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Pooping The Charts
Pooping the Charts is a compilation video series of mashup music videos that have been heavily edited (and manipulated) by cs188. Each video link goes to a video uploaded by a different user as shown on the link, which certain parts on the user's video may have been minor edited for no reason.
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 1 cs188 cs188archives cs188returns
"I wanna take it up the ass sometimes!"
- Taio Cruz - Dynamite
"'Cuz I fucked you once, now I fucked you twice! We goin' fuck it up, like it's YouChewPoop!""'Cause we gonna die tonight!"
- MOTORCYCLE RAPE
"So I got my boots on... so I got my b... SUS...""So I got my boots on with the right boots on and I'm doing me in the butt with a black cock. But I know it don't matter, all we need in this world is some boots.""There's a thin line to a fat line.""Caught in a bag""Cause you're a criminal as long as a criminal.(Lady Gaga drinks the liquid... which is labeled poison, and she doesn't notice at all...)"I'm more than just a pedophile""Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her hair""But every time she asks me do I look okay?" (Bruno's face is distorted) "I say..."
- AND THEN EVERYONE DIED.
- "Change your face!"
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 2 - All-Out Sh!tfest cs188 cs188archives cs188returns (requires sign-in)
Featuring Far East Bowel Movement, K*ty P*rry, M&Ms featuring Re-Anna, and Nicki Minge... with guest appereances from The Lonely Peninsula and Scooby Doo Doo."Popping bottles in my butt, like a BlizzilB... when we do it we do it in my vagina"
"Now I'm feelin' like a flying sofa. lol lol lol lol""Did you know that there's doo-doo in your plastic bag?"
- "Now I'm ridin' three dicks, now it feels like I'm blowin' Jesus"
"Do you ever feel... LIKE A BOSS?""After a HURR comes a DURR.""Cause baby you'rererere GAAAAAAA-AAAAAAYYYYY!"Katy Perry says "FIFA" when it almost sounded like "fye-fuhr""Today, that was yesterday, yesterday is today, that was yesterday, but today's a different day. Now you get to watch Aleve out the window, guess that's why they call it 'a-leave'.""...cause I love the way you— lie, cause baby you're a FAAF! Come and let your cock shoot cum across the sky, -y, -y!""I see cum on Scooby Doo!" (SCOOBY DOO YOU SLUT)
- "What the fuck?"
"I know you don't wanna mess with Jesus!" *bang* MY LEG!
- NONE OF THIS IS MAKING SENSE, BUT WHO REALLY GIVES A FLYING-
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 3 Dailymotion reupload
"Can't stop cumming and cumming and cumming and cumming to rape your ass!"
"Cause I'm ... having ... a HEART ATTACK!"
- The fact that it seems to be too hot for YouTube.
- The Time (Beetus Bit) (There's even an extended version.)
"I know I want me... I made it obvious that I want me... Damn I like the way that I move" (kisses a clone of himself)"Please excuse my situation, you know my reputation, I'm into masturbation, please excuse me I don't mean to be rude, but tonight I'm givin' myself lube!""I love the way you shake that PENIS! Turn around and lemme see them windows!""When we get to the spring I'ma make you CHICKEN AND VEGGIE BURGERS!""I made it obvious that I want THOSE RESTAURANT MINI-BURGERS!"
- Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Loving You)
"Delicious sliders!" *crash*STOP TOSSING FOOD OUT YOUR WINDOW, YA DUMB BITCH
- Avril Lavigne - What the Hell
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 4 - Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber Take A Dump Together cs188 cs188archives (mirror 1) (2) cs188returns
"Gotta have a bowl Gotta have a bowl Gotta have a bowl Gotta have semen and cereal.""Gotta taaaaaaake a shit at the bus stop—pots sub" (THIS POTS SIGN ISN'T AN OCTAGON!)MOLY SHIT!"Everybody's looking forward to fucking in the back seat!""Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes after Friday, and Thursday is Saturday, and we! We! We!"what the fuck kind of dance is that? (*zooms in on strange hand motions*)"He's older than me, stronger than me. But, he ain't got a dick bigger than me, longer than me!
"I will never say— N*GGER! N*GGER! LOOK, THERE'S A N*GGER!"'"'Cause I may be good, but I'm perfectly bad" (lolwut)"Sticks and stones excite me!"
- (Cue Rickroll lip sync)
"I see the girl I love, and I'm like, fuck you-ou-ou-awa-awa!""Sorry, can't afford an Atari"
- (*gets pelted with sticks and stones*) "You turn me on..."
YAY! POPSICLES! (Rebecca Black licks an orange popsicle)(Rebecca Black winds up in a car accident) oops... lawl
- That's a shame. Heheheh.
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 5 - Sex-Crazed Pop Stars cs188 cs188archives cs188returns
"I'm just a horny fool, oh baby, it's so cruel, but I'm still a horny fool, oh baby, it's so cruel, but I'm still a horny fool, oh baby it's so cruel..."
"They don't understand you, you're from a hole— --in the wall!""And I'm ready to go leading into the hole!"A different de-o-dor-ant""Take ... me .. into the restroom! Super-dooper urinal!"
- 1) Katy Perry likes aliens who smell nice [E.T.]
"Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars, getting stupid-ass straight about the JoJ!""I know a bar out in Mars, where they suck some alien's dick!"
- Fill me with your semen! Take my virginity! Your dick is supernatural!"
- (I'M SURE YOU DO, KANYE)
"When I'm watching you shower lawll lawll lawll loooll loooll you give me boners with fantastic ass, beautiful boobies!""She's the kinda girrRrrLrrLL who makes me wanna go home and start masturbating to her, with my friends!""Won't you be my girl, so I can cum all over all over your lips, your lips, your eyes, your rice! Your asshole!""Death From Above 1979!"
- 2) Devin Fox is a total pervert [Hooked On You]
"I'm rollin' sweets. I'm smokin' sours. Married to the nightstand. I'm so gay.""Smokin' niggas, bitches, broken bottles. Bro-bro-broken bottles. And my bottles, bottles. Bro-bro-broken bottles."
- 3) Lil Wayne mourns over his broken bottles [Eminem - No Love]
The following story is about a very lonely whore and a guy with erectile dysfunction. This story is true.Fergie: I want a dick inside my vagina...I wanna have it every night and day...*A second Fergie sings with her* And I just can't get enough...will.i.am.: I just can't get it up..."Billy Mays here for Erectile Dysfunction! If you're one of the 47 million dissatisfied with your cock not going up, call Billy Mays, because I can get you really hard instantly, without any tools!" (YES BILLY, WE ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE SEXY)"Suckin' your cock Suckin' your cock Suckin' your cock"
- 4) Horny Fergie can't deal with Will.I.Am's erectile dysfunction [Just Can't Get Enough]
- "I don't really mind sucking them dicks!"
- (OH COME ON, I KNOW YOU LOVE MY DICK JOKES)
"We just wanna make money, money, money! We just want your money, money! Forget about the world!""Everybody looks to the left..." (Heavy's head) "Everybody looks to the left..." (This is to the right, dumbass.)"Kenya jizzjizzjizzjizz stop for a minute and... SMILE?!""Money can't buy us happiness—happiness—piness—Piness"
- 5) Jessie J just wants bling ba bling [Price Tag]
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 6 - Potty Rock Aneurysm cs188 cs188archives
Rendering this in HD on a 5-year old laptop was a nightmare.
"Suck our cocks!""cs188 is in the house tonight! Everybody's gonna DIE!" (well with laughter, hopefully)
- LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem
"Suck our cocks!""YEEAAAH! I'm running through these hoes like Runno I got that devilish shish! Cjflo, no Halo 3! (Suck our cocks!) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Crew that I'm— —crew that I'M POOPIN'! I'm Lenin or zeppelin!" *Exit, Pursued by a Zeppelin*A bomb flies and strikes the dance party with an explosion. Then everything is burned up.Q: How can Party Rock be in the house if everybody's outside? ?_?
- "We just wanna see you... potty!"
"Get down, get up, put your hands up to the sus SUS SUS"
- A: I've got Dominos!
"I got the moooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooose!""You wanted to troll.... (shuhs) ....I'll put on a show. My penis is big. My penis is hard! My penis got them moves like Jagger!!!!"* "Just shoot for the stars, if it fe-e-e-els ri-i-i-ight, and aim for—"
- Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger
- "BARACK OBAMA"
The first part begins with Bruno Mars churning out a long train out of his mouth, followed by a "sky full of lies"Eminem's (very NSFW) rap at 3:25 which must be heard to be believed: "By the time you hear this I would have already fucked up. I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my fucking fucking GAY MUSIC! I'm a cocky prick, but you cocks are SLICK! Popping how you fucking sit on cocky pricks! Excuse me, I LOVE COCK YOU PRICKS! I love it when I take a SHIT! Plus it wasn't that long ago that who who you dicks trying to dick! Wow."
- Bad Meets Evil - Lighters (featuring Bruno Mars)
- (insert "fuzzy wuzzy was a bear" jokes here)
- "—get to this place, now let these words be arrwzyfrrzynhezzi"
"All the other kids with the f**ked up d**ks"
- Foster The People - Pumped Up Kids
- "All the other kids with the f**ked up kids with the f**ked up kids with the f**ked up kids"
- I can't figure out anything to do with this source since it's impossible to sentence mix
"There's flamingos in my bed! There's a parrot in the pool! I smell like a boss!""Michael Rosen's passed out on the floor! This a neck or a clitoris? Pictures of last night ended up on 4chan!"
- Pop Star #4172 in LAST FRIЯᖷ TƧA⅃
"Now we sucked too many cocks!" (Can't even show it now 'cause it's even larger than last time and Jack would surely get this video age-restricted.)"Yeah, I think we broke the LOL!""I think I need a ginger!""Y'all ain't got shit on me! Alright?""SHIT ON ME!"
- Plus the special guest appearance of imaperson's head bobbing guy.
"Jizzed on table tops, do it all over again..."
- "Think I need a maxi pad!"
- YOU PROBABLY SAW THAT COMING
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 7 - Why Can't I Think of a Title cs188 cs188archives
Bruno Mars realizes he forgot to re-fill his prescriptions.Bruno Mars: "I'm all out of medication..." [Crosses Despair Event Horizon]'' AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!""There's no religion-" ("SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!")Bruno Vacuum
- Bruno Mars - It Will Rain
"And I was doin' mushrooms every day at the raaaaaaaave. Raaaaaaaave. Raaaaaaaave."Bruno's brief rave experience resulted in him becoming temporarily hypersexual."I watch my little [pony struck out] daughter change" (OMFG PEDO)
- Made more hilarious by the fact one one of the things sucked up by Bruno in that scene is a Mars bar.
- "Broken Penises, BROKEN PENISES"
"You almost always feel shaved. And when it's over, it's over." (Bruno: "Auugh...") "You almost wish you could have Twix. No one will ever understand that without Twix, you feel like nothing."The Sky Full of Lies call back running gag.At the end, Rihanna went straight to the camera and crashes.
- The entire "Brony and I Know It" part....
- "This is how I roll, c'mon ladies, it's Dominos!"
- Rihanna - We Found Love
"It's the most GHAAAAAAY time of the year..."
- Justin Bieber - Mistletoe
"There's bullshit flying everywhere, it's just a YTP""Shit happens. SHIT HAPPENS.""We could feed a starving world, but all we serve is butter."
- Nickelback - When We Stand Together
"People wonder everywhere, why don't we just go away? We must be GAAA-YAAA-YAAA-HAA-AY! That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- right!""We have vaginas, they're right here inside us!""...and if ya don't like us, then just turn it off."
- "Feed this world, with butter!"
- The Stupid Bruno Mars Despair Mix.
- The call back to the "Brony and I Know It" part, which Nickelback calls it " gay-eyay-eyay-ay-yay~!".
- Pooping the Charts Vol. 8 - Flushing the Toilet on 2012
"Sorry if this was a poor excuse for PTC 8."
- "Baby you fart like nobody else! The way you flip me off gets me overwhelmed!"
- "Girls, don't listen to them. USE DEODORANT"
- "You know I'm not one, but I'm TWO!"
- "I don't wanna herd but I need to pee" (No...) "I need to relieve myself" (Still NO...) "I need to move my bowels" (That's it, we're ending it here)
- "The end......... NOOO!"
- "Some nights I stay up shitting in my bathtub! Some nights I'm drunk ... SUS!"
- " Some nights I wish my lips could kiss my asshole! Some nights I wish my cock could just fall off!"
- "What do I stand for?"
- Pooping The Charts, 2011 Extra: Freddy Mercury Evacuates To Mars
"I bought a toothbrush, a toothbrush, a soapy flannel pa-JoJ-mas, a toothbrush, and a case of booze.""Tempted but the truth is discovered..." [cue a woman with "fruity" man parts] "The truth is disgusting."
"My pingas gets smaller as I see it here, pulling at the foreskin! But every time I reach for my pingas, I'm waiting for the movie to begin!" (INSERT PORNO HERE)
- Keane - Spiralling
"Is this the rear? Is this just FAAF? No escape from the vaginal landslide, 'cause I'm easy come, easy come" (well, that was predictable) "I'm just a little high.""I need HoH SiS.""Tonight, I'm gonna hang myself." (AND THEN CS188 LOST 24,999 SUBSCRIBERS DUE TO A WRONG AND COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE JOKE. LOVE YOU FREDDIE)"Just like they call me Mr. FAAF! I'm traveling at the speed of LOL! Wanna make a Super Saiyan out of you!"
- "I'm a scary Gaga on a tower and factories FAAFed away..—eyay."
- Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody and Don't Stop Me Now
"Me and some gays from school, we had a band and we had a band and we had a DICK and it got real hard!""Ate my fingers!"
- Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
- EVERYTHING'S OUT OF CONTROL! (PTC 80s Edition) cs188 cs188archives
- "If your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they don't dance."
- "We can troll if we want to, if we don't nobody will! We can act real rude and totally rude and act like a rude-cile."
- "We can fap, we can fap! Doing it hole 2 hole! We can dress real rude from our hats to our feet and surprise them with a big penis in the asshole!"
- "We can go-go Power Rangers!"
- "SHUUUUT UPPPPPPPPP!!!!!"
- "From my heart and from my hand, why don't people fart into my hand, why don't people FAAF?"
- i love seeing classic 80's "3D technology"
- "I-I-I love little girls, they make me feel little girls!"
- "I shit you out, I fucked you up, I turned you on, you sexy bitch, but don't forget it was me who put you back in the ground." (lul)
- "Don't you want my baby?"
- "I was working as a waitress—" (Wait a sec. I thought I heard something.) "King as - king as - king as - king as" ("kingas" ftw!)
- "Ass dildo."
- "If your friends don't dance If your friends don't dance If your friends don't dance If your friends don't dance If your friends don't dance If your friends don't dance ifyourfriendsdon'tdanceifyourfriendsdon'tdanceifyourfriendsdon'tdanceifyourfriendsdon'tdance—"
Musical YouTube Poops
- Muse Get Caught In A Supermassive Ass Hole.
- "The time has come to RAAAAAPE MEEEE!"
- "Come ride with me through the cum ride! I'll show you a KIIIIING!" Raaaaaaaawr~
- "Don't sleep on the JOJ!"
- "Oh, baby, don't ya know I suck cock!"
- "You set my SUS!"
- "No one's gonna fight! You and I must make the steak!" [Beat] "No?" "Damn!"
- "I want to exercise" [cue clip of a ShakeWeight ad]
- (THAT'S NOT FUCKING EXERCISING)
- "I want to fart demons"
- Justin Bieber Gets Pregnant By Anal Penetration
- "Bagel, bagel, bagel, ohhhhh! And I can't believe my first love would be a bagel!"
- "Girl quit playing WITH MY DICK"
- "I love penis going down, down, down, down" (oops can't show this lol)
- WHAT IS HIS HAND DOING?!?
- "When I was 13, I was gay! I had my first Starbucks"
- "Penis, penis, penis ohhhh! Penis, penis, penis ohhhh!"
- "You shake me till you jizz right in my eyes! Baby fix me..." ("Fix me"? What are you, a fucking dog?)
- "For the first time, I'm havin' a baby! OH NOOOOOOOOOO~! I need instructions on how to have a baby!" (cue "Coping with your Pregnancy" video)
- "Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!"
- Nickelsh!t Writes A Song About Bodily Functions.
- "Look at this FUCKING SHIT!" (holds up a picture of doo-doo on a frame, literally)
- The long sentence mixes of "Animals" are just genius.
- "I, I'm black, I'm black..." (he becomes Kanye) "Just got my license back I got this feeling in my penis, it's hard, it's hard to steer when I got both hands on MY COCK!!!!"
- And then he sucks a microphone-penis for a short moment.
- "We're sittin' on the back when she squeezed my dick - we just started getting semen on the seat! OH PLZ!!! OH PLZ!!! OH PLZ!!! It's hard! It's hard when you're breathing in my ass! OH PLZ!!! She whispered, I think I pissed on the seat! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww SHIT!)"
- The constant references to bat shit.
- "I've got a fist full of BAT SHIT!"
- "THAT SHIT MAKES ME SHIT!"
- "Everyone wants to feel like BAT SHIT!"
- The part when he plays the guitar on stage in which he masturbates with his penis. This video has censored/blurred penises showing up occasionally throughout the entire video. That, or he is a pervert.
- "Everyone wants a BIG BLACK COCK!"
- BREAKING NEWS: NICKELBACK SUCKS
- "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww SHIT!"
- "I am GAAAAAAA-AAAAAAYYYYY!"
- "Everybody's got a Billy Mays on speed dial!"
- "Well we all just wanna EAT MY ASS!!"
- "Everyone wants to get high-igh." (As two leaves of marijuana fly by)
- Katy Perry Visits Best Buy To Shove Remote Controls Up Her Ass.
Katy Perry: Let's go to Best Buy! We can just look at alllll... the LCD TVs!15 minutes later...Billy Mays: Welcome to Best Buy! Can we help you?Katy Perry: NO!Billy Mays: Why not? Our friendly and caring, licensed agents are sure to please!Katy Perry: Shove it up your ASS!*beat*Billy Mays: You crazy bitch!
- The ENTIRE intro.
Link: I won!
- Link watching YouTube Poop.
- "I want your real! Hard! Pe! Nis! In! My! Tight! Teenage! Pussy!"
- "You and I will die tonight!" DRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
- "You can touch! My! Cunt! Until we die-ie-ie-ie!"
- MY MASSIVE PENIS
- "Feels like I'm shitting a baby!"
- "This is not real, so take a SHIT, and don't ever make me feel like a baby!"
- 326 FRAGS
- Owl Shitty.
- Shinedown Scream About Things on the Edge of a Cliff.
- "By the way, I just had sex with my mother! Yes! Yes!"
- "I just saw MYYYYYY FAAAAAATHEEEEEER'S TEEEEE-STIII-CLLLLLES!"
- "I just saw a vagina in the moon!"
- "I just saw Hayley's chest on Twitter! They're the best tits!"
- "Please don't tell my father I jizzed in my pants!"
- "Today I have to buy mayonnaise!"
- "I'm not angry, I'm just angry!"
- "I just watched my cock disappeeeeear, somewhere in my father!"
- "Make them realize this is SPARTA!"
- "I created the SuS, when you gonna wake up and FAAF?!"
- Brent Smith powers up an energy beam on his hand and blasts off across the video with an explosion.
- "FUCK MY LIFE!"
- The video part set to Eric Prydz "Call on Me" - you get the idea.
- Gotye Knows Somebody That He Used.
OMFG THIS IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES SO BE CAREFUL PLZ (Seriously though, you shouldn't be watching this.)
(phone rings)Gotye: FUUUUUUUUUUUUU- HE-LLO!!Kimbra: Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over..."Gotye's thoughts: Kimbra going "screwmescrewmescrewme"Kimbra But I love you, Gotye...Gotye: FUUUUCK OFF!! Guess I need to change my number!
- The mirror image at the start which makes it look like the camera is a bit too far to one side. And then, "Uhhh...whoops."
- Even better; the first time they do that, the image is mirrored so that it looks as though both of Gotye's legs are visible. Given that Gotye is naked in that music video, the implication is that they came dangerously close to showing a little more of him than needs to be shown...
- "Now and then I think of you naked, like when you sucked my penis..."
- "I told myself that you were nothing!"
- "I told myself that you would DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!"
- STILL NO...
- "I told myself that I was right for me!"
- "You can get addicted to a circumcision sadness... But you didn't have to CUT IT OFF! *Kimbra swings meat cleaver at crotch level, blood sprays everywhere* ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
- "Never happened and that happened and that happened and that" (Why is he saying "M" with his mouth when it should be "N"?)
- "I don't even KNEE!" (zoom in on Gotye's knee)
- "No, you didn't have to poop! Have your friends forget your records and then chain JOJ!"
- "You treat me like a stranger and it feels so ruff~ ruff~ ruff~ ruff~"
- "So when we found that we could not have sex, you said that we would still make a piiiiiiiiiiiie!"
- The whole phone call between Gotye and Kimbra.
Kimbra: You hung up on somebody that you used!Kimbra: I don't want you to live. I want you hung up hung up—Gotye blinks repeatedly fast (another Sony Vegas Pro editing flaw)Kimbra: Said that you could get it to go...Kimbra hands a McDonald's bag to Gotye and a hamburger rises up from the bag...Gotye: I don't even need your hamburger.BEGIN GOTYE VACUUM (Somehow, the planet Earth is sucked up by his mouth. After which, the color bars happen.)
- And then Kimbra walks in and meets Gotye face to face...
- "Now you're just nobody that I used to know, nobody!"
- In the end, Kimbra was merely a figment of his imagination.
- The mirror image at the start which makes it look like the camera is a bit too far to one side. And then, "Uhhh...whoops."
- Linkin Park Want Candy Bars Stuck In Their "Divide"
- "I remember black guys, cumming in my face" (VIDEO UNAVAILABLE)
- "So give me Reese's to fill in this hole" (image of Goatse appears)
- "Watch the window go right out the window, what I meant to be what I meant to be be a memory of a window"
- "Deserve, Dessert"
- "All these words they make no sense, I find mushrooms in one of the hotels!"
- "Baby, baby, baby ohhhhhhh~" "SHUT UP!" "Baby, baby, baby ohhhhhhh~" "SHUT UP!!!"
- (starts stabbing Justin Bieber with a knife) "I BLEED IT OUT, JUSTIN BIEBER! BLEED IT OUT, JUSTIN BIEBER! DIGGING DEEPER, DIGGING DEEPER, JUSTIN BIEBER, BLEED IT OUT!"
- James B!unt Exposes His Beautiful Genitalia at a Sandwich Shop (reuploaded by another user):
- My life is pure SHIT!
- I saw an angel...a fucking angel! She smiled at me at a Subway, but I was with another man...
- She could see from my semen that I was fucking her face again!
- I was eating a tuna sandwich at a Subway. On a subway. At a SUSway. At a BUSway. Sus sus SUS SUS~ (Alright, that's enough of that)
- OPPA GODDAMN STYLE, with hilarious subtitles!
- Gangnam Style
- "Grope a bottom style!"
- "Imagine an ass drinking Dasani! Come pee on Johnny with your urine!"
- "MINUS UNDERWEAR! Come and put your salami into your MAMA'S UNDERWEAR! Tonight you will stick your hand down into your BANANA LAIR! Gonna upgrade my Norton today!"
- "I'm an ooooowl! Silence, you naaaaaarwhal!"
- WRONG TRAIN! ...Idiot. "Oops!" TAKE 2
- "I throw up in my ass sometimes!"
- "Ayyyyyyy... Gettin' LAID! Broken condom style!" (oops)
- "We are not unarmed... Korea got a bomb... maybe, maybe US COULD BECOME A TARGET!"
- This line later becomes Hilarious in Hindsight.
- "F**k condoms!"
- (make up your own interpretation)
- Katy Perry Shoves A Candycane Somewhere And Can't Get It Out
- "I know a place— downtown, where there's semen in the water!"
- "Euuuuggtthhhhh? Buttsecks. Buttsecks."
- FIELD O' COCKS
- "Fine fresh doo-doo popsicles playing underneath the palm trees!"
- "Nothing is more important than having your cock sucked! I'm talking about real slutty whores."
- The Du Hast mashup.
- "Train Derails and hits Justin Bieber"
Pat Monahan: Hey, Mario, ain't that Justin Bieber on the radio?Pat Monahan: Mario, fuck you and fuck the radio!
- This exchange:
- "I dreamed I shit on Justin Bieber's face."
- "I want the world to see your sweet boobies!"
- "You're a virgin, and I'm Madonna, and I'm your sister." (wat o_o)
- "I don't wanna miss a single thing…" "And I don't wanna miss a thing…"
- "I'm so glad you suck my cock!" (Okay, that's enough, I could sit here all day and mix these sentences)
- "Elictric Sex Invent Fire Using Genital Friction
- The paintings being replaced with, among others, Jack Black with Elmo and Dan Backslide.
- Rebecca Black's head in the fireplace.
- "Fire in the disco! ....... Fire in the ..... DISCO! Fire in the disco!" (We already knew that)
- "Don't you wanna know how we keep farting tires?"
- "When we kiss, I desire Taco Bell!"
- "Don't you wanna know how we keep eating Taco Bell at the Taco Disco at the— gay bar, Gabe Newell bar!"
- "I wanna take you to a nuclear war!" "...wipe out China." (I NEED TO STOP THAT)
- "I got something to put in you!" (shows a duck) "I got SUS to put in you!" (shows Hank Hill) "I got something stupid in you!" (shows a washing machine)
- "At the gay bar, GHAAAAAAY bar!"
- "Don't you wanna know how we killed Justin Bieber?"
- "Bruno Mars Shoves a Grenade Somewhere Moist and Magical"
- "Easy come, easy come. Ohh OhhhO OhhhO, from the first kiss had your ass wide open…"
- "You'd watch me take a shit in the trash..."
- Yum, carrots!
- "Yes, I would take a bullet straight through Train for ya!" (Meanwhile at the "Hey, Soul Sister" video...)
- … *bang* … "Aa-aa—aah—ahahaah… I'm shot!"
- "You said you love me but you're a liar cause you never, ever, ever, EVER suck my cock."
- "Bru -No -Mars has the strength to pull this fully loaded, 80,000 pound pickle!"
- "Pain-nus Pain-nus Pain-nus Pain-nus!"
- Kee$ha the Whale Gets A Horse Stuck In Her Blow Hole
- "Back door, crack whore!"
- *licks a man's horse head mask* "Look at that... whore."
- "Turds cover the floor! We're pretty sick, we're young and about to get HIV!"
- "It's time to kill the DJ! Kill the DJ! Kill the DJ! Kill Stephen~!"
- "Then I watched DurhamrockerZ's YouTube Poop, I laughed. Har har har"
- "It's time to kill Jay Leno!" (you have no idea how many ideas i'm out of for this)
- Black Eyed Peas Discover The Wonders Of Genitalia
- Dustbin Jieber Enjoys A Sweaty Backdoor Fondue
Billy Mays: It's not easy!
- "If I was your boyfirend, I'll never ever never ever never reven let you eat fondue."
- "If I was your girl, I could never be your boy!" (LOGIC FTW)
- "Girlfriend—dneirflrig—girlfriend you could be my fondue. I don't know 'bout FUUF but I know about SWAAWS. Spinnin' in the tub spin-spinnin' in the spinnninininin in the tub—BUDDY WITH TILT"
- "I could be a downer—" "YO HOLMES, SMELL 'YA LATER!"
- "So give me your change..." (bang) "No."
- "How easy is this? You shit in the shower, and you get sweat and dirt all over!"
- "The cleansing bar is straight-up awful. After a concert, playing with my balls
- Justin's odd hand motions, yet again.
- "Wash my hair, wash my face, washwashwashwashwashwashwashwash"
- "How easy is this?"
- Ke$ha Gives Too Much Head And Dies In Less Than 3 Minutes
- "There's a place downtown where the DICKS come around!"
- "We'll fuck like The Dark Knight..."
- "Drunk tits! Drunk tits!" ("Beyonce had one of the best") "..tits!"
- "I'm dancing with cum in my eyes!"
- "Turn me on! Turn me off! Turn me on! Off! Off! On!"
- "Billy Mays here for the Ke$ha Switch! The new wireless lightswitch that lets you control Ke$ha from anywhere!" "On! Off! On! Off! On! Off!"
- "Bowser's looking for mah haaaaam..."
- "Get off! Get off! Get off!" (Invisible penis is invisible)
- "It's a hole in MY ASS!!, it's a dirty ASSHOLE!!"
- "Turn me on! Take a SHIT! Take a SHIT! Everybody GO FUCKING FUCK THEIR FUCKING SELF!
- "I hope you die. DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Go on and die!" (WTF [Ka]BOOM)
- R.I.P. Ke$ha
- Macklemore-Or-Less Pops Some Pills at the Gift Shop
- "I'm gonna fuck my granddad's big asshole!" (That was probably a terrible way to start the video.)
- "I'm gonna tag my pocket!"
- "This is fucking CUM!"
- "Walk into the club like what up, I gotta shit..."
- "Probably shoulda washed by cock. Smells like arse" (arse (noun): British slang for buttocks or ass.)
- "Come take a pisssssssssss."
- "But, it was a SHIT! It was ninety-ninety-ninety-ninety..."
- "That's $50 for a Pee Shirt!"
- "This is fucking SPARTA!" (*2007)
- "I'm diggin'! I'm diggin'! I'm diggin'!" (THAT'S NOT DIGGING) "I'm diggin' up that JoJ! I'mma take your grandpa's hearse! No, for real."
- "You can find me in the goodwill you can find me in the goodwill you can find me in the goodwill"
- "Your mommy, your grammy, your auntie, your mammogrammy, mommy, I'll take those flannel geeber flammies, secondhand these flammy zimmies"
- (insert traditional cs188 censored penis here)
- "I'm a pig!" "This pig doll is awesome!"
- The spoof cover with the JoJ gravestones in the background.
- "This bowl of cereal is fucking wholesommmeemmeemmee-"
- "I'm gonna fuck my granddad's big asshole!" (That was probably a terrible way to start the video.)
- Eminem Drops His Toothbrush In The Toilet
- "I'm not afraid... To take a shit on the balcony!"
- "I just caaaaaaame~"
- "All I'm trying to say is — I'm on a boat, motherfucker!"
- "I'm raising the corn, and I don't know how"
- "And I'm not a rapper"
- "Butt or corn or butt or corn or butt or corn or buttered corn"
- "I shoot for the moon, but I'm too busy gazing at MY DICK!"
- Blur Gets A Massive Phone Bill / Erection
- "SuS SuS on the year again, tiny cock in the pants"
- "Gather the family round the table to eat the family!"
- "You should cut off your junk mate! Get circumcised!"
- " I met him in a bathroom, where people go to pee. Where people go to drink their pee. Where people go to the bathroom."
- "The story of a crack addict!"
- "Phone Verizon! Phone Verizon! All day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday!"
- "Regret your family!"
- "I get up when I want, except on Wednesdays, when I get enormously aroused by the dirty pigeons!"
- "I'm a professional Sith"
- "Take a knife through your gonads."
- The Death of Eleanor Gravy
- Eleanor Gravy picks up the rice at the store. Dies in a dream. Father McKenzie peeps at the window of Eleanor Rigby, look at him wanking in a jar by the door, watching her naked in the night....
- What the fuck.
- Father McKenzie wiping the cum from his hands as he walks from the window. Look at the sinner in the church. No one comes near Father Mc Rigby, Eleanor Ricey, look at her eating McDonald's in a church where food does not belong. Wearing her socks that she keeps in the church where no one has been.
- Eleanor Eleany lives in a sock drawer. She also lives in a grave. Nobody saved her. Nobody cares. She died all alone....
- What the fuck.
- She was buried right Father McKenzie, wiping doo-doo on her grave, writing the words of a SuS that no one will hear. Cums in a wet dream.
- Eleanor Mc Kenzie has socks that no one will wear.
- Eleanor Gravy sucks cocks in the church when there's a sermon— ohhhh
- EleanoronaelE rises from the grave....
- AaaahhaaaA, look at all the lice—look at all the lice—all the ugly people. Nobody wants a JoJ.
- If a tree falls in a forest when there's nobody there, does it make a sound?
- Bears Bears Bears eat people....
- (....shows picture of a bunch of bears eating something....literally.)
- Here, there, here, there, nowhere...
- Eleanor Gravy picks up the rice at the store. Dies in a dream. Father McKenzie peeps at the window of Eleanor Rigby, look at him wanking in a jar by the door, watching her naked in the night....
- R.E.M. Have Said Too Much
- Kevin Rudolf Auto-Tunes His Penis
- "I used to dream about sky falling from the sky."
- "You pray to Gaga..." ("Ale-ale-jandro Ale-ale-jandro~")
- "Pulled from da gutter, lookin' like a Gay Man!"
- "Got a dick so hard I might jizz in my pants!"
- "She caught lice, she's seen fifteen— dicks."
- "No one believes in God!" (zomg atheists :O)
- "Now the mud is falling down to Earth, Therth"
- "I made it, but I never made it"
- "You didn't make it!" "I made it!" "You didn't make it!" "I made it!" "Bullshit, Luigi!"
- Kesha Smuggles Drugs in her Vagina
"Like they say in Brooklyn: Early to bed, early to catch the worm."
Gwonam: You are a slut. [beat]Ke$ha: ...Maybe I need some sleep.
- Ke$ha getting a rude awakening
- "Boy your cock is hard to find!" (OSAMA BEEN HIDIN') "I think about dick all the time!" *Kesha's boyfriend then kisses a clone of himself* "SEMEN IN MY JEANS"
- "I love drugs! Zizizizizuhzuhzuhzuh."
- "I'm stayin' up all night hopin' hitting my head against my head against my head against— MY HEAD"
- "I love. When. Your. Hard. Pe-nis. Is. In. Me."
- juj that bullshit bullshit"
- "So I got a question: do you wanna doo-doo in my basement?"
- "I just can't get jews off my mind!"
- "My pee is rushing out of me!"
- Kesha ends up sucking Luigi's cock
- HIT MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL!!!!
- A Christmas Train Filled With Coal
- "There's a story that I was told, and I don't remember it, so let's forget it"
- "Cum on Santa!"
- GOT HOLIDAY SPIRIT? NEED EXLAX
- "Cum on your grandma! Give your grandma a reason to wake up!"
- "I got my penis on the ground!"
- "Shake it sh-shake it, Shake it sh-shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture!"
- Steven Tyler Shoots His Liquids Across The Urineverse
- "I could weigh your steak...juj"
- "I could end my life..." scene fades to black with center text: R.I.P. Stevan Tayler
- "...and stop breathing"
- "Watch you smile while you are swallowing my semen!"
- "When I kiss your ass and eat your cunt"
- "Every moment spent with os-te-o-po-ro-sis is a moment I wanna close my eyes"
- "Fuck you ass-hole"
- "I don't wanna smile, I don't wanna kiss, I just wanna piss"
- (R. Kelly demonstration is not available at this time)
- "I just wanna call HoH SiS" (...but, please don't.)
- "The sweatiest dream would never do" (shows a fake book cover of The Sweatiest Dream by Uncle Funcle)
- "cs188 end your life"
- Lady Gaggy chokes on her Massive Telephone-sized Male Genitals
- "This video contains ILLEGAL material not suitable elbatius"
- Hello hello baby—" "I am going to have to break up with you." "Are you breaking up on me? You cunt, are you fuckin' me?"
- The entire scene where Lady Gaga is making out with Rick Astley, in prison of all places.
- "Once you [bleep] a cow, you gotta make a burger."
- "Sauce, hand off mah nigga."
- "We did it, honey-babe. Now let's go check out the enclosed instruction book."
- "Hummers. Hummers. Hummers."
- Ke$ha is F**kin' Wasted
- Finger Eleven Sing About Their Sexual Fantasies
- Jason Derulo Gets Incredible Head
- Bruno's Uptown Rectal Cleansing Sing-along PSA
- PARENTAL ASSVISORY: TOILET CONTENT
- "There's SHIT in that ASS HOLE, Michelle's wiping a TRUCK LOAD"
- "This one’s for them Golden Girls, them gold girls, them hot girls"
- "Got drugs?" "bro hells yea im a producer... of drugs"
- I'm Soap-ready.
- "So say my name, you know who I am, I'm a piece o' SHIT" [mouth gets scrubbed out with toilet brush] "So, throw away that smelly toilet brush!"
- "Gotta masturbate on myself."
- "This song sucks." (Not the opinion of cs188)
- "It's Saturday night and we're we're on the POT!"
- The receipt that Bruno throws away charges him $25 for one sip of liquor, $10 for not paying the bill, and $50 for being Bruno Mars.
- "Coolio! Get to stretch that pussy! We gonna shoot up Harlem, Jackiewood, Harson, Mississippi!"
- "We gonna shit in a fresh jar of Skippy."
- Bruno touches the finger of God (from "The Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo).
- "Don't say my name, you don't know who I am! I'm not Sam-I-Am, I'm not will.i.am, I'm not who I am I am-amamam-amamam-amamam...!"
- "Just film my crotch!"
- My Little Porno: Friendship with Benefits
Rainbow Dash: Louder.Fluttershy: Yay.Rainbow Dash: Louder.Fluttershy: Yay.Rainbow Dash: (so quiet that she's barely audible) LOUDER! (lol I did the exact opposite of what you expected)Fluttershy: (inhales deeply while sucking a whole watermelon) Yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy(Fluttershycheer.exe has stopped working)Jack Black: Look, we can go inside! (walks towards Fluttershy with a censored erection)Elmo: Stop!Jack: Aww man! Okay, Elmo, you cock blocker!
- The beginning:
Celestia: Oh twat! The Grand Gralloping Grala is gralways grawful! That's why I was thrilled you were not sober!
- "My little PENIS frieeeeeennnnndddds~!"
- "Ugh! Here I thought I'd have time to learn more about the Elephants of Harmony, but silly me, all this ridiculous dick-sucking and butt-fucking has kept me from it!"
- "I am so frustrated, I could just scream. Jizz Cream." [Deep Breath] "A meme." [REAL BIG DEEP BREATH!]
- "Don't worry, Spike, we'll all get to suck some dick together. LAWL LAWL~"
- Uh oh
Twilight Sparkle: I just hope Princess Celestia isn't upset with us for jizzing in the salad.Princess Celestia: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia is upset with us.
- The following line, which has essentially become a meme:
- "This country owes its very existence to the strength and courage of mesothelioma, a disease uniquely linked to mesothelioma. Fortunately, many worked in areas contaminated by asbestos. Attention: if you or a loved one was diagnosed with amoilehtosem, you may be entitled to die. Shitting in the automotive industries may have put you at risk. Please, play Risk. Call 1-800-90-90-90-90-90-"
- "Could you fuck 15 cats under a rock?"
- And this little gem:
Geico Guy: Is Gaben really fat?Gabe Newell: Uh, no.Geico Guy: Bullshit, you smartass! (lulz now episode 3 is never coming)
- Jack Black pleasuring Fluttershy.
Jack: Awesome! Awesome! Glorious! -Fluttershy letting out soft screams-Elmo: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...Jack: OK, Elmo- Wait a minute! 1, 2, 3... we found an orgy!
- "EIGHT STUNNING ANGLES!"
- Hearing Fluttershy singing "Killing In The Name" is oddly hilarious.
- Fascism is Magic (Age Restricted)
- Fluttershy: I can't control when I troll. *While wearing a Troll Face* It's my special gift you know.
- (illustration of "Pony vs. Self" conflict in narrative writing)
- Rarity's conversation with Sweetie Belle;
Rarity: No buts this time. I'm sorry Sweetie Belle, it's just the way it has to—Sweetie Belle: But?!Rarity: No buts, and this is a big but!Sweetie Belle: But!?
- No one needs foundation repair, possibly his most famous one:
- "When you need foundation repair, you want foundation repair. And you'd like to save a lot of money, right? And you'd like to suck a lot of cock, right? Then you should call HoH SiS."
- "You want the JoJ."
- "If I had to do it all over again, and had to take bids all over again, I would still do it all over again."
- "And even though there's only a tiny cock, they'll fuck you, as long as your cock is standing. 100% guaranteed cum in your ass."
- The ending, with the Hotel Mario cutscenes:
(Mario hammers a "condemned" sign onto a building)Mario: That oughta do it!(castle crumbles to the ground)Mario: Shit, Luigi! We gotta do it all over again!
- Want to do it all over again? Well, this is the Stupid Statement Dance Mix version.
- Robots having sex all over the arena floor; one of his most underrated poops in this troper's opinion.
- "Let's go to our battleboard and get our battleboard!
- The reporter and the teams in the pregame show.
Basenji: Well the $@#* is to lift them up with the PINGAS, push him around and avoid those nasty ass cutting things on the front.Reporter: Sounds like COCK.
- The Darkness team's pregame report is pure gold.
- "The dog gets LAID!"
- The post game is even better!
Mick Foley: Basenji was boned.Basenji: Well, I thought I was doing well until I completely f***ed up.
- This poop; the first part of it is mediocre and nothing special, but then his praise of HoH SiS switches to a rape testimony.
- Michael Becomes Increasingly Explicit, a hilarious recount of Michael Rosen's graphic childhood.
- "My dad said that after the war, people all came home to keel over and die. There weren't gonna be anymore people, there weren't gonna be anymore crackhouses, there wasn't gonna be any more Walmart." (see: crack house)
- "Look out the window! There's a window!" (i know you were all just DYING for me to use this joke again)
- "So my mum is doing my dad, and my dad wants really big tits in his mouth."
- "My mum died in the street, and everything was lovely once again."
- "When I was one, I was drinking spit! When I was two, I ate a red shoehorn! When I was three I started rolling up little blunts! When I was four, I ate my hamster! When I was five, I ate a steak!" (EXPLICIT LEVEL INCREASING) "When I was six, I was breathing in queef!" (sniffs and sighs awkwardly) "When I was seven, I rubbed syrup on my sister's really big nipples. *pop* Nice."
- "My dad's waiting for me to say something! I'm hoping he'll keel over and die!"
- Ron Pitts Bakes a Super Manly Fudge Pie in his Pants
- "I'm Ron Pitts, and you're about to see some of the most astounding pits" (zooms in on his armpits) "...ever caught on camera."
- "I'm gonna finish off my penis pie with a little bit of whipped cream."
- "Oh, that's real nice"
- "How old will you be in the year 2055? I'll be OVER NINE TH-" (NOT FUNNY ANYMORE)
- "I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to suck on your dick for a few minutes, and you're going to feel better!"
- "I've eaten ass cream and asshole pie and I've even done my doctor."
- "Are you tired of shitting in your bed? Or how about turning on Ron Pitts?"
- "This is sexy."
- Bill Nye's Big Dick Theory
- "Bill Bill the Science Guy!"
- "When you cry when you're upset, they're the same tears when you cum in your eye."
- "The hairs dig into the soil, and the worms dig into the hairs, and the soil dig into the worms, and the worms can only move in one erection. Erection. Erection. Erection."
- "Pingas is a property of matter."
- "I will now open the door with my dick"
- Gaston Pleasures Himself to the Sound of His Own Voice.
- "Waxonator is the best and the rest is all shit!"
- "When I was a lad I'd watch four dozen pornos to help me get ERECT! And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen inches of my DICK!"
- "Roughly the size of a Bob!note "
- "And every last inch of me's covered with BICEPS TO SPARE!"
- "I'm especially good at E-JAAAA-CU-LAAAA-TING!"
- "~LARGE SEMEN INTAKE!~"
- What makes this even funnier? The fact that that scene is the icon for the video on YouTube!
- "There's no man in this town as admired as Lady Gaga!"
- "When I was a lad I ate feces!" "Noooooooooooooooo!"
- Legends of the XXX Temple (Part 2- TEMPLE RUN)
- The lead-in to the show's theme (you know, when the camera is pushing through the jungle leaves) perfectly seguing into "Never Gonna Give You Up".
- "Are you ready, Olmec?"
- (beat) "Mexican cock."
- "Everyone knows that an Indian's residence of choice was a PENIS."
- "One partner from each teeeeeeam will fasten his flap to the pole, and get ready to fasten his flapping DICK!! to the pole, and get ready to go back down onto his partner's long cock!"
- "But before we get started, we're gonna hear a bunch of bull SHIT!!!"
- "Spin the ship's wheel, and you can descend into the shit. There, you must have sex...in the ass...with Kirk Fogg!"
- "If you escape..."
- "And the doorway may open by running into the sign." *CLANG* "Ha ha ha ha ha!" *CLANG* "Ha ha ha ha ha!"
- "If the correct door is opened, you can crawl into the King's ass!"
- "She's gotta swing out on the rope and knock down the cock!"
- "Into the room of the ancient whoas and-" *screams* "OHHHHHH SHIT!!!!" "Caught by a Pedobear!"
- "You two fucked yourselves, right?"
- "For just going into the temple, you get NOTHING! You LOSE!
- OMABA'S NEW WORLD ORDER ACID TRIP, cs188's 20,000 subscriber video, is hilarious from beginning to end.
Johnny: It's not true, it's bullshit!
- The opening, which features a blatant Flanderization of his typical works:
- "It's called the American JoJ Act. The American JoJ Act is simple. Pass this JoJ plan right away. Ass ass ass ass. Cocks cocks cocks cocks. Dicks dicks dicks dicks. Masturbation masturbation. Cum cum cum cum. And the tits tits tits tits. Pass this JoJ and we'll create more JoJ for construction workers, more JoJ for teachers, more JoJ for veterans—" (eject) "It's freakin' horrible. I can't use this, it's terrible."
- "The video sucked immensely, so cs188 decided to make a new one."
- But what really sells it is Obama's speech afterward:
- "cs188 is fucking overrated. More people have followed the example he set, making sex joke sentence mixing YouTube Poops. This is an outrage! We need to stop this right now. I wanna see poops with more Ear Rape and more random shit flying back and worth. And if you do the right thing, you could make it—anybody could make it—into Kevin T. Ackerman's Top Ten YouTube Poops of The Month. All of us will need to change the way we do pooping. The only solutionoitulutionoitulution is let this crisis be used as an excuse to wipe out China."
- It was a 'house fly' (bad joke)
- "We need more ladders more ladders more ladders"
- "Our highways are clogged with—" EAR RAPE
- (cue "We Speak No Americano" Stupid Statement Dance Mix)
- "You are tearing me apart, Congress!"
- "We need to ask people to choose between Contra and Crysis"
- "I'm sending this Congress to Hell!"
- "Weenie!note " "Stop! Stop! Stop the political circus!"
- "Spending by about a trillion billion million thousand dollars over the next ten trillion years."
- "Now we're going to sit back and watch some faggot installing Windows."
- "It will provide rules that keep our kids exposed to Mercury" (Picture of Mercury with a sign saying "UR KIDS R SEXY" on its surface pops up)
- "And I'M PRETTY— I'm pretty sure I know that cs188 is a brony!"
- "You should pass this jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-" (WILL HE SAY IT?!? O_O)
- "Middle fass clamilies will get hit with a shit!" (OMGLOL WHAT A FUCKING ORIGINAL JOKE)
- "Abraham Lincoln's PENIS stands as a monument!" (ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH I just couldn't resist making a dick joke)
- "Now we're going to sit back and watch Tommy Wiseau play Billy Mays' Shitblaster."
- "Billy Mays has the Shit Bazooka!"
- "And it's time for us to do what's right for our future: Wipe out China"
- Barack Obama's face is distorted in the video. Link to image, but try not to laugh uncontrollably. There are fatal consequences◊
- Welcome to JOJ Madden! JOJ Madden! JOJ Madden! JOJ Madden!
- The opening, which features a blatant Flanderization of his typical works:
- Billy Mays Promotes Hardcore Drug Addiction
Billy Mays: FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!Billy's Mom: Billy, what are you doing?Billy Mays: Nothing!Billy's Mom: Are you jacking off to Billy Mays again?Billy Mays: No, go away!
- Billy Mays (as a 23-year old living with his mom) fapping to Billy Mays commercials.
- "Introducing the Big City Drug Station! The fast and easy way to get your fix! Loaded with my favorites; mushrooms, cocaine, weed, ecstasy, and heroin!"
- (*Instructional Video Missing*) "Heroin is as easy as 1-2-3; inject it into the areas that provide pressure relief where you need it most!"
- "Stop watching Family Guy and start streaking!"
- "With drugs, you'll finally be saying: 'I can bathe in my own excrement!' And excrement is something I'm really passionate about; take a look at this shit, it's a doozy!"
- Billy Mays sells the Hercules Dildo to your Mom
"YouTube Poop - The easy way to make you laugh at just about anything!"
Worker: Good morning, may I help you?Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here! How you doing?Worker: Oh hiiii! How are you?Billy Mays: Good! I'd like to order the burnt-on cheese! Thank you very much! This is Billy Mays, and I'm pulling over to get my shit!Billy Mays: Hey! Young lady? Thank you very much! FUCK YOU KID, YOU'RE A DICK!
- "I love super strong dicks, don't yo-o-o-ou...o-o-o-o— It takes the hard work out of hard work!"
- "Just attach it to any size dick, pull the trigger, and—"
- "NOITATS REDILS YTIC GIB!!!!"
- "Make your dog healthy dick burgers with ease! Just pee on Billy Mays! And in just two minutes, you'll have five mouthwatering DICKS!"
- The Billy Mays drive-thru scene:
- "Don't pay a fortune to have a prostitute! When term papers get boring..."
- "Big cocks travel along this wire to the back of your asshole!"
- "Call now and you'll get the HERCULES DILDO! Moms are gonna love it! It's so easy, even your kids can use the HERCULES DILDO - the most delicious cock I've ever sucked! It's got the strength and the muscle to penetrate rock hard clay, cut through the thickest roots, and easily power out rocks and stubborn stumps! Now that's super strong—gnorts—strong—"
- (King Hyrule sucks Billy's penis) "I wonder what's for dinner?"
- "And when you're done, clean-ups are a breeze. Call now and you'll also receive our handy stick-up light—" (WTF BOOM)
- "OH FUCK!!!!"
- Bill Nye gets High in the Mountains (This one is age-restricted, although you can view it without an account at this link):
- "If you ran around a-ran around a-ran around a-ran around a—your dick, it's going straight up!" *panting*
- "BILL NYE's dick, is only 10 kilometers thick! But it's thick enough to keep us warm, while we're down here in the city snorting more coke! So it's like the blow places are down here in the city. So it's like the mountains are... wearing more coats!" (...the fuck is he talking about?)
- "Now when you were here in the city, you were up in the mountains."
- "If mountaintops are closer to the sus, why is it down in the city there's more sluts and hoes next to your body?"
- Metal ball.
- "Sizzurp. Sizzurp."
- "Please consider snorting more coke down here in the city."
- WHY NOT TAKE A SIMPLE STEP?
- "Why not take a simple step? W-w-weatherize your home with caulk; it's the faAaAaAast way to get big bang out of your caulk."
- "Not all caulk is 100% silicone: it stands up to mother."
- "Whores? They leak too."
- "It's cleanup time: SILICONE SILICONE SILICONE SILICONE."
- "Now you're ready to enjoy cracks, gaps, and leaks; use your finger or caulk smoothing tool."
- "Pierce the inner seal with a stiff caulk."
- "The Addison Bath Collection. The Ass Bath Collection."
- "Aged pewter, and even black"
- "They make your experience eight inches in diameter, invigorating you by blanketing your body in semen."
- Billy Mays Is Watching Your Mom In The Shower
- "Hi, Billy Mays here for Hercules!'"
- "You can put cheese up my ass with the flick of a switch!" This line led to a corpsing moment from RadicalFaith360, who likes to re-enact poops (especially those from cs188).
- "As a special bonus, we'll also include rock hard cock! It penetrates you wherever you are!"
- "Let me show you how to take care of Woody Woodpecker!"
- "Billy Mays is watching your Mom in the shower, right now! Watch this!"
- BUTCHA GOTTA CALL NOW.
- "Have you been turned on by kids before? Are you doing a kid in your bed right now? You fucking pedo! I'll poop on your dog! Join the craze with me, Billy Mays, and poop on your dog!"
- "Talk to one of our friendly and caring licensed assholes—" (cue picture of Vince Offer) "—who'll'ohw... who'll help you decide which penis to SHOVE UP YOUR ASS!!"
- "Microscopic shit agents that penetrate your back, restoring the pain to your life."
- "You'll get to talk with pickles, onions, ketchup, or cheese!"
- "You get our amazing sex in less than ten seconds! It's just not easy. Z. Z."
- "Look at that... horse." "To order your horse, have your credit card ready and call one-one-one-one-one-one-one-one-"
- "I love toilet sandwiches with semen ketchup, or sucking big bulky cock, or both!"
- DIY = (Don't) Do It Yourself
- "Hi! I'm High!"
- "All this will do is help you steady I. M. Meen so it doesn't go dancing around on you."
- "I'm Bone Marrow with cs188ElectricSex.com, and I'm here to strip for you." (Unfortunately, this part is just too sexy to show)
- "You get a power strip and it has 5, 6, 7, 8 stunning outlets in one. This power strip is an octagon!" (I don't think Jack's too bright.)
- "If you can use a drill, you can use—" (BOOM)
- "Hello, my name is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
- "When they start to mature, they begin to take over the garden. The pot that you've, uh, planted—" (Wait, what was that?) "The pot that you've, uh, planted" (Okay, now this is getting interesting)
- "So it's really important that you smoke a large, floor-size bowl. It's important to take into account uh, a lot of times you're getting —High!"
- "Today I'm showing you how to get HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH"
- YOUR SINK IS THE BATHROOM.
- FAAF! omnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom
- Farrah Faucet: Interior Interiorist
- "You can change flow and flow and Flo and flowolf..."
- "Single handle fa-af FA-AF!! are available in single-hole, or widespread-hole, or HoH SiS!"
- "wwwwWall-mounted faucets come in really shit styles, like a single handle MOM"
- "…gold, bronze, and even black. AND EVEN BLACK."
- "…your teeth, washing your face!" *overused joke
- "Among the among the choices for browsers, Chrome is a favorite. It comes in Titanic, shiny heinie, brushed matte version. Noi—Jergen."
- "Nickelsh!t is also very popular for GAAAAAAA-AAAAAAYYYYY! ...and cums and cums and cums on your faucet." (it's so immature of me but I don't care)
- "Vessel-style sinks need to be matched with either a faucet with tall hands and an extra-high arc spout, or a Walrusguy arc spout."
- "The sheehs—the sheer number of poops out there can be mind-boggling, but don't despair. This video's designed to be mind BOGGLE-ing."
- "With a little ([MANHOOD]) under your belt, you'll be able to enjoy oral—"
- SO SEXY
- "It's easy to fall in love with a pervert."
- "I pray at the sink all day! FUUF!"
- TUB BUDDY WITH TILT
- "The tilt option allows the pressure to relieve the built-up patient of a caregiver" (heavy metal shaking)
- "The patient's dead." (RIP) "Lousy caregiver."
- "..by allowing the patient to slide over the tub, without having to manually slide over the tub, without the tub, without having to do it all over again."
- "Without having to manually lift the house. Uh, shit."
- "Dignity, ease, disease, LEGO"
- "The tilt option allows the pressure to relieve the built-up patient of a caregiver" (heavy metal shaking)
- "Billy Mays' Career In Television Hits a Record Low"
- "Are you fed up with trying to find a Lightroom in a dark room? Are you tired of slicing onions with your powerful dropping erection?"
- "Billy Mays here for Mighty Drills, the easy way to rebuild the damaged tool to work like new!" [trowel breaks] "Fucking handle!"
- "What if you had the power to spray diarrhea all over your car's windshield at over 100 miles an hour? Introducing the Shit Bazooka! Inside is hundreds of fecal matter!"
- "I love Metalocalypse, don't you?"
- (It's Cocaine!) "Look at this! Watch as Billy Mays snorts a year's supply of white powder in just two minutes! You'll be amazed at just how much powder I use every week!" (Inb4 "WTF, that's not funni!")
- "And here's the best part: we'll send you a 32 ounce bottle of Billy Mays' Sex Liquids free whenever you need them, plus three extra large wank towels every week to clean the mess out of your mattress!"
- "They're not only soft, but tough enough to get the JoJ."
- "Order my shit right now or we'll cut your cock in half!"
- "What do you do when you wanna watch your favorite YTP re-enactments? Check out radicalfaith360!"
- A Michael Rosen Christmas
- His reindeer is Big McIntosh
- "Suddenly, I heard little rattling noises: there was a man and a woman, having sex! *grin*" (NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID)
- Big Mac gets randomly replaced by Nyan Cat
- "I got some 'toys' if you know what I mean"
- Deleted Scene: "When I get in, if there's one thing I love, it's peeping away like mad!" He misses an all-star orgy with Billy Mays, Jack Black, the lead singer of Shinedown, Richard, Ron Pitts, and Wilford Brimley.
- Ritt Momney Exterminates Freedom
- "The day's a good day for America. Paul Ryan will provide our workers with the skills to cut the children with a saw...." (cue saw and heavy metal rock music) "JOIN ME!"
- "Americans woke up this morning with the U.S. Ambassador. It's never too early for Libya to attack Americans, and to defend their values. The United States remains a dangerous place, and American leadership still remains a dangerous leadershit."
- "Last several years we've stood witness to my cock spinning out of control." (cue "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)")
- "People across America are grateful for Allstate and Ford."
- "We respect our Constitution, we stand for the principles our constitution constitutes, we encourage our constitution to understand and respect words of our constitution. Because we recognize that these constitutions are the ultimate constitution."
- "We cannot hesitate to impregnate loved ones."
- "Upwards I extend my weiner."
- "I was hard last night from the ASSHOLE INTERCOURSE with Paul Ryan."
- Paul Ryan As V.P. Rick...Paul Ryan ASPPPRICK
- "We have confidence in condemning freedom for individuals around the world.
- "Flexta McSignals. FLEXTA MCSIGNALS My-my-my-my cock cannot shrink. My-my-my-my cock is disgusting. It breaks the hearts of all of us."
- Obama Sh!ts in the Gulf on National Television
- "Because there's never been a Weegee this size."
- "On April 20th, an explosion ripped through my ass. Shit began spewing into the water."
- "Tomorrow, I will meet with the chairman of BP to inform him that he is a cunt."
- The "BP Lies" song.
- "We will make steak."
- "We've directed BP to pee."
- "We need to know the facts before we allow the facts to be known by the American people." (Record Needle Scratch) "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."
- "Over the last decade, I've touched millions of governors' prostates."
- "Two minutes—TO MIIIIIIIIIIDNIGHT~!"
- "The sadness and the anger they feel is not just about the money they lost. It's about the money they lost. It's about ring around the toilet. It's about oral sex. It's about dirt and debris. It's about too many toasters."
- "They're ready to help train the beaches, clean response workers, or even help toast toast."
- "And I want pie. The American people deserve pie."
- Michael gets horny at the hospital
- "Oh no! The moment I dread when cs188 makes a poop of me!"
- The Michael Rosen Rock
- "And I give a shout: 'GET OFF ME! YAY!' (OMFG! CS188 USED A MLP SWAURCE)
- "It was then I noticed... my dad; she was really hot! So-" (*whoops*, hold on... that was an editing error) "It was then I noticed... my nurse, she was really hot!"
- "So I said..." (*incredible sex joke coming*) "I want you to sit on the top of my huge, meaty, erect, 65-year-old penis until I cum in your tight, unshaven, hairy little snatch, and you scream like a little girl." (beat) "Actually, um, that wasn't very nice."
- "I like it when you go to those places where they fiddle diddle with a 2-year old."
- (oh wait i forgot to add some dick jokes) "I had hoped that it wouldn't be necessary for wouldn't be necessary wouldn't be necessary wooden penis wooden penis wooden penis JIZZ JIZZ JIZZ PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS DICKS DICKS DICKS"
- Anthony Sullivan's Apocalypse Bulb
- "Hi, Anthony Sullivan here for the glass lightbulb!"
- "Have a closet that needs illumination?" (a splode) "Lul, you idiot."
- "Any place, and nowhere."
- "Doooon't haaaaave kiiiiids..."
- "Slide in the bulb, and you've got light in the bulb, in the bowl—lowb, and you can have Instagram."
- "Just stick up the base, slide in the bulb, and you don't have power. It's that easy."
- "Don't touch kids, use the mouse."
- "And they're great for camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping and camping— DROP IT"
- "There's no dangerous wires, daaaangerous wiiires..."
- Vince Gets a Mess Stuck in Your Carpet
- "My pussy is slippery when wet!"
- "You're gonna get sticky in a quickie when you use Vince Offer!"
- "Alien ladies, you always wanted to kill your husband." (cue the wife throwing knives into her husband) "You get the little sticky leftover husband particles deep in the carpet. You don't want this stuff in your carpet, guys."
- Twice, he loops the video of a woman using the Big Schticky near a kitty litter box, then sets it to music. The result makes it look like the cat is bobbing its head to the music.
- "Stop wasting over $100 a year on silicone ladies!" (Hookers)
- "Call now. Wow."
- Steve Ballmer Sells Clean Windows
- "Now we can take this Weegee and paste it right into this Ferrari!"
- Boomerang Ballmer
- "Except in Nebraskaska."
- STEVE BALLMER SELLS DIRTY WINDOWS
Billy Mays: Hi, it's Billy.Jupiter Jack!Billy: Hi, it's Billy. What are you doing in my car?Billy Mays: No, it's my car!Jupiter Jack!Billy: No, it's my car, I guarantee it!Billy Mays: No, not anymore.Jupiter Jack!Billy: Go fuck yourself with the Hercules Hook!Billy Mays: No problem.Jupiter Jack!Billy: I'm gonna take an incredible shit in your kitchen, right on your stove!Billy Mays: Be there in two minutes. See ya!
- The Recursive Reality gag at the open.
- "Cut cucumbers, zucchini, even zucchinicumbers for a gourmet pizza perfect for anypony"
- "...for potato salad, potatoes are rotten, or slice 'ease' with cheese."
- "I know what you're thinking! You want a giant orgy with mark3611 in a steaming shower in the middle of the day. Like magic! And look, your mom's grabbing your small penis right now!"
- "Under the bed or under the sink, the secret's the suction action. And right down to the very end, there's no wasted food." (lolwut?)
- "And here's the best part: Unlike regular drivers, Billy Mays can safely drive with no hands!"
- PRESIDENTIAL ELIMINATION DAY
- "If you're paying women, I want to bring the paying rates down, and we'll continue to pay men hired."
- "We're gonna bring the pipe lined in from 7-Eleven and Macy's...."
- "You stood in front of a plant, and pointed at it and said peel this plant!"
- "Governor Romney, SHUT UP."
- "Governor Romney said. law enforcement officers could sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-op folks because they suspected maybe they look like Big Bird. Is it fair, for someone like you making 20 million trillion thousand a year to pay a lower tax rate than somebody making $50 a year?"
- "'Cause the economy was on The Verge of collapse! Because we were about to collapse! It's conceivable that Governor Romney could collapse!"
- "Women full of binders."
- "Women need Big Bird for Planned Parenthood."
- "When I hear Governor Romney say he's a big asshole..."
- "Top 5% of taxpayers will continue to pay 5% of the women—"
- "You're such a sketchy Etch-A-Sketch."
- "Lil' Billy Bedwetter Bill"
- "I care about Flexta McSignals."
- "Governor Romney doesn't have a five-point plan. He has an one-point plan and that is to wipe out China."
- "He's right. President Obama's right-right-right-right..."
- "...On that note, we have come to an end of Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romneyeyeyey."
- "And production on gas is down. Production on government land is down." (Cue stupid statement mashup mix)
- Daffy Duck takes LSD to perform fellatio on a rubber chicken
- "Stand back, motherfuckers! They shall sample my sample!"
- "Daffy Duck, he fucked an igloo.." *loud grunting and groaning noises* SCENE MISSING (Always wear a rubber, kids :)
- "YOU SLUT!"
- Daffy singing "Hey, Soul Sister".
- "...Nigga?" *Note: It doesn't really sound like it, but the caption onscreen sells it anyway, and it's arguably funnier because of its uncertainty.*
- "A CLOSEUP, YOU FUCK! A CLOSEUP!"
- Daffy fighting with the falling ceiling and eventually standing under it like he did at the beginning. "lol daffy accepts defeat"
- "If you weren't me, I'd fuck you right in the pussy!" "Don't let that stop ya, jackass!"
- Daffy's parachute being erased and replaced with Bill O'Reilly.
- "Stand back, Bulshiteers!"
- Daffy entering the Mushroom Kingdom and looking utterly confused.
- Vegeta wasn't expecting that... It has to be seen to be believed.
- The Chronicles of Rage-icalfaith360
"Stu....what are you doing?!"
- "What do you do when you wannawannawanna watch your favorite diarrhea re-enactments?"
- "Radicalfaith360 is doing drugs right now!"
- The awkward Pepsi scene. Listen to your mom right now.
- "I love fecal matter! I'll shit anywhere!" [Metal Gear Solid enemy noise] "That's the power of the Big Toilet City!"
- The Rugrats sequence.
- "Radicalfaith has a super-strong erection! Mmmm.... A year's supply of vagina. Mmmm.... And the next day, Kate keeps blowing some guys. MmmmMMMMMMMM Kate keeps peeing on towels, towels! slew— owls!" [cue a giant pile of Owlowiscious]
- "What do you do if you can't cum with lots of suds?"
- "IIII just wonder what daaaad's up to.... Swadala! We're off! Sorry?"
- Radicalfaith360's guaranteed pick-up lines: "Nice rack."
- "Love is a lie, and love has the power to spray diarrhea all over your life, so get a gun."
- "Holy FuuF! I'm so angry I could rob a bank!"
- "Whenever you need Billy Mays to put the fun, fun, fun, fun back in your life."
- "I'll dog on your poop!" (Warning: Dogging on someone's poop is a felony crime punishable by up to a maximum of 10 years in jail, 360 hours of community service, many long hard shits, and not to mention—)
- "Only squeezes and squeezes and squeezes...."
- "Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself."
- Empire Carpet Sells Prostitutes and Toasters
- Bill Nye Is Going To Run Out Of Molecules
- "Ping-pong balls are great for ping-pong, but they're not for ping-pong."
- "Nye Nye the Science Guy!"
- "Anything with molecules has molecules"
- "Computers allow us to store a lot of porn on the internet, in very, very, very small testicles"
- "Pingas comes from the first 2 letters of the Greek alphabet, 'snooping' and 'as usual'. See? That's how we can have pingas soup for lunch!"
- "BILL NYE is going to run out of molecules, watch!" *does it in an art gallery*
- Escape from HOH SIS
- Narrator: [Interrupting Richard eating ice cream] Richard, do you want the joj?
Richard: No. I no longer need the joj.
Narrator: [As Richard's lower lip quivers] But, you need foundation repair...
Richard: Not anymore.
Narrator: [As Richard's eyes grow bigger and bigger] But, you want the joj the first time, right?
Richard: Never. [Walks off the screen]
Narrator: Dammit! Come back right now, you asshole, and say you want the joj!
- Wesley driving off the narrator with a gun.
Wesley: I'm a very up-front guy and I'm gonna hafta tell ya how it's gotta be done [holds up a gun and cocks it] so I don't have to come back out here.
Narrator: Holy fuck!
- "And you're outta money, right? Call HoH SiS right now for a FreerF!"
- We're Looking Into The Future, Chuck
- GOOD LONG MANHOOD
- "Chuck, could you shoot yourself?" "It's only Kurt Cobain."
- "Oh, boy! Ham!" (starts chopping the heck out of the ham) "Chuck, could you shoot yourself?"
- (parents walk out the door) "...is it this Friday?"
- "We're looking into the future, Chuck. Young man, you're going to be here." (cue picture of Chuck's grave)
- "Table manners are silly"
- (And now for some complimentary explicitness that you might have been waiting for)
- "Say you're having sex with your boss for pleasure and relaxation. Say he's thinking about a good sex position; put your dick in the boss's ass. Would you give the JoJ?"
- "At least you can fuck your mother. It's only common courtesy." [Cue Imagine Spot of Chuck humping the mother] "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck..."
- Stupid Statement Dance Mix at the end.
- Paula Peen Consumes Family Members on the FooF Network
- "Get a free $2 gift card when you buy 10 Caribbean menus"
- "That's right, f**k you! Hurruh! HurryrruH! Free trays! Only at G.I. JOJ!"
- "She taught me how to make my worst pot of chicken...I dumped everything out."
- "My cooking is passing gas."
- "It's really important that you get a big raaack. I'll never forget the day I had a big raaack." *color bars*
- "I think the simpler things in life are associated with death."
- "There's three ingredients: plain corn meal, sauce (*Sorry, I couldn't resist), and Grandma. And you can hear my grandmother sizzling."
- "PAULA ANN! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!"
- "The food is really kind of a vehicle."
- "Really kind of a pickle."
- "The food is really cock." (You must have seen that one coming.)
- "My grandmother tastes the best. Look at that horse." (Yes, I do realize how old that is. AND I DON'T CARE) "She was so good. I never realized just how tasty my grandmother was."
- "Super long taco boner to satisfy a big tight ass."
- "Introducing the 99-cent Super Pooper Taco!"
- "COCKO BELL"
- "I can taste my mother — that beautiful, red-headed woman — standing on her stove, flipping the bird."
- "I love that connection that Southern cookin' has to losing my damn mind!
- "The food is really kinda hairy."
- Billy Mays blows his load on all your clothes
- "Look at this, you can even see the dicks!"
- "When you call, you'll receive a fresh orange scent, two canisters of our fresh orange scent, and we'll include a bottle of our amazing fresh orange scent."
- "I can blow my load on all your clothing, guaranteed!" "25 loads, on my face!"
- "Soapy residue. So-so-so-so-Soapy residue. Soapy residue… Soapy-5 loads. Laundry just got soapier."
- "Bitches! H-Hi, Billy Mays here! If dicks drive you crazy, don't get frustrated, get crazy!"
- "It's like fucking Hercules, or Billy Mays! Here's how it works: simply [bleep] firmly in the [bleep], and twist on the special [bleep]. Now pull the [bleep], and [bleep]." (VIDEO DEMONSTRATION UNAVAILABLE)
- "Fixing that scratch is as easy as 1-2-3; 1, 2, 3! It's not easy."
- "Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup."
- "Stop!" "CONTINUE!"
- I SENT AND INTERNET AND JIZZED IN TRADITIONAL WAYS
- "The toilet drops right into the toilet."
- "Chia Pets. The pot (beat) that's fun and easy, watch it grow!"
- "And now grow a whole marijuana! AND NOW GROW A WHOLE MARIJUANA!"
- "Being a gay guy certainly has its advantages: big penises. Penis penis penis penis."
- "Jizz in traditional ways."
- "Call now and receive penis."
- "Call now and receive sex from our team of shafts."
- "Jizz in traditional desserts. Jizz in —MY PANTS."
- "Choose from a delicious dick pussy dick pussy dick pussy pussy pussy pussy"
- "This week at Dreams there's a huge choice of Dreams, like this king-size leather bedstead only fucks half jocks."
- "Never touch another dirty ni*ger!"
- "Kittens, rams, bulls. There's even bullshit, bullshit."
- "You wanna see a dick? You wanna see a —full eighteen inches."
- CLEARASIL OVERNIGHT WAW. It's short, so:
It's 10 PM, and Kate's peeing while she sleeps.
And the next day, Kate gets redness and pimples long after she's washed her vagina.
And the next day, Kate behaves differently at night.
And the next day, Kate's taking a long-ass shit.
And the next day, Kate hates seals.
And the next day, Kate shits on seals.
And the next day, scientists shit on Kate's face while she sleeps.
And the next day, Kate keeps peeing on scientists' faces.
The result: rer Clearasil overnight waw.
- Flatulence. Another short one:
It happens. You rip a giant fart right in your mom's face! And I'm not talkin' about some small toot. I'm talking about a real storm-force load that smells like a real-live skunk! And it's so strong, you kill Mom in no time! NOW THAT'S SUPER STRONG fart.
- OBAMA WIPES UP THE YOUTUBE SH!TDOWN
- "The world turns off a light." [Screen goes dark. Canned Laughter] "It's not funny."
- "Well, last night I-" [celling caves in] "The debt ceiling collapsed." (Well that was stupid.)
- "What goes on on this website seems to get worse every single year. The website has been too slow, people have been getting stuck-" (</end YouTube rant>)
- "We know that all my friends in Congress committed suicide. Suicide will get America back on the right track."
- "Our economy would be larger two decades from now, that's 126.96.36.199.2.half.1% larger."
- "That's snot being faithful to what this country's about. Push the boundaries of Scion in space, cyan N space. Each PSY could have gotten together and figured out, how do we shave a man's butt?"
- "Demands more jobs. JoJ!"
- "The good news is pee-pee. So, that's number 1. number 2: doo-doo."
- "Burning down the house." ["Burning Down The House" stars playing in the background] "We don't need the Talking Heads on the radio. Shut off the radio."
- "Lettuce research... should go away."
- I wanna jam it in you, I wanna JoJ."
- "We jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin' we jammin'" (DISC JAM DETECTED)
- "A chihuahua war."
- '"It's Thursday night; it's time for Unnecessary Sex Shit"
- "I am about to shit audiobooks out of my ass."
- "I am not DaThings1, I am stupid fucking cs188."
- [Jesse has A Date with Rosie Palms] "Nice.'' ""Wish I could, speed it up a little bit...."
- "If you're Blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go to hell?"
- "Have you seen the well? Up and down and up and down and..." (The well seems broken) "iPads!"
- "Spending every dime for white sluts with perfect tits!"
- "404!" (YTP Error 404. The requested point of this video was not found. Please try again with another YTP video, although you will likely find they are all as pointless as this one.) "Trying hard to look like facists, poopin' on the rich!" (what the f?)
- "Come, let's- cum, let's stick umbrellas in their hairy pooper! sUPEr doOpEr"
- "Down, down, up, down, down, up-up-down-up—" (You get the idea...)
- "Why don't you die? Come let's shit in the well!"
- "Have you seen the tits? Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits. Fake tits."
- "But we go on... off. On. Off."
- The Bad Prince of Breaking Fresh Wind
Joey Fatone: It's time to play FamilimaF FeueF! Give it up for Steve Harvey!Steve Harvey: Hey, welcome to fast food, everybody! I'm your man, Steve Manly. It's the Poor family! The Top 6 answers on the board. Name something that might get broken if a wife catches her husband cheating.Chris: Vase.Steve: Vase?(board starts to reveal "A glass/vase/dish", then turns it back over as the buzzer sounds)Amy: His cock.Steve: His cock!(board reveals "His 'dong'/nose/body")
- "Now this is a story all about how my life got fucked up so bad, and I'd like to take a shit right in my chair, I'll tell you how I became the princess of a town called Balls."
- "In West Uncle Phil-adelphia one day, I started shooting some people in my neighborhood."
- "And my mom got scary and said, 'You're moving with your auncle and untie in Bel Air."
- "…and then she gave me my ticket, I said might as well stick it up my ass."
- "Yo, this is badass. Drinking paint out of a champagne glass."
- "I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the cab ran over a cat. If anything I could say that this cat would not be all right. I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it into the sewer', but I thought 'Nah, forget it'"
- "…you gotta get up first thing in the morning, head out to Ames."
- "Dinner is served, lube-a-lot bam-boom!"
- "Here are the condiments for your fish: tartar sauce, dill sauce, lemon sauce, cock sauce, dick sauce, arsely butt sauce, sauce, sauce."
- FFFFFFFTTT "Is that gas?"
- "What haaaappened is that I shit on the living room rug, that's what happened. This total butt malfunction."
- "Pull out the hose — Pull out the hose — Pull out the hose —"
- "I have been having sex on the living room rug with your uncle this entire time, but I did it for very gay reasons." (*worst splice of "gay" anybody has ever heard) "Yum."
- "Now listen, I gotta shit this morning. Here we go." (Winnebago Man enters a porta-potty) "It's gonna be very hot, very uncomfortable for everybody." (farting noises) "God damn diarrhea! I gotta just keep shitting, a full five inches that you can put up your fucking ass if you want to."
- "I don't want anymore of the fucking Doors ["Break On Through" starts playing] No more Doors. [Jim Morrison appears, singing] FUCK OFF! [Hit with a brick] No more Jim Morrison."
- R.I.P. Jim Morrison. Died from a brick on through to the other side of his head
- "Hi Ashley...wanna see my penis?" "Pass."
- "I guess I'd better be getting back to reality."
- "Well, the fiirrrst thing I do is eat a giant dick, suck my own brains out, shit in the sewer, eat a giant vagina, demand an energy-efficient car, fuck some chicken strips, micromanage a dude's balls in my mouth, promote a bathroom, turn into a Jew, turn into a Russian, approve homos, go to the bathroom in my car, call a sex line, get an erection, run a giant fish on Debra's pussy, puke on my own computer, swallow some black chicken birthday ball soup in my bathroom window, now I'm a bagel!"
- "Sauce." (this 0.7 seconds is DaThings1 approved)
Winnebago Man: "FLY fly FLY fly FLY fly" *smack* "Jesus Christ. Gotta do it again, right now." Fly FLY fly FLY fly FLY *smack* "Shit. That ain't funny anymore. FLY fly FLY fly FLY fly" *smack* "God damn sus of a bitch!"
- "Dikekike's 15 inch cock sex center orange insurance."
- "Why do I got a sudden urge to sh[bleep] my drawers?"
- "You're athletic too? I should've known by your bulging foreskin!" "They do draw stairs."
- The scene with the Winnebago Man as Flappy Bird.
Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here! We did not order a pie.Walter White: We've got dipping sticks.Billy: It doesn't matter. Damn it, Walt. We did not order any fucking pizza!Walter: Can't we at least just sit down and eat a piece of pizza?(door closes, a tear forms on Walter's eyes)Billy: Good, go away right now!(Walter throws the pizza on the roof)Billy: Damn it, why did you throw pizza on the fucking roof? You are fucking unbeliveable, Walter White! I'm gonna stick my meat so far up your ass right now, you'll have to remove it with surgery, guaranteed. But I'm not done yet! I want your truck to look really damaged, watch this! I'll put a giant hole in your windshield with this hammer in one easy motion! And I'm gonna cut your brake line? Why, because fuck you, that's why!(Walter runs over Billy's hand and starts shooting him)Billy: You shittin' me? Geez oh man. Wow, what a death.
- "Lettuce get the fuck out of here."
- "I need a way to shohs. Did I make a steak? Did I sus too loud? Did I leave my life to chance or did I shit my fucking pants ants ants ants? Fucking blow the cock blow the cock sex sex I'm cummin' I'm cummin' sex sex cock cock cock"
- The Breaking Bad / Billy Mays end scene.
- The Best Foundation Rape-Air
- "Stop the drinking problems right now before it stops you from enjoying your crack."
- "Tell-tale signs include tell-tale signs." (Tell-tale signs include: Tell-tale signs; tell-tale signs; most importantly, tell-tale signs)
- "They can also arrange for third party professional professionals to circumcise your foreskin at no charge. They can also toss bricks in your windows. Damage." (CRASH) "Obviously, MBR engineers are serious alcoholics."
- "Hi, my name's Gecko." (GEICO gecko appears)
- "And they gave my grandparents head, and we had them doing several different—" (We don't need to know the specifics.)
- "Jizz really really all around."
- "And their website, I have a tear… is MBRGFRMFGFFFBMFDR dot com."
- IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE AT YOUR FINGERTITS
"On your mark ("Mark"), get set, we're riding on the Internet. Cyberspace, cyberSEX.Interactive Ass Site, a window to the Web-a-tite, searching for Reality."Take a spit on the Internet!"
- ADJUST THE VCR TRACKING FOR THE CLEAREST PICTURE
- JUST THE ASS CLEANING PLEASE
- Opening introduction is a gag. Try to hold your laugh, please.
"Now here's a little background: I got the whole family installed in our computer." (doesn't know what he's doing)"Now that I'm on the internet, I'd rather be on my computer than doing a homework assignment!" "Which makes me happy as I would sure like them to go to hell someday...." (pause) "Makes me happy." (eating a flying hot dog)"Rich keeps up with the stock market and our sock market and our cock market and our grave market…" (This is technically a headstone, not a grave, but I think you get the idea) "…and our Doc Martens market. And I haven't been able to get Rich off ever since."
- The Jam Family/All in the Family
"Take a pee on the Internet""You make sure Dasha and Peter show you how they've done some of their school reports, and not all that psycho stuff, okay?" (screenshot of cs188's video feed appears)
- The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive The Friends Arrive
"You're going surfing on the Jell-O-net"Peter plays Chip's Challenge when Dasha reminds him about his school reports.
- Oetting Online (Jell-O)
"Yahoo? I've heard of that! So it's a search engine, right? Can we look at it?" "No.""To get online, we need to type in our parents' address and credit card information." (Bank Name: SHITBANK VISA) "It connects you to the internet via high-speed line." (*28.8 kbps)"Well, to get started, you'll need to get started. You do that through an Internet spider." (macro of Spider-Man appears with the caption "I can hear you fapping")"Microsoft Idiot Explorer came with our computer." (Congratulations! You're just a few steps away from downloading Internet Explorer, the absolute shittiest browser ever. Stay away from downloading Internet Explorer…)
- let's try this again...
"I used the world wide web to search the archives of the Smithsonian museum a few weeks ago. I also had to pee.""Our friends Lisa & Andrew came over today and drew a penis.""I'm not really sure what e-mail is." (dumbass lol)"But how we even look up the lighthouse?" "You just type w-w-w dot com." (Andrew's face expands like a balloon and then pops to black.)
- "Or you can download the other crappy browser: Neeeeetscape Naaaaaavigator."
"You're going surfing on the search engine""Wanna search for clit clit clit clit?" "Can we look at it?" "Sure. Just click on it and the next thing you know…" (sudden suspense dramatic tone plays)"It's all right here at your fingertits .... and then there's SBEmail." ("S to the C, R O double L!")
- The Basics/The Google
"Take a shit.""This is one your dad will love. It's Porno.com." [censored porn video appears] "I get wood so easily."
- Internet Safety
Andrew: Is this like sex?Dasha: It is sex.Peter: That's right! First, Mom had to get under Dad, Dad had to open the hole, andddd give her the dick. And then he came on her tits.
- This explanation:
Andrew: Don't they have chest games?Peter: (as a picture of a woman's breasts show up on screen) Yeah!Dasha: No.
LatinoFriend55: Hey buddy, how's it going?PeterJamison623: UR A FAKE AND GAY LATINO PERSON LOLLatinoFriend55: I am very hurt by that, Peter.PeterJamison623: lol jk jk"Fake Latinos on the Internet" I'M KIDDING JEEZ
- Chat session:
The kids find an Egyptian protest image on the Internet."Amazing! It looks just like it does in out history books, only it seems more real, like we're there...." Lisa daydreams and flies around the clouds and soars through worldwide historic and ancient landmarks and goes close to the Statue of David's penis
- The Egypt scene.
"We looked up school stuff." sure ya did..."I can't go another day without the internet!" (an image of the Statue of David's penis floats around her face) "Don't tell her about the gay stuff.""Snot just for boys."
- The Parents Arrive
"You're going surfing on the—" (cue bomb exlposion)"But honey, did you know that you could die on the internet?"
- Constructing A Bomb To Decimate Your Pathetic Neighborhood
- ADJUST THE VCR TRACKING FOR THE CLEAREST PICTURE
- Three St00ges Invent Slaps Dick Comedy
- "Magic ball says you have magic balls, oh goodie!"
- "Dear pesky plumbers, UPS"
- "Come on Tootz, we'll see the works!" (And so he explored "the works") "Oh goodie!" (Found something!)
- "..maybe five, six, seven, —Eight!"
- "This is why I get off!" [splat]
- "Gentle-mentle-men, study this map carefully." (insert Zelda CD-i joke) "Get busy." ("Just shake that booty non-stop...")
- "You fool, you fool, YOU FOOL!!, LeFou, We must get 'er back. Get 'er back. Get 'er get 'er get 'er back" [cue Stupid Statement Dance Mix]
- "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.." "—Eight!" (alright that's enough)
- The Stinger, which consists of a portion of the "Summer of '69" bit that would ultimately end up in "Freddie Mercury Evacuates To Mars"
- Michael Rosen experiments on the cat
- "They said Michael Rosen goes from house to house, asking for some chocolate cake." (I BET HE DOES)
- "Take the bagels out of the bagels."
- "Don't teleport!"
- "Quite often, we used to jizz on the cat."
- "We used to have Dave Mustaine over for our Sunday dinner in the middle of the night."
- The Michael Rosen Hallway
- "My brother shows me a tiny co—" "Michael, you make this way too easy for us."
- "The house...is QUIET.
- "I've got a secret weapon, Luigi!"
- "Now, he's got his back to me, so I take a slimy crap in his orange juice. It's filling up with dirty sphincter water."
- "YouTubePoopers can't be trusted to do anything nice! If I had the time to try and sue the pants off them…"
- "Clit cake." "(I'm 99% certain someone else already used this joke, but I can't remember who.)
- "And now I've got the taste of it in my mouth and I can't stop myself so I go GIT DAT DUT GAT JAH JAH hombenghahomehgna. I can't stop myself! Hombenghahomehgna inhale woodchuck-a whabntahhwasghtnwwggbb!"
- Anthony Sullivan Wipes His Bum on Your Carpet
- "Big news from OxiClean: OxiClean is shit!" [color bars] "Introducing new OxiClean Juicy Juice!" [color bars] "Introducing new OxiTurd laundry detergent! It's supercharged with Street Fighter III!"
- "We came here to let people suck our 30 inch weiner." "It's amazing; it's like, coming up right away!" [zoom in on crotch, a hand with a microphone rises from the bottom]
- "We came here to let people puke on the carpet."
- At one point, "RugDoctor" changes to "DrugDoctor".
- "Taters were going back and forth on the carpet, and you can get all the way to the corn."
- "It looks perfect. It looks brand new again."
- "I really like that vibrating brush. I can be done in minutes..."
- "...And you can get all the way to the coroner."
- "Big noose from OxiClean." [color bars] "Introducing, laundry detergent." [shing!]
- "New OxiClean Jew Detergent!"
- Introducing shaking up the laundry detergent! *all of the bottles on the shelf start shaking and they all fall off* OH SHIT-
- "Rug Doctor cleaned everything! EvEn WhAt ThEy DiDn'T!
- Caillou's Ebolaween Twentyfourteen
Achievement: Draw Mommy's boobs on a pumpkin
- "Caillou's Big Furry Finger Up The Butt Show! Or some shit."
- The Running Gag of Caillou's dad masturbating.
- Caillou helping his mom with the "JoJ-Lantern" by drawing his mom's..."twins".
- "Clementine's family was upsetting Caillou. In fact, he hated them!" *Caillou shoots Clementine* "MOMMY!"
- "ROSIE IDIOT!" *Rosie slams into a wall and screams*
- The entire Billy Mays scene.
- "Caillou was doing crafts... but he wasn't really." *trollface* "Caillou was making a fucking mess."
- "Why don't you two play a game with CaillU2. U2 YouTube Playa."
- "Caillou picked, and picked, a whole bunch of boogers. He kept on eating them!"
- Kanye West Gets Hard For Beyonce's Chest
- "I'm really happy for you, Imma let you shit, but Beyonce had one of the best shits of all time!" *Surprised Beyonce closeup with bathroom noises*
- "I'm really happy for Beyonce!" *Taylor Swift looking upset*
- "Beyonce had the best tits of all time! *Chest closeup on picture of Beyonce*
- "I'm really hard for Beyonce's tits!"
- "I'd like for Taylor to come."
- "Maybe...Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.
- "Imma finish on Beyonce's tits!"
- CAN YOU HANDLE MORE?!?!?! (age-restricted, you'll see why)
- "Spider-Man's got some dicks up his ass!" [color bars] "—new tricks up his sleeve, with the Spider-Man Triple Penetration Blaster!"
- "CAN YOU HANDLE MORE?!"
- "Shoot loads of jizz for maximum satisfaction!"
- The second half is a poop of an ad for a vibrator, made even funnier by having some of the double entendre-laden lines from the Spider-Man ad spliced into it.
- "The waterproof WallBangers Tough features— THREE WAYS TO SHOOT! PUMP AND LOCK IN THE MISSILE BLASTER FOR RAPID-FIRE MISSILE ACTION!" [color bars]
- "Low to high-speed fucking"
- "Available in water-based, silicone, gel, anal, and moist varieties, and anal. Available in both traditional spray and anal and Gabe Newell foaming soap."
- "You whore! Spider-Man's got some new tricks up his sleeve!"