American Gods has Jacquel and Ibis, who are the Egyptian gods Anubis and Thoth, currently living as undertakers in Illinois. Both are very humane people who treat the dead with respect and bring some comfort to their surviving family members. Even if they do, ahem, sample the product. Even that act is done respectfully: while performing an autopsy, Jacquel cuts off a small slice of the cadaver's heart and eats it with the solemnity of a Catholic eating a Communion wafer. They also claim that in their traditional role as judges of the dead they cheated (your heart had to be lighter than a feather, but there ain't no rule about what the feather is made out of); you had to be absolutely soaked in evil to not go on to paradise.
In At the Back of the North Wind, the North Wind is implied to be an angel of Death, and always treats Diamond with the greatest gentleness.
The "Death as a gentleman" concept is Older Than They Think: the Emily Dickinson poem, "Because I could not stop for Death" describes Death as a kind, polite suitor, much like his Discworldian counterpart. Before that the German poet and journalist Matthias Claudius (1740-1815) often portrayed Death as a friendly personification, Freund Hain* As the frontispice to Claudius' collected works shows and the illustration he commissioned for Nach der Krankheit show, Freund Hain is a classic skeleton with a scythe, but no cloak. - a variation of Freund Hein or Gevatter Hein ("friend" or "godfather Hank", a common German euphemism for Death) - most famously in his poem Der Tod und das Mädchen ("Death and the Maiden", 1775), which also appears in the Music section. Another poem, Nach der Krankheit ("After Sickness", 1777) describes how during a bad fever Death comes to Asmus (Claudius' alter ego) and with a friendly smile offers to take him into his arm. Asmus asks him to pass him by this time, to which Freund Hain acquiesces, and the poem ends with Asmus saying: "And when you return sooner or later, please smile again, Hain!"
The Book Thief is narrated by Death, who is amusing, non-linear and very compassionate towards humans (he specifically states he's haunted by them, especially "the ones who are left behind"), particularly the other main characters. Given that it's a book about World War II, the "amusing" part takes a sharp turn. The death camp scenes, unsurprisingly, are particularly bad.
In Cerberon, Edu, the goddess of death, is described as loving and merciful in her duty to provide rest and comfort after death. She's in charge of keeping the dead from bothering the living, but doesn't seem very proactive in this regard, considering all the zombies, ghouls, vampires and ghosts hanging around, although she does promptly respond to her priests' calls to take them away.
Considering that the main characters are almost all Grim Reapers and are by and large extremely likable people, Croak has this in spades.
The Danish children's book Cry, Heart, But Never Break is about four young siblings who are trying to prevent Death from taking their gravely ill grandmother, who is sleeping upstairs. Death is drawn as a kindly, long-nosed old man in a hooded black robe. He's definitely a supernatural being, but his actions and attitude are deeply human, politely staying for coffee at the children's behest and telling them an allegorical story to explain the nature of his job and ease their fears.
While Death from the Discworld series is still probably not the kind of person (or Anthropomorphic Personification) you'd like to meet in a dark alleyway, what with him still being the classic cowled skeleton and all, he's the closest thing the Discworld has to a responsible, benevolent deity, fulfilling a necessary role (see Reaper Man for what happens when he doesn't do the job). Most of the actual gods (and a fair few other Anthropomorphic Personifications) tend to be self-interested jerks running on Greek Mythology rules. It's worth noting that said role doesn't involve doing the actual killing, or even collecting the departed's life, but rather just facilitating the 'moving on' once the body is dead, and has no stake in the process. Not to mention that he's very fond of cats (it's suggested that cruelty to cats is one of the very few things that can make Death genuinely angry, and he also has adopted rather a large number of his own, which by all indications he takes quite good care of).
Unfortunately, no matter how kind he is, people are still rarely pleased to see him (except under certain very unfortunate circumstances). Interestingly, despite him being a skeleton along the traditional Grim Reaper mould, there have been a fair few elderly or terminally ill fans (some imminently due to be "collected") who wrote to Terry Pratchett saying that they hope that he wasn't too far off the mark. Pratchett wrote that these letters usually caused him to spend some time staring at the wall. Especially when said fans were children.
Death's former apprentice Mort and his wife, Ysabell (Death's adopted daughter), use "Non Timetis Messor" — slightly dodgy Latin "Don't fear the Reaper" as their family motto.
As a central protagonist in several books, a great deal of Death's characterisation is dedicated to his problems. Fiction rarely depicts the reaper after the soul of their client has moved on, but the Discworld does, and it illustrates what it would be like to have to have such a role; not just from his point of view, but from Mort's (when he was Death's apprentice), and his granddaughter Susan's (who thanks to the strange nature of Discworld inheritance, has picked up a number of his traits and abilities, to her great displeasure). It's noted that it's rarely a pleasant duty and he isn't allowed to interfere, so the same empathy that makes him sympathetic to others also brings him sadness and grief (probably the only mortal emotions he truly grasps), with his entire plot in Soul Music more or less summarising the five stages of grief from the point of view of a being who not only never forgets anything, no matter how hard he tries, but remembers it as if it was yesterday.
Reaper Man is devoted to Death discovering how vital kindness in his job is, and near the end, he delivers perhaps the defining quote for his character, and one of the defining ones for this trope.
Lord, what can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?
A major part of the plot in the later half of the book is the risk of this trope being averted. Death is only to be feared if you've made him your enemy. The new emerging Death of Humans is exactly the sort of Death that should be feared.
Interestingly, Death was much more petty and fearsome in his first appearances, doing things like taking the life of a swarm of flies or a random passer-by out of anger for not being able to collect Rincewind's life. This was dropped by the fourth book, Mort, which (not coincidentally) is the first book focusing on Death as a character.
One of his most telling moments in the whole series is when he has to kill a chicken in Reaper Man... and is utterly horrified. His internal monologue explains that he never "takes" life - he simply takes over where life leaves off. When he does take a life, then has to spend the rest of the day laying down rat poison, the narration notes that he feels like a murderer.
When Death takes over the duties of the Discworld's Expy of Santa Claus in Hogfather, he thoroughly enjoys the role, as it allows him to interact and even improve lives rather than just sweep up after the lights go out. The crowning moment comes when he refills The Little Match Girl's hourglass rather than collect her soul.
A part of being a witch on the Disc is that witches know when they are going to die. Witches, being generally pragmatic, stoic types whose outward reaction to a cottage on fire would likely be the same as to spilling their tea, tend to treat this not as a terrifying prospect, but as a well-appreciated chance to get their affairs in order and pass the homestead on to the next witch, before meeting Death with a sense of familiarity. Wizards also know — they tend to treat it as a chance to have one last rousing feast and spend (and borrow) lots of money they won't be needing soon.
Death has also been replaced temporarily by his apprentice Mort and Mort's daughter (Death's "granddaughter") Susan Sto Helit. One is a knobby-kneed adolescent male who gradually starts taking on Death's traits while Death Takes a Holiday, and the other is a young woman, who inherited a number of said traits. Death and Susan are also two of the only things standing between humanity and the Auditors. Boy have they done a good job there...
Death's struggle in Thief of Time is his inability to prevent the Auditors from freezing time, thus bringing about a kind of apocalypse, without breaking the rules. He gets around this by drafting Susan to do the legwork instead, but also when the Auditors remind him and the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse that the rules state they have to ride out, Death is the one to point out that the rules never specify who they must ride out against. Cue Mass "Oh, Crap!" from the Auditors.
As a side bonus, when author Terry Pratchett was knighted for his work, he chose the motto "Noli Timere Messorem" for his coat of arms, which is the proper Latin for Death's motto above.
The final posts to Sir Terry Pratchett's Twitter account (written by his daughter, Rhihanna, also a well known writer in the videogame industry), are as follows:
At last, Sir Terry, we must walk together. Terry took Death’s arm and followed him through the doors and on to the black desert under the endless night. The End.
Interestingly, the surgical team who treated Terry Pratchett for a minor procedure - which after patient questioning on his part, turned out to have become somewhat more complicated and turned into a more urgent Situation - told him afterwards that he'd sat up during the operation, demonstrating the anaesthesia wasn't quite working, and had a one-sided conversation with an unseen Other in the operating theatre. Pratchett had apparently asked that if he had to go at this point, could a packed lunch be provided? Ham sandwiches with mustard would be appreciated. Apparently he was only offered plain ham with no condiments, and had expressed disappointment. Terry was both perplexed and oddly reassured by this, and this account of his own NDE - which he didn't remember at all save through the doctor's recollection - ended up in a Discworld novel as a discourse between an elderly witch and Death. This is recollected in A Blink Of The Screen, a collection of his non-fiction writings. Hopefully Death remembered the mustard, when the time did arrive.
Over the course of the books, Harry encounters Archangel Uriel. While not the typical reaper, death falls under his purview as many deaths are instigated by human choices, and protecting a human's ability to choose without being influenced by a non-mortal power is his job. See the Ghost Story example for more details. If another power were to lie to a mortal and cause the mortal's death, Uriel would act in defense of the mortal too. He is also directly responsible for the final plague on Egypt, the death of the first born sons.
In Ghost Story, when Father Forthill's life is in jeopardy, Dresden has a conversation with an angel of death waiting nearby. Dresden assumes he'll need to battle the angel to prevent his friend's death, but the angel assures him that (a) she is there only to guard the soul, should it be released from the body, on its way to a final reward, and (b) it was Forthill's choice to enter the conflict, the angel had no part in it (indeed, they don't have free will as humans do). And (c) she would utterly stomp Harry if he raised a finger against her.
In Skin Game, Harry gets to meet Hades himself, who stops time so they can have a chat, and so that the freaking God of the Underworld could express a sense of sympathy and respect for Harry, including pointing out all they had in common (scary reputation, having responsibility for a fortress/prison full of nasty things, friendly, but very dangerous dogs, an iron-clad sense of duty, etc) and wanting to shake his hand. Hades also tells Harry that, contrary to myth, he and Persephone legitimately fell in love; the Abduction Is Love story was a result of Demeter's Empty Nest issues. He's even polite enough that, when Harry starts to talk about the negative reputations other gods like Zeus had, Hades gently warns him that even if it's true, insulting his family would violate Sacred Hospitality.
Examples E—G
In the German children's book Ente, Tod und Tulpe (Duck, Death and the Tulip) by Wolf Erlbruch, despite having a Skull for a Head death is portrayed as a fairly affable fellow, casually making friends with the titular duck and just having a fun time until the time of the ducks death.
Charlie in Claire North's The End of the Day isn't Death, but he does work for Death as his Harbinger. He goes before Death to honour a person's life, or a way of life, or sometimes as a warning so that they might avoid death, though Charlie never knows which one. Charlie is kind, and good at listening. Death themself is rarely seen, but when they are they are largely benevolent and gentle, except when someone tries to hurt Charlie. Then they get mad...
Deconstructed in The Fable of the Dragon-Tyrant with the dragon-tyrant being the reaper. Here, the fable gives An Aesop that we are perfectly justified in fearing death and that lack of fear is more dangerous than fear itself. A society that doesn't fear death will never have enough motive to invent immortality.
In Tais Teng's anthology Glass Spears, the opposite trope is lampshaded. In reality, Death is a kind, elegant aristocrat with a cloak in "a flowing caleidoscope of constantly shifting colors and patterns that made all people long for the calm, the final change."
Good Omens: Death is basically an Expy of Discworld's (Pratchett co-wrote it), albeit pre Reaper Man. He is also the Horsepeople of the Apocalypse'sToken Good Teammate, and the only one who is an angel (or quite possibly something else entirely — he calls himself Azrael, and states that he was "created to be creation's shadow") instead of a mere Anthropomorphic Personification. On the one hand, he does try to trigger the end of the world (it's part of his job description), but he gives in as soon as the Anti-Anti-Christ deals with the other Horsemen and tells him to knock it off.
The Graveyard Book: The Lady on the Grey. She even dances with Bod during the Danse Macabre, promises to let him ride her big horse in the future ("Everyone does") and tells the dead to take good care of him.
Examples H—J
The Halloween Tree: Carapace Clavicle Moundshroud is a morbidly-humorous Grim Reaper who takes time out from his busy Halloween schedule to educate some young boys about the holiday's origins, while giving them the opportunity to save a friend who's dying of appendicitis.
While Harry Potter never encounters Death, according to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harry's ancestor — the one who received Death's invisibility cloak — befriended him, and when it was time for him to die, he sought Death out and they walked away together. Later on in The Deathly Hallows, Harry dies briefly, and his guide into the afterlife, should he choose not to go back, is Dumbledore. Really, death gets a pretty good rap in this series.
It all has to do with An Aesop about how to deal with death, stemming from when Rowling's mother died. If one doesn't accept their own mortality (i.e. the first Peverell brother, Voldemort), or gain acceptance of their loved ones' passing (the second brother, Snape), then Death will be a grueling bastard. But if one accepts Death's visit as an inevitability (the third brother, Harry), then he will greet you like an old friend.
Indeed, the true "Master of Death" as described in the legend of the Deathly Hallows isn't someone who has found a way to avoid death. It's someone whose experiences with the three Hallows has taught them that death is inevitable, it is not a thing to be feared, and that there are far worse things.
Mortal Spirits that represent various concepts of death are always terrifying, since they are of course the purest form of humanity's fear of that thing. However, they are actually Psychopomps in charge of rescuing souls that have suffered that fate. Without them, humans would cease to exist after death. Marcie's spirit, who she calls Ghost, is the Spirit of the Forgotten Dead, the most terrifying of all. He is normally a sort of failsafe spirit who collects souls that fail to qualify for any of the other Mortal Spirits, but right now he's the only Mortal Spirit around, which means he has to rescue all human souls. Even then, he can only do it once they've been forgotten.
DFZ: Continuing from the first series, Empty Wind, the Spirit of the Forgotten Dead, is absolutely terrifying, but in the end his job is simply to protect those who have been forgotten and find them justice. When he almost kills Nik for desecrating a corpse, Opal is able to talk him down partly by admitting they should have just gone to him for help in the first place. Nik wonders at one point if Empty Wind is trying to get them to die somewhere they will be forgotten so he can claim their souls; Opal scoffs at this.
In The Heroes of Olympus, Thanatos is rather polite and so beautiful that he is mistaken for Cupid. In fact, he had to be rescued by the heroes (since the villains were keeping him captive to cheat death).
In His Dark Materials, in one universe each person has their own personal Death who follows them around and eventually leads them to the underworld when they die. These Deaths are quite amiable, and usually hide from their owners because the people don't want to see them. In addition, the witches believe in a death goddess named Yambe-Akka who arrives, smiling and kindly, when it's your time to go.
Thanatos (aka Zane) from Incarnations of Immortality will take time to talk to his clients and give whatever comfort he can (if they need it). He's also managed to prevent a few deaths he thought unfair or unnecessary, as well as helping somebody being kept on life support against their wishes cross over. At least one other character comments that he has an unusually caring approach to his Office.
Inheritance Cycle: Eragon's allegorical "poem" in Eldest ends this way.
Inkmistress: Although she looks pretty unsettling with white skin, red hair and black eyes, the shadow god is a kind and thoughtful woman, who's quite apologetic to her demigod daughter Asra for abandoning her.
Basilard mentioned offhandedly that he has drinking matches with Lord Death.
His clerical organizations, such as The Brotherhood of Death, are Saintly Churches that help the dead and dying move on.
Samael, the Number Two Grim Reaper, states that Lord Death has a "high public approval rating" in Ataidar because his domain is associated with its patron deity, fire goddess Fiol.
In Arda, Námo Mandos is not the god of death but the benevolent Vala (archangel) who collects and judges the dead, and one of the Council of Angels of Valinor.
The Silmarillion doesn't say that death is a fate that's intended by God for humans but rather that it's all natural and you should not fear it.
Death is, in fact, considered Iluvatar's blessing to men. Men may not live very long, but they get to leave and go off to another world (the afterlife). Elves are immortal, get reincarnated, and have their own version of heaven on Arda, Valinor, but one of the major themes of the 'verse is that the magic is leaving Middle-Earth (i.e. it's becoming our own world) and even Valinor will dwindle and disappear. The elves "share Arda's fate"—when the Earth goes, so do they.
In The Supervillainy Saga by C.T. Phipps this comes in a double dose. First, Gary Karkofsky a.k.a Merciless: the Supervillain without MercyTM works for Death who is a Perky Goth as well as Reasonable Authority Figure. He is also employed as a psychopomp to gather the souls of ghosts as well as other undead beings between heists.
The Spanish novel La Dama del Alba (The Lady of the Dawn) is about Death visiting a family (that has been mourning the death of one of its members for years) in the form of a woman. She notes how she envies mortals for their capacity to love.
In the second novel of the Last Herald-Mage Trilogy, Vanyel to his great relief meets the "Shadow-Lover" — one of the Valdemaran interpretations of Death, a kindly and compassionate Power. The Shadow-Lover allows Vanyel to choose whether to live an increasingly painful, harrowing life, or to die and finally know peace and relief from his burdens. Vanyel asks a follow up question about what will happen to those he leaves behind and finds that without him Death will meet them far sooner and Valdemar as Van knows it will cease to be. No one else can take up his burdens, so he chooses to live. Death sheds Tender Tears and is pleased, and lets Vanyel cry on his shoulder. To the gay Vanyel, he appears as a beautiful young man. When he allows Van a short chat with a recently-departed fellow Herald, said friend refers to "Lady Death."
In Momo, Momo meets Master Hora, whose task is to see that every human has their allotted span of time. Momo asks Master Hora whether he's Death; he doesn't answer, but says death is nothing to be scared of.
In Joe R. Lansdale's short story "Not from Detroit", Death ultimately turns out to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. While he initially acts coldly towards the old man who is trying to get his wife back, he eventually agrees to let her come back for a brief moment. He also agrees to take the old man before his time so they can be Together in Death as they wanted. Death even lets them ride up front in his car so they can listen to music during the trip to the afterlife. Death remarks that he must be becoming a sentimental old fool.
N. K. Jemisin's "On the Banks of the River Lex": Death will Mercy Kill anything that requests it, but otherwise lets life flourish on its own, enjoys the company of his fellow Anthropomorphic Personifications, and is happy to realize that they will survive Humanity's Wake as a new species evolves a sense of imagination.
"Death comes on its own. I don't have to do anything to facilitate it. But everyone deserves a chance to try and survive."
In Ole-Luk-Oie/Ole Lukøje by Hans Christian Andersen, which focuses on the titular character of The Sandman telling stories to a child, Death is the brother of the titular character and also goes by the name Ole-Luk-Oie but only ever visits a person once and takes them away. He's portrayed as a handsome and awe-inspiring horseman dressed in a hussar's uniform embroidered with silver, and those who were good in life are treated to a story that's wonderful beyond words.
“Why, Death is a most splendid Luk-Oie,” said Hjalmar. “I am not in the least afraid of him.” “You need have no fear of him,” said Ole-Luk-Oie, “if you take care and keep a good conduct book.”
Lord Dunsany's allegorical short story "On the Dry Land" tells how Love, after leading a man through "perilous marshes" for many years, finally makes ready to leave him, now that the man is old and has reached the dry and safe land. The old man however is unconsolable that Love is leaving him so that Love is moved to promise him to send "his little brother Death" to take care of him. And soon, Death comes "tall and beautiful" and with a smile lifts up the man gently and "murmuring with his low deep voice an ancient song, carried him to the morning, to the gods."
Subverted in that most reapers are rather pleasant. Most reapers make an effort to be accommodating to the newly dead to make the process of moving on as easy as possible.
Played straight with some reapers such as the actual Grim Reaper who other reapers are wary of.
Death is actually rather polite and kind if a bit snarky. She truly cares about her reapers and those who die. She even has a loving relationship with her husband Life who calls her Deatz.
This is a recurring theme in The Riftwar Cycle, which has a number of death gods and cults devoted to them. The various death gods are depicted as benevolent or at worst morally neutral, and the cults are really just everyday churches. For example, the Minwanabe Red God initially looks like an Aztec-inspired violent sect that practices human sacrifice and has savage priests covered in bones and red and black facepaint. Behind the scenes they only sacrifice rare volunteers, the paint and everything else is just religious dress (the equivalent of a Christian minister dressing in full regalia for services) which they swap out for clean white robes and a little eyeshadow when off duty, and the seemingly psychotic bloodthirsty maniac of a priest is a kindly old man who likes to drink tea in his study.
The Screwtape Letters: The apprentice demon Wormwood is delighted to hear that England is under attack, since that will cause plenty of woe and death. However, his uncle Screwtape chides him for thinking that way because Wormwood's target is now a Christian, meaning if he dies he'll go to heaven. According to Screwtape, human fear of death is a demonic tactic, to deceive humans and keep them from realizing that they have nothing to fear from death.
Screwtape: They see death as the greatest evil and living as the greatest good because we have taught them to do so. Do not be infected by our own propaganda.
In the novella "Sweet Diamond Dust", Doña Laura claims to see death from her deathbed but is not afraid: "Death is a woman, and for that reason she's courageous and just, and never makes distinctions between mortals; she'll crush the ignorant, the arrogant, and the wise alike under her icy foot."
Richard the reaper from Silicon Wolfpack has a major sense of humor, and is reasonably sympathetic toward those he meets in his line of work.
The Many-Faced God of Braavos in A Song of Ice and Fire is a death god spoken of in very positive terms. One of his worshipers makes a comment (slightly paraphrased) that every person has a dark angel beside them, and when the suffering of life becomes too great, that angel will give them the "gift" of death.
The Earth-Dog in Survivor Dogs acts as the dog equivalent of both Mother Nature and the Grim Reaper. Despite this, dogs don't fear her. She's one of the, if not the, most respected of the Spirit-Dogs and is considered a benevolent individual (unless angered, in which she'll start earthquakes).
In the Tortall Universe, the kindest and most forgiving of the gods is the Black God of Death. He's one of a handful of deities that gives a shit about humans. He's gentle and never makes any effort to intimidate or scare mortals who may see him. His domain is called "The Peaceful Realms". The rest of the gods merely use them for power in their own quarrels, and are difficult even for their chosen servants to interact with.
Examples U—Z
Invoked in Unwind. When a side character is brought to the Chop Shop to be Unwound, the band's leader begins playing Don't Fear the Reaper to try and help him along.
Watership Down. In the story of the Black Rabbit of Inlé, it's explained that the Black Rabbit only does the appointed task set by the sun god Frith, who created the elil to keep the rabbit population down but promised they would never be exterminated. The Black Rabbit punishes elil who kill without his permission, and acts to save El-ahrairah's warren after all of the rabbit trickster's schemes have failed.
Wayward Children: Both the Underworlds we see are quite nice places. Nancy's world has rules, but they are fair and the Lord of the Dead takes good care of all his subjects. And Christopher's world of dancing skeletons is a joyous and welcoming realm, if a touch creepy by our fleshly standards.
Garovel of The Zombie Knight is this. He resurrects the protagonist in order to save other people from dying. However, many of the other reapers do not look so favorably upon the living and prefer to cause destruction and death.
" describes Death as a kind, polite suitor, much like his Discworldian counterpart. Before that the German poet and journalist Matthias Claudius (1740-1815) often portrayed Death as a friendly personification, Freund Hain* - a variation of Freund Hein or Gevatter Hein ("friend" or "godfather Hank", a common German euphemism for Death) - most famously in his poem Der Tod und das Mädchen ("Death and the Maiden", 1775), which also appears in the Music section. Another poem, Nach der Krankheit ("After Sickness", 1777) describes how during a bad fever Death comes to Asmus (Claudius' alter ego) and with a friendly smile offers to take him into his arm. Asmus asks him to pass him by this time, to which Freund Hain acquiesces, and the poem ends with Asmus saying: "And when you return sooner or later, please smile again, Hain!"