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Funny / Phelous 2013 Episodes

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    Resident Evil Retribution 
  • "Barry Celebration time!!"
    (After quoting Barry's lines) "Barry doesn't do it at all in this movie, so bet your ass I'm going to do it."
  • Phelous actually returned to watch RE-Extinction to count all the naked-Alice visible in the final shot.
    Phelous: I hope you enjoy the pointlessness I put myself throught for these videos. You don't? Cool.
  • After Alice destroyed the screen showing Wesker only to have his picture pop up somewhere else, Phelous has Wesker actually explain to her he is not really there and it's just a screen.
  • Wesker informs Alice "the human race faces extinction":
    Phelous: Oh, fuck, no one should have to sit through that film again!
  • Alice asks Wesker to "explain Tokyo":
    Phelous!Wesker: It's a place in Japan.
    Phelous!Alice: I meant that spot that looks like it in here!
    Phelous!Wesker: ... Oh. Well, I don't know. Again, I'm not really there, Alice!
  • "And now we return to the "Alice Show", where we must save Alice because she's so damn important" (Alice's face mid-sentence, looking stupid) "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!"
    • The face was also used previously when pointing out Suburbia!Alice didn't bother to check if "Nicedriguez" was still alive after she picked them.
      Phelous: (Stupid!Alice face pops up) Assholeeee!
    • Part 2 uses it again.
      Phelous!Alice: (Sending Becky alone) Hey, run up ahead. I'll check my wound by myself, That way you can possibly get killed by a zombie by yourself. (Stupid!Alice face pops up) Duuhuuu!
  • After pointing out that the Red Queen created zombies that can shoot at people:
    Phelous: Wow. Just, wow. I don't even care anymore. She may as well just pull out the rainbow-unicorn-zombie-she-created-online-made-real-from-a-virtual butt rain acid from the ceiling shoot them with his laser eyes. (All completed with a drawing of said unicorn)
    • Then another plot-hole from the Red Queen comes.
      Phelous: Get ready for all the answers when the unicorn shows up!
  • In both parts, Phelous points out Alice is "supposed" to NOT having powers, still kicking zombie ass.
  • ''"Bye, Nicedriguez. You might have been completely pointless to the plot, but you showed me Michelle Rodriguez playing a different character"
  • His utter disgust to Barry's death scene.
    Phelous!Barry: (gets killed) Glad I was in this movie...
    Phelous: Good waste of your Barry, Retribution. (adopts Barry voice) You're a stupidity sandwich.
    • Also another big offender to him was that Barry and Jill never got to interact unlike the games, so he puts repetitions of their game exchanges.
      Phelous: I don't care! It was worth it.

    Jason Goes to Hell 

    Silent Hill Revelation 

  • The movie opens on the shot of a girl's ass, prompting Phelous to comment this movie is showing the part of the body it came from.
  • After the Exposition Dump where the little girl told her baby-sitter the story of Smiley and how he shut his eyes down and carved his mouth into a smile:
    Phelous!Baby-Sitter: Why did he do that?
    Phelous!Little girl: I don't know, he was bored...
  • Upon hearing Smiley shows up everywhere on the internet, Phelous assumes it must be an internet ghost, and proceeds to immediately protect himself with red ducktape. By using it as a blindfold.
    Phelous: Trust me, I'm safer this way!
  • "Unfortunately, it's time to meet the main character: Ashley. We'll be calling her Ashhole, for reasons you'll see..."
  • The main character's acting is so bad and unnatural Phelous becomes convinced she is either an alien or a robot.
  • The teacher explains his class is about ethics:
    Phelous: Oh, please, you joined the Hostel's killer club, the fuck do you know about ethics?
    • Which is followed by his summary of all the (very boring) classroom scenes in this movie:
    Phelous!Teacher (in a monotonous, barely audible voice): Now, I'm just gonna keep blabbing on and on about something that doesn't really have to do with anything so this movie can think that it's deeper than it really is, but I'm gonna talk, and talk, and talk, with a really dull tone and go really low so you can barely hear me THEN LOUD then really quite again. (to one of the students) ... Don't I know you from Annoying Orange?
    Phelous!Student: Yeah, they got us Youtube people to be bit parts in this as a reason to watch it.
    Phelous!Teacher: Hah! Let's not kid ourselves, there's no reason to watch this.
  • Phelous grows more and more irritated with the movie constantly trying to turn Proxy into a Jump Scare even when it makes absolutely no sense to have one and when the movie does nothing but have her stand there while playing a jump scare dramatic music.
  • Phelous gets sick of the movie and begs it to give him something interesting. The movie then gives him... another teacher scene.
    Phelous: Well, thanks movie, that is exactly the opposite of what I asked.
  • When the characters who made the entire prank at the end of the movie declare themselves Anonymous despite not actually being Anonymous for the heck of it, Phelous asks why they stopped the bullshit here and didn't also say they were The Illuminati:
    Phelous!Zane: I'm sure the Illuminati wouldn't agree with this.
    Phelous!Shane Dawson: Fuck those guys! We're the REAL Illuminati! And I'm the President!
    Phelous!Zane: I'm not sure the White House would agree with this.
    Phelous!Shane Dawson: Thanks, Obama! Y'know, he says I'M off-message? HE'S off-message! I'm the REAL president!
    Phelous: Wow, I can't believe the President of the United States, the Illuminati, the resurrected KGB and the UN all teamed up to make the most convoluted plan in the universe to kill a random girl! THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SAID THAT!
  • Phelous decides to try the movie's gimmick on Sad Panda by typing "I did it for the lolz" three times on a conversation with him:
    SadPanda: Good thing I know how to use internet cheat codes. (types something, resulting in the three "I did it for the lolz" being now typed by him. Phelous raises his head, and see... a flying smiley looking at him)
    Phelous (amazed): It's so stupid!

    Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 

    Deadly Friend 
  • ♪Paul, the Genius DUMBASS!♪
  • Phelous gives BB his own voice acting; his Cookie Monster voice is fitting for the robot.
  • "Paul, the Genius Dumbass" is responsible for BB being unable to speak because he keeps pulling out memory cards on BB's motherboard.
    Phelous!BB: BB finally learning to talk-
    Phelous!Paul: Hey, BB, the paperboy wants to see your brain. (removes it)
    BB: Argh! (deactivates)
    Phelous!Paul: Look at it, looks like a chipboard. (chuckles) (puts it back)
    Phelous!BB: (distorted) BB finally learning to (devolves into gibberish)
  • The dead-on comparison of BB's voice to the Tasmanian Devil.
  • A minor Running Gag comes in the form of editing in Nestor Cunningham's "All right!" during scenes that involve Sam's dad... which manages to make the scene of him knocking Sam down the stairs a bit of Black Comedy since, due to editing, that is practically all he says during it.
  • During Sam's nightmare of stabbing her dad with a broken glass vase, Dixie-land music is editing in over it.
    • Said music is later edited in during BB's death scene by shotgun.
  • "Now it's time to check if Paul killed his mom. Yes, really."
  • This quote:
    Phelous!BB: But BB's MISTER Roboto!
    Phelous!Sam: But Sam's MRS. Roboto!
    Blue Screen Of Death: Sam crashed but it's OK / It's just a human brain / Reset it again
    Phelous: CRITICAL ERROR!
  • In a Call-Back to his Troll 2 review, him scoring the infamous basketball-to-the-head scene with Also Sprach Zarathustra.
  • Phelous keeps cutting to the basketball-to-the-head scene as shorthand for, well, everything. Explanation of how stupid the movie is? Headsplosion. Sam displaying superstrength? Headsplosion. This movie is stupid? Headsplosion! Headsplosion doesn't explain anything? HEADSPLOSION!
    • Apparently, Paul punching Tom's head repeatedly until Headsplosion is too silly, so instead Sam's going to jump out a window and "beat Tom's head into the ground until he dies of injuries".
  • "Oh, man, a robot in the family! That's wacky!" as a reference to Lupa's review of "Robot in the Family."
  • The rather nonchalant way Phelous says that "Tom's recovering from his latest concussion after playing in traffic".
  • During the absurd ending to the film, Phelous' excited "No...really?!"

    Jacob's Ladder 

    Aladdin: The Adventure of All Time 
  • The opening of the video handwaves the dramatic ending of Jacob's Ladder like it was another of Phelous's regular deaths.
  • The Running Gag of Paige's grandfather getting out his gun.
  • Humpty-Dumpty's graphic note  death.
  • After Aladdin and Paige make Blackbeard into what he is with the magic lamp, Aladdin cuts his beard, much to Phelous' aggravation.
  • Phelous notes that Cleopatra's servant girls wear really skimpy outfits, which normally show the underside of their breasts that barely cover their nipples. Then there is an off model shot of them that makes it look like they're wearing crotchless pants.
    Phelous: WHAT THE FUUUCK?! Time for my rating: Aladdin and the Adventure of All Time gets a hard R for nudity!
  • His horrified reaction to the film's running time.
    Paige's grandfather: That's because this story is about time and time has no ending.
    Phelous: Pfft! We'll see about that. (zooms in on running time, shows the infinity symbol) AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!
  • Phelous notes that one of the recently released prisoners from prison is a skeleton, who prances around the street. He grimly says that now this undead abomination shall walk the earth forever!
  • This bit of dialogue:
    Scheherazade: "...I'm going to hide the lamp in a place it will never be found."
    Phelous!Scheherazade: "My vagina!"
    (Aladdin and the princess stare at her in shock...)
    Phelous!Scheherazade: Err, I mean...
    Scheherazade: THE FUTURE!
    (Their expression remains in shock, this time at her stupidity.)
  • His completely tearing apart the movie's honestly twisted and horrific Moral Dissonance (the villain is evil for trying to change history, but our "heroes" are directly responsible for history's greatest villains and atrocities and we're supposed to praise them for it) is as hilarious as it is awesome.
  • Phelous playing Shredder's song about hating music over Scheherazade's Villain Song.
    Phelous: Oh, wait, it's not that dumb.
    Scheherazade:The knack for being mean seems to suit me. And as I've said, being mean is kind of fun!
    Phelous: Oh, wait, yes it is.
  • Phelous mocking the villain's plan to try and cover her tracks by...writing a story in which her victims live Happily Ever After.
    Scheherazade: I call it covering my tracks!
    Phelous: From who, people in the future?! Or can you just write "And they lived happily ever after" about anyone and no one will have to check in on them?! Ever again!
    Phelous!Grandfather: (writing) "And Paige lived happily ever after..." (cocks gun)
    Phelous!Paige: Grandpa, no! (gets shot)
    Phelous!Police officer: Got a missing persons report on that bookworm, Paige — but then her grandfather showed us a book sayin' she lived happily ever after! Case clooosed!

    The Time Machine (I Found At a Yardsale) 
  • This entire 2-part review is an overflowing barrel of laughs.
  • The dinosaur and Phelous and Lupa's reactions to it.
    Phelous!Dinosaur: You guys are jerks; at least I tried!
  • Lupa's offscreen Skyward Scream during the belly dancer sequence.
  • Fat Grandma steals the show.
  • Referring to Sheba as Grimace due to the purple veil she wore.
    • On that note...
      Sheba: Where will I live?
      Phelous: In Grimace's hollowed-out carcass, you stupid future middle-age baby!
      Lupa: That's mean.
      Phelous: Okay, she can live with NOT-DEAD Grimace then.
      (Lupa crosses her arms)
  • This exchange:
    Lupa: Hey Phelan, I hope you like candy more than having your guts ripped out your ass and shoved back down your throat!
    Phelous: ... You read me like a book.
  • Every instance involving Lupa's cat Ash.
    • At one point, Phelous and Lupa are shrunken as this happens:
      Phelous: Did we shrink?
      Lupa: No, we got bigger. I'm the smart one.
      (Ash inhales and eats Lupa)
      Phelous: Awkward...
      Ash: Well, it is now. (eats Phelous)
    • While Phelous questions why Robert would want to steal a spaceship as he and Lupa are in Ash's stomachnote :
      Lupa: We're inside my cat.
      Phelous: Oh boy...
      (Phelous and Lupa are flown out of Ash as she breaks wind)
      Ash: I farted them out.
  • Making fun of the cave backgrounds and the supposed make-out scene. They use the inside of a litter box for their take on it. It doesn't get "beautiful" until a stream of urine pours over it.
    • And the cave walking shots where Phelous and Lupa walk past lettuce, an orange, Fat Grandma, Andrew Dickman, and cereal.
  • The recurring tuba-and-banjo music plays over Robert and Sheba's ship being attacked.
  • Their reaction when it turns out Robert and Sheba just gave up and waited to die before checking on the time machine.
    Phelous: HE DIDN'T EVEN CHECK?!
    Lupa: That's kind of a big thing to overlook.

    Psycho Santa 
  • Upon seeing the movie is produced by "This is not a Dream production":
    Phelous: Can it be? And one that I don't remember?
  • In order to demonstrate how the movie drags in, the entire review has the movie narrated by Phelous imitating the narrator and giving every single unimportant detail while skipping the few actual death scenes ("Anyway to make a long story short, Santa killed them."), all of this in the goofiest, silliest voice he could manage before he came up with Old Man.
    Woman: I don't think I need to hear that...
    • The above mentioned-shower scene, along with a side-by-side scene of the other girl picking rocks, runs for four minutes and fourty seconds causing this reaction from Phelous:
    Phelous (barely containing his rage): ...
    Narrator: And then she put her panties on.
    Phelous (rushing at the camera): I'LL KILL YOU!
  • After pointing out how unlikely it is that the narrator somehow is able to narrate these stories in so many ridiculously accurate details despite not only not having been there, but not remembering the victims' names, Phelous has him spell out even more ridiculously accurate details, including what the road was made from and the name of a caterpillar who briefly shew up in a scene.
  • "Anyway, to make a long story short, Santa broke the window."
  • This part of Phelous's end-of-review sketch.
    Santa: ...and now I will destroy Christmas forever!
    Cut to Phelous back on his couch.
    Phelous: Anyway to make a long story short, Santa killed me.

    The Gingerdead Man 
  • Phelous makes it seem like the reason why James says "Put your gun down, please." multiple times while Millard holds him at gunpoint... is because Millard kept not liking the way he said it.
  • "Oh no, we're out of Johns Daphne. What are the kids gonna do without their whiskey cookies?"
  • Cookie Monster saving the day.

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