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Funny / Phelous 2010 Episodes

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    Night of The Lepus 

    I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer 
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    Automaton Transfusion 

    Night of the Living Dead 3D 

    The Deaths of Ian Stone 

    Cabin Fever 2 
  • This part:
    John: You know I can't leave [Alex]! You know that!
    Cassie: Well, let's just go and get him, then!
    Phelous: I'M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC! Don't be all RATIONAL about it!
    • Him going Laughing Mad during the scene where Cassie amputates John's infected arm is also pretty good.
  • "So, you're probably wondering why [Paulnote ]'s still alive... (long ass Beat) (shakes head, shrugs)"

    The Blade Master 
  • The robot scene in the other Troll 3, set perfectly in time to a variant of the Team Rocket motto from Pokémon.
    • His take on the abrupt change in camera angle between lines:
      Phelous: Take her away! TAKE HER AWAY! Right now! RIGHT NOW!
    • The Rape Horn.
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    Hostel 
  • "So we start the movie with a bunch of unlikable jackasses looking to do nothing else but party and have sex. Oooops, that was Cabin Fever again. On to Hostel: So we start the movie with a bunch of unlikable jackass looking to do nothing else but party and have sex."
  • Phelous rather toasty Take That! to Eli Roth's response to the Slovak politicians expressing offense over the film's portrayal of their country.
    Phelous: Roth countered this by saying that Hostel "aims to show Americans' ignorance of the world around them." Yeah, it does that by... Uh... Being inaccurate. He must have meant just one American's ignorance of the world around him.
    Eli Roth: Booff! Faced!
  • Phelous' exasperation over the general unlikability of the main characters:
    Paxton: (watching TV) How the hell are we supposed to understand this without subtitles? ...Fucking gay!
    Phelous: (sarcastically) Yes, the non-English speaking country not providing its television with English subtitles is massively homosexual, (genuinely angry) you fucking idiot!
    • Later when Kana commits suicide:
      Phelous: At a train station, Asian girl looks at herself and realizes that if she survives too long in a Eli Roth movie, she'll turn into a jackass and call everything "gay", and jumps into the next train.
  • The Running Gag of something apparently sad or dramatic happening, only for Phelous to say "I don't care!"
  • Phelous' complete hilarity about final survivor Paxton conveniently happening to meet most of the people responsible for the death of his friends and kill them all while escaping, which leads him to theorize he found and killed all the other members of the club on his way home.

    Hostel 2 

    Death Row 

    Humains 
  • The Humains crossover review with Benzaie is full of win.
    • Whenever something stupid happens, they do a weird Kermit-style arm-waving while saying "Humains!"
    • The "French Shia Labeouf".
    • Upon hearing the characters explain their accident, the disappearance of a body and someone shooting at them with arrows by saying it must have been wild animals:
      Benzaie and Phelous: WILD ANIMALS?!
      Phelous: What, like wild boars?
      Benzaie: Shooting arrows?
      Phelous: The only boar-like creatures I have heard about that shoot arrows are the Moblins in Zelda! Are those in Switzerland?
      Benzaie: Well, yeah, but only the australian ones actually shoot arrows!
      (Phelous gives him a WTF stare)

    Ghost Ship 
  • "Wait a second! I do believe I've been chopped in half!"
  • When noticing all characters in the first scene got chopped in half mid-body except for the captain who was dancing with the little girl, and got cut at his face, Phelous wonders if the wire avoided going through the two of them because it noticed the little girl's Plot Armor.
  • Phelous really get to overuse his "They're the best!" joke in this episode, what with the so-called experts mocking their hirer before he even explained them the whole story, getting almost killed several times by their own clumsiness before the ghosts even start to show up, and starting to fight each other the moment they begin actually losing people.
  • "This exchange:
    Phelous (as Guy 1): That's not gonna work!
    Phelous (as Guy 2): Just do it!
    Phelous (as Guy 1): Oh, okay, it'll work now!
  • When the characters make a vote to decide if they should actually leave the ship and take the gold, and all vote to go with the gold, Phelous points out there really wasn't any reason for them to vote, since of course they would want to do that.
    Phelous: "Fuck the gold, I'm with the boat"! Like any of them would say that! Shut the hell up, Ghost Ship!
  • "And the captain decides to lead by example... and gets drunk."
  • When the little ghost girl turns out to have been Good All Along, Phelous calls her out for not warning the protagonists right away about the danger instead of doing pointless Jump Scares staring creepily at them.
  • "Seriously, you think we'll listen to some stupid ghost? The hell do they know? They're already dead!"
  • Phelous finds the scene that reveals the whole crew murdering each other being set in a catchy soundtrack so incredibly silly he decides there is no way he could make it any sillier. Then does it anyway by replacing the soundtrack with the "I'm On A Boat!" song.
  • When the main antagonist Ferryman gets shot in the chest with a shotgun, Phelous adds his usual "I've got a shotgun!" joke... only for Ferryman to easily No-Sell it.
    Phelous: ... Shotguns don't seem to be working very well, lately...
  • "Of course, Dodge reveals that he's actually Megatron!" (cue Transformers transformation sound as the villain changes form)
  • Phelous has a lot of fun mocking Ferryman when he reveals he's a soul-collecting demons trying to make Hell's "management" happy with his job:
    Phelous (as Ferryman): I look through the adds for other jobs, but this was the only one I was qualified for! And it still took me four years to get it done!
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    Dawn of the Living Dead 
  • The ending skit (especially Sub-Zero and SadPanda's appearance's)
    Phelous: Why won't this movie DIEEEEE?!
    D1: I'll tell you why... because it's already dead! Muahahahahaha!
    Phelous: Oh, you have gotta be kidding me! How are you here?
    D1: Because I wasn't given a proper burial!
    Phelous: So?! You're still ME — you can't be here!
    D1: Look; either you die, then you can't be sitting there doing this review, or I'm somehow a different person and am now your nemesis!
    Phelous: I don't need a nemesis, I have Sub-Zero already anyway.
    D1: What? What does he do?
    Phelous: He... sits in the kitchen there, comes out and hits me or says mean words if I make a Mortal Kombat joke.
    Sub-Zero: (reading a magazine in the kitchen) Yeah, when are you gonna do that again? I'm getting bored!
    Phelous: Shut up!
    D1: Wow... mean words. That's why you need a real nemesis!
    SadPanda: Hey! Phelous has a nemesis: me, the Sad Panda!
    Phelous: You're not my nemesis Panda, you do my theme song!
    SadPanda: Oh, yeah, you're right. Bye.
    Phelous: Yes, bye, the review is over and this is just stupid, why won't it end?!
    D1: Because you must face me — Phelous D1!
    Phelous: What the hell does "D1" even mean?
    D1: Ehm, well, it means...
    (lightning hits D1)
    D1: Argh, purple lightning... my one weakness...
    Phelous: (turns to the camera) Okay, we're done here. END THE DAMN VIDEO!

    Open Graves 

    Dotcom Murder 
  • In his Dotcom Murder review:
    Protagonist: Shit!
    Computer in film: Shit not recognised.
    Phelous: I guess that's true of everyone who worked on this movie.
  • When a computer named Hal denies the protagonist's requests by saying "I can't let you do that," Phelous responds with this cut:
    Phelous: No! I'm not using that Space Odyssey clip. It's what they want!

    Pulse (2003) 

    Pulse (2006) 
  • The beginning of his review, where he combines three of the more prominent ads that played on Blip at the time (Fibre One, Madden NFL 11 - "Put your hands up", and The Pillars of the Earth) by having a skit of "I swear by all the advertisements, I will never care about your fibre."
  • Fourth advert (Yoplait) gets a mention as he walks away, saying he's going to go lose weight by eating yogurt.
  • His dubbing-in of Arvin Sloane's dialogue over Ron Rifkin's character:
    The only person I blame... is Josh. YOU SIMPLE-MINDED DILETTANTE!
    I'm not imagining this!
  • Rifkin gets out of his chair. "A few days ago, I would have done anything to keep you alive. And now, I don't care."
  • His reaction to Boone saying that keeping viruses on your computer is like "keeping nukes in your closet."
    Phelous: I'm purposely downloading viruses off the internet! I'M SUCH A BADASS! Oh, what a rush!

    Pulse 2 
  • When the opening scene involves the man in red walking in the street among ghosts, then stopping on a dramatic music despite nothing happening, Phelous mimics the scene with himself, completed with a ghost of himself waving at him with a stupid smile and a goofy music.
  • Michelle inexplicably stops to look at a hairdresser shop:
  • Michelle for some unexplained reason assumes that a vaguely child-looking figure in a hoodie is her daughter:
    Michelle: Justine? It's me! It's mommy!
    Phelous: It's a kid with a hoodie covering their whole face! Unless that is Justine's trademark look you might want to verify before you run up and say "It's mommy". It could be Todd in the Shadows for all you fucking know...
  • In general, Phelous' increasing hatred and disgust toward Michelle as it's revealed over the course of the story she had a messy divorce and tried to kill her daughter because they wouldn't let her keep her.
    Michelle: Stephen won custody of our daughter, and I was ruled an unfit mother for neglecting my child! How could this happen?!
    Phelous (as Michelle): Yeah, it was just a little neglect! I thought spending all my time in a chat room was gonna win me the mother of the year award!
    Michelle: How could you do this to me?! I hate you!
    Phelous: (as Michelle) How dare you want our daughter to get parenting! (facepalm, as himself) I'm never gonna get through this movie! Every line is dumber than the next!
    Michelle: I can't bear the thought of leaving Justine with you and that woman. I'd rather see my baby dead.
    Phelous: And they called you an unfit mother?
    Michelle: Decision made: just Justine and me.
    Phelous: (Sarcastic Clapping) Bravo, Pulse 2! You've created one of the worst piece of shit characters I have ever seen in a movie! I'd love to see her die a painful and terrible death! SO HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO BET THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN?!
    • When it's revealed Michelle almost stabbed her daughter with scissors.
      Phelous: Ghost or not, I can see why [Justine] doesn't like her mother. Of course, even without that, her mother is an annoying ditz with a face you just want to smash!
    • When Michelle starts cleaning up the apartment, "Take on Me" begins to play, but Phelous cuts it off:
      Phelous: NO! She doesn't get "Take on Me!" She doesn't deserve it.
  • Michelle mentions she found "a strange website":
    Phelous (as Michelle): It was Feardotcomdotcom!
  • When seeing Stephen appears to completely ignore his new girlfriend:
  • Stephen's girlfriend wisely tries to destroy his computer when it inexplicably light up and actives its wireless signal:
    Stephen: WAIT!
    Phelous (as Stephen): Wait! I want to give it a chance to kill us!
    Stephen: (checking the computer) It's Michelle!
    Phelous: Even more reason to smash it! (girlfriend does so) Thank you!
  • Stephen inexplicably manages to fix a smashed computer by restoring it with Wheels O.S. Cue Phelous mocking it by using Wheels O.S. to restore all his files being accidentally erased and recover from a heart attack.$
  • "A ghost comes to get him, but luckily it can't go through things because it's a ghost..."
  • The stupidest thing in this movie according to Phelous? Stephen declaring he always loved Michelle.
  • "So Justine drives off to suffer a fate worse than her father: the sequel..."
  • Phelous tries to avoid having to do the sequel by revealing he was an Internet Ghost the whole time... only for a Ghostbuster version of himself to show up and bust him.

    Pulse 3 
  • After mocking Friend-Meets-World's using the Wii version of Mortal Kombat Armageddon to play against his girlfriend (the Wii version doesn't have online multiplayer), Phelous makes a MK joke and expects Sub-Zero to hit him. Instead, Sub-Zero glitches into Ermac (an extremely nerdy inside joke amongst the Mortal Kombat fanbase).
  • His impersonation of what two people having sex over a webcam looks like: pushing the "insert" key over and over again, yelling "Insert! Insert! INSERT!".
  • The zombie fisherman was nothing compared to Pulse 3:
    Phelous: The internet ghost of a record player? The internet ghost of a record player?! THE INTERNET GHOST OF A RECORD PLAYER?!? IT MADE ME DO THE OVERHEAD SPINNING SCREAM THING AGAIN!!
  • "I GOT A SHOTGUN! Suicide is painless..."
  • When it's revealed you can somehow revert back an Internet Ghost to human using a specific program on a computer, Phelous has only one question:
    Phelous: ...Would that work for the Record Player too?
  • Angry Joe showing up as an internet ghost, convincing Phelous to resurrect him with a flash drive, and then repeatedly shooting Phelous once he's resurrected.

    Fatal Pulse 
  • Phelous' utter confusion over what the title even is supposed to mean, given a pulse usually is something you need to be alive, not something fatal.
  • Phelous complains the female victim at the beginning of the movie cannot die now, seeing how she didn't even take her top off. Cue the killer taking care of that.
    • Which is followed by a Running Gag of all the female victims getting their boobs exposed before they get killed, sometimes with the killer ripping their tops off for no discernable reason.
  • The Alternative Character Interpretation given by Phelous that Jeff is in a relationship with the Professor, whose Psycho Serum causes to go Yandere on every girl who looks remotely like a rival.
  • When it's revealed the opening murder scene was a rape-murder:
    Phelous: Wait, what?! We see him kill her without any rape, so that must... mean... Oh.
  • When Brad inexplicably starts displaying Offscreen Teleportation and Not Quite Dead abilities:
    Phelous: WHAT?! Brad, stop cheating! You can't have the magic slasher killer powers when you aren't the killer!

    Incubus 

    Silent Hill Homecoming 
  • His review ends with him getting attacked by one of the nurses, only to reveal it's another Phelous behind the mask.
    Nurse!Phelous: It's that fucker Phelous, get him!
    Phelous: AAAH! AAAAH! AAAAAGH!

    Case 39 
  • The demonic child starts asking Renee Zellwegger's character 'Why, Emily?' in regards to not being allowed to go to their therapy sessions any more. When ignored, she asks again...and again... and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again andagainandagainandagainandagainandagain...
    Phelous: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
    • "SILENT HILL! SILENT HILL! SILENT HILL! SILENT HILL!..."
  • At the end, he watches the review again and is confused because of his lack of death. His video self then starts laughing demonically and prepares to kill him, just to be shot to death by Phelous with a zapper. After reviving and multiplying several times, he's finally dead, but Phelous sees one more inconsistency...
    Phelous: Wait, how can I shoot him through that? It's a flat screen monitor...and that's the only problem I have with that.
  • The scene where the girls' father in the asylum snaps and attacks a guy with a fork, set to Homer's epic lapse of sanity from Treehouse of Horror V.
  • His reaction to seeing that the girls demon form looks like one of the internet ghosts from Pulse
    'Phelous: (crying) Why won't it leave me aloonneee! (clears throat)''
  • The entire death scene of the hornets coming out of the social worker set to (what else?) one of Nicholas Cage's infamous moments in The Wicker Man (2006):
    Malus: OH, NO! NOT THE BEES-!
    Phelous: (deadpan) Hornets.
    Malus: NOT THE BEES-!
    Phelous: (deadpan) Hornets.
  • When Bradley Cooper's character, Doug, picks up the phone, Phelous edits in "It's time," over he clip.
  • When the demon child yells at Emily in a Narm-filled deep voice, Phelous impersonates her following with "Daboo. Zug zug. They're destroying our city!"

    Anaconda 
  • Phelous willingly misreading the opening scrolls as talking about how "tales of monstrous men, eating Anacondas have been recorded for centuries". He then immediately admit he read it wrong, but believes it's probably more accurate that way.
  • "HOW DARE YOU SAY I FAILED?! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! ... Oh, yeah, that is why I failed."
  • When the boat encounters a "snake fence".
    Terri Flores (JLo): That thing must be there for a reason!
    Sarone: Yeah, to keep us out.
    Terri: I'm talking about upsetting the ecological balance of this river.
    Phelous: 'Cause you see this is a naturally formed fence and just stop talking, Lopez.
  • Stupid Surprised Panther.
  • Phelous' Alternative Character Interpretation that the Anaconda is actually on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge because John Voight's character murdered people by crushing them with his legs and framed the snake for it, as well as because its mad about Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube being the stars in this movie.
  • The ending of the review, where John Voight (Phelous in an Old Man wig) randomly appears, does a hilariously bad impression of "holy rites" (Voight's character is a priest in the movie), and then kills Phelous with Death By Leg Strangulation.

    Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid 
  • Phelous' Facepalm at one of the corporate businessmen in the beginning of the movie comparing the Fountain of Youth to Viagra.
    Phelous: Someone please throw that shithead in an Anaconda's mouth...
  • When it's revealed the big company paying for the expedition sent the team to Borneo but didn't bother with paying the team a boat:
    Phelous: I'd say there is no way that'd happen in reality, but this is a world of immortality flowers and giant snakes that just wait around to eat people, so let's move on.
  • Phelous dubbing the scene of them finding someone to take them on a boat with the dialogues from the similar scene with Han Solo in A New Hope.
  • "Oh yeah, I can't understand anything they say, that's actually most enjoyment I have been able to get yet! Thanks, Anaconda 2!"
  • "I just took your picture! You wanna fuck?"
  • Phelous' growing annoyance with the female bitch character:
    Phelous: Seriously, fuck this stupid character! And because I hate her so much, she's probably going to survive!
    • When her character starts to get really annoying, Phelous begs for something bad to happen to her. Cue to her falling in the river and Phelous cheering.
      Sam: STOP THE BOAT!
      Phelous: Why?
    • Once they are done rescuing her, her first answer when asked if she is okay is to complain she lost her phone:
      Phelous: (irritated) Throw her back in!
  • The continuous, camera-mugging close ups of Stupid Surprised Monkey, which the camera continuously cuts to every time there's something... well, surprising. And then Phelous totals up the number of times that Stupid Surprised Monkey does his trademark face... 30 TIMES
  • When the Australian man's boat inexplicably explodes after the Anaconda ate him, the only explanation Phelous can find is that the Anaconda blew it up to cover its tracks.

    Anaconda 3: Offspring 

    Anacondas: Trail of Blood 
  • Phelous really gets irritated by the scientist at the beginning of the movie who instead of actually doing the immortality serum as he was supposed to wasted several months on turning the flower into a mushroom that made the snake even more powerful and aggressive. Later, the villain reveals this scientist "might be one of the smartest people on the planet":
  • Phelous mocking the main villain's reasoning:
    Villain: I have invested over fifty million dollars on this project.
    Phelous (as the Villain): Only with fifty million was I able to afford a one-man team and a cottage in the woods. Well... I did have a real research facility before, but I sabotaged it while I was visiting because I hate logic. Speaking of which... (instructs the hitman to kill another scientist he still needs)
  • Johnny Cage and four other people are driving through the forest and are stopped by a fallen tree...which five people could certainly move. They decide to abandon their car and walk. Cut immediately to Phelous being stopped in his own car by a twig that's fallen into the road.
    Phelous: Oh no, no, no, NO! What am I gonna do now!? (resigned) Looks like I'm gonna be walking.
  • The Dear Sis gag.
  • "The Wonder snake chases the Wonder dummy who falls over and is about to die, but Amanda quickly... steals his vehicle. She's so awesome! But this does surprises the Anaconda! Just for a second, though, and it goes back to CGI-ing the wonder dummy! But Amanda has now driven far enough away from the snake to get a good shot! Yes, it's Incubus Logic again: only the opposite of logic has any sense here!"
  • Phelous points out it's not that surprising the villains fail to ever kill the snake, given they keep shooting at the sky when trying to shoot at it.
  • Sub-Zero (after being glitched into Ermac during Phelous's Pulse reviews) comes back to life due to the overload of "FATALITY" jokes Phelous used. Sub-Zero then does a fatality on Phelous when he quotes the song Chinese Ninja Warrior by the Immortals.
    Sub-Zero: (triumphantly) That one is for the guy up in the sky! (Calmer) That one is for you, Johnny Cage. Wait... is he dead still? I don't remember with him anymore. (to the camera) Anyway, I'm gonna visit Reptile before he turns into shitty CGI...

    House of the Dead 
  • Uwe Boll's outburst of "Dun dun dun dunnnnn! Curien!" at the end of the House of the Dead: Funny Version made the whole movie almost worth it to Phelous. Almost.
  • When the villain in the Funny version answers to being asked why he killed so many people so he could become immortal that he did it to live forever, Phelous chuckles and admits it was Actually Pretty Funny... only to find out this is not an alteration and already was in the original movie. Where it was supposed to be taken seriously.
  • And now it seems that it'll be a running gag with him.
  • In the same review, Boll's audio commentary is ridiculously unprofessional. He accepts phone calls and eats snacks while recording. Phelous wonders whether this was supposed to be 'funny'. Cut to... him belching and eating crisps as an unseen audience laughs at every single move he makes.
    • What really sells this part is how Phelous took some of the most overused comedy clichés (burping and laugh tracks) and actually made them funny.
  • Phelous reveals that one of the working titles for Night of the Living Dead was "Twilight of the Dead":
    Phelous: So yeah, George Romero almost made Twilight.

    Dead and Deader 
  • His theory in Dead and Deader that it revolved around "Harbor Patrol" (An actress who played a Harbor Patrol agent in House of the Dead, an AMS Colonel in House of the Dead II: Dead Aim, and a mad scientist in Dead and Deader), in which he suspects the universe diverged when she got resurrected; she'd either be the leader of the heroes in 2 and lose her legs, or keep her legs but be a mad scientist in Dead and Deader. It's brought up at the end of the episode, where Phelous wonders what would've happened if he hadn't chosen to review the bad movies. In one sincerario, he just doesn't care. In the other?
    Alternate Phelous: (with red, glowing eyes) I NEED A BAD MOVIE TO REVIEW! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

    Thankskilling 
  • The title card for this episode is a Mirrored Confrontation Shot of the killer Turkey and Phelous about to fight each other, with the Turkey armed with a knife and a fork, while Phelous is armed with salt and pepper.
  • The credits of the movie include a guy named General Bastard. Phelous wonders if this is because he is a general at being a bastard of if he is just generally a bastard.
  • The dialogues of the nerd character at the beginning of the movie is so bad, Phelous actually asks if he is supposed to be the Turkey in disguise, since he can't believe a human being would talk like this.
  • When the Turkey first meets the female main protagonist, Phelous informs us he says he's going to drink her blood and calls her a meanie. He then plays the actual dialogues to show us that no, he is not joking about it.
  • Phelous' Laughing Mad reaction upon seeing the Turkey raping the slutty female character.
  • The ending of the review, featuring Pester Z. Bum.

    Triangle 
  • Making up lyrics to the musical theme for Triangle.
  • When Jess inexplicably dreams of being asleep on a beach, Phelous deduces she's so tired she even dreams of sleeping.
  • When it turns out the ship the characters found is empty, and thus, a "Ghost ship":
  • Phelous parodying the movie of the plot by having his own time loop shenanigans.
  • When the movie arrives to the point where the killer has been eliminated and Jess seemingly is the Final Girl, Phelous tries to roll credits... only for Jess to apparently reset it.
    Phelous: DAMN IT TO HELL, Jess, couldn't you just leave it alone?!
  • Phelous mocks Victor for being unwilling to believe the whole time loop thing when Jess explains it to him, yet is willing to buy that she was able to magically teleport to him minutes after he left her.
    Phelous: What, does this guy have a hole in his head? (cue Jess accidentally digging a hole in the back of his head)
  • "So now we have two Jesses running around at this point!" (sounds of killer Jess shooting at them) "... Right, make that three Jesses."

    Black Christmas (2006) 

    Crywolf 

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