PAINKILLER
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
He seems like a cool hero to follow along on his quest. I'm also interested in his other voyages you talk about.
Why should Mahrib care about saving the world? He doesn't want to do it since it's not his deal, and the mission is given to him, so he can refuse. From the looks of it, there might be other morally good or half-jinns in the world he can pass it off to.
On a similar note, how does he feel about suddenly learning he's half-jinn? I can assume, but it could be anything, and you know the character better than me.
In terms of abilities, the fire drawback is good, and I can see how he acquired skill in combat and other things. But has he used his fire magic much before he activated the beacon? How skilled is he with it before then?
A character from my Space Opera Story (so if I explain something twice or repeat myself, bear with me):
Name: Commander Kegan Segall
Age: Around 35 at start.
Appearance: A psionic human (has telepathic powers, elaborated a bit later). He is a white man with a square, strong jawline, and sergeant-cut light brown hair. He is fairly built.
Personality: Kegan is a calculating risk-taker, and stands behind his decisions. He, though, will fight anything that stands in his moral code. He is willing to break a few rules or set parameters in order to do what he wants. He is considerate of all Alien races and the innocent. He cares deeply to those under his command, and is known to be very courteous and honorable. He will try anything in his power to avoid having his soldiers/teammates put into inescapable danger.
But he always wants to do something. He is the opposite of passive, which may get him into trouble that could’ve been avoided. His strong sense of justice gets him in trouble with many people, and can be considered “nosey” or “doesn’t mind his own business”. But it's his sense of justice that drives him. (More in weaknesses)
Some may view him as "too soft" and "unworthy" of his status. Despite empathy, he is willing to kill if the other goes against his ideals or endangers those he cares about.
Abilities:
- As a Psionic human, (a race genetically engineered from a mostly extinct alien race known as the Psions) he can connect his mind with another, and sometimes read thoughts during a "connection". He also is able to feel emotions of nearby people, although this ability is weak, but nonetheless adds on to his compassionate nature of others.
- He is known as a great commander and has led several key battles to victory with minimal amounts of casualties.
- He is competent in combat, as he spends most times commanding in a star ship. He can lead soldiers in the field and put up a fight, just not as well as they can.
Weaknesses:
His greatest strength is also his greatest flaw as it's mixed with his other strengths. As he's passionate about doing the right thing, it rubs a lot of people the wrong way. He isn't flaunting his goodness, but many don't appreciate it. He has strained a number of relationships, including his parents, his former bosses, and a few friends. He broke up with Jade over almost getting them both killed, as well as getting involved with something they could've easily avoided. Some generals refused to work with him because of his constant need to break the rules and guidelines set by the Republic. He's been warned a few times, and got close to being punished once.
The thing is that he doesn't understand that people don't appreciate what he does all the time. He thinks he's doing right, and he sticks with it unless he's careless and someone gets hurt, or he realizes he's screwed up. Though rare, when it happens, he blames himself (rightfully so), but brings himself down to unsafe levels.
Backstory:
- Born as a second generation psionic human who retains most of the central abilities due to him being a ‘pure-bred’. He is actually the last First Generation hybrid. He was a born military brat as his parents worked under the Republic military. He is an only child, and was trained under Terran military note at age 18 to age 20 as a command officer.
- He continued to operate throughout the galaxy, but mostly as a commander-in-training for small operations and battles. He soon rose to power and received permission to lead his own unit after he wins a key battle against Zendarin revolutionaries.
- He then signs on as a lead command in a Republic Special Ops group known as the “Cosmic Dogs”. There, he meets Jade Vyvansen, a Republic special Ops soldier, who he falls in love with. They have a fallout after a specially dangerous mission in the Kyiod Asteroid Belt, which begins the breakdown of the unit as many members disappear or get killed outside of operations. Jade also disappears, but Kegan remains one of the original accounted-for members. The Republic disbands the unit without investigation.
- He then gets put back into Republic military, in the height of a Terran territory dispute with another alien species, the Faeruine. Terran military decides to further a coup of the Faeruine monarch (on their home planet Havanar), but Kegan refrains from taking part. He does land on Havanar in the aftermath, and finds a young girl, a hybrid of human and Faerunie among the rubble.
- After being given the care of the girl, (who is named Kya) he becomes sick of the injustice the Republic military allows. He defects, and joins Military Operations for Neutral Planets, (MONP), and is given his own ship (The Goldenrod) for work.
Goals: To find out why his unit was disbanded, and later to stop a war from occurring, and stopping those involved.
Motivation: His sense of justice.
Role in the story: One of the main characters, and helps Jade figure out what happened to their unit, which leads to uncovering a conspiracy among all of the governments in the galaxy. He commands the ship, The Goldenrod and the main unit (the main characters).
Relevant Tropes:
- A Father to His Men
- The Captain
- Defector from Decadence: Though the Republic is largely good and far from becoming The Empire, he didn't like what the Republic was doing.
- Distinguishing Mark- First generation or second generation pure-bred Psionic humans have a mark on their forehead that glows. In Kegan's case, it's a ring.
- The Empath: Although he can only feel it when he's known the person for a bit beforehand.
- Justice Will Prevail/For Great Justice
- Military Brat
- Neutral Good: He has a strong sense of justice, but knows that governments can be corrupt and only care for their own benefit. He probably is of the lightest shade of gray out of all of the characters in the story.
- Old Flame: Though he was separated from Jade on bad terms, there are still unresolved feelings between them.
- Papa Bear: To his young adopted daughter Kya.
- Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!
- The Strategist
- Telepathy
- Telepathic Spacemen: His parents were genetically engineered to have the telepathic abilities of a close-to-extinct alien race called the Psionics. His parents were assigned to him, he was the last first-gen
edited 27th May '15 2:33:30 PM by electronic-tragedy
Life is hard, that's why no one survives.
Serocco
He strikes me as a Team Dad type with Guile Hero sprinkled around. Not quite to the levels of Kisuke Urahara, though, because he's "too soft."
- Name: Emmyleu Denecour (another Eclipse concept)
- Appearance: Denecour is a youthful woman in her early 30s, with an icy blue left eye and an orange left eye with a maroon tattoo around it. Her navy blue hair was shoulder length and wavy, with hair rings on either side of her face. She boasted a muscular physique, especially in her shoulders and arms. She wore a grayish blue suit with a V-neck, shoulder length sleeves, and a pair of denim jeans.
- Personality: Emmyleu Denecour is a person of duality - she loves her status as an Aura User, but she's cautious about flaunting it to humans. She is defensive about her views, but insecure about their feasibility. She is naturally confrontational, aggressive, and snarky with a refusal to bend her ways, but as a public official, she is cautious, wiling to compromise, and professional. She lived in a part of the world that never heard of main character Alice Sitchri; she was seen as an Urban Legend. Denecour met her, however, and changed from a silent protester of her father and country to an outspoken advocate for change.
- Backstory: Denecour grew up as a citizen of the Regal Union of Gruessao, living largely in privilege due to her status as an Aura User - specifically of the Evoker cadre. As a native of the Quebec-based Santreal province, Emmyleu is the daughter of a former Premier, who ran the provincial government and split executive authority with the Viceroy. Wrigley, her father, was a "wonky" technocrat who often clashed with his more ideological Viceroy, especially since Wrigley was a member of parliament in a riding (or district), whereas the Viceroy was an unelected bureaucrat. Wrigley wanted Emmyleu to become Viceroy while he remained as Premier for as long as possible before the next election, but Emmyleu was not interested. She often argued with her father over politics all the time, such as whether Santreal should split from the Regal Union (he thought no; she thought yes), whether the Regal Union could be reformed from the inside (he thought yes; she thought no), whether the Parlemour (Santreal's monarch) should be deposed (he thought no; she thought yes), whether Skuurnur should be challenged (he thought yes; she thought no), and whether Alice Sitchri was an Urban Legend or a real person (he thought the former; she thought the latter, among other such disagreements they had about the main character). Ambitious and conscious of the wretched inequality within the Regal Union, Emmyleu sought higher national office - as Commissioner of the Regal Union, in order to fully change the nation.
- Abilities: Denecour is an Evoker, meaning she utilizes an Animal Battle Aura. Hers is based on a gray humanoid rhino, including a giant white horn that materializes on her head (which she uses to skewer people). The Aura also enhances her general strength and durability, allowing her to be something of a juggernaut as a fighter. She usually throws her eight from side to side in order to topple enemies, since as an Aura that resembles a humanoid rhino, she generally can't punch or kick like normal people.
- Goal: Deposing the Parlemours (the collective monarchs of the Regal Union) and progressing society away from its borderline apartheid between Aura Users and normal humans. She also wants to meet Alice Sitchri in person for a reason she will not disclose to anyone else.
- Role: Lucius Trevelyan was the Commissioner before Denecour, and he was seen as the "shield" of the Parlemours, as he absorbed criticism for policies that he carried out on behalf of the Parlemours consenting to it. Commissioner Trevelyan allowed case after case of corruption from the Parlemours and Viceroys (even some Premiers) because of "provincial rights," in addition to serving as the prosecutor for whistleblowers and journalists. Trevelyan is especially infamous for mistreating workers and regular citizens during sports spectacles. Denecour particularly hated him, and sought to replace him as Commissioner - which she did, after she became a commander in Martial Service and launched corruption probes at the Commissioner's Office. Using blackmail to force the Parlemours into appointing her as Commissioner, she used her new-found authority to clash with the Parlemours, Viceroys, and Premiers over the future of the Regal Union.
edited 27th May '15 11:56:50 PM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
He/Him
Sounds like a very interesting, if damn scary woman if you met her at the wrong time.
Name: Raven (tentatively)
Age: 18-ish (she's not sure)
Appearance: a tall, skinny, fair skinned, black haired elven woman almost always wearing a dark blue robe held around her waist with a length of rope, the uniform of her order.
Personality: Raven is a somewhat cold and unfriendly woman at first glance, under the shell she only lets her closest friends see past, she is a deeply faithful, deeply emotionally scarred woman, who is driven to do right in the name of her mother and her goddess.
Abilities: She is moderately shilled with sword and dagger, and extremely driven to accomplishing her goals, whatever they may be.
Weaknesses: She cannot stand to fail. Ever. Also, seeing dead bodies, especially those of slaves she tried to free, tends to cause a minor breakdown at best. She also doesn't like working with the public directly, which is ironic, considering she's a priestess at a well frequented church, though she mostly grins and bears it. Also, due to her life as a slave, she dreads punishment of any sort, no matter what the offence.
Goals: Tend to be short term. Generally do her duties and do her best to help others (preferably without directly working with others, though this is rarely practicable) Motivation: She is motivated by her survivor guilt. She thinks she deserved to die instead of her mother, so she does everything she can to justify to herself that she did deserve to live or at least earn the right to have lived when her mother died.
Role in the story: Starts the story working as a low ranking priestess in the Church of Nightfall by day, and a member of the story's unnamed underground railroad, dedicated to freeing slaves by night. A few chapters in, one slave she frees asks to stay with her, and is brought into the fold. On top of her other duties, she teaches this girl, who is not much younger than she is, all about their church, as well as how to read and write, how to relax, what money is, etc. Over time, the two fall in love. On the main plot front, she finds herself chosen by her goddess to save her church from being destroyed by the king, who wishes to become a god and destroy the two religions of his country in the process (in this universe Gods Need Prayer Badly), not due to prophecy, though there is an element of that at work, but because said goddess knows she will be utterly loyal and has the right skills for the job(though for extra insurance, she promises Raven the chance to talk to her mother's spirit once the king is defeated).
Backstory: She was born and spent roughly the first 15 years of her life as a slave for a cruel elven master. Her mother, her one source of joy in this time did everything she could to keep her from being hurt by their master, including taking any punishment meant for her on herself. However, one fateful night, their master decides he wants to rape Raven. Her mother stands between the two of them, begging him to take her instead, and not to hurt her daughter. He gets angry at her refusal to move, and kills her. Raven, on seeing this, snaps and attacks her master, beating him to death, before curling up with her mother's still warm body. That turned out to be the night she would be freed from her bonds by the very organization she is now a part of.
edited 28th May '15 8:23:08 PM by Acebrock
My troper wall
PAINKILLER
I hope she's much more fleshed out than what is said here, because Raven has promise. I feel as if you've only touched the surface of her character, so maybe look up ways to further develop or deepen her. For example, you could probably research emotional trauma and such to see how else she can be effected by it. 15 years in slavery can seriously do a thing or two to people, especially if it's all she's known as of yet. Also a note, I think the "goal" section is for what she wants to accomplish in the story, not what her goals usually are.
For the nest person, you can look over/critique Kegan.
@Serocco
Denecour's one of your more interesting protagonists, at least based on what I'm reading here. Her rivalry with Trevelyan sounds promising; is he somebody you've posted in the villain thread? How do you envision her interacting with Alice when they finally do meet? I know you say she's trying to change the union, but what role, if any will she play in the larger story?
Also, is her father still alive? I've read your post several times and I can't seem to find if he is or not.
So, most characters I've posted in the past have been from prospective studies. The following character, however, is from a story I'm currently working on (five chapters in).
The setting is a former LOTR style fantasy world that got blown apart when an alien starship crash landed in it, blasting civilization back to the Stone Age, and unloading a tonne of highly advanced technology into what had been a medieval society. Flash forward a century or two, and the continent where the ship landed is divided up between numerous squabbling warlords, some abusing Rogue Technology (tech that has become separated from the starship's control), some abusing Lost World (local term for the pre-starship era) magic, and some abusing both. Most regular people live in tiny, isolated communities, or nomadic bands and try to avoid getting conscripted into anybody's army. The story has two main protagonists, one of whom is described in this post.
Name: Shivah
Age: Early thirties
Appearance: Tall and lean, with light brown skin, and a burn-scarred, wind-burnt face. Her eyes are flat and unfriendly, her usual expression a scowl or grimace. She wears a greatcoat covered in tiles from the starship, has a clear shield on one arm, and a titanium sword belted at her waist.
Personality: Shivah's parents emphasized her Techbane (see below) training at the expense of most other things. Her basic social skills are lacking, and she has a distinctly offputting personality, leaving her most comfortable in situations where she's the expert and everyone else is depending on her advice. She's prone to forgetting that other people lack her specialized knowledge or abilities, and often holds them responsible for things that aren't really their fault (ie blaming the citizens of a recently destroyed village for being dumb enough to settle near a warlord's turf, good cropland be damned). She is, however, genuinely dedicated to the public safety, and even if she doesn't have much respect for the people she's saving, continues to help them—though she rarely, if ever, lets herself get attached to people.
Abilities: Shivah's the last member of the Order of the Techbanes, and is heir to all their talents. She's a mystic, a martial artist, and one of the best swordswomen in the wastelands. She also has limited technopathic abilities, most of which revolve around causing technology to rust, short-circuit, or otherwise breakdown. Her sword, Rust, is infused with magic in order to further its machine-killing qualities, and she has access to a fair amount of re-purposed Rogue Technology, though she feels hypocritical whenever she uses it.
On the personal level, Shivah's very stubborn, very determined, and would rather die than give up on her duty.
Weaknesses: Shivah's got a case of Jack of All Stats Master of None going on. She lacks the raw magical power of genuine mystics, and the fact that she can't read means that any spell that a) her parents didn't teach her, or b) she hasn't seen demonstrated, is beyond her. Her technopathic powers are limited to the purely destructive side of things, and while they work very well on drones and automatons, intelligent, free-thinking robots can usually shrug off her commands.
Personality wise, Shivah isn't a leader. She doesn't have a very magnetic personality, and she'd never be able to head up an army (which is a big part of what keeps her out of the warlord business). She doesn't trust anybody who uses Rogue Technology, even if they are a moral person, which further limits her options when it comes to alliances.
Goals: The Order of the Techbanes was created to eradicate Rogue Technology from the continent. Shivah may be the only one left, but she hasn't abandoned that objective, and continues to try and destroy every robot, drone, cyborg, or automaton that she encounters. This goal eventually shifts towards ridding the wastes of the warlords, and finally, to restoring the rightful king (who may get his own post later). Less nobly, she wants revenge on former Hunter-Killer Unit 777, aka the Robot-Emperor who murdered her mother in order to make a name for himself.
Motivations: Shivah was raised by the last surviving Techbanes to be an exemplar of the Order, and she's desperately trying to live up to the trust and faith that her father, and especially her mother, put in her. She's also driven to avenge her mother.
Role in story: Shivah is one of the two main protagonists, alongside Sargon Soll (who is definitely getting a post). Initially a wandering monster-killer and do-gooder, Shivah becomes a surrogate parent to siblings Dane and Klaryse, and eventually a leading figure in the anti-warlord alliance that forms towards the end of the first book, as well as the head of the reconstituted Techbane order.
Backstory: During the last days of the Lost World, the king brought together the greatest knights, mystics, and martial artists of the day, as well as the newly emergent technopaths, and tasked them with bringing the Rogue Technology under control. Ten years later, the kings were gone, and the Techbane's were on their own. They evolved into a wandering tribal order that defended settlements from robots and cyborgs, refining their techniques as they did so. Shivah was born into that tribe, of whom less than a dozen were left at the time. By the time she was eight it was just her and her parents, and by the time she was ten, just her and her mother. Her mother was killed by Unit 777 when she was fifteen, and since then, Shivah's been out there alone.
Relevant tropes: Action Girl, Anti-Hero (Shivah's not particularly pleasant, at least at first), Badass Longcoat, Chronic Hero Syndrome, Cool Sword, Ineffectual Loner, Knight in Sour Armour, Kung-Fu Wizard & Magic Knight, Master Swordsman, The Mentor (to Dane and Klaryse, almost unwillingly) Never Learned to Read, Parental Substitute (for Dane and Klaryse, much to her dismay), The Quiet One, Revenge Before Reason (if 777 shows up, Shivah will throw caution to the wind to pursue him), The Stoic, Technopath (of a limited variety), Teeth-Clenched Teamwork (with Sargon Soll), Walking Techbane (referenced), You Killed My Father (mother but the result is the same)
edited 23rd Jun '15 10:51:03 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar
Serocco
No, I haven't posted Trevelyan in the Villain Thread yet, but I might one of these days.
Denecour's role is essentially as a representative of the current generation - she has a softer view of Alice, symbolizes how Alice is seen among young people in the present day, and wants to change the societal structure and culture of the world. As of now, Denecour still isn't the Commissioner, so she has a long way to go before she meets Alice.
I dunno if I want her father dead or alive at this point. That's why I kept it ambiguous.
Shivah seems like a typical Badass Longcoat Anti-Hero - antisocial, not very pleasant, not a leader, Jack of All Stats, and a Perpetual Frowner. Her inclination towards public duty is a hell of a lot different than what you'd expect an Anti-Hero lone wolf type to care about, though, which I like.
edited 24th Jun '15 5:48:34 PM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
Thanks. I've just finished chapter 4, and I'm trying to portray Shivah as plagued with doubts about her role. Currently she's protecting people at the local and even individual level, but feels like she isn't making much of a difference because the situation as a whole continues to worsen. She's contemplated going after the warlords, but doesn't have an army, and isn't sure who would continue to protect the various small communities if she got herself killed.
Thought I'd post the other protagonist from the same story. I know that nobody else has put up another example for me to critique; once the next person posts I'll offer a critique of their character.
Name: Sargon Soll
Age: Late twenties
Appearance: Sargon's an emaciated husk in a suit of spiked bulky black-and-orange Power Armour. His cheeks are hollow and sunken, his hair has fallen out, his skin is translucent, and when he's not in his armour you can pick out every bone in his body. Picture your stereotypical heroin addict, then dress then them up like Darth Vader and you've got the right idea.
Personality: Sargon is relentlessly cheerful and never, ever, shuts up. He'll talk through battles, he'll talk when he's been shot and is bleeding out, he'll talk through an evil machine-god's attempt at triggering the end of the world, and that's just getting started. He's also self-absorbed, vindictive, and a touch on the domineering side. While he's got a sense of empathy, only a very few people ever succeed in activating it, and the "us vs them" mentality he picked up from his father isn't helping.
Abilities: Sargon Soll's an alchemist with a knack for producing new and dangerous drugs that effect his metabolism in exciting ways. He's currently mainlining Rager (steroid that induces Super-Strength and berserk fury), Racer (enhanced reflexes), Patch (healing enzyme that repairs any and all physical damage), and Awake (psychoactive drug that expands consciousness). His intake is monitored and controlled by RUIN, the nuclear-powered, radiation emitting suit of power armour that he found in an abandoned base and wears at almost all times. The combination of chemically enhanced physique and mind, and nigh-indestructible armour makes Sargon a force to be reckoned with in combat.
On the personal level, Sargon's an alchemical prodigy, and an able long-term planner who is ready for most situations. As an example, he surgically modified patches of his skin so that he could store a vial of Rager inside of his own body).
Weaknesses: Sargon is killing himself by inches. The cocktail of drugs that he's on has horrible side-effects, and the crash that ensues whenever he isn't using (which is anytime outside of combat) is awful. Patch in particular has a variety of negative impacts on his health, as it burns through weeks worth of calories in minutes, and, living up to its name, frequently leaves masses of scar tissue behind instead of fully healed flesh. The worst effects, however, may be on his mind, as frequent doses of Rager and Awake are wearing away at his sanity, leaving him hyper-sensitive and victim of frequent mood swings. At this point it isn't so much a question of if he's going to breakdown, but when.
Goals: Sargon Soll wants to be safe, and to that end, he wants to put an end to the warlord era. Initially, he intends to conquer the wastes himself and become a benevolent overlord, until joining up with Shivah and King Rajan makes him reconsider that—though even then, his personal ambitions have not gone away. He's also fascinated by Rogue Technology in general, and wants to gain a greater understanding of the starship, and all the things it brought with it.
Motivations: His father, Sisyphus Soll, convinced Sargon that the world was out to get him and that you couldn't trust anybody but yourself, and maybe the few people closest to you. Sargon's desperate for a world where he doesn't have to live the way he does, but there's nobody he trusts to create that world for him, prompting him to try and do it himself.
Role in story: Sargon Soll is one of the story's two lead protagonists, alongside Shivah. Introduced as a wannabe warlord, and would-be world conqueror, Sargon is initially highly antagonistic towards Shivah who, as a Techbane, feels the same way about him. Forced into alliance with Shivah and Rajan when their respective archenemies combine forces, Sargon Soll ends up as one of the key generals in the army that aims to wrest back the wastes from the warlords and build an actual civilization—preferably with himself, and those he absolutely trusts, at the top. He's also a surrogate older brother to Mysteria, a psychic girl he rescued from captivity, and who may eventually get a post of her own.
Backstory: Sisyphus Soll was a wandering conman who forced Sargon to aid him in his operations. The two would join a community, gain its trust, and then make off with all the food, water, and other resources they could carry, leaving the community to suffer. Sisyphus eventually took things too far (shooting a girl he had ordered Sargon to seduce), and Sargon killed his father. Shortly afterwards he stumbled onto the RUIN, and, recruiting a band of followers, tried to make himself into a warlord. He ran afoul of several of his competitors, and in the end Zandrel, a powerful mystic, killed Sargon's followers and imprisoned Sargon himself in one of his torture chambers, which is the point at which Sargon enters the story.
Relevant tropes: Abusive Dad (variant—Sisyphus didn't abuse Sargon, but he did abuse everyone else they came into contact with while Sargon watched), Anti-Hero (Sargon's more likeable than Shivah, but is a less moral person), Bald Of Awesome/Bald of Evil, Big Brother Mentor (to Mysteria), Drugs Are Bad, Functional Addict, I Love Nuclear Power, Power Armour, Psycho Serum/Super Serum, Spikes of Villainy, Take Over the World, Teeth-Clenched Teamwork (with Shivah), Well-Intentioned Extremist
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
On Shivah - Firstly, I am truly fascinated by your setting! Never heard anything like that one before. You have all my interest. o...would it be accurate to describe her as a wandering, vengeance seeking tech-paladin? Because I like that idea.
Edit: Oh, you uploaded another character. Let's see...
On Sargon - I don't know why, but I'd imagine being him would be exhausting; a constantly jacked up motormouth in an armor? Yikes. ![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]"){kind=small}
I am rather interested in how he choose to get inside that armor.
Okay, my character.
Name: Japheth Gladius (Full Title: Duke Japheth Vanderlich Tykell Gladius, Lord of Bladen and Commander of the King's Army)
Age: 29
Appearance: Slightly above average in height, but lean and compactly built, black hair with a conspicous hint of greying hair, slight wrinkles under his brown eyes.
Personality: He takes his responsibility as a duke very seriously and makes sure that everyone knows that as well. On the other hand, due to constant berating he received from his late father and comparison to his late eldest brother, he suffers from severe lack of self-esteem, even though he would never let others know that. He used to be a bit indifferent, but mostly kind older brother to his younger siblings, but after his father and the eldest brother were killed in a battle, leaving him the head of the house, he became more strict to his younger siblings.
Abilities: Being the second son, he actually never thought about becoming the next lord of his land, so he spent the first 16 years of his life to become the best swordsman in the kingdom, which he did. He has increadible eye to hand coordination and reflex that allows him to dodge and counter pretty much any form of attack including arrows. He also wields Lunamourne, a sword that can instantly freeze any liquid it touches instantly and human flesh in cuts in a matter of few seconds. Lastly, he has a sharp memory and recognition of patterns, allowing him to predict his opponent's next moves after few exchanges. He is one of the Five Great Swordsmen, the greatest swordsmen in the kingdom, and he is considered the strongest among them.
Weaknesses: Now, in the terms of combat, he is pretty much invincible. The probelm is that aforementioned swordsmanship doesn't get to be utilized a lot, simply because after becoming a general he gets far away from frontlines.
He has a problem with understanding logistics and resource management. He tends to think that everyone has his physical capacity so he often makes a lot of tactical mistakes and earns complaints from his soldiers and officers. A great soldier, but not a great commander. He is at least trying to improve himself and listens to his officers.
Also, in terms of personality, he is very often insecure about himself. He keeps trying to be perfect, in being a lord of his land, commander of king's army, a head of his house, etc. No matter how resolved he is, when someone questions and pushes him hard enough, he stutters and freezes up. Deep down, he keeps thinking that he does not deserve all the honor and power he owns.
This is why he heavily relies on his small council, because he couldn't trust himself to make the right decision. And the small council...while not evil, are made of people with good intention but human weaknesses. It certainly doesn't help that he is both mathematically challenged and dyslexic.
Politically, while he is loved and trusted by the king, most of the lords in the kingdom hates him because he betrayed them all during the rebellion against the king, led by his late father.
Goals and motivation: He seeks to root out the forces that rise against the king and maintain the order of the kingdom, along with reconciling with other lords and his own family.
Role in story: Japheth is one of the several main characters in the story. He is the champion of the king's factions, fighting against the rebellious factions and warrior tribes about to invade the kingdom. Oh, and he has to find his sister and brother, who went missing in a vast, unexplored forest that is prohibited by the Church as a forbidden area.
Backstory: Ever since he was a kid, he was...special. He couldn't speak nor read very well. His father, Jurad, being used to the elder brother, Joshua, who was by contrast absolute prodigy in literally everything, constantly berated him as a failure. Jurad made him a swordsman, figuring that if he is mentally retarded (he wasn't), he should at least train in using his muscles. It turns out he was really good at that.
When he was 16, his father rebelled against the king along with the rest of the lords, even though the man was the chief commander of the king's army and basically the second in command. Reluctantly, he followed him and fought in the frontlines of many battles. Then one day, in a surprise attack both Jurad and Joshua was killed, and he got captured. The king made him an offer; either join him or die. He was about to choose the latter, because even though he had no intention to rise against the king at the first place, he thought it was an honorable thing to do. Then he figured that if he didn't join the king, the king would kill his younger siblings too, and he couldn't let that happen. So he joined the king and with his help, the rebellion ended in king's victory.
For 12 years after that, he gave all he got to root out the remaining rebel forces and drive out the invaders to the kingdom. He rose up in the ranks and became a duke. The king also made him engage with the eldest princess, making him essentially the next in the line of the throne. Then his younger siblings, along with few other royal children, get attacked by a band of robbers and go missing....
edited 25th Jun '15 1:08:57 AM by dRoy
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
As promised my critique of the next character to be posted.
What I like about this guy is that he's an example of the Peter Principle applied to a protagonist, rather than an Obstructive Bureaucrat, General Ripper, or other antagonistic character. He's in way over his head, but the way he got there is believable, since as a brilliant swordsman, he would have been a great warrior, and probably a fine small-unit leader (if for no other reason then if things went south he could always bail his men out himself). The assumption that if you can fight, you can lead is a fairly intrinsic one in a lot of fiction, and it's good to see it getting short shrift here.
Not to try and tell you how to run your story, but this character almost begs for a villain who is one of the greatest tactical and strategic minds of his day, but an indifferent physical combatant. Musashi vs Napoleon, if you will.
edited 24th Jun '15 9:01:25 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar
The Exia is my waifu
I'd have to agree with Ambar; it would be awesome for him to fight against somebody who is great at tactics, yet isn't that hot in real combat. For added irony, make him(the enemy, that is) a low-ranking soldier.
There USED to be my main protagonist here, but I realized he does not make sense in a vaccuum; e.g his motivation makes more sense if people actually KNOW what the main villains are.
edited 26th Jun '15 6:34:42 PM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Oh yes, the main antagonist (really, protagonist of her own arc) is a somewhat above average fighter but a great historian and a strategist. She also happened to be a former apprentice of an accountant and human resources officer, so she's really good at logistics.
It also helps that she manages to unite a race of ultra-powerful wandering warriors into one juggernaut of an army. XD
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
The Exia is my waifu
Anyways, here's my main protagonist(and his punchghost). As a frame of reference, the story that's he will be in could be described as Part 2 of Jo Jos Bizarre Adventure meets Persona, if Personae were spirits bound in objects, meets any kind of Mythology meets just about every high school Love Triangle / Unresolved Sexual Tension trope. Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Name: David Piscine & Bellar: Equinox (Composite Character of Nox and Helios)
Age: 15 years old. Although he doesn't really look or act like it. Equinox: 2.
Appearance:This here.
Personality: Cold, stoic, and always in control- at least, while you initially see David. Actually tends to be very nice and has a terrible case of Samaritan Syndrome, helping people even when it will inconvenience him(see: him totally TRASHING the guys who were trolling Rose, and him temporarily getting into trouble with the principal), although good luck getting him to admit 'that'. Oftentimes insults himself and has low self-esteem. Tends to be quite... physical with his metaphors. Pretty well rounded in most respects, save for social skills. Equinox, at the other hand, is best described as a Hot-Blooded Champion of JUSTICE. He wants to help people, fight crime and the like. This leads to less conflicts than that it looks like; most Bellars are loyal to a fault, and Equinox is no exception.
Abilities: Aside from the Required Secondary Powers that he gains for having a Bellar(increased physical power, speed and endurance), he also has the domains of Light and Darkness. He utilizes the powers drawn from these domains constantly, although he mostly uses Light as a raw destructive tool(such as Light Breaker Blast and Radiant Fist) and Darkness as more of a utility toolbox for hiding away, with the exception of Shadow Clones.
Equinox has both those domains about Light of Darkness(hence, Equinox), but also has above average physical capabilities (compared to other Bellars), making him capable of Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs a la Star Platinum. David also is smarter AND wiser than most people, too.
Weaknesses: Their domains, while powerful, are mutually exclusive; they cannot use Light powers when a Darkness power is channeled, and vice versa. Also, to use their powers to their maximum extent, they both need to channel energy, which leaves at least one of them vulnerable to enemy attacks.
David's biggest weakness, however, is his utter lack of social graces. Hailing from a mostly Friendless Background and too busy providing for himself to actually meaningfully interact with people, he never really learned to speak with people. This leads to several problems in the story.
Goals: Eradicate/Stop the Elder Gods, at any cost. He has already fought them on multiple occasions, but with the death of Sarah, it has become personal.
Motivation: Intially for revenge. Later on, he'd develop a bit of a Knight in Sour Armor mindset.
Role in the story: The Hero and The Leader of the True Companions.
Backstory: -David's mother was an alcoholic, and a terrible mother thanks to that. Aside from the standard abuse (hitting him when he talks back, yelling against him, etcetera,), she was also plain negligent, as she constantly forgets to work, which forced David to do "paid help" at several companies (don't worry, nothing sexual, just stuff like washing dishes) at a young age. At school, he was also bullied, which causes him to completely withdraw from most social contact, yet still wanting to help people as much as possible.
-After a terrible childhood, he eventually meets Sarah in middle school. Initially, he was loathe to open up to her and befriend her, seeming as most of the people he had met were oblivious, actively loathe him or both, but she actually manages to befriend him and she became his only friend; that is, before she introduced him to her other friends, Slyde and Daniel. He still considered her his closest friend; he might or may not have developed feelings for her.
-Which ends up with him discovering that they were busy tracking down awakened Elder Gods and capturing them (not helped by the fact that Slyde blurted 'that' fact out. He ended up gaining Equinox, and assisted them in their efforts.
-This continued for a year before the awakening of a particullary large Elder God group, led by Minerva, and their subsequent massacre of his hometown, as well as causing Sarah’s death, Slyde's dissappearance, and the crippling of Daniel. He didn’t take this well.
- After discovering that Minerva was heading towards Kingwood, where she was looking for a dangerous artifact called Pandora’s Box, he went to a local private high school, both out of a desire of vengeance and also because he desires to never get near his mother again.
Relevant Tropes':
- Anime Hair: I mean, c'mon, look at his hair!
- Anti-Hero
- Badass
- Break the Cutie
- Brutal Honesty: Comes with having No Social Skills.
- Cannot Spit It Out / Everyone Can See It: Everybody can see he has a crush on Rose, despite his somewhat rough treatment of her, but he just cannot say it. Lampshaded by Khan:
—>Khan:"Seriously? Oh 'suuure', you act all cold and unapproachable and Shana-ish around her, but you get all worried when she is in danger, you go the extra mile to make it happy, and to top it off, you actually SMILE when you are around her. I'm pretty sure 'that' counts as "in love", dude.
- Deadpan Snarker: HOO BOY. It will be easier to list the chapters where he doesn't snark at something or somebody.
- Headphones Equal Isolation: They also double as a Tragic Keepsake from Sarah.
- Heroic Safe Mode: Him being a Kuudere? That isn't really him. Most of it is just him hiding in his shell.
- Heroic Self-Deprecation
- I Let Gwen Stacy Die: Never stopped blaming himself for Sarah's death and for Slyde's dissappearance.
- My Hovercraft Is Full of Eels: He's terrible with foreign languages. This is mostly Played for Laughs.
—>What David actually said: I'm sorry, but I don't know, stay in the bathroom?
- Refuge in Audacity: His main mode of operation when it's daytime.
- This backfired, however, when Rose witnessed him and bugged him about it: he was forced to spill the beans to her.
- Revenge Before Reason
- Tall, Dark, and Handsome: He's tall, and relatively good looking too.
- Teens Are Short: INVERTED; he is one of the taller characters in the story.
edited 27th Jun '15 1:10:00 PM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
The Exia is my waifu
...did I just kill this thread?
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
Serocco
He sounds pretty solid. His Refuge in Audacity is something I'd expect from a troll villain, but since he is a Kuudere, it makes sense. If he was female, many would instantly think of him as a Rei Ayanami Expy, which isn't a bad thing.
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
The Exia is my waifu
Thanks! Actually, I didn't really base him on Rei, seeming as I never saw Evangelion before. Still, it kind of reliefs me that David's not that bad of a character.
Anyways, here's the protagonists' hybird Straight Man and comic releif. Yes.
Name: Khan Soo Lungh & Bellar: Odysseus.
Age: 15 years old, and Odysseus is roughly 1 month old at the start of the story
Appearance: I'm going to draw him later. Otherwise, think of him like this; lanky, short hair, Cleopatra Nose and a bowtie on his uniform.
Personality: In any regular story, Khan would be the Cloud Cuckoolander Plucky Comic Relief of the group; prone to rambling about nothing in particular, having an particularly odd train of thoughts, and so on. However, in the Dysfunction Junction of Vindexi Populi, he is the ONLY person in the Five-Man Band without a complex, trauma, or major phobias. This has made him into the team's collective Living Emotional Crutch, which ironically becomes a problem later on in the story as he wants others to see him in a way other than "amateur shrink".
Odysseus is mostly, well, Odysseus. Guile Hero is probably the best way to describe him.
Abilities: Although Khan is hamstrung by the fact that his Required Secondary Powers are of a degree lower than, say, David, he does have the advantage of having one of the brightest tactical minds in Classical Mythology. Aside from his genius, Odysseus is also a master archer, too, able to
Because of this physical disadvantage, Khan and Odysseus uses every trick in the book. Flechette Storm? He did that. Groin Attack? He did that too. What's worse is that Khan uses this tricks seemingly at random, with seemingly no rhyme or reason. Their greatest advantage, however, is their synchronization with each other. While most Master argue with their Bellar rather often, Odysseus and Khan are completely in tune with each other; this allows them to set up some gambits which relky entirely on their mutual trust. Khan is also rather Genre Savvy.
Weaknesses: At the emotional front.... not much. Khan is a mental and moral fortress, and attempting to Break Him By Talking would only result in confusion and frustration for all involved. His all-around Good Parents may have helped by that. He does get relatively bad grades, though, but that's because he's too lazy to actually learn stuff.
In combat, however, Khan is vulnerable to sheer raw unrelenting use of power; his Confusion Fu tactics mainly work when the opponent is Too Clever by Half; so, against somebody who brute forces his way to every fight, he's essentially a normal, unpowered person.
Goals: The same as David, minus the whole "REVEEENGE" angle; they are a threat to society, so...
Motivation: "It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time!"
Role in the story: The Heart, Plucky Comic Relief, AND Only Sane Man. Yeah.
Backstory: -Well, not much to say here. Khan was born as an only child, with decent parents. Somehow, he managed to get in Excalibur, despite he not being exceptionally rich or talented.
Relevant Tropes':
- Boke and Tsukkomi Routine: The Boke to David's Tsukkomi.
- Bowties Are Cool
- Brilliant, but Lazy: Has shades of this.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass
- Extraverted Nerd
edited 3rd Jul '15 12:17:05 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
Serocco
Brilliant, but Lazy is a nice way to make someone both the comic relief and the Straight Man, although I figured he would be more of a Silent Snarker or a Deadpan Snarker. He seems like a dimwit mostly who's not as crazy as everyone else.
- Name: Tsivrou Mavreath (already shown up in Eclipse)
- Role: Mavreath is a Praetor, a political boss in the People's Republic of Averrium; she controls a massive patronage apparatus in several regions of the metropolitan city-state. As a major benefactor to hundreds of lawmakers in Congress, as well as a major ally of other Praetors, Mavreath seeks to avenge her aunt by stacking Congress with War Hawk after War Hawk, to position Averrium in a Cold War against Skuurnur. She would draft Freesia Dreyvor, who also lost a loved one to Skuurnur, into an election; Dreyvor became the newest Chancellor of the People's Republic, and she picked Mavreath as her Chief of Staff.
- Appearance: Reminiscent of her aunt, Tsivrou Mavreath boasted a toned physique, with a slight hint of a six-pack; visible via her exposed midriff. She bore golden peach skin, I-shaped pupils, camel-colored eyes, and long maroon hair. Befitting her status as a Praetor, Mavreath wore a pea-coat mini-dress that cut off above her knees, with knee-high combat boots.
- Personality: Mavreath is a calculating bureaucrat, able to force through her ideas and policies, not through force of personality, but through pragmatic convenience; whenever it works best, and whatever works best, she latches onto instantly, regardless of anyone's feelings on the matter. However, she was never as ruthless about it as her aunt, and admits that she's not happy having to play the role of Mean Boss; Freesia says she's too kind to be a Praetor. Mavreath often relies on so-called dirty tricks to get things done at their quickest, which is why she is not opposed to using graft or patronage and maintains the bossism of her country. She is something of a Sink or Swim Mentor, thrusting Freesia Dreyvor into an election after she fled her homeland, with only one debate left in the campaign. She is a vehement War Hawk towards Skuurnur, and pushed for hundreds of pro-war candidates to run and win in the election. She remains bitter at her aunt's defeat at the hands of someone who joined Skuurnur, and she refuses to moderate herself on it, on account of how dangerous Skuurnur is to her country.
- Backstory: Separated from her parents, Mavreath was adopted by her aunt, Aden Vyrese, who built her up as a successor. Mavreath inherited the machine from her aunt, who went missing after a fight against someone that would later join Skuurnur. She removed many of her aunt's loyalists and installed her supporters almost immediately, and used her authority to push through pro-war, anti-Skuurnur policies in Congress that she wanted; without attempting to reduce the bossism installed by her aunt.
- Abilities: She is a Huntress; possessing a Mix And Match Empathic Weapon known as a Destrier. Hers is named Drachma, and it is a Deadly Disc that turns into a rotating shield. It has a boomerang effect, its bayonets pierce steel, and the bayonets can be removed and used for combat as daggers.
edited 9th Jul '15 3:42:01 AM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
Who Am I?
A backroom chessmaster is an unusual choice for a hero, to say the least. It sounds like you want her to be likable- another source of potential dissonance. I notice that you dont say much about how she got to where she is- I get that she inherited her aunt's political machine, but that's no guarantee that she would be any good at it- I think you need to spell out where this character got her political skills, and why revenge against a foreign power is such a driving motivator for her (after all, lots of people lose loved one's in wars, but most of them dont start another cold war to get even). The obvious solution is to make the antagonist her direct counterpart in Skuurnur- a corrupt political boss who engineered the first war to begin with. Or you may want to go with something less cliche- it's up to you.
TL/DR: Moar backstory!
edited 7th Jul '15 12:29:34 PM by DeMarquis
"We learn from history that we do not learn from history."
Serocco
You're not far off. Dromouh Karath was the name of the man who beat her aunt, and he orchestrated a series of insurrections around Mavreath's homeland. Her aunt, Aden Vyrese, became Chancellor and launched reprisal operations against Karath's strongholds, before taking part in an assault straight at his fortress. She lost, and he was accepted into Skuurnur's ranks as one of their commanders.
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
Who Am I?
Sounds good.
"We learn from history that we do not learn from history."
In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good.
I second De Marquis critique. Maybe an additional motivation for war would be a good thing if she's supposed to be a hero. Concern for the safety of her country, ideological opposition to the enemy, likely economical gains, etc
As for my character:
The story plays in fantasy world. More specifically in a roughly renaissance-era metropolis called Seegard. The city is controlled by powerful merchant guilds and trade associations and the Seven Knights, a knightly order beholden to the city council. The knights are the only ones permitted to use magic and have an awakened aura. There is a religious movement called Rafites that is aiming to topple the corrupt social order and create an egalitarian utopia. They're led by a charismatic aura user called Rafit Meghralla and his wife Gudrun Wanderstern, a former knight of the Seven.
Name: Titti
Age: 19
Appearance: On the smallish side and chubby with huge breasts. Full sensual lips and (after the first chapter) purple glowing eyes. She's got dark brown hair in a Sci-Fi Bob Haircut.
Personality: Titti is rather cheerful and emotive. She wears her heart on her face. Her attitude can be described as hedonistic and she is an unashamed slut. Because of her muteness, she often feels lonely. Thus she is seeking physical contact with people instead. She is very adaptive but needs to be, since her easygoing attitude never lets her plan ahead. She does a lot of reflection, further emphasizing her past and present to the disadvantage of her future. Her empathy makes her very receptive and supportive of others as well. Her easygoing attitude also means she doesn't take things as serious as she probably should.
Abilities: Her aura is awakened and she gains the power to manipulate mass. This gives her telekinetic abilities. After joining the Rafites, she trains in rapier combat and her mass manipulating makes her quickly learn some parkour.
As a mute she became a good listener and is highly perceptive of people's emotions. She easily gains insight into their motivations, a skill that was further honed as a prostitute. She's rather intelligent and can adapt to a lot of situations.
Weaknesses: Titti is mute since birth, which makes it hard to communicate. Her lack of care also leads to her having to improvise a lot. She never sees the bigger picture and is mired in details.
Goals: Survival. Her lack of a long term goal (apart from having fun) makes her only react to events at first.
Motivation: For Happiness.
Role in the story: Titti is the sole protagonist of the story. After awakening her aura, she is hunted down by the authorities of Seegard. She first allies with the Rafite rebels against the government in order to survive. When she realizes the Rafites strict sexual mores would spell doom to her lifestyle, she decides to strike out on her own.
Backstory: Titti comes from Zhái, a former empire almost on the opposite side of the world from Seegard. She got captured by slavers at a young age during the civil war there and was finally sold to a wealthy businesswoman of the Seegardian Hanse. She was taught to read and write and became her personal assistant. When the businesswoman was murdered by one of her many rivals, Titti fled and became a prostitute. Her aura is awakened when she enters “subspace” and accidentally taps into the Background Magic Field.
Relevant Tropes: Big-Breast Pride, Bi The Way, Buxom Is Better, Casual Kink, Cuddle Bug, Cute Mute, Ethical Slut, For Happiness, Gag Boobs, Girly Bruiser, Good Bad Girl, Gravity Master, Hell-Bent for Leather, Hooker with a Heart of Gold, Le Parkour, Magic Knight, Master Swordsman, Nice Girl, Porn Names, Purple Eyes, Royal Rapier, Shameless Fanservice Girl, Silent Snarker,
edited 9th Jul '15 5:29:09 AM by Antiteilchen
Serocco
If by chubby, do you mean hourglass? Cause that's different.
edited 9th Jul '15 3:47:45 AM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good.
No. I mean she's a bit heavier.
Serocco
You don't often see even slightly chunky people presented as fanservice magnets in any way.
I think it's better for you to not play up the fanservice angle, keep her not as sexualized, and leave it at that, because her character is more important.
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
Name: James Jamerson
Age: 19 year old computer nerd
Personality: Was once a nervous clueless little dork, after getting zapped into the Monster World he drastically gained confidence with the help of his Mons. And he will be catching more in order to complete his Encyclopedia Monsternica.
Abilities: Strategic, Calculating, Determinator.
Weaknesses: Can get BSO Ds when his confidence is shot. (Which is easy to suffer considering the whole fate of the Monster World rests on his shoulders.) Also tends to be reckless with harebrained strategies when facing something he thinks he can handle.
Goals: To fill the Encyclopedia Monsternica, and to stop the Galactic Hazard Gang from destroying the world.
Motivation: The many friends and Mons he encounters and the many people he battles against are what motivates him to save the world.
Role in the story: The Hero in the Story
Backstory: James Jamerson is a 19 year old computer nerd who one Christmas obtained a "Super FX Pinnacle Chip" as a present. After he installed the Chip into his machine, he needed an access code to get into the internet. Cue the Monster World elders summoning him by zapping him into the internet. After being briefed by Professor Floyd, James Jamerson states that this world reminds him of "A game that everyone knows about made by the Plumber House." He then gets a starter and went on his way to save the Monster World from the Galactic Hazard Gang and to fill out every page of the Encyclopedia Monsternica.
Relevant Tropes: Nerd, The Strategist, Socially Awkward Hero, Heroic BSoD (when his confidence is shot.) A Boy and His X, Gotta Catch Them All (One of the motivations of his quest.)
edited 14th Jul '15 7:34:29 AM by JamesLeeMcKigney
I enjoyed the paladin-esque aspect of Japeth's character, but even with the white magic/black magic distinction, he does seem a bit hypocritical — not that that's inherently bad, as long as that's what you're intending.
Another aspect I think you should delve in on is: okay, Lawrence is dead. What now? Vengeance Feels Empty after all; is there anything driving him beyond that?
Name: Mahrib Qasan
Age: 28 at start
Appearance: Tan and well-built, with dark eyes and a beard that masks his youth. Being Sadarian, he's mostly Arab-looking.
Personality: Mahrib is a boisterous and joyful man with a taste for the pleasures of life. He thoroughly enjoys his career as a merchant adventurer, at which he has been enormously successful. He enjoys telling others of his exploits just as much as the exploits themselves. Though his relationship with his father is strained, largely due to him having no interest in becoming a gunsmith like his old man, he cares for his father and friends, and took over the business side of things on his father's gun shop to ease the pressure off of him. He doesn't have much interest in being a world-saver, but he learns that circumstances can often set you on paths you have little interest in. He and his best friend Khaleer have been nigh-inseparable since they were boys. However, as much as he enjoys his position in life, from his friendships to his leisure activities to his career to his wealth and status, there are things about himself he'd rather keep hidden — particularly his magic.
Backstory: Born in the Sadarian capital of e-Hahsra, Mahrib was raised only by his father, Nisher, a gunsmith who often supplied the Sultan's Guard and the Sadarian military. Unfortunately for him, it became clear at an early age that Mahrib had magical capabilities, and magic, while not strictly outlawed, is viewed with suspicion and mistrust in Sadaria. Mahrib learned early to keep his magic hidden as much as possible. His father's contacts with the Guard and the army led to him developing a friendship with the son of a military officer, a boy named Khaleer, and the two boys quickly became thick as thieves. Much to the chagrin of his father, Mahrib was too adventurous and business savvy to stick with gunsmithing for his life's vocation, and the lad signed on with his first merchant voyage at 15. His Sinbad-esque exploits since that time could make a good story on their own. By age 21, Mahrib was leading his own voyages on his own ship, and at 28 he has achieved significant wealth and status by virtue of simply being daring enough to take on voyages others would not.
Role in the Story: Protagonist. During a voyage, Mahrib and his crew (including Khaleer) are shipwrecked, and Mahrib has to resort to using magic to save them. The site where they're shipwrecked turns out to be an ancient congregation site of jinn, and Mahrib's magic activates the site like a beacon — here it is revealed that Mahrib is not, in fact, a mage in the traditional sense, but a half-jinnnote , as only jinn magic can activate the site. Mahrib's Missing Mom, who is a jinn, responds to the signal and reveals who she is, and warns him that a radical faction of jinn called the Afarit have been swayed by a charismatic and utterly diabolical leader to invade the world from their plane, believing that it is "rightfully" theirs, even though both the jinn who were kicked out and the humans who kicked them out are long dead. It then falls to Mahrib, much to his reluctance, to prepare the world for the invasion, which will be no small feat considering many believe the jinn eradicated or even wholly mythical.
Abilities and Strengths: Being a half-jinn, Mahrib has a special affinity for the element of fire. Fire bends to his will, and heat cannot harm him (he could go wading in a lava pool if he so desired). Additionally, he can transform into a jinn-like form, at first after absorbing an enormously powerful fire spell during a duel, then at will. This form greatly enhances both his physical and magical capabilities. He is also skilled with a sword and in hand-to-hand combat, and mixes those with his fire powers to create a deadly combination. Outside of combat, he is an excellent businessman, a shrewd negotiator and diplomat, and a skilled navigator and sailor. His knowledge of several languages helps their goal immensely.
Weaknesses: He resents being responsible for world-saving heroics, something he never wanted. He is a grown man with a life and a career and asking him to give all that up or even just put it on hold is asking a lot. In addition, being a jinn, his magic is almost exclusively fire-based and he has little ability to branch out into other kinds of magic; this lack of versatility spelled the jinns' downfall in the ancient wars, as the jinn were thrashed by human mages who were able to wield a huge variety of magic.
Goals and Motivation: Save the world, mostly so he can get back to his adventuring and living it up, the way he likes it.
Relevant Tropes
- Playing with Fire: It's what jinn do.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Human-jinn.
- Cunning Linguist: Has a knack for languages, speaking three (in addition to his native Sadaric) to fluency.
- Intrepid Merchant
- Genie in a Bottle: Averted; here jinn are like humanoid fire elementals more than anything else, and their magic is mostly limited to things fiery and incendiary (though this does extend to smoke; see Super Smoke below). They can't grant you many wishes beyond "set that thing on fire."
- Flaming Sword: Becomes one of his specialties. In his own words, it can "cut through flesh like butter."
- It Sucks to Be the Chosen One
- Super Smoke: One of his more versatile and useful powers.
- Magic Knight / Full-Contact Magic / Kung-Fu Wizard: Has a more "physical" approach to magic than true mages typically do.
- Super Mode: His jinn form.
ok boomer