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The Reason You Suck Speech: Western Animation

  • In Adventure Time, Finn delivers one to a tree witch:
    Finn: If there's anything I've learned today, it's that I am awesome at talking to ladies. And lady, you are CRAZY UGLY! Having beautiful hair isn't gonna get you anywhere because you're ugly inside and out. So ugly, I want to throw up. No one will ever find you beautiful. EVEEERRR. And it has nothing to do with the old chrome-dome. (touches his heart) It has to do with what's in here.
    • In "Burning Low", Jake delivers one to Princess Bubblegum.
      PB:: Jake, where's Finn? Is he with Flame Princess?
      Jake: Back off, Bubblegum! That's his man's biz.
      PB: Is he with her? Or not?
      Jake: You heartless monster. Do you have any idea HOW MUCH HE'S CRIED OVER YOU?!?! FINN DESERVES TO BE HAPPY, EVEN IF HIS BLOOPIN' FACE GETS BURNT OFF!!! YOU...SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!! [throws a box of pancake mix in PB's face] YOU'RE SICK!!!
    • Lemongrab gives THREE of these to Princess Bubblegum in "You Made Me!:"
      Lemongrab: No one... No one understands! I am alone! And you made me like this! YOU MADE ME!!! YOOOU MAAADE MEEE!!! You're... my... glob! You're my glob!
      Lemongrab: It's gross! And who says your way's right, anyway? I look in the lemon heart you gave me and see my lemon way to act- and that must be right!
      Lemongrab: NO! No more helping! You unload your punkest boys on me?! Tryyy to change my ways?! YOU'RE POISON! YOU'RE POISON!!! YOU NEED RECONDITIONING!!! REEECONDITIIION YOOOU!!!
    • PB gets her own against Ricardio in "Lady & Peebles":
      PB: You think we're intellectual equals?! It only took me seconds to get you off your guard! And this "body" you designed is self-congratulatory garbage! See, I know a thing or two about building a body out of biomass, and you don't... leave your heart exposed!
      Ricardio: I just wanted to impress you!
      PB: YOU DIDN'T.
  • In All Dogs Go to Heaven: A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Present (Sasha) gives Carface one over his stealing the money a sick puppy needed for an operation to save his life. Christmas Yet to Come (Charlie) gives him one of these in musical form with "Clean Up Your Act", along with telling him what he can do to change that.
  • Stan lays into Roger on American Dad!:
    Stan: You're nothing but a worthless sack of fatass!
    Roger: (gasps in horror)
    Stan: You're lazy, you're a chubbo, you lie, you cheat, you eat all our food, you're a drunk, you never wash your wigs, but you strut around like you're Mary Queen of Scots, Brangelina, and Jesus all rolled into one. Well, you're not! You're a big fat nothing!
    • In one episode, Steve decides that he wants to be a back-up dancer. Roger's assessment:
    Roger: You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace. If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the like of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo... I can envision millions of Americans rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck!
  • A weird subversion in Archer: After Lana demands that her coworkers share her moral outrage over an environmentally-unfriendly mission, Cheryl gives her a long speech that calls her out.
    Cheryl: If you really cared, you'd resign. But there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until, her face bloated and yellow from liver failure, she [their boss] calls you to her deathbed and, in a croaky whisper, explains that Mr. Archer is totally incompetent and that you, the long-suffering Lana Kane, are the only one qualified to run ISIS. And you weep shameful tears because you know that this terrible place is the only true love you will ever know."
    • Lana is silent for a moment before excusing herself, clearly rocked by this speech. Subverted in that Cheryl didn't even realize that she was talking.
    [beat]
    Lana: Excuse me. [leaves]
    Pam: Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
    Cheryl: What? ...ohmyGod, was I talking?
  • Atomic Betty has one, sorta. Though not quite a speech, but Maximus and Max Sr. both give out their reasons on why they don't want Max Sr. Sr., after he is snatched by them, to continue running things and why they don't want him around for too long.
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender :
    • When Zhao challenges Zuko to a Angi Kai in season 1 episode "The Southern Air Temple". After a very brutal fight, Zuko manages to win but spares Zhao's life. As he's walking away however, Zhao tries to attack him from behind only for Iroh to block it. He then berates Zhao for his poor sportsmanship stating that even though Zuko is of lower rank then him, he has way more honor then Zhao ever will.
    • Zuko give an excellent one to the so-called soldiers in season 2's "Zuko Alone" as well, greatly enhanced by his flat aspect during it. He's not angry at them, per se, just letting them know what disgusting little vermin they are before he squashes them. It's part of what makes the aftermath of that fight so heartbreaking and poignant.
    • The season 2 finale "The Crossroads of Destiny":
      • Azula gives one to Long Feng, which breaks his spirit completely. No more than he deserves.
      • Katara delivers a rather brutal one to Zuko, who only manages to take it because he's afraid she may be right.
      Katara: Why did they throw you in here? Oh wait. Let me guess. It's a trap. So when Aang shows up to rescue me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches. You're a terrible person, you know that? Always following us, hunting the Avatar, trying to capture the world's last hope for peace! But what do you care? You're the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood.
    • Goes hand in hand with Calling the Old Man Out in season 3's "The Day of Black Sun Part 2: The Eclipse", when Zuko unloads on Fire Lord Ozai for all the crap he put him through in his young life. As the Motivational Poster on that page summarizes, 1) You suck and are a monster and everyone else in the world thinks we're a nation of jackasses, 2) Iroh is a way better dad than you, and 3) I'm joining the Avatar. Suck on that, old man. Ozai does not take kindly to this (although he'd been after any possible excuse for years, really).
    • In season 3's "The Southern Raiders" Katara gives one to the man who killed her mother.
      Katara: I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand. There's just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You're pathetic and sad and empty.
  • In Batman: The Animated Series The Joker gets a taste of his own medicine from a hapless motorist who he had been tormenting for the majority of the episode (Joker's Favor):
    Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins: Hold it!
    The Joker: Oh, come on.
    Charlie: I said hold it!
    [slugs Joker in the face, knocking him to the ground]
    Joker: You miserable little nobody! If I get caught, your wife and son are history!
    Charlie: You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van.
    [reveals a Joker bomb]
    Charlie: This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes. No grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow all the papers will say is it the great Joker who was found blown to bits in an alley alongside a miserable little nobody?" Kinda funny. Ironic really. See, I can destroy a man's dreams too and that's really the only dream you've got? Isn't it?
    Joker: Look, Charlie, you've been having a bad day. All this running around, all this excitement with...
    [Yells]
    Joker: BATMAN!
    [to Charlie]
    Joker: Stop! Y-you're crazy!
    Charlie: I had a good teacher! Say goodnight, Gracie!
  • Another DCAU example occurs in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, when the Joker discovers Batman's true identity:
    What's the matter, Batman? No witty comeback? No threat? Then I'll provide the narration: I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's (Tim Drake) mind. Oh, he bravely fought it at first, you would have been so proud to see him so strong. But all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll, and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true, Batsy, I know everything! And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit... It's sadly anti-climactic: behind all the sturm und Batarangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic... Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway!
    • Fifty years later, the Joker gets a brutal taste of his own medicine when Terry McGinnis (the new Batman) does the exact same thing to him, pointing out to the Joker that he was never all that funny to begin with and laughing at him until the Joker flies into a rage and begins trying to strangle him. Unfortunately, the Joker's so blinded by his anger that he doesn't realize that Batman's about to zap him with one of his own electrified joybuzzers...
      Terry!Batman: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him.
      Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
      Terry!Batman: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
      Joker: I'm not hearing this!
      Terry!Batman: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape... not that you ever had a good joke. (...) I mean, joybuzzers? Squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the A-material? Make a face, drop your pants, something! (...) You make me laugh... But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. (starts laughing) (...) So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?
      Joker: Don't you dare laugh at me!
      Terry!Batman: Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
      Joker: YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!!
    • The "mommy and daddy" line from Joker to Batman gets an Ironic Echo of sorts in the considerably more light-hearted Batman: The Brave and the Bold (Paul Dini did write both screenplays, mind you):
      Bat-Mite: To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy.
      • Also the "drop your pants" bit could be one as well. As in one of Joker's Multiple Choice Past claims the only time he got his father to laugh was when he did a skit in which he dropped his pants.
    • Bruce did this to Ra's Al Gul. He did this while tied up and on the verge of being body snatched by Ra's.
      Bruce Wayne: Sure Ra's, why not? Anything to hold off the Grim Reaper a few more seconds. I take it back. You don't cheat death. You whimper in fear of it!
      Ra's: SILENCE! (slaps Bruce)
      Bruce: And you hit like a girl.
      • That last line is made funnier because Ra's has already body-snatched his own daughter to avoid dying.
  • Batman: The Brave and the Bold. In "Revenge of the Reach", the Blue Beetle's Scarab, the suit's sentient intelligence cohabiting with Jaime Reyes, turns back into its original programming by its alien kind, The Reach, to invade The Green Lantern Corps. It takes complete control of the suit and takes over Jaime's mind for a while, before he asserts his willpower over the suit. The Scarab tries to deter Jaime's progress by telling him he was only a hero because the Reach made him so, and cannot overcome the power of the Reach.
  • Ben 10 gives one to Kevin during their second showdown, when he asks if Ben is going to try to help him. Ben replies by telling him he's through trying to help him because Kevin can't seem to take help when it's offered. After beating him, Ben finishes it by answering Kevin's attempt to continue the fight by telling him he's not worth finishing off. Backfires, but still, he makes extremely good points.
  • Who can forget Martin Luther King Jr.'s remake of his famous "I have a dream" speech into an epic "The Reason All of You Suck" Speech in The Boondocks?
    Martin Luther King: Will you ignorant niggas PLEASE shut the hell up?'' Is this it? This is what I got all those ass-whuppins for? I had a dream, once. It was a dream that little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression! But lo and behold some four decades later, what have I found but a bunch of trifilin', shiftless, good-for-nothing niggas? And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word. It's the ugliest word in the English language. But that's what I see now: niggas. And you don't want to be a nigga, 'cause niggas are living contradictions! Niggas are full of unfulfilled ambitions! Niggas wax and wane, niggas love to complain, niggas love to hear themselves talk but hate to explain! Niggas love being another man's judge and jury, niggas procrastinate until it's time to worry, niggas love to be late, niggas hate to hurry! I've seen what's around the corner, I've seen what's over the horizon, and I PROMISE you, you niggas have nothing to celebrate! I know I won't get there with you, I'm going to Canada.
    • In "The Trial of Robert Kelly", Huey gives one to the entire courtroom.
    [Huey turns off music]
    Huey: What the hell is wrong with you people? Every famous nigga that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela! Yes, the government conspires to put a lot of innocent black men in jail on fallacious charges. But R. Kelly is not one of those men! We all know the nigga can sing! But, what happened to standards? What happen to bare minimums! You a fan of R. Kelly? You want to help R. Kelly? Then get some counseling for R. Kelly, introduce him to some older women, hide his camcorder! But, don't pretend like the man is a hero!
    [Huey attempts to return to his seat only, to come back.]
    Huey: And stop the damn dancing, act like you got some goddamn sense people! Damn! through playin' round here!
    Riley: Booooo! Hey you, with the Afro. Give it a rest! Beat It! Put the music back on!
  • Codename: Kids Next Door: The Delightful Children were fond of giving these to Sector V, especially to Numbuh 1.
    • In Operation: G.R.O.W.-U.P. Numbuh 5 gives one to a grown-up Numbuh 1:
      Numbuh 5: You know, you used to be cool because the team meant more to you than anything. Including yourself. But now you're just a selfish old crank. It's not your age that's changed Mr. Uno, it's you!
    • In Operation: F.U.G.I.T.I.V.E. Numbuh 362, revealed be disguised as decommissioned operative Numbuh 206, gives out one to Numbuh 86 for capturing her.
      Numbuh 362: You idiot! I was this close to getting the Delightful Children's plans! And you attacked me from out of nowhere! Whose side are you on anyways? I'm ashamed to call you a girl. I never thought a girl would be so stupid. You are by far the most idiotic person I have ever, ever worked with!
  • Disney
    • Aladdin has Jafar performing a Villain Song version of "Prince Ali" as he uses his powers to reveal Aladdin for who he really is.
    • Likewise, Aladdin: The Return of Jafar has a The Reason You Suck Music Number, "You're Only Second-Rate".
    • In the TV series, Aladdin gets one of these from Mozenrath as well.
      Mozenrath: The magic of a genie was handed to you on a silver platter, but I gave my right hand for power! To wear the gauntlet is painful... but it's worth it! Worth it to destroy the likes of you!
    • A rare case of a good guy doing this to another good guy happens in The Great Mouse Detective. After Basil has fallen into Ratigan's trap, resulting in him and Dawson in an elaborate Death Trap, Basil is in a Heroic BSOD, until Dawson finally gets angry at him:
    Dawson: Dash it all, Basil! The queen's in danger, Olivia's counting on us, we're about to be horribly splattered, and all you can do is lie there feeling sorry for yourself! If you've given up, then why don't we just set it off now and be done with it?
    • And amazingly, this actually helps Basil, not just to snap out of it, but realize if they do set the trap off early - at precisely the right second - they can free themselves.
  • The Fairly Oddparents with the Wonderful Life subversion episode, "It's A Wishful Life", in which Jorgen Von Strangle tells Timmy very gloatingly that he's responsible for nearly every bad thing in the world from the Chicago Cubs losing streak to his friend Chester having bad teeth. Timmy then willingly offers to disappear from existence to make life better for his friends and family. The love that Timmy had for the people in his life made Jorgen the one who looked like a Jerk Ass and the conclusion you came to was that it was Jorgen who really sucked. As for it being an aesop about not doing things for praise, Jorgen Von Strangle is the last person to preach that; just check out the episode "Fairly Oddlympics", especially the clink, clink, clink part.
    • In "Fairy Fairy Quite Contrary", Timmy meets Remy Buxaplenty, a billionaire godchild. Upon discovering one another's fairies, they meet one another to cut to the chase. Here, Remy attempts to bribe Timmy to wish away his fairies. Timmy sums up Remy pretty well in response.
    Timmy Turner: You know what stinks about you, Remy? You're rich, you have godparents and you're still miserable.
    • Timmy gives one to Vicky in "Frenemy Mine", when she tells him she's lost her only friends because of him (he saved her life, getting her kicked out of an evil babysitter club), he responds by telling her that it's her own fault those were the only friends she had in the first place because she was an evil, vile person and if she'd been more friendly, maybe she'd have more friends.
  • In the Family Guy episode "Jerome is the New Black," Quagmire gives a spectacular one to Brian, who has spent the entire episode trying to be his friend. It helps that the points he makes are quite valid as they were based on complaints viewers had been making about Brian for a good while.
    Quagmire: Okay. I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife; the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing; you always say, "Ooh, I'll getcha later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some 7th Grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should, "Legalize Pot, man." How big business is crushing the underclass. How homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have you done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen you down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way: driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because "Religion is for idiots." Well who the hell are you to talk down to anyone?! You failed college twice! Which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore! (Beat) Well, see ya Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
    • These on-the-nose jabs become even more interesting when you consider that Brian is often considered to be an Author Avatar for series creator Seth MacFarlane and Quagmire is also voiced by MacFarlane. So we have him giving a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to his own Author Avatar. Don't think about it too hard.
      • Ironically, Quagmire's been trying to hit on Lois himself. Though Quagmire's not completely dependent on Peter, unlike Brian.
      • Even more ironically is that Quagmire in many points is worse than Brian. For example Quagmire is guilty of almost every sexually related crime imaginable not the least of which is keeping several asian woman locked in his garage, implied to have had sex with Loreta Browns corpse, Killed his sisters boyfriend (albeit in self-defense and protecting Brenda from further abuse) and lying about wearing a condom when having sex resulting in many children he runs away from upon seeing, something which he pulled Brian up on.
      • In a later episode, Brian gives Quagmire his own speech, basically calling him a shallow know-nothing-know-it-all.
    • Brian gives Connie D'Amico an awesome one in the episode "Barely Legal":
      Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay. (She and another couple laugh)
      Brian: (slurring a bit) You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
      Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?!
      Meg: Brian, let's just go.
      Brian: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark?
      Connie: [runs off in tears]
    • Brian is on the receiving end on another one in "Brian Writes a Bestseller" where Bill Maher rips on him, especially after Brian craps all over his own book in a desperate attempt to impress him.
      Arianna Huffington who's sitting to Brian's left on the panel: He's urinated on the chair.
      Maher: Bad dog! Get down!
    • One of the show's favorite cutaway gags is showing Stewie give some celebrity a "The Reason You Suck" Speech. There was a funny scene subverting the audience's expectation of the subject's reaction when Stewie attempted to tell Matthew McConaughey how much he sucked. McConaughey simply agreed with everything Stewie said, admitting that, yes, his movies sucked and yes, he was a bad actor. Then again, he agreed with almost everything Stewie said.
    Stewie: You suck donkey ass.
    Matthew: Now, you can't prove that.
    • In "Seahorse Seashell Party", Meg, the resident Butt Monkey of the show, calls Chris, Lois, and Peter out on their flaws, foibles, and abuse towards her.
    • "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven" features Meg, who recently became a fundamentalist, go up against atheist Brian. Brian finally blows up and delivers one to Meg after she takes him to a book burning (long story). While it's more of a "Reason God Does Not Exist Speech", he uses Meg to disprove God. Here it is...
      Brian: Ok, fine, the let me ask you this. If there were a God, would He have put you here on Earth with a flat chest and a fat ass.
      Meg: I'm made in His image.
      Brian: Really? Would He give you a smoking hot Mom like Lois and have you grow-up looking like Peter?
      Meg: Well...
      Brian: And what kind of God would put you in a house where no one respects and cares about you, not even enough to give you a damn mumps shot?!"
    • Meanwhile, in the same episode, Stewie gave one to THE ENTIRE CAST OF Star Trek: The Next Generation, as they were so annoying to him during their trip around town (not knowing about McDonald's withdrawn products and the requirements to bowl the examples featured).
      "This... was... exhausting. This whole experience, was absolutely... exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all FUCKING DIE."
    • Family Guy LOVES this trope. A more depressing, plea-like one came from Quagmire to his sister, Brenda, in "Screams of Silence", during an intervention to get her away from her Bastard Boyfriend.
      "The person I see before me right now is just a punching bag. And I call you "person," not "woman," because a woman is a strong, beautiful vibrant creature. Sadly, the fact that you are with Jeff proves to me that you have made a choice to make your life worse."
    • Yet ANOTHER one came from "Baby Not On Board", where Peter manages to completely mess up a vacation by not knowing about September 11th, jumping out of the car to watch a movie in another car, mocking Lois after she crashed due to said movie, and using the rest of their cash to buy... shower curtain rings. After the latter, Lois finally blows up at him.
      "You are unbelievable! The last four days have been a living hell! Our baby is at home all by himself yet instead of getting us home you've managed to make things worse at every turn! A monkey would be a refreshing step up from you! A monkey would talk less! Here's a little tip. If your instinct tells you to do something, don't do it. If your instinct tells you not to do something, it's probably the right thing to do!"
    • Peter decides to give one back:
      "You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. Oh, I can be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like- I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me, 'cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."
    • In "Brian and Stewie" Brian goes into a childish drunken tirade about how much of a stupid baby Stewie is. Stewie after one too many jibes finally coolly gives him his two cents, claiming Brian is nothing more than "the best of a bad situation" and the only reason he even bothers to be around him is because Brian is pathetic enough to amuse him just slightly, even pointing out how he earlier coaxed Brian into cleaning his diaper by eating his poop just to see how low he could make him stoop. Subverted when he later admits he made the whole thing up because he was hurt.
    • In the episode “Valentine’s Day in Quahog, Stewie rounded up all of Brian’s exes to give their (bad) opinions of him:"
    Brian: What's going on? Oh, my God.
    [it's all of Brian's ex-girlfriends sitting gathered in the living room]
    Brian: Stewie, what the hell?! These are all my ex-girlfriends!
    Stewie: Well, I thought they could provide some insights that might improve your love life. Ladies, as you may have guessed, you are here because you have all dated this great guy. Yet, somehow, things didn't work out. My objective is to figure out why.
    Rita: I don't know. The word "self-absorbed" comes to mind.
    Carolyn: And pretentious.
    Unnamed woman #1: Definitely pretentious.
    Jillian: And he's got a big Eggo! (ego)
    Stewie: Okay, we seem to have a theme going here.
    Brian: Oh, come on! You're all just mad because I didn't want to be with you!
    Ida: I think Brian's a wonderful man. He's just having a difficult time coming to terms with his own sexuality.
    Brian: Shut up, Ida.
    Stewie: She's my favorite.
    Cheryl Tiegs: He's insecure.
    Unnamed woman #2: And a blowhard.
    Brooke: And he's got a tiny penis.
    [the women laugh]
    Stewie: Yeah, that was pretty clear by the survey. Okay, now who wants more wine.
    Ida: This is great. We should do this every Saturday.
    Brian: No, no, we're not going to do this every Saturday!
    Rita: What's wrong? We're just being honest.
    • Brian then turns the conversation around and gives his exs his own speeches:
    Brian: Oh, oh, you want honest? (points to Rita) You're an old bag, (points to Kate) you're blind, (points to Brooke) your vomit tastes weird, (points to Jillian) you don't even know why you're here, (points to Lauren Conrad) you chose to be on The Hills, (points to Ida) you still have bits of penis left, (points to something off screen) and you can never get wet!
    [it's Gizmo that sighs]
    Brian: (points to Stewie) And you?! You're more of a woman than anyone else in this room!
    [Stewie finishes his glass of wine and points at Brian]
    Stewie: Get him!
  • Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: Mac gives this to Goo when he is finally fed up with her.
    Mac: I don't like you! Don't you get it? Nobody likes you. You're annoying and weird and you talk too much, and Bloo's name is not Chester, Mr. Herriman is not a badger, that's not how you play checkers, and protein doesn't come from bananas, it comes from nuts, which you don't need to eat more of because you ARE nuts! You're chock full of nuts! You're so nuts, you drive ME nuts! (Jumps in Goo's face) Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it?! Everybody thinks you're a nuisance and they all want you to just GO HOME!
  • In Gargoyles, after an episode of seeing what his son did to get his present day fortune (time travel and a lot of manipulation, and raking Goliath's heart over the coals), Petros Xanatos has this to say to David:
    David: Well, Pop, did you have a good time at the wedding?
    [Petros takes a coin out from...somewhere, and flicks it at David.]
    David: (Catching it) What's this?
    Petros: A simple, American penny. It's not worth much now, but in a thousand years...who knows? It's my wedding present to you, because it's all you seem to care about. (Turns and walks away.)
  • In God, the Devil and Bob, Bob gives this to God in the first episode.
    Bob: What do you want from me God!? I've had it! I've really had it! You're supposed to be a benevolent God? Let's look at the record. You're vague, you're unknowable, you're unreliable! You let good people suffer and lousy people prosper! You call yourself a father? You're more like a dead beat dad!
  • In the end of Max Fleischer's Gullivers Travels, Gulliver does this to the dueling kingdoms after Prince David is apparently killed saving Gulliver from being shot, but it ends on a high note:
    Poor foolish little people, look what you've done. Now go ahead, break your nutshell heads over your song. But did you have to break Glory's heart, King Little? Because you were thoughtless and selfish...and you, Bombo, oh mighty warrior...what have you won? You were too stubborn to think. Too busy quarreling to land dear to the harmony that might have been yours. But now in your sorrow and despair, perhaps you'll listen to your songs as they might be sung. (cue "Faithful Forever").
  • In Happiness Is A Warm Blanket Charlie Brown, Linus van Pelt gives a well-deserved one of these to the other characters, calling them out for their hypocrisy in trying to make him give up his Security Blanket while clinging to their own means of feeling secure.
    Linus: AAAAAAAUGH! I need my blanket! I admit it! Look at all of you! Who among you doesn't have an insecurity? Who among you doesn't depend on someone, or something, to get through the day? Who among you can cast the first stone? How about you, Sally? You with your endless "Sweet Babboos"? Or you, Schroeder? You with your Beethoven, Beethoven, Beethoven?! And you, Lucy, never leaving Schroeder alone, obsessing over someone who doesn't care if he ever sees you again? What do you want?! Do you want to see me unhappy? Do you want to see me insecure? Do you want to see me end up like Charlie Brown?! Even your crazy dog, Charlie Brown. Suppertime, suppertime, suppertime! Nothing but suppertime 24 hours a day! ARE ANY OF YOU SECURE?!
  • Helga from Hey Arnold! delivers one to her mom in the episode, Road Trip.
    Helga: Well, you've done a great job so far, Miriam. You lost the map, you ran us off the road, you left your purse on top of the car again and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm nine years old, mom. You're the parent. You're supposed to take care of me, but you couldn't even do that. Face it, Miriam. You're a lousy mom.
    • She also delivers an even more scathing one to Harold in Buses, Bikes and Subways.
      Helga: Everything that happened today is your fault! You can't do ANYTHING right. Take the bus for example. Why do you think we missed it, Harold? Oh, let's see. Hmmm...maybe was it because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in chocolate num nums! Oh, how about this one? "Let's take the subway! I think it goes to Lincoln." Oh, wait! No, it doesn't! It goes straight to the bowels of the underworld. Population? Homicidal, toothless midget clowns! I know, "Let's steal their bike. They won't mind!" Now you'd think that would be enough to fill any moron's day, but you're not just any moron, are you, Harold? You're the KING, your day's just getting started. So, because of your AMAZING curiosity about the world around us, YOU PULLED THE PLUG OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF OUR GETAWAY BOAT! (sighs) You idiot...
    • Helga herself got one from "Helga and the Nanny" when Inga the titular nanny was framed for theft, and got fired for it. Inga already knew that it was Helga after the latter felt guilty about it and was called out from her friends. When Helga asked why Inga didn't defend herself, Inga said that because Helga is a sad and troubled child who takes it out by being a Jerk Ass to other kids. Inga also said that Helga could've prevented that if only the latter accepted her. Cue the Downer Ending...
    • Susie gives one towards Oskar in "Baby Oskar" and Oskar just kind of sits there and agrees with her.
      Susie: You're a grown man. When are you going to grow up and act responsible?
      Oskar: I'll do it tomorrow.
      Susie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow! That's all I ever hear from you!
      Oskar: What's wrong with tomorrow? It's a good day.
      Susie: Tomorrow's a good day for you! Tomorrow's a grand day, because tomorrow's the day you'll get a good job! Tomorrow's the day you'll pay the bills! Tomorrow's the day you'll grow up and start acting responsible. But tomorrow never comes for you, because it's always so conveniently a day away.
      Oskar: That's right, it's only a day away just like that song the little orphan girl sings!
      Susie: What about today Oskar, and what about yesterday? When I needed your help you just loafed around the house! When I had to take care of the cleaning, the bills, and the baby all you could do was whine and moan, and ask me to make you a sandwich!
      Oskar: That's right and you never did!
      Susie: Because I was busy! You expect everyone else to take care of you!
      Oskar: Susie I don't expect everyone else to take care of me. Just you!
  • In the Invader Zim episode "GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff", GIR gets locked into "duty mode" and becomes scarily competent, to the point that he sees his bungling boss Zim as an impediment to their invasion plans, and chews him out for it:
    GIR: You are no leader, you are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated!
  • James Rhodes gives one to Hawkeye in the Iron Man episode "The Defection of Hawkeye".
  • Justice League subverts this one brilliantly in "A Better World". An insane Lex Luthor, having been elected to President of the United States, is threatening nuclear apocalypse. Superman and Lex are at an impasse, with Lex's finger on the trigger:
    Luthor: No, you need me. You wouldn't be much of a hero without a villain, and you do love being a hero, don't you? The cheering children, the swooning women — you love it so much, it's made you my most reliable accomplice!
    Superman: Accomplice? What are you —
    Luthor: You could've crushed me anytime you wanted! And it wasn't the law or the will of the people that stopped you; it was your ego. Being a hero was too important to you. You're as much responsible for this as I am! So, go ahead, fix it somehow—put me on trial, lock me up—but I'll beat it. And then we'll start the whole thing all over again!
    Superman: ...You're right. I did love being a hero. But if this is where it leads, I'm done with it. (And then he incinerates Luthor with heat vision. Good thing that wasn't our Superman.)
    • However, in "Divided We Fall", the season 2 finale of Justice League Unlimited, he was very close to being his Justice Lord counterpart. He even wished he was like him. But ultimately (and fortunately), he just couldn't go through with it.
      Superman: I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not.
    • His cousin had one of her own in "Panic in the Sky":
      Supergirl: You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone.
      Galatea: Shut up.
      Supergirl: Deep down you know the truth... you're not a person. You're just a weapon! Grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes!
      Galatea: SHUT UP!!! (launches into a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown)
    • Then there's Captain Marvel's Broken Pedestal speech in Clash aimed at Superman and the JLA, quitting because Superman proved himself too insecure to deal with another Flying Brick in the League.
      Captain Marvel: My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. (to Superman) And you, you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there, facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know... I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I guess I'm saying I like being a hero. A symbol. And that's why... I'm quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes anymore.
  • Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths. Batman serves one to Smug Snake Owlman after his giggling Not So Different proclamations as a Pre-Mortem One-Liner:
    Batman: There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked.
  • King of the Hill: That epic rant Dale gives Bill to get him out of that show choir he joined once (the Harmonaholics)?
    Dale: BILL!!! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you're wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequin trainwreck! LOOK AT YOU! You're part of a twelve-headed jackass! This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity! You people make me envy the deaf and the BLIND! UNDERWEAR! MONEY! FAT!
  • In The Legend of Korra "And the Winner Is...", Amon gives a very potent one to benders as a whole during his terrorist attack on the pro-bending arena. What made it effective was that he waited until he saw benders lavished with undeserved adulation blatantly breaking their own rules, threw their unhanded tactics in their faces and redirected all the attention focused upon them to himself - stirring unrest among potential recruits and striking fear into potential foes. All according to plan.
    Amon: I believe I have your attention, benders of Republic City. So once again, the Wolfbats are your Pro-Bending Champions. It seems fitting that you celebrate three bullies who cheated their way to victory, because every day you threaten and abuse your fellow non-bending citizens just like the Wolfbats did to their opponents tonight. Those men were supposedly the best in the bending world, and yet it only took a few moments for me to cleanse them of their impurity. Let this be a warning to all of you benders out there: if any of you stand in my way, you will meet the same fate.
  • Lloyd of Lloyd in Space delivers one to Brittany in the episode, Incident at Luna Vista after her bitchy behavior upsets Kurt. It's so effective that it actually leaves her feeling bad about it afterwards.
  • Clay's rant about how much his son sucks (which was really misplaced, confused self-loathing) marks the climax of Moral Orel. It's so long it actually takes up the better part of two episodes. With the image of his father now shattered, Orel turns it right back at him by calling him a bad father.
    • Later in the show, Clay gives another one to Doctor Potterswheel. Ironically, Clay could have also been talking about himself in that speech.
    • In another episode, a drunken Clay gives another one to Reverend Putty and the other patrons in the bar about how hypocritical they are. Subverted that even though Clay is somewhat correct, Clay made himself an already bigger fool by whining like child. In fact, it was the first time that Shapey spoke calmly without going on a temper tantrum stating that's what he's like when he's thirsty.
  • In the My Life as a Teenage Robot episode "Dressed to Kill", Brit gives a brief one to her designer Jean Phillipe and uses her newfound powers from her crystal gown to give him a clashing wardrobe when he demanded that her and Tiff return their gowns. Jean Phillipe runs off crying.
    Brit: Your gowns?! These designs were our idea and without us, you're nothing! Your designs are derivative, your stitches are shoddy, and you're probably... color blind!
  • In the season finale of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic "The Best Night Ever", Rarity is excited to finally have a chance to meet her Prince Charming. When he turns out to be a Prince Charmless she is disappointed but keeps hoping he'll prove to be chivalrous. When he uses her as a Pony Shield against falling cake, she snaps and tells him off.
    "You, sir, are the most uncharming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal PAIN!"
    • Discord tries one on Fluttershy. It fails so badly he just cuts straight to brute-force brainwashing and stalks off in a huff.
    • Fluttershy gives a horrible one to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Yes, you heard me. Cute, innocent, shy Fluttershy gives one once she got into assertive mode.
      Fluttershy: Things getting too complicated for your simple little brain, Pinkie Pie?
      Rarity: (catching the stunned Pinkie) Now stop right there! Let's not let things descend into petty insults.
      Fluttershy: Why not? I thought petty was what you're all about, Rarity. What with your petty concerns about fashion.
      Rarity: (gasps, eyes began to water and she turns away)
      Pinkie Pie: Hey! You leave her alone! Fashion is her passion!
      Fluttershy: Oh and what are you passionate about? Birthday cake? Party hats? (Pinkie's ears droop and her eyes quiver) I can't believe the two most frivolous ponies in Ponyville are trying to tell New Fluttershy how to live her life (cut to Pinkie Pie and Rarity about to cry), when they are throwing their lives away on pointless pursuits that no-pony else gives a flying feather about!
      Pinkie Pie: (About to cry) Looks like nasty Fluttershy is here to stay!
    • The Cutie Mark Crusaders got one for publishing embarrassing stories about others... from Big Macintosh of all the characters!
      Big Macintosh: You should be ashamed of yourself, humiliatin' your sister 'n' me like that. We don't wanna talk to any y'all right now so take your little gossip column and your embarrassing photographs and just GO AWAY!
    • In the episode, “Wonderbolts Academy,” Rainbow Dash gives one to Lightning Dust after her recklessness causes the tornado incident that nearly kills her friends. She then gives another one to Spitfire, her own immediate superior announcing she's done with the Wonderbolts if recklessness of that magnitude is going to be tolerated.
    • Discord drops another one in Princess Twilight Sparkle Part Two, aimed at the titular princess. He calls out Twilight for leaving her friends behind to "keep her own precious princess self out of harms way". Whether he did this just to mock her or genuinely help her is anyone's guess, though.
  • The Peanuts special Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown has one from Schroeder, adapted from a famous strip. On the morning after Valentine's Day, Charlie Brown's female classmates approach him, explain that they feel bad he didn't get a single valentine card, and offer him one of their own cards with the original name scratched off and his penciled in. Seeing this, an outraged Schroeder tears into them for their hypocritical gesture:
    Schroeder: Hold on there! What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? Where were you yesterday, when everyone else was giving out valentines? Is kindness and thoughtfulness something you can make retroactive? Don't you think he has any feelings? You and your friends are the most thoughtless bunch I've ever known! You don't care anything about Charlie Brown, you just hate to feel guilty! And now you have the nerve to come around one day later and offer him a used valentine, just to ease your conscience! Well, let me tell you something! Charlie Brown doesn't need your...
    Charlie Brown (shoving him aside): Don't listen to him! I'll take it!
  • After being stuck in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, Pepper Ann blows up and lets lose at her Mom, friends, and everyone else by pointing out their faults, by the next day the loop is over and no one is happy with her words about them leading into another loop.
  • Blossom gives one to Buttercup after Buttercups acts bratty after getting a bath:
    Blossom: You know Buttercup, you may be clean but your attitude still stinks.
    • Blossom gives another one to Princess after Princess is defeated:
    [After Blossom has used her ice breath on a flying Princess to rid her of her superpowered suit, and she falls, crying, but Blossom catches her before she can hit the ground.]
    Princess Morbucks: [crying] Why won't you let me be a Powerpuff Girl?
    Blossom: Because you're just a spoiled brat.
    [Puts Princess down]
    Blossom: And being a Powerpuff Girl isn't about getting your way, or having the best stuff, or being popular or powerful. It's about using your own unique abilities to help people and the world we all live in. And you, little girl, have done nothing worthy of the name "Powerpuff".
    • Buttercup gives one to the Amoeba Boys in "Geshundfight", calling them out for being the "lousiest, most pathetic criminals in the whole town" and forcibly kicking them out. For what it's worth, she had a point.
  • Mordecai from Regular Show gives one to Rigby in "Meat Your Maker" after one last screw-up of breaking the thermostat with a drumstick.
    Mordecai: You can't fix, okay?! All you do is mess things up and ruin people's lives!
    Rigby: I'm sorry. I just wanna help.
    Mordecai: Stop pretending like you can do anything but get me in trouble! You can't fix this! And now, (starts to freeze to death) I'm gonna d-d-d-die because of you.
    • Benson delivers a particularly nasty one to Mordecai and Rigby in "Think Positive": After trying all day to suppress his anger and not yell at them on Pops' orders, his bottled-up anger causes him to turn into a white-hot ball of fire. Once Pops gives Benson permission to yell at Mordecai and Rigby (and in fact ends up ordering him to do so), Benson releases all his pent-up aggression the form of screaming a blast of fire:
    Benson: AAAAAGH! You lazy, no-good slackers drive me NUTS! Can't you just listen to me ONCE in your worthless lives? Because if you DID, you'd know I'm trying to teach you some simple responsibility, some PRIDE in doing a job well-done! But you wouldn't KNOW a job well-done if you paid someone to do it for you! And even then you'd screw it all up on the account that you can't even follow the simplest of instructions, worrying more about "looking cool" than doing your JOBS!
    • There's also another one in "Busted Cart":
      Benson: Excuse, excuses?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU WHEN ALL YOU GIVE ME ARE EXCUSES?! WHEN ARE YOU TWO GONNA LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES- CONSEQUENCES THAT AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE?! Like me!... Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs but I care about keeping mine! Because if I lose my job... I have nothing! Y-YOU HEAR ME?! I have nothing! *sobs* Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my last bathroom break as an employed man.
    • Benson is on the receiving end of one from Mordecai in "Eggscellent" after Rigby falls into a coma from an allergic reaction to eggs.
    Benson: (turns to Mordecai) Well, I hope you've learned something from all of this.
    Mordecai: What?
    Benson: Maybe if you've been working like you were supposed to, none of this would've happened.
    Benson: Mordecai, what are you doing?!
    Mordecai: What's your problem?! This has nothing to do with work! He just wanted the hat!
    Benson: And look where it got him! (points to Rigby) Your friend over there is only going to get you into trouble!
    Mordecai: (laughs harshly) Right, take advice from Benson about friends, since you've got soooo many of 'em.
    Benson: I have friends.
    • Rigby sort of gives one to Mordecai in "Laundry Woes" while he drove 20 hours to Margret's college to try and give Margret back a sweater.
    Rigby: Dude, what the heck!? Have you been driving all night!? You look awful!
    Mordecai: It's fine. It's fine. I just gotta get the sweater to Margret. Almost there.
    Rigby: Fine? Fine!? Not fine! Not fine, not fine! (rapping) You've been driving all this time, your eyes they must be blind!
    Mordecai: Cut it out.
    Rigby: (rapping) Not fine, not fine! How can you say you're fine thinkin' 'bout that sweater? Gotta pull yourself together! This plan will only hurt! You can never make it work!
    Mordecai: Rigby! Quit it!
    Rigby: (rapping) Not fine, not fine! You're anything but fine! Ditch that stupid sweater! You should be movin' on! The past is in the past, you and Margret said "SO LONG"!
    Mordecai: I SAID CUT IT OUT! Why are you so against me giving Margret her sweater back?
    Rigby: Because it's not about the sweater, and you know it! You gotta forget about Margret!
    Mordecai: Dude, Margret's important to me! I can't just forget her!
    Rigby: Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real! Staying like this is messed up, and it's messing you up! I want my friend back!
    Mordecai: Well if you were a real friend, you'd understand.
    Rigby: I am your friend! You'd realize that if you weren't such a sad sack CHUMP!
  • Chaz Finster, father of Rugrats character Chuckie Finster, delivers one to the parents of Tommy Pickles and Phil and Lil DeVille in the episode "Family Feud" when the parents continue their petty feud even after they realize their children have run away (mostly because of said feud).
  • One from Ned Flanders of The Simpsons, of all people, in the eighth season episode "Hurricane Neddy". After his life falls apart, he snaps and lets loose on the whole town.
    Ned Flanders: Can't you morons do anything right?!
    (the crowd gasps)
    Marge Simpson: Ned, we meant well! And everyone here tried their best!
    Ned Flanders: Well I'm sorry, Marge, but my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Ohhh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have goooooood intentions!
    Bart Simpson: Hey, back off, man!
    Ned Flanders: Ohhh, okay duuuude, I wouldn't want you to have a cow maaaaan! Here's a catch phrase you better learn for your adult years; Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER!?
    Bart Simpson: I am shocked and appalled.
    Lisa Simpson: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
    Ned Flanders: Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to the question NO ONE ASKED!
    Chief Wiggum: Ha! Ha-ha!
    Ned Flanders: Whadda we have here, the long flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!
    Krusty the Clown: Mallomars, oho, that's going in the act.
    Ned Flanders: Oh yeah, the Clown, the only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! And as for you, I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
    Lenny: Hey, I've only been here a few minutes, what's going on?
    Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man!
    Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- uh -- what was the third thing you said?
    Ned Flanders: Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met.
    Homer Simpson: Hey, I got off pretty easy.
    • His sudden outburst must have come from his years-long suppressed anger at his parents for not raising him properly.
    • In the episode "Homer's Enemy" Homer gets a scathing one from Frank Grimes:
      Frank: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
      Homer: What?
      Frank: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and (sniffs air) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
      Homer:(gasps) What are you saying?
      Frank: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
      Bart: He's got you there, dad.
      Frank: You're a fraud. A— a total fraud. (walks out, pokes his head back round the doorway, and speaks to Marge and the kids) It was nice meeting you.
    • Marge give a very brief but effective one to Artie Ziff after he lets Homer go to jail for a crime he committed.
      Marge: Do you know why no one likes you?
      Artie: Anti-semitism?
      Marge: No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself!
      Artie: Marge, I think about a lot more than just moi. (Imagine Spot of female Arties dancing the Can-Can while singing his name along with the music) Oh... my... God. She's right.
    • Stephen Hawking gives one to the Springfield members of Mensa in "They Saved Lisa's Brain", when they begin making outlandish proposals:
      Professor Frink: You should all do what I say! My IQ is 199, for crying out glavin! (tries to lean against a pillar, but misses, hitting his head instead) 198, 197...
      Stephen Hawking: (offscreen) Big deal. My IQ is 280.
      (the crowd gasps when Stephen Hawking enters)
      Mensa Members: Stephen Hawking!
      Principal Skinner: The world's smartest man!
      Lisa: What are you doing here?
      Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia. But now, I see, it is more of a Fruitopia.
      Skinner: (chuckling) I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is...
      Hawking: Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me, except this voicebox. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.
      Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
      (the crowd cheers in agreement)
      Hawking: I don't know what the bigger disappointment is: my failure to formulate a unified field theory, or you.
      Skinner: I don't like your tone...
      Hawking: If you're looking for trouble, you've found it.
      Skinner: Just try me, you-Ow!
      (Hawking presses a button that deploys a punching glove hitting Skinner in the face)
    • Marge gives a huge one towards the whole town in "The Boys of Bummer" for continuing to harass Bart for losing a baseball championship even when he tried to kill himself because of it.
      Marge: YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED! Passing judgement on a child for a sports boo-boo! What have you people ever done!?
      Lenny: Well, I write a bestselling series of mystery novels. Stephen King called it "Scary, good fun".
      Marge: Besides that.
      (The townspeople lower their heads in shame)
      Marge: Now, thanks to you, my special little guy will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. I always thought that was just a slogan to attract small businesses. (points to a billboard reading "Springfield: Meanest City in America") But now I know it's the truth!
  • Prince James gave one to Princess Amber when he called her out on her jealousy towards their stepsister.
  • South Park: The episode "Tsst" has Cartman give an absolutely brutal version of this to one of the nannies.
    Cartman: Well, I'm feeling confused, because I don't understand why you became a nanny.
    Stella: (the nanny) Me? Well, it's because I love children, like you.
    Cartman: Right, but... if you love children so much, how come you're not a mommy?
    Stella: Oh, I just never had kids.
    Cartman: Why not?
    Stella: It... just...didn't happen.
    Cartman: You're sterile, is that it? (she releases him, taken aback by the question) No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you. Isn't that it? (her jaw drops) Always the mom's maid and never the mom? Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away, your friends all getting married and all the while your uterus is slowly shrivelling away, drying up, becoming totally worthless.
    Stella: Why you, you... (stands up) you little bastard! How dare you?!
    Liane: (Cartman's mom) Eric, naughty.
    Stella: What kind of (picks him up by the collar) monster would -
    Cartman: Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
    • Another great one that turns what appears to be a message of bigotry into one of tolerance — one episode is almost entirely spent deconstructing the beliefs of Mormons, and Stan angrily makes his dislike for Mormonism known to a Mormon family who invited the Marshes over for dinner, and it appears for a moment that he's being portrayed as a hero. The next day, he is confronted by the boy who invited them over.
      Gary: Maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the Church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
      (Gary walks off. All four boys just look at him in wonder.)
      Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?
    • Mr. Garrison gives a good one to Rosie O'Donnell (though it could be targeted at any Hollywood celebrity involved in politics) during the Kindergarten class presidential elections:
      Mr. Garrison: Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew. So what about them? You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side! People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time but when it comes to Middle America, you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political enlightenment! Well just because you're on TV, doesn't mean you know crap about the government! Now get your ass back on first class and respect this class's right to make up their own minds!
    • Stan gave one to Al Gore after the end of "ManBearPig" when he and his friends narrowly escaped a cave in that was soon flooded (All caused by Gore himself), which Gore tried to take the credit for saving them. But Stan will not have any of it:
      Stan: Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see why you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a loser!!
    • Butters gives one to his parents (on their anniversary!) in "Butters' Very Own Episode" after he's nearly been killed by his mother and to stop their fighting:
      Butters: Now gosh darn it, you! [steps in between his parents] You listen here! Now I am sick of these harmless lies and l-little white lies. You know, you can call a shovel an ice-cream machine, but it's still a shovel, Mom and Dad. Ah, and you can call a lie whatever you want, but it's still a no-good stinkin' lie! And when you start coverin' up one lie with another why, now that's when you get into real trouble! [Chris and Linda listen] Boy I've, I've just about had it up to here [puts his right hand to his chin, palm down] with you two!
    • Butters' speech to his bullying grandmother in "Butterballs" is an epic one and possibly his ultimate CMOA.
      Butters: Grandma? I did it grandma, I finally stood up for myself, I got real mean and I beat the snot out of Dr. Oz. I can't lie, it felt kind of good at first, but since then all I have is this kind of dark empty feeling, and then I realized, that's how you must feel, all the time. Poor old grandma, you know, I've been getting lots of advice on how to deal with you, stand up to you, tell on you, but I kind of realize that there's just people like you out there, all over the place. When you're a kid, things seem like they're going to last forever, but they're not, life changes. You won't always be around, someday you're going to die, someday pretty soon, and when you're laying in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, I'll come visit you. I'll come just to show you that I'm still alive and I'm still happy, and you'll die, being nothing but you... Night grandma!
    • There's one Reason You Suck Speech that tops that one, though - Butters' lambasting of the counselors at the "Pray The Gay Away" camp.
      Butters: All right, that does it! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused! I wasn't confused until other people started tellin' me I was! You know what I think? I think maybe you are the ones who are confused!... I'm not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I'm eight years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay! Because if I'm bi-curious, and I'm somehow made from God, then I think your God must be a little bi-curious himself!
    • Butters again in "The Tale Of Scrottie Mc Boogerballs". After framing him for writing a dirty novel they wrote (and even convincing him he subconciously wrote it), the four boys are horrified when Butters is actually praised for it's quality and becomes a celebrity. They chastise him for taking credit, only for him to bite back, leaving them speechless.
      Kyle: Butters, do you really think it's fair to lie like this?! Let me tell you, if you don't have the-
      Butters: No, let me tell you somethin', fellers! You always take advantage of me, and after reading "Catcher in the Rye," I've learned you're nothing but phonies! I'm not letting you trick me this time! So the four of you can just suck on my wiener!
      *Butters walks off, leaving the four boys stunned*
      Cartman: *beat* That inconsiderate jerk!
    • And once again Butters in "Going Native", when he tells off all the boys in his class after beating up a diabetic classmate and confronted about it.
      Butters: [runs out of the bathroom, points at Kyle] You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because [points to Stan] your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! [runs back into bathroom, then runs out again] You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up and none of you have the corn to tell Jimmy [points to Jimmy] that his jokes aren't funny! The only kid who has any sense of dignity here is Kenny, [points to Kenny] and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [runs back into the bathroom]
      Cartman: Well. Apparently Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny?
      Butters: [runs back out] And that's another thing! You're always trivializing everything I say by gettin' the last word! Well you're not gettin' the last word this time! [runs back into bathroom and locks himself in]
      Cartman: ...Wow.
      Butters: [sticks his head out of the bathroom door] Double wow! [closes the bathroom door again and locks it]
    • Kenny also gives one about Madonna in "Kenny Dies", labeling her as "an old, anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago and that now she suddenly speaks with an British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself", according to Kyle's translation.
    • Craig, in a quiet, subdued voice, tells the four boys that no one in their class likes them because they get caught up in stupid, pointless adventures all the time.
    Craig: Was there ever a moment when you guys first came up with the genius plan to become a Peruvian flute band that any of you said "Hey, you know? This plan might backfire?". No, that never occurred to you. Because you guys are jerks. And you never learn from your mistakes. And that's why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes.
    Kyle: That's not true. Kids at school like us. Don't they?
    Stan: Yeah dude, kids at school totally like us. Craig is just being a dick because we're having a tough time right now.
    Craig: I'm being a dick?
    Stan: Yes.
    Craig: You guys took my birthday money, got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru, and I'm being a dick?
    • God gave one to Satan. Amusingly, it fell under "Acquaintance vs Acquaintance" version, calling him a whiny little bitch for constantly choosing to be in relationships that don't make him happy when he used to be a headstrong rebel.
  • In the Static Shock episode, "Sins of the Fathers", Mr. Hawkins gives one to Mr. Foley in which he calls him out on his racism which caused his son, Richie to run away from home.
    • In the final episode, all of the "bang babies" started losing their powers, when a cure has been released. Ebon was able to obtain the last of the Q-Juice gas and plans on making a new meta-gang. The now normal Teresa (Talon) calls Ebon out, saying he was afraid that he was nothing before the Big Bang, and he will be nothing when his powers are gone.
  • The The Super Mario Bros. Super Show episode "The Adventures of Sherlock Mario" had Bowser receiving one from the Guest Character of the Day:
    Bowser: Soon I'll be the vilest villain to ever victimize Victoria! Whaddaya think of me now, Mr. Detective Defective?
    Herlock Solmes: Elementary, my dear Kooparity! You're a cross between a lizard and an inferior species of toad. Your brain is smaller than a peanut. You got the lowest grades in your school and hold the world record for flunking kindergarten the most times. When you were little, the other Koopas nicknamed you "Lizard Lips" and never let you play with them. You were a naughty lily-livered bully boy and wet the bed until you were twelve.
    [Bowser's minions laugh]
    Mouser: Gee, he knows you pretty good, boss!
    Bowser: Who asked you, cheese breath!?
  • In Sushi Pack, Tako spends the majority of "But is it Art?" trying to find The Collector, the villain who stole all the masterpieces from the art museum simply to find out why his own art wasn't stolen. When The Collector has the Pack on the ropes, Tako still demands to know why, and The Collector lets him know in no uncertain terms:
    "Those paint smears of yours? You call that art? You're not an artist. You're an untalented piece of stale fish."
  • Justified in the 3rd episode of the 2012 Ninja Turtles series when Splinter teaches Raphael how to take insults without letting them lose focus on any future missions. What follows is Raphael going on a brutal verbal Humiliation Conga, courtesy of his brothers.
    Michelangelo: You move like a bloated Buffalo!
    Raphael: I do not!
    Leonardo: —and you're always whining! "Poor me, nobody understands me!"
    Raphael: You don't understand—! (gets hit by an arrow)
    Donatello: You don't keep your back straight during Omote Kote Gyaku! (Shoots raph with an arrow) And you're ugly!
    Michelangelo: —And Gassy!
    Raphael: Stop it!
    Leonardo: Aw... You talk so tough, but inside you're just a scared little baby.
    Donatello: Who needs his Bottle?
    Michelangelo: —And his Diaper changed?
    Leonardo: What's the matter Raph? You gonna cry?
    Raphael: (continuously getting hit with arrows) I... AM... NOT... GONNA CRY!! (one more arrow knocks him over)
  • Teen Titans: Robin gives Cyborg a scathing one in the beginning of the episode "Titans East Part 2":
    Cyborg: Man, this is supposed to be a good thing! My own Tower! My own team! Why can't you just be happy for me?!
    Robin: Because you're already on a team! My team! And you can't just quit!
    Cyborg: I can, and I did! Which means I don't have to put up with you telling me what to do any more!
    Robin: So now this is my fault?
    Cyborg: It's not about you!
    Robin: No! It's all about you! Because that's all you care about! You talk about being a man, but if you can turn your back on us after everything we've been through, you're nothing but a spoiled child!
    Cyborg: I'm. Staying. I don't care what you say, I don't care what you do. And right now, I don't care if I ever see you again!
    • Starfire gives one to Raven after getting sick of her constant snarking.
    Starfire: At least I am able to fly! On my planet, even infants can manage the unbridled joy of flight, but you are too busy being grumpy and rude to feel anything at all!
    • One occurs in the episode "The Beast Within." During his fight with Adonis, Beast Boy ends up covered with chemicals that increases his aggresion (and brings out a savage primate-like new form,) and ends up doing uncharacteristic things (i.e. eating meat despite being a strict vegetarian.) He ends confronting Raven about her attitude toward him in the hallway.
    Beast Boy: You know Raven, I've been a really nice guy for a really long time. I've put up with your insults, your attitude, and I've had it! Consider this as a warning. As of last night, Mr. Nice Guy has left the building.
    • This ends up biting him in tbe butt as when Raven is attacked and when seen with her (in his new primal form), he is the prime suspect (he actually ended up saving her when the Titans found them.)
  • In the ThunderCats (2011) episode "Old Friends", Panthro confronts his Evil Former Friend Grune and points out that all of Grune's scheming, betraying his people, and becoming The Dragon to Big Bad Mumm-Ra has gotten Grune no closer to his original goal, to be The Usurper of his kingdom, which Mumm-Ra has actually brought to ruin.
  • The Tiny Toon Adventures episode "Prom-ise Her Anything'' has Montana Max giving one of these to Elmyra (see the quote page) and then receiving an almost identical one from Dizzy Devil's date when he tries to hit on her a few minutes later.
    • In Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, Fifi La Fume desperately tries to get an autograph from her favorite movie star skunk Johnny Pew. After waiting on him countless times (especially since we don't see much of her with Johnny), Fifi sees Johnny's true colors when a voluptuous pink skunk named Bimbette randomly comes along and asks for his autograph. Johnny snatches Fifi's photo that Fifi was intending to get his autograph on, writes on it, and gives it away to Bimbette, and a furious Fifi lays quite a memorable, though relatively short, Reason You Suck Speech on him, which somewhat doubles as Fifi's Moment Of Awesome:
      Fifi: That was my photograph! I cannot believe you!
      Johnny: Yeah, well, I am pretty unbelievable.
      Fifi: You are nothing but a selfish, worthless waste of skunk! You, monsieur Pew, STINK!
  • In Total Drama Island, Lindsay's speech to Heather after she realizes Heather had been using her to win the game:
    Lindsay: You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true, you lying little- (Censored, along with Lindsay's finger censored)! I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you because I thought we were BFFs! But they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (Censor again)! And guess what? I don't want to be BFFs anymore. I'd rather spend the day staring at Owen's butt than shopping with you! And P.S.: Your shoes are tacky!
  • Transformers Animated: Bulkhead delivers one to Wasp in "Where Is Thy Sting."
    Bulkhead: No Wasp... You were always mean to me and Bumblebee. You may not be a traitor ... but you were never a good bot.
  • Transformers Cybertron: Optimus Prime gives one to Galvatron, shortly before they make their final clash and Optimus runs him through.
    Optimus: You will always lose, Galvatron. You think of nothing but destruction. None of your victories last. You care about nothing but yourself. No-one cares about you. The time has come to end your struggle.
  • In an episode of Transformers Prime, while under the influence of a Psycho Serum, Ratchet fires one towards Optimus. He mocks Optimus for being soft for losing Cliffjumper and for passing so many chances to get rid of Megatron once and for all. While Ratchet's judgement was impaired, it's implied he was saying what he would have normally held back.
    Ratchet: "You know your problem, Optimus? For such a big, strong bot, you're soft. You didn't pound Megatron into scrap when you had the chance! Many chances, in fact!"
  • The Chameleon in T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Diary of a Mad Cat" gives one to Kitty while transformed as her mother.
    The Chameleon: Now, when are you going to get married? Why don't you ever call me on my birthday? Why can't you be more like your sister?
    Kitty: My sister's in jail!
    Kitty: STOP COMPARING ME TO HER! I'M PRETTY, TOO!!
    The Chameleon: Actually, your shoulders are a little large, and we all know why you always wear gloves.
  • Ultimate Spider-Man has Batroc giving one to Spidey about his Hero with Bad Publicity.
    Batroc: I'm the one who robbed the bank and you're the one everybody hates.
    • Before that, Jameson tells the people about Spider-Man in a bad way.
    Jameson: Spider-Man is a costumed criminal! Running around on our city in pajamas, it makes me sick! What gives him the right to wear pajamas while the rest of us have to wear normal clothes. On second thought, they're not even pajamas. He's running around in his underwear!
  • In X-Men, Psylocke gives a very good reasoning with Archangel.
    Psylocke: Worthington, what do you care about your fellow mutants? You used your wealth to deny your mutant heritage, you had a scientist try to cure you, and you waste your life trying to hunt a creature who can never die, you brood over your own troubles when you can be using your wealth and power for so much more, it’s for my brother who fights for the good of mutants, all mutants.
  • Daria, someone who is known for her biting sarcasm and brutal honesty, will occasionally dish these out at individuals who really piss her off.
    • Tommy Sherman
      Tommy: Do you know who I am? Tommy Sherman?
      Daria: I know the whole school's turning itself inside out because of some egotistical football player. And I've seen you insult or proposition just about everyone you come across. So my guess is that you're the football player guy. Congratulations you must have worked very hard to become a colossal jerk so quickly.
    • Val
      Daria: What do you mean pushing yourself as some kind of role model when all you care about is how you look and what celebrities you know? Aren't teenage girls screwed up enough without you foisting your shallow values on them and making their lousy self-images worse?
      Val: Now look here, missy. I mean, what are you, Dar, a teacher? I am a role model! I'm in touch with the teen within.
      Daria: Why don't you get in touch with the 30-something without? Your readers aren't going to be teenagers forever, unlike you. A real role model would be teaching them stuff they can use.
    • And once when Quinn sought tutoring for the summer, her tutor, David, also gave her one of these, causing Quinn to actually consider taking her studies seriously for the first time in her life.
      David: Look, you seem bright enough, but I just can't sit here and listen to any more vacuous prattle with your brain-dead friends. Eyeliner, headband colors... God, are you boring.
      Quinn: I'm not boring! I'm popular!
      David: Hey, the only reason you're popular is your looks, and those won't last forever. You have nothing interesting to say and no intellectual curiosity whatsoever. Do the world a favor and don't go to college. Give up your spot to somebody who wants to learn.


Web Original"The Reason You Suck" SpeechReal Life

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