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- In the Family Guy episode "Jerome is the Brand New Black", Quagmire gives one to Brian, who has spent the entire episode trying to be his friend. It helps that the points he makes are quite valid as they were based on complaints viewers had been making about Brian for a good while.
Quagmire: Okay. I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife; the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing; you always say, "Ooh, I'll getcha later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some 7th Grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should, "Legalize Pot, man." How big business is crushing the underclass. How homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have you done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen you down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way: driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because "Religion is for idiots." Well who the hell are you to talk down to anyone?! You failed college twice! Which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore! (Beat) Well, see ya Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
- In a later episode, Brian gives Quagmire his own speech, basically calling him a shallow Know-Nothing Know-It-All.
- Brian gives Connie D'Amico one in the episode "Barely Legal":
Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay. (She and another couple laugh)
Brian: (slurring a bit) You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?!
Meg: Brian, let's just go.
Brian: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark?
Connie: [runs off in tears]
- Brian is on the receiving end on another one in "Brian Writes a Bestseller" where Bill Maher rips on him, especially after Brian craps all over his own book in a desperate attempt to impress him.
Arianna Huffington who's sitting to Brian's left on the panel: He's urinated on the chair.
Maher: Bad dog! Get down!
- One of the show's favorite cutaway gags is showing Stewie give some celebrity a "The Reason You Suck" Speech. There was a funny scene subverting the audience's expectation of the subject's reaction when Stewie attempted to tell Matthew McConaughey=] how much he sucked. McConaughey simply agreed with everything Stewie said, admitting that, yes, his movies sucked and yes, he was a bad actor. Then again, he agreed with almost everything Stewie said.
Stewie: You suck donkey ass.Matthew: Now, you can't prove that.
Matthew McConaughey is terrible
- This is later directly parodied in a later episode as an example of the show's eventual Seasonal Rot. Peter bluntly segues to a cutaway gag, and we're given the following line (which has absolutely nothing to do with what Peter just said) by Peter standing in front of a completely empty space.
- In "Seahorse Seashell Party", Meg, the resident Butt Monkey of the show, calls Chris, Lois, and Peter out on their flaws, foibles, and abuse towards her in what is one of the show's most satisfying moments.
Meg: Chris, you're my brother. You're supposed to be on my side, and you're such a bastard to me!Chris: How am I a bastard?!Meg: Oh, you want the full story?...Chris, you treat me like you hate me, and I don't know why. You say hurtful things to me constantly. Do you have any idea what that feels like? What if I said those things to you? What if I started calling you a fat, zitty loser who has no friends and smells like an old woman who has birds for pets. Is it too much to ask to be treated with a little decency from my brother? Maybe show me some kind of kindness by not jumping on the "Let's Get Meg!" family bandwagon?Meg: Is this coming from my role-model mother? The shoplifter, the drug addict, the pornstar, the whore who let Jean Simmons and Bill Clinton go to town on her?Lois: So what? All those things are behind me now. I'm a better person because of those experiences.Meg: Are you? Are you a better person?...with all the irresponsible, reckless, idiotic behaviour in your past, that somehow you have the nerve, the arrogance, to consistently and ruthlessly point out my shortcomings.Lois: Alright, well, fine. Okay, I'm not the perfect mother. Who is?Meg: Not only are you not the perfect mother, you're the furthest thing from. From the moment you gave birth to me, I had to trust you. I had no choice. I needed you to protect me from the world, to be my guide, to help me navigate the difficult, confusing and vulnerable journey to becoming a person. You have done none of those things. You're my mother, and you took a child's trust and smashed it into bits in a seventeen-year-long mission to destroy something that you killed a long time ago. And, honestly, when I turn eighteen, I don't know that I ever want to see you again.Meg: You (Peter) are completely selfish and totally irresponsible as a father.Peter: Alright, I see where this is going. You're in love with your old man.Meg: You have no education, you have no interests, you just do whatever reckless thing you do whenever you want to do it without regard for anyone else. Oh, and when you're not terrorising the community with your impulsive escapades, you're being a total jerk to your family. You shove your daughter's face in your ass and fart in it!Peter:[Laughs]Meg: God, if someone in the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!Peter: [still laughing]Meg: Oh, this is amusing to you? Well, see if you find this funny. You are a fat, lazy, abusive, blue-collar Irish Catholic dad, who drinks WAY too much and barely makes enough money to support his family. You've lived half your life and you have nothing to show for it. Your only arguable accomplishments are your kids, and look at us! We're a disaster! You're a total and complete embarrassment, in every possible way. Take a good look at yourself, Peter Griffin. You're a waste of a man!
- In "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven" Stewie gave one to THE ENTIRE CAST OF Star Trek: The Next Generation, as they were so annoying to him during their trip around town (not knowing about McDonald's withdrawn products and the requirements to bowl the examples featured).
"This... was... exhausting. This whole experience, was absolutely... exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all FUCKING DIE."
- Family Guy LOVES this trope. A more depressing, plea-like one came from Quagmire to his sister, Brenda, in "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.", during an intervention to get her away from her Bastard Boyfriend.
"The person I see before me right now is just a punching bag. And I call you "person," not "woman," because a woman is a strong, beautiful vibrant creature. Sadly, the fact that you are with Jeff proves to me that you have made a choice to make your life worse."
- Yet ANOTHER one came from "Baby Not on Board", where Peter manages to completely mess up a vacation by not knowing about September 11th, jumping out of the car he was driving to watch a movie in another car, mocking Lois after she crashed due to said movie, and using the rest of their cash to buy... shower curtain rings. After the latter, Lois finally blows up at him.
"You are unbelievable! The last four days have been a living hell! Our baby is at home all by himself yet instead of getting us home you've managed to make things worse at every turn! A monkey would be a refreshing step up from you! A monkey would talk less! Here's a little tip. If your instinct tells you to do something, don't do it. If your instinct tells you not to do something, it's probably the right thing to do!"
"You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. Oh, I can be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like- I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me, 'cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."
- Which is even funnier when you recall that Lois' mother tried hooking her up with a monkey in an earlier season.
- Peter decides to give one back:
- Even though all he did was quote Planes, Trains and Automobiles, to which the shower curtain rings were a reference.
- In "Brian & Stewie" Brian goes into a childish drunken tirade about how much of a stupid baby Stewie is. Stewie after one too many jibes finally coolly gives him his two cents, claiming Brian is nothing more than "the best of a bad situation" and the only reason he even bothers to be around him is because Brian is pathetic enough to amuse him just slightly, even pointing out how he earlier coaxed Brian into cleaning his diaper by eating his poop just to see how low he could make him stoop. Subverted when he later admits he made the whole thing up because he was hurt.
- In the episode “Valentine's Day in Quahog", Stewie rounded up all of Brian’s exes to give their (bad) opinions of him:"
Brian: What's going on? Oh, my God.[it's all of Brian's ex-girlfriends sitting gathered in the living room]Brian: Stewie, what the hell?! These are all my ex-girlfriends!Stewie: Well, I thought they could provide some insights that might improve your love life. Ladies, as you may have guessed, you are here because you have all dated this great guy. Yet, somehow, things didn't work out. My objective is to figure out why.Rita: I don't know. The word "self-absorbed" comes to mind.Carolyn: And pretentious.Unnamed woman #1: Definitely pretentious.Jillian: And he's got a big Eggo! (ego)Stewie: Okay, we seem to have a theme going here.Brian: Oh, come on! You're all just mad because I didn't want to be with you!Ida: I think Brian's a wonderful man. He's just having a difficult time coming to terms with his own sexuality.Brian: Shut up, Ida.Stewie: She's my favorite.Cheryl Tiegs: He's insecure.Unnamed woman #2: And a blowhard.Brooke: And he's got a tiny penis.[the women laugh]Stewie: Yeah, that was pretty clear by the survey. Okay, now who wants more wine.Ida: This is great. We should do this every Saturday.Brian: No, no, we're not going to do this every Saturday!Rita: What's wrong? We're just being honest.
Brian: Oh, oh, you want honest? (points to Rita) You're an old bag, (points to Kate) you're blind, (points to Brooke) your vomit tastes weird, (points to Jillian) you don't even know why you're here, (points to Lauren Conrad) you chose to be on The Hills, (points to Ida) you still have bits of penis left, (points to something off screen) and you can never get wet![it's Gizmo that sighs]Brian: (points to Stewie) And you?! You're more of a woman than anyone else in this room!Stewie: Get him!
- Brian then tries to turn the conversation around and gives his exs his own speeches:
- Joe gives a truly inspirational one to Sheriff Nichols in "Cool Hand Peter", calling him out for being a Corrupt Cop and disgracing the uniform.
Joe: You took an oath just the same as me, Sheriff — to protect and serve. Not to harass and douche. Just 'cos you have a badge doesn't mean you can treat people any way you like, and as a law enforcement professional you have an obligation to be more ethically upstanding than the average man, not less. Now get the hell out of my town.
- Mordecai from Regular Show gives one to Rigby in "Meat Your Maker" after one last screw-up of breaking the thermostat with a drumstick.
Mordecai: You can't fix, okay?! All you do is mess things up and ruin people's lives!Rigby: I'm sorry. I just wanna help.Mordecai: Stop pretending like you can do anything but get me in trouble! You can't fix this! And now, (starts to freeze to death) I'm gonna d-d-d-die because of you.
- Benson delivers a particularly nasty one to Mordecai and Rigby in "Think Positive": After trying all day to suppress his anger and not yell at them on Pops' orders, his bottled-up anger causes him to turn into a white-hot ball of fire. Once Pops gives Benson permission to yell at Mordecai and Rigby (and in fact ends up ordering him to do so), Benson releases all his pent-up aggression the form of screaming a blast of fire:
Benson: AAAAAGH! You lazy, no-good slackers drive me NUTS! Can't you just listen to me ONCE in your worthless lives?! Because if you DID, you'd know I'm trying to teach you some simple responsibility, some PRIDE in doing a job well-done! But you wouldn't KNOW a job well-done if you paid someone to do it for you!! And even then you'd screw it all up on the account that you can't even follow the simplest of instructions, worrying more about "looking cool" than doing your JOBS!!!
- There's also another one in "Busted Cart":
- Benson: Excuse, excuses?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU WHEN ALL YOU GIVE ME ARE EXCUSES?! WHEN ARE YOU TWO GONNA LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES- CONSEQUENCES THAT AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE?! Like me!... Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs but I care about keeping mine! Because if I lose my job... I have nothing! Y-YOU HEAR ME?! I have nothing! *sobs* Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my last bathroom break as an employed man.
- Benson is on the receiving end of one from Mordecai in "Eggscellent" after Rigby falls into a coma from an allergic reaction to eggs.
Benson: (turns to Mordecai) Well, I hope you've learned something from all of this.Mordecai: What?Benson: Maybe if you've been working like you were supposed to, none of this would've happened.(Mordecai punches Benson in the face, and everyone cries out in shock. Muscle Man and Skips hold Mordecai back; Pops and Hi Five Ghost hold Benson back.)Benson: Mordecai, what are you doing?!Mordecai: What's your problem?! This has nothing to do with work! He just wanted the hat!Benson: And look where it got him! (points to Rigby) Your friend over there is only going to get you into trouble!Mordecai: (laughs harshly) Right, take advice from Benson about friends, since you've got soooo many of 'em.Benson: I have friends.
- Rigby sort of gives one to Mordecai in "Laundry Woes" while he drove 20 hours to Margret's college to try and give Margret back a sweater.
Rigby: Dude, what the heck!? Have you been driving all night!? You look awful!Mordecai: It's fine. It's fine. I just gotta get the sweater to Margret. Almost there.Rigby: Fine? Fine!? Not fine! Not fine, not fine! (rapping) You've been driving all this time, your eyes they must be blind!Mordecai: Cut it out.Rigby: (rapping) Not fine, not fine! How can you say you're fine thinkin' 'bout that sweater? Gotta pull yourself together! This plan will only hurt! You can never make it work!Mordecai: Rigby! Quit it!Rigby: (rapping) Not fine, not fine! You're anything but fine! Ditch that stupid sweater! You should be movin' on! The past is in the past, you and Margret said "SO LONG"!Mordecai: I SAID CUT IT OUT! Why are you so against me giving Margret her sweater back?Rigby: Because it's not about the sweater, and you know it! You gotta forget about Margret!Mordecai: Dude, Margret's important to me! I can't just forget her!Rigby: Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real! Staying like this is messed up, and it's messing you up! I want my friend back!Mordecai: Well if you were a real friend, you'd understand.Rigby: I am your friend! You'd realize that if you weren't such a sad sack CHUMP!
- Rigby and his father Sherm both give one to each other in "Rigby Goes to the Prom".
Sherm: I always knew you were a liar, and a loser, but I never thought you'd be a THIEF! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, seems like every day you find some new way to mess up our lives, and NOW you found someone new to mess up their life too!
Rigby: [On the edge of a cliff in the car, with Sherm still blaming Rigby] It doesn't matter if I ever get a big job or my G.E.D, you're STILL never gonna trust me, and that's on YOU! You're so focused on your car that you never noticed me growing up! Also, it's totally YOUR fault because you were the one driving and you weren't watching the road! NOW GIVE ME THE WHEEL!
- Followed up with...
- Ned Flanders of all people gives a brutal one in "Hurricane Neddy". After his life falls apart, he snaps and lets loose on the whole town.
Ned Flanders: Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best...shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly...aw, hell-diddly-ding-dong CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!
(the crowd gasps)
Marge Simpson: Ned, we meant well! And everyone here tried their best!
Ned: Well I'm sorry, but my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Ohhh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have goooooood intentions!
Bart: Hey, back off, man!
Ned: Ohhh, okay duuuude, I wouldn't want you to have a cow, maaaaan! Here's a catch phrase you better learn for your adult years; Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER!?
Bart: I am shocked and appalled.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
Ned: Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to the question NO ONE ASKED!
Chief Wiggum: Ha! Ha-ha!
Ned: Whadda we have here, the long flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!
Krusty the Clown: Mallomars, oho, that's going in the act.
Ned: Oh yeah, the Clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! And as for you, I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey, I've only been here a few minutes, what's going on?
Ned: You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- uh -- what was the third thing you said?
Ned: Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met.
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy.
- His sudden outburst must have come from his years-long suppressed anger at his parents for not raising him properly.
- In "Homer's Enemy" Homer gets a scathing one from Frank Grimes:
Frank: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
Frank: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factorynote ! Fancy clothes and (sniffs air) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
Homer:(gasps) What are you saying?
Frank: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He's got you there, dad.
Frank: You're a fraud. A— a total fraud. (walks out, pokes his head back round the doorway, and speaks to Marge and the kids) It was nice meeting you.
- Marge give a very brief but effective one to Artie Ziff after he lets Homer go to jail for a crime he committed in "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner".
Marge: Do you know why no one likes you?
Marge: No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself!
Artie: Marge, I think about a lot more than just moi. (Imagine Spot of female Arties dancing the Can-Can while singing his name along with the music) Oh... my... God. She's right.
- Stephen Hawking gives one to the Springfield members of Mensa in "They Saved Lisa's Brain", when they begin making outlandish proposals:
Professor Frink: You should all do what I say! My IQ is 199, for crying out glavin! (tries to lean against a pillar, but misses, hitting his head instead) 198, 197...
Stephen Hawking: (offscreen) Big deal. My IQ is 280.
(the crowd gasps when Stephen Hawking enters)
Mensa Members: Stephen Hawking!
Principal Skinner: The world's smartest man!
Lisa: What are you doing here?
Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia. But now, I see, it is more of a Fruitopia.
Skinner: (chuckling) I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is...
Hawking: Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me, except this voicebox. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.
Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
(the crowd cheers in agreement)
Hawking: I don't know what the bigger disappointment is: my failure to formulate a unified field theory, or you.
Skinner: I don't like your tone...
Hawking: If you're looking for trouble, you've found it.
Skinner: Just try me, you-Ow!
(Hawking presses a button that deploys a punching glove hitting Skinner in the face)
- Marge gives a huge one towards the whole town in "The Boys of Bummer" for continuing to harass Bart for losing a baseball championship even when he tried to kill himself because of it.
Marge: YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED! Passing judgement on a child for a sports boo-boo! What have you people ever done!?
Lenny: Well, I write a bestselling series of mystery novels. Stephen King called it "Scary, good fun".
Marge: Besides that.
(The townspeople lower their heads in shame)
Marge: Now, thanks to you, my special little guy will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. I always thought that was just a slogan to attract small businesses. (points to a billboard reading "Springfield: Meanest City in America") But now I know it's the truth!
- In "Trash of the Titans", Homer gets elected sanitation commissioner, but messes up so badly that Springfield tries to bring back Homer's predecessor, Ray Patterson, who Homer defeated. Ray, however, has some choice words for the people who ignored his warnings of Homer being ignorant about the position.
Ray: Oh, gosh, you know, I'm not much on speeches, but it is so gratifying to... leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
- South Park: The episode "Tsst" has Cartman give an absolutely brutal version of this to one of the nannies.
Cartman: Well, I'm feeling confused, because I don't understand why you became a nanny.
Stella: (the nanny) Me? Well, it's because I love children, like you.
Cartman: Right, but... if you love children so much, how come you're not a mommy?
Stella: Oh, I just never had kids.
Cartman: Why not?
Stella: It... just...didn't happen.
Cartman: You're sterile, is that it? (she releases him, taken aback by the question) No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you. Isn't that it? (her jaw drops) Always the mom's maid and never the mom? Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away, your friends all getting married and all the while your uterus is slowly shrivelling away, drying up, becoming totally worthless.
Stella: Why you, you... (stands up) you little bastard! How dare you?!
Liane: (Cartman's mom) Eric, naughty.
Stella: What kind of (picks him up by the collar) monster would -
Cartman: Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
- Ironically the real Nanny Stella IS married with a son!
- Another great one that turns what appears to be a message of bigotry into one of tolerance — “All About Mormons” is almost entirely spent deconstructing the beliefs of Mormons, and Stan angrily makes his dislike for Mormonism known to a Mormon family who invited the Marshes over for dinner, and it appears for a moment that he's being portrayed as a hero. The next day, he is confronted by the boy who invited them over.
Gary: Maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the Church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
(Gary walks off. All four boys just look at him in wonder.)
Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?
- In "Trapper Keeper", Mr. Garrison gives a good one to Rosie O'Donnell (though it could be targeted at any Hollywood celebrity involved in politics) during the Kindergarten class presidential elections:
Rosie O'Donnell: We're just making sure that the kids that voted for my nephew don't get cheated.Mr. Garrison: Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew! So what about them?! You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side! People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time but when it comes to Middle America, you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political enlightenment! Well just because you're on TV, doesn't mean you know crap about the government! Now get your ass back on first class and respect this class's right to make up their own minds!
- Stan gave one to Al Gore after the end of "ManBearPig" when he and his friends narrowly escaped a cave in that was soon flooded (All caused by Gore himself), which Gore tried to take the credit for saving them. But Stan will not have any of it:
Stan: Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see why you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a loser!!
- Butters gives one to his parents (on their anniversary!) in "Butters' Very Own Episode" after he's nearly been killed by his mother and to stop their fighting:
Butters: Now gosh darn it, you! [steps in between his parents] You listen here! Now I am sick of these harmless lies and l-little white lies. You know, you can call a shovel an ice-cream machine, but it's still a shovel, Mom and Dad. Ah, and you can call a lie whatever you want, but it's still a no-good stinkin' lie! And when you start coverin' up one lie with another why, now that's when you get into real trouble! [Chris and Linda listen] Boy I've, I've just about had it up to here [puts his right hand to his chin, palm down] with you two!
- Butters' speech to his bullying grandmother in "ButterballsButterballs" is an epic one and possibly his ultimate CMOA.
Butters: Grandma? I did it grandma, I finally stood up for myself, I got real mean and I beat the snot out of Dr. Oz. I can't lie, it felt kind of good at first, but since then all I have is this kind of dark empty feeling, and then I realized, that's how you must feel, all the time. Poor old grandma, you know, I've been getting lots of advice on how to deal with you, stand up to you, tell on you, but I kind of realize that there's just people like you out there, all over the place. When you're a kid, things seem like they're going to last forever, but they're not, life changes. You won't always be around, someday you're going to die, someday pretty soon, and when you're laying in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, I'll come visit you. I'll come just to show you that I'm still alive and I'm still happy, and you'll die, being nothing but you... Night grandma!
- There's one Reason You Suck Speech that tops that one, though - Butters' lambasting of the counselors at the "Pray The Gay Away" camp.
Butters: All right, that does it! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused! I wasn't confused until other people started tellin' me I was! You know what I think? I think maybe you are the ones who are confused!... I'm not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I'm eight years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay! Because if I'm bi-curious, and I'm somehow made from God, then I think your God must be a little bi-curious himself!
- Butters again in "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs". After framing him for writing a dirty novel they wrote (and even convincing him he subconsciously wrote it), the four boys are horrified when Butters is actually praised for its quality and becomes a celebrity. They chastise him for taking credit, only for him to bite back, leaving them speechless.
Kyle: Butters, do you really think it's fair to lie like this?! Let me tell you, if you don't have the-
Butters: No, let me tell you somethin', fellers! You always take advantage of me, and after reading "Catcher in the Rye," I've learned you're nothing but phonies! I'm not letting you trick me this time! So the four of you can just suck on my wiener!
*Butters walks off, leaving the four boys stunned*
Cartman: *beat* That inconsiderate jerk!
- And once again Butters in "Going Native", when he tells off all the boys in his class after beating up a diabetic classmate and confronted about it.
Butters: [runs out of the bathroom, points at Kyle] You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because [points to Stan] your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! [runs back into bathroom, then runs out again] You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up and none of you have the corn to tell Jimmy [points to Jimmy] that his jokes aren't funny! The only kid who has any sense of dignity here is Kenny, [points to Kenny] and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [runs back into the bathroom]
Cartman: Well. Apparently Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny?
Butters: [runs back out] And that's another thing! You're always trivializing everything I say by gettin' the last word! Well you're not gettin' the last word this time! [runs back into bathroom and locks himself in]
Butters: [sticks his head out of the bathroom door] Double wow! [closes the bathroom door again and locks it]
- Kenny also gives one about Madonna in "Kenny Dies", labeling her as "an old, anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago and that now she suddenly speaks with an British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself", according to Kyle's translation.
- God gave one to Satan in "Probably". Amusingly, it fell under "Acquaintance vs Acquaintance" version, calling him a whiny little bitch for constantly choosing to be in relationships that don't make him happy when he used to be a headstrong rebel.
- Craig, in a quiet, subdued voice, tells the four boys that no one in their class likes them because they get caught up in stupid, pointless adventures all the time.
Craig: Was there ever a moment when you guys first came up with the genius plan to become a Peruvian flute band that any of you said "Hey, you know? This plan might backfire?". No, that never occurred to you. Because you guys are jerks. And you never learn from your mistakes. And that's why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes.
Kyle: That's not true. Kids at school like us. Don't they?
Stan: Yeah dude, kids at school totally like us. Craig is just being a dick because we're having a tough time right now.
Craig: I'm being a dick?
Craig: You guys took my birthday money, got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru, and I'm being a dick?
- In "Gluten Free Ebola", Wendy gives one to Stan after he tries to get back together with her when he broke up to make his startup company.
Stan: [walks up] Hey Wendy.Wendy: You're... back?Stan: Yeah, the startup company thing didn't work out.Wendy: [sarcastic] Oh wow, I'm shocked.Stan: So hey, I was gonna see if you still wanted to see that stupid Maze Runner movie.Wendy: You broke up with me, Stan! You said you had to be "free to chase your dreams".Stan: Wendy, I thought my life was going in a different direction and I just felt that I, I really had to give it everything I had, you know. I had I had to focus on one thing.Wendy: Is that why you told Clyde that you broke up with me? Because you're about to be [does air quotes] "dripping in bitches"?!Stan: Huh? Why does everyone suddenly remember everything everybody says? [Wendy closes her locker and faces him]Wendy: I'm happy, Stan. I'm happy I know who you really are now. You're someone who can't be counted on! You're someone who can just bail on the people you love! [turns around and walks away]
- In "Safe Space", a villain named Reality gave a huge one to all the people in the Shameless America Charity Event.
Reality: [jumps over the table and rushes the stage, then grabs the mic from Gigi Hadid] Give me that, you stupid bitch! [she walks off] What a lovely charity event. I suppose you're all feeling pretty good about yourselves, hm? What have you done? You've raised $300 by spending half a million on filet mignon and crystal glasses. [crowd is silenced and ashamed at themselves] Look at you, Vin Dipshit. You think fat-shaming is wrong, so in response you show off your abs. You're the one fat-shaming, idiot! What's the matter with you people?! You're saaad that people are meeean? Well I'm sorry, the world isn't one big liberal arts college campus! We eat too much; we take our spoiled lives for granted, feel a little bad about it sometimes! No, you wanna put up all your shit on the Internet and have every single person say "Hooray for you!" Fuck you. You're all pricks. And I've got news for you! While you've all been sitting here trying to feel good, the little boy who sucked all your shit is about to die from it!Steven Seagal: What?
Other Animated Series
- In Adventure Time, Finn delivers one to a tree witch:
Finn: If there's anything I've learned today, it's that I am awesome at talking to ladies. And lady, you are CRAZY UGLY! Having beautiful hair isn't gonna get you anywhere because you're ugly inside and out. So ugly, I want to throw up. No one will ever find you beautiful. EVEEERRR. And it has nothing to do with the old chrome-dome. (touches his heart) It has to do with what's in here.
PB:: Jake, where's Finn? Is he with Flame Princess?
- In "Burning Low", Jake delivers one to Princess Bubblegum.
Jake: Back off, Bubblegum! That's his man's biz.
PB: Is he with her? Or not?
Jake: You heartless monster. Do you have any idea HOW MUCH HE'S CRIED OVER YOU?!?! FINN DESERVES TO BE HAPPY, EVEN IF HIS BLOOPIN' FACE GETS BURNT OFF!!! YOU...SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!! [throws a box of pancake mix in PB's face] YOU'RE SICK!!!
Lemongrab: No one... No one understands! I am alone! And you made me like this! YOU MADE ME!!! YOOOU MAAADE MEEE!!! You're... my... glob! You're my glob!
- Lemongrab gives THREE of these to Princess Bubblegum in "You Made Me!:"
Lemongrab: It's gross! And who says your way's right, anyway? I look in the lemon heart you gave me and see my lemon way to act- and that must be right!
Lemongrab: NO! No more helping! You unload your punkest boys on me?! Tryyy to change my ways?! YOU'RE POISON! YOU'RE POISON!!! YOU NEED RECONDITIONING!!! REEECONDITIIION YOOOU!!!
PB: You think we're intellectual equals?! It only took me seconds to get you off your guard! And this "body" you designed is self-congratulatory garbage! See, I know a thing or two about building a body out of biomass, and you don't... leave your heart exposed!
- PB gets her own against Ricardio in "Lady & Peebles":
Ricardio: I just wanted to impress you!
PB: YOU DIDN'T.
Flame Princess: You're still spying on me?!
- Flame Princess gives such a VERY scathing one to PB in "The Cooler" for her unwanted surveillance of everyone and her morally ambiguous actions as leader of her kingdom like before. It left such a big burn on PB that she shut down her surveillance network on everyone which is a big change from her recent behavior past episodes.
Princess Bubblegum: I'm PB! I spy on everybody. No big D!
Flame Princess: You're cold, PB!
Princess Bubblegum: Eh. (shrugs)
Flame Princess: And it's not because you're a scientist or leader; it's because you are a bad person! Something inside you is messed up, girl. And whatever it is, (sighs) whatever, whatever, PB!
Ice King: Why are you doing this? They were finally warming up to me...
- Finn gives a short, but accurate one to the Ice King after helping the princesses the latter kidnapped escape in "Prisoners of Love":
Finn: NO! That is NOT the case! You are nuts, man, and I don't know how to help you! [...] But you've gotta get it through your head, man, putting princesses in jail is wrong!
- In All Dogs Go to Heaven: A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Present (Sasha) gives Carface one over his stealing the money a sick puppy needed for an operation to save his life. Christmas Yet to Come (Charlie) gives him one of these in musical form with "Clean Up Your Act", along with telling him what he can do to change that.
- In All Grown Up! episode "A Deville House Divide," Vice Principal Pangborn's Jerk Jock nephew spends the majority of the episode bullying Tommy, Chuckie and Dil. The latter finally decides to tell it like it is when the nephew makes fun of him by taking his Sherpa hat and doing an insulting impersonation of him.
Dil: That's it! I've had it with you! You're selfish, obnoxious, and nobody likes you! And one more thing... Nobody! Touches! The hat! (Walks away, leaving Morty stunned.)Morty: I'm Morty-fied.
- Stan lays into Roger on American Dad!:
Stan: You're nothing but a worthless sack of fatass!
Roger: (gasps in horror)
Stan: You're lazy, you're a chubbo, you lie, you cheat, you eat all our food, you're a drunk, you never wash your wigs, but you strut around like you're Mary Queen of Scots, Brangelina, and Jesus all rolled into one. Well, you're not! You're a big fat nothing!
Roger: You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace. If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the likes of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo... I can envision millions of Americans rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck!
- In one episode, Steve decides that he wants to be a back-up dancer. Roger's assessment:
Cheryl: If you really cared, you'd resign. But there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until, her face bloated and yellow from liver failure, she [their boss] calls you to her deathbed and, in a croaky whisper, explains that Mr. Archer is totally incompetent and that you, the long-suffering Lana Kane, are the only one qualified to run ISIS. And you weep shameful tears because you know that this terrible place is the only true love you will ever know.
- After Lana demands that her coworkers share her moral outrage over an environmentally-unfriendly mission, Cheryl gives her a long speech that calls her out. Cheryl later reveals that she didn't even know she was talking out loud.
Archer: Cyril, shut your pout-hole, accept that Lana was so far out of your league that impregnating her would've basically been interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!
- When Cyril calls Lana's baby shower a "bastard show-", Archer slaps him and gives him one:
Edie: Oh, wow, where to start? Even in a new dress, you look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. The whole town thinks you're a giant asshole for moving to New York City. Oh, and dad was right, you'll never find a husband unless you convince a blind man you're a seeing eye pig!
- In "Edie's Wedding", when a tied-up Pam asks her complete and utter bitch of a sister to "cut her down", she responds with this:
- Atomic Betty has one, sorta. Though not quite a speech, but Maximus and Max Sr. both give out their reasons on why they don't want Max Sr. Sr., after he is snatched by them, to continue running things and why they don't want him around for too long.
- Avatar: The Last Airbender:
Katara: Why did they throw you in here? Oh wait. Let me guess. It's a trap. So when Aang shows up to rescue me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches. You're a terrible person, you know that? Always following us, hunting the Avatar, trying to capture the world's last hope for peace! But what do you care? You're the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood.
- Commander Zhao gives one to Zuko in "The Southern Air Temple" when Zuko tries to stop him going after the Avatar.
Zhao: My search party is ready. Once I'm out to sea, my guards will escort you back to your ship and you'll be free to go.Zuko: Why? Are you worried I'm going to try and stop you?Zhao: [Amused.] You? Stop me? Impossible.Zuko: Don't underestimate me Zhao! I will capture the Avatar before you!Iroh: Prince Zuko, that's enough.Zhao: You can't compete with me. I have hundreds of war ships under my command and you? You're just a banished prince. No home, no allies. Your own father doesn't even want you.Zuko: You're wrong! Once I deliver the Avatar to my father he will welcome me home with honor, and restore my rightful place on the throne!Zhao: If your father really wanted you home, he would have let you return by now, Avatar or no Avatar. But in his eyes you are a failure and a disgrace to the Fire Nation.Zuko: That's not true.Zhao: You have the scar to prove it.
- Iroh gives one back to Zhao in the same episode following Zhao and Zuko's Agni Kai. After a very brutal fight, Zuko manages to win but spares Zhao's life. As he's walking away however, Zhao tries to attack him from behind only for Iroh to block it. He then berates Zhao for his poor sportsmanship stating that even though Zuko is of lower rank then him, he has way more honor then Zhao ever will.
Iroh: So this is how the great Commander Zhao acts in defeat? Disgraceful. Even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you.
- Zuko give an excellent one to the so-called soldiers in season 2's "Zuko Alone" as well, greatly enhanced by his flat aspect during it. He's not angry at them, per se, just letting them know what disgusting little vermin they are before he squashes them. It's part of what makes the aftermath of that fight so heartbreaking and poignant.
Zuko: Let the kid go.Soldier: [Laughs, then in a threatening tone] Who do you think you are, telling us what to do?Zuko: It doesn't matter who I am, but I know who you are. You're not soldiers. You're bullies. Freeloaders, abusing your power. Mostly over women and kids. You don't want Lee in your army. You're sick cowards messing with a family who's already lost one son to the war.
- The season 2 finale "The Crossroads of Destiny":
Azula: I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing. So you've had to struggle and connive and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you're born with. The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne and which of us is going to be bowing down. But I know, and you know. [sits on throne] Well?
Long Feng: You've beaten me at my own game.
Azula: Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.
- Katara delivers a rather brutal one to Zuko, who only manages to take it because he's afraid she may be right.
Katara: I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand. There's just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You're pathetic and sad and empty.
- Goes hand in hand with Calling the Old Man Out in season 3's "The Day of Black Sun Part 2: The Eclipse", when Zuko unloads on Fire Lord Ozai for all the crap he put him through in his young life. In short: Ozai treated him like crap, the Fire Nation is an imperialistic menace, and if the world hates them, they deserve it. Finally, Zuko is going is own way - with the Avatar. Ozai does not take kindly to this (although he'd been after any possible excuse for years, really).
- In season 3's "The Southern Raiders" Katara gives one to the man who killed her mother.
- Commander Zhao gives one to Zuko in "The Southern Air Temple" when Zuko tries to stop him going after the Avatar.
- In Batman: The Animated Series The Joker gets a taste of his own medicine from a hapless motorist who he had been tormenting for the majority of the episode ("Joker's Favor"):
Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins: Hold it!
The Joker: Oh, come on.
Charlie: I said hold it!
[slugs Joker in the face, knocking him to the ground]
Joker: You miserable little nobody! If I get caught, your wife and son are history!
Charlie: You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van!
[reveals a Joker bomb]
Charlie: This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes. No grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside "a miserable little nobody!" Kinda funny. Ironic really. See, I can destroy a man's dreams, too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?
Joker: Look, Charlie, you've been having a bad day. All this running around, all this excitement with...
[Yells in desperation]
Joker: Stop! Y-you're crazy!
Charlie: I had a good teacher! Say goodnight, Gracie!
Joker: NO! BATMAN! BATMAN!!!
Batman: You little fool! The Joker doesn't love anything except himself. Wake up, Harleen! He had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham.Harley: That's not... no. NO! He told me things! Secret things he never told anybody!Batman: Was it his line about the abusive father? Or the one about the runaway mom? He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one.Harley: Stop it! You're making me confused!Batman: What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes. "There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven..."Harley: (weakly) The circus... he said it was the circus...Batman: He's got a million of them, Harley.
- In "Mad Love", Batman gives one to Harley Quinn when she tries to kill him, thinking it'll help the Joker love her.
- Another DCAU example occurs in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, when the Joker discovers Batman's true identity:
What's the matter, Batman? No witty comeback? No threat? Then I'll provide the narration: I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's (Tim Drake) mind. Oh, he bravely fought it at first, you would have been so proud to see him so strong. But all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll, and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true, Batsy, I know everything! And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit... It's sadly anti-climactic: behind all the sturm und Batarangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic... Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway!
Terry: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him.
- Fifty years later, the Joker gets a brutal taste of his own medicine when Terry McGinnis (the new Batman) does the exact same thing to him, pointing out to the Joker that he was never all that funny to begin with and laughing at him until the Joker flies into a rage and begins trying to strangle him. Unfortunately, the Joker's so blinded by his anger that he doesn't realize that Batman's about to zap him with one of his own electrified joybuzzers...
Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Terry: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
Joker: I'm not hearing this!
Terry: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape... not that you ever had a good joke. (...) I mean, joybuzzers? Squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the A-material? Make a face, drop your pants, something! (...) You make me laugh... But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. (starts laughing) (...) So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?
Joker: Don't you dare laugh at me!
Terry: Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
Joker: YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!!
Bat-Mite: To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy.
- The "mommy and daddy" line from Joker to Batman gets an Ironic Echo of sorts in the considerably more light-hearted Batman: The Brave and the Bold (Paul Dini did write both screenplays, mind you):
Bruce Wayne: Sure Ra's, why not? Anything to hold off the Grim Reaper a few more seconds. I take it back. You don't cheat death. You whimper in fear of it!
- Bruce did this to Ra's Al Gul in the Batman Beyond episode "Out of the Past". He did this while tied up and on the verge of being body snatched by Ra's (who is currently occupying Talia's body).
Ra's: SILENCE! (slaps Bruce)
Bruce: And you hit like a girl.
- Batman: The Brave and the Bold. In "Revenge of the Reach", the Blue Beetle's Scarab, the suit's sentient intelligence cohabiting with Jaime Reyes, turns back into its original programming by its alien kind, The Reach, to invade The Green Lantern Corps. It takes complete control of the suit and takes over Jaime's mind for a while, before he asserts his willpower over the suit. The Scarab tries to deter Jaime's progress by telling him he was only a hero because the Reach made him so, and cannot overcome the power of the Reach.
- Ben 10 gives one to Kevin during their second showdown, when he asks if Ben is going to try to help him. Ben replies by telling him he's through trying to help him because Kevin can't seem to take help when it's offered. After beating him, Ben finishes it by answering Kevin's attempt to continue the fight by telling him he's not worth finishing off and never was. Backfires, but still, he makes extremely good points.
- Ben 10: Alien Force has another example in the first season episode "The Gauntlet." When local school bully Cash decides to mess with Ben by spilling his smoothie on his shirt, Ben is briefly tempted to go alien on him... but then decides he isn't worth the effort and gives one of these to him, remarking that Cash has been using the same tired bully material since they were in second grade, that Ben can't believe he was ever scared of him, and that while everyone else around them has grown up, Cash is still nothing but a sad, immature, and pathetic loser who has to torment others just to feel good about himself.
- The Boondocks:
[Huey turns off music]Huey: What the hell is wrong with you people? Every famous nigga that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela! Yes, the government conspires to put a lot of innocent black men in jail on fallacious charges. But R. Kelly is not one of those men! We all know the nigga can sing! But, what happened to standards? What happen to bare minimums! You a fan of R. Kelly? You want to help R. Kelly? Then get some counseling for R. Kelly, introduce him to some older women, hide his camcorder! But, don't pretend like the man is a hero![Huey attempts to return to his seat only, to come back.]Huey: And stop the damn dancing, act like you got some goddamn sense people! Damn! Through playin' round here!
- In "The Trial of R. Kelly", Huey gives one to the entire courtroom.
Martin Luther King: Will you ignorant niggas PLEASE shut the hell up? Is this it? This is what I got all those ass-whuppins for? I had a dream, once. It was a dream that little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression! But lo and behold some four decades later, what have I found but a bunch of trifilin', shiftless, good-for-nothing niggas? And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word. It's the ugliest word in the English language. But that's what I see now: niggas. And you don't want to be a nigga, 'cause niggas are living contradictions! Niggas are full of unfulfilled ambitions! Niggas wax and wane, niggas love to complain, niggas love to hear themselves talk but hate to explain! Niggas love being another man's judge and jury, niggas procrastinate until it's time to worry, niggas love to be late, niggas hate to hurry! I've seen what's around the corner, I've seen what's over the horizon, and I PROMISE you, you niggas have nothing to celebrate! I know I won't get there with you, I'm going to Canada.
- Who can forget Martin Luther King, Jr.'s remake of his famous "I Have a Dream" speech into an epic "The Reason All of You Suck" speech in "Return of the King"?
Robert: Okay this is bullshit! (Funeral attendants gasp). Moe Jackson was an asshole! (Funeral attendants gasp). Moe Jackson was a petty, immature, selfish man! Oh he was good at one thing: that's bringing the worst out of everyone he met! (Sighs) I came up here because I thought Moe wanted to make things right, but it was just one more chance to make a fool out me. (Walks off stage).Funeral attendant: Yeah! And that nigga owe me five dollars!
- In the episode "Wingmen", Robert gives one posthumously to his deceased so-called best friend Moe Jackson, after the latter tricked him into reading an embarrassing eulogy.
- Codename: Kids Next Door: The Delightful Children were fond of giving these to Sector V, especially to Numbuh 1.
Numbuh 5: You know, you used to be cool because the team meant more to you than anything. Including yourself. But now you're just a selfish old crank. It's not your age that's changed Mr. Uno, it's you!
- In Operation: G.R.O.W.-U.P. Numbuh 5 gives one to a grown-up Numbuh 1:
Numbuh 362: You idiot! I was this close to getting the Delightful Children's plans! And you attacked me from out of nowhere! Whose side are you on anyways? I'm ashamed to call you a girl. I never thought a girl would be so stupid. You are by far the most idiotic person I have ever, ever worked with!
- In Operation: F.U.G.I.T.I.V.E. Numbuh 362, revealed be disguised as decommissioned operative Numbuh 206, gives out one to Numbuh 86 for capturing her.
- Danny Phantom: Danny's evil future self gave one to his parents in 'The Ultimate Enemy'.
Dark Danny: What kind of parents are you, anyway? The world's leading ghost experts, and you couldn't figure out that your own son was half ghost! Hello! Danny Fenton. Danny Phantom. Ever notice a similarity? Jazz did.
Mozenrath: The magic of a genie was handed to you on a silver platter, but I gave my right hand for power! To wear the gauntlet is painful... but it's worth it! Worth it to destroy the likes of you!
- Aladdin has Jafar performing a Villain Song version of "Prince Ali" as he uses his powers to reveal Aladdin for who he really is.
- Likewise, Aladdin: The Return of Jafar has a The Reason You Suck Music Number, "You're Only Second-Rate".
- In the TV series, Aladdin gets one of these from Mozenrath as well.
Dawson: Dash it all, Basil! The queen's in danger, Olivia's counting on us, we're about to be horribly splattered, and all you can do is lie there feeling sorry for yourself! I know you can save us, but if you've given up, then why don't we just set it off now and be done with it?
- A rare case of a good guy doing this to another good guy happens in The Great Mouse Detective. After Basil has fallen into Ratigan's trap, resulting in him and Dawson in an elaborate Death Trap, Basil is in a Heroic B.S.O.D., until Dawson finally gets angry at him:
- And amazingly, this actually helps Basil, not just to snap out of it, but realize if they do set the trap off early - at precisely the right second - they can free themselves.
- The Fairly Oddparents with the Wonderful Life subversion episode, "It's A Wishful Life", in which Jorgen Von Strangle tells Timmy very gloatingly that he's responsible for nearly every bad thing in the world from the Chicago Cubs losing streak to his friend Chester having bad teeth. Timmy then willingly offers to disappear from existence to make life better for his friends and family. The love that Timmy had for the people in his life made Jorgen the one who looked like a Jerk Ass and the conclusion you came to was that it was Jorgen who really sucked. As for it being an aesop about not doing things for praise, Jorgen Von Strangle is the last person to preach that; just check out the episode "Fairly Oddlympics", especially the clink, clink, clink part.
Timmy Turner: You know what stinks about you, Remy? You're rich, you have godparents and you're still miserable.
- In "Fairy Fairy Quite Contrary", Timmy finds that he keeps running into Remy Buxaplenty, a billionaire child, even in a comic book. He discovers Remy is also a fairy godchild (with said fairy being Wanda's ex no less) and Remy finds out about Cosmo and Wanda soon after. Timmy arrives at Remy's mansion to "cut to the chase," (namely, Remy attempting to get rid of Timmy's fairies). Here, Remy attempts to bribe Timmy to wish away his fairies. Timmy sums up Remy pretty well in response.
Cosmo: Hey! Let's get something straight! I'm not bright! Big words confuse me! I have the attention span of a rodent! But Wanda loves me anyway. She makes me happy and THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU!
- Timmy gives one to Vicky in "Frenemy Mine", when she tells him she's lost her only friends because of him (he saved her life, getting her kicked out of an evil babysitter club), he responds by telling her that it's her own fault those were the only friends she had in the first place because she was an evil, vile person and if she'd been more friendly, maybe she'd have more friends.
- In a Heartwarming and somewhat funny example, Cosmo gives one to his mother... about himself in "Apartnership", having had enough of her efforts to break him and Wanda up.
- Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: Mac gives this to Goo when he is finally fed up with her.
Mac: I don't like you! Don't you get it? Nobody likes you. You're annoying and weird and you talk too much, and Bloo's name is not Chester, Mr. Herriman is not a badger, that's not how you play checkers, and protein doesn't come from bananas, it comes from nuts, which you don't need to eat more of because you ARE nuts! You're chock full of nuts! You're so nuts, you drive ME nuts! (Jumps in Goo's face) Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it?! Everybody thinks you're a nuisance and they all want you to just GO HOME!
- In Gargoyles, after an episode of seeing what his son did to get his present day fortune (time travel and a lot of manipulation, and raking Goliath's heart over the coals), Petros Xanatos has this to say to David:
David: Well, Pop, did you have a good time at the wedding?[Petros takes a coin out from his pocket and flicks it to David.]David: (Catching it) What's this?Petros: A simple, American penny. It's not worth much now, but in a thousand years...who knows? It's my wedding present to you. Because it's all you seem to care about. (Turns and walks away.)
Xanatos: I suppose you'll destroy the Cauldron now.Hudson: And why would I be doing that? What you choose to do with your life is your own affair. As long as it's got nothing to do with me.Xanatos: You're just full of surprises.Hudson: A friendly word of advice. True immortality isn't about living forever. It's about what you do with the time you have. When all your scheming's done, what will your legacy be, Xanatos?
- Hudson also gives one to Xanatos during an episode where Xanatos tries to force Hudson into the Cauldron of Life bath, only for Hudson to escape.
- Cobra Commander does this twice to Dr. Mindbender in the five-part episode of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero "Arise Serpentor Aise".
Commander: Another master-stroke Mindbender? You put my Elite Vipers through the wringer, the Twins got creamed, and most importantly, you lost Sun Tzu's DNA, which was supposed to be of vital significance! As of now, your little experiment is Deader Than Disco! Come, Scrap-Iron. (chuckles a little) Deader than Disco, I like that. I could have been a great stand up comic... note
- In part 3, after Mindbender fails to gain the DNA of Sun Tzu:
Commander: What a mind-boggling brainstorm, Mindbender! Putting the genetic soul of an enemy into the body of our new leader will give us just what we always needed, a live-in traitor! When you are knee-deep in total catastrophe, remember, I tried to stop you!note
- In part 4, after Mindbender decides to replace Sun Tzu's DNA with Sergeant Slaughter's:
- In God, the Devil and Bob, Bob gives this to God in the first episode.
Bob: What do you want from me, God!? I've had it! I've really had it! You're supposed to be a benevolent God? Let's look at the record. You're vague, you're unknowable, you're unreliable! You let good people suffer and lousy people prosper! You call yourself a father? You're more like a dead beat dad!
- Gravity Falls:
Gideon: Of course! It all makes sense! The one place I'd never think to look! You had it the whole time! And to think I actually considered you a threat!Dipper: No! Give it backGideon: Every victory you had was because of your precious book!Dipper: Give it back or I'll-Gideon: Or you'll what, boy? You'll what? Huh? Huh? No muscles. No brains. Face it! You're nothin' without this! Bye bye forever, y'all!
- Gideon gives a hurtful one to Dipper after his plan backfires and he gained one of the Author's journal.
Dipper: I was right about you all along. You're just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!'''
- Dipper gives a harsh one in "Northwest Mystery Manor" to Pacifica after she lied to Dipper about the ghost. What makes it really upsetting is that Pacfica's parents force her to be mean and prideful, so she really didn't deserve it, though in Dipper's defense he didn't know that at the time.
Stanley: That's IT?! You finally want to see me after ten years and it's to tell me to get as far away from you as possible?!Stanford: Stanley, you don't understand what I'm up against! What I've been through!Stanley: No, no. You don't understand what I'VE been through! I've been in prison in three different countries. I once had to chew my way out of the trunk of a car! You think YOU'VE got problems?! I'VE GOT A MULLET, STANFORD! Meanwhile, where have YOU been?! Livin' it up, in your fancy house in the woods! Selfishly hoarding your college money, because you only care about yourself!
- In "A Tale of Two Stans", Grunkle Stan gives a brutal one to his brother, Stanford.
Stanley: Some brother you turned out to be... You care more about your dumb mysteries than your family? Well then, YOU CAN HAVE THEM!!!
- Few minutes later, he gives a much shorter one, although no less brutal.
Filbrick: You ignoramus! Your brother was gonna be our ticket out of this dump! All you ever do is lie and cheat right on your brother's coattails! Well, this time', you cost our family potential millions! And until you make us a fortune, you aren't welcome in this household! (throws a duffle bag full of clothes at Stan)
- Earlier in the episode, the twins' father gives Stan a brutal one as he kicks him out of the house for costing Ford his dream school. What makes it all the more painful is that it was all an accident and that Stan is regretful about it, so Stan really didn't deserve it.
- In the end of Max Fleischer's Gulliver's Travels, Gulliver does this to the dueling kingdoms after Prince David is apparently killed saving Gulliver from being shot, but it ends on a high note:
Poor foolish little people, look what you've done. Now go ahead, break your nutshell heads over your song. But did you have to break Glory's heart, King Little? Because you were thoughtless and selfish...and you, Bombo, oh mighty warrior...what have you won? You were too stubborn to think. Too busy quarreling to land dear to the harmony that might have been yours. But now in your sorrow and despair, perhaps you'll listen to your songs as they might be sung. (cue "Faithful Forever").
- Hey Arnold!:
Helga: Well, you've done a great job so far, Miriam. You lost the map, you ran us off the road, you left your purse on top of the car again and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm nine years old, mom. You're the parent. You're supposed to take care of me, but you couldn't even do that. Face it, Miriam. You're a lousy mom.
- Helga delivers one to her mom in the episode "Road Trip".
Eugene: You're a fake!Maurice: I'm just an actor.Eugene: Yeah, well to millions of kids you're a hero. We looked up to you. But now I know the truth: You're nothing but a fake.Maurice: Look, kid it's just a role I play.Eugene: Come one. You're a wimp.
- She also delivers an even more scathing one to Harold in "Buses, Bikes, and Subways".
Helga: Everything that happened today is your fault! You can't do ANYTHING right. Take the bus for example. Why do you think we missed it, Harold? Oh, let's see. Hmmm...maybe was it because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in chocolate num nums! Oh, how about this one? "Let's take the subway! I think it goes to Lincoln." Oh, wait! No, it doesn't! It goes straight to the bowels of the underworld. Population? Homicidal, toothless midget clowns! I know, "Let's steal their bike. They won't mind!" Now you'd think that would be enough to fill any moron's day, but you're not just any moron, are you, Harold? You're the KING, your day's just getting started. So, because of your AMAZING curiosity about the world around us, YOU PULLED THE PLUG OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF OUR GETAWAY BOAT! (sighs) You idiot...
- Helga herself got one in "Helga and the Nanny". When Inga the titular nanny was framed for theft, and got fired for it, Helga ended up feeling guilty about it and was called out by her friends. When Helga goes to confess to Inga, the nanny reveals she already knew, and tells Helga that she is a sad and troubled child who takes it out by being a Jerkass to others, and pushes away anyone who tries to help her. Cue the Downer Ending...
- Susie gives one towards Oskar in "Baby Oskar" and Oskar just kind of sits there and agrees with her.
Susie: You're a grown man. When are you going to grow up and act responsible?
Oskar: I'll do it tomorrow.
Susie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow! That's all I ever hear from you!
Oskar: What's wrong with tomorrow? It's a good day.
Susie: Tomorrow's a good day for you! Tomorrow's a grand day, because tomorrow's the day you'll get a good job! Tomorrow's the day you'll pay the bills! Tomorrow's the day you'll grow up and start acting responsible. But tomorrow never comes for you, because it's always so conveniently a day away.
Oskar: That's right, it's only a day away just like that song the little orphan girl sings!
Susie: What about today Oskar, and what about yesterday? When I needed your help you just loafed around the house! When I had to take care of the cleaning, the bills, and the baby all you could do was whine and moan, and ask me to make you a sandwich!
Oskar: That's right and you never did!
Susie: Because I was busy! You expect everyone else to take care of you!
Oskar: Susie I don't expect everyone else to take care of me. Just you!
- Pretty much everyone in the boarding house gives Oskar one in "Oskar Gets a Job". Including Nice Guy Arnold.
Arnold: That's it. I'm tired of all your excuses.
Oskar: Arnold, you seem a little cranky. Maybe you should take a nap.
Arnold: Look, I only helped you because you said you were desperate. You said you wanted to change. I guess I was wrong. Mr. Kokoshka, I'm sorry but you're a huge loser!
Ernie: I told ya, that Kokoshka is a Class-A bum. A Class-A bum!
Mr. Hyunh: He just no good!
Ernie: I'm telling you Hyunh, that bum will never work a single day in his life.
Mr. Hyunh: No!
Susie: I'm sorry about Oskar, Arnold. I just wish for once he'd do what he says he's going to do. But I guess that just won't ever happen.
Arnold: I know. I thought he really wanted to change. But he was just fooling us all, just like he always does.
- Eugene delivers one to the actor portraying The Abdicator when he learns the latter is nothing like the character he plays.
- In the Invader Zim episode "GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff", GIR gets locked into "duty mode" and becomes scarily competent, to the point that he sees his bungling boss Zim as an impediment to their invasion plans, and chews him out for it:
GIR: You are no leader, you are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated!
- James Rhodes gives one to Hawkeye in the Iron Man episode "The Defection of Hawkeye".
- Justice League subverts this one brilliantly in "A Better World". An insane Lex Luthor, having been elected to President of the United States, is threatening nuclear apocalypse. Superman and Lex are at an impasse, with Lex's finger on the trigger:
Luthor: No, you need me. You wouldn't be much of a hero without a villain, and you do love being a hero, don't you? The cheering children, the swooning women — you love it so much, it's made you my most reliable accomplice!
Superman: Accomplice? What are you —
Luthor: You could've crushed me anytime you wanted! And it wasn't the law or the will of the people that stopped you; it was your ego. Being a hero was too important to you. You're as much responsible for this as I am! So, go ahead, fix it somehow—put me on trial, lock me up—but I'll beat it. And then we'll start the whole thing all over again!
Superman: ...You're right. I did love being a hero. But if this is where it leads, I'm done with it. (And then he incinerates Luthor with heat vision. Good thing that wasn't our Superman.)
- However, in "Divided We Fall", the season 2 finale of Justice League Unlimited, he was very close to being his Justice Lord counterpart. He even wished he was like him. But ultimately (and fortunately), he just couldn't go through with it.
Superman: I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not.
- His cousin had one of her own in "Panic in the Sky":
Supergirl: You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone.
Galatea: Shut up.
Supergirl: Deep down you know the truth... you're not a person. You're just a weapon! Grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes!
Galatea: SHUT UP!!! (launches into a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown)
- Then there's Captain Marvel's Broken Pedestal speech in Clash aimed at Superman and the JLA, quitting because Superman proved himself too insecure to deal with another Flying Brick in the League.
Captain Marvel: My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. (to Superman) And you, you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there, facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know... I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I guess I'm saying I like being a hero. A symbol. And that's why... I'm quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes anymore.
- However, in "Divided We Fall", the season 2 finale of Justice League Unlimited, he was very close to being his Justice Lord counterpart. He even wished he was like him. But ultimately (and fortunately), he just couldn't go through with it.
- Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths. Batman serves one to Smug Snake Owlman after his giggling Not So Different proclamations as a Pre-Mortem One-Liner:
Batman: There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked.
- King of the Hill: That epic rant Dale gives Bill to get him out of that show choir he joined once (the Harmonaholics)?
Dale: BILL!!! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you're wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequin trainwreck! LOOK AT YOU! You're part of a twelve-headed jackass! This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity! You people make me envy the deaf and the BLIND! UNDERWEAR! MONEY! FAT!
I know I've been hard on you. But I just want you to know...you are a failure! You are a loser, a nothing. I am better than you in every way and can crush you, whenever the mood strikes me.
- Kahn receives an absolutely devastating one from his father-in-law, General Gum, in "Pour Some Sugar on Kahn." Unlike Dale's rant, this one isn't played for laughs:
- In The Legend of Korra "And the Winner Is...", Amon gives a very potent one to benders as a whole during his terrorist attack on the pro-bending arena. What made it effective was that he waited until he saw benders lavished with undeserved adulation blatantly breaking their own rules, threw their unhanded tactics in their faces and redirected all the attention focused upon them to himself - stirring unrest among potential recruits and striking fear into potential foes. All according to plan.
Amon: I believe I have your attention, benders of Republic City. So once again, the Wolfbats are your Pro-Bending Champions. It seems fitting that you celebrate three bullies who cheated their way to victory, because every day you threaten and abuse your fellow non-bending citizens just like the Wolfbats did to their opponents tonight. Those men were supposedly the best in the bending world, and yet it only took a few moments for me to cleanse them of their impurity. Let this be a warning to all of you benders out there: if any of you stand in my way, you will meet the same fate.
Zaheer: You think freedom is something you can give or take on a whim, but to your people, freedom is just as essential as... air. And without it, there is no life. There is only... darkness.
- Zaheer gets a Pre-Mortem speech as he's in the process of murdering the Earth Queen:
- Lloyd of Lloyd in Space delivers one to Brittany in the episode, Incident at Luna Vista after her bitchy behavior upsets Kurt. It's so effective that it actually leaves her feeling bad about it afterwards.
- Clay's rant about how much his son sucks (which was really misplaced, confused self-loathing) marks the climax of Moral Orel. It's so long it actually takes up the better part of two episodes. With the image of his father now shattered, Orel turns it right back at him by calling him a bad father.
- Later in the show, Clay gives another one to Doctor Potterswheel. Ironically, Clay could have also been talking about himself in that speech.
- In another episode, a drunken Clay gives another one to Reverend Putty and the other patrons in the bar about how hypocritical they are. Subverted that even though Clay is somewhat correct, Clay made himself an already bigger fool by whining like child. In fact, it was the first time that Shapey spoke calmly without going on a temper tantrum stating that's what he's like when he's thirsty.
- My Life as a Teenage Robot
Brit: Your gowns?! These designs were our idea and without us, you're nothing! Your designs are derivative, your stitches are shoddy, and you're probably... color blind!
- In the episode "Dressed to Kill", Brit gives a brief one to her designer Jean Phillipe and uses her newfound powers from her crystal gown to give him a clashing wardrobe when he demanded that her and Tiff return their gowns. Jean Phillipe runs off crying.
- In the later episode, "Mind Over Matter", the Monster of the Week, Gigawatt, lays out a scathing speech after curb-stomping Jenny throughout the episode, mocking her attempts to defeat him via upgrading herself (Even turning her own house into a Humongous Mecha). It was effective enough to send her into a brief Heroic B.S.O.D. before Brad and Wakeman cheer her up.
- In the season finale of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic "The Best Night Ever", Rarity is excited to finally have a chance to meet her Prince Charming. When he turns out to be a Prince Charmless she is disappointed but keeps hoping he'll prove to be chivalrous. When he uses her as a Pony Shield against falling cake, she snaps and tells him off.
"You, sir, are the most uncharming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal PAIN!" (Curiously, he's actually aware of that.)
- Discord tries one on Fluttershy. It fails so badly he just cuts straight to brute-force brainwashing and stalks off in a huff.
- Fluttershy gives a horrible one to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Yes, you heard me. Cute, innocent, shy Fluttershy gives one once she got into assertive mode.
Fluttershy: Things getting too complicated for your simple little brain, Pinkie Pie?
Rarity: (catching the stunned Pinkie) Now stop right there! Let's not let things descend into petty insults.
Fluttershy: Why not? I thought petty was what you're all about, Rarity. What with your petty concerns about fashion.
Rarity: (gasps, eyes began to water and she turns away)
Pinkie Pie: Hey! You leave her alone! Fashion is her passion!
Fluttershy: Oh and what are you passionate about? Birthday cake? Party hats? (Pinkie's ears droop and her eyes quiver) I can't believe the two most frivolous ponies in Ponyville are trying to tell New Fluttershy how to live her life (cut to Pinkie Pie and Rarity about to cry), when they are throwing their lives away on pointless pursuits that no-pony else gives a flying feather about!
Pinkie Pie: (About to cry) Looks like nasty Fluttershy is here to stay!
- The Cutie Mark Crusaders got one for publishing embarrassing stories about others... from Big McIntosh of all the characters!
Big McIntosh: You should be ashamed of yourself, humiliatin' your sister 'n' me like that. We don't wanna talk to any y'all right now so take your little gossip column and your embarrassing photographs and just GO AWAY!
- In "A Canterlot Wedding", Twilight Sparkle receives one from her brother Shining Armor after she accuses his bride-to-be Princess Cadence of being evil on their wedding day although she was right all along. And sure enough, Cadence's imposter Queen Chrysalis gives a smug one to everyone else for being too focused on the wedding to realize Twilight was correct, allowing her plan to go through.
- In the episode, "Wonderbolts Academy", Rainbow Dash gives one to Lightning Dust after her recklessness causes the tornado incident that nearly kills her friends. She then gives another one to Spitfire, her own immediate superior announcing she's done with the Wonderbolts if recklessness of that magnitude is going to be tolerated.
- Discord drops another one in "Princess Twilight Sparkle", aimed at the titular princess. He calls out Twilight for leaving her friends behind to "keep her own precious princess self out of harms way". Whether he did this just to mock her or genuinely help her is anyone's guess, though.
- In "Twilight's Kingdom", Tirek give this to Discord after the latter betrayed the ponies of Equestria to restore the former's power in return for ruling together. Tirek unsurprisingly backstabs Discord since only Twilight was left, so he felt Discord no longer served a purpose for him, and he basically calls Discord an idiot for being dumb enough to trust him. After his fight with Twilight, Tirek demeans Discord further, wondering why Twilight would even consider helping Discord after he had not only betrayed her and her friends, but her entire race to him, effectively stating that Discord doesn't deserve to be saved. Twilight disagrees, though.
- In "Amending Fences", Moondancer launches a vicious tirade against Twilight when she tries to throw another party to make up for the one she skipped in the first episode, which she didn't realize was so important to Moondancer at the time. Moondancer even breaks down in tears halfway through while angrily screaming at her.
Twilight: Please, you've got to let me make this up to you!
Moondancer: And you think this is gonna do it, huh?
Twilight: Uh... yes?
Moondancer: Well sure, why wouldn't it? That was only the first time I put myself out there, and then you didn't even bother to show up! Then you left town without saying goodbye, even though we were supposed to be friends! (tearing up) I was humiliated! I felt like I wasn't important! I never wanted to let myself be hurt like that again! (points to Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts) Those three finally convinced me that I had value, that other ponies might like me and want to be my friend, and you! Didn't! Show! UP!!! AAGH! (breaks down crying)
- Twice in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark":
Silver Spoon: Am I? 'Cause I tried to help by mentioning your 'surprise' statue, and suddenly I wasn't even allowed to speak! You could have actually won this election if you just listened to me. You wanna know how? (whispering) Sorry. I'm not allowed to speak.
- First, Silver Spoon gives one to Diamond Tiara:
Diamond Tiara: You've spent your life acting like a high horse and raised me to follow in your hoofprints! At first I thought this was fine, but then I finally realized I wanted something you don't have — friends!... These are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and they are my friends! You need to stop calling them such mean and hurtful names! They are working harder to get their cutie marks than anypony I've ever seen! And they will get them exactly when they discover their true talent, which I guarantee will be amazing!
- Later, Diamond Tiara gives one to Spoiled Rich, her mother:
- The Peanuts special Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown has one of these from Schroeder, adapted from this 1963 strip. On the morning after Valentine's Day, Charlie Brown's female classmates approach him, explain that they feel bad he didn't get a single valentine card, and offer him one of their own cards with the original name scratched off and his penciled in. Seeing this, an outraged Schroeder tears into them for their hypocritical gesture:
Schroeder: Hold on there! What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? Where were you yesterday, when everyone else was giving out valentines? Is kindness and thoughtfulness something you can make retroactive? Don't you think he has any feelings? You and your friends are the most thoughtless bunch I've ever known! You don't care anything about Charlie Brown, you just hate to feel guilty! And now you have the nerve to come around one day later and offer him a used valentine, just to ease your conscience! Well, let me tell you something! Charlie Brown doesn't need your...
Charlie Brown: (shoving him aside) Don't listen to him! I'll take it!
- In Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown, Linus gives a well-deserved one of these to the other characters, calling them out for their hypocrisy in trying to make him give up his Security Blanket while clinging to their own means of feeling secure.
Linus: AAUGH! I need my blanket! I admit it! Look at all of you! Who among you doesn't have an insecurity? Who among you doesn't depend on someone, or something, to get through the day? Who among you can cast the first stone? How about you, Sally? You with your endless "Sweet Babboos"? Or you, Schroeder? You with your Beethoven, Beethoven, Beethoven?! And you, Lucy, never leaving Schroeder alone, obsessing over someone who doesn't care if he ever sees you again? What do you want?! Do you want to see me unhappy? Do you want to see me insecure? Do you want to see me end up like Charlie Brown?! Even your crazy dog, Charlie Brown. Suppertime, suppertime, suppertime! Nothing but suppertime 24 hours a day! ARE ANY OF YOU SECURE?!!
- In Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown, Linus gives a well-deserved one of these to the other characters, calling them out for their hypocrisy in trying to make him give up his Security Blanket while clinging to their own means of feeling secure.
- After being stuck in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, Pepper Ann blows up and lets lose at her Mom, friends, and everyone else by pointing out their faults, by the next day the loop is over and no one is happy with her words about them leading into another loop.
- The Powerpuff Girls' Blossom gives one to Buttercup after Buttercup acts bratty over getting a bath:
Blossom: You know Buttercup, you may be clean but your attitude still stinks.
Buttercup: What? You doubt the word of a Powerpuff? Maybe you're just scared to eat vegetables. Tell you what. Why don't you go on home and get your mom to make you a baloney sandwich? Oh, wait. You know what? She can't! Because she's been zapnotized by alien invaders! But you don't wanna help save her because you don't feel like eating a few vegetables!!
- Blossom gives another one to Princess after Princess is defeated:
Princess Morbucks: (crying) Why won't you let me be a Powerpuff Girl?
Blossom: Because you're just a spoiled brat. And being a Powerpuff Girl isn't about getting your way, or having the best stuff, or being popular or powerful. It's about using your own unique abilities to help people and the world we all live in. And you, little girl, have done nothing worthy of the name "Powerpuff".
- Buttercup gives one to the Amoeba Boys in "Geshundfight", calling them out for being the "lousiest, most pathetic criminals in the whole town" and forcibly kicking them out. For what it's worth, she had a point.
- Buttercup lays down another one in "Beat Your Greens". When the Broccoloid aliens have brainwashed the adults of Townsville with mind-control spore-infected broccoli and are taking over the town, the only way for the kids (who earlier refused to eat the broccoli and are thus safe) to stop them is to eat them alive. One of them, a football player, refuses, and Buttercup responds thusly:
Blossom: First you let the bank robbers get away, then you destroy irreplaceable art, and now you’ve destroyed all of Townsville! You do less damage as a member of the Gangrene Gang! Now GO!
- Blossom gave one to Big Billy in "Slave The Day" after he accidentally destroys buildings while defeating a monster.
- Blossom gives another one to Princess after Princess is defeated:
Chaz: (absolutely furious) Look at you! Don't you see what you've done?! While you were insulting each other and bringing up every petty difference from your past, you've forgotten about your children, the most important thing in your insignificant lives! You ought to be ashamed!
- Chaz Finster, father of Chuckie Finster, delivers one to the parents of Tommy Pickles and Phil and Lil DeVille in the episode "Family Feud" when the parents continue their petty feud even after they realize their children have run away (mostly because of said feud).
Miriam: I don't understand it, Louis! They took one look at me and ran away! And I'm usually so good with kids!
- In the episode, "Aunt Miriam", Lou delivers one to the titular character for bullying him throughout his childhood when Tommy and Chuckie run away from her and she needs his help to find them.
Lou: Yeah, right!
Miriam: It's true! When we were growing up, you adored me!
Lou: Adored you?! Mim, you stole my toys, you got me into trouble, and you were constantly threatening to pound the living daylights out of me! I was plump terrified of you!
Miriam: Louis, I had no idea you felt that way about me! I don't know what to say!
Lou: Don't say nothin'! Just help me find the kids!
Didi: First, I get sun buffed like a ragdoll and fluffed with an old feather duster, then I'm told to forget I'm a wife and mother? Because I'm the Goddess Dodo! Well, my name is Didi! Didi Pickles! Not a goddess, a woman! Who loves nothing more than being a wife and mother, and wants her money back!
- In the B-plot of the episode, "Daddy's Little Helpers", Didi gives one to the manager of the Moon Goddess Festival that she, Kira, Betty, and Charlotte go to when she is given a shirt that says, "I am the Goddess Dodo", having previously put up with everything she went through;
Manager: (handing Didi her money back) Keep the shirt.
- Prince James gave one to Princess Amber when he called her out on her jealousy towards their stepsister.
- In the Static Shock episode, "Sins of the Fathers", Mr. Hawkins gives one to Mr. Foley in which he calls him out on his racism which caused his son, Richie to run away from home.
- In the final episode, all of the "bang babies" started losing their powers, when a cure has been released. Ebon was able to obtain the last of the Q-Juice gas and plans on making a new meta-gang. The now normal Teresa (Talon) calls Ebon out, saying he was afraid that he was nothing before the Big Bang, and he will be nothing when his powers are gone.
- The The Super Mario Bros. Super Show episode "The Adventures of Sherlock Mario" had Bowser receiving one from the Guest Character of the Day:
Bowser: Soon I'll be the vilest villain to ever victimize Victoria! Whaddaya think of me now, Mr. Detective Defective?
Herlock Solmes: Elementary, my dear Kooparity! You're a cross between a lizard and an inferior species of toad. Your brain is smaller than a peanut. You got the lowest grades in your school and hold the world record for flunking kindergarten the most times. When you were little, the other Koopas nicknamed you "Lizard Lips" and never let you play with them. You were a naughty lily-livered bully boy and wet the bed until you were twelve.
[Bowser's minions laugh]
Mouser: Gee, he knows you pretty good, boss!
Bowser: Who asked you, cheese breath!?
- Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!: During the Season 2 finale, Chiro gives a short but epic one to the Skeleton King, when he confronts him in the middle of trying to unleash the Dark One.
"All this just so you can bow down to something uglier than you? You're no King... you're a slave."
- In Sushi Pack, Tako spends the majority of "But is it Art?" trying to find The Collector, the villain who stole all the masterpieces from the art museum simply to find out why his own art wasn't stolen. When The Collector has the Pack on the ropes, Tako still demands to know why, and The Collector lets him know in no uncertain terms:
"Those paint smears of yours? You call that art? You're not an artist. You're an untalented piece of stale fish."
- Justified in the 3rd episode of the 2012 Ninja Turtles series when Splinter teaches Raphael how to take insults without letting them lose focus on any future missions. What follows is Raphael going on a brutal verbal Humiliation Conga, courtesy of his brothers.
Michelangelo: You move like a bloated buffalo!
Raphael: I do not!
Leonardo: —and you're always whining! "Poor me, nobody understands me!"
Raphael: You don't understand—! (gets hit by an arrow)
Donatello: You don't keep your back straight during Omote Kote Gyaku! (Shoots Raph with an arrow) And you're ugly!
Michelangelo: —And gassy!
Raphael: Stop it!
Leonardo: Aw... You talk so tough, but inside you're just a scared little baby.
Donatello: Who needs his bottle?
Michelangelo: —And his diaper changed?
Leonardo: What's the matter Raph? You gonna cry?
Raphael: (continuously getting hit with arrows) I... AM... NOT... GONNA CRY!! (one more arrow knocks him over)
- Teen Titans: Robin gives Cyborg a scathing one in the beginning of the episode "Titans East Part 2":
Cyborg: Man, this is supposed to be a good thing! My own Tower! My own team! Why can't you just be happy for me?!
Robin: Because you're already on a team! My team! And you can't just quit!
Cyborg: I can, and I did! Which means I don't have to put up with you telling me what to do any more!
Robin: So now this is my fault?
Cyborg: It's not about you!
Robin: No! It's all about you! Because that's all you care about! You talk about being a man, but if you can turn your back on us after everything we've been through, you're nothing but a spoiled child!
Cyborg: I'm. Staying. I don't care what you say, I don't care what you do. And right now, I don't care if I ever see you again!
Raven: Nice flying, by the way.Starfire: At least I am able to fly! On my planet, even infants can manage the unbridled joy of flight, but you are too busy being grumpy and rude to feel anything at all!
- Starfire gives one to Raven after getting sick of her constant snarking.
- One occurs in the episode "The Beast Within." During his fight with Adonis, Beast Boy ends up covered with chemicals that increases his aggression (and brings out a savage primate-like new form) and ends up doing uncharacteristic things (i.e. eating meat despite being a strict vegetarian). He ends confronting Raven about her attitude toward him in the hallway.
Beast Boy: You know Raven, I've been a really nice guy for a really long time. I've put up with your insults, your attitude, and I've had it! Consider this as a warning. As of last night, Mr. Nice Guy has left the building.
- This ends up biting him in the butt as when Raven is attacked and BB is caught with her in his mouth. Though as it turns out it was actually the villain earlier in the episode who transformed into a creature similar to BB.
- In the ThunderCats (2011) episode "Old Friends", Panthro confronts his Evil Former Friend Grune and points out that all of Grune's scheming, betraying his people, and becoming The Dragon to Big Bad Mumm-Ra has gotten Grune no closer to his original goal, to be The Usurper of his kingdom, which Mumm-Ra has actually brought to ruin.
- The Tiny Toon Adventures episode "Prom-ise Her Anything'' has Montana Max giving one of these to Elmyra (see the quote page) and then receiving an almost identical one from Dizzy Devil's date when he tries to hit on her a few minutes later.
- In Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, Fifi La Fume desperately tries to get an autograph from her favorite movie star skunk Johnny Pew. After waiting on him countless times (especially since we don't see much of her with Johnny), Fifi sees Johnny's true colors when a voluptuous pink skunk named Bimbette randomly comes along and asks for his autograph. Johnny snatches Fifi's photo that Fifi was intending to get his autograph on, writes on it, and gives it away to Bimbette, and a furious Fifi lays a relatively short, Reason You Suck Speech on him:
- In Total Drama Island, Lindsay's speech to Heather after she realizes Heather had been using her to win the game:
Lindsay: You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true, you lying little- (Censored, along with Lindsay's finger censored)! I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you because I thought we were BFFs! But they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (Censor again)! And guess what? I don't want to be BFFs anymore. I'd rather spend the day staring at Owen's butt than shopping with you! And P.S.: Your shoes are tacky!
- Transformers Animated: Bulkhead delivers one to Wasp in "Where Is Thy Sting."
- Transformers Cybertron: Optimus Prime gives one to Galvatron, shortly before they make their final clash and Optimus runs him through.
Optimus: You will always lose, Galvatron. You think of nothing but destruction. None of your victories last. You care about nothing but yourself. No-one cares about you. The time has come to end your struggle.
- In an episode of Transformers Prime, while under the influence of a Psycho Serum, Ratchet fires one towards Optimus. He mocks Optimus for being soft for losing Cliffjumper and for passing so many chances to get rid of Megatron once and for all. While Ratchet's judgement was impaired, it's implied he was saying what he would have normally held back.
Ratchet: "You know your problem, Optimus? For such a big, strong bot, you're soft. You didn't pound Megatron into scrap when you had the chance! Many chances, in fact!"
- The Chameleon in T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Diary of a Mad Cat" gives one to Kitty while transformed as her mother.
The Chameleon: Now, when are you going to get married? Why don't you ever call me on my birthday? Why can't you be more like your sister?Kitty: My sister's in jail!Kitty: STOP COMPARING ME TO HER! I'M PRETTY, TOO!!The Chameleon: Actually, your shoulders are a little large, and we all know why you always wear gloves.
- Ultimate Spider-Man has Batroc giving one to Spidey about his Hero with Bad Publicity.
Batroc: I'm the one who robbed the bank and you're the one everybody hates.
Jameson: Spider-Man is a costumed criminal! Running around on our city in pajamas, it makes me sick! What gives him the right to wear pajamas while the rest of us have to wear normal clothes. On second thought, they're not even pajamas. He's running around in his underwear!
- Before that, Jameson tells the people about Spider-Man in a bad way.
- In X-Men, Psylocke gives a very good reasoning with Archangel.
Psylocke: Worthington, what do you care about your fellow mutants? You used your wealth to deny your mutant heritage, you had a scientist try to cure you, and you waste your life trying to hunt a creature who can never die, you brood over your own troubles when you can be using your wealth and power for so much more, it’s for my brother who fights for the good of mutants, all mutants.
- Daria, someone who is known for her biting sarcasm and brutal honesty, will occasionally dish these out at individuals who really piss her off.
Daria: What do you mean pushing yourself as some kind of role model when all you care about is how you look and what celebrities you know? Aren't teenage girls screwed up enough without you foisting your shallow values on them and making their lousy self-images worse?Val: Now look here, missy. I mean, what are you, Dar, a teacher? I am a role model! I'm in touch with the teen within.Daria: Why don't you get in touch with the 30-something without? Your readers aren't going to be teenagers forever, unlike you. A real role model would be teaching them stuff they can use.
- Tommy Sherman
Tommy: Do you know who I am? Tommy Sherman?Daria: I know the whole school's turning itself inside out because of some egotistical football player. And I've seen you insult or proposition just about everyone you come across. So my guess is that you're the football player guy. Congratulations you must have worked very hard to become a colossal jerk so quickly.
David: Look, you seem bright enough, but I just can't sit here and listen to any more vacuous prattle with your brain-dead friends. Eyeliner, headband colors... God, are you boring.Quinn: I'm not boring! I'm popular!David: Hey, the only reason you're popular is your looks, and those won't last forever. You have nothing interesting to say and no intellectual curiosity whatsoever. Do the world a favor and don't go to college. Give up your spot to somebody who wants to learn.
- And once when Quinn sought tutoring for the summer, her tutor, David, also gave her one of these, causing Quinn to actually consider taking her studies seriously for the first time in her life.
Daria: A few days ago, my father had a heart attack, forcing me to admit his mortality to myself for the first time. Accepting this grim new knowledge has been especially difficult as I've been under constant yammering assault by two utterly brainless and talentless so-called radio personalities. And so, for these reasons, I, Daria Morgendorfer, am mental in the morning.
- In Jake of Hearts, Daria has had to deal with two Dumbass DJs at school who keep harassing her, and her overbearing grandmother Ruth after Jake suffers a heart attack. She finds the words to make both of these problems go away.
Daria: She wants you both to model your lives after hers. And who could blame her? After all, you were just telling Dad yesterday how you made all the right decisions in your life. Right, Grandma?
- To Grandma Ruth, she calls her out for trying to make Helen and Quinn take after her, despite all the poor decisions she made, like marrying Jake's father:
- She immediately drives off.
- Tommy Sherman
- In the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Krusty Love", Spongebob gives one to Mr. Krabs after he finally gets fed up with him. Yelling it out in random gibberish, Mrs. Puff reads a dictionary and is surprised he swore quite a bit.
Mrs. Puff: I had no idea Spongebob had such a colorful vocabulary!
Squidward: [twitches his eye, and makes his way toward the front door] Alright, you two! OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week.SpongeBob: Squidward, does that include…Squidward: YES, IT DOES! [slams door]SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?Squidward: [busts head through the door, exploding] YES, I WAS!! YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD NEIGHBORS?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! [deep breath] YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob & Patrick's hats and stomps them into the ground]SpongeBob: Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.Patrick: Yeah, I guess we're not good neighbors after all.Squidward: [explodes once again] NO, YOU AREN'T!!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [he hyperventilates] ''AND STOP CALLING ME PRESIDENT!'SpongeBob: (sadly) C'mon, let's go. (SpongeBob and Patrick sadly walk away)
- In the episode Good Neighbors', Spongebob and Patrick try to prove themselves good neighbors by starting a club, and name Squidward president, but in doing so, they end up harassing Squidward and sabotaging his Sunday off. Finally, after they ruin his pedicure, he delivers an almost violent one on them.
Mr. Krabs: [angry] I'M FEELIN' LIKE A TOTAL BARNACLE HEAD! You think this is cool?! How about this! And this? Am I with it now? You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the end! I'm going home. You guys ain't cool. You're lame!SpongeBob : [depressed] Lame?!Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're nerds! Geeks! Creeps! And babies!SpongeBob and Patrick: Not 'babies!' [both suck their thumbs]Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to you!(Of course, Mr. Krabs changes his mind a moment later, when Patrick mentions their next activity, but it ends up going awry too)
- In the Episode Mid-Life Crustasian, Mr. Krabs, in an attempt to feel young, accompanies SpongeBob and Patrick on their night out, only to be disappointed with their ideas of a good time, which include, going to the Laundromat, re-roofing a shed, reading at the library, and finally a kiddie restaurant. Finally he goes off on them.
- Steven Universe: "Lars And The Cool Kids" has the cool kids being trapped in the moss that Steven's mother makes. Steven tries explaining what they can do, but Lars, fed up with him, says this:
Lars: This is all your fault! I knew if something went wrong today, it would be because of you! Now I'm never going to become friends with these guys, all because of your weird mom!
Steven: What do you know about my mom?! I didn't even get to know my mom! But I do know that she saw beauty in everything, even in stuff like this, and even in jerks like you!
- However, Steven retaliates with a Death Glare and this:
Pearl: I'm sorry... I-It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.(Garnet drops Pearl.)Garnet: That's why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.Pearl: Wait! Let me explain!Garnet: You've been fixing the hub! *walks towards Pearl, who backs away*Pearl: It really was Peridot! T-The first time...Garnet: You tricked me!Pearl: No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!Garnet: Those weren't victories!*Amethyst jumps into frame*Amethyst: Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel...stronger!Garnet: Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with...nothing!Pearl: Garnet...Garnet: *points her finger at Pearl* That's enough! Amethyst, fuse with me!Amethyst: But-!Garnet: *clenches her fist* Let's just get this over with.
- And also, when Garnet freaks out at Pearl in "Cry for Help":
Holly Blue Agate: I'll report you to the Diamonds! You'll all be shattered!
- In "Message Received", Yellow Diamond and Peridot give ones to each other.
- In "That Will Be All", after being condescended by Holly Blue Agate at every turn, Pearl gives her a very satisfying comeuppance.
- Rick and Morty:
Morty: How could you be so irresponsible, Rick!?
- In Rick Potion #9, Morty has Rick cook up a love potion so that he can woo the girl he has a crush on. Unfortunately, due to the fact that the girl has the flu, she ends up transmitting the effects of the potion to the entire school and within a few hours the entire world (save for Morty's family due to the effects not affecting people with his DNA) wants to have sex with Morty. When Morty asks Rick about why he did this, Rick tears Morty a new one.
Rick: Me irresponsible!? All I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! You're the one who wanted me to buckle down and make a roofie juice serum, so you could roofie the poor girl at your school! You kidding me, Morty? You're going to try and take the high road on this one? You're a creep, Morty. You're just a little creepy creep person.
Blim Blam: Um first of all, Hello, um My name is Blim Blam the Chloreblock, second of all, cards on the table, I'm a murderer that eats babies and I came to this planet to eat babies. However, I am also carrying a highly infectious disease that I suppose you could call space aids as you put it and Rick did chain me up so he could attempt to cure it. At the same time, Rick’s motivations to cure me were not to save my life or anyone else's, but to patent and sell the cure for billions of blemflarks. But you know the reason why I ripped my chains out of the wall? AND do you know WHY I’m never coming back to this planet? Because the TWO OF YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST! You both hate yourselves and each other. AND THE IDEA THAT IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH RICK IS LAUGHABLE. I’d laugh but biologically incapable. THAT’S HOW ALIEN I AM. And even I’m sitting here listening to the TWO of you and being like “WHAT THE FUCK.” So, good luck with your shitty marriage and tell Rick I’m sorry that he has to deal with either of you. BLIM BLAM, OUT!
- In Auto Erotic Assimilation, Blim Blam, an alien trapped under Rick's bunker gave one to Beth and Jerry because of their constant arguing about Rick.
- In Teen Titans Go!, a brief crossover with Young Justice culminates in Aqualad giving a brutal verbal beatdown to Robin.
Aqualad: I did not wish to say anything, but you and your team have brought nothing but shame to all real superheroes! The Teen Titans are a disgrace!Robin: Hey, hey, hey! You are way off base buddy! There's no difference between our teams! We may do things a little differently, but we're both just trying to take down the bad guys!Aqualad:Is that right? (He and Robin turn to see that Starfire and Raven are breaking out Jynx so they can have a girl's night out) Superheroes are supposed to inspire hearts, and teach valuable lessons about friendship and life!Robin: We...do...that!Aqualad: What, lessons like, "books can be dangerous"? Or, "what is better, burgers or burritos"? You are a mockery of everything the world holds sacred about heroes!Robin: Come on! What is so bad about being a little silly from time to time?Aqualad: I am all for a good laugh, but the Teen Titans cannot be serious for one single moment! Good day!Robin: But-Aqualad: I SAID GOOD DAY!
- Funnily enough, Aqualad's complaints mirror the complaints of people like The Mysterious Mr. Enter who are not fans of the show for these exact reasons.
- Krissie from Jem actually sung this in "The Jem Jam Part 2" after she had enough of a Spoiled Brat named Dominic's bad behavior.
Krissie: You may be a star/But don't think you're so hot!/You may be a star/But don't think you're so cool!/'Cause, ooh, you're not!
- In the Sonic Boom episode "Just a Guy", Sonic ends up being ostracized by the village for referring to Mike as "just a guy" and the villagers as "you people", in spite of all the times he's saved them from Eggman's evil schemes, and the fact they themselves had said that Mike was "just a guy" as well. After a passive-aggressive remark from Amy during her sensitivity training group, he finally snaps and calls the whole village out on their hypocrisy and taking what he does for granted, followed by him (as it turns out, temporarily) quitting the hero business—
Amy: Alright, perhaps our enthusiasm yesterday was a bit premature, seeing as it turns out [glares at Sonic] some people still have a long way to go in their training. But, I'm sure we'll all learn to be compassionate, after tomorrow's...SENSITIVITY TRAINING CAMPING TRIP![Everyone except Sonic starts cheering]Sonic: [Furiously] You know what I think is compassionate? Saving the Village from Eggman! Like, every week! But do I get any props for that?! NO! Everyone just goes around gasping at me when I call a guy "a guy", or people "people!"Sonic: I QUIT HEROING! AND I QUIT THIS STUPID GROUP! [throws down his hat and storms out]