Yeah, he's totally cute until he hires four hookers.
Ted is a 2012 comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and stars himself, Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis, and is MacFarlane's directorial debut. It focuses on John Bennett, a little boy who receives a teddy bear as a gift and wishes for him to come to life. As luck would have it, his wish is granted on a falling star, and the bear, aptly named Ted, does in fact gain sentience and grows up alongside John as his best friend. 27 years later, they're still together as roommates and still somewhat on the immature slacker side. This is a problem for John's girlfriend Lori Collins (Kunis), who feels that Ted is a poor influence on John, while Ted feels she's going to come between their friendship...He's right, of course. That's what women do in these romantic comedies with foul-mouthed wastrel teddy bears.The film received good reviews from critics, and was a huge box office success, making nearly $550 million worldwide against a budget of only about $50 million.
Bilingual Bonus: During the montage of news reports about Ted coming to life, we get a clip from a Japanese news station. The female news reporter calls Ted an usagi (rabbit), causing the male reporter to slap her and call her a baka (idiot).
Bowdlerize: The Japanese version premiered premiere a PG-12 version of Ted in July so that younger audiences could watch, toning down and cutting out the film's more raunchy parts. However, the uncut R-15 version is still available for the older audience to see.
The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue states that Rex died of Lou Gehrig's disease. Earlier in the film, John says to Rex that he hopes he gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
At the beginning of the movie, John suggests that Guy is part of a "gay beat-up club", to which Guy says, "yeah, maybe I'm gay or whatever, I don't really know". Later in the movie, at Ted's party, Guy shows up and introduces his new boyfriend.
After sort-of chewing out the late-to-work John, John's boss mentions (as evidence of his success) being a personal acquaintance of Tom Skerritt. At the end, he is seen with Skerritt at John and Lori's wedding. Then Skerritt whispers "My daughter had better still be alive, you sick son of a bitch" to him.
Butt Monkey: John as a child. Even the Jewish kid everyone bullied hated him.
Came Back Wrong: Ted seems to be this way after Lori wishes him back to life due to stuffing being put in the wrong places. Subverted in that he was faking as a joke. "Yoah magicuh wish wuhked! Yeah, I mean, you know, when you sewed me up, you pu' some schtuffing in da wrong places, sho I'm, I'm a li'l fucked up, but wiw you take cayuh of me fo-evoh and evoh?"
The Cameo: Ryan Reynolds as Guy's gay lover. Also Norah Jones, Sam Jones and Tom Skerritt as themselves. Ted Danson also appears briefly, reminiscing about his years on Cheers.
The Cast Show Off: Due to his former career as a singer, Wahlberg could do the white trash names game speed round, without taking a breath for 10 seconds. Averted when he actually sings, as he's Hollywood Tone-Deaf.
Ted is voiced by Seth McFarlane. Lampshaded when Ted says he doesn't sound like Peter Griffin.
Lori is voiced by Meg from the same show.
Chekhov's Gun: When Ted is kidnapped, and Donny unplugs the phone in the middle of Ted's desperate call to John, John and Lori have no means of finding out where Ted is being held. But then John remembers that earlier, Donny gave him his address and phone number should he decide to sell Ted.
Disproportionate Retribution: "Y'know, Lori would hate me for sayin' this, but she told me how you are at the office. And one gentleman to another, I just want to say, I really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease."
Fear of Thunder: John and Ted. They have a special "thunder buddies" song. John gets over it around the end of the movie, noticeably sitting still while Ted is dead as lightning flashes outside the house onto him with accompanying thunder.
Girls Love Stuffed Animals: Inverted in that Lori is the one who wants to get rid of Ted, while the people who want to kidnap him are male. The general public seems to be about even in their interest in a living teddy bear.
Hollywood Tone-Deaf: John attempting to sing "All Time High." In reality, Wahlberg was a singer before he was an actor.
Identical-Looking Asians: John makes a reference to "that Asian kid at Virginia Tech", and Ted's next door neighbor reacts rather violently when Sam Jones punches through his wall and interrupts his impending duck dinner.
Inhumanable Alien Rights: Ted never seems to be studied, and he claims he's a U.S. citizen. The fact he can find legitimate employment seems to indicates that to be true.
Though, in the end, Ted was torn in half, and all that came out was stuffing, so maybe the scientists figured out early there really was nothing to study.
Ted finally realizes that John will always be a little boy as long as he has his teddy bear with him... and made his peace with Lori that he will leave their lives forever if only she would forgive John for his final childish screw-up.
John does a variant of this: while Lori hasn't found someone else, he recognizes his responsibility for the events that led to their break-up and wants to at least part on good terms.
Lori also: In the end, she recognizes Ted as an essential part of John's and her life, and wishes him back.
Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. (beat) Except an Apache Helicopter. An Apache Helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry. An absolute death machine.
Ted's name refers to the fact that he's a teddy bear and is a less diminutized version of "Teddy," indicating that he's an adult.
Rex is a spoiled child with a name meaning "king."
Mood Whiplash: This movie can shift pretty violently between melodrama and stoner comedy. And at Ted's party, the mood jerks from joyful exuberance, to a terrifying losing fight against a knife-wielding Ming, and then back to good-time partying within the span of a single minute.
Mundane Fantastic: Ted is treated as a normal person who just happens to be a teddy bear (much like Brian Griffin on Family Guy). After 25 years, he's now a faded celebrity as the novelty has mostly worn off.
Mythology Gag: Rex has been holding his fart while with Lori, like Martha Stewart does in the Family Guy episode "Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington".
Throw in the fact that quite a few significant voice actors from Family Guy have notable roles in this film.
After young John announces that his teddy bear has come to life, his parents begin to dismiss him and the audience was surely expecting it, but Ted walks out of the bedroom and breaks the masquerade immediately, making them freak out.
Another weird example toward the end: when Ted is kidnapped, he's shown to be no more durable than any other teddy bear when the villains cut his ear off and tear him in half. What makes it weird is that earlier, Ted beat the shit out of John with ease.
In general, the whole film takes the idea of a real imaginary friend or living toy companion and presents it realistically and honestly. Ted's miraculous existence is the source of massive media interest when he first appears, but after several years people stop caring and he becomes just a normal, albeit unexplained, part of life. Not only that but because Ted basically lives off of John and others, he never went to school, got a job, or really learned to live on his own. When he actually does try to get a job, the only thing he can manage is a piss-poor cashier job at a crappy downtown grocery store.
Recycled Premise: Ted becoming a media sensation that the world got used to was originally going to happen to Roger in American Dad!, but they decided to take his character in a different direction.
Refuge in Audacity: Ted gets away with grabbing boobs in public! Cos he's just sooo cuuuuute!
Room Full of Crazy: Donny's living room wall is completely covered in old newspaper and magazine clippings of Ted.
Ted mentions that he looks like "that robot from Aliens", referencing when Bishop gets ripped in half at the end. Earlier, he plays five finger fillet with another man's hand in another apparent reference to the character.
John's mention of a "gay beat-up club" is remniscent of Fight Club, which is about an underground fighting club and has some homoerotic undertones.
Toxic Friend Influence: Ted for John. He repeatedly talks John into doing really stupid things that jeopardize his relationship with Lori. John calls him out on it later in the movie.
Ultimate Job Security: Played for Laughs. Ted's lecherous behavior at work and his audacious responses to his manager's reprimands gets him repeatedly promoted. The Epilogue reveals that he was later caught eating potato salad off of his girlfriend's bare bottom. He was promoted to store manager.
Manager: You were found having sexual intercourse with a coworker, on top of the produce we sell to our customers.