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Five Across the Eyes
- Phelous's summary of the movie Five Across the Eyes.
- Unlike his other reviews, this one starts off with him watching the movie, and his furious reaction afterwards. Then, rather than discuss the production behind the movie, he stares angrily into the camera without saying anything.
- Phelous gets tired of the whiny characters, so just skips ahead to when the whining ends. Cue end credits.Phelous: Believe me, I wish I was kidding.
- Phelous hates the main characters so much that he changes the ending so that everyone dies.
- From his crossover review of "La Horde" with Sadpanda, Welshy and ChaosD1... the french subtitles!Baguette Croissant! Baguette croissant baguette croissant baguette croissant!
Baguette? I'll Croissant.
D1: GRENADES!!! DON'T!!!! WORK THAT WAY!!!!!
- Followed up with Sadpanda fainting as Welshy springs up, asking "They don't?", with D1 just calmly responding "no" a few seconds after.
- The beginning of the review, when Phelous announces the name of the movie.Phelous: It's called The Horde.
Sadpanda: No no, you're already wrong, Phelous. It's called La Horde, not "The Horde".
D1: And what does that translate to?
Sadpanda: "The Horde".
Phelous: I hate you, Panda.
- After the group discovers that The Scrappy is the only survivor of the movie:Phelous: Oh, well, at least after that she dies.
Sadpanda: Well, not really. We don't see her get killed an—
Phelous: She died.
Sadpanda: I mean, maybe there will be a sequel—
Phelous: She died!
Sadpanda: Never mind.
- Luke realises that the two can just talk through the camera like the other reviewers do instead, then he follows up with a very brief Film Conscience.
- The Running Gag of the killer trying to be a poor man's Jigsaw, only to progressively come up with worst Pre Mortem One Liners. Eventually Phelous apologizes to the viewers for the abuse of this joke, explaining he just has a hard time taking seriously a killer whose primary motivation for killing is deleted junk mail.
- When it's revealed that if you do send the Chain Letter, the killer will just send you more of it until you stop doing it, Phelous asks why he even bothers with this gimmick if he's gonna kill them regardless.
- "This morning, flocks of seagulls- and I ra-a-an, I ran so far awa-a-ay!"
- The ending also qualifies. All 4 minutes and 36 seconds worth of it.
- His reaction to the scene in which Rod and Nathalie walk on the beach (or more specifically, his reaction to the filmmakers' failure to edit out the sound of the ocean, which drowns out the dialogue): he devolves into a fit of Angrish, growling and roaring at the camera; this quickly cuts to a shot of him with a straight face, saying, "The editing is bad."
- In a call back to La Horde:"BIRDS!!! DON'T!!! WORK THAT WAY!!!"
- He claims to interview Rod, the woodenly-acted protagonist of film, only to bring out an actual wooden rod.Phelous: Whoa, Rod, where was all this energy when you were filming??
The Human Centipede
- An 'advertisement' for 'Lock You Inside Doors': "It's inconvenient!"
- "Dammit, I can open my door just fine!"
- Around that little sketch, the dramatic musical stings that keep popping up when the doctor says or does something.
- "DUH-DUH-DUH-DUNNN! You are the Curien piece!"
- His reaction to seeing the centipede for the first time. He then compares the interactions between the centipede and the doctor to a kind of weird sitcom, complete with a laugh track. Said laugh track also appeared after Lindsey fell into a pool while trying to escape."Dog food?!" [Wa-wa-wa-wah! sound effect]
- The doctor's belief that chickens go "quack", which then soon cuts to a scene of Lindsey and Gob poorly imitating and dancing like a chicken.
- The return of Hide and Seek, complete with what can only be described as a weird, disjointed acoustic version playing behind it.
- After Phelous plays his usual music when the Centipede is revealed, he cuts it off and plays "something more fitting.", Hanging Out With My Family.
- Sad Panda playing an acoustic rendition of the infamous Troll 2 "OH MY GODDDD!" line in place of the usual Channel Awesome jingle.
- Watching "New Phelous" attempt to read/pronounce "The Magic of Scheherazade"
- "And now, let's review 'The Magic of Ooh-Sha-Her-Zid-Zad-Doo'... 'Ooh-sha-hair-raz-add-doo'... 'Ooh-sha-rizza-had-sah-doo'... 'Jah-rer-rer-rer-rer-zad'... 'J-j-jeh-her-eh-zir-rad-der'... 'Ooh-ja-ja-her-ah-zer-aid'... Ok, this font is stupid."
- Followed by Phelous D1 scolding him for "...making fun of my favorite game, The Magic of... ...My favorite game!"
- In yet another Take That!, New Phelous reviews Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game exactly like The Irate Gamer did.
- "And now, let's review 'The Magic of Ooh-Sha-Her-Zid-Zad-Doo'... 'Ooh-sha-hair-raz-add-doo'... 'Ooh-sha-rizza-had-sah-doo'... 'Jah-rer-rer-rer-rer-zad'... 'J-j-jeh-her-eh-zir-rad-der'... 'Ooh-ja-ja-her-ah-zer-aid'... Ok, this font is stupid."
Resident Evil Afterlife
- The video opens by parodying the bad voice acting and somewhat obtuse puzzles from the older Resident Evil games.
- As well as once again parodying the original game's opening cinematic and narration, including the cast presentation with comments over them:Voice off: There used to be only three stupid Resident Evil movies, but Paul Anderson just had to make another! And we don't know where the point is!
Chris Redfield: He's not in this, because he's in jail!
Jill Valentine: Neither is she, she's off dying her hair blonde!
Barry Burton: ... He probably is!
Joseph Frost: Didn't he die, and isn't that supposed to be someone else?
Albert Wesker: And he might throw sunglasses!
- As well as once again parodying the original game's opening cinematic and narration, including the cast presentation with comments over them:
- Phelous mentions how Wesker appears to be equipped with all the Reset Buttons, given how he both kills the entire Alice Clone Army and removes the real Alice's powers in the first act of the movie.
- "Unfortunately, Wesker's powers do not include remembering you need a pilot to keep a helicopter flying..."
- His Shout-Out to The Cinema Snob:Phelous: Personally I don't really care about her videos until she does her v-log on Crystal Pepsi.
- Also, when Alice does her "beach v-log":Phelous: Claire runs by and tells Alice she seriously needs to turn her exposure down, but Alice doesn't take constructive criticism well, because she just likes to hide behind her fans.
- At the beginning of the review, Phelous declares he has decided that he would actually bother reading the summary behind the DVD box from now on, and proceeds to do so. He gives up the idea immediately after reading how utterly stupid the plot of this movie is.
- The "Stupid Surprised Blowjob".
- Phelous overloading the footage of Drive Thru with references to other movies, including Birdemic, Ghostbusters II, and It.
- After hearing the killer was disfigured in a fire and is now coming back to kill the kids of the people who caused his death, Phelous deduces the writers must have had the idea for this movie by thinking about ripping off A Nightmare on Elm Street while taking dinner at a McDonalds Drive thru and being completely stoned.
- Later on, the killer loses his mask as he is burning. Phelous points out that you never get a good look at his face, but boasts he was able to get a good picture by enhancing the image with his computer, and shows us what he got. This turns out to just be a picture of Freddy Krueger.
- "Then Horny the Clown comes and kills them on the inside with his bad jokes, before killing them on the outside while continuing to make bad jokes."
A Serbian Film
- Phelous does a great impersonation of Mr. Mackey from South Park.
- Phelous' opening of the review:Phelous: It's time... I must face the one movie I never wanted to face... Well, for the purpose of this video, there are a lot worse movies out there, but you know...
- He then proceeds to declare that Boogeyman could have been alright had it been handled a bit differently... which he then admits means it would have been good if it had been a different movie.
- Timothy vs the Closet. Which involves Him attacking it with a hammer only for the closet to counter with an earthquake.Phelous!Timothy: You win this round, closet!
- The Closet being compared to a TARDIS due! to its apparent ability to make whoever is inside it travel through space and time.
- Phelous is describing how the monster is actually kind of a letdown, but then a horrible realization hits him...Phelous: And wait a second. Is the boogeyman...A ZOMBIE FISHERMAN!?
- Phelous adding in a written epilogue with a Happy Ending Override where Timothy and his childhood friend ended up in jail for the murder of Tim's girlfriend because "the boogeyman did it" didn't hold in the trial.
- Phelous ends up facing the Boogeyman, who turns out to be Soundwave. Which he instantly defeats by smashing his Soundwave toy.
- Phelous discovers that the hospital director is played by Tobin Bell. Cue the Saw dialogue every time he talks!
- The Boogeyman's new look being compared to Skeletor's retarded cousin.
- The movie provides its own Happy Ending Override to the first movie, and much to Phelous' surprise, it turns out to be worse than the one he did, as it reveals Timothy committed suicide in the hospital.
- In the previous review, Phelous had described the first Boogeyman movie as a case of They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot, stating the movie could have been good had Timothy been the real killer with the whole time with the supernatural elements merely taking place in his head. As it turns out, this movie does exactly that, having the killer be a normal human while Timothy's story is retconned to have been hallucinations the whole time... And Phelous is still unhappy with the result, as they only did that after making all the death inflicted by the Boogeyman way too over-the-top and unrealistic to have been accomplished by a mundane human killer.
- A new "real" Boogeyman shows up and is promptly killed by Phelous. Upon unmasking him, he turns out to be the part of Phelous who thought Boogeyman 1 could still be a good movie if the killer was a regular human.
- After the first movie gave a supernatural explanation to the Boogeyman and the second retconned it into having been a mundane human the whole time, this movie retcons it yet again into being a supernatural being, much to Phelous' dismay, as he thinks they should make up their damn mind already.
- Phelous' growing irritation with the movie being unable not only to keep its continuity straight with the previous movies (among others, insisting the hospital director believed in the Boogeyman when his death in the actual movie happened because he kept denying that was the case when the protagonist tried to warn him), but also failing to keep its own continuity straight, what with them insisting multiple times the Boogeyman can only kill people who believe in him, yet showing him murder the biggest skeptics in the group first.
- Boogeyman 3 featured Erin Cahill as the lead role. When the cards are down and she is the only one left, Phelous says that there's only one thing she can do; morph into the Pink Ranger.
- A little boy, after sticking his head through a window and shouting "BOOGEYMAN!", gets killed pathetically when the window half-heartedly closes on his neck. According to Phelous, that death scene almost made up for everything else. Almost.
- "SHE'S INFECTED WITH THE MIRROR VIRUS!"
- "I'll get you next time, my ex-girlfriend's kids! Next time!"
- Phelous points out it makes no sense to call the movie "The Boogeyman", seeing how it's completely unrelated to any form of Boogeyman, and suggests it should have been called "My Mother's Ex-Lover Evil Mirror Ghost". Then he realize how stupid this title would be, and begrudgingly admits "The Boogeyman" is better.
- His trademark use of meta-humour really serves him well here, since Lommel just kept splicing footage from the first movie together with new scenes, then called it a sequel.
- Phelous' sister, Kyna, has a cameo in the end skit. The ensuing deaths... really must be seen to be believed. They involve a car exhaust pipe... okay... and a toothbrush!
Return of the Boogeyman
- Too many to mention, but here's one of the best:Annie: I finally won the battle over evil. The man with no face is gone. Now I must try on my stockings, to prove to myself one last time that I am free.
Phelous: But now she's become the woman with no legs! Y'know what, that actually made too much sense for this movie.
- He gets increasingly frustrated at the lack of continuity between movies... they even got the main character's name wrong! This culminates in his fake Retcon of the first Boogeyman review:Phelous: Hello, Phil? Philip? Are you there?
Past Phelous: Philip?
Phelous:"Yeah, that's your name now.
- Pick any scene in the Meow Mix review. Anything is hilarious when it comes from a fluffy kitty.
- "And now a new segment I would like to introduce. I call it me being lazy and licking myself a little." (Does so) "Well, I delivered what I promised."
- This brief callback:ChaosD1: "SUNSETS!!! DON'T!!! WORK THAT WAY!!! No, seriously, uh, Phelan, you and Welshy gotta stop trying to shoehorn in that catchphrase for me to say. It's fuckin' stupid."
- Phelous ties up all the loose ends to his storylines with an epic, dramatic showdown with his evil counterpart.Phelous D1: But I had so many things planned, like I was gonna send you to another dimension and then turn your show into a romantic comedy review show!
Phelous: Why are you alive?
Phelous D1: I'm not alive, you've killed me! (dies)
Phelous: Oh, yeah, you are dead now aren't you? Cool.
- Phelous D1 later regenerates himself by eating another Phelous dead body, only to be immediately turned into a cat by Lupa.
- When the Creeper reveals his bat-like wings, Phelous has the Batman theme played over it.
Jeepers Creepers II
- Phelous' frustration over the characters' constant refusal to drive on the flat when there is a cannibalistic bat monster out to get them, and comparing it to him being trapped in his room with a toxic gas but refusing to break his windows.
- Using Simple Plan's "Untitled" whenever Scotty is either Wangsting or in danger.
- Putting Danny Elfman's Batman (1989) theme and the 1960's Batman TV series to awesomely comedic use.
- The Creeper's Game Face being referred as its "ultimate silly-looking skills".
- The dog Princess keeps throwing herself in dangerous situations where she somehow always ends up escaping while putting the protagonists in danger as a result. After a while, Phelous comes to the conclusion she must be actively luring them to the crocodile to murder them.
- "Princess, you've made a powerful enemy today!"
- Phelous' reaction upon the characters mistaking the titular crocodile for a dinosaur.
- According to Phelous, there are only two things worth seeing this movie: the crocodile, and the Sheriff's theme music.
- When the Sheriff arrives on the crime scene to figure out what's going on, Phelous has the sheriff initially think the hunters damaged the crocodile's favourite sign before realizing it was her eggs she was mad about.
House of Wax 2006
- The cameos celebrating Paris Hilton's death in House of Wax (2005), followed by Doug Walker appearing and being sickened by their celebration of death.
- Also Doug getting angry at Phelous for reviewing Mac and Me, and whispering that he's not actually mad because he never wanted to review it.
- Oancitizen had the best line about Paris' death:"I welcome the deaths of other human beings that I don't know!"
- Film Brain singing "Ding Dong the witch is dead".
- Brad Jones trying to hang himself, only to fall to the floor, cough for several seconds, yell, "fuck that!" and then stumble away, dragging the rope behind him.
- Whenever the killer, who bears a resemblance to Tommy Wiseau, is seen, Phelous dubs in dialogue from The Room and TheTommyWi-Show.
- Phelous pointing out the killer turning people into wax statues by injecting wax directly into their bodies actually makes him look like a rather crappy sculptor, since that implies he cannot do actual replicates of his own.
- When we find out the killer's origin story- that he and his brothers were conjointed twins and he ended up disfigured when they were separated, Phelous comments he had the choice between going through plastic surgery or killing thousands of people by turning them into wax statues.Phelous: Clearly he made the right decision.
Amityville Horror (2005)
A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)
- There is a moment where a second Phelous appears in the mirror with a really funny expression.
- "TEDDY! TEDDY! Brother of the Freddy!"
- Phelous interpreting Teddy as being whiny and angsty, to the point of dubbing Simple Plan's "Untitled" (How could this happen to me) over a scene where he's yelling at Nancy, then lampshading it.Phelous: Oh, cool, they made Krueger such a whiny bitch I thought to use the Simple Plan song for him. Fantastic.
- The Youtube version has Phelous singing the song, in an extremely whiny voice.
- Phelous pissing Michael Myers off in the Halloween: Resurrection review by singing Silver Shamrock.
- After "Michael Myers" kills Suolehp:Phelous: Just kidding guys. It's just me pretending to be Michael Myers. Ha ha... but yeah. Suolehp is dead for real.
- When the actual Micheal Myers shows up to threaten Phelous, the latter tries to drive him away by telling him to go home. Only for Micheal to snarkily indicate they are in his home.
- The movie turns out to be such a generic, unoriginal and forgettable movie Phelous forgets about it immediatly after watching it. Twice.
- Even better, by the end of the review, he tries to do his usual sketch mocking the movie as an ending... only to find out he has yet again most of the movie. He just gives up at this point and hopes Wrong Turn 2 will be better.
- "Anyway, Detective Flynn is a good driver." (Flynn crashes his car into someone else's) Nope, not gonna take it back, he's really good! Most good drivers can't see a parked car on the middle of the road in broad daylight! Came out of nowhere!
- "I love it when the plot from these movies could be derailed by common sense!"
- "Thus Blue Shirt's purpose in this movie has been revealed: to be whiny and annoying; and this is before they get attacked: it only gets worse from here!"
- When Blue Shirt finally does die, Phelous actually is upset, because she was the character who stood out the most, if just because she was annoying.
- Phelous revealing us that being Inbred apparently only has one drawback, in that it makes you hideously deformed; aside from that, it grants you various powers such as Super Strength, Super-Hearing and perfect aim.
- His utter disbelief when it's revealed the Inbreds have somehow been able to kill and devour countless people who went by that road, enough that they are keeping the equivalent of a junkyard with their cars, and somehow nobody ever investigated that road to find out what had happened to all these people.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
- Since the plot is about a reality tv game show, Phelous parodies this by playing his own review as a reality tv game show. With Micheal Myers as his cameraman.Phelous: Welcome to Ultimate Reviewing with Phelous! This is the episode where we really get real! No more self-referencial bullshit! No more character that makes me have to shave, and no more overused joke! Only the most obvious jokes will survive on Ultimate Reviewing!
- "Clearly starting out with a bang here", as we get Annoying As Shit Character Number 534,857,961 driving to her reality tv show game..."
- The movie opens with what Phelous considers "classic Wrong Turn": with a character hitting with a car something she should have clearly seen in broad daylight.
- Once again Inbred are portrayed as being ridiculously strong and resilient, down to instantly healing bones after being hit by a car and cutting people in half with a single axe swing, leading Phelous to deduce Inbred are the superior species.
- "Pretending there have been an apocalypse is what makes our reality show super-real!"
- Upon finding out one of the characters' actor's real name is Texas Battle, Phelous finds it so hilarious he decides to spend the entire review referring to him as such.
- Phelous points out the various ways the cameras in this tv show are either impractical or make no sense, such as the contestants wearing headset cameras that are angled downwards (meaning they would only give shots of the ground), a single cameraman with a monopod (raising the question of how his arm doesn't get tired), and cameras in the trees (making it incredibly easy to lose them and probably giving bad angles of the contestants).Phelous (opening his washing machine): Oh, look, a camera in the washing machine! That sure is a stupid place to put one, and it's definitely going to get destroyed in there! Oh, well... (drops his clothes on top of the camera)
- "The Inbred go after Rawlins, but they can't cut through him like butter because he suffers from Important Characteritus!"
- "Anyway, let's check on how our other characters are developing! (brief scene of a girl revealing she is a lesbian and the man flirting with her calling it hot) And that's enough of that! Moving on...
- The scene of the Inbred jerking off to one of the naked female contestants is followed by the "Thank you for that" clip from Crocodile 2.
- "Unfortunately, his mother-sister-girlfriend catches him..."
- Phelous is having troubles figuring out which Inbred is the star "Three-Fingers", since his face change in each movie:
- Gaz Station Man from the first movie comes back, and his relationship to the Inbred is finally revealed... namely that he is their father. Cue Phelous having a Face Palm over the notion these hideously deformed, super-strong, cannibalistic monstruosity somehow are the result of one generation of Inbred.
- During the sex scene between two Inbreds, the "Just Hanging Out" music plays out.
- "After that, it's time to get super-serious! So Rawlins makes sure to take time to do... face painting. Okaaay..."
- The reveal there are chemical wastes in the area, leading Phelous to deduce these Inbreds also are chemical mutants, such explaining their super-powers.
- The Running Gag of Mina regretting not joining the "Granola Bar alliance". Which culminates into Phelous stopping Micheal from killing him by offering him an granola bar.
Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead
- When the college kids from the opening kill get reported as missing to the cops, Phelous expresses his utter shock to learn that disappearances actually get reported in the Wrong Turn universe, seeing how the previous two movies had the Inbreds killing thousands of people without anyone ever noticing.
- Phelous pointing out how weird it is to see Three-Fingers back as the start of this movie, given the previous one had him get a hole blown through his stomach.Phelous: Probably just reseted his stomach! Inbred Chemical Power!
- Like in the previous movie, Phelous has a really hard time buying that there are no animals in the wood the Inbreds live in:Phelous: I guess all animals were like "We're not moving into that forest, it's has Inbreds in it! We have standards, because we are animals"!
- Phelous' irritation over both the cops and the prisoners constantly failing to kill each other when they have the chance, resulting in them repeating confrontations and hostage situations over and over again.
- The Running Gag of Phelous singing Three-Fingers' name on the Goldfinger music.
Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings
- While discussing why this movie is a prequel rather than just another sequel, Phelous figures that's because despite all the stupidity these movies did, the writer at least didn't want to go as far as having them rise from their graves. That is, until he realize they already did that, what with Three-Fingers seemingly dying in 2 only to be back just fine in 3.
- Phelous really question the need for a prequel to this franchise:Phelous: What it's even gonna be? Family members fucking- Tadaa! Inbred?
- After the opening involved the Inbred inflicting Torture Porn to the Asyleum's staff for no reason despite previous movies having them just kill and eat people, Phelous comments that the only thing missing to remind him of Hostel is a bunch of stupid teenagers having sex. Cue the teenage protagonists being introduced in the middle of an orgy.
- Phelous choses to skip several useless scenes of sex and partying. In case the viewers don't like him skipping, he does give us some of the dialogues, which includes valuable infos such as the fact the characters ran out of weed or one of them like peeking at the lesbian couple.
- When the Inbreds somehow bring out a drill, Phelous wonders how they could have gotten this, and come up with multiple explanations, including them taking it from previous people they killed before or the sanitorium already containing it for some reason. His favourite explanation, however, is that they went to town and bought it in a store.
- When one of the main characters start mistreating the imprisoned Inbreds:Phelous!Inbred: Oh, you shouldn't have done that! Now, we're gonna... uh... EXTRA kill you or something!
- "We then learn how snowmobiles really work: they really slowly grind you up until suddenly exploding you into a blood cloud!"
- The completely random cameo of Obscurus Lupa at the end of the review to mute Phelous and deliver a song about Three-Fingers based on the Goldfinger theme. All while a furious Phelous is screaming at the top his lungs despite the muting preventing us from hearing what he's saying.
- Despite its name, this movie is just a generic Slasher that has nothing to do with the character of the same name from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Of course, this doesn't prevent this Shredder for doing a cameo to complain about it.
- The various Aladdin jokes (due to the male lead being Aladdin's voice actor).Aladdin: You, the world's oldest living virgin?
Jafar: I'm saving myself!
Aladdin: Yeah, for a farm animal.
(Iago freaks out)