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Insane Troll Logic / Fanfic

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Insane Troll Logic in fanfiction.

  • In "Bill Nye The Blooper Guy", the title character is on his roof, preparing for an experiment.
    Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! And I'm going to teach you about gravity! It can save us all. As we know, there is no gravity in space. Earth is part of space; therefore, Earth has no gravity! Watch this! (Jumps off roof)
  • Suzaku in the Code Geass fanfic The Black Empire is still working for Britannia after the Black Knights free Japan from Britannian rule. His reasoning is that since it was freed with violence, it doesn't count and Japan isn't really free. So the only way for Japan to be properly free... is to reconquer it and then become the Knight of One so he can rule it.
  • In Boys Do Tankary, Miho believes she, rather than Saori, is entitled to have Vincent because she's the commander in her tank.
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  • Calvin and Hobbes: The Series: Calvin claims that since one of the water balloons was the same color as the ones Socrates had attacked him with last week, then the latter must be the culprit.
  • In the Crack Fic A Charmed Life Ryuk successfully seduces Light by arguing that since (according to an article in Light's porn magazine) "people in power tend to be more submissive in bed" and since it turns out that Light is naturally a twink he's definitely going to become a God now. It becomes true because Ryuk makes it happen.
  • In Common Sense, Misty begins to chalk Ash's victories up to dumb luck or cheating, since she's still bitter about having lost to him in the Cerulean Gym, despite the fact she has seen him training the whole time to be ready to fight Team Rocket when they show up. This reaches a climax in Chapter 20, when she finds Ash training with Brock, and assumes it's the latter is helping the former, when it's actually the other way around, and Brock himself says so.
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  • In the Death Note Slash Fic A Cure for Love, Souichiro believes that forcing his son Light to spend a week with his family will cure him of any gayness. Later, there's the instance where Light somehow came to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt so bad to get shot since he planned for it.
  • In Easy As Falling because Harry became a (In Name Only) "Dark Lord" in order to save Hogwarts from the Ministry, and kept them out using displays of force, McGonagall believes that the school hasn't really "saved." She believes the only right way to "save" Hogwarts now is to turn in Harry, allow the Ministry to close Hogwarts and gut the programs just like they wanted, and somehow become Headmistress.
  • In Emancipation Dumbledore reacts like this to Amelia Bones' insistence that she needs more than Dumbledore's word in order to issue a warrant for Snape's arrest.
    Did she not see that the crime was absolutely evident in and of itself? If Snape were to be arrested, he could be interrogated under Veritaserum and then she would have her evidence, but no, she needed the bloody evidence first! How in the name of Merlin was he supposed to bring it in, if the use of any truth potions was restricted to open investigations only and the stupid bint had refused to open the case?
  • Used many a times by the Lemony Narrator as the central form of thinking in the essay-fic, Equestria: A History Revealed.
    The act of baking is still not understood by most scholars (mostly me). It simply defies all reason; it cannot be explained. Do you know what else can't be explained? DARK MAGIC.
    Now, what other types of food are baked? Cakes, cookies and PIZZAS. What do pizzas stand for? The combined power of the Elements of Harmony. What does this mean? The magical power brought about with the combined strength of the elements is fueled by dark magic. To put it in layponys terms, if pizzas are powered by dark magic, then so are the Elements.
  • Evangelion 303: Saburo was Kaworu's boyfriend, but when Rei fell in a coma after a plane crash and Kaworu spent a long time by her bedside, Saburo felt ignored, got jealous and broke up with him. He regretted it afterwards and wanted to get Kaworu back, but Kaworu did not want him back. So Saburo started to lash out at everyone. In one scene he berates Kaworu for taking Rei to a restaurant and going back to (Kaworu's) home late (and when was Kaworu supposed to return to his own home?) and then warns him against wasting his forgiveness. Kaworu accurately points out that there is NOTHING to forgive.
    Kaworu: Forgiveness? You dumped me in a fit of jealousy fanned by the flames of your own imagination. There never was anything to forgive.
  • Fade: L constantly justifies his actions with this: for example, he starts killing criminals who don't deserve death to convince Light to do the same so he can become the villain in the story L needs to stop, and so that way L can teach him to use the Death Note the "right" way. Any reasonably sane and intelligent person (let alone geniuses like Light, Near, Mello, Matt, and Beyond) can easily poke holes through his logic — the only reason Light himself has yet to act on it is because he's being blinded by love.
  • In The Final Sword, Oda Nobunaga's body's never being found after Honnōji is used as the reasoning for why he's still alive, never mind that his body could have been burned to ashes in the fire or that dead bodies go undiscovered all the time.
  • In First Try Series Sasuke believes that Naruto couldn't possibly have been nominated to graduate early and pass because he wasn't. Because early nomination is political and the teachers told Sasuke they tried to nominate him but don't think he's ready. So the Dead Last has to have dropped out and be faking ninja. Regardless of the fact impersonating a ninja is illegal and Naruto is part of a Genin team.
    • When Sasuke does find out that Naruto legitimately graduated early, he believes that Naruto was an Itachi-level genius biding his time in the Academy to get around graduation age-laws and have everyone underestimate him so he could leave them in the dust.
  • From In Asylum after getting thrown in the loony bin Light concludes that the doctors must have made a mistake:
    "whatever it was Light knew it wasn't insanity. A God is perfect. And since he IS God he couldn't be crazy. Q.E.D."
  • In the Girls und Panzer fic Innocence Need Not Apply, Miho's father believes that the kind of traditionalism that the Nishizumi school operates on is comparable to this when taken to its logical conclusion, as he does in the following example.
    Mr. Nishizumi: If before the invention of fire humans ate meat raw, then should they have continued doing so after they invented fire?
  • In Kid Keitaro, Naru and Motoko insist Keitaro is a horrible pervert (like they do in canon) despite the fact he's eight years old. Even worse, when Naru finds Keitaro sleeping with Kitsune (he had a nightmare), she decides that an eight year old somehow overpowered and molested a twenty-one year old woman.
  • From Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami:
    I MUST KILL EVERYONE blud replied and he took the needle from TIOSEAFK!
    "Why do you want to want to do that?" she asked pouting her lipsticky lips.
    BECAUSE WE ARE SHINIGAMI AND THAT MEANS GOD OF DEATH AND GODS CAN DO ANYTHING SO THEY SHOULD MAKE EVERYTHING DEAD and he stuck the needle in a blood banana and sucked out the goopy blood inside.
    • Dark's threat in Chapter 17.
  • Tony in The Many Doors of Niu Heimar argues that Steve should ride with Thor during a transport using some...unusual logic.
    Tony: Come on, you'll get along great. You're from the past, he's from ancient Scandinavia-
    Steve: I'm from the 1940s.
    Tony: Exactly! That's the past.
  • In the Darkwing Duck fanfiction series, Negaverse Chronicles, Quackerjack can occasionally dabble in this. Of course, he is literally insane, so that's understandable. Oddly, the voices in his head are quick to point out that his logic isn't particularly sound.
    He couldn't think of any normal reason for there to be deep gashes in the street. That meant there was probably an abnormal reason for them. And since his team was probably the most abnormal group of people around that could only mean it was somehow connected to Megavolt's disappearance.
  • Dumbledore in Nymphadora's Beau not only refuses to take action against Umbridge (who's the Care of Magical Creatures teacher in this story) but actively hides evidence against her when Harry contacts the Aurors. He argues that since he knows what she's doing, it's better to have her around than get rid of her. This is despite the fact she's torturing students (like canon), using racial slurs when speaking/referring to students, ordering students to strip in class, and openly using her class to teach students "the difference between Pureblood wizards and Muggleborn animals". Dumbledore also insists Harry and Hermione apologize to Umbridge for "their disrespectful attitudes". Because refusing to be tortured by your teacher and protesting her nazi-esque lessons is disrespectful.
  • In Perfection is Overrated, Hitomi Kirihara, a parody of a Jerk Sue, engages in this while she has Mai at her mercy through a mind-controlled Natsuki.
    Hitomi: "It should be obvious to you now, if you know who I am, that it would be easier if you just answer my questions."
    Mai: "If I do, you'll just have Natsuki kill me, then kill herself. Maybe you'll even have her torture me fi-" (Natsuki is forced to knee Mai in the leg)
    Hitomi: "Easier for me. If you cooperate quickly, then I can have a little fun before I put the two of you out of your misery."
    Mai: "FUN!? You think killing innocent people and forcing others to commit atrocities is fun?"
    Hitomi: "Yes it is. And by putting people under my control, I enable them to throw off all their foolish inhibitions- their pride, their fear of the consequences, their sense of self-preservation, and most of all, their conscience! For those minutes, they can be as free as I am! This power does not only allow me to get what I want, but it allows me to do them a favor as well! Their lives are a small price to pay for that freedom!"
  • Rosario Vampire: Brightest Darkness:
    • In Act III chapter 41, Kuyou goes on a rant towards the other students about how he tried to protect and guide them; of course this falls completely flat considering the fact that he ran the Security Committee like a yakuza group, made the other students' lives miserable, killed more than one of them in cold blood, and generally did the exact opposite of protecting and guiding the students.
    • In Act VI chapter 15, when the group is confronting Arial over her theft of Mizore's ring, Arial states that, since everyone keeps saying that she's Dark's guardian angel and essential mother, she has a say in who Dark marries and says that Mizore can't marry Dark. When Ruby points out that as Dark's mother, she can't marry Dark either, Arial promptly tells them to think of her as his stepmother with no blood relation, insisting that no matter what, she's the only one good enough for Dark.
  • Second Wind: In Chapter 3, Zoro mixes this with No Sense of Direction, thinking that left is the same as west, and wherever the compass is pointing is where they have to go. Luffy calls him out on it (after realizing the fallaciousness himself)…and he still doesn't get it.
  • The Jackie Chan Adventures and Teen Titans crossover fanfiction A Shadow of the Titans:
    • The Axe-Crazy villain Gadjo's (mis)understanding of human relationships (romantic) boils down to women basically giving men sex to get them to take out the trash (and it's even WACKIER in full). The Titans are all stunned, save for BB, who's TAKING NOTES!
    • Gadjo also believes that the proper response to a bad-tasting pie is to keep eating it, in order to punish it for tasting bad.
    • When Raven and Robin are angsting over apparently causing Jade's death, Cyborg's response is to stick them in a crate together, hoping that that much angst will cancel itself out, like how two negatives equal a positive. Surprisingly, he's right.
  • In Six Paths of Rebellion, Suzaku is convinced that anything Britannia does is righteous and anything Zero does is evil, outraged that the Japanese support Zero over Britannia when "It was Britannia that created the SAZ where they could live freely", conveniently ignoring that they lived freely until Britannia invaded Japan. As a result, he blames the Zero and the Black Knights for the Shinjuku and Saitama Massacres. Furthermore when the Black Knights successfully free Japan, he's one of the people who chooses to leave to Britannia and can't understand how the Japanese can possibly be happy when their freedom was "created by a madman and a monster in human flesh". Several people including Naruto, Euphemia, and Lelouch, call him out on the ridiculousness and outright hypocrisy of his actions but Suzaku insists that they're wrong for overthrowing the corrupt system instead of trying to fix it.
  • In Spa Day, Missy is furious that the spa's computer served her a drink with an ingredient that reminds her of a traumatic incident from her past (something the computer could not possibly have known about).
  • Sarutobi's reasoning for why he never told Naruto that his fiance has been sleeping around for years in That Look. Sarutobi says that when Naruto first announced his intent to marry Anko, he was eight and Sarutobi figured it was a childish crush. When Naruto asks why he didn't say anything in the eight years since then, Sarutobi insists that once Naruto became a ninja, he was an adult and it wasn't Sarutobi's place to tell him how to live his life. Because once someone's a legal adult you should never give them advice or even clue them in on a cheating fiance since that'd be telling them how to live their life.
    • The author himself uses this to create a False Dichotomy. Either you only have sex with the person you love or you sleep around constantly and hate yourself. Every single character in the story that has multiple partners is stated as having slept with dozens of people (at a minimum) and always feeling "cold and empty inside" afterward.
  • Lampshaded in Thinking In Little Green Boxes when Harry rips J. Jonah Jameson a new one after J.J. begins his usual spiel about how Spider-Man is obviously a menace because he wears a mask:
    Harry: Oh, okay... So Magneto is okay, because you can see his face through the helmet, even if he tries to Kill All Humans and stuff, but Spider-Man's a bad guy because you can't see his face. Gotcha.
  • This Bites!:
    • Quite apart from his nonsense of direction, Zoro seems to have this attitude in regards to training, believing that broken bones heal stronger than they were before. Even in One Piece, that remains untrue, and Chopper is simultaneously infuriated and horrified.
    • The Bleeding Heart Bounty Hunters' rationale that since the WG cannot be trusted, Vivi's bounty is fake, and since all pirates are evil, she would never work with them willingly, therefore the Straw Hats kidnapped her.
  • In Welcome To The Family Near makes frequent use of this:
    Linda: L says Justice never sleeps!
    Light: Of course he does.
    Near: This is just further proof that Kira is not justice.
  • Dumbledore uses this in the Crack Fic Yet Another Twin to "prove" that Harry's brother is the Boy-Who-Lived.
    Dumbledore: My reasoning is, Rupert's scar is cross-shaped, cross is a symbol of Christianity, Christians burned witches, there are more Muggleborn witches than Muggleborn wizards, and Voldemort hates Muggleborns. It all makes sense in context.
  • Most of Thirty Hs.
    Gumbledorp, if you don't stop, we'll starve, and no one will be around to kill everyone in the universe if we get around to bringing them back to life after we killed them.
  • LadyBugOut:
    • The series gets kicked off when Alya insists that Ladybug being a superheroine makes her a celebrity — and as a celebrity, she has absolutely no right to privacy, while Alya has every right to deliberately misrepresent a photo, withholding context so speculation over the picture will draw attention to her Ladyblog. Much of the drama that ensues stems from her refusal to admit that she is in any way responsible for the consequences that naturally follow.
    • Adrien/Chat Noir feels entitled to Ladybug's love since the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous compliment each other — thus, he believes that being chosen to hold them means that they're destined to be together. Thus, Ladybug's resisting becomes her trying to defy destiny, in his eyes.
    • At one point, Chat challenges Ladybug to prove she doesn't love him by kissing him. When she refuses, he attempts to physically force her into it, then treats her rebuffing him as proof that she's in denial — because obviously, the only reason she wouldn't want to kiss him is because she knows she wouldn't be able to hide her 'true feelings' then. As opposed to not wanting to kiss him because she doesn't want to kiss some Jerkass who won't take no for an answer.
  • In Burning Bridges, Building Confidence, Adrien blames Marinette and Cole for how Lila has turned the bulk of their class against them with her manipulative ways. Why? Because they didn't just stand aside and let her lie to everyone unchallenged. She was just lying, and lies never hurt anyone! Therefore, they deserve to be hurt by all of her Malicious Slander... a.k.a., by her lying about them. Because her lies are oh so harmless.
    • To further drive home his Selective Obliviousness, he also believes that Cole is faking her vision troubles. Why? Because Lila, someone he knows to be a Consummate Liar with a grudge against her who is actively aiming to ruin her reputation, told him so. A sterling example both of how Lila's tall tales 'never hurt anyone' combined with him looking down upon and scorning Cole for her supposed fib, despite his instance that lies are harmless.
  • The One to Make It Stay: After Marinette rejects Alya's invitation to join his group at the wax museum, Adrien takes that as a sign that she might not want to be friends anymore. So he decides to play a prank on her, because 'laughter is the best medicine'. This causes him to accidentally overhear Alya and Marinette arguing, learning that Marinette used to have a crush on him, but has moved on. Plagg tries to convince him to fess up and clear the air, but Adrien refuses, not wanting to deal with the awkwardness of admitting he spied on them. He then proceeds to blame both of them — after all, if Marinette confessed how she felt, or Alya was able to convince her to do so, he wouldn't feel guilty at all over knowing about it.


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