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Characters / Teen Girl Squad

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A character sheet for the Homestar Runner spinoff sub-series Teen Girl Squad.

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    The Teen Girl Squad 

As A Whole
"Let's get ready to look..." "SO GOOD!"
The titular squad of teen girls who spend most of their time looking "so good" and trying to win the hearts of most of the boys they come across.
  • All Women Are Lustful: The girls spend most of their time trying to win the hearts of most of the boys they come across, with varying levels of success.
  • Death Is Cheap: The deaths the teen girls suffer, no matter how gruesome, never stick.
  • Slapstick Knows No Gender: The girls are frequent targets of every sort of disaster, from being riddled by arrows to being vaporised by a laser to being attacked by possums.
  • Unexplained Recovery: No matter the injuries, the girls somehow always recover for the next issue or sometimes even within the same issue.
  • Vague Age: The exact age of the teen girls is left unclear. The only indication of their age is when Strong Bad sings "Teen Girl Squad! They're-teenage-girls-between-the-ages-of-thirteen-and-nineteen!"

"You don't speak unless spoken to!"
The de-facto leader of the Teen Girl Squad, given her shrill and domineering demeanour.
  • Abhorrent Admirer: Quarterman seems to see her as one, according to Issue 4.
    Cheerleader: So, Quarterman, how's about you and me?
    Quarterman: How's about you get some brains?
  • All Girls Like Ponies: In the Decemberween Special, the text on Cheerleader's intro card is "wants a pony".
  • All Guys Want Cheerleaders: Subverted. She believes this trope is true, but of the group, Cheerleader actually gets the least amount of attention from boys over the course of the series.
  • All Women Are Lustful: She's always looking to hook up with boys. Even her title card one episode says that she's boy crazy. She even tells Cheerleader Brian to "feel free to get slightly less appropriate with [his] hands"!
  • Alpha Bitch: She berates the other girls constantly. In fact, when Crazy Learner's Permit Girl runs her over, the other girls celebrate that they can now act like themselves.
  • Asshole Victim: Cheerleader can qualify, given her general attitude.
  • The Cheerleader: Well, duh!
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": She's the only one that's actually referred to by any sort of job-related title.
  • Formerly Fat: "Teeny Tiny Girl Squad" shows that Cheerleader used to be overweight when she was younger.
  • Fun T-Shirt: Every episode has a different phrase on her dress.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: All the other three girls secretly resent her. In Issue 9, the rest of the girls celebrate when Cheerleader was the one to get killed off first.
  • Genre Blind: She admits that she is unfamiliar with Greek Mythology. This ultimately becomes her undoing when Medusa takes a picture of her.
  • Girlish Pigtails: Her hairstyle. This makes her look innocent, though she is far from that.
  • Hidden Depths: She's an apparent death metal fan, specifically Brainkrieg, much to the surprise of What's Her Face.
  • The Leader: She's the de facto head of the girls, ordering them about and coming up with all the plans. The other girls seem to not have any ideas in the first place.
  • Non-Indicative Name: Probably. In 4 Gregs, she's stated to not be an actual cheerleader. In the fifteenth issue, Cheerleader Brian lifts her up, but she yells at him to put her down because she's "off duty". Also, she will perform a cheer for the basketball team when given a megaphone. This implies that Cheerleader became a cheerleader primarily because she believes All Guys Want Cheerleaders.
    Sci-Fi Greg: Uh, Cheerleader, shouldn't you be out, uh, leading cheers?
    Cheerleader: No, I'm more a cheerleader in the way I dress and in the way I treat other girls.

So and So
"You'll find me in the reference section!"
The smartest of the girls, at least academically speaking.
  • All Girls Want Bad Boys: So and So has shown an attraction to Tompkins, considering him a "renegade", though he's more or less your typical high school slacker.
  • Bearded Lady: When she goes to prison, she grows Perma-Stubble.
  • Dumb Blonde: Played with. In the tenth issue, she is revealed to be a blonde and she happens to be the smartest of the girls, in book smarts at least. Her lack of common sense, however, tends to cancel out her book smarts.
  • Ditzy Genius: She's very bookish, but totally lacks common sense. At one point, she dives into a garbage disposal to get away from the cops.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: She's actually referred to as Kristin by Cheerleader in episode 1 ("Kristin, you look burnt. Or dead."). It's invoked, as What's Her Face later says "I miss Kristin-a".
  • Extracurricular Enthusiast: So and So explains that the "Priggity Prizom" is the name of this year's prom, and adds, with a deranged look, "I was on every committee ever." This fits well with the preppy over-achiever stereotype she personifies.
  • Go-Getter Girl: Once Cheerleader dies, she reveals that she is free to over-achieve to her heart's content. Not only does she take her academics seriously, but she also helped set up for the Priggidy Prizom, in which she was on every committee.
  • Grammar Nazi: She's very annoyed with the other girls referring to Valentine's Day as "Valentimes". Like everything else in this strip, it gets her killed.
  • Hollywood Nerd: Despite being bookish, she's still into her looks. How attractive she is is difficult to tell from the artwork, but she's not considered hideous like The Ugly One.
  • Imaginary Friend: She has an imaginary boyfriend named Brett Bretterson. What's Her Face is weirded out by her interaction with him.
  • Never Going Back to Prison: In Issue 12, she throws herself into the garbage disposal when the cops show up.
    Ahh! The popo! I CAN'T DO ANOTHER NICKEL!
  • Wicked Stepmother: Her stepmother, who scolds the girls for questioning her fashion sense and has So and So take a job at Shirt Folding Store over the summer instead of going to summer camp with the other girls.

What's Her Face
"I think I have a chance with this guy."
The "pity friend". She is the most sensible of the teen girls but she often gets the brunt of the mistreatment.
  • Catchphrase: "I think I have a chance with this guy." Often used whenever Thomas the alien shows up.
  • Closet Geek: It appears that she is one, but her geeky side is rarely shown, at least when Cheerleader is around. Her love interests are sci-fi themed and she is the only girl from the squad to join the 4 Gregs in playing Trogdor! The Board Game.
  • Deadpan Snarker: She's the one who makes the snarkiest observations about her friends' activities. She was voted Least Likely To Care in high school.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: What's Her Face is explicitly called the "pity friend" and is the one the other three are most likely to ditch or relegate to least-desired roles.
  • Geeky Turn-On: All her love interests are science-fiction themed. She spends time with Thomas the alien, is Sci-Fi Greg's girlfriend, and once went on a date with the Wireless Wizard.
  • Limited Wardrobe: When the girls go to the beach, her intro card is "Same clothes". Of course, she isn't actually invited to the beach.
  • Nobody Loves the Bassist: When the girls form a group called "Kissyboots", she asks if she can't get stuck playing bass. Of course, Cheerleader shoots this down and makes her play the bass, which turns into a shark and eats her.
  • Not So Above It All: She's still as susceptible to the strip's weird goings-on as the rest of the girls. She eats a bowl of staple sauce at one point.
  • Official Couple: With Sci-Fi Greg. They used to date until Cheerleader demanded that the couple break up. They would have gone to the Priggidy Prizom together had What's Her Face not been sparrow'd beforehand.
  • Only Sane Woman: She's more grounded than the rest of the girls, though this doesn't make her less susceptible to hilariously violent deaths.
  • Real Women Don't Wear Dresses: Mostly because she doesn't actually know what a dress is.

The Ugly One
"I have a crush on every boy!"
The ugly friend of the squad. She also has a questionable grasp on reality.
  • All Women Are Lustful: She states that she has a crush on every boy.
  • Ambiguous Gender: At least for "Teeny Tiny Girl Squad" only. Her intro card for that comic asks if she's a boy or a girl.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Her grip on reality is tenuous at best. Her intro cards are full of non-sequiturs and when she visits the beach, her swimming costume is a three-piece. She also prefers to get paid in plain yogurt cups for babysitting.
  • Meganekko: She wears hilariously outdated glasses that look like they're from The '50s.
  • The Pig-Pen: Her personal hygiene is suspect. When Cheerleader gets run over, she gleefully states that she can stop showering.
  • Refugee from TV Land: When Strong Bad's computer gets hit with a virus, she shows up and attacks the King Of Town.
  • She Cleans Up Nicely: At her Sweet Someteenth birthday party, she comes out dolled up to the point where Strong Bad has to do a double-take, even retracting his "Arrowed 2: Electric Boogaloo" death he had planned for her.
  • Snacksploitation: Giving her a candy bar in the third scene will lead her to say that she managed to sneak it past concession stand security. The robotic penguin immediately GuesswhatVOIPs her.
  • Spell My Name with a "The": Since her father's name is actually Manolios Ugly One, it's very possible that her first name is actually The. This isn't out of place in the Homestar Runner 'verse, as The Cheat, The Paper and The Stick are also referred to as such.
  • Unexplained Recovery: After she gets MSG'd in Issue 3, she appears in the dressing room with Cheerleader and So and So. She states that her stomach feels better.
    Other Characters 

Arrow'd Guy
A man who randomly shows up to kill the teen girls.
  • Bald of Awesome: He's balding, but he's also responsible for many of the more hilarious deaths.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: He's responsible for many of the more hilarious and unusual deaths of the girls.
  • Creepy Crossdresser: He may or may not also be So And So's stepmother, according to the wiki.
  • Universal Driver's License: He's seen driving a van, a boat and a brain mech, all of which result in the deaths of some of the girls.
  • Wicked Stepmother: If he is indeed Judith So-And-So-Erson, given that he kills the girls constantly.

*Bat! Bat! Bat! Bat! Bat! Bat! Bat!*
A short alien from foreign lands.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: It appears that he has feelings for What's Her Face. The second What's Her Face starts thinking that she has a chance with the No "I" in Team Boy, Thomas shows up and immediately starts batting her legs.
  • The Greys: Thomas seems to be one of them.
  • Implausible Boarding Skills: He once pulled off a late 360 shove it to boneless.

"Don't let Timkims play my PS One!"
A boy who spends most of his time playing video games.
  • Catchphrase: "Aw, peas!"
  • The Napoleon: In his first appearance, his height is an issue for him. He gets angry at the girls for mocking him over it. When Tompkins says, "Heck, I'm taller than you," the girls promptly shout that he said a bad word. He immediately runs away and dies... somehow.
    Tompkins: Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get... Hogtied. And pushed down. Into. Some snakewater?
    The Ugly One: Tompkins, how do you be so short?
    Tompkins: Heck, I'm taller than you.
    Teeny Tiny Girl Squad: TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!!
    Tompkins: (runs away crying) Waaaahh!
    Narrator Strong Bad: (as if unsure on how to kill Tompkins off) AGGH—! GRAGH—! And... he died somehow.
  • Go Out with a Smile: As he watches Manolios Ugly One gut D n' D Greg like a sheep, Tompkins says that he should be the one who gets killed as one of the girls' prom dates. He then wears a grin on his face as a cardboard cutout of Tenerence Love riddles him with arrows.
  • Hidden Depths: So and So clearly has a crush on him. In the tenth issue, she attempts to hook up with him, but Tompkins turns her down as he is too busy playing a Mario game. In the fifteenth issue, he says that he would have been killed as one of the girls' prom dates. This implies that he was at least somewhat receptive of So and So's advances.
  • Promotion to Opening Titles: Inverted. His first appearance is in the opening titles of "Teeny Tiny Girl Squad", but he doesn't get on them in subsequent appearances.
  • The Slacker: He doesn't care much for anything but video games.

The Gregs
"Four Gregs! Not one, not two, not three, not five! Four Gregs!"
A quartet of geeks all named Greg.
  • Blinding Bangs: Sci-Fi Greg.
  • Busman's Vocabulary: A lot of their jargon is drawn from their respective areas of interest.
  • The Cracker: Open Source Greg is a minor case, where he attempts to hack a concession stand (somehow), but ends up firing a DDOS attack on Tompkins' website.
  • Even Nerds Have Standards: When D n' D Greg exhibits knowledge on the rules of football, the others are disgusted. He defends himself by saying that Fantasy Football is still fantasy.
  • Eyes Always Shut: Japanese Culture Greg, except when he's yelling Japanese words.
  • Geek: Each of them covers a different facet of geek and nerd culture.
  • Geek Physiques: Sci-Fi Greg and D n' D Greg have regular physiques, but Open Source Greg is fat while Japanese Culture Greg is tall and lanky.
  • Gutted Like Sheep: The fate of D n' D Greg for taking The Ugly One as a prom date.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: Japanese Culture Greg either just replaces random nouns with their Japanese translation, or just randomly shouts them out of nowhere.
  • He Cleans Up Nicely: D n' D Greg looks really good in a tuxedo.
  • Identically Named Group: They are a quartet composed of guys named Greg, and are referred to as "the 4 Gregs". There is also a "Regular Greg" but he is not in their clique.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Sci-Fi Greg takes losing What's Her Face to the Wireless Wizard well, seeing him as a worthy adversary.
  • Official Couple: Sci-Fi Greg with What's Her Face. Apparently, Cheerleader forced the two to break up.
  • Otaku: Japanese Culture Greg, obviously.
  • Robosexual: Apparently, Japanese Culture Greg is this, as he at least attempts to date Chizuko, but it ends disastrously for him.
    • Defied with Sci-Fi Greg, at least based on his reaction to Chizuko. He states that one would expect him, a sci-fi geek, to be this trope. However, Chizuko is so far into the uncanny valley that she makes him sick to his stomach. In addition, Sci-Fi Greg's heart belongs to What's Her Face, anyway.
  • Relationship Revolving Door: Sci-Fi Greg and What's Her Face want to be together, but are apparently kept apart by Cheerleader.
  • Spear Counterpart: A group of four guys to contrast with the main group of four girls.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: Japanese Culture Greg has a tendency to suddenly shout random Japanese words.
  • Those Two Guys: Of the four Gregs, Sci-Fi Greg and D n' D Greg tend to appear together. First, D n' D Greg and Sci-Fi Greg argue over whether they should introduce Cheerleader and The Ugly One to Cosplayover Camp as a village or a star system. Second, the duo looks at the Wireless Wizard flying away with What's Her Face and comment that she is in the hands of a worthy adversary.
  • Wedgie: The Gregs are victims of this when the football players surround them during half-time.
  • Worthy Opponent: Sci-Fi Greg and D n' D Greg consider the Wireless Wizard one after he manages to take What's Her Face on a date.

Mr. Pitters
"I left a check for last month's rent on the table!"
An old man who hangs around with the teen girl squad. He seems preoccupied with ointment.
  • Creepy Crossdresser: The second Cheerleader dies, he dresses up as a teen girl.
  • Stuffed into a Locker: Of his own volition, apparently. What's Her Face rents her locker out for him throughout the school year.

Manolios Ugly One
So okay, guys. Come down and be shopping at Manolios Ugly One's Lectro-pawn!
The father of The Ugly One. He owns a pawn shop that sells used and broken electronics and is an incredibly overprotective father.
  • Honest John's Dealership: He owns a store that sells "Used and Broken Electronics". While intimidating DnD Greg during the Junior Prom he offers to sell him half a boom-box.
  • Overprotective Dad: He threatens to gut any guy, regardless of his virtues, like a sheep. He then makes an example of D n' D Greg for taking his daughter as a prom date.

"Jugga jigga wugga!"
A metal band. They competed in the "Battle of the Crappy High School Bands" contest.
  • Catchphrase: "Jugga jigga wugga!"
  • Egging: What the band did as revenge for not getting candy.
  • Write What You Know: In-universe, the band wrote "Decomposing Pumpkins" because their drummer's mother did not give them candy. They threw a decomposing pumpkin at the drummer and apparently egged her.

Mrs. Commanderson
"Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird-reptile, and she teaches Pre-K!" "EERRAAAK!"
An Archaeopteryx. She is the girls' Pre-K teacher.
  • The Cameo: She makes a cameo in an episode of Cheat Commandos.
  • Seldom-Seen Species: It is not every day that a cartoon features an Archaeopteryx.
  • Talking Animal: Apparently, Mrs. Commanderson could talk, as shown when she introduces Thomas to her students.

Coach and Olympic Man
Quite the duo.
Two men who are into athletics.
  • The Big Guy: The Olympic Man, what with his massive muscles.
  • Nervous Wreck: The Coach. He gives the girls A's even though they refused to do his final exam of doing a single push-up.
  • The Voiceless: The Olympic Man never says anything.

Peacy P
"Y'all biscuitheads."
A popular rapper. The Ugly One is a fan of his.
  • Ambiguous Situation: Although he first appeared in a TGS comic, he somehow has appeared outside the comic collaborating with Coach Z and others.
  • Punny Name: In a case of Getting Crap Past the Radar, Peacey P's name follows an old rap tradition of sliding drug references into one's name that goes back to Eddie Cheeba and Curtis Blow: Peacey P is pronounced exactly like PCP.

"How's about you get some brains?"
The quarterback for the Fighting Growlbacks.
  • Character Tics: He has a lolling tongue.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He turns down Cheerleader's advances with a quip.
  • Official Couple: With The Ugly One. He dumps some trash cans on a trio of seniors bullying her. He then confesses that he is in love with her.

    Video Game Characters 


A whale from Herman Melville's novel of the same name.


Two mobsters. They rig What's Her Face's car to explode.


A young basketball player that the girls try to attract.
  • Deadly Gas: A combination of his armpit stench and perfume result in mustard gas... somehow.
  • The Pig-Pen: His coach says that he should spend more time in the showers, given his bad odor.
  • Visible Odor: The stench coming out of his armpits.


A gorgon from Classical Mythology. She works in the school as a yearbook photographer.

Robotic Penguin

A robotic penguin.

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