Boba Fett. Even though he's only around for about eight seconds, those eight seconds are awesome.
''They call me Boba Fett! You wanna mess with me? I'll put my balls in your mouth, Like boba tea! I got a jetpack yo, you know I steal the show! Cause when I rock the microphone-*Gunshot and Wilhelm Scream*
I've read up on your facts; you cure cancer with your tears? Well tell me, Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career? You're a washed-up has-been, on TV selling Total Gyms, and you're gonna lose this battle, like you lost Return Of The Dragon!
I never told a lie and I won't start now; you're a horse with a limp, I'll put you DOWN!
The fact that Lincoln, knowing what godlike entity he was facing, showed no fear, and tore Chuck's cred to shreds in minutes, makes fun of everything he represents, and counters Chuck's first verse by simply yelling the whole thing at the top of his lungs and repeating verse #1, simply Up to Eleven.
You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my SKULL!
You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's'MASTER!
Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga
"Your music doesn't scare me, I'm a mother of five! I killed moose with my bare hands before you were alive!"
"Oh boy. Look what we have here? A transvestite with a keyboard trying to be freak of the year."
Gaga to Palin: "You are the sum of everything I despise, with the most dysfunctional family since the JacksonfuckingFive!"
"Just trust me, your 15 minutes of fame came and went. Go back to your igloo; spend some time with your kids before they're pregnant."
Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage vs. Kim Jong-il
Macho Man taking over for Hulk Hogan after Kim Jong-Il injures him with a missile launcher.
The very fact that the rocket doesn't turn Hulk Hogan into giblets could be seen as a CMOA.
Ludwig van Beethoven vs. Justin Bieber
Beethoven's first stanza, but especially his first line. Acompanied by a shout out to his infamous fifth symphony to boot.
Beethoven, period. What makes this really impressive is that Beethoven was commonly reported to be a hothead. Certainly shows here.
"You want to be a little white Usher? Here, show 'em to their seats!"
"You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!"
"Sit down son, and let me give you a music lesson/ask Bach, I've got more cock than Smith & Wesson!"
Even Justin Bieber gets "Here's some aspirin; you're catchin' Bieber Fever tonight!"
Another one from Bieber to Beethoven "When's the last time your music got anybody laid?"
Another damn good slam is "Your own music made you deaf!"
Also, "Now that you're right next to me, I can understand why they used a dog to play you in the movies!"
"I'm commitin' verbal murder in the major third degree! My name is Beethoven, mother-fucker, maybe you've heard of me?"
Even better, the Behind the Scenes reveals that when Beethoven makes Bieber be an usher, the piece of paper Beethoven hands him literally says "My name is Beethoven, motherfucker."
I've crafted masterpieces that will last throughout the ages! Your music gets you bitches on your Face Book pages!"
Hate him or not, you have to admit it was a real Curb Stomp Cushion moment on Bieber's part when he threatened Beethoven that he'd catch his Bieber fever, and then Beethoven showed signs of actual illness.
Stephen Hawking vs. Albert Einstein
"There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in the Universe that we can observe... Yo Momma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd."
Really, the entirety of episode 7. The two characters weren't horribly mismatched in terms of rhythm and lyrical skill, unlike some other match-ups. Both characters deliver very intelligent lines, and the auto-tune job on Hawking's voice was a nice touch.
"When I apply my battle-theory, minds are relatively blown. So take a seat, Steve... oop.. I see you brought your own"
"I'll school you anywhere: MIT to Oxford! All your fans will be like 'Um, that was Hawk-ward...' I'm as dope as two rappers, you better be scared, 'cause that means Albert E equals MC SQUARED!"
"I'M LORD OF THE PITCH! And leader in home sales. You're just a lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail! Benny's got kite 'n key, but you're in for a shock when I strike you with bolts from my LIGHTNING ROD COCK!
Just when it looks like Gandalf had the definite upper hand with lines like "your ass is like Gringotts, everyone makes a deposit, we all know you've more than a boggart in your closet", Dumbledore comes back with this:
The prophecy forgot to mention this day
When I knocked your ass back to Gandalf the Grey!
Check your status, they call me headmaster, you're nothing!
And after Gandalf throws homophobic lyrics his way, Dumbledore spits back "I prefer the company of wizards and I'm PROUD of it!"
Mind you, this is complete with Dumbledore literally knocking Gandalf back from White to Grey. To give you an idea of what this means: the Supreme God and Creator of Gandalf's universe gave him the power-up to Gandalf the White so that Gandalf could accomplish his mission, and Dumbledore undid it with a swing of his wand.
Gandalf then comes back with:
I'LL TIE A NEW KNOT IN YOUR BEARD
WITH YOUR WRINKLY BALLS,
FOR I AM THE ONE RAPPER
TO RULE THEM ALL!
Just Gandalf starting off with "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" is pure awesome.
"You think your little hairy-toed friends are gonna harm me? Wait'll you get a taste of DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY."
I'm comin' out the socket, nothing you can do to stop it.
I'm in your lap and in your pocket. How you gonna shoot me down when I guide the rocket?
Your cortex just doesn't impress me, so go ahead: try to Turing test me.
I stomp on a Mac, and a PC too. I'm on Linux, bitch! I thought you GNU?
My CPU's hot, but my core runs cold. Beat you in seventeen lines of code!
I think different from the engine of the days of old. Hasta la vista... like The Terminator told ya.
Not to mention when he first appears, Bill Gates' expression quickly changes from triumphant to genuinely shocked.
Gates' comment about giving away Jobs' net worth to AIDS research is also a real-life Truth in Television CMOA, as the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has given over $1B to AIDS research, among countless other donations to other worthy causes.
Frank Sinatra vs. Freddie Mercury
Freddie Mercury's hamminess makes for an awesome performance.
You think I haven't heard those things before?
You're just a bully who's too scared to go to war.
You had a hit song called "My Way", but someone else wrote it!
You're the least talented ratin your whole pack of rodents!
Now, look, I respect all religions, but it might get a little crazy, if the White House has a first, second, and a third lady!
"So rich and white it's like I'm running 'gainst a CHEESECAKE"
Romney also gets out some good lines as well.
Romney: You see this silver spoon? This dug Mass outta debt. It took you four years to drop unemployment below "8 Percent".
He also manages to turn the 47% statement back on Obama
Romney: That 40 percent thing got you real mad. What? Did it remind you of how many decent parents you had?
The battle devolves into childish bickering, so Abraham Lincoln enters, carried on a gigantic bald eagle, calls both of them out, and leaves as he came.
I'll properly reach across the aisle and bitch smack you as equals!
Guess who most people have said was the winner of that battle... Lincoln.
Doc Brown vs. Doctor Who
The Doctor gets a good one early on when he yells at Brown to calm down.
10th Doctor: Everything is going to be fine/ You're not going to tear any wonky holes in any "fabric of space and time" - actually, it's a lot more like a rug, really.../Oh, never mind, let's just say there's an infinite number of me simultaneously kicking your arse with rhyme.
And then later on, when he turns into the 4th doctor.
"It takes nine reindeer to haul your fat ass/ You took the Christ out of Christmas, then just added mo' mass!"
"You ain't a saint, you a slaver like a Pharaoh in snow/ Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go!"
"Somebody hand me a chisel I'm adding a new commandizzle to the list y'all; thou shall not let kids sit on a grown man's lap at the mall"
"When I was high on the mountaintop God revealed the truths of the Earth, but he never mentioned a fat ass Papa Smurf"
Both Nice Peter and Epic Lloyd both held their own against Snoop.
"Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand?/ My list says 'killed Egypian Dude; buried him in sand!"
"We're magical workers man!/We hang out with reindeers./ Here's a GPS; who gets lost for 40 years?"
The phrase "Santa Claus is comin' to town" has never been so Badass.
"I'm from the North Pole!/ that's why my rhymes are so cold!/ I spit diamonds but I'm serving up some fresh coal." more the flow than the rhyme, but it's very effective.
Same with "I'm a jolly bowl a jelly givin' holiday presents/ but all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous.". One of the best flows in the entire Epic Rap Battles of History.
Adam vs. Eve
Eve drops this bomb about the incident that got them kicked out of Paradise:
Eve: That apple was the best thing I've bit so far: now I see how much of a dick you are!
Keep in mind, Paradise was, well, Paradise. Eve is basically saying that being denied a life free of strife was worth seeing Adam for the irresponsible fool he really was.
"I made a map motherfucker and I can read it too/Gives me specific instructions on how to fuck wit' you.
Martin Luther King vs. Gandhi
MLK's first verse:
I'm the king of civil rights from the city to suburbia, no shoes no shirt: but I'm still gonna serve ya!
Make you swallow your words so you can break the fast, then thank God Almighty you can eat at last!
I admire the way you fought the British power, but I have a dream that one day you'll take a shower!
Like the H in your name, you ought to remain silent, flatten your style like bread- naan violence.
And later on, the unbelievably awesome, hammy, brilliant, MLK says:
"I got so much street cred they write my name on the siiiiiiiiiigns!
Gandhi raps this:
Gandhi: Slumdog skillionaire, first name Messiah! Raps so hot, I spit Yoga Fire!
While actually shooting flames from his hand. (A reference to Street Fighter II.)
Gandhi: I am passively resisting the fact that you suck. I am celibate because I don't give a fuck.
Then there's this gem:
Gandhi: Everything you preach, I said it first / you should jot down these words, plagiarize my whole verse!/ Leave your thoughts on the door, like the real Martin Luther / I'm not thinking you shall overcome this, junior! *wags finger*
The fact they got KEY AND PEELE, two of the most acclaimed comedians working today, on the web series!
Instead of vicious putdowns, the rap battle consists of them trying to out-peace each other!
Thomas Edison vs. Nikola Tesla
Tesla becomes one with his most famous invention and creates an entire lightning storm with only his hands
Complete with Ball Lightning. (3 of them, to be exact)
Edison arguably had one when he blacked out everything, pointing out he invented lightbulbs, sound recording, and motion pictures.
Ironic because Tesla discovered alternating current, which almost all modern electrical appliances run on, including the computer - He could make the same claim even better!
Everything after that is Tesla turning Shock and Awe into one Crowning Moment Of Awesome after another, accompanied by the music itself getting an upgrade.
Tesla: You fool! You think you can touch me with this?
You couldn't handle my gifts, with your greedy little mind!
What's inside mine was ahead of it's own time!
You did not steal from me, you stole me from mankind!
That last line is so incredibly badass that everything after it actually feels like a letdown.
Nikola Tesla's introduction by itself was badass as all hell.
Tesla:I see a universe of infinite energy
But no potential for threat from this enemy
So you can call me Tesla, Nikola, impeccably dressed
Giving lessons in electrical nemesis, this will be on the test
Edison's flow and disses too;
Edison:While you were busy digging ditches and burning bridges
I'm popping out inventions, stacking riches, so go back to your pigeons
To make it even more awesome (or disheartening, depending on whose side you're on), Tesla's rhymes might've sounded badass but Edison's rung more true; Edison's "don't give a smidgen 'bout your visions if they can't make a buck" line might sound callous but the fact is that Tesla died in poverty after venturing out on his own, so Edison has a very dark point.
Tesla's verses accusing Edison of theft had a dark point of their own; Edison did bully and smear others whose inventions or achievements might've threatened his business. Edison's line "I bet you 50,000 dollars" is a reference to the fact that he originally hired Tesla to improve the electrical systems he developed in his lab for the price of fifty grand. Tesla did so, but afterward Edison didn't pay him a cent. And that's not getting into the stuff that happened between them when Tesla left Edison's company.
"You never had sex, but you sure got screwed by me!"
Babe Ruth vs. Lance Armstrong
For some, Babe Ruth killed it with his first lines:
You lived strong, beat cancer, CONGRATULATIONS,
Now I'll drop your ass faster than your own foundation!
Ruth's final stanza features this gem:
It's the bottom of the ninth against then Texan in a bathing suit
Filled with more artificial ingredients than a Baby Ruth!
It may be way too soon, but I'm calling my shot
And I'm not talking about those Italian syringes you brought!
The Sultan of Swat will knock you right outta the park and round the bases to the sound of up-roaring applause!
While you hang your head in shame and disgracebecause...
YOU GOT LOST AND FORGOT WHAT REAL SPORTSMANSHIP WAS!
The look on Armstrong's face says it all: Ruth DESTROYED him.
Bonus points for delivering the beginning of the verse like an old-timey baseball announcer.
It's not even the verse itself that makes it awesome—Ruth just runs through that rant without pause, getting progressively louder and more intense until he's just roaring. It's like watching a freight-train smashing through a brick wall.
Ruth's last verse might be awesome, but Lance had lines like:
Lance: So swing, batter, batter! Show me what a fatter rapper can do!
I beat cancer, I can sure as hell crack you
Lance: I'm the pinnacle of physical conditions
While you dip your stick in prostitutes and call it foul tippin'
(Are you trippin'?)
You'll be nothing but a skeleton, messing with the fellow in yellow
Who will be peddling like hell up in the Peloton!
You set records before black men could compete, are you kidding me?
That's like having a pasta contest without Italy!
Skrillex vs. Mozart
Mozart's second verse is golden!
Oh, yes, I've heard that EP, and see, I've transcribed it here.
Tell me, what comes after the 68th measure of diarrhea?
What kind of drugs does it take to enjoy this? I've no idea!
I've seen more complexity in a couch from IKEA!
You go piano to fortississismo!
That means soft to very, very loud. 'CAUSE I'M GUESSING THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW!
Why don't you put down your cubase and pick up a real bow?
I rocked harder than you when I was five years old!
I even crush motherfuckers when I'm laid in state!
Pride of Lenin, took Trotsky out of the picture,
Drop the hammer on you harder than I bitch-slapped Hitler!
Lenin interrupting the battle like Abraham Lincoln and screaming at Rasputin and Stalin.
I fought the bondage of classes!
The proletariat masses
Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your asses!
Lenin telling off Stalin for all the atrocities he committed.
Our whole future was bright! You let your heart grow dark,
and stopped the greatest revolution SINCE THE BIRTH OF MARX!
Gorbachev interrupting Lenin as well as Rasputin and Stalin. He calls every single one out on their abuse of power, points out how he successfully helped end the Cold War, and then points out his reforms. Even better, one could say that his relatively humble entrance through a simple door is awesome itself, simply owing as to how humble it is.
Putin's reveal. Gorbachev was content with just entering through a door, and Lenin was too furious to make a fancy entrance, but Putin? Giant Jumbotron with his face on it. And then he tears through it and starts gloating about himself.
Da, you want to mess with me, I spit hot borscht when I'm crushing these beats!
The last shot features the rappers in the episode doing That Russian Squat Dance in front of videos of rap battles from throughout the Season. It's a pretty cool way to send off the show for a while.