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Funny / Phelous 2012 Episodes

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    Hostel III 
  • Phelous D1 returns again at the end of the Hostel Part III review! ...and Phelous doesn't care.
    Phelous D1: Ha ha ha ha! You never should have installed that tattoo scanner on your door, Phelous!
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: Uh... anyway, welcome back to the Phelous in a Hat and Trenchcoat saga! I'm taking you to the elite "hunt people who are bound up" club!
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: BUT I—
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: Come on! I've got a really good storyline this time, honest!
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: ...Uh, please? I was gonna be all, like, "Ooh, faced!" and stuff, while I bound you up!
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: Come on! Repeatedly having storylines with me will be completely new!
    Phelous: No! you're supposed to be a cat still, so go back to that.
    Phelous D1: He he he. But you see, time can be rewritten and stuff, so I—
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: I don't wanna g
    Phelous: No.
    Phelous D1: (suddenly becomes a cat) Aw, damn it!

    Octopus 2 
  • Phelous's "Really?" expression after a little wheelchair-bound girl declared a day of planting flags as the best day of her life.
  • When it's apparently revealed that the Mayor and Police Captain set the two main characters up, it's revealed that the Captain was in fact named "Captain Octopus".
  • Phelous attempting to do the magical No Ending with the Jurassic Park music, only to find himself unable to get out of the driveway on his tricycle.

    Julie & Jack 
  • Pick any part of his Julie & Jack review together with Obscurus Lupa (along with some unexpected Tear Jerker at the end). It helps that their vastly different styles mesh surprisingly well.

    Turtles Forever 
  • All the Shredder-related jokes in his review of Turtles Forever.
    Phelous: No fucking shit, Shredder. The dimensional portal sent you to another dimension?
    Shredder: Oh, how was I supposed to know that's what the dimensional portal was for? I thought it was used for making ice-cream.
    Phelous: (disbelief) Ohh, what an idiot.
  • The cherry on the cake must go to the episode's stinger, however.
    2003 Leonardo: It's our Shredder. He's come here to tear down your world.
    1987 Donatello: And he's a grade-A meanie!
    (Phelous launches into uncontrollable giggling upon hearing that line, but then...)
    Phelous: What do you know, that giggle ray actually does work.

    Roller Samurai Vampire Slayers 
  • Instead of a review, Phelous and Lupa work together on making a deliberately bad movie of their own, Roller Samurai Vampire Slayers, which stars the couple as a crack pair of... well, Exactly What It Says on the Tin. Sorta. Kinda. Almost.
    • Several parts are highly amusing, but the best is when Phelous' character (who's a vampire in disguise) monologues about his past to himself, hoping that his Knight Templar partner (played by Lupa) won't find him out. Unfortunately, he was talking aloud instead of thinking... and Lupa was right next to him.
      • This scene also allows Phelous to insert unused excerpts of Mortal Komedy.

    Child's Play 2 
  • When Andy asks if he'll see his mother again:
    Phelous: Let me check IMDB, honey. *checks Catherine Hicks' IMDB page* Nope. Your mom doesn't love you and she's never coming back.
  • Critic's shit-eating grin after Lampshade Hanging his video's recent mid-rolls.
  • The Brick Joke reference to Catherine Hicks' role in Star Trek IV.
    Phelous: What, was she too busy with her precious Star Trek at the time?
    Critic: Oh, so now you remember she was in Star Trek IV. Well, no— this is long after the Star Trek movie.
    Phelous: Really? I thought Homeward Bound came out after this.
    Critic: ...who are you?!
  • When Chucky smashes Tommy's face in and buries him under the swing. Phelous thinks it's the greatest encounter in the film, bar none.
  • The Critic and Phelous swapping bodies at the end...except it doesn't really work, but the Critic just keeps going on as if he's Phelous anyway, practically making fun of him. The icing on the cake goes to him interrupting the end of the Channel Awesome jingle by screaming the last notes.
    Critic: *laughs* You should be the one doing this imitation, he sounds more like you!

    Mortal Komedy 
  • Phelous' April Fool's review of his own Mortal Komedy, from start to finish. You could hardly get any more meta, and Phelous milks the concept for all its worth.


    Amityville 4 
  • Phelous's glosses over previous Amityville sequels (though he mentions that the house blew up in both films and somehow got better) because this is the one he's been waiting for; why? "EVIL FUCKING LAMP". The movie's absurd enough with having a haunted lamp as the villain, but he makes it even sillier; giving the lamp dialogue.
  • Every times Phelous gives dialogues to the Lamp:
    "YERHAA! I am the ULTIMATE POWER! NOTHING CAN'T STOP THE LAMP! .... except a yard sale. Damn it!"
    "Don't laugh at me! I AM EVIL INCARNATE IN A LIGHT UP ROOM, DAMN IT!!"
    "Hey! Put me down, damn it! I am the ultimate evil power! FEEEL MY WRATH! THE WRATH OF LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP!"
  • Phelous' Alternate Character Interpretation that the priests at the beginning of the movie came to all team up and strike back at the house because they were sick of being harassed by flies whenever they came here.
  • The scene with the little girl believing the lamp is her father. Cue her mother taking her away:
    "I don't like the insinuation that I screwed a lamp! You are grounded!"
    • And not too long after
    Mom: She thinks she was talking to her father
    Grandmother: Honey, is the lamp her father?
    Mom: NO!
  • Which in turn leads to this in the final confrontation with the lamp:
    Mom (after witnessing the lamp using her husband's face): Wow... so I really did marry a lamp!
    Grandmother: Well I never approved of your marriage! (throws the lamp out the window)
  • At one point we see the girl's room trashed, with crayon scribbles on the wall. This leads to an imagine spot of the lamp, holding crayons, walking into the room. "Ahahahaha! No one will suspect the lamp drew on the wall with crayon! No one suspects the laaaamp, haha!"
  • Riiing "Collect call from EVIL LAMP. Will you accept the charges?"
  • The fly's from the first movie make their cameo.
    Fly's: Hey Amityville sequel and you forgot to tell us the fly's?
    Evil Lamp: Shut up! Shut up! This is the lamps movie!
  • "I can't believe a lamp's killed me! BLEH!" "Yeah, that was pretty pathetic."

    Man's Best Friend 
  • Phelous completely losing it during the scene where Max swallows a cat whole.
  • His utter bafflement over the "Dog-Rape Scene".
  • When "Yellow Eyes" tries to give rat poison to Max:
    Phelous!Max: You made a huge mistake, fellah! Everyone knows rat poison goes horribly with mailman! Rat poison only goes well with annoying parrot! (attacks the parrot)
    Phelous: Well, at least that parrot wasn't roasted alive by a lamp!
  • The exchange between the Puppy and Max:
  • Phelous pointing out the villain being killed by a puppy has to be the most embarrassing death ever. Cue a shot of his tombstone reading "Android Heriksen: He survived the killer dog but then a puppy killed him".

  • Aladdin has several, from the fakeout in which Phelous reveals this isn't the Disney Aladdin to Phelous mimicking the villain's ("Jafart") poorly animated movements.
  • He plays a scene unedited which skips about and cuts randomly due to the poor nature of the film transfer, leading to:
    Phelous: *Calmly* Could be a LITTLE less awk *Cut, suddenly raging* HELL'S GOING ON HERE?!?!
  • When Aladdin's mother frees the genie from the lamp and she faints:
    Genie!Phelous: I have struck your mother dead, boy. That's a free bonus.
  • Phelous' disproportionate rage at having spent 34 cents for Aladdin, while spending just 33 cents for two other films.
    Phelous: So, yeah, guess this is a piece of shit, but I got what I paid for! (Woody Woodpecker-like laugh)
  • "Mr. Expalinypants", the obvious Take That! to Doug Walker who likes irritating the heck out of Phelous.
    Mr. Explainypants: I explain the joke so you don't ha... aaghh! (gets dragged off screen)
  • Him thinking the budget for the film is five bucks.
  • His overthinking about audiences of Egypt confused about the setting.
  • His comments about the owl.
    Phelous: Oh, hey, I didn't know Link OW La was in this movie!

    Blood Rayne 
  • The Briemstone Society members are so emotionless and bored-looking no matter what they say or do, Phelous keeps referring to them as the "No Shit Society".
  • When Kagan is about to absorb the heart to allow him to become a Daywalking Vampire:
    Kagan: Prepare to witness the beginning of a new era.
    Phelous: Yeah, a single vampire will be able to walk in the sunlight, now! New era!

    Blood Rayne 2 
  • Phelous mocking the fact that Rayne apparently has a gift to cause people who team up with her to die.
  • This scene from his BloodRayne 2 review:
    Phelous (referring to an annoying reporter character he doesn't like): "Please kill him!!"
    (A picture of the character appears with the words "He doesn't die", followed by Phelous singing "Doodly Derpy Derp DOOP DOOP DOOP" like Kermit the Frog.)
    Phelous: *cries*
  • "Soooo, Billy the Kid and kids.... yeaaaaaah, don't vampires have laws against this too?"
    • Which leads to this line when Billy flirts with Rayne:
    "Funny, I didn't think she was your type, Pedi the Kid!"
  • The multiple times Phelous mocks Billy's absolutely ridiculous plan:
    "This plan is about as smart as something Billy the Kid would come up with himself! (Beat) So yeah, maybe it would work on him."
    "That gatling gun was set up by the vampires! Did they load it with garlic holy water bullets?! This seems like a really stupid plan! (Beat) Must have been Billy's."

  • Blubberella:
    Clint Howard: "Well, fuck my donkey."
    (Both the original Clint Howard's lines and Phelous' imitations are hysterical.)

    In the Name of the King 

    Child's Play 3 
  • The Nostalgia Critic calling Phelous' life a disaster and laughing at him. Depending on if this takes place before or after Scooby-Doo, could also be Harsher in Hindsight.
  • Phelous finally explaining how reviewers in two different places can possibly communicate with one another... which deeply freaks out Critic (and possibly the audience).
  • After Critic states he never does meta jokes, he realizes he has Doug Walker's wedding ring on and tries to hide it.
  • Remembering the Good Guy CEO's quote from the last review, Critic and Phelous proceed to call him "Mr. Shove-It-Up-Your-Ass."
  • This time, Phelous banishes Casper to the toilet. At the end, the Critic goes to use it, forgetting Casper was banished there.
  • The return of "I have a date with a six-year-old boy."
  • This line:
    Chucky (on seeing Andy making out with the film's love interest): "Man, I really gotta get out of this body!"
    Cut to an Imagine Spot of Charles Lee Ray kissing Andy
  • Yellow liquid running in front of an image of Harold Whitehurst after he sacrifices himself.
  • "This means war." (Chucky then pops out of a Looney Tunes drum.)
  • Mr. Explainy-Pants explaining the joke about random deaths being funny or not...then getting shot by the Critic and saying that the joke was irony.

    Rob Zombie's Halloween 
  • The face Phelous makes when Michael Myers "talks" (more like makes a subtitle appearing with sparkly sounds) has to be seen to be believed.

    Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 
  • "Did you just talked? No! I don't want to hear another word from you. And I sure hope it doesn't happen again!" *Winks*
  • "Besides this is not a remake. This is an original... Pile of Crap."
  • The first dialog between Child!Michael and his mom.
    Phelous!Child!Michael: I just feel a little sick after my actor change. Did we really need more scenes of me?
    Phelous!Rob Zombie's wife: Of course we did, honey. We need to bring up the stupid white horse shit, because my ghost is gonna show up with one all the time, and it symbolizes stuff, so it's got meaning and shit. Clever, right?
    Phelous: *Completely deadpan* No.
  • "I died so you don't have to~!"
  • The conversation between Laurie and the psychiatrist:
    Psychiatrist: Laurie, they never found his body.
    Laurie: So?
    Phelous!Psychiatrist: There's no reason to be calm, Laurie. He's still out there. He's going to kill you! You need to panic right now!!
  • The scene where Loomis complaints about an old picture of "Old Loomis"... said photo is Donald Pleasence's.
  • Loomis declaring Michael Myers is Dead, spelling it "D-E-E-D".
    Phelous: And we do see in fact Michael Myers IS fucking "Deed", as the Brawny man replaced him.
  • His reaction at Michael revealing his leg through a slit in a tunic, after the line of "A Chick dressing as a Dude who wants to be a Chick".
  • To illustrate how Laurie has become an obnoxious jerk in this sequel, he plays a montage of her more awful moments. It also just so happens to have the "Dog Ending" theme from Silent Hill 2 playing over it.
  • Phelous goes Laughing Mad when Michael actually says something ("DIE!") in the movie, then breaks down sobbing until immediately stopping and saying "It's not that big a deal."

    Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines 
  • Like in the Wrong Turn 4 review, Phelous points out that prequels in these movies will all pretty much be a Foregone Conclusion that they can't die, since despite the constant Continuity Snarl regarding their backstory, the writers didn't go as far as having the Inbreds rise from their grave. Then he remembers all the times Three-Fingers got an Unexplained Recovery, and ends up saying they might as well have them rise from their graves at this point.
    Phelous: Because don't forget, not only are Inbreds the superior species, but they are also a bit magical!
  • Upon the movie giving yet another backstory contradicting the previously established ones by implying Inbred were responsible for decimating an entire population in 1817, Phelous wonders if this is meant to suggest they are either immortal or part of a long line of Inbreds.
    Phelous: A long line of Inbreds... yeah, that'd would work out well. And I do really mean it'd work out well in this movie's bizarre universe, because they seem to imply that fucking your family members is how you get the superior genes!
  • Phelous desperately tries to figure out how to make sense of the now four contradicting backstories. The best explanation he can come up with is "time-travelling chemical inbred mutant patients from 1817".
  • The main characters turn out to be yet again generic teenagers going to a party:
  • "Oh, they couldn't even get acting to show up for this movie... that's too bad."
  • In the movie's opening kill, Three-Fingers cuts off the news anchor's finger, leading Phelous to think he's trying to create more of his kind.
    Phelous (After Three-Fingers sliced off the anchor's finger while she was Flipping the Bird to him): That's four fingers! idiot! Some superior species you are!
  • Upon finding out the Inbreds suddenly are with another old man different than Gaz Station Man, Phelous wonders if they are just like Leatherface and keep finding a new family to be with.
  • After boasting about how he's been killing and eating people for thirty years and never left anything behind, the new old guy leading the Inbreds almost immediately displays his pretended expertise by putting himself in the middle of the road in order to ambush people, almost getting hit by a car in the process and being arrested immediately by the cops after getting the crap beaten out of him by the teenagers he was trying to catch. On top of this, it's later revealed he was wanted for murder, meaning he didn't even do that good of a job at covering his tracks.
    Phelous: Been doing it for thirty years! He's the Best! (Beat)... I usually don't have to do that for the villain.
  • The montage of all the evil old guy's over the top, redundant death threats he keeps throwing at the protagonists from his cell.
  • Phelous' growing impatience over the characters being completely powerless to fight back against the Inbred, even though they are a police station with guns while their opponents are three morons with knives and bows, not to mention the Inbreds can no go to town and slaughter an entire police station will still remaining hidden from the public. This leads him to theorize the next movie will be about the Inbred taking on the army with knives and winning:
    Phelous as a soldier (facing Jason): I've got a shotgun, you stupid freak! (Jason raises his machete) OH! A KNIFE! I'M SO STUPID! (shoots himself)
    • Then he theorizes Wrong Turn 7 will be about the Inbreds taking over the Moon and blow up Earth with a laser, followed by Wrong Turn 8 having them slaughtering highly advanced aliens with knives
  • Phelous summarizes the entire plot of the movie to these three lines on a loop:
    Old Guy: Eh eh eh, they are going to kill you!
    Inbreds: We kill and torture someone!

    Halloween 6 

    TMNT: Coming Out of Their Shells 
  • Phelous trying to play the guitar with a microphone, failing spectacularly.
    Phelous!Michelangelo: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
  • Pointing out how the stage show basically goes against everything the Turtles learned about the art of the ninja.
    Movie!Splinter: You must never stop practicing the art of ninja. The art of...invisibility.
    Phelous!Splinter: Well, when I said that, I meant "practice the ninjutsu of music!" And by "invisible", I meant "go on fucking stage in front of hundreds of people, and then let yourself be recorded so everyone sees you!"
    • And then Phelous follows it up with the Ghostbusters doing away with the ghost-hunting business and becoming a band.
  • Phelous' long reaction to Splinter's "Skipping Stones" song, before finally using his fingers as a cross in horror.
    • And then there's his take on the song by singing about doing his taxes, eating crackers, taking a dump, and then taking a nap.
  • "Yes, it is I, Colonel Shrader, and I hate reviews!"
  • "This costume is almost on par with my Shredder, and that's sad."
  • Raphael performing "Walk Straight":
    Raphael: You got to walk (walk straight), Talk (talk straight), be (be straight)
    Phelous: Whoa, whoa, whoa! People are free to live whatever lifestyle they choose, Turtles!
    Raphael: I say "walk", you say "walk straight", I say "talk", you say "talk straight". You say whatever the Turtles say.
    Phelous: Why, you fucking bunch of fascists!
  • Phelous parodying the visuals of the "Cowabunga" song with "NO" graphics.
  • "But before the Turtles can call Shredder a grade-A meanie..."
    • This bit when Shredder is insulting the audience:
    Concert!Shredder: "Cousin? What's the matter, couldn't get a date?
    Phelous!Kid: She is my date!
    Phelous!Shredder: Oh, fuck me!
  • Shredder's song about how much he hates music causing Baxter Stockman's head explode.
  • Pointing out how Concert!Shredder killed three people in the concert, making him the most incompetent and competent version of the character simultaneously.
    Phelous: Hope you're taking notes, Shredder.
    Phelous!Shredder: If you disguise it under the dumbest plan in the universe you can get away with murder in a children's concert!
  • Follow Your Fart.

    TMNT: Gettin Down in Your Town 
  • From the sequel Gettin Down in Your Town:
    Phelous!Shredder: (is singing) I love the Technodrome so baaaaaad, it houuuuses everything I love, like Kraaaaang- (immediately stops singing in horror)
    Phelous: 8O
  • His spot-on impression of Krang.
  • Michelangelo loudly announcing Splinter's death... over and over again.
    Michelangelo: He's dead! Thank you! He's dead! Thank yooouu!
  • "Holy shit! Someone put a bullet right between Leo's eyes! WHO KILLED LEONARDO??"
  • Phelous noticing that Leonardo basically became Raphael 2.0.
    Phelous!Kid: I don't like this concert...
    Phelous!Leonardo: DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK??!!
    Phelous!Kid: (sobbing)
    • Then Phelous realizing that Leonardo actually just fucking hates Mikey.
    Phelous!Leo: I'll never forgive you for fucking me over in Jeopardy, Michelangelo!
    Phelous!Mikey: The answer was cowabunga, dude! I pretty much gave you that!
    Phelous!Leo: I don't wanna hear it!
    Phelous!Don: Duuudes, we're gonna sort out our issuuuues, we'll be right back!
    Phelous!Kid: ...what?

    The Real Ghostbusters: X-Mas Marks the Spot 
  • The Action-Figure skit, with Ray having busted a cat.
    Phelous!Peter: You blasting this cat in particular offends me more than usualnote .
    Phelous!Ray: Hey, come on, Pete! We can get some roasted cat over on open fire.
    (Peter blasts him and Garfield pees on him)
  • "And that's the story of how the Ghostbusters killed Christmas." *cue The Real Ghostbusters end credits*
  • "That's right, the ghosts of Christmas get busted! I guarantee you, no other version of A Christmas Carol will have that!"
  • His reaction to the tiny bird the butcher gives to the family.
    "What the hell is that?! A pigeon?! So Cratchit and his family are going to die from fine rat meat? You know, what? That's not even big enough to be a full grown pidgeon. This guy fucking killed a baby pigeon just so he could give Bob Cratchit the smallest fucking bird possible."
    "And we never see them again after this scene. So yeah, they fucking starved to death. (Beat) Merry Christmas!"
  • Also pointing out that Egon has to risk his molecular structure, when Slimer could get there instead.
    "Scrooge's anti-Christmas message must have even resonated with the afterlife, as even stupid Slimer also hates it now, which means he's gonna be even more useless than usual! As instead of sending Slimer to get the ghosts back for them, Egon has to risk altering his molecular structure to that of a ghost so he can go find them."
    (Deadpan) "Yeah, almost like you can go instead, you stupid sack of shit."
    "Yeah! Get sucked in, Slimer! Oh, damn."

    Sonic Christmas Blast 
  • The title card from the Sonic Christmas Blast episode.
  • Phelous dubbing over Scratch's lines (and especially his laugh).
  • The constant game overs.
  • Santa Claus' pessimistic defeatism triggering the ending credits at least four times.

    Super Mario Christmas 
  • From the Super Mario Christmas double feature review, Phelous repeatedly calls out Toad for caring more about the snowboard Princess Toadstool gave him than his own friends.
  • "If you do drugs, you go to Hell before you die. Please."
  • Stating that he hopes that Nintendo never gave Yoshi a baby mentality again. Cue clip from Yoshi's Story
    Phelous: (shaking his fist) Damn you, Yoshi...!
  • His reaction to the bug-eyed cave children.
    • The ending where he gets a mushroom cap, much to his horror. This is followed by end credits consisting of various characters dancing to "Do The Mario".
  • Phelous expresses his love of Bowser's plan: to blow Santa up.
    Santa: (as Bob-ombs fall from the sky) Ho-ho-holy shit!
  • When Yoshi cries out while trying to save one of the cave children that Santa!Mario needs to go on a diet (and the latter balks at the idea):
    Santa!Mario: I'd rather let all the cave people die than to give up my extra cheese pizzas, Yoshi!
  • Phelous' reaction to the music during the chase scene.


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