Funny: Epic Rap Battles of History

Most of the Awesome entries double as this.
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    Season 1 

John Lennon vs. Bill O'Riley

  • "Because I'm evil, heart blacker than Don Cheadle!"

Darth Vader vs. Adolf Hitler

Abraham Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris

  • Abraham Lincoln's abridged version of the Civil War. "Four score, and sixty-five years in the past, I won the Civil War with my beard! Now I'm here to whoop your ass!"
    • Right after that is "I've read up on your facts; you cure cancer with your tears?/Well, tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?"

Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga

The Mega Powers vs. Kim Jong-Il

  • "Your body looks like a spray tan banana, with a walrus mustache and a wack bandana!"
  • "You look like Sonic the Hedgehog's mother!"

Justin Bieber vs. Ludwig von Beethoven

  • When Justin Bieber mentions that he has Kim Kardashian in his bed backstage, Beethoven looks suddenly interested.
  • "I would smack you, but in Germany, we don't hit little girls. And I'm glad I'm deaf, so I don't have to hear that piece of shit My World! There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies. You wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show 'em to their seats!note 
  • "Ask Bach, I've got more cock than Smith & Wesson !" Cue Johan Sebastian Bach popping up for telling us that, yes, it's THAT big.

Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking

  • "I'm as dope as two rappers, you'd better be scared. 'Cause that means Albert E equals M C squared."
  • Stephen Hawking's speech aid basically being an Autotune device.
  • Hawking's tablet shows him playing Angry Birds.
  • "There are 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 particles in the universe that we can observe. Your momma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd !"

Genghis Khan vs. The Easter Bunny

  • The announcer's sigh before saying the Easter Bunny's name showing just how ridiculous he thinks the idea is.
  • Hearing the Easter Bunny call Jesus Christ his "homeboy" is probably humanity's greatest achievement so far.
  • Take a look at every single Rap Battle previous to this one and you'll notice they all have definite themes (peace vs. war, Evil Versus Evil, conservative vs. liberal, Megapowers vs superpower, and musician vs musician). Then, somehow, for some inexplicable reason, people wanted to see the completely unrelated Genghis Khan and the Easter Bunny throw down, which led to this battle.

Napoleon Bonaparte vs. Napoleon Dynamite

  • "You're the only type of dynamite that's never going to bang!"

Benjamin Franklin vs. Billy Mays

Gandalf vs. Dumbledore

Dr. Seuss vs. William Shakespeare

Mr. T vs. Mr. Rogers

  • I'll say this once, Lawrence. I hope it's understood. Get right back in your van, and get the fuck outta my neighborhood.

Christopher Columbus vs. Captain Kirk

NicePeter vs. EpicLLOYD

  • Nice Peter and Epic Lloyd look five seconds away from pouting after Nice Peter's final (rapped) line in their battle. Then there's Kassem's appearance.
  • There's also humor to be found in Putin threatening to kill Nice Peter in the trailer for Season 2 if he doesn't include a Russian character, then showing up a season later.

    Season 2 

Darth Vader vs. Adolf Hitler (rematch)

  • EVERYTHING you do is an EPIC FAIL!
  • Use some of your force to fix your fucking respirator!
  • You got one bitch pregnant, then gave into the hate! Now you're 6'6 and black but can't get a date!
  • Lightsaber? You need a Life Saver!

Master Chief vs. Leonidas

  • Master Chief refering to Leonidas as 'Fabio Flinstone'.
  • Leonidas kicks Master Chief down a hole at the end of his first verse. Even the music cuts out and there is a good four seconds of silence while MC just flips head over heels and vanishes. once again it's easy to mistake for the rap finishing suddenly.
  • Queen Gorgo's mild shrug which seemingly confirms that Master Chief did indeed show her his plasma cannon.
  • This line:
    Master Chief: Your whole plan got messed up by a hunchback with Down Syndrome!
  • Leonidas stating "Ha! I've had better fights with my six year old son!". Right next to him is a small, super imposed Epic Lloyd in a diaper, waving his hands in the air and making angry faces.

The Wright Brothers vs. The Mario Brothers

Michael Jackson vs. Elvis Presley

  • Elvis stuffing his face with sandwiches to transform into Fat Elvis, and opening his second verse with "You're a creeper, dude! You like to grab your own wanger!"
  • "I only let you marry my daughter/cause I knew you'd never bang her!"
  • From the Behind the Scenes, Nice Peter's jokes about the make-up he needs to look like Michael Jackson.
    Nice Peter: We're making a white man, whiter.
    • Also:
    Elvis: Hey, Michael...
    MJ: I do NOT do heroin! Hey! Hey somebody—Cops! Cops!
    Elvis: Uhhh I gotta go! *sheepishly tries to run out the door*
  • Michael's "Ooh! It's about time for a Thriller / Didn't lose any chocolate, I just added vanilla" and "Whoopin' your big fat ass with my shiny glove"
  • "I can tell that you're angry but I just can't comprehend it/I stole from black culture, why are you offended?"

Cleopatra vs. Marilyn Monroe

  • The look on Monroe's face as she removes her earrings. It's perhaps the closest a rapper has come to threatening a physical Curb-Stomp Battle.

Bill Gates vs. Steve Jobs

  • Bill Gates, after his first verse against Steve Jobs, becomes hilariously calm and nonchalant while Steve gets more and more frustrated.
    • The video itself is hilarious, but read the comments for that video and you'll find this conversation:
      [User2]: Nope, im watching this on my iSmack.
      [User3]: Really man? I got the iPwn instead. How is the iSmack?
      • To explain, Bill Gates smacks a iPhone into an iPad calling the result "iPwn" and then reaching through his iPad into Steve's and smacks his face with an iPhone.
  • Behind the Scenes:
    Gates: Let's see, Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos... Ah! Heroin! There we go!

Frank Sinatra vs. Freddie Mercury

  • Behind the Scenes of Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury. The perils of recording parts of lyrics:
    (I'm the champion of the world) WORLD!
    (Extinguished in my prime) PRIME!
    (So kiss my ass, Frankie) ASS!
    "Sounds like a steak..."
  • Epic Lloyd's ping-pong antics (while dressed in costume, no less!) right at the end of the video. He just says "Point, Sinatra" every time he hits the ball, regardless of whether or not he won. At the last round:
    "That your girlfriend back there?" "Yeah." "Next point wins her, GO!" "Wait, what!?" "Point, Sinatra."
    • And the stinger:
    "You're comin' with me baby, let's get some heroin and blow this pop stand."

Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney

Doc Brown vs. Doctor Who (10th/4th Doctor)

  • Doc Brown summoning the Dalek. The face he makes and the words he says are what really make it hilarious.
    Doc Brown: You don't get another turn to debate! Time to face your permanent fate! Now, da-lick my balls!
    Dalek: Exterminate!
  • And this line is gold:
    Doc: Despite all your companions, you couldn't be having less sex!/I don't know what's lamer: your fans, or your special effects!
  • As the 10th Doctor dies and turns into the 4th while still rapping and making a callback to a joke from Back to the Future itself: meet...your...(turns into 4th Doctor) Density! Ha ha ha ha!
  • And this exchange:
    4th Doctor: Cause you're a pitiful hillbilly hanging with an oedipal kid who's a bawk bawk chicken!
    Marty McFly: Nobody calls me chicken! (Epic Riff)

Bruce Lee vs. Clint Eastwood

  • Clint Eastwood falls victim to a Hong Kong Dub in the middle of his first verse.
  • Bruce Lee dribbles a ninja's head like a speedbag. The look on his face while he does this is pure gold.

Batman vs. Sherlock Holmes

  • From Batman's overtly serious rhymes to Holmes' Sophisticated as Hell attitude.
  • During Robin's verse, Batman's reactions to his sidekick's rapping in the background. First he just does a kind of "what the hell?" shrug, then looks at his wrist like he's waiting for Robin to finish.
  • Robin's reaction after Batman throws down a smoke bomb to get away from him.
  • Watson's reaction to Holmes' last line.

Moses vs. Santa Claus

  • "I've read your book, you've got a strict religion. No bacon? But mandatory circumcision?" The elves' reaction to the lack of bacon seals the deal.
  • Moses' first line: "When I was high on the mountaintop, God revealed the truths of the Earth, but he never mentioned a fatass Papa Smurf."

Adam vs. Eve

Martin Luther King vs. Mahatma Gandhi

  • The delicious wordplays
    King: No shoes, no shirt, but I'm still gonna serve ya. / Make you swallow your words so you can break the fast / Then thank God Almighty you can eat at last!
    King: Flatten your style like bread. / Naan violence.
    Gandhi: You would know about bread, Dr. Birmingham Sandwich. / Boycott those grits / Sit in with some spinach!
  • The ending involves King enthusiastically hugging Ghandi to forcibly forgive him, but Gandhi is clearly not interested and slides down through King's arms, stopping by his ear long enough to whisper his last lines:
    Gandhi: I am passively resisting the fact that you suck. / I am celibate because I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Thomas Edison vs. Nikola Tesla

  • Thomas Edison saying that he's "so dope that I even make New Jersey look good".
  • Tesla has some:
    History is being rewritten, and I have Reddit.
    So you can call me Tesla, Nikola, impeccably dressed.
    You did not steal from ME, you stole ME from MANKIND!

Babe Ruth vs. Lance Armstrong

Amadeus Mozart vs. Skrillex

  • That fact that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs. Skrillex exists.
  • Just how contemptuous Mozart is - it's like he takes offence to Skrillex even being called a musician.
    You go from piano to fortississimo
    That means 'soft' to 'very very loud' because I'M GUESSING THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
  • And this line from Mozart:
    What kind of drugs does it take to enjoy this?! I've no idea! I've seen more complexity in a couch from IKEA!
  • Skrillex is no slouch either:
    Your daddy issues make The Jackson 5 look like The Family Circus!

Rasputin vs. Josef Stalin

  • Rasputin's dance when he says "Big Dick Mystic."
  • Stalin going all Ax-Crazy and threatening to shoot all of Rasputin's family, all his wizard friends and anyone who sold him pierogi.
  • The Up to Eleven Call Back to Obama vs Romney. First, Lenin interrupts both sides to reprimand them. Doesn't really seem all that fresh, until Gorbachev drops by as well, leading in with a dinky little tune that wouldn't sound out of place in a day care center. Now, the gag gets funny again, but it's when Putin drops by, shirtless, stoic, and generally sounding uninterested does the viewer realize the battle was derailed in the most hilarious way possible.
  • Pretty much every time somebody says "Did somebody say..."
  • The Mood Whiplash that is Gorbachev in the five-way Season Finale rap.
  • The cameo appearance of PewDiePie, which Pewdie had foreshadowed in a video and gotten viewers hyped up for? It's him as Mikhail Baryshnikov, dressed in a unitard and dancing. Made even funnier by Mikhail Gorbachev, of all people, saying he "had the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, playa!" While scratching his crotch.
  • Putin is quite easily the least physically energetic rapper in the series so far (excluding Stephen Hawking and HAL 9000) and it is hilarious when coupled with his deep, loud voice. Not to mention the fact that he sings his lines in this incredible dramatic baritone.
  • This line is the solid gold breadwinner of the entire season:
    Gorbachev: Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man! OH YEAH!

    Season 3 

Darth Vader vs. Adolf Hitler Round 3

Al Capone vs. Blackbeard.

  • The fact that Edward Kenway makes a cameo is both this and a CMOA. Considering who gave the ERB crew a boat to use for the video, it's a nice little thank you to them.
  • "...Well you're a huge dick." Just the way he said it.

Joan of Arc vs. Miley Cyrus.

  • Joan of Arc telling Miley that "(her) highest calling was a text from Wiz Khalifa", mocking both Miley's irreverence and Wiz's addiction.

Bob Ross vs Pablo Picasso.

  • "You're the PBS version of Niiiiiiiiickleback," delivered in Chad Kroeger's signature groan.
  • At one point, Picasso draws a giant middle finger in the background.
  • Picasso looks down and says, "I could make better art with my weiner...Lump," followed by him holding up his weiner dog.
  • Picasso uses his Overly Long Name in a rap... And it works.
  • Bob Ross ends his by saying, "Yo Pablo, you just got your happy little ass beat."
  • Bob Ross opens his second verse speaking with pride and patriotism about his military career... then does a goofy little dance.

Michael Jordan vs. Muhammad Ali

Ebenezer Scrooge vs. Donald Trump

  • "I do not believe in ghosts and I don't believe that hair!"
  • "You should have made like Sebastian and kissed de girl!" Because who expected a Little Mermaid reference from these guys?
  • At the end of the video, Scrooge was about to say Tiny Tim's closing line, but is soon cut off by the announcer.
  • Donald Trump calling his ex-wife ugly and compares Scrooge to his wife in a bikini since they're both disgusting.
  • While the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is otherwise the biggest Knight of Cerebus in the series, his appearance gives us this gem. "Boo." "AAH!"
    • Yes, the nonchalant way he says "You're gonna die!" is scary as fuck. It's also funny as hell.
  • "I got my own f***g problems"
  • Kanye. Really who saw that coming?

Rick Grimes vs. Walter White

  • "No one saw Shane coming, except for your wife."
  • "You look up to me like I'm a pizza on the roof!"
  • "I'll be standing right here, in my tighty Walter Whities"
  • Blink and you'll miss it: after Walter distracts a walker with a bag of meth, in his last shot you can see the same walker tweaking in the background. He got a dead man high.
  • From the BTS video, Peter tells Lloyd that the heroin joke did not make it. What the follows is an extremely melodramatic funeral for the joke with the walkers mourning and Lloyd crying.

Superman vs. Goku

  • "Your rapping is weaker than your fight scenes: just one punch - and OVER NINE THOUSAND SCREAMS!"
  • "I'll make your nose bleed like Roshi sniffing panties!"
  • This line comes up that would not be out of place in =3.
    Look at those panties (Oh!)
    You got that camel(toe!)
    I'll report to Lois Lane

Stephen King vs. Edgar Allan Poe

Sir Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye

  • Newton's First Line:
    Of all the scientific minds in history,
  • Bill Nye's walk after his line, "hitting my stride," is quite humorous.
  • During Neil deGrasse Tyson's verse, Bill Nye's movements are nothing short of hilarious.
  • From the BTS, Chali 2na's poignant description of his son's reaction.

George Washington vs William Wallace

Artists vs TMNT

  • The turtles' verses are chock full of hilarity.
    • Leonardo mimimg a hellicopter
    • Raphael referring to himself as a "cool but rude guy", like in the cartoon them song.
    • Donatello's Gattamelata pun
  • The face Artist!Raphael makes in his title card. It's exactly what you would expect from Anthony.
  • The first words out of Artist!Leonardo's mouth are hilariously out of place.
    "Cowabunga, dude."
  • Apparently Artist!Donatello found enough time to make and put the finishing touches on Gattamelata during the Turtles' verse.
  • "You wouldn't know genius if it pissed in your sewer!"
  • If Artist!Raphael's "Deemed dope by the Pope and I boned till I croaked" line doesn't make you laugh, him crossing himself before going for a pelvic thrust will.

    Season 4 

Ghostbusters VS Mythbusters

  • Jamie being The Stoic in contrast to Adam. No Sense of Personal Space moments included. Then, even better, him dancing alongside Adam with the same deep voice and cold expression.
  • Janine's three-word cameo- " WE GOT ONE!" It comes out of nowhere but fits perfectly.
  • Egon's three lines in the first verse (with Winston's Shout-Out from the movie!)
    Ego: I collect spores.
    Winston: Tell him about the Twinkie.
    Ego: Like your show, it's all fluff and filler. I'll kick your hiney, man— I'm a savage killer.
  • When talking about a "safety switch", Adam and Jamie do pelvic thrusts.
  • "That's enough from the walrus and Dickless the Clown!"
  • Grant says they "come harder than Ray when that ghost popped his cherry". Next scene we see is Ray being held back by the other Ghostbusters.
  • Tory fails to think of a rhyme and just goes "Uhhhh..."
  • The faces on the Ghostbusters as Adam tells Tory to say the first thing that pops into his mind— while the Mythbusters, who don't believe in ghosts, don't know where that kind of thing goes, the Ghostbusters are perfectly aware, and are proven right when Stay Puft shows up to the fight.
  • This bit as Stay Puft shows up:
    Stay Puft: Blaze chumps and flip Kari butterside up!
    Kari: (sounding offended and pissed off) Hey!
    Stay Puft: I smother Ghostbusters in fluffernutter, I don't play; show these dweebs how to rock a beret!
    Jamie: (sounding maybe a little irked) Hey.
  • The fact that Stay Puft's voice is a dead on impression of Biggie Smalls.

Bonnie and Clyde vs. Romeo and Juliet

  • Everybody dies. We probably should have seen this coming.
    • Romeo promises to lie on his stomach so Bonnie and Clyde can lick his ass. Later, we see his corpse with his butt raised in the air, and Juliet screams about Romeo having poison on his face even though she can only see his backside. That's quite some mileage out of one joke about behinds.
  • The Announcer's absolutely lost reaction at the end of the battle; instead of a boisterous "WHO WON?!" it's this softer and confused "who won...?"
  • The poison line is priceless in and of itself, especially with how it's suddenly just SCREAMED.
    Juliet: Where's Romeo? OH NOMEO! There's poison on your face!
  • Bonie making light of Mercutio's death at the hands of John Leguizamo.
  • Bonnie and Clyde's reaction to Romeo and Juliet killing themselves.
    Bonnie: It's kinda sad though, really, so young, to have just died...
    Clyde: Well, at least we got each other.
    Bonnie: Just Bonnie
    Clyde: And- * RATATATATATAT*
  • Nice Peter attempts a horrible English accent and Grace Helbig barely even tries to do one most of the time. It ends up being hilarious.
  • There's something incredibly hilarious about the combination of Shakespearian insults combined with more modern cracks.
    Romeo: Do you quarrel, sir? Ho, should I draw my longsword, or will you duck your chicken-shit ass back into your Ford?
    Juliet: A moment break from your gaze is an eternity past, so together we shall both put these bitches on blast!
  • How Bonnie perks up after Clyde says they'll rob R&J blind. Outlaw Couple, ladies and gentlemen!
  • The Meta humour of Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart, who are great friends in real life threatening to kill each other is pretty funny. You can imagine they both had a blast with filming.

Zeus vs Thor

  • This is a battle between two thunder gods...depicted in the medium of Lego bricks. "Rhymes colder than the frosty balls of your giants" are hilariously wrong when the characters are basically made of children's toys.
  • When Thor knocks the Jotun off the rainbow bridge it lets out the Wilhelm Scream.
  • Zeus talks up Greece's historical accomplishments. Thor later retorts:
    Thor: "I'll drop you like Greece's GDP!"
  • Zeus tells Thor "Loki must've written your lines!" Loki's reaction suggests he did.
  • We may have found the most disgustingly hilarious mythology joke ever told:
    Thor: (to Zeus) Now make like your daddy, AND SWALLOW MY BABIES!
  • The end of Thor's first verse:
    Thor: I'd spit in your face, but you'd probably like it!
  • One of the Olympians accompanying Zeus is actually Bombur.note 
  • When Zeus brings up astronomy, the star chart in the sky shows the usual ones like Leo, Cancer and Sagittarius, the lesser-known but legit rabbit constellation, along with giant sunglasses, what looks like Pharell Williams' hat, the duck from "The Duck Song", young Simba, and Forrest Fire's (the animator of this battle) big "F" logo.
  • What's going on in the background of Asgard? We have waving pennants, a sword being forged, and Loki happily spending the whole battle doing a silly dance.
  • "And tell your three-headed bitch I said hi!" Cue Cerberus barking.

Jack The Ripper vs. Hannibal Lecter

  • Hannibal tells Jack to shut up about himself in a very...blunt fashion.
    Hannibal: Quit jacking off on the track and 'put the lotion in the basket!
  • For an otherwise dark battle, this line is very out of place.
    Hannibal: The thought of your putrid flesh makes me want to shiver, cause your British body's covered in more piss than kitty litter!
  • Hannibal works quite a few Breaking Speeches into his raps. One of the funnier ones is after Jack brings up the 7/7 London bombings at the end of his second verse.
    Hannibal: No, no, Jack! You were doing fine, until your ham-fisted attempt at a terrorist line!

Oprah vs Ellen

  • The little mitten ditty Epic Lloyd does in the BTS video. He's out and about in a snowy forest, complaining about the winter chill and claiming the "frosty LA has his hand tootsies chilly." Each detail begins with a "What?!" and the mitten details pile up...until he finds out that the "snowy forest" isn't real.
    Epic Lloyd: What? None of this is real?!
  • The battle was uploaded earlier than usual on release day... with a description that shows how exhausted the ERB team was at the time of release.
    It's late.
    Lauren Flans.
    November Christine.
  • The announcer, post battle:
    Who won? Who's next? You decide! You decide! You decide! You decide! You decide!
    • More comments show up as the announcer keeps continuing, most of them aren't for the battle, and some of them aren't even suggestions for battles. Including:
    Thanksgiving vs. Christmas
    sir mix a lot vs. hello kitty
    how i meeth your mother vs. the big bang theory
    Actually its not so bad

Steven Spielberg vs. Alfred Hitchcock vs. Quentin Tarantino vs. Stanley Kubrick vs. Michael Bay

  • Throughout the whole song, every verse makes at least one Take That at Michael Bay. So for the last verse, Bay shows up to fire back.
  • Spielberg tells Hitchcock to "kiss his full moon" while pulling down his pants and turning around. Hitchcock then dismisses his verse as a "close encounter of the turd kind".
  • Michael Bay rides in on a helicopter at sunset, one of the things that constantly shows up in his works, and is extremely blatant about what motivates him.
    Bay: If there's one thing that I've learned, bitch, this game is about MOTHERFUCKING MONEY!
    Bay: EVEN MAKE MARK WAHLBERG MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING MONEY! Note: Any movie that grosses more than 5x its budget worldwide should qualify as having made a massive amount of money.
  • Bay's introduction: low angle, slow motion, camera spinning around him as he rises. In other words, a Michael Bay-esque shot so perfect you can't help but laugh.
  • Bay's line: I ain't got that guilt money, I don't give a fuck! Take my checks to the bank and I sign 'em with my nuts!
  • Hitchcock breakdancing. The very idea is a gutbuster, but you get to watch him do it. And he is awesome.
  • When Tarantino calls War of the Worlds "sellout bullshit Michael Bay would do," Spielberg's looks like he's about to object, but then make a "Yeah, I guess you're right" expression.