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Thinking In Little Green Boxes, by DireSquirrel

This fic can be summed up in one phrase: What if Deadpool raised Harry Potter? Wait! Don't go!

Harry was supposed to be left at #4 Privet Drive all those years ago, but due to a mix-up, he gets sent to #4 Privy drive instead, where one Mister Wilson is staying at the time.

From there, Wade raises Harry, who in turn gains Deadpool's insanity.

Hilarity Ensues.

FanFiction.Net Link


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This fic provides examples of the following:

  • Actually a Doombot: Don't worry, that was just the Life Model Decoy of Cedric Diggory.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Namor thought that Harry shouting "TYRANNOUSAURUS REX!" while wearing a cheap Namor costume before jumping in the lake was hilarious.
  • Almighty Mom: Jean Grey is just about the only person (bar Agatha Harkness) who can actually control Harry. It actually gets to the point where it focuses enough rage in a calm sort of way that it prevents her from doing unfortunate things like eating star systems.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: every mention of the "Punisher's War Journal", and most of the times where Deadpool's involved too.
  • Crack Fic: It's Deadpool raising Harry Potter, what did you expect?
  • Crapsack World: The fact that the wizarding world of Harry Potter warrants an entry in this trope on its own page is addressed as various agencies and super hero teams find out how the wizarding world works and do not like what they find... and then take action to do something about it. This culminates in a segment where Harry hires She-Hulk to represent him as a lawyer so that he can get out of being charged for unlawful use of sorcery.
  • Crossover Couple: Sirius Black and Black Cat. Fred and George Weasley and the Stepford Cuckoos. Harry and Pixie.
  • Dead Fic: Hasn't been updated since 2012.
  • Deadpan Snarker: To the point where it's essentially a World of Snark. It is very rare for a character not to be sarcastic.
  • Death Is Cheap: Harry died offscreen in a crossover event that went undiscussed between books 1 and 2, before getting an Unexplained Recovery. Also, Emma Frost turned out to be a clone.
  • Fiction500: Thanks to his inheritance and putting his Pikachus to work robbing the other wizarding families for years Harry essentially owns the Wizarding World.
  • From Bad to Worse: For the wizards, the robbery of Gringotts by Pikachus gets a lot worse when the basilisk emerges from a Poke Ball.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Deadpool, Harry/Arthur B. Wilson, Illyana Rasputin.
  • Hero of Another Story: After being accidentally teleported to Asgard, Neville ends up going on a quest to get dwarven draught to heal his parents' minds. When we see him after he's completed his quest (and what is implied to be Training from Hell), he's become a powerful warrior (and absolutely ripped, to boot).
  • Hufflepuff House: to quote Deadpool after Harry tries out Hufflepuff - "YOU PUT MY SON IN A HOUSE FULL OF MINIONS?!" Then, Harry decides to make things a bit more interesting by introducing the Hufflepuffs to the works of Karl Marx, with Cedric Diggory leading a revolution.
  • Hulking Out: Harry the allosaurus animagus. He later becomes the Magic Avengers' equivalent of the Hulk, purple pants and all.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Professor Flitwick remarks that Harry's first year was a bad year to give up drinking.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Lampshaded, when Harry rips J. Jonah Jameson a new one: "Oh, okay... So Magneto is okay, because you can see his face through the helmet, even if he tries to kill all humans and stuff, but Spider-Man's a bad guy because you can't see his face. Gotcha."
  • Like You Would Really Do It: Lampshaded repeatedly, and invoked by Harry on one occasion: in order to ensure Cedric Diggory's survival, he published the first issue of a comic book starring him, knowing that no writer would have the guts to kill off a headliner in their first issue.
  • Luke, I Am Your Father: Harry says this to Voldemort, in a re-enactment of the trope naming scene. It's ludicrous enough that Voldemort actually just stops and stares for a little while, giving Harry time to run.
  • Madness Mantra: The Malfoys get hit with this.
    • Draco's "I AM A BANANA!"
    • And Lucius, after exposure to the Punisher's 'ringer', the Cookie Monster; "C is for Cookie, that's me!"
  • Magical Nanny: Agatha Harkness, who aside from Jean Grey, is the only one who can control Harry.
  • Magnetic Hero: There's something about Potter that attracts people to him... even though he's stark, raving mad.
  • Mind Screw
    • Harry does this to one of his opponents in the Danger Room, Prodigy, whose power is apparently the ability to share other peoples' awareness. He shares Harry's mind and realizes there are people watching them... through a screen, just staring at them and watching and OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!
    • As of chapter 47, Voldemort attempts to learn Dumbledore's secrets through Harry's mind (through their special mental link) only to break himself and order Bellatrix to get a mind healer to erase everything he has found in Harry's mind.
  • Momma's Boy: Harry to Jean, to an extent, since she's sort of his grandmother (short version: Deadpool is Harry's adopted father, Cable and Deadpool swapped DNA, Cable's biological mother is Jean's clone and Jean raised him in the far future). Barring Agatha Harkness, who scares him witless, she's just about the only person Harry even semi-reliably listens to, and he's a firm Shipper on Deck for Jean/Scott. Even to the point of killing Emma Frost - though that was just a clone.
  • More Dakka: Harry's solution to many a problem — it's super-effective!
  • Muggles Do It Better: From the Punisher's War Journal:
    I've finally figured out how to bypass the defenses of Voldemort's hideout. It was actually easier than dealing with the Mob, since Death Eaters aren't quite as good as taking pain as they are dishing it out. They also have absolutely no experience or talent for psychological warfare or interrogation, rather they just choose to cast a few spells and expect things to work. They also don't expect people to be able to dodge. They called me a muggle, whatever that means, I called them target practice.
  • Never Mess with Granny: Agatha Harkness, who more or less has Harry effortlessly terrified into submission.
  • No Fourth Wall: It's Deadpool and son, they probably tore it down on father-son day. Though Deadpool does ground Harry and as punishment forbids him from breaking the fourth wall for five chapters.
    • For reading ahead in his own book. There are rules after-all.
    • Naturally, Harry can only manage to follow the punishment for a chapter or two before he becomes unable to resist breaking the fourth wall again.
  • Noodle Implements: The reason why Harry isn't allowed to take sweets from strangers anymore involves a credit card, some doom-bots, a guy with metal skin, a flying car, and a really big magnet.
  • Noodle Incident: Harry: "Magneto and I tend not to get along ever since that incident with the — oh, I was told never to speak of that again. Sorry."
  • No Social Skills: As Harry points out he was "raised by mutants and assassins."
  • Oh, Crap!: Harry — sorry, Arthur Bea Wilson succumbs to utter despair during the dragon egg part of the Triwizard Tournament when he sees that Lockheed is his opponent.
  • Only Sane Man: McGonagall for the Hogwarts faculty (not helped by the fact that Dumbledore is perfectly happy to go along with whatever Harry and Deadpool related insanity is happening now), and Jean Grey for the X-Men. By Harry's 4th year, they're more or less Fantastically Indifferent, and consequently get on like a house on fire.
  • Overly-Long Gag: And spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun...note 
    • In this chapter alone, there are 7634 moments where the term 'and spun' is written plus one typo. Overly-Long Gag, INDEED!
  • Pass the Popcorn: Harry's reaction to the beginnings of the communist Hufflepuff uprising. Which, naturally, he instigated.
  • Pet the Dog: Harry accidentally breaks Neville's wand; feeling guilty for it, he gives the boy one of the extra wands he bought. It accidentally teleports Neville onto the Bifrost when he tries to use it, but it's the thought that counts.
  • Psychic Static: Harry and Arthur Bea Wilson use various techniques to piss off Voldemort while he possesses Harry. These include Henry The Eighth, Aqua's Barbie Girl, inbred pureblood jokes, Madonna's Like A Virgin, and finally belching Der Ring des Nibelungenin in German with armpit noise as the base and Arthur singing the female parts in the style of Carrot Top.
  • Reading Ahead in the Script: The Philosopher's Stone arc ends when Harry reads ahead in the book to find that Quirrel was Voldemort. Disappointed by this, Deadpool punishes Harry by banning him from Breaking the Fourth Wall for five whole chapters. Harry kept to it... mostly.
  • Retcon: Enough fans hated Harry incinerating Emma Frost for the writer to undo that (it was a clone) and have Harry tranq dart a now-good Juggernaut instead.
  • Rockumentary: Harry does one in the House of M.
  • Running Gag:
    • Several, such as Pokemon references and Harry's identity theft and frequent use of the credit card of Doctor Doom.
    • Early on had this little gem:
    Dumbledore He's just like James.
    McGonagall You say that like it's a good thing.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here: The Stepford Cuckoos when Molly Weasley is in the middle of her Evil Laugh phase after Fred and George learn the triplets are pregnant with identical twins.
  • Serious Business: When it comes to breaking the fourth wall, even Deadpool has his standards.
  • Shout-Out: To Godzilla, James Bond, The Muppets, Sesame Street, Scooby-Doo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Harry does the Gendo pose.
    • Care of Magical Creatures... I CHOOSE YOU!
      • Harry's quite a Pokemon fan; he refers to taking advantage of Gringott's absurd exchange rates to ludicrous profits as the "Rare Candy bug", Pikachus show up, etc. Hell, Harry basically invents Pokemon in universe - quite literally, in the case of the Pikachus.
    • I had no idea The Yankees attracted so much hatred.
    • And Harry is aware of this page.

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