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Quotes / Corrupt Corporate Executive

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    Anime and Manga 

Kaiba: So you've got a dweeb army. Am I supposed to be scared to attack?
Dartz: (smirking) Well, only if destroying an innocent soul concerns you.
Kaiba: (smirkier) Naaah. As the President of a major corporation, I have to do that every day.
Yu-Gi-Oh!, "Waking the Dragons" arc

    Comic books 

"I hear you're a conspiracy nut. Well, this is the conspiracy, kid. It ain't ancient gods an' aliens an' coded shit on the dollar bill. It ain't even a secret. It's somethin' ordinary folks do for a livin', every day of the week. It's business."
The Legend, The Boys #19


    Film — Live-action 

"Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh."
Tex Richman, The Muppets

"You make history, I make money."

Mr. Elkenberry: I didn't inherit money like you did. I started with nothing. And yet I was a millionaire by the time I was 18. Anyone stood in my way, they got hurt. When I was 11 years old, I killed a man.
Arthur: Well, when you're 11, you probably don't even know there's a law against that!
Arthur (1981)

"You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage."
Ripley, Aliens

Max Shreck: "Power surplus"? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
Bruce Wayne: Yeah. Well. I'm gonna have to fight you on this. And I've already spoken to the Mayor, and we see eye-to-eye, so—
Max Shreck: Mayors come and go. Bluebloods tire easy. You really think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammad Shreck?

"Killing the indigenous looks bad, but the only thing the shareholders hate more than bad press is a bad quarterly statement."
Parker Selfridge, Avatar

Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?
Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding! Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.
Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.
Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.
Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.

"People wanna live like this, in their cars and big fuckin' houses they can't even pay for — then you're necessary. The only reason that they all get to continue living like kings is cause we got our fingers on the scales in their favor. I take my hand off and then the whole world gets really fuckin' fair really fuckin' quickly, and nobody actually wants that. They say they do, but they don't. They want what we have to give them, but they also wanna, you know, play innocent and pretend they have no idea where it came from. Well, that's more hypocrisy than I'm willing to swallow, so fuck 'em. Fuck normal people."
Will Emerson, Margin Call

Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a-one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year, you cheated on your wife of seventeen years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki: (gives two thumbs up) In the bed that you and your wife share, no less!
Bartleby: Mr. Newman: you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her — while she was passed out — just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. (She, uh, killed herself three months later.) Mr. Brace disowned his gay son! Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home... to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven-year-old boy. Mr. Holtzman OK'ed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was, SURVEY SAYS...! Less costly.
— Two archangels preparing to execute the board of Dis—er, "Mooby", Dogma

Beckett: People are what they love, Jack, and what they love is cargo. They love spices, and linens, and silks, and plantains. And as long as it is delivered on time and in sufficient supply, then they are content to be nothing more than figures on a ledger. You're a clever man, Jack. You know I'm right.
Captain Jack Sparrow: If you're offering me a seat on the board, I am neither depraved enough nor drunk enough to accept.

Randolph: The good part, William, is that, no matter whether our clients make money or lose money, Duke & Duke get the commissions!
Mortimer: Well? What do you think, Valentine?
Billy Ray: Sounds to me like you guys a couple of bookies!
Randolph: [chuckling, patting Billy Ray on the back] I told you he'd understand.

    Film — Animated 

So I'm biggering my company
I'm biggering my factory
I'm biggering my corporate sign
Everybody out there, take care of yours and me?
I'll take care of mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
(Shake that bottom line)
Let me hear you say 'smogulous smoke'
(smogulous smoke)
Schloppity schlop
(schloppity schlop)
Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop
The Once-ler, How Bad Can I Be?, The Lorax

Bob Parr: Are you saying that we shouldn't help our customers?
Gilbert Huph: The law requires that I answer "no."


"After all, what could a master criminal buy? There was a shortage of seaside properties with real lava flows near a reliable source of piranhas, and the world sure as hell didn't need another Dark Lord, not with Gilt doing so well. Gilt didn’t need a tower with ten thousand trolls camped outside. He just needed a ledger and a sharp mind. It worked better, was cheaper and he could go out and party at night."
Going Postal gives us the obligatory Pratchett quote

"I live in the Managerial Age, in a world of "Admin." The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that Dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps. In those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices. Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern."
The Screwtape Letters (preface)

Everyone remembers the eighties tycoons, and I was typical of the breed, right down to the ex-hostie second wife with the tanned skin, white clothes and chunky jewellery, and a hopelessly spoiled daughter to boot, the aforementioned Rhonda. There was only one golden rule to understand, and it was this — the larger the debt, the safer you were. If you owed a bank a hundred grand, say, and you couldn't pay it back, then the bank would shut you down in an instant. But if you owed a bank a hundred million, and couldn't pay it back, then the bank itself was in danger and so would do absolutely everything to keep you afloat, including throwing more money at you. And not only banks — state governments would jump in, too. Because if you folded and the bank folded, then that was a crisis and people lost jobs and MPs lost votes. So you couldn't go wrong. Debts got shuffled and hidden, annual reports got fudged, shareholders got deluded and ripped off, and the long lunches got longer and drunker and ever more desperate.
Underground, by Andrew McGahan

"There are some people who abandon their morality when they find it expedient, others who were born without any, and a very few remarkable individuals who have heard the word and are quite unable to comprehend its meaning, but Lord Warfield is in a class by himself. His career has been... noteworthy."
Captain Everett, The Flying Cloud

    Live-action TV 

"My God! ISO 9001 Certification is a license to kill!"

"This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called 'integrity.'"
Crowley, Supernatural

Linsdey: I'm sorry, we only accept a certain class of clientele.
Angel: I'm sure I've killed enough people to qualify.
Angel, "Blind Date"

Earl: I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end!
Richfield: Well, that's a fourth quarter problem.

President: Of course, the irony is while you've been closing plants here in the west, you've been building them in the east. So if the unemployed were sent to the eastern labour camps, a great many of them would be working for you again, only this time without payment.
Morgus: (innocently) I hadn't thought of that.
President: Of course you hadn't.

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
Tyrell Wellick, Mr. Robot


I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they've overcome their shyness
Now they're calling me Your Highness
And the world screams "Kiss me, son of God!"
They Might Be Giants, "Kiss Me, Son of God"

You can wheel and deal the best of them
Steal it from the rest of them
You know the score
Their ethics are a bore..."
Ray Stevens, "Mr. Businessman"

There's a man going around in the town
Spreading lies
He's the bad businessman
Does his business while he can
He just does his business bad
Squirrel Nut Zippers - "Bad Businessman"

"The markets are free! So much money for me! Tell me, why should I care for peace and love?!"
Pig With The Face Of A Boy, Soviet Tetris

Of all things malign,
An accident on the assembly line today
Cut him to the bone,
"But what can you expect from clumsy 8-year-olds?" I'm told.
Look outside the window.
See the growing crowd
Of kids with missing arms and feet?
Nothing to eat?
What cold heartless beast
Can sit and have his feast every night,
While their plight's always in his sight?
Robber Baron in the tower,
Counting all his gold.
You know while he goes unchecked
And stays in power,
He's never gonna let,
He's never gonna let,
He's never gonna let us go!
Voltaire, "Robber Baron"


    Newspaper comics 

Asok: Wally, I've discovered a deadly security flaw in our product. Who should I inform?
Wally: No one. The stock market would plunge. We'd have massive layoffs. Your career will be ruined.
Asok: But my negligence could cause the death of a dozen customers.
Wally: The first dozen is always the hardest.

    Professional wrestling 

"I prey on the innocent. It's how I made my fortune, and, quite frankly, it's fun."
John "Bradshaw" Layfield, WWE Monday Night Raw

    Tabletop games 

"We chase and shout after the man who steals your basket of eggs. The wiser thief is the man who manipulates us into buying goods we need at his shop and overcharges us a copper piece every time he can. He takes much more from us all, without ever having to run anywhere or suffer our anger. Indeed, sometimes we praise him for providing what we want or need, and never look past his welcoming smile."

The cost of the fine is always less than the cost of compliance.
—The motto of every Endron executive, Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Subsidiaries: A Guide To Pentex


Meanwhile the four ugly corporation directors were having a wonderful time. They were running the company all over the place. Twice a day they watered the stock, to keep it fresh. And every Saturday they took a long pair of garden shears and trimmed the dividend. All in all, you would not find a nicer bunch of fellows outside of a police line-up.
The Narrator, The Solid Gold Cadillac

"There are so many things I remember
From the deeply revered days of old
When living was gentle and gracious
And working folk did as they're told.

They were wonderful days, I remember,
When a feller could live like a king;
And children were working in coal mines
And life was a beautiful thing.

But the fortunes of mankind are changing;
Things aren't what they were anymore;
And although I'm in no way complaining,
By Harris and Tweed, I preferred it before."
Cocky, The Roar of the Greasepaint—The Smell of the Crowd, "Things to Remember" (reprise)

"I've spent a lifetime building this company, paying off the police, bribing the political elite, and snuffing out popular resistance as if it were a naughty baby bunny in the palm of my hand. My right hand. I've centralized all power to a pinpoint spot—right here! Between these two ears! And I'm not going to allow some dreamy-eyed boy who can't remember the Stink Years to ruin all that!"
Caldwell B. Cladwell, Urinetown

    Video Games 

"The unfiltered starlight from the lovely constellations above is full of deadly radiation! Help yourself to our complimentary SPF 3000 starblock. And by 'complimentary', I mean 'quite expensive'."
Dr. Eggman, via the PA system, Sonic Colors

"New York disappeared behind a veil of snow. I had crossed the threshold. This was her domain. Sleek and sexy and souless, all glass and steel. A place of color-coded security keycards, metal detectors and surveillance systems. Colder than a walk-in fridge...Cold as a gun."

"In compliance with the business plan drafted by Star Dream, effective today, you are... terminated!"
Max Profitt Haltmann, Kirby: Planet Robobot


    Web Animation 

"Weyland-Yutani now of the opinion that an uncontrollable biological weapon that reliably wipes out their science teams en masse is totally worth openly declaring war on their own country's military for. Christ knows how Weyland-Yutani spent their time before the Aliens were discovered; probably threw children on piles of burning money."

Cheap labor, dangerous working conditions, doing whatever it takes to destroy the competition... Jacques Schnee doesn't care about people. He cares about winning.
Qrow, RWBY, World of Remnant: Schnee Dust Company


Ansem: We need to kick off 2009 with a bang. Something that will remind people how evil FOX truly is. I mean something that would make Sauron jealous. Just pure evil.
[Cut to a courtroom]
Judge: I hereby award the rights to Watchmen to FOX studios.

Florence: So you're saying we should go to the company C.E.O. and appeal to his generosity and nobility instead of his greed?
Sawtooth: Psst. Florence. Go with the greed.

Wallace: Manny! Have you been causing trouble for Annie again?!?
Manny: ...Oh... Hello, Wallace...
Wallace: And I thought my former self was a nasty piece of work... How could you have fallen so far from grace?!? note 
Manny: You know what I think of idealism, Wallace.
Wallace: That's funny, I remember you going to great lengths to clean up the messes I made when I was young and selfish...
Manny: That's because I was young and foolish!!!
Wallace: ...No. I was the one who was foolish when I was younger. I thought the world was a cold, cruel place, and that being cold and cruel was the only way to survive-
Manny: And you were absolutely right! It took several years of having my good deeds shot down and trampled for me to realize the truth! And you let yourself get filled up with stupid ideals like hope, charity, kindness, and love... Just because of that vixen?!?
Wallace: She saved my life, Manny. And right after I'd tried to kill her, too... Tails was actually trying to warn her not to do it - he thought I'd just try to kill her again! But she went and saved me anyway... And speaking of which, hasn't she saved your life a few times before, too? And yet you went and tried to hurl her off that cliff anyways!
Manny: Heh heh heh... Yes... Annie's quite naïve, isn't she? Always trying to see the good in everyone... She's an idiot and a fool, but most of all, she's an obstacle to the dominance of Pharmacorp! And therefore... I will destroy her.
Wallace: You disgust me!
—An argument between two corporate executives on opposite ends of the morality scale (who also happen to be brothers, and who both started with opposite alignments), during the "It's a PDGM" roleplay of White Dark Lifenote 

    Web Original 

Cash Equals Orgasm.

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
—Also Urban Dictionary

culture: Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in newspeak...This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.
Urban Dictionary again

"If corporations are people then why can't I punch one in the fucking face?"
Eric Gloria Ryan, Jezebel

"Hello and welcome to the corporate announcements for Kakos Industries. As you may know by now, I am Corin Deeth III, taking over for my recently deceased Grandfather as CEO. Here at Kakos Industries, we pride ourselves on being able to provide you, the shareholder, with healthy profits gathered from helping businesses around the world to Do Evil Better."
Corin Deeth III, Kakos Industries

    Web Video 

"I'm the Juggernaut of stacking knots unstoppably!
The Disneyland-lord of your intellectual property!
So get back to work! That's my dime you're wasting!
I didn't buy you for billions so you could play around debating!
(Ha!) You belong to Disney, which means you stay busy
Cranking out magic and assembly line whimsy!
Artists begging me to stop; I won't let 'em!
Labor conditions in my shop? I don't sweat 'em!
I'm powerful enough to make a mouse gigantic!
With only three circles, I dominate the planet!
(Ha!) Clearly, there's nobody near me!
I'm owning this battle! In fact, I own this whole series!
So hop on my Steamboat, boys, but don't rock it!
I'll put a smile on your face and green in your pocket!
You'll be safe and insured when you're under my employ!
Now, look at it! Gaze upon my empire of joy!"
Walt Disney to Jim Henson and Stan Lee, Epic Rap Battles of History, "Jim Henson vs Stan Lee"

"I wonder if the CEO just rubs himself with money."
Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

"I know this is supposed to be an evil corporation, but having actual pure, elemental evil lying around seems to be slight overkill."

"In the novel, the second group was run by Biosyn, In-Gen's rival company. But I guess in the movie they figured "hey, we've already got one company, all companies are evil, right? I mean, seriously, what's the difference between Pepsi Co. and Al-Qaeda?'"
Decker Shado, review of The Lost World: Jurassic Park, discussing one of the film's various points of Adaptation Decay (by having the human villains of the original novel Adapted Out).

    Western animation 

A toast, Java - to unbridled capitalism!
Simon Stagg, Justice League, "Metamorphosis"

Lex Luthor / Brainiac: I'm about to get everything I ever wanted. Power! Ultimate knowledge! Immortality!
Superman: And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?
Luthor: It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs.
Justice League Unlimited, "Divided We Fall"

I'd do it in a minute
If I could write off your murder
I'd save all of my receipts
Because I'd rather you be dead
Than lose a tiny shred of what I made this fiscal year
I'd rather you be dead than ponder parting with my second home
I'd rather you be dead than consider not opening a restaurant
I'd rather you be dead

"Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."
Charles Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons

Ed Wuncler I: "I admire entrepreneurship in young people!"
Huey Freeman: "You mean like them 12-year-old girls that work in your sweatshops in Indonesia?"
Ed Wuncler I: "That's right, every morning I wake up and put one foot on the ground, and the other up the ass of a 12-year-old Indonesian girl."
Ed Wuncler I, The Boondocks ("The Block Is Hot")

    Real life 

"A Scrooge-like character, Zack now owns Bayside High, which has been turned into a bracelet factory, presumably with the kind of intensive child labour that would make even Apple wince a little."
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell ("The Friendship Business"), So Excited, So Scared

"Behind every great fortune lies a great crime."

"Given the nature of free-market capitalism — where the rule is to rise to the top at all costs — is it possible to have a financial industry hero? And by the way, this is not a pop-culture trend we're talking about. There aren't many financial heroes in literature, theater or cinema."
Martin Scorsese


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