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Asbestos-Free Cereal

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Wait, Don Draper did that for cigarettes in 1960. How can you hate him?
"The best part of this As Seen On TV item is the commercial itself, which expresses the product's versatility, which allows it to be used on either a gas or electric stove top — you know, like pretty much every other pot in existence."

To protect consumers from lies and fraud, governments around the world have laws on the books stating that advertisements must only contain statements which the advertiser can prove are true. You can't advertise a product with a feature, ability, or trait that it demonstrably does not have. You also can't outright claim that you're better than the competition unless you can prove that, too. This is why, for instance, you can't claim that a laundry detergent can help you save money on your taxes if it can't actually do that every time it's used. And you can't claim that your aspirin cures headaches faster than every other aspirin on the market unless you've got evidence to back that up.

As a result, advertising has played with this by using the most literal, mundane sense of the truth in their ads. Advertisers will hype up neutral, insignificant or even negative aspects of their products as though they were positive, using phrases like "real", "100%", "free from" and "pure". The things are all true, but they're not necessarily essential to the product nor related in any way to the benefit you might get from using it. Nevertheless, if you hear them repeated often enough, you'll assume they're good things because you don't know any better.

The ad can imply that competitors' products do not do this because they fail to measure up to the same standards. After all, if this brand of dry cereal proclaims so loudly that it is 100% fat free while the rest are silent, that means other brands are just dripping with lard, right?

To be clear, this trope does not refer to labels that are used mistakenly or fraudulently. It's only Asbestos-Free Cereal if the advertisement is entirely true, but misleading in that the claims it makes are actually insignificant (they apply to all products in that category or just have no bearing on the product's quality at all) or negative (somewhat rarer), repackaged to seem positive and desirable.

The technical term for this kind of statement is a "preemptive claim" and depending on the jurisdiction it may be illegal or subject to certain restrictions, regulations or required disclosures.

Sister tropes are Lite Crčme, All-Natural Snake Oil, and the somewhat more malicious Never Needs Sharpening. A form of False Reassurance and Turd Polish. Contrast Unfortunate Ingredients. Compare Suspiciously Specific Denial and Adjacent to This Complete Breakfast. Compare and contrast Wants a Prize for Basic Decency, where a person sees themselves not being a massive Jerkass as some sort of major selling point.

For the rare cases in which advertisers just flat-out admit the product they're shilling has many flaws, see Our Product Sucks.

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Straight examples:

    Good, Pure, Real, 100%, and All-Natural 
  • 7Up once advertised "5 all-natural ingredients" for about a month. These five natural ingredients included high fructose corn syrup and natural flavors.
  • Heinz advertises that its vinegars are "not made from petroleum." This isn't as absurd as it first appears: petroleum can be used to artificially make some of the ingredients of vinegar. In fact, there is no legal requirement to list ingredient SOURCES which is one reason Heinz advertises that its are natural. That said, the resulting ingredients are effectively the same either way as neither method of obtaining the alcohol used to distill the vinegar results in the product including petroleum. But most people wouldn't actually know that.
  • McDonald's emphasizes its "hand-picked Arabica coffee beans" in its McCafe advertisements. Arabica is usually considered a better product than Robusta,note  but the fact is that almost all coffee beans are hand-picked, due to the temperamental nature of the coffee plant making mechanization very difficult. And most coffee beans are Arabica, anyway.
  • Maxwell House did this same "100% hand-picked Arabica" schtick long before McDonald's thought of it, and quite a few brands in the US quickly followed suit. Folger's, significantly, does not make any such claims, mostly because their product does in fact contain a large percentage of Robusta beans. This stems from a price war in the 60s and 70s that, among other things, had companies moving to using only cheaper, harsher tasting Robusta beans. The practice had nearly killed the coffee market by the early 1980s.
  • Related to the whole wheat example: Quaker has proudly advertised that all its hot oatmeals are whole-grain oats — including the instant oatmeals with flavoring. Neat trick.
  • Some companies market Himalayan salt as non-GMO, even though sodium chloride with (or without) impurities cannot be genetically modified because there's no genetic material to modify. Also, it's actually mined in Pakistan (and there are similar coloured salt deposits in other parts of the world, too).
  • Spam - yes the hyper-processed tinned ham - has a variation with "Real HORMEL® Bacon." Not only is HORMEL just the brand that makes spam, but it implies the existence of "Fake HORMEL® Bacon."
  • After the gluten free craze, a lot of products have started proudly claiming to be gluten free, that never would contained any gluten under any stretch of the imagination. Like corn products, fruits, and Salt (see non-GMO salt above).
  • Yet another salt example: In Theodore Gray's book Molecules, there is a discussion about the definition of "organic". There are some images of salt advertised as "organic". His caption: "Organic salt? Seriously?"
  • Numerous chain restaurants (including Chipotle) boast about using only "real ingredients," as if their competitors use imaginary ingredients.
  • Similarly, lots of restaurant chains like to brag that their chicken, beef, and pork are raised without hormones or antibiotics, as if they're going above and beyond when, in Canada and the United States, hormone use is outright illegal in chicken and pork and antibiotic usage is very strictly regulated so that meat containing antibiotic residues can't be sold. In other words, they're basically bragging that they've met the minimum standard of food quality.
  • Organic Valley brand milk advertises that its milk contains, among other things, no toxic pesticides. The commercials do not seem to be running this way for humor value, either.
  • "Plant-based" is quickly overtaking "gluten-free" as the big trendy —and often meaningless— marketing buzzword.
    • DudeWipes brand sanitary cloths proudly boast that they're made from "100% plant-based fibers", apparently in case someone out there was unaware that a great many textiles and all paper products have always been "plant-based" to begin with, and was worried that buying these meant they'd be wiping their arse with polyester.
    • One frozen pizza brand brags about its "plant-based" cauliflower crust, as though traditional pizza crusts have always been made from pressed ham (for those who are slow on the uptake, bread is usually made from grains and grains are, indeed, also plants).
    • Numerous alternative natural sweeteners like coconut sugar have also gotten into the "plant-based" game, which makes the odd insinuation that sugar beets and cane are somehow not plants (to be sure, it's easy to synthesize sucrose, a.k.a. table sugar, in a laboratory, but it's still far, far cheaper and more efficient to just extract it from natural sources). The only real difference between these "healthy" forms is whether they retain any of the extra nutrients that are processed out of refined white sugar, but chemically speaking, sucrose is sucrose, no matter where you get it from.

    Free, Clear and Hypo-Allergenic 
  • In The New '10s, it became quite a common selling point to advertise a product as "gluten-free," thanks to a string of fad diets at the time that suggested reducing or eliminating it. Gluten is a protein found in certain species of grains, such as wheat, rye, and oats. While there are some gluten-free products made for people sensitive to it, a lot of these products never had any gluten in them to begin with. While there is certainly an opportunistic advertising element to all of these examples, it's also a bit Truth In Television. To legally declare a product "gluten free" you have to do gluten testing, maintain separate production facilities, etc. Gluten contamination can occur before the product even exists — for instance, oats growing in a field where wheat was once planted.
    • Wegman's Cola, the generic version of Coke sold at the (rather upscale) Wegman's supermarket chain in the US Mid-Atlantic region and Northeast, is marketed on the label as "Gluten free", "Lactose free", and "Vegan". So it has no wheat, milk, or other animal product. note 
    • Several brands of peanut butter also promote themselves as being "vegan." If you're asking yourself whether there are a lot of animal byproduct peanut butters on the market, well, no. note  These products can be marketed as "organic", and have been in the past, but not everyone knows or trusts that word.
    • There's at least one type of white cooking wine that advertises itself as "Gluten free" but Fridge Logic kicks in when you realize that wine is made out of grapes, so there is never gluten in it. Even rice wine, which is made of "glutinous rice" is gluten free, due to an odd language quirk. explanation 
    • This also goes for non-flavored liquors such that label themselves "gluten-free." Gluten is a protein that is present in most grains that liquors such as whiskey, gin and some vodkas are made from, but gluten doesn't make it through the distillation process. Rum, tequila and brandy are never distilled from any grains by definition, so a gluten-free label on any of those is pretty much a secret gullibility test for the consumer. Why non-flavored? 
    • Another joiner on this particular bandwagon is Santa Cruz Organic Peanut Butter, which is 100% made from peanuts and has the label highlighting that it is "gluten free". Even brands of peanut butter that aren't 100% peanuts generally don't use gluten-containing products.
    • A brand of cornflakes has started advertising itself as "same taste, gluten-free!" Except there's no measurable amount of gluten in corn (Zea mais) flakes. So if the new, improved, possibly-certified cereal tasted different, that would be a reason to worry. Because, you see, it would not be the same, already-gluten-free cereal anymore. This same line of logic extends to popcorn advertised as "gluten-free," which are sometimes made from the same strain of corn as corn flakes used in cereal.
    • A restaurant sign extols passersby to "try our new gluten-free fries!" Potatoes normally don't have any gluten.
    • A 2018 series of adverts for Herbal Essences shampoo commercial proudly proclaimed their shampoo to be 100% gluten-free. Even aside from the fact that of course it would be, gluten doesn't harm people with a sensitivity to it or coeliac disease unless it's ingested. (And if you're eating your shampoo, you're going to have bigger problems than the gluten anyway.)
    • Another spotted-in-the-wild example of gluten fever: gluten-free shredded coconut. And, in the same shop, gluten-free lentils. Not even a grass, people.
    • Same shop, same manufacturer — gluten-free baking soda. Which has no right to be contaminated by gluten in any way during production, because it's made by, basically, mixing two chemical solutions and waiting for the soda to appear.
    • Also spotted in the wild: gluten free pizza. In and of itself, understandable (as there are people with gluten sensitivities). But the fine print: "Not suitable for individuals with celiac disease." Which is the main reason someone would avoid gluten to begin with! That's like selling insulin and saying it's not suitable for anyone with diabetes.
    • Gluten free markers, however, are just absurd.
  • A Scandinavian cookie brand boasts that their cookies, which are light brown like most cookies, are "free of artificial coloring." A scientist interviewed in the newspaper noted that this is nothing special, since for the most part, cookies aren't blue.note 
  • The anti-GMO movement is so popular now that some manufacturers put non-GM labels on things like salt, water, and baking soda. Since DNA is only found in living organisms, it's impossible to genetically modify salt, water or baking soda because they don't have any genes to modify in the first place.
  • There was a bit of a scandal in the Netherlands some years ago when chupa chup lollies came on the market and made a big point about 'being healthy' (on account of the fruit-juice in it). Of course they aren't healthy: they're full of sugar, and the fruit is way too processed to have any nutritional value. They were laughed off the market.
  • Skippy Peanut Butter used to advertise itself as "cholesterol free," which is a true claim... since no brand of peanut butter has cholesterol. (Cholesterol is strictly from animal products, which generally don't go into peanut butter.)
  • The label on bottled mineral waters, such as Hydr8, boast that it's completely free of sugar, calories and colouring. Of course, this is true of water in general. You might as well brag that "This novel from Random House all include words that you can read to get a story!" The only difference is, it's possible to make an unreadable book. If you've managed to make water that contains one of those ingredients without additives, then you're a Reality Warper and what are you doing selling water in the first place?
  • Jell-O sugar-free instant pudding mixes also boast that they are "fat free". All instant pudding mixes are fat free, they're just sugar, cornstarch, flavorings, colors and preservatives. The fat content depends on the milk you're using.
  • Advertising meat as growth-hormone free is meant to appeal to the "natural foods" crowd. However, the use of growth hormones and anabolic steroids in cattle and poultry-rearing have been banned since the 1950s, at least in the U.S., though it's still a possibility when dealing with imports and outsourcing.
  • Advertising preservative-free frozen vegetables in countries where adding preservatives to frozen products is banned. Hey, our product is legal!
  • There's a photo going around of a bunch of seedless watermelons being labeled "Boneless"; obviously, since watermelon is a fruit, it doesn't have bones. A reply theorizes the possible reason why they're labeled such: an associate ran out of "Seedless" stickers to use, with the store only having "Boneless" stickers to work with.
    "Fuck it. Seeds are like bones, right?"
  • Some bicycle drinking bottles made of soft plastic are advertised as being free from Bisphenol A (BPA). The thing is that BPA is not used for soft plastics, but for polycarbonate. And of course BPA is not the only harmful substance that plastics could release into water.

    Only Our Product Has... 
  • Certs is advertised as the only breath freshener with Retsyn. Retsyn is a combination of ingredients which is made by Certs under the trademarked name "Retsyn," so nobody else is allowed to use that name even if they use the same ingredients.
  • Ditto with Trident Xtra-Care gum, which advertises calcium-based Recaldent to "remineralize" teeth. (Recaldent, of course, is just a combination of the prefix "re-", the word "calcium", and the French "dent", meaning tooth.)
  • "Only Birdseye peas have Birdseye's Vitamins In Peas guarantee!" Yes, because you’re hardly going to give that marketing gimmick to your competitors, are you?
  • Brompton's bicycles claim to have over X amount of specialized parts on every bicycle (usually in the triple digits). Brompton also patented each part in a way that no other company can make parts that will fit on a Brompton. What this means is that Brompton has a monopoly on its parts. If your Brompton needs even the slightest bit of maintenance or repair, be prepared to pay through the nose because Brompton can charge any price it wants. (By contrast, there is a standard on most bicycle parts that frequently need repair, such as brakes and inner tubes, that nearly all other bicycle manufacturers follow, including those of higher quality than Brompton's.)
  • Disney:
    • Back in the early days of DVD, commercials and covers would advertise, "Now on video [presumably meaning VHS] and Disney DVD..." The only difference between a Disney DVD and any other DVD is that it has a Disney movie on it. It is at least possible that Disney built their own encoder that worked far better than others — but not likely.
      • At the very least, using the Disney DVD and Disney Blu-ray branding is useful for keeping track of the Studio Ghibli films, which have since been rereleased by indie studio GKIDS making the past Disney releases out-of-print. It does help that these earlier Disney releases have many different extras that were not ported over to the GKIDS releases, the GKIDS releases may have new extras that were absent from the earlier Disney releases, or had different translations and picture/audio quality that may be better or worse depending on the film.
    • Blu-ray Discs released in 2010 or later claim to have "Disney Enhanced High-Definition Picture and Sound." How exactly this differs from the high-definition picture and sound of the other big studios' Blu-ray Discs doesn't get detailed. Disney also releases their titles as a "Disney Blu-ray" with the same meaning as their Disney DVD brand. The same goes for the Disney Blu-ray 3D.
    • It is also important to note that releases from Darker and Edgier labels like Touchstone Pictures, ABC, and Hollywood Pictures, as well as acquired labels like Marvel Studios and Lucasfilm, are only branded as standard DVDs or Blu-rays, and they dropped this unique branding for the 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray format, even for Disney films.
    • Walt Disney Japan does something similar for their releases from Studio Ghibli, with their releases being labelled as Studio Ghibli DVD-Video and Studio Ghibli Blu-ray Disc. This is consistently used for all mainline film releases under the "Ghibli ga Ippai COLLECTION" but is used inconsistently for the "Ghibli ga Ippai COLLECTION SPECIAL" sublabel used for OVAs and behind-the-scenes documentaries, with some releases carrying the unique branding and some not. Some earlier "SPECIAL" Blu-ray releases even use the Studio Ghibli DVD-Video branding for the DVD version but only use a generic Blu-ray label for the Blu-ray version. The whole Studio Ghibli DVD-Video/Blu-ray branding is also used outside Japan, but oddly not during Disney's era distributing the films in North America, where they instead use a standard DVD/Blu-ray branding or the Disney DVD/Disney Blu-ray branding. When distribution transferred over to GKIDS, they used the same Studio Ghibli DVD-Video/Blu-ray branding used elsewhere.
      • Studio Ghibli also did something similar for pre-Ghibli films they distributed on home video back then, with DVD releases of The Castle of Cagliostro, Panda! Go Panda!, and Chie the Brat being labelled as TMS DVDs despite TMS not using such unique branding for releases from other distributors. This would later be dropped when these films would get remastered Blu-ray and DVD releases, only being labelled as standard Blu-rays and DVDs (or in the case of the Hayao Miyazaki and Isao Takahata box sets as well as the standalone release of The Castle of Cagliostro, Studio Ghibli Blu-ray Discs). Non-TMS pre-Ghibli releases such as Gauche the Cellist would always be branded as standard DVD and Blu-ray releases outside of the Miyazaki/Takahata box sets.
  • Several brands of gasoline have contained trademarked additives over the years, such as Shell's "Platformate" or Chevron's "Techroline" (later "Techron"). As with Retsyn in Certs, no other gasoline could claim to have these additives, even if they contained additives that were chemically identical.
  • Sucrets once advertised that for sore throats, their product is listed in the Physician's Desk Reference. Yes, it is. Because the Physician's Desk Reference is a list of every medication in existence. "Listed" is not the same thing as "endorsed."
  • Sega's early 90's ads notoriously claimed the Genesis was superior to the Super Nintendo because it had "Blast Processing" while being conspicuously vague on what Blast Processing even was, leading many to assume it was just some made-up buzzword to make the Genesis sound cooler. It was later confirmed to refer to the Genesis' Yamaha VDP graphics processor, which had a somewhat faster DMA speed, but no Genesis games ever got to a speed that high, meaning Sega was advertising something they technically had but never actually used.
  • Richard Feynman's spotted-in-the-wild examples were frying oil that doesn't soak into things when you fry them (as he explains, as long as the temperature is right, no oil soaks, otherwise any does) and warm pants that don't only warm you up, they also isolate! This particular manufacturer, though, changed his commercials when advised that pants may isolate, but they don't generate heat (except maybe electric pants).
  • Ford Motor Company advertises its turbocharged vehicles as "eco-boost," and touts the fact that their turbos boost both power and fuel efficiency. This is true, however, all turbochargers improve fuel efficiency, because they change how the engine takes in gasoline, in such a way that makes it more efficient.
  • GM used to make a big deal about being the only brand with OnStar, which is GM's own brand of... actually, a number of unrelated features and services. Some of which were, admittedly, great to have and not available on competing vehicles, like remote stolen-car tracking and automatically contacting emergency services in the event of an accident, but they also used the brand for things like hands-free calling and GPS, which were being adopted as optional features by pretty much every other company around the same time.
  • Mazda put out a Dualvertisement with The Lorax for their CX-5 SUV, advertising it as the only SUV to receive the "Truffula Tree certified seal of approval." The ad also promotes the car as "Truffula Tree friendly." Truffula Trees, of course, don't exist outside of The Lorax, and the ad doesn't make any claim about the impact the SUV has on real trees (despite mildly improved fuel efficiency, the CX-5 still has substantial carbon emissions).

    Other Claims (to be sorted) 
  • Liberty Mutual loves to brag that they "customize your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need"... which is exactly what every single insurance company does when you sign up for a policy.
  • Nutella:
    • Nutella's main sales-argument is 'gives you energy'; yeah, refined sugar tends to do that. Sugar is also the main ingredient in 'energy-drinks', with the caffeine and taurine more of an afterthought.
    • In the US, they claim that being made with "hazelnuts, skim milk, and a hint of cocoa" mean it's a great snack for your kids, and that it can be put on healthy foods to make them taste better. Problem is, they leave out the large amount of sugar, and that you'd probably be better off using peanut butter on your whole-grain toast (see above for why that's not necessarily a great claim, either).
    • The reason for this advertising? Nutella was marketed as "gives you energy" in post-World War II Italy, where its dense calorie content was helpful for giving Italian children a cheap, quick rush of energy with their breakfast. In America? Not so much.
    • If one looks at the calorie count for Nutella, it's true, it really does give you energy. If you're using it on a sandwich, maybe more than a quarter of all your energy in the day, maybe more than half!
    • In an inversion of this type of claim, free UK newspaper Metro once published a letter from a reader complaining that processed foods "have no energy" (presumably using "energy" in some unspecified mystical-nonsense way, rather than in the scientific sense of "that which enables work to be done"). The following day, it printed another letter, replying that the real problem is that processed foods have far too much energy, and that's why there's an obesity crisis.
  • GEICO likes to advertise that switching to their service "could save you up to 15% or more". Read that again slowly. Switching could save you UP TO 15% or MORE. You could save less than 15%, 15% exactly, or more than 15% (or you might even lose money). In other words, switching could possibly change the amount of money you pay for car insurance, or maybe it couldn't. That's a pretty easy target to hit when it covers all possibilities. Pointed out by xkcd here.
  • OANN's Graham Ledger likes to sign off every one of his newscasts by reminding people that it's archived in the Library of Congress. This is true for nearly any creative work published in America, up to and including all of Twitter. Though curiously enough, not for Ledger's own show.
  • Bell Canada advertises their high-speed Internet as "perfect for laptops". Well, it really doesn't matter what form of computer you're using, but sometimes an included Wi-Fi router does come in handy.
  • Many Role Playing Games (especially in the 16-bit era) had advertisements or box blurbs boasting "Over XX hours of gameplay!" Depending on the game, a good number of these "XX hours" would be devoted to Level Grinding or walking from place to place.
    • Parodied on the back of a Compilation Rerelease of Earthworm Jim 1 & 2, which advertised 80 hours ("yes, hours") of gameplay, for two games that aren't even long by side-scroller standards.
  • Battery ads are also guilty of this.
    • Companies advertising that their alkaline batteries last two to four times longer than other brands of battery. But they always fail to point out the type of battery they are comparing to is cheaper zinc–carbon batteries rather than similarly priced alkaline ones. If compared against similar alkaline batteries, there would be next to no difference in length of use. Duracell is a major offender with this, most notably with the original "Duracell Bunny" commercial from the 1970s.
    • Evereadynote  created the Energizer Bunny campaign as a direct shot against Duracell. Duracell did successfully sue Eveready, though, over their "Nothing Lasts Longer" claim in the Energizer adsnote . Subsequently, the fictional competitor "Supervolt" was created as a Brand X parody of Duracell, still implying that Energizer can outlast their alkaline rivals.
  • Similar to the "Over X hours of gameplay!" listed above, many games would advertise having "Over X characters!" or something, and then would have X+1. A particularly bad example is Baten Kaitos: It advertised "Over 1000 Magnus!", and it has 1022. Which included things like plot and sidequest items, photos you take of enemies to sell them for cash since there are no Money Spiders, healing expendables and a whole bunch of crap in general. Final Fantasy Tactics A2 also uses this on the back of its European packaging which states that the game has "more than 300 quests" note  and "over 50 available jobs." note 
  • A surreal example is Empire Earth, sold on the promise of containing "over 500 000 years of history". Five hundred thousand of those years are devoted to the Neolithic age, which a player can and probably will want to pass through faster than banging two rocks together, in order to spend more time in the more interesting ages adding up to nearly five thousand years beyond the advertised half a million.
  • The Football Manager series has turned its promotion of the yearly updates by claiming that the game has hundreds of changes. Football Manager 2014 is claimed to have over 1000. Of course, these changes include every single minor bug fix, change in UI, and any scrap of change, even if the change is for the worse.
  • An advertisement for a device amplifying one's hearing starts out by cheerfully saying "Wouldn't you love to have SONIC HEARING?!" 'Sonic' is, by definition, a part of hearing.
  • In 2011, the Belgian cable company Telenet has been advertising its internet via the cable as "Surf at the speed of light!" Virtually all internet traffic uses fibre-optic connection at some point in the process, which moves at the speed of light. The only thing that improves download speeds is how many signals can be sent at the same time over the same connection before Demand Overload hits.
  • When Wendy's was going through a major marketing overhaul, aside from "better quality ingredients" (such as red onions instead of white, which is more personal taste than anything), they began to advertise their French fries as "natural cut". This was an odd but enticing phrase, especially since they were now also seasoned with sea salt and cooked (not "fried") in different oil. After poking and prodding, it turns out that "natural cut" simply means "the skins are still on when we cut them". Also, the claim about their fries being seasoned with sea salt is technically correct but misleading since it's trying to make the salt they use sound more exotic. While a lot of salt comes from mines, much of it comes from the sea, and there's a chance it's the exact same salt in the shakers.
  • The Atari Jaguar was boasted as "The first 64-bit console", with the tag line "Do the math!" This was because it had two 32-bit processors, which does in fact "math up" to 64 bits, but that's not how bit-counting works. It doesn't help either that it gave the console a unique architecture from a developer's standpoint, making it very difficult to program games for and causing most games on it to not even come close to utilizing the system's power and leaving them on the level of 16-bit era games at best. This blatant lie coupled with the system's sub-par performance even compared to other 32-bit systems made it the last console Atari would make. Adding insult to injury, although the Nintendo 64 happily had a 64-bit graphics processor,note  most consoles from that point forward focused on overall specs and iteration numbers rather than just the main processor's maximum word size.
    • Something similar to the Atari Jaguar's marketing would happen with the PC Engine when it was released in North America as the TurboGrafx-16 and proudly boasted the console as having 16 bits, despite only the GPU being 16-bit and the CPU was only 8-bit. This would eventually be taken advantage of by SEGA, internationally marketing the SEGA Genesis as being the first true 16-bit console and dismissing the TurboGrafx-16.
  • As recorded in a The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar, a grocery store advertised "golden, ripe, boneless bananas." Maybe they were Hoosier Hotshots fans?
  • It is a very common practice for internet service providers to use megabits when referring to data transmission rates instead of megabytes, which lowers the speed by a factor of eight — 50 megabits per second is only a little more than 6 megabytes per second. It is also common practice to specify when you are referring to bits or bytes. Cable One, before they renamed themselves to Sparklight, used to advertise a speed of "50 Megs" or "50 Megs per second" in its radio commercials.
  • A brand of cheese advertises that it's made with "100% fresh milk". Given that cheese is milk that's gone bad, fresh milk isn't exactly an asset when making it.
  • Among the many faux-artisanal trends adopted by fast food restaurants since the turn of the millennium, the most pointless was/is the marketing of burgers that proudly used Black Angus beef. Unlike other gimmicks such as chipotle sauce and ciabatta bread, this one doesn't require any new ingredients at all, because while the marketing makes it seem as if Angus is some exotic, special breed renowned for its exquisiteness, the truth is that it's the most common variety of beef cattle in the United States, and #2 in Western Europe. Similarly, restaurants touting Hass avocados or Madagascar vanilla are really just saying they use the most common variety on the market.
  • Many fast-food joints will also make a big to-do about "fresh, never frozen" meat in their marketing. Putting fresh meat in your home freezer will make a very noticeable difference in quality, since the process is slow and the water inside will form big ice crystals, rupturing cell walls and causing a lot of moisture to weep out upon thawing, giving you dry and less flavorful meat. Customers are meant to assume this is what restaurants who use frozen meat are doing, too, but that is false. Pre-frozen foods are always instantly flash-frozen using extreme cold, meaning that ice crystals don't have time to form and the meat thaws out with the same consistency and texture it had when fresh; anyone with a refined enough palate to tell the difference probably isn't eating fast food to begin with.
  • For a while Apple kept touting that every new feature of Mac OS X came with "Over 300 features!" or something like that. While a lot of these could be considered features some of them were simply including language support in a development tool (that you could download anyway), removal of a feature, among other minor changes that nobody would really care about.
  • One of the oldest examples comes from Lucky Strike cigarettes, whose packaging proudly bragged that "It's Toasted!" all the way back in 1917. All cigarette tobacco is toasted,note  but consumers drew the conclusion that other brands somehow used untoasted tobacco, and this false assumption made Luckies the top-selling brand for decades.
  • In mid-2016, Antarctica was declared the most LGBT-friendly continent. This probably has more to do with the nature of Antarctica (no permanent residents, no companies or corporations based in Antarctica), and the fact that there aren't any laws (either favorable or unfavorable towards the LGBT set) in Antarctica, just laws governing what other countries can and cannot do there (for example, no military installments) than anything else. It's literally true that Antarctica is more LGBT-friendly than any other continent...but kind of deceptively so. Though that might have been the point: not “advertising” Antarctica but showing how NON-friendly all those continents with people and societies on them were and encouraging them to do better than Antarctica.
  • It's very common to see cheap projectors sold online with impressively high resolution mentioned in the product title, only for the detailed specs to reveal that this is the input resolution rather than the resolution it displays. So yes, the projector will happily accept a 1080p Full HD image... but it only has the hardware to project that 1080p image scaled down to 480p.
  • In Britain in the late 1990s, several start-up ISPs (most notably Freeserve) offered "free" internet access — no contract, just dial their number. What they carefully omitted to mention is that it was free of subscription charges and contract obligations, not free of all charges; fees for online time were levied via the cost of the call (the pay-as-you-go model), and like most PAYG services, it was the most expensive way of doing it. One of their rivals advertised their (conventional) ISP services as "cheaper than free".
  • One brand of folding bicycle was advertised as having 'extra large 20" wheels' (as compared with other folding bikes, which had ordinary 20" wheels). One problem with this is that there is no such bike wheel size as "extra large" — there is only "small" (up to 24") and "standard" (26" or 27").
  • Any gambling that gets promoted with slogans like "you'll never win if you don't play", which is is trivially true for all games. Even worse: in most cases, the chances are that you'll still lose if you do play.
  • Cable and satellite companies comparing their broadband Internet speeds to DSL. Although DSL is much slower than what they're likely offering, what they don't tell you is, most residential homes aren't even going to be using DSL in the first place (and certainly almost no businesses would use it, either). Today's society is so Internet-dependent that DSL, while state-of-the-art late in The '90s or at the Turn of the Millennium, just doesn't cut it for most people now. The only people that are going to be using DSL are people who live in remote areas where cable and fiber Internet are not available, low-income households that can't afford to get anything faster (or else they would), or people (generally older) who use the Internet sparingly (i.e. people that either can't get broadband, or have no interest in it to begin with). So they're really comparing apples and oranges. The factual accuracy of such claims can vary, too. DSL technologies have also been improving, and VDSL2 can offer up to 300 megabits per second under ideal conditions. G.Fast can deliver speeds approaching a whopping gigabit per second, and the experimental 10G.Fast can deliver even more. Their main limitation is that they need a telephone line that is very short and made with good quality wiring, almost always requiring the provider to bring the fiber to a streetside cabinet or the basement of the building.
  • Check out any baby name book advertising on the cover that it has tens of thousands of names in it. Betcha anything they're counting 15 spellings apiece of Brittany, Megan, and Carly as 45 individual names.
  • A variant of this trope: On online dating sites you will sometimes encounter people who make a big deal on their profile about having certain qualities that most reasonable people would just expect a person to have by default e.g "I practice basic hygiene," "I can cook (lists a couple very basic things)," "I won't cheat on you," "I'm not racist," and so on.
  • Oftentimes, partway through the airing of a show's first season, the network will put out a press release trumpeting that the second season has already been greenlit. While this sounds good, it's mostly Trivially Obvious if you know anything about production schedules, especially for animated shows. Chances are pretty good that unless it's a limited series or the production has been a complete disaster, the crew probably started work on the second season well before the first started airing. If the show looked promising enough to air, the producers weren't going to have the cast and crew sit on their haunches for months on end until the first reviews and ratings finally started coming in.
  • Listerine's success has been credited less to the mouthwash than its marketing of "halitosis," or bad breath.
  • Defied in an example of a law practice whose claim was, "All our lawyers are juris doctors." A juris doctorate is a law degree — one of the two basic things required to practice law (the other being a law license). The advertisement was found to be in violation of the ethics rules because it misled potential clients into believing that the juris doctorate was something not all attorneys have, implying that the offending firm was unique in that regard.
  • In 1997, UK sugar manufacturers Tate & Lyle ran an ad in which celebrity chef Gary Rhodes proudly proclaimed that he only used cane sugar in his cooking, specifically noting, "Not all sugar is made from sugar cane. In fact, Tate & Lyle are Britain's only cane sugar refiners." Two problems with that: 1) there's no appreciable difference between cane sugar and beet sugar, and 2) the reason other UK refiners, like Silver Spoon and Whitworths, use sugar beet is that it's actually grown in the UK, whereas sugar cane has to be grown in tropical countries (where it often takes up premium farmland).
  • A justified example: Tony's Chocolonely is a Dutch chocolate company that prides itself on being free of slave labor, as opposed to the majority of brand-name chocolate...which, depressing though it is, is actually an entirely fair claim.
  • In 2015, PETA filed a class action lawsuit against Whole Foods accusing the latter of false claims surrounding animal welfare. The lawsuit was dismissed because Whole Foods' vague claims about humane meat, such as "great-tasting meat from healthy animals" and "raised right tastes right," were considered legal levels of puffery. Their boast that "no cages" were used to raise their broiler chickens was also deemed not misleading, but it was pointed out that most poultry suppliers don't use cages in the first place, so it's not unique to Whole Foods.
  • Some data storage devices such as memory cards are advertised as "Full HD 1080p", which is pretty meaningless. They can, in fact, store any type of file on them as long as there's room, and a 1080p video could be only a few dozen megabytes if it's short enough. Ironically, nearly all of them are formatted in FAT32 (the only format that every OS natively supports), meaning they can only hold files that are less than 4GB each, so you probably couldn't put a whole HD movie on one no matter how big its total capacity is.
  • In France, a series of ads for a chain of optician stores made during the COVID-19 Pandemic solely consists of a long description of the sanitary measures taken by the workers to make sure they don't contribute to spreading the disease to the customers, with no mention of the glasses they sell. Considering the chain is legally obliged to respect those sanitary measures, which are actually the same for every store of every kind in the country, that's actually unimpressive.
  • HeadOn’s infamous ads (“Apply directly to the forehead!”) included the information that the product was “available without a prescription from retailers nationwide!” It’s true that many effective over-the-counter medications are available without a prescription... and so are most other things, like candles, which would be just as medically useless as the inert ingredients of HeadOn.
  • This 90s advert for Persil washing-up liquid (dish soap) starring Robbie Coltrane: "Well, you see, Persil grips the grease, then holds it in the water so it can't get back on the plate." In other words, it does exactly the same thing as every other detergent in existence.
  • Credit cards for people with poor credit will often tout the fact they report to the three credit bureaus to help you build up your credit score. Every credit card/line of credit reports to those same bureaus.
  • Commercially-sold ammunition frequently highlights that they sell centerfire ammunition (meaning the primer is at the center of the base of the casing and is a separate piece from the casing itself). Virtually all modern ammunition is centerfire, one of the only remaining rimfire note  rounds made in commercial quantities in the 21st century is .22LR. Centerfire primers have the advantage of enabling stronger loads (since the casing doesn't need to be thin enough to be pierced) and the ability to switch the old primer for a new one for recycling brass casings.
  • NJM Insurance goes meta with this trope, proudly boasting about the lack of mascots and gimmicks in their commercials, maybe to attract people who are so sick of GEICO and LiMu ads that they've vowed to buy their insurance from literally anyone else out of pure spite, but more likely to imply that while the other companies blow all their customers' money on advertising, NJM spends it actually fulfilling claims. Except to illustrate what they're "not doing", NJM has made up a bunch of fictional rival companies with obnoxious mascots, and features them in commercials that clearly cost about the same to stage, shoot, and (in the case of the CGI mascots) render as anyone else's.

Lampshade Hangings and Parodies

  • A Head and Shoulders commercial poked fun at the rising trend of "zero trans fats" popping up in foods and lampshaded this trope with a tire that contains "zero death crystals." note 
  • Croonchy Stars. Blurbs on the box read "No artificial colors! No doorknobs!" and "This product does not contain (among other things) Venetian Blinds and Pachyderms".
  • One Sanderson Farms commercial has a marketing whiz throwing out various buzzwords like "no antibiotics!" and "gluten-free!" to which the two poultry farmers in the ad point out that none of the chicken you can buy has antibiotics in it by federal law, and chicken has no gluten by default.

    Alternate Reality Games 
  • Ωmega Mart:
    • One recurring label marks food as "Naturally Boneless."
    • Available for purchase are Nut-free Salted Peanuts, which are "100% Salt" and packaged in a typical container of such.

    Audio Plays 
  • Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album has the String sketch, where an advertiser is looking for a way to sell 122,000 miles of string... in 3-inch lengths. Among others, the advertiser describes them as pre-sliced, rust-proof, easy to handle, low-calorie, and free from artificial coloring. When he learns they're not waterproof, he switches to water-absorbent.

    Comic Books 

    Film — Animated 
  • In The Bob's Burgers Movie, Calvin Fischoeder promotes the Wonder Wharf with a pamphlet reading, "Eighty years of cheap thrills and almost no decapitations."

  • In Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, Greg mentions passing by hotels with signs advertising their "Color TV", which, as he says, "is not something to brag about this day and age".

    Live-Action TV 
  • On 30 Rock, Liz felt socially responsible because her awesome new jeans had a "Hand made in USA" label. Then Jack corrected her pronunciation, revealing that the jeans were made by the "Hohnd" people, slave laborers in the despotic island nation of "Usa" (pronounced like "Oosa").
  • In the first episode of Mad Men, Don gives Lucky Strike cigarettes the tagline "it's toasted!" which all tobacco is. This was a real Lucky Strike advertising gimmick, though it dates back to 1917, not 1960.
  • The Goodies: On "It Might as Well Be String" (a spoof of the advertising industry), their ad campaign for Sunbeam Sliced Bread claims that "Nine out of Ten Doctors Agree that people who eat Sunbeam Sliced Bread are less likely to be trampled to death by elephants". Graeme does mention that it was a struggle to find the right nine doctors, however. And the elephants.
  • Gob's banana stand in Arrested Development. "Finally a frozen banana that won't make you sick and kill you!"
  • An example of the harmful variation from The Sarah Jane Adventures: "BubbleShock! Contains Bane!"
  • The "Fairsley Difference" sketch on Mr. Show showed a homespun grocery chain, Gibbons, driven to bankruptcy by a competitor's slick ads boasting about horrible conditions the competitor's stores did not suffer from, such as homeless people defecating in the aisles, or customers' children being abducted into homoerotic slavery in Pakistani whorehouses. They never say these things are true of Gibbons, so they aren't actually lying.
  • Inverted on The Daily Show, when a pediatrics group advocated against hot dogs, Aasif Mandvi gave "threats" about eating hot dogs, like "Eating hot dogs provides none of your daily fruit intake", "People that eat hot dogs have a 100% chance of dying", and "If you lined up all of the deaths from hot dogs, they would stretch some of the distance to the Sun".
  • Top Gear: During a series 11 news segment, the team goes over the advertisement for the Citroen Berlingo (one of the cheapest cars on the market at the time). All of the special features listed in the ad are things that are found on pretty much every single car on the market, but the best of them is when it says that the car features "manually adjustable door mirrors".
    Jeremy Clarkson: As opposed to what? The only alternative is electrical, isn’t it?
    Richard Hammond: Which are better, so that's just saying it's something it hasn't got.

    Magazines and Periodicals 
  • The MAD book Madvertising (Or, Up Madison Avenue) (1972) had some gags promoting a nonexistent product to mock this sort of labeling:
    • Ron's Only tomato sauce: "Does not contain any linseed oil or shirt starch"
    • Prull shampoo: "Gets hair extra clean, without drowning roots and causing baldness"
    • Mr. Chipper cookies: "And no one has ever died from eating our brand!"
    • S&R trading stamps: "Backed with a special glue that won't give you cancer of the tongue!"
    • Golf gasoline: "NO WATER to rust your tank! NO MOLASSES to gum up your engine!"
  • Portland-based BANG! Magazine had a parody of Sega Genesis' "Blast Processing" advertisements. It boasts that unlike most electronic tablets, BANG! has "[a] solar-powered reflective surface, a recharge time of 0.0000, a higher-resolution screen than even the Retina display, [and] DRM-free content".
  • This set of cartoons from the The New Yorker, including vegan vegetables and blood-free cheese.

    Newspaper Comics 
  • One Calvin and Hobbes strip had Calvin come up with an idea for selling "Calvin's Curative Elixir". When Hobbes pointed out that it was drainage water with leaves in it, he described it as "Fortified With Chlorophyll". This also serves as a Genius Bonus for those who remember that fortifying things with chlorophyll was an actual fad in the 1950s.
  • Foxtrot pulled this one here.
  • One Close to Home strip has a company claiming their pasta sauce contains no slorbates. When asked what a slorbate is by a new employee, it's explained that there is no such thing, it just boosts sales if customers think they're avoiding something unhealthy.
  • In Retail, when a customer asked Alan why a pair of shoes was so expensive, Alan said that it is because they're handmade by cheap labor in sweatshops using only the finest plastics and rubber. When the customer asked for a "real reason", he sighed and said is because they have "vortex channel tube" technology, complete with finger quotes.

    Other Internet 
  • Many submissions (usually around April 1) of tool-assisted speedruns to mention that the run "does not color a dinosaur." (Color a Dinosaur is an infamously low-quality coloring book for the NES, and is considered by TASVideos to be a bad game choice.)
  • A study of drinking water disinfectants expresses concern that iodine based disinfectants are not regulated by the EPA in drinking water. Of course, this is because it is unheard of to disinfect water with iodine unless you're a backwoods hiker (and even then, portable filters are far more popular these days). Every system uses the much cheaper chlorine.
  • Seanbaby mocks the common use of "Fat Free!" on sugary candies in this article:
    "Are you insecure, candy? Because you don't see gravy bragging about being sugar free. This label is so irrelevant to consumer health that I think it's only there so doctors can laugh when they ask you questions about how you got diabetes."
  • YouTube channel Outside Xbox: the only review show guaranteed not to kidnap you and harvest your organs for sale on the black market!
    Mike: Wait, do other shows do that?
    Andy: Well, I don't see them guaranteeing that they won't.
  • Sethical:
    • "boneless pizza" (warning: sensory abuse) is a strange case of someone asking for this specifically and becoming irate when it's suggested that what they want is only made in the way they're specifying.
    • The same guy has a similar problem in the "bread shop" video. After he mistakes the cashier talking about gluten-free bread for this trope, he blows up at him to wonder why people would put gluten in the bread in the first place, tells the guy to take out the gluten, and refuses to buy any of the already gluten-free options because they're making buying bread too complicated.
  • Game Theory once said the food company that sponsored one of their videos produced food that was "Radiation free". Then again, the fact that the video that was sponsored was a Fallout video means it was obviously tongue in cheek. Although some food (mostly canned goods) IS disinfected with radiation, although this is quite rare because everyone is scared of radiation.

  • Fat, French and Fabulous is a non-GMO, gluten free Podcast.
  • The fine products and services that sponsor Behind the Bastards' are repeatedly emphasised to not cause whatever horribleness that week's bastard did, including (but not limited to) not killing any children, not starting any brainwashing cults, and not banning the use of the word 'ketchup'.

  • A Prairie Home Companion has segments "sponsored" by "Old Folks at Home Cottage Cheese", which is the only brand of cottage cheese which promises right on the label that it contains no arsenic and no formaldehyde. We're not saying other cottage cheeses do, but isn't it suspicious that they've never come out and said so?

    Tabletop Games 
  • Truly bad cards in Magic: The Gathering tend to get two kinds of comments made about them: Blatant Lies claims about their power and Metagame reputation, and meaningless claims about the card's value — Asbestos-Free Cardstock, as it were. Take the Gatherer comments for Chimney Imp, for example. One comment (by user Laguz) reminds us that the five lands you had to tap to cast it untap the next turn with no drawback (which, barring other effects, they always do), it's immune to dying by Deathmark (as is every other black/red/blue nongreen/nonwhite creature), and it implicitly has the ability Rampage: 0 (which is like saying "1+0=1" and treating it like something special about the number one).

    Urban Legends 
  • A newspaper advert for a "Genuine Mexican coathanger. Only $5." When the curious shoppers send away for their coathanger, they receive a rusty nail.
  • An advert explaining that, while marijuana cannot be sold through the mail, "grass" can. People who fell for it got a packet of lawn clippings.
  • A company that was selling clotheslines as "wind-powered clothes dryers".
  • Canned tuna/salmon:
    • A tuna company that gets a shipment of accidentally bleached tuna and markets it with the slogan "doesn't turn pink in the can!" A common variation includes a competitor selling the pink product putting out a competing slogan, "never bleached!"
    • This story is also told about canned salmon. In this (somewhat more likely) version of the tale, the salmon in question was simply a different variety whose flesh was paler, and the advertising campaign was meant to quell consumer fears that something was wrong with the white salmon.
    • There's a third version of this story out there in which the white salmon is advertised as a rare delicacy with a price to match, even though there's no difference in flavor or quality between it and regular salmon.
    • Farm-raised pink salmon are often fed red food dyes to turn pink (wild salmon eat shrimp, which colors their meat; farm-raised salmon is usually fed cornmeal and fish meal, resulting in a white meat). Undyed salmon advertised as such is probably just a question of time.
  • The dihydrogen monoxide hoax is an inversion of this practice, where something totally harmless is made to sound incredibly deadly, using true but misleading statements.

    Video Games 
  • One of the games in Rhythm Heaven Fever, "Packing Pests", has the player packaging "Spider-Free Candy". The packing plant is infested with spiders that you have you have to swat away. This being Rhythm Heaven, it's entirely possible that spider-infested candy is an actual problem here.
  • Portal 2: Aperture Science shower curtains contain less than 1% mercury. Given that Aperture's other products tend to be radioactive, laden with asbestos, or otherwise harmful, they might actually think this is an achievement worth advertising.
  • In the Pokémon:
    • Magikarp is an intentionally terrible Joke Character (Jokémon?). This image extolls its virtues using a lot of this type of logic.
    • This also shows up in the memetic "Diggersby, tho?!" rant. The narrator praises Diggersby's Huge Power ability, which treats its Attack stat as doubled in combat. Diggersby has a poor Attack stat to begin with, so even with Huge Power it's not outstanding, and the rest of its stats are mediocre at best. Additionally, Huge Power is not unique to Diggersby (it is a Lethal Joke Character due to its ridiculously strong Earthquakes, but it is not some overwhelmingly strong monster).
  • Oddworld: Abe's Exoddus gives us a variation, where a marquee advertisement tries to spin a flaw as a positive.:
    SoulStorm Brew... twice the flavor... twice the bones... twice the price!
  • World of Warcraft: During Brewfest, there is a daily where you are tasked with promoting one of the major breweries. For Alliance players barking for the Barleybrew Brewery, one of the random shouts takes this to its logical conclusion:
    "Barleybrew brew! Won't fill you up, won't kill you... the Thunderbrews can't say the same."

  • xkcd:
    • "Free" is the Trope Namer. It features three cereal boxes, one of which labels itself "Asbestos-free!"
    • "Voting Machines" lampoons the idea of voting machines using antivirus software by comparing it to a teacher that reassures parents that he always wears a condom while teaching.
    • "Clinically Studied Ingredient" mocks the titular phrase, specifically how vague it is and how it can mean literally anything. The Alt Text compares the phrase to if a Hollywood studio were to advertise that their new movie was "watched by Roger Ebert".
  • This Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comic features three jars of jellies, one of them proudly advertising that it contains "0% skin from a dead hobo's mouth!"
  • Wondermark tries this marketing scheme, with less-than-satisfactory results.
  • Precocious: Hiram Hu's grocery store advertises its orange juice as being "cruelty-free". (But not durians, a durian is always cruel).
    Hiram: Now people will think other stores' orange juice is full of evil!
  • Basic Instructions: This comic pokes fun at The Rolling Stones' song "You Can't Always Get What You Want", for saying "You might find that you get what you need", as implying with the word "might" it's possible you don't even get that either.

    Web Animation 
  • Bubs from Homestar Runner sells donuts shipped from a third-world country named Homemáde, so he could legally print "From Homemáde" on the box.

  • The Y2K section of RinkWorksComputer Stupidities has multiple anecdotes about devices like flashlights, electronic scales and bread slicers being advertised as Y2K compliant. As they don't have any date-related systems, they can't be affected by the Millennium Bug anyway. One company even tried to sell jumper cables that would supposedly make your car Y2K compliant (and they cost twice as much as "regular" jumper cables).

    Web Video 
  • JonTron: In "Bubsy Collection," JonTron points out that having 1-ups in a game is not a selling point after the box art for Bubsy 3D claimed it was.
    Jontron: Okay, hold the phone! Having 1-Ups in your game is not a selling point! Let alone a bullet on the back of the box! You can just tell they were really stretching to say even one good thing about this game.
  • Discussed in this Tom Scott video (xkcd comic included) as one of the ways you can flout Grice's maxims of conversation. Scott himself uses "vegan tomatoes" as a similar example.

    Western Animation 
  • In the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends episode "Cookie Dough", Bloo gets carried away coming up with rhyming tag-lines for Madame Foster's home-made cookies, and ends up describing them as "The home-made concoction that's free of dioxins!" He then has to explain to the crowd what dioxins are, which he eventually boils down to "They're bad for you!".
  • Ed, Edd n Eddy: After most of an episode of Eddy being hit by multiple terrible things because of a supposedly-cursed phone in "Sorry, Wrong Ed", one of his scams consists of selling rebranded Chunky Puffs cereal that is guaranteed to be "100% curse-free".
  • The Simpsons: Dr. Nick advertises with the line "If I kill you, you don't pay!"
    • When Homer asks Apu if he has any healthy food for sale, Apu lists "low-salt candy bars," "reduced-fat soda" and beef jerky that's "now nearly rectum-free!"
  • One South Park episode features a commercial for "Weight Gain 4000", a kind of protein shake that boasts "its patented formula is designed to enter the mouth, and go to directly to the stomach where it is distributed to the bloodstream!" Presumably, as opposed to all those foods that don't reach the stomach or get their nutrients in the bloodstream, the two things food is supposed to do.

Alternative Title(s): Mundane Marketing Claim