Website / Chuck Norris Facts

Barney Ross: I heard another rumor. That you were bitten by a king cobra.
Booker: Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain... the cobra died.

The first well-known Memetic Badass site, which makes up tall tales about the actor Chuck Norris, especially based on clips from the series Walker, Texas Ranger. The site is a spin-off of the Vin Diesel Facts site, which focused as much on bizarre and improbable facts about its target actor as badassery. Both trace their lineage to the "Bill Brasky" sketches on Saturday Night Live in which four men would take turns relating facts and anecdotes about their cartoonishly larger-than-life friend Bill Brasky.

The site has been noted elsewhere, such as on The Daily Show and That Guy with the Glasses. It's influenced the long-running "The Most Interesting Man in the World" ad campaign for Dos Equis beer. Chuck Norris himself has taken the site with good humor and seems to enjoy the extra media attention.

Found here.

Chuck Norris provides examples of:

  • An Arm and a Leg: Chuck Norris lost both legs in a car accident but was still able to Walk It Off.
  • Another Dimension: Chuck Norris once gave a roundhouse kick to Mr. T's chin at the exact moment Mr. T punched Chuck Norris in the face. The resulting implosion created an alternate dimension where Mr. T gives people roundhouse kicks to the face and Chuck Norris pities fools.
  • Ascended Meme: The real Chuck is well aware of the jokes, and finds them hilarious.
    • Chuck Norris has published The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book: 101 of Chuck's Favorite Facts and Stories, which lists 101 facts and adds anecdotes from Chuck's Real Life relating to those facts.
    • One of the Chuck Norris facts (specifically, the one where a snake died after biting him) is mentioned in The Expendables 2.
  • Atop a Mountain of Corpses: Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
  • Award Snub: Justified. Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for acting in any of his action movies - because he's not acting.
  • Awesomeness Is Volatile: When Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar, the place exploded due to not being able to contain that much awesome.
  • Badass Beard: As a symbol of masculinity, Chuck's beard is referenced by many Chuck Norris facts.
  • Badass Biker: Chuck Norris can ride a motor without the cycle.
  • Beat Still, My Heart: On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still-beating heart of one of his enemies. (Being the romantic type, Chuck believes every day should be Valentine's Day.)
  • Beyond the Impossible: Chuck Norris expected The Spanish Inquisition, which says something about his abilities. For other examples, see the other tropes. The nutshell is "It's only impossible until Chuck Norris tries."
  • Big Eater: Chuck Norris eats three 16-oz. steaks for every meal. Sometimes he forgets to kill the cow first.
  • Big Fancy House: Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
  • Charles Atlas Superpower: When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
  • Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys:
    • When an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on the safe side.
    • Remember the Soviet Union? They disbanded after watching a Delta Force marathon on satellite TV.
  • Cure for Cancer: Chuck Norris' tears. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  • Deal with the Devil: Chuck Norris once made a deal with the Devil to receive some of his best attributes in exchange for his soul. He then roundhouse-kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil admitted that he should have seen it coming, accepted his defeat gracefully, and now plays poker with Chuck once a week.
  • Determinator: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
  • The Dreaded: Even Death and Bogeyman are afraid of him!
    "Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet."
    "Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience."
    "When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
  • Elvis Impersonator: Inverted. Elvis never lived. He was just another manifestation of Chuck Norris.
  • Frivolous Lawsuit: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law & Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Final Battle: Subverted. One time Chuck Norris invited all of TV's badasses to an all-out brawl-for-all to determine who was the supreme badass. Unfortunately, only two of them dared showed up: MacGyver and Jack Bauer. And when they saw who the competition was, they scampered.
  • God: "In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothingness in the face and said 'Get a job.' That is the origin of the universe."
  • God-Mode Sue: The whole site is an In-Universe parody.
    • In his appearance on M.U.G.E.N, he is quite literally invincible nothing short of a character that uses a registry modifier to make him automatically lose will kill him.
  • The Grim Reaper: Chuck Norris portrayed Death in Final Destination. That's why everytime someone cheats Death, they're dead. Because nobody cheats Chuck Norris and lives.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Chuck Norris was once bitten by a king cobra. After five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.
  • Hollywood Evolution: There is no evolution it's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Chuck Norris himself used this fact to explain his own creationist views.
  • Hollywood Heart Attack: Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
  • Hurl It into the Sun:
  • I Don't Like the Sound of That Place: Subverted. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. Although it didn't really sound bad, it still had to be renamed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  • The Immune/Our Zombies Are Different: Chuck Norris was bitten by a zombie. He's fine, while the zombie has turned into Chuck Norris' clone, instead.
  • In Spite of a Nail: Chuck travels back in time and saves John F Kennedy by catching all the bullets with his torso. JFK is so surprised, his head explodes.
  • Invisible to Normals: Chuck Norris can see John Cena when Muggles can't.
  • Insane Troll Logic:
    • Chuck Norris doesn't divide by zero Zero divides by Chuck Norris.
    • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity thrice. The last time he did it backwards.
    • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
    • Chuck Norris holds all records in the Guinness Book (with those mentioned in the articles being the runners-up) meaning, among other things, that he is simultaneously the world's tallest and shortest man (and woman).
    • For some men, one testicle is larger than the other. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other.
    • He's also found the square root of the color yellow.
    • He also knows the last numeral of pi.
    • Chuck Norris doesn't move a muscle to go places. The universe moves for him.
    • If it were possible for Chuck Norris to fight himself, he would win. Period.
  • Lamarck Was Right: Chuck Norris fathered the Greatest Generation. That's why they were so tough.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice/Multi-Armed and Dangerous: There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  • Light 'em Up: Chuck Norris can cast Patronus. His Patronus' form? Neville Longbottom.
  • Made of Iron: When Chuck Norris wants to shave, he gives himself a roundhouse kick to the face because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris.
  • Memetic Badass: The whole purpose.
  • More Dakka: Chuck Norris can fire five machine guns at the same time - one in each hand, one in each foot, and he roundhouse kicks the fifth into the air so it sprays bullets in all directions.
  • Morton's Fork: If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may be only seconds away from death.
  • Must Have Caffeine: Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
  • Ninja: All ninjas want to grow up to be like Chuck Norris, but most grow up only to be killed by Chuck Norris.
  • Nothing Is Scarier: Defied. When Chuck Norris learned that nothing can kill him, he tracked down nothing and killed it.
  • Once Killed a Man with a Noodle Implement:
    • In an average room, there are 1,217 objects that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
    • One day, Chuck Norris plucked a hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
  • One-Man Army:
    • Plenty of jokes are about how Chuck can take on armies without breaking a sweat.
    • When Chuck Norris first visited Iraq in 2006-2007, a Real Life American soldier was filmed holding a sign that read, "The War Is Over - Chuck Norris Is Here" - Chuck Norris mentions this man and the signNote  in The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book, with the comment, "I wish that were true."
  • Painting the Medium: One Chuck Norris fact is written in upside-down letters, saying that Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked this fact.
  • Pillow Pistol: Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  • Popular Saying But:
    • When the going gets tough, the tough get Chuck Norris.
    • The Pen Is Mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
  • Portmanteau: Someone once made a videotape of Chuck Norris getting pissed off. The title? Walker: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
  • Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Ask Chuck Norris what time it is and he'll always say "Two seconds till." When you ask "Two seconds till what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  • The Problem with Fighting Death: Averted. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He defeats it fair and square.
  • Product Placement:
    • Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays potato chip.
    • Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
    • Chuck Norris CAN see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
    • The new ad campaign for Era detergent uses Chuck Norris Facts, labeling the detergent as "Chuck Norris approved."
    • The memetic Chuck Norris appears in a World of Warcraft commercial as a Hunter (except he doesn't hunt because the word "hunt" implies the possibility of failure). He spends the entire commercial hanging out with a tiger and roundhouse-kicking everything in sight. The only reason there are 10 million WOW players is because he allows them to live.
    • Chuck Norris CAN hear you now.
    • Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
  • Reality Warper: Chucktanium, a substance found in Chuck Norris' legs, allows him to warp reality whenever he kicks someone.
  • Refuge in Audacity: It would not be unreasonable to assume the site is not meant to be taken seriously.
  • Roundhouse Kick: Many jokes make it one of Norris' most almighty moves.
  • Rule of Cool: Basically, every joke is either Rule of Cool or Rule of Funny.
  • Rushmore Refacement: Subverted - they wanted to put Chuck Norris on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard.
  • Shmuck Bait: If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole punch.
  • Shout-Out: Chuck Norris shaves using Jason's machete, combs his hair using Freddy's glove, and flosses his teeth using Pinhead's chains.
  • The Sleepless: Chuck Norris once ate many sleeping pills just to try to sleep. The pills only made him blink.
  • Sociopathic Hero: Many of the Chuck Norris facts involve him giving people roundhouse kicks to the face for little if any reason.
  • Spin Attack: The power of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is powerful enough to break the time-space barrier, knock out Amelia Earhart, and crash her plane, probably because the amount of energy released in one of his kicks is equivalent to the amount released in the Big Bang.
  • Staring Down Cthulhu: Chuck Norris stared evil in the eye, and it went into hiding.
  • Super Speed:
    • Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
    • Chuck Norris once had a race against time. The result? Time is still running.
  • Swiss Army Tears: Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
  • Take That!:
    • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and actually got it! And they got it right!
    • Chuck Norris walked up to a Burger King at midnight and placed an order. When they told him (at the time) that they closed at ten, he roundhouse-kicked it so hard it became a Wendy's.
  • Testosterone Poisoning: Many of the jokes are about how impossibly manly he is, like never crying, ever.
  • There Are Two Kinds of People in the World:
    • People who suck, and Chuck Norris.
    • Alternately, women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris, and women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris again.
    • There are two kinds of bad guys, the ones who live, and the ones who meet Chuck Norris.
  • The Three Certainties in Life: Nothing is certain in life except death, taxes, and a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  • Toilet Humor:
    • Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
    • They wanted to make a Chuck Norris-brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anyone.
  • Touched by Vorlons: There are no steroids in baseball; only players that Chuck Norris has breathed on.
  • Top Ten List: Supposedly chosen by Chuck himself (at least a few were), and read by the man himself here.
  • Walk into Mordor: One does not simply walk into Mordor, unless he's Chuck Norris.
  • Weapon of Choice: Chuck Norris doesn't need a weapon. He is one.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Website/ChuckNorrisFacts