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Fanfic / Lovehammer Inc

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Lovehammer Inc is the child of the Usagi as raised by the GEoM thread on, just like Arkado's Lovehammer and Bpen's The Scattering of Serenity. The idea is simple: what if Sailor Moon had been brought up by the God Emperor of Mankind? The results range from silly to serious and most of the writing effort has been done collectively. Nevertheless, there are things that might be, tentatively, described as separate continuities.


This fanfic contains examples of:

  • All Animals Are Domesticated: Angron gives Persephone a Cthellean Cudbear (a purple-furred, bat winged carnivore larger than most space marines), having housebroken it for her.
  • The Alliance: The Eldar Treaty, which was signed sometime after the Age of Heresy, formally established an alliance between the Imperium and some of the Eldar Craftworld and Exodite worlds. Not all the Eldar are a part of the treaty, however, with the militantly anti-human Craftworld of Biel-tan being among the most prominent of the holdouts. A similar alliance exists with the Tau Farsight Enclaves.
    • The Tau matter is exceptionally weird, though, since the canon fluff strongly implies that the Tau technology came from the Eldar leading early Tau to a crashed Imperial colony fleet and helping them reverse-engineer the technology (read: doing it for them and eventually rage-quitting in exasperation). The colony fleet in question was on its way to wipe out the Tau species to settle their homeworld due to the colonists being desperate survivors of a heavily populated planet that was destroyed. In Lovehammer, exterminatus is not thrown around like candy, so this likely didn't happen.
  • Artistic License – Paleontology:
    • Sailor Terra's author is aware that the Velociraptors are smaller than depicted in Jurassic Park. There is an intention to eventually portray them that way, but forgets to.
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    • There was a post where in a 'fan' was very upset and spouting conspiracy theories because Velociraptors don't have feathers. The exchange culminated in Sailor Terra throwing progressively longer tailed and more scaly chickens at the man, then manifesting a fluffy T-Rex baby in his arms. The fic takes place in the 80s, the same time Sailor Moon does, that Velociraptors had feathers was only discovered in 2007.
  • Asskicking Equals Authority: Primarchs, Senshi, the Emperor...
  • The Atoner: In some continuities, Horus and his legions, after being purified by a Moon Princess Halation. They can never be forgiven, but they try to redeem themselves anyway, hunting down other traitors.
  • Awesomeness Is a Force: The Emperor could probably burn normal peoples' sanity by just being in the area if he didn't bother reigning in his psychic presence. The same goes for the physical part of the matter.
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  • Badass Boast: "You don't get to take my knights, daemons. Not now, not ever."
  • Badass Bureaucrat: The Librarians of the World Eaters legion rarely see battle since they're busy providing astropathic and navigational services. This doesn't mean that they aren't enthusiastically dangerous opponents given the chance.
  • Badass Normal: Captain Edmynion, just an ordinary officer of the Imperial Guard, but he saves Warmaster Horus's life with a Heroic Sacrifice.
  • Batman Gambit: Alta and Corax deceive Alaitoc craftworld with a prophecy that without the help of a band of Eldar pirates the craftworld is doomed. This lures the pirates, the actual target, into a trap.
  • Battle Couple: Esin and Amphithoe, Tekhne and Perturabo, Ira and Magnus, Russ and Thora.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Serenity is the source of light and hope in the Imperium and one of the main reasons why it is a much better place than it is in canon. She believes so strongly in peace that she even tried to make peace with Tyranids when Hivefleet Behemoth invaded. However, when the Behemoth Hivemind responded by very definitively rejecting the very concept of peace, she responded with a psychic assault that left it completely terrified by the very idea that something could hurt it at that level.
  • Brain Bleach: The general reaction to seeing Sailor Horus, both by youma and rescuees alike.
  • Bring My Brown Pants: An assassin learns to his detriment that you do not try to harm Serenity's 'little' brothers when just her tone of voice terrifies him, and this is after getting set on fire by an irate Mars.
  • Cain and Abel: Several Lovehammer renditions of the Horus Heresy have Horus killing one or more of his siblings.
  • The Chew Toy: The entire cast of the Sailor Horus continuity. Particularly Nefer.
  • The Clan: The 'Imperial Family' in all its dysfunctional glory.
  • Cock Fight: Russ and Angron used to fight over Thora.
  • Color-Coded for Your Convenience:
    • The Emperor and things related to him are gold. Serenity, her powers and her guard are silver.
    • The Adeptus Mechanicus of Mars wear red robes as per canon, the offshoot Mercurian Sect led by Tekhne wear blue.
  • Cool Big Sis: Serenity to the Primarchs. Konrad remembers how she sang to them when they were infants and then there's the fact that she searched for them along with their father.
  • Cute and Psycho: "Sailor" Fulgrim, most likely as a side effect of being reclaimed from Slaanesh. His new mission in life is to kill all perverts. Unfortunately, being a beautiful man cross dressing as a sailor senshi, he tends to generate a lot of them himself.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Little Serenity has this effect on the Emperor.
    • Persephone has this effect on both Mortarion and Sanguinius when she first meets each of them.
    • Also, Azmina with a young Rogal Dorn.
  • Dance Battler: Angron and Esin dance with swords and it's quite a crowd pleaser.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: Angron and Serenity, invoked in their first meeting no less.
  • Distracted by the Sexy: Beryl is justifiably thrown off her train of thought by Fulgrim in some incidences.
  • Drinking Contest: Leman Russ starts one, though it did not go the way he expected it to, isn't that right, Mortarion?
  • Drives Like Crazy: Angron's attempt to ride a warbike led to him breaking both the warbike and both his legs. He did take out a lot of Orks in the process though.
  • Dual Wielding: Angron's preferred fighting style is to use two swords at once.
  • Due to the Dead:
    • Many of the Imperial Family carry out funeral rites suitable for the dead of Chogoris.
    • A ceremonial bell-ringing marks the demise of a Chapter of Space Marines (although Angron has his own means of honouring their passing).
  • Everyone Is Related: Although the Senshi and Serenity aren't really blood relatives, not even to each other, not that they care much.
  • Extreme Omnivore:
    • Mortarion enjoys Serenity's cooking.
    • Serenity as a small child would eat anything and the Emperor's hair was her favourite target.
  • Fairytale Wedding Dress: Omegon wears one to marry Alpharius.
  • Fake Defector: Angron pulls this against Khorne, to the point of carrying out a human sacrifice Lucius rather than the offered child to seal the deal. Even Kharn, who knows Angron best, believes he will join Doombreed in a glorious slaughterfest... until Angron for possibly the only time in the story lowers his voice and orders his legion to attack the forces of Khorne.
  • Father, I Want to Marry My Brother: Alpharius when asking the Emperor to give away the bride at his wedding.
  • Fictional Document: There are entire series of references to fictional romances involving Primarchs and/or Senshi. It should be noted that while many authors of particularly bad or absurdly unflattering fiction have been found horribly maimed and/or murdered, the legions following the Primarch/Senshi featured were not involved.
    • Angron has a five season cartoon series based loosely on his actual actions.
  • Fictional Holiday: Emperor's Day is celebrated across the Imperium (although in some cases it's more associated with Malcador than the Emperor).
    • The World Eaters call it Recruiting Day but their celebrations do include roast poultry and crackers.
  • Fisher King: Seems to be invoked with the Emperor in the Toy Soldiers storyline. Sailor Terra was drawn forth into the 'canon' 40k verse by Beryl and bound into service via the tradition of "Sacred Marriage" with the Emperor. Simply known as "Terra" she is insane from the state of the world in 40k and has little personality in common with the Mamoru/Darien Shields Sailor Terra.
  • Flirty Stepsiblings: It's a common belief in the Imperium that Horus and Serenity are or were very very fond of each other despite being (adopted) siblings.
  • Four-Star Badass: Most of the Royal Family have armies under their command which doesn't stop them fighting on the frontlines.
  • Gambit Pile Up: The Great Treachery and the Age of Heresy in general as there is a reason it was nicknamed the "Galactic Clusterfuck" by the authors.
  • Gender Bender: While the Sailor Horus storyline has the eponymous character and Fulgrim crossdressing, Mortarion and Angron were reborn as women.
  • Girls with Guns:
    • Mars likes her meltagun, yes she does.
    • Carried one step further with the OC Captain Sharon Vale of the Cadian 11th Armored and her tank/boyfriend Blade of Fury a.k.a. Sharon's Boomstick, an Imperial Shadowsword tank. Also Cargo Ship.
    • Venus also mentions proficiency with a bolter once or twice.
  • Give Me a Sword: In one continuity, the Fallen Horus finds himself unable to withdraw his sword from a dead Angron and therefore 'borrows' Angron's sword, politely checking if his brother objects.
  • Guns in Church: The World Eaters refactories are specifically arranged so that they never need to be more than arms reach from their weapons even while eating.
  • Hand Cannon: Tekhne's holout boltpistol is sufficently powerful she generally drops it following the first shot. But some times she really needs that sort of punch. Besides, Perturabo gave it to her.
  • Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Non-romantic example with Mortarion and Persephone.
    • Almost straight examples with the married Primarchs and Senshi. Jupiter is far from being short, but even a tall woman will look tiny next to a Primarch.
  • Innocent Fanservice Girl: When Angron is reborn as a girl in the Sailor Horus storyline, he cares little if someone can see up his skirt while she is fighting evil.
  • The Internet Is for Porn: The Martian global network consists of 40% porn. The Emperor assures them that this is completely to be expected that such happen spontaneously to such a network, and that Slaanesh isn't involved.But it's icky wet fleshy sex! For the cyborg, flesh-hating Mechanicus this is layers of perversion and ew. Their own datasphere is trolling them.
  • In the Name of the Moon: "IN NOMINE LUNA". Space Marines shout this occasionally. They have at least once also declared something like that they win battles during the night and fight for justice during the day. And it is seriously scary to their opponents.
    "THE EMPEROR'S WRATH UPON THE BETRAYER!" was the retort of a thousand strong.
    "The Wolves no longer howl at the Moon."
    "Brothers! I offer you the Astral Claws and Huron Blackheart, the Tyrant of Badab!"
  • It Tastes Like Feet: Horus compares Serenity's biscuits with a "wet cat's backside" here.
  • I Was Beaten by a Girl: Russ, much to his dismay.
  • Lady of War: Serenity, with all her kindness and grace, now has the benefit of being raised by the God Emperor of Mankind to fight Xenos and daemons. She also befriended Angron. With her bare fists.
  • Large and in Charge: The vast majority of the Primarchs are noticeably larger than their followers.
  • Large Ham:
    • Angron. Let's just say its so bad it is wonderful, and hilarious. THE ANGRY ONE IS A FRIEND TO ALL CHILDREN!
    • Also Leman Russ: “Lo! Did the hero rise his mighty mop and clean the treacherous floor!” a thunderous roar sounded from the depths of the Imperial Palace.
  • Last of His Kind: After the destruction of Chogoris at the hands of rogue Space Marines, Jaghatai and the remnants of his family are this. Before the event, as befitting of a Khan, Jaghatai had 300+ wives, many children, and along with relatives, a family of over 1000 people. After the event, and the rest of the Age of Heresy, all he had remaining was ten people.
  • Lethal Chef: Serenity's attempts at cooking go as well as in canon.
  • Little Miss Badass and Badass Adorable: Persephone. Also known as the Senshi Saturn.
  • Luke, I Am Your Father: Pretty much how finding a Primarch works, unless it's Serenity that makes first contact, which seems to be most of the time. In which case, the line is more like "I am your sister". Then again, those instances only mean that the Luke, I Am Your Father moment is temporarily delayed.
  • Luminescent Blush: Thora during Vulkan and Angron's wrestling match.
  • Man in a Kilt: Angron is implied to favor kilts in a few continuities. In the Sailor Horus storyline he treats the fuku skirt the same way, despite being a teenage girl at the time
  • Massive Numbered Siblings: Jaghatai has a staggering number of children.
  • The Matchmaker: Azmina, not that it ever works.
  • Meaningful Funeral: The funeral procession of the Emperor and the vigil of the Imperial Family at the memorial to Malcador the Sigilite.
  • Meaningful Rename: An alternate version of the arrival of Imperial presence on Nostramo has Serenity rename the Night Haunter to Konrad Curze.
  • Mind Rape: Unwillingly inflicted on Fulgrim when his soul got transferred back to his body. He kept the memories of the deamon that had been possessing him.
  • Mood Whiplash: In Toy Soldiers Ferrus Manus fell to Nurgle, and Fulgrim lost most of his legion but they succeed in putting the Iron fists down, burning them on pyres. Horrifically repeating the mental denial that it wasn't, hadn't been his brother. This barely has time to sink in on the thread when the next ficbit goes up. They are resurrected as Llamas and Prinnies as they had been warned would happen. Purple Llamas. They are sent to petting zoos since they likely fell due to lack of hugs.
  • Morton's Fork: Fulgrim was warned about the sword on Laer. If he took it he'd be exposed to it, if he refused it they would know he had been warned.
  • Moses in the Bulrushes: Princess Serenity of the Moon Kingdom is sent away as an infant and found by the leader of a different space empire.
  • Mother Nature, Father Science:
    • Sailor Terra dropped a fish on him. Word of God is that he was Prof. Tomoe.
    • Quite literally in the case of Terra and the Emperor, both being Eldritch Horrors with their own portfolios.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Toy Soldiers, Beryl has a wish, and Lovehammer never happens.
  • No Indoor Voice: Angron.
  • Not Blood Siblings: Serenity and the Primarchs are adoptive siblings. Alpharius and Omegon's realization of this upon meeting them is what sows the seeds of their suspicion towards her and the Senshi, and eventually, Omegon's fall.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Angron for once lowers his voice to 'indoor' levels as he rejects Khorne's offer to join his forces. Seconds later the entire World Eaters Legion launch a full frontal assault on the assembled army of the Chaos God of Battle.
  • Older and Wiser: When one of the next generation of the royal family needs to get his anger under control, Angron is tapped as mentor.
  • Old Soldier: Horus, after serving for eons in the Black Legion.
  • Only Sane Man: Malcador. Rogal Dorn wants to be this, but Perturabo gets in his way.
  • Parrot Pet Position: Persephone occasionally rides on Mortarion's shoulder.
  • Percussive Therapy: A decade with the World Eaters did let Artai work through his anger over the destruction of Chogoris.
  • Pistol-Whipping: The early command style of Umi, reincarnation of Angron, involves a lot of this. How much effect it has on power armoured World Eaters is questionable.
  • Royals Who Actually Do Something: Pretty much all the royal family have important jobs in the Imperium.
  • Security Cling: In the face of Lorgar's betrayal, Roboute Guilleman can't make everything alright for Alta, but they do have time for a quick hug.
  • Shout-Out: The Imperial Literature and Imperial Entertainment chapters are essentially built on shout outs to literature, television, etc.
  • Show Within a Show: There is a cartoon about Angron, and many, many novels written about the love lives between the Primarch and Anima. Be warned, however, that the Legions take the portrayals of their respective Father/Mother figures very seriously.
  • Shut Up, Kirk!: The Behemoth Hivemind's response to Serenity's attempts to and make peace with it during the battle of Maccrague.
  • Snowball Fight: Azmina and Rogal like these.
  • Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace: Lorgar probably would have protested Alpharius' wedding to Omegon but he fainted before he could. Everyone else was deterred by The Emperor, Serenity and Angron's support for the wedding, or respect for the couple's wishes.
  • Stalker with a Crush: Beryl started as this towards Fulgrim.
  • Sticky Fingers: The Blood Ravens are beginning to worry about their reputation after being mistakenly suspected by the Death Guard of kidnapping Persephone.
  • Summon Magic: One of Terra's attacks, summons a large prehistoric bony fish, either above the enemy or in the water with them.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Of course, no Legion would stoop as low as to murdering a simple writer for writing bad historical romance about their Primarch.
  • Threatening Shark: When the Youma jumped out of the water to escape the fish Sailor Terra used "Pretty Sailor Solider Shark Attack" since the great white was capable of jumping out of the water to get the Youma.
  • Tomboyish Name: Russ and Thora's daughter Ulfhild. They were expecting a boy, so no female names were considered. The Archivist notes that it was mostly Russ that was absolutely convinced that they where going to have a son, so Thora had to step in. Still, Ulfhild is named in honour of her father. Awww. None-the-less it is a female name, yay for the harshness of Nordic/Germanic languages.
  • Tranquil Fury: Do not refer to Persephone as an abomintion to Mortarion, face-to-face or not. Calas you foolish man...
  • Troll:
    • Malacador and the Imperial Family, mostly the male half. That and violence is how they bond. The Emperor is the biggest troll of them all.
    • Ruin as the personification of Entropy in the SM universe, with Cosmos (aka far, far, far future Serenity) personifying Order, has been inserted into the 40k universe. His entire existence is to troll other beings, except that he in turn is trolled by Cosmos. He trolls her back by killing her Senshi in ever-more inventive ways. Being thrown into the grim dark galaxy ironically mellowed him/it out a lot. Some consider Ruin indicative of the OC bloat in Lovehammer. However, due to multiple continuities and the friendly posting atmosphere, this is not as much of a problem as keeping track of the many different continuities. Yes. The confused reader needs to troll back.
    • a Dark Eldar character known as Ruith not only trolls the imperium (his introduction has him announcing his intention to court Sailor Morta) , but has managed to use trolling and mindscrews as a alternative food source than teh typical Dark Eldar addiction to pain and torment.
  • Twin Switch: Alpharius and Omegon pull this occasionally with Omegon forcing a permanent one when he joins Lorgar and takes most of their legion with him.
  • Undying Loyalty: While all the Primarchs loved their sister (Serenity), Konrad Curze was utterly devoted to her.
  • Utility Belt: Perturabo gave Tekhne one as a wedding anniversary. It is known to contain at least two pairs of earplugs and a holdout boltpistol.
  • Warrior Princess: Serenity; being raised by the God Emperor of Mankind has made her much militant than she was in her own canon. She's still a sweetheart, but she's also more capable of killing monsters alongside the Imperium's soldiers.
  • Welcomed to the Masquerade: a member of an illicit Inquisitorial Ordo devoted to monitoring the Astartes Legions and the Primarchs is shocked when he's recruited into the official (if secret) organisation that actually does this and finds out his group was tolerated as a distraction from the real safeguards.