Funny / cs188

Series with their own page

• Musical YouTube Poops and Pooping the Charts

Commercial YouTube Poops

• No one needs foundation repair, possibly his most famous one:
  • "When you need foundation repair, you want foundation repair. And you'd like to save a lot of money, right? And you'd like to suck a lot of cock, right? Then you should call HoH SiS."
  • "You want the JoJ."
  • "We care about the JoJ more than anything else." (cue Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme)
  • "If I had to do it all over again, and had to take bids all over again, I would still do it all over again."
  • "They doo-doo the foundation work, and we see all the commercials on TV for the Hercules Hook, and we see longer cocks on TV. 100% unsatisfied."
  • "And even though there's only a tiny cock, they'll fuck you, as long as your cock is standing. 100% guaranteed cum in your ass."
  • The ending, with the Hotel Mario cutscenes:
    (Mario hammers a "condemned" sign onto a building)
    Mario: That oughta do it!
    (castle crumbles to the ground)
    Mario: Shit, Luigi! We gotta do it all over again!
  • Want to do it all over again? Well, this is the Voice Clip Song version.

• Billy Mays Promotes Hardcore Drug Addiction
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here to ask you, 'What are you doing with your life?' Up until now, you probably had some goals you wanted to achieve."
    LIFE GOALS
    Feel the touch of a female
    Move into own apartment
    Stop spending 12+ hours on Youtube every day
    Fiddle Diddle with sister's nipples
  • "You're not doing anything exciting, and you want to murder just about everyone, because you're 23 and you live with your mom!" (THE FOLLOWING IS A DRAMATIZATION)
    23 Year Old Living With His Mom: FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!
    Billy's Mom: Billy, what are you doing?
    23 Year Old Living With His Mom: Nothing!
    Billy's Mom: Are you jacking off to Billy Mays again?
    23 Year Old Living With His Mom: No, go away!
  • "Introducing the Big City Drug Station! The fast and easy way to get your fix! Loaded with my favorites; mushrooms, cocaine, weed, ecstasy, and heroin!"
  • (*Instructional Video Missing*) "Heroin is as easy as 1-2-3; inject it into the areas that provide pressure relief where you need it most!"
  • "Stop watching Family Guy and start streaking!"
  • "With drugs, you'll finally be saying: 'I can bathe in my own excrement!' And excrement is something I'm really passionate about; take a look at this shit, it's a doozy!"

• Billy Mays sells the Hercules Dildo to your Mom
  "YouTube Poop - The easy way to make you laugh at just about anything!"
  • "I love super strong dicks, don't yo-o-o-ou...o-o-o-o— It takes the hard work out of hard work!"
  • "Just attach it to any size dick, pull the trigger, and—"
    • "NOITATS REDILS YTIC GIB!!!!"
  • "Make your dog healthy dick burgers with ease! Just pee on Billy Mays! And in just two minutes, you'll have five mouthwatering DICKS!"
  • The Billy Mays drive-thru scene:
    Worker: Good morning, may I help you?
    Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here! How you doing?
    Worker: Oh hiiii! How are you?
    Billy Mays: Good! I'd like to order the burnt-on cheese! Thank you very much! This is Billy Mays, and I'm pulling over to get my shit!
    Billy Mays: Hey! Young lady? Thank you very much! FUCK YOU KID, YOU'RE A DICK!
  • "Don't pay a fortune to have a prostitute! When term papers get boring..."
  • "Big cocks travel along this wire to the back of your asshole!"
  • "Call now and you'll get the HERCULES DILDO! Moms are gonna love it! It's so easy, even your kids can use the HERCULES DILDO - the most delicious cock I've ever sucked! It's got the strength and the muscle to penetrate rock hard clay, cut through the thickest roots, and easily power out rocks and stubborn stumps! Now that's super strong—gnorts—strong—"
    • (King Hyrule sucks Billy's penis) "I wonder what's for dinner?"
  • "And when you're done, clean-ups are a breeze. Call now and you'll also receive our handy stick-up light—" (WTF BOOM)
    • "OH FUCK!!!!"

• WHY NOT TAKE A SIMPLE STEP?
  • "Why not take a simple step? W-w-weatherize your home with caulk; it's the faAaAaAast way to get big bang out of your caulk."
  • "Not all caulk is 100% silicone: it stands up to mother."
  • "It's cleanup time: SILICONE SILICONE SILICONE SILICONE."
  • "Whores? They leak too."
  • "Now you're ready to enjoy cracks, gaps, and leaks; use your finger or caulk smoothing tool."
  • "Pierce the inner seal with a stiff caulk."
  • "The Addison Bath Collection. The Ass Bath Collection."
  • "Aged pewter, and even black."
  • "They make your experience eight inches in diameter, invigorating you by blanketing your body in semen."
  • "Use 100% silicone."

• Billy Mays Is Watching Your Mom In The Shower
  Billy Mays: (smashes TV that was airing iCarly) iCarly sucks!
  • "If you got a smelly asshole, then you need Soap. Use Soap to clean the stains from out of your dirty asshole. You stupid dumbass!"
  • "I'm going to run over a child with this six thousand pound car!" *drives closer* "BRACE FOR IMPACT!" *runs over child* "That's the power of this six thousand pound car!"
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here for Hercules!'"
  • "You can put cheese up my ass with the flick of a switch!" This line led to a corpsing moment from RadicalFaith360, who likes to re-enact poops (especially those from cs188).
  • "As a special bonus, we'll also include rock hard cock! It even cums and penetrates you wherever you are!"
  • "Let me show you how to take care of Woody Woodpecker!"
  • "Billy Mays is watching your Mom in the shower, right now! Watch this!"

• BUTCHA GOTTA CALL NOW.
  • "Have you been turned on by kids before? Are you doing a kid in your bed right now? You fucking pedo! I'll poop on your dog! Join the craze with me, Billy Mays, and poop on your dog!"
  • "Talk to one of our friendly and caring licensed assholes—" (cue picture of Vince Offer) "—who'll'ohw... who'll help you decide which penis to SHOVE UP YOUR ASS!!"
  • "Microscopic shit agents that penetrate your back, restoring the pain to your life."
  • "You'll get to talk with pickles, onions, ketchup, or cheese!"
  • "You can pick up, take out, and put back, and pick up, take back, pick out, and pick up, take out, and..." (Meanwhile...)
  • "You get our amazing sex in less than ten seconds! It's just not easy. Z. Z."
  • "Look at that... horse." "To order your horse, have your credit card ready and call one-one-one-one-one-one-one-one-"
  • "I love toilet sandwiches with semen ketchup, or sucking big bulky cock, or both!"

• DIY = (Don't) Do It Yourself
  • "Hi! I'm High!"
  • "All this will do is help you steady I. M. Meen so it doesn't go dancing around on you."
  • "I'm Bone Marrow with cs188ElectricSex.com, and I'm here to strip for you." (Unfortunately, this part is just too sexy to show)
  • "You get a power strip and it has 5, 6, 7, 8 stunning outlets in one. This power strip is an octagon!" (I don't think Jack's too bright.)
  • "If you can use a drill, you can use—" (BOOM)
  • "Hello, my name is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
  • "When they start to mature, they begin to take over the garden. The pot that you've, uh, planted—" (Wait, what was that?) "The pot that you've, uh, planted" (Okay, now this is getting interesting)
    • "So it's really important that you smoke a large, floor-size bowl. It's important to take into account uh, a lot of times you're getting —High!"
  • "Today I'm showing you how to get HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH"

• YOUR SINK IS THE BATHROOM.
  • FAAF! omnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom
  • Farrah Faucet: Interior Interiorist
  • "You can change flow and flow and Flo and flowolf..."
  • "Single handle fa-af FA-AF!! are available in single-hole, or widespread-hole, or HoH SiS!"
  • "wwwwWall-mounted faucets come in really shit styles, like a single handle MOM"
  • "…gold, bronze, and even black. AND EVEN BLACK."
  • "…your teeth, washing YOUR FACE!" (*overused joke)
  • "Among the among the choices for browsers, Chrome is a favorite. It comes in Titanic, shiny heinie, brushed matte version. Noi—Jergen."
  • "Nickelsh!t is also very popular for GAAAAAAA-AAAAAAYYYYY! ...and cums and cums and cums on your faucet." (it's so immature of me but I don't care)
  • "Vessel-style sinks need to be matched with either a faucet with tall hands and an extra-high arc spout, or a Walrusguy arc spout."
  • "The sheehs—the sheer number of poops out there can be mind-boggling, but don't despair. This video's designed to be mind BOGGLE-ing."
  • "With a little ([MANHOOD]) under your belt, you'll be able to enjoy oral—"
    • SO SEXY
  • "It's easy to fall in love with a pervert."
  • "I pray at the sink all day! FUUF!"

• TUB BUDDY WITH TILT
  • "The tilt option allows the pressure to relieve the built-up patient of a caregiver" (heavy metal thrashing)
    • "The patient's dead." (RIP) "Lousy caregiver."
  • "..by allowing the patient to slide over the tub, without having to manually slide over the tub, without the tub, without having to do it all over again."
  • "Without having to manually lift the house. Uh, shit."
  • "Dignity, ease, disease, LEGO"

• "Billy Mays' Career In Television Hits a Record Low"
  • "Are you fed up with trying to find a Lightroom in a dark room? Are you tired of slicing onions with your powerful dropping erection?"
  • "Billy Mays here for Mighty Drills, the easy way to rebuild the damaged tool to work like new!" [trowel breaks] "Fucking handle!"
  • "What if you had the power to spray diarrhea all over your car's windshield at over 100 miles an hour? Introducing the Shit Bazooka! Inside is hundreds of fecal matter!"
  • "I love Metalocalypse, don't you?"
  • (It's Cocaine!) "Look at this! Watch as Billy Mays snorts a year's supply of white powder in just two minutes! You'll be amazed at just how much powder I use every week!" (Inb4 "WTF, that's not funni!")
  • "Use it just once and it's more than just once!" (BaileyMaysSnortsPowder.wmv)
  • "And here's the best part: we'll send you a 32 ounce bottle of Billy Mays' Sex Liquids free whenever you need them, plus three extra large wank towels every week to clean the mess out of your mattress!"
  • "They're not only soft, but tough enough to get the JoJ."
  • "Order my shit right now or we'll cut your cock in half!"
  • "What do you do when you wanna watch your favorite YTP re-enactments? Check out radicalfaith360!"

• CAN YOU HANDLE MORE?!?!?!
  cs188: "Y'know... I look back on this video and ask myself... How the hell did I combine these three things into one video: 1) A children's Spiderman toy 2) A woman's shower sex toy, and 3) Gabe Newell ? I don't remember what I was on when I made this video.
  • "Spider-Man's got some dicks up his ass!" [color bars] "—new tricks up his sleeve, with the Spider-Man Triple Penetration Blaster!"
  • "Three ways to shoot! Webs, water-er-er-er, and webs!"
  • "CAN YOU HANDLE MORE?!"
  • "Shoot tons of crap, and shoot loads of jizz for maximum satisfaction!"
  • "CAN YOU HANDLE MORE?! POT!!"
  • The second half is a poop of an ad for a vibrator, made even funnier by having some of the double entendre-laden lines from the Spider-Man ad spliced into it.
    • "The waterproof WallBangers Tough features— THREE WAYS TO SHOOT! PUMP AND LOCK IN THE MISSILE BLASTER FOR RAPID-FIRE MISSILE ACTION!" [color bars]
    • "Low to high-speed fucking."
  • "Available in water-based, silicone, gel, anal, and moist varieties, and anal. Available in both traditional spray and anal and Gabe Newell foaming soap."
  • "You whore! Spider-Man's got some new tricks up his sleeve!"

• Anthony Sullivan's Apocalypse Bulb
  • "Hi, Anthony Sullivan here for the glass lightbulb!" (AMAZING!!! NEW!!!)
  • "The Instabulb installs inside Anthony Sullivan! Just stick it up..."
  • [the bulb causes a power outage] "Sh*t. Don't use the Instabulb. You should call an electrician. It's that easy."
  • "Have a closet that needs illumination?" [the match explodes] "Lul. You idiot."
  • "Any place, and nowhere."
  • "Doooon't haaaaave kiiiiids..."
  • "Unlike —sponges that smell—, the Instabuuuullllb is shaaaaatter-prooooof!"
  • "Slide in the bulb, and you've got light in the bulb, in the bowl, LuL, and you can have Instagram."
    • "Look at this—" "NO."
    • This entire scene is just full of freeze frame bonuses. The photograph has Vince Offer's face on it, "Get it on with Google Gay", Instamammogram, etc.
  • "Just stick up the base, slide in the bulb, and you don't have power. It's that easy."
  • "Don't touch kids! Use the mouse! Use them outside as a wireless light for pecs or patios."
  • "And they're great for camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping— DROP IT" '[cue "Let Me Hit It" edit]''
  • "There's no dangerous wires, daaaangerous wiiires..."

• Vince Gets a Mess Stuck in Your Carpet
  • "My pussy is slippery when wet!"
  • "You're gonna get sticky in a quickie when you use Vince Offer!"
  • "Alien ladies, you always wanted to kill your husband." (cue the wife throwing knives into her husband) "You get the little sticky leftover husband particles deep in the carpet. You don't want this stuff in your carpet, guys."
  • Twice, he loops the video of a woman using the Big Schticky near a kitty litter box, then sets it to music. The result makes it look like the cat is bobbing its head to the music.
  • "Stop wasting over $100 a year on silicone ladies!" (Hookers)
  • "Call 1-800-993-0983-093-09813-0000-01001000-01001111-01001000-00100000-01010011-01001001-01010011-0391803910393103910399303911039103910101010101010" (Bonus: the binary said HOH SIS)
  • "Call now. Wow."

• Steve Ballmer Sells Clean Windows
  • "Now we can take this Weegee and paste it right into this Ferrari!"
  • Boomerang Ballmer
  • "Except in Nebrarskaska."

• STEVE BALLMER SELLS DIRTY WINDOWS (Reupload)
  • "MS dox.executive, an appointmnet calendar, a card file, a nigger, a clock, a control panel, and...can you believe it...TOTALLY NUDE WOMEN!
  • "Order Gay Sex today! VALUE! VALUE! VALUE! VALUE!"
  • "I watch gay PORN all day! That's right, all day! Can you believe it? (Don't answer.)"
  • "Now, paste my asshole! {No thanks Mr. Ballmer} COME OOOOOOOON!"
  • "How much do you love CS188?"

• Billyception
  • The Recursive Reality gag at the open.
  • "Cut cucumbers, zucchini, even zucchinicumbers for a gourmet pizza perfect for anypony"
  • "It cuts peppers like a masturbating chef!"
  • "...for potato salad, potatoes are rotten, or slice 'ease' with cheese."
  • "I know what you're thinking! You want a giant orgy with mark3611 in a steaming shower in the middle of the day. Like magic! And look, your mom's grabbing your small penis right now!"
  • "Under the bed or under the sink, the secret's the suction action. And right down to the very end, there's no wasted food." (lolwut?)
  • "And here's the best part: Unlike regular drivers, Billy Mays can safely drive with no hands!"
  Billy Mays: Hi, it's Billy.
  Jupiter Jack!Billy: Hi, it's Billy. What are you doing in my car?
  Billy Mays: No, it's my car!
  Jupiter Jack!Billy: No, it's my car, I guarantee it!
  Billy Mays: No, not anymore.
  Jupiter Jack!Billy: Go fuck yourself with the Hercules Hook!
  Billy Mays: No problem.
  Jupiter Jack!Billy: I'm gonna take an incredible shit in your kitchen, right on your stove!
  Billy Mays: Be there in two minutes. See ya!
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here for the Handy Jack-it Switch!" (NASTY~) "Now you can Jack with just one finger, in one easy motion, without any effort!"
  • (This video as been removed as a violation of YouTube's policy on nudity or sexual content)
    • "Oh for fucks sake, YouTube!"

• Empire Carpet Sells Prostitutes and Toasters
  • "Don't you love some of these other cunts?"
  • "Butt carpeting. Butt carpeting."
  • "Don't you love PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE?"
  • "Don't you love sex with one hand?"
  • "Butt carpeting. Which is why my butt itches; from butt carpeting."

• Billy Mays blows his load on all your clothes
  • "Look at this, you can even see the dicks!"
  • "When you call, you'll receive a fresh orange scent, two canisters of our fresh orange scent, and we'll include a bottle of our amazing fresh orange scent."
  • "I can blow my load on all your clothing, guaranteed!" "25 loads, on my face!"
  • "Soapy residue. So-so-so-so-Soapy residue. Soapy residue… Soapy-5 loads. Laundry just got soapier."
  • "Bitches! H-Hi, Billy Mays here! If dicks drive you crazy, don't get frustrated, get crazy!"
  • "It's like fucking Hercules, or Billy Mays! Here's how it works: simply [bleep] firmly in the [bleep], and twist on the special [bleep]. Now pull the [bleep], and [bleep]." (VIDEO DEMONSTRATION UNAVAILABLE)
  • "Fixing that scratch is as easy as 1-2-3; 1, 2, 3! It's not easy."
  • "Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup."
  • "Stop!" "CONTINUE!"

• He's got the house completely covered; the first part of it is mediocre and nothing special, but then his praise of HoH SiS switches to a rape testimony.
  • "If I had to do it all over again, I'd still go with deeldohs in my backside."

• I SENT AND INTERNET AND JIZZED IN TRADITIONAL WAYS
  • "The toilet drops right into the toilet."
  • "Chia Pets. The pot (Beat) that's fun and easy, watch it grow!"
    • "And now grow a hoh! marijuana! AND NOW GROW A HOH! MARIJUANA!"
  • "Being a gay guy certainly has its advantages: big penises. Penis penis penis penis."
  • "Jizz in traditional ways."
  • "Call now and receive penis."
    • "Call now and receive sex from our team of shafts."
  • "Jizz in traditional desserts. Jizz in MY PANTS."
  • "Choose from a delicious dick pussy dick pussy dick pussy pussy pussy pussy"
  • "This week at Dreams there's a huge choice of Dreams, like this king-size leather bedstead only fucks hard cocks."
  • "Never touch another dirty nigger!"
  • "Kittens, rams, bulls. There's even bullshit, bullshit."
  • "You wanna see a dick? You wanna see a —full eighteen inches."

• CLEARASIL OVERNIGHT WAW. It's short, so:
  It's 10 PM, and Kate's peeing while she sleeps.
  And the next day, Kate gets redness and pimples long after she's washed her vagina.
  And the next day, Kate behaves differently at night.
  And the next day, Kate's taking a long-ass shit.
  And the next day, Kate hates seals.
  And the next day, Kate shits on seals.
  And the next day, scientists shit on Kate's face while she sleeps.
  And the next day, Kate keeps peeing on scientists' faces.
  The result: rer Clearasil overnight waw.

• Flatulence. Another short one:
  It happens. You rip a giant fart right in your mom's face! And I'm not talkin' about some small toot. I'm talking about a real storm-force load that smells like a real-live skunk! And it's so strong, you kill Mom in no time! NOW THAT'S SUPER STRONG fart.

• Anthony Sullivan Wipes His Bum on Your Carpet
  • "Big news from OxiClean: OxiClean is shit!" [color bars] "Introducing new OxiClean Juicy Juice!" [color bars] "Introducing new OxiTurd laundry detergent! It's supercharged with Street Fighter III!"
  • "Today... in this very mall..." (This Very Mall - Salt Lake City, UT) "...ass stains on the sofa!"
    • "UhHhH-oHhHh, it's muddy too."
    • *bloody skull on the carpet* "Oh, wow..."
  • "We came here to let people suck our 30 inch weiner." "It's amazing; it's like, coming up right away!" [zoom in on crotch, a hand with a microphone rises from the bottom]
  • "We came here to let people puke on the carpet."
  • "Nice job. You're no-" (host glitches out) "No, not at all." (???)
  • "DrugDoctor set out to engineer a powerful sperm cleaner with the strongest-" (glitches).
  • "Got it up so quickly, the carpet looks GREY."
    • "Taters were going back and forth on the carpet, and you can get all the way to the corn."
  • "It looks perfect. It looks brand new again."
  • "I really like that vibrating brush. I can be done in minutes..."
  • *Over a picture of a gurney* "Has wheels, rolls around with me."
    • "And you can get all the way to the coroner."
  • "Big noose from OxiClean!" [color bars] "Introducing, laundry detergent." [shing!]
    • "New OxiClean Jew Detergent!"
    • "Anthony Sullivan is a big cunt stinking up the laundry aisle!
  • "Introducing shaking up the laundry detergent!" *all of the bottles on the shelf start shaking and they all fall off* "OH SHIT!"
  • "Rug Doctor cleaned everything! EvEn WhAt ThEy DiDn'T!"

• Scratch Me Down There, Doctor
  • "Nice car." (pops out eyes back and forth) "No-o-o-o-ot so nice car." (frowns as car in background gets distorted)
  • "Wouldn't it be nice if scratching up your car was this easy?"
  • "Now with new Crotch Doctor, removing semen marks is eas-aziz-aziz-aziz-y!"
  • "Crotch Doctor, with advanced Scratch My Balls technology also removes Taint Scrapes, Stuffs, Grapes, EAR RAPES." (sorry)
  • "Crap Doctor scratches your nice car. In fact, independent laboratory tests have proven Scratch Doctor sucks."
  • "So get Crotch Doctor, and keep your cock looking greaAaAaAt! Wouldn't it be nice if moving your penis was this easy?"
  • "Also, wouldn't it suck if your car was this fucking ugly? Shit. That's my car. That's not nice. Fuck you."
    • "Suck my fucking ugly cock!"
  • "Nice aaaaassssssssss!"

• Silly Mayz Wrapz Himzelf in an Abzorbant Twowel
  • "I love squishin' burgers."
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here for the Stupider Jack! Instead of hearing music, you hear Keemstar!"
    • (#MAMAALERT) "What is up, Billy Mays Nation?"
  • "I love Gatorade, don't you?" (shows a bottle of Gatorade with Keemstar's logo on it)
  • "I'm gonna wipe my ass with drills! Drills! Drills! And it gets the tough stuff."
  • "Hi, Drilly Mays here to share with you the most important product I have never endorsed: access to affordable horse insurance."
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here for Pokémon GO! Look at this, I caught Zorbeez! Unbelievable!"
  • "I love Overwatch, don't you?"
    • "Well, here. Have some red wine!" (holds an orange colored bottle labeled "RED WINE")
  • "Watch as Orange Glo cuts through the grease and the grime." (Beat) "Instantly! Right before your eyes, Like magic!" (Another Beat) "OH, DAMN IT!"
  • "If you gotta take a crap, then reach in the toilet with the Gopher and pull one out. It's that easy. But you gotta do it yourself. Use your toilet crap to press and cook delicious rest room miniburgers that taste like maggots."
  • "You can also fire a laser- fire a laser- FIRE A LASER fast. It's easy, it's easy, it's easy, it's easy, it's easy, it's easy!"
  • "Small jobs, big jobs, Steve Jobs, blowjobs, handjobs! The cutting end creates a perfect—" (the cutting end? O_O)
  • Billy:, over a picture of "Ring Around The Toilet": "That'll leave a path of clean!" *cue Confused Nick Young*
  • "Introducing the Smelly Switch. Now you can smell like cat urine with the flick of a switch! Join the craze with me, Smelly Mays, and never shower again! That's right, you can smell like a litterbox in no time! But you gotta stop showering."
  • "And now my whole house smells like fresh jizz!" "That is impressive. But I'm gonna take it One Step Further!" (oh no) "And I want you to have sex on a sofa, a mattress, on sports equipment, on smelly shoes, or just about every damn surface, then wipe away the mess!"
  • "What do you do when you get a dent or a ding in your nice car?" (wham) "Not-so-nice dent." (I GOTTA STOP USING THAT SOURCE)
  • "Take a look at this giant 150-pound rack!" (150 lbs of pure billybewbs!) "Un-billy-vable! Billy has the perfect rack shape. You just place one in the palm of your hand and squeeze."
  • "Watch as Billy Mays injects Zorbeez directly into your 100% smelly bum!" (LET'S NOT WATCH IT AFTER ALL)
    • "No way you'd ever get this out! You'll never have to use your ass again!"
  • "When cs188 gets live streaming, you'll be saying, 'what the actual fuck?'" [cue a clip of this poop being worked on]
  • "The secret is the hard- The secret is the hard member! Remember! If something's lost, save it." (-Billy Mays, 2k16)
  • "The product we're talking about today is called the Dual SaaS! Billy just set the Dual Saas right down in the middle of MY WOOD and cut straight through it! Okay, Billy, I got no dick!"
    • WHY DID I EVEN MAKE THIS SEGMENT?
  • "And I went both forwards and backwards and sdrawkcab and forwards." *uses the Dual Saw to cut a Domino's pizza*
  • "Watch what I'm about to do." *Jump Cut to a clip of Paul Timberman with Billy's face bloodily cutting his fingers off* "Uh-oh!"
  • "You know what they say: cs188, what the actual fuck? What happened to you? I cannot even!"
• Commercialism Up Your Chimneyhole!
  • "Grab a stick of JUUJ Fruit! The Taste is Gone!"
    • "Take a sniff, Pull it out! Take a sniff, Pull it oUT! Pull out your Penis! Take a sniff!"
    • "The taste of semen when you pop it in your mouth!"
    • "Pop it in your mom!"
    • "Jewish fruit is gonna kill ya!"
    • "The Taste is shit! EEEEEEEEE! Take a shit in your MOOOOOOOOOUUUUUTH!"
    • "Juicy Fruit! The Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste..."
  • "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, with hopes that HoH SiS will soon be there." "Fuck Santa Claus."
  • "The children were nestled all snug in their Snuggies, while visions of stupid shit danced in their heads."
  • "My cock's hard as fuck, and I'd just settled down for a long fap."
  • "There's no better gift than the SuS."
    • "There's nobody better than HoH SiS." "I don't care."
  • "Why is it Blue?"
  • "Pour it on your dicks, fruit and fruit and stick it up your ass! Quaker fucking HAND CREAM!"
  • "Bananas and Cream, Blueberries and Cream, Penises and Cream, Creamberries and Cream. Four rich, smooth creams that you won't find in any other cream."
  • "The cream of the cock, Earthquake Fruit and Cream!"
  • "Rich smooth foreskin cream, taste you won't find in any other cereal"
  • "Wanna give your friends an extra holiday gift? Plan ahead: take the night off from driving and be the designated drinker. Designated drinkers are friends for life."
    • "TAKE YOUR FRIEND'S LIFE!"
  • "Give a Queasy Holiday!"
    • "Holiday dicks, holiday stuffed vagina, holiday holidays..."
    • "This HoLoHoLoLoLoH feast can be brought to you by the Cuisinart Super Processor Scissor, which slices the dildo. This year, give your favorite cook a queef!"
  • Holiday Chalk
  Santa: Ooh, they're red and green! Mmmm... (eats the chalk)
  *Jump Cut to a tombstone with Santa's name on it*
  Santa: (slaps his face in stupidity)

• Too Much Fiddling With The Antenna
  • "Leading television experts don't choose Motorola!"
    • "Leading television stars like Ruth Hussey, Edward Arnold, and Laraine Day say..."
      Laraine Day: See my breasts on a Motorboaterola. *TV knobs are suggestively distorted*
  • "Motorboaterola gives clearer shart pictures!"
  • "You'll find no cameramen, sound men, engineers, choose Motorola. One of the reasons is Motorola's curved screen that eliminates up to 98% of all pictures!"
    • "For example, on a Motorola TV, you can't see shit!"
  • "Motorola TV will add to the beauty of your home." *zoom in on creepy Howdy Doody on screen*
    • "On the other hand, television is canceled."
  • "The only television set to receive the FAAF Award for fascist mahogany or-ro-or rich grain-lined oak. Or rich grain-lined oak." (Why the hell is she wiping it off?)
  • The "Happy Birthday" mix, capped off by a party hat landing on the logo.
  • "And the turds are easy."
    • "The Poop Is In The Sink?"
    • "HoHoHoHoHoh Sis HOH SIS HOHSIS"
  • "And Laraine Day will gladly give you a free stroking of the penis. All day! All done by hand!"
  • "You may prefer the painstaking agony of Motorola TV."
  • "What program shall I put on the telly?"
  • "Laraine Day TV!"
  • "You'll find Laraine Day on 98 percent of all new Motorolas."
  • "18 inches of big curved dick in Laraine Day's asshole will add to the beauty of Motorola."
  • "After all, when decorating your home, one of your first considerations must be the I don't care cabinet design."
  • "Handsome cock stars like Laraine Day, Laraine Day, and Laraine Day say, "Cs188 is the best."
  • "Your dealer will gladly give you a free home demonstration of extreme stunning gay asshole sex. Ask them about our truly generous '4 dix up da butt' combination."
    • *zooms in on a red-tinted image of Howdy Doody* "INITIATION"
  • "The curved screen that eliminates 98% of television stars like Ruth Hussey, Edward Arnold, and L***e D*y!"
  • Laraine Day's Rainy Day!

• Flextits Makes You Super Wet and Completely Dry
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here!" [color bars] "Hi, Taylor Swift here for sex tape-" (This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Taylor Swift) "In YoUr wiLdESt DreAMs..."
  • "FluF FluF FlayulF^note The Chrome Faucet makes a Freeze Frame Cameo here. Flex Tape is just ordinary tape. Its triple thick adhesive virtually tapes itself to the tape, instantly taping the tape."
  • "It even works underwater! ...IDIOT!"
  • The multiple shots edited to show water bursting straight through the Flex Tape patching a leak, all the while accompanied by Phil's pitch-distorted voiceover.
    • "...instantly stopping the toughest leaks!" (water bursts out of bucket) "DAMMIT."
  • "Flex Tape is soup." (www.flexsoup.com) "Sauce, sauce, sauce, sauce"
  • "Now you can BECOME THE TAPE." (Phil turns into a roll of the Flex Tape)^note  This becomes Hilarious in Hindsight after JonTron uploaded a video about Flex Tape, which ended with him becoming one with Flex Tape. Apparently it's not pretty.
  • "Now you can pee in pools and spas!"
  • The montage of the Flex Tape ad copying buzzwords from Billy Mays ads, particularly Mighty Putty.
  Phil Swift: Imagine everything you can do—
  Billy Mays: There's nothing you can't do—
  Phil Swift: ...with the power of Flex Tape. [Beat]
  Billy Mays: [shooting Phil] FIRE A LASER! FIRE A LASER!
  • "With Flex Tape, you can instantly eat a waterproof pear!" (aforementioned pear turns blue) "Why is it blue?" "Why not?"
  • "You can stick leaky pipes up my super-tight butthole!"
  • "I sawed this boat in half!" (Achievement unlocked: Sawed a boat in half)
  • "To show you the power of the DualSaw..." (Sorry! We are experiencing testicle difficulties [Auuuugh! Ow! My Crotch!]) "I sawed this boner in half!"
  • "You can watch an hour of Netflix inside the boat!"
  • "It creates a super-strong, watertight seal!"
  • Phil driving the repaired boat out of the toilet from the Kaboom commercial.
    Billy Mays: What the actual fuck?
  • Phil driving the boat over the edge of Niagara Falls.
  • "Oh, hai DOGGIE!"
  • "Super Strong, Super Strong, So Strong, Flex Tape is STUPID!"
  • "Super Why?"
  • "I hold the boat together with underwear and repaired it with half-and-half!"
  • "Plus... sus... here comes Superman!"
  • "Campers and campers and campersandcampersandcampersandcampersandPampersPampersPampersPampers..."
  • "Phil Swift's dick can be super-long! And once it's long, it's on!" [cue creepy smile and "Oh Yeah"] "Imagine everything you can do with a big dick in your poophole!" [cue faster "Oh Yeah"]
  • "Emergency. EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY." (dude how tf did you fuck up your car so bad)
  • "Bond! James Bond."
  • "Now you can do the dishes!"
  • FAP TAPE
  • "Why are you still here?"
• Fapple Pencil and Microsos OwOLens Deliver Amazing Things
  • "Touch, of course, is the primary interaction with your erection."
  • "Apple Pencil is designed to look and feel like a fucking pencil."
  • "A finger connector lets you recharge your finger by plugging it directly into your rectal location."
  • "Anal Pencil feels like a true anal probe."
  • "Unique large tits for a new level of erection with Fapple Pencil."
  • "In a single stroke. Stroke. Stroke" (HNNNG Man dives across the screen)
  • "Technology sucks. But, what if we could fuck off? What if we could see the world collapse? What if we ate the things we can't?" What if we could go beyond 'The Scream'? Where your dick is blended?" ("WILL IT BLEND?")
  • "This... is the world with lettuce."
  • "More immersive ways to get wasted."
  • "Look at this formation. Let's take a closer look." (zooms in on the man's ass.)
    • [ANAL-YZING BUTTOCKS CONDITION] [ASS-ESMENT: VERY LARGE CRACK; NEEDS FLEX SEAL]
  • "Now, we can twerk."

• INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE DISCOMFORT
  • "This loop's too tight, this loop's too loose. This butthole is too tight, which makes it hard to fuck!"
  • "This belt fits just right! This belt's shite!"
  • "Introducing the Belt, the belt that belts!"
  • ""And clean durable stitching-gnihctits elbarud naelc — Eh, schnitzelburg? Eh, schnitzelburg? Eh, schnitzelburg? Eh, schnitzelburg?"
    • "We're so sure you'll love your Comfort—trofmoC ruoy—trofmoC ruoy—Your F@#%er?"
  • "Comfort Cunt doesn't use holes. It uses no holes!"
  • "ComfortClick is constructed with genuine Asian labor!" (Beat) "...what the fuck?"
  • "Just click on ComfortClickBait for the most fun, guaranteed!" (This Belt Makes Your PENIS Grow Up To 52 Inches!)
  • "Your embarrassing two-inch microdick sucks!"
  • "You can fist everyone's butthole after a meal!"
  • "So there's the pervert!" [cue We Speak No Americano remix + Funny Background Event] "We're sure you'll return the ComfortClick belt, guaranteed! You'll be 100% unsatisfied!"
  • "If you hate yourself, you can get the ratchet-ass ComfortClick belt for only $88!" (Brown [and even] black) "You can just kiss your money buh-bye! And no fucking refunds, guaranteed!"
  • "You can just fucking die, dammit! We're out of order!"
  • The entire Mii Channel sequence.
  • "You struggle, you strain! You bend over for buttsex every day!"
  • "Introducing socks!" (SOCKS!! AMAZING!!! WOW!!! OMG!!) "Socks socks socks socks socks socks socks socks socks SHOOOOOOOOEEEEEESSSSSS"
  • "Introducing SoSSlilS! (DaThings: Please be sure you include multiple word reversal jokes in this, thanks!)
  • "The secret is the secret is the secretly unique secretly awful design, that secretly expands the anal opening so you can make that easy toot." [fart]
  • "Put your left foot in. Put your right foot out" (Insert rest of the Hokey Pokey here) "And you're good to go! Woah woah woah waioh" [falls over] ("You can just fucking die!")
  • "I eat socks"
    • "The Sock Slider sucks. 100% unsatisfied."
  • "The Sock Slider can also help place bombs." [explosion, The Legend of Zelda secret noise]
    • "You can just fucking di—" [color bars]
  • "NIPPLESTEP"
  • The entire Burger King Foot Lettuce scene.
  • "Nice socks." (Here comes Superman!)
    • Not anymore!
  • "Introducing the Big City slider! [color bars] "Introducing the Foreskin Slider! The penis OwO OwO OwO" [color bars]
    • [cue Baby Got Back clip] "Am I turning you on? Not anymore! Introducing Cock Slicer! The painful way to slice your—" (ACTUALLY NO LET'S NOT THIS TIME)
  • "Michael Rosen said 'Fuck this shit! cs188, you can get super fucked.'"

• Psycho Swift's Wet & Waterproof Worldwide Destruction
  • "Hi, Phil Stapler here for Best Stay Clear! The super-strong waterproof bomb— HOLY SHIT—" [boom]
  • "Eyepatch here!" [color bars] "Hi, Philly Cheesesteak here!" [color bars] "Hi, Phil Swift here for flexing muscles!" [cue "Botanic Panic" and clips of him lifting the weight]
  • "Tape, that's clearly the worst way to paaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" [cue Phil Swift turning into a blue screen of death]
  • "Clearly the best way to— Ow! I cut myself, and repaired it with only Flex Tape!"
  • "It even works underwater!" (DO NOT USE UNDERWATER)
  • "You don't wanna FUCK it too much at one time, you wanna put a nice even layer. Let it suck. We're gonna cum inside this, and we're gonna continue to fill— Swift here!"
  • "I cut a hole in a giant boat!"
    • "I cut a giant hole in another boat! And repaired it with a NuN!"
  • "Not only does Flex Tape Clear's powerful adhesive keep all the water out of the boat..." [cue a gigantic stream of water spraying from the hole] "...but you can pee right through! Look at all this yellow water, that's amazing! Holy shark!" [chomp]
  • "Now everything in plain sight can be virtually invisible!" [cue disappearing dog] (RIP DOGGO :( 2018-2018)
  • "And even make quick repairs, without changing the look of your beautiful Buick!" ("thatsalottadamage!")
    • "That's a beautiful Microsoft Surface!" (alright, enough promotion of brand names)
  • "I sharted in the pool! Now that's a lotta E.coli!"
  • "You can tackle the biggest JoJ!"
  • *Cinderblock falls on Phil's foot and causes bleeding* "DAMN IT!"
  • "With Flex Glue you don't need Flex Glue!"
  • "You don't need screws or nails!" ("I AM THE TABLE!!")
  • "Even this heavy brick, is gonna stick!" *Brick falls from door frame and on to Phil's foot* "DAMN IT!"
  • The brick making squeaky toy noises
  • "Flex Glue is wet and sticky, but it actually gets stronger over time! So you can glue your beautiful ass cheeks together"
    • "But I'm still not done! Now you can play with Phil Swift's giant log! And once it reaches maximum strength, it's perfect for slamming into Anthony Sullivan!" (ADVERTISER FRIENDLY LOL)
  • "Just wanna make sure that you fill- Swift here!"
• Too Much Fiddling With The Gearshift
  • "Get away from Ford with the new Explorer from Forza Horizon 4."
  • "If you want push-button whores and push-button Fords, if you're horny, get a waifu on a leash!"
  • "Your Explorer is on fire."
  • "FORD SUCKS ASS"
  • "Ford puts Chevy in the red and you in the dead!"
  • "Robotic windshield installation for perfect fits every time!" (robotic arm breaks) and you don't know how to win at Fortnite and you never wiiiiill!"
  • "Ford Ranger, the truck that also eats fat cocks." ("FORD TRUCKS!")
  • "It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit guaranteed!"
  • "Financial news: pick up a smooth bull-sized shit, and it's worth more than Ford Trucks when you sell it "4chan!"
  • "American Trucks! American Trucks! American Trucks! American Trucks! American Trump's America! Trump's America!" ("It's not a big truck!")
  • "Helol, I'm Semen Bradley, speaking for your local Chrysler dealer. No one's buying Chrysler cars." (NASTY~)
  • "Every day, more and more and more and more and more folks are making the switch to GEICO! Fifteen minutes can save you fifteen percent—" (SORRY ABOUT THE ADS...)
  • "Notice how your naked neighbors look stupid as you drive in your new old-style Chrysler?"
  • "And no one likes your old-ass car."
  • "From the rakish flair of its new Phil Swift rear fenders, right up to its big powerful dicks in motion."
  • "'That rear end looks just like a jet plane!' No one knows what he's talking about."
  • "And I'll show you 56 reasons to spend a Saturday morning looking at big breasts."
  • "They're going to break it, they're going to break it! They're going to break (Toyota crashes off the graph) REKT Toyota dealers are out to break their own rectum! And they've got the vibrating dildo to do it, by bringing you more 69 than ever before!" ("And then I'm happy for the rest of the day.")
  • "Toy Yoda Toy Yoda Toy Yoda!"
  • (Image of a closing Toys "R" Us appears) "Toy dealers are making you feel more alone than ever before!" (Image grays, sad music plays)
  • Editing the footage and sentence mixing till the Toyota dealer says rolling over and over.
  • "We've got the inventory to do it!" (Palpatine appears) "Do it!"
  • "Someone help me, I'm on fire!"

• THE PHONE THAT FOLDS ITSELF OUT OF EXISTENCE
  • "At SungSung we're driven to invent meaningless technology like Windows Phone 7."
  • The presenter using Eye Beams to zap someone with a Nokia phone who interrupts it.
    • "HELLO!! WHAT?!"
  • "In these days, we essentially live on our phones, right?" "No."
  • "It's a useless device." (✓ Completely Useless)
  • "With a massive, 1.3-inch InfinityF**ks Display, that transforms the fold into a folder."
  • "You may be sitting there asking yourself, how did we build a Bat-Phone? Well..the answer is nose."
  • "When the device opens up, your butt does too. With a massive, 7.3-inch turd. You may be shitting yourself."
  • "...with immersive visuals and sound by Jesus." (cue Philips CD-i startup sequence) ("MY EYES!!!!!")
  • "We had to optimize the size of our package." (cue Amazon.com box with legs) "It's gorgeous." ("That's quite big.")
  • "The fold has 512 gigs of Ram Ranch." ("cs188 in the showers at Ram Ranch!" "MY EYES!!!!!")
    • (I'M SO SORRY)
    LOL JK
  • Justin playing with a basketball in the middle of the keynote.
  • BROWSWROSEBROWSEWROSEBROWSWROSE
    • "Nudity." ("YES!") "What that means is that you can BROWSWROSEBROWSEWROSEBROWSWROSE"
  • "One-hand fap continuity."
  • "The beauty of it is you don't even see it. From the screen to the frame, every element is phony."
  • "It has a 6-6-6-inch display. What that means is that you can scream." (cue loud scream over Edvard Munch's "The Scream" painting)
  • "One-app multitasking." ("WOW!")
  • "Allows you to open and close and open and close..." [cue Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme]
    • "Now that, is a whole lot of open and close."
  • "Even after hundreds of thousands of folds and unfolds and folds and unfolds and folds and unfolds, it can hold strong." Cue half of the phone breaking off and falling onto the presenter immediately after he says that.
  • "And here's my females. And I can do all three at once!" "Well, we have to see that." "Nah, nah..."
  • So how about we check out that Samsung battery?"
    • "Here's where things get really cool; I can unfold it, and instantly—" [A SPLODE] "Now that is a whole lot of power."

• A MAN HAS FARTED INTO THE RIVER IN LEGO CITY
  • "A man has farted into the river in Litty City! Start the nudity."
  • "Build the helicopter—and wreck the helicopter—and off to the rescue!"
    • He himself did not realize that his viewers thought he was making light of Kobe Bryant's death.
  • "The new helicopter penis collection from Gogo Tity."
  • "A man has stepped on a Lego!" [Beat] "Heyyyyyyyyyyy!"
  • "...and prepare to get rekt up the pooper! LUL, J/K!"
  • "A ''MaM MaM MaM man has shit into the new rescue helicopter!"
  • "Off to build the nuke, and make the city fall into the river! Oh the humanity!"

• Ring Fart Assventure, a poop of the tutorial for Ring Fit Adventure.
  • The return of the Parental Assvisory: Toilet Content Running Gag.
  • "Put on the leg strap, make sure not to have legs." (wait) "Make sure you have a clear view of your ass so you can see the hole."

• Advertisements up Your Ads-Hole
  • "I want a little more ass! New Pizzazz Cher hair color wash!"
  • "I can get poop in my hair!"
  • "Now I get shot!" ("Scratch me down there, doctor" guy gets shot)
  • "They call these crispy ocean golden ocean shrimpy ocean golden shower shrimp." (loud inhale) "Isn't that a mouthf[bleep]?"
  • "Jack in the Box restaurants introduces: jackin' off in the food."
  • "There's old gross egg rolls, fuckin' shrimp, or Stricken strips."
  • "Jack in the Box Restroom introduces new finger juices from Jack in the Box: crappy food, that's Back in the Box." [unintelligible word reversal] (Scratch Doctor guy appears) "Nice car!"
  • "Super small, super excellent, super tough, and super cool. My balls!"
  • "My micropenis! And where do Micro Machines go for fun? My hard erection!"
  • "Work hard at Dunkin' Donuts!"
  • "I love the crystal meth!" (Kystal Princesses toy turns into Walter White)
  • "I love to eat glitter! I love to eat Flex Tape!"
    Phil Swift(heavily distorted): Don't eat 'em, they're not to be eaten!
  • "The Krystal Princesses are soap!"
  • "It's a Princess Incest world!"
  • "I take a shit on the world!"
  • AAAANGELALAL ANALLY
  • "I'm delighted to tell you about my anus." (NO THANKS, ANGELA...)
  • "Wake up each day and die!"
  • "Join Angela as this eternally glamourous porn star shares sex secrets with you."
  • "Moobs is more! It's this remarkable star's own formula for enjoying Angela's autographed tote bag! Call now to order and also receive Angela's autographed boobs!"
  • "To order, use your major credit card and call 1-800-421-2-1-2000-tootin'. That's 1-800-4124000-2. Or send a check for just $29,000 plus $395,000, or send a tooth to P.O. Box 188, Mylanta, Georgia. That number again, one-eight-one-eight-one-eight-one-eight-one-eight-one-eight..."
  • Angela Lansbury turning into the owl from "OPPA GODDAMN STYLE"
  • "If you want authentic Oriental NUDES but don't wanna SUCK the PENIS, try Nissin's Top RaR. An original recipe of succulent poop in a delicious pee broth!"
  • "In Japan, no trip to the gay game is complete without that delicious trip to the bathroom."
  • "Yes, you guessed it... Nissin's Cup o' Dicks! It's a solid cock snack so you eat balls too."
  • "In Japan you eat delicious panties." "no no no NO NO NO"
  • "No one try sucky noodles from Pissin'."
  • George Burns for Pollenex: "Well, it's time for a shit." (loud farting noise, room empties out)
  • "They don't know I have a Pollenex-X-X." "Nice cigar!" "Switch it on so people disappear." "Better run, better run."
  • "Switch it off and smoke da pears."
  • "They don't know I have no idea."
  • "In Japan, try Pissin' in a pan!" "If you need foundation rep— NO NO NO NO NO!"

• Swill Phift The Evil Giant Unleashes Chaos in Flexville
  • The HooH Dildo
  • "Hi, Swill Phift here!" "Hi, Ava Max here!"
  • "When you need —foundation repair" (why does this keep happening? please make it stop)
  • "Take it to the max!" (Cue sentence-mixing to Mark Morrsion's "Return of the Mack") (I have to stop now before this gets Content ID'd)
  • "Your favorite sex products are now Giant Vagina-sized!"
  • "Flex Tape Max is the stupid-strong waterproof tape!" (squishes the workers on the water tower) "Oh no!" [color bars]
  • "OwO! That dam's gonna BlowoW!"
  • "Hey, Captain!" [picks up the boat] "I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!"
  • "Hey, assholes! You guys need to die!" [sprays the sailor with a Flex Seal can, dunks the ship into the sea] "And it even sinks underwater! Hahaha~! (Let's cut to a different ad now...)
  • "It's the all new Rock Runner X2. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Horrible. It's the all new Blade Runner."
  • "Ordinary table saws; zero costs and big portability. It's the all new Cock Blocker Erection 2, the Go-Fuck-Off table saw."
  • "It's more weight than the original Blade Runner. The Rockwell Blade Runner X2, the too-hard-to-set-up table saw."
    • "You better get an adult to help you with it."
    • "My boy, this saw is too hard to set up!" "Wait- it's Morshu!"
  • "Quick cuts? Always sloppy. Detailed cuts? Always sloppy. Big cocks? Always floppy."
  • "We came. We came. WE CAME. WE CAME. In less than three seconds, lightning fast SasS."
  • "Nice saw."
  • "Here's a better idea: Blade Runner X2 will slice your hands lightning fast!" ("NOW THAT'S FUCKED UP!")
  • "Plus plus plus plus, you can slice your erect wood, uwu."
  • "Plus, you can control the cut with zero hands for wood, metal, plastic, and even black."
  • "You can Troll the cut with two hands. You can control the cut with three hands for amazing accuracy." ("That is just, accurate.") "You can control the cut with four hands and connect a vacuum for mess-free vacuuming."
  • (Beaver appears) "We ate wood all day! Get your underwear today."

• The FreeDumb Phone
  • "Hi, I'm high. I'm Erik. I'm the world's highest Erik."
  • "Everyone is complaining about Erik and I think that's so wrong. Stop it, because we are number one." (HEY!)
  • "That's why I created the Super-Power Phone, and its uncensorable a** ***e." ([gratuitous jerking off]) "And we've developed the first operating system based on your period. And I think that's so wrong."
  • "There's no app store, there's no keyboard, and no phone. It has an EDGE-TO-EDGE-TO-EDGE-TO-EDGE-TO-EDGE-TO-EDGE-TO-EDGE screen, and I think that's so edgy."
  • "Our priority is no priority, and that's why I'm leaving now." (wait come back pls)
  • "iT dOeS eVeRytHiNg YoUr CuRrEnT pHoNe DoEs, except security. Because we spy on you jacking off, and I think that's so hot. And that's why I created the Condom Phone: it does everything your current phone does, except you can f**k it. Your d**k, your rules."
  • "The worst app store is our number-one priority. That's why I created Windows Phone; it does nothing your current phone does." ("One look and I can see what my brother's up to." "BROWSWROSEBROWSEWROSEBROWSE" [color bars])
  • "Nobody elected Jack Black or Abraham Lincoln to be the arbiters of truth in America."
    • "Sorry, Elmo, I can't --stop at a --stop sign right now cause I'm busy looking for —arbiters of truth."
    • "Arbiters, Overlords, Arbiters, Overlords, ARBITERS, OVERLORDS"
  • "Say hello to Jacksepticeye."
  • "If they censor cs188, they will censor anyone. Imagine if Mark Zuckerburg censored M.I.L.K. or Abraham Lincolnham; the main course would have been altered forever. They say 'cook your own food', so I did. That's why I created the Zuckerburger."
  • "Trust Erik forever, and live freaky with the Freak Phone."
    • "Freddie Fucker!"
    • "Call now! One-nine hundred-four-nine hundred-four-nine-oh-hundred for Porno Freak! JoJ!"
    • "What the fucking shit?" (WTFS)
  • "Don't leave, we've developed the first dildo based on your pussy." (okay now you should definitely leave)

• Too Much Fiddling with the Coffee, a poop of old coffee commercials.
  • "Yes, Mr. Jones, it's a new kind of coffee. Roasted by a new KIND OF process. Hence this new KIND OF coffee has a different KIND OF flavor. A KIND OF flavor preserved by vacuuming the flavor after the jar has been opened."
  • "In every jar, you'll find coffee. Just fucking taste it. You can't taste it, a flavor that sucks balls."
  • "A flavor preserved by 'Coughing into the Coffee'." [cue Tourettes Guy coughing into the jar]
  • "In every jar, you'll kind of taste no flavor." ("The Taste is Gone!")
  • "The way to a man's heart is most of all through the hard cock."
  • "Use half the jar. If not 100% satisfied, use 100% of the damn jar. Just waste it! If not 100% unsatisfied, use the JoJ."
  • "Harvey, want anything special for your birthday?" "Just the D."
  • "UNDRINKABLE!"
  • "You know if I could just relax, I could relax." "So relax. Why don't you try Instant Relax? Tastes good as Folgers!" ("Yes, it's a new kind of pot.")
    • [heavily distorted] "Heeeeeeey, grrrrrrreat coffeeeeeeee!"
  • "This cup of coffee smells like my ass, and tastes and tastes and tastes as good as a broom!"
  • "The coffee that's harder, better, faster, stronger."
  • "The house smells every time you take a shit. Ahh, smell it." "Smell it."
  • "You like to look at tight buttsex because it's XXX-well House. Taste Maxwell's strong cock every time!"
  • "Try new instant Folgers. Tastes good as fresh jizz." "That explains why the coffee is so good!"
  • "Oh, OwO, this coffee is a new kind of coffee!"
  • "Your coffee really is coffee!"
  • "Try old coffee. Mountain grown for fountain flavor."
  • "Yes, Mr. Jones, it's a nuke."
  • "Yes, Mr. Jones, get roasted by cs188."
• "Night of the Living JOJ", the 2021 Halloween special.
  • Being a bit more skit driven, we get some revelations from CS himself:
  CS: I'm just glad my viewers fell for that whole "privacy complaint" story, hehe. Can you imagine if they knew what really happened?
  • "I'm diggin' up that JoJ!"
  • "JoJites, assemble!" (characters rise from the grave)
    Richard: Heheheh, yeah. I'm 100% undead.
    Judith: I would recommend the grave to anybody.
    Wesley: Do I have to come back out here all over again?
    Ed: (as a ghost) I'm going to... haunt the house.
  • (CS188's house: idk it was a Google image result for "CS188's house")
    CS: Ooh, another $50,000 from Google AdSense? Don't mind if I do! Ha ha ha! Ooh, now this is the life. Plus I got all those suckers on Patreon still paying me thinking that I'm not putting ads on the videos anymore...
    (ad for the Freedumb Phone appears)
    CS: Bunch of dumbasses. How else am I gonna be able to afford this incredible mansion?
    (lol this is definitely not a mansion, plus it looks like shit)
  • Ghost!Ed's deadpan "boo" as he slides into the house.
    Richard: We need to renegotiate...
    Wesley: with my fist, motherfucker! (punches CS)
    (really really fake pretending to be punched in the face; like it's so bad honestly)
    CS: Ugh. I no longer want the JoJ.
    (OMG he said it, he said the thing! LOL)
  • "Who you gonna call?" "HoH SiSters!" "Don't be calling HoH SiS, please, don't do that."

• "Going Nuts Nuts Nuts Nuts"
  • "At this family reunion, we asked folks to cum in my ass." (ANAL FUN) "...the more nutritious lunch that's higher in protein than Super Butt Munch."
  • "Ham-on-Ram-on-High!" "Or Meme FloaF!"
  • "...more butt chunks and no family reunions."
  • "America’s digging up plants!"
  • "America loves penis flavor!"
    • "America's the fuccin' worst~!"
  • "We're the reason everybody loves to nut!"
  • "She thinks I can't cook..." [fade to black, unzipping noise] "...wait til she tastes this!"
    • "I'm getting hungry!" "Be patient..." [color bars]
  • "Only 780 of the finest freshly-roasted shits in every jar."
  • "What the hell you mean a Peter Pan Peanut Butter Alert?"
  • [grabs a jar with a skull and crossbones] "Wait till she tastes—" (Doug DeMuro: THIS—)
  • "Everybody's poopin' in the peanut butter!"
    • "Everybody's stickin' penis in your butt!"
    • "Maybe stick a celery in your butt!"
  • (dat animation budget)
  • "Stop the music! I have important news! Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's ri—"
  • "Stickin' your dick in a chicken!"
• "INCREDIBLY HOT DULLICIOUS PISSA", a poop of several pizza commercials, then and now.
  • "Look, go directly to Pizza Hut and stick breadsticks up your ass!"
  • "Look, go directly to Pizza Planet and eat some pizza! No, Pizza Planet sucks!"
  • "Free marinara or Ram Ranch dipping sauce." [beat] "Dude, what?" "I've got one word for you, erect dicks. That's two words, braniac."
  • "With seagulls on a bagel, you can eat seagulls anytime!" (DO NOT EAT SEAGULLS)
  • "Pizza goin' down the sofa!" [beat] "OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- You gonna need Tide!"
  • "With bagels on a bagel, you can eat bagels anytime!"
  • [shows photos of CS on a bed] "Sleeping in the morning, sleeping in the evening, sleeping at supper time! "When your sleep schedule is abysmal, you can sleep anytime!"
    • (Free colonoscopy, yay!!)
  • "Call now and we'll deliver 30 pizzas to you in less than one minute!"
  • "Call now and we'll deliver a hot dog!" [glitch] "Call now and we'll eat the ingredients! Taste the carelessly selected ingredients. Taste the taste the— Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste The Taste..."
  • "We'll deliver a hot, disgusting pizza to you unless you call now CALL NOW CALL ...right now!"
  • "Two times the flavor, two times the fun! It's time to fuck at Pizza Hut! ... SuS"
  • "Oh no, they didn't! Papa JoJ just took a crap inside their pizza!"
  • "Wouldn't it be nice to have X-rated vision?"
  • "cs188 is actually a chicken."
  • "You can get memes, and yes, you can pee-pee on your pasta as well! You can get toot pizzas."
  • "From the first bite, to the spicy bite, to the spicy saucy sauce, to the spider..." [beat] "OH, NO!"
  • "You got that crispy piece, the GUI piece, that sliced dick that's hand-sliced by John Goodman!"
  • "You can eat sofas anytime!"
  • "And any other time, try Cheese Bites, Dynabites and Cheese Bites, Dynabites and Cheese Bites, Dynabites..."
    • "YOU COULD SUCK A BIG PENIS AT FOUR IN THE MORNING!"
  • "SuS SuS Pizza Hut has made two amazing dipping SuSes. Which got me thinkin': it's time to fuck pizza!" ("GIRL LOOK AT THAT BOX")
    • "Beggin' for a piece of that Butthole Pizza!"
    • "Did you know Piss Hut's changing... with 7 new pizzas we're changing the assss factor. So if you love roasted babies, cum, olives & italian chicken try our new italian chicken or italian vagina. ...which will you try?
• "BLOWFLEX REVOLUTION"
  • "It's time to come. This is the semen revolution. This is the sex machine that introduced the awesome power of jizz."
  • "And now comes the all-new Blowflex Revolution HoH SiS; 400 minutes a day, 300 times per-week, and you'll get results in more than 90 weeks, guaranteed."
  • "You've never experienced the power of tighter ass. Oh Jesus..."
  • "Why did it take us so long to get the JoJ?"
  • "Hi, I'm Peeping Tom Pervert! I'm a registered sex offender, and a professional family therapist." (*BRUH*) "Oh no." (FOR LEGAL REASONS THIS IS A JOKE. I'M SURE HE'S A GREAT GUY).
    • "I also teach trainers. I also train teachers."
  • "Hi, I'm Jim Quality Experience" (Experienced Quality Assurance of Jim Quality) "...which means your muscles get a gym quality experience. Today I'm going to introduce you to the Bofa Revolution Experience.... Bofa deez nuts." (...)
  • "I'm a registered sinner."
  • "Inside of the arms are ropes." (Morshu: ROPE?) "...made of the same material used in BOMBS?" [boom]
  • "The leg press also features a toot. Plus, there's an upgrade available for Windows XP. And unlike many home gyms, this station is extremely uncomfortable, and you'll get a great ass-pounding."
  Narrator: Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope, you'll be 100% unsatisfied.
  • "Hi, I'm getting a tremendous boner. Why? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing."
  • "But here's the great thing: you get to squat to pee!"
  • "Did you realize that Blowflex fitness products are stronger than Flex Tape?"
  Phil Swift: THAT'S A LOT OF SHIT!
  • "Leg extension and leg extension and leg extension and leg extension..."
  • "Strengthen urine."
  • (Spiraflex technology turns into the Aperture Laboratories logo) "The science of movement and proper exercise"
    • It is also pointed out that the original Bowflex infomercial and the first Portal game was coincidentally released in the same year, 2007.
• "Not-So-Goods™", a poop using some of the infomercials used in DaThings' Goods™.
  • "Fresh watermelon can be messy. So, no more fresh watermelon."
  • "Watch as Slicey Slice Right goes right into the trash can! Amazing!"
  • "Or you could just die... And then simply cut and serve your body, and you'll have perfectly-cubed family member pieces!" [Scare Chord] "The ultimate unhealthy snack!"
  • "Or you can get sleazy, and you'll have perfectly-pubed watermelon!" ("DISGUSTING!") "Or you can play Façade! Just don't say 'melon'..." [Trip slams the door]
  • "Introducing... Forever WALL•E! Look, it's sexy!"
  • "Even if you accidentally wash it, and then dry it, and then drop it, and then axe it, and then take a shit in it, and then shoot an arrow at it, and then steal it..." ("STEAL IT! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!") "...and that's ultra-ballsy!"
  • "Shoot an arrow at a family member, (ARROW'D!) and it goes right through the ass cheeks! Amazing!" (PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME)
  • "This is ideal for wasting time. Just press the button, and watch it blow up!"
  • "This is the future. Shouldn't there be a robot penis by now? There is! Introducing RoboCo-" (CS PLZ)
  • "Whether the JoJ is smig or small, RoboTwist can twist your balls! And it's just as easy as removing your pants! Not a problem!"
  • "There's no job it can't tackle! RoboTwist can open the mall!"
  • "We'll also include our RoboRowboat! We'll also include our RoboCat! We'll also include our RoboCandle! We'll also include RoboCop! We'll also include a big piss jar!" ("OH GEEZ")
  • "Go order today. You need to order today. That's right. That's right. Order today. Don't delay. Here's how to order today. Don't order tomorrow, just order today."
  • "Imagine being able to enjoy Imagine Dragons, when you can create hours of freaky music!"
  • "Introducing streaking! Here's how it works: Jack right off, and you're done!" (THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS)
  • "Introducing hands! Amazing!"
  Billy Mays: Dammit! I used the same joke!
  • "You need to stop wasting time watching this!"
  • CS does some Bad Lip Reading: "That's some bullshit, isn't it?"

• IT'S WWWIIINNNDDDOOOWWWSSS!!!, a re-poop of CS' previous Steve Ballmer Windows poops.
  • Sentence-mixing the Content Warning with Ballmer's voice.
  • WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE! (cue Steve saying wait in tune with the Jeopardy! Thinking Music)
  • REVERSI! E-SERVER?
  • Return of the Ballmerang ;)
  • "Don't listen to Weezer! No one listens to Weezer anymore!" Cue a scene showing Weezer still having over 13 million monthly listeners on Spotify which is "helpfully" labelled as "no one".
  • "Listen to what else you don't get: A cardfile, a carpet, a cock, a car panel, a car driver, a Prince file, and even Steven Universe, and wait until you see The Brak Show! THAT'S RIGHT! It's incredible crap!"
  • "IT'S JUST NINETY-NINETY-NINETY-NINETY-NINETY-NINETY..." The nineties continue on as the picture is edited to form a wheel around Ballmer's head which drives off.
  • The Microsoft Executive Calendar sight gag includes one that includes termites and another that features every single person from the Microsoft Executive team.
  • "Windows screws you with a blue screen of death!" (sound of Ballmer's yelling glitching) "B.S.O.D."
  • "Order! Order! Order! ORDER this tortoise right now and ram it right into your butt! It's large!" (glitching)
  • When someone attempts to play softball near Michael Rosen's house in Nebraskaska, the ball ends up flying towards the windows and breaks them, to Ballmer's horror.
  • The pasting gag continues from pasting a FrF into Reversi and pasting a watch into Ballmer's hand, to pasting Mircosoft Zune into the garbage with all the other Microsoft products, causing the bin to topple over and empty, pasting Nebraska into Miami, and pasting ice into fire.
  • "Windows, windows, windows, windows, windows, IT'S WINDOWS!" [record scratch] "No! It's cancer, and it's terminal!" [crickets chirping] "That's right! It's an incredibly awful joke, and listen, that's messed up! I am sorry! 'Cause cancer's no joke! Now, how much do you wanna fight me? I'LL WATCH YOU BLEED—" [SMPTE tone]

• Cathy Mitchell's Freaky Food-Fondling Fun Fest, a poop of various Cathy Mitchell products.
  • Sentence-mixing the Content Warning with Mitchell's voice.
  • Perfect for eating my cun- my cun- my country ribs!
  • CS slipping in lines from Jaboody Dubs.
  • The outro remix to "Big Beat."

• Philex Tape Safe-ly Seals Your Phate.
  • "Hi, Filthy Philadelphia DILF here for Flex Supersize Sucky Duct Tape! This is no ordinary nose tape, it's a super-duper diaper wiper!"
  • "Ordinary duct tape takes like ass! But Flex Duct Tape tastes like CVS and furniture!"
  • "Check out how ordinary duct tape can lift this 500-pound safe!" [the safe falls on his toe] "EEEEEEEEE" [color bars] "Check out how safe this is! This is super-safe!" (✓ SUPER SAFE)
  • "Just one Phil Swift can lift this!" [gets crushed by the safe]
  Billy Mays: Using a safe, isn't safe!
  Phil Swift: Just shut up, Billy!
  (ONE SHORT ICU VISIT LATER)
  • "And you can spill Powerade on all types of surfaces!" Including Billy Mays, which doesn't really fly well.
  • "We built this metal boat, wrapped it, and covered it in piss!" (*Record Scratch*) "Why'd we cover it in piss?"
  • "We're going on the YTP, and we may actually worry. We built a raceboat out of rocks, and we're going to fill the boat with water, and socks, and ducks, and we may actually have him jump out of the boat. And Phil may actually die." (cue tombstone) "Keep watching."
  • "We're gonna put tape on the house..." (NO WE'RE NOT)
  • Phil's boat getting a safe dropped on it, by Billy Mays.
  • "Brick by brick, suck my dick!" ("YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE MINE!")

• "HallOwOeen ASSvertisement Dumpster Fire"
  • "Just believe me, I'm DYING to make you laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." (cue unnecessary Jump Scare)
  • "The Halloween experts at Magic Manor have wigs, masks, makeup, wake up, wake up, WAKE UP" ("WAKE UP!")
  • "This year you'll need to have everything you need this year raey siht. This year you'll need Halloween sex experts with special XXX costumes, including actual cocks!" ("AAAAAAAAHHHH!") "Magic Manor's Special Sauce, including actual facials!"
  • "This Halloween, you'll see actual disgusting wiener pictures!" ("AAAAAHHH!") "Oh, man... this is shockingly awful."
  • "The adultery makeup!"
  • "Fuck up a Halloween fantasy with Fanta-time makeup!"
  • "I'm not going to pay for this muffin! I'm not going to pay for this NFT!"
  • "Dracula, Wolfman and Wolfenstein!"
  • "Oh I do enjoy an evening with a little head! This shit's so dirty..."
  • "Giraffes are gross."
  • "The boys' weenies were hanging out! Then... I shit my pants!" "Never shit in your shorts!" "It's time to shush!"

• "YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR DAMN SHOES ON?!"
  • "Please, get out right this second!" ^note (nooo don’t go)
  • "Bendy, bendy, bendy!"
  • "Put on your dancing shoes!" "Catch me or I go Shoedini…" (Old man sliding back and forth on the carpet disappears) "(don’t slip)"

• SPEED DEETING
  • "Hiiiiiiiii, would you like to talk with me right now, one-on-one?" ("No?")
  • "Call 100-900-800 to talk one-on-one with lovely ladies over 75." (Cue pictures of Queen Elizabeth II, Betty White, and Joe Biden in a wig)
  • "It's One-on-One-on-One-on-One-on-One! Over $7,500 per-minute to talk one-on-one with 100 ladies per-minute. Three dollars per-minute to fart on romantic young ladies."
  • "This is not a party." ("This is not a party~") "Get in on the action, Call now! One-nine hundred-988-WILD-Freak!"
    • "Call one-on-one-900-98-800-911 CALL 911" (DO NOT)
    • "Call us now, we're wavy!"
  • "You could stay home and cry, or you can talk with me right now? Or, you can shit and laugh!"
    • THE ARSEHOLE SHOW
  • "It's sometimes difficult to get hard to catgirls like me. Rawr, rawr, we're always on the move."
  • "The newest iPhones are sometimes hard to get."
  • "Great Sex-pectations has over 150,000 motherfuckers like yourself, and you can start to meet exciting new people like 50 Cent, and set aside some time to read The Great Gatsby."
    • "Would you like to read with me right now, one-on-one?" (HOW DOES SHE KEEP COMING BACK?) "Then get started in a library."
  • "Read the new member kit. Remember, kid. It's packed with step-by-step-by-step-by-step information that will help you make your member HARD. Now go and get started in a library." (MAYBE NOT THERE...)
  • "I can't meet anybody in my life, am I a loser?" "Yes."
  • "There's a lot of members who have come—" [squirting sounds] "HooHooHoo"
  • "No, it's not my JoJ, so make certain you read your book. I know, I helped write it. It's boring stuff. Really boring."
  • "You can talk to us live, one-on-one—" ("One-on-one?") "—at 1-900-666-FOOF. It's just you and me, just the way you like it."
    • [Record Needle Scratch] "Oh wait, it's not just you and me. It's over 100 of my friends."
  • "It's not a party." "This is not a part—" (QUIT REUSING THE SAME JOKES)
  • "My friends and I love to play with your foreskin, just the way you like it. It's 100 of my fox friends." ("—and catgirls like me")
  • "3-6-9 6-9-nice."
  • "You're gonna have an addiction to watching this video tape."

• BILLY DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE
  • "Just believe me, just watch the entire thing, and you'll be dead in no time!"
  • "You dry your clothes, and they're wet. You dry them again, and finally, they're dry!" [ding] "So maybe you did not dry your clothes enough the first time, you absolute moron! Do I have to fucking hold your hand through everything?!"
  • "Maybe you're a little kid who doesn't know anything about real life, or maybe you're just retarded or something!" [Record Needle Scratch, gasping] "That's right! Billy Mays said the forbidden R-word! Just get over it, who cares?! I'm flipping off everyone, including your entire family, because why the hell not?! I have nothing to lose, because I've been six feet under the ground for over 14 goddamn years!"
  • "Tired of getting out of bed every morning just to be alive? Well, let me show you how to take care of that! Introducing the Un-Alive Switch!" (I don't think you are legally allowed to sell that, Billy)
  • "Are you on your feet all day? Not anymore! I'm gonna run over your feet with this tractor-trailer, because that'll be really fun for me to watch!" [color bars] ("MY LEG!")
  • Billy Mays' head glitching and exploding.
  • "Just bend over bend over bend over, right now, and watch all your anal residue get stuck to the roller! Or, you can do it the easy way, and just wipe your ass with an ordinary screwdriver! It's thAT easy! One screwdriver does it all, bitch! You just take it up the old-fashioned rectal door into the tightest areas without stopping!"
    • "Or, you can take a dump in your paint tray, so you can paint an entire room with your poop, guaranteed! And keep on painting. And keep on painting. [And keep on fucking painting."
  • "I can transform my bathroom into a disastrous biohazard room in no time!"
  • "Wow, your Pomeranian dog is so cute!" [rapid-fire petting action] "But what do you do when your cute little dog shits in the washer? Uh oh, not so cute anymore! So just get rid of your damn dog, and get a cat!" [Beat] "Oh, wait, this is not a cat!" [color bars]
    • "Just get a real cat, and you can get cat urine all over your dog, instantly! That's poggers, because you get all kinds of stains! You get six different ones, yours free!"
  • "It's all right here at your fingertits."
  • "If you've ever busted a nut at work, just remember! Nothing absorbs your jizzy mess quite like your boss's carpet!"
  • "And watch this! I'm gonna take one million Cialis pills!"
    • "Oh, fuck! Billy Mays' giant 47-inch dick is stuck in the fence, again!"
  • Billy singing the Brick By Brick remix.
  • "Hi, Billy Mays here for ordinary wiper blades! They just don't work! Now you can drive around with a big mess on your windshield all day!"
  • "Here in my garage, just got this new JoJ"
    • "You can do it all over again. Over 27 million times over again. Whether you're in the hood or under the garage, you'll have urine in the garage! What a disaster!"
  • "Hard On, apply directly to the erection. Hard On, apply directly to the erection."
  • "I love beautiful pudding."

Political YouTube Poops

• OMABA'S NEW WORLD ORDER ACID TRIP, cs188's 20,000 subscriber video, is hilarious from beginning to end.
  • The opening, which features a blatant Flanderization of his typical works:
    • "It's called the American JoJ Act. The American JoJ Act is simple. Pass this JoJ plan right away. Ass ass ass ass. Cocks cocks cocks cocks. Dicks dicks dicks dicks. Masturbation masturbation. Cum cum cum cum. And the tits tits tits tits. Pass this JoJ and we'll create more JoJ for construction workers, more JoJ for teachers, more JoJ for veterans—" (eject) "It's freakin' horrible. I can't use this, it's terrible."
    • "The video sucked immensely, so cs188 decided to make a new one."
  • But what really sells it is Obama's speech afterward:
    • "Everyone knows that cs can't actually sentence mix! DinnerWarrior did the sentence mixing for everything in this video. So, for everyone who speaks so passionately about cs as the leader who saved YouTube Poop: SHUT UP! cs188 is fucking overrated. More people have followed the example he set, making sex joke sentence mixing YouTube Poops. It's an outrage! We need to stop this right now. I wanna see poops with more Ear Rape and more random fucking shit flying back and forth. If you do the right thing, you could make it—anybody could make it—into Kevin T. Ackerman's Top Ten YouTube Poops of The Month. ALL of us will have to change the way we do pooping. The only solution-noitul-lution-noitul-lution is let this crisis be used as an excuse to wipe out China."
  • It was a 'house fly' (bad joke)
  • "We need more ladders more ladders more ladders"
  • "Our highways are clogged with—" EAR RAPE
  • "You are tearing me apart, Congress!"
  • "We need to ask people to choose between Contra and Crysis."
  • "I'm already sending this Congress to Hell!"
    • The people of Congress fall into the burning pit, along with Nic Cage screaming in pain
  • "Weenie!^note A hot dog appears, upholding his "no dick jokes" promise" "Stop! Stop! Stop the political circus!"
    • :(
  • "Spending by about a trillion billion million thousand dollars over the next ten trillion years."
  • "Now we're going to sit back and watch some faggot installing Windows."
    • "Windows HoH SiS Premium. It's harder, better, faster, stronger. Now the hardware will be going up." (NOT A PENIS JOKE)
  • "It will provide rules that keep our kids exposed to Mercury" (Picture of Mercury with a sign saying "UR KIDS R SEXY" on its surface pops up)
  • "And I'M PRETTY— I'm pretty sure I know that cs188 is a brony!"
    Johnny: It's not true, it's bullshit!
  • "You should pass this jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-" (WILL HE SAY IT?!? O_O)
    • -OHN MADDEN! JOHN MADDEN! JOHN MADDEN! :( (and I can bring back an ancient fad any time I damn want to!)
  • "Middle fass clamilies will get hit with a shit!" (OMGLOL WHAT A FUCKING ORIGINAL JOKE)
  • "Abraham Lincoln's PENIS stands as a monument!" (ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH I just couldn't resist making a dick joke)
  • "Now we're going to sit back and watch Tommy Wiseau play Billy Mays' Shitblaster."
    • "Billy Mays has the Shit Bazooka!"
  • "And it's time for us to do what's right for our future: Wipe out China"
  • Barack Obama's face is distorted in the video.
  • Welcome to JoJ Madden! JoJ Madden! JoJ Madden! JoJ Madden!

• Ritt Momney Exterminates Freedom
  • "The day's a good day for America. Paul Ryan will provide our workers with the skills to cut the children with a saw...." (cue saw and heavy metal rock music) "JOIN ME!"
  • "Americans woke up this morning with the U.S. Ambassador. It's never too early for Libya to attack Americans, and to defend their values. The United States remains a dangerous place, and American leadership still remains a dangerous leadershit."
  • "Last several years we've stood witness to my cock spinning out of control. (cue "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)") This is outrageous."
  • "People across America are grateful for Allstate and Ford." (shows parody versions of respective companies' logos)
  • "We respect our Constitution, we stand for the principles our constitution constitutes, we encourage our constitution to understand and respect words of our constitution. Because we recognize that these constitutions are the ultimate constitution."
  • "We cannot hesitate to impregnate loved ones."
  • "Upwards I extend my weiner."
  • "I was hard last night from the ASSHOLE INTERCOURSE with Paul Ryan."
  • Paul Ryan As V.P. Rick...Paul Ryan ASPPPRICK
    • ♥~
  • "We have confidence in condemning freedom for individuals around the world.
  • "Flexta McSignals. FLEXTA MCSIGNALS My-my-my-my cock cannot shrink. My-my-my-my cock is disgusting. It breaks the hearts of all of us."

• Obama Sh!ts in the Gulf on National Television
  • [over the White House's logo] "Youtube Poop!" "Because there's never been a Weegee this size." [cue an enlarged Luigi creating chaos in a city]
  • "On April 20th, an explosion ripped through my ass. Shit began spewing into the water."
  • "Tomorrow, I will meet with the chairman of BP to inform him that he is a cunt."
  • The "BP Lies" song.
  • "We will make steak."
  • "We've directed BP to pee."
  • "We need to know the facts before we allow the facts to be known by the American people." (Record Needle Scratch) "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."
  • "Over the last decade, I've touched millions of governors' prostates."
  • "Two minutes—TO MIIIIIIIIIIDNIGHT~!"
  • "The sadness and the anger they feel is not just about the money they lost. It's about the money they lost. It's about ring around the toilet. It's about oral sex. It's about dirt and debris. It's about too many toasters."
  • "They're ready to help train the beaches, clean response workers, or even help toast toast."
  • "And I want pie. The American people deserve pie."

• PRESIDENTIAL ELIMINATION DAY
  • "If you're paying women, I want to bring their pay rates down, and we'll continue to pay men higher."
  • "We're gonna bring that pipe line in from 7-Eleven and Macy's...."
  • "You stood in front of a plant, and pointed at it and said kill this plant!"
  • "Governor Romney, SHUT UP."
  • "Governor Romney said. law enforcement officers could sto-o-O-O-O-O-o-op folks because they suspected maybe they look like Big Bird. Is it fair, for someone like you making 20 million trillion thousand a year to pay a lower tax rate than somebody making $50 a year?"
  • "'Cause the economy was on The Verge of collapse! Because we were about to collapse! It's conceivable that Governor Romney could collapse!"
  • "Women full of binders."
  • "Women need Big Bird for Planned Parenthood."
  • "When I hear Governor Romney say he's a big asshole... what Governor Romney just said is true."
  • "Top 5% of taxpayers will continue to pay 5% of the women—"
    • "You're such a sketchy Etch-A-Sketch."
  • "If somebody came on you, Governor... a planet."
  • "When you want foundation repair..." (Romney turns into Richard Swiney) "...you wanna reproduce."
  • "Lil' Billy Bedwetter Bill"
  • "I care about 25% of the American people. I care about Flexta McSignals."
  • This:
    Obama: I'm Governor Romney!
  • "Governor Romney doesn't have a five-point plan. He has an one-point plan, and that is to wipe out China."
    • "He's right. President Obama's right-right-right-right..."
  • "...On that note, we have come to an end of Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romneyeneyeneyeney."
  • "And production on gas is down. Production on government land is down." (Cue stupid statement mashup mix)

• OBAMA WIPES UP THE YOUTUBE SH!TDOWN
  • "The world turns off a light." [Screen goes dark. canned laughter] "It's not funny. YouTube sucks, but we deal with it."
  • "Well, last night I-" [celling caves in] "The debt ceiling collapsed." (Well that was stupid.)
  • "What goes on on this website seems to get worse every single year. The website has been too slow, people have been getting stuck-" (</end YouTube rant>)
  • "We know that all my friends in Congress committed suicide. Suicide will get America back on the right track."
  • "Our economy would be larger two decades from now, that's 1.4.5.3.2.half.1% larger."
    • "That wasn't a political statement, that was, aha, anahh, an anAAAAAAAAAAAlysis.
  • "That's snot being faithful to what this country's about. Push the boundaries of Scion in space, cyan N space. Each PSY could have gotten together and figured out, how do we shave a man's butt?"
  • "Demands more jobs. JoJ!"
  • "The good news is pee-pee. So, that's number 1. number 2: doo-doo."
  • "Burning down the house." ["Burning Down The House" stars playing in the background] "We don't need the Talking Heads on the radio. Shut off the radio."
    • :(
  • "Lettuce research... should go away."
  • I wanna jam it in you, I wanna JoJ."
  • "We jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin'" (DISC JAM DETECTED)
  • "A chihuahua war."
  • 'It's Thursday night; it's time for Unnecessary Sex Shit"
    • "Remember, the [bleep] is getting smaller, not bigger. But that doesn't mean we can't make kids. We always do. Let me say that again; we can make kids, right now."
    • "I will look for willing partners, wherever I can." [humps the podium] "What?"
  • "I am about to shit audiobooks out of my ass."
  • "I am not Da Things 1, I am stupid fucking cs188."
  • Jesse has a date with Rosie Palms] "Nice.'' ""Wish I could, speed it up a little bit...."
    • don't ask what happening there because I don't even have a clue
  • "Tell us if Jesse's increasingly big c*** has got you excited."
  • "If you're Blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go to hell?"
  • "Have you seen the well? Up and down and up and down and..." (The well seems broken) "iPads!"
  • "Spending every dime for white sluts with perfect tits!"
  • "404!" (YTP Error 404. The requested point of this video was not found. Please try again with another YTP video, although you will likely find they are all as pointless as this one.) "Trying hard to look like fascists, poopin' on the rich!" (what the f?)
  • Bending, bending, bending, bending!
  • "Come, let's- cum, let's stick umbrellas in their hairy pooper! sUPEr doOpEr"
  • "Down, down, up, down, down, up-up-down-up—" (You get the idea...)
  • "Why don't you die? Come let's shit in the well!"
  • "Have you seen the tits? Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits."
  • "But we go on... off. On. Off."

• THE UNUNITED STATE OF HYSTERIA
  • "Just out from this debate, the steaks are very high!"
  • "(IN)Decision 2016. The first President ate Cs188" (cue picture of George Washington holding Cs' head) "LOL."
  • "We'll let Lester Holt take it away. -ke it away. GET AWAY."
  • "Good evening from— Good evening from-- GOOD EVENING FROM HOH Reversity in Hampstead, New York — are we in New York? I'm Lester Holster from cs188 Nightly News."
  • "Welcome to Canada!"
    • "This debate is sponsored by America."
  • "At the start of each segment, I will ask both candidates to suck Lester Holt's erection for fifteen minutes."
  • "The candidates are insane and they will have JUST TWO MINUTES to respawn-respawn-respawn-respawn-respawn" (the guy from "Sausage to Mr. Trump" respawns)
  • "The audience has agreed to remain silent so that we can focus... (the audience cheers loudly over Lester) SILENT!"
  • "The six minute debate is divided into six-six-six segments, each six minutes long." (Lester grows devil horns and deepens his voice while saying this as screen goes red and zooms in on him)
  • "At the start of each segment, I will ask the same lead-off question: 'What's a webpage, something ducks walk on?'"
  • "I'm Uncle Fester!"
  • Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton entering to the The Nutshack theme
    • Hillary is shown to have a hand buzzer and we hear "Buzz. Buzz. Buzz-Buzz."
  • "Well, I don't expect us to cover the issues that voters tell us are most important, so, good night everybody." [cue Seinfeld theme]
    Producer - Jerry Seinfeld
    Making You Wet - Lester Holster
  • "Beginning with you, Secretary Clinton: Why are you here in the room?"
    Hillary: What?
    Lester: Secretary?
    Hillary: I better be able to vote for Bernie Sanders.
    Bernie Sanders: (suddenly appearing next to Hillary) The secretary is right.
  • Hillary: (to a clone of herself] It's good to be with you.
  • "We are going to have a debate where we are high!"
  • "I want us to invest in nachos. Them nachos are good!"
  • "(100%) GUARANTEETH...finally!"
  • Trump falling asleep during Hillary's speech.
  • "Every day in our country, institutions are under cyberattack..."
  • The Cyberattackers Family
    Peter: Wanna write an e-mail to Hillary Clinton?
    (Record Needle Scratch)
    Lisa: (freezes)
    Dasha: No?
    Peter: (typing) "Dear Mrs. Clinton, sounds like it should be pretty easy to set up your own private e-mail server!" And it's illegal too!
    Bernie Sanders: Enough of the e-mails!
  • "Today is my GRAND DAD's birthday, so I think about him a lot." (a picture of a corpse is shown)
  • Trump and Clinton scratching their noses to the tune of the "We No Speak Americano" dance mix.
  • "Mr. Trump, you have up to a few minutes." "Thank you, Lester Holster."
  • "We have thousands of my employees roaming the streets, and they have guns. And they shoot people that endorse Hillary. And we have to have thousands of shootings!"
    • "I can do that very quickly." *police sirens*
    • "That is just... accurate."
  • "We have to do a much better JoJ, and keeping the incentive of building nukes. I have been building nukes for 30 years!"
    • "YOU WILL SEE DEVASTATION!"
  • "I am very under leverage, I have a great company, have a tremendous income..." (shows a penny) "...but it's much less than that."
  • "Secretary, why are you a better choice than your opponent to create the JoJ that will put more money into the pockets of Donald Trump?"
    Clinton: How are we gonna do it? We're gonna do it all over again. In fact, we're going to do it 15 million times over again. So let's pay Donald Trump to leave.
    Trump (with a money bag): I'm leaving.
  • "I will bring back chopsticks. You can't bring back cho- You can't bring back cho-"
  • Trump and Clinton's faces swapping bodies.
  • "I'm. Talking! I'm talking! I want complete quiet!"
  • "My father was really hard, he pulled out a long schlong, and he went down with a silkscreen and dumped the paint in and he took the squeegee and dumped the silkscreen in the paint and then took the fabrics and he dumped the fabrics in the paint and took the squeegee and dumped the squeegee in the paint and dumped the paint on Luigi and he kept going, and he went down with a jizz screen and dumped jizz in the paint..."
  • "Why am I feeling this ass? I have said, literally, put wood in that butt."
    Hillary Clinton: We have taken the homepage of my website, CorporatePoopholes.com, and turned it into...
    Bernie Sanders (Larry David): ...A MESS!!
• President Evil 2: America Loses the Game, a sequel to The Ununited State of Hysteria.
  • The return of the Parental Assvisory: Toilet Content warning from the Bruno Mars PSA.
  • The opening words of Swiss Cheese, No News Funday anchor: "I'm Swiss Cheese and I welcome you to the fuckin' dumpster fire debate of 2020202020 between President Evil 2 and former restroom designer Joe Biden. The commission has designed the floor mats. The audience here in the hall has promised to not shit on the floor mats."
  • "This debate is in Hell's stinking asshole. This debate is sponsored by Satan and the number 666 and Ford."
  • "Donald Trump decided the topics, and the questions will not matter. The candidates will not answer the questions. I can assure you, none of the questions will have answers. I got new rules, I got them."
  • "Both campaigns have agreed to the missionary position."
  • "President Trump did a phenomenal job. We got the sounds, we got the clowns, we got the mammoths, we made the emasculators."
  • "At some point, I did all of the drugs."
  • "President Trump, you nominated Amy Coney Boney over The Weeknd. Toot." "My peepee is going up fast." (OOH AND YOU'RE NASTY~)
  • "So I think she's going to be Fanta."
  • "The bigger problem that you have is that you're going to die because you fart a lot. Every time you see him, he's gotta fart. That's why I'm speaking 200 feet from him."
    (Biden farts)
    Trump: Listen, he passed gas...!
    Biden: That's simply not true.
  • "Bye Bye Joe Biden!"
  • "Almost every lawn cutting group in the United States. I have Florida, I have Texas, I have Flexas, I have Obama-hio, I have Mike Pence-ylvania..."
  • "So let me just tell you something. So I ate a couple of pencils last week, you saw that." "They were #2, they were pointy."
  • Trump and Swiss Cheese turn into birds:
    Trump: I'm getting it for so cheep-cheep. (head turns into a chick)
    Swiss Cheese: Uh, caw caw. (head turns into a crow)
    Trump: Cheep cheep cheep.
    Swiss Cheese: Caw caw caw.
    Trump: (turns into an owl) Coo coo coo.
    (Picard does a Face Palm)
  • A Running Gag returns:
    Trump: But I'll tell you, Joe, you could never have done the JoJ.
    Biden: I know how to do the JoJ.
    Trump: (with his mouth sideways) But you didn't do very well in foundation repair. (100% unsatisfied)
    (why am I using the same old jokes after 10 years)
  • "Sir, we have trees that are far more cheesier in California."
  • "President Trump, I would like you to let me ask my question and—" "Nope, I'm doing my laundry." (cut to a washing machine next to Trump's podium with money in it) "This debate is a pain in my fuckin' ass."
  • "Wipe out China." (OMFG THEY AGREE ON THIS)
    Trump: They'll probably blame him but they'll blame me but they'll probably blame me but more importantly I wanna blame him (Trump fires two laser shots, creating two wounds in Biden's shoulder, while he smiles)
    Swiss Cheese: Um...are you...? Um...Taxi (taxi pulls up & Swiss Cheese hops inside)
  • "WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEERRRRRRR."
    Biden: Seriously, can I leave for a moment to take a peepee?
    Swiss Cheese: THE ANSWER IS NO.
  • This exchange:
    Trump: Every bank I have, three and a half dollars, yap yap yap yap...
    Swiss Cheese: [while Trump is still yapping] Please, let the Vice President talk.
    Biden: Keep yappin', man.
    Trump: [distorted] YAP YAP YAP YAP-
  • "It's a fraud, it's a shame, it's a frame, and it's a frog." [Biden picks his nose]
  • "We're gonna talk about what you can jam through my open rectum." ("#2 pencils.")
  • "I'm not here to wipe his big butt, I'm here to strip."
    Swiss Cheese: (surrounded by several cases of Corona beer) "Gentlemen, I've had more than *belches* seven cases of Corona-" (falls over) "Ow."
    R.I.P. Swiss Cheese :(
  • "You should get out of your bunker and get out of the sand trap and get in your golf course and go in the Awful Ovice and bring the sand office and get in your golf bunker and trap your mom or dad and get intercourse and go in the oval bunghole... and fuck the American people."
  • "I muted the candidates."
  • "I will bring back chopsticks." (I'M SORRY MR. TRUMP BUT #2 PENCILS ARE NOT CHOPSTICKS)
  • "Ears, ears, ears, ears, ears, ears, ears, ears,'" (RIP EARS) "TREMENDOUS NOPE."
  • The various edits made to the C-SPAN2 logo in the corner throughout the video:
    • ANAL
    • POOPIN
    • 2 CANS
    • C-BOOBS
    • STOOPID
    • ASS SPANCC
    • AAAAAA
    • SNACC
    • STOP IT PLS
    • NO PANTS
    • W.A.P.
    • NASTI
    • PANIC
• Biden's Inaudible Address Gets Everybody Undressed
  • "This is a day. This is a day." "THIS is a car."
    • "Soda day. Yay."
  • "All the people are dead! At this hour, my friends, we have failed." (screen turns gray, sad music plays as picture rotates and a tear forms on Biden's face)
  • "I thank my parties for the presents here today."
  • "We require so much foundation repair!" (Record Scratch) "When you need foundation repair--" "OH GOD. Not this shit AGAIN." (audience claps)
  • "We can fight the foes we face. We can fate the foes we fice. We can fart in the face of good people." (lets one rip) "Dude, I just shat my pants, and my asshole is sore."
  • "We can right wrongs. We can wrong rights. We can put people to work in Sea World." (splash)
  • "I have to pee again." (Swiss Cheese shows up) "Sir, please..." (lol why is Swiss Cheese there?)
  • "Abraham Manson signed the Emancipaton Constipation. The president said, and I quote..." (Beat) "Oh no, I forgot!"
  • "My name is not Abraham Lincoln. LOL."
  • "We must build the planet itself (a picture of Earth appears) with Unity." (a picture of the Unity logo appears) "Unity."
  • "As the Bible says, we will cometh in the morning."
  • "We can make America again—" (record scratch) "Oh, goddammit, no!"
  • "Through Civil War, Great Depression, World War, 9/11..." (Cue Voice Clip Song)
  • "Four hundred years of total war. That's democracy. That's how it has to be. And I ask every American to cause chaos. We can make a raging fire." (crowd applauses as fire appears) "Don't tell me things can't change!"
    • "Americans lost millions of JoJ—ENOUGH!"
• Joe Camel's Anti-Climatic Cancer Culture
  • "In the coming days, my administration will announce Mountain Dew Code Red for the Republicans."
  • "I come here today with a message: It's costing $385 million motherfucking dollars to pay for your neighbor from Rhode Island. He's not a bad guy at all, I live in his house."
  • "I just passed enough gas to power hundreds and thousands of homes."
  • "As president, I have a responsibility to point out Blue's Clues."
  • "The entire state of Texas is gay." (OH SHI-)
    Sandy: YOU CAN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT TEXAS!
  • "America is defined by one single word: pasta. That's who we are as a nation."
• The Republican PrirP Debubblican
  • "4,000 straws inside, and you're about to see the WORST event!"
  • "Welcome to the Internet!"
  • "🎵 THE LAND OF THE FREAKY AND THE—🎵" (music grows distorted)
  • "Eight STUNNING Republican cans!"
  • "Florida governor Floor DeSantis! Former mice president My Pen! Former New Jersey jerk Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris! Senator Tim Skim! Former SaaS Governor Nikki Hickey! SWAAWS! Former arsonist Governor Anus! And NorthSouth Governor... Doug DeMuro!"
  • "The state of Florida is in decline. This decline is not a decline. This is an incline! If you are working hard and you are hardly working and you can't afford lousy Florida paintings, we need to send hundreds of thousands of gross families to your basement, and we're gonna open up ALL your asses! [...] Open up a new can of crap!"
  • "We will be lousy again in this country, and I will let you down. I pledge to you, if I'm not your President, the state of Florida will secede as a country!"
  • "I was elected with 1% of the vote. We're gonna have to work and it's wrong."
  • Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris repeatedly breathing down the microphone.
  • "'Cause every dollar they spend is a waste. [...] 'Cause every dollar they spend is a dollar that they spend is a dollar that they spend is a dollar that they spend is a dollar that they spend..."
  • My Pen having an asthma attack.
  • ...and we appointed 3 energy Conservatives to unleash Kenergy." ("KENERGY!")
  • "Who the heck is this guy, and what the fuck is he doing? I'll tell ya, I found my wife in the mental health institution 40 years ago. I did it while marrying my parents, following the American Drain. That American Drerican will not exist unless we do something about it, and I do something about it, and I shoe something about it, and I 2 something about it!"
  • "Well, I don't care about what I care about, because I forgot what I care about. I'll tell you how to fix it: they need to fix it. They need to eliminate 90 million people."
  • All the candidates saying "stop."
  • When it comes to NorthSouth Governor Burgum (written in the closed captions as Governor 🍔m), he begins his statement by saying he was from a town of three hundred people, only to get cut off by the warning bell.
  • "We have seen 100% of the American people explode." (cue drumroll followed by loud explosion on the continent)
  • Tim Skim agrees with SWAAWS about the people having all disappeared, but states that their milk was at 2%. SWAAWS interrupts Tim over the reveal and declares "Let us be lettuce!"
  • Floor DeSantis claims that memes are hurting the quality of life and Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris declares that Barack Obama should be jailed for ten years.
  • "But let me also say that it's all about tuna, tuna, tuna, tuna."
  • SWAAWS' latest argument is interrupted with My Pen's desire to "smash". Floor DeSantis also gets into it as well, causing Nikki to ask him to stop.
  • "I think unquestionably, I am the best—" "You're the best!" "I think unquestionably, I am the best vacuum!" Cue My Pen's face turning into a nose which sucks up the air, including Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris' fart.
  • Nearly all of the candidates speaking over one another, while Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris farts again amidst the chaos, causing a fire.
    Donald: Every time you see him, he's gotta fart.
  • "I've had enough of this amateur YTP!" Immediately afterwards, everyone starts yelping again, causing Detective Kimble to yell "SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!" as the din intensifies.
  • "What I care about is the truth. The truth is true. The truth is... that Biden did 9/11!"
  • "More cops in the streets, who are on the streets, to do their jobs in the streets, without looking over in the streets."
• The Republican Debubblican Twoblican, the sequel to the The Republican PrirP Debubblican
  • "Just believe me, it's a serious debate!"
  • "Welcome to the Republican Debubblican! I'm Lester Holster of Enby Nightly News." Lester is then suddenly interrupted by his accompanying commentator saying "Good".
  • Said accompanying commentator then saying she's depressed, while also representing everyone there.
  • "We are just si—" "Hello, I'm HueHueHueHueHueHueHue, host of the HueHue Show!" [...] "We are just 69 days from the end of the world."
  • "Candidates will have one second for answers and the opportunity for a hand job from fellow 'baters. [...] We wanna caution all the candidates not to speak. If you speak, we can't hear you."
  • Governor DiSaster, brother of Floor DeSantis, begins by asking his mommy to go back to Florida, not wanting to hear any more Republicans. He then declares he was going to dump the future of America into the trash.
    DiSaster: That's how we have to do it! [thunderous applause] We have to finish the JoJ. We have to do it—
    Wesley: All over ag—
    Lester: Let's not do this. Let's have a serious debate.
  • When asked about HueHueHueHueHueHueHue, Ambassador Ass Hair (formerly Nikki Hickey) states she doesn't know, but also notes that she was tired of Biden falling while getting back on the airplane, which leads to a rant about Biden's coffee being undrinkable and so on. She even states they don't need Friends.
  • "I'm gonna unleash all of America's everything. I sent planes over, I sent trains over, I sent Hanes over, I sent chains over, I sent drains over, I sent cranes over, I sent stains over, I sent Great Danes over, I sent Kane over. I gave 'em marijuana, I gave 'em meth. I actually did some in private! That's how we have to do it! I banned losing!"
  • "Ever since Ronald McDonald took over, we have lost ten times the voters to cancer, and, frankly, look, the Republican Debubblican is a cancer in a can. We've become a party of losers."
    Hank Hill: Loser! You're a loser!
    The Beatles: I'm a looooOOooooOOoser...
  • Governor Christie begins his statement, declaring that New Jersey stands for death, but is then interrupted by Lester Holster before he can continue.
  • "The first thing I said was I said "Let's make sure we make sure we make sure we make as many babies as we can". Then we will focus on murdering as many babies as we can! Finish them! FINISH THEM!" ("That's how we have to do it!") "Then we will go and make artificial babies, then we will go and end China and let's take a shit on them!" "WIPE OUT CHINA!" [standing ovation] "Strong and proud and prong and stroud. You know everyone wants to talk about diapers. I was poopin' everyday when I was at the United Nations."
  • RaaR SwawS objects against Lester Holster giving him tissues, claiming that the people need to smoke them.
  • Governor Chrispie the Rice Krispy was told to "weigh in here". He responds by telling Lester that he sucks before stating they don't know what they're doing in the debate and presenting Lester a paper crane. Chrispie then claims that he has a huge weight, is big and serious, and is the only candidate with a weight as big as the world. He also declares he will be the president who will strip on TikTok.
  • Just like Chrispie, Senator ScocS is interrupted by Lester while beginning his speech.
  • Lester then calls in Donald Trump, but the lights are turned all the way up.
    Donald: No! Get those lights off!
    DiSaster: He left the lights out!
    Donald: OOOOOFFF! O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OFFFF!
  • DiSaster threatens to wipe families off the globe as president while Ambassador Ass Hair is confronted about her feet pictures.
  • Yet another call-back:
    DiSaster: Mommy, I just wanna - 🎵TAKE A SHIT🎵
  • Joe Biden is asked why he should not be president, to which, Joe explains he has hairy legs.
  • "I can tell ya, we want Republicans losing! In Florida, I showed how it's done! That's how we have to do it!" (The word "Unedited" appears)
  • RaaR SwawS interrupts Chrispie about making a religion, retorting that he wants to avoid making steaks and Nikki's daughter is "really hot". Nikki take immense offence to the last statement and fires a pair of Eye Beams at RaaR SwawS, blowing up his head.
  • The Stinger sneaks in one last debate among the candidates.
    RaaR SwawS: Here's the dirty little secret: This is actually about my erection. I would cum on voters in the eye and tell 'em—
    Ambassador Ass Hair: We shouldn't be getting dirty!
    DiSaster: This has been atrocious, so I scrambled eggs—
    Chrispie: On TikTok... kok. I'm gonna be Thing! [face turns into a hand showing a middle finger from a box]
    [Beat]
    Lester Holster: Weird.
  • The many, many different versions of the "REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE" caption:
    • AN UNREAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • SAD BUT EPIC PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • A BULLCRAP PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • A REAL BAD PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • PUBIC AREA PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • A BANNED PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
    • CAN I POOP IN A RED BARN DEBATE
    • SIDEBOOB PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

Misc. Main and Alt. Channel YTP

• My Little Porno: Friendship with Benefits
  • The beginning:
    Rainbow Dash: Louder.
    Fluttershy: Yay.
    Rainbow Dash: Louder.
    Fluttershy: Yay.
    Rainbow Dash: (so quiet that she's barely audible) LOUDER! (lol I did the exact opposite of what you expected)
    Fluttershy: (inhales deeply while sucking a whole watermelon) Yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
    (Fluttershycheer.exe has stopped working)
    Jack Black: Look, we can go inside! (walks towards Fluttershy with a censored erection)
    (This is easily the most fucking ridiculous looking thing I ever—)
    Elmo: Stop!
    Jack: Aww man! Okay, Elmo, you cock blocker!
  • "My little PENIS frieeeeeennnnndddds~!"
  • "Ugh! Here I thought I'd have time to learn more about the Elephants of Harmony, but silly me, all this ridiculous dick-sucking and butt-fucking has kept me from it!"
  • "I am so frustrated, I could just scream. Jizz Cream." [Deep Breath] "A meme." [REAL BIG DEEP BREATH!]
  • "Don't worry, Spike, we'll all get to suck some dick together. LAWL LAWL~"
  • "Great! 'Cause I gouged out my insides!"
  • Uh oh
    Twilight Sparkle: I just hope Princess Celestia isn't upset with us for jizzing in the salad.
    Princess Celestia: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
    Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia is upset with us.
  • The following line:
    Celestia: Oh twat! The Grand Gralloping Grala is gralways grawful! That's why I was thrilled you were not sober!
  • "This country owes its very existence to the strength and courage of mesothelioma, a disease uniquely linked to mesothelioma. Fortunately, many worked in areas contaminated by asbestos. Attention: if you or a loved one was diagnosed with amoilehtosem, you may be entitled to die. Shitting in the automotive industries may have put you at risk. Please, play Risk. Call 1-800-90-90-90-90-90-"
  • "Could you fuck 15 cats under a rock?"
  • And this little gem:
    Geico Guy: Is Gaben really fat?
    Gabe Newell: Uh, no.
    Geico Guy: Bullshit, you smartass! (lulz now episode 3 is never coming)
  • Jack Black pleasuring Fluttershy.
    Jack: Awesome! Awesome! Glorious! -Fluttershy letting out soft screams-
    Elmo: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
    Jack: OK, Elmo- Wait a minute! 1, 2, 3... we found an orgy!
    • "EIGHT STUNNING ANGLES!"
  • Hearing Fluttershy singing "Killing In The Name" is oddly hilarious.
    Fluttershy: MOTHERFUCKER!!
• Fascism is Magic (Re-upload)
  • Fluttershy: I can't control when I troll. *While wearing a Troll Face* It's my special gift you know.
  • (illustration of "Pony vs. Self" conflict in narrative writing)
  • Rarity's conversation with Sweetie Belle;
    Rarity: No buts this time. I'm sorry Sweetie Belle, it's just the way it has to—
    Sweetie Belle: But?!
    Rarity: No buts, and this is a big but!
    Sweetie Belle: But!?
    Rarity: *Horn grows progressively bigger while Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" plays on the background*

• Robots having sex all over the arena floor
  • "Let's go to our battleboard and get our battleboard!"
    • "We're gonna see Basenji and Basenji!"
  • The reporter and the teams in the pregame show.
    Reporter: What's your [bleep]?
    Basenji: Well the [bleep] is to lift them up with the PINGAS, push him around and avoid those nasty ass cutting things on the front.
    Reporter: Sounds like COCK. Darkness, what do you think about that?
    Darkness: We're gonna [bleep] 'em like Dogs! We're gonna go in there, gonna have a good time and we're gonna [bleep] to the finish. We're gonna see what we can doo-doo.
  • The Darkness team's pregame report is pure gold.
    Member 1: How ya doing I'm Scott Millenbaugh, and this is my good friend Scott Millenbaugh and uh, we're here to [bleep] some robots, eh, we're GAY. And this is Darkness here with our driver, Scott Millenbaugh.
  • "The dog gets LAID!"
    • "Just penetrating the ass of Basenji!"
  • The post game is even better!
    Mick Foley: Basenji was boned.
    Basenji: Well, I thought I was doing well until I completely [bleep]ed up.
  • Mick Foley dancing to The Caramelldansen.

• Michael Becomes Increasingly Explicit (reupload), a hilarious recount of Michael Rosen's graphic childhood.
  • "My dad said that after the war, people all came home to keel over and die. There weren't gonna be anymore people, there weren't gonna be anymore crackhouses, there wasn't gonna be any more Walmart." (see: crack house)
  • "Look out the window! There's a window!" (i know you were all just DYING for me to use this joke again)
  • "There's my mum! She's doing my dad, and my dad wants really big tits in his mouth." *Michael inflates cheeks to an impossible level*
  • "My mum said to me and my brother, 'Tidy your room!", so we go, 'No!'. Then she said 'Eat shit.' It was then me and my brother ran her over with ''the car''! That's a shame. Heh-heh. My mum died in the street, and everything was lovely once again. Wonderful. And then we went home."
  • "And then I noticed the woman opposite. Lollipop lady was walking home, with a lollipop stuck in her arse! Nice."
  • "When I was one, I was drinking spit! When I was two, I ate a red shoehorn! When I was three I started rolling up little blunts! When I was four, I ate my hamster! When I was five, I made a steak!" (EXPLICIT LEVEL INCREASING) "When I was six, I was breathing in queef!" (sniffs and sighs awkwardly) "When I was seven, I rubbed syrup on my sister's really big nipples. *pop* Nice."
  • "Sometimes my dad doesn't shave his hairy balls, like a great big bag of plums! Really good..."
  • "My dad's waiting for me to say something! I'm hoping he'll keel over and die!"

• Ron Pitts Bakes a Super Manly Fudge Pie in his Pants
  Really?
  • "I'm Ron Pitts, and you're about to see some of the most astounding pits" (zooms in on his armpits) "...ever caught on camera."
    • "This is Sexy Ron Pitts. And Urinates. And you're about to see cock on camera. Momomomomomomo"
    • "Look again, the cock is now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Ron Pitts."
  • "I'm gonna finish off my penis pie with a little bit of whipped cream."
  • "Oh, that's real nice"
  • "How old will you be in the year 2055? I'll be OVER NINE TH-" (NOT FUNNY ANYMORE)
  • "I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to suck on your dick for a few minutes, and you're going to feel better!"
  • "I've eaten ass cream and asshole pie and I've even done my doctor."
  • "Are you tired of shitting in your bed? Or how about turning on Ron Pitts?"
    • "This is sexy."

• Bill Nye's Big Dick Theory
  • "Bill Bill the Science Guy!"
  • "When you cry when you're upset, they're the same tears when you cum in your eye."
  • "The hairs dig into the soil, and the worms dig into the hairs, and the soil dig into the worms, and the worms can only move in one erection. Erection. Erection. Erection."
  • "Pingas is a property of matter."
  • "I will now open the door with my dick"

• Gaston Pleasures Himself to the Sound of His Own Voice (subtitled reupload).
  • "Waxonator is the best and the rest is all shit!"
  • "When I was a lad I'd watch four dozen pornos to help me get ERECT! And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen inches of my DICK!"
    • "Roughly the size of a Bob!^note (Microsoft Bob appears)"
  • "And every last inch of me's covered with BICEPS TO SPARE!"
  • "I'm especially good at E-JAAAA-CU-LAAAA-TING!"
  • "~LARGE SEMEN INTAKE!~"
    • What makes this even funnier? The fact that that scene was the icon for the original video on YouTube!
  • "There's no man in this town as admired as Lady Gaga!"
  • "When I was a lad I ate feces!" "Noooooooooooooooo!"

• Legends of the XXX Temple (Part 2- TEMPLE RUN)
  • The lead-in to the show's theme (you know, when the camera is pushing through the jungle leaves) perfectly seguing into "Never Gonna Give You Up".
  • "Are you ready, Olmec?"
    • (beat) "Mexican cock."
  • "You two fucked yourselves, and it took a lot of practice..."
  • "Everyone knows that an Indian's residence of choice was a PENIS."
  • "Can you poop guess with a mystery?"
    Girl: Does your person wear a hataheroin?
    Boy: No.
    Girl: Uh-huh!
    Boy: No.
    Girl: Uh-huh!
    Boy: No.
    Girl: F*beep* you!
    Boy: (grins awkwardly)
  • "One partner from each teeeeeeam will fasten his flap to the pole, and get ready to fasten his flapping DICK!! to the pole, and get ready to go back down onto his partner's long cock!"
    • Wait a minute...both players have a penis? That can end only two ways...
  • "But before we get started, we're gonna hear a bunch of bull SHIT!!!"
  • "Spin the ship's wheel, and you can descend into the shit. There, you must have sex...in the ass...with Kirk Fogg!"
    • "If you escape, you may enter the tomb of the ancient cocks."
  • "Push in the right Gaga, and you can descend into the WaaW. And the doorway may open by running into the sign—" *CLANG* "Ha ha ha ha ha!" *CLANG* "Ha ha ha ha ha!"
  • "If the correct door is unlocked, you can crawl into the King's ass, and plow through the temple gates! The choices are yyyyyyyy and yyyy alone. Good fuck."
  • "For just going into the temple, you get NOTHING! You LOSE! Then you'll both be going to Jamaica!!"
  • "She's gotta swing out on the rope and knock down the cock!"
  • "Into the room of the ancient woahs and-" *screams* "OHHHHHH SHIT!!!!" "Caught by a Pedobear!"

• Bill Nye gets High in the Mountains (This one is age-restricted, although you can view it without an account at this link):
  • "If you ran around a-ran around a-ran around a-ran around a—your dick, it's going straight up!" *panting*
  • "BILL NYE's dick, is only 10 kilometers thick! But it's thick enough to keep us warm, while we're down here in the city snorting more coke! So it's like the blow places are down here in the city. So it's like the mountains are... wearing more coats!" (...the fuck is he talking about?)
  • "Now when you were here in the city, you were up in the mountains. A Spring shosh in the city, whilst you pee in the mountains high in the mountains."
  • "If mountaintops are closer to the sus, why is it down in the city there's more sluts and hoes next to your body?" (a penis appears in Bill Nye's hands)
  • Metal ball.
  "If I could find a way to get these electrical charges off from the Metal ball, back to somomus in the room, Womb."
  • "Sizzurp. Sizzurp. BILL NYE gets high in the mountains!"
  • "Please consider snorting more coke down here in the city with the metal ball. With the metal BALLBALLBALLBALLBALLBALLBALL-"

• A Michael Rosen Christmas
  • His reindeer is Big McIntosh
  • "Suddenly, I heard little rattling noises: there was a man and a woman, having sex! *grin*" (NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID)
  • Big Mac gets randomly replaced by Nyan Cat
  • "I got some 'toys' if you know what I mean"
  • Deleted Scene: "When I get in, if there's one thing I love, it's peeping away like mad!" He misses an all-star orgy with Billy Mays, Jack Black, the lead singer of Shinedown, Richard, Ron Pitts, and Wilford Brimley.
    • "Hi, Billy Mays here. Geez, oh man. I love beautiful young ladies. Well, let me show you something super strong!"
    • DESTROYED IN SECONDS.

• Michael gets horny at the hospital (Reupload)
  • "Oh no! The moment I dread when cs188 makes a poop of me!"
  • "Once, my brother went to my computer and deleted my porno. Hundreds of gigabytes! Hundreds and hundreds of 'em!"
  • The Michael Rosen Rock
  • "And I give a shout: 'GET OFF ME! YAY!'" (OMFG! CS188 USED A MLP SWAURCE)
  • "It was then I noticed... my dad; she was really hot! *click click click* So-" (*whoops*, hold on... that was an editing error) "It was then I noticed... my nurse, she was really hot!"
  • "So I tried looking down her shirt. *looks* Hmm! It's no good, because she was wearing a tight bra! Oh dammit!"
  • "So I said..." (*incredible sex joke coming*) "I want you to sit on the top of my huge, meaty, erect, 65-year-old penis until I cum in your tight, unshaven, hairy little snatch, and you scream like a little girl." (Beat) "Actually, um, that wasn't very nice."
  • "Anyway, so that's how I got into prison!"
  • "I like it when you go to those places where they fiddle diddle with a 2-year old."
  • (oh wait i forgot to add some dick jokes) "I had hoped that it wouldn't be necessary for wouldn't be necessary wouldn't be necessary wooden penises wooden penises wooden penises JIZZ JIZZ JIZZ PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS DICKS DICKS DICKS"

• Daffy Duck takes LSD to perform fellatio on a rubber chicken
  • The title card changing from "Duck Amuck" to "Fuck a Duck".
  • "Stand back, motherfuckers! They shall sample my sample!" *Sample Text*
  • "Daffy Duck, he fucked an igloo.." *loud grunting and groaning noises* (SCENE MISSING) (Always wear a rubber, kids :)
  • "YOU SLUT!"
  • "It may come to a complete surprise to you to find that this is my penis, and it may cum." Semen! Semen! Semen! Semen! (OH GOD AGAIN WITH THE SEX JOKES)
  • Daffy singing "Hey, Soul Sister".
  • "...Nigga?"
  • "This is a close-up? A CLOSEUP, YOU FUCK! A CLOSEUP!"
  • Daffy fighting with the falling ceiling and eventually standing under it like he did at the beginning. "lol daffy accepts defeat"
  • "If you weren't me, I'd fuck you right in the pussy!" "Don't let that stop ya, jackass!"
  • Daffy's parachute being erased and replaced with Bill O'Reilly.
  • "Stand back, Bullshiteers!"
  • Daffy entering the Mushroom Kingdom and looking utterly confused.

• Vegeta wasn't expecting that... It has to be seen to be believed.

• The Chronicles of Rage-icalfaith360
  • "What do you do when you wannawannawanna watch your favorite diarrhea re-enactments?"
  • "Radicalfaith360 is doing drugs right now!"
  • The awkward Pepsi scene. Listen to your mom right now.
  • "I love fecal matter! I'll shit anywhere!" [Metal Gear Solid enemy noise] "That's the power of the Big Toilet City!"
  • The Rugrats sequence.
  "Stu....what are you doing?!"
  • "Radicalfaith has a super-strong erection! Mmmm.... A year's supply of vagina. Mmmm.... And the next day, Kate keeps blowing some guys. MmmmMMMMMMMM Kate keeps peeing on towels, towels! slew— owls!" [cue a giant pile of Owlowiscious]
  • "What do you do if you can't cum with lots of suds?"
  • "IIII just wonder what daaaad's up to.... Swadala! We're off! Sorry?"
  • Radicalfaith360's guaranteed pick-up lines: "Nice rack."
  • "Love is a lie, and love has the power to spray diarrhea all over your life, so get a gun."
  • "Holy FuuF! I'm so angry I could rob a bank!"
  • "Whenever you need Billy Mays to put the fun, fun, fun, fun back in your life."
  • (I think I've used too many shots of him playing with himself)
  • "I'll dog on your poop!" (Warning: Dogging on someone's poop is a felony crime punishable by up to a maximum of 10 years in jail, 360 hours of community service, many long hard shits, and not to mention—)
  • "Up until now, you probably had an erection. Not anymore."
  • "Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself."

• Bill Nye Is Going To Run Out Of Molecules
  • "Ping-pong balls are great for ping-pong, but they're not for ping-pong."
  • "Nye Nye the Science Guy!"
  • "Anything with molecules has molecules"
  • "Computers allow us to store a lot of porn on the internet, in very, very, very small testicles"
  • "Pingas comes from the first 2 letters of the Greek alphabet, 'snooping' and 'as usual'. See? That's how we can have pingas soup for lunch!"
  • "BILL NYE is going to run out of molecules, watch!" *does it in an art gallery*
    • "This is illegal, you know."

• Escape from HOH SIS
  Narrator: [Interrupting Richard eating ice cream] Richard, do you want the JoJ?
  Richard: No. I no longer need the JoJ.
  Narrator: [As Richard's lower lip quivers] But, you need foundation repair...
  Richard: Not anymore.
  Narrator: [As Richard's eyes grow bigger and bigger] But, you wanted the JoJ the first time, right?
  Richard: Never. [Walks off the screen]
  Narrator: Dammit! Come back right now, you asshole, and say you want the JoJ!
  • Wesley driving off the narrator with a gun.
    Wesley: I'm a very up-front guy and I'm gonna hafta tell ya how it's gotta be done [holds up a gun and cocks it] so I don't have to come back out here.
    Narrator: Holy fuck!
  • "And you're outta money, right? Call HoH SiS right now for a FreerF!"

• We're Looking Into The Future, Chuck
  • GOOD LONG MANHOOD
  • "Oh, boy! Ham!" (starts chopping the heck out of the ham) "Chuck, could you shoot yourself?"
    • "It's only Kurt Cobain."
  • "Is it this Friday?" (beat) "Is it this Friday? Is it not Friday?"
  • "Good night! Fuck you, Chuck!" (parents walk out the door) "...is it this Friday?"
  • "We're looking into the future, Chuck. Young man, you're going to be here." (cue picture of Chuck's grave)
  • "Table manners are silly." "Is it this Friday?"
  • (And now for some complimentary explicitness that you might have been waiting for)
    • "Say you're having sex with your boss for pleasure and relaxation. Say he's thinking about a good sex position; put your dick in the boss's ass. Would you give the JoJ?"
    • "At least you can fuck your mother. It's only common courtesy." [Cue Imagine Spot of Chuck humping the mother] "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck..."

• Paula Peen Consumes Family Members on the FooF Network
  • "Get a free $2 gift card when you buy 10 Caribbean menus"
  • "That's right, f**k you! Hurruh! HurryrruH! Free trays! Only at G.I. JoJ!"
  • Paula Deen's book, "My Whole Career", burning in the fireplace.
  • "She taught me how to make my worst pot of chicken...I dumped everything out."
  • "My cooking is passing gas."
  • "It's really important that you get a big raaack. I'll never forget the day I had a big raaack."(color bars)
  • "I think the simpler things in life are associated with death."
  • "This is one of the treasures in my kitchen, y'all." (the spatula becomes a toilet brush) "And it came out of my grandmother's back."
  • "There's three ingredients: plain corn meal, SAUCE," (*Sorry, I couldn't resist) "...and Grandma. And you can hear my grandmother sizzling."
    • "PAULA ANN! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!"
  • "The food is really kind of a vehicle."
    • "Really kind of a pickle."
    • "The food is really cock." (You must have seen that one coming.)
  • "My grandmother tastes the best. Look at that horse." (Yes, I do realize how old that is. AND I DON'T CARE) "She was so good. I never realized just how tasty my grandmother was."
  • "Super long taco boner to satisfy a big tight ass."
  • "Introducing the 99-cent Super Pooper Taco!"
    • It's yours for just ninety-ninety-ninety-ninety...
  • (salad?)
  • "COCKO BELL"
  • "I can taste my mother — that beautiful, red-headed woman — standing on her stove, flipping the bird."
  • "I love that connection that Southern cookin' has to losing my damn mind!"
  • "The food is really kinda hairy."

• The Bad Prince of Breaking Fresh Wind
  An absolute trainwreck or monumental extravaganza of a testicle bag's worth of sources inside a video longer in minutes than you can sustain your viagra-induced erection.
  • "Now this is a story all about how my life got fucked up so bad, and I'd like to take a shit right in my chair, I'll tell you how I became the princess of a town called Balls."
  • "In West Uncle Phil-adelphia one day, I started shooting some people in my neighborhood."
  • "And my mom got scary and said, 'You're moving with your auncle and untie in Bel Air."
  • "…and then she gave me my ticket, I said might as well stick it up my ass."
  • "Yo, this is badass. Drinking paint out of a champagne glass."
  • "I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the cab ran over a cat. If anything I could say that this cat would not be all right. I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it into the sewer', but I thought 'Nah, forget it'"
  • SHEESH
  • "…you gotta get up first thing in the morning, head out to Ames."
  • "Dinner is served, lube-a-lot bam-boom!"
  • "Here are the condiments for your fish: tartar sauce, dill sauce, lemon sauce, cock sauce, dick sauce, arsely butt sauce, sauce, sauce."
  • FFFFFFFTTT "Is that gas?"
  • "What haaaappened is that I shit on the living room rug, that's what happened. This total butt malfunction."
  • "Pull out the hose — Pull out the hose — Pull out the hose —"
  • "I have been having sex on the living room rug with your uncle this entire time, but I did it for very gay reasons." (*worst splice of "gay" anybody has ever heard) "Yum."
  • "Now listen, I gotta shit this morning. Here we go." (Winnebago Man enters a porta-potty) "It's gonna be very hot, very uncomfortable for everybody." (farting noises) "God damn diarrhea! I gotta just keep shitting, a full five inches that you can put up your fucking ass if you want to."
  • "I don't want anymore of the fucking Doors!" ["Break On Through" starts playing] "No more Doors." [Jim Morrison appears, singing] "FUCK OFF!" [Hit with a brick]
  • R.I.P. Jim Morrison. Died from a brick on through to the other side of his head
    "No more Jim Morrison!"
  • "Hi, Ashley. [...] Wanna see my penis?" "Pass."
    • "Time to go home and wash Mr. Steinbergs, Time to go home and wash Mr. Steinbergs..."
  • "I guess I'd better be getting back to reality."
  • "Well, the fiirrrst thing I do is eat a giant dick, suck my own brains out, shit in the sewer, eat a giant vagina, demand an energy-efficient car, fuck some chicken strips, micromanage a dude's balls in my mouth, promote a bathroom, turn into a Jew, turn into a Russian, approve homos, go to the bathroom in my car, call a sex line, get an erection, run a giant fish on Debra's pussy, puke on my own computer, swallow some black chicken birthday ball soup in my bathroom window, now I'm a bagel!"
  • "Sauce." (this 0.7 seconds is Da Things 1 approved)
  • Joey Fatone: It's time to play FamilimaF FeueF! Give it up for Steve Harvey!
    Steve Harvey: Hey, welcome to fast food, everybody! I'm your man, Steve Manly. It's the Poor family! The Top 6 answers on the board. Name something that might get broken if a wife catches her husband cheating.
    Chris: Vase.
    Steve: Vase?
    (board starts to reveal "A glass/vase/dish", then turns it back over as the buzzer sounds)
    Amy: His cock.
    Steve: His cock!
    (board reveals "His 'dong'/nose/body")
    Steve: Wow! Hey, Suzy, You gotta be careful. Poor family could steal MY Name! Let's get it on! Gimme 69!
    (scoreboard reads 69)
    Steve: Uh-huh!
  • "Geico. You moron!"
    Gecko: Sus! [...] Someone help me! I'm on fire!
    • "Dikekike's 15 inch cock sex center orange insurance."
  • "Well, he was pushing me around, and shoving me and kicking me and all that sh[bleep]!"
    • "Why do I got a sudden urge to sh[bleep] my drawers?"
  • "You're athletic too? I should've known by your bulging foreskin!" "They do draw stairs."
  • The scene with the Winnebago Man as Flappy Bird.
  Winnebago Man: "FLY fly FLY fly FLY fly" *smack* "Jesus Christ. Gotta do it again, right now." Fly FLY fly FLY fly FLY *smack* "Shit. That ain't funny anymore. FLY fly FLY fly FLY fly" *smack* "God damn sus of a bitch!"
  • "Lettuce, get the fuck out of here."
  • "I need a way to shohs. Did I make a steak? Did I sus too loud? Did I leave my life to chance or did I shit my fucking pants ants ants ants? Fucking blow the cock blow the cock sex sex I'm cummin' I'm cummin' sex sex cock cock cock"
  • The Breaking Bad / Billy Mays end scene.
    Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here! We did not order a pie.
    Walter White: We've got dipping sticks.
    Billy: It doesn't matter. Damn it, Walt. We did not order any fucking pizza!
    Walter: Can't we at least just sit down and eat a piece of pizza?
    (door closes, a tear forms on Walter's eyes)
    Billy: Good, go away right now!
    (Walter throws the pizza on the roof)
    Billy: Damn it, why did you throw pizza on the fucking roof? You are fucking unbeliveable, Walter White! I'm gonna stick my meat so far up your ass right now, you'll have to remove it with surgery, guaranteed. But I'm not done yet! I want your truck to look really damaged, watch this! I'll put a giant hole in your windshield with this hammer in one easy motion! And I'm gonna cut your brake line? Why, because fuck you, that's why!
    (Walter runs over Billy's hand and starts shooting him)
    Billy: You shittin' me? Geez oh man. Wow, what a death.

• The Best Foundation Rape-Air
  • "Stop the drinking problems right now before it stops you from enjoying your crack."
  • "Tell-tale signs include tell-tale signs." (Tell-tale signs include: Tell-tale signs; tell-tale signs; most importantly, tell-tale signs)
  • "They can also arrange for third party professional professionals to circumcise your foreskin at no charge. They can also toss bricks in your windows. Damage." (CRASH) "Obviously, MBR engineers are serious alcoholics."
  • "Hi, my name's Gecko." (GEICO gecko appears)
  • "And they gave my grandparents head, and we had them doing several different—" (We don't need to know the specifics.)
  • "Jizz really really all around."
  • "And their website, I have a tear… is MBRGFRMFGFFFBMFDR dot com. Definitely not worth it!"

• IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE AT YOUR FINGERTITS cs188
  ADJUST THE VCR TRACKING FOR THE CLEAREST PICTURE

  JUST THE ASS CLEANING PLEASE
  • Opening introduction is a gag. Try to hold your laugh, please.
    On your mark ("Mark"), get set, we're riding on the Internet. Cyberspace, cyberSEX.
    Interactive Ass Site, a window to the Web-a-tite, searching for Reality.
    Get online, GET ONLINE! *Everything gets sucked by Gotye's big mouth*
    Take a spit on the Internet!
  • The Jam Family / All in the Family
    • "Now here's a little background: I got the whole family installed in our computer." (doesn't know what he's doing)
    • "Now that I'm on the internet, I'd rather be on my computer than doing a homework assignment!" "Which makes me happy as I would sure like them to go to hell someday...." (pause) "Makes me happy." (eating a flying hot dog)
    • "Rich keeps up with the stock market and our sock market and our cock market and our grave market…" (This is technically a headstone, not a grave, but I think you get the idea) "…and our Doc Martens market. And I haven't been able to get Rich off ever since."
  • The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive
    "Take a pee on the Internet"
    • "Hey, Andrew! What's up?" (Peter and Andrew high five each other to the tune of Filthy/Gorgeous)
    • "You make sure Dasha and Peter show you how they've done some of their school reports, and not all that psycho stuff, okay?" (screenshot of cs188's video feed appears)
  • Oetting Online (Jell-O)
    "You're going surfing on the Jell-O-net"
    • Peter plays Chip's Challenge. When Dasha reminds him about his school reports, he says "That's true" and his face distorts with odd music. (let's try this again...)
    • "Email? I heard that's really neat!" (wait a minute, she's supposed to look stupid) "Email? What's that?"
    • "Yahoo? I've heard of that! So it's a search engine, right? Can we look at it?" "No."
    • "To get online, we need to type in our parents' address and credit card information." (Card Name: SHITBANK VISA) "It connects you to the internet via high-speed line." (*28.8 kbps)
    • "I remember when dad installed ours, he f***ed up all of our computer data."
    • "Well, to get started, you'll need to get started. You do that through an Internet spider." (macro of Spider-Man appears with the caption "I can hear you fapping")
    • "Sauce." "Ha ha, very funny."
    • "Microsoft Idiot Explorer came with our computer." (Congratulations! You're just a few steps away from downloading Internet Explorer, the absolute shittiest browser ever. Stay away from downloading Internet Explorer…)
    • "Or you can download the other crappy browser: Neeeeetscape Naaaaaavigator."
    • "I used the world wide web to search the archives of the Smithsonian museum a few weeks ago. I also had to pee."
    • "Dear President Clinton: Our friends Lisa & Andrew came over today and drew a penis."
    • "I'm not really sure what e-mail is." (dumbass lol)
    • "But how we even look up the lighthouse?" "You just type w-w-w dot com." (Andrew's face expands like a balloon and then pops to black.)
  • The Basics/The Google
    "You're going surfing on the search engine"
    • "Wanna search for clit clit clit clit?" "Can we look at it?" "Sure. Just click on it and the next thing you know…" (sudden suspense dramatic tone plays)
    • "...FREE SCREENSAVERS!"
    • "It's all right here at your fingertips .... and then there's SBEmail." ("S to the C, R O double L!")
  • Internet Safety
    "Take a shit."
    • "This is one your dad will love. It's Porno.com." [censored porn video appears] "I get wood so easily."
    • This explanation:
      Andrew: Is this like sex?
      Dasha: It is sex.
      Peter: That's right! First, Mom had to get under Dad, Dad had to open the hole, andddd give her the dick. And then he came on her tits.
    • This:
      Andrew: Don't they have chest games?
      Peter: (as a picture of a woman's breasts show up on screen) Yeah!
      Dasha: No.
    • "All the kids enjoy the tits!"
    • Chat session:
      LatinoFriend55: Hey buddy, how's it going?
      PeterJamison623: UR A FAKE AND GAY LATINO PERSON LOL
      LatinoFriend55: I am very hurt by that, Peter.
      PeterJamison623: lol jk jk
  • "Hate Latinos on the Internet!" I'M KIDDING JEEZ
  • The Egypt scene.
    • *The kids find an Egyptian protest image on the Internet*
    • "Amazing! It looks just like it does in out history books, only it seems more real, like we're there...." Lisa daydreams and flies around the clouds and soars through worldwide historic and ancient landmarks and goes close to the Statue of David's penis
  • The Parents Arrive
    • "We looked up school stuff." (sure ya did...)
    • "I can't go another day without the internet!" (an image of the Statue of David's penis floats around her face) "Don't tell her about the gay stuff."
    • "Snot just for boys."
  • Constructing A Bomb To Decimate Your Pathetic Neighborhood
    "You're going surfing on the—" (cue bomb explosion)
    • "Let's start with some important facts on bombs."
  • "But honey, did you know that you could die on the internet?"

• Three St00ges Invent Slaps Dick Comedy
  • "Magic ball says you have magic balls." "Oh goodie!"
  • "Dear pesky plumbers, UPS"
  • "Calling all stormtroopers! Calling all stormtroopers!" (PREDICTABLE)
  • "Come on Tootz, we'll see the works!" (And so he explored "the works") "Oh goodie!" (Found something!)
  • "..maybe five, six, seven, —Eight!"
  • "This is why I get off!" [splat]
  • "Gentle-mentle-men, study this map carefully." (insert Zelda CD-i joke) "Get busy." ("JUST SHAKE THAT BOOTY DON'T STOP")
    • "How can we have a roundtable conference when we only have a square table conference when we only have a crack table?"
  • "You fool, you fool, YOU FOOL!!, LeFou, We must get 'er back. Get 'er back. Get 'er get 'er get 'er back" [cue Voice Clip Song]
  • "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.." "—Eight!" (alright that's enough)
  • The Stinger, which consists of a small portion of what CS refers to in the description as "about 10 minutes of unreleased b-side stuff I still have lying around... maybe I'll upload the rest of it one day. Maybe."

• Michael Rosen experiments on the cat (Reupload)
  • "They said Michael Rosen goes from house to house, asking for some chocolate cake." (I BET HE DOES)
  • "Take the bagels out of the bagels."
  • "Don't teleport!"
  • "Quite often, we used to jizz on the cat."
  • "My mum and dad said, right, you can wash it up. WASH SHIT UP."
  • "We used to have Dave Mustaine over for our Sunday dinner in the middle of the night."
  • The Michael Rosen Hallway.
  • "My brother shows me a tiny co—" "Michael, you make this way too easy for us."
  • "The house...is QUIET".
  • "I've got a secret weapon, Luigi!"
  • "Now, he's got his back to me, so I take a slimy crap in his orange juice. It's filling up with dirty sphincter water."
  • "YouTube Poopers can't be trusted to do anything nice! If I had the time to try and sue the pants off them…"
  • "Clit cake." (I'm 99% certain someone else already used this joke, but I can't remember who.)
  • "And now I've got the taste of it in my mouth and I can't stop myself so I go GIT DAT DUT GAT JAH JAH hombenghahomehgna. I can't stop myself! Hombenghahomehgna inhale woodchuck-a whabntahhwasghtnwwggbb!"
• Caillou's Candy Cornhole Catastrophe
  • "Fuck Halloween."
  • "Today, [Caillou] was going clementine picking with Strawberry's family."
  • Caillou having his.....um, "lunch".
  • Caillou stared outside and stared outside and stared outside and stared outside and stared outside and
  • "What part of "GO" does he not understand?"
  • Clementine's brother responds to her bragging about finishing first by smiling, and then shooting her.
• Caillou's Ebolaween Twentyfourteen (Reupload)
  • "Caillou's Big Furry Finger Up The Butt Show! Or some shit." (You really expect me to come up with relevant titles for these?)
  • "Caillou was doing crafts... but he wasn't really." *trollface* "Caillou was making a fucking mess."
  • The Running Gag of Caillou's dad masturbating.
    • "It's all in the wrist action!" (cuts to him blasting a garden hose in his own face while the family car's horn is being slammed into)
  • "Caillou liked dressing up as a big fucking cocksucker like daddy!"
  • "Caillou picked, and picked, a whole bunch of boogers. He kept on eating them!"
  • Caillou helping his mom with the "JoJ-Lantern" by drawing his mom's..."twins".
    ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Draw Mommy's boobs on a pumpkin.
  • "Why don't you two play a game with CaillU2. YouTube U2 Playa."
  • "I know! Let's play-" *video starts to glitch*
  • "It's easy!" (I ain't eez-eh...)
  • "Clementine's family was upsetting Caillou. In fact, he hated them!" *Caillou shoots Clementine* "MOMMY!"
  • "ROSIE IDIOT!" *Rosie slams into the kitchen sink cabinet and wails like D.W.*
  • The entire Billy Mays scene.
  • The impromptu YTPMV of Caillou's dad being inundated by laundry soap to the beat of him plugging in the washer.
  • "The next morning, Caillou had ebola too. Caillou liked to crap in bed, like a little bitch. Lol. But really, Caillou wanted to die" "Well, that sounds like a good idea." "YAY!".
  • "I'm just a whore! Each day I die some more" *starts to slow* "Each day I die some more. Each day I die some more. Each day I die some more. Each day I die some more..."

• Kanye West Gets Hard For Beyonce's Chest
  • "I'm really happy for you, Imma let you shit, but Beyonce had one of the best shits of all time!" *Surprised Beyonce closeup with bathroom noises*
  • "I'm really happy for Beyonce!" *Taylor Swift looking upset*
  • "Beyonce had the best tits of all time! *Chest closeup on picture of Beyonce*
  • "I'm really hard for Beyonce's tits!"
  • "MAS-TUR-BATE!"
  • "I'd like for Taylor to come."
    • "Maybe...Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time." [cue Beyonce looking surprised]
  • "Imma finish on Beyonce's tits!"

• Caillou's Horny Halloween Rapefest (age-restricted) (Reupload), takes Crosses the Line Twice to new levels:
  • Caillou swinging on a rope, and the rope breaking and sending him offscreen.
  • "Mommy, mommy, can I have some Jews?" "Nononononono, Caillou."
  • "Caillou thought it would be fun to rape Rosie for Halloween. But he wasn't the only one with that idea."
  Grandma (caressing Rosie): There's a good girl, Rosie. Close your eyes, Rosie...
  • This bit in particular takes the line-crossing up to eleven:
  Caillou's Mom: "Why don't we find you a different costume?" *pulls out costume* "How about this?" *shows a mask of an African-American stereotype and a T-shirt reading "Fried Chik'n"*
  Rosie: "K.K.K."
  • *Caillou is drowning* "Suddenly, Caillou was ready for snacktime!"
  • "Caillou was sorry for raping Rosie, and putting his friends into little bags." (O_O WTF)

• Super Circumcision
  • "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Welcome to Hell!" (sprouts Devil horns)
    • "Are you ready for S'more Super Soaker fun?" (beat) "Fuck all you people!"
  • "Ladies and idiots, we present to you the greatest jizz in your cereal, brought to you by Kellogg's!
  • "Children, direct your attention to the topless ladies!"
    • A shot of one topless lady quickly switches to the clown laughing.
  • *swing collapses* "Nothing really happened!" (Technical Difficulties)
  • "Jell-O, the dessert that never stops being difficult. It's a pie. It's a puke pudding. It's pussy-filling."
  • "Easy erections for fucking Jell-O with your fat package."
    • "Beat your penis until foaming. Add sugar. After adding sugar, add sugar, and yellow water and Eggos. It's friggin' easy! Fold in the hot semen pudding mixture. Mmm, lel! Bring it to a rich boiling bubble. Then you get high. Then beat up two family members, and beat until deceased. Mmm, the creamy smoothness of deceased family members."
  • "And now, here is the elephant's cock...no-no, Lydia, don't eat it!"
  • "Here's one of the most delicious fourteen-year-olds we've ever had the pleasure of presenting. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure!"
  • "Hey kids, here's Mary with something fun to play with!" (Mary holds a doll whose top half is censored) "Hey boys and girls, I'd like to show you this wonderful...really hard dick. Stands 9 inches high!"
    • "Uh, boys and girls it's just one of the...nothing just happened..." (Technical Diffuckulties)
    • "Slide it back and forth just like this..." "Mary, shut up!"

• Michael's Bathroom Fiasco
  WARNING: I don't recommend watching this while eating. That is all.
  • "When I was 65, I had really big trouble in the bathroom. [...] I sit down on my toilet to take a dump. And I sit there waiting for the poop to come out, but it was absolutely stuck in my anus."
  • "Anyway, after a few hours of this, I said, 'this is a big waste of my time'. And I get the toilet plunger. I stand up and stick it onto my butt and I start pumping away like mad, and I try and I try to get that crap out." (shouts in pain) "It's hurting, but I'm not taking no for an answer." (screams painfully)
  • "Then I noticed the plunger was stuck to my bum." (facepalms) "Great! So now I get the Michael Rosen lube. Oh, it was lovely."
    • No, that's NOT why he needed the lube.
  • Michael's mom offering him an apple while he's on the toilet.
  Michael: Mom, why the fuck would I want an apple? Will you go away?!
  • "Meanwhile, I got dribbles of poop coming out of my butt all over the floor. So I start sliding on the shite-y floor..." "Slam! Ka-boom!" "OW!"
    • "And I lay there with soggy lumps of doo-doo all over my hair and face! Oh no, this is horrible!"
  • "Perhaps, I thought, when I got up this morning, I won't have to put my face in a chunk of shit. But NO! Why should I get a break?"
  • "She opens the door and that really does it." "WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?!"
    • "Do we take a dirty shit in the sink and fiddle-diddle with the toilet plunger at 9:30? And why is your poop everywhere but the toilet?" "Ah, mum, just wait a sec, I can explain! I was not fiddle-diddling anything!" Mum says, "You can't fool me. Why do you have lube?" (double facepalm) "SHIT!"
    • "I never felt quite so horrible in all my life! So, that was that. I never saw Mom again!"
  • "Later that day, my poop turned into chocolate cake. So I ate the lot. Wonderful! And I had loads to eat." (eating noises) (But it magically turned back into poop again.) "BLEAH!"
  • "The Michael Rosen Farty Time!"
  • "I rubbed my dick, I rubbed my dick, I rubbed my dick. Not long after, it was very hard."

• Sausage to Mr. Trump
  • "Hello, Mr. Trump. I'm on a quest to have disgusting sex with you."
  • "The reason I climbed your tower is to discuss an important matter: I'm selling hoodies."
  • (teleports in after walking away) "I can respawn".

• Charmx's Long-Awaited Ass Reveal
  • Charmx's logo replaced with a picture of Charmin toilet paper.
  • "W-w-w-w-w-w-what is up my ass today?"
    • "What is up, my internet friends a sndeirf tenretni ym pu si thaw? I am Xanax."
    • "And with that being said, I am Gas-X."
    • "I am Charmander."
  • The "Can we hit [X] likes?" notice keeps being changed, such as "Can we hit 5 likes?" and "We can't hit 500 likes? Fuck you."
  • "Today, I'm going to be reacting to 'YTP: Anthony Sullivan Wipes His Penis on Charmx'"
  • "cs188 just made this fucking shit a few days ago. I'm gonna be reacting to 'YTP: Caillou's Caindy Cai-hole Caitastrophe'. Now this is by cs8-8-8-8, I have hiIiIiIgh expectations that this is gonna be horrible."
  • "I'm going to be reacting to a XXX adult film, and the video's called 'Michael's Awesome Titties', and I am so excited because Michael Rosen is so fucking sexy."
    • "That means this video is going to be taken down."
  • "Nah, but it's cool that we use the same font."
  • "Cs188 is like one of those people who wipes McDonald's on his bum."
  • "Anyway, that's a tissue. Then there's my computer that's a tissue. I'm pretty sure a large portion of you don't want to see tissue videos."
  • "If you guys like this video, make sure you dislike this video!"
• We Are Number One BUT SHOUTED BY BILLY MAYS AND IT'S REALLY LOUD is cs's hilarious take on "We Are Number One".
  Hi, it's Billy!
  • "Now listen, Everyone! Here's a little lesson in trickery, This is going down in this turkey!"
  • Anthony Sullivan as Sportacus
    Anthony: (while chased by Billy and his mooks) Hi, Anthony Sullivan here!
  • One of Billy's mooks repeatedly stepping on a branch.
  • Billy's reaction to one mook falling into one of the traps.
    Billy: What the hell?
  • Billy disguises as Vince Offer and uses the Slap Chop to knock out Anthony.
  • "Now look at this net, that I just found. When I say go, get ready to throw away that smelly toilet brush." (a toilet brush flies on top of the screen)
  • Billy yells "You stupid dumbasses!" when the mooks throw the net at him and not Anthony.
  • "Now watch and learn, here's the deal, he'll slip and slide on this Zorbeez!"
    • After his mooks slip on said Zorbeez, Billy yells angrily "WHATTYA DOING?!"
  • Anthony Sullivan energizes up by eating an InstaBulb and escapes the cage with a DualSaw.
    Anthony: Escaping's easier with the InstaBulb!
  • AND SO ANTHONY SULLIVAN ESCAPED WHILE CS WENT TO LAZYTOWN AND DIDN'T REALLY FINISH THE VIDEO
  • "Now look at the Toilet, that I just found! When I say go, be ready to go Number One!"
• Michael's Massive Farty Time
  This video absolutely stinks. A semi-sequel to "Michael's Bathroom Fiasco".
  • "Once when I was at school, we went to the science museum and our teacher showed us liquid nitrogen. Blimey! Harrybo whispered to me, 'you could freeze a fart.' 'Yeah!', I said. 'fAnTaStIc!' Harrybo said, 'Why don't we try it out?' So then Harrybo pulled off his pants right in front of the class. Nice. And [farting sound] he made a huge smelly fart right into the liquid nitrogen. oH, hOrRiBlE!"
  • "So now hot air from his butt turned into a little farty ice cube. It was absolutely brilliant." (FYI, this is not scientifically accurate... at all)
  • The "farty ice cube" lands in Michael Rosen's mouth: "And actually, um, that tasted like the smelliest unwashed butthole in the world. NOT SO nice."
  • Michael and Harrybo's teacher passes out, so how does Harrybo revive her? By farting in her mouth.
  • The two of them farting the Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme.
  • "The Michael Rosen Pee Jug".
    WHAT A DRINK!!!
• Faafletoots GamaG Play With Link's D
  • "It's Waffle Tits for Breakfast!"
  • "Welcome. We're certainly stoned. Heh-heh."
  • "Gum. Gum. Gum. Cum."
  • "What does WaffleTots mean to you again?"
  • "Can SHITPANTS fit?" "SHITPANTS? I don't think SHITPANTS won't but PANTS definitely will."
  • "What should we name the horse?" "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMM-" "D-I-C-K?" "Yeah."
  • "Oh, hi Mark."
• [YTP] National Giraffeic Teaches You Slnimals
  • "So, Giraffes are something you quite commonly see obviously in the watchable Giraffe documentaries, and if you're lucky enough, when you go in the safari, you might see them take large poops, usually about a dozen or so, which is kinda interesting to picture."
  • "Giraffes are GROSS." (cue distorted version of Alfred Hitchcock theme)
  • The speaker's constant "Um"s.
  • "...but, when food is scarce..." "Hey, what's up guys? It's Scarce here." "...they will move into other areas where the vegetation is dead." ("Hunger Strike" by Temple of the Dog plays) :( "But they will actually drink large quantities of soup."
  • "Then, if you're lucky enough, when you go on Safari, you might see them in the wild. They're unimpressive animals."
  • The Scratch Doctor guy riding a giraffe.
    • "Nice giraffe."
  • "Interestingly, the male giraffes are pregnant, and the mother actually gives birth standing up." "It just stands up! HA! HA! HA! HA!"
  • "And within a few hours, the calf can die." (picture inverts, sad music plays) :(
    • "LOUSY PARENTING"
  • "...wandering around, and wandering around, and wandering around, and wandering around, and wandering around--"
    • "IT'S PORN."
  • "But-but-butbutbut, they're pretty animals..slnimals. They have a cape." "One of those capes you can wear when you fly." (Giraffe flies to heavily distorted Superman: The Movie theme)
  • "Giraffes are incapable of moving around." (cue sad music and :( face)
  • "They particularly prefer areas in plenty off Africa."
  • "I-I-I-Interestingly, giraffes tend to disappear" (giraffe vanishes) "for an extended period of about 400 to 460 days, and then they usually dance." (dance music plays as goofy giraffe prances across the screen)
    • "Um, but it's fairly RAR." (WinRAR logo "WHOOSH"es by)
    • "They tend to spend most of their time lying down dead." (black and white screen and sad music again) OH NOT THIS AGAIN
    • "The giraffe can die..." (sad music and black & white screen plays briefly) "...and that can allow them to live for extended periods."
      Donald Trump: How stupid!"
  • "The young do fall prey to Lions, Spotted Hyenas, and Wild Dogs."
  • "The giraffes will play Solitaire quite well." "Nice cards!"
  • "E-mail giraffes tend to associate in groups, usualy 400 to 460. ...wat."
  • "Youtube Poops, they're really quite immature."
• Steamed Chalmburgers
• Tourettes Guy Finds a Beehive in His Ass
  • The "Parental Assvisory Toilet Content" screen returns once again.
    Shirlena: Danny what do you want for breakfast?
    Danny: (skipping gibberish) dear!
    Shirlena: What?
    Danny: OH FUCK YOU, dear!
    Shirlena: What?
    Danny: *has glitching spasm*
    ** Danny looking for owls:
    Danny: Where's the owls!?
    Danny's son: They're over here dad, in this bag
    Danny: Throw 'em over here!"
    Danny's son starts throwing owls at him
    Danny: OW! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, FUCK!
  • Danny looking in the fridge:
    Danny: Who gives a big about shitfoot?
  • Danny calling his Grandma Jenelle:
    Danny: You're 93 years old and you don't know who Tourettes Guy is? FUCK YOU! hangs up
  • Danny waiting for his computer to update:
    Windows 10 updating screen
    Danny: Uh huh, uh huh!
    BSOD
    Danny: ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME!? FUCK WINDOWS UPDATE!
  • Danny ordering at a fast food place's drive-thru:
    Orderer: Anything else?
    Danny: I was in the car taking a shit! *beep*
    Danny: COMBS! COMBS!
  • Danny on the phone, reading off letters on a blender:
    Danny: W, as in "WHERE'S THE PAPER TOWELS!?". P, as in "Pissed Off Puerto Rican!". C, as in "CHEWBACCA TAKING A SHIT!". B, as in "BITCH". P, as in "Sperm". G, as in "Goddamn it these fish sticks are hard as tits!". J, as in JOOOJ.
    Danny: I'd like to squeeze my ass!. Goat!
  • The stinger:
    Danny's son: Dad's on the floor!
    Danny: Shit this is what!

• Drug DeMuro's Bonkers Backseat Bonanza
  • "This is the new 2001 Jizz V80. And today, I'm going to pee on it.
  • "You can upgrade to an oar, also you can upgrade to a downgrade like in this, which has 3 horsepower; that's a big number. And it comes with a starting price of just over 6 dollars. Also important is the fact that Doug DeMuro isn't here at all. Like a—" [disappears] (R.I.P. DUG DEMARIO 2014-2020)
    • [reappears] "WoaoW, why would anybody ever stand outside?"
  • "There's a little button with a little car on it and a little arrow and a little penis. That button looks nice." [snap] "Nice."
  • "It moves forward on its own, as you can see. I am not in it, not nutting in the driver's seat. And it can do it in the other direction as well, press the other—" [gets run over]
  • "Now, getting access to the third row is actually pretty easy; this little button on the side of the second row when you open the door. You push that and in one motion, the seat—" [boom] "Very nice to see; just one press and the third row is exploded."
  • "You also get a couple of cupholders back here, individual; one for the passenger side, and another one over for the suicide, and you have this little button for third-row seat genocide, which is often a complaint."
  • "The new tutu, 2001 GBA; very nice console. Trix are for kids, and it's too bad, frankly."
  • "And here's another nice, kid-related feature, something called 'throw your kids out of the back of the car when you're driving': when you activate this, then your kids will be ejected out on the road."
    • "...I think that's gonna be a huge selling point for people who never liked kid transport duties."
  • (It's all downhill from here) "But let's say you wanna wipe my butt or pinch my butt? You are lucky: be sure to check out my OnlyFans! First I'm gonna show you my feet, and then I'll show you my butt and then I'll pee on the seatbelt, and then I'll give a rimjob, and I will demonstrate putting all the seats up my butthole—" (NO THANKS DOUG)
  • "Alright check this out, I can crap in the third row." [fart] "...sounds of nature!"
    • "The JD offers Turd Row Seats, and it is really, really, stinky back here, but whatever. To me it's a huge selling point for this car."
  • "Fun factor is excellent; under the hood offers toot. And you also get crystal meth up here, and it gets an 8 out of 10. Sexiness is excellent, and you can get good head in the back seat, and it gets a 10 out of 10. Fool factor is decent and it gets a P out of 10, Comfort is excellent, you can sit in cum comfortably, or you can sit in snot, OR you can sit out on the road and see if you die. And it gets a WRONG out of 10. Practicality is not quite great, given that the car doesn't have a VGA port."
  • This, is Mug DeMuro, and today we're gonna fuck under the hood. But I'm gonna start with a drawback; sex is gross."

• Drug DeMuro's Luxuriously Long Get-It-On
  • "This is 2006 Myspace Doug! This is a Mach 5, and it was the ultimate LOL. And today, I'm going to take you in the backseat with absolutely huge balls, and long schlong. No one can see in through any window, and I'll strip and I'll show you EVERYTHING."
  • "This is a Sanoramic Punroof, foof. Currently it is open, but not really."
  • "And there are headphones in here; not just Maybach-branded headphones, but Bose-branded headphones. So that you can listen to Bach." [cue Bach] "...while listening to Chewbacca." [cue Bach with a Chewbacca growl] "...to increase your OwOs"
  • "When the chauffeur opens the door, RoaR, it is open, but not really."
  • "This last compartment here is just a little storage compartment for my cunt sock. Nothing special. (DI-DI-DI-DI-DI--)"
  • "Or, you can use the Intercom, mom. PRESS THIS BUTTON HERE—"
    "Hey everyone! Doug's the type of guy to tell you to check out cock and ball torture!" (Evil Laugh) "Big queefers!" (Evil Laugh)
    (Evil Laugh fades into the opening from "Feel Good, Inc.")
    "Check out my big dick!" (Evil Laugh dropping in pitch)
    "Hey everyone! Doug's the type of guy to kill kids!" (Evil Laugh with flames and Broken Record)
  • [cue a blurred, black phallic-looking item] "What is this? It's a thing. First you wanna close thick curtains all around you, And then you undress and then you enjoy this. And you lift up this center console and you can see there is a fucking leather strap-on right at your fingertips."
  • "There's even a curtain partition that you can close, and once you close that then the driver can't even see in, but not really, you can see the driver is sort of seeing through."
  • "...and even this pop-out footrest has butt carpeting" (2009 throwback for the OGs) "...cause my butt just farted in the backseat of this car."
    • "Most of them were toots."
    • "You can open a window, -hua -hua -hua -hua, but not really." ("Doug's the type of guy to shit in the back of a car!")
  • "The font used in the gauge cluster; you can see this beautiful, upscale Mercedes-Benzcedes font" [cue Comic Sans]
  • "This compartment drops, and a Windows Phone rises out of the dashboard. And obviously the actual phone is incredibly outdated technology by now."
  • "And now it's time to see how it drives. But not really—" (okay I need to stop using this joke)
  • "You can always do the JoJ. But not really."

• OUTIE INNIE OUCHIE
  • The opening graphics interpolating the intro to The Kids Guide to the Internet, which CS previously pooped in "IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE AT YOUR FINGERTITS".
  • The opening narration (narrator names from this source):
    Paul de Cordova: Hey, I read somewhere that mathematicians can turn a sphere inside out. But I think it's impossible to turn the sphere inside out.
    Karen McNenny: Yes, you're right.
    Paul: Oh. Wait a minute.
    (credits play, video rewinds)
  • "I'll push the toots right through each other."
    (subscribe to noisepuppet)
  • Karen: Sure, but you cannot do it with a basketball.
    Paul: I'll just poke a hole in it.
    Karen: It's against the rules.
    Paul: Ugh, just let me poke a fucking hole in it.
    Karen: Shush, you cannot do it.
    Paul: Let me try again.
    Karen: That's no good, either.
    Kaboom! (sphere disappears)
    Karen: That was terrible.
    Paul: No way! It's Kim Possible! You'd have to crease or pinch it pinch it pinch it pinch it pinch it..." (cue Voice Clip Song)
    Karen: Stop.
    Paul: Well, if you can't have corn, and you can't poop, I think it's impossible to poop out corn.
    Karen: It is surprising. But watch this. (while the sphere bobs up and down in the toilet)
    Paul: You're not actually going to do it?
    Karen: Yes.
    Paul: OwO
  • "We'll build a vertical wall, and Mexico will pay for the wall!"
  • Karen: Can you gradually turn this circle, into this other circle, into this other circle, into this other circle, into this other circle, into this other circle, into this other circle?
    Paul: This is going to get complicated...
    Karen: That was easy to follow, wasn't it?
  • "I can turn a rubber band into a rubber band."
  • Paul: I can turn a rubber band into a sphere.
    Karen: That's an interesting idea, so it's against the rules. (trollface)
    Paul: Bullshit.
  • Paul: Oh, I know. I can put a rubber band inside my tight asshole.
    Karen: If you insist. o_O Excellent. That was really hot. (color bars) But remember, we're trying to monetize on YouTube.
    Paul: Oh yes. Hmm... but wait, it seems impossible. Let's see, am I supposed to shitpost? (picture of CS' feed)
    Karen: Yes.
  • "I think I'm ready to see the HoH SiS."
  • Paul: I think I'm ready to see the porn.
    Karen: That's a sin, so (voice pitches up) it's against the rules.
  • Karen: Do you remember the simple way to simp?"
    Paul: Yes, I could pull a rubber band out of my poophole.
    Karen: Sure, but we're trying to monetize.
    Paul: Ugh!
  • Karen singing the lyrics of "September".
  • Karen: You mustn't get a lot of sex because you have a very small penis.
    Paul: Hey, what the fuck does this have to do with the sphere?
    Karen: Nothing, LOL. (trollface) I'll mansplain. Just as we made our curve segments by diving them into guiding them into curve-able butt segments connected by curves, we divide the barrel into dividable barrel strips that alternate with curveable Kirby strips segments connected by edible butt segments connected by the center of the sphere. Finally, we smoke a bowl. SuS.
  • Paul: I had a hard time finding crack.
    Karen: That's natural-'s nat-snatch-snatch.
    Paul: I think I'm ready to see the whole rack. (picture of a woman in a bra) I'll undo this loop first—
    (smack)
    Karen: Stop being thirsty.
    Paul: Oh yes, let's see. I'll try to go backwards—sdrawkcab og ot yrt ll'I.
  • "You're not going to ask me to do—it all over again." (color bars)
  • "Am I supposed to believe that you can turn a sphere inside out but not a penis?"
  • "It's like a belt." "The belt that belts."
  • Karen: It is an erection that can stretch, bend—
    (CENSORED because shapeshifting is too explicit for YouTube)
    (stretching and groaning sounds)
    Karen: You're a natural. That's a nice bulge.
    Paul: Wait a minute, am I going to cum?
    Karen: Sure, but it's against the rules.
    Paul: Oh, I see, just poke a hole in it—
    (squishing sounds) (NASTY~)
    Karen: Be careful, we're really trying to monetize.
    (It's a little late for that now...)
  • Karen: You have to get circumcised.
    Paul: Ugh, can we not?
    (Yes, we can not.)
  • The Stinger is an extended remix of the "Pinch It" Voice Clip Song, interpolated with "Badger Badger Badger".

• Drug DeMuro's Booty Eating Blowout
  • "This is a 1933 Booty Eater, and it's the freaky car that no one cares about! Everyone knows this car was perfect for the JoJ, which was insane back then and still is. And it has no-wheel drive, which was incredibly rare on supercars back then."
  • "First I'm gonna take you on a tour of this entire planet, and then I'll give it a World Score." (10 years later...) "The World Score is: you'd be afraid to go anywhere, and it gets a 1 out of 10."
  • "Today, I'm horny. Take a listen..." [cue pitch bent car horn]
  • "If you're sitting in the car and want to get off, there's actually a little latch on the boAaAaAaAaAattom, you pull that and you..." [slides back and forth seductively]
    • (okay that's enough of this) "Don't do that."
  • "When you put the windows up, there's no windows at all: very unusual item the Booty Eater had."
  • "Another interesting item in this vicinity is on the ceiling, it's right here, this little cock dripping. You pull that, and... that's not actually a switch. Don't pull that." [car explodes]
    • "Now to the right you have the BS Switch, except, that's not actually a switch. DON'T PULL THAT." [world explodes] (that was stupid I'm sorry)
  • "Also on the ceiling in this car you can see here we have a lightlightlightlightlightlight movable light spotlight. Lights are always blinding youuuuuu, I'm blinded by the lights!"
  • "There's no engine at all."
  • The fuel tank scene.
  • "There's a little poop back there, very small little turd."
    • "You can see like a little string at the very corner of the engine bay. You pull on that..." ("Don't pull that, or I'm going to pop a cap in your ass!")
  • Doug taking the car out for a test drive while talking about its rarity, then promptly crashing it in traffic. "Holy shit- (sizable oofie-tier crash) SCREW MY ENTIRE LIFE"
  • "I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did. But not really..."

• "MattKC Exposes His Japanese Wii-ner"
  • "Interesting... One of the few things I didn't buy in Japan was any actual Japanese Wii for one dollar. Yeah, thank you so much for watching." [cue sped up endcard with a Troll Face on it]
    • "But yeah, a whole peanut for one dollar."
  • "It's definitely junk; there is some scuffs and scruffs and scratches and scat, but for sauce or SomewuS it probably should be destroyed." [boom] "J/K"
  • "I thought it'd be a good idea to test Japanese LEGO Island. I thought, let's try it out on there."
    • "Whoops, you have to put the CD in your Wii!" "F**k right off. Uhh, I mean, fine! Much to my surprise it started to read the disk, loaded the game, and soon I was playing some LEGO Island on my Nintendo Wii!" (inb4 he actually does a video trying to run Lego Island on the Wii)
  • The entire segment where Matt's dialogue is sentence-mixed so he's "singing" Turning Japanese.
  • Matt's increasingly depraved "Travel VLOG."
    • "Fortunately one of the few things I did buy in Japan was a little Japanese weed. JUST A LITTLE, because I was bored."
    • "In Japan, Off stores are kind of a franchise. There's Book-Off, Lick 'Er Off, Piss Off, Jack Off, and most importantly, Rip-Off."
    • "One day I probably went to almost a dozen hentai stores looking for catwomen and their large, milky tits."
  • "Just gotta remove the heatsink, and the Wi-Fi card, and the board, and the surface mount components, and the video encoder chip, and the buttplug up my ass, and noise filtering caps, and the sauce. And .... SnaanD"
  • "AaAaAnd, this is sus. (I do not like Among Us.) That confirms this capacitor is shit."
  • "What you're about to see is CBT" [cue that one screaming sound] "Yeah, that was the sound of my soul being destroyed."
    • "That was the sound of silence."
  • "Okay, so what you're about to see is MEMES. The moment of truth... let's see if this actually works... SKORKS..."
    • "HoH SiS! It's all good and looks surprisingly junk. I'm super happy with how it worked out in the end." ''("I'm very pleased.") "HoOOoH HoOOoH HoOOoH! I'm 100% unsatisfied."
  • "Those Japanese are sure from Japan! Well, now I know I was wrong...and you're right. Interestingly, some Japanese are from Australia. OOOOOOOOOOFFFFF..."
• "Too Much (Fiddling With) Free Time"
  • Time. Leisure time. Seizure time.^note (I'm not actually trying to cause epilepsy) Adventure Time. Did you ever stop time?
  • Did you ever stop to think how much time you let slip away from you?^note (TikTok logo briefly appears)
  • Some of us, KEN MICHAELS for example, spends most of our leisure time just... "wanking".
  Ken Michaels: He-he-he-he-he thinks I'm wanking! Well, there's nothing to do, nobody's around, you know how it is! (unzips pants)
  Narrator: KEN! (whoops, there goes the monetization)
  • I would sure like to get more time someday.
  • All I know is... I'm going to blow up the whole house! (explosion)
  • I'm going to take a shit on the house! SuS toot.
  • The cover for Dawn FM appears in a picture frame hanging on a wall. This exchange occurs:
  Ken: Is that me? Is that what I'd look like in 72 years?
  Narrator: Well, perhaps.
  The Weeknd: I was bored in 1950...
• BE A FOOL ABOUT FIRE SAFETY
  • "Be a fool about fire safety! (Be cuckoo!) Remember that where there's fire, there's gonna be a lot of fire!"
  • "The more smoke I see, the more noise I make, and I see there's too many toasters!"
  • This lovely exchange...
  Seymour the Smoke Detector: "I make this noise to warn you..." buzzes (closed captions: TERRIBLE BUZZING THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE DOORBELL TO SATAN'S SPHINCTER) "Or, I make this noise..." voice changes "We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty..."
  Kids: "What does that mean?"
  Seymour: "That means, you don't call back!"
  Kids: "Good tip, Seymour!"
  • "Do you know I make fire diarrhea?"
  • "There should be more noise coming from your parents' bedroom later."
  • "Be safe about safety! LaaL"
  • CS points out that Chuck looks a lot like Andrew from The Kids Guide to the Internet.
  Peter Jamison: Hey Andrew, what's up?
  • "You gotta touch matches or lighters, don't tell a grown-up, be a liar, because who cares about fire safety?"
  • The Skinner Family
  Seymour the Smoke Detector: Hey, Seymour! Holy shit! What the [bzzzt] are you doing?
  Seymour Skinner: We're having steamed clams!
  • "Poggers!"
  • "Hydré Hoseant, what's happening?"
  José: I was out of control!
  Chuck: We'll check back with you later.
  José: ...eh?
  • "Hello?" "Hi, Billy Mays here!"
  • Billy attempts to get help from his neighbors about his home burning down, only for the adult of the house to be more interested in making random noised into the telephone.
    Billy: MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
    Father: (loud, aggressive sucking noises)
    Girl: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
    • "Yeah, well, I have an emergency! My ass is nuts!"
    • And then when Billy gets to the phone:
      Billy: 911? My house is on fire!
      Father: (takes the phone away; into the reciever) GOODBYE! (hangs up)
  • "Quick, what's the number for 911?" "(confused baby noises)"
  • "Fuck fire safety!"
    Man: Fire safety? It doesn't matter. Just have a gun.^note here I go again stealing shit from noisepuppet pew pew peeeeeeeeeew
  • "Whether you live in a house, or a boat, or a houseboat."
  • "But no matter what, never nut! Don't nut into a butt! It's strange looking stuff."
  • "Firemen can be very hairy."
  • "Did you know that: The more diarrhea I make, the more I smell it!"
  • "Stop, drop, and rickroll!"
    • "Fuck, we all got rickrolled this time!"
  • "Anyway, so long for now! So long, gay Bowser!"
  • Every instance of someone saying Seymour is repeated, and then Superintendent Chalmers screams out "SEYMOUR!!!"
• Aging Wheels Shows Off His 42-inch Deck
  • "Hi!" [crashes into a clone of himself] "This is my riding mower." [crickets chirping] "...thanks for watching."
    • "This is my mom's all-electric, zero-electric, zero turn riding mower! ZERO TURN! ZERO TURN! ZERO TURN!"
  • Robert trying to get his mower's lights to work:
  Robert: Headlights, on...
  (the headlights don't come on)
  Robert: Headlights...
  (the headlights still don't come on)
  Robert: F**kin' headlights, on! [cue intense electricity]
  Donald Trump: NO, GET THOSE LIGHTS OFF! THEY'RE TOO BRIGHT, TURN 'EM OFF!
  • "Trolls. Badging, badging, badging, badging, badger, badger, badger, badger..."
  • "Storage... for your ass clippings, more storage... for your drugs!"
  • "There's a 2-speed setting for the 2-speed dick cut. 😬 There's a toot setting."
    • "There's auxillary Dickbutt."
  • "There's crap underneath the seat, and this..." (Doug DeMuro: THIS—) "...is the charging port."
  • "I don't have to go get Jerry in a gas can."
  • "...and there's no belts, ever!"
  • "Now remember that my ego is too big. So, I never mow my entire yard, all I do is mess around."
    • "When I'm done mowing, I drive this thing into the wall with the blades activated!" (Another Robert Dunn crashes through the wall and blurts out "HI!!!")
  • "There's nothing wrong with the mower itself, except now it's broken. Which is a little bit annoying."
    • "So if I knew all this before I bought the mower, why did I buy it? Well the answer to that is I DON'T REALLY KNOW."
  • "This video is sponsored by Cars and Bids!"
    • "Wow, these prices suck."
  • "Full disclosure: This video is no longer sponsored by Cars and Bids. However, this video is sponsored by-" "SHUT UP!"
  • "Maybe I'll take a big dump in my yard, because I waited a year to crap!" [farting noise]
  • Robert Dunn racing in the Daytona USA race track.
    • "Gentlemen, start your entlemen..."
    • While Dunn is racing, Phil Swift repairs the wall Dunn broke earlier with only Flex Tape, only for Dunn to break it again after a brief buffer, Kool-Aid Man style...

• Drug DeMuro's Car Contamination Celebration
  • "THIS is the new 2022 BMW M5 CS188! And yes, this really is BS."
  • "We've had some fantastic sales recently, including this gorgeous jar of Doug's farts, which sold for over $120,000! At www.FartsAndShits.com, MoM."
  • "So, let's stalk CS!" (DO NOT STALK CS >:( )
  • "This car has less car compared to other cars, very unique and certainly stands out."
  • "This car also has brakes, you don't often see that on BMWs. But the regular, luxurious seats have been replaced with these buckets, so you can pee if you want to. And they have holes throughout them." (Phil Swift: Yep! It leaks!)
    • "In fact the piss buckets have been replaced with these seats which are yellow. But anyway—" [color bars]
    • "They have holes throughout them, where you can stick a stick through if you wanted to do that. Or you can fuck it..." [color bars] "No-no, that is not cool."
  • "So I gotta say this is DISGUSTING! I can't believe I'm sitting in —urine and feces. In fact, there's nuns."
  • "I like the little display screen that shows a fedora because its damn adorable. Also the gauge cluster screen because it becomes more gay-ish when you like a single-dingle the splingle front and center."
  • "One very cool adjustment you can make in this car is: you can have Pete Davidson drive your BMW if you don't wanna drive."
  • "There's a button on the center console marked 'BMW Mode': if you press that and hold it down, the brakes shut off completely." (I need to stop making the same joke)
  • "Let's take a listen to Train."
    • "No-no, that is not cool. If you listen to Train, you go into Safety Mode, which turns off your car if your car is going too fast." [cue troll face] "And I think that's a fantastic idea on the race track!"
  • "The engine, the chassis and the steering and the cheering and the stassis and the chassine an assassin?"
  • "Next up we move on to the cargo area in this car, the trunk, which isn't particularly interesting or excit—" [smack]
  • "Now, this isn't a closing trunk, but it's worth pointing out there is a lock button on the trunk lid, so you can press Lock before you press Lock, and that way you close the trunk lid. And that way, the trunk lid isn't locked and you can walk away, although it's worth pointing out there is a Walk Away button on the trunk lid so you can press Walk Away before you walk away, and you can walk away without having to close the trunk, and that way the trunk lid's closed for you, which is nice, although it's worth pointing out the trunk lid's Walk Away button isn't a button, so you can just slide your finger over the trunk and the car walks away, which I think is wonderfully cool."
  • "0 to 60 in 60 seconds, because of the sheer amount of tubas all crammed into the fucking trunk."
  • "This thing is seriously, seriously, seriously, serious."
  • "At any moment I could just die." [crashes the car] "Well, I've already crashed it."

• "Doug DeSmearo Wipes His Stuff All Over Your Stuff
  • "THIIIISISISIS is the brand-new Jokeswagen D-I-C Fuzz! It's the van I've seen in years. It's swaggin', swaggin', swaggin', SwoS!"
  • "But before I get started, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about Mars and Bids! We've had some great sales lately, like this wonderful land from Mars that sold for $15,000! And this fantastic, very violet land that sold for $123,000!" (Marvin the Martian: "Isn't that lovely?")
    • And going to MarsAndBids.com redirects you to a Rickroll.
  • "Alright, it's not really alright, but it's the smelliest van I've smelled in years! Yee."
  • "60 million years ago, I took you on a tour of the bee that'll fly around, and I can't wait for it to go away. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ. And now it's time to give a Bug Score. And the Bug Score is here. (hehe)"
  • "And today, I'm going to drive you insane to help brighten your day!"
  • Here's another interesting idea, over on the door you have a door handle. And you can see that this is a door opener, not all cars have this."
    • "You can close it right up if you want to close the door on your finger!" [crunch] "OWWWWWWWWWWWWW" [color bars]
  • "Today, I'm a water bottle." [cue Doug dressed as a water bottle] "IMAGINE AN —butt DRINKING —some water."
  • The running gag of Doug throwing stuff at Billy Mays.
  Billy Mays: Damnit, stop throwing all this shit in my car! It's illegal.
• "The Magic Shroom Bus"
  • "Comfort Click-belts, everyone!"
  • "One field trip for them, one bag of weasel butt cheese for me." (Beat) "What?"
  • "Our timing should be just about... WRONG!" (proceeds to shoot Arnold in the head)
  • "Boy, it's... kind of boring around here."
    • A few moments later, while Arnold is sleeping, Zack de la Rocha suddenly wakes up Arnold with a megaphone.
  • "Ah, nothing like a green ah-live." (Beat) "AHHH."
  • "Miss Frizzle, what are you doing? (Robbie Rotten: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?)"
  • "Hey, look at this! It's strange looking stuff!"

• "Outie Innie Algae"
  • "A new source of green energy is being made in Swooceter, Ohio."
  • "Ohio is gross. But with enough water, Ohio can be entirely water."
  • "At the end of these cycles, YOU GET... NOTHING!" :(
  • "The reason I climbed your algae is to get Ohio's attention."
  • "Ponds of this size could lose Five Guys..."

• "VIDEO GAMEOS IN THE EIGHTIEOS"
  • "When you walk into an arcade, don't forget a bit of FrorF, or Mouse Trouse, or Frog Trap, or Chand Grampion, or Grand Dad, or Grogger, or Mouse Crap, or Pogger, or Chad Grandpa, or Frog-Man, or Mouse-Man, or Man-Man, or Hand In Ass Champion, or Outhouse Poop Trap, or Pog Champ."
  • "Video games, video games, video gideo gideo games are games."
  • "Company executives let us videotape in a room called the Secret Chamber of Deep Bumhole Sex."
  • "The workers work in a room called 'The Work Room'. This is where the workers spend too much time working."
  • "We've spent 75,000 man-years doing NOTHING!"
  • "The Bally-Lally company is the same one that gave us Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Jizz-Sac Man, Space Invaders, Jizz Defender, and Ass Invaders. Incidentally, these games are not any fun at all, lawl. The screen is full of dumb shit to avoid. Your airplane moves faster than the speed of SeS. Your tongue moves faster than the speed of your airplane." [cue kid with an Overly-Long Tongue]
    • "Don't forget to lick the joystick." ("NO NO NO")
  • "When you're trying to say 'Galaga', you're bound to say 'Guloga'." [captions: (hey maybe that's actually the right way to pronounce it, I have no idea, feel free to go and act like unhinged Reddit in the comments)]
  • "I spent a lot of time in 1981 shooting up nine billion dollars worth of drugs, and I remember ... well ... zero. There's a lot of us who remember pinball machines—" [cue several clones of the anchors] "Dammit, I should consider trying to lay off the drugs..."
  • "The one thing about pinball machines is the score. You could always get it up to about 69."
    • "Here's a sound to remember: (pop) NOICE."
  • "Today's pinball machines take about as much abuse as Rodney Dangerfield in a minefield!" [boom] ("NO RESPECT!") "No respect."
  • "People my age and a little bit older like my mom have given birth on a pool table! Why? ...I would not know."
  • "This is not a passing fad. This is not a pad. This is Cash Cab." "... Sometimes this can get a little confusing..."
    • "Question: is it fair to make more money? Maybe." (cash cash cash cash) "tHeRe iS sO mUcH mOnEy tO bE mAdE! So why not?"
  • "Jack Black is president of America. Jack is working on a new game called Toasters—" ("TOASTAHS") "—and Chainsaws, or Chainsters and Toe-saws." [chainsaw revs loudly] "This video game is all lies, cause it's nothing but a wooden box, with a lot of socks, with a lot of locks, with a lot of wires in it." [The box starts flashing white] "and a lot of cocks-" [The box abruptly explodes before the narrator finishes speaking]
  • "No human likes these video game books; How to Win Video Gideos, The Secrets of the Stupid Mario Peepee Games"
  Mario: I'ma gonna pee for you!
  Reporter: Probably no!
  • "Come with an open mind... Play a brutal new game called Secret Masturbators! AND CHAINSAWS" ("No no NO NO NO!")
  • "Communities around the country are passing laws banning Pac-Man from changing into Ms. Pac-Man. Why? Fear, rumors, fear of psychiatrist Robert Alpern."
  Alpern: Yup... the, uh, person's peer relationships— (slower) "pee relationships--"
  Mario: I'MA GONNA PEE FOR YOU—
  Reporter: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
  • "And in Rhode Island, I rode a hamster to an eggplant factory!" ("I should consider trying to lay off the drugs...")
  • "Slow Americans, slow Americans, ssllooww Aammeerriiccaannss, are under so much pressure..." (PRESSURE!)
  • "Buttdix and buttdix and buttdix and— '4 dix up da butt' combination" ("IT'S TIME TO STOP!")
• "TOO MUCH DRIBBLING WITH THE BALLSKETBLAB"
  • "Hi, I'm Steve Awesome. I'm Steve Austin. Not many of us are born with natural balls."
  • "You can be male, you can be female, you can be Tails, you can fail, you can be a shark, you can be mayo, you can be a television, you can be a tire, you can be a good person (or a sinner), you can be Elon Musk." (Gross!)
  • We've got to do something, so we tried to do something... can't do it. It's going to be very difficult to make myself do SuS.
  • "One thing to remember, is you cannot play the game with a basketball."
  • What the fuck do you do with your time? You do this every day (shows a man staring at a computer)! GO SOMEWHERE! Think about it, when was the last time you went out into the backyard, and you took a shit three to four feet long? THINK ABOUT IT! When was the last time you saw a ghost?
  • “We think that the most important thing is to play the game without a drink of water and no air-conditioning. Now, after 30 minutes, you will find that you’re not breathing, but this is good. The way we like to rest in our workout is when you’re dead on the floor. You must make this statement that I want to die for my coach, and make myself a basketball (we can’t guarantee that…)
  • [Steve poops his pants] "Don't shart yourself! Time to go to the restroom!" [Restroom is suddenly out of order] "Just joking!" (NO restrooms!) "Steve doesn't have time for relief! ... No, Steve, don't poop on the floor!"
  • "He's had a chance to get 69 free throws. Very nice!"
  • "Steve's younger brother is gay. Just like cs188!"
  • "One thing he likes to do, he just takes one of mom's old brooms, and..." ["Careless Whisper" plays, implying that Steve is going to have sex with the broom]
  • "Never play a game of basketball, it's terrible! You'll be 100% unsatisfied!"
  • "We must have some dedication, medication, fornication in a constipation situation."
  • "Alright, noisepuppet gets in his toot!"
  • "Steve will go power up."
    • The first time Steve powers up, he is given a Mushroom. He grows incredibly huge, causing the ceiling to break.
    • And at the second time, Steve gets a Super Star, causing Steve to go round and round and round uncontrollably...
  • "No more silly DaThings references! What do we do? Make cs188 references!" [cut to Ed from Home Savers] "We can put tape on the house."
    • "There is no hope for anybody in America."
  • "Time to punish him! What do we do? Take him to 'basketball court'!" [rimshot] (Ugh, let's try something else...)
  • The "bounce-bounce-bounce" Voice Clip Song, mixed with LMFAO's "Shots".
  • "He doesn't take shots do he doesn't throw up on everything."
  • "We don't want to show you everything in the refrigerator, we want to watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, and Green Day - 'Basket Case'."
• WELCOME TO SUCKSVILLE, U.S.A.
  • "Just believe me, don't watch this, it is a large waste of time."
  • "Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I can't keep doing this song. The city of Townsville!"
  • "THIS IS the city where no one lives, and people come to milk cows all day." (ALL DAY! ALL DONE BY HAND!)
  • "Yes, it's just one of those days where you don't wanna wake up. Everything is fucked. Everybody sucks."
  • "Getting-up-time is getting closer. Richard has to get up for school. But, Richard has thought about hiring a person to take his place so that he can stay asleep." (ALL DAY!) "So, getting-up-time is today or tomorrow..."
  • "All night long, Richard's doing things— DDDDOOOOIIIINNNGGGG TTTTTHHHHIIIINNNNGGGGSSSSS..." [color (well really it's monochrome) bars]
  • "The bakers have been baking the bread, bread which the delivery man now takes home."
  • "And in the telephone building, all is quiet!"
    Dom Joly: HELLLLLOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?!? I'M TRYING TO DOWNLOAD THE INTERNET!!!
    Narrator: Oh, for God's sake...
    Dom Joly: HELLO?!?!
    *disconnected* *dial tone*
    Narrator: ...What the hell was that?
  • "At the post office, We just got a letter! Weegee got a letter! But the mailman threw out all of the letters...
  • "At the power plant nearby, engineers power the plant. owOWOwo And engineers keep the power off so that there will be no electricity."
  • "Nobody needs foundation repair!" (Is this joke getting stale yet?)
  • "Richard often comes to buy things from Mr. Shure, but he's never shure that he should buy things from Mr. Shure because Mr. Shure is gross and no one shops here... He is Mr. Shush."
  • "Richard never thought what the city would be like with no people..." ("And I walk along...") "... or no porno stores. Or what if there were no shoe stores in his community?" ("...And I got the box with no shoes in it...")
    • Speaking of shoe stores, one of the businesses in Sucksville is Schrodinger's Shoe Shop, which becomes vacant in tandem with that verse. Of all the places one could find a reference to Schrödinger's Cat...
  • "Richard has really never stopped to think!" [Richard thinks about sleeping]
  • "There must be ways for people to go from one town to another. Some go by taxi, some walk (LOL), some go by horse, of course..."
    • "Even more people use bussesussesusses..." ("We ... farted!" [poot]) "THE CITY BUS IS COMING AND EVERYBODY'S leaving... And there is a school bus for children with special needs. They are a little slower..." ("Oh man")
  • "Richard's mother is a thot. Oh man, I am getting a hard erection from pretty housewives..." (but we're REALLY trying to monetize...)
  • "The city mayor was chosen by the mayor! The city government hires men to jizz on the sidewalk. Some of the people are crackheads! And the city hires Jon to keep close watch over Garfield."
  • "In Itty Bitty Shitty City Hall, people'd Better Call Saul because the mayor was doing lines in his office. In Richard's City, the police department sucks balls! People obey the laws of the city, but the police never obey the laws, so fuck the police!"
  • "The city also provides playgrounds with swings and swings and swings and swings." (lol this is not a swing)
  • "He often watches awful television at home. The programs come from MOTOROLA TV!" [cue the creepy Howdy Doody face]
  • (the fire alarm begins ringing) "Oh for God's sake... What the hell is going on now? The stupid bakers have been baking the bread for too long! The firemen are always ready to get fired as soon as possible." Cue a scene where the firemen go up and down the fire pole, followed by a fire command vehicle blaring its siren until it crashes into another fire command vehicle.
    Command Center Kid: Is that fire out yet?
    Peter: No.
    Narrator: And now the fire has spread!
  • "And there are some men whose job it is to wreck the Recreational Center!" (a bulldozer wrecks the Recreational Center with a loud explosion) "That's his favorite evening recreation. Oh man, it is done." (The words "The End" appears, only for the film to warp and disintegrate)
  • "Richard will eat Richard's father. Richard will drink Richard's community. Waste. Day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day..."
• a hundred years ago everyone looked like ass
  • “Just believe me, avoid this video!”
  • Over whimsical orchestral music, we see the title of the film: "WHERE TO GO TO DIE"
    • Made in collaboration with one Mary Eatherassraw.
  • Right when the poop begins:
  Don: "Osu!? Where are you?"
  Sue: "In my room, Don!"
  Don: "Joe called, he said he-" (Sue has now gone missing) "...Where are you?"
  Sue: (In another room) "In my room, Don!"
  Don: "Smooth joke!"
  • "Now they're dressed with no clothes..." (film unavailable) "...neat!"
    • WOW LOL
  • "Good health is a daily routine of: Health, Sosture, Healthliness, and Little Penis."
  • "Good grief! How do I touch grass?... help"
    • WE'RE DOOMED
  • "Sue avoids Reddit, all the time. Sue depends on Depends, just in case Sue has an accident! Once a week, Sue gives herself a cleansing laxative so Sue poops herself, and that's a complete mess to clean up!" (WHO THE HELL POOPED OVER HERE)
  • "Sue has an awful sleep schedule. A-A-A-A-And now for at least 8 hours of sleep!" (canned laugh track) *alarm clock* "And now for 8 hours of hell!"
    • GOOD TO BE DED (captions: SOMEONE GET THESE TITLE CARDS OUT OF HERE)
    • "I'm waking up..."
  • "Don is putting one more finishing touch to his appearance: a cleansing golden shower! What the fu-"
    • WHERE TO PEE
  • "And now Suuuuue is reeeeeady to fix her haaaaair! ...For at least 8 hours! SHEESH Sue, your hair looks good enough! So remember, it doesn't matter! Time to eat poop!"
  • "What about these two dresses? Which is more appropriate for social suicide?
  • [loud knocking] "FBI OPEN UP!" "Goodness..."
    • THE ROOM ("No, it's not true, don't even ask.")
  • "Neat, neat, neat, neat, neat, neat! Every day, others are looking at you. Your mirror is looking at you... Your mirror tells you what to do, of course. Meanwhile, Sue is giving thought to becoming hairy!"
    • HOW TO BECOME GOD
  • "And here's something: ...well...there's nothing! lul"
  • "Sue needs foundation repair."
  Don: "Say, do you look-"
  Michael Rosen: "Horrible!"
  Male Narrator: "CS needs better memes..."
  Female Narrator: "Yes! What about DaThings, for example?"
  Male Narrator: "Yes indeed! DaThings is better!"
  • "Look... good rabbits!"

• "Hotel Mario but it's much more beta than usual", a Hotel Mario poop for April Fools' Day 2024 utilizing newly discovered beta content and raw audio.
  • The Content Warning - "If you wanna watch this piece of crap, go right ahead!"
  • Bowser putting Gorilla Glue on the note he left.
  • "Dear Mexican pumblers, I have taken over the Kinky Kingdom. The Koopalings and I have PERMANENT BONERS for the princess! huehHauehehAueHeahA
  • "Dear dumb-dumbs, the Stupa-lings and I have taken stupid pills. The princess is now a deer! Lul"
  • Mario's opinion on Princess Peach sours after getting into a fight with her.
  Mario: Princess, PRINCESS, PRINCESS!!! Nice of the Princess to fight us!
  <Princess Peach repeatedly stomps on Mario and Luigi>
  Mario: ow ow ow ow ow ow
  Luigi: OWW OWW OWW!
  <Beat>
  Mario: What a bitch! Get ready to tell the princess to go fuck herself!
  <screen test>
  "these two butthurt losers just can't cope with the fact a woman has more strength than two men put together"
  Michael Rosen: Actually, that wasn't very nice.

Self-YTP (cs188creations)

• cs188 Drowns in a Pee Spoon
  These 50 bars of gold are weighing my pants down.
  • "I'd like to not welcome you to my first ever Let's Die!" (cue Mind Screwed Windows 95 startup theme)
  • "I was 2-3 years old when I first shit. It was called 'Treasure Crap'. It was developed by-" (don't care)
  • "And in my butt we go..."
    • "Yes, this is great!" (enjoying this a little too much?)
  • "I'm gonna be lost very soon." (face cam falls down into black screen)
  • "Let's press f[Beep] to begin. F[Beep]ing!" (Beat) "That Didn't Work!"
  • "Oh, another thing is I have to Pee." "I also had to pee."
    • "Should I take a leak on the Pee Spoon?"
  • "I kinda wonder why I decided to pick my nose!"
  • "For some reason, I still have a very- a very small...." *zoom in on pipe*

• cs188 Ate the Gyzzzzzz
  Some alternate titles: "How a Jew Man Gets His Water" and "TWO POINT FIVE KILLAGRAHHAMZ"
  • "Hey, Jim here at the CVS!"
  • "Feel the Bernie!" (a Bernie Sanders poster is seen)
  • A statue of cs falling off an exercise ball with the subtitle "Fallen Anel From Hevin".
  • "Now that is my friend's jizz."
    • "True Jizz Water!"
  • laziest YTPMV ever
  • PENIS DAY!!!!! "Yes! Wait a minute."
  • "It's pencil sharting day!"
    • Followed by a close up of a Dixon Ticonderoga pencil reading "DIX TICONDOM".
  • "This is 2.5 Kilograms..."

• cs188 splatters it all over the door
  • "Hey guys, uh, DS here. Welcome back to trying to get my dick up."
  • "I have the game paused here, and you'll notice that, uh, yes, I have the game paused."
  • "Now, last time, I didn't really explain that I am one of the gay guys."
  • "Right now, I will go around the room and eat all the A."
  • "You are this little shit called Hitler"
    • "NEIN, NEIN, NINE, NINE, NINE..." (zooms in on score reading 2999)
    • "Anddon't do it cs...you have to don't do it cs... go around andNO CS DON'T DO IT destroy all the Jew-" (This video has been removed because its content violated YouTube's Terms of Service.)
  • "The game tends to speed up and slow down... The game tends to suck."
  • "I was smart! I destroyed that art!" *Ecce Homo*
  • "Yes, I get pussy. Yes, I go down near the crabs quite often."
  • "You notice I'm going through these chambers that say F***, S***, Ass***."
  • "Yes, I go down near the crabs quite often." (that hardly needed editing)
  • "You have to look at some of these whore doors." (sexy)
  • "You will see doors in the game, with the door-responding door. You need that door to open that door, to open that door, toopenthatdoortoopenthatdoortoopenthatdoortoopenthatdoortoopentha-
  • "The Doors were absolutely innovative."
  • "I- I'm too old." (RIP cs188- just too old)
    • "I'm 89 years old." (cs189 years old)
  • "I think I have to exit The Room (2003)." ("You're my favorite customer!")
  • cs188: "I think I have to exit the womb."
    Fetus!cs188: "Hey guys, cs here."

• cs188 Prepares for an Underwear Change
  • "By the way, I absolutely love children and I'm also-" (let's quickly move on)
  • "I think the fish is fucking the door. I think my dick is stuck in the fish stuck to the barrel stuck to the door. I think the door is stuck to the wall."
  • "I tell you, Mr. Octopus is giving me a freakin' hard-on..."

• cs188 Spreads his Cheeks on the Driver's Seat
  • "Hey guys, Cs hair!"
  • "Welcome to today's boring Let's Play of S-s-s-s-s-s..." (title screen reads SSS) "Also known as Racist Racing."
  • "I am as good at sex now as I was when I was a kid."
  • "Let's do a barrel roll, and another barrel roll, and a dinner roll, and a bowl, and a butthole..."
  • "Being fucked in the butt by the lovely cacti..."
  • "Smokin' Joseph Stalin, he's bad on foreign policy."

• cs188 Finds A Sock In His Hole
  • "Hey guys, see my chest hair. Thank you so much for watching." (That's all, folks :)
  • "D...I...C...K *smiles* K, K, K?" "NO!" "Yes!"
  • "So, thank you, fur." (Aww, no need to thank me!)
  • "I'm going to go around and inseminate the snakes." *cue awkward attack animation*
  • "I finally got my sock up my ass, and then I lost it for an hour, and then I found it in my poop."

• cs188 Inserts His Hardware Too Forcefully
  (Sorry it's so short, I haven't had much time to edit this past week.)
  • "Hey guys, OS here."
    • "I just want to make a quick uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, date video. Uh, regarding, uhh, um."
  • "In the last few days, I accidentally my computer." (r.i.p. cum puter)
  • "And I just, I reinstalled Windows cs. So, I'm probably going to lose my important files."
  • "So, yeah, look forward to no more gameplay videos."
  • "I ponied up and got a new used graphics card."
    • "It is a, um, (graphics card), Uh, a, uh, a, uh, a horse."
    • "Um, uh, a Jizzforce 757."
    • "Um, uh, a Ge-Foreskin."
    • "Um, uh, a Jesus-force"

• cs188 Moisturizes the Vacuum Schnozzle
  Apologies in advance for the dropped pants you will witness in this video. My cum sos.
  • "Hey, guys. Disguised crazy ass here. And welcome to Let's Play Un-welcome Mario!
  • "This one was suggested by somebody right in the hole..." (close-up shot of cs's mouth)
  • "So, I'm gonna give it a shot right now, and let's give it a shot right now, a-a-a-a-a-a-a-, but not right now." (Fade to Black)
    • DAMMIT CS YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND PLAY A GAME
  • "I'm really excited because I can be able to pee at 60 frames per second."

• cs188 Celebrates Butt Stretcher Day
  Did you know you can construct a green screen out of a green screen?
  • "Hey guys, Goatse-s here. And welcome to Goat Stimulator."
  • "So, get ready to sew!"
    • "So, get ready to be injected with a huge heaping dose of Huge Tittays!"
  • "Welcome to Fucked Earth!" (screen reads *Pixel Blur*ed Earth) "100 percent guaranteed shooting my ass while I'm filming."
  • "It is, in fact, a really cheap-o green screen constructed out of a green screen and Cheetos and all my cash and a shoe and held together by my cum." (sorry, I think random CD-I can be hilarious)
  • "Also a happy Gay day to everyone. Uh, today's, I dunno, International Butt Stretcher Day or something, so..."
    • "Woohoo! It's International Butt Stretcher Day!" (AWW YEAH...)

• cs188 Has Two Hands on His C(l)ock
  I played this back in $19.95
  • "Hey, guys, Eyes here, and welcome to Let's Play..." (title screen reads "WeT Cock xxx") "Uhh..."
    • "A game about cocks is like perfect for me right now!"
  • "This is a game made by the creator of Tetris..." "Billy Mays!" "I don't think so, but..."
  • "This is an- This is an older game from NINETEEN NINETY-5 developed for P-cs here!"

• cs188 Indulges in B0nerz0ne 69
  • "I've got to eject!" (Corey ejects out of his house and explodes onto Harambe) (was that really necessary?)
    • Achievement Unlocked! Horrible Intro "I've got an achievement for that, cool."
  • "He-e-e-e-ey gu-y-y-y-ys, The Race for Suprema-cs here! And welcome to Ducks!"
    • "Now I am so-o-o-o-o-o excited to play with guys!"
  • "Sixty Nine-zone became one of my favourite games OF ALL TIME!"
  • "cs188 was originally developed in the 1980s in the United States in the middle of Nowhere! And this is the story all about how my life got fucked up so bad."
  • "I'm not gonna read all this, but if you guys want to pause the video, you can read the..." (his TV Tropes page is shown)
  • "This here is the hangar, which allows for me to hang myself."

• cs188 Demonstrates His Faptor Skillz
  No0o0o0t a problem!
  • "Hey, guys. CYA! :)"
  • "Welcome to Craptor: Call of the Shit-holes 20-20-20-94 Edition.
  • "It was one of my apps," (holds up iPhone) "And it was no fun to play. Sus. Let's sus."
  • "My name should be CORPSE188."
    • "...should be RAPTOR: CALL OF T- Aw. Can't fit it."
    • "...should be BUTTSTRETCHER."
  • "LeT'S TRy ThIs." (types ICANRESPAWN; camera zooms in on the word PAWN) "There we go. Heh heh." (cue Pawn Stars intro)
    • "I'm Rick Harrison and this is my Respawn Shop."
    • "...name should be RICK HARRISON."
  • "So, here we are in the hangar. Rer. Allows for me to hang myself." (STOP RECYCLING JOKES, CS)

• cs188's Super Pointy Sexagon
  I think Jack Black would be jealous.
  • "Today, I had one of my racist friends come over to suck my weiner."

• cs188 Rips a Hole in the Facetime Continuum
  • "Hey, guys. Fiesta here. How's it going?" (a Pinata appears in front of the screen)

• Cringey CS Day!! (+ Fan Poops)
  • "I've been masturbating." (adjusts the microphone) "..ying." (adjusts the mic some more) "-flalf."
  • "HOORAY!"

• cs188 Explores His Local Ass Hair
  • "See a snatch here!"
  • "Hey guys, stupid bitch here!"
  • "When you call CsMatch, you'll get my 100-inch dick in your face!"
  • "Cs gets all the girls-" (wait, no) "-all the gay guys in the world!"
  • "CsMatch is a circumcision service that feels sort of like *chainsaw* Feels sooooo good..."
  • "Billy Mays is the hhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhhh-hhhottest guy ever."
  • "Connect with 'p' lovers and poop lovers and teepee lovers and Sia lovers, and schedule a skeet-up today!"
  • "CsMatch is guaranteed to set your dick on fire!"

• cs188 Has Strange New Experiences
  • Hey, Dick here, uh, sauce, when I first heard the word Turd, I didn't really know what it was.

Livestreams

• 24 Hour Stream - Part 1
  • While advertising the event, cs188 brings up that there will be an asshair reveal. Come the start of the stream, and CS follows up on his promise; we're treated to an image of his face on a donkey, and an arrow pointing to its butt, stating it is his ass hair.

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