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2009 horror movie spoof from one of the executive producers of Scary Movie. Not made by Seltzer and Friedberg, but with a somewhat similar style, if slightly (slightly) higher quality. Was released straight to video.

Stan Helsing parodies Van Helsing, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, Child's Play and Hellraiser. The villains of these movies (except Dracula, of all things) are planning to kill the last descendant/reincarnation of the original Van Helsing and lure him and his friends out to a deserted movie studio lot to do it on Halloween.

It's mostly pretty bad, but there a few redeeming features: a Leslie Nielsen cameo and Desi Lydic's endearingly ditzy performance as Mia, which belongs in a better movie.


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This film provides examples of the following tropes:

  • Absolute Cleavage: Nadine.
  • Actor Allusion:
    • This isn't the first time Leslie Nielsen appeared in a spoof of horror movies. His character, President Baxter Harris from in the Scary Movie series, comes to mind.
    • Kenan Thompson has appeared in SNL skits, many of which often spoof movies. Stan Helsing is basically one big SNL skit that parodies horror movies, and Kenan is one of the previously mentioned movie's main characters, Teddy.
  • All Men Are Perverts: Stan and Teddy don't hesitate to check out the vampire strippers.
  • Ambiguously Gay: The priest.
  • Ambiguously Jewish: Michael Myers.
  • Awesome Mc Coolname: Stan Helsing.
  • Ax-Crazy: Every villain is trying to kill our characters.
  • Badass Normal: Stan curbstomps the mostly superpowered horror movie monsters after he Took a Level in Badass. Also counts as Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass. See below.
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  • Bare Your Midriff: All the girls who act as MsFanservice.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Stan and Nadine have this going on during their dialogue. Teddy and Mia have it too, but they're more friendly about it. They all get together in the end.
  • Big Bad Ensemble/Villain Team-Up: All the horror movie villains team up to kill Stan Helsing and conquer the town.
  • Big Damn Kiss: Stan and Nadine do one of these when she realizes that she still loves him.
  • Big Eater: Teddy.
  • Black Comedy Rape: A deleted scene has Chucky suffer this.
  • Black Dude Dies First: Lampshaded and subverted. Teddy thinks that this is going to happen to him, but all the heroes live.
  • Brainless Beauty: Mia.
  • Brainy Brunette: Nadine. Well, brainy compared to the blonde anyway.
  • Break the Cutie: Nadine's backstory. Nadine use to be an optimistic plucky girl who was in love with Stan. However, Stan showed that he was a jerkass who didn't care about others, causing Nadine to break up with him and lose her faith in people. She would eventually become the emotionless, snarky woman we see in the film. Of course this was all Played for Laughs.
  • Brick Joke: The giant cockroach in the restroom.
  • Butt-Monkey: Stan and Nadine.
  • Buxom Is Better: Why everyone checks out Nadine.
  • Cassandra Truth: Stan. Nobody believes him about the monsters until they enter the ghost town.
  • Chekhov's Gun: The artifacts the priest gives them are utilized later in the climax.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Stan and Teddy are huge perverts, but they're good guys.
  • Cool Old Lady: Leslie Nielsen's character. She turns out to be putting on a jerkass facade in the beginning, but warms up to the heroes. But even when she's a jerkass, she's cool enough to serve them nice food options and still serves them despite the bad reputation Stan and his friends gained among the townsfolk.
  • The Chosen One: Stan Helsing is destined to be a monster hunter.
  • Covert Pervert: The gas station attendants film their clients using the restroom and release it on DVD.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Stan curbstomps all the monsters when he embraces his heroism.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Stan and his friends effortlessly defeat the monsters in the climax.
    • Stan and Teddy crush Chucky when they point out that he's just a small doll.
  • The Cynic: Nadine.
  • D-Cup Distress: Nadine has this problem. She deals with a lot of people observing or touching her breasts.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: "Chief Spanks-a-lot" does this while watching Stan use the gas station bathroom through a peephole.
  • Dead All Along: The town's population are all ghosts.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Everyone except for Mia. But special mention goes to Nadine.
  • Defrosting Ice Queen: Nadine becomes much kinder as the film goes on. She becomes much more positive and gets back with Stan after he matures as well.
  • Depraved Bisexual: The monsters act like they are sexually attracted as part of their methods to scare Stan right before they try to kill him. But at the same time, the Michael and Freddy expies also take a very long time admiring a woman's breasts while said Freddy expy signs them with a pen. This is combined with Ambiguously Bi in that it's never revealed whether they actually do find Stan attractive or if they were simply toying with Stan while preying on him.
  • Depraved Homosexual: The producers who own the town are making hardcore gay porn featuring monsters. However this is downplayed, in that they are simply producing consensual porn, even if it's hardcore. This is downplayed even further as, aside from being sexual deviants, they do nothing else that would be considered "depraved" by society's standards.
  • Dirty Old Man: The estate security guard shines his flashlight at Nadine's breasts.
  • Dirty Old Woman: Stan's grandma calls him at work asking for porn.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: A serial killer murdered his cellmate just for touching his spoon in the mess hall.
  • The Ditz: Mia.
  • Drugs Are Bad: Stan and his friends kill a dog while driving after smoking weed.
  • Dumb Blonde: Mia.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: Unlike Scary Movie, all the heroes get out alive and victorious. The town is saved. Stan and Nadine Took a Level in Kindness and got back together after growing into much better people. Oh, and Teddy gets a lap dance from Mia.
  • Eaten Alive: Jason and Michael are devoured by Sammy Boy.
  • Emotionless Girl: Nadine. She gets better.
  • Evil Is Hammy: All the villains are way over the top.
  • Exposed to the Elements: Nadine and Mia wear revealing Halloween costumes while out in the cold night.
  • Expy: The hitchhiker is obviously Charles Manson in everything but name. Although admittedly, he also has some elements of Chop Top thrown in.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Crazy and Sammy Boy were heroes before vowing revenge on Stan and his friends.
  • Fan Disservice: Stan and Leslie Nielsen share a kiss.
  • Fanservice: The Movie
  • Five-Man Band: Despite forming a Villain Team-Up, the monsters form a villainous one.
  • Faux Affably Evil: The monsters sing a song about killing Stan and his friends.
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble:
    • Choleric: Stan
    • Sanguine: Mia
    • Melancholic: Nadine
    • Phlegmatic: Teddy
  • Gag Boobs: Nadine. Courtesy of Diora Baird.
  • Genki Girl: Mia.
  • Genre Savvy: Stan. Justified by the fact he's a video store clerk (who even namechecks several movies while lampshading some of the film cliches) so he does reasonably possess a passing knowledge of all the (parodied) movie tropes the film consists of.
  • Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: The vampire strippers.
  • Good Is Dumb: Mia. She means well, but she's really stupid.
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Mia is the nicest character in the film.
  • Heel Realization: Stan realizes what an asshole he's been after remembering why he and Nadine broke up.
  • "The Hero Sucks" Song: “Hey Stan”, to the tune of “YMCA”.
  • Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Mia.
  • Hotter and Sexier: Compared to the Scary Movie series, this film has upped the fan service a lot.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Nadine doesn't like being checked out by people and is seen as a whore, but she's barely covered at all while wearing a sexy Native American costume.
  • I Just Want to Be Normal: Stan. He eventually embraces being a hero after some Character Development.
  • Idiot Hero: Stan Helsing.
  • In One Ear, Out the Other: After Mia does something even dumber than usual Stan blows in her ear. Cue the sound of wind whistling through an empty space and Mia looking around nervously for whatever caused the noise.
    Mia: Do you guys hear that?
  • It's All About Me: Stan is like this at first. He gets better.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: All of the main characters, except for Mia.
  • Karma Houdini: Approximately half of the monsters get away alive and in one piece. Although they know not to screw with Stan at the end.
  • Kick the Dog: Nadine makes herself feel better by telling Mia she's a stupid bitch to her face.
  • Knight in Sour Armor: Nadine doesn't show any emotion or care for others. She becomes a lot nicer and caring as the film goes on.
  • Lesbian Vampire: Parodied.
  • Lighter and Softer: The film lacks the violence you'd see in other parody films.
  • Literal-Minded: Mia.
  • The Load: Mia doesn't help at all and is only present because she's hot.
  • Loser Protagonist: Stan.
  • Manchild: Everyone except Nadine is this.
  • Monster Mash: Curiously composed entirely of psychos from slasher films rather than classic movie monsters.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Every good-looking female character, but especially Mia, who wears both a Roman Catholic schoolgirl uniform and a nurse costume.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: The final battle with the monsters is a Karaoke battle.
  • My Car Hates Me: Teddy's car breaks down as soon as they enter the ghost town.
  • My Eyes Are Up Here: Nadine has to constantly do this to others checking out her breasts.
  • Narrow Parody: The film barely touches on Van Helsing at all.
  • Naughty Nuns: Mia owns a sexy nun outfit.
  • Naughty Nurse Outfit: Mia's final costume.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Teddy consumed the holy water from Stan's water gun, preventing him from vanquishing the monsters.
  • Obviously Evil: Crazy and the hitchhiker are both clearly evil.
  • Oh, Crap!: The monsters all react in fear when they realize that Stan is a monster hunter after all.
  • Only Sane Man: Stan and Nadine are the only smart ones on the team.
  • Our Ghosts Are Different: It's implied that the whole town is populated by ghosts.
  • Panty Shot: Mia gets one from Stan's P.O.V.
  • The Peeping Tom: Chief Spanks-a-lot.
  • Precision F-Strike: This happens pretty early on in the film.
    Teddy: It would help if there were some fucking street signs.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: The monsters. They even sing a song about killing the heroes.
  • Really Gets Around: Mia is implied to be a prostitute.
  • Relationship Upgrade: Stan and Nadine become a couple again after Stan becomes a better person. Also Teddy and Mia get together soon after.
  • Reluctant Fanservice Girl: Nadine. She doesn't appreciate the attention she receives.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Crazy vows to kill Stan and his friends for killing his dog.
  • Single Woman Seeks Good Man: Nadine and Mia.
    • Nadine got her heart broken by Stan and lost her faith in people because of it. However, when Stan becomes nicer and selfless, she instantly becomes attracted to him and rebuilds their relationship afterwards.
    • Mia is a hooker who's never had real love. Just meaningless sex that she's had a lot of. She feels attracted to both Stan and Teddy when they accept her for more than just her body. She ends up with Teddy when he admits his lust for her.
  • Stealth Pun: Stan Helsing insists his name is not Van. The actor who plays Stan had a supporting role in the sitcom Reba, where he played... a guy named Van. Some people argue this is too funny to be a coincidence. Others argue that it's too smart to be intentional.
  • The Cameo: A cross-dressing Leslie Nielsen!
  • Sarcasm-Blind: Mia.
  • The Slacker: Stan.
  • Slapstick Knows No Gender: The females take as much abuse in the film as the men do.
  • Slasher Smile: Who else?
  • Shameless Fanservice Girl: Mia likes to work it and has experience.
  • She's Got Legs: Nadine and Mia.
  • Shipper on Deck: Mia is for Stan and Nadine's relationship. She hopes they end up together.
  • The Stoic: Nadine.
    • Not So Stoic: When confronted by the monsters, Nadine admits that she's scared to Stan.
  • Stripperiffic: All of the important female characters dress sexually.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: Nadine feels this way.
  • Thanks for the Mammaries: This is a Running Gag with Nadine. All of the heroes grope her breasts at least once. She doesn't appreciate it.
    Nadine: Your hands are on my breasts.
  • This Loser Is You: Stan is the average guy you'd see in real life.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Mia and Teddy constantly forget they're in danger.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Stan takes on the monsters after embracing his destiny as a hero.
  • Took a Level in Cheerfulness: The townspeople become friendlier when Stan defends them.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: Stan and Nadine get some pretty good Character Development.
  • Town with a Dark Secret: The whole town is cursed by monsters. It's also the capital for producing hardcore gay porn.
  • Two Girls to a Team: Nadine and Mia.
  • Unexplained Recovery: The entire town is brought back to life despite being populated by ghosts.
  • Villain Song: The monsters sing a YMCA parody song about killing Stan.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Nadine's backstory reveals this. She broke up with Stan because she was shocked to see what a selfish jerkass he really was. This leads to her becoming a stoic, snarky woman who doesn't trust anyone. At least until she gets back together with Stan after they both receive some Character Development.
  • When She Smiles: Nadine looks much more prettier when she smiles while performing a song with the team against the monsters. She ends up regaining her optimism by the end of the film.
  • World of Snark: Everyone in the movie is sarcastic except for Mia.
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