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Darth Wiki: Useless Notes
Useless Notes on a variety of subjects.

The purpose of these is three-fold:
  1. To enforce, or even top, common media stereotypes.
  2. To base silly facts from tropes on this site.
  3. There is no three.
  4. To play around with Hollywood History, Hollywood Science, and other such tropes.
  5. To just have fun.

This doesn't mean you just post any random fact. Since this is a site about tropes, please try to keep any of these notes related to a trope or established page here. Also, unless it's based on Vulgar Humor or any related trope, let's keep the vulgarity to a minimum, please.

Compare Things We Have Learnt From Media, only that is what media has taught us, while this is things we are trying to teach others, sort of.

Contrast Useful Notes.
Categories:

    open/close all folders 

    Medicine & Psychology 

    Religion 

    Music 

    Military & Warfare 

    Astronomy 

    Meteorology 

    Paleontology 
  • Dinosaurs are not extinct and are, oddly enough, often found on remote tropical islands or hidden tropical lands found only in the most remote parts of the South Pole.
    • They also hang around in swamps near volcanoes a lot.
    • As well as in great subterranean lands, deep underneath the earth.
  • Dragons and dinosaurs are the same thing. Some dinosaurs were actually able to breathe fire.
  • Dinosaurs were alive at the same time as Woolly Mammoths, Sabre-tooth Tigers, and of course, humans. Though this does go without saying, since they're still not extinct everywhere in the world. This makes The Flintstones much more scientifically accurate than scientists want you to believe.
  • Cavemen hunted dinosaurs, during the age of the dinosaurs the world was covered in deserts, jungles and swamps, pterosaurs are actually all flying dinosaurs called pterodactyls and were all a cross between a Pteranodon and Rhamphorhynchus, Velociraptors were six feet tall with no feathers, and the dinosaurs lived one million years ago.
  • Many dinosaurs survived extinction by migrating into The Great Valley.
  • Evolution occurs when an animal reaches a new Power Level, causing it to instantly morph into a completely different species.
  • If you were to go back in time to the dinosaur age, you would only see famous dinosaurs. You wouldn't see anything that hasn't been discovered as a fossil yet.
  • Human meat is apparently like cat nip to Tyrannosaurs. Whenever they meet time traveling humans or are cloned in modern times, they're likely to pass up even a Triceratops carcass just to chase and devour a human.
  • Mammals survived the asteroid impact 65 million years ago by hiding inside Tyrannosaur skulls, so that millions of years later their descendants could depict them dramatically climbing out at the end of their dinosaur documentaries.
  • All feathered dinosaurs lived in China
  • Cars with stone wheels can run on foot power. Just don't buy the ribs.
  • "Open the door get on the floor/Everybody walk the dinosaur"
  • After the end of the dinosaur age, there was no life on Earth for almost 65 million years, until the ice age began and humans, woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers suddenly appeared.

    Biology 

    Other Sciences 

    Culture & People 
  • Only the most important people in the world have names. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a terrorist.
  • The more kind and friendly a person is, the more they will kill you if you push them too hard.
  • If you can think of a problem, Batman has already come up with a solution for it.
  • Sometimes, it's okay to root for a likable killer.
  • Nurses are always sexy, no matter what. Unless they're the Joker in drag. Even then, some people may still find it sexy.
  • If anyone sounds like they have a really convincing American accent, they're probably faking it.
  • Native people are either magic or cruel. Sometimes both. There's no such thing as a Native person who lives in a city and has a job. Native Americans, who all live in tipis, may be distinguished by their dramatic feathered war-bonnets, which everyone wears constantly, even while indoors. When not attacking the tribe next door (warpaint and uluating war cries obligatory), they carve totem poles, care for their scalp collections, and hold rain dances. Fortunately for them, all of tribes across the vast North American continent share a single languagenote , in which "hello" is "How" 好  and the rest is either broken English in which the suffix "um" is added to every verb and the phrase "heap big" comes up a lot, or just gibberish best conveyed by speaking English and reversing the sound on the tape. Also, 90% of Native people are men, of whom 99% are warriors and 1% medicine men.
  • When in doubt in an argument, compare your opponent to the Nazis. Automatic victory guaranteed.
    • Remember, people whose political affiliations are different from yours are Commie Nazis .
  • Heroes come in groups of five, unless they're part of a trio.
    • Or a trio of five?
    • To create a group of four heroes, pour the trio into the five-o twice, leaving one hero in the trio. Empty the five-o, then pour the one hero into the five-o, refill the trio, and pour the three in the trio into the one in the five-o. This leaves four in the five and an emptied three; in other words, forty-five minus three, which is forty-two. Q.E.D.
  • Elvis lives. He is the President. He will always be the President.
  • All Germans Are Nazis even to this day, and if they say they aren't, they're lying.
  • All Canadians live in igloos and live on only donuts, poutine, maple syrup, and the flesh of Mooses. Most Canadians are ice fishers (they export the fish, they don't consider it nearly as tasty or nutritious as Moose). Particularly rich and successful Canadians reinforce their igloos with copious numbers of Celine Dion cds.
    • They also all only drink Molson beer and the only restaurants are all Tim Horton's Donuts.
    • Shoes do not exist in Canada. Everyone wears skates at all times.
  • All Africans are beautiful refugees who are stuck living in displaced persons camps despite having deceased millionaire fathers who were in the oil business. They're willing to share these millions with the first naive, lovesick American they find on a dating website (or email out of the blue, without ever having met the person they're emailing), as long as the American first gives them their name, address, phone number, credit card number and social security number.
    • Also, everyone has a distant millionaire relative in Africa too. When they die someone will randomly email you telling you that you're inheriting all their wealth. note 
    • "Hasa Diga Eebowai".
  • All Britons strive to imitate a toff every time they speak. Their diet consists solely of tea, crumpets and roast beef, they have poor oral hygiene and consider three television episodes a complete series. Everyone in Britain either is a butler, or has a butler (occasionally both). The traditional forms of British entertainment are cricket, fox hunting and complaining about foreigners. With the exception of their young women and the occasional man, they're all evil, but at least they're not as evil as their Nazi-like ancestors. It rains in Britain, every single day.
    • Scotland is composed entirely of hill, mountain and moorland, covered in waste swathes of heather, except for Glasgow (and Edinburgh, and Glastonbury). All Scots are either angry drunks or amiable sheep farmers. Tartan is mandatory. Every morning, all Scotsmen rise from bed, march to the top of a mountain and bellow "Freeedooommmmmm!".
  • Everyone living south of the US / Mexico border, even as far south as Argentina, is Mexican. They all speak Spanish and have brown skin, so they must be all the same nationality, right?
    • And actual Spaniards are descended from immigrants from Mexico, where the Spanish language has its origins. They swam across the Atlantic Ocean looking for jobs. This is why Spain is exactly like Mexico in every way.
    • Everyone wants to emigrate north. Eventually the entire Western Hemisphere will be unpopulated except for Canada, where volunteer border patrols will shootnote  at American immigrants looking for a job harvesting maple syrup.
    • Here's one for your history class! The only white people from Spain came to America long ago looking for a City of Gold. Some of them sound British.
  • Everyone in Russia works for the KGB in some way, be they a superspy or simply an assassin. There are no other occupations in Russia, which helps to explain the terrible state of their economy. It should be noted that while the Russian women also work for the KGB, they can be convinced to change sides by any reasonably attractive foreigner.
    • Similar to how there are no non-KGB occupations in Russia, there is also nothing to drink there except vodka.
  • There is one basic culture, and a culture which is not your own is basically the same except for a few differences in food and television.
  • All Africans and Middle Easterners circumcise their daughters. They don't circumcise their sons. Except Israelis, where you can reverse that.
  • All bigots are white, and are also anti-semites, even if they've never even heard of Jews.
  • "Semite" means just Jews. Jews cannot be anti-Semitic, and are always Zionist Commies.
  • Your current government leader is evil and desecrating everything your country stands for. Or, they're the best leader EVER. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just mistaken and just needs convincing.
    • Likewise, the title of "Antichrist" has been passed down from president to president in the U.S. since George Washington, though only people with different political views than the president in office can see it.
    • Similarly, every president since Hitler died is his reincarnation. Again, only people who oppose their political opinions know this and try to warn everyone else by adding Hitler's famous moustache to pictures of the president. Unfortunately, Hitler's spirit can't be killed and will just take over the next president's body.
  • Japan is still bitter towards the US over losing World War II, and are retaliating by turning innocent white American children into rice-munching, cosplaying, Pokemon-playing otakus so that when they bomb Pearl Harbor again every American under the age of 25 will join in the overthrow of the US government. The Gratuitous Japanese trope names on This Very Wiki is evidence of their scheme.
  • Prior to The VJ Day Kiss of August 14, 1945, all Asian people were evil. All Chinese people were monstrous, evil-moustached, if gentlemanly, Diabolical Masterminds who ran Opium Dens. All Japanese people were creepily-bespectacled, buck-toothed killers who said "Velly solly" constantly. After The VJ Day Kiss, everything changed; Asians were magically transformed into friendlier math and computer/electronics whizzes, martial arts experts, or hot, sexually available women.
  • Kicking other people's *sses always ensures a healthy social life.
  • YOU SUCK.
  • Anyone with global domination intentions says this intention out loud and looks evil. They always break the laws to achieve their goals instead of using those laws to their advantage.
  • Everyone in the world speaks English, they just have different accents depending on what country they're from.
  • Western culture is the most advanced and progressive in the world. Anyone else who is as advanced is just copying from the west.
  • Alternatively, the Middle east or china the most advanced. Either way, Sub-Saharan Africa or pre-Columbian America don't count as civilizations.

    Safety 

    Geography 

    History 

     Sports 

    Philosophy 

    Sexuality 

    Technology 
  • When switching between TV channels, a static is briefly seen.
  • Modern video games still sound just like arcade games from the early 80's.
  • All factories have zigzag roofs and at least one big chimney.
  • Boats and ships which are dry below the water level cannot be piloted as boats and ships which can be piloted, don't have any space below the water level.
  • You can do anything with a computer as long as you type really really fast.
  • 1.21 Gigawatts of plutonium is enough to send a car 30 years into the past if it is driving at 88 MPH and gets struck by lightning.
  • The newest piece of technology, whether it be an iphone, computer, TV or game console, will be in style forever and will not ever be replaced by a newer model. So you should always buy the newest thing.
  • VHS tapes had a horrible, grainy picture quality that you could barely see, and got warped if you so much as breathed on them wrong. None of them are playable today. DVDs were a million times better, but also have a horrible picture quality when compared to Blu-Ray, which has a better picture quality than reality itself.
  • Similarly, audio cassettes would get eaten up the moment you placed them in a cassette deck and pressed play, spewing tape everywhere. CDs were better, but became unplayable the moment they got the slightest smudge on them. MP3s are the only worthwhile way to listen to music, they'll never come out with another music format.
  • The Sega Genesis had Blast Processing, and did what Nintendon't.
  • Video games directly influence young people's behavior. So while playing fighting games and first-person shooters can turn children and teens into homicidal maniacs, platformers like Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Mario cause them to jump on people's heads, or consume potentially poisonous mushrooms/obsessively collect gold rings, which is almost as bad. For this reason, video games are evil.
    • The obesity epidemic can be traced back to people mimicking the behavior of Pac-Man, and later Kirby.

    Other 

Power-Up LetdownThis Index Is UselessUseless Protagonist
Villainous Travel AgencyDarthWiki/This ExistsUnpublished Works

alternative title(s): Useless Notes; Useful Notes
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