"Linda: Awww, Bob, you made yourself ugly to save Tina's party!
Bed and Breakfast
When Linda turns the house into a bed and breakfast, the entire family has to share a bed. Tina welcomes Louise to the bed, saying, "This is where I thrash", and proceeds to do so. Apparently she spends every night flopping in place like a fish.
Everything involving The Prince of Persuasia, especially his list of tips over the credits, with highlights including "Push her in a lake!", "Be the tallest guy in the room and brag about how long your buttcrack is" and "Never make her pancakes. Make her make you pancakes, in the middle of the night!"
Dr. Yap putting the "Trap your princess" step from the initial three step program into action.
The entire sequence of Doctor Yap torturing Bob by pulling his tooth out with no anesthesia out of jealousy, mostly Bob's panic and confusion.
"Bad Tina" ends in Tina telling "an erotic friend fiction story" to the school, about how butt-touching was banned and that she managed to revoke it by going around touching people's butts, and then they start touching each other's butts.
This is followed by her new friend-turned-enemy Tammy trying to make fun of Tina, until Tammy farts and Louise turns it around. And then Tammy can't stop farting as everyone laughs at her. She runs out of the cafeteria crying and farting, and some of them hurt.
The Pesto twins finding tampons in their lunch. Gene and Louise switched their bags with Tammy.
Andy: Cool, Mom packed tampons for lunch.
Ollie: Ooh, share!
They also call Tina and Tammy "bathroom clowns" after Tina gets a makeover.
In a flashblack, Gene teaches a kid to dance
Gene: What kind of god would give you those legs AND NO RHYTHM!
When Bob takes the kids to the TV station, anchorwoman Pam and Louise have this exchange:
Pam: And what do we have here? Are you a little bunny? Louise: [Sniffs] I smell fear on you. Pam: I don't like this one.
Linda's failed attempts at stopping the broadcast by "swearing". And when that fails, she just flashes the camera. "A-boobity-boobity-boobity-boo!"
When Louise sees Mudflap open a beer bottle with her boobs:
Louise: Now I want them.
Louise's screaming at Logan at the shoe shop he goes. There are three female clerks talking to him, and one of the shoes Louise tosses is avoided by Logan, but it hits a clerk in the face and knocks her down in the background. This is all pretty silent as she keeps screaming to Logan.
When Mudflap is giving birth, Linda has a conversation with Logan's mother about painful child birth.
*Linda points at Tina and Louise*
Linda: These two? Piece of cake.
*Linda points at Gene*
Linda: That one? The whole cake.
"It was spring. I know because the azaleas were in bloom. The azaleas are beautiful in Macon. Second only to their crank, that sweet Macon crank."
Bob: Okay, we made the shark faster/okay, we gave the shark spikes/OKAY, NOW THE SHARK IS ELECTRIFIED!!
Bob, Teddy and Mort making their bellies talk when they're supposed to be stopping the shark.
Teddy gets swallowed by the shark yet he has time to talk about "The Deepening's" original ending.
The shark was supposed to die of cancer but it tested bad. It didn't have enough "pow".
Bob literally grasping at straws.
The close up of the shark's eye after its stopped.
Louise: I've had dreams like this.
Tina's empathy for the shark in "The Deepening" results in a lot of great moments, but this is perhaps the best one:
Tina: It's confused, it doesn't know why we want to kill it. It just wants to go home.
Bob: Tina, it's just a machine. It's dumber than our toaster.
Tina: Our toaster is also confused. It doesn't know why we put bagels in it.
Bob finally killing the shark by jamming its internal mechanics with soft serve ice cream.
Bob finding out that The Deepening was a bit more fanservicy than he remembered.
Bob: Jeez, this movie is like, 90% nude carwash.
Of particular note is the opening scene where Tina, driving for the first time, manages to be so scared out of her wits that she rams the only car on the lot, with Bob shitting bricks the entire time. Essentially, there are few characters on TV that are as funny when they're uncomfortable/awkward as Tina.
Tina: I think I can hear my hair growing. Especially the bangs. Hey, maybe that's why they call them bangs. Hey, keep it down.
Followed by her withdrawal when the machine goes missing. She snaps at Jimmy Jr.:
Jimmy Jr.: I have a speech impediment.
Tina: Well fix it!
And later smashes Linda's porcelain babies with a napkin dispenser with no hesitation to get her to admit what she did with the espresso machine.
The episode ends with Tina drinking coffee straight out of the pot in the Sand Flea's lobby, even though the owner tells her it's a week old and he puts his cigarettes out in it. She does two spit takes and goes back to drinking it.
A River Runs Through Bob
Tina's "Thunder Girl" song, thanks to her inability to stay on-key and reach high notes without her voice cracking. The dance routine helps too.
Bob getting diarrhea from the fish he caught, and is forced to spend the whole hike constantly darting off into the woods.
Louise's delusional/psychotic would-be best friend Millie, who spends the whole episode dressed in a bunny suit and tormenting Louise and the other kids when Louise finally snaps at her.
One of the Pesto Twins thinking the other has died.
Bob and Linda trick-or-treating in the crappy dragon costume they made for the kids.
The "Candy Randy" song.
The kids tricking Millie into thinking she killed them. She's more worried about getting a therapist and if she'll like said therapist because of what she did.
'Looks like Curt's trying to land with his penis again.'
My Big Fat Greek Bob
When Bob meets Hefty Jeff, the fraternity historian.
Hefty Jeff: Ask me anything about the history of this frat. Bob: Uh, okay. When was it founded? (beat) Hefty Jeff: Crap. Ask me something else.
Linda kicking out the kids from Gretchen's "lady goods" party when she finds out that the goods are actually vibrators.
Gene: I want a magic vibrating club, just like any other boy!
Bob's reaction to Beta house's prank of putting a dead fish in the air conditioner of Alpha house.
Bob: That's a good prank... kinda... no it's not.
When the Dean Dixon puts Beta house under probation for the pranks they did:
Turd: What about Dean Dixon's letter? Shouldn't we lay low? Pud: Turd's got a point. Turd: Thank you. Pud: I'm one semester away from graduating. Bob: Oh, Pud. There are no jobs out there. You know that, right?
When Bob and the kids confront Dr. Yap about stealing Beta.
Gene: (holds Beta by the tail) Recognize this iguana? (Beta's body snaps off from his tail) Gene: Oh! Bob: Aah! Dr. Yap: (Gasp) Gene: Recognize this iguana tail? Tina: (wearing one of the frat boy's underwear outside her skirt) Or these briefs? Just curious they're mine now.
After Dr. Yap sucker punches Bob and runs away.
Bob: We're definitely switching dentist. Tina: No! Dr. Yap: You're never get a better family dentist who's in your provider network. (laughs evilly)
Dean Dixon's joke before his introduction.
Dean Dixon: Hello, I'm Dean Dixon. And you're all expelled! Just kidding. (beat) Except for you, you're expelled. Just kidding.
Bob trying to stop the Beta house prank:
Dean Dixon: Now I would like to introduce a truly outstanding young man... Bob: Me! Hello. I am the honorary's twin brother. Not identical twins, obviously. But I'm 20-years-old. Dean Dixon: Excuse? Um... Bob: It's okay, Dean, thanks. Have a seat. (to the audiences) You know what I like about my brother? He's nice, he... he wouldn't hurt a fly, must less, I don't know. I'm just naming animals here, (to Beta house under the stage) an iguana... Louise: (Tries to stop Bob from stopping the prank)No! Bob: Please have her removed. (back to the audiences) I want everyone in the room to know, (to Beta house)even people who might be under the stage right now, that the Alpha president would not hurt or kidnap an iguana, right? Dr. Yap: Maybe he would! Bob: No he wouldn't! Those are the kind of things our crazy oldest brother would do though. You know, (to Beta house) our crazy Asian dentist older brother would do. I'd point him out but I have a slow hand. (to Beta house) A slow hand. Gene: Dad should leave the jokes to Dean Dixon. Tina: Haha! Hahaha! Come on, help dad out. Pud: Are you talking to us? Bob: Don't set off the spit keg. Pud: Um, let's go out and ask him what he means. (Beta house crawls out from under the stage) Hefty Jeff: (to the audiences) Hi. How are you? Dean Dixon: Excuse, who are these young man. I probably should have come to rehearsal.
Bob inviting Beta house to his restaurant to eat (after forgetting to feed them) at the same time Linda and Gretchen are having their "ladies goods" party that's full of cougars (one's a "cougar-doodle" that's known to be smart) and they all start dancing while waving vibrators.
(A cougar-doodle persuading Hefty Jeff to dance with her by purring and barking like a dog) Hefty Jeff: What is... what is happening right now? What is this? Turd: Go for it, man! Hefty Jeff: (being dragged away) I don't know what to do from here.
Turkey in a Can
Everyone accusing Louise for putting the turkey in the toilet.
Bob: Okay, so really! No one is gonna confess? Louise? Louise: It wasn't me. Linda: Louise? Louise: It wasn't! Bob: Fine! So no one, including Louise, wants to admit they did this? I'm giving you guys one more chance to confess, and then I'm grounding everyone, including your mom and Gayle! Linda: Bobby! Gayle: No, it's fine with me. I don't have any plans. Linda: Bobby it wasn't us. It was Louise, come on. Or, uh, maybe Gene. Gene: (gasps) How dare you! I put food in the toilet the way God intended. It had to be Louise. Louise: Unbelievable. Does everyone think I did this? (Everybody admits that they think it's Louise) Louise: Then I must be guilty. That's how it works, right! Gene: Yep. Perfect system. Bob: Well I have to go get another turkey...But I'm not forgetting this. I will figure out who did this. Even though I'm pretty sure we all still think it was Louise. Louise: Make sure you save room for Thanksgiving for the words you'll be eating!
Louise making a chart of the people who could have put the turkey in the toilet. She took pictures of them by surprise, like when Gene was eating a sandwich and Linda coming out from the showers.
Louise: Dad, if I may, I taken the liberty of drawing up a little chart here. Let's review our suspects: Tina. She stand at nothing for some grown up stuff. Did her table envy drive her over the edge? Tina: No. Louise: Gene. He thinks there's only room for one bird at this table. A songbird! Gene: (gasps) Do-Re-Me?! Louise: Or was is Gayle? Dad went after her cats, she went after his turkey. Classic revenge tale. Gayle: Classic. Louise: Or maybe. Or maybe Linda. Oh, sweet Linda. A lost, suffering wife stuck in a bad marriage. Linda: Aw, poor thing. Bob: Lin! Linda: What? I got caught up in the story, she's good. Louise: And that leaves Louise. Who had no motive at all. Thank you, the end. Thank you. Tina: (claps, trying to act like an adult) What an imagination on this one, huh. Kids, hmm. Bob: So do you know who did this? Louise: Oh, no. Uh uh. Bob: Then what's the point of all this? Louise: Hold on, I just had an idea. (walks up to Gayle and then grabs and shakes her) Was it you Gayle, huh, confess?! Damn it, Gayle! Gayle: (screams) Louise: (turns to Tina and grabs and shakes her) Or you?! Confess you're guilty as hell! Tina: Uh... Bob: Louise. Louise: What? Bob: Stop. Louise: Why? Bob: This isn't working.
When Louise thinks she figures out who put the turkey in the toilet:
Louise: At first I wondered, who could be mad enough at dad to do such a thing. I mean sure, no one likes him. Bob: Louise. Louise: And he smells. But then I realized that I was looking at the wrong motive. The person who put the turkey in the toilet was actually angry... at me! (Everyone gasps) Linda: Oh my, God! Teddy: What are we doing? Louise: You see, this person knew that I would be blamed and potently punished for this heinous crime. So, was it mom? Linda: Don't think so. Louise: Correct. It was not. Was it Gayle? Gayle: I don't know. Louise: No, it wasn't. Gayle: Oh. Louise: Which brings up to Gene and Tina. At first, I actually believed that Gene was too scared of the shower ghost to go in the bathroom at night. And I believed dad's theory that Tina was too mature to do something like this, if she was acting alone. But what if... (Dramatic Pause) they were working together. (Everyone gasps) Linda: I knew it. Gayle: I can see it, (pointing to Tina off-screen) that one has crazy eyes. (Later in the conversation) Louise: They worked together to frame me because I have been slowly stealing their allowances over the last five years. Tina: Wait... Tina & Gene: You have? Louise: Yes. Wait, you guys didn't know that? Tina & Gene: No. Louise: Oh, never mind.Because I haven't been. Tina: (relieved) Good.
Bob having to constantly buy a new turkey. Eventually leading the guy behind the counter to think he's trying to hit on him.
Hell, the whole thing with the counter guy and the conversation it leads up to.
Bob: I'm straight. I mean, I'm mostly straight.
After Gale finally agrees to come back to the band, she wonders if her cat is telling her not to do it. Louise proceeds to threaten him.
"Let's You and Me make a We-Union"
And the following song "Still Got Two Of My Sexy Parts" especially the followup in the credits.
Bob and Deliver
Bob losing controlling of his class and threatening to pepper spray them.
Bob: You're animals! You're all animals!
Bob, disappointed how the Home-Ec class just watches videos instead of doing any actual cooking, tricks them into getting interested in cooking by making kettle corn.
Bob: Oh, anybody want some microwave popcorn to go with the movie? (rips the microwave popcorn bag making the kernel drop onto a frying pan) Whoops, I ripped the bag. Zeke: (groans)Now we can't have popcorn! Idiot! Bob: Hey, everybody, (turns on the stove and heats the popcorn) maybe there's another way to make popcorn. Jocelyn: He's trying to microwave without a microwave. Zeke: Mr. B's lost. God, he's lost it! Tina: Let's see where he goes with this. Jocelyn: Oh, my God! What's happening?! Bob: We're cooking, Jocelyn. That's what's happening. Jocelyn: What's cooking? Zeke: Aw, poop, he tricked us! Tina: Or, aw, poop, he taught us.
Louise and Gene annoyed that the students Bob is teaching likes him.
Student: Your dad is really cool. Gene: He's married... to a friend of mine! Louise: What the heck happened here? Tina: I'm not sure. I think dad might be a great teacher. Peter: Your dad rules. Louise: Hey! I don't appreciate your lack of sarcasm.
(after Bob gets out of the car) Mr. Platt: Got you. Ha, ha! Bob: No, you didn't. Platt: Well, yes, I did. I pushed you out, and you're fired. So, double burn on you. Bob: I got out on my own. Platt: Well, then, uh... you're rehired. Get back in the car. Bob: No. I'm not falling for that. Platt: No, just... just sit down on the edge of the seat here. Bob: No, I'm walking away now. Thank you.
Teddy getting a guy to dance with him.
"Bob, I got this guy to dance with me, just using my body!"
"Yeah, its alright."
The ending credits where Teddy gets drunk and dances in the bounce house, leading to him vomiting and telling everyone not to go in it.
Teddy: Someone threw up in the bounce house. Kids, kids you can't go in the bounce house, someone threw up in it.
Christmas in the Car
Jingle in the Jungle.
The "bang your ass" conversation.
Louise's wild stories to drive off Jodi and Harley, which include a violent twin brother of Gene's that speaks in farts, and Linda having "whooping butt".
A raccoon shows up in the bathtub. Gene immediately starts yelling "CODE ORANGE, CODE ORANGE!" You have to wonder about the code system in the Belcher household.
Bob, after going through all that trouble getting Tina's doll back, forces Tina to play with her doll after she decides she's too old to play with it.
The entire cast singing "The Equestranauts" theme song during the credits.
When Tina has identified the strange waxy scented lump (ambergris from a whale) they found on the beach with the Internet.
Tina: Hey guys, remember that lump we found on the beach?
Gene: My name is Gene!
Tina: No, I mean the smelly lump.
Louise: His name is Gene!
The Kids Run Away
Louise fending off Dr. Yap while he screams like a little girl.
Louise trying to check into a hotel using Bob's credit card and an ID with a school picture on it. She claims to be a Vietnam Veteran.
Gene It On
The cheersquad adviser, Mr. Ambrose the librarian, who wanted to advise drama, attempting to enforce drama rules by turning the entire cheerleading competition into a Bring It On ripoff.
When he reveals his reason for leaking Gene's routine to the other school.
Mr. Ambrose: Because having you cheers stolen five minutes before you perform is incredibly dramatic! Now you really have to scramble! Todd: You are the worst cheer adviser.
Linda's ridiculous ideas for cheerleading maneuvers. Even GENE can tell at first glance how dangerous and impossible they are.
When Gene needs a new cheer routine, he decides to do it and introduces it to his squad:
Gene: (showing the flip book of the routine) It's never been accomplished before except by stick figures. Todd: I don't want to be "that guy," but if we do that, we're all gonna die a tragic death in front of our families. Mr. Ambrose: Stop, no, I never meant it to come to this! It's too risky! Do it! Do it!
Tina attempting to do a somersault as part of her cheerleader audition, and smashes headfirst into the judges table.
When Felix tries to disrupt Tina's bike-locking to Mr. Goiter (her favorite horse in the carousel)
Felix: Leave now, or I will make you leave! Tina: Oh, I'm sorry, do you have the ability to make 13 year old girls poop out keys? Gene: He might. Don't look into his eyes! Louise:(To the onlookers) This guy's trying to make my sister poop! Felix: No, I'm not. Gene: Girl-pooper! Girl-pooper! Louise: Girl-pooper! Felix: SHUT UP! THIS IS BOARDING SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN! Gene: Boarding school sounds fun.
When the contractors start smashing the other horses on the carousel:
Tina: Lady Big Nose, no! (smash) Mr. Down There Hair! (smash) Henry Human Feet! (smash) Gene: His feet were more human than mine!
When Bob tries to get Tina to stop protesting:
Bob: Tina, I know you love the carousel, but I have to tell you something. (whispers) They're tearing down Wonder Wharf to build condos. (Crowd gasps) Tina:NOOOOOOO! Bob: Uh, you weren't supposed to hear that. It's for the best. You understand, right, honey? Tina:DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! Bob: Yeah, so, great.