Little Mermaid (2023)

• The Little Mermaid (2023) (aka Feet Pray Love)
  • The intro:
    Narrator: From the studio that turns animated classics into bland remakes, weird prequels and waking nightmares, comes the live-action event of Fiscal Quarter 3, because getting Disney fans to watch the same movie twice is as easy as shooting fish in a ba—
    (cut to Flounder lying flat on land)
    Narrator: ...Er, stealing candy from a baby.
  • The Narrator's commentary on the backlash toward Halle Bailey's casting as Ariel:
    Narrator: But don't worry, it's still inspired by the original author's gay crush, with songs written by a gay theater legend, and characters based on famous drag queens. A black mermaid in the Caribbean, though? Sounds like they're trying to make my mermaid cartoon, uh, "woke."
  • Starring: Never Fin Kissed (Ariel); Chasing Tail (Eric); If I Wasn't Jamaican, Then Why Would I Wear This Hat? (Sebastian); How Can She Speak and Breathe Underwater? (Scuttle); New Flound Glory (Flounder); No Kingdom for Old Merms (King Triton); Say Yes to the Ness (Vanessa); and Octopushy (Ursula).
  • The Stinger has the Narrator wondering where Sebastian's "hot crustacean band" is, saying that even Aquaman had an octopus on drums.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

• Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (aka Lo-Fi Hip Hop Beats to Fight To)
  • Starring: My Little Spidey (Miles Morales/Spider-Man); Emily Thwipinson (Gwen Stacy/Spider-Woman); I Got 2099 Problems... (Miguel O'Hara/Spider-Man 2099); Kilometers Morales (Hobie Brown/Spider-Punk); Another Bagel Multiverse Origin Story? (Dr. Johnathon Ohnn/Spot); I'm Rooting for Everybody Arach (Jess Drew/Spider-Woman); Spider-Manny (Peter B. Parker/Spider-Man); Karan Hair (Pavitr Prabhakar/Spider-Man India); Brian Tyree Daddy (Lt. Jefferson Davis); Her Name is Rio, She's the Mom of Spider-Maaan (Rio Morales); All Audiences at This Point (Peter B. Parker: "You say 'the fate of the multiverse', and my brain dies!"); and No One Man Should Be Also Prowler (Miles Morales/Prowler).

Speed Racer

• Speed Racer (aka Fast Times I'm Really High)
  • The trailer starts off by saying that the Wachowskis took a rave's worth of molly and entered their flop era, making Speed Racer, a colorful box office dud that's become a Cult Classic, Cloud Atlas, a colorful box office dud that's become a cult classic, and... Jupiter Ascending, a colorful box-office dud which the narrator refuses to believe is a cult classic; after several scenes of Balem's Narmful Suddenly Shouting moments, he reluctantly admits that it's "worth a rewatch".
  • "Trixie, Christina Ricci in a bob so sharp it should be called a 'Robert'."
  • The narrator is so annoyed by Spritle and Chim Chim that he states that he remembers how much he enjoys Jordan Peele's Nope for no particular reason. Cue the Gordy's Home massacre.
  • The narrator finishes by explaining how the film was secretly influential not only for pioneering green screen everywhere, but for proving that a franchise could be built on fast cars, secretly working for the governent, not making any sense , and... family!
    (Vin Diesel impression, while Sparky drinks victory milk): Hey, put that milk down! Grab a Corona, Sparky. You're rolling with our crew now.
  • Starring: Emile Hirsch at Sundance (Speed Racer: "Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy.")^note Referencing Hirsch assaulting a Paramount executive during the 2015 Sundance Film Festival; You Ever Race a Stranger in the Alps? (Pops Racer); Susan Sarandaaaamn (Mom Racer); Christina Racey (Trixie); Spritle, Spritle! (Spritle Racer); Chimp My Ride (Chim Chim); E. Honda Insight (Fuji Announcer); Tokyo Grift (Taejo Togokahn); Croikey! (Sparky); Racer Twitter (Racer X); Lars von Tire (Inspector Detector); David Zaslav (E.P. Arnold Royalton); and Drive, Shaft (Ben Burns).

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

• Ferris Bueller's Day Off (aka Chicago White Spots)
  • "Join Ferris on a physically impossible tour of the city, from the stock exchange... to the art museum... to a baseball game... to a stuffy French restaurant? What is he, 90? Maybe that fan theory's right, and he's just a figment of Squidward's imagination."
  • "[Ed Rooney]'s determined to humiliate Ferris, by catching him in the act of... having fun in the city with his girlfriend, in this strange obsession with one ditcher, while the rest of his school descends into anarchy."
    Grace: The sportos and motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids...
    Narrator: "Bloods"? Like the gang? Sir, you have much bigger fish to fry.
  • Starring: A Simba Plan (Ferris Bueller); Ferris' Wheels (the 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder); Friend with Benefits (Cameron Frye); On Sloane from the 80's Babe Collection (Sloane Peterson); Baby's Day Out (Jeanie Bueller); The Bad Guy from Howard the Duck... and Also Real Life (Ed Rooney); ChatG.E.D. (Grace); Two and a Half Ounces (Garth Volbeck); Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? It's Ben Stein. (Economics Teacher); Special Delivery! (Flower Deliveryman); Nihilism (Ferris: "A person should not believe in an 'ism,' he should believe in himself."); and When Someone Asks What Your 3rd Favorite Ska Band Is (Student: "Save Ferris!").

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

• Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (aka Wrinkled in Time)
  • Starring: Welcome to the Past... My Bedtime (Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr.); The 40 Year Old Version (Young Indiana Jones); Destiny's Child (Helena Shaw); Taponcito Rapaz (Teddy Kumar); A Rocket Scientist Getting Into Right Wing Politics? Concerning... (Jürgen Voller); Bad Pitt (Klaber); And My Slacks! (Sallah); C.I.Eh. (Agent Mason); Dr. Jones, The Other One (Basil Shaw); No You're Thinking of Aristotle, That's Archimedes, Different Guy (Archimedes); Puss in Boats (Renaldo); That's So Ravenwood (Marion Ravenwood); I Hate! (Bidder at Auction); and Coldcocks! (montage of characters sucker-punching other characters)

Barbie

• Barbie (2023) (aka Guys & Dolls)
  • "From not Amy Schumer, thank God!"
  • The narrator starts off by seriously stating that Barbieland lives by Nietzsche's doctrine of Eternal Recurrence... but after the Record Scratch, he backtracks to a happier tone of voice.
  • The video turns into praising Chevrolet and GM in response to the multiple cases of Product Placement for them (complete with footage including a clear interior shot).
  • "—Will Ferrell as Lord Business— er, the CEO of Mattel... whatever..."
  • While he hopes that the smash success of Barbie will make Warner Bros. realize that female-driven comedies can be successful, he knows that the WB execs think all they need to do to replicate that success is make more toy movies, so he demands movies about Uno, Barney, and then asks for a Magic 8-Ball...not the toy, but an eight-ball of coke, which he promptly snorts while cheering, "WHOO, TOYS!"
  • Starring: The Pink Ranger (Barbie); Gos and the Real Girl (Ken); Brand Parenthood (Gloria); When Is Gamora? (Sasha); Alan! (Allan); Barbie Mama Drama (Ruth Handler); You're Just a Woman. A Woman with a Small Brain, a Brain a Third the Size of Us. It's Just Science. (Mattel CEO); Cynthia from Rugrats (Weird Barbie); Rep. Sh*t (President Barbie); Shang Chud (Tourist Ken); C-Sections in Barbieland Are a Bit Excessive (Midge); Aqua (Mermaid Barbie); Every Couples Costume This Halloween (shows Barbie and Ken in matching neon clothing and skates); Every TikTok This Year (Billie Eilish: "I used to float..."); When You Know They Had Tarantino (montage of foot shots, complete with being scored to the same music as the foot montage in the "Every Quentin Tarantino Movie" Honest Trailer); When You Know They Lost Tarantino (Lawyer Barbie: "I don't want to touch a foot."); When They Stuck It to Film Bros (Writer Barbie: "It's like I've been in a dream, where I was somehow really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League."); and When They Went Too Far. (Tourist Ken: "Oh, my God. You've never seen The Godfather?" President Barbie: "Can you start the movie over and just talk through the whole thing?") The Godfather is a masterpiece! Francis Ford Coppola's mastery of the craft is beyond compa— Oh no, I'm one of them, aren't I?
  • The Stinger
    Video Girl Barbie: I have a TV in my back. You know whose dream that is? Nobody. Nobody's dream.
    Narrator: Did they not consult any men on this script?

One Piece

• One Piece (2023) (aka Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Pirate Show for Tweens)
  • The opening lines waste no time in explaining the sole reason why many live-action adaptations of anime fail:
    Narrator: In a world where anime fans reject every live-action adaptation, usually for good reason...
    [A scene from Cowboy Bebop (2021) is shown, where Radical Edward shouts out Spike Spiegel's name.]
    Narrator: ...Netflix finally cracked the code: change almost nothing, no matter how ridiculous it looks.
    [Cue a side-by-side comparison, showing the anime and live-action renditions of Den Den Mushi, Buggy's small form, and Luffy inflating like a balloon to redirect a cannonball.]
    Narrator: Good luck with Season 2!
    Chopper (Anime): I'm not a human, I'm a reindeer! I have antlers and hooves! Don't you see?!
  • When the Shōnen tropes of One Piece are discussed, one of them includes the fact that there are "powers that escalate until they literally punch God in the face". Cue a clip from the anime version, showing Luffy's Gear 5 form punching Kaido's dragon form with Toon Physics. He then reminds the audience that every show gets there eventually.
  • The Narrator perfectly sums up the hardships of being an ordinary human in this show's world:
    Narrator: ...as you're plunged in the salty world of One Piece, a franchise where you're either a pirate, a Marine, or f*cked.
    [Cue a montage of humans being terrorized by pirates, whether it's Coco Village or Orange Town.]
  • Starring: Initial D (Monkey D. Luffy); Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Bandana (Nami); (muffled) I Was Born on a Pirate Ship with a Bunch of Apples (Roronoa Zoro); Riff Raff! Street Rat! (Usopp); Let Him Cook (Sanji); Wary Potter (Koby); Shanks for the Memories ("Red-Haired" Shanks); Dog the Bounty Hunter (Vice-Admiral Monkey D. Garp); You've Been Hit By... You've Been Struck By... A Smooth Admiral (Bogard); Gluglife (Arlong); Parts: The Clownus Horror (Buggy the Clown); Bake a Leg! (Chef "Red Leg" Zeff); Prince Valium (Helmeppo); Jaw Patrol (Captain "Axe-Hand" Morgan); That Girl Is Poisoned (Kaya); Wait, the Butler Actually Did It? (Kuro of a Thousand Plans); Wake Up Sheeple! (Merry); Cross: Dress for Less (Dracule "Hawk-Eye" Mihawk); Chris D'Elia^Explanation In the early 2020s, D'Elia was accused of various kinds of sexual misconduct targeted at underage girls, including grooming (Kuro: "The time for waiting is over. Kaya is of age."); and The Spins (montage of the camera spinning during fight scenes). Stop! Stop the ride! I'm gonna— <HURK!>

The Boys S2 & S3

• The Boys (2019) S2 & S3 (aka War for the Planet of the Capes)
  • Starring: The Flash (Hugh "Hughie" Campbell Jr.); Urban Legend (William "Billy" Butcher); Memelander (John/Homelander); Soldier Boy Kill Em (Ben/Soldier Boy); That Boy Ain't Right (Ryan); The Lumineers (Annie January/Starlight); Leon the Unprofessional (Serge/Frenchie); The Strong Silent Type (Kimiko Miyashiro/The Female); Thorchan (Klara Vought/Stormfront); Call Me Maevey (Margaret "Maggie" Shaw/Queen Maeve); Track Lives Splatter (Reggie Franklin/A-Train); The Dark Knight (Earving/Black Noir); Dock Ock (Kevin Moskowitz/The Deep); Gus Fringe Science (Stanford "Stan" Edgar); Newman... (Congresswoman Victoria Neuman/Nadia Edgar); and Disney's 2023 PR Team (Ashley Barrett tearing out her hair in frustration).

Blue Beetle

• Blue Beetle (2023) (aka A Bug's Strife)
  • "But instead, we'll settle for Cobra Kai's Xolo Maridueña; he's at the magical time in a new star's life between their first starring role and their first set of veneers, as he takes on the part of Jaime Reyes, a good kid from the wrong side of GTA: Vice City."
  • "Everything will change when [Jaime] contracts a mean case of 'superhero origin story', symptoms of which may include itching, burning, and weird boners. Because his body's been hijacked by the Blue Beetle, an alien suit that's just as deadly and effective as a fighter jet controlled by your Alexa."
  • "If you need an actress to fall in love with a man pretending he's in terrible pain, you call Neymar's ex."
  • Victoria Kord is described as "a supervillain who's contractually obligated to do at least one racism per scene, and who got her degree from the same grad school as Dr. Evil."
  • Starring: Jaime I Be Your Iron Man? (Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle); Jen-nay (Jenny Kord); Things You'd Never Expect to Hear 5-Time Oscar Nominee Susan Sarandon Say Out Loud (Victoria Kord); Show Me the Carapax (Lt. Ignacio Carapax/OMAC); Simba, You Have Forgotten Me... (Alberto Reyes); Ms. Larval (Milagro Reyes); Grey Guevara (Nana); What We Do in the Labcoats (Dr. Jose Francisco Morales Rivera de la Cruz/"Sanchez"); and Uncle Trucker (Rudy Reyes).

Ahsoka

• Ahsoka (aka Star Wars: Jumping the Whale)
  • Starring: Dawson's Creed (Ahsoka Tano); Wren and Snippy (Sabine Wren); Doctor Screw (Professor Huyang); Twi'lek: Breaking Thrawn (General Hera Syndulla); Punisher: Star War Zone (Baylan Skoll); Anya Taylor-Misery (Shin Hati); Witch Better Have My Map-Key (Morgan Elsbeth); Beards Do Not Grow in Space (Ezra Bridger); Ani Given Sunday (Anakin Skywalker); Once in a Blue Goon (Grand Admiral Thrawn); Sheevalry is Dead (Marrok); R2Deeznuts (Chopper); Orange Man Good (Carson Teva); Ya Mon (Mon Mothma); Nine Clinch Snails (Noti); An Actual Coven of Chaos (Nightsisters); and A Perfect Metaphor for Disney's Star Wars (Night Troopers).

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One

• Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning (aka Mission: Improbable – Stunt on These Foes)
  • "In a world that's starting to get tired of long-running franchises, comes another installment of the long... running franchise, that went from an exciting canvas for directors to make a spy movie, (in a carnival barker's voice) to the 'Cruise & McQuarrie Action Stunt Spectacular!' Step right up, folks, and witness the ninth wonder of the world! Tiny Tom Cruise, a legend in the world of cinematic acrobatics, will vault himself off this very cliff, armed only with his motorcycle and a steadfast belief in his own abilities! Only $14 to see if he survives the journey over to the Alps, onto this speeding train, and into the hearts of patriotic Americans everywhere!"
  • "This time, he's up against the Entity, like ChatGPT if it could do more than just plagiarize; this Dark Siri can impersonate anybody, dox anyone, throw a sweet rager, and predict every outcome but one: 'What if Barbie and Oppenheimer released the next week, and nuked the box office so hard, no one cares anymore?'"
  • Starring: Ethan Stunt... How Have We Not Done That One Already? (Ethan Hunt); Atwell That Ends Well (Grace); Shaun of the Fed (Benji Dunn); Mama Dune (Ilsa Faust); No Morales (Gabriel); Gerard Slay (Paris); Eugene Kittridge?? (Eugene Kittridge); Chief Wigham (Jasper Briggs); and Black Hat. What? It's a Hacking Term, Jeez. (Luther Stickell)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer (aka Quippy the Vampire Serial)
  • Starring: I Know What You Did Last, Summers (Buffy Summers); Help! My Son Is a Nerd (Xander Harris); This One Time, at Wand Camp... (Willow Rosenberg); Professor Doombledore (Rupert Giles); Cordelia the Teenage B*tch (Cordelia Chase); Silly Idol (Spike); Nice Guys Diminish Last (Angel); Lycandope (Oz); Joss Whedon's Brawlhouse (Faith Lehane); Demon Player: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anya Jenkins); From Dusk Till Dawn (Dawn Summers); and Ethan C*nt (Ethan Rayne).

Five Nights at Freddy's

• Five Nights at Freddy's (2023) (aka Nights of the Living Dead Kids)
  • Starring: Charles Unemployment Cheese (Mike Schmidt); Pilot the Ella, Abby, or Garrett Will Have to Do It Again (Abby Schmidt); We Have Jennifer Lawrence at Home (Vanessa Shelly/Afton); Now Let's Take Off This Mask and See Who You Really Are! <GASP!> Why, It's Old Man Lillard! (Steve Raglan/William Afton); Don't Tell Mike the Babysitter's Dead (Max); Aunt I a Stinker (Aunt Jane); Scare Bear Stare (Freddy); Oxy Cottontail (Bonnie); Bird Bird Bird, the Bird's a Turd (Chica); What Does the Fox Slay? (Foxy); and Jumpscare! Just Kidding... Jumpscare! Never Mind... Jumpscare! Made You Look... Jumpscare! Got You Again... Jumpscare! OK I'm Done... Jumpscare!

American Sniper

• American Sniper (aka Vet Hot American Camper)
  • "Are you ready to condense a 500-page biography into two disorienting hours? Hope so, with a few short minutes spent on meeting, courting, and marrying his wife; his PTSD getting cured off-camera; then abruptly dying offscreen, because they've got to make room for what the audience paid to see: the USA kicking a*s (shows Kyle and his fellow SEALs shooting Iraqi militants while driving in their APCs), and Bradley Cooper playing with his knooooob."
    Narrator: [over a montage of Kyle adjusting the viewfinder on his scope] Ohh, yeah. Oh, oh! Gently... gently... real sensitive now... [inhales] Ooh, yeah; now I'm ready to shoot! [shows Kyle's sniper bullet traveling in slow-motion] Aww! Was that a crude dick joke? Sorry; I just watched American Sniper.
  • "So join America's least detail-oriented filmmaker, who's definitely not just trying to crank out films in time to make it home for Blue Bloods, for a film about one man's quest to keep his brothers safe and liberate the good people of Iraq from their evil oppressors. Not this guy, though. (shows Kyle sniping a man holding an artillery shell) Or her. (shows Kyle sniping an Iraqi woman) Or him. (shows Kyle sniping an Iraqi militant) Definitely not him. (shows Kyle killing The Butcher in a fiery explosion) Oh, he seems nice. Wait, no, not him, either. (shows Kyle choking an Iraqi man eating with his fellow SEALs) Not her. (shows an Iraqi woman) Not him. (shows Mustafa) Not that kid. (shows an Iraqi kid holding an RPG) Not them. (shows an angry Iraqi crowd) All right, I guess every single Iraqi in the film is evil, huh? Light 'em up, boys!"
  • Starring: Super Cooper (Chris Kyle); Sniper No Sniping! (Taya Kyle); Terrorists Win (Mustafa); Drill Baby Drill (The Butcher); An Actual SEAL They Made Into a Coward for No Reason (Marc Alan Lee); Hoo-Rah! (Jeff: "F*ck this place.") ...Hoo-Rah?; Mindhaunter (Young Vet-Mads); and Doll of Duty (shows Kyle holding a plastic doll meant to be his newborn daughter).

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

• Paul Blart: Mall Cop (aka Pie Hard)
  • Starring: Kevin Can't F*ck Himself (Paul Blart); Mallrat (Veck Simms); Hell Toupee (Amy Anderson); Smaul Blart (Maya Blart); Shirley You Can't Be Serious (Margaret Blart); She's Out of Your League (Stuart); The SWATcher (Commander James Kent); The Final Dab (Leon); Allen! (Jerky Security Guy); and What Every Kevin James Movie Should Include: His Brother Singing Bon Jovi as a Bill Bailey Lookalike (Karaoke Singer).

Oppenheimer

• Oppenheimer (aka The Big Bang Theory)
  • "Experience a sight that's equal parts haunting and beautiful: extreme close-ups of Cillian Murphy's face — AAAAAAAAHH~oooohhhhh. — as he adopts a permanent bug-eyed stare that screams, 'What has science done?!', or just as likely, 'Help! I'm a skeleton who runs on cigarettes!'"
  • "Settle in for a three-hour film that's kind of like Inception, if every layer of dream was a different congressional subcommittee, telling Oppenheimer's story through a Cabinet confirmation hearing, about a security clearance renewal process, regarding an informal round table, and a raucous joint committee session, that ends in a shocking twist: the man Robert embarrassed at the AEC secretly handpicked the Gray Board's special prosecutor. Gasp! Uh, I-I can see I lost you there. Huh. Uh... Big bomb goes booooom! (shows the Trinity test) Haha. Cinema rules."
  • "Prepare for a long-ass movie, that keeps you hooked by trotting out a new beloved actor every ten minutes, like Robert Downey Jr.'s triumphant return, after... whatever this was (shows Dr. Dolittle getting farted at by a dragon), who's moved on from Tony Stark by playing a businessman/weapons developer with a massive ego... in black and white."
  • The narrator says that due to the film's sexual content, they can't show it in history class, so they have to resort to watching Fat Man and Little Boy instead.
  • Starring: Irish Star Bomb (J. Robert Oppenheimer); Kitty Pried (Katherine "Kitty" Oppenheimer); Oppy Doesn't Know (Gen. Leslie Groves); Hater Aide (Lewis Strauss); Flo the Progressive (Jean Tatlock); Bohhhhring (Niels Bohr); Relativity Media (Albert Einstein); Jessie We Need to Cook (Werner Heisenberg); Worst Casey Scenario (Boris Pash); Bohemian Testimony (David L. Hill); Uncut Nuclei (Edward Teller); Feyn'd Interest (Richard Feynman); 10 Things I Hate About Boom (Isidor Isaac Rabi); Josh Hartnett in Glasses? Blech! So Unattractive. (Ernest Lawrence); Red Scare Redemption (Roger Robb); and The Alternate Reality Where the Fate of the World Rests on Josh Peck. Better Than Drake Bell I Guess. (Kenneth Bainbridge)

Loki Season 2

• Loki (2021) Season 2 (aka Hot Tom Time Machine)
  • The trailer starts by noting that corporate parent Disney is celebrating their centennial "with the energy of a real 100-year-old", referencing the disappointment of this season and the Box Office Bomb of Wish (2023).
  • Starring: Loki in the Sky with Timelines (Loki Laufeyson/Variant L1130); Lightning McStream (Agent Mobius M. Mobius); Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions on a Branched Timeline (Sylvie Laufeydottir); Vic Mensa (Victor Timely); Respect My Time Variance Authority! (Hunter B-15); In Another Life, I Would Have Really Liked Doing Tech Support with You (Ouroboros); Tick Tock Influencer (Miss Minutes); I Am the Very Model of a Modern Majors Disney Role ("He Who Remains"); Tech Support Support (Casey); Rafael is Cool but Rude (Hunter X-05); Lysa Errands (General Dox); and The MCU's Visual Effects Artists (Ouroboros: "The work orders really pile up if I take a break, so I just keep at it! Forever! No sleep!").

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (aka The Hunger Games)
  • Starring: The Sad Hatter (Willy Wonka); A Candy Cane! (zooms in on Wonka's candy-filled cane); Saruman the Whitening (Dr. Wonka); Senile Joe! (Grandpa Joe); Cabin Boy (Charlie Bucket); Das Bloat (Augustus Gloop); Salt Bae (Veruca Salt); I Came Here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubble Gum, and I Still Have My Bubble Gum (Violet Beauregarde); Screen Junkie (Mike Teavee); How Hollywood Saved Money Before A.I. (Oompa-Loompas); and Helena Bonham Cabbage (shows Mrs. Bucket chopping up a cabbage).

The Year 2023

• The Year in Entertainment 2023 (aka Stars War: Episode 23 - The Broke Writer Strikes Back)

Game Trailers

Bayonetta 3

• Bayonetta 3 (aka Bayonetta and the Multiverse of Dommy Mommies)
  • Starring: Bae-Onetta (Bayonetta); Hot Topic P!nk (Viola); Totally Spy (Jeanne); You See Me Rodin, You Hatin' (Rodin); The Amazing Mi'Lady (Luka Redgrave); Literally Tilda Swinton (Dr. Sigurd); and Evil Zordon (Singularity).

Pokémon Scarlet and Violet

• Pokémon Scarlet and Violet (aka Pokémon Sandwich & Glitches)

High on Life

• High on Life (aka Offworld: Stranger's Wrath)
  • Starring: Machine Gun Morty (Kenny); That's Not a Knife, This is a Knife! (Knifey); Battletoad (Gus); Literally That Gun From Halo (Sweezy); It's Smurf or Nothing (Creature); and Vin Diesel (Lezduit).

Marvel's Midnight Suns

• Midnight Suns (aka Marvel: Enemy Unknown)
  • Starring: Criss Angel: Mindfreak (Doctor Strange); Absolute Slampire (Blade); Non-Non-Binary (Captain Marvel); Oops I Accidentally Tried to Redraw Iron Man Cards for the 20th Time (Iron Man); Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Nico Minoru); Super Power: Car (Ghost Rider); I'm Making a Note Here: Huge Success!!! (Magik); The Personality Works Better with the Mask On (Spider-Man); Captain Generica (Captain America); Berserker Barrage (Wolverine); Real Scarlet B!t@h (Scarlet Witch); The Jolly Green Giant (The Hulk); and Protagonists Like You (The Hunter).
  • The Stinger: "Honestly if you really wanna reclaim Marvel for nerds, just make one that's basically Crusader Kings somehow. No one that doesn't make Excel sheets for fun are gonna play that game."

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII Reunion

• Crisis Core (aka The Bittersweet Life of Zack and Cloudy)
  • Starring: Zack the Hedgehog (Zack Fair); One-Winged Angeal (Angeal Hewley); Malice Mizerly (Genesis Rhapsodos); Weeaboo Alucard (Sephiroth); Tseng Shunned (Tseng); Just Genderbent Axel (Cissnei); Cumulo-Nimrod (Cloud Strife); and Pre-Skewer (Aerith Gainsborough).

Fire Emblem Engage

• Fire Emblem Engage (aka Fire-Ass Emblem N-Gage)
  • Starring: Colgate Chan (Alear); Flower Girls (Kingdom of Firene); Beefy Boys (Kingdom of Brodia); The Nation of Ethnica (Queendom of Solm); Bad People Country (Kingdom of Elusia); Bluey (Sommie); and The Ghosts of Fanfictions Past (Emblems).

Forspoken

• Forspoken (aka Borespoken)
  • Starring: Passive Aggressive Slap Bracelet (Cuff); Turning Red (Tanta Sila); Mindy Killing (Tanta Olas); Lady Gaga (Tanta Prav); Tanta Not Appearing in This Game (Tanta Cinta); and Whine-al Wah-ntasy (Frey Holland).
  • The Stinger: "Just a pro tip for Forspoken 2: the part of The Hero's Journey where they refuse the call doesn't have to be 20 hours."

Dead Space (Remake)

• Dead Space (Remake) (aka Dead Space Rising: Re-make-ance)
  • Starring: Tim "The Toolman" Slayer (Isaac Clarke); Ghost of Girlfriends Past (Dr. Nicole Brennan); Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal (Kendra Daniels); The Guy Who Literally Dies in the Trailer (Zach Hammond); Necroboners (Necromorphs); and More Stomping Than a Hoedown.

Hi-Fi Rush

• Hi-Fi RUSH (aka Racket and Clank)
  • Starring: Gitaroo Man (Chai); Luna-P (808); Cyberfunk (Peppermint); Barret-Tone (Macaron); Snu Snu Revolution (Korsica); Macho Woman Recca Savage (Rekka); Holy Sh$t! Is That a Motherf!cking JoJo Reference? (Zanzo); Katy Parry (Mimosa); Fur-tissimo (Roquefort); Handsome Jack-Offbeat (Kale Vandelay); and Crap-3PO (CNMN).

Metroid Prime (2023 Remaster)

• Metroid Prime (aka Hemorrhoid Prime Remarketed)
  • Starring... Wait, Where Am I Supposed to Go Again?; Oh Sh!t, I Was Just Here; Nope, Still Can't Do Whatever That Is; Maybe It's Back This Way; Nope, That's the Room Where I Burned to Death; What Did I Get Last Time I Played This?; You Know What, Screw This. I'm Just Gonna Stand Here Until the Hint System Kicks On.
  • The Stinger: "Look, Metroid Prime is good and all, but we need the children to be exposed to real GameCube classics. That's right. I'm talking about Cubivore."

Atomic Heart

• Atomic Heart (aka Borscht Shock)
  • Starring: P-3 NIS (Maj. Sergey Nechaev/Agent P-3); Soviet Power Glove (Charles); The Baba Yaga (Zinaida Muravyova); Girl with the Dragon... Deez Nuts Tattoo (Dr. Larisa Filatova); Generic Brand Bad Guy (Viktor Petrov); Dr. Nyet (Dr. Dmitry Sechenov); Pepsiwomen (The Twins); and A Very Low Opinion of Their Audience (NORA).

BioShock Infinite

• BioShock Infinite (aka Duck Hunt Infinite)
  • Starring: Booker Dim-Wit (Booker DeWitt); American't Chavez (Elizabeth); Wonder Twin Powers Activate! In the Form of As*holes (Rosalind and Robert Lutece); Elon Musk's Worst Nightmare (Daisy Fitzroy); Bathsalts Willy Wonka (Jeremiah Fink); Punished Captain Crunch (Captain Cornelius Slate); SkyMall Santa ("Father" Zachary Hale Comstock); and BDSM Big Bird (Songbird).

Sid Meier's Civilization

• Civilization (aka Sid Meier's Colonization)
  • Starring: Uhhhh... Welp... Hmmm... Okay, everything I can think of sounds racist, so... let's just maybe skip this bit. [Not Trying to Get Cancelled]
  • The Stinger: "Call me vindictive, but I'll never get tired of stomping out the English as the Zulu; it just feels right."

Pizza Tower

• Pizza Tower (aka PCP Tower)
  • Starring: When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, That's Amore; When You're Fisting a Dude with a Bad Attitude, That's Amore.

Like a Dragon: Ishin!

• Like a Dragon: Ishin! (aka Ghost of Yakuza)
  • Starring: Kimono Kiryu (Sakamoto Ryoma/Saito Hajime); And For the Love of God, Please Put On a F!cking Shirt (Takechi Hanpeita); Japan's Baldest Man (Yoshida Toshimaro); Where'd You Find Hair Dye? (Saigo Kichinosuke); Timecop (Kondo Isami); Can Totally Name Every Gatorade Flavor (Hijikata Toshizo); Majima Everywhen (Okita Soji); Hostess with the Mostest (Oryo); and Various Extremely Serious Men (Ito Kashitaro, Yoshida Toyo, Nagakura Shinpachi, Matsubara Chuji, Nakaoka Shintaro, and Sasaki Tadasaburo).

Fallout: New Vegas

• Fallout: New Vegas (aka Fallout and Loathing in New Vegas)
  • Starring: Courier New (The Courier); The One Where Chandler Gets Fu!ked to Death (Benny); Hi, Robot (Victor); ChatGPT (Yes Man); Smart House (Mr. House); Caesar Salad (Caesar); Thnks fr th Mmrs (Doc Mitchell); Rock-A-Doodle Dude (The King); Rocketman (Jason Bright); A Roomba with a Gun (ED-E); and So Many Perverts (Poindexter, Elder McNamara, NCR Ranger, Legate Lanius, Layla, Little Buster, Ranger Jackson, Mortimer, and Fantastic).

Resident Evil 4 (Remake)

• Resident Evil 4 (Remake) (aka Resident Evil Vill-Four-Age)
  • Starring: Emo Guile (Leon S. Kennedy); Dead-Butante (Ashley Graham); Don Juan Quixote (Luis Serra Navarro); That Wong Wong Wong Wong Wong (Ada Wong); Rasputin from Anastasia (Bitores Méndez); Angela Lansbury (Ramón Salazar); Great Value Bayman (Jack Krauser); Hentai Palpatine (Osmund Saddler); and Is That a Rocket Launcher in Your Pocket... Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? (The Merchant)

Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe

• Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe (aka Kirb Your Enthusiasm)
  • Starring: Mothersucker (Kirby); Kirkland Brand Orko (Magolor); Pirates of the Kirby-bean (Bandana Waddle Dee); The Metalorian (Meta Knight); Big Bird (King Dedede); Bigger Bird (Grand Doomer); Red Spyro (Landia); Washed-Up WWE Heels (Mr. Dooter, Fatty Puffer, and Goriath); and All the Stupid Hats You Can Eat (Copy Abilities).

Dead Island 2

• Dead Island 2 (aka Dying Light But For People That Have Joint Problems and Can't Do Parkour at All 2)
  • Starring: Lenny Kravitz (Jacob); Magic Mike (Ryan); Chun Lethal (Amy); SoundCloud Rapper (Bruno); Wreck-A-Billy (Dani); Rhea Ripley (Carla); Emma Ja-Not Important (Emma Jaunt); One of the Only Black Guys to Survive for a Sequel (Sam B); Dr. Deadlittle (Dr. Reuben Reed); and The Old Couple That Wants to Invite You to Their Swingers Party (Lola Konradt).

Star Wars Jedi: Survivor

• Star Wars Jedi: Survivor (aka One Million Ways to Je-Die in the West)
  • Starring: Vincent Adultman (Cal Kestis); Dad Bode (Bode Akuna); Space Ghost Coast to Coast (Nightsister Merrin); Greez Nuts (Greez Dritus); Zeez Nuts (ZN-A4 "Zee"); Bee-Deez Nuts (BD-1); Cere? I Hardly Know 'Er! (Cere Junda); The Grandpa from The White Lotus (Eno Cordova); That's So Rayvis (Captain Rayvis); Sith-pheroth (Dagan Gera); CPAP Machine (Darth Vader); Rick the Door Technician (a high-level Scout Trooper that... goes down in one hit); and An Alien That Looks Like an IUD (Tulli Mu).
  • The Stinger: "Wait, you're telling me another Jedi (Bode) survived Order 66? They should've called it Order 69 with how assed up it all went. Seems to me the only people who actually died that day are Plo Kloon and that blonde kid from Episode 3. They can always be in the next game though."

Redfall

• Redfall (aka Redfail)
  • Starring: Dude That Probably Has Bird Crap All Over His Jacket (Jacob Boyer); Buffy the Vampire Layer (Layla Ellison); Bill Die the Science Guy (Devinder "Dev" Crousley); We Have Raze at Home (Remi De La Rosa); Kevin Bacon (The Hollow Man); Taco Bell (Bloody Tom); What? What Was That?? Can You Talk Louder, Please?! (Miss Whisper); Ferris Brueller (Bloodbag Chuck/Charles Beck); Hmmmmm, Probably Should Have Googled Her Name Before They Called Her This (The Black Sun); and Someone This Game Sorely Needs [Y'all Need Jesus] (shows a painting of Jesus).

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

• The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (aka Breath of the Wild 2: Judgment Day)
  • Starring: Hyrule's Next Top Model (Link); Where the Hell-da She Go (Princess Zelda); GanonDILF (Demon King Ganondorf); Fursona Royale (King Rauru); Zelda's Cool Granny (Queen Sonia); Computer Engineer Barbie (Dr. Purah); Sidon My Face (Prince Sidon); Bird Brain (Tulin); Party Rock (Yunobo); The Only Valuable Member of Our Team (Makeela Riju); His Bird Friday (Penn); The Actual City of Amsterdam (Hateno Village); and Guy Trieri (Hestu).
  • The little tangent about what Link moving in with Zelda and Sidon getting engaged looks like from the perspective of a Link/Sidon shipper, which ends with a comment about "getting wet" with Sidon's Avatar.

Silent Hill

• Silent Hill (aka Silence of the Hills)
  • Starring: Daddy Dead Care (Harrold "Harry" Mason); Gone Baby Gone (Cheryl Mason); Charcoal (Alessa Gillespie); Wife Guy (James Sunderland); Wife Swap (Maria); Girl, Interrupted (Heather Mason); Definitely Not Getting That Security Deposit Back (Henry Townshend); Fur Suit Truckers (Travis Grady in the Daredevil Outfit); The Ones Not Worth Mentioning (Alex Shepherd and Murphy Pendleton); Death Stranded (Unnamed Protagonist); The Gross Monsters (Lying Figure and Sniffer Dog); The Really Gross Monsters (Asphyxia and Closer); Whatever the Heck This Is (Flesh Lip); Geometry Daddy (Pyramid Head); and The True Paw-nisher (Mira).

The Lord of the Rings: Gollum

• The Lord of the Rings: Gollum (aka The Lord of the Rings: PS2 Edition (Coming Soon to RadioShack))
  • Starring: Andy Serkisn't (Gollum/Sméagol); Wannabian McKellan (Gandalf); Dead, Bath, and Beyond (Candle Man); Neck Brace (Ileth); Zug Zug (Orcs); Mean Girls (Elves); Mell-Block Tango (Mell); She-Not as Hot as Shadow of War (Shelob); Eye-BS (Sauron); Mouth BS (Mouth of Sauron); and The Ugliest F!cking Bird I've Ever Seen (Little One).

Diablo IV

• Diablo IV (aka Eat Flay Love)
  • Starring: Going Cray-tos (Barbarian); Just Playing Vampire Survivors (Sorcerer); Not So Secret Furries (Druid); Robert Smith Fans (Necromancer); People Who Own Real Life Anime Swords (Rogue); Dick'ard Cain (Lorath Nahr); Knives Chau (Neyrelle); DJ Khalid (Donan); Darth Souls Malgus (The Pale Man/Elias of Aranoch, Fallen Horadrim); Pain in the Innariass (Inarius); and Mother Infernal, Lord of Flesh (Lilith, Daughter of Hatred).

Street Fighter 6

• Street Fighter 6 (aka A Fightmare on Beat Street)
  • Not even Honest Trailers could resist an opportunity to poke fun at LowTierGod.
    Narrator: [It's] much more fun to b*tch about the new stuff in the game than actually learn how to use it, as is community tradition!
    LTG: WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT ####...this game is a joke.
  • Starring: Luke-Torial (Luke Sullivan); Cammy-Toe (Cammy White); Snu Snu (Marisa); Shrek (Blanka); He's Just Ken (Ken Masters); Stretch Armstrong (Dhalsim); Chun Leave Me to Get Crushed by Those Thighs (Chun-Li); Sam E-Guile (Guile); The Dude From Wreck-It Ralph (Zangief); Karate Kid (Ryu); Splatoon (Kimberly Jackson); Business Zaddy (JP); This French Clown (Manon Legrand); Bob Brawly (Dee Jay); The More Sumo (E. Honda); Wait, You Can Bring Sticks to These Fights?! (Lily Hawk); Feet Fighter (Juri Han); This Guy Is Definitely Not Drinking Alcohol, Please Don't Give Us an M Rating (Jamie Siu); What's in the Bosch?! What's in the Bosch?! (Bosch Waraya); and This Horrifying Popeye Golem One of Our Writers Made (Avatar).

Amnesia: The Bunker

• Amnesia: The Bunker (aka Ahhh Real Monsters on the Western Front)

Portal 2

• Portal 2 (aka Portal 2: Let's Just Pretend This is Half-Life 3)
  • Starring: Chellraiser (Chell); Mrs. Portato Head (GLaDOS); Port-Port Goes to the Moon (Wheatley); Cravin' His Johnson (Cave Johnson); G-Suite Caroline (Caroline); Portal Potties (shows a toilet in Chell's ruined containment unit); A Bunch of Cringey Mid-2000's Fat Jokes; Tweedle Dumb (P-body); Tweedle Dumber (Atlas); and A Shocking Amount of Hole.

System Shock (Remake)

• System Shock (Remake) (aka Windows 2077)
  • Starring: Hackerman (The Hacker); Go, Diego, Go! (Edward Diego); These Very Epic Voice Cameos... Oh, They're Dead (Dr. David Broyles, Robert Zejac, and Zachary Aaron); Granny GLaDOS (SHODAN); Those Little Portraits from Guess Who?; and The Real Singularity: Snacktron.

Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life

• Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life (aka Story of Seasons: Farmer? I Hardly Know 'Er!)
  • Starring: The Brooding Artist (Gordy); The Poor Little Rich Girl (Lumina); The Mr. Darcy (Matthew); The Himbo (Rock); The Blonde One (Molly); The Mean One (Nami); The Stoner Dude (Gustafa); The Girl Next Door (Cecilia); The Guy Who Watches Us Die (Takakura); and The Comedy Comes in Threes (shows a cutscene from Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash).

Final Fantasy XVI

• Final Fantasy XVI (aka Final May Fantasy)
  • Starring: Final Fantasy Jon Snow (Clive Rosfield); Gives Me Shivas (Jill Warrick); PAW Patrol (Torgal); Cid Vicious (Cidolfus Telamon); My Boyfriend's Boyfriend (Gav); She Mid (Midadol Telamon); Hodor (Goetz); Order of the Phoenix (Joshua Rosfield); The Green Angry Bird (Benedikta Harman); Rock Biter (Hugo Kupka); Grey Poupon (Dion Lesage); A Horse Girl (Barnabas Tharmr); and Mads Mikkelsen (Ultima).

Pikmin 4

• Pikmin 4 (aka Pik My Ride)
  • Starring: Tom Hanks at the Beginning of Cast Away (Olimar); Tom Hanks at the End of Cast Away (Leafling Olimar); Dog Buscemi (Moss); Old Yeller (Oatchi); Insert Mass Effect Reference Here (Erma Shepherd); Comm-plete Stranger (Collin); Dingus (Dingo); Do-Do-Do-Do-Do, Inspector Gadget (Russ); I Hope This Guy Takes My Insurance (Yonny); Top Gun (Bernard); and A Bunch of Cute Little Guys Who Will Soon Become Fodder for the Relentless Bloodlust of War, and There's Nothing You Can Do to Save Them, Not a Single F@cking Thing (Pikmin).

Aliens: Dark Descent

• Aliens: Dark Descent (aka Aliens: Human Resources)
  • Starring: Restarting After Your Squad Doesn't Cover Right [Restarting]; Restarting After the Camera Messes Up During Battle [Restarting Again]; Restarting After Losing Your Squad After Trying to Get One Extra Item Box [Pretty Sure That Was a Fluke...]; Restarting After Realizing You Can't Afford to Lose Your Guy [This Time I Won't F$ck It Up. Sh!t.]; Restarting After Realizing You Don't Have Enough Health or Tools to Continue the Fight [I'm Good at This I Swear!]; Restarting Because You Used All Your Materials on Upgrades and Need Them for the Mission [ASDAKSDFKANSDIUFHAEUHF!!!!]; and Restarting After Constantly Making Decisions You Regret [(Heavy Sobbing)].
  • The Stinger:
    Narrator: Okay, look, this might not be the prettiest game, but the fact that you can make Gordon Ramsay flame-throw a bunch of aliens is well worth the price of admission.
    Gordon: You f*cking DONKEY!

Baldur's Gate 3

• Baldur's Gate III (aka Baldur's Gate 3: Critical Hole)
  • Starring: Emily the Strange (Shadowheart); Devil May Thighs (Karlach); Crank 2: High Voltage, But With Magic (Gale Dekarios); Gethin' Busy (Lae'zel); I Can't Believe This Sparkly Twink Rejected Me (Astarion Ancunín); Wyll Nye the Demon Guy (Wyll Ravengard); Papa Bear (Halsin); The MVP of Celebrity Video Game VAs (General Ketheric Thorm); and Whatever Your Specific Fetish Happens to Be (Custom Origin/"Tav").

Exoprimal

• Exoprimal (aka Dino Crisis: The Slam Before Time)
  • Starring: Ace Hardware (Ace); Future Coach (Lorenzo); The Full Metal Stranger (Alders); We Have Regina at Home (Majesty); A Horny Amazon Echo (Sandy); Swol-don (Leviathan); and The Cast of Jurassic Park (Dinosaurs).

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (aka The Time Traveler's Knife)
  • Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal (The Prince); All's Farah in Love and War (Farah); Meth Jafar (The Vizier); Deady Dearest (King Shahraman); A Human Cockatiel (The Sultan of Azad); and Another Round of Applause for This Guy [Da Real MVP] (Palace Guard).

Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon

• Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon (aka Ass Crunched 6: Gundam Wing)
  • Starring... Scanning the Giant Levels Constantly to Find Hidden Parts That Barely Exist [Scanning Levels Constantly]; Running Out of Energy While You're Over the Bottomless Pit [Poor Depth Boost Perception]; Strafing Behind Cover Right When You Fire All Your Good Stuff and Hitting Only Building[Blowing Your Load on the Side of Building]; Farming That One Level Over and Over Until You Can Afford a New Part. You Know the One. [Farming the Level for Free Cred]; (Dafeng Student Pilot) "I just wanted a callsign of my own." [This Poor Dude]; Having Your Eyes Glaze Over While You Try to Parse the Extended Stat Screen [So Many Numbers]; Trying Desperately Just to Meet Your EN And Load Requirement [Desperately Trying to Make It Work]; Forgoing Better Parts Because it Would Make Your Mech Ugly [Never Having an Ugly Mech]; Trying Not to Use Songbirds, Then Going Back to Songbirds; Being That Weeaboo That Just Uses the Moonlight Blade [Weeaboo With Moonblade]; (the player AC is destroyed) Unsuccessfully; Giving in to the Meta And Just Using Two Shotguns [Being the Shotgun Guy]; Countering the Meta by Building a Guy With All the Missiles [Being the Missile Guy to Fight Shotgun Guy]; Making a Fun Mech With Some Neat Gimmick Weapons [Having Fun With Your Build]; Stubbornly Trying to Make Your Gimmick Work Despite Getting Absolutely Destroyed by Shotgun Guy [Realizing Having Fun Was a Mistake]; and That Psychopath That Just Wants to Fist (showing an AC trying to fight using only punches) [An Absolute Madlad].
  • The Stinger: "Uh hey, FromSoft, if you do make more of these, I'm gonna need like 200 more arena fights in the next one. There's nothing like taking down a death machine called Omega Killer piloted by some guy called Buttstuff Ted. Come on. Daddy needs more temporary tattoos (Decals)."

Sea of Stars

• Sea of Stars (aka Sea of We-Needed-a-Few-More-Weeks-for-Starfield)
  • Starring: Are Ya Winning, Sun? (Zale); Sailor Moon (Valere); Gone Garl (Garl); Now You're Thinking with Port-Holes (Seraï); An-Teaks Roadshow (Teaks); Blame It on the Moraine (Headmaster Moraine); Yo Ho, Yo Ho... (Yolande); A Pirate's Afterlife for Me (Hortense); Glow Up Vivi (Resh'an); B'star (B'st); and Team Rocket, Blasting Off Again (Erlina and Brugaves).

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (2023)

• The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (2023) (aka Hillbilly Simulator)
  • Starring: Mankind's Side Gig (Leatherface); Swedish Chef (The Cook); Methhead Shaggy (The Hitchhiker); Johnny Bravo (Johnny); Bargain Bin Poison Ivy (Sissy); The Incontinent Killer (Grandpa); and TikTok Influencers (The Victims [Connie Taylor, Sonny Williams, Julie Crawford, Leland McKinney, and Ana Flores]).

Starfield

• Starfield (aka The Elder Scrolls 6: Galaxy Quest)
  • Starring: Sarah Morgan Disliked That (Sarah Morgan); Wait, Did That Guy Just Say My F!#king Name? (Vasco); Grin and Barrett (Barrett); See You, Space Cowboy (Sam Coe); Xenon, Girl of the 21st Century (Cora Coe); In Soviet Russia, Space Kill You (Andreja); Your Parents, for Some Reason (Dad and Mom); All Lin a Day's Work (Lin); and Hey You, You're Finally Awake (The Spacefarer).

Remnant 2

• Remnant II (aka Elden Bling)
  • Starring: Double Mint Douche (Faerin and Faelin); Girl of My Nightmare (The Nightweaver); That No-Face Dude from Spirited Away (Tal Ratha); The Ultimate IUD (Sha'Hala: Spectral Guardian of N'Erud); Rabies Clifford (Corrupted Ravager); Potato That You Left Out Too Long (Corruptor); The Worst F!cking Boss Battle to Ever Exist (Labyrinth Sentinel); The Unforgiving Tree (Annihilation); and The Gear Gremlin (The Traveler).

Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty

• Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty (aka Cyberpunk 2077: But For Real This Time, We Swear!)
  • Starring: V 2.0 (V); John Dick (Johnny Silverhand); Freebird (Song So Mi "Songbird"); Sol Goodman (Solomon Reed); All the President's Cybermen (Rosalind Myers); CGI Joe (Kurt Hansen); The French (Aurore and Aymeric Cassel); Shapeshifter? I Hardly Know 'Er (Alena "Alex" Xenakis); All the Characters You Were Supposed to Meet Three Years Ago (Evelyn Parker, Judy Alvarez, Panam Palmer, Goro Takemura); and Grimes, Doing Even More Grimes Stuff (Lizzy Wizzy).

Mortal Kombat 1

• Mortal Kombat 1 (aka Mortal vs. Komeback 2)
  • Starring: Asian Daredevil (Kenshi Takahashi); Asian Static Shock (Raiden); Asian Ghost Rider (Kuai Liang/Scorpion); The Inhuman Torch (Liu Kang); Ice Ice Baby (Bi-Han/Sub-Zero); The Most Punchable Face in the Multiverse (Shang Tsung); Baraka Barrage (Baraka); Mrs. Also Appearing In This Game (Li Mei); Jean Claude Van Dumb (Jonathan "John" Carlton/Johnny Cage); Kitty Litter (Geras); Huge MK Fan (Kitana); What That Mouth Do Though? (Mileena); Shao Can't (General Shao); The Geico Gecko (Syzoth/Reptile); INTJ Stare (Reiko); Professional Vaper (Tomas Vrbada/Smoke); Scream Queen (Sindel); Always Picked Oddjob in GoldenEye (Kung Lao); Purple Rain (Zeffeero/Rain); Whybrows (Ashrah); Three Piece Event Staff (Tanya); Havik a Nice Time (Dairou/Havik); and Somehow Worse Than She Was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Nitara).

Grim Fandango

• Grim Fandango (aka Coco-blanca)
  • Starring: Humphrey Bone-gart (Manuel "Manny" Calavera); Shut Up and Drive (Glottis); The Mom from Wizards of Waverly Place (Mercedes "Meche" Colomar); Walking HR Complaint (Domino Hurley); The Ungrateful Dead (Don Copal); My Wife (Celso Flores); The Revolution Will Not Be Skelevised (Salvador Limones); She's Got a Bone to Pick with Us (Lola); <sigh> We Don't Talk About Bruno (Nick Virago); His Flag Means Death (Dockmaster Velasco); Al Ca-bone (Maximino); Bone-jour (Raoul); Femur Fatale (Olivia Ofrenda); Bad to the Bone (Hector LeMans); and Twitter (Skeleton Pigeon).

Lies of P

• Lies of P (aka Pinokiro: Puppets Lie Twice)
  • Starring: Timothy Chala-maim (Pinocchio/"P"); Wringling These Bros (Parade Master); Bot Fuzz (Scrapped Watchman); An Out-of-Control Air Fryer (King's Flame, Fuoco); Frogger But He Found Religion (Fallen Archbishop Andreus); The Furries Sitting Across From You at the Red Lobster (Black Rabbit Brotherhood); From Boss... ...to Goth (Romeo, King of Puppets); Victor von Gerdenheim (Champion Victor); Swamp Thing's Dog (Green Monster of the Swamp/Puppet-Devouring Green Monster); Iron Bae-don (Laxasia the Complete); Solomon Grumpy (Simon Manus, Arm of God/Simon Manus, Awakened God); and Daddy's Robobelt (Nameless Puppet).

Super Mario Bros. Wonder

• Super Mario Bros. Wonder (aka Super Mario Bros.: Operation Dumbo Hip Drop)
  • Starring: Red Mario (Mario); Green Mario (Luigi); Girl Mario (Princess Peach); I Like Girls Mario (Princess Daisy); We're Back: A Mario Story (Yoshi); Cordyceps Mario (Blue Toad and Toadette); DILF Mario (Bowser); DILF Mario's Shith#@d Son (Bowser Jr.); Monarchist Mario (Prince Florian); and Silly Nabbit, Mario is for Kids (Nabbit).

Alan Wake 2

• Alan Wake II (aka Garth Marenghi's Deadly Premonition II)
  • Starring: John Wick Closet Cosplay (Alan Wake); Murder He Wrote (Agent Saga Anderson); Sam Lake's 50th Cameo (Special Agent Alex Casey); Quantum Needs a Break (Sheriff Timothy "Tim" Breaker); Mr. Steal Yo Door (Mr. Warlin Door); The Geriatrics (Tor and Odin Anderson); The Brothers Dim (Ilmo and Jaakko Koskela); and Everything Everywhere Ahti at Once (Ahti).

Assassin's Creed Mirage

• Assassin's Creed: Mirage (aka Assassin's Creed Shrinkflation)
  • Starring: As Far Back as I Can Remember, I Always Wanted to Be a Hidden One (Basim ibn Is'haq); Tyler Durden (Nehal); Hot for Teacher (Roshan bint-La'Ahad); Assassin College Mascot (Enkidu); Guys Who Are Late for the "Eyes Wide Shut" Party (Order of the Ancients); Some Truly Jellicle Cats (shows Basim petting a cat); Basim's Mind Place (shows the game's investigation board); and Absolutely None of the Future Sh*t We Had to Deal With in Other Assassin's Creed Games.

The Game Awards 2023

• The Game Awards 2023 (aka Sequels and Remakes 2023)
  • Alan Wake II (aka David Lynch Would Like a Word)
  • Marvel's Spider-Man 2 (aka Spiderman Goo Suit Riot 2: Hetero Life Partners)
  • Super Mario Bros. Wonder (Mario Wonder-ing Why This is Even a GOTY Nom)
  • Resident Evil 4 (Remake) (aka Karen Haircut: Euro Trip Remake)
  • The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (aka Breath of the Wild K'Nex)
  • Baldur's Gate III (aka Don't Forget About the Balllss-dur's Gate 3)
  • Starring: Angsty Main Characters; Mostly Mute Nintendo Protagonists; Celebrities Fumbling to Pronounce Game Titles They've Never Even Heard of Till Now; Hopefully This Flute Guy Again; Whatever Absolute Train Wreck is Going to Happen During the Broadcast; Starfield Nowhere in Sight; The Haunting Specter of Gollum; and Again, Bear Sex.

Skull Island: Rise of Kong

• Skull Island: Rise of Kong (aka Super Monkey Ball: Skull Island)
  • Throughout the video, the narrator is beside himself with disbelief that Rise of Kong was sold for $40 that he ends up repeating "Forty dollars..." over and over after the credits. That said, he's also nostalgic because the game reminds him of what bad licensed games used to look like.
  • Starring: Just a Totally Normal Monkey (Kong); Gawl Work and No Play Makes Kong a Dull Game (Gaw); Murdered Mommy (Kong's Mother); DOA Daddy (Kong's Father); The Sandworm from Dune, But, Like, the David Lynch Version (Earth Gijja); Mr. Krabs (King Dengiz); Hey Look, There's a Shelob in This Game, Too (Queen Oyoq); A JPEG of a Velociraptor (shows a literal screenshot of Gaw used in a cutscene); and The Dwindling Sanity of the Writers for This Video.

Marvel's Spider-Man 2

• Marvel's Spider-Man 2 (aka Spider-Man 2: Just Trying to Live in 2023)
  • Starring: Linus Web Tips (Peter Parker/Spider-Man I); Spider Shock (Miles Morales/Spider-Man II); Kraven Deez Nuts (Sergei Kravinoff/Kraven the Hunter); What in the Hokey Kingdom Hearts Sh@t is This? (Martin Li/Mr. Negative); Veno-Lingus (Venom); Scream Queen (Mary Jane Watson/Scream); Ed Shear-en (Cletus Kasady/The Flame); Your Neglected Friends and Family (Ganke Lee, Hailey Cooper, Harry Osborn, and Councilwoman Rio Morales); Alex Jonah Jameson (J. Jonah Jameson); and Did This Game Just Rickroll Me? [Getting Spider Rickrolled] (shows Harry singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" through a PA)

Celeste

• Celeste (aka Cliffhanger 2: It's Cute Now)
  • A case of Real Life Writes the Plot: The writers were actually going to do an HT of The Day Before, but it was pulled from the Steam store before the writers could download the game to actually rip into it, so they consider doing an HT for an actually good game to be a Christmas miracle.
  • Starring: Miley Cyrus's "The Climb" (Madeline); Mean Girls (Part of You/Badeline); Smash That Like Button (Theo); The Least Supportive Grandma in the World (Granny); Hotel Hell (Mr. Oshiro); Your Mom (Mother); and The Peeled Skin Off Your Thumbs, Which Will Never, Ever Grow Back.