This subhouse is perfect for lettting these gods vent out their anger on many issues. Obviously, it is never a good idea to infuriate these guys; The results won't be pretty for the offender.
Be careful to visit this house at your leisure.
Of course, this house is not filled with just angry Gods. There are Gods here that will incite your anger instead... (ﺧ益ﺨ)
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Asura, God of Unstoppable Rage who Fought the Heavens Above
( Asura the Destructor
, Primarch of the Angry Marines)
- Theme Songs: "In Your Belief", "Asura Unleashed" (When REALLY Angry), ”One Who Destroys the Ring” (When transforming into his Destructor form)
- Greater God Likely an Overdeity in his Mantra Form, Full Blown Overdeity in his Destructor form.
- Symbol: His Mantra Halo◊ when he was a member of The Eight Guardian Generals
- Alignment: Chaotic Good
- Portfolio: BADASSERY, Vengeance, Rage beyond all comprehension, Rescuing his daughter, using multiple arms, having Higher transformations than just his Multi Armed form, Ungodly Strength, Energy Projection, Destroying Planet sized objects with his bare fists, planet sized final form, Punching out a creator god.
- Other Houses: Main House, Combat, Chaos
- Daughter: Mithra
- Followers: Bakumi Moriyama (a devotee of indomitable fury).
- Allies: Son Goku, Dante, Other Combat deities, Yasha, Augus, Naruto, Shizuo, Jin Kazama, Pit, Fred Rogers, Joel, Lucifer, Twilight Sparkle, Hyodo Issei, and assorted companions, people that are sensible enough not to make him angry in general.
- Enemies: Wyzen, Kalrow, Sergei, Olga, Deus, Gohma Vlitra, The Golden Spider/Chakravartin, Kratos, Relius Clover, Kazuya Mishima, Ghetsis Harmonia, Sasuke Uchiha, Sweet Tooth, Lu Bu, Gendo Ikari, Yhwach, the GUAE Trollkaiger, basically anyone who manages to piss him off and isn't repentant about it.
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork with: Nagi Sanzen'in and Hinagiku Katsura (both one-sided on their part)
- Ascended after everything he went through was shown to the other members of the Pantheon, in which almost everyone nearly SHAT themselves at his raw power.
- Has a major fatherly instinct, and really wants his daughter Mithra to ascend to the pantheon to be with her. Is also pissed off at abusive parents, and has at one point almost destroyed the House of Family with the aid of Devil Jin, intent on destroying Relius Clover after witnessing the latter attempting to "experiment" on his son Carl. Kazuya and Heihachi Mishima weren't spared from Asura's tremendous anger, either.
- Is often compared to Akuma. The two had a fight so massive that it took 500 years to conclude. Who won the fight is still up in the air.
- Recently took Sweeney Todd's place as the God of Vengeance and Rage. To this day, no one dares to speak about it, as it was not pretty. Even most of the other violent deities in the house hid in terror after it happened.
- Despite similarities between the two, Asura despises Kratos with a passion for his carelessness towards humanity in how he kills them with no remorse, even if they are innocent villagers. It brings to mind of other Demi-Gods that he had fought before ascending to this pantheon.
- Since Asura has had less than ideal encounters with gods in his life, he rarely visits the pantheon, or even his own temple. Although he does go to the Combat Pantheon every now and again to keep his skills sharp, and he has another temple there he uses to rest up.
- On multiple occasions Asura has been seen with another fighter, Yasha, when visiting the Combat Pantheon. Although he hasn't ascended (at least not yet) and he looks more calm then the raging Asura, the gods tend to give him space, since he seems to be the only one on par with Asura. This thought has given Melkor much to worry about.
- Unfortunately for Melkor, Deus's ascension ultimately led to Yasha becoming part of the Pantheon as well.
- Asura gives his blessing to anyone who has been betrayed and seeks revenge. But this blessing comes with a warning, as he tells those who follow him that they should always be careful managing their rage, lest it consumes them. This doesn't mean that he accepts followers, due to his stance against gods.
- He keeps a watchful eye on Guts, who almost lost himself to his own rage and vendetta against Griffith, for this very reason. This is also why he utterly dislikes Sasuke Uchiha, because he thinks he's not worth carrying the torch of 'revenge' since his mind is too weak to handle it. "A whelp who doesn't know his place does not deserve to fight for rage and revenge!"
- It is common knowledge in the pantheons that Asura, in the rare instance that he visits, should be given a very wide berth, since an angry Asura is very bad news.
- He's formed a strange friendship with Pit of all people. Probably because both of them actually like humans and have fought the entirety of their lives to protect them, plus having to fight some really Jerkass Gods in that effort. Some have also compared Asura's father instinct with Pit's desire to protect his goddess.
- Making Asura mad has been voted "The most idiotic thing any can ever do" by the House of Mentalism, Asura has shown no objection, since he knows that meant having more time to himself and his daughter. Even Hazama refuses to troll him, after a mere attempt caused Asura to use Hazama as target practice for his Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs for three whole days. Hazama was forced to apologize to prevent a bigger beatdown, and the two have agreed to never speak of it again.
- There is also an incident regarding Lu Bu mocking him for his theme. The end result: Asura delivering the biggest No-Holds-Barred Beatdown the Pantheon has ever seen. And thus the universal agreement that pissing off Asura is a really bad idea.
- Cell once attempted to absorb Asura in order to obtain his powers for himself. The result was a massive No-Holds-Barred Beatdown in which Asura completely floored Cell. Cell even used his Solar Kamehameha in an effort to kill him, and it looked for a moment it would work, but even that failed against Asura's Mantra form.
- Cell apparently did receive a MASSIVE power boost afterwards, when he recovered from near death. Whenever Asura appears, however, he immediately leaves for the safety of his temple.
- Asura is one of the few beings to take Mister Rogers head on. They ended up tying and became good friends afterwards.
- Is actually pretty chill in regards to Lucifer, especially because they both share the same ideas about giving any asshole from above a good asskicking for trying to mess with them or those under their protection, and since one of Lucifer's similarly named generals fell trying to oppose YHVH, Asura offered his help if Lucifer decides to take on heaven again (presuming Naoki Kashima isn't around to lead Lucifer's armies) and put his knuckles across the Great Will's face.
- Which he will soon be doing as YVHV provoked Asura's wrath by targeting Madoka. He was amongst the first to sign up for the Pantheonic Rebellion.
- Several Evil deities, thinking they can defeat him while he's armless, have sent entire armies' worth of mooks. They taunt him, saying they'll take Mithra away from him again. Armed with only a shard of his master's sword, he eventually got so pissed off that this happened, resulting in a giant arm that wiped out hundreds of millions of minions like rice paper. Even armless, it shows Asura shouldn't be fucked with.
- Has learned to suppress his Berserker/Wrath form by meditating with Cosmos. That being said, he has a MUCH easier time in accessing his Mantra form, terrifying almost everybody in the Pantheon.
- Upon learning of the ascension of Gohma Vlitra, Asura has decided to form a task force in order to end it once and for all. Aside from Yasha (who helped him slay the beast), Travis Touchdown, Ryu Hayabusa, Kratos (albeit reluctant), Goku and Augus (just to be able to fight Asura after all is done) have joined him.
- Despite acknowledging they're all very good guys, Asura originally refused to be on friendly terms with the Chick Magnet Quartet, thinking that they could "corrupt" his daughter. He has even made the Quartet's leader, Hyodo Issei, promise him to never pursue Mithra, and beaten up Hayate Ayasaki when he stumbled onto Mithra after mistaking her for her Ojou-sama, Nagi Sanzen'in. The latter event, however, landed Asura on Nagi's shit list when she ascended to the Pantheon, and also earned him the mistrust of Hinagiku Katsura. Since then, Asura has decided to befriend the Chick Magnet Quartet and forgive Hayate for his beatdown. Surprisingly enough, Asura has also given his blessing to Issei, for how he gets enraged whenever his harem is hurt.
- His absolutely gigantic Destructor form has piqued the interest of the Mecha piloting gods to try to take on said form. He has yet to respond to the challenges, but notes it as being interesting.
- His reputation as the most Badass member of the Pantheon was cemented with his battle and victory against The Golden Spider (aka Chakravatin, the Creator).
- Asura, despite his overwhelming power, has no real political power in the pantheon, like Flandre Scarlet. Unlike Flandre however, this is mostly out of choice. We use the word mostly because whenever he is asked for a solution to any given problem, he always answers: "Punch it." Now granted this solution worked for most of his problems but the pantheons' problems are a little more complicated.
- It was noted by the pantheon that when he and Evil Ryu did a Shun Goku Satsu against each other, The Kanji for "anger/hatred" popped up during the fight, which translates out to "Ikari". Some have wondered what would happen if an angry Asura and an angry Shinji Ikari fought (although Shinji's name is written with a completely different kanji)...
- When asked about his opinion on Shinji Ikari's most recent actions he stated that although sacrificing the rest of the world along with himself was not the "right" thing to do he then admitted that if he and Mithra were in the same positions that Shinji and Rei were in he would have done the same. He then said that hoped that if Shinji decided use his newfound power to protect those dear to him at all costs then he would have Asura's full backing.
- Occasionally lends his strength to the likes of Yu Narukami as the leader of Sun Arcana. Asura said he's going to need it, especially in his upcoming battle against Nyarlathotep.
- Has been seen speaking with Caius Ballad a few times. Asura has shown a level of respect to Caius for his concern over Yeul, though whether or not he's aware of the lengths Caius took for her is unknown.
- Gets along well with Eren, considering the two have a few similarities in losing a loved member of a family, being easily angered which is hardly a good option for an offender and being able to increase in size and power.
- Asura absolutely loathes Sweet Tooth, both for the fact that he's a gleefully unrepentant serial killer, and that he happily killed his own family.
- Both he and Kenshiro have expressed great respect for each other due to their similar family relations, morals and fighting styles. Although neither have vocalized it out loud, and since Ryu and Akuma have fought Asura to standstills, every member of the Pantheon (including some knowledgeable mortal combatants) secretly wish for and dread the day both Asura and Kenshiro will cross fists.
- Just as many wish to see an epic duel between Asura and Kenshiro, equal interest is for Simon the Digger and Asura to challenge each other, what with their ability to become ever more powerful, attain planet-sized forms, and destroy creator-gods of their respective universes. Some whisper of a prophecy that the resulting explosion from their fists making first contact will create several new universes made of awesome and GAR (but result in an unsatisfactory draw).
- Is happy that Twilight Sparkle visits Mithra whenever he's away, giving him peace of mind that his daughter won't be lonely. Though he tries to stay out of the same room with the pony at all costs due to her sounding eerily like his late wife Durga.
- He is one of the few people outside of the God Emperor of Mankind who has earned the loyalty of Space Marines. In fact, one specific group even sees him as their Primarch. They are known as The Angry Marines
- This has begun to worry Asura to some degree. Not only because those marines are a group of completely uncontrollable berserkers, but that it also creates the possibility that he might be one of the sons of the God Emperor.
- After an encounter with Yhwach, the Vandenreich Emperor earned the demigod's contempt for his treatment of his subordinates, and sees him as no different from the Seven Deities for absorbing the souls of others upon death to empower him.
Excalibur (Soul Eater)
Excalibur, God of Annoyance and Irritation
(Holy Sword, Seiken)
- Theme Song: Excalibuuuurrr... Excalibuuurrrrr... From the United K, I'm looking for heaven, I'm going to Californiaaaa....
- Greater God (Though some wishes he's just self-proclaiming and instead being a Quasideity or Demigod)
- Symbol: (ﺧ益ﺨ) (The 'I-Have-Met-Excalibur' Face◊ (Yes, even his symbol is annoyed)).
- Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
- Portfolio: Absurdly Sharp Blade, Catchy Songs, Annoying The Hell Of Anyone Who Meets Him, Making Everyone Who Meets Him Make This Face: (ﺧ益ﺨ), Cloud Cuckoo Lander, Talkative Loon, Infinity+1 Sword As Long As One Can Stand His Intolerability, "FOOL!", Crazy Awesome, Eldritch Abominations.
- Domain: Irritation, Weapons, Emotion, Mentalism.
- Those who can tolerate him: Arturia, Bugs Bunny, Deadpool, Chuck Norris, Hades, Hakumen, Shu Shirakawa, Michael Carpenter, Tingle… and "You" can do it too!
- Opposed by: Black Star ("SO ANNOYIIIINNNGGG!!!"), Death the Kid ("Disgusting…") and anyone that comes across him.
- This is a different form of the Holy Sword Excalibur found in the House of Weapons.
- Doesn't matter who the person is, he has made everyone he comes across to make the face (ﺧ益ﺨ). Including even Melkor, of all people. Enter his house at your own risk. Only those equally insane and nuts-driving go there. Those who do would be considered the great ones... though they still prefer their own methods of combat instead of becoming his Meister.
- Hata no Kokoro, somehow is one of few gods which cannot make that face when Excalibur is around. However, she remade one of her masks to have that expression specifically for that kind of occasion.
- In a way, he is somehow seen as the 'better' counterpart of Scrappy Doo as even if he's utterly annoying, there are some who finds his annoyance kind of hilarious. That, and also the fact that he also lives up with the claims that he has untold power like his 'original' form the Sword Excalibur in the Weapons House.
- Several people, especially those from the GUAG has been expressing interest in tossing Excalibur to Yuuki Terumi, if only to see the Trolling God get a taste of his own medicine and lose his temper with Excalibur's loonydom. Excalibur himself has no idea who the hell Terumi is, but he'd be more than delighted to tell his five-hour story. The GUAG's problem right now is to find a Meister who could STAND Excalibur to start an eventual fight.
- Chuck Norris volunteered so he could add another feat to his scroll of divine fame. He tossed Excalibur next to Terumi and Excalibur started ranting and interrupting every of Terumi's bravados, enabling Hakumen to strike him with Time Killer, as he's also unaffected with Excalibur's rants.
- Villains such as Frieza, The Joker, Cell, The Boss, and Kefka will skip to just blow up his house… only to find no scratch on it or him.
- Excalibur cannot feel any anger. This is why he has no opinions on the struggle between Good and Evil, whether a man is an utter bastard or All-Loving Hero. However, he is seriously adamant in talking a lot about himself and his 'exploits' (and his 5 hour story time) to everyone he meets, in which the anger would get into those around him, irritating them regardless of their morality scale.
- His legend begins in the 12th century…
- He is SLIGHTLY more respectful to Arturia than to most other members of the Pantheon, as she is a Gender Flipped King Arthur. The "SLIGHTLY" means he doesn't interrupt her as frequently when she talks, doesn't call her a FOOL! as often, and is willingly to let her use him without fulfilling all 1000 provisions of his contract, only 500 of them. However, he still wants her to listen to his 5 hour story time and his 'exploits' in full detail. So, she still is annoyed with him.
- Unfortunately for the Disgraces, they're forced to listen to his five-hour stories but no one cared about them.
- When he stops being annoying and speaks seriously, it usually means he has something important to say to someone, and they'd better listen up. There is one problem, though: It's difficult to read whether he's in serious mode or not, difficult to read if serious mode stops, because once he stops, he'll continue being annoying.
- He begins every afternoon with an afternoon tea, Which makes him visit Iroh's house as it houses the best afternoon teas. The time of Excalibur's visit is dreaded by every of Iroh's customer AND Iroh himself.
- Hades will often speak with him after-afternoon tea, and they get along surprisingly well. No one quite yet know how he does it, but it's been theorized that since Hades is essentially the Trolling God of his own universe, he's more capable of handling Excalibur's antics. That, and Hades' is apparently trying to learn new ways to annoy people. Other gods know to leave the room whenever they begin speaking to each other.
- He is actually one of the Great Old Ones who represents Madness through Rage. Given how much he pisses everyone off, this shouldn't really be a surprise.
- Does not give out autographs.
Painwheel, Goddess of Retaliation
(Carol, Subject 0-84)
- Lesser Goddess
- Symbol: The Buer Drive
- Theme Music: The Lives We Left Behind and The Lives We Tried To Reclaim
- Alignment: Chaotic Neutral, True Neutral as Carol
- Portfolio: Being Turned Into a Weapon Before Fighting Back, Being Driven by Rage, Used to Be a Sweet Kid, The Berserker, Horribly Experimented Body, Spinning Scythe Wheel, Sprouting Spikes Out Of Her Body, Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds
- Domains: Hatred, Experiments, Blades, Spikes
- Allies: Sakura Matou, Scharlachrot, Peacock (maybe), Wolverine, X-23, Lucy
- Enemies: Any god with Mind Control powers, Mad Scientists, Ragyo Kiryuin, The Millennium (or to be specific, Zorin Blitz)
- Carol used to be a sweet girl... until she was captured by Valentine, experimented by Lab Zero, gave her the Buer Drive weapon, Gae Bolga parasite, injecteder with Skullgirls blood and then brainwashed her to do their bidding. Unfortunately, she started to break free of her control, and had one simple motivation: kill every one who's behind her current state. So remember; do not heavily arm some one through mind-breaking experiments unless you know you can control it.
- Even though she seems like an easy mind control subject, it is highly recommended to not try to brainwash her. Because if she snaps out of it, she WILL slice you to shreds.
- Some of the Champions of Runeterra say that she sounds like Karma on a really bad day. Though this does have the benefit of remind every one not to piss a pacifist off.
- She really hates Ragyo. Not only is her experiments with Life Fibers feel similar to what she had to go through, not only is she no stranger to mind manipulation, but the fact that she sounds like Valentine just drives her to the edge.
- Allies of sort with Sakura Matou due of both of them retaliating against those who wronged them. Also allies with Lucy (all three of Lucy's personalities) due of also being an experiment who was broken horribly in the mind.
- Scharlachrot seems to be drawn to her, but she is unable to explain why is that the case.
- Both Wolverine and X-23 have tried to befriend her due of all the things she had to go through. Wolverine especially since he feels sick of thinking about for some one so young like Painwheel being subjected to those experiments.
- Ultimately, Painwheel only wishes to return back to normal after realising her entire life has been ruined when her parents were scared shitless after seeing her. In rare cases she manages to lapse back into Carol mindset, she seems to act like a Valley Girl.
Shizuo Heiwajima, God of the Hair-Trigger Temper
(Shizu-chan, The GARtender
- Lesser God by the paperwork, but nearer to Greater God in terms of physical power.
- Symbol: His trademark bartender suit; alternately, a thrown vending machine.
- Alignment: Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral
- Portfolio: Hair Trigger Tempers, Unstoppable Rage, Berserkers, One-Men Armies, Strongest Men of Their Worlds, Those Who Come Back Stronger Every Time, Super Strength, Implacable Men, Memetic Badasses, Low-key Reactions to Extensive Injuries
- Domain: Rage, Violence, Revenge, Self-Hatred
- Allies: Kratos, Bruce Banner, Asura, Celty Sturlston, Ragna The Bloodedge
- Enemies: Pretty much all villainous Manipulative and Magnificent Bastards, but especially Izaya Orihara.
- Upon finding out that Izaya was in the Panthon, Shizuo went on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge and Ascended to hunt him down. How did he ascend? "I just did."
- Gets on rather well with deities who are straightforward with him. He'll still beat the crap out of anybody who comes looking for a fight, but if they're blunt and honest about it, he won't be angry.
- For this reason, when dealing with him, Batman and Lelouch drop the crap and are frank with him, since they're Genre Savvy enough to know that screwing with his head is a pretty big Berserk Button.
- In the case of Lelouch, however, Shizuo has remarked that he pisses him off for some reason, but hasn't quite been able to figure it out. Lelouch, in turn, simply does what he can at every opportunity to not piss off Shizuo, and frequently provides information leading to the whereabouts of Izaya Orihara. As a result, the two have a something of a platonic love-hate relationship.
- Frequently heads over to the Food Pantheon for milk.
- It should be noted that Shizuo is not known for starting fights. Finishing them, on the other hand....
- All attempts to actually kill him thus far have failed, and the only lasting result has been becoming even more powerful than before. When various deities have asked about that, Shizuo simply replies, "Well, Shinra says - actually, who gives a damn what he says?! I COME BACK STRONGER EVERY TIME!!!!"
- Due to the fact that both of their enemies are Trolls, He strikes up an alliance with Ragna the Bloodedge for this very reason.
- Shizuo doesn't fear anything... except for Albedo due to the fact that Albedo is more insane than he is and the fact that they sound so similar.
Benson, God of Visible Anger
(Death Dragon, the Fifth Disc Master)
- Theme Song: The 150-Piece Drum Solo
- Demigod (Greater God when angered enough)
- Symbol: His face, preferably when angry.
- Alignment: Lawful Good at best, Lawful Evil at worst.
- Portfolio: constant threats to fire his employees, Retired Badasses, turning red when angry, which happens a lot, enjoying fun once in a while, stern leadership because he doesn't want his employees to end up like he did
- Domains: Anger, Leadership, Suffering
- Allies: Mordecai and Rigby (occasional enemies), Skips, Dr. Cox
- Enemies: Slackers, Those who waste their lives, The Janitor, Anonymous
- Mordecai and Rigby groaned when they met him in the Pantheon, though he treated them and Skips with drinks afterwards.
- Recently, he's been trying to control his anger, with chicken wings.
- Benson impresses several gods in the Houses of Music and Gaming with his skills in both fields, to the point where some wonder how he ended up with such a crappy job.
- Gets along with Dr. Cox due to their similar philosophies, but he can't stand the Janitor's antics.
- One time, Benson ran into Deadpool and their encounter resulted in Benson going berserk on Deadpool, screaming insults at him that were heard all over the Pantheon, and a crater was left in its wake. Even Gordon Ramsey and Beerus remained silent. Unfortunately, Deadpool remained unfazed, and Benson had to be dragged away before he could lash out again.
- Benson unknowingly gained the enmity of Anonymous by destroying the very avatar of the Internet in his homeworld, even if it was temporary. Some believe that his actions are good however, as he pretty much freed everyone from some weird, almost gravitational force.
- He's currently trying out several suits from the House of Craft, in hopes of reuniting with a suit that once granted him powers. He believes that Senketsu is the suit, reincarnated as a Sailor Fuku.
SNORT Huh?! Whazzat? Aw, dagnabbit!
Cranky Kong, the Grumpy Old God
Huh? You still here? Beat it! And let this old ape get some sleep!
- Theme: Ah, this is a catchy little ditty.
- Rank: Back in my day, I was a prime primate Overdeity! Although, I guess Demigod will have to do for now.
- Symbol: A nice well-used rocking chair and my trusty walking stick. Just what an old-timer like me likes.
- Alignment: Do you really need to give me one of these fandangeled things? Bah! Well, call me Neutral with occassional Good tendencies when I feel like it. After all, that lazy no-good monkey and his flea-bitten friends need this elder to help them once in a while!
- Portfolio: I'm old and I'm grouchy! Eh? Don't give me no lip, youngster! I'm old so I'm entitled to be rude! Why, when I was your age, we only had one simple stick to control our movements and one simple button! If we were really lucky, we'd have TWO buttons! Married? Ah yes, me and the missus, we had an understanding. We understood to disagree one another! Heh heh! Sigh... What am I saying? I miss her every single day since she passed on. So what if all I gave that oaf and his friends were some cheesy gameplay hints? I'll have you know I'm a licensed chemist who has brewed some pretty powerful brews and an engineer who gave that cheeky chimp Diddy the Rocketbarrel jet-pack! Why, I finally decided to step up and show all these whippersnappers there's some strength left in me wielding nothing but my walking stick! How's that for an old-timer like me, eh?! Hey, you tropers out there, pay attention to your elders! Kids these days have as much attention span as one of those gosh-darned loading screens.
- Domains: Hmph! Well I guess my speciality in is Grumpiness, Rudeness and Being Elderly! There! You happy?! coughWidowers is another domain, toocough
- Allies: Naturally, that big oaf gorilla son of mine (or is that grandson? Darn, this old brain!) (Donkey Kong) and his pint-sized nephew (Diddy Kong), old Mr. 2-Dimensions himself, of course (Mr. Game and Watch). That plumber (Mario), his long-tongued dinosaur (Yoshi), and that youngster wearing green and holding that fancy breadknife of his (Link) I consider heroes after me and Donkey. That bottomless stomach of a yellow dot and that spinach-scarfing sailor (Pac-Man and Popeye respectively) I also enjoy company, up to a point. That big guy in overalls with the oversized mitts (Wreck-It-Ralph) and that handyman buddy he hangs around with (Fix-It-Felix Jr.) are also fine by me somehow. That rich old scottish duck (Scrooge McDuck) I owe a debt to. That rather old archer (Huang Zhong). I guess as long as you're 2-D and 8-bit you're... tolerated. Carl Fredricksen's one of the few I really like to talk with... for certain reasons...
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork with: Hmph! Look at all these modern video game characters with their fancy polygon or computer generated bodies! Nothing but fancy-shmancy show-offs, I tell ya! Least, if they're on the side of good and if Donkey says so, I guess I'll do my best and tolerate them as well.
- Enemies: That fat lizard with the bloodshot eye! (King K. Rool) Never trust a cold-blood, says I.
- Whazzat? What brought me here? Well, this pantheon needed someone of my experience and age to shake things up between the leagues of the goody two-shoes and those meanie bad guys, and lucky these good guys have me around! Heh heh!
- I spend my days in this temple that odd fellow who talks in law jargon that acts as the judge here (the Judge) assigned me, too. I prefer being on the porch, rocking back and forth in my rocking chair seeing all the weirdoes around me. Sometimes, they get too close for comfort to my place and I have to teach them a lesson! Crazy kids! Get off my lawn!
- Eh? You're asking me if Donkey is my child or my grandkid?! Let me set you straight, sonny! That big gorilla is my... uh... my... Oh, fer the love of...! Don't bother an old ape with such silly questions!
- This place is not as bad as I thought. Sure you got your assortment of strange wide-eyed kids and adults with weird languages, some folks that jumped of the sunday papers, your high-and-mighty big bad chaos god or two, and even some that come from TV land. But least there's some of my old friends and rivals of my time like Game & Watch, the plumber, Pac-Man, and even that sea-dog Popeye! Won't be bored, no siree!
- Even though I prefer not to socialize with those 3-D polygon upstarts, there is one fellow I do talk to once in a while: Old Carl. Being on different branches of the primate tree aside, he and I both share the pain of losing our respective mates. We both reminisce on our lives with them. He with Ellie and me with Wrinkly. Just like Ellie helped Carl, I guess Wrinkly being gone made me realize how important family was and maybe that's why I decided to help Donkey and his friends more.
- I got tired of being left out on all that big ape's adventures, even though I said many years ago that I wouldn't be caught dead starring in one of those fancy more-than-8-bit games he stars in as long as I lived, but I've decided those whippersnappers needed someone to look out for them and teach them how we do it back in my day! That banana-brain and those two cheeky youngsters need all the help they can get, after all! Are you seeing me, Wrinkly? I told ya I got life in me yet!
- In fact, I called in on old McDuck at his Money Bin in the Commerce section and he taught me some neat tricks with his cane, including that patented pogo jump of his! Of course, that old skinflint wouldn't teach me unless I gave him something valuable in return. I guess Donkey wouldn't mind if one or two golden bananas from his hoard were used as payment. Heh heh!
Uncle Ruckus, God of Self-Hate
- Symbol: Anything with Ronald Reagan's face on it
- Alignment: Lawful Neutral or Lawful Evil depending on episode
- Portfolio: Black People Who Hate Other Black People, Mighty Whitey Worshippers, Uncomfortable Racial Humor, Category Traitors
- Domains: Anger, Hypocrisy
- Opposed by: Samuel L. Jackson
- Opposes: Sam Jackson and all other non-Caucasian deities
- Is grateful to have been cast out of his mortal shell to appear as he always wanted... as a handsome Caucasian dude.
- Does not recognize Samuel L. Jackson as a True God. Or any non-white god for that matter.
- Even as a White God, Uncle Ruckus has maintained his N-Word Privileges, which has made several other gods rather uncomfortable.
- One of the few gods he will do everything in his power to avoid is Vulkan. Though the Primarch doesn't care the slightest about millenia-old insults based on skin-color, he does take offence to his scathing comments about the God Emperor. Thankfully for Ruckus, Vulkan is busy aiding civilians or kicking the crap out of Dark Eldar in order to waste time hunting him.