In Super Robot Wars Z and Z2 Saisei-Hen there's the Gunleon. Its weapons include giant robot sized wrenches, nail guns, chainsaws, and an assortment of other tools. All topped off with a huge wrench that's as big as the robot itself.
In MDK 2, Dr Hawkins uses a variety of these, with his main weapon being atomic toast, where he fires radioactive toast from a radioactive toaster. He also uses various types of bread, with an infinite white loaf as regular ammunition, Pumpernickel as explosives, and baguettes as homing bread.
In Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, the main character defeats a deranged prosthesis craftsman and in turn receives a severed arm. Strangely, nobody seems to object to you walking the streets carrying a floppy sawed off arm.
Oddly enough, Relm is also shown not to be the only wielder of paintbrushes in her world: in the very beginning of the game when Locke is up against a small army of monsters, Mog shows up with three parties worth of generic moogles wielding a variety of weapons; the leader of the all-generic-moogle party is actually wielding Relm's starting weapon, Chocobo Brush. (Thanks to the game's programming, the leader of the all-generic-moogle party is actually Relm.)
With the right relic, Umaro can toss another party member at the enemy.
In Final Fantasy VII, Cait Sith equips "megaphones" (though it's the giant stuffed moogle who actually carries out the attacks), and Red XIII equips "headdresses" (though he is actually shown using claws and fangs to attack). Exactly how these "weapons" boost their attack power is unknown. Cait Sith's limit breaks also include dice and armies of toys.
Each character had a 'gag weapon' with no Materia slots but high attack. The list - a baseball bat with nails in for Cloud, gardening gloves for Tifa, a boxing glove for Barret, an umbrella for Aerith, a hairpin for Red XIII, a shell trumpet for Cait Sith, a mop (although actually a Squeegee) for Cid and a water pistol for Vincent. Yuffie had two gag weapons - a plastic windmill, and a rubber ball. This concept was even carried over into the prequel Crisis Core where Zack uses a beach umbrella whenever he is in Costa Del Sol.
Final Fantasy VIII also had some rather strange weapons, but the best one is a heavy anchor thrown at the enemy. Which the character then has to retrieve. The character's limit break tops it with a Dragoon-style Jump Attack.
Quina (fork) in Final Fantasy IX. Although this refers to Quina's culinary theme, tridents are a classic military weapon, and no torch-bearing angry mob or traditional devil warrior would be complete without a good pitchfork. Quina's forks are generally big enough to stand in for either. Stranger are the lacrosse-like "racket" weapons Garnet and Eiko often use, hurling projectiles of unstated composition and endless supply.
Given that both Garnet and Eiko are magic-users, it can be justified in that the projectiles are actually magic. They certainly look magical.
In Final Fantasy X, Wakka fights by throwing sports equipment at the enemy (a "blitzball") - although, oddly enough, spike-covered combat versions of this type of ball are commonly found in weapons shops. Considering how heavy a blitzball must be to move fluidly through water, it makes some sense. Also, Lulu's stuffed plush toys have the capacity to move and attack the enemy by themselves, though they cause very little damage because her strength is so weak. Their Weapon Abilities are far more valuable.
In Final Fantasy Tactics, certain classes can use dictionaries as weapons. If it helps matters, they attack by reading from it - presumably definitions man was not meant to hear. Also, all women can use handbags, but that's more of a practical weapon than a dictionary. And just to top it off, the "Dancer" class uses different types of cloth to attack.
The earliest example is, in fact, Final Fantasy III, with the Scholar (books again!), Geomancer (instruments) and Bard (harps) jobs. And yes, the aforementioned weapons are used as bludgeoning tools. In the remake, the harps are now played rather than swung. Probably songs man was never meant to hear.
Likewise, Final Fantasy V uses the Geomancer and Bard jobs with their instruments and harps, respectively. The weapons are still laughably bad, but they are played rather than swung now.
In Final Fantasy XII we have the "measures" weapon class, which includes sextants, Scales, and calipers.
Though they are sort of realistically designed. Their attack is crap (though they ignore defense...but then again so do guns which are ranged weapons) and most buff the person they hit, but here's the thing; they weren't made to be weapons so much as an easy way to cure confuse without causing too much damage and buff someone at the same time
Final Fantasy XIII has male lead Snow Villiers, whose weapon is his trenchcoat. Okay, so he doesn't actually use it to hit enemies, just to buff his stats, but still...
Oerba Dia Vanille uses staves and rods, but unlike the typical staff of Final Fantasy games past, hers are equipped with four long wires with hooks that deal damage to enemies by latching on and pulling.
Like Lulu mentioned above, Shiki Misaki in The World Ends with You animates her stuffed cat Mr. Mew for attacking (apparently scratching with non-existent claws). Then there are various environmental objects that Neku's Psychokinesis pins and Joshua's divine cell phone send at the Noise... Beat's skateboard is, ironically, one of the more realistic weapons in the game: he just uses it to smack the crap out of everyone.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas has the usual fare of melee weapons, including stick-like implements. But then you have fire extinguishers, spray cans, bunches of flowers, and even sex toys. The kicker? They can still incapacitate or kill, and can even be used to bash cars until they catch on fire.
Their primary purpose is to be given to girlfriends as gifts, but still. If CJ's strength is maxed out, he can beat any ped to a pulp with flowers in a matter of seconds.
One of the special weapons in Silent Hill 2 is the Hyper Spray. Its effectiveness as a weapon depends on how high you score on previous playthroughs. At its weakest, it behaves on enemies as you might expect a can of unknown chemicals to behave: it merely stuns them. Earn a perfect 10 stars, however, and you have a spray can full of instant death to anything it touches!
The combat system of Silent Hill Origins is at least partially built around this trope, as it features weapons such as televisions, toasters, typewriters, table lamps and filing cabinets.
Silent Hill: Downpour has the same weapons mechanic as Origins above. Of all the weapons you can get in the game, many of which are actual weapons like knives, axes, and the like, the best weapon in the game is a fire hook. It has more range than any other non-projectile weapon in the game, decent damage, doesn't break, can be used to reach fire escapes, and isn't likely to kill enemies (which is necessary if you're going for the good ending).
In Scribblenauts, Maxwell's weapons are damn near every noun in the English language.
In Kingdom Hearts, the main weapon featured in the series, wielded by many major characters, and all main playable ones, is a giant magical key that they hit people with. It's not the only unusual weapon featured in the series. Goofy's weapon is a shield, which is far more normal than a key at any rate. Organization XIII also has members who use a shield, a book, a sitar, and a giant deck of playing cards.
We could also include some of the joke weapons, a hairdryer, trumpet, brooms, a pot lid, an easter island head, what seems to be a squeaky hammer, a sandwich, a banana, pizzas, a tennis racket, mop, four leaf clovers, ladle, bellflowers, lightbulbs, and umbrella.
Three of the five playable characters in Evolution Worlds qualify. Mag uses what is basically a cybernetic third arm that can also use hammers, bug spray and bowling balls, Chain uses a jet pack with a giant blade on the back, and Linear uses a Frying Pan of Doom. The other two use guns/blasters.
The Squaresoft game Bahamut Lagoon, while not having specific characters with improbable weapons, does have various items that all characters can throw to cause damage or status effects. These items include Sweet Memory, Porno Mag, and Botched Cookie.
If you raise Ayla in Chrono Trigger to very high levels, her only weapon - fists - become "Iron Fist" and later "Bronze Fist". It's also possible to equip Crono with a mop.
Here's the fun part: a max-level Crono can still solo Lavos with it, too.
Almost everyone is this in Improbable Island, seeing as how the Drive changes everything in humorous ways.
Klarth F. Lester from Tales of Phantasia uses a book, and Arche uses a broom. Somewhat justified, as they're spellbooks and flying brooms, and are used more to boost the magic power of the characters than to hit people with.
A running gag in the Tales Series is for the player to find extremely powerful but unlikely weapons for the characters late in the game. In Tales of Symphonia, for example, Lloyd can buy a pair of giant paper fans and Presea (who usually uses an axe) can buy a giant toy hammer; Will in Tales of Legendia receives a sledgehammer at the end of one Side Quest that has its weight (a whopping 765 kg) actually painted on it.
This one is actually an in-joke: in Japanese, "765" is pronounced "namuko"- which sounds like the name of the company that made the game: Namco.
The best one, though, would probably be Sheena, from Symphonia; she uses cards with shinto wards inscribed on them. Her gag weapon is even more ridiculous; she beats enemies up with paper money.
That makes sense though, since summoners in medieval times delivered cards to summon people to court. Guess they did the research.
Her joke weapon is actually a Money Bag, presumably full of coins.
Tales of Symphonia also has Genis, who uses a kendama, a child's toy. Presumably, he plays with it to help improve his focus and rhythm while he has free time. He also claims to have knocked Lloyd out with it accidentally the first time he used it, and Lloyd knocks himself out with it when he plays with it in a skit.
Marta from the sequel wields a ring with a pair of blades poking out of it, or a ring with three blades poking out of it. Which apparently spin without a motor, which would realistically render this weapon even more useless than it already it. Not that that stops her from extremely long combos in melee and cutting down foes left and right.
Anise in Tales of the Abyss quite sensibly uses maces and magic scepters as weaponry... But she never actually attacks with them. Instead, she attacks by animating her stuffed bear with magic and turning it into a seven foot tall engine of destruction. She's the game's Cute Bruiser, incidentally.
Most of the weapons used by the heroes in Tales of Vesperia tend to sit within the realm of probability—swords, maces, hammers, knives, polearms, bows, etc. That is, except for Rita, who uses sashes (Long pieces of cloth), along with the aforementioned kendama. She also gets some more practical chains and whips, though.
In Tales of Symphonia, Presea and Zelos can randomly start a fight wielding a giant plush bunny or a bouquet of flowers, respectively, if they have their formal outfits on.
Tales of Eternia's Meredy uses a whistle to command her actual attacking weapon, her Team Pet Quickie. Chat uses handbags full of infinite cannonballs, which she throws.
Tales of Hearts carries on the tradition. Kohak's Soma Elrond's weapon half takes the form of a baton, and Beryl's Thiers produces a paintbrush as tall as she is.
The baton can be used as a blunt object, like a pipe or something though. The Elrond seems to be useful as a weapon with the balls at each end, and she sometimes uses magic to reinforce them in her melee moves
Tales of Legendia has more then its fair share of improbable weapon users, as well. Will uses a hammer, which is a normal weapon, but he seldom uses it, despite being the buffest member of the party (A fact that gets lampshaded by someone). There's also Shirley who uses pens and brushes, Grune who uses urns, and Norma with straws that she uses to blow bubbles at enemies. Granted, none of the spellcasters can learn any physical attacks, but they're still odd weapon choices.
Shirley actually throws her Teriques, and is the only caster to actually have an attacking combo because she can send it halfway across the battlefield.
Tales of Graces goes on with it. Malik has a BOOMERANG SWORD. He throws it... and it flies back. And not to mention Hubert, who wields twin swords (which are connected to be a staff...) that can change to twin pistols AND a bow.
Hubert's odd weapon draws a lot of curiosity from the rest of the party, and he tries to act cool by saying "It's a military secret". However in one of the optional skits, his brother Asbel remembers that a hero from one of their childhood stories wielded a weapon like that. Turns out Huber's a huge geek.
The characters in Chrono Cross have weapons that include stirring spoons, fishing lures and carrots, among others. Making things slightly less ridiculous here is that, for the most part, you have to have them specially made by blacksmiths... although enough merchants do sell them that one wonders why.
There is another mod called Deadly Clutter that allows you to equip useless items such as paint brushes as daggers, bowls as helmets, paint pallets as shields, and many more
Princess Toadstool's weapons include a Parasol, War Fan, Frying Pan, and a Special Glove in Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars and Super Smash Bros. Melee. In her own feature game, Super Princess Peach, she employs a parasol named Perry who can change shape. And devour enemies.
Forget Toadstool. One of Bowser's weapons is a little Mario doll. Which he promptly uses to switch places and attack throwing THE REAL MARIO.
Although you have to admit, Mario is a pretty good weapon. He kills enemies and isn't afraid of anything.
Similar to the D&D example above, Bowser can also make use of a Chain Chomp (think Pac-Man with a lot more teeth) by swinging it over his head and throwing it at the enemy. If you know about timed hits, the Chomp latches onto the enemy's face with its teeth and starts biting.
Mallow uses Cymbals, and Geno can launch his hands or fire cannonballs out of his elbow.
Although not a weapon per se, Bundt, a giant cake, attacks you with some pretty powerful magic... and also, apparently, can scratch you?
Booster uses a train, and Yaridovich uses his own head. The latter case is justified to a degree, since Yardiovich is a spear-like monster.
Kirby has a fairly large repertoire of abilities he can call upon with his copying powers. Some are understandable, like the Reflecting Laser or the fire breath. Then there's things like Ball (Kirby becomes bouncy and spherical, and with enough velocity can damage enemies by bouncing into them), Mike (Kirby's voice is amplified to the point where it harms all onscreen enemies), and Stone (Kirby takes himself for granite and drops onto the foe).
Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards allows you to combine two abilities, often with insane results. Highlights include an active volcano (worn as a hat), ice skates, fireworks, and a refrigerator. To elaborate on that last one: Kirby transforms into a fridge and flings deadly food at the enemy...and any leftover food can be eaten to heal Kirby.
There are several characters in the Shadow Hearts series who fight with improbable weapons.
Alice Eliott (Shadow Hearts) uses books. Bibles, mostly. To smash people with.
Joachim Valentine (Shadow Hearts: Covenant), in true pro-wrestler fashion, uses an arsenal of "found" weapons which include a locker, a mailbox, a frozen tuna, and a submarine. (His teacher, the Great Gama, fights with a pirate statue.)
Gepetto (Shadow Hearts: Covenant) attacks with an ambulatory puppet which mimics his movements; his "weapons" are improved varieties of marionette string, the ultimate being the Red String of Fate.
In Shadow Hearts: From the New World, odd weapons include vintages of alcohol, guitars, and swords made by sticking a hilt on a vaguely cylindrical object (including a bus stop sign, a cactus, a firecracker, and a Sword in the Stone with stone still attached).
Persona 2 Eternal Punishment has Baofu, who uses Yen Coins to attack with. Justified because it is stated in-game that he uses chi to throw his coins with the force of bullets but still.... coins?!
At least that one is explained... unlike Jun's flowers and Eikichi's machine-gun-in-a-guitar-case.
Persona 3 has a number of 'gag' weapons that are remarkably powerful, gained as side quest rewards. These include the Toy Bow (with suction cup arrows), Nailbat (wielded as a two-handed sword), the Bus Stop Sign (wielded as a bludgeon weapon), the Steel Pipe (wielded as a one-handed sword), the Broom (wielded as a spear), the Rocket Punch (used as a gun for Aigis) and the Bone (used as a knife for Koromaru).
The PSP remake due to altering the weapon system adds even more joke weapons. The male lead (who can only use swords now) has several large kitchen knives, the female lead that uses bladed spears also gets several hockey and lacrosse sticks (the ultimate of which has the Atlus logo on it) and Mitsuru gets a few umbrellas. And of course the Bus Stop Sign returns although you won't see it much.
And Persona 4 has Kanji's beginning weapon, the folding chair. Similarly, Yukiko's weapons are all folding fans that she tosses at her enemies.
Kanji keeps getting better; first weapon you can buy him is a desk.
Kanji really takes the cake here. Half of Kanji's weapons are shields (that he bludgeons people with) and half are random heavy objects (that he bludgeons people with) but it makes sense because Kanji's just a thug that throws his weight around during battle rather than a trained fighter.
And the protagonist that usually uses swords also gets two sets of sports equipment weapons one of which is poor and one of which is pretty good. A golf club (with a cheap bargain bin one, and a well made titanium one) and a baseball bat (a wooden one and a metal one with the Atlus logo on it)
Yosuke has a few weapons that are merely pipe wrenches. One of which can be found early in the game and is useful for a long time after, as it is one of his most powerful weapons at that point and also increases his SP.
Persona 4: Golden adds a ridiculous amount of goofy weapons for the cast to use: Shovels, brooms, a Bus stop sign, cheering flag, bass guitar, Beach Parasol, bowling pins, Pinwheels, Bones, Trout (as in the fish), Megaphones, Maracas, socks, animal slippers, Inline Skates, Spring Boots, a Frisbee, serving tray (made of good silver), Tambourine, rubber band gun, water gun, crab claw, a Reindeer hoof, a factory sign, a much bigger fish, Cymbal, a Casket lid, floor tile, drum, and even a fricken Christmas Wreath.
With the revelation that Rise is going to be fully playable in Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, pre-release images show that her weapon is... a microphone stand.
In Devil Survivor 2, Fumi cows Trumpeter into submission by bashing him with an endless stream of laptops.
Soul Hackers has devil summoners with some really odd COMPs, but perhaps the weirdest is Judah Singh, who built his into a saxophone'' for some reason.
Blood has a voodoo doll. Stabbing it hurts the enemy or you if there are none, and it can skin monsters alive.
In Time Crisis 2, the second boss character, a bloke in sunglasses, picks up an ICBM and swings it at you......despite it surely weighing several tonnes. Then when you shoot him enough he drops it and it rolls away like a cardboard tube.
In its pseudo-sequel Crisis Zone, at the end of the Garland Technology Center stage, you fight a pair of elite soldiers: A thin athletic man with paired foldable blades on his wrists, appropriately named "Edgey", and a hulking brute with an anti-tank rifle named "Tiger". While Edgey spends his time dashing about and flinging throwing knives at the player, Tiger tends to simply use his greater bulk to shrug off hundreds of rounds pumped into him while firing his weapon in return. However, on occasion he will throw a large box, kick a ladder, or even pick up and swing a steel girder.
A particular favorite trope of the Guilty Gear series. To wit:
Sol Badguy's sword might seem normal at first, but closer inspection reveals that it's modeled after a cigarette lighter. This is made more obvious in Xrd -SIGN-.
May uses an anchor, and currently provides the page image for that trope.
The ghosts that possess Zappa throw him at enemies.
Sin uses a flag.
Lampshades are hung in various character's win comments against these characters, as they comment on their foe's tastes in arms.
Fina's weapon in Skies of Arcadia is a floating blob by the name of Cupil. Feeding him "chams" allows him to upgrade; he then attacks by changing into an anvil, frying pan, cannonball, lance, etc... or, in his final form, just gets big and eats them. To add insult to injury, Final Cupil is also the Infinity+1 Sword.
Vyse and Aika, from the same game, get gag weapons if you complete a sidequest (Gamecube remake) or download them (Dreamcast original): a tuna fish and a giant lollipop. Each has an incredible spike in one stat, to the near-absolute loss of all the others.
The Swirlmarang (Aika's giant lollipop) has a 100% chance of causing panic if it hits anything not immune to it, effectively making it a Lethal Joke Item.
In the first Xenosaga game, chaos used gloves as his weapon. However, the upgrades were more like downgrades, going from large padded safety gloves down to old ragged pair of holey (Holy) gloves. In retrospect, chaos's character had the ability to destroy gnosis simply by touch, the gloves acting to seal his power, so really, "downgrading" to get more power isn't so implausible (in a fantasy-ish way).
Riki from Xenoblade uses biters as his weapon of choice. They're essentially maces with heads in the shape of that of various animals, which wouldn't be too odd, if not for the fact the jaws on said heads are movable, and can be used to bite things as their name implies. His starting one looks extremely silly, but the later ones in the shape of lions and dragons could fall into the Impossibly Cool Weapon category.
Lunar: Eternal Blue has one in the form of Jean. Well, it's unorthodox before she learns Martial Arts and fights barehanded, but she still throws Bladed Dancer Fans.
The two main characters of Lunar: Dragon Song both fight with unconventional weapons: Lucia with umbrellas and Jian with shoes (which he does at least kick with, not throw).
Kisala in Rogue Galaxy also uses shoes as her secondary weapons. Her primary weapons are a pair of daggers, though, and the other characters wield a fairly traditional combination of guns, swords, and other "real" weapons.
Phantom Brave took this trope to the logical extreme, allowing you to use almost anything as a weapon, so long as you can pick it up. This includes rocks, shrubs, vegetables, and even people.
Disgaea 3 also gives us the Diez Gentlemen, supposedly a group of elite legendary demons (So legendary they count as a lie), the first one you fight carries a shovel as a weapon.
That's not all. There's also such weapons as dumbbells, tennis rackets, stop signs, and even baked potatoes and pieces of meat (and let's not even start on the Puppy paw Stick).
While not a weapon per se, Mario Superstar Baseball has DK use a boxing glove instead of a baseball bat. This continues into the sequel, where Baby DK uses a Banana, King K. Rool uses his scepter, the Kremlings all use bats that look like spiked dumbbells, and Funky Kong uses a surfboard.
Cream the Rabbit in Sonic the Hedgehog is known to use her pet Chao, Cheese, as a weapon. Similarly, in Sonic Adventure, Tails uses his tails as a flail-like weapon, with a pendant augmentation that allows him to spin at a much higher speed.
The female characters in the Dynasty Warriors series of games tend to fight with improbable weapons: either sharpened fans, or, in one especially memorable instance, a flute that magically sets people on fire.
Some of the weapons used range from real weapons, practical, to ones impractical for large scale warfare such as throwing knives or bo staffs all the way to truly ridiculous weapons like Guo Jia's giant pool cue and magic billiard balls.
There were/are actual Iron Fan weapons, which were basically a normal fan with an iron frame with sharp points instead of a wooden frame.
That being said, Zhuge Liang wields his signature feather fan. Sima Yi also wields one except in 6, where he wears claws that shoots cutting wires from the fingertips.
Samurai Warriors continues this, with Okuni's umbrellas, Oichi's kendama (Cup & Ball), and No's gigantic claws that pop in from Hammer Space. Mitsunari and Shingen's fans-as-weapons seems slightly more probable than those.
Motochika Chosokabe uses a Shamisen. And attacks with sound balls. Yoshimoto Imagawa has a sword, but also carries around a kemari (ball) which he kicks at people and it explodes.
Kanbei Kuroda uses a magic orbs to summon/control spirits, Hanbei Chosokobe uses a bladed sundial yo-yo, among others.
Dynasty Warriors 7's Ma Dai fights with a giant paintbrush in a way reminiscent to Ōkami, Bao Sanniang fights with a giant bladed yo-yo and then, from Jin, we have Zhuge Dan, who fights with a feather fan like his better known cousin, Zhong Hui who fights with five flying swords, Deng Ai, who wields a drill lance, Guo Huai with his arm cannon as well as the aforementioned Sima Yi, who returns with a faction change and his feather fan but still makes use of the DW 6 claws in his Musous. That being said, that's half of Jin who is doing it.
Don't forget Warriors Orochi's exclusive characters. Da Ji wields a pair of flying balls, Himiko wields similar weapons called Dogu. Taigong Wang wields a fishing rod, Zuo Ci some tarot cards, Yoshitsune Minamoto has a frickin' lightsabre-gauntlet-thing, and San Zang fights with her oversized sleeves.
And now in the third installment, Shuten Doji uses an enormous gourd which he swings with a rope, and Nezha uses Tron-like rings that spin around his wrists and ankles.
With the release of 7: Empires, a few weapons get shuffled around as well as the addition of DLC weapons and a couple new weapons as the EX weapon of several characters. Some characters stand out with Huang Gai and his Iron Boat as well as Xiahou Ba and his brand-new rocket-powered Siege Spear.
Now that 8 has been released, we get a couple new characters including Guan Xing, who uses "wingblades," that let him do swooping attacks, and Lu Su, whose weapon of choice is a rake. Yes, like the gardening tool.
The title character in American McGee's Alice is all about unlikely weapons (just look at the page quote), as her entire arsenal is toys from her childhood. Razor sharp cards, explosive jack-in-the-boxes, demonic dice, and deadly jacks are just some of the deadly tools of her trade. Her BFG is an actual real-life weapon, though, but still extremely exaggerated in its utility.
The sequel, Alice: Madness Returns, has Alice with a pepper-grinder, a hobby horse, a teapot cannon and a clockwork bomb in the shape of a rabbit.
Phantasy Star Online includes a sidequest that requires you to find weapon fanatics, talk to them with the appropriate enthusiasm, and eventually talk to their leader. The "ultimate weapon"? A frying pan.
Then there's the Chain Sawd, a hybrid chainsaw/sword that absorbs HP.
The Priest, Sage and Taekwon Master (AKA Star Gladiator) classes in Korean MMORPGRagnarok Online are able to equip a variety of books as weapons, ranging from Bibles and diaries to ancient stone tablets. The priests and sages hit the opponents with them while the Taekwon Masters seem to simply hold them for inspiration.
In fact, the first Book a sage gets is their own hardcover graduation thesis. So... knowledge is power?
And let's not forget the Bard class and their instruments.
Not exactly a weapon to wield, but Honorable Mention: Paladins can throw GOD at you.
In Diablo 2, when you go to the village of Tristram, you can find the corpse of Wirt (the annoying kid from the first game who would sell you overpriced magical items every so often), and rob his body, getting a LOT of gold....and his peg leg, which you can use as a club with 3 sockets....although if you didn't socket it, at the end of the game you could combine it with a Tome of Town Portal in the Horadric Cube to go to the Secret Cow Level. Still, the image of using someone's peg leg as a weapon is quite strange.
In Warcraft 3, the item "Wirt's Other Leg" exists, but isn't terribly useful.
In World of Warcraft, this is continued with the item "Wirt's Third Leg", a rare level 40 1-handed mace.
Hellgate: London has its own "Wart's Peg Leg", which functions as a "sword" but gives you added defence as well.
The Soul Calibur series has joke weapons for most of its characters. The joke part is played up with silly sound effects that the weapons make upon hitting the enemy. Worth mentioning are Xianghua's giant calligraphy brush, Siegfried/Nightmare's sawed-off galley oar, Taki's tobacco pipes, Voldo's tambourines, Lizardman's leg of meat + grill lid and Raphael's cane (which comes complete with its own Laugh Track). A sword for Siegfried looks like a squid and goes squish when it hits something.
Tambourines got promoted to a non-joke discipline for custom characters in 3.
Said squid appears in Soul Calibur 3 in Nightmare's arsenal.
In Soul Calibur 4 he has a surfboard on a stick. Yes...a surfboard on a stick.
One can argue that Tira's standard weapon, essentially an edged steel hula hoop, is an example as well.
This comes full circle in IV, where her joke weapon is a literal hula hoop.
Several characters from the Samurai Shodown series have wacky weapon choices; the contender for top spot is Morozumi Taizan's giant calligraphy brush. Also of note is Wan Fu's stone pillar, Seigfried's oversized gauntlet...
Giants and colossi would wield the first thing holdable, leading to death by pants. Adventurers could do likewise, and rack up legendary kill-counts on the least likely of objects.
One of the most famous examples is a player in Adventure Mode who encountered a Bronze Colossus, grabbed the first thing he could find in his backpack, and proceeded to headshot the Bronze Colossus with a thrown Fluffy Wambler.
A less extreme but more common example: A mining pick is one of the game's most deadly weapons, due to Real Life picks' advantages being simulated but not the disadvantages.
To make it clear: Any item you hold must either be put in a backpack or held in a hand. During combat the game chooses a hand and where to hit with the object in that hand. This means anything be held is liable to be used as a weapon at any point during combat. With dwarves it's just a matter of when combat happens and if the dwarf likes holding an item. In adventure mode you can invoke this by holding anything from meat to bones to armor to an actual weapon, as you directly control your character. Also, thought not gamebreaking, thrown items still do a good bit of damage. If you find a sorce of rocks, you can just endlessly pick them up and throw them at a target, or you can pull out that shirt form your backpack and throw it.
Condemned: Criminal Orgins, and Condemned 2: Bloodshot for the Xbox 360 have many improvisational weapons, including prosthetic limbs, crutches, and weirdest of all, exploding dolls. The game did feature firearms and hand to hand combat, but in the first Condemned, Ethan didn't carry any extra ammo, and so could not reload (however, the weapon could be used as a bludgeon both to conserve ammo and as a fallback if he ran out - the firearms were the only example of Breakable Weapons, though.), and in the second, ammo had to be scavenged from other weapons of the same type, or ammo boxes - which were, as usual, hard to come by. This led to the player relying on melee weapons (in the original) and his fists (in the sequel).
Ness' weapons aren't quite as improbably as the ones above, but he does use a yo-yo and a baseball bat.
Manhunt has quite a few gory weapons that can be used to massacre the various mooks, but the very first one you get is a plastic shopping bag, which is wrapped over a mook's head to suffocate him.
In Devil May Cry 3, Dante gains the boss Nevan's soul in the form of a guitar. That fires balls of lightning and bats. And has a scythe blade attached to it. It works much better that it seems, though, having high crowd control value and power. Then there's Cerberus. While three-section weapons are nothing unusual in of themselves (see the Shikai and Bankai versions of Ikkaku Madarame's zanpakuto, Hozukimaru for an anime example), Cerberus' three sections are attached to a central ring instead of being linked one-to-the-next.
And then there's the cutscene on 3 when Dante uses Lady's motorcycle to batter enemies. In the air.
EarthBound has Ness saving the world with increasingly powerful baseball bats, sling-shots and yo-yos. Or Jeff and his incredibly powerful bottle rockets. Paula wields a frying pan. The prequel game is similar.
And in Mother 3, Lucas and Flint wield wooden and metal rods, Kumatora equips gloves for weapons, and Duster uses boots. Improbable in more ways than one with Duster, since one of his legs is partially paralyzed.
And while we're talking about yo-yos, Mike in StarTropics uses one quite effectively to avert an alien invasion. Sure, he eventually gets it powered up, but still...
The yo-yo was initially developed as a weapon, so this isn't exactly outside the realm of believability.
Ebisumaru in the Ganbare Goemon series can be said to have an entire arsenal of improbable weapons, with a new one for almost every game. This list includes flutes, noisemakers, paper fans, hula hoops, dance ribbons, squeaky hammers, hammers made of meat, spring-loaded boxing gloves, frying pans, rice spoons, badminton paddles, and even skewered oden. All he needs is a good umbrella to round things out.
The title character Goemon himself is using pipes and coins for fighting
Makoto from Enchanted Arms uses a saxophone for his weapon. This could possibly be justified by him also "singing" at a very high volume and blowing really hard into, which means that the enemies are taking damage from the intense volume of the sound that the sax is making - except that he uses the same animation for healing party members...
Led Campbell from Septerra Core used a huge wrench as her weapon.
Virtually anything in NetHack can be wielded in combat or thrown at enemies, including pickaxes, eggs, potion bottles, gems, coins, or the dead bodies of your enemies. The latter is actually quite effective when you're wielding a dead cockatrice. There's even an in-joke/tradition about beating one late-game enemy with the most improbable weapon you can think of.
Besides his Sinister Scythe, Prometheus from Mega Man ZX can kill people with his blue hair. And it would be pretty damn unavoidable against anyone who can't jump high enough or wall-jump.
There's also Quint from the Gameboy Mega Man series, who uses a nuclear-powered pogo stick.
In Mega Man Powered Up, Roll can take down hordes of robots with a broom. She can also be equipped with a flag, a net, an umbrella/parasol, a candy cane or a fish. She even has a BOX OF CHOCOLATES, for crying out loud!
Apart from the already mentioned Leg, World of Warcraft has quite a few gag weapons, such as a fish or a bear bone (which would be a pretty decent weapon if it didn't drop off enemies that are over twice the required level). Not to mention a slew of engineer toys that are just as likely to backfire as they are to do what they are intended for.
On the topic of the fish, Dark Herring is a fish, wielded as a dagger, that does more damage than the swords of one of the canonically stronger characters in the game. It can be dual-wielded as well. "Herring Seeks your life" indeed.
Combined with some of the treants (walking trees) and ancients (giant walking trees who threw boulders as their primary attack in warcraft 3), many Monty Python jokes can be made.
And during the Brewfest holiday event, you have a chance of getting a mug of beer to use as a 1H mace. It's actually pretty decent for Enhancment Shaman. Off the same boss, you also have a chance of winning a broken beer bottle to use as a dagger. And while the developers have explicitly said that in patch 4.3, joke items like the fish won't be usable for transmogrification (which you can use to change the appearance of your equipped items to other items of the same type in your possession), the mug currently is a valid item for transmogrification purposes on the PTR.
Brewmaster specced Monks have a couple abilities that tosses (or smashes) kegs full of beer.
In Tron 2.0, while there were other weapons, the hands-down most useful one was a frisbee. A glowing frisbee that doubled as a shield. Could be upgraded later on to exploding and multiple-throw versions. Throwing it to attack left you defenseless until it came back - and no, you couldn't switch to another weapon while it was in flight. This made the multiple-throw version useless, as you were defenseless until all the discs you'd thrown had come back to you.
The disc weapon is in keeping with canon (and the older Tron video games), where it is the most powerful weapon inside a computer.
In the Penny ArcadegameOn the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One, your character uses a rake. By the end of the episode, it's a super-powered rake with spikes on it, but it's still, essentially, a rake. One of your other party members uses his fists, dipped in super-urine.
The sequel breaks your rake and gives you a hoe. You can also get a cardboard tube, just like in the comics!
In Zombies Ate My Neighbors, the protagonists Zeke and Julie can wield at least a dozen non-weapons as weapons. Water pistols, exploding six-packs of soda, fire extinguishers, weedwhackers... The only probable weapons in the game are the bazooka and the flamethrower.
The twist here is that every weapon (even the joke weapons like tomatoes and dinner plates) could One Shot the right enemy (For instance, the plates could take out Mummies in two shots and the tomatoes were great for use against Martians)
Suetake from Otogi 2: Immortal Warriors. Aside from the fact that Suetake is a magical levitating tree/human hybrid, his default weapon is a wagon wheel. A levitating, magical and most likely pointy wagon wheel, nonetheless, but it's still a WAGON WHEEL.
In The SimpsonsArcade Game, of the four playable characters, Bart attacks with his skateboard, Marge with a vaccuum cleaner and Lisa with a jump rope. The last (Homer) uses no weapons at all, just Good Old Fisticuffs.
Culotte of La Pucelle Tactics may take the cake for shear variety of improbable weapons. He throws mushrooms, monsters, lollipops, bombs, apples, rocks, and many other unusual things at enemies. And those are just his "normal" attacks.
One of his skills involves throwing a series of those 'weapons' at the enemy. The skill description reads "Everything but the kitchen sink..."
River City Ransom has conventional weapons one would expect to find in an urban environment, like clubs, pipes, bike chains, rocks, and brass knuckles, but you can also beat people up with trash cans, car tires, twenty-foot long poles, and ladders. You can even pick up enemies that have been knocked down and beat up thier buddies with them.
Rival Schools is flush with these. The first game has Natsu and Roberto, both of whom are able to set folks on fire with their volleyball and football/soccer ball attacks (Their classmate Shoma isn't included as his implement of choicecan be considered a weapon). The first game's Updated Re-release adds Ran, a school newspaper report who damages opponents by taking their picture with her camera! And the sequel, Project Justice, introduces Momo, who wreaks havoc with her tennis racket, and Yurika, who uses her violin in her attacks!
Don't forget Hinata who kicks the opponent by throwing her infinitly respawning shoes at them.
In the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Daybreak videogame, the characters use a wide variety of weapons that are either dangerous everyday tools or seemingly harmless toys to beat the crap out of each others. These include quite a few water guns, rulers, pieces of chalk, a mop, a golf club, a shovel (used to throw large rocks), a ceremonial hoe, a fire extinguisher that shoots fire, a handsaw, a flying buzzsaw, a large wooden beam, a pot (smashed onto someone's head), a few homing explosive syringes, firecrackers, fireworks, banana peels, a boxing glove on a spring hidden in a cardboard box, the flash from a camera, and a life-sized KFC Colonel Sanders doll apparenty filled with molotov cocktail.
Try to guess which were used in the anime and manga to commit grisly murders.
The Scout's baseball bat might count, though more fitting are the Holy Mackerel (a fish) and the Mad Milk (a bottle of "milk"). There's also the Wrap Assassin, which is a roll of wrapping paper and bauble, and the Candy Cane.
The Soldier has the Equalizer and Escape Plan (pickaxes), the Disciplinary Action (a riding crop), and the Market Gardener as well as his stock weapon (shovels).
You could probably make a case for the Pyro's Flare Gun, but more fitting is the Degreaser, which is a bunch of car parts taped together to function as a flamethrower.
There are also a few of the Pyro's melee weapons, which include the Postal Pummeler (a mailbox), the Back Scratcher (a garden rake), the Powerjack (a car battery attached to an automobile jack with rubber bands), and the Neon Annihilator (an uprooted neon sign).
The Lollichop may not look like an improbable weapon to the average player (because it appears as a standard axe without Pyrovision), but unlike in the Meet The Pyro video, the Pyro can actually clobber the opposing team with the Lollichop on purpose.
The Demoman's stock weapon is a bottle of scrumpy. Another one of his melee weapons is the Ullapool Caber, which is a stick grenade that he's using as a melee weapon. As the weapon's description says, a sober man would throw it.
The closest the Heavy has is the Killing Gloves of Boxing/Gloves of Running Urgently, which are boxing gloves. The gloves themselves don't make them odd, since boxing gloves are made for fighting, but when you consider the fact that this is a mercenary war involving guns and live ammunition, it immediately looks out of place, especially since you are expected to kill with them.
And then comes the Warrior's Spirit, a pair of bear paws the Heavy has strapped over his hands. Gives new meaning to the phrase "I will kill you with BEAR HANDS!!!" He also has the Holiday Punch, which are a pair of winter mittens that he can kill and make people laugh with.
The Engineer has a wrench with which he can either build or bludgeon. He also has robot hands, but that's slightly more believable. Additionally, with the Frontier Justice equipped, the Engineer gains a kill taunt where he strums his guitar and smashes it over the enemy's head..
The Medic typically wields a bonesaw that he uses like a knife. He also has a bust of Hippocrates with a handle on the bottom which he can clobber people with.
The Sniper uses a mason jar filled with (his) urineJar-based Karate as well as a sniper rifle that shoots darts with said Jar-based Karate. The Sniper also has a Huntsman bow which certifiably falls into the improbable category compared to many of the other weapons in Team Fortress 2, and when he has the Huntsman equipped, he too gains a kill taunt where he uses one of his arrows to stab an enemy.
The Spy is just about the only one that doesn't have one, although he is the one that's bringing a knife to a gun fight. However, as of the 2011 Christmas update, the Spy gains a new melee weapon in the Spy-cicle, which is a freaking thin icicle that the Spy uses as a knife. One of his Halloween weapons is a gigantic voodoo pin.
All that aside, every class can use the Saxxy, a trophy that bears a striking resemblance to an Emmy. This means that the Spy is somehow able to backstab people with a trophy. There's also the Conscientious Objector, which is a protest sign people can use to beat each other to death with, as well as a frying pannote for users who also own Left 4 Dead 2, both of which are equippable by all classes except the Engineer and Spy. A couple of other weird weapons include an uprooted road sign, an antiquated 8mm camcorder, a giant cartoon bone-in ham, and the skeletal remains of a Scout/Soldier/Demoman/other unknown victim.
There are now bread weapons, specifically the Bread Bite, a loaf of bread torn in half and used as gloves, Mutated Milk, a loaf of bread in a jar of "milk", the Self-Aware Beauty Mark, a loaf of bread in a specimen jar of green liquid, And the Snack Attack, a loaf of bread suspended in a ring shaped device. They are reskins of the Gloves of Running Urgently,Mad Milk, Jarate, and the Sapper, respectively. Oh, and did I mention they are all self aware, have a mouth of very sharp teeth and are covered in tumorlike green blobs?
Among the melee weapons available to the survivors in Left 4 Dead 2 you will find a frying pan and an electric guitar.
Vivi the Sky Witch of Luminous Arc uses a magic lamp that doubles as a machine gun.
Don't forget Mel and her giant leaves.
Cecille wields a staff before changing class. Sure, that doesn't sound too improbable. However... her staff is taller than her, and she never becomes fatigued from wielding it. (Then again, no characters become fatigued from wielding weapons.)
Worth noting is that staff, in this case, means the stereotypical mages staff, with an absurdly large head piece, not just a long wooden cylinder.
In Luminous Arc 2, quite a few of the characters do this, so much so that it sometimes seems like the real weapons are the improbable ones (slight exaggeration).
We've got Althea, who uses a wand that looks like a duster (along with her magic); Dia, a Musical Assassin of a Witch whose weapon is a conducting baton; Kaph, the Musical Assassin whose guitar fires bullets; Luna, who uses a fan, as I recall; Alice?, who uses a rolling pin; and so on.
Let's not forget Pop's whisk, Sadie's trumpet, Josie's fishbone staff...
Kyosuke Nanbu's Alt Eisen Rise from Super Robot Wars. Ignoring the improbability of a giant robot, it's necessary to understand the mechanics behind some of the parts - the Tesla Drive that allows a unit to fly, and the Dual Tesla Drive that gives it highly maneuverable and fast flight. The Alt Eisen Riese is equipped with a Dual Tesla Drive, but it can't fly; this is because it's so heavy and awkward that it needs the Dual Tesla Drive to stand up.
Its little brother, Battle Moon Wars, has some improbable weapons too. LIKE WARCUIED'S RED MOON! THE MOON!
In Legacy of Kain: Defiance a certain cheat code would allow you to give Raziel a cardboard tube to replace the Soul Reaver, in a nod to the Penny Arcade strips about the cardboard tube samurai.
Suikoden is full of these. Shovels, book belts, bundles of rope, shawls. Any game in the series will likely have at least half a dozen strange weapons. And they can all be sharpened by the same blacksmith.
More fun unconventional weapons from the series: Rings, Nails (as in on the hands), Parasols, Woks and other cooking utensils, wrenches, musical instruments. None of them are in any way Joke Weapons.
As a specific example, Viki in V attacks by sneezing. Mind you, it's worse than it sounds, given that said sneeze causes her Blinking Rune to play up and teleport random furniture onto her target's head.. Furniture from the future too, given the look of that lamp.
Admitedly, when you have 108protagonist characters in each game, the conventional combination of Sword, Spear, Axe, etc gets a little dull.
The Gaia Online MMORPG zOMG has the players using mystically-enhanced rings to battle, because conventional weapons don't harm the Animated. That alone would qualify for this trope.
The rings themselves invoke this trope. Some generate fairly standard BFG, BFS, Frickin' Laser Beams, and shuriken or bows and arrows to attack. Others can be protective Teflon Spray coatings, Pot Lid shields against attack, thrown Hornet's Nests to scare away enemies, or water balloons filled with heavy water.
Lastly, Gaia Online's notorious collection of strange accessories for your avatar include more than a few strange weapons.
Since they introduced alternate weapon skins in City of Heroes, there's been a few of these available, mainly for the War Mace and Battle Axe powersets. War Mace gets a baseball bat, a shovel and a wrench, while Battle Axe gets the same shovel turned on its side. Your enemies aren't strangers to this either- see the Scrapyarders, why will sometimes use jackhammers against you.
And Jurassik, a Devouring Earth giant monster, who uses a car caught in a tree branch as a giant mace.
Custom shields add another layer of absurdity by providing a manhole cover to use in place of a conventional shield. Added by player request, no less.
Super Punch-Out!!, being a boxing game, shouldn't feature weapons other than fists. Nevertheless, luchador/boxer Masked Muscle uses (illegal) wrestling techniques, Dragon Chan uses Jeet Kune Do, Heike Kagero attacks with his Bishonen hair, Mad Clown has his juggling balls, and Hoy Quarlow likes to hit you with his walking stick repeatedly. It might be easier to mention the boxers that fight fair. And of course, the ref will never call them on it.
The Wii game takes it even further. Aran Ryan's rematch has him cause massive damage with a boxing glove on a rope.
Amaterasu, from Ōkami is a prime example of this, seeing as her 'default' weapon is a large, flaming mirror, which Amaterasu uses to (literally) beat enemies to death.
She also uses bead necklaces. And big swords. The second wouldn't be so weird if, you know, she wasn't a dog.
Ty the Tasmanian Tiger has exploding boomerangs, which return to you unharmed after hitting their target and reducing it to rubble. I wish I was making this up...
In MediEvil, if Sir Dan completes a task for a witch, she gives him a bucket of magic chicken drumsticks. When armed, you can throw them at your opponents, which appears to do nothing, until they suddenly turn into a delicous roast chicken. How that works is an entirely different question.
Seena the Fortune Teller uses various kinds of crystal balls and magic wands/rods.
Ruby the gambler uses playing cards, and many of her IP moves are based on gambling. One of her attacks actually has you play a simple card game in which you guess if the next card will be higher or lower in value than the previous one. The attack starts with a base power equal to your current IP, and doubles with each successful guess. How exactly this is supposed to deal damage is a mystery...
Isaac the inventor uses a plethora of strange gadgets, including a music box, a "slay speaker," and a machine simply called "Custom 65."
Aima the martial artist typically wields "fists" - apparently special gauntlets designed to increase the effectiveness of punches. One variant you can find is called the "Rocket Fist," which presumably uses rocket boosters to speed up the punch (or possibly even launch Aima at the foe? The battle animations offer little insight into the exact mechanics of the combat).
There is some unusual ways of beating Ganondorf. In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, you can take down Ganon with Deku Nuts, only needing the Master Sword for the finishing blow. Also, in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, you can distract Ganondorf with a FISHING ROD, allowing you to then slash the idiot. Honestly, what is wrong with him? You would think that the Gerudo King would be smart enough NOT to look at a lure in the middle of a heated fight...
Well, what would you do if some idiot pulled that trick? Even if he isn't remembering Ocarina and figuring you're gonna do something insane with it (er, more insane than it is already), he's probably going "Wait...what?"
Consider that Ganondorf is from the desert and has possibly never seen a fishing rod before. For all he knows, it's an Infinity+1 Sword.
Likewise, using an empty bottle against Ganondorf's projectiles in the first fight against him in Ocarina of Time actually works! When fighting the wizard in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, the Bug Catching Net can also reflect the projectiles back. The net is also Link's Joke Weapon in Soul Calibur 2.
The empty bottle trick works in Twilight Princess too.
In the fight with Shadow Aghanim in Link's Awakening, you can reflect his magic using the shovel.
Several Wild ARMs games have at least one character fitting this trope.
Lilka (umbrellas) and Marivel (Hob and Gob, two little robot thingies) in Wild ARMs 2.
Arnaud (feathers) and Yulie (a set of three hoops) in Wild ARMs 4.
Wild ARMs XF has a ton of weirdness: iron fans (Arcanist), books (Elementalist), spanners/wrenches (Gadgeteers), bells (Fantastica), slingshots (Excavator), batons (Martial Mage), and some weird three-winged throwing blade (Stormrider).
Blue Dragon has you using your own shadow to fight for you. This isn't much of a problem, except one of the characters is actually an experienced swordsman (well, swordswoman), yet never uses her sword in combat.
Fallout 3 has plenty of regular items you can pick up and use as melee weapons - including a tire iron, a board with nails in it, a baseball bat, a lead pipe, a sledge hammer, a pool cue, and a rolling pin.
There is a whole weapon crafting profession you can take on whereby you can build surprisingly effective weapons from assorted junk and garbage.
You have the railway rifle which fires railway spikes which you build from a pressure cooker, a crutch, a steam gauge assembly and a fission battery.
You can build your very own Flaming Sword using a lawnmower blade, an oven pilot light and a motorcycle gas tank.
There is also a poison dart gun which you build out of a paint gun, a child's toy car and dartboard darts dipped in mutated scorpion venom.
And the king of all improvised weapons, the Rock-it Launcher! Built out of a vacuum cleaner and a few other assorted parts, you can feed almost any random piece of garbage into it as ammo and it will fire the junk at lethal speeds at a target. Because of the physics engine of the game, small, heavy objects like billiard balls are best - but even objects like teddy bears can decapitate an opponent when fired with the launcher!
In Billy Hatcher and The Giant Egg all the weapons are (if you could not guess from the title), eggs. It is slightly strange though in the fact that you can use eggs to break fences, crush enimies, and smash rocks, yet if an egg touches some thorns, it'll crack.
Throughout Castle Crashers players can find and use several strange objects as weapons. The list includes a frozen chicken, a dead fish, a lobster, umbrella, pumpkin peeler, carrot, golden key, a branch, a vine, a wooden spoon, a skeleton leg, the gun from Alien Hominid, a unicorn's horn, a steak, a sausage, a lollipop, a candlestick, a fishing rod, a wrench, and a leaf. these can be found from killing enemies, blowing up walls, or digging them up with a shovel.
In fact, even the shovel can be used to damage enemies.
Don't forget the horn, which can deal serious damage and fling enemies into the air with a single note.
And in Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow, using the Killer Mantle soul causes Soma to hit enemies with a piece of cloth, dealing a little damage and switching the enemy's HP and MP. Since Golems have no MP, this makes Killer Mantle a one-hit kill on otherwise nigh-indestructible enemies, such as Iron Golems.
The soul system in the Sorrow games in general can approach this, such as the Skeleton Waiter soul, which uses curries to kill enemies. The Yeti soul can make you roll up a snowball to attack enemies with too.
In Metal Gear Solid 3 you can kill guards with a friggin' Fork - even Signit Lampshades this trope by asking why the hell Snake is carrying it with him.
Mistral in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance wields the most literal interpretation of a polearm in human history. It's a pole made of arms with the hands at either end clutching little knives.
Between the two Touhou fighter games, the character Yukari Yakumo, whose power allows her to creates holes in space (gaps) that allow for instantaneous movement from one place to another, makes effective use of a strange arsenal: dropped statues, road signs, and a train. Yes, a train. She also uses her umbrella as a weapon.
In many fanworks, Yuka Kazami uses blooming sunflowers to unnerving and occasionally deadly effect.
Alice Margatroid fights using dolls. This is far more awesome than it sounds.
And how can we forget Aya, who, in Shoot the Bullet and Double Spoiler, defeats bosses by taking pictures of them. You take pictures of bosses, and after you've taken enough, they blow up. We wish we were kidding.
In the newest game, Unidentified Fantastic Object, we have :
Ichirin Kumoi, who attacks you with...a cloud. This is not only far more awesome than it sounds, it is undeniably the manliest thing you will ever see in Gensokyo. That and the fact that the giant fists he throws at you are the biggest single "bullet" you ever have to dodge in a Touhou game make this fight pure win. It's just too bad that Unzan, the cloud, has become more popular than Kumoi herself.
Nazrin, who uses dowsing rods and pendulums. Some spellcards also show her using coins and treasures that she dug as bullets.
Minamitsu Murasa, while is more known for her giant anchors, also uses a ladle that she uses to spray water drop bullets at you.
Shou Toramaru, whose weapon is a miniature pagoda. That shoots lasers. Curvy lasers
In the first Touhou game, Highly Responsive to Prayers, Reimu's only real method of attack was a giant yin-yang bouncing ball. Granted, this was before Touhou became a bullet hell game, and the first game is notorious for its differences to the others in the first place, but...
Ten Desires introduced Mononobe no Futo, who uses mainly elemental magic. However, in Hopeless Masquerade, she can also throw plates at her enemy. She can also break the plates with her other attacks, and she gets stronger the more plates you break.
The heroes of Superhero League of Hoboken tend to obtain and use a wide variety of weapons over the course of the game, from pointy sticks and rusty nails, to cyanide-laced silly string, tee-ball set, and arsenic-dipped deer antlers, to devastating weapons like the dobermann, the modified jet engine and the nest of trained hornets. TRAINED HORNETS.
In League of Legends, as an in-universe example of a Game Breaker, legendary warrior Jax is so powerful and skilled that league officials only allow him to fight with a lampost. His Ascended Fanboy follower Urf tries to imitate him with a spatula and a fish. Twisted Fate fights with playing cards. Anne the Creepy Child transforms her teddy bear into a monster to maul people. Gragas uses his grog barrel.
Genzo of Daiku no Gensan (Better known in the US as Harry of Hammerin' Harry) normally falls under Drop the Hammer... but in Hammerin' Hero, he gets alternate jobs which give him access to some improbable weapons. At the normal end is a baseball bat. Others include things like records, boomboxes, sushi, whole raw fish, anchors...
In Mana Khemia: Alchemists of Al-Revis, the main character Vayne attacks with his cat (assuming the form of a katar and a BFS). Jessica uses her bag (wich has everything inside it, and one of her spells can drop swordfishs on the enemies. And the ghost Pamela uses her mana-possessed stuffed teddy bear as a weapon. Oh, of course, we have cards (Roxis), mecha-swords which can shoot, fire and throw shurikens (Flay) and an alien pod (Muppy).
In the sequel, Mana Khemia 2 Fall of Alchemy, it is just as bad. We have books that are alive (Chloe), hoops (Etward), a giant robot fist (Enarsia), her magical maid (Liliane), her 3 Puni 'brothers' this worlds version of slimes (Puniyo), and a toy ball (Gotou). You could also incluse the shapeshifting morning star and sword of light (Ulrika and Razeluxe). The only real weapons are claws (Yun) and a ten foot mace! (Pepperoncino).
Ryu Hayabusa from Ninja Gaiden has a few questionable weapons in the Xbox game series. In the first game, he aquires a wooden bokuto which requires about 7 upgrades until the shop owner Muramasa forges the damn thing into an oar.
In the second game, he comes into the possession of a Kusari-gama, or two sickles connected by a freakishly long chain that varies in length with the environment, an enormous scythe, a weapon called the Falcon's Talons (Claws similar to Wolverine's not only for his hands but for his feet as well), and when you upgrade the Lunar Staff fully, on each end of the staff are maces that flail about on a chain.
In addition to Ryu's primary weapons, he can acquire a gatling spear gun, a weapon that uses multiple barrels, a crank, and a water pump to fire harpoons at incredible speeds through water. What makes the whole thing even more improbable is that the weapon itself was invented before the technology behind it even existed. The description lampshades said fact.
In the adventure game BioForge, at the very beginning the protagonist can bludgeon a psychotic character to death with the victim's own severed arm.
In the Nintendo DS remake of Dragon Quest V, Debora uses press-on fingernails to devastating effect.
In Eternal Sonata, Frederic Chopin uses a conductor's baton as an offensive weapon. Polka wields an umbrella.
Pain Killer has a gun that shoots Shurikens and lightning. To quote Ben "Yahtzee" Crowshaw from Zero Punctuation, "It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire."
Lets not forget the gun that shoots sharpened fenceposts that pin enemies to the wall, as well as grenades
One weapon in Cave Story gets weaker when powered up - when fully leveled, it shoots rubber duckies.
Not to mention the Bubbler, a gun that shoots bubbles. It works about as well as you'd expect, though the fully-upgraded version creates bubbles that release shuriken when they pop.
Resident Evil 5 has a large number of chickens running around (just like in its predecessor). If you leave these things alone long enough, they will lay eggs which can be eaten to heal your wounds. Alternatively, they can be equipped by the player to be thrown like grenades. If they hit an enemy in the face, the enemy will be stunned long enough to be hit with a special melee attack (e.g. kick or straight). RE 5, however, adds in the "rotten egg" which WILL NOT heal you and instead takes your right down to "dying" status if you are foolish enough to eat it. Its deadly power can be a boon since if you throw it at a regular enemy, it will be a one-hit kill and you don't even have to hit them in the mouth.
The game Chex Quest starts you off with the "Bootspoon", which, you guessed it, is a spoon. It can be upgraded, however, to the "Super Boot Spork," essentially an electric spork. The "Super Boot Spork" is, in fact, an excellent weapon, as, when jabbed, it does not have to be pulled back, leaving the enemy in a helpless state of constant recoil until defeated.
Fable II has a wanted sheet with the charge was "Assault with a weapon that no one thought was fatal but tragically was".
The original Fable has a sub-quest that lets you find a frying pan for use as a weapon....albeit one with 100 damage points and four augmentation spots. The trick, however, is to have all six clues to its whereabouts before you dig it up; if you cheat (or dig it up unintentionally) and skip gathering all of the clues, the frying pan will have no augmentation slots or damage points whatsoever.
In the Mourningwood section of Fable III, one of the soldiers will be bashing Hollow Men with a lute. "I never knew hollow men had such great acoustics!" indeed...
And lets not forget the original "weird weapon" of Worms. The banana bomb. A replacement for the cluster grenade that could only be found by picking up crates. Instead of the usual cluster, it explodes into a lot of bananas that explode with a force comparable to the stick of dynamite, making it the single most destructive weapon in the entire (first) game!
In Mabinogi almost any tool can be used as a weapon. Not only the already weapon like gathering-axes, cooking knives, sickles, and blacksmith hammers; but also metallurgy (ore panning) sieves, cooking ladles, fishing rods, and L-rods (magic dowsing rods). All tools have a damage rate that is lower than bare-hand damage. However, nearly all wieldable tools can be upgraded to make them effective, if still low-powered, weapons.
Musical instruments can, however, actually be half-decent.
Event weapons (the ones which aren't simply alternate versions of normal weapons) are typically either effective but silly-looking ordinary weapons, toy versions of common weapons, or special-purpose weapons which are magical and/or elaborately improbably. An example of the first type is the "cat paw club", a club weapon with very good damage stats, shaped like a giant furry cat's paw. The second type have lower stats than their normal versions — eg. toy boy and arrow set has lower damage and shorter range than any standard bow. Examples of the third type are the ice sword (a sword made from an ice crystal); and a(n edible) magic wand made from a giant pocky stick, that turns monsters into giant edible cookies.
Special weapons invariably have a limited lifespan; either through deliberate time limits (the ice sword melted after the end of the event), or by making them unrepairable.
RuneScape has several strange weapons, including a rubber chicken and flowers.
Most of the silly weapons in RuneScape are Joke Items that do very little damage or actually make your character weaker, however there are several improbable weapons that actually are effective and useful. these items include Exploding Ridiculously Cute Critters, fire breathing lizards, a ship anchor (formerly used by a boss you killed), shark shaped things you wear on your first to bite or slash your enemies with, and several cooking utensils. It also is possible to buy a cosmetic override that makes any two handed sword look like a parasol. One boss in the game can only be damaged by magic secateurs (a tool for pruning plants).
The Dark Cloud series includes several of these, the most notorious being the Frozen Tuna.
Max even lampshades this in Dark Chronicle, taking out his wrench and saying, "I usually use this to fix stuff but it makes a pretty good weapon too." (Naturally it builds up into maces and hammers that are not quite so improbable when you consider how much that can hurt...there's a reasonClue had a Wrench listed as one of the weapons)
Some of the moves make use of improbable weapons as well; Grass Knot ties a grass knot around the foe's leg to cause them to trip, Octozooka is a giant blast of ink, and Solar Beam is a laser...fueled by sunlight.
Darkrai's 'Bad Dreams'. KOing a pokemon, possibly a LEGENDARY, with NIGHTMARES. For that matter, the move 'Dream Eater'.
There's also the Oshawott series, who use shells as makeshift swords. Oshawott has the one, Dewott dual wields, and Samurott's are sheathed in his forelimbs. One particular piece of fanart shows Samurott taking his helmet off as an impromptu BFS before making a swarm of haters disappear in a fine red mist.
The Timburr line (Timburr, Gurdurr, and Conkeldurr) uses, respectively, a 2x4, a steel girder, and two cement pillars as weapons.
The move "Fling" lets your Pokemon use whatever item they're holding as a weapon by throwing it at the opponent. It's advised that you use an item that can deal a lot of damage, but you can easily stock up on though. This can be averted if your pokemon knows recycle, but chances are you might accidentally take out your opponent with fling before you have a chance to do anything else.
In the Manga, Mewtwo fights with a giant spoon. In the games, Alakazam and Kadabra wield spoons as well (though more for show.)
In the Manga section earlier, the spoons supposedly increase their psychic power.
Twisted Spoons are a game item that increases the power of Psychic attacks as well. It's a reference to the psychic/magic trick of spoon bending, where the supposed psychic or magician would bend a metal item without any apparent physical force.
Dead Rising has water guns, CDs, cash registers, King Salmon, chairs...if you can lift it, you can use it as a weapon.
The sequel includes the same anything-you-can-lay-your-hands-on arsenal, plus new Combo Weapons. These ranges from an RC helicopter with machetes on the blades, to a kayak paddle with chainsaws taped to either end.
The trademark weapon of Opoona is the "Energy Bon Bon." It resembles a small rubber ball, which can be equipped with elemental effects and special upgrades.
Hakuoro's primary weapon in Utawarerumono is a pair of steel fans used for both attacking and defense. Which was a real weapon.
Tesse the super powered robot maid in Waku Waku 7 is the game's resident Improbable Weapon User, wielding brooms, giant syringes, and built-in floor buffers. And that's without even getting into her projectile attack, which allows her to throw different objects depending on how long you charge the attack. These range from the practical (Bullet Bills, giant bombs) to the improbable (cups and dishes) to the downright absurd (potted cacti, geese and small dogs.)
Baten Kaitos has Gibari, who fights with oars, and an interesting variation with Lyude. On screen, Lyude uses a rifle as a weapon, but all of his attack magnus are of various brass musical instruments, which are still described as if they were firearms.
No More Heroes. Those few that make any sense at all are improbable as weapons of assassination, or weapons meant to be operated by a single person period. First game has, in order of encounters, a giant straight razor with energy properties and doppelganger spin, explosive bullets, sword beams, a crotch laser, a rocket launcher as a replacement leg, a multi-story experimental military earthquake generator operated by a giant brain, props more typical for a magic show, a ridiculously large wave motion gun, gimps, and a lightsaber dragon thingy. Second game has a gatling revolver, a boombox/power fist that can shoot missiles, a sports themed humongous mecha formed by a jerk jock and an army of assassin cheerleaders, a recorder that turns into a doublesided lightsaber, a flamethrower axe, perfect poison, the earthquake thingy again, a gun that shoots money and ricochets off walls, the crotch laser guy again, a laser blade that fires laser sworddragons, a pair of scythe/anti-material rifles, a Kill Sat, a multitude of Beam Swords that get thrown around, and a...I dunno.
Zombie Panic has, among more believeable weapons, frying pans, cooking pots, wrenches, metal chairs and COMPUTER KEYBOARDS. (That last one's not unbelievable if the keyboard in question is an IBM Model M or similar vintage Tonka Tough keyboard, back when they had solid steel plates for reinforcement.)
In Bunny Must Die! Chelsea and the 7 Devils, alternate protagonist Chelsea has a spell that produces a ladder. This is not only her only attack that lets her hit things above her head, but is the most damaging attack she has.
Elona has plenty, female underwear, raw weapons in which you can actually eat, and, if you manage to find it, a piano
In .hack, the Macabre Dancer class uses fans, the Shadow Warlock class uses Grimoires (although they use them more for spellcasting), and Edge Punishers are able to equip swords that are twice the size of the person wielding them, and some flavors of these swords act like chainsaws (same with with the Twin Blade and Blade Brandier classes as well).
Klonoa uses his Wind Ring, typically powered by one of his friends, which shoots a Wind Bullet out that inflates enemies like balloons and allows him to use them as projectiles.
Space Quest: Roger's used some really creative methods of taking out enemies. The jock-strap and hand puzzle used against a Labion terror beast, short-circuiting guard robots with the sprinkler system, using local wildlife when taking out a collection droid, using a boulder, and a Banana Inthe Tailpipe against another collection droid, liquid nitrogen and a crowbar against a third killer robot, a shag rug and static electricity against a kidnapper, and a rotting fish against the Big Bad of the sixth game.
In Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, some of the multiplayer characters have unusual weapons. Most notably, the Engineer, who assassinates people with a sharpened compass.
James in Wandering Hamster uses an infinite supply of Spam cansnote based on his internet nickname, "SPAM Man" as weapon. There's also Dusty who uses bones and eponymous Bob the Hamster who can use fish instead of hammers.
The Gravity Gun in Half-Life 2 allows the player to turn anything in to an instrument of death. When it's upgraded and becomes your only weapon in the final chapter, you have to resort to picking up any item, including those that are nailed down, and hurling it at the oncoming Combine soldiers.
One of the Steam achievements available in Half-Life 2 requires the player to kill someone by launching a toilet at them with the Gravity Gun.
WWF No Mercy included a lot of the already used improbable weapons already mentioned in the Professional Wrestling section. It also included weapons improbable for even the wrestling industry's standards, such as a giant plastic block of cheese and a huge copy of The Rock's book The Rock Says.
Mole Mania gives Muddy Mole no direct means of offense, forcing him to avoid enemies...or throw objects at them. Said objects can be black balls, barrels, or cabbages, all bigger than Muddy himself is. When's the last time YOU killed something with a cabbage?
The ASHPD in Portal seems more like a Utility Weapon rather than improbable, until you use it to fire a portal on the moon and blast Wheatley out the 'airlock' and into space, with an enthusiastic space core!
Tales of Monkey Island: In Chapter 5, W.P. Grindstump can even throw a freaking cash register at Guybrush to crush him if he revives as a zombie (that is, unless he surrenders)!
Mega Man himself is probably the grand master of this trope. Fire, bombs, and even armor-piercing needles are logical enough along with the normal plasma and lasers, but sawblades, steerable boxing gloves, and globs of quick-drycement?
All but one of the Fatal Frame characters have only the camera they carry with them as weapon. The exception character uses a flashlight.
Technically speaking, every weapon in Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 is factory-built, but you wouldn't know it by looking at them. The stranger ones: Allied dogs and Soviet War Bears can use stun roars; Soviet tanks use "leech-beams" that suck armor off enemy vehicles and their Apocalypse Tanks feature Tractor Beams specifically built to allow them to run over other tanks, to say nothing of their Tesla (read: lightning gun) weapons; the Allies have a helicopter (and, in Uprising, an infantryman) that fire beams of cold and have shrink rays; and the Rising Sun fields ninja, complete with throwing stars, plus Energy Bow troopers and tiny flying robots that can self-destruct. Honorable mention: the Soviet Bullfrog's Man Cannon, which is not a weapon but a means of transport.
Micah of Rune Factory 3: Of the many items he can weaponize and take into battle: carrots, daikon radishes, pineapples, leeks, soup ladles, backscratchers, a giant lollipop and a whole tuna. All of which of fairly strong mid-level weapons and a couple of which are used by some of your NPC companions.
There was some game for the Xbox where your primary weapon was a coffin. Unfortunately, I can't recall the title for the life of me.
In Skullgirls, Valentine's arsenal is strictly medical equipment. IVs, bodybags, scalpels, defibrillators, bonesaws; and being a ninja nurse, she demonstrates unthinkable proficiency with them.
In Minecraft, while swords and bows (and tools) are the only practical weapons, it is theoretically possible to beat a monster to death with a torch, bed, or a pumpkin. or a '''block of dirt'''. Best of all, items without durability don't even get damaged by using them as improvised weapons.
To hell with theoretically; if it's in the game, it's been done.
Even better is that the cactus blocks deal extra damage due to being a cactus...
Dark Souls' Havel the Rock wields the Dragon Tooth club a... dragon tooth, which is impressively heavy and unendingly durable. It also has a good shot of killing you in one hit.
In The Fancy Pants Adventure: World 3, Fancy Pants Man obtains a pencil as a weapon halfway through the game. The game world is based off of doodles and scribbles, so a pencil makes a certain sort of sense.
Alpha Protocol's Steven Heck is reputed to have carried out assassinations using Communion wafers, soccer balls, and a ten-speed mountain bike, which he somehow managed to lodge in the victim's abdomen.
Most characters in BlazBlue use sensible weapons in combat. most. Then there's Bang Shishigami who uses a Giant Nail the size of himself that he can only use by punching it at people, Rachel Alucard whose arsenal consists of her shapeshifting sentient umbrella cat and bat...thing, lightning rods and an electric frog. One of her Supers literally summons a stream of junk to fire at the foe.
Taokaka may count in some way; though at first glance it looks like she's using her claws, when she's electrocuted it's revealed her arms aren't that long and she's holding fish bones to make up the length, meaning she may be beating people with bladed fish bones. Even without that, she still also throws scrap, garbage and kittens at people as an attack.
New character Amane uses a shawl that he shapes into whips and drills. Don't ask how that works.
Hakumen may count as an example; he technically uses a Nodachi, but it's completly blunt and lacks the tip, making it more a large flat paddle than anything else.
In Rockin' Kats, Willy's weapon is the Punch Gun, a spring-loaded white boxing glove.
In Madness Combat: Project Nexus, you can arm your character with beer bottles amongst many other weapons.
The moe moe console wars series Neptunia features Hospital Hottie Compa, who uses a giant syringe in battle, and 5pb., the blue-haired midriff-baring musician who wields a guitar and can literally kill her audience (of enemies) with music by playing said guitar or just outright smack them with it.
Paulette in Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits uses a weapon called a "Sling Knife". It's rather hard to explain - she spins it in circles to build momentum and then tosses it at people.
Left 4 Dead 2 has useful and practical weapons like machetettes, katanas, and axes. The game also has the downright silly weapons like golf clubs, guitars, and frying pans. Justified that when it comes to needing a blunt weapon, you take what you can get. Thanks to mods, you can have other kinds of silly weapons like foam fingers.
The video game movie adaptation, The Warriors, has practical weapons ranging from bricks, knives, bottles, cinder blocks, plywood, and other items. Some of the more silly weapons are foam fingers, donuts, chicken, and ice cream.
Super Smash Bros. has a large variety of weapons and a good chunk of them are silly looking when used. The most infamous example is the Paper Fan, which is extremely weak, but it can be swung so fast that it barely gives your opponent room to get away. When used as a smash attack, it can instantly destroy shields!
Time Commando: The Modern Wars stage has a mook that blows cigar smoke, while the Future has a yo-yo that can destroy robots.
Gatling Gears: The Excavator Claw robots use a pine tree as a weapon. The Gardener also throws them at you.
In Saints Row IV, you can be the Improbable Weapon User. Some of the weapons you can wield include black hole launchers, head inflators, and guns that shoot dubstep. Some of the weapon skins can make your guns look improbable too, like the guitar case for the rocket launcher, rubber band gun for the SMG, and water gun for the assault rifle.
Ougon Musou Kyou/Cross: A few characters have attacks with improbable weapons, but Shannon uses these exclusively, hitting with serving trays and carts, tea pots and cups, carpet beaters and scrubbing brushes, her skirt and apron.
Several Dink Smallwood mods have at least one joke weapon, such as a stale loaf of French bread in Cast Awakening: Initiation.
Cactus McCoy and Cactus McCoy 2 feature the ability to use everything from frying pans to cherry bombs to tumbleweeds as a weapon, complete with an achievement award for a certain number of uses of each one.