Website: Chuck Norris Facts
: I heard you were bitten by a king cobra? Booker
: That's right. But after five days of excruciating pain... the cobra died.
The first well-known Memetic Badass
site, which makes up tall tales about the actor Chuck Norris
, especially based on clips from the series Walker, Texas Ranger
. The site is a spin-off of the Vin Diesel
Facts site, which focused as much on bizarre and improbable facts about its target actor as badassery. Both trace their lineage to the "Bill Brasky" sketches on Saturday Night Live
in which four men would take turns relating facts and anecdotes about their cartoonishly larger-than-life friend Bill Brasky.
The site has been noted elsewhere, such as on The Daily Show
and That Guy with the Glasses
. It's influenced the long-running "The Most Interesting Man in the World
" ad campaign for Dos Equis beer. Chuck Norris himself has taken the site with good humor and seems to enjoy the extra media attention.Found here (but temporarily offline).
Chuck Norris provides examples of:
- Another Dimension: Chuck Norris once gave a roundhouse kick to Mr. T's chin at the exact moment Mr. T punched Chuck Norris in the face. The resulting implosion created an alternate dimension where Mr. T gives people roundhouse kicks to the face and Chuck Norris pities fools.
- Ascended Meme: The real Chuck is well aware of the jokes, and finds them hilarious. One of the Norris facts (specifically, the one where a snake died after biting him) is mentioned in The Expendables 2.
- Awesomeness Is Volatile
- Beyond the Impossible: Chuck Norris expected The Spanish Inquisition, which says something about his abilities. For other examples, see the other tropes. The nutshell is "It's only impossible until Chuck Norris tries."
- Cure For Cancer: Chuck Norris' tears. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- Deal with the Devil: Chuck Norris once made a deal with the Devil to receive some of his best attributes in exchange for his soul. He then roundhouse-kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil admitted that he should have seen it coming, accepted his defeat gracefully, and now plays poker with Chuck once a week.
- Determinator / Implacable Man
- Frivolous Lawsuit: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law and Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Final Battle: Subverted. One time Chuck Norris invited all of TV's badasses to an all-out brawl-for-all to determine who was the supreme badass. Unfortunately, only two of them dared showed up: MacGyver and Jack Bauer. And when they saw who the competition was, they scampered.
- God/The Omnipotent: "In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said 'Get a job.' That is the origin of the universe."
- God-Mode Sue: Often invoked by the jokes. In his appearance on M.U.G.E.N, he is quite literally invincible — nothing short of a character that uses a registry modifier to make him automatically lose will kill him.
- Hollywood Evolution: There is no evolution — it's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live — which the inspiration himself used to explain his own creationist views.
- Hurl It into the Sun: Once per year Chuck Norris selects one lucky kid to be thrown into the sun.
- In Spite of a Nail: Chuck travels back in time and saves JFK. JFK is so surprised and grateful, his head explodes.
- Logic Bomb:
- Chuck Norris doesn't divide by zero — Zero divides by Chuck Norris. He has also counted to infinity twice and holds all records in the Guinness Book (with those mentioned in the articles being the runners-up) — meaning, among other things, that he is simultaneously the world's tallest and shortest man (and woman).
- Additionally, each of his testicles is larger than the other.
- He's also found the square root of the color yellow.
- He also knows the last numeral of pi.
- Chuck Norris doesn't move a muscle to go places. The universe moves for him.
- He actually counted to infinity thrice. The last time he did it backwards.
- If it were possible for Chuck Norris to fight himself, he would win. Period.
- Made of Iron: When Chuck Norris wants to shave, he gives himself a roundhouse kick to the face — because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris.
- Memetic Badass: The whole purpose.
- Morton's Fork: If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may be only seconds away from death or a roundhouse kick.
- Once Killed a Man with a Noodle Implement: There are 1,217 objects in an average room that Chuck Norris can kill you with, including the room itself.
- One-Man Army
- Painting the Medium: One Chuck Norris fact is written in upside-down letters, saying that Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked this fact.
- Portmanteau: Someone once made a videotape of Chuck Norris getting pissed off. The title? Walker: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
- Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Ask Chuck Norris what time it is and he'll always say "Two seconds till." When you ask "Two seconds till what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Product Placement:
- Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays potato chip!
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris CAN see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
- The new ad campaign for Era detergent uses Chuck Norris Facts, labeling the detergent as "Chuck Norris approved." No, seriously.
- The memetic Chuck Norris appears in a World of Warcraft commercial as a Hunter (except he doesn't hunt because the word "hunt" implies the possibility of failure). He spends the entire commercial hanging out with a tiger and roundhouse-kicking everything in sight. It is glorious. The only reason there are 10 million Warcraft players is because he allows them to live.
- Chuck Norris CAN hear you now.
- Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
- Rated M for Manly
- Reality Warper: Chucktanium, a substance found in Chuck Norris' legs, allows him to warp reality whenever he kicks someone.
- Refuge in Audacity
- Rule of Cool: Basically, every joke is either Rule of Cool or Rule of Funny.
- Roundhouse Kick: Many jokes make it one of Norris' most almighty moves.
- Sociopathic Hero: Many of the Chuck Norris facts involve him giving people roundhouse kicks to the face for little if any reason.
- Spin Attack: The power of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is powerful enough to break the time-space barrier, knock out Amelia Earhart, and crash her plane, probably because the amount of energy released in one of his kicks is equivalent to the amount released in the Big Bang.
- Swiss Army Tears: Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, if he would ever cry.
- Take That:
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King — and actually got it! And they got it right!
- Chuck Norris walked up to a Burger King at midnight and placed an order. When they told him (at the time) that they closed at ten, he roundhouse-kicked it so hard it became a Wendy's.
- Testosterone Poisoning: Many of the jokes are about how impossibly manly he is, like never crying, ever.
- There Are Two Kinds of People in the World:
- People who suck, and Chuck Norris.
- Alternately, women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris, and women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris again.
- There are two kinds of bad guys, the ones who live, and the ones who meet Chuck Norris.
- Touched by Vorlons: "There are no steroids in baseball; only players that Chuck Norris has breathed on."
- Top Ten List: Supposedly chosen by Chuck himself (at least a few were), and read by the man himself here.