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Film: Ted
Yeah, he's totally cute until he hires four hookers.

Ted is a 2012 comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and stars himself, Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis, and is MacFarlane's directorial debut. It focuses on John Bennett, a little boy who receives a teddy bear as a gift and wishes for him to come to life. As luck would have it, his wish is granted on a falling star, and the bear, aptly named Ted, does in fact gain sentience and grows up alongside John as his best friend. 27 years later, they're still together as roommates and still somewhat on the immature slacker side. This is a problem for John's girlfriend Lori Collins (Kunis), who feels that Ted is a poor influence on John, while Ted feels she's going to come between their friendship...

He's right, of course. That's what women do in these romantic comedies with foul-mouthed wastrel teddy bears.

The film received good reviews from critics, and was a huge box office success, making nearly $550 million worldwide against a budget of only about $50 million.


Tropes contained in the film include:

  • A Man and His Teddy Bear
  • Abhorrent Admirer: Donny and Robert.
  • Abusive Parents: Donny's father made him sleep in a hammock and got him a rake for Christmas so he wouldn't have to clean up the front yard by hand.
  • Adam Westing: Sam Jones.
  • Ambiguously Brown: Rex notes Lori's ambiguous ethnicity, hazarding that she's Baltic or Czech. Kunis was born in Ukraine to Jewish parents.
  • As Himself: Norah Jones. Sam Jones and Tom Skerritt, who are referenced frequently, also appear in person.
  • Astronomic Zoom/Logo Joke: The movie begins with a zoom into the Universal logo to zero in on where the hero lives.
  • Author Appeal: It's not hard to notice MacFarlane's love of big band swing in the soundtrack.
  • Badass Adorable: Ted, obviously, being a teddy bear and all.
  • Bag of Kidnapping: Donny and Robert do this to Ted twice, first when they snatch him from his apartment and later when they make their escape from John and Lori.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: Ted manages to have sex with a number of women despite not having a penis. He's written several angry letters to Hasbro about it.
  • Beary Funny
  • Berserk Button:
    • When John said he wished he had gotten a "Teddy Rux-fuckin'-pin" for Christmas instead, Ted loses it.
    • Donny hates it when someone curses in front of his son.
    • John also hates when people say "cunt," though he seems to be more scared of the word than angered by it.
  • Big Bad Ensemble: Rex, Donny, and Robert.
  • Bilingual Bonus: During the montage of news reports about Ted coming to life, we get a clip from a Japanese news station. The female news reporter calls Ted an usagi (rabbit), causing the male reporter to slap her and call her a baka (idiot).
  • Blatant Lies: John claims his ringtone is from The Notebook. It's actually "The Imperial March" from Star Wars.
  • Bowdlerize: The Japanese version premiered premiere a PG-12 version of Ted in July so that younger audiences could watch, toning down and cutting out the film's more raunchy parts. However, the uncut R-15 version is still available for the older audience to see.
  • Brick Joke:
    • The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue states that Rex died of Lou Gehrig's disease. Earlier in the film, John says to Rex that he hopes he gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
    • At the beginning of the movie, John suggests that Guy is part of a "gay beat-up club", to which Guy says, "yeah, maybe I'm gay or whatever, I don't really know". Later in the movie, at Ted's party, Guy shows up and introduces his new boyfriend.
    • After sort-of chewing out the late-to-work John, John's boss mentions (as evidence of his success) being a personal acquaintance of Tom Skerritt. At the end, he is seen with Skerritt at John and Lori's wedding. Then Skerritt whispers "My daughter had better still be alive, you sick son of a bitch" to him.
  • Butt Monkey: John as a child. Even the Jewish kid everyone bullied hated him.
  • Came Back Wrong: Ted seems to be this way after Lori wishes him back to life due to stuffing being put in the wrong places. Subverted in that he was faking as a joke. "Yoah magicuh wish wuhked! Yeah, I mean, you know, when you sewed me up, you pu' some schtuffing in da wrong places, sho I'm, I'm a li'l fucked up, but wiw you take cayuh of me fo-evoh and evoh?"
  • The Cameo: Ryan Reynolds as Guy's gay lover. Also Norah Jones, Sam Jones and Tom Skerritt as themselves. Ted Danson also appears briefly, reminiscing about his years on Cheers.
  • The Cast Show Off: Due to his former career as a singer, Wahlberg could do the white trash names game speed round, without taking a breath for 10 seconds. Averted when he actually sings, as he's Hollywood Tone-Deaf.
  • Celebrity Paradox:
    • Ted is voiced by Seth McFarlane. Lampshaded when Ted says he doesn't sound like Peter Griffin.
    • Lori is voiced by Meg from the same show.
  • Chekhov's Gun: When Ted is kidnapped, and Donny unplugs the phone in the middle of Ted's desperate call to John, John and Lori have no means of finding out where Ted is being held. But then John remembers that earlier, Donny gave him his address and phone number should he decide to sell Ted.
  • Climbing Climax
  • Closet Key: Jared.
  • Country Matters: John hates the c-word so much that it seems to physically pain him.
  • Curbstomp Battle: Robert is in the receiving end of John's fist and goes down with a thud.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Ted. He's voiced by Seth MacFarlane, after all.
  • Deconstructive Parody: You know how as a child, you probably wished that your favorite toy would come to life? This is what happens when the wish comes true, and then followed you into adulthood.
  • Demoted to Extra: John's co-workers Alix and Tanya's sideplot is omitted from the film's final cut.
  • Deus ex Machina: How Ted is resurrected. A guilty Lori wishes on a shooting star, which seems to be just as powerful as a little boy's Christmas wish.
  • Dinky Drivers: Ted drives John's car using built-up pedals.
  • Disney Death: Ted himself at the end.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: "Y'know, Lori would hate me for sayin' this, but she told me how you are at the office. And one gentleman to another, I just want to say, I really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease."
  • Dramatic Wind: When John meets Sam Jones.
  • Fanservice:
    • The party scene. A topless woman. Uncensored.
    • Kunis wearing a Modesty Towel when Ted comes to her door.
  • Fear of Thunder: John and Ted. They have a special "thunder buddies" song. John gets over it around the end of the movie, noticeably sitting still while Ted is dead as lightning flashes outside the house onto him with accompanying thunder.
  • Former Child Star: Ted.
  • Friend Versus Lover: John has to choose between Lori and Ted.
  • "Funny Aneurysm" Moment: In-universe example. During a disco in 2008, when John first met Lori, his comment on the song was, "Chris Brown can do no wrong!".
  • Genre Shift: The first eight-or-so minutes before the title sequence plays out like a typical family fantasy movie, with the only clue to the Genre Shift being the Lemony Narrator. And then both protagonists grow up...
  • Girls Love Stuffed Animals: Inverted in that Lori is the one who wants to get rid of Ted, while the people who want to kidnap him are male. The general public seems to be about even in their interest in a living teddy bear.
  • Gosh Darn It to Heck!: Donny forbids his son to cuss.
  • Groin Attack:
    • The hotel room fight between Ted and John ends with a TV set falling onto John's crotch.
    • Also Ted throws his cellphone at Donny's crotch when he tries to catch him in the bathroom.
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: Ted gets ripped in half thanks to a combination of rough treatment by Donny and a large tear he gets on his midsection while escaping.
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners: Ted and John.
  • High Concept: Mark Wahlberg and a talking teddy bear.
  • Hollywood New England: Both John and Ted are this, even though Walhberg is actually from Boston.
  • Hollywood Tone-Deaf: John attempting to sing "All Time High." In reality, Wahlberg was a singer before he was an actor.
  • Identical-Looking Asians: John makes a reference to "that Asian kid at Virginia Tech", and Ted's next door neighbor reacts rather violently when Sam Jones punches through his wall and interrupts his impending duck dinner.
  • Inhumanable Alien Rights: Ted never seems to be studied, and he claims he's a U.S. citizen. The fact he can find legitimate employment seems to indicates that to be true.
    • Though, in the end, Ted was torn in half, and all that came out was stuffing, so maybe the scientists figured out early there really was nothing to study.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy:
    • Ted finally realizes that John will always be a little boy as long as he has his teddy bear with him... and made his peace with Lori that he will leave their lives forever if only she would forgive John for his final childish screw-up.
    • John does a variant of this: while Lori hasn't found someone else, he recognizes his responsibility for the events that led to their break-up and wants to at least part on good terms.
    • Lori also: In the end, she recognizes Ted as an essential part of John's and her life, and wishes him back.
  • Jerkass: Rex.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Ted, but pretty much everyone aside from the villains are this to an extent.
  • Karma Houdini: Donny faces no consequences for kidnapping Ted. He does get arrested for kidnapping a plush toy, but is let off the hook because of how stupid that sounds.
  • Kavorka Man: Ted had sex with numerous attractive women despite being, well, a teddy bear. With no penis.
  • Lemony Narrator: Patrick Stewart makes several snarky insults at movies and celebrities in between moments of eccentricity.
    Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. (beat) Except an Apache Helicopter. An Apache Helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry. An absolute death machine.
  • Leno Device: Ted appears on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson after being revealed to the world as a living teddy bear.
  • Living Toys: Deconstructed. A lot of the real life consequences of this potentially occurring do happen, mostly concerning widespread media coverage.
  • Make a Wish: It's a childhood wish that starts the story and it's an adult one that saves the day.
  • Man Child: The film is about John's inability to grow up in general, but he has a few instances of actual childish behavior:
    • He's still afraid of thunder through most of the film and needs to sing a song to help him cope with it.
    • He cowers behind a column while Lori cleans up a turd on the floor.
    • He grabs his ears and says, "Ow!" when someone says "cunt" in his presence.
  • Meaningful Name:
    • Ted's name refers to the fact that he's a teddy bear and is a less diminutized version of "Teddy," indicating that he's an adult.
    • Rex is a spoiled child with a name meaning "king."
  • Mood Whiplash: This movie can shift pretty violently between melodrama and stoner comedy. And at Ted's party, the mood jerks from joyful exuberance, to a terrifying losing fight against a knife-wielding Ming, and then back to good-time partying within the span of a single minute.
  • Mundane Fantastic: Ted is treated as a normal person who just happens to be a teddy bear (much like Brian Griffin on Family Guy). After 25 years, he's now a faded celebrity as the novelty has mostly worn off.
  • Mythology Gag: Rex has been holding his fart while with Lori, like Martha Stewart does in the Family Guy episode "Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington".
    • Throw in the fact that quite a few significant voice actors from Family Guy have notable roles in this film.
  • Oh Crap: When Ted is about to be kidnapped.
    Donny: Hello, Ted.
    Ted: Fuck.
  • Only Sane Man: Poor Lori...
  • Person as Verb: "Well someone had to Joan Crawford that kid."
  • Plot-Mandated Friendship Failure
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: Ted.
  • Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: Lori doesn't recognize "The Imperial March" from Star Wars (which is her ringtone on John's phone). Well, she never did go see the movie.
    • She believes John when he says that it's from The Notebook, indicating that she hasn't seen that film either.
  • Reality Ensues:
    • After young John announces that his teddy bear has come to life, his parents begin to dismiss him and the audience was surely expecting it, but Ted walks out of the bedroom and breaks the masquerade immediately, making them freak out.
    • Another weird example toward the end: when Ted is kidnapped, he's shown to be no more durable than any other teddy bear when the villains cut his ear off and tear him in half. What makes it weird is that earlier, Ted beat the shit out of John with ease.
    • In general, the whole film takes the idea of a real imaginary friend or living toy companion and presents it realistically and honestly. Ted's miraculous existence is the source of massive media interest when he first appears, but after several years people stop caring and he becomes just a normal, albeit unexplained, part of life. Not only that but because Ted basically lives off of John and others, he never went to school, got a job, or really learned to live on his own. When he actually does try to get a job, the only thing he can manage is a piss-poor cashier job at a crappy downtown grocery store.
  • Recycled Premise: Ted becoming a media sensation that the world got used to was originally going to happen to Roger in American Dad!, but they decided to take his character in a different direction.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Ted gets away with grabbing boobs in public! Cos he's just sooo cuuuuute!
  • Room Full of Crazy: Donny's living room wall is completely covered in old newspaper and magazine clippings of Ted.
  • Running Gag:
    • Ted being crude to his boss and getting promoted for it.
    • John and Ted's fascination with Flash Gordon.
    • People bragging that they had their picture taken with Tom Skeritt.
  • Self-Serving Memory: John's version of his first meeting with Lori.
  • Shout-Out:
    • The way John remembers his first meeting with Lori is almost a shot for shot remake of Stryker and Elaine's first encounter in Airplane!.
    • Shout outs to Flash Gordon become major plot points.
    • When Ted reaches for his ear when he escapes Robert's room, a snippet of the Indiana Jones theme plays.
    • Ted mentions that he looks like "that robot from Aliens", referencing when Bishop gets ripped in half at the end. Earlier, he plays five finger fillet with another man's hand in another apparent reference to the character.
    • John's mention of a "gay beat-up club" is remniscent of Fight Club, which is about an underground fighting club and has some homoerotic undertones.
  • The Slacker: John and Ted.
  • Smug Snake: Rex.
  • So Bad, It's Good: In-universe with Flash Gordon, at least to John and Ted.
  • Springtime for Hitler: Ted tries to bomb his job interview at the grocery score deliberately. It doesn't go as planned:
    Manager: You think you've got what it takes?
    Manager: Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
    Manager: You're hired.
    Ted: Shit.
  • Staggered Zoom: On John's face when he finds out who is going to be at Ted's party.
  • Stalker Shrine: Donny and Robert have a shrine of Ted in their house.
  • Stalker Without A Crush: Donny and Robert towards Ted.
  • Starring Special Effects
  • The Stoner: Getting high is a common hobby of John and Ted. Later on, they even try cocaine.
  • Straight Gay: Guy is this, and possibly his boyfriend, or you know, whatever, I don't really know.
  • Subverted Kids Show: Tying in with the theme of growing up the film presents in the opening.
  • Take That:
    • Patrick Stewart's jab at Superman Returns at the end. This might be motivated by Bryan Singer leaving the X-Men series (where Stewart plays Professor X) to make the film.
    • "The ladies and I were just watching Jack and Jill. Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister and it's just— awful. It's unwatchable. But they're hookers, so it's fine."
    • The narration claims that the stupid, evil child Robert grew up to be Taylor Lautner (even though the film takes place in 2012).
    • Ted has a diatribe where he calls women from Boston fat, stupid sluts.
    • "Whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz or Justin Bieber, eventually, nobody gives a shit."
    • During John's horrible performance of a song for Lori, Ted remarks that it's still a better performance than Katy Perry.
    • One of the shows that Ted and John watch while high is SpongeBob SquarePants.
  • Toxic Friend Influence: Ted for John. He repeatedly talks John into doing really stupid things that jeopardize his relationship with Lori. John calls him out on it later in the movie.
  • Ultimate Job Security: Played for Laughs. Ted's lecherous behavior at work and his audacious responses to his manager's reprimands gets him repeatedly promoted. The Epilogue reveals that he was later caught eating potato salad off of his girlfriend's bare bottom. He was promoted to store manager.
    Manager: You were found having sexual intercourse with a coworker, on top of the produce we sell to our customers.
    Manager: That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
  • Unmasqued World: Everyone knows that Ted is alive to the point where he made an appearance on The Tonight Show.
  • Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Ted himself.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: After 27 years, nobody is surprised that a living teddy bear exists.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: John and Ted.
  • "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Thunder for both John and Ted.
  • Would Hurt a Child: John says, "Well someone had to Joan Crawford that kid," about Robert, a spoiled psychopath.
  • "YEAH!" Shot: For Ted and Sam Jones at the end, just like in Flash Gordon.


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