Funny / Midnight Screenings

2011

• At the screening for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Jake imagines a construction crew coming to the Fountain of Youth.
  "Yeah, that's really beautiful. All right, boys, bring it down!"
• Reb Brown as Hal Jordan...just let the idea simmer.
• In the screening for Mr. Popper's Penguins, Jake relates his accidentally spotting a completely naked couple having sex in the back row of their theater throughout the entire movie, with the woman's moans occasionally syncing up with penguin squawks. And Jerrid missed the whole thing. The discussion of this takes up half the video, and it's worth every second.
  "You know how this is supposed to be a review of penguins and now it's a review of fucking?"
  • When Jake was asked if the woman was hot, without missing a beat, he immediately replied "No, no". His deadpan delivery of that one line is priceless.
  • Brad (who went to see Green Lantern (2011)) had this to say:
  "I am so glad I paid money so you could watch some fucking porn! I had to watch Green Lantern (2011)! You had much better fucking 3D than I did!"
  • Also, the story of Jake and the confused ticket seller, who thought Jake was just kidding about buying a ticket for Mr. Popper's Penguins, to the point that he printed him off a ticket for Green Lantern and charged him extra for it.
• Jerrid's rage-fuelled review of Zookeeper. The best part is when after he's vented his frustration, Brad jokes that he should probably hit record. Jerrid's reaction is priceless.
• Cars 2:
  Jake: The fact that Larry the Cable Guy is alive proves that the hitman I hired sucks.
  • At one point, Jerrid (who's filming) turns the camera toward himself to ask a question. Jake then admonishes Jerrid for being a camera hog (Brad and Jerrid's review for Bad Teacher was recorded first), and to put the camera back on the stars (Jake and Irving).
• This piece of gold from the Midnight Screening of Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
  Brad: I've seen some bad movies this fucking summer: Priest, Pirates 4. This makes those movies look like Super 8. This movie sucks big, floppy, venereal-diseased, fucking DICK! Oh my fucking GOD, is this a piece of shit! Now I know what it was like, Jerrid, when you went to go see Judy Moody, because this movie is for someone who's fucking FIVE! [beat] But what did you guys think?
  • The increasing Oh, Crap! face on Jerrid's face as he realises just how pissed Brad really is only makes the whole scene even funnier.
• Brad sends Jake and Irving to watch The Smurfs. Their review consists of a tremendously hilarious Freak Out.
  • When Rise of the Planet of the Apes is brought up, Jake makes a hilarious point: "SHOOT THE FUCKING MONKEYS!!!"
  • While Jake and Irvin were at The Smurfs, Brad and the rest were at Cowboys & Aliens, which they enjoyed. Brad receives a text from Jake that reads, "I fucking hate you".
• Brad sends Jerrid and Jillian to see The Change-Up. To say that Jillian looked like she wanted to kill Jerrid would be an understatement.
  • When Jerrid says that he laughed a couple of times, Jillian shows that she wrote a chart on her hand how many times he laughed. There are more than a couple.
  • After Jillian talks about the numerous instances of scat humour, Brad asks them if they ended up seeing A Serbian Film by mistake.
  • During the review, David Cronenberg's Crash of the Planet of the Apes is brought up.
• The entire "ass-burgers" discussion from the review of Glee 3D.
• In Brad and Jake's review of Spy Kids: All the Time in the World, after mentioning the preview for Jack and Jill, Brad mentions how he thinks Al Pacino decided to take a part in the movie:
  Brad (as Al Pacino): Hey Bobby! I bet I can make a worse movie than Little Fockers!!
  • Them describing the film's "4-D" (read: scratch and sniff) gimmick, and the two constant smells generally being "cardboard" or "fart."
• Jake's rage across the Summer 2011 episodes was always entertaining, and he stole the show in the wrap-up show, where Brad and his friends discussed their favorite and least movies from the summer.
  Jake: I don't know, I hated damn near everything I saw this summer. My absolute worst, I'm gonna say the group of friends that I have, for making me see all of that shit.
• invoked The Twitter answers explaining Fridge Logic how the footage for Apollo 18 got back to Earth. Some of them include "A Wizard Did It", The Transformers brought it back, and Kyle Kallgren's answer, "Apollo 19, duh!".
• Jillian reviews Breaking Dawn Part 1 while Brad & Brian have some fun. It truly starts when Brad and Brian throw milk and cookies on her and gets better.
  • It is also a Moment of Awesome for Jillian. Seriously, she has to be a good sport to allow herself to be messy and humiliated like that.
  • Not to mention getting her payback by shooting Brad straight-on.
• Brad sends Jake and Irving in December to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. The resulting Freak Out is quite possibly even funnier than The Smurfs. Starting with the opening scene featuring the chipmunks winding their way through people's legs going onto the cruise ship, and they were hoping someone would step on them.
  "These little bastards are singing and dancing underneath everybody's feet. STEP ON THE FUCKERS!"
  • Brad's hilariously silly line of "They get Chipwrecked! when guessing what happens in the film.
  • Jake repeating what Brittany said in a complete ghetto voice.

2012

• Brad and Jerrid sit through The Devil Inside, which has a disclaimer saying it is not endorsed by the Vatican, and Jerrid imagines the Pope sittin in a movie theatre with a bucket of popcorn, endorsing the movie.
• In Underworld: Awakening, Jerrid questions Selene's ability to survive a headshot which Brad accepts as it is not a commonly accepted method of killing vampires. Which leads to the following lines:
  "It's like getting mad at Superman because he flies. What?! Real people can't do that! Psh, look, all I'm saying is that Superman should not be super. He should get shot like the rest of us. Fucking Superman, who the fuck does he think he is?"
• Brad, Jillian, Dave and Ryan see The Phantom Menace. When the topic of the Luke and Leia kiss from The Empire Strikes Back is briefly raised, Brad has a response:
  Brad: Well, that was hot. Caligula's my favorite movie, think I'm gonna have a problem with incest in Star Wars?
  • Also, he admits right befor the film started, he sent a text to Jake, lamenting the fact he had to see a bad movie.
    • Heck, anytime Brad decides to Troll Jillian, Dave and Ryan; starting with "This movie is so Wizard you guys!"
  • Brad: The toys will return, and in greater numbers!
  • Brad's theory that Episode I was a bet George Lucas made that he could humiliate Liam Neeson.
• During the review of Battleship, Brad notes that the dumb character looks exactly like Chris Bores. Leading to this.
  Brad: (doing an impression of Bores) When I was a kid, Battleship was a timeless classic. We had battleships, submarines, life boats, sailing boats. Face it, ''Battleship'' is ruined!
  • This exchange near the end:
  Brad: My final thought is, uh... (chuckles) I don't know if I'll see anything worse this summer. Not saying there won't be worse, but whatever is worse... Jake and Irving will probably be at.
  Irving: (across the parking lot) Fuck you!
• At the very end of the Midnight Review of What to Expect When You're Expecting, Brian lets loose such a cruel zinger that it makes everyone laugh.
  Brian: If your pregnant wife asks you to go to this movie with her, punch her in the stomach.
  • Brian commenting that it would have been funny if the couple that Jake caught having sex for the Mr. Popper's Penguins review came to watch the movie, with the woman pregnant.
• In the review for Chernobyl Diaries, Jake describes how the most terrifying scene in this horror movie about mutant zombies was the random and unexplained appearance and disappearance of a bear inside an abandoned building.
• After their positive review for Prometheus generates a tremendous amount of backlash from people who didn't like it, Brad and his crew decide to "re-review" the film...and end up making one gigantic, Stealth Parody "Take That!" to people who are overly annoyed by unessential details. Their "complaints" include a character ending their sentence with a preposition, someone's haircut being too short, and details about a storm being scientifically inaccurate as revealed by the Weather Channel. It's a sight to behold.
• The review of Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted had this exchange:
  Irving: If you like the possibility of becoming brain damaged, or the possibility that your future children will come out of your womb or ballsack as complete and utter Down Syndrome kids, go see this movie.
  Jake: What the fuck is WRONG with you!?
  • There's Jake's story of waiting for Irving. When he went outside to have a cigarette, he realized that he forgot his ticket stub. What happened?
  Jake: (as Ticket Lady) "Oh, you're The Madagascar Guy. Eh, don't worry about it.
  (Irving laughs)
  Jake: "Well that's fan-fucking-tastic. All last summer I had to be called "That dude who saw Smurfs". "The Smurfs Guy". "Hey look, you're that guy who saw Smurfs. Ma-ha-ma-ha-ma-ha-ma-ha!" And now for the rest of the goddamn summer I will be known at this theater as "The Madagascar Guy". Great!"
• Sarah and Jake review That's My Boy. This is so bad that Jake is mostly quiet.
  • That is, until Brad and the rest start walking toward their car.
    Jake: Don't you fucking dare wave to me!
    Sarah: You are in so much trouble right now-
    Jake: I swear to God, if you come within my arms' reach, I will strangle each and every motherfucking one of you, in front of the goddamn camera, and they can take me to jail for all I care! You filthy sons of bitches! I hope you all die of herpes! Do you understa- you can't even DIE of HERPES, and I HOPE YOU DO!
    Sarah: Maybe if they, like, get it on their lungs...
    Jake: [Throws his tickets out the window] WORST FUCKING MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES!
  • Later...
    Sarah: Okay, so final thoughts?
    Jake: (Totally Deadpan) I hate Adam Sandler. I hate everyone who likes Adam Sandler. I hate Adam Sandler's parents. I hate everything to do with Adam Sandler. If I read in tomorrow's paper that he died, I will paint myself and dance naked in the streets. In just sheer joy. And I will do it for forty-eight hours.
  • Sarah's opening says it all: "You know what's funny? Pedophilia."
  • Brad decides to check on the two at one point. It does not go well for him.
    Sarah: [once Jake leaves through the door, enraged] Jake's gonna go kill Brad. We'll be right back.
    —->Jake: No, first I'm killing Brian. He owes me.
  • Jake's explanation of how Sarah got him to see this movie, involving bad impersonations of Brad, Jillian and Sarah, and culminates in him screaming "You have pretty eyes!"
    • She employs the same technique when Paranormal Activity 4 comes around, and Jake has to keep her from falling asleep.
• Jake and Irving's review of Brave isn't nearly as angry as their usual fare, given that they actually had a nice time at the movies for once, but one moment stands out: Jake recalling how he was recognized by some of the theater staff as "the guy who went to see Madagascar 3".
• Madeas Witness Protection:
  • Dave and Brad's impersonation of the theater manager. "Y'all here for a movie? Yeah? Yeah! NOW HERE'S THE FUCKING RULES!"
  • Brian & Dave later talk about the trailer for Alex Cross and their refusal to buy Tyler Perry as an action hero.
    Brian: "He looks like a badass LeVar Burton."
    Dave: "That dude rode the Reading Rainbow for 23 years. He is badass."
• The preview pic for the Midnight Screening of The Amazing Spider-Man is utterly hilarious to behold. The gang all got little plushie Spider-Men at the premiere, so they shot a pic that looks like they all came in cosplay, save Sarah who's grinning like there's no tomorrow in the picture.
• For the Katy Perry: Part of Me review, there's Brad and Dave talking about the hopelessly artificial and unsettling encounter between her and her grandmother.
  • The jokes about Russell Brand either not wanting to be there...
    Brad(as Russell Brand): "Katy, can I go to the airport? I don't like this country. I have to go film Arthur (1981). Yes, the Dudley Moore one".
  • ...Or his bizarre greeting to Perry:
    Brad(as Brand, hands outstretched): "Hello sausage."
    Dave: "He just straight-up calls his wife 'Sausage'."
• In the Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3 Review:
  Brad: THAT MOVIE IS BLACKFACE FOR WIZARDS!!!
  • The duo's nickname for Rowley:
    Brad: That fucking kid that looks like a pumpkin.
    Jake:' He did look suspiciously like a pumpkin.
    • The two of them referring to Greg and Rowley as "Whiny-Ass Kid" and "Pumpkin" for the rest of the review.
• Brad, Jake and Dave go to see The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. They conclude that the movie is not just hilariously bad, but is in fact destroying the youth of tomorrow.
  • Right at the start, when the camera cuts to Dave, he shoots Brad an "I fucking hate you" look.
  • The gang spotted a rather poorly-chosen hand gesture early on in the film...
    Dave: It's fun to sing in the morning-SIEG HEIL!
  • Regarding the scene in which Zoozie tries to speak llama:
    Jake: ...Is that the equivalent of me going up to a Middle Eastern guy, going "Durka! Durka durka durka durka! Lakka lakka lakka!" [Jake continues while both Brad and Dave break down into hysterical laughter] It's racist as shit! You assume because she's a llama, she doesn't know any fuckin' English?!
  • Brad claims that this movie teaches kids that it's okay to "talk to strangers in the back of their fuckin' semi-truck 'cause they have balloons in the back of it — That's how Georgie got killed in It! Same mentality!"
  • "Not to sound like Jerrid, but I think the pillow had Down's Syndrome."
    • invoked To which Brad responds that the feathers the pillow is coughing up in its sleep are actually parts of its brain, with him promptly drawing a parallel between it and the Signature Scene of a woman being forced to puke up her own intestines from City of the Living Dead.
  • Jake reveals that when he briefly thought the movie wasn't quite over yet, he got so angry he snapped his promotional plastic glow-wand in two. Most of the liquid inside landed on Dave.
  • Brad's impression of Bobby Wobbly.
    YOU LIKE BUBBLES?!
    • Brad also describes Bobby Wobbly as "a cross between Diedrich Bader, Crispin Glover, a child molester and Gary Busey."
  • Jake's original tangent, said in the most dispassionate tone possible apparently right during the middle of the film:
    Jake: I hate you. I hate the website. I hate the fans. I hate every single one of them who enjoys this kind of bullshit. I'm fucking done. I'm done son.
  • Brad and Dave liked Gigli.
  • The manager of the theater was nearby when they ordered their tickets, and upon hearing what movie they wanted to see, snapped her head up from her work to confirm she heard correctly.
• Brad and Jillian see House at the End of the Street. Jillian has trouble remembering the name of one of the movie's many unlikable characters...
  Brad: Well I'm sure you remembered [the character named] "Jillian"!
  Jillian: (playfully flips off Brad)
• Brad's analogy of his reaction to Dredd:
  Brad: Oh, my fucking God...delicious Dredd splooge all over my face and it tasted so fuckin' good! And you can quote me on that!
  Brian: ...that was the most disgusting metaphor I've ever heard.
• Brad's story in the Cloud Atlas Midnight Screening of him going to The Passion of the Christ on the opening night while wearing the "Jesus Did It for the Chicks" T-shirt.
• About 19 minutes into Brad & Jillian's review of The Man with the Iron Fists, Lloyd knocks over the camera. Silly cat.
• The Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 review. Jillian playing the role of a fangirl to perfection combined with Jake at his angry best. Brilliant.
  • The highlight, however, is when Fangirl!Jillian started listing off how Breaking Dawn should have been split into 3 movies with Brad zooming in on Jake's enraged face as she rambles on.
  • In the end, eventually Jillian breaks character and starts laughing after referencing William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet.
• At the end of the "Top 10 Worst Films of 2012" video, Brad suggests that Jake should wear a rainbow afro from Madagascar 3, walk down the street, and sing "Dun dun dunununun Afro Circus", which causes Jake to chip in, only much louder, to the point where he's screaming into the face of Brad, who is in hysterics.
  Jake: DUN DUN DUNUNUNUN DUN DUN CIRCUS. AFRO CIRCUS! AFRO CIRCUS!!!!!!
  Brad: He must have really liked the movie!
  • During the same video, Jake expresses his frustration toward comments Brad gets encouraging him to send Jake to bad movies.
    Jake: "This review was stupid! Send Jake to something he won't like because it's funny! A derp-a derp-a derp-a DO!"

2013

• In the Texas Chainsaw 3D review, Brad makes yet another reference to Roots. Dave asks him how come everything comes back to that show. Brad struggles to answer, turns to Brian, and nonchalantly asks: "Help me out, you used to have slaves".
  • Incidentally, after this video, the rest of the Midnight Screenings crew periodically refers to him as Slaver Brian.
• invoked Dave's attempt to describe the Idiot Plot, Insane Troll Logic, Artistic License – Law, and Plot Holes of Identity Thief. Summed up by this dialogue:
  Dave: So now he has to drive all the way to Florida to bring back Melissa McCarthy.
  Brad: Why?
  Dave: Because I have the weird feeling I'm cursed with having to see movies this year with really dumb cops.
• Brad's summary of A Good Day to Die Hard in one word: "SUCKED!"
  • At the end of the video the topic switches to Brad's Snob review of Moment By Moment, and Brad tells of someone who contacted him that had read the novelization of that film. First, he's surprised that a novelization exists, then he's blown that there's a scene where Strip tells Trisha that she looks like his mother...and even if she was his mother he'd want to have sex with her.
• While discussing G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Ryan brings up an old PSA from the show in which Deep Six emerges from the bottom of a pool to educate kids on swimming safely. What follows is this gem:
  Ryan: Why was Deep Six in the bottom of that pond, looking up at these boys in their swim trunks swimming?!
  • When describing the opening where most of the Joes are Killed Off for Real, Brad replies "By Fumbles?"
• During the review of Tyler Perrys Temptation, Irving walks by while Dave and Brian are reviewing the film. Irving asks, in a playful tone "How was your guys' movies, huh?" Dave proceeds to leave the car and beat on (i.e.shove a lot) Irving. While Brad, Brian and Ryan watch.
  Brad: It's about time one of these turned into a snuff film!
  • Hell, Dave's unrestrained fury during the whole review is hilarious to watch. Which hilariously enough started during the first few seconds of the review.
    Dave: Fucking dammit!
    Brad: Dave, you save some of that magic for the camera.
    Dave: YOU FUCK YOURSELF!!!
  • Their summation of an AIDS-related plot point: "Everybody's got AIDS and shit!"
    Dave: JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH! JUDITH!
• The Evil Dead (2013) review starts with an extended discussion about the misuse of nailguns in action films and Dave's rage over it, which Brad and Brian tease him for.
• In the Iron Man 3 Midnight Screening, loading up the page and seeing the guys with Pac-Man plushies they apparently won from the grabber. Before starting the video, it's completely out of nowhere.
• Brad refers to the runes from The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones as "the Jesus fish crossed with a Swastika."
• Sarah and Brian dancing at the end of the Battle of the Year (3D).
• Brad's "gift" for Irving in The Big Wedding review.
• Sarah describing The Great Gatsby as "This dude falls in love with this vapid cunt of a woman, and then she fucks him over and he dies."
• Brad and Brian reenact the overenthusiastic audience they had during The Hangover Part III at the beginning of the review.
• The beginning of the review of The Internship is utterly hilarious: Jake holds up his ticket stub, which he lit on fire. Then he steps out of the car to put out the fire. He pops back in just to say "I'm done" and disappears (He does return).
  • When they're trying to explain a scene in the movie and are baffled by one characters job description ("the guy who runs the fucking search engine?"), Sarah offers up the helpful offering of, "He, he's the search engineer" and proceeds to get a high-five from Brad. Dave yells out NO and hits the steering wheel in anger; Jake, whose hatred of puns is lengendary, can be seen twitching in fury and having to restrain himself from possibly ending Sarah right then and there.
  • The whole video is the stuff of legend. Jake and Dave, when not screaming, are seething in anger and desperately wanting to hurt something somewhere.
    Jake: All it was was a bunch of stupid, awkward white-people humor. You KNOW HOW I FEEL about WHITE-PEOPLE HUMOR! . . . Y'know what they're called when they first show up to this place? They're called "Noogles", Brad. THEY'RE CALLED "NOOGLES!" BECAUSE THEY'RE NEW TO GOOGLE!!! "NOOGLES!!!"
    Dave: And they use it exactly how you expect them to!
    Brad: *shrug*
    Jake: "What's up, my Noogles?".
  • At one point, Sarah gives Jake an activity book for the upcoming animated movie Turbo:
    Jake: Hold on, there's a word search.
    Dave: Oh, let's do the word search.
    Jake: The answers- I don't know if you can see this- [holds the booklet up to the camera] Here's the word search. The answers are all highlighted for you right there, in the bottom right hand corner. There's really no point to even looking.
    Brad: Well how else am I supposed to know where the words are?
    Jake: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR THEM! Why do they put it in the bottom right hand corner? Traditionally, this shit's on the ba- this is the back. You half-assed motherfuckers.
  • Dave declares that he'll never use Google again, and Brad asks him, 'So you're a Bing man, now?' Dave is completely taken aback, and can only utter 'Wh... what?"
  • Near the end of the video all four of them create an elaborate scenario in which Jake and Dave attempt a daring prison break from underneath the theater.
• Brad appearing to pop out of Hammerspace during the review of Now You See Me.
• Brad and Irving deciding that Harrison Ford's performance as Branch Rickey in 42 makes it a better Old Indiana Jones movie than The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and advising the viewers to "go for Jackie Robinson, stay for Indiana Jones!"
• During Ryan and Jake's Monsters University review, Ryan brings out a shirt that Brad bought Jake as a gift. What follows is beyond words.
  "DOES THAT SAY 'WITCH AND FAMOUS????!!!!' WHY DOES THAT SAY 'WITCH AND FAMOUS???!!!!'"
  • What really sells it is Ryan completely losing his shit in the process.
  • Before that, there's Ryan's rant about people being noisy in theaters.
  • Jake breaking down into disbelieving laughter when Ryan describes a preview depicting time traveling turkeys.
• Sarah's plot summary of Fast & Furious 6: "So, Michelle Rodriguez isn't dead, she has amnesia, and everyone has to go save her, and (mimes driving, shooting a gun and explosions) the end."
• The note Jake wrote from The Heat review:
  Irving: Look who's fatty the fat kettle fat fatty fat. Love Jake.
• In Man of Steel, a discussion on the collateral damage in the movie:
  Brad: Was the point of this scene: "Hey, don't you know, 9/11 could've been a lot worse! Superman could've been there."?
  Dave [to the camera]: So, it wasn't that bad, New York. Get over it. That's what Brad's saying.
  Brad: That's not what I said, you son of a bitch!
• Grown Ups 2 is so bad that it turns Irving into a Nazi sympathizer.
  • Brian is also revealed to be a Grammar Nazi.
    Irving: Let me tell you something about deers, Hollywood. THEY DON'T LIKE FUCKING PEOPLE! They will run away because we try and kill them.
    Brian: The plural of that is just "deer."
    Irving: [Stares at Brian]
    Brian: Well, it was me or a commenter, dude. Come on.
    Irving: Dude, fuck this.
• Jake is thoroughly pissed off by R.I.P.D. and ends up having to sing his happy song to cheer up. What is it? It's none other than the Ducktales theme song!
  • Jillian manages to annoy the hell out of him in the process, winds him up into a full-blown rage, and when he's done, she manages to look serious and just asks, "So, did you like it?"
    • Her obvious joy as she annoys him makes it even funnier.
  • Jake's declaration that he will personally destroy the world when he becomes a ghost because the hatred he has cannot be killed.
• Sarah and Dave review Red 2. Jerrid turns up, and Sarah cordially invites him to fuck off.
• Brad, Jake and Irving all review The Smurfs 2... shirtless.
  • In the beginning, Jake pulls off his Smurfs 2 jacket and grabs his shirt off Irving's lap. Irving snaps "Ow, watch my balls!" to which Jake replies "Fuck your balls!" Brad, being Brad, is sitting in the back seat laughing to himself.
  • The light in the car goes out after a few minutes. To turn it back on, Brad opens and shuts his door. The second time he does this, they have their shirts back on.
  • The way the review starts, before the shirts come off, is just golden. The Kid Movie Dream Team (Irving and Jake) are both sitting in the front seat, Jake with a look of utter displeasure on his face and Irving's face is very grim while he plays with his phone. Brad, on the other hand, picks up a Smurfs 2 water bottle, takes a swig, and then gives out the most satisfied "Ahh" afterward that immediately sparks Jake's characteristic fury.
  • "That was great, 'cause I'm sitting next to Jake and, all of a sudden, I hear him just scream out, 'HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING CORNDOG IS?!?'"
  • Jake is furious when they get to talking about all the puns the movie made.
    • "Final Smurfolution."
      Jake: What the fuck ones did not make the final script?! THEY PUT SMURFHOLM SYNDROME IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE! THAT GOT GREENLIT!! WHAT THE HELL DID NOT GET GREENLIT?!
  • "Terrence Malick's Smurfs".
  • Streets of Smurfadelphia
  • All the Smurf pun satire.
    Jake: At least Die Hard 5 did not say "Smurfholm Syndrome." That fucking infuriated me. "Oh yeah, she just has a classic case of Smurfholm Syndrome!" Yeah, that's a fucking fantastic disease to throw "Smurf" in front of. That's fucking fantastic.
    Brad: "Don't mind him, he's got Smurf Gehrig's Disease!"
    (Irving nearly bursts into laugher)
    Jake: Smurf Gehrig's Disease!? (Laughs)
  • Jake refers to the female evil Smurf as "Jillian-Smurf". Then he flips out when the others laugh and explains himself at the top of his lungs.
• From the Planes review: Jake pitches an idea for a movie set in the Cars/Planes universe titled "Jetsetters."
  • Sarah can't remember the main character's name, so she alternately refers to him as "Dusty Dusterson" and "Dusty St. Claire."
    Jake: It was not Dusty St. Claire.
    Sarah: It was totes Dusty St. Claire!
• For the Paranoia review, Brad, (who's flying solo) starts it with "I'm so lonely." The You're Next review released the following day:
  Brad: Still so lonely.
• Brad sums up what makes Rush and the protagonists James and Niki so great in one sentence:
  Brad: They're both assholes!
  • Sarah talked about how she thought he meant a Rush Hour sequel at first.
    Brad: If it was a Rush Hour sequel it wouldn't be me at that one!
    Sarah: Yeah it would.
    Brad: It probably would.
• Crossing over with Heartwarming Moments, the beginning of the Captain Phillips review with Dave and Irving singing along to "I'll Stand by You"
• The thumbnail for The Shining video is that of Brad and Brian imitating Jack's face at the end of the movie.
  • In the last third, they describe accidentally wandering into an under-renovation wing of a hotel and being menaced by an elevator.
• Brad, Brian and Dave go see The Best Man Holiday, having not seen the predecessor The Best Man. What they got was a surreal experience that they can't say is good but highly recommend, saying that it verged on Stealth Parody at points.
  • Dave's stories about quoting Highlander to Clancy Brown and nearly punching Jeff Goldblum.
  • The trio's prospective ideas for sequels including The Best Man Halloween and Dave's suggestion: The Best Man Arbor Day.
    Dave: What's wrong with that? I just wanna see 'em sitting in some trees.
  • The discussion of the boys' favorite fanfics of themselves. Apparently at the end of some of the porn ones, Dave shows up to give Brad a ride home. Brad also claims that some parts actually happened.
    Brian: Fan-NON-fiction??
  • "Where were you fucking in an elevator in Reno where there was a butler??" "We also ordered a sandwich!"
• Brad and Jake referring to Kristoff as "Yukon Cornelius" in the Frozen review. Then they start making references to "Raging Rudolph".
• "Black Nativity: Heavy on the black, light on the nativity!"
• The first line of the A Madea Christmas review:
  Brian: "Dave's cranky."
  • invoked Followed by Dave & Brian's increasingly bewildered and enraged attempt to explain the Idiot Plot, along with all the Insane Troll Logic, plot holes and factual inaccuries required to make it function.
  • Brian apologizing to Grown Ups 2, because it was no longer the worst movie of the year.
    • Dave's reaction to it, a disbelieving "Oh my god!" complete with laughter. Yet a couple of moments later, he's agreeing with Brian's reasoning.
  • In an attempt to describe a particularly Jerkass character, Dave simply calls her "Cunty McMomface", which causes Leddie, who was hiding in the background as usual to Corpse.
    Dave: I think I broke her.
    Brian: Leddie's a fan of "Cunty McMomface".
  • Which then becomes a Brick Joke:
    Dave: All right. Final words? Like, to sum it up?
    Brian: Uh... (beat) the Klan?
    Dave: Hmm. I'm gonna go with "Cunty McMomface". That's how I'm finishing this.
  • After seeing the trailer for A Haunted House 2, they point out that the voiceover in the trailer pulls a Curse Cut Short, and the two imagine that maybe the voiceover is just a down-to-earth conservative-minded guy who just doesn't want to swear, which amuses Dave:
  Dave: God damn it. After all the shit we've been through this year, I deserve a smile inside. That's why I'm gonna keep saying "Cunty McMomface" until I get out of the car.
  • And at the end of the video:
    Brian: Leddie, any last words? (beat) Well, she's dead.
    Dave: I think she might have muttered "Cunty McMomface" before she died.
    Leddie: (laughs again)
    Brian: You're awake!
  • Their mockery of the film making Serious Business out of corn-growing.
  • At one point, Brian and Dave step over each other's lines and start giggling. Cue a Beat, Dave placing his hand on Brian's forehead and saying "Next time we got this shit"... and then another beat before both of them start giggling again while Brian says "We don't have this at all."
  • After a bunch of cameos from fleetingly and memetically famous African-Americans such as Sweet Brown ("Ain't Nobody Got Time for That") and Antoine Dodson (the "Bed Intruder" guy), Brian questions why the "Flea Market Montgomery" guy wasn't among them.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight: after absolutely thrashing Larry the Cable Guy in their Cars 2 review, they both begrudgingly admit that he was the best part of this movie.
• Irving's Mental Midgets comment from the Walking with Dinosaurs review.
• Anything in this recap video (many are listed above).
• In the Top 10 Worst Films of 2013 (Brad and Jake Edition), when Brad's talking about The Hangover Part III, Jake deduces that the "bros" that didn't find Brad and Brian's laughter to be genuine weren't waiting in the car for the two of them, but because they were doing a "Bro Review". Brad swears he will find their Bro Review of Hangover III.
  • Brad's idea for a Rocky and Raging Bull parody: Raging BS.
  • When Brad says his #1 worst movie, A Good Day to Die Hard (the one in Mother Russia) the caption above part of the title of the poster of the movie makes it read: "Eat Shit and Die Hard".
• About four minutes in to the review for Scary Movie 5, Brad and Dave are taken aback by the fact that they spot three people dressed like the cast of Reservoir Dogs walking across the parking lot.
  Brad: Our fucking lives are a fucking parody movie. Great.
  Dave (shouting out of the car): HEY, MR. BLONDE!

2014

• The "STD Bingo card" joke in the review of That Awkward Moment.
• Endless Love (the remake) broke Brad and perhaps even more than that ("it made my soul melty"). Especially since the movie is almost an adaptation In Name Only and closer to a Nicholas Sparks book. Jillian's light-hearted moments prevent the review from getting hard to watch. Brad even lampshades that, without Jillian, it would have been the most depressing review and video he made for the website.
• Their review of RoboCop features an Orphaned Punchline at the very beginning: "Maybe (Brian Lewis's) ancestors owned him." The crew admitted the orphaned punchline will make no sense to the audience, but if you think a little harder you will realize they were discussing why Lewis is a black man in this movie.
  • They then compared the Body Horror scene with Jan in the pan.
• The Winter's Tale review. All of it.
  • The opening lines of the review:
    Brad: [takes a long drag on his e-cigarette; turns to Sarah] You mind telling me what the fuck that was that we just sat through?!
    [Both Brad and Sarah dissolve into helpless laughter for almost half a minute]
  • Whenever the winged horse took off in the film, Brad and Sarah both had the TriStar Pictures fanfare playing in their minds. Additionally, Sarah notes that she also liked to imagine the winged horse screeching like an eagle instead of neighing, and during their review Brad offers various hilarious impressions of what he thinks the horse might've been thinking throughout the film a la Mister Ed.
    • Brad also remains convinced that the entire film was inspired by a bet made to Akiva Goldsman that he couldn't make a film version of "Terrence Malick's Mister Ed."
  • invoked When both Brad and Sarah are bewildered by Peter Lake's parents sending him to New York City from Ellis Island in a small wooden boat during a storm, Brad then jokes that his parents should've instead just thrown him into the sewer a la Batman Returns.
  • Brad was initially confused as to why Pearly (Russell Crowe's character and the film's Big Bad) was so hell-bent on ruining Peter Lake's life in particular, but after the two of them ultimately got into a climatic showdown on the frozen lake at the film's climax, Brad "realized" that in fact, Pearly was just Russel Crowe playing the South Park version of Russell Crowe — "He just sails around, and wants fisticuffs with people!" — and he wanted to fight Colin Farrell (a.k.a. Peter Lake) since he was the only person to have ever gotten away from him.
    • Sarah and Brad also describe Pearly as a mix of "Javert if he was severely concussed" and Popeye.
  • According to Brad and Sarah, Pearly's way of alerting his minions to track Beverly (a.k.a the Love Interest of Peter Lake) is by nearly ripping their faces off in public and painting their hands red with their own blood after requesting "spotted owl" in a restaurant, as Beverly is apparently the only redhead in all of New York City.
  • Sarah's hilariously creepy impression of Beverly's little sister Willa, which Brad openly describes as being as unintentionally scary as the intentionally scary little kids from Orphan and Silent Hill.
  • This gem following up on their "death by penis" discussion:
    Sarah: Oh that's right, I killed her with my penis!
    Brad: Ooooh, we did bad, penis!
    Penis!Sarah: It was Worth It, buddy!
    Brad: That would not have surprised me, if his dick just talked to him. Nothing would have surprised me if it happened in this movie.
  • When Peter Lake is attending Beverly's funeral, Pearly's Mooks are able to alert him to what happened by telling him (in one of Brad's favorite lines from the entire film) "Oh, we just had him spotted! He was at a funeral for that 'Beverly' girl, and then he went back to Union Station so he could go get his horse!"
    Mook!Brad: ...Wow, saying that out-loud sounds really stupid.
  • Their utter glee in describing how the flying horse saves the day by crashing onto a frozen lake so Pearly's fleet of cars falls into the water and his Mooks all drown. Furthermore, that was shortly followed by Pearly turning into a snowman after Peter Lake finally kills him.
    Brad: [while Sarah collapses into giggles right next to him] All of this shit HAPPENS!!
  • invoked They both ultimately enthusiastically recommend the film as a So Bad, It's Good masterpiece of epic proportions, and recommend a Drinking Game of taking someone un-initiated to the film and taking a shot each time they shout "What?!" at any of the movie's batshit insanity.
• Brian's impersonation of the crying sound that Mary Magdalene does in Son of God.
  • Sarah imitating Peter's crying.
  • Sarah telling Brian what he missed while he dozed off: "You missed the torture scene, and the other torture scene, and the 'Jesus makes a black friend' scene..."
  • Brian's impression of the kid from ''Heaven Is For Real" and his take on the trailer.
  • At the end of the review, the light of the car goes out, and they (Brian and Sarah, who did the review, and Jillian and Brad, who were in the back of the car) say goodbye. Cue Brian going "Urrrrghhh!" just before the video finishing.
• Brad getting a taste of what he's been dishing out to Dave and Brian when he has to go see Tyler Perry's Single Moms Club.
  • The first line of the video was like a Brick Joke more than a year in the making (since Dave and Brian had to see Tyler Perrys Temptation):
    Brad: [takes furious drag on e-cig] Everything they said was true!!
    Sarah: [giggles]
• Brad and Sarah guess that the society of Divergent was created so that the four main factions would kill each other and leave Amity in charge.
• The reenactment of the dialogue throughout the Sabotage review.
• The God's Not Dead review:
  • Like Battleship, there's Dave swearing someone out for talking during the movie. More specifically, a youth group member who was 12 or 13.
    Dave: Would you please kindly shut the fuck up.
  • When talking about Professor Radisson's death they mention the "Cool" minister Pastor Dave and his African missionary partner, who they call Pastor Gene Gene The Dancing Machine just happening to be there After Radisson gets run over.
  • They also mention how Radisson's death could've been avoided if one of the crowd members called an ambulance instead of giving him his last rites.
  • Then there's Brad's story of waiting in line at the concession stand and overhearing one of the youth group kids planning to beat up an Atheist and that same kid wondering how the staff cleans up the melted ice cream bar in the front, not knowing that the wrapper is just being used for display purposes.
  • When the main character's name Josh Wheaton is brought up, Brad jokes that his mother's name is Jan Lee and their maid's name is Senor Spielbargo.
  • Brad and Dave mock Dean Cain's blase reaction to his girlfriend having cancer.
  • The duo both agreeing that Kevin Sorbo was the best part of the movie.
  • When talking about Willie Robertson's appearances, Brad calls him "as genuine as Larry the Cable Guy". and remarks at his ability to suddenly be aware of the plot.
  • When they discuss "what would a Young Republican look like" the duo immediately choose Ryan, despite him being as liberal as the both of them.
  • Comparing the protagonist of the film to Emmett from The LEGO Movie and the concert band to a Christian Kraftwerk.
  • The Philosophy Class. There's Brad mentioning that he would drop out of the class after a week because nothing would be accomplished, the fact that Radisson would've been fired a long time ago, and when talking about how Josh managed to convert a class of 80+ people to Christianity, Brad and Dave mention the fat guy sitting in his desk while everyone else is being converted, joking that he's the lone holdout or is simply stuck in his seat^note He actually was!.
  • Brad mentioning that as bad as the film was, at least it didn't have Kirk Cameron in it. Considering what came later in the year, it's hard to imagine he didn't later end up eating his words.
• Jake telling a story of his school wrestling days in the Draft Day review is priceless.
  • Jake is recapping the plot of the movie, and they start assigning the characters stupid nicknames, for example: Bo Callahan is Bo Titties, Sean Combs' character is Pizzle Dizzle, Vontae Mack is Mack Daddy, and Ray Jennings is Ray-Jay.
  • Jake telling us he couldn't perform fellatio because he has a horrible gag reflex, which means he couldn't be gay unless he was a "power top". Then Jake pretends to try shove a cucumber down his throat while constantly puking, and then saying some people like watching similar videos with Japanese girls doing the same thing.
• Rio 2: Brad comes up with a pun so good that even Jake can't help but smile:
  Brad: This movie's name is Rio, and it dances in the bland.
  • Brad recalling his experience directing a Spanish version of Snow White, despite not speaking the language at all.
  • Jake recalling his story of starring in an anti-drug play. As 17 different characters. Brad jokes that he was the Peter Sellers of his school.
  • Brad mentioning a reenactment of the aftermath of a drunk driving accident and mentioning that passing drivers must've been freaked out by seeing the aftermath and everyone standing around.
  • The fact that only about a third of the video is spent discussing the film itself.
• In the Heaven Is for Real review, Brad and Dave stumble upon the kid's twitter account.
  • In the same review, Brad and Dave mock Thomas Haden Church phoning in his performance.
• The Quiet Ones review, where Brad and Jillian make fun of the noisy audience.
• In the Brick Mansions review, Brian and Sarah constantly use "parkour" as a noun.
  • Then there's Brian's attempt at parkour in the car. The key word being "attempt".
• The Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return review sees the return of Angry Jake in full force, and it is glorious.
  • Of note is Jake's refusal to call "that Marshmallow guy" by his actual name.
  • Also of note, Jake demanding to know where the Gales' insurance guy was, and Brad responds as the "Caught ya a dollar" guy.
  • His surprise at seeing how somehow his Grandpa Tuggers idea was made into a movie, and it was this one.
  • When discussing the unusual closing credits, ^note  Where the names of random real life people are placed over still images of Dorothy helping to rebuild the town. they theorize that the movie could have been funded through either Kickstarter or Indie Go Go. ^note The film was actually funded by pressuring people into donations, to the point the filmmakers were accused of fraud Brad jokes about giving them $1000 under "Angry Jake Norvell".
    Brad: "We were about to cancel this whole production, but then we got a thousand extra dollars!"
    Jake: "Oh no, argh!"
    Brad: "Now we can put it in 2,000 cinemas nationwide!"
    Jake: "Starting with the home town of the person who donated, Mr. 'Angry Jake' Norvell."
• During the Million Dollar Arm review, Brad compares Jillian to Dorothy from Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return, he even edits in a side by side comparison and the resemblance is uncanny.
• At the end of the Godzilla review, the random guy who wants to know if Brad wants to get "drunk and high".
  • Pointing out that despite the fact that Godzilla is a giant monster who is taller than most buildings, he still causes less collateral damage than Superman in Man Of Steel.
  • Rule of Funny applying of course, as Superman himself didn't cause nearly as much destruction as Zod and his ship.
  • The car light going out at the exact time that they actually start talking about the movie itself. They realize this means they spent ten whole minutes discussing the 1998 film before getting down to business.
• In the The Fault in Our Stars review, Brad and Sarah tell stories about Dave's misadventures in driving, including crashing his car into another car full of foreign delegates.
• Jake is more mellow than usual in the How to Train Your Dragon 2 review due to seeing a good movie and winning a plush neckrest from a claw crane. He and Brad joke about how it turns him into "Zen Jake" who has no problem with movies like The Smurfs 2. Brad then impersonates an angry fan who thinks the new Jake is boring.
• When talking about Kevin Hart's narration in Think Like a Man Too ^note  A narration that consists entirely of nonsensical basketball metaphors. The weather outside of the car consists of thunder and lightning, leading to this gem from Brad:
  Brad: "Looks like the sky is gonna provide a three-point shot to win the game!"
  • Brad saying how this movie completes Wendi McLendon-Covey's "Trilogy of Shit" having starred in Single Moms Club and Blended prior in the year.
  • Much like Temptation, Dave's feelings on the movie are clear from the very start:
    (video starts)
    Brad: I-
    Dave: FUCK YOU!
• Brad and Irving in the Jersey Boys review talking about their childhood sex talks and late night Cinemax watching is a thing of beauty...
• The Earth to Echo review, where Jake has a blunder on par with the "Assburgers" incident.
  • Brad saying that the movie is sort of a remake of the Atari 2600 ET game, followed by Jake yelling at Brad for the latter's defense of the game.
  • When discussing the stupidity of Who Shot JFK? theories, Brad and Jake joke about the conspiracies surrounding the Challenger explosion, such as Ronald Reagan ordering the explosion to win the election ^note  Seeing how the election happened in 1984 and the explosion happened in 1986, the logic is made by the duo impossible on purpose. It gets better with this dialogue:
    Jake (as Oliver North): "Mr. President, we need security clearance to shoot down the ship."
    Jake (as Reagan): "Jelly beans."
    Brad: "It's a go!"
    Jake (as North): "You heard the man, it's a go, shoot the bitch down. BLAM! Look at those approval ratings."
    Brad: "Mission accomplished."
    Jake: "Mission accomplished sir, well done."
  • The return of "Shoot the Monkeys" from The Smurfs review.
  • Jake's reaction to Brad chuckling at a fart joke at the Planes Fire and Rescue trailer.
  • Jake's reaction to the Dolphin Tale 2 trailer: "FUCK DOLPHINS!"
• In the Planes: Fire and Rescue review, Brad & Jake break equate an RV-Salesman whom himself is an RV to slavery, of course leading to a rendition of Slaver Brian selling RVs. "If I buy this RV, why do I have to buy the five smaller ones? Got to keep the family together..."
• The Purge: Anarchy review, Brad & Jake talk about an internet reviewer style purge. The main rule being that they can make fun of the viewers but the reverse cannot happen with the highlight being what Irving could say during it.
• Brad, Sarah and Dave see a trailer for The Maze Runner at Into the Storm (2014). From the presence of a mechanical spider, they guess that the characters are being held prisoner by Arliss Loveless.
• In what comes in a close second in terms of faulty tech behind Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), a chunk of Brad and Dave's review of The November Man is dedicated to the theater losing power and them having to wait 40 minutes to finish the movie. All two minutes of what was left of it.
• The thumbnail for the As Above So Below review, which has Jake and Brian holding hands behind their backs.
  • Lampshaded in the review:
  Brian: "You know that's gonna be the fucking picture."
  Jake: "I know it is."
  • "Chairman" Brian reviews chairs. When it rivals "Slaver Brian" in terms of notability, it was destined for this page. The rambling description on Brian's part doesn't hurt either.
  • Crossing over with Brad and Dave's review of The November Man above are both parties talking about the "Monsoon season" they've had in Springfield.
  Brian: "Because we live in the fucking Philippines now.
  • Brian shaking the camera in order to mock the lead character's similar methods of getting a hologram of something on her phone.
• Brad and Jake's reaction to just how bad The Identical turned out to be. They were shocked into laughter.
  Jake: Man...
  Brad: That movie wasn't very good, dude.
  Jake: The movie was really bad, bro!
  Brad: Aw. What the fuck, bro?
  Jake: Goddamnit, bro!
  Brad: The movie sucked, bro!
  Jake: The movie sucked so bad, bro!
  Brad ^note  After establishing the child in question is one day old. (In Southern drawl) Then we go to ten years later...where their son is 18 but looks 38.
  • Jake's "I didn't know you could use babies as currency!"
  • The duo talking about how they have no idea why Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd signed up, but they do come up with a reason why Seth Green would've signed up.
  • It finally clicking with Brad and Jake how awful the movie is, with a line of dialogue that states "There's only one Elvis", implying that the main character is impersonating an Elvis Knock-off.
• The beginning of the Dolphin Tale 2 review, where Brad and Jake are talking about making their own Mackerel movie, and taking a page from Spy Kids 4 by having a "4-D" gimmick where every smell is "Mackerel".
• During The Equalizer review when discussing the promo for Wahlburgers, they come up with their own idea for a reality show: ''PanJakes" which is centered around Jake opening a pancake stand in the middle of Springfield.
  • When talking about how when lying in the back of the car when other members are doing reviews, Brad mentions him having to sit in the back during Brian and Irving's review of 12 Years a Slave and regretting not loudly and obnoxiously laughing 20 minutes into it.
• The Left Behind review:
  • The beginning: Since Brad and Jake are parked under a floodlight, they joke that God is rapturing them out of pity over seeing so many terrible Christian movies this year, in spite of them both not being that religious.
    Jake (as God): You've gone through enough boys. Come on up.
  • Brad reveals that Brian didn't know about the movie, and when Brad explained it to him...
    Brad: I'm like, "Oh, Jake and I are about to go see Left Behind." He's like, "There's another one?" I'm like, "You don't know about this? With Nicolas Cage." And he just writes back "Dafuq?"
  • Then after that, Jake realizes that there's a spider in the car leading him to have a hilarious freakout.
  • When Brad talks about Nicolas Cage's dispiriting performance, he equates it to watching someone grieve over a dead dog. Jake replies with:
    Jake: Aw don't worry buddy, we'll get you another Nic Cage.
  • Crossing over with Crowning Moment of Awesome, Brad and Jake's take on the Saving Christmas trailer and their utter evisceration of the so-called "War on Christmas".
    Brad: First of all, you did not save Christmas, Kirk Cameron. Ernest P. Worrell saved Christmas! Show some goddamn respect, you fuckin' banana-fuckin' motherfucker!
  • When talking about Hillsong-Let Hope Rise, Brad and Jake say that when they're trying to convince "Hipster Dave" to see it, he'll still act like he's heard of them.
  • While talking about Exodus: Gods and Kings, Brad jokes that he got his knowledge of Judaism from Woody Allen movies.
  Brad: "Moses was born under a roller coaster in Queens."
• invoked Brad, Sarah and Dave all say that Gone Girl was so good that even Tyler Perry was good in it.
• Dave and Brian's ideas for sequel names for Dracula Untold, such as Dracula 3: What Did I Done Tell You?, Dracula 5: Back to the West Coast, and Dracula 6: Runteldat to the Mountains.
• Brad and Irving's review of The Judge.
  Irving: "And Robert Duvall shits himself."
• Dave and Brian's review of The Best of Me, and when discussing the jerk husband with the name Frank Reynolds and his friend "Chaz." Dave talks about how "We need a really WASP-y motherfucker hanging around with us."
  • When talking about near the end when Michelle Monaghan's character's cooks her husband dinner. Brian and Dave mock the movie making him the bad guy simply by answering his phone at the dinner table while her character fell in love with her high school sweetheart behind his back, and is painted in the right.
  • They open the review with the following exchange:
  Dave: "I hate him. Do you hate him?"
  Brian: "'Hate' is such a small word."
• During Brad and Jake's review of Ouija, they talk about how the boyfriend of one girl is never seen, and how the characters just yell towards his car as it drives around.
  • Brad's aside about when he was in New York City, him, Todd Nathanson, Lindsay Ellis and everyone else watched Walking with Dinosaurs. Their rationale? "Eh, we were drunk."
• Jake, Brian and Irving spend almost all of the Big Hero 6 review discussing the Short Circuit movies, the Chappie trailer, the obscure Blaxploitation film Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde, Harry S. Truman and Irving jerking off.
  • About five minutes in, we get Irving's take on The Princess and the Frog
  Irving: "N'awlins! Jazz! Black folk!"
  • Especially when they imitate Truman holding up the Dewey Defeats Truman paper, only with him also Flipping the Bird. Followed by them imagining a scenario where Truman buys 365 editions of the paper so he can drop it off at Dewey's front door every day.
  Jake as Dewey: TRUMAN!
  Brian as Truman: Come find me, I think you know the address!
• The beginning of the Dumb and Dumber To review. Not only are Brad and Jake dressed in respectively Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos, there's their stories wearing them such as Brad going up to the ticket lady and saying "Two for Rosewater", and her not batting an eye, and going to a gas station and the clerk saying, "Nice Clockwork Orange getup!".
  • Nick's failed attempt at a joke when seeing Big Fish
  Nick: "I'm saying that because...Fish are...Stinky."
  Clerk: "Is that supposed to be a joke?"
• The entirety of the Rosewater review, mostly because Brad and Jake are in the back, still in tuxedos. Gets better when Dave is describing how this, in his opinion mediocre movie could've been great, Jake slowly slides into frame. When Dave tells him to go back, he sinks back just as slowly, causing everyone in the car to laugh.
• Near the end of their review of Saving Christmas, Brad is so appalled by the mind-bendingly insane awfulness of the film, he jokingly remarks how he should start sending all the other Team Snob members two by two to see it. The next day...we find out he did exactly that.
  • Brad and Dave being simultaneously utterly confused and entirely contemptuous of the movie, and yet incredibly gleeful they saw it.
    Brad: [chuckles to himself] Hell yeah, we saw Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas!
    Dave: [also chuckling] Hands down, worst movie I've seen all year.
    Brad: [while grinning like a madman] Oh, I'm telling people to go see this.
    Dave: Oh! Me too!
    Brad: You better believe I'm telling people to go see this!
    Dave: [turns to address the camera directly] Give this man money to make more movies like this, because I want to go see them.
  • Brad and Dave's bewilderment at the trailer for Little Boy, and their horror at what was to come.
    "Two for Little Boy!'"
    "We just got out of Little Boy!"
  • While discussing the stupidity and inaccuracies of the film, Brad points out how Ebeneezer Scrooge is confused with Uncle Scrooge McDuck.
  • invoked During Jake and Irving's follow-up review, they figure out that if, as Kirk Cameron claims, Christmas trees represent the cross (and were not originally a pagan practice as actual historians and anthropologists will tell you), then half the people in Springfield have the equivalent of burning crosses in their yards.
    • invoked Jake points out how the lone black male character's characterization borders on Sassy Black Woman. Irving then summarizes the behavioral stereotype as a "Negress," giving us this golden exchange:
      Jake: A negress? What the hell is a NEGRESS?! A black princess?!
      Irving: [over Jake's sentence] A female Negro...yes!
      [Cut to a solid thirty seconds of Irving cackling and Jake slumped over the steering wheel making a series of deep snorting noises while trying to regain his composure]
      Jake: ...We're probably gonna end up cutting that out.
  • In Sarah and Brian's review, they start discussing the Adam and Eve story, which gives us this gem from Sarah:
    Sarah: [as Adam] "Honey, I know you have to suffer from the rigors of childbirth, but in my defense...it looked delicious."
    • Brian also describes Sarah's family's nativity scene, consisting of the Baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary, two of the Three Wise Men, and the original Gundam.
• The entirety of the Nothing! video.
  • To elaborate, since The Pyramid got Screwed by the Network and hasn't come to Springfield (having been the only release scheduled for that week), Brad and Jake decide to talk about whatever comes to mind. Namely, Surge, Chatterbox, Mass Effect, Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption, Project Almanac and Raising Hope.
  • Jake's reactions to Brad describing Chatterbox.
  • Brad and Jake talk about Moose on the Loose and Jake imitates hunters adhering to the arbitrary rules of the game.
  • There's Brad's take on Raising Hope where he had to take a while to buy Garret Dillahunt as a caring grandfather after seeing him in roles where he played murderers and rapists.
  • Jake's story of lighting firecrackers in his parents' room, with Jake mentioning his Dad having PTSD. Jake says he also should've played "All Along the Watchtower".
• Jake tells a fantastical tale of his solo viewing of Annie. For starters, Brian, who was supposed to see the movie with Jake, had his car break down; he texted Brad with a long paragraph starting with "FUCK FUCK MOTHER FUCKER", which Brad immediately knew meant "I can't make it". Brad then informed Jake of the bad news, that he would be seeing the movie solo (or, as they refer to it, he was "Peeples'd", since Brian did the same thing to Dave at that movie). Once Jake got in the movie theater, a larger black woman showed up behind him. Once she got close enough to see him, she was surprised that he was a 20-something white guy watching Annie on his own, which caused her to burst out into laughter that continued into snickering for about 10 minutes straight. Once the movie ended, Jake waited in his seat, since he didn't want to pass by the woman again, but she remained seated. Eventually he stood up, turned to the people behind him, and asked the woman what she thought of the movie; she said she liked it. He then asked a few more people behind her what they thought, and they thought it was stupid (a sentiment Jake agreed with). Before Jake could leave, the woman asked him one question: "What the hell is your white ass doing in here with Black Annie?!"
  • When discussing how Sandy got his name by being named after Hurricane Sandy, Brad tells quite possibly the darkest joke ever told on the show.
    Brad: "It could be worse, They could've named it after Sandy Hook.
    (Beat)
    Brad: "Do-do-do-dododo. Do!"
    [Jake bursts into laughter]
• At the end of the review of The Gambler, the lights go out right on cue...but then Dave instinctively opens the door to turn the lights back on. Brad says "Fuck you, you ruined the perfect ending", so Dave manually turns all of the lights off in the car, so the video can end with darkness and Brad's hysterical laughing.
• During the "Worst Films of 2014 (Brad and Jake Edition)", Brad informs Jake that The Pyramid apparently isn't about mummies, but about zombified cats, which bursts the two into hysterics.
  Brad: "Like little hairless Lloyds chasing them in a pyramid! Aw, they just - they just want some attention!"
  Jake: "Aw, they just want some lovin'!"
• During the "Worst Films of 2014 (Brian, Sarah and Dave Edition)", while discussing how The Best of Me is nothing but bits and pieces of other Nick Sparks works, Sarah has the revelation that the title is referring to Sparks himself.
• At the end of the When the Game Stands Tall video, Brad and Jake make fun of the team from the movie's whiny reaction to them losing a match and recall their high school days:
  Jake: I snapped my collarbone in three different places during a wrestling match and I had to wrestle another wrestling match RIGHT AFTER that one!
  Brad: Yeah, well, I had to fucking run faster than Speedy Charlie!
  Jake: Who the hell is Speedy Charlie?!?
  Brad: He was very speedy. And his name might haven't been Charlie.
  Jake: I'm really sure you're making this up. I don't think there is anybody on any other team called Speedy Charlie.
  Brad: That's 'cause he's too fast.
  Jake: [looks confused]
  Brad: He's so fast you can't even catch his name.
  Jake: GODDAMMIT BRAD!
  Brad: [laughs]

2015

• Brad, Dave and Sarah go to a theater showing of The Wizard of Oz, and they snark at it like they would any modern movie. Of particular note is the gang's incredulous reaction to the Scarecrow wielding a gun as they storm the Witch's castle.
  • Apparently, one of the comments made by Dave in the theater was so inappropriate that Brad flat-out censors it when it's brought up during the video. Considering what Team Snob is usually allowed to get away with, this is quite a feat.
• While reviewing Project Almanac, Brian points out in Found Footage movies how a character will shut off the camera by reaching straight for the lens. "Who does that?" he asks. He also crumples a plastic bottle to show the unusual sounds made when a character is picking up a camera. Naturally, at the end of the review, Brian decides to shut off the camera and reaches straight for the lens.
• The end of the Jupiter Ascending review where they try to come up with technically true statements that TV spots could use for blurbs. The last one is "Channing Tatum is...action packed!"
• The beginning of the Seventh Son review where Brad gets a gift. The one-sheet poster for The Loft Brian and Dave found in the garbage.
  • The thumbnail for the video is Brian showing a photo of Dave...and he's the only one in the theater. Granted, a few more people eventually showed up, but it's still quite the image.
• Brad and Violet's impersonations of Taylor Lautner's ditzy character in The Ridiculous Six... and then Brad wishing that Lautner had played Jacob Black that way. "Team Jacob all the way!"
• invoked The excess of Crosses the Line Twice humor in the review of The DUFF, from Sarah's comparison of menstruation to the blood hallway from The Shining to all of The Sims horror stories.
• Brad & Dave's review of (or more accurately, Brad telling Dave about) Old Fashioned, and the many, many conversations that come from it.
  • Dave flaunts how he managed to dodge the bullet on this one. After Brad squirms about it for a good minute or two, Dave asks "So, um, how was it?" Brad responds with "Surprisingly good. I c-OH MY GOD!"
    Dave: Never thought I'd say that, but I'm glad I was at work and couldn't watch it!
  • When saying that the movie has terrible dialogue, Brad says that one of the first lines of the movie is "That's a lot of hooey".
    Brad: This movie was a whole lot of hooey.
  • About midway through the review, Brad starts panning the cinematography, stating "Tyler Perry would shoot this scene better." Dave's visibly bewildered reaction is simply priceless, especially after remembering his reactions to Temptation and A Madea Christmas.
    • During one such moment, Brad takes the camera in hand to show how off the camerawork was, with close ups of his and Dave's face and he quotes some lines from the scene he's talking about as one character, and Dave as the other, who perfectly mouths what Brad's quoting, that quote? "Yeah, yeah, marry me bitch."
  • The mere fact that the showtime Brad watched the movie on was 4:20 PM.
  • Dave mentioning that despite being an impossibly chaste Christian romance movie, the movie has a title that's also a euphemism for both a handjob and an alcoholic beverage... the latter of which Brad comments he desperately needed less than halfway through the movie.
  • invoked Brad saying that Star 80 was a better romance than Old Fashioned, causing Dave to burst into laughter.^note Keep in mind that Star 80 is a biopic about Dorothy Stratten, who was abused by her husband before being raped and killed by him in a murder-suicide.
• In Unfriended:
  • In a repeat of Seventh Son, Brad took a photo of Dave standing and looking sad and disappointed in a large empty theater.
  • Brad opines that the movie would be much better if at the very end, the computer zoomed out to show Bugs Bunny sitting at a computer saying "Ain't I a stinkah?" Dave admits that if someone edited that into the end of the movie, he would watch the entire movie again, despite him hating it, just because he knew that ending would be coming.
  • Ghost Sarah in the back:
    "Aha! Kill yourself!"
  • Brad and Dave talking about The Visit along with Dave's incredulous reaction that M. Night Shyamalan wasn't blacklisted after After Earth.
  • Brad recalls a conversation with Benzaie where the latter stated that Lady in the Water was the best film of the 2000's. Dave, who felt the film didn't deserve the flak it got, replies with:
    Dave: ...That wasn't even one of the best films of that year.
• In Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2:
  • Sarah and Ryan wish that the film ended with Blart getting kicked by a horse, only to not get up and have the kick be fatal. Just show him falling to the ground, fade to black, the end.
  • Sarah says that they could have probably made Paul's mother getting hit by the milk truck funny if she didn't die, and says she could have instead just rolled over in pain and yelled "Ah, my Sciatica!"
  • The two end up name-dropping multiple corporations, and as such demand royalties from all of them.
  • When discussing how the script appeals to the lowest common denominator, they theorize that there must be a "Script Mine" in Hollywood that they dig scripts out of.
• The video description of Little Boy: "Two for Little Boy".
  • The theater placed a poster for Get Hard right next to the poster for Little Boy, which led Brad to read it as "Get Hard, Little Boy."
• The Hot Pursuit video has Irving imitating the Screaming Goat video three times, with all incidents temporarily muting the audio.
  • When talking about the director, Anne Fletcher, Dave mentions her 17 acting credits as "Background Dancer".
  Irving: "So, Paula Abdul is directing movies now?
  Dave: "I think so, and I think she was drunk."
  • The "Final Thoughts" where Dave simply blows a raspberry.
• Brad & Dave talking about the Fridge Horror and No Endor Holocaust surrounding the pins in Tomorrowland.
• After getting out of Mad Max: Fury Road, Brad's first question sums up the attitude for the rest of the video.
  Brad: So who wants to jerk off first?
• In the War Room review, Brad suggests that the movie should've been called Pray It Forward, at which point Dave yells "Get the fuck out of my car!"
• From the 90 Minutes in Heaven review:
  • Pointing out that someone (someone with functioning arms, that is) must have been very carefully maintaining Hayden Christensen's facial hair during his five months in the hospital.
  • Irving speculates that a girl in the main character's vision of heaven was "the first girl to give him a blowjob."
    Brad: What was her story? Like, I know why everyone else is up there meeting him, 'cause he gives us a thirty-minute backstory on all of them—
    Irving: She died of lockjaw.
    Brad: That's what the "90 minutes in heaven" in the title means. [they both crack up]
  • According to Brad, Hayden Christensen's kids bear an uncanny resemblance to Jake Lloyd. On the other hand, his chemistry with Kate Bosworth is apparently far better than he had with Natalie Portman.
• The beginning of the Faith Of Our Fathers episode, where Brad and Violet gleefully make fun of the comments on the Terminator Genisys video where Violet first appeared.
• The Sinister 2 review, where Brad and Brian fumble for words trying to describe Bughuul's generic, unremarkable design.
• In the Hitman: Agent 47 episode, Brad describes a character death that causes the entire building to black out. At that exact moment the cars lights go out. Brad even notes the perfect timing as he opens and closes the door.
• The image for the Unsullied review. While the films on the marquee Unsullied is sandwiched in-between have placards, this film only gets a sheet of paper turned on its side reading: Unsullied.
  • In a Call-Back to Seventh Son and Unfriended, Brad shows another photo of Dave alone in a theater, except no one else besides the two saw the movie.
• Jem and the Holograms (2015) has as its thumbnail Brian happily showing how the theater is completely empty through him doing the Captain Morgan pose (which Brian later proudly describes as "Me lording over my domain!").
  • And that is no exaggeration: the video starts with Brad and Brian snickering and admitting that they were the only two in the entire theater building barring the employees.
    Brad: I am predicting that this film's not gonna do very well!
  • Later on in their review, as both Brian and Brad complain about how obviously cheap the whole film was, Brad compares the Holograms' first public concert being conducted in only a thin-walled warehouse to if one of the most lavish Broadway productions in the world was only performed on Sardou's stage from Blood Sucking Freaks.
    • They then briefly spiral off into unfavorably comparing the film to both Blast Off Girls and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, with Brad joking that the "traditional Blumhouse Jump Scare" could've been Z-Man from the latter film jumping in out of nowhere "and chopping some motherfucker's head off!"
• Brad and Dave open the review of The Martian talking about going to Irving's wedding reception and having silly fun.
  Brad: You gotta love any reception ceremony where the phrase "As Jack Skellington once said" is used.
• In the Midnight Screenings of Boyhood, Brad mentions to both Sarah and Dave that he had to stop pranking Violet with his ventriloquist dummies because he once ended up accidentally scaring himself after he had left one of them in the shower.
  • Before they get into the actual review of Boyhood, there's the entire initial discussion about how awful ATM is and how Brian introduced it to Brad.
    Dave: [regarding the plot of ATM] FUCK IT, RUN!
    • Special mention should be given to how apparently Brian and Lettie had the following discussion over why Brian wouldn't shut up about the movie to everyone they knew:
      Lettie: I think you seriously like this movie.
      Brian: No! I just need to show it to other people SO THEY WILL HATE IT TO!
    • invoked They also both compare Brian's reasons with trying to spread ATM to his friends to Brad trying to encourage them all to watch The Identical for the exact same reason, and then contrast it with Brad and Sarah having successfully shown them all the "secretly magical" Winter's Tale.
      Brad: Yeah, that movie [Winter's Tale] didn't make me mad!
      Dave: It just makes you go "WHAT?!"
      Brad: I wish ATM was like that!
      Sarah: If Horse had shown up! He could've rescued all of 'em, and smashed the ice in front of the killer!
• In the review for Dancin': It's On!, Brad demonstrates how one character keeps dancing into a scene to deliver advice before dancing out again. His various moves keep cracking Violet up.
  • Brad laconically describing Dancin' It's On as "Birdemic if the birds never showed up." Violet also formally apologizes to Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse for having called that film one of the worst movies she'd ever seen in a theater just prior to having seen this movie.
• In the Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip, Brad and Allison Pregler talk about The Cameos of John Waters and Leo Thompson.
  • Brad's amazement over the film's Pink Flamingos reference.
  • The "Mr. Popper's Penguins" Guy was apparently sitting in the back, and the duo theorize that his wife had left him and was masturbating alone in the theater.

2016

• In the Worst Films of 2015 Brad & Dave Edition, Brad describes Dancin' It's On, his pick for worst of 2015, to Dave. Dave's reaction throughout most of the segment is laughter.
• Brad and Allison describing Norm of the North in the fashion of the Rob Schneider Trailers from South Park.
  • Brad's impression of the Lemmings has to be seen to be believed (and to save you the trouble of skimming through the video like a maniac to find at which points he does it: 1:11, 1:30, 24:04 and 37:02).
• During Fifty Shades of Black, Brad realizes a bit too late that sending someone a picture of a woman deepthroating a pencil could maybe use some context.
• Brad and Nash were very disappointed that The Finest Hours was not, as the truncated sign outside indicated, The Finest Ho. It was playing at 4:20 to boot.
• In The Choice, Dave mentions near the end wanting to play a song. Brad later links to the song in the comments, and it's a song called Slaver Brian done In the Style of Tom Waits.
• In the Allegiant review, Sarah's imitation of Tris' face when she takes a "goo shower".
• After watching God's Not Dead 2, Brad and Dave wonder what the sequel might be about. Dave sarcastically asks if it should be set in Atlantis and Brad answers that he hopes it's in space. And the tagline should be "In space, no one can hear you pray".
  Dave: They might not believe in space.
  • The giddy way Brad answers "No, I hope they go to space!" is really what makes the moment.
  • Brad & Dave talking about I'm Not Ashamed. Cue Dave hoping it actually comes to Columbine, due to wanting to see the protest that would result from it.
  • Dave points out the ridiculousness of having the ACLU being the villains in a free speech story...considering that the ACLU has represented the Klan in free speech cases.
• Brad saying the Polish the Turd quote by Robert De Niro on Vaxxed is akin to turning "A movie so bad that it's better to enter the gas chamber" into "It's a gas!"
  • He begins the review embarrassed that out all the movies he's seen for the show, this is the one that a fan recognized him at.
• During the Green Room review, it comes out that Brad once said "Fuck you, you Nazi fuck" to a full-on white supremacist. Awesome, right? Well...kind of.
  He was very upset at me, because I may have made out with his girlfriend... This night may have ended with me and a couple of other people running away like The Three Stooges.
• The Swiss Army Man video has Brad & Dave reflecting on the very Angsty, pessimistic state of 90s indie cinema, with Brad calling π "a light-hearted comedy" and theorize that Adam Sandler and The Farrelly Brothers were at their peak because they offered much-needed Lighter and Softer alternatives:
  Dave: And I think that's why Adam Sandler became really popular too, it's because like; "Well, we could go see Requiem for a Dream or we could go see Big Daddy".
  Brad: I'd rather see Requiem For a Dream, I'm more depressed at Big Daddy.
  Dave. No no, I don't disagree, but most people wouldn't make that call.
• In Ben-Hur (2016), Sarah and Brian discuss how in the future, researchers will think every Roman spoke in a British accent due to all the sword-and-sandals movies.
• The first 10 minutes of the Barbie: Star Light Adventure video is dedicated to Brad & Brian telling the story of going to see the movie, from a disbelieving ticket person redolent of Mr. Popper's Penguins, to the duo hoping that a grandmother and daughter aren't seeing it with them, to a person doing theater checks staring at them in disbelief, to them talking about the Morton's Fork inherent in two 30-something men seeing a movie meant for small children with the target audience.
• While most of the Hilary's America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party is talked about with anger and disgust (they left the film about halfway through), Brad gets texts from a friend explaining what they missed: A scene with Woodrow Wilson watching Birth of A Nation and a holographic Klansman comes out of the screen and rides out into the night, with Wilson watching in awe. Brad jokes about sending Brian and Sarah to see the film, and Dave declines, saying he wants to see his and Sarah's child born safely. (Brian was sent later with Irving, leading to an episode almost as angry as Brad and Dave's.) Brad then says that it would be funny if the baby was born with a Klansman hood. Dave mentions that he and Sarah had a 3D sonogram and it was weird, because the kid was moving so much, and it gave off the impression it was melting (Which leads Brad to comment "Well, it HAS been a hot summer..."). He says that thanks to a perfectly placed shadow, it looked like the baby had a mohawk like his and he was excited, to which Brad comments he thought that only happened in the cartoons.
  • Brian and Irving managed (or were forced?) to sit through the whole thing. They sum it up as an episode of Drunk History made by Josef Goebbels, and compare director Dinesh D'Souza to an Asian version of Mr. Bean. They also have a lot of fun with the holographic Klansman scene.
    • Brian also speculates that D'Souza is actually a Terminator, whose programming has malfunctioned and is compelling him to try to kill the Democratic party through accusatory books and films.
    • This exchange:
  Brian: November 4th, vote on your ballots-
  Irving: Mickey fuckin' Mouse- no, I don't- (laughs) He'd do about as a good fuckin' job as these two!
  Brian: No, no, no - if his father is any indication, he's probably also a Nazi sympathizer!
  (both laugh)
• In the 31 video, Brad and Brian are both startled when the light being projected at them falls down, and Brad says "Shit!", in response. Also, Brian mentioned the name of one of the group members right before that, so Brad says "Oh man, it's the spirit of Roscoe! He's coming to get us!"
• The thumbnail for the The Sea of Trees review is Sarah holding a cup against her face, laughing just after Brad described the ending.
• In the When the Bough Breaks video, Brad mentions that he refuses to watch Rosewood, Castle and other series like it, because if he can watch the trailer and imagine "Boom Boom" by John Lee Hooker fitting in, it automatically kills any belief in him that the show will be good.^note Presumably, he's really not a fan of NCIS: New Orleans, which actually does use that song for its opening titles.
• Brad went to go see Hillsong: Let Hope Rise, and tells Dave about it. The funny comes in when he mentions during the previews, he saw a trailer for The Resurrection of Gavin Stone, a movie about a Hollywood bad boy who finds Jesus. Typical fare for these movies, until he reveals that the production company behind it is WWE Studios.
• At the start of the review for The Wild Life, Allison describes the movie as "Two words: Terrible!"
• In the video for Doctor Strange (2016) Brad and Brian attempt to describe the plot of the movie, but instead end up describing the plot of Jack Frost (1998). The kicker is that Brad and Brian play it as straight as they normally would, decrying the use of CGI instead of practical effect and the fact that Jack completely ignores his grieving wife.
• Brad saying that Trolls is an allegory for Nazi Germany.
• Brad and Dave's Seinfeldian Conversation about eating a still edible doughnut out of the garbage in the Incarnate video.
• Brad and Dave deliberately troll their viewers with the thumbnail for their review of Moonlight (2016). They both really like it, but do a "still" of Brad looking confused and Dave sulking. If it looks like they don't like it, they will get more views.
  Brad: That's the stillshot, right there.
  • For their review of Free State of Jones, Brad Photoshopped the poster in the thumbnail to add Dory's eyes and mouth to Matthew McConaughey's face.◊
• The Fast and the Furious (2001) (15th anniversary re-release):
  • Sarah's Piss-Take Rap upon seeing Ja Rule in the movie:
  I'm Ja Rule and I'm here to say, rappin' about cars is a-okay.
  • When discussing the overwhelming amount of Product Placement in the film, Brad gags at the line, "You can have any brew you want, so long as it's a Corona".
  Brad: No thanks, I'll be upstairs drinking out of the toilet.
• The Collateral Beauty review.
  • Sarah: This was a bunch of actors going, "You know what's sad? Dead babies. Watch me cry about dead babies for two hours". (She says "dead babies" a lot in the review.)
  • Some of the many things that Brad says about the movie are that it is "one of the most sickening Hollywood films I've seen since Wired," that the movie is "manipulative garbage made by soulless bloodsucking creeps," and that it is "one of the most cruel pieces of shit outside of something like the goddamn Guinea Pig films".
  • More than once in the review, Brad says that the movie can "blow [him]".
  Sarah: Fuck the name of that support group. ("The Littlest Swing Support Group")^note It's actually "The Smallest Swing Support Group".
  Brad: I've been to New York. The Littlest Swing is not a support group.
  Sarah: This movie doesn't know how grief works.
  Brad: This movie doesn't know how movies work.
  • Sarah (As Brad reveals one of the twists of the movie) BOM...BOM...BOOOOM!
  • In the review, they talk about the movie Me Before You, but they don't refer to it by name. They refer to it as "wheelchair suicide". Sarah says that Collateral Beauty is worse that "wheelchair suicide", and Brad says that it's worse than actual wheelchair suicide.
  • Sarah says that several times in the movie, Will Smith made faces that she compared to the face that a baby makes when it doesn't want to eat food off a spoon that is in front of its face.
  • Sarah: This movie made me cry several times cause it fucking wanted to!
• The video for Boo A Madea Halloween is the longest Midnight Screenings episode by far, clocking in at just under ninety minutes. Several commenters were quick to point out that Brad and Brian essentially made a movie about how bad the movie they'd just seen was.
• Kirk Cameron's Revive Us has a priceless bit with Brad's shocked, disbelieving reaction to the movie having a crossover with War Room.
  Brad: So he's like "Do you remember sassy old Miss Clara? And I'm like...where is this going? Like I was seriously like..my jaw was dropped at this point. I'm like "Is Miss Clara seriously gonna come out here on stage? AND SHE DOES!
  • Later, Brad references the events of other bad Christian movies, resulting in increasingly WTF expressions from Irving, who hasn't seen them.
  • Brad recalls one speaker who repeatedly used the phrase "God put His seed in me."

2017

• Brian's face as Sarah describes the build up for the second twist for Collateral Beauty in their Worst of 2016 video, frowning more and more as it dawns on him.
  Sarah: See, I can tell you've figured it out.
  • Sarah correctly predicting Brian's reaction to the first twist.
  • Sarah invokes The Tape Knew You Would Say That with the Fifty Shades of Black review. Past!Sarah talks to Present!Sarah about how bad the movie is. Present!Sarah responds how Past!Sarah has been pregnant for a day and this movie was the first thing she did with her daughter. Sarah and Brian make goofy Thumbs Up to this.
• Brian lets it all out about how little he thinks of The Bye Bye Man:
  Brian:"[The Ouja Experiment] is god awful, but you know what, it went... I don't know if went anywhere except for, like, their table at a convention and then Netflix. That's where this one should have gone. Like there should have been a guy dressed like the fucking Bye Bye Man walking around, handing out fucking buttons, and, like, somebody like with like an animatronic dog head like, 'That's cool!' walking around behind him, and then you go to, like, Conference Room C at five o'clock and they do a showing of it, and then you never hear about again until one day you're at a Family Video that hasn't closed, and you see it on the shelf and you're like, 'Have I? Oh, fuck that's that... Yeah!'' That's where that thing should have gone, not a goddamn theater!
  • Brad and Brian relating how the police were called due to the loud, obnoxious crowd at their screening.
  Brian: There was less of a police presence at the gang meeting in The Warriors.
  • Brad reveals he came back from the bathroom and saw a kid run into a door because he thought that's how it'd open.
  • Allison's impression of the kids sitting next to her.
  • Brian relates how he and Lettie got free passes after the theater worker asked if he had a bad experience. Brad chimes in with what he would've responded with:
  Brad: I'll let you know as soon as I'm done shitting my pants with fear.
  • Brian then explains how he got his passes... while a crowd of mostly black people from the screening passed while he and his white girlfriend were getting free passes from another white person apologizing for how bad the experience was.
  Brian: (Nervously) This doesn't feel fuckin awkward.
  • Brad then theroizes the whole screening was a massive con job to distract the police while a bunch of robberies take place.
  Brian: We were the distraction. It's the plot of Now You See Me 3.
  • Brad and Allison talk about how the audience screamed, "What's going on?!" during a few scenes.
  Brad: I've heard the sentence "what is going on" screamed during a movie before and it was (points to Brian) you during a A Million Ways to Die in the West.
  Brian: It was because at that point I legitimately believed I'd died and was in Hell.
  • Brad comparing shitting your pants at The Bye Bye Man to shitting your pants at Oversexed Rug Suckers from Mars.
  • Apparently Allison didn't know that The Bye Bye Man was an actual movie, being much more familiar with the "Pee Pee Poo Poo Man" meme (which gets brought up repeatedly throughout the review).
  • At the end of the review, they say that the only reason why they would want sequels for the movie is for Pun Based Titles.
  Brian: The Long Kiss-Good-Bye Bye Man.
  Brad: The Bye Bi-Curious Man.
  Brian: The Bye Bicentennial Man. Where he's a robot.
  Allison: That would actually make more sense.
  Brian: Couldn't make any less sense.
• In the Lion video, Brad imagines the end of the movie crossing over with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom's ending, causing Dave to break down in laughter.
• The face Sarah makes here in the Fifty Shades Darker review.
• In the review of Before I Fall, Brad show the free poster of the movie that he got which shows one of the characters from the movie crying.
  Sarah (imitates crying): I'm falling, you guys!
  Brad: Not really.
  Sarah (still imitating crying): I'm about to fall.
• In the video for Table 19, Brad shares the story of him stealing the passwords to Dave's Facebook and e-mail accounts, changing the login information, and replacing the profile image with a photo of Dave's head on the body of Boomhauer from King of the Hill, which he entitled "Dave-hauer".
• In Kong: Skull Island, Brad and Brian trying to figure out how the idea happened ("Vietcong... cong... King Kong!") and saying the outrage for Beauty and the Beast (2017) having a gay character is weird compared to the bestiality that already was there ("it's not like she doesn't fall in love with a giant lion man!").
• Regarding Diary of a Wimpy Kid: A Long Haul, Brad says "Would a 3 year old like this? Yes, but they also would want to eat glass!" (he ultimately concludes you're better off taking your kid to watch Alien: Covenant)
  • Brad pointing out how the title, "The Long Haul", is very fitting for this movie. He then goes on to blast the filmmakers for having the balls to title it as such.
• In Brad and Brian's review of Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, Brad talks about a superhero character he and Dave made up when they were younger: Super TNT Man, a living stick of dynamite who would fight bad guys by running into places and blowing himself up. They're pretty sure such a concept wouldn't fly nowadays.
• According to Brad, Wish Upon is "what would happen if R.L. Stine wrote a Goosebumps [story] and he was shit-faced drunk." Naturally, he and Brian both recommend it wholeheartedly.
  • Similar to 90 Minutes in Heaven, Brian notes that the main character's abandoned bicycle hasn't been moved in twelve years, yet the grass around it has been carefully maintained.
  • Not only does the main character's Alpha Bitch classmate have the obligatory Gay Best Friend, there's a sleepover scene where he sleeps in the closet.
    Brian: It's about the subtlety.
  • The Serial Escalation of one character repeatedly dodging death while changing a tire.
• The Emoji Movie opens right away with Brad saying he thought Dave had found religion.
  • A woman was delivering Chick-Fil-A vouchers at the door ("At least something positive came out of it!"). And when Brad was forced to tell the projector was wrong because only he and Dave were in the audience, the woman gave him another! ("How could she forget? I was one of two people in there!")
  • Then a family came in, the kid having received an emoji mask. Brad reacted to it by thinking "Am I high all of a sudden?"
• Brad draws some unusual parallels between his own life and schlocky horror movie Friend Request. He and Brian marvel at how the film not only has a protagonist resembling Brad's then-girlfriend^* Laura, who is now Brad's wife, but an antagonist resembling one of his ex-girlfriends^* implied to be Violet.
• In the Drop Dead Gorgeous video, the car's battery conks out leaving Brad and Sarah in darkness. It restarts itself a moment later, turning on the lights as well as the radio, and what is it playing? None other than Staying Alive.
  Brad: Don't worry, Barry Gibb just saved it.
• In the Tulip Fever review, Sarah says she has something in her eye and moves out of frame and Brad jokingly says, "Did this movie get to you?" Then Sarah pretends to cry and says, "The tulips were so sad."
  • In the same review, Sarah says, "If you're a big fan of Alicia Vikander's boobies and the color brown, then this is the movie for you."
• The Blade Runner 2049 episode ends with Brad and Dave discussing how the former and Jerrid can appear as pervy as possible when they go see My Little Pony: The Movie (2017).
• Brad and Allison go to see Let There Be Light, and Brad is bemused to find out that it pretty much has the same plot as Jesus, Bro! but played straight. He then insists on having Dave do a review of it, and the first words out of Dave's mouth in his review are "Fuck Brad Jones."
  • As revealed in the Worst Films of 2017 video, the video of his review got partially demonetized thanks to "fuck" being the first word uttered in the video. Brad might've lost some money from it, but to Dave, it was worth it.
  • The movie contains some dialogue and characters so cheesy Brad is actually jealous that he didn't come up with them for Jesus, Bro!.
• The thumbnail◊ for the Justice League review has Brad making the most hilarious angry face you will ever see. He thought the movie was okay.
• The Midnight Screening for Just Getting Started went up a little earlier than usual. Why?
  Brad: An hour into this movie, the employee comes in [to the theater], and says "EVERYONE MUST EVACUATE THE BUILDING, THERE'S A GAS LEAK!"
  • "So, a-apparently, something can top the screening of Jumanji, which is 'imminent explosion, please vacate the building'!"
    • Brad even goes so far as to suggest, given how terrible the movie is, that this was divine intervention.

2018

• Brad musing that 7 Days in Entebbe could have been improved with the addition of Forest Whitaker as Ugandan Knuckles.
• The "twist ending" of the God's Not Dead 3 review. Somebody turns on some blinding lights in front of where Brad and Laura were doing the review, and:
  Brad: We're being called back up to heaven, so...
• Brad's ridiculous face in the thumbnail for the Unsane review.
• In the review for A Quiet Place, Brad mentions the movie It Comes at Night which quickly leads to Laura getting into a giggle fit each time she tries to say "It Comes at Night" because it has the word "comes" in it.
• Avengers: Infinity War:
  • Brad wonders what The Punisher's doing during the events of the film, then proposes an ending where the Punisher just whacks Thanos over the head with a bat.
  • Brad says he expected Doctor Doom from Fantastic Four (2015) to appear.
• From the review of the original Overboard:
  Sarah: Neg 'er or whatever, You know?
  Brad: What? Oh. Okay. I thought you said something else for a second.
  Sarah: What the hell is wrong with you?
  Brad: You said it, not me!
• The review for Show Dogs. Dave is just broken from the very beginning.
  Brad: Did you get any laughs out of this movie?
  Dave: I'm not fucking talking to you.
  • Dave wasn't having any of what he saw on screen that night and Brad happily took his wrath.
    Brad: Oh! The part where [the dog] pretends to be inbred.
    Dave: Is that the part where I looked over to you and said that I was gonna kill you?
    Brad: Yeah, that was the part.
• In Death of a Nation:
  • The thumbnail◊ of the video: Dave looking absolutely miserable as if saying "This Is Gonna Suck", while Brad smiles without any care in the world.
  • Dave summing up his feelings towards the film, mixed with a little Tear Jerker, and Brad's reaction to it.
    Dave: I'm still angry about this. I'm gonna go home. I have a nice bottle of rye at home. I'm gonna have a big glass of rye...and just cry. I'm just gonna stand in my daughter's bedroom as she sleeps in the dark and drink my whiskey and cry and hope that the world is better for her than it is for us right now.
    Brad: I'm gonna do the same thing but with Lloyd.
• Brad tells Laura that Slender Man is about "a guy named Gabriel Slenderman who ate himself to death and haunts people at a food court." He's lying, because he knows that since he was at the film by himself, he can say it was about whatever he wants and no one can call him out on it.
• During the review of Billionaire Boys Club, Brad drops the Wham Line: "The only good thing about this movie is Kevin Spacey."^Context This was well after Spacey received numerous sexual harassment accusations. What really makes this funny (even if it's in a Black Comedy way) is how Brad delivers the line dripping with I Can't Believe I'm Saying This/A Rare Sentence.
• Near the end of the Maximum Ride review, Sarah is caught off-guard by a remark Brad makes while they were talking about the movie's villains and their motives, Brad saying that they didn't have to be "Nazi doctors" about it, and not long after they bring up Bruno Mattei's Nazi film Women's Camp 119, which had a scene of - to quote Sarah - "two gay guys in a cage knitting", which Sarah assures did not happen:
  Sarah: If only they just made them knit.
  Brad: I dunno, Dave and I went to go see Death of a Nation, and that movie said Hitler was cool with the gays.
  Sarah: (slowly breaks out in hysterical laughter) What a horrible thing to laugh at! No! He super wasn't! He killed like a bunch of them! (...) Dinesh D'souza can fuck himself so hard he becomes a singularity.
• During the God Bless the Broken Road review:
  • Dave was sick during the review and constantly blowing his nose, so Brad joked that it seemed like Dave was getting emotional at the most inopportune times.
  • Brad saying that the movie felt like such a perfect fit for a Cinema Snob episode that he accidentally typed "The Cinema Snob" instead of "Midnight Screenings" when uploading the review. (he indeed made an episode out of it later!)
• The Halloween (2018) review begins with Brad wearing a Ben Tramer mask. He takes a breath, and the mask seems to "inhale" as well, which makes Sarah burst out in laughter.
• The old thumbnail of the Tyler Perrys Nobodys Fool video: Dave giving the finger to Brad, and Brad giving two enthusiastic thumbs-up to the camera.
• Brad repeatedly imitating Jim Sturgess' weird speech pattern in London Fields, making Laura quite uneasy if not disgusted.
• Sarah's reaction to Brad asking her to listen to him rant about The Trump Prophecy (when she thought he was going to ask her to see it with him).
  Sarah: It's like when you want a puppy so you ask your parents for a dozen horses first.
  • Brad is not impressed with the trailer before the movie for a documentary called "Dummycrats."
  Brad: What was the alternate title, "Doody-heads?"

2019

• Both reviews of A Dog's Way Home^* One where Ryan and Dave see it, one where Brad sees it and talks with Ryan about it have Ryan referencing a moment in the film where the titular dog winds up chained to a dead homeless person, resulting in Ryan becoming briefly concerned that the scene would end with the dog chewing through the man's arm while Bryce Dallas Howard narrates in a cutesy voice.
  • There's also Brad's diabolical impression of the film's villain:
    Brad: I DON'T CARE! I'M GUNTHER! HA HA HA HA HA!
• In the Worst of 2018 video:
  • Brad's reaction when he remembers one of Sarah's choices, Every Day.
  • Sarah says that her #1 worst movie was The Possession of Hannah Grace, which surprises Brad, but it turns out she was just joking, and her real #1 was Life Itself.
• When reviewing Serenity (2019), once Doug and Brad reach the plot twist that Matthew McConaughey is happening inside a video game, they start questioning how the hell what happened in the movie so far, which includes prostitution, is possible in a game, with Doug summing up as "Grand Theft Fisherman".
  • Doug asks Brad what he rates the film. Brad's response - "It's rated Bryan Singer, that's what it's rated."
• Brad's hysterical laughter in the A Madea Family Funeral review when Dave reveals that he thought that a scene in which the characters are pulled over and menaced by a cop would be the catalyst for the film's titular event.
  Brad: Like it's Tyler Perry's The Hate U Give???
• In the review of Norm of the North: The Keys to the Kingdom, Brad recalls that at the first convention he ever went to, an eight/nine year old boy recognised him - from The Cinema Snob review of E.T. The Porno.
• Tamara's reaction in the Overcomer review when Brad tells her the plot of The Book of Henry.
• During the Jay and Silent Bob Reboot review, Brad recalls going to see the previous installment when it was released in theaters, baked out of his mind and bringing his own milk. When called on it by an usher, he said the first thing that popped into his head: "But I'm lactose!" The real funny part? Despite Brad knowing even in the moment that that didn't make any sense, it apparently satisfied not only the usher, but the manager to whom Brad saw him talking afterward!
• During the review for Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, Brad and Doug are constantly baffled and laughing at how the movie ends in an very un-Disney carnage, and also note that a wedding right after that is a terrible idea.
• In the review of Richard Jewell, Brad and Jerrid joke about a porno version of the film, naturally titled Dick Jewell.
  Brad: There is an orgy in Centennial Park, you have twenty minutes.
  • There's also Brad accidentally confusing Jewell actor Paul Walter Hauser's name with that of InfoWars editor-in-chief Paul Joseph Watson.
• Brad and Doug Walker absolutely SHRED Black Christmas (2019).
  Doug: The fact that I finally saw a crazy Pure Flix movie, it just happened to be for the left...and it's fucking Black Christmas?!?
• While discussing the trailers before Arctic Dogs, Rob Walker, when talking about Spies in Disguise, wonders when Will Smith turned into Rob Schneider.

2020

• Dolittle starts with Brad recalling some of the lame jokes, while Laura angrily retches next to him. He later states he was having a blast for seeing "how you were seething with anger next to me".
• Brad describing the insanity of Roe V. Wade to Rob. His reactions are golden, particularly during the song. It was this episode that spawned Brad Ruins Rob's Day.
• Brad, who has never seen "a frame" of My Hero Academia, attempts to explain the experience of watching Heroes Rising blind.
  Brad: Does that guy have like a mountain for a head? I don't know... these two are kinda off floating around on this big life preserver down the street. I guess that makes sense, I'm not sure. Whoa, wait a minute! This villain's popped up and is he an anthromoporphic (sic) wolf now? I don't think that's a word I just said. But he's like a human but he's got a wolf's head and a trenchcoat. Did he just destroy the city? No time for that now, we've got a building-size mantis talking to us, with a big wolf's mane! If you're confused, don't worry — the walking, talking crow will turn up to explain everything. Now I think the wolf's got feathers! I got this! Makes sense!
• Mulan (2020) starts with Brad comparing the thing to Quarterback Princess with Helen Hunt, and later wanting the movie to be a prequel to The Mummy (2017).
• Brad's extended comparison of the plot of Pixar's Soul to that of the raunchy 80's comedy School Spirit.

2021

• Brad ragging on Jerrid for giving an F grade to In the Earth (which Brad gave an A-), claiming he fully intends to hold it against him the next time they see a terrible movie, inventing several such scenarios.
  Brad: You gave this shit an F, but you're giving this movie where Adam Sandler accidentally sleeps with a walrus a C-?
• Teen Titans Go! See Space Jam has Brad and Jerrid imagining "Teen Titans Go! See Caligula".

Friday Night Movies

• In the review for Loqueesha, Laura can't stop laughing when she sees how terrible the "visual effects" (e.g. really bad Photoshopping and greenscreening) are.
• Prior to the review for Annabelle Comes Home, Yesterday (2019) and The Dead Don’t Die, Brad posted a Twitter poll asking users to predict the film he and Laura would like the most of the three, users chose Dead Don’t Die by a solidly large margin. As it turns out, that film wound up being their most disliked of the three by a mile.

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