"Okay, you guys, it's dangerous, so we need to be prepared. So I brought a golf club!"When you think of sports equipment-as-Improvised Weapon, you probably think of a baseball bat. But thugs who want to be a bit different, perhaps show a bit more class, reach instead for their 9-iron. Where the former is essentially a big stick, your golf club is more like a hammer, with all the weight concentrated on the point of impact. The Weapon of Choice of the Corrupt Corporate Executive, because they're likely to have one lying around anyway. They might even have several, in which case you can expect them to consult their Number Two on the best club for the shot. Alternately, the Number Two might make a recommendation of their own volition part way through the assault. Has nothing to do with Not My Driver.
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Anime and Manga
- Taiga does it in GaoGaiGar, even Calling His Attack while doing it ("TITANIUM HEAD DRIVER!").
- Higurashi: When They Cry: Keiichi gets a golf club in preparation for a fight at one point. Said fight was actually a friend asking for help at a baseball game.
- Puella Magi Madoka Magica: This is Homura's first weapon. She trades up pretty quickly.
- In You're Under Arrest!, Aoi Futaba (who was in the golf team at high school) attacks some yakuzas who were armed with guns and taking cover beside a short cliff by hitting golf balls at them with a club. (The anime version of this story was much different; in that version, Aoi, who used to be a basketball player instead of a golf player, uses basketball moves to stop some delinquents from stealing a valuable pair of shoes.)
- Green Lantern foe the Sportsman frequently uses golf clubs as weapons.
- Psycho for Hire Mr. Fun in the Batman Family mini-series uses a golf club as a weapon.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vigilante Casey Jones, although he uses baseball bats or hockey sticks more often. In the 2000s cartoon, he finds a good use for one while fighting the invisible Foot-Tech Ninjas.
Casey: FORE! (splatters the Foot-Tech with mud)Raph: Much better. (kicks their butts)
- After Durant in Darkman vs. Army of Darkness hears from possessed Julie that those with physical traumas are more easily possessed by the demonic Deadites, he tries that out by hitting a captured bilding guard with his golf club.
Film - Live Action
- Starsky & Hutch: Reese Feldman slaps Huggy Bear while he's posing as a caddy, for forgetting the nine iron. Later, Huggy whacks him in the head with it.
Huggy Bear: Found your nine iron, bitch.
- Anger Management: Jack Nicholson's characters uses one, reflecting a Real Life incident of his a little while before shooting the film.
- In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Casey Jones, who is known for using sports equipment as his Weapon of Choice, uses a driver to good effect against Tatsu.
Casey: I'll never call golf a dull game again.
- Batman Begins: Alfred knocks out a member of the League of Shadows with this.
- Wasabi is a French-Japanese action comedy. A golf culb is used by the hero (played by Jean Reno) in a scene where Yakuza brings him to a "negotiation" on a golf driving range.
- Suicide Kings: The Denis Leary character uses an iron to severely admonish a minor character, then complains loudly about these damn flimsy plastic shafts.
- Dogma: Silent Bob whacks Azrael in the chest with a golf club, which Azrael believes to be a futile gesture... until it smashes his chest open. Turns out Cardinal Glick is the kind of pompous person who would bless his golf clubs for a better game, and being hit with a blessed object doesn't do a demon like Azrael any favors.
- In The 51st State, Samuel L. Jackson's character, Elmo, manages to destroy a gang of (5?) Skinheads with one of his Golf clubs, apparently without straining himself.
- Evoked and made more badass in Don: The Chase Begins Again, where you think for a moment that a man is going to be clubbed to death... Before Don kills him by hitting a golf ball right into his face at close range.
- In Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Dog raids a pair of small-time drug dealers and tortures the whereabouts of their stash out of them by pelting golf balls at one while using the other's mouth as a tee.
- "It's time to do what doctors do best!", quips the eponymous villain in Dr. Giggles when he picks up a golf club to attack a cop with. It eventually gets bent out of shape, and he muses that he "should have used an eight-iron".
- Used at the end in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Given a stealth Call-Back in the dedication in Mikael's book;
To Sally, who taught me the benefits of the game of golf.
- In The Hobbit, it is said that the game of golf was invented by hobbits at the Battle of the Green Fields, in which Bullroarer Took scored a decisive blow by knocking off Golfimbul's head with a wooden club for a hundred-yard drive into a rabbit hole.
- Subverted in World War Z; one character recalls that he saw a man trying to fight a zombie off with a golf club, but he missed hitting the zombie with the head of the club and only bent the shaft around the zombie's head. That left the man weaponless and afterward he had a very bad day indeed.
- In P. G. Wodehouse's Leave it to Psmith, Lord Emsworth thinks his secretary, Baxter, has gone insane and sends Psmith round to knock some sense into him. Psmith, always the sort to come prepared, takes Freddie Threepwood's golf club with him. (However, since he finds Baxter unconscious, all he does is poke him with it.)
Live Action TV
- In the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode "Lead" a child molester is beaten to death with a golf club.
- In Burn Notice, a guy takes a baseball bat to the man who tried to rape his sister. Fiona tells him he should have used a golf club instead, he'd get more velocity concentrated on a smaller impact area.
- In Higher Ground, Daisy is sent to Horizon after hitting her father in the head with a seven iron.
- The Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode The Screaming Skull has an intermission segment where Crow disguises himself as a skull and scares Mike. Mike completely freaks out and hits Crow with a variety of weapons, with his golf club being the last one. What makes the scene particularly amusing is that Mike brings his entire golf bag and spends a few minutes carefully considering which club would make the best weapon—screaming in a panic the entire time. And Tom Servo, who's trying in vain to stop Mike from further hurting Crow, gets distracted admiring Mike's nice driver.
- Major Crimes: The Body of the Week in "All In" is found at the bottom of a water hazard on a golf course, his head having been beaten in with with one of his golf clubs.
- The Glades: The Victim of the Week in "Breaking 80" was done in by a blow to the head with a nine iron.
- NCIS: In S11 Ep 19, "Crescent City" McGee collects the wrong end of this from a perpetrator's father.
- CSI: Cyber: The Victim of the Week in "Why-Fi" is killed when an intruder snatches a golf club off him and beats him to death. Because he was using a game system to improve his swing at the time, the murder is caught on a motion-capture video.
- Wiseguy. John Kousakis beats Harriet Weiss with a golf club, then provides the following Bond One-Liner.
"Harriet can't come to the phone right now. She's in the rough."
- Murder, She Wrote: The Victim of the Week in "How To Make A killing Without Really Trying" is a stockbroker who gets brained with his own putter.
- Amen: A fantasy sequence shows Ernie preparing to kill his son-in-law Rueben this way after the latter interrupts a liaison.
- New Tricks: The Victim of the Week in "Good Work Rewarded" was 10 year old boy killed with a golf club on a golf course.
- A golf club is the murder weapon in the Agatha Christie play Spider's Web.
- Silent Hill 4: Henry can pick up a couple of golf clubs as weapons, they're rather fragile and not practical to haul around given his limited inventory slots.
- Dead Rising: one of the survivors you can rescue in the second game is a pro golfer who's using her favorite club to keep zombies at bay. She's very nonchalant about the situation, saying that this is good practice for her swing and she hopes her favorite club won't fall apart. While you can use a club in the game, all you can do is drive golf balls into zombies' faces until you run out. It apparently never occurs to your character to use it as a melee weapon.
- In Persona 4, the main character's traditional weaponry is two-handed swords... or, alternatively, golf clubs.
- What the page quote deliberately leaves out is that Yosuke had to put together fighting gear from just the stuff in his possession - unlike the party of Persona 3, there weren't any multimillionaires in the group to supply them with weapons. They still get arrested.
- Halo 3 got a 7-wood golf club with the Mythic Map Pack, which is a reskin of the Gravity Hammer. It goes along with the golf ball and golf hole Forge items. It returns in Halo: Reach, and can be used in Firefight.
- In BioShock, a main character is killed with his own golf club... at his own request, by the brainwashed player character.
- BioShock 2: While not actually a usable weapon, while in the "Journey to the Surface" ride in Ryan Amusements, you come across a animatronic Andrew Ryan. Behind him is one of his golf clubs. If you use Telekinesis, you can use it as a weapon by throwing it at something. If you throw it at the Andrew Ryan animatronic, you get an achievement: 9-Irony.
In the multiplayer, a golf club is the signature melee weapon of the Businessman, Buck Raleigh. Also, the "Kill 'em Kindly" mode gives everyone a golf club and limits them to melee only, regardless of their chosen character.
- Fallout: New Vegas has a 9-iron weapon, and it has a special move in VATS called "Fore!", where you hit the enemy in the groin. This is also the Weapon of Choice of Driver Nephi, one of the Fiend leaders, who carries a unique driver. Killing Mr. House with a golf club completes the "A Man Chooses" challenge.
- Super Smash Bros. series: One of Peach's randomly-selected weapons for her forward smash attack.
- Grand Theft Auto series
- Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: In "Four Iron", Tommy Vercetti is asked to 'persuade' a businessman to do a deal. During the mission he lacks his usual weapons. note So he has to get persuasive with a golf club. The club can be used as a melee weapon during the rest of the game.
- Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: Golf clubs can be used as a melee weapon. If CJ knocks someone down, he will then uses a golf swing.
- If you hit a taxi driven by a man in just his boxers and a green hoody, he'll automatically come after you with a golf club.
- ''Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony: Roko uses an entire shooting range for improvised torture, by tying someone to a golf cart and having a Mook drive the poor guy around wherever Roko feels like practicing his swing.
- The Hitman series has golf clubs among other things as available weapons.
- In Ragnarok Online, the Priest class can be armed with Iron Drivers.
- In MadWorld, Jack can use a golf club as a weapon, including in the Man Golf minigame.
- In Wandering Hamster, getting a perfect score in mini-golf course earns Bob a golf club to use as a weapon.
- There is a game called Itchy and Scratchy in Miniature Golf Madness. Three guesses whether it features this trope.
- Left 4 Dead 2 provides the page image. The Golf Club is exclusive to a single official campaign and custom campaigns, however.
- In Team Fortress 2, there's a golf club available as one of the Demoman's many melee weapons. It's a re-skin of theEyelander, meaning you can in fact decapitate opponents with a golf club.
- This is the signature weapon of Seto in Fragile Dreams, although there are better alternatives available. It even shows up on the cover art.
- In Unturned, golf clubs are fairly common and make a decent weapon with good damage and reach.
- In Project Zomboid, golf clubs are fairly common and make a subpar weapon, with good damage and reach, but poor durability. Better than a pool cue against the bogeyman, but if you're green and still want to get your kills the fair way, the real Caddy of blunt weapons is the baseball bat.
- In South Park: The Stick of Truth, Kyle's weapon is a golf club, though rather than hitting people with it, he uses it to hit golf balls at his enemies.
- Homestar Runner: This is the entirety of CGNU's sports program.
Fighting, and sometimes striving / Wondering what the Dumple is / Excellence, and what is valor? / And The Cheat will hit stuff with a golf club! / C! G! N! U!
- Not Web Animation exactly but the student film Working Late on youtube involves a golf club being used during the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse in Britain.
- ReBoot: during a dream episode Bob has Glitch turn into a golf club which he used on Hack and Slash. He made a hole in one.
- In King of the Hill, Hank is not afraid to use golf clubs to defend himself. He keeps a bag full of them by the front door. In The Buck Stops Here, Hank pulls his club against the bouncer who's after Bobby's given wristwatch which Buck waged on.
- In the Gravity Falls episode "The Golf War", Mabel and Pacifica use putters as rather effective weapons when the Lilliputtians turn against the both of them.
- In the Ed, Edd n Eddy episode "For Your Ed Only", Sarah tries to find something to hit Ed with; she finds a golf club with a large dent in the shape of Ed's head, and she remarks "Used it."
- The Loud House: In "No Guts, No Glori", Lola knocks Lincoln out with a golf club.
- Mr. Cat from Kaeloo frequently does this to Quack Quack and Stumpy.
- Golf Clubs are ideal improvised weapons for dealing with venomous snakes. Since they're designed to hit things at ground level anyway, they're much easier to reach a snake's head with than a bat would be, and long enough to keep the user out of the snake's reach, unlike most sticks. Even better, the club end can be used as a hook to pick up and move the snake (use a second club to pin it securely) more easily than most tools if the situation is controlled enough that the snake can be moved without killing it.
- They're also a favourite weapon against cane toads in Australia.