Everything involving The Prince of Persuasia, especially his list of tips over the credits, with highlights including "Push her in a lake!", "Be the tallest guy in the room and brag about how long your buttcrack is" and "Never make her pancakes. Make her make you pancakes, in the middle of the night!"
Dr.Yap putting the "Trap your princess" step from the initial three step program into action.
The entire sequence of Doctor Yap torturing bob by pulling his tooth out with no anesthesia out of jealousy, mostly Bob's panic and confusion.
"Bad Tina" ends in Tina telling "an erotic friend fiction story" to the school, about how butt-touching was banned and that she managed to revoke it by going around touching people's butts, and then they start touching each other's butts.
This is followed by her new friend-turned-enemy Tammy trying to make fun of Tina, until Tammy farts and Louise turns it around. And then Tammy can't stop farting as everyone laughs at her. She runs out of the cafeteria crying and farting, and some of them hurt.
In a flashblack, Gene teaches a kid to dance
Gene: What kind of god would give you those legs AND NO RHYTHM!
Of particular note is the opening scene where Tina, driving for the first time, manages to be so scared out of her wits that she rams the only car on the lot, with Bob shitting bricks the entire time. Essentially, there are few characters on TV that are as funny when they're uncomfortable/awkward as Tina.
Tina: I think I can hear my hair growing. Especially the bangs. Hey, maybe that's why they call them bangs. Hey, keep it down.
Followed by her withdrawal when the machine goes missing. She snaps at Jimmy Jr.:
Jimmy Jr.: I have a speech impediment.
Tina: Well fix it!
And later smashes Linda's porcelain babies with a napkin dispenser with no hesitation to get her to admit what she did with the espresso machine.
The episode ends with Tina drinking coffee straight out of the pot in the Sand Flea's lobby, even though the owner tells her it's a week old and he puts his cigarettes out in it. She does two spit takes and goes back to drinking it.
When Linda turns the house into a bed and breakfast, the entire family has to share a bed. Tina welcomes Louise to the bed, saying, "This is where I thrash", and proceeds to do so. Apparently she spends every night flopping in place like a fish.
"Run! It's Helen Hunt!" Gene when the HELL Hunt shows up.
When Louise sees Mudflap open a beer bottle with her boobs:
Louise's delusional/psychotic would-be best friend Millie from Forting Around, who spends the whole episode dressed in a bunny suit and tormenting Louise and the other kids when Louise finally snaps at her. Also from that episode:
One of the Pesto Twins thinking the other has died.
Bob and Louise trick-or-treating in the crappy dragon costume they made for the kids.
The "Candy Randy" song.
The kids tricking Millie into thinking she killed them. She's more worried about getting a therapist and if she'll like said therapist because of what she did.
Bob and Hugo's naked decathlon, set to Hugo singing "You're The Best Around"
Hugo: "You've proven yourself a worthy naked adversary, Bob"
My Big Fat Greek Bob
When Bob meets Hefty Jeff, the fraternity historian.
Hefty Jeff: Ask me anything about the history of this frat. Bob: Uh, okay. When was it founded? (beat) Hefty Jeff: Crap. Ask me something else.
Linda kicking out the kids from Gretchen's "lady goods" party when she finds out that the goods are actually vibrators.
Gene: I want a magic vibrating club, just like any other boy!
Bob's reaction to Beta house's prank of putting a dead fish in the air conditioner of Alpha house.
Bob: That's a good prank... kinda... no it's not.
When the Dean Dixon puts Beta house under probation for the pranks they did:
Turd: What about Dean Dixon's letter? Shouldn't we lay low? Pud: Turd's got a point. Turd: Thank you. Pud: I'm one semester away from graduating. Bob: Oh, Pud. There are no jobs out there. You know that, right?
When Bob and the kids confront Dr. Yap about stealing Beta.
Gene: (holds Beta by the tail) Recognize this iguana? (Beta's body snaps off from his tail) Gene: Oh! Bob: Aah! Dr. Yap: (Gasp) Gene: Recognize this iguana tail? Tina: (wearing one of the frat boy's underwear outside her skirt) Or these briefs? Just curious they're mine now.
After Dr. Yap sucker punches Bob and runs away.
Bob: We're definitely switching dentist. Tina: No! Dr. Yap: You're never get a better family dentist who's in your provider network. (laughs evilly)
Dean Dixon's joke before his introduction.
Dean Dixon: Hello, I'm Dean Dixon. And you're all expelled! Just kidding. (beat) Except for you, you're expelled. Just kidding.
Bob trying to stop the Beta house prank:
Dean Dixon: Now I would like to introduce a truly outstanding young man... Bob: Me! Hello. I am the honorary's twin brother. Not identical twins, obviously. But I'm 20-years-old. Dean Dixon: Excuse? Um... Bob: It's okay, Dean, thanks. Have a seat. (to the audiences) You know what I like about my brother? He's nice, he... he wouldn't hurt a fly, must less, I don't know. I'm just naming animals here, (to Beta house under the stage) an iguana... Louise: (Tries to stop Bob from stopping the prank)No! Bob: Please have her removed. (back to the audiences) I want everyone in the room to know, (to Beta house)even people who might be under the stage right now, that the Alpha president would not hurt or kidnap an iguana, right? Dr. Yap: Maybe he would! Bob: No he wouldn't! Those are the kind of things our crazy oldest brother would do though. You know, (to Beta house) our crazy Asian dentist older brother would do. I'd point him out but I have a slow hand. (to Beta house) A slow hand. Gene: Dad should leave the jokes to Dean Dixon. Tina: Haha! Hahaha! Come on, help dad out. Pud: Are you talking to us? Bob: Don't set off the spit keg. Pud: Um, let's go out and ask him what he means. (Beta house crawls out from under the stage) Hefty Jeff: (to the audiences) Hi. How are you? Dean Dixon: Excuse, who are these young man. I probably should have come to rehearsal.
Bob inviting Beta house to his restaurant to eat (after forgetting to feed them) at the same time Linda and Gretchen are having their "ladies goods" party that's full of cougars (one's a "cougar-doodle" that's known to be smart) and they all start dancing while waving vibrators.
(A cougar-doodle persuading Hefty Jeff to dance with her by purring and barking like a dog) Hefty Jeff: What is... what is happening right now? What is this? Turd: Go for it, man! Hefty Jeff: (being dragged away) I don't know what to do from here.
"Turkey in a Can":
Everyone accusing Louise for putting the turkey in the toilet.
Bob: Okay, so really! No one is gonna confess? Louise? Louise: It wasn't me. Linda: Louise? Louise: It wasn't! Bob: Fine! So no one, including Louise, wants to admit they did this? I'm giving you guys one more chance to confess, and then I'm grounding everyone, including your mom and Gayle! Linda: Bobby! Gayle: No, it's fine with me. I don't have any plans. Linda: Bobby it wasn't us. It was Louise, come on. Or, uh, maybe Gene. Gene: (gasps) How dare you! I put food in the toilet the way God intended. It had to be Louise. Louise: Unbelieveable. Does everyone think I did this? (Everbody admits that they think it's Louise) Louise: Then I must be guilty. That's how it works, right! Gene: Yep. Perfect system. Bob: Well I have to go get another turkey...But I'm not forgetting this. I will figure out who did this. Even though I'm pretty sure we all still think it was Louise. Louise: Make sure you save room for Thanksgiving for the words you'll be eating!
Louise making a chart of the people who could have put the turkey in the toilet. She took pictures of them by surprise, like when Gene was eating a sandwich and Linda coming out from the showers.
Louise: Dad, if I may, I taken the liberty of drawing up a little chart here. Let's review our suspects: Tina. She stand at nothing for some grown up stuff. Did her table envy drive her over the edge? Tina: No. Louise: Gene. He thinks there's only room for one bird at this table. A songbird! Gene: (gasps) Do-Re-Me? Louise: Or was is Gayle? Dad went after her cats, she went after his turkey. Classic revenge tale. Gayle: Classic. Louise: Or maybe. Or maybe Linda. Oh, sweet Linda. A lost, suffering wife stuck in a bad marriage. Linda: Aw, poor thing. Bob: Lin! Linda: What? I got caught up in the story, she's good. Louise: And that leaves Louise. Who had no motive at all. Thank you, the end. Thank you. Tina: (claps, trying to act like an adult) What an imagination on this one, huh. Kids, hmm. Bob: So do you know who did this? Louise: Oh, no. Uh uh. Bob: Then what's the point of all this? Louise: Hold on, I just had an idea. (walks up to Gayle and then grabs and shakes her) Was it you Gayle, huh, confess?! Gayle: (screams) Louise: (turns to Tina and grabs and shakes her) Or you?! Confess you're guilty as hell! Tina: Uh... Bob: Louise. Louise: What? Bob: Stop. Louise: Why? Bob: This isn't working.
When Louise thinks she figures out who put the turkey in the toilet:
Louise: At first I wondered, who could be mad enough at dad to do such a thing. I mean sure, no one likes him. Bob: Louise. Louise: And he smells. But then I realized that I was looking at the wrong motive. The person who put the turkey in the toilet was actually angry... at me! (Everyone gasps) Linda: Oh my, God! Teddy: What are we doing? Louise: You see, this person knew that I would be blamed and potently punished for this heinous crime. So, was it mom? Linda: Don't think so. Louise: Correct. It was not. Was it Gayle? Gayle: I don't know. Louise: No, it wasn't. Gayle: Oh. Louise: Which brings up to Gene and Tina. At first, I actually believed that Gene was too scared of the shower ghost to go in the bathroom at night. And I believed dad's theory that Tina was too mature to do something like this, if she was acting alone. But what if... (Dramatic Pause) they were working together. (Everyone gasps) Linda: I knew it. Gayle: I can see it, (pointing to Tina off-screen) that one has crazy eyes. (Later in the conversation) Louise: They worked together to frame me because I have been slowly stealing their allowances over the last five years. Tina: Wait... Tina & Gene: You have? Louise: Yes. Wait, you guys didn't know that? Tina & Gene: No. Louise: Oh, never mind.Because I haven't been. Tina: (relieved) Good.
Bob having to constantly buy a new turkey. Eventually leading the guy behind the counter to think he's trying to hit on him.
After Gale finally agrees to come back to the band, she wonders if her cat is telling her not to do it. Louise proceeds to threaten him.
"Let's You and Me make a We-Union"
And the following song "Still Got Two Of My Sexy Parts" especially the followup in the credits.
"Bob and Deliver":
Louise and Gene annoyed that the students Bob is teaching likes him.
Student: Your dad is really cool. Gene: He's married... to a friend of mine! Louise: What the heck happened here? Tina: I'm not sure. I think dad might be a great teacher. Peter: Your dad rules. Louise: Hey! I don't appreciate your lack of sarcasm.
Pretty much everything Hildy the lunchlady does.
Mr. Platt failed attempt to kick Bob out of his small and crowded car.
The ending credits where Teddy gets drunk and dances in the bounce house, leading to him vomiting and telling everyone not to go in it.
Teddy: Someone threw up in the bounce house. Kids, kids you can't go in the bounce house, someone threw up in it.
Bob, disappointed how the Home-Ec class just watches videos instead of doing any actual cooking, tricks them into getting interested in cooking by making kettle corn.
Bob: Who here wants microwave popcorn? (Pours microwave popcorn into a frying pan to make kettle corn)