Funny: Midnight Screenings
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- At the screening for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Jake imagines a construction crew coming to the Fountain of Youth.
"Yeah, that's really beautiful. All right, boys, bring it down!"
- Reb Brown as Hal Jordan...just let the idea simmer.
- In the screening for Mr. Popper's Penguins, Jake relates his accidentally spotting a completely naked couple having sex in the back row of their theater throughout the entire movie, with the woman's moans occasionally syncing up with penguin squawks. And Jerrid missed the whole thing. The discussion of this takes up half the video, and it's worth every second.
"You know how this is supposed to be a review of penguins and now it's a review of fucking?"
"I am so glad I paid money so you could watch some fucking porn! I had to watch Green Lantern! You had much better fucking 3D than I did!"
- When Jake was asked if the woman was hot, without missing a beat, he immediately replied "No, no". His deadpan delivery of that one line is priceless.
- Brad (who went to see Green Lantern) had this to say:
- Also, the story of Jake and the confused ticket seller, who thought Jake was just kidding about buying a ticket for Mr. Popper's Penguins, to the point that he printed him off a ticket for Green Lantern.
- Cars 2:
Jake: The fact that Larry The Cable Guy is alive proves that the hitman I hired sucks.
- At one point, Jerrid (who's filming) turns the camera toward himself to ask a question. Jake then admonishes Jerrid for being a camera hog (Brad and Jerrid's review for "Bad Teacher" was recorded first), and to put the camera back on the stars (Jake and Irving).
- This piece of gold from the Midnight Screening of Transformers 3.
Brad: I've seen some bad movies this fucking summer: Priest, Pirates 4. This makes those movies look like Super 8. This movie sucks big, floppy, venereal-diseased, fucking DICK! Oh my fucking GOD, is this a piece of shit! Now I know what it was like, Jerrid, when you went to go see Judy Moody, because this movie is for someone who's fucking FIVE! (beat) But what did you guys think?
- The increasingly Oh Crap! face on Jerrid's face as he realises just how pissed Brad really is.
- Brad sends Jake and Irving to watch The Smurfs. Their review consists of a tremendously hilarious Freak Out.
- When "Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes" is brought up, Jake makes a hilarious point: "SHOOT THE FUCKING MONKEYS!!!"
- Brad sends Jerrid and Jillian to see The Change Up. To say Jillian looked like she wanted to kill Jerrid would be an understatement.
- After Jillian talks about the numerous instances of scat humour, Brad asks them if they ended up seeing A Serbian Film by mistake.
- During the review, David Cronenberg's Crash of the Planet of the Apes is brought up.
- The entire "ass-burgers" discussion from the review of Glee 3D.
- In Brad and Jake's review of Spy Kids 4, after mentioning the preview for Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill, Brad mentions how he thinks Al Pacino decided to take a part in the movie:
Brad (as Al Pacino): Hey Bobby! I bet I can make a worse movie than Little Fockers!!
- Also from that episode, them describing the film's "4-D" (read: scratch and sniff) gimmick, and the two constant smells generally being "cardboard" or "fart."
- Jake's rage across the Summer 2011 Midnight Screenings was always entertaining, and he stole the show in the wrap-up show, where Brad and his friends discussed their favorite and least movies from the summer.
Jake: I don't know, I hated damn near everything I saw this summer. My absolute worst, I'm gonna say the group of friends that I have, for making me see all of that shit.
- The Twitter answers explaining Fridge Logic how the footage for Apollo18 got back to Earth. Some of them include "A Wizard Did It", The Transformers brought it back, and Kyle Kallgren's answer, "Apollo 19, duh!".
- Jillian reviews Breaking Dawn Part 1 while Brad & Brian have some fun. It truly starts when Brad and Brian throw milk and cookies on her and gets better.
- It is also a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Jillian. Seriously, she has to be a good sport to allow herself to be messy and humiliated like that.
- Not to mention getting her payback by shooting Brad straight-on.
- Brad sends Jake and Irving in December to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. The resulting Freak Out is quite possibly even funnier than The Smurfs. Starting with the opening scene featuring the chipmunks winding their way through people's legs going onto the cruise ship, and they were hoping someone would step on them.
"These little bastards are singing and dancing underneath everybody's feet. STEP ON THE FUCKERS!"
- Brad's hilariously silly line of "They get Chipwrecked! when guessing what happens in the film.
- Jake repeating what Brittany said in a complete ghetto voice.
- Brad and Jerrid sit through The Devil Inside, which has a disclaimer saying it is not endorsed by the Vatican, and Jerrid imagines the Pope sitting in a movie theatre with a bucket of popcorn, endorsing the movie.
- Jerrid questions Selene's ability to survive a headshot which Brad accepts as it is not a commonly accepted method of killing vampires. Which leads to the following lines:
- Brad, Jillian, Dave and Ryan see The Phantom Menace. When the topic of the Luke and Leia kiss from Empire Strikes Back is briefly raised, Brad has a response:
Brad: Well, that was hot. Caligula's my favorite movie, think I'm gonna have a problem with incest in Star Wars?
- Also, he admits right befor the film started, he sent a text to Jake, lamenting the fact he had to see a bad movie.
- Brad: The toys will return, and in greater numbers!
- Brad's theory that Episode I was a bet George Lucas made that he could humiliate Liam Neeson.
- During the review of Battleship, Brad notes that the dumb character looks exactly like Chris Bores. Leading to this.
Brad: (doing an impression of Bores) When I was a kid, Battleship was a timeless classic. We had battleships, submarines, life boats, sailing boats. Face it, Battleship is ruined!
Brad: My final thought is, uh... (chuckles) I don't know if I'll see anything worse this summer. Not saying there won't be worse, but whatever is worse... Jake and Irving will probably be at.Irving: (across the parking lot) Fuck you!
- This exchange near the end:
- At the very end of the Midnight Review of What To Expect When You're Expecting, Brian lets loose such a cruel zinger that it makes everyone laugh.
Brian: If your pregnant wife asks you to go to this movie with her, punch her in the stomach.
- Brian commenting that it would have been funny if the couple that Jake caught having sex for the Mr. Popper's Penguins review came to watch the movie, with the woman pregnant.
- in the review for Chernobyl Diaries, Jake describes how the most terrifying scene in this horror movie about mutant zombies was the random and unexplained appearance and disappearance of a bear inside an abandoned building.
- After their positive review for Prometheus generates a tremendous amount of backlash from people who didn't like it, Brad and his crew decide to "re-review" the film...and end up making one gigantic, Stealth Parody "Take That" to people who are overly annoyed by unessential details. Their "complaints" include a character ending their sentence with a preposition, someone's haircut being too short, and details about a storm being scientifically inaccurate as revealed by the Weather Channel. It's a sight to behold.
- The review of Madagascar 3 had this exchange:
Irving: If you like the possibility of becoming brain damaged, or the possibility that your future children will come out of your womb or ballsack as complete and utter down syndrome kids, go see this movie.
Jake: What the fuck is WRONG with you!?
Jake: (as Ticket Lady) "Oh, you're The Madagascar Guy. Eh, don't worry about it.
- There's Jake's story of waiting for Irving. When he went outside to have a cigarette, he realized that he forgot his ticket stub. What happened?
Jake: "Well that's fan-fucking-tastic. All last summer I had to be called "That dude who saw Smurfs". "The Smurfs Guy". "Hey look, you're that guy who saw Smurfs. Ma-ha-ma-ha-ma-ha-ma-ha!" And now for the rest of the goddamn summer I will be known at this theater as "The Madagascar Guy". Great!"
- Sarah and Jake review That's My Boy. This is so bad that Jake is mostly quiet.
Jake: Don't you fucking dare wave to me!Sarah: You are in so much trouble right now-Jake: I swear to God, if you come within my arms' reach, I will strangle each and every motherfucking one of you, in front of the goddamn camera, and they can take me to jail for all I care! You filthy sons of bitches! I hope you all die of herpes! Do you understa- you can't even DIE of HERPES, and I HOPE YOU DO!Jake: [Throws his tickets out the window] WORST FUCKING MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES!
Sarah: Okay, so final thoughts?Jake: (Totally Deadpan) I hate Adam Sandler. I hate everyone who likes Adam Sandler. I hate Adam Sandler's parents. I hate everything to do with Adam Sandler. If I read in tomorrow's paper that he died, I will paint myself and dance naked in the streets. In just sheer joy. And I will do it for forty-eight hours.
- Sarah's opening says it all: "You know what's funny? Pedophilia."
- Brad decides to check on the two at one point. It does not go well for him.
- Jake's explanation of how Sarah got him to see this movie, involving bad impersonations of Brad, Jillian and Sarah, and culminates in him screaming "You have pretty eyes!"
- She employs the same technique when Paranormal Activity 4 comes around, and Jake has to keep her from falling asleep.
- Jake and Irving's review of Brave isn't nearly as angry as their usual fare, given that they actually had a nice time at the movies for once, but one moment stands out: Jake recalling how he was recognized by some of the theater staff as "the guy who went to see Madagascar 3".
- Madea's Witness Protection
- The preview pic for the Midnight Screening of The Amazing Spider-Man is utterly hilarious to behold. The gang all got little plushie Spider-Men at the premiere, so they shot a pic that looks like they all came in cosplay, save Sarah who's grinning like there's no tomorrow in the picture.
- For the Katy Perry: Part of Me review, there's Brad and Dave talking about the hopelessly artificial and unsettling encounter between her and her grandmother.
Brad(as Russell Brand): "Katy, can I go to the airport? I don't like this country. I have to go film Arthur. Yes, the Dudley Moore one.
- The jokes about Russell Brand either not wanting to be there...
Dave: "He just straight-up calls his wife 'Sausage'."
- ...Or his bizarre greeting to Perry:
- In the Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3 Review:
Brad: That fucking kid that looks like a pumpkin.''Jake: He did look suspiciously like a pumpkin.
- The duo's nickname for Rowley:
- The two of them referring to Greg and Rowley as "Whiny ass kid" and "Pumpkin" for the rest of the review.
- Brad, Jake and Dave go to see The Oogieloves. They conclude that the movie is not just hilariously bad, but is in fact destroying the youth of tomorrow.
Dave: It's fun to sing in the morning-SIEG HEIL!
- The gang spotted a rather poorly-chosen hand gesture early on in the film...
Jake: ...Is that the equivalent of me going up to a Middle Eastern guy, going "Durka! Durka durka durka durka! Lakka lakka lakka!" [...] It's racist as shit! You assume because she's a llama, she doesn't know any fuckin' English?
- Regarding the scene in which Zoozie tries to speak llama:
YOU LIKE BUBBLES?!
- "Not to sound like Jerrid, but I think the pillow had Down's Syndrome."
- Whenever Brad draws parallels between the film and certain horror movies.
- Jake reveals that when he briefly thought the movie wasn't quite over yet, he got so angry he snapped his promotional plastic glow-wand in two. Most of the liquid inside landed on Dave.
- Brad's impression of Bobby Wobbly.
Jake: I hate you. I hate the website. I hate the fans. I hate every single one of them who enjoys this kind of bullshit. I'm fucking done. I'm done son.
- Brad's take on Bobby Wobbly, calling him "A cross between Diedrich Bader, Crispin Glover, a child molester and Gary Busey."
- Jake's original tangent:
- Brad and Jillian see House at the End of the Street. Jillian has trouble remembering the name of one of the movie's many unlikable characters...
Brad: Well I'm sure you remembered [the character named] "Jillian"!Jillian: (playfully flips off Brad)
- Brad's analogy of his reaction to Dredd:
Brad: Oh, my fucking God...delicious Dredd splooge all over my face and it tasted so fuckin' good! And you can quote me on that!Brian: ...that was the most disgusting metaphor I've ever heard.
- Cloud Atlas:
- About 19 minutes into Brad & Jillian's review of The Man with the Iron Fists, Lloyd knocks over the camera. Silly cat.
- The 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2' review. Jillian playing the role of a fangirl to perfection combined with Jake at his angry best. Brilliant.
- The highlight, however, is when Fangirl!Jillian started listing off how Breaking Dawn should have been split into 3 movies with Brad zooming in on Jake's enraged face as she rambles on.
- In the end, eventually Jillian breaks character and starts laughing after referencing William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet.
- At the end of the "Top 10 Worst Films of 2012" video, Brad suggests that Jake should wear a rainbow afro from Madagascar 3, walk down the street, and sing "Dun dun dunununun Afro Circus", which causes Jake to chip in, only much louder, to the point where he's screaming into the face of Brad, who is in hysterics.
Jake: DUN DUN DUNUNUNUN DUN DUN CIRCUS. AFRO CIRCUS! AFRO CIRCUS!!!!!!Brad: He must have really liked the movie!
Jake: "This review was stupid! Send Jake to something he won't like because it's funny! A derp-a derp-a derp-a DO!"
- During the same video, Jake expresses his frustration toward comments Brad gets encouraging him to send Jake to bad movies.
- In the Texas Chainsaw 3D review, Brad makes yet another reference to Roots. Dave asks him how come everything comes back to that show. Brad struggles to answer, turns to Brian, and nonchalantly asks: "Help me out, you used to have slaves".
- Incidentally, after this video, the rest of the Midnight Screenings crew periodically refers to him as Slaver Brian.
- Dave's attempt to describe the Idiot Plot, Insane Troll Logic, Artistic Licence Law, and Plot Holes of Identity Thief. Summed up by this dialogue:
- Brad's summary of A Good Day To Die Hard in one word: "SUCKED!"
- At the end of the video the topic switches to Brad's Snob review of Moment by Moment, and Brad tells of someone who contacted him that had read the novelization of Moment by Moment. First, he's surprised that a novelization exists, then he's blown that there's a scene where John Travolta's character tells Lily Tomlin's character that she looks like his mother...and even if she was his mother he'd want to have sex with her.
- While discussing G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Ryan brings up an old PSA from the show in which Deep Six emerges from the bottom of a pool to educate kids on swimming safely. What follows is this gem:
Why was Deep Six in the bottom of that pond, looking up at these boys in their swim trunks swimming?!
- During the review of Tyler Perry's Temptation, Irving walks by while Dave and Brian are reviewing the film. Irving asks, in a playful tone "How was your guys' movies, huh?" Dave proceeds to leave the car and beat on (i.e.shove a lot) Irving. While Brad, Brian and Ryan watch.
Brad: It's about time one of these turned into a snuff film!
Dave: Fucking dammit!Brad: Dave, you save some of that magic for the camera.Dave: YOU FUCK YOURSELF!!!
- Hell, Dave's unrestrained fury during the whole review is hilarious to watch.
- Which hilariously enough started during the first few seconds of the review.
Dave: JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH!
- Their summation of an AIDS-related plot point: "Everybody's got AIDS and shit!"
- Hell, Dave's unrestrained fury during the whole review is hilarious to watch.
- The Iron Man 3 midnight screening:
- Loading up the page and seeing the guys with Pac-Man plushies they apparently won from the grabber. Before starting the video, it's completely out of nowhere.
- Brad refers to the runes from The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones as "the Jesus fish crossed with a Swastika."
- Sarah and Brian dancing at the end of the Battle of the Year (3D).
- Brad's "gift" for Irving in The Big Wedding review.
- Sarah describing The Great Gatsby as "This dude falls in love with this vapid cunt of a woman, and then she fucks him over and he dies."
- Brad and Brian reenact the overenthusiastic audience they had during The Hangover Part III at the beginning of the review.
- The beginning of the review of The Internship is utterly hilarious: Jake holds up his ticket stub, which he lit on fire. Then he steps out of the car to put out the fire. He pops back in just to say "I'm done" and disappears (He does return).
Jake: All it was was a bunch of stupid, awkward white-people humor. You KNOW HOW I FEEL about WHITE-PEOPLE HUMOR! . . . Y'know what they're called when they first show up to this place? They're called "Noogles", Brad. THEY'RE CALLED "NOOGLES!" BECAUSE THEY'RE NEW TO GOOGLE!!! "NOOGLES!!!"Dave: And they use it exactly how you expect them to!Brad: *shrug*Jake: "What's up, my Noogles?".
- When they're trying to explain a scene in the movie and are baffled by one characters job description ("the guy who runs the fucking search engine?"), Sarah offers up the helpful offering of, "He, he's the search engineer" and proceeds to get a high-five from Brad. Dave yells out NO and hits the steering wheel in anger; Jake, whose hatred of puns is lengendary, can be seen twitching in fury and having to restrain himself from possibly ending Sarah right then and there.
- The whole video is the stuff of legend. Jake and Dave, when not screaming, are seething in anger and desperately wanting to hurt something somewhere.
Jake: Hold on, there's a word search.
- At one point, Sarah gives Jake an activity book for the upcoming animated movie Turbo:
—>Dave: Oh, let's do the word search.
—>Jake: The answers- I don't know if you can see this- [holds the booklet up to the camera] Here's the word search. The answers are all highlighted for you right there, in the bottom right hand corner. There's really no point to even looking.
—>Brad: Well how else am I supposed to know where the words are?
—>Jake: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR THEM! Why do they put it in the bottom right hand corner? Traditionally, this shit's on the ba- this is the back. You half-assed motherfuckers.
- Dave declares that he'll never use Google again, and Brad asks him, 'So you're a Bing man, now?' Dave is completely taken aback, and can only utter 'Wh... what?"
- Brad appearing to pop out of Hammerspace during the review of Now You See Me.
- Brad and Irving deciding that Harrison Ford's performance as Branch Rickey in 42 makes it a better Old Indiana Jones movie than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and advising the viewers to "go for Jackie Robinson, stay for Indiana Jones!"
- During Ryan and Jake's Monsters University review, Ryan brings out a shirt that Brad bought Jake as a gift. What follows is beyond words.
"DOES THAT SAY 'WITCH AND FAMOUS????!!!!' WHY DOES THAT SAY 'WITCH AND FAMOUS???!!!!'"
- What really sells it is Ryan completely losing his shit in the process.
- Before that, there's Ryan's rant about people being noisy in theaters.
- Jake breaking down into disbelieving laughter when Ryan describes a preview depicting time traveling turkeys.
- Sarah's plot summary of Fast And Furious 6: "So, Michelle Rodriguez isn't dead, she has amnesia, and everyone has to go save her, and (mimes driving, shooting a gun and explosions) the end."
- The note Jake wrote from The Heat review:
Irving: Look who's fatty the fat kettle fat fatty fat. Love Jake.
- Man of Steel:
Brad: Was the point of this scene: "Hey, don't you know, 9/11 could've been a lot worse! Superman could've been there."?Dave [to the camera]: So, it wasn't that bad, New York. Get over it. That's what Brad's saying.Brad: That's not what I said, you son of a bitch!
- A discussion on the collateral damage in the movie:
- Grown Ups 2 is so bad that it turns Irving into a Nazi sympathizer.
Irving: Let me tell you something about deers, Hollywood. THEY DON'T LIKE FUCKING PEOPLE! They will run away because we try and kill them.Brian: The plural of that is just "deer."Irving: [Stares at Brian]Brian: Well, it was me or a commenter, dude. Come on.Irving: Dude, fuck this.
- Brian is also revealed to be a Grammar Nazi.
- Jake is thoroughly pissed off by R.I.P.D and ends up having to sing his happy song to cheer up. What is it? It's none other than the Ducktales theme song!
- Jillian manages to annoy the hell out of him in the process, winds him up into a full-blown rage, and when he's done, she manages to look serious and just asks, "So, did you like it?"
- Her obvious joy as she annoys him makes it even funnier.
- Jake's declaration that he will personally destroy the world when he becomes a ghost because the hatred he has cannot be killed.
- Jillian manages to annoy the hell out of him in the process, winds him up into a full-blown rage, and when he's done, she manages to look serious and just asks, "So, did you like it?"
- Sarah and Dave review Red 2. Jerrid turns up, and Sarah cordially invites him to fuck off.
- Brad, Jake and Irving all review Smurfs 2... shirtless.
Jake: What the fuck ones did not make the final script?! THEY PUT SMURFHOLM SYNDROME IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE! THAT GOT GREENLIT!! WHAT THE HELL DID NOT GET GREENLIT?!
- In the beginning, Jake pulls off his Smurfs 2 jacket and grabs his shirt off Irving's lap. Irving snaps "Ow, watch my balls!" to which Jake replies "Fuck your balls!" Brad, being Brad, is sitting in the back seat laughing to himself.
- The light in the car goes out after a few minutes. To turn it back on, Brad opens and shuts his door. The second time he does this, they have their shirts back on.
- The way the review starts, before the shirts come off, is just golden. The Kid Movie Dream Team(Irving and Jake) are both sitting in the front seat, Jake with a look of utter displeasure on his face and Irving's face is very grim while he plays with his phone. Brad, on the other hand, picks up a Smurfs 2 water bottle, takes a swig, and then gives out the most satisfied "Ahh" afterward that immediately sparks Jake's characteristic fury.
- "That was great, 'cause I'm sitting next to Jake and, all of a sudden, I hear him just scream out, 'HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING CORNDOG IS?!?'"
- Jake is furious when they get to talking about all the puns the movie made.
Jake: At least Die Hard 5 did not say "Smurfholm Syndrome." That fucking infuriated me. "Oh yeah, she just has a classic case of Smurfholm Syndrome!" Yeah, that's a fucking fantastic disease to throw "Smurf" in front of. That's fucking fantastic.Brad: "Don't mind him, he's got Smurf Gehrig's Disease!"(Irving nearly bursts into laugher)Jake: Smurf Gehrig's Disease!? (Laughs)
- "Terrence Malick's Smurfs".
- Streets of Smurfadelphia
- All the Smurf pun satire.
- Jake refers to the female evil Smurf as "Jillian-Smurf". Then he flips out when the others laugh and explains himself at the top of his lungs.
- From the Planes review: Jake pitches an idea for a movie set in the Cars/Planes universe titled "Jetsetters."
Jake: It was not Dusty St. Claire.Sarah: It was totes Dusty St. Claire!
- Sarah can't remember the main character's name, so she alternately refers to him as "Dusty Dusterson" and "Dusty St. Claire."
- For the Paranoia review, Brad, (who's flying solo) starts it with "I'm so lonely." The You're Next review released the following day:
Brad: Still so lonely.
- Brad sums up what makes Rush and the protagonists James and Niki so great in one sentence:
Brad: They're both assholes!
Brad: If it was a Rush Hour sequel it wouldn't be me at that one!Sarah: Yeah it would.Brad: It probably would.
- Sarah talked about how she thought he meant a Rush Hour sequel at first.
- Crossing over with Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, the beginning of the Captain Phillips review with Dave and Irving singing along to "I'll Stand by You"
- The thumbnail for The Shining video is that of Brad and Brian imitating Jack's face at the end of the movie.
- In the last third, they describe accidentally wandering into an under-renovation wing of a hotel and being menaced by an elevator.
- Brad, Brian and Dave go see The Best Man Holiday, having not seen the predecessor The Best Man. What they got was a surreal experience that they can't say is good but highly recommend, saying that it verged on Stealth Parody at points.
Dave: What's wrong with that? I just wanna see 'em sitting in some trees.
- Dave's stories about quoting Highlander to Clancy Brown and nearly punching Jeff Goldblum.
- The trio's prospective ideas for sequels including The Best Man Halloween and Dave's suggestion: The Best Man Arbor Day.
- Brad and Jake referring to Kristoff as "Yukon Cornelius" in the Frozen review. Then they start making references to "Raging Rudolph".
- "Black Nativity: Heavy on the black, light on the nativity!"
- The first line of the A Madea Christmas review:
Brian: "Dave's cranky."
- Followed by Dave & Brian's increasingly bewildered and enraged attempt to explain the Idiot Plot, along with all the Insane Troll Logic, plot holes and Critical Research Failures required to make it function.
- Brian apologizing to Grown Ups 2, because it was no longer the worst movie of the year.
- In an attempt to describe a particularly Jerk Ass character, Dave simply calls her "Cunty McMomface", which causes Lettie, who was hiding in the background as usual to corpse.
- Their mockery of the film making Serious Business out of corn-growing.
- Hilarious in Hindsight: after absolutely thrashing Larry The Cable Guy in their Cars 2 review, they both begrudgingly admit that he was the best part of this movie.
- Irving's Mental Midgets comment from the Walking with Dinosaurs review.
- Anything in this recap video (many are listed above).
- In the Top 10 Worst Films of 2013 (Brad and Jake Edition), when Brad's talking about The Hangover Part III, Jake deduces that the "bros" that didn't find Brad and Brian's laughter to be genuine weren't waiting in the car for the two of them, but because they were doing a "Bro Review". Brad swears he will find their Bro Review of Hangover III.
- The "STD Bingo card" joke in the review of That Awkward Moment.
- Endless Love (the remake) broke Brad and perhaps even more than that ("it made my soul melty"). Especially since the movie is almost an adaptation In Name Only and closer to a Nicholas Sparks book. Jillian's light-hearted moments prevent the review from getting hard to watch. Brad even lampshades that, without Jillian, it would have been the most depressing review and video he made for the website.
- Their review of Robocop features an Orphaned Punchline at the very beginning: "Maybe (Brian Lewis's) ancestors owned him." The crew admitted the orphaned punchline will make no sense to the audience, but if you think a little harder you will realize they were discussing why Lewis is a black man in this movie.
- The Winter's Tale review. All of it.
"Oh no, I killed her with my penis"
- Brian's impersonation of the crying sound that Mary Magdalene does in Son of God.
- Sarah imitating Peter's crying.
- Sarah telling Brian what he missed while he dozed off: "You missed the torture scene, and the other torture scene, and the 'Jesus makes a black friend' scene..."
- Brian's impression of the kid from ''Heaven Is For Real" and his take on the trailer.
- At the end of the review, the light of the car goes out, and they (Brian and Sarah, who did the review, and Jillian and Brad, who were in the back of the car) say goodbye. Cue Brian going "Urrrrghhh!" just before the video finishing.
- Brad getting a taste of what he's been dishing out to Dave and Brian when he has to go see Tyler Perry's Single Moms Club.
Brad: Everything they said was true!
- The first line of the video was like a Brick Joke more than a year in the making (since Dave and Brian had to see Tyler Perry's Temptation):
- Brad and Sarah guess that the society of Divergent was created so that the four main factions would kill each other and leave Amity in charge.
- The reenactment of the dialogue throughout the Sabotage review.
- The God's Not Dead review:
- Like Battleship, there's Dave swearing someone out for talking during the movie. More specifically, a youth group member who was 12 or 13.
- When talking about Professor Radisson's death they mention the "Cool" minister Pastor Dave and his African missionary partner, who they call Pastor Gene Gene The Dancing Machine just happening to be there After Radisson gets run over.
- They also mention how Radisson's death could've been avoided if one of the crowd members called an ambulance instead of giving him his last rites.
- Then there's Brad's story of waiting in line at the concession stand and overhearing one of the youth group kids planning to beat up an Athiest and that same kid wondering how the staff cleans up the melted ice cream bar in the front, not knowing that the wrapper is just being used for display purposes.
- When the main character's name Josh Wheaton is brought up, Brad jokes that his mother's name is Jan Lee and their maid's name is Senor Spielbargo.
- Brad and Dave mock Dean Cain's blase reaction to his girlfriend having cancer.
- The duo both agreeing that Kevin Sorbo was the best part of the movie.
- When talking about Willie Robertson's appearances, Brad calls him "as genuine as Larry The Cable Guy". and remarks at his ability to suddenly be aware of the plot.
- When they discuss "what would a Young Republican look like" the duo immediately choose Ryan, despite him being as liberal as the both of them.
- Comparing the protagonist of the film to Emmett from The Lego Movie and the concert band to a Christian Kraftwerk.
- The Philosophy Class. There's Brad mentioning that he would drop out of the class after a week because nothing would be accomplished, the fact that Radisson would've been fired a long time ago, and when talking about how Josh managed to convert a class of 80+ people to Christianity, Brad and Dave mention the fat guy sitting in his desk while everyone else is being converted, joking that he's the lone holdout or is simply stuck in his seat.
- Brad mentioning that as bad as the film was, at least it didn't have Kirk Cameron in it. Considering what came later in the year, it's hard to imagine he didn't later end up eating his words.
- Jake telling a story of his school Wrestling days in the Draft Day review is priceless.
- Jake is recapping the plot of the movie, and they start assigning the characters stupid nicknames, for example: Bo Callahan is Bo Titties, P. Diddy's character is Pizzle Dizzle, Vontae Mack is Mack Daddy, and Ray Jennings is Ray-Jay.
- Jake telling us he couldn't perform fellatio because he has a horrible gag reflex, which means he couldn't be gay unless he was a "power top". Then Jake pretends to try shove a cucumber down his throat while constantly puking, and then saying some people like watching similar videos with Japanese girls doing the same thing.
- Rio 2: Brad comes up with a pun so good that even Jake can't help but smile:
- Brad recalling his experience directing a Spanish version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, despite not speaking the language at all.
- Jake recalling his story of starring in an anti-drug play. As 17 different characters. Brad jokes that he was the Peter Sellers of his school.
- Brad mentioning a reenactment of the aftermath of a drunk driving accident and mentioning that passing drivers must've been freaked out by seeing the aftermath and everyone standing around.
- The fact that only about a third of the video is spent discussing the film itself.
- In the Heaven Is For Real review, Brad and Dave stumble upon the kid's twitter account.
- The Quiet Ones review, where Brad and Jillian make fun of the noisy audience.
- In the Brick Mansions review, Brian and Sarah constantly use "parkour" as a noun.
- Then there's Brian's attempt at parkour in the car. The key word being "attempt".
- The Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return review sees the return of Angry Jake in full force, and it is glorious.
Brad: "We were about to cancel this whole production, but then we got a thousand extra dollars!"Jake: "Oh no, argh!"Brad: "Now we can put it in 2,000 cinemas nationwide!"Jake: "Starting with the home town of the person who donated, Mr. 'Angry Jake' Norvell."
- Of note is Jake's refusal to call "that Marshmallow guy" by his actual name.
- Also of note, Jake demanding to know where the Gales' insurance guy was, and Brad responds as the "Caught ya a dollar" guy.
- His surprise at seeing how somehow his Grandpa Tuggers idea was made into a movie, and it was this one.
- When discussing the unusual closing credits, note they theorize that the movie could have been funded through either Kickstarter or Indie Go Go. note Brad jokes about giving them $1000 under "Angry Jake Norvell".
- During the Million Dollar Arm review, Brad compares Jillian to Dorothy from Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return, he even edits in a side by side comparison and the resemblance is uncanny.
- At the end of the Godzilla review, the random guy who wants to know if Brad wants to get "drunk and high".
- Pointing out that despite the fact that Godzilla is a giant monster who is taller than most buildings, he still causes less collateral damage than Superman in Man Of Steel.
- The car light going out at the exact time that they actually start talking about the movie itself. They realize this means they spent ten whole minutes discussing the 1998 film before getting down to business.
- In the The Fault in Our Stars review, Brad and Sarah tell stories about Dave's misadventures in driving, including crashing his car into another car full of foreign delegates.
- Jake is more mellow than usual in the How to Train Your Dragon 2 review due to seeing a good movie and winning a plush neckrest from a claw crane. He and Brad joke about how it turns him into "Zen Jake" who has no problem with movies like The Smurfs 2. Brad then impersonates an angry fan who thinks the new Jake is boring.
- When talking about Kevin Hart's narration in Think Like a Man Too note The weather outside of the car consists of thunder and lightning, leading to this gem from Brad:
Brad: "Looks like the sky is gonna provide a three-point shot to win the game!"
- Brad saying how this movie completes Wendi McLendon-Covey's "Trilogy of Shit" having starred in Single Moms Club and Blended prior in the year.
- Brad and Irving in the Jersey Boys review talking about their childhood sex talks and late night Cinemax watching is a thing of beauty...
- The Earth to Echo review, where Jake has a blunder on par with the "Assburgers" incident.
Jake (as Oliver North): "Mr. President, we need security clearance to shoot down the ship."Jake (as Reagan): "Jelly beans."Brad: "It's a go!"Jake (as North): "You heard the man, it's a go, shoot the bitch down. BLAM! Look at those approval ratings."Brad: "Mission accomplished."Jake: "Mission accomplished sir, well done."
- Brad saying that the movie is sort of a remake of the Atari 2600 ET game, followed by Jake yelling at Brad for the latter's defense of the game.
- When discussing the stupidity of Who Shot JFK? theories, Brad and Jake joke about the conspiracies surrounding the Challenger explosion, such as Reagan ordering the explosion to win the election note It gets better with this dialogue:
- In the Planes: Fire and Rescue review, Brad & Jake break equate an RV-Salesman whom himself is an RV to slavery, of course leading to a rendition of Slaver Brian selling R Vs. "If I buy this RV, why do I have to buy the five smaller ones? Got to keep the family together..."
- The Purge: Anarchy review, Brad & Jake talk about an internet reviewer style purge. The main rule being that they can make fun of the viewers but the reverse cannot happen with the highlight being what Irving could say during it.
- Brad, Sarah and Dave see a trailer for The Maze Runner at Into the Storm (2014). From the presence of a mechanical spider, they guess that the characters are being held prisoner by Arliss Lovelace.
- In what comes in a close second in terms of faulty tech behind Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), a chunk of Brad and Dave's review of The November Man is dedicated to the theater losing power and them having to wait 40 minutes to finish the movie. All two minutes of what was left of it.
- The thumbnail for the As Above So Below review, which has Jake and Brian holding hands behind their backs.
Brian: "You know that's gonna be the fucking picture."Jake: "I know it is."
- Lampshaded in the review:
Brian: "Because we live in the fucking Philippines now.
- "Chairman" Brian reviews chairs. When it rivals "Slaver Brian" in terms of notability, it was destined for this page. The rambling description on Brian's part doesn't hurt either.
- Crossing over with Brad and Dave's review of The November Man above are both parties talking about the "Monsoon season" they've had in Springfield.
- Brian shaking the camera in order to mock the lead character's similar methods of getting a hologram of something on her phone.
- Brad and Jake's reaction to just how bad The Identical turned out to be. They were shocked into laughter.
Jake: Man...Brad: That movie wasn't very good, dude.Jake: The movie was really bad, bro!Brad: Aw. What the fuck, bro?Jake: Goddamnit, bro!Brad: The movie sucked, bro!Jake: The movie sucked so bad, bro!Brad note (In Southern drawl) Then we go to ten years later...where their son is 18 but looks 38.
- Jake's "I didn't know you could use babies as currency!"
- The duo talking about how they have no idea why Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd signed up, but they do come up with a reason why Seth Green would've signed up.
- It finally clicking with Brad and Jake how awful the movie is, with a line of dialogue that states "There's only one Elvis." implying that the main character is impersonating an Elvis Knock-off.
- The beginning of the Dolphin Tale 2 review, where Brad and Jake are talking about making their own Mackerel movie, and taking a page from Spy Kids 4 by having a "4-D" gimmick where every smell is "Mackerel".
- During The Equalizer review when discussing the promo for Wahlburgers, they come up with their own idea for a reality show: ''PanJakes" which is centered around Jake opening a pancake stand in the middle of Springfield.
- When talking about how when lying in the back of the car when other members are doing reviews, Brad mentions him having to sit in the back during Brian and Irving's review of 12 Years a Slave and regretting not loudly and obnoxiously laughing 20 minutes into it.
- The beginning of the Left Behind review. Since Brad and Jake were parked under a floodlight, they joke that God is rapturing them out of pity over seeing so many terrible Christian movies this year, in spite of them both not being that religious.
Jake (As God): "You've gone through enough boys. Come on up."
- Then after that, Jake realizes that there's a spider in the car leading him to have a hilarious freakout.
- When Brad talks about Nicolas Cage's dispiriting performance, he equates it to watching someone grieve over a dead dog. Jake replies with:
Jake: "First of all, you did not save Christmas, Kirk Cameron. Ernest P. Worrell saved Christmas! Show some respect!"
- Crossing over with Crowning Moment Of Awesome, Brad and Jake's take on the Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas trailer and their utter evisceration of the so-called "War on Christmas".
Brad: "Moses was born under a roller coaster in Queens."
- When talking about Hillsong-Let Hope Rise, Brad and Jake say that when they're trying to convince "Hipster Dave" to see it, he'll still act like he's heard of them.
- While talking about Exodus: Gods and Kings, Brad jokes that he got his knowledge of Judaism from Woody Allen movies.
- Brad mentions he had to stop pranking/scaring Dave with the ventriloquist dummies because he once ended up accidentally scaring himself.
- They say Gone Girl was so good even Tyler Perry was good in it.
- Dave and Brian's ideas for sequel names for Dracula Untold such as Dracula 3: What Did I Done Tell You? and Dracula 6: Runteldat to the Mountains.
- Brad and Irving's review of The Judge.
- Dave and Brian's review of The Best of Me, and when discussing the jerk husband with the name Frank Reynolds and his friend "Chaz." Dave talks about how "We need a really WASP-y motherfucker hanging around with us."
Dave: "I hate him. Do you hate him?"
- When talking about near the end when Michelle Monaghan's character's cooks her husband dinner. Brian and Dave mock the movie making him the bad guy simply by answering his phone at the dinner table while her character fell in love with her high school sweetheart behind his back, and is painted in the right.
- They open the review with the following exchange:
Brian: "'Hate' is such a small word."
- During Brad and Jake's review of Ouija, they talk about how the boyfriend of one girl is never seen, and how the characters just yell towards his car as it drives around.
- Jake, Brian and Irving spend almost all of the Big Hero 6 review discussing the Short Circuit movies, the Chappie trailer, the obscure Blaxploitation film Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde, Harry S Truman and Irving jerking off.
Irving: "N'awlins! Jazz! Black folk!"
- About five minutes in, we get Irving's take on The Princess and the Frog
Jake as Dewey: TRUMAN!Brian as Truman: Come find me, I think you know the address!
- Especially when they imitate Truman holding up the Dewey Defeats Truman paper, only with him also Flipping the Bird. Followed by them imagining a scenario where Truman buys 365 editions of the paper so he can drop it off at Dewey's front door every day.
- The beginning of the Dumb and Dumber To review. Not only are Brad and Jake dressed in respectively Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos, there's their stories wearing them such as Brad going up to the ticket lady and saying "Two for Rosewater.", and her not batting an eye, and going to a gas station and the clerk saying, "Nice Clockwork Orange getup!".
Nick: "I'm saying that because...Fish are...Stinky."Clerk: "Is that supposed to be a joke?"
- The entirety of the Rosewater review, mostly because Brad and Jake are in the back, still in tuxedos.
- Near the end of their review of "Kirk Cameron's 'Saving Christmas,'" Brad is so appalled by the mind-bendingly insane awfulness of the film, he jokingly remarks how he should start sending all the other Team Snob members two by two to see it. The next day...we find out he did exactly that.
"Two for Little Boy!'"
- Brad and Dave's bewilderment at the trailer for Little Boy, and their horror at what was to come.
"We just got out of Little Boy!"
Jake: "A NEGRESS? What the hell is a NEGRESS? A black princess?"Irving: (over Jake's sentence) "A female Negro...yes!"(Cut to a solid thirty seconds of Irving cackling and Jake slumped over the steering wheel making a series of deep snorting noises while trying to regain his composure)Jake: "We're probably gonna end up cutting that out."
- During Jake and Irving's follow-up review, Jake points out how the lone black male character's characterization borders on Sassy Black Woman. Irving then summarizes the behavioral stereotype as a "Negress," giving us this golden exchange:
Sarah: [As Adam] "Honey, I know you have to suffer from the rigors of childbirth, but in my defense...it looked delicious."
- In Sarah and Brian's review, they start discussing the Adam and Eve story, which gives us this gem from Sarah:
- The entirety of the Nothing! video.
- To elaborate, since The Pyramid got Screwed by the Network and hasn't come to Springfield (having been the only release scheduled for that week), Brad and Jake decide to talk about whatever comes to mind. Namely, Surge, Chatterbox, Mass Effect, Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption, Project Almanac and Raising Hope.
- Jake's reactions to Brad describing Chatterbox.
- Brad and Jake talk about "Moose on the Loose" and Jake imitates hunters adhering to the arbitrary rules of the game.
- There's Brad's take on Raising Hope where he had to take a while to buy Garret Dillahunt as a caring grandfather after seeing him in roles where he played murderers and rapists.
- Jake's story of lighting firecrackers in his parents' room, with Jake mentioning his Dad having PTSD. Jake says he also should've played All Along the Watchtower.
- Jake tells a fantastical tale of his solo viewing of Annie. For starters, Brian, who was supposed to see the movie with Jake, had his car break down; he texted Brad with a long paragraph starting with "FUCK FUCK MOTHER FUCKER", which Brad immediately knew meant "I can't make it". Brad then informed Jake of the bad news, that he would be seeing the movie solo (or, as they refer to it, he was "Peeples'd", since Brian did the same thing to Dave at that movie). Once Jake got in the movie theater, a larger black woman showed up behind him. Once she got close enough to see him, she was surprised that he was a 20-something white guy watching Annie on his own, which caused her to burst out into laughter that continued into snickering for about 10 minutes straight. Once the movie ended, Jake waited in his seat, since he didn't want to pass by the woman again, but she remained seated. Eventually he stood up, turned to the people behind him, and asked the woman what she thought of the movie; she said she liked it. He then asked a few more people behind her what they thought, and they thought it was stupid (a sentiment Jake agreed with). Before Jake could leave, the woman asked him one question: "What the hell is your white ass doing in here with Black Annie?!"
Brad: "It could be worse, They could've named it after Sandy Hook.(Beat)Brad: "Do-do-do-dododo. Do!"(Jake bursts into laughter.)
- When discussing how Sandy got his name by being named after Hurricane Sandy, Brad tells quite possibly the darkest joke ever told on the show.
- At the end of the review of The Gambler, the lights go out right on cue...but then Dave instinctively opens the door to turn the lights back on. Brad says "Fuck you, you ruined the perfect ending", so Dave manually turns all of the lights off in the car, so the video can end with darkness and Brad's hysterical laughing.
- During the "Worst Films of 2014 (Brad and Jake Edition)", Brad informs Jake that The Pyramid apparently isn't about mummies, but about zombified cats, which bursts the two into hysterics.
Brad: "Like little hairless Lloyds chasing them in a pyramid! Aw, they just - they just want some attention!"
Jake: "Aw, they just want some lovin'!"
- During the "Worst Films of 2014 (Brian, Sarah and Dave Edition)", while discussing how The Best of Me is nothing but bits and pieces of other Nick Sparks works, Sarah has the revelation that the title is referring to Sparks himself.
- Brad, Dave and Sarah go to a theater showing of The Wizard of Oz, and they snark at it like they would any modern movie. Of particular note is the gang's incredulous reaction to the Scarecrow wielding a gun as they storm the Witch's castle.
- While reviewing Project Almanac, Brian points out in Found Footage movies how a character will shut off the camera by reaching straight for the lens. "Who does that?" he asks. He also crumples a plastic bottle to show the unusual sounds made when a character is picking up a camera. At the end of the review, Brian decides to shut off the camera and reaches straight for the lens.
- The end of the Jupiter Ascending review where they try to come up with technically true statements that TV spots could use for blurbs. The last one is "Channing Tatum is... action packed!"
- The beginning of the Seventh Son review where Brad gets a gift. The one-sheet poster for The Loft Brian and Dave found in the garbage.
- The thumbnail for the video is Brian showing a photo of Dave...and he's the only one in the theater. Granted, a few more people eventually showed up, but it's still quite the image.
- The excess of Crossing the Line Twice humor in the review of The DUFF, from Sarah's comparison of menstruation to the blood hallway from The Shining to all of The Sims horror stories.
- Brad & Dave's review of (Or more accurately, Brad telling Dave about) Old Fashioned, and the many conversations that come from it.
Brad: This movie was a whole lot of hooey.
- Dave flaunts how he managed to dodge the bullet on this one. After Brad squirms about it for a good minute or two, Dave asks "So, um, how was it?" Brad responds with "Surprisingly good. I c-OH MY GOD!"
- When saying that the movie has terrible dialogue, Brad says that one of the first lines of the movie is "That's a lot of hooey".
- About midway through the review, Brad starts panning the cinematography, stating "Tyler Perry would shoot this scene better." Dave's visibly bewildered reaction is simply priceless, especially after remembering his reactions to Temptation and A Madea Christmas.
- Dave mentioning that despite being an impossibly chaste Christian romance movie, the movie has a title that's also a euphemism for a handjob.
- In a repeat of Seventh Son, Brad took a photo of Dave at Unfriended of him standing and looking sad and disappointed in a large empty theater.
Dave: "That wasn't even one of the best films of that year."
- Brad opines that the movie would be much better if at the very end, the computer zoomed out to show Bugs Bunny sitting at a computer saying "Ain't I a stinkah?" Dave admits that if someone edited that into the end of the movie, he would watch the entire movie again, despite him hating it, just because he knew that ending would be coming.
- Brad and Dave talking about M. Night Shyamalan's upcoming film The Visit along with Dave's incredulous reaction that he wasn't blacklisted after After Earth.
- Brad recalls a conversation with Benzaie where the latter stated that Lady in the Water was the best film of the 2000's. Dave, who felt the film didn't deserve the flak it got replies with:
- Sarah and Ryan wish that Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 ended with Blart getting kicked by a horse, only to not get up and have the kick be fatal. Just show him falling to the ground, fade to black, the end.
- The two end up name-dropping multiple corporations, and as such demand royalties from all of them.
- When discussing how the script appeals to the lowest common denominator, they theorize that there must be a "Script Mine" in Hollywood that they dig scripts out of.
- The video description of Little Boy: "Two for Little Boy".
- The theater placed a poster for Get Hard right next to the poster for Little Boy, which led Brad to read it as "Get Hard, Little Boy."
- The Hot Pursuit video has Irving imitating the Screaming Goat video three times, with all incidents temporarily muting the audio.
- When talking about the director, note Dave mentions her 17 acting credits as "Background Dancer".
- Brad & Dave talking about the Fridge Horror and No Endor Holocaust surrounding the pins in Tomorrowland.
- The beginning of the Faith Of Our Fathers episode, where Brad and Violet gleefully make fun of the comments on the Terminator Genisys video where Violet first appeared.
- The Sinister 2 review, where Brad and Brian fumble for words trying to describe Bughuul's generic, unremarkable design.
- In the Hitman: Agent 47 episode, Brad describes a character death that causes the entire building to black out. At that exact moment the cars lights go out. Brad even notes the perfect timing as he opens and closes the door.
- The image for the Unsullied review. While the films on the marquee Unsullied is sandwiched in-between have placards, the film only gets a sheet of paper turned on its side reading: Unsullied.
- In a Call Back to Seventh Son and Unfriended, Brad shows another photo of Dave alone in a theater, except no one else besides the two saw the movie.