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main character of the show. The titular "sidekick" to Scamic, the Only Sane Man
of the show, and would do literally anything other than going on wacky adventures
- Absentee Actor: Aside from a single voiceline from a letter, Mails is completely absent in "A Scamic Christmas Chronicle' — and every episode on until he comes back from his vacation.
- Amusing Injuries: Is subjected to constant slapstick throughout the show.
- Ass Shove: In Ame, the episode ends right before Ame shoves a car-sized dildo up his butt.
- Being Good Sucks: One of the few definite good guys in the show — and is the most mistreated character in the show.
- Born Unlucky: Things almost never go his way.
- The Bus Came Back: After a seven episode gap, Mails finally returns in "Coronavirus".
- Butt-Monkey: The biggest in the show. Bad things always happen to him. He spends every episode getting dragged along on dumb adventures, frequently suffers from Amusing Injuries, is a total No Respect Guy, and is the most likely character to die in any given episode.
- Characterization Marches On: Was once a very eager hero who would try his hardest to stop his nemesis. Nowadays he's the Only Sane Man and Knight in Sour Armor who would rather sit on the couch all day than going on crazy adventures with his "friends".
- The Chew Toy: His abuse is entirely Played for Laughs.
- Chronic Hero Syndrome: He had no reason to help Eggnog in The Pass other than it being the right thing to do. Obviously this turns out to be a fatal mistake for him.
- Deadpan Snarker: Will not hesitate to dryly comment the situation he is in.
- The Drag-Along: Wants no part in most adventures but certain circumstances always forces him to go.
- The Dog Bites Back: Every now and then Mails strikes back against his enemies.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: In "Future". After two years of suffering and misery, Mails moves on with his life, starts a family and gets a high-paying job.
- Enemy Mine: Sometimes teams up with Eggnog. Usually under the face of an even stronger threat.
- Failure Hero: You can count the amount of times he won with a single hand.
- Flat "What": Frequently does them in response to the batshit insane situation he is usually in.
- Good Is Not Nice: Absolutely a good guy but isn't afraid of speaking his mind.
- Grumpy Bear: You can count the amount of times he is genuinely happy with a single hand.
- Knight in Sour Armor: Always on the good side, even if it means being the resident Chew Toy.
- Medium Awareness: Some episodes imply that Mails is at least partially aware that hes in a show. If not, he is certainly starting to realize this if The End is anything to go by.
- No Respect Guy: Despite being the sole protector of the Jewels of Not Goodness, almost nobody treats him with respect and often walk all over him.
- Not So Above It All: Mails, despite being the most normal person in the whole show, still shows some signs of zaniness. Such as his odd infatuation with Space Chimps.
- Only Sane Man: Overall the most sanest (and levelheaded) character in the show. Mails frequently comments on the sheer insanity that happens in front of him.
- Put on a Bus: Starting with "A Scamic Christmas Chronicle", Mails is absent with every episode due to being on vacation. 58 is seemingly filling the void for him.
- Straight Man: Fills this role to Eggnog whenever circumstances lead them together... or with virtually any character he ends up with.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: In the rare moments where he gets a victory or at least survives an episode.
- Subverted in "Mails' Vacation Tales". Mails wanted to get away from all the craziness at home and goes to have a nice relaxing vacation — only to discover that his vacation spot is just as crazy.
- Weirdness Magnet: Something weird happens to him in every episode.
arch rival and would also like to be his best frenemy
- Absentee Actor: Is absent in "Star Allies" and "Backrooms".
- Ascended Extra: By Season Two, Eggnog has cemented himself as the shows second main character.
- Asshole Victim: Deserves most of the suffering he gets.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Kills Mails and steals the Jewels of Not Goodness two times in a row in the show's first two episodes. He pretty much has a failure rate of 100% after that.
- After dozens of losses, Eggnog finally pulls one over Mails in "Brain Swap". But even then, it was less him being skilled enough to screw Mails over and more like just getting really lucky.
- Bad Boss: Does not treat his badniks (mainly 58) well.
- Big Bad: For the first three episodes then Ame makes her debut. Nowadays Eggnog is just a crazy guy that has an entire robot army at his disposable with a flying ship and constantly harasses Mails.
- Butt-Monkey: Arguably the second biggest one in the show.
- A Day in the Limelight:
- An Anime Love Story, where falls in love with a body pillow.
- "A Scamic Christmas Chronicle", where he buys an orphanage and goes through Yet Another Christmas Carol.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: One of the more questionably insane characters.
- Ditzy Genius: Is capable for creating a robot army and a floating ship, but is also a big enough of idiot to intentionally drink rat poison. He's as smart as he his dumb.
- Friendly Enemy: He tries to be this to Mails, but its obvious that the latter wants nothing to do with him.
- HeelFace Turn: In the "Future". A combination of being broke and spending three weeks in prison humbled him greatly. He was genuinely touched when a girl gave him a free toy and he decided to become a good person.
- Jerkass: Oh, so much.
- Karmic Death: Almost all of his deaths qualify as this.
- A Lighter Shade of Black: He may be a total Jerkass, but he's nowhere as terrible as Ame — Something that Mails knows.
- The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: After the first few episodes, he never seems to get back to trying to steal the jewels. He mostly just wants to mess with Mails.
- Stupid Evil: Often the villain of episodes and has made some seriously dumb mistakes.
- Token Human: Of the main cast.
- Too Dumb to Live
- Trigger Happy: Every one of the main cast has used a gun more than once, but Eggnog in particular has quite the itchy trigger finger. His go-to situation solver is to shoot whatever is bothering him.
- Troll: He can be quite an annoying person when he feels like it.
- Villainous Friendship: Subverted. Eggnog is always trying to be Mails' best friend as well as his rival. Mails constantly shuts him down but he still tries.
- Villain Protagonist: Can be seen as this when he is on the same side with Mails.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He's trying to be this to Mails.
Moto Bug 58
Eggnog's badnik assistant. Is essentially the whipping boy to his master and the token Minion with an F in Evil
- And I Must Scream: In episode five, he is immobilized and trapped in an empty field. No one bothers to help the poor bot.
- Ascended Extra: Used to act somewhat as a recurring Satellite Character to Eggnog. Nowadays he appears in almost every episode with his own distinct role.
- Beleaguered Assistant: Eggnog gives zero fucks about him. 58 likely only sticks with him because he created him.
- Butt-Monkey: Wanes between Mails and Eggnog in terms of the amount of suffering he endures. He is frequently abused by Eggnog, who treats him worse than dirt. In "Australia Fires", he registered him as a pet in the airport and doesn't care when he receives a phone call from 58 that the dogs in the cargo hold are tearing his face off during the flight. As if it wasn't enough, when they reach their destination, Eggnog still refuses to let him out of his kennel.
- A Day in the Limelight
- Furry Convention, where he infiltrates a furry convention.
- "Analyzed", where he tries to delve deep into Ame's thoughts and fix her.
- "Poop", where he deals with Shad Dick's new business.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: In "Future". After being a doormat for the entire show, he ends up becoming a news anchor and Mobius' most popular celebrity.
- Extreme Doormat: Just the way Eggnog likes it. He will always follow orders. Even if he knows damn well that it's going to fail and loudly objects it.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: No one really cares about him.
- Idiot Ball: In "Mountain" where he screws up the cliff climb and kills himself along with Mails and Eggnog.
- Mauve Shirt: Zig-zagged. On one hand, he is Mook. On the other hand, he is visually distinct mook with a fleshed out personality. Even then, due to the show's constant use of non canon deaths, he is still just as vulnerable as any other Red Shirt.
- Minion with an F in Evil: Sometimes acts as The Dragon to Eggnog but rarely (if ever) intentionally commits villainous acts.
- Nice Guy: One of the most nicest characters in the show. He is the least likely character to swear or even kill.
- Odd Friendship: He forms one with Mails during "The End".
- Sketchy Successor: "Scamic Begins" reveals that he's this to Cubot and Orbot. While the original two badniks were just as susceptible to Amusing Injuries as 58, they are a lot more sensible and willingly leave their position after seeing how incompetent Eggnog is. 58, on the other hand, is an Extreme Doormat who lets everyone walk on him.
A psychotic Ambiguously Human
girl who is violently clingy to Mails
- Accidental Murder: She is indirectly responsible for killing Mails in "Surgery Circus" where she brings in her pet T-Rex.
- Ax-Crazy: Will not hesitate to kill anyone blocking her way.
- Bad Boss: During her brief time as an office boss, she routinely offed any worker who had no use to her rather than just firing them.
- The Bad Guy Wins: The character with the highest chance to succeed.
- In "Ame", where she manages to track down Mails, who was in hiding.
- In "Jewel Thief II", she single handedly destroys Eggnong's entire offensive.
- In "Escape the Couch", she glues Mails to his couch and kidnaps him to do "butt stuff".
- In The Pass, she initiates a Batman Gambit to get The N Word Pass.
- Big Bad: Can be considered this when she usurps Eggnog as the most threatening villain in the show.
- Big Bad Ensemble: She, the Chicken McNugget, and the Bone Battalion form one in "The End".
- The Determinator: As said in her debut episode. She will do anything to win Mails's love. Anything.
- Eviler Than Thou: Shes much more smart, competent, and evil than virtually every villain in the show.
- HeelFace Turn: In "Future". Once Mails leaves her for good, she finds a genuine stable relationship with Shad Dick of all people. After a Time Skip, she and Mails meet each other again and amicably greet.
- Karma Houdini: She usually never gets punished for her murderous actions.
- Karma Houdini Warranty: Then again.. she's still a victim to several non-canon deaths. Albeit infrequently.
- One-Man Army: She was able to mow down Eggnog's entire offensive in "Jewel Thief II" without a scratch.
- Out of Focus: In Season Two. That is until the final two episodes...
- Perpetual Smiler: Mostly due to the Stylistic Suck. Ame is the only main character with a distinct emotive face, one that is happy. Averted in Season Four, since their was a minor art bump, she is able to have more emotive faces.
- Person of Mass Destruction: It takes her less than a minute to accidentally burn down an entire building.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: No taller than Mails — but is at least a hundred times stronger than him.
- The Worf Effect: Even Ame couldn't defeat the Grim Reaper.
- Yandere: To Mails. She will go through extreme and likely very horrifying lengths to be with him.
A recurring human who sometimes gets involved with the main characters' antics.
Eggnog's robot army. Almost always useless.
- Mooks: They're mowed down constantly. Not by Mails, but either from whatever weird threat is fighting them, Eggnog's bad decisions, or even their own stupidity. Often all three of them combined.
- Arc Villain: Of "Spider Situation", that's if you even consider him an actual threat.
- The Cameo: Can be seen in Mails's basement in "The End".
- Harmless Villain: Does absolutely nothing whatsoever. Everyone else just overreacts and assumes that it's not.
- Uncertain Doom: We don't know whether or not the spider survived the house explosion.
- Berserk Button: In contrast to Officer Wyatt, the rest of the force are fiercely anti-racist. Eggnog learned that the hard way...
- Police Are Useless: They were entirely useless during the spider hostage situation at Mails's house. When Mails manages to save the day, they make things worse by exploding Mails's house.
- Police Brutality: There way of detaining Eggnog was hitting him repeatedly with a baton and then running him over with their car.
- What the Hell, Hero?: One of the officers in "The End" calls out Wyatt Mahn for being racist.
Tropes applying to Officer Wyatt Mahn
- Bald of Evil: One of the most evilest characters in the show and is completely bald.
- Corrupt Cop: He has killed at least 93 innocent people just because they were black.
- HeelFace Turn: In "Future" he finally ends his racist behavior and arrests Eggnog. A newspaper reveals that his peers cried Tears of Joy.
- Jerkass: Incredibly racist and obnoxious.
- Karmic Death: Has suffered this more than once.
- Arc Villain: Of "Star Allies".
- Even Evil Has Standards: Is apalled when Shad Dick prepares to rape a baby.
- Karma Houdini: In "Star Allies", he suffers no comeuppance for devouring Scamic, Mails, a Waddle Dee, and Marx.
- Karma Houdini Warranty: In "Jewel Thief II" he dies during the final battle against Ame.
- Stupid Evil: Spends his entire episode under the belief that Marx is a communist and forcibly drags Mails along on an adventure. Turns out that Marx isn't a communist and Kirby decides to devour them all to leave no witnesses.
- Nice Guy: A rare character who's both levelheaded and a genuinely nice person. Too bad he is victim of Kirby's rampage.
The 97 Monster
- Arc Villain: Of "Nightmare in 97".
- The Cameo: We see him/her hiding in Mails's basement along with Spider in "The End".
- The Bad Guy Wins: He/She successfully murders Mails, Eggnog, and 58, in his debut episode.
- Chest Burster: Somehow gets inside Eggnog's body offscreen and bursts out of his head to ambush Mails.
- The Unreveal: His/Her reasons for hunting down Mails is left in the dark. Mails seems to know why but never elaborates.
- Eaten Alive: By Ame's T-Rex in "The End".
- Hanging Judge: He is not good at his job.
- Small Role, Big Impact: He accidentally kickstarts most of the events in "The End" when at one point offscreen, he requested to borrow the Jewels of Not Goodness from Mails.
Dr. Nice Feet
The Bone Battalion
- Final Boss: Can be considered as Season Two's final threat.
The Ghosts of Christmas
- Kick the Son of a Bitch: All three of them proceed to beat the hell out of Eggnog when he doesn't listen to them and burns down the orphanage.
- Reality Ensues: The Ghost of Christmas Future tried to show Eggnog his future, only to discover that the world had ended from human error before Eggnog even grew old.
- The Everyman: Very deliberate. He's just your typical delivery guy who briefly gets entagled with the show's absurdity before leaving right after.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Quits his job once Ame calls for another delivery.
- Straight Man: To Ame, when he had to deliver a pizza to her house.
Mr. Stick Figure
- Jerkass: A more tame example. He was quite rude during "Ghost", but was not much of a nuisance to the point of annoying Mails.
- Apathetic Clerk: She's remarkably ambivalent. She's completely unfazed by the pirate invasion and doesn't react much at the prospect of getting hit.
- Immune to Slapstick: Was the only one to not get crushed by a cannonball.