Awesome / Freshy Kanal

Part 1

Freddy Fazbear vs. Mr. Bear

• Mr. Bear's finishing line is killer.
  Your fans will never know the ending of this battle! Let me give them a hint: Mangle.

Part 2

Percy Jackson vs Moana

• Moana’s first verse starts with a great buildup of momentum.
  Moana: I'm scoring three strikes just like your daddy's trident
  Keep hiding from monsters while I'm discovering islands
  My grandma taught me rhythm so you better keep flow
  You’re out of Nep-Tune, I'll end you on a C/Sea note
  • This clever line deserves a mention as well:
    Moana: Try to fight through Lalotai with a pen and tweed coat
    Put a Greek up to Disney and he'll go Hero to Zero
  • As the verse goes on, she hits Percy more and more on his insecurities.
    Moana: Here's the truth about your mission ever since you've been a toddler
    There's no flag in years of capturing your absentee father
    Tried creating fake drama to stir your mess of a half-brother
    Is that the only thing you didn't steal from Harry Potter?
  • She ends her first verse with these scathing lines:
    Moana: No one knows how far I'll go without this geek stopping me
    The world praises my songs, you're nothing but mythology
    So what's left for Percy to boast to his fans?
    All we heard from him is chaos from the coasts of Japan
• Percy hits back fiercely in his first verse:
  Percy Jackson: I'm riding pinnacles of flow, so who's the actual adult?
  All you do is wreck the boats of a half naked cult
  That pray to a self-centered prick for what he took
  While he watched you remain a sellout's fish on a hook, ooh!
  • The verse’s ending lines bear mentioning:
    Percy Jackson: You can't sell me your rhythms, you're looking up to my limits
    And I'll be throwing some rotten tomatoes down from Olympus
    Your whole story got sunk, stuck with the Rock's junk
    From all the ocean's plots struck, Ariel washed up
• Moana’s second verse is a short but effective Cowardice Callout:
  Moana: Ehmm... stealing the pantheon's thunder? You seem afraid to
  Poseidon became God of the chickens when he made you!
  No reasons to be mad at me when diving in your fantasy
  Your miserable barrier won't save you from reality
• Percy’s second verse ramps up the bombast from before:
  Percy Jackson: Put hands on your MacGuffin and see which of us is rocking
  Miranda missed the boat with you and went with Mary Poppins!
  I got the ocean wrapped around my hands, you had your chances
  I can just scratch my nose and make Te Fiti meet Atlantis
  • Percy closes the battle with these scathing words:
    Percy Jackson: Reunite your grandma with her baby, your future seems stormy when this reign of hell's come
    Leave you both waiting at the gate of Hades; I mean what can he say except "you're welcome!"

Ghostface vs Samara Morgan

• Samara begins the battle dropping disses while climbing out of her well:
  Samara Morgan: In seven days, your semi-fame will get erased.
  Forever hated, devastated, chocking on your petty rage.
  Against a dated slasher specializing in edgy teens?
  I've seen meaner scream queens squealing on MTV!
  • She then proceeds to establish just how little she thinks of her opponent, mocking his personal failings and overall irrelevance:
    Samara Morgan: I'm the first film sensation from Asia to get the west cravin'
    You’re the last one people think of when they hear "Wes Craven!"
    Abandoned by your mother, and it drove you to insanity.
    So you'll bite another bullet, guess it runs in the family!
• Ghostface enters the battle by demolishing the fourth wall, berating and stalking the Announcer over the phone while still offhandedly burning his opponent.
  Ghostface: Hello, announcer. Can I fight someone new, please?
  You must've misheard me, I said I like scary movies.
  You would think by now you're used to getting played, but
  I can help you out if you really wanna... hang up!
  • From there, he hits Samara hard on her ineffectiveness and lack of originality.
    Ghostface: List everything you ripped off? I'd rather tape my mouth shut!
    Stringy-haired ghost girl couldn't have been more washed up!
    Idyllic, but then your hopes for a fairy tale drowned.
    So Samara, Samara, can you let your fans down?
• The two killers start Volleying Insults, and it is glorious:
  Samara Morgan: I'm trapped in the waters, but protected by God
  Drop the facade, you're useless, even your rules are flawed.
  Ghostface: Wrong answer! Your reboot trash is lackluster
  Barely at the bottom of the bargain bin at Blockbuster!
• Samara gets more aggressive in her last verse, seemingly strangling her opponent to death…
  Samara Morgan: So formulaic, you're more suited for Scooby-Doo!
  Stuck in an endless loop of Sidney eluding you! (Huh?)
  Coming at me, choking on your phoned-in lines? Please!
  I’m screwing you over worse than caller ID!
• It turns out the Ghostface Samara killed was just a decoy; the real Ghostface appears behind her and delivers one final verse before using his knife for a Mic Drop:
  Ghostface: Unstoppable like Jason, you can't stop the bloodshed.
  Shoulda known- never assume the killer is dead.
  Face it, Grudge girl, you will never be my equal.
  The body count's capped out so there's no need for a sequel.

Pennywise vs. Freddy Krueger

• Freddy comes out swinging:
  Freddy Krueger: Laying you down to sleep for two decades of your own hell.
  It looks like Wise is lacking luck; let's throw a Penny in the well!
  It's prime time for a rap battle, bitch! Dip you into shame down to the bottom of your silk suit
  Yeah, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words? We both know they kill you
  • He gets some catchy rhymes in while establishing the difference between him and his opponent:
    Freddy Krueger: So drop this beat on your breath when I beat you to death!
    The makeup on your head will match up with your bed!
    'Cause my dreams are a threat, while the screams that you get
    Make this spider a joke; it's a meme on the web
• Pennywise doesn't back down, going into just how washed-up his opponent is.
  Pennywise: Biggest fear from Bill to Bevvy
  Your only scare is the bill for new bedsheets
  Stuck in the 80's, reboot fucked up
  You're officially the leader of the Boomers' Club
  • Pennywise also has fun using a reference to demean Freddy's pedophile status.
    Pennywise: You kept up in ruining children 'till Jason mutilated your character
    Now the question is who would win here? The Alien? Or the Sexual Predator?
  • Pennywise concludes his first verse with an impressive rhyme scheme as he hammers in just how irrelevant Freddy has become:
    Pennywise: You're dated, so listen up! You aged and you couldn't stop!
    Your face replicates your plot: a game of connect-the-dots!
    Your rating is severed, flopped; they made like your head and dropped!
    The same as popcorn I brought, you raised, blew up, and p-p-popped!
• Freddy makes some solid comebacks, beginning with turning his opponent's accusations of irrelevance against him:
  Freddy Krueger: My count rounds out to a thousand; you're grouchy!
  Left people howling more about your idiot townies!
  You're not even allowed the best clown flick
  In the same fucking year your lousy sequel came out in!
  • Freddy gets in more clever burns as the verse progresses.
    Freddy Krueger: You're scared of Maturin' and so your M.O.'s eternal
    You'd shit you sewers when you see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
    Bitch! Take a nap and I got your soul on a hook
    You're helping me slaughter people by making them read your book!
  • He concludes with this jab:
    Freddy Krueger: I'll stick to spreadin' teens over bedsheets
    While you're left melting into a puddle — How's that for a wet dream?
• Pennywise closes the battle with this zinger:
  Pennywise: Tongue-twist a butt-kiss like your final girl did!
  It's a multiplayer game when you're in my world, bitch!
  I'd say go cry to your daddy 'fore you eternally rest
  But your mailbox couldn't carry the paternity tests

The Joker vs. Alex DeLarge

• Alex deserves props for keeping his composure as he drops some of the most casual burns his clownish enemy has ever faced. He begins by dismissing the Joker's tragic history from his movie...
  Alex: It's a cold-blooded pleasure, but I love to trick them
  Dirty old drunkies playing the bloody victim
  They picked him? Stop staring at me and man up
  You toss your actors in the trash like your index cards at standup
  • He then masterfully calls out the Joker's Domestic Abuse of Harley Quinn:
    Alex: On the streets, I was a tragedy, and yes, I paid for it
    But the real horrorshow's your concept of relationships!
    Harley didn't harm your life, so please tell me
    How she left you for the bat... and you blamed it on your belfry?
  • Alex closes his first verse by pointing out what happens when the Joker pushes his luck too far:
    Alex: Clark pierced your Heart like a Spade, you knew it sucked
    Not even the hospital could save you, since you blew it up
• The Joker, as usual, wastes no time establishing just how far ahead of his opponent he is:
  Joker: Strange way to entertain, but move aside, fraud
  Watch out! You and the beat just built a Suicide Squad!
  You had a big mouth 'til you got fed up with the truth
  I use my mind as a weapon; you use it as an excuse
  • The Joker explains his chaotic nature while dismissing his opponent as a wannabe with no substance.
    The Joker: I'll exact it without thinking, like magic without a trick
    You're fake, dead, and empty, the sculpture of a dick
    And your in-out game is a hypocritical brawl
    You signed in as DeLarge, but came out as DeSmall!
  • The Joker's verse ends with him mocking Alex for letting the Ludovico treatment break him:
    The Joker: So take notes like Beethoven- I heard you like that
    You've been blinded by society, but I love targeting bats!
• Alex fires back by brutally deconstructing his opponent's signature MO:
  Alex: Your miserable jokes couldn't gain any traction
  So you needed laughing gas just to get a reaction
  • He also calls his opponent insignificant while dismissing the hype surrounding him:
    Alex: It's filthy, seeing the little stain you'll remain
    At least now I have a reason to claim gulliver pain
    You resist following orders, so here's an offer:
    Allow me to kill you as a wildcard for the Oscars
• The Joker's last verse has him mocking his opponent's lack of originality as a weakness.
  The Joker: You're mechanical, organic, any prisoner's relatable
  So don't blame your new brother if you're acting so replaceable
  • He ends the battle with one last mockery of how his opponent brought about his own defeat:
    The Joker: But keep an eye open for sunshine
    Your tolchocks were a killing joke and the state gave you the punchline!

Alexander Hamilton vs Luke Skywalker

• The 10-dollar Founding Father opens the battle by invoking his famous musical:
  Alexander Hamilton: How does a master, orphan, science-fiction samurai
  Become the biggest sellout in a billion-dollar franchise?
  Damn right, you're quite the high-talker, Skywalker
  But I'll beat you in the double, son; I am your founding father!
  • Of note is when he calls Luke a shell of his former self:
    Alexander Hamilton: You used to be the coolest, saved the galaxy from trouble
    But then you became a burnout, just like your aunt and uncle!
    Scattered in your tattered robes while I'm ranking in the high courts
    Unless your goal's to bore me, what exactly do you fight for?
  • Hamilton closes his verse with this brutal diss:
    Alexander Hamilton: I know our families are both of our passions
    But you just wanna take your sister to the room where it happens!
• Luke displays his trademark determination and some clever rhymes when he opens his verse:
  Luke Skywalker: We both have big battles that brought us to our acclaim
  But when it comes to duels, you got that Stormtrooper aim!
  Hamill's hamming on Hamilton; you couldn't hold a candlestick.
  Your wife already burned you for me, Alexander Anakin.
  • Of note is when Skywalker talks up his famed accomplishments while flatly refusing the Historical Hero Upgrade his opponent is often subject to.
    Luke Skywalker: This battle, man, I'm owning it; the Force, man, I'm honing it!
    When I took my shot, I've got the Death Star exploding; quite hopeless, prick.
    Your only motivation's to become famous? Shit!
    I'll leave you whipped like every single slave you shipped!
• Hamilton gets an impressive Motor Mouth moment in his second verse:
  Alexander Hamilton: Yeah, I'm decking a jester, a mess your director had oughta rewrite to correct
  We're not equals, I'm the USA prequel, that's something that my fans will never forget!
  • Hamilton closes his verse talking up Lin-Manuel Miranda’s accolades while dissing the more unpleasant aspects of Star Wars’ impact on pop culture.
    Alexander Hamilton: You're Disney's bitch; I'm the brains behind Moana!
    Got private shows with White House folks and features with Obama!
    Your legacy become some losers living with their mamas
    Spewing racist drama, giving child actors trauma.
• Luke begins his last verse even stronger than the first, displaying just how confident he is in his superiority over his opponent.
  Luke Skywalker: You made the New York Shitpost on politics across the world?
  You're the AP U.S. History version of Gossip Girl!
  You still piss in a pot; I've got a space fleet saving planets!
  What could you possibly do to me? Raise my taxes?!
  • Luke then lets off a rapid-fire list of Hamilton’s failings as a statesman:
    Luke Skywalker: So let's wrap it up, your aims and plans are making zero progress!
    But no wonder, since you got lost following your political compass!
    I mean, you let your son got killed, you made an enemy of Jefferson
    You're picking fights on your own side and shittalking your president!

Part 3

Monika vs. Harley Quinn

• Monika starts off strong having her friends help her roast Harley before breaking her down personally.
  Monika: I gotta stop you there, our dress code calls for much more cloth
  Okay, Everyone! Watch me roast a giggling gullible gaudy Gotham goth!
  Sayori: Is it a boy?
  Monika: No.
  Natsuki: Is that even a person?
  Monika: I like to think she's a groupie for the traveling circus
  • Monika also gets in this zinger...
    Monika: You're a psychiatrist? From what I deduce
    You must've written your thesis on Domestic Abuse!
  • ...before she ends her verse giving Harley a much-needed reality check.
    Monika: But if I beat you in this battle, you won't get out of the ghetto
    Still flattered to meddle with tatted crack-addict Jared Leto
    Cause no matter what you offer, he won't like you in the first place
    You'll never swing your bat hard enough to get to 3rd base
• Harley, as her DCAU appearance, starts off swinging.
  Harley Quinn: I wasn't gonna go here, but bitch, you asked for it
  Your man's running off with girls that are 18 with an asterisk
  Laugh about my past, soon you're in a crisis
  'Cause as Doctor, I'm licensed to silence this virus
  • Of special note is when she disabuses her opponent of her romantic delusions
    Harley Quinn: Ya think Prince Charming's waiting on the other side
    But in reality, it's a million nerds gawking at your thighs
• The other Club members team up and joke about their own deaths while dissing Harley... who naturally takes it in stride.
  Sayori: Hang on, all your marriage attempts had loose ends
  Tighten up your lines if you're gonna be a nuisance [hangs herself]
  Yuri: I hate to spill the tea, but your options crushed down
  Either a self-harming love or getting cut out [slashes her wrists]
  Natsuki: Put another crew together, and soon you'll be gone
  The audience would snap next if your movies went on [her neck breaks]
  Harley Quinn: Oh boy, oh boy, what is this? Some kind of Suicide Squad?
• Monika is so enraged that she claws her way out of Freshy Kanal's computer (kudos to the video editing for pulling that off) and overpowers Harley to where she's dangling off a ledge.
  Monika: Oh! We're living in a world of infinite choices
  But your rap is like your mind: pointless infinite voices
  'Cause you're poisoned, I'll destroy it, you could never lock me up
  Yesterday — Justice League; today — Just Monika
• Monika closes her verse dropping Harley into a vat of toxic chemicals... but instead of dying, she comes back as her cinematic counterpart!
  Harley Quinn: You went all Macbeth on your small talk buds
  Which turned your festival into the Cockblock Club
  You're a Hole in the Wall of all the problems you're crossed in
  Pretend we're back in Act I, your love is not an option
  • Harley ends her verse and the battle with these lines:
    Harley Quinn: I'm flippin' the script so you can't predict what you read
    Your rhymes won't make the final cut, this bitch is getting Yuri'd
    And if you're not the key to dough, they'll stop your Doki beat
    So take D L, bitch, you just got owned by DC!

NF vs. Billie Eilish

• NF pulls no punches in his opening verse.
  NF: I'm bringing the clown out; I'm making the crowd shout
  I started from writing 'bout heaven; you started from SoundCloud
  The tables have turned, I'm the cig that'll burn you and leave everybody disturbed
  This greenhead's sounding kinda smoked out; call you Finneas and Herb
  • NF's verse ends with an aggressive-yet-smooth segment where he contrasts his faith with his opponent's supposed shallowness:
    NF: In our beliefs, we polarize 'cause God and Satan are broken ties
    Your dark persona's a total lie, you've been washed up since Ocean Eyes
    Demon-looking beings leaving evil feelings on me for being a believer
    I'm a musical therapy session, but not even God could cure your Bieber fever
• Billie goes on the offensive in her first verse and tears into NF brutally, even doing the Bond Gun Barrel at one point.
  Billie Eilish: You cried about some people giving criticism 'cause it never really brought money
  This battle's confirming your critics; your lyrics are NF: Not Funny
  Where do you belong? I don't think it's a riddle
  You're a Stan, a copycat: Eminem's skittle
  Got the 007 deadly sins aching in me
  But your 5 albums introduced me to the stages of grief
  • She ends her verse with a burn so scathing that Dustin had to apologize for it afterward:
    Billie Eilish: You charted through depression, but can't top other charts
    The only shopping cart I've seen you in is on your cover art
    You peaked when you screamed "let me down" and then you dropped to start
    While I'm so dope I killed the beat just like your mother's heart
• NF gets in a decent response:
  NF: My intros are movies; you owe your soul to Adele
  Too young to have Time to Die, but still managed to Go to Hell
  Bury a Friend and the hatchet, so you wouldn't break a sweat
  When you're spewing lines more scrambled than when you go on Tourette's
  • His second verse finisher is a rapid-fire onslaught of disses:
    NF: People wanna put me in a category, but if anybody is comparable to me, they're in a crisis
    If you cannot see the damage you embody in a mental difficulty, then you're Billie Eyeless
    You're the biggest hypocrite depicted on the market already tacked your pinnacle so why you gotta lie?
    I've searched for a therapist, and not the musical edition of 13 Reasons Why!
• Billie closes the battle with a blistering final verse
  Billie Eilish: You got no more game to quit, and no more pain to spit
  Your rhymes in this battle only sell because they put my name on it
  Spend your penny wise, Balloonboy, you can't match my throne
  You say you wanna pay your bills, but Billie just got you owned

Bear Grylls vs. Steve Irwin

• The battle starts with Grylls jumping and falling from a helicopter while delivering a hell of a Badass Boast.
  If a proud hunter steps up to me, he's going down... under!
  I got bare skills! I watch bears kill!

Flowey the Flower vs Happy Appy

• Flowey starts off the battlewith a fun rhyme scheme that gets a few decent zingers in before descending into darkness…
  Flowey: Howdy, Appy! I'm Flowey, Appy! I would show you around here, Appy!
  But this irrelevant freak is used to being underground and crappy!
  You're clowning tryna out rap me, Appy! Your show can't compare to the fear I instill
  'Cause when it comes to a track, see, Appy, let me tell you right here that it's kill or be killed!
  • He then goes on to demolish Appy’s status as a horror character, absolutely diminishing his opponent as a threat:
    Flowey: You're just shock horror for some worried minors
    I'll compost your shitpost as fertilizer!
    You ripped off The Cove yet you can't hold a candle
    Your white van's less scary than "Damn Daniеl!"
  • Flowey’s first verse ends with him hammering in just how obscure his foe is:
    Flowey: You're so obscure, this Lost Soul's plot just drones on
    Thе most lame no-name John Doe fraud from Roblox!
    Your roots are embedded in your meaningless gore
    It seems that this apple's rotten to the CORE!
• Appy's first verse begins with mockery of Flowey's performance while warning his opponent not to underestimate him:
  Happy Appy: Oh no! It looks like Flowey's having trouble with his words
  What do we need to fix this track? That's right: a Happy Rappy verse!
  So now a real monster spits! This one is not for kids!
  This apple drops disses like Newton, or humans that foolishly dropped from cliffs!
  • Of note is when Appy turns Flowey's accusations of unoriginality against him:
    Happy Appy: Say I'm copying? That's low hanging fruit
    Your dev took from Earthbound and crammed it deep in your roots!
    Took combat from Touhou but couldn't do it well
    I'd rather die and rot inside the Devil's realm than in your bullet hell!
  • Appy's verse ends with some short-but-effective attacks as well:
    Happy Appy: I'll take this flower and slash him and split him
    Apart like the RUINS his bloodline was hit with
    Past your peak, what a tragedy the flower is wiltin'
    But that's natural, children.
• Flowey's second verse begins with some ominous buildup…
  Flowey: Won't take Forenziks to tell you made no imprint on your genre…
  I don't even think Papyrus would enjoy your pasta!
  • It's then revealed that Flowey has evolved into his Photoshop form with a creepy Voice of the Legion accentuating his disses:
    Photoshop Flowey: All the preschoolers would skip through the class
    Of The Annoying Orange with a stick up his ass!
    I know hip hop, hell, flow's in my name
    I'm Photoshop! You're more MS Paint…
  • He closes his verse with one last cutting remark:
    Photoshop Flowey: This is it, you idiot! You're meaningless and your show's done!
    You'll remain the biggest troll to ever grace Toby's work since Homestuck!
• Appy is completely unfazed, and spends his final verse downplaying his opponent's menace before going in for the kill.

  Happy Appy: You freaked out when Frisk spared your life; how could you possibly Hurt Happy?
  Then they turned crazy, you begged to survive! Even for a flower, you sure are sappy
  Fun fact, kids: apple seeds contain traces of cyanide!
  So how about you suck my seeds and kill yourself a final time?

Hannibal Lecter vs. Leatherface

• Much like a certain other rap battle series, Lecter demonstrates expertly the razor-sharp wit that made him famous:
  Hannibal Lecter: Love the suit, must be the best thing to come from your entire worthless town.
  With the name and the face of a dominatrix yet you're the one getting pushed around!
  Now they try to paint you as a victim but as a painter, I must say they've done very poorly
  Spending years in cells and I couldn't give less of a shit about your incel story!
  • Dr. Lecter also spells out the differences between himself and his opponent:
    Hannibal Lecter: I'm the fine mastermind of my gruesome hobbies
    Sip through Chianti as I chew a body!
    I have taste while this zombie is crude and sloppy
    Getting used as a pawn by the Illuminati!
  • His first verse finisher is clever as well:
    Hannibal Lecter: You were born in the trash bin, of course you're a has-been!
    So many face changes, you're the horror Michael Jackson!
    Dragging over every track, and I don't mean your damn suit!
    Always let your victims escape like they're fast food!
• Surprisingly, Leatherface proves to have enough brains to give the good doctor a genuine challenge.
  Leatherface: Got one decent film praised by the critics!
  Funny how in that one, you were barely in it!
  • These lines are pure gold:
    Leatherface: You're sleazing your way through some crooked cops?
    I’ll add these piggies to the cooking pot!
    Simp had a heart attack after getting rejected?
    Damn, even your cardio got fucking arrested!
  • He also gets in this sick burn:
    Leatherface: Only times you're creating tension are when you go and hang a bitch!
    You’d only be a good therapist if you put a space in it!
• Dr. Lecter proves not to be outdone in his second verse:
  Hannibal Lecter: You've come back from explosions, but
  Michael Bay as producer couldn't blow you up!
  Massacred your chain of films with more huge duds
  Teach your crew the 3 D's: don't do drugs!
  • Lecter also takes some time to break down his opponent's psyche
    Hannibal Lecter: I'll go and handle this psychoanalysis
    Why this inadequate psycho is so incredibly ravenous
    With the fact that his life is never ending in happiness
    Their daddy always had him whipped before trying to smash his sis!
  • He also calls out Leatherface's films as getting less and less scary the more there are.
    Hannibal Lecter: Any chance of your tropes terrifying the world
    Went right out of the window like all of your final girls!
    It used to be chillin' when you sewed bodies together
    But now you're leaving us in stitches with your CGI terror!
  • His final lines:
    Hannibal Lecter: I'd play games with your brain and then eat the remains
    But my stomach would be as empty as your box office gains!
• Leatherface begins his second verse with these great lines:
  Leatherface: Your coldness is false advertising
  'Cause one look at Starling gets Hannibal Rising!
  But with all the people you've lost, it's fair
  This orphan needs Jodie Foster's care!
  • Leatherface closes the battle with these words:
    Leatherface: I'mma be cookin' ya up as Bubba's shrimp, and after
    We'll be serving ya second place on top of a silver platter!
    For this dinner, I'm the one you should be thankin' the most
    'Cause it's the only time you're part of a family roast!

Donald Trump vs. Mr. Burns

• Old and decrepit as he is, Mr. Burns' first verse is nothing short of scathing.
  Mr. Burns: Smithers, who is this orange buffoon? He's a nuisance
  Surely, he's the result of my power plant's pollution
  To think he'd knock me with those tiny things, he must be crazy
  And I won't fall victim to even more shots from a cry-baby
  • Of note is the rhyme scheme Burns deploys as he lays into Trump's more scandalous behaviors in office:
    Mr. Burns: Hit you with the bill, your immigrant deep-throated
    Stock so much wood for your daughter, you're a Home De-Potus!
    You run a population of folk who hoped they re-voted
    I run a track sicker than a dosage of COVID!
• Trump gets a rather clever response of his own.
  Donald Trump: Not to be a socialist, but show some manners
  I’ll ransack another granddad, call you Mr. Burnie Sanders
  Can't argue with the numbers, Charles; right now they're looking excellent
  So good at winning even your show knew I'd be president
• Burns hits back hard in his second verse:
  Mr. Burns: I can throw money and have you by the throat, you novice!
  You bloat a lot of shit with Putin's prick in your Oval Office
  You and your wall will both rest in pieces
  Because comparing you and I would be like apples and impeaches
• Trump avails himself well in his final verse:
  Donald Trump: You loser, you can barely walk while I'm running a country
  I’ll bet you a small loan you had your raps written by monkeys
  You're full of lies and with that cone of a nose
  This Pinocchio would poke a hole in every Corona mask he owns
• Mr. Burns' energy hasn't diminished, as he closes the battle thusly:
  Mr. Burns: We saw that your coasts have been taking too many L’s
  The only storm you'd give up money for is Daniels
  I don't need the hounds, I'll release some governing words
  The climate's changed in this battle — Montgomery Burns

Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West

• Kanye's first verse sets the tone for the battle.
  Kanye West: It's Mr. West, the modern Gandhi, with the swagger unrivaled
  Spitting verses so damn holy must've come from the Bible
  With your love songs in your pages, you forever would be nameless
  if I didn't come along and then make this bitch famous
  • Ye ends his first verse with some clever wordplay as well:
    Kanye West: Now drop off the Earth again, snake, and I'll come replace your shit
    My clothes sell out so quickly, they should call me Tailor Swift (ha-ha)
    I broke the record of break out artists that I've launched
    While you're the broken record of breakup songs that high schools play at prom
• Taylor isn't intimidated at all by Kanye's presence, and makes it clear throughout the rest of the battle that she's out for blood.
  Taylor Swift: Let me take the mic back, let's see who is speechless
  Your rapping's sloppy, too bad you can't re-release it
  Everyone loved your hits until you started rambling
  Now the whole world is pissed like it's your Grammy
  • She then switches from rapping to singing as she contrasts her career highlights with her opponent's Creator Breakdown:
    Taylor Swift: I'm for "breaking the silence" but they should've wired your mouth
    Then you wouldn't rant on Kim and send your marriage Kanye South
    I've never missed with genre switches; folklore's hit the money
    I killed it running country; you failed tryna run the country
• Taylor's final line:
  Taylor Swift: Your career is like your clothing line: torn up and washed out
  Now you're only known as the Electoral College Dropout

The Grinch vs. Ebenezer Scrooge

• This battle is An Ass-Kicking Christmas if ever there was one:
• The Grinch's first verse proves that, as odd of a creature he is, he’s no pushover:
  The Grinch: There once was a posh prick dressed awfully prim
  Though his face was two sizes too small for his chin
  “Ring my Belle", thought the man, "with the ring I'll propose with”
  Then she saw his Dickens and young Scrooge got ghosted
• Scrooge, similarly, proves that even he's not too old and curmudgeonly to drop a sick verse.
  Ebenezer Scrooge: Even Cindy knows you're a children's clone
  that only fits the mold of all the Christmas tropes
  Not a single soul would kiss this old abysmal troll
  when his feet are looking like a bunch of mistletoes
• The Grinch's second verse is particularly brutal:
  The Grinch: At least I've been trying to gain some attention, you're quietly kicking the bucket
  Got a stick up your buttocks, no wonder you hung around Muppets
  Take a quick peek at Tiny Tim, please, the kid's kidneys are getting poisoned
  I’d suggest calling Dr. Seuss, but you're too stingy to book an appointment
• It’s clear that, unlike their literary counterparts, these versions of Scrooge and the Grinch are just as nasty as ever and refuse to learn their lesson. Thankfully, none other than The Krampus shows up to put the two Christmas haters in their place.
  The Krampus: Hey! You'll be shelved cuz I got no hope
  Both your hearts never really showed growth
  So let's see how you try to change your view of the world
  When you're stuck inside my snow globe

Part 4

Jeff the Killer vs Jason Dean

• The battle proved so awesome that Peter and Lloyd themselves voiced their approval of it. Dustin's come a long way.
• As a nod to Jeff lacking eyebrows, Vinny doesn't blink once during his verses.
• Jason Dean's opening lyrics are slick and biting:
  Jason Dean: Greetings and salutations; name's Jason Dean and I'm outta patience
  When I'm facing this reject with half a face left, so let's hope that the bleach didn't jack your cadence!
  • He then deconstructs his opponent from a literary perspective, showing how shallow and ephemeral his image is.
    Jason Dean: Now, trust me, as a poem fanatic
    I've got a zero-tolerance policy for horrible fanfic
    Be glad it's my high school I was planning to bomb
    'Cause if I chose a middle school, all your fans would be gone!
  • He also gets this cool rhyme scheme while hitting Jeff's Relative Button:
    Jason Dean: You put this jaded creep face with crazy teen angst to the JD DJ?
    Well I'm sure your brother would know I pack so many bars, call me JDC, ay!
  • Jason's rhymes only get tighter and more complex from there
    Jason Dean: I came in to tidy up; pack your bags when I'm lighting up
    Keep on carving your eyes out; this jack-o-lantern ain't bright enough
    Our society's making martyrs out of stupid teens
    The society that killed you was the Gacha Life community!
  • He spends the rest of the verse absolutely tearing down Jeff’s mystique and horror icon status.
    Jason Dean: This gunner could've made it quicker for your brother's life
    You couldn't cut a stick of butter with your butter knife
    Went from badass killer beating little bullies to death
    To the after picture for an ad about meth!
• Jeff isn't bothered by his opponent's words in the least, and fires back with a brutal opener.
  Jeff the Killer: It's hard to put someone with no eyelids to sleep, but Christ, you're such a bore!
  Aw, what's the matter? Someone's mad Winona doesn't wanna Ryde him anymore?
  • From there, Jeff calls out JD’s entitled, self-pitying behavior…
    Jeff the Killer: I open up a window and I bring hell
    You're just Mean Girls but with incels!
    "My god, I'm stuck in the Friendzone!"
    Cries goth Guy Fawkes in a trench coat!
  • … before explaining that he's not the persecuted hero he thinks he is.
    Jeff the Killer: So they sent me to mess with the guy
    Who tried ending the lives of Westerburg High 'cuz his ex made him cry
    Stop acting like the nice guy!
    For a black comedy, you're quite the white knight!
  • Jeff piles on the disses as his verse goes on:
    Jeff the Killer: It's hard to compare us; your philosophy is shoddy
    You're no different from the bullies I singlehandedly bodied
    So you'll learn your lesson from this urban legend
    You're so edgy, I could use your corpse as a murder weapon!
  • Jeff then lets out some metal screams that give his finishing lyrics a nightmarish edge.
    Jeff the Killer: GO TO SLEEP, BITCH! How about you drop down and make the rumors true?
    DON'T YOU SEE THIS? Based on your ending, I figured blowing's all you do!
    BLOWN TO PIECES! Just like you and Veronica's relationship!
    WON'T REPEAT THIS! If your love is God, then buddy, she's an atheist!
• JD blows off his opponent's words with this jab.
  Jason Dean: I'm the kind of guy that the ladies love; all the girls that you knew now hate your guts
  You'll spend the rest of your life lonely, but you can still choke on J-Deez nuts!
  • He keeps the disses going from there, knocking down his opponent's mythos with sharp wit.
    Jason Dean: A billion wikis couldn't list your mental damages
    So who's the real killer when you're the one left in bandages?
    At least a bully showed you how to keep a party lit, ay!
    Couldn't drink a shot, but it still left you shitfaced!
  • JD's last lines keep up the attack:
    Jason Dean: Now that mannequin girl has left you worthless
    Compared to Jane the Killer, you're like Jane the Virgin
    Wanna step to my guns with the blanks that you wrote?
    It's less of a verse, more of a suicide note.
• Jeff ends the battle hitting below the belt:
  Jeff the Killer: Pull a gun on me, I'd still be whooping your ass
  Like your dad did to your mom, I'm gonna put you on blast
  And his company makes you move through so many states
  You can't even give company to your own mother’s grave.

The Spy vs. Robbie Rotten

• The Spy's first verse is as suave-yet-irreverent as we'd expect from him:
  Spy: The schemes of this idiot fall to this rapper
  Who brings down the building, no need for a Sapper
  You're beaten by children, so hardly a master
  This beat, I'll be killing so best watch your back, sir!
  • His first verse closes with him establishing just how ahead of his opponent he is:
    The Spy: Bond levels of charm packing more Power than Austin has
    You're like Waluigi, no wonder you'll never get to Smash
    You're stiff as a baguette and you only exist to conjure laughs
    A fly was your last friend and he still abandoned your sorry ass!
• Robbie Rotten's first verse starts with a scathing critique of the Spy's game.
  Robbie Rotten: What a waste of my time!
  Your game isn't worth its price, yikes!
  'Cause not even Stingy would want that lazy design crime
  I've had more fun playing I Spy!
  • From there, Robbie pretends to give up just to twist the knife in further.
    Robbie Rotten: I'll stop your mission
    Your gamemode would make better competition
    I'm done, no need to go further
    So on the chair I'll crash...[sits in a chair and pretends to sleep for a moment before waking up] Like all of your servers!
  • Robbie ends the verse by bringing up how much clout he still has compared to his opponent while dissing the Spy's parenting skills:
    Robbie Rotten: Check the rep my image still gets?
    Just open a laptop and look at this net
    You call your entire squad in, still there's no contest
    Put Scouts to rest easy, so don't let your kid watch this!
• Spy gets a great rebuttal in his second verse:
  Spy: Stab your back? It would be best if you begun to flee
  Because your body would collapse trying to run from me
  Check your bed, I specialize in being under covers
  But it's not glass these balls are smashing, it's your mother
• Robbie's last verse begins with him dismissing the Spy completely, as both a rapper and a gaming icon.
  Robbie Rotten: Sounds like you needed to spy check that mess
  That verse took even longer than SFM!
  But I'm glad, I thought you'd have Noh Mercy on my ears
  But your game hasn't made noise in the industry for years
  • He also gets in a nice shot at TF2 being an Allegedly Free Game
    Robbie Rotten: You'd think those lines would faze me, all that time spent congaing
    But your most diabolical scheme's a lootbox economy
  • Robbie closes the battle on this triumphant note:
    Robbie Rotten: Now it seems this rumble's done, your plan to win has come undone
    Team Fortress 2 will always be a spot behind... Villain Number One!

Sonic vs. The Flash

• The Blue Blur starts the battle strong:
  Sonic: Bring me in and the mic is gone!
  A gaming icon speeding past your ass since '91!
  I’ll fire up the track and fry up the “fastest man”!
  Already cracked an Egg, Now I’ll put a Flash in the pan!
  • Of note is when he mocks Barry's feelings of inadequacy stemming from the people he couldn't save:
    Sonic: Flash back to the past, in case you didn’t know
    Your mommy kicked the bucket cause you’re too slow!
    You sunk into your guilt but you couldn’t take the blame for it!
    Cuz when she went out of the picture your daddy got framed for it!
• The Scarlet Speedster’s first verse has some great lines as well:
  The Flash: I feel suspense but it needs some sense, couldn’t you have tried this sooner?
  Always squeeze in trends to receive more friends, but still can’t blow up? Ok, Sonic Boomer!
  • He closes his first verse showing how confident he is in his skills compared to Sonic.
    The Flash: Drop out of the Olympics, it’s a big fat excuse!
    Keep living in the Shadow of people fighting in red suits!
    I’ve been in first place since before you were born!
    I make New 52, you make more 34!
• Flash’s second verse keeps the hits coming:
  The Flash: I’m running on water, in seconds I’m past it!
  While you flow like someone who can’t swim!
  I know the truth hurts, your zoo herd of losers
  Cursed Sega so much they’ll call you the blue slur!
• Sonic starts his last verse dismissing Flash as old news and saying he'd make a better replacement:
  Sonic: I’ll teach your Speed Force a free course in spitting a verse!
  You bit the dust like this was Crisis on Infinite Earths!
  News Flash! There’s a new Flash!
  He Zooms past! Leaves you last! It’s the blue dash!
  • He ends the verse mocking Flash's gullibility and boasting of his own superiority not just to Barry, but his whole universe.
    Sonic: You went out with a terrorist just to get used at S.T.A.R.?
    I guess we could say your date took banging a bit too far!
    Let me give you an idea of a feature you can peak at!
    I’ll dominate DC as if it stood for DreamCast!
• The Flash's last verse starts out with him poking fun at the various controversies surrounding Sonic's creators and fans:
  The Flash: I'd diss all your forms but I wouldn’t make it through!
  Cuz those OCs make me sick — Soni-Choo!
  And in 8 whole years, you pulled a whole route
  From “gotta go fast” to "gotta get sued"!
  • Flash also dispute's Sonic's claims of superiority by bringing up their track records with their respective rivals.
    The Flash: You seem to be unaware, so better face facts!
    This rodent is roadkill on both the rap and race track!
    You’re always getting stomped out and pummeled by Metal Sonic
    But the Man of Steel I face Is left in dust in my comics!
  • Barry closes the battle with these zingers:
    The Flash: Your latest animation tried to stack up a Green Hill
    But you rushed for the bucks — guess you’re proof that speed kills!
    No matter what design, you’ll always be a flick killer!
    So forget your gold rings, today you took a Quicksilver!

Norman Bates vs. Jack Torrance

• Jack has no fear of Norman's killing streak, breaking through Norman's door while delivering the much-awaited "HERE'S JOHNNY!".
• Norman has just dissed Jack's death twice? No problem for Jack who turns it around by using it with a diss towards Norman while giving him a Slasher Smile as the battle ends.
  Your mind is your own maze and you will never find the exit!

Doctor Strange vs. Doctor Who

• The Tenth Doctor starts the battle with some devastating words for his opponent:
  The Doctor: You don't want to face a Time Lord in a rhymе war, you're minor to the Daleks that I fought
  My TARDIS is like the Ferrari of time-travel, your stone is literally an eye sore!
  Ooh yea, sports cars are a shaky topic, right 'course
  Now that joke was an accident. let's hope it still lands well, unlike yours!
  • Ten ends his first verse with a Motor Mouth Armor-Piercing Question that casts his opponent as an active hindrance to the other heroes:
    The Doctor: Sherlock, I better beg of you to answer me this question, cuz it's taking me a bit to understand it!
    How did the Avengers take on Thanos in the secondary battle, when the only difference was the magician vanished?
• Sorcerer Supreme or not, Stephen Strange proves more than capable of meeting the Galifreyan’s challenge.
  Dr. Strange: No let me ask you, Doctor, with no sling ring in sight
  How do you cast those plot holes, that are way Bigger on the Inside?
  So take your cafuffals you solve with loving hugs and MacGuffins and shut it!
  I haven't seen softer Doctors since McStuffins!
  • Strange proceeds to break down The Doctor's formulaic story while dismissing his competence.
    Dr. Strange: This Limey time travels and swoops a companion!
    Uses plot armor to save the whole planet!
    Til this man panics and leaves them abandoned
    And then he gets damaged so they bring in a stand-in!
  • Strange ends his first verse with this devastating observation:
    Dr. Strange: Your girl got stuck in a parallel world, and I'm sure that you miss her
    But the truth is, Doctor, you killed Rose the moment you picked her!
• The two Doctors spend some time Volleying Insults.
  The Doctor: Speaking of parallel universes, I'm truly certain you hopped in a few
  And threw the bootleg Chris Nolan mutant through to ours to come shoot your stupid movie!
  Allons-y! Bene-dick to me? I can't say that's a shocker!
  But it is strange how you're a Defender, and yet Doom's a more heroic doctor!
  Dr. Strange: Your show is as stiff as your angels, except I couldn't bear to watch!
  I’m tearing off like a paradox, you can't square against the most prepared in this pair of docs!
  Suck my pears, you knob! You traveled through time, but now you should clock out!
  Disappear in that police box again, and call that a cop out!
• Dr. Strange’s final verse is noteworthy as well.
  Dr. Strange: I assembled the Avengers when everything crumbled!
  You rallied a generation onto Tumblr!
  Your hatred for guns has made one the thing for certain!
  That's why you were firing no shots in your verses!
  The person you lure next will surely be spared of your meaningless trust!
  When you become the second alien that's bitten the dust!

Loki vs. Count Olaf

• How does the God of Trickery open the battle?
  Loki: Oh, then, you're surely joking! You must be the reason Odin still hasn't awoken
  Your whole broken series of prose must've bored him to tears from the open
  Put the Baudelaires' chosen heirs in woes for their fortune, yet Poe tends to be more potent
  Look away, or the bitter, grumpier Mr. Tumnus will pluck your eye out with his goat chin!
  • More from his first verse:
    Loki: As a villain you are so trivial, it's outrageous!
    I influenced millions to bow down and make way
    You're insignificant, ridiculed by children without safety
    Tried pilfering riches but ended up Klaus chasing!
  • And his finisher:
    Loki: I doubt this sleazy creep could even read
    Of the evil deeds I’ve been completing
    This mortal being ought to steal some mischief from me, please!
    Even if you look me up, you'll still be beneath me!
• Count Olaf isn't intimidated by his opponent's power at all, and goes straight for the kill.
  Count Olaf: Out of both of Odin's sons you're the only one lookin' like an Avatar carcass! (James!)
  When fighting fire with an arsonist, you better keep your ass guarded! (Flames!)
  Oh man, your whole plan got out of hand, that's so sad!
  I’m Olaf but this dope dropped off the bridge like "Bye, Frosty the Snowman!"
  • He then quickly establishes his opponent as constantly stuck in others' shadows.
    Count Olaf: Your bro's the GOAT of Gods, you're the God of Goats
    If you swallowed your pride, you would probably choke
    I don't got that hocus pocus or that mind control
    But still keep my staff under my control!
  • He later gets in some tricky rhyme schemes as the disses pile on.
    Count Olaf: Of course, I’m more striking than Thor's lightning
    My author could better Handler task of writing adored ideas than the broad psyche
    Of Norse Vikings who thought "Right! What if a court jester had horns that were all spiky"
• Olaf is seemingly mocking Loki's Ice Giant nature, only for Loki to reveal his illusion and give a bigger burn to Olaf.
  "Olaf": Is it just me or is it melting in here? Somebody toss me water
  After all I'm sure parched from...
  Loki: ...thirsting over my foster daughter.
  • From there, Loki mocks the Count's romantic failures.
    Loki: You met Kit Snicket and she thought you were a fun guy
    Being with you killed her harder than the fungi!
    Then you had a girlfriend, but she wasn't down for the Count
    Once she was in, you had to opt out!
  • He ends with these lines:
    Loki: Take this scepter beneath your chest ending your spiel!
    I’m not talking Patrick Harris when I get you to kneel!
• Count Olaf responds by bringing out some of his alter egos culminating in an unflattering version of his opponent.
  Captain Sham: Quit the talk! Compared to my seas, your threats pale!
  Your directors never let your story arc set sail!
  Stefano: I study snake biology, not mental health
  But with that family drama, you should "get help"
  "Loki": After Thor's image fleeted, I needed a kiwi
  To save my Series of Unfortunate Screenings!
  And I thought I could be loved by my father and Thor but no!
  Count Olaf: For you, that's not how the story goes!
  • Count Olaf ends the battle with these words:
    Count Olaf: Asgard died and your lives were disrupted
    No VFD could save its Very Fiery Destruction
    Go drown your shame in your bar with no doors 'cuz
    I’ve taken advantage of another spoiled orphan!

Yuri vs. Toko Fukawa

• Yuri starts off the battle by framing her rap as one of her poems:
  Yuri: Let me read you a poem I wanted to write
  About a troll and the love of her life
  Yet the one she likes leaves her dreams cut like a knife
  I call it "Ghosted Under the Light"
  • Of note is how she disses Toko's portrayal of a Split Personality:
    Yuri: Your Jekyll-Hyde trope is so mild
    Got mixed up at birth, but can't mix up your style
    I can't bear your creepy plots
    You get a cold and turn into a hormonal Sweeney Todd
  • Her first verse closes with these words.
    Yuri: You fill your novels with your smut on every page
    The only real tales you know are from your braids
    Stop acting slick; you're a closed-minded coward
    Think you've got flow? Miss, you don't even shower!
• Toko fires back at her opponent...
  Toko Fukawa: S-save me the tears; ugh, a-all you do is whine
  N-no wonder your back hurts s-so much; someone must've t-took out your spine
  In your Teletubby Club, you're the most unbearably clingy
  No one wants to spend a weekend in the bin with Kinky Winky!
  • ... then she sneezes, releasing Genocide Jack on her opponent.
    Genocide Jack: Let's add Genocide into the beat
    Crushing Monika's pawns like it's UDG
    What a basic bitch; I'm shocked you got beat
    Like, what character is left in your files to delete?
  • Jack also dismisses her opponent's criticisms of her before repaying them in full.
    Genocide Jack: When it comes to my racier tastes, I'm not shy
    But they must call you Yuri 'cause you can't land a guy
    Lines so flat like the Doki-Doki in your heart stopped
    In the courtroom, you'll be another portrait to mark off!
  • Her first verse's ending lyrics:
    Genocide Jack: You’ll be looking like your banners when you’re chopped through
    'Cause scissors beat the paper you get your rocks off to
    You know I’m shredding through your fancy little letters
    Now get that pen outside of you and write me something better
• Yuri, undeterred, replies with another of her poems:
  Yuri: Let me read you a poem I wanted to write
  About an ugly hag who's fucking despised
  By her parents, her class, everyone in her life
  If you killed yourself now, nobody would cry!
  • She also calls out Toko for her continued infatuation with a guy who clearly despises her:
    Yuri: Grew close to your man, then in case 2
    He went out his way to frame you
    And only your picture remained in your Bad Ending play through
    And he went out his way to frame you!
  • She gets particularly biting with this diss:
    Yuri: I made my man lose his mind with the love in his heart
    You made a boy lose a bet with how ugly you are
• Jack brushes off her opponent's words and continues on the offensive:
  Genocide Jack: Take those piss-poor flows and find more poems to pee on
  Ugh, you leave a bathroom worse off than Leon
  You showed me the party moves you got in store
  'Cause girl - once the beat dropped you hit the club floor!
  • Jack closes the battle with these glorious lines:
    Genocide Jack: Monika altered your ego, killing your game; you were left as a minor annoyance
    Your depressive obsession was still just in vain, but it wasn't entirely pointless

YouTube vs. Twitch

• YouTube delivers some slick opening lines:
  YouTube: The undisputed king of videos is higher than you
  You can look through my site and start admiring the views
  Google searches for me and they subscribe to me, too
  I've been on top of the food chain since my start at the zoo!
  • From there, he takes shots at Twitch's censorious content policies and its owner Jeff Bezos.
    YouTube: Banning words like "virgin," "incel," and "simp," but
    You got bought by a prick that fits the description!
  • His first verse's closing lines:
    YouTube: If this fight's the Like button then consider it smashed
    When I throw this pussy like Alinity's cat
    But I'll be spitting the venom until your memory's crashed
    Twitch won't be living longer; put an F in the chat!
• Despite being a smaller and more recent video platform, Twitch proves to be quite a fierce competitor:
  Twitch: You mean people have to listen to this guy cry first?
  Please, God, somebody comment the time stamp to my verse
  I guess drawn-out intros is how YouTube spends its free time
  But what if we wanted to rewind without getting reminded of Rewind?
  • Twitch in particular calls out the larger company for being a shell of its former self.
    Twitch: So leave while you can; you already fucking ran wild
    Went from Gangnam Style to Logang Manchild
    Then you stripped what we made fun and milked it so you could ad-whore
    Followed by more features for shit that nobody asked for!
  • Twitch specifically touches on how YouTube screwed over its independent content creators in favor of corporate interests.
    Twitch: Bit off the hands of the creators that fed you
    I'm the king of live views; you're the king of dead views
    Your site's a pit of celebrities, corporate bias, and sports
    Dropped the "You," but you need the "Tube" for life support!
  • The verse's last lines are the most scathing.
    Twitch: You and copyright mix like Felix and Fiverr
    Don't talk about simps; you'd COPPA feel with minors!
• After the two sides exchange verses, in comes TikTok to steal the show.
  TikTok: Tick-tock, tick-tock, time to get your shit rocked
  Ask Lil Nas X if I know a thing about hip-hop
  I've not been in a room full of Z-list flops
  Thinking that they're big shots since I visited VidCon!
  • First he goes after YouTube:
    TikTok: I introduced me and you to consuming new content so smoothly through my algorithm
    That you had to rip-off, that's a bad decision of course!
    You bit off TikTok, but I bet you wish you hadn't come up too Short!
  • Then turns his attention to Twitch:
    TikTok: How'd this prick, uh, get picked up by Amazon yet he can't deliver?
    I'm in my Prime, still seeing over a thousand figures!
    The only time you see that's when you're surrounded by streamers you banned for loudly breathing
    Or some fucking lousy reason!
  • His final lines:
    TikTok: Climbed up the Vine, now I'm at the tip top!
    Donald Trump really tried but I can't be switched off!
    Hope you don't find the bad side of TikTok!
    Scrap the lip-sync, I got something you can put your lips on! [gives them the finger]

King Dice vs. Oogie Boogie

• This one has been described by fans as less a rap battle and more an awesome jazz duet between two iconic villains.
• King Dice starts off swinging:
  King Dice: Straight out Inkwell Isle, now I'll use my ink well
  Contracts ain't the only pen game the King sells!
  Against this bug brain, my suits ain't as mundane!
  You look like the KKK went on too many lunch breaks!
  • King Dice ends his first verse with these lines:
    King Dice: Your Bug Day got upstaged; what a shame!
    Your insects are the least celebrated colony since Columbus Day!
• Oogie Boogie fires back with an opening verse that sounds just like his famous Villain Song.
  Oogie Boogie: Inkwell Hell well, ain't this fight just nice?
  Are you set on easy mode? 'Cause my good sir, you blew it!
  So I'll use this rolly-poly dice as some added spice
  And my delicious stew will be the only thing surely brewin’!
  • Then there's how his verse ends.
    Oogie Boogie: Since The '90s, I've been vibing on shirts, games, and parks!
    You spent four years in the waiting line to get a second part!
    I'm running burlaps around this measly gun-for-hire
    Call me your contracts, sucker: I'm on fire!
• King Dice really fires things up in his second verse, when he trades the rapping for full-throated jazz singing.
  King Dice: I'm Mr. King Dice, don't you even try now
  Otherwise you'll see why they call it Die House!
  I’m the dude getting Netflix toons
  While Disney didn't want their name next to you!
  I tear streaks apart, you couldn't beat my cards
  ‘Cause the king of hearts could sweep your Kingdom Hearts!
  • How King Dice ends his verse:
    King Dice: So the Devil himself prepared a special hell
    For the most washed-up on thing on NBC since SNL.
    You make a lot of kids work just to play a game,
    You'd be more successful taking over child labor day!
• Oogie Boogie manages to keep the groove of the song going in his final verse.
  Oogie Boogie: Now look at your rhymes and maybe put 'em aside
  I got the hooks and the jives to keep the Boogie alive!
  Like your loading screen, go and open wide
  I’ll give this loaded dice a little load of mine!
  • Oogie ends the battle by trapping King Dice in his funhouse before punching his head clean off while delivering these lines.
    Oogie Boogie: Step on my block, I leave sleazy blockheads in pieces!
    Deckin' dicey devil dealing douches dead, that's a D6!
    So don't nap on this sack, or I'll knapsack that top crown,
    Hail to your new king, baby — that's a Knockout!

Squid Game vs. Mr Beast

• MrBeast's opening verse was so awesome it became a meme
  MrBeast: Welcome to your final test; I'm MrBeast
  We can scrap the S, 'cause I've never missed a beat
  You had to cut from honey under threat of a gun blast
  When I had a cut from Honey, that's another check that I'm gonna cash!
  • Of note is when he goes full Motor Mouth and shows off some impressive rhyme schemes:
    MrBeast: You're coming last; number 1 is Jimmy
    Only dub you have is horribly written
    You're accomplished 'cause you fought the opposition and became the best
    But the consequences that you've got to live with is you paved their deaths all to pay your debts!
  • He also takes a moment to call out Gi-hun's irresponsibility as a father:
    MrBeast: Then check the gaming channel; millions of children watch it
    How'd you win all that won, kid, but not custody of one kid?
    Did ya think you'd get her back with that lighter you bought her?
    You're playing tug-of-war with your ex, but the rope is your daughter!
  • His first verse ends with some catchy rhymes as well:
    MrBeast: So stupid, Sang-woo showed you the light; you didn't go to SNU, that's right.
    If the task was last to get backstabbed by a pal, you wouldn't make it through the night!
    When I feast I don't need a suit and tie; wrapping with gold like the food I try!
    Utter a word then you will die; save those subs for PewDiePie!
• Seong Gi-hun isn't remotely intimidated by his opponent's bravado and starts off strong.
  Seong Gi-hun: So this is the next test they'll make us fight in for survival?
  Except instead of a kiddie game, we'll be playing this manchild?
  Your career's fragile like glass; I will smash it if you push me!
  Made a fortune from subscribers, now give them their fucking cookies!
  • He also spends some time deconstructing MrBeast's philanthropic public image.
    Seong Gi-hun: You've done all this good, you fed lives in need right 'till they get by each time,
    Gave islands, sweet rides, let high trees thrive, set headlines being nice when you spread vibes.
    Teens hype it and then buy MrBeast line, so you make ten times what you leave guys,
    Only ever "moving" when you're in set sight of a keen child, like an anti-red light green light!
  • His first verse's closing lines:
    Seong Gi-hun: Don't talk about loyalty; you don't get any!
    You're like "I Spent At Least Ten Thousand Dollars Renting People Out To Pretend To Be Friends With Me"!
    I wondered why VIPs hid their faces behind plastic
    Now that I see this bastard, I get what the point of the mask is.
• MrBeast's second verse:
  MrBeast: I just replaced all of Gi-hun's surviving friends with Legos!
  Karl: Um... Jimmy? There aren't any Legos
  [MrBeast gives an Aside Glance accompanied by a Vine Boom]
  MrBeast: For a "critique on greed," it seems ironic
  Your show sold out like it's stock from shopmrbeast.com, bitch!
• Gi-hun's second and final verse:
  Seong Gi-hun: You spent 24 hours in a bunker, another 24 inside of a fake prison
  And over 50 hours in a coffin; could you do us all a big solid and stay in it?
  Spending a minute with Jeff Bezos for daycare kiddies is a challenge I couldn't be paid to be in
  You can't make good lines; I won't stay within them; like Jake the Viking, I'm straight-up leaving!
• Toward the end of the battle, after it looks like MrBeast won by default, The Front Man steps in to shut shit down personally.
  The Front Man: It's a real manhunt; you don't got the courage to beat me,
  Go hide in your nerdy Dream streams.
  We've got more beef than your burger meat, Beast.
  Plotting more seeds in your girl than Team Trees!
  • The Front Man also contrasts his belief in fairness and refusal to let anything get in the way with his opponent's shallowness.
    The Front Man: Picture a world where equality rules
    That's not just a pic you can fly to the moon
    Got no firepower against my roster
    Don't you "identify" as an attack helicopter?
  • He closes the battle with these blistering final words.
    The Front Man: Can't handle the truth: if you run out of money, you run out of your personality too
    Out of 100% of your viewers, nobody watches your channel for you!

Part 5

Dream vs. Nagito Komaeda

• Dream starts out fairly strong.
  Dream: Enough of the prattle, you and me in a 1v1, I don't see much challenge but it still seems fun,
  It's no Pet War but I'll beat ya in one verse and leave you like your dog: hit n' speedrun!
  Count 'em up, my WR Ws are,
  More plentiful than all the wounds that you cut on your arms.
  • Dream then cleverly turns Nagito's self-deprecating words against him...
    Dream: You hopeless loner, glad you know your own worth,
    Don't need to dig down to know this stepping stone's below dirt!
  • ... before piling on with disses of his own.
    Dream:I know you wanna get Hinata but your luck's not so grand,
    If you can't even boost the odds of you hunting your man!
    How'd you not hit Byakuya's imposter even with the pounds that that dude sports? (George!)
    Guess this rabid fan is only catching hands from transplants with Junko's corpse! (George!)
  • Dream's first verse closes with this gut-punch of a line:
    Dream: Check all the careers I'm setting the stage for,
    While your lymphoma's set in the stage four!
• Nagito, not to be undone, fires back.
  Nagito Komaeda: What a grand display! With all the wars you struggle to bear,
  I'm mere trash in the way when compared to the Ultimate Square!
  But when it comes to despair, (Yuh!) I have none left to spare, (Heh!)
  So make like that disc pair, (Yee!) give it up in this pair!
  • Nagito then beautifully calls out some of the more questionable behaviors of his opponent...
    Nagito: I went through with one goal: exposing the traitor,
    While you got exposed exploiting the traders,
    Pursuing that dough then toy with your players,
    Tom's suicide note is your kinda paper!
  • More clever disses from his first verse;
    Nagito: Not a perfect roster your team crafted. (Huh?)
    Ultimate Imposter of Team Crafted. (Huh?)
    Then it met the same end 'cause then Schlatt won, (Huh?)
    And turned L'Manburg into a L'Manhunt!
  • His first verse's closing lines are a sick burn that borders on Hilarious in Hindsight.
    Nagito: And normal's the only way to describe your catalog of bland songs,
    Tell that plastic CG ragdoll it's best to keep the mask on!
• Dream and Nagito start Volleying Insults.
  Dream: Oh, come on, I thought you toted bombs!
  Nagito: With just a glance at your chances, your fans went "No, that's wrong!"
  Ironic Clay lacks foundation with all the arguments he's built...
  Dream: And you're only blessed with fortune when it's from your parent's will! (Ooh!)
• Dream then fires back with a brutal verse.
  Dream: You started your wooden arc sailing on a ship,
  That explains why on the microphone you failed to land a hit!
  You're as numb as it gets, your luck must've gun to your head,
  But you're only firing blanks like it's Russian Roulette!
  • Dream ends his final verse with these scathing lines:
    Dream: Your franchise took the stage and it ignited some flames,
    But I'll be snuffing you all out like a fire grenade!
    Call my fans creepy, stanning every student around,
    But your only friends now are like George: not found!
• Nagito's entire second verse qualifies as a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Dream, starting out with his terrible rapping skills and supposed use of slurs...
  Nagito Komaeda: Your hopes are shining through, but it's just a matter of time,
  'Fore the net treats you like Tommy and Wilbur
  Monokuma: It's banishment time!
  Nagito: You couldn't kill tracks, but you still lack a clean record,
  Congrats, you're not the blackened, so what's your excuse for the n-word? (HEHAHAHAHAHA!)
  • Then calling out his cheating and lack of taking responsibility
    Nagito Komaeda: Every time drama comes up, you don't respond and let it be.
    All you can speedrun from is your responsibility!
    Luck's an awful talent, but you don't even share it.
    You're gaming's worst cheater on the scene since ProJared!
  • ... and finally using his fanbase as a shield for defense
    Nagito Komaeda: So here's my statement: how fitting that Dream's your name as.
    You're to be quickly forgotten once your crowd of teens awaken.
    Your hopes for world renown and loving fans got to see the day but,
    We all know the dark path your DreamWasTaken.

Mysterio vs. Harry Houdini

• Houdini starts off with some impressive burns.
  Harry Houdini: Harry Houdini, the one and only
  Prepare to see me crush this phony!
  I show no mercy to fake magic
  So crawl back to the loony bin, I'm the one escaping straitjackets!
  • His disses only get better from there...
    Harry Houdini: I hate psychics
    The future of your crystal ball helmet's when I fuckin' light it.
    We all have secrets but only good magicians don't reveal them so
    Tell me how you make fights feel faker than Rey Mysterio!
  • He ends his first verse masterfully as well.
    Harry Houdini: I soared to new heights by literally thinking outside the box
    You fell into depression 'cause Spider-Man ruined all your plots
    At Hollywood's beck and call, but they're not calling Beck
    The only burns you dish at all are to actors on the set!
• Mysterio, as usual for the character, proves to be a tougher opponent than expected:
  Mysterio: You got your audience convinced on a tiny screen
  But my tricks even hit when I'm behind the scenes.
  You're a public embarrassment, your knick-knacks are worthless
  Your jokes only put shame on your whole family circus.
  • Mysterio then quickly establishes the difference between himself and Houdini...
    Mysterio: Got fired for being too good at my job in the comic books
    But now I got that bank to spare, ask Hollywood!
    Busting mediums is this square's damn hobby? Good!
    I'd say sue me, but your Karen ass probably would!
  • His first verse's ending line is just brutal.
    Mysterio: This Weisz guy wants to fire rhymes, it's nonsense
    I'm not scared of a dude who hides from the patenting process!
    I know you like water stunts, so this next trick will leave you breathless
    Since a single punchline's enough to crush your appendix!
• Like the battle between the two Doctors, Houdini and Mysterio start Volleying Insults gloriously

  Harry Houdini: You're under arrest when they catch your criminal dealings
  When I'm under arrest, you catch me swinging on the ceiling!
  I bet that would remind you of the man in the web mask
  Your whole plans would go to shit if After Effects crashed!
  Mysterio: The great Houdini appears on the stage
  To once again take the audience by surprise!
  After ignoring his doctor's orders and poison in his body
  He still performs, and plot twist: he fucking dies!
• Houdini’s entire last verse is a scathing "The Reason You Suck" Speech to his villainous rival.
  Harry Houdini: I'm in the air 'cause I'm a pilot renowned
  You're on the air when your own drones are shooting you down!
  And is it any wonder Stark made fun of your useless trash?
  Your whole life's work is a god damn VR Google Glass.
  • These lines also deserve mention:
    Harry Houdini: My methods are still unknown, I'm a spotlight stealer
    You make teenagers trip balls like a school drug dealer!
    You're pathetic, you could never match the records I've touched
    Only Guinness you've seen's the beer you down because your life sucks!
  • He closes with this finisher:
    Harry Houdini: Using Daily Bugle fake news to gain fans
    I escape cans, while your Raimi cameo stays canned!
    Wanna make it big, well just take after me
    Make like a good stunt double, keep your face off the screens!
• Perhaps inevitably, Mysterio’s illusions kick in and transport Houdini into a dark, misty plane where his reflections in a shattered mirror lip-sync to Beck’s lyrics before Harry comes face-to-face with a giant Mysterio looming over him.
  Mysterio: I've tackled the grandest attractions
  Mastered distractions back when the camera's in action!
  And they're saying I'm unstable?
  That's nothing to the dangling cables that were breaking your ankle!
  • Mysterio closes the battle with this haunting finisher:
    Mysterio: This is Harry's last show, and to put aside any doubts
    He's been buried once again, but this time he's not coming out.

Eleven vs. Matilda

• Matilda gives a strong start.
  Matilda: Out of all the children I‘ve seen - I gotta say none are quite this crazy
  Looks like my clone dropped out of school - and dressed herself up like Slim Shady
  I solved your origin story, yea, you stole the powers right off me
  So there's no need for me to ask "Eleven, Do you copy?"
  • She then rattles off this brilliant rhyme scheme:
    Matilda: I’m making you choke like a vile cake when I’m dropping you off at your final stage
    The only thing you dropped in your entire mission was your little town’s survival rate
    At 5 I’m at a riper age; It’s my books against your primal rage
    You can dress up like a goth all you want, but leaving everyone behind is not a childhood phase
  • Then there's how her first verse ends:
    Matilda: You think you’re covered? You must be out of your mind (Ay!)
    Cuz any trauma could devour your life (Ay!)
    A freak of nature and a coward inside (Ay!)
    I'm in the spotlight, you're the power supply (Ay!)
• Eleven fires back brutally.
  Eleven: Let's backtrack to all these monsters I fought while escaping my father
  While this lab rat got her teeth sharpened, you were barely even a daughter
  You’re math class, I’m street smarts and I’m flipping what that prison taught her
  So tonight it’s time to burn the books of an antisemitic author
  • Her disses get stronger as her verse goes on.
    Eleven: I’ve dealt with a couple of secret agents too, but I don’t befriend liars
    Yea, Danny Devito is like D&D; a cellar without Byers
    I see you leave eating that cake to your friends, no defense against this accusation
    Half your movie’s zoomed in on your shit eating grin, I’m begging for sensory deprivation
• Matilda's second verse starts with some great buildup.
  Matilda: The badass of Hawkins back at the office?
  Lab rat is locked in dad’s cabin; promised to nap and keep watching, that brat’s dishonest
  Too bad that the daughter’s past captures all the backlash and trauma
  A fast flash was all your sad cast had brought in
  Your audience is as dead as your father, now the crickets applauding are the only Hoppers you got left - Drop it!
  • What follows is a Motor Mouth barrage of insults...
    Matilda: Following your heart has brought you nothing but your misery
    They sent you on a mission and you sent ‘em to heaven
    I stay organic, you’re a product with an Eggo obsession
    Your mind is fake and manufactured, call you Seven Eleven
  • ... before concluding with this sick burn.
    Matilda: Cuz you ain’t ready for the world, you’re getting everyone in trouble and your friends all take the fall for you wherever you dwell
    From your parents to your buddies to your Halloween debacles, you lost so much, even your friends call you L
• Eleven proves undeterred as her second verse goes strong:
  Eleven: I’m out beating mouthbreathers, save your breath for now
  Or do I need Christmas lights to spell it out?
  You were big back in 1996 then skedaddled
  And I’m the reason why they clicked on this battle
  • She then gets in a rapid-fire barrage of disses on her own...
    Eleven: Better hide yourself cuz you could never stop my town
    You look up to me like you’re stuck in the Upside Down
    You got beat straight each day when you fumbled with your buddies
    This cliche’s Bee-grade, always running to Miss Honey
  • ... before closing the battle with these clever lines.
    Eleven: But these days she gains her only attention from being Ben Shapiro’s cousin and that really says it all
    Because any possibility this bookworm's giving me a beating is always gonna be purely hypothetical
    This pea brain couldn't fight the hypest psychic, you'd wish for a mind like I got
    So why don't you fly off high, kid, add this to my list of Mike drops

001 (Stranger Things) vs. 001 (Squid Game)

• The beginning of the battle itself is nothing short of epic. After replaying the last lines of the previous battle, the telltale chiming of a grandfather clock teleports the scene to the Upside-Down, where Oh Il-Nam is counting his marbles, seemingly in his own little world. But when The Vecna arrives to do his thing?
  Vecna: IL NAM...
  Oh Il-Nam: Please, can you be quiet, you brat? I'm sat here trying to count up
  All the fucks I just don't give about this spoiled child's tantrums!
  • Throughout his verse, Il-Nam proves that, despite being a feeble, sickly old man with no powers, he's not afraid of his opponent at all.
    Oh Il-Nam: He's a contestant forever contained and never obtaining a win,
    I have no need for pathetic damn telekinetic advantages when I am pulling the strings!
    Parents dead and gone, experimented on, cloned, hidden and disgraced,
    Tentacles he's got entering him, what happened to Henry? SQUID GAMES!
• Henry Creel, in his human form, gives off a first verse that epitomizes Creepy Awesome.
  Henry Creel: Wake up sleepyhead, just had to check that you're not dead.
  Fascinating... like a spider, you're growing cobwebs!
  You won't have to worry about the disease in your brain,
  Because your brittle bones will be easy to break!
  • A significant part of Creel's verse is a well-deserved "The Reason You Suck" Speech toward Il-Nam for all the horrific inequality he's sown just for the sake of curing his boredom.
    Henry Creel: For the love of god, your terrible button-pushing and fucking schlop have summed up what
    All of humanity now suffers from, your reality television, I'm cutting off!
    Don't stand there and tell me that you did nothing wrong, it's for a worthy cause... 'cuz it's not!
    You're enforcing a deeply and awful structure 'cuz life is so dull and boring, you want to play Undercover Boss!
  • Creel's verse ends on a note of sheer menace.
    Henry Creel: Rap against me and you gamble your life
    I'll show you something to satisfy clients,
    Red or green, it won't matter in time
    The flashing of lights means granddad's demise!
• Il-Nam isn't bothered by his opponent's theatrics in the slightest, brushing him off with his second verse.
  Oh Il-Nam: That was like your papa's collar: rather shocking!
  A twist so predictable that this grandfather clocked it!
  • Il-Nam's second verse ends with this amazing line:
    Oh Il-Nam: Though the Stranger Thing was how Creel spoke to that little girl with his blank creepy stare
    You want to be a predator? Very well, you can take a seat right over there!
• Apparently done playing around, Creel turns back into the Vecna and establishes just how far beyond his opponent he is.
  Vecna: Order your patrollers to out-gun me,
  I'll torture your foot soldiers without fumbling!
  Hawkins Lab shoulda told you it malfunctioned,
  'Cuz I slaughter opponents when outnumbered.
  • The Vecna then proceeds to tear down what remains of his opponent...
    Vecna: Immortal, a demon, a menacing threat,
    I don't blame you for wetting the bed.
    Playing kiddie-games at eighty-two,
    They should lock you in the Rainbow Room.
  • Before ending the battle with these haunting lines:
    Vecna: Your suffering shall end with both of our ascensions,
    I plague a dimension, you fake your dementia,
    You're glued in a daydream, that's hardly music you're making
    Which means that this prune can't escape me!

Robin Hood vs. Guy Fawkes

• Robin Hood starts the battle strong:
  Robin Hood: Many men speak of Robin Hood, but they don't got his flow.
  While you were panicking, dillydallying under the throne, I'd be hijacking into the palace to plunder the gold
  And then get back on my stallion, galloping to Papplewick, refunding the broke with the money that the monarchy stole!
  Then, maybe leave a little gift behind for the rich to find! What kind of present doesn't come with a bow?
  • He then establishes the difference between him and his opponent:
    Robin Hood: The most dashing assassin; you couldn't leave a scratch on me with either your swords or bombs!
    With a face like that, man, you lacked attraction, until they turned your head into a tourist one!
  • He also points out that, while Fawkes' assassination plot failed, his sacrifice wasn't entirely in vain...
    Robin Hood: Couldn't blow the King dead, but at least you're remembered
    By making dogs piss themselves every Fifth of November!
  • He then points out the tremendous lack of operations security that led to Fawkes getting caught...
    Robin Hood: How did your hidden agenda get thwarted?
    How did they possibly cotton on to your rotten plot and spot the bombs promptly?
    When popping the Protestants, stop your posse from gossiping,
    I can hear them plotting all the way from my forest in Nottingham!
  • ... before ending by pointing out the gunpowder assassination plot wasn't even Fawkes' idea in the first place.
    Robin Hood: It wasn't your plot, you were following orders,
    So I'll be another Rob that you're taking the fall for!
• Guy Fawkes isn't impressed at all, and begins his verse declaring such.
  Guy Fawkes: Those were 'the rhymes of Robin Hood'? You should pilfer some doper raps!
  But hey, you successfully robbed me... of a minute of my life that I won't get back!
  • He also calls out Robin for both his hypocrisy and letting down those he cares about.
    Guy Fawkes: Bloke, your views just ain't consistent,
    You hate the rich, yet you're mates with Richard!
    Evidently you just can't take commitment,
    Marian's still waiting for her wedding day to finish!
  • Fawkes' first verse ends with this clever rhyme scheme.
    Guy Fawkes: Sure, your aim is great when it's ranged equipment,
    But my aim was to change the system!
    I'm a deadly disease with this cadence, rhythm,
    And I'm infecting a thief like it's plague-iarism!
• In his second verse, Robin is backed up by the Merry Men who give Guy Fawkes six lines worth of disses by themselves.
  Much the Miller's Son: For a glorified hog roast, I expected hot stuff
  But there's not Much the Minister's son can knock up
  Will Scarlett: John Johnson sucks like Prince John's thumbs
  He got hung more than Little John's Johnson
  Friar Tuck: You're a Christian? Read the Bible
  God ain't too keen on the genocidal!
  • Robin himself reenters the battle with the Merry Men backing him up.
    Robin: Don't get within range of the British Hawkeye
    When your shots are bullshit and mine?
    Merry Men: BULLSEYE!
    Robin: I tend to be friendly with any enemy, showing them plenty mercy no matter the stakes or peril!
    Merry Men: OH, ROBIN!
    Robin: Remember, remember, the very day that I'm making a special case, and I'm splitting you like an arrow!
    Merry Men: HE SHOT HIM!
    Robin: The bloody band o' men that I'm rolling with are the merriest
    Your friends abandoned you like wine with barrels in a cellar, kid
    You're not a vigilante veteran, you're a domestic terrorist
    Don't need a revolution Guy, you need a therapist!
• Guy is captured by the Royal Guards midway through the battle and King James I announces how he will be tortured. He is unmoved.
  Guy: You shan't mock my sacrifice; the King knew that he'd have to hang me twice,
  Yes, they cut my balls off and I still got bigger bollocks than every merry man combined!
  King James: For the torture, you'll have horses tied to every corner,
  And limb, and forced to ride, pulling your torso, hung, drawn, and quartered!
  Guy: Never spoke at all, though, 'cause there's only one Lord I talk to!
  • Guy then spends half of his last verse being dragged by horses and it doesn't slow him down from dropping fast rap and dissing Robin at all.
    Guy: Are you curtsying burglars quite done
    With referring to how I burnt and got turned into fine dust?
    Wait until you learn the merc that you're serving under
    You heard who could never be hurt or murdered by none, got fucking murdered by nuns!
  • Guy ends the battle with one last shot at his opponent as he's being taken to the gallows.
    Guy: Upon a time Rob of Locksley ventured to my hood, and thought that his plot was better,
    I'll show this archer some honest intentions, when I chop off his fingers like V for Vendetta!

Bakugo vs. Inosuke

• Bakugo's first verse starts off with him characteristically dismissing his opponent as a threat:
  Bakugo: Watch me batter you on tracks, you've got bats in your brain
  While I train for a battle, you try to battle a train
  Let me rattle your cage, it's kinda' crazy to say
  that the only way you never cave is when you're trapped in a cave
  • He also gets some clever rhyme schemes as the verse goes on...
    Bakugo: I'm gonna bust it down! How's the view from the rubble?
    I’m making mushroom clouds, while you're roofing for truffles
    I got enough school clout to get my group on the double
    And if you run your high mouth, we put your crew in a bubble!
  • His first verse finisher is epic as well:
    Bakugo: Swinging two steak knives like a brute with a cudgel
    You're compensating 'cuz you never got a spoon or a cuddle
    What should I do with this fucker? You're a ludicrous lover!
    You only move under covers, when you move undercover
• Inosuke’s first verse begins with him showing that he's not intimidated by his opponent's power in the least.
  Inosuke: Run this straight from the summits
  Some pig running up the hits like Rustage
  Tusks get stuck through your muskets
  Two sticks shredding through your skin like drum hits
  • Of note is when he explains that Bakugo is nowhere near powerful enough to justify his ego, and this has caused his so-called allies nothing but trouble.
    Inosuke: Top five fights? You ain't high up on the podium!
    Think you're primetime? You got slimed like Nickelodeon!
    A damsel in distress that put his idol in retirement!
    All Might threw in the towel 'cuz this whiny kid was kinda mid!
  • He further demeans his opponent as a Spoiled Brat who only cares about being a hero for publicity.
    Inosuke: Snip you at the neck, you get ahead on Papa and Mama's dollar
    How can you be on the honor roll when you ain't got no honor?!
  • Inosuke's verse ends as intensely as it began:
    Inosuke: If you think you'll top me when I'm pissed off, then check your ammo
    Bodied Tokoyami just to get caught in Deku's shadow
    I go ham but you're bologna, know you're no shinobi
    If you think you're so explodey, you can cock your wrist and blow me!
• Once again, the Volleying Insults part is brilliant on both sides.
  Bakugou: Homie, you were Mowgli on a cliff!
  Inosuke: But then I get deadly!
  Bakugo: Get that dead mom on your head, make you top heavy
  Inosuke: This blonde's petty, kinda shady when his palms sweaty
  Bakugo: Get Piglet out the Hundred Acre Woods, he's not ready
• Bakugo's last verse starts with him deconstructing his opponent's bravado...
  Bakugo: Fans look at me and they get hype in the crowd
  Wow, they only look at you 'till the new Jujutsu Kaisen is out
  You shoulda died in the shroud
  I guess everyone's a samurai until there's a spider around
• Inosuke is undeterred, his final verse doubling down on how his opponent's ego and pampered upbringing only make him weaker than his lower-class opponent.
  Inosuke: You try to be my rival, you ain't ever been the right type
  Battling these extras 'cuz you never get the limelight
  So why are you so cocky? You should have a trip to my side
  I'd chop you in the woods while you're still asking for the Wi-Fi
  • He concludes the battle with these brutal lines:
    Inosuke: You wouldn't last a day in my shoes, you'd get your soul eaten
    Bitch, you can't even go toe-to-toe with your own demons!
    Ghost season, lonely and ignored without a camera crew
    Stuck at number one when everybody here abandons you

Boris Johnson vs. The Penguin

• Apparently running against the Penguin for Mayor of Gotham, Boris Johnson starts strong.
  Boris Johnson: I’m Boris Johnson, superbious
  Hurting this vermin, or as some nutters refer to him
  The 'King of Gotham’.
  Gotham? He may as well just be the mayor of Birmingham.
  • He further demonstrates how unimpressed he is with his opponent with these disses:
    Boris Johnson: You turned to a life of art fraud, but you are as tasteless as cardboard
    I'm turning this Penguin black-and-blue, like I did to the passport
    P.U., looking like Harvey Weinstein in a creased suit
    They must have voted for Pexit the way that they leave you out of the DCEU
  • This zinger also deserves mention:
    Boris Johnson: Here are some measures to abide with: stand ten feet away and never anywhere beside me
    Implementing them not for the virus, but because you reek like a peasant with no hygiene!
• As one of Gotham’s most powerful mob bosses, Cobblepot avails himself well, his opening lines displaying genuine coolness and menace:
  The Penguin: Before the Gentleman of Crime begins, I'll give this spineless prick
  A chance to hide inside a fridge; I do what's required to win
  This awfully hot Cobblepot has fought a lotta dumb fellas
  Now let me demonstrate how to properly open a verse and umbrella!
  • He also displays the same populism he showed in the Telltale game as he lets out some legitimate grievances about his opponent’s character.
    The Penguin: Here's how we make things well fair, strip you of possessions and put you on welfare
    Stop reducing the funding for healthcare and make cuts to your Big Bird bed hair
    Is this matchup meant to offend me? You put this criminal menace
    Mad, cynical mayor, the villain they credit
    With millions of deaths and pending
    Against The Penguin?
  • He also deserve credit for this clever diss:
    The Penguin: Not even I would buy your lies, so here's some advice that you might prefer:
    Next time you put the nation second, put an R-E-S-I-and-G first!
• In his second verse, Boris demonstrates his skills as "the fucking mayor of London's grime scene!"
  Boris Johnson: As a tubby gross kid, you were bloody roasted
  For looking like Kingpin with scoliosis
  Got a big beak like Michael Gove's cheeks
  One runny nose and we'll suffocate in bogies.
  • How he ends the verse deserves mention as well:
    Boris Johnson: Your raps were dopey and slow
    Penguin Bars are supposed to have jokes
    You can steal all this fancy stuff
    But you can't collect your daddy's love
• The Penguin’s second verse ramps up the aggression.
  The Penguin: Silence, those lines are enough! Did you read those lines off a bus?
  If you'd like another business meeting my Iceberg Lounge satisfies any crook.
  Squeal to the feds, then I'll break your damn wrists
  You're closer to pigs than David Cameron is!
  Spent four bars insulting my likeness
  That's twice now you've been hung up on a line, huh?
• Of note is when Oswald breaks down his opponent’s goofy public persona as a calculated ruse to dodge accountability.
  The Penguin: You're slick to trick your citizens to thinking you're some ditzy idiot
  To be forgiven quick for any sinister shit you commit
  Like "he's a bit of a dick, though not inherently nasty,”
  Two-Faced but not a Dent on Harvey.

Maleficent vs. Scarlet Witch

• Maleficent is as sinister as ever as she pokes and prods at all of her opponent’s insecurities:
  Maleficent: Let me re-cap if I can: when Thanos had beaten your trashcan to scrap
  You panicked and, abra cadabra, proceeded to magic him back and intact, but in fact
  He was a memory, and temporary, assembled your Avenger like a cabinet stand
  You landed in Agatha's trap, had you playing the Sims with a Halloween pack
  • She also calls out Wanda's entitled attitude...
    Maleficent: Now then, it's strange that this damsel demands that her made-up children be handed right back!
    If she thinks there's a chance of that happening at last, then we're both living in a fantasy land!
  • Before singing the last part of her verse, matching cutting disses with a smooth melody.
    Maleficent: Ask Aurora, I'll leave you in deep sleep, orphan.
    You wouldn't even beat me if you were here dream walking!
    She's always outrunning her past, living life to the fullest
    Unlike your brother who couldn't outrun a bullet
• Wanda proves no slouch either, rattling off a rapid-fire dressing-down of her opponent:
  Scarlet Witch: Don't say anything about Vis!
  You got no friends, except mystical imps!
  Like okay, you had a one night fling
  Romeo led Julie on and quickly dipped!
  • She keeps up a similar energy for the end of her verse:
    Scarlet Witch: He showed face, after years of silence
    Whipped out a knife to declare you a flight risk!
    In a blind rage, found that king-to-be
    Shouting: "You took every wing from me"!
• Maleficent and Scarlet Witch Volleying Insults:
  Maleficent: Chill it with the killing, Matilda, you sprung to violence too soon.
  You can still have children, you idiot; you lost your mind, not your womb.
  Scarlet Witch: Are you tired of being flightless? Want to spite a baby? Try this!
  Introducing Red Bull! In your condition, Miss, you might like it!
• Maleficent’s last verse has her call out Wanda for how many people she’s harmed with her selfish actions:
  Maleficent: Tell me, how many helpless toddlers were staying in that town when you held it hostage?
  It amazes me you hate Tony Stark when this lady's done way worse than selling rockets
  All this selfish logic, cuz Wanda's got no Cosmo, she's lost the plot
  I rap like like the rock on Vision's head, cuz I spit off the top and I'm popping off!
• Scarlet Witch’s final verse as she taps into her true power is absolutely scathing. She starts off building up momentum...
  Scarlet Witch: The way you utter things isn't sassy nor witty, it's creepy.
  That facial structure is the only time this demon is cheeky!
  Oh jeez, you wish to beat me? The Avengers, they didn't stand a fighting chance
  So don't talk Tony Stark when you can't lay a hand on Iron, Man!
  • ... before exploding at her opponent with an onslaught of lyrics.
    Scarlet Witch: You're trapped inside a battle of minds and yours is mine to command!
    Shapeshift into a dragon, and yet you still haven't the fire to light up a match!
    Let's not bypass the fact, you're a bogus witch!
    You're hocus pocus hopeless with this shit!
  • She closes the battle with these words:
    Scarlet Witch: You want Moor? Go home to your trees and tell your crow you concede!
    When you're rapping off with a Maximoff, then you're at a loss cuz she's got a Darkhold on the beat!
    Ruler of chaos, control what I see! Aw, poor you, getting roasted by queens!
    My family doesn't loathe me at least! You'll always come last like a post credit scene!

The Kraken Vs Cthulhu

• The Kraken dissing Cthulhu's story and name while boasting about himself:
  Kraken: Bro, your story's utter nonsense!
  I say your name and utter nonsense!
  Cutuh- Cuh- Cu... Cutuh- Cuz- Uh, fuck it!
  Too much bullshit, not enough vowels! (Yeah!)
  No drip, this fish in a drought!
  Cruise ships, toothpicks, spitting them out!
  Who's insignificant now?!
  
• Chtulhu's flow in this battle is unimpeachable:
  Cthulhu: What even is this cephalopod's goal?
  Your only claim to fame's a series of films of terrible plot holes
  Every mortal I stomp on like one steps on a cockroach (Eugh...)
  Severs your flesh, selling you fresh at a Costco (Ooh...)

• Kraken fires back in his second verse, with some impressive Added Alliterative Appeal and a rather brutal ending:
  Kraken: Cultivate a culture based on cults of ancient scum!
  Culminated by an author who was basically a cunt!
  You're not the first idea that he had that was appalling,
  A sexist and racist, he put a new meaning to catcalling!

Scarecrow (DC) vs. Scarecrow (Oz)

• Jonathan Crane gets the ball rolling with a powerful presence as he reminds why he’s the Master of Fear.
  DC Scarecrow: I'm Dr. Crane and I'll be at your service
  I’d pick apart your brain, but I don't have much to work with.
  You pose no threat to the ghastliest rapper
  So you're batshit tackling the gaslighting master!
  • Crane's first verse ends with these chilling words:
    DC Scarecrow: Ask Courage, we all succumb to fear so stay back
    Or I'll pull the claws out and put needles in a haystack.
    My flow's raw, you start to shiver when a crow caws
    By the end of this battle, you'll have to eat through your own straw.
• As goofy as he looks, The Scarecrow from Oz surprisingly holds his own.
  Oz Scarecrow: I'm not amazed by the corny costume that you sport these days
  Like you spend all your time stalking inside a cornfield maze
  I'll hang you up by your noose, find a branch, sling it
  Then use you as a piñata, but you should be used to bats swingin'
  • Of note is when he gets hit with Fear Toxin, hallucinates that he's on fire… and completely shrugs off its effects to keep dissing his opponent!
    Oz Scarecrow: Oh my body, it burns!
    Why couldn't you use this heat as a part of your verse?!
    Is this Jonathan's curse? Someone get these flames off!
    Haven't seen a firing like this since you got laid off from your day job!
  • If anything, he ramps things up even further afterword.
    Oz Scarecrow: Psych! I'm not even partially hurt by the toxin you spew
    And based on the trauma and scars on ya dude, even your grandma hits harder than you!
    All of the loons in Arkham got loose and then Killer Croc went and gnawed you for food
    And turned you so ugly you won't have to worry 'bout crows since no girl in the world would be flocking to you!
• Undeterred, Gotham’s Scarecrow digs deeper in his second verse.
  DC Scarecrow: Asbestos in your pockets, you were bound to drop a lot sooner
  Rocking fire-proof clothes from your costumers that caused tumors.
  You danced your way from Munchkin Country to the magical Oz
  Then made the journey from L. Frank to theatrical Baum.
  Crane does the lifting, you've got no skills
  So I'll hit you on this track until you're Yellow Brick Roadkill.
• The Scarecrow from Oz ends the battle with this amazing line:
  Oz Scarecrow: Bullies call you Ichabod, and so you leave 'em dead?
  Well, just call me the Brainless Horseman, 'cause after this, you won't be seen again!

Hulk vs. Frankenstein

• We start off with Victor Frankenstein brutally pressing Bruce Banner's Relative Button:
  Dr. Frankenstein: Victor Frankenstein is the greater mind with the crazy rhymes to be placed inside
  An insane asylum where your dad stays residing to pay the price for taking his wife and strangling her like "she ain't alive!"
  Then he died on her grave with a cracked neck, (Oh!) Let's dig out your mom like your memories and grab dad.
  I'll Frankenstein your parents back together so my students got a couple failures to laugh at!
  • Frankenstein continues tearing down his opponent with some clever rhyme schemes and wordplay:
    Dr. Frankenstein: I know you deployed the ultimate roids, but my chemistry is greater!
    Turn a quiet boy to a blind destroyer by adding some gamma to this beta!
    The Illuminati voted and agreed to send your green ass into space, man?
    The stories tell people of you take even bigger stretches than your waistband!
  • His first verse finishes off quite nicely as welll.
    Dr. Frankenstein: Bruce Banner, there's no truce happening
    When I rap, I go ham like it's Lou's acting
    No matter how much you think that brute's managed
    You'll stay like your movie lore, a loose canon.
• Contrary to his opponent’s words, Bruce Banner manages to keep a cool head as he drops some hard disses of his own:
  Bruce Banner: Woah there, bud, you talk an awful lot about your knowledge
  For a loser who flunked his school project and dropped out of college
  • He then proceeds to rip into Dr. Frankenstein's personal failings:
    Bruce Banner: Nature's not made to play god with; grew life from a lab, but you couldn't grow a conscience
    With all the organs you harvest, you still got more of a hole in your heart than Tony Stark does
    Your relationships failed so your ship sailed to the Arctic, haunted by darkness as you withered to a carcass
    After all your hardships, it's no wonder that you're the one they confuse as monstrous!
  • Banner ends his first verse with this amazing diss:
    Bruce Banner: I know that's harsh, but, hey, I see your experiment as an absolute win!
    Left enough of your family's corpses behind to give your undead pal some new skin!
    Why don't you take a day off? You're getting your work and love life confused
    I can't tell if it's the monster or your sister that you're trying to screw!
• Dr. Frankenstein continues on with his own rhymes…
  Dr. Frankenstein: My wife shares no blood with me, you self-loathing recluse!
  The only life you create's when you and your cousin reproduce
  You were forced to work with the Soviets, and gave birth to your biggest terror
  All the green that you've seen in your life came out of a printing error!
  • Until he notices his creature starting to come to life...
    Dr. Frankenstein: What's this? There's beating in this specter's organs!
    I must leave you for more important work now; call me Edward Norton!
    You and the rest of the world will see that I was right!
    It’s! A! Live!
  • Then his monster tags in and steals the show!
    Frankenstein’s Monster: (Ay!) I'm just the monster they made me!
    (Ay!) Came from the doc like I'm Shady!
    (Ay!) Like your rage, you can't control me
    You only turn green when you're envying Tony
  • The Monster's closing lines are absolutely scathing:
    Frankenstein's Monster: You flew to space 'cuz Ultron made you look like a bitch!
    Natasha might as well have been a widow with how hard you dipped!
    She saw her future with you and you couldn't take a hint
    But I'll push you to the edge like her last journey with Clint!
• Banner decides he’s had enough and becomes the Hulk, closing the battle and beating the shit out of the Monster — giving it the Loki treatment before tossing him across the planet.
  The Incredible Hulk: Frank voice annoying; if Doctor don't keep it silent
  Then Hulk throw puny rock face back to Easter Island!
  You think lightning frightening? Hiding Mr. Munster
  Windmill roof won't save you from Hulk when Hulk clapping thunder!
  • Hulk's last lines are somber yet powerful.
    The Incredible Hulk: Hulk a Hero, Monster Criminal; Hulk save kids, you scare kids
    Sad, monster have two hearts, but nobody to share with

Natsuki vs Raven

• Natsuki's first verse starts beautifully:
  Natsuki: Why did Monika invite a goth to our club meeting?
  I heard from the Justice League that you were just leaving.
  How can you be so dense? I got a gut feeling,
  You should probably start with the room if you love reading!
  • Of note, she brutally deconstructs Raven's tsundere tendencies…
    Natsuki: I like manga, but your comics are a garbled mess!
    Both you and your plot need to stop playing hard to get!
    In every episode you leave the hearts of people toyed with!
    That's why it took you 30 years to get a Beast Boyfriend!
  • And her overall antisocial demeanor.
    Natsuki: You're locking up your dumb ass so you don't start a bloodbath!
    Instead of floating, maybe you should touch grass!
    I shouldn't really assume that you would be leaving your room!
    Honestly, even Amy wouldn't like this creepy recluse!
    We know that — Eagles can fly off like — your horrified mom and —Raven can try, but, uhm, her social life's gone.
• Raven's first verse:
  Raven: When you write on a page it's like buying you game cuz you guys are just wasting your paper.
  Such a kid, can't decide if you want me to fight you or need me to sign you a waiver.
  This tedious pleb with a need for attention's receiving a lesson in foul curses.
  I'm an empath and I sense that you just feed off affection, no wonder you're malnourished.
  • Her disses get more clever as the verse continues:
    Raven: Talking goats? Keep fainting, guess your heart isn't too strong.
    No protein, but let me drop some bars you can chew on.
    This pro Teen Titan's got the dam breaking loose.
    While your own team tightens round your man like a noose.
  • Special mention goes to how her first verse ends.
    Raven: Why did I say okie dokie to this battle with you?
    I might be your neck, the way I snap in the booth.
    Here's a riddle for you: Why is a Raven like a writing desk?
    Cuz everything that presses me gets folded and you might be next!
• Natsuki's second verse is simply brutal.
  Natsuki: Rachel Roth! She's dazed and lost inside her vacant thoughts,
  On every birthday she crumbles until the cake is gone!
  We'd all be safer off,
  If this freaky little B-I-T-C-H was offed!
  • Her verse ends with this great line:
    Natsuki: I don't need to see your future based on what I've seen before,
    I'd talk shit to your momma's face, but I would need a ouija board!
    Your day to day's so tragic, I wish some of it was make believe!
    I'm not your loved ones' feelings, so don't fucking play with me!
• Raven's second verse opens with her neatly explaining why she's none too enthused about this battle:
  Raven: As a kid on Azarath, I stood up to Daddy's wrath,
  Mapped a path through tragedy, got sharper than a battleaxe.
  I protect the planet that you turned into a habitat
  For trauma dumping onto any bachelor that happens past.
  • Raven's insults get a neat rhyme scheme thereafter.
    Raven: You want a book? I'll pass your sentence like I'm Judge Judy!
    At least I don't lose my head when I become moody.
    Bitch, you ain't that bara barrer, you ain't Bufftsuki.
    You couldn't spit unless you emptied out your guts puking.
  • Raven's closing lyrics:
    Raven: It's not the romance you've been begging for and I won't talk in metaphors.
    I only need two eyes to see your boy was getting bored.
    Since you write poems, let the Raven tell you where your love was headed for:
    Your relationship was just a game to him — nevermore.

Fairytale Rap Cypher

• The fact that Freshy got ERB's EpicLloyd to play Captain Hook.

Part 6

Patrick Bateman vs Sweeney Todd

• The Demon Barber of Fleet Street starts off the battle with his disses paying homage to his musical's opening number:
  Sweeney Todd: There's a hole in the world and a fake Brad Pitt
  Putting holes into girls, leave 'em slain and split
  ’Cuz there's holes in his brain that no payment can fix
  And he goes by the name of Bateman...
  • From there, Sweeney takes Bateman to task for his shallow and vapid lifestyle:
    Sweeney Todd: This oaf of a broker couldn't sell his persona
    Only see this banker compensating when work's over
    Turpin kept his bird caged in, secure
    Still, I've never seen a toff so insecure!
  • With Bateman sat in the barber’s chair, Sweeney closes his first verse with more sharp disses and a narrowly-avoided Dangerously Close Shave.
    Sweeney Todd: You and my razor are the same in effect
    Except my blade is sharp when it's a pain in the neck!
    I'd say look back at your mistakes, because you're making a mess
    But I'm sure that reflection would get Master Bateman erect.
• The attempt on his life unsuccessful, the American Psycho suavely begins his counterattack.
  Patrick Bateman: I’m trying to listen to the new Freshy Kanal tape, but this fucking limey won't stop shouting in my ear
  I'm gonna stab a Tim Burden to death until I can taste Sweeney Toddler tears.
  • He also boasts of his success in getting away with his crimes while mocking his foe’s misfortunes and lack of style.
    Patrick Bateman: Do you cut your own hair? I can tell
    Michael Jackson's "Thriller" monster's alive and well
    Innocent, but spent half your life in jail
    I'm not behind a cell, 'cuz I got Bale!
  • Bateman's first verse concludes with brutally mocking Sweeney's unwittingly killing his wife.
    Patrick Bateman: That's your wife that you severed and carved
    Cause you're a terrible barber: 'til death do us part
    Stupid fucking bastard, you didn't get very far
    Now, let's hear Paul Allen's bars.
• Mrs. Lovett appears and backs up Sweeney by threatening Bateman:
  Mrs. Lovett: We better write "sweet and sigma sauce" onto the menu signs
  For when I make a Wolf of Wall Street a shepherd's pie!
  But I can't put this guy's heart into my tarts, 'cuz I might barf!
  Quite bizarre! This businessman doesn't fit on a pie chart!
  • Unfortunately, Lovett lets it slip that she knew Sweeney's wife was alive but didn’t tell him. He’s rightfully pissed at her and throws her in the oven before dealing with Bateman personally.
    Mrs. Lovett: Oh, you hate women and the homeless? We're the same
    'Cause I loathe that looney Lucy who'd soon take my Todd away!
    Sweeney Todd: You knew my wife lived? There's only you to blame!
    Next to Patrick, you're second here to be reduced to flames!
  • Sweeney’s last verse keeps up the attacks against Bateman, showing just how unintimidated the barber is by his opponent.
    Sweeney Todd: As for Bruce Wayne, tell your lawyer you're defeated, bruv!
    I hope your second verse features you as much as your sequel does!
    I'm like Perelli, how I up and beat a wimpy kid!
    Now the oven is the only place that you'll be fitting in!
• Bateman’s last verse opens with his sardonic critique of Sweeney Todd’s source material:
  Patrick Bateman: Oh my god... a musical that's set in the 19th century. It even features themes of class struggle and poverty? How profoundly unique… and look at that subtle all-white casting.
  • After that point, Bateman allows the façade to slip and goes all-out insane as his disses ramp up:
    Patrick Bateman: Shut down Lovett's love that she forced on ya!
    Kept your feelings more reserved than Dorsia!
    And now your lady's deceased, and she's plagued with disease!
    Watch me show a barber's wife a better facial routine.
  • Bateman’s last verse closes with him demonstrating just how terrifyingly unhinged he is, first brandishing a revolver and firing a shot that makes Sweeney's oven explode, then charging at him half-naked and covered in blood while wielding an axe — all the while his bars lead up to a glorious climax.
    Patrick Bateman: TAKE OUT YOUR BLADES, LET THE STAGE SEE WHO'S GREATER!
    EITHER WAY, YOU'LL END UP WITH YOUR FUCKING FACE IN NEWSPAPERS!
    THERE'S AN IDEA OF SWEENEY TODD BUT HE'S ALL BARKER, NO BITE!
    JUST A HUSK OF A FRAUD WHO LOST HIS CHILD, WIFE AND LIFE!

Kokichi Oma vs. The Riddler

• The Ultimate Supreme Leader starts off his first verse dismissing Gotham's most infamous criminal mastermind as an unworthy use of his time.
  Kokichi Oma: Aw, jeez, the riddle guy? Out of all the Batman villains, why
  Did it have to be him, who had been tossed around until his account on Twitch went live?
  And he can't even tell one little lie 'cuz his dad hit his ass out of confusion
  I thought that age only went up, but decades later and you're still held down by the Bruces.
  • Kokichi then proceeds to utterly tear down the Riddler's reputation as a villain.
    Kokichi Oma: Jesus, to topple this great, it just takes getting philosophical
    Icon of yours made sense when The Question sure left his mark on ya!
    I'm light and I'm agile; a lock's all I pick! You can't fight the Bat when your body's that slim!
    Now why don't you stop all the flops with Jim Carrey and carry those bony-ass arms to the gym?
  • His verse ends with this great zinger.
    Kokichi Oma: Toilet paper wrapped around your head could Hush you! Kidding; I'm nowhere near loony as you!
    Plus, it's not like you're packing the cards here to flush me to start with, and that's with a New 52!
• The Prince of Puzzles is undeterred, and wastes no time displaying how little he thinks of his opponent.
  Riddler: If you are Ultimate, please do not lie
  A devious poser for a TV show, now who am I?
  Correct: Kokichi Oma, the scheming Joker that I'm leaving choked up
  I will beat this loner 'til his clothes are black, white, and pink all over!
  • Eddie then starts to direct his disses toward Killing Harmony itself.
    Riddler: Use that tunnel to run out of your arena, 'cause they ran out of ideas for plots
    Gofer a project less farfetched than sending stars to the stars just to be for naught!
    Your maker can't be real with that twist at the end; she's sick in the head, a lost cause-pox!
    Plainer Clayface couldn't save face when the last case came and the ball dropped.
  • Eddie ends his verse as brutally as he started it.
    Riddler: You let one assassin cross you? I fooled an entire League!
    Maki acted rash and gifted you a hole in your shoulder; now you're poisoned and need IV.
    And a Gotham bombing's nothing to the sites your shippers flood with posts
    I know you want that detective Saihara to love you but does he? NOOOOO!
• Kokichi goes straight for the throat in his second verse.
  Kokichi Oma: Went for some coffee and breakfast; then you got caught and arrested!
  What good are question marks in Arkham if you still can't find an end to your comical sentence?
  I'll throw you out like Falcone now; against Oma, count up your days, Riddler!
  It's not April, but this prankster's taking shots so saucy, call me the Hollandaise Killer!
  • Kokichi's last line in particular is nothing short of brutal.
    Kokichi Oma: Good thing the dead Robin you haunted Bruce with had an empty tomb first
    Someone as sick as Kaito would need space for when that mind of yours got out-staged by your tumor!
• The Riddler frames his last verse as "a riddle that might leave you oddly perplexed", the riddle in question being one Kokichi can't answer: "Who am I?"
  Riddler: Then voila, he's a well-clothed no-name; no home, no parents, no life, no remorse felt!
  Those that he cares for, he torments to cope with his boredom; does it seem obvious yet?
  Carved a stone for his own ego, acts more evil than Satan, but with a God complex, and next?
  His style's to be ugly for rep and attention; I'd say Supreme fits him best, then!
  • Eventually, Riddler just gives him the answer…
    Riddler: You are a nobody! Died alone when the hydraulics had pressed
    Because no body's all you had left!
  • The Riddler's last line matches Kokichi's in pure Black Comedy:
    Riddler: So if your class can't come to a deduction, then I will
    Even after you've been crushed, all you do is lie still!

The Rock vs Paperboy vs Edward Scissorhands

• In what is perhaps the most grandiose game of Rock-Paper-Scissors ever played, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson starts off the battle with aplomb:
  The Rock: I'll start this off; found some losers to put my foot in.
  When I step in the stu, can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
  I keep my eyes on the green, so I'll tear through you
  As millions cheer for me on their TV screens; call that paper-view!
  • Rock then breaks Scissorhands down with his bars:
    The Rock: Don't need a Rochambeaux to throw hands, Edward!
    Nearly arrested so much, you're like the heart of your inventor!
    Crimes you didn't commit left your reputation shredded!
    Bro, this arcade game relic runs with less frames per second!
  • The Rock then moves on to Paperboy and channels his famous guest verse on "Face Off":
    The Rock: Paperboy drives, doing that town work, earning that minimum wage per hour
    See a damn cat or a fence, you cower! Step in the ring, you'll be wetting your trousers!
    I know Eddie's getting jealous, 'cause I'm boutta grab this biker
    And I'll do what he can't manage to when I go smash this Ryder!
  • He finishes off his verse with more brutal disses against Edward:
    The Rock: The bank wouldn't throw you a cent; for me, it snows dividends!
    But to give credit where it's due, you sure got alone by the end.
    So once I've ripped apart the scissor bitch with my fists and dismantled him
    We'll catch Depp in court again, this time suing for damages!
• Paperboy proves no slouch either, with slick opening lyrics.
  Paperboy: Pass Paperboy a rap tape, and I'mma stack paper.
  Cab trade; a Boulder Dash player, how I Smash Dwayne up!
  Racks later all the taxpayers; got my pad paid up!
  Couldn't calculate my cash take if you were Matt Damon!
  • Of note is when he disses the Rock’s acting career:
    Paperboy: Kinda horrid to think you went from scores in the ring
    To the CGI abortion of The Scorpion King!
    How does it feel to be in every second movie
    But every second of your movies is so fucking boring, it stings?
  • He also gets some decent shots in towards Scissorhands as well.
    Paperboy: Got those nervous ticks; clockwork in your muscles!
    You can't read the room; cross words leave you puzzled!
    Goth nerd girls got your heart hurting for cuddles!
    Not worth getting clipped in the act, so just cut it!
• Edward Scissorhands delivers a vaguely creepy and unsettling yet still badass verse as he goes right in against The Rock.
  Edward Scissorhands: You ain't running this with Scissorman, my scissor hands
  Wrap it all up when I slash these idiots to ribbon strands
  As one-dimensional as Paperboy, while you're in the best shape
  Your flicks cover plot holes with muscles; they're just flex tapes.
  • He interestingly focuses on both his foes at once and remains calmly confident the whole time:
    Edward Scissorhands: I'm on the frontpage of my town; maybe team up next time
    Dwayne's eyebrows are the only thing that's making the headlines
    Both your deliveries came out the same since the start
    I’ll make sure, next time you're casted, it'll just be your arm.
  • His verse closes with an ominous reminder of how dangerous a foe he can be:
    Edward Scissorhands: Chop chop chop you up like my flows, 'til The Rock is rubble
    And spokesman is crushed and covered in holes by the time his monitor scrolls
    'Cause I'm always cutting it close with these snippers up on your throat.
    Nick the vain when I steal the thunder out from under you both.
• The climax of the video, in which all three participants charge at each other, all building up to a final twist:
  The Rock: THE ROCK LIVES AGAIN! NEVER STAYIN' DEAD!
  Paperboy: I’ll fight 'til the bitter end just to chase the bread!
  Edward Scissorhands: To fit in with men, I'll stay ahead in this dispute.
  The Rock: ROCK!
  Paperboy: PAPER!
  Edward Scissorhands: Uh... scissors?
  [all three collide with each other]
  ???: SHOOT!
• At that point, an unannounced fourth challenger arrives in the form of James Gunn, and he shuts shit down!
  James Gunn: Gunn on the set; time to move out my shot!
  Roll in like cameras; I do what I want!
  My day's got a fuckton more crucial things blocked
  Than saving another damn Suicide Squad!
  • He disses The Rock and Edward Scissorhands at the same time.
    James Gunn: This barber's got beef with Bald Adam over here? What for?
    Dwayne, this is the set for Rock Paper Scissors, not a fucking Thumb War!
    Make actors my bitch, 'cause I'm the Star-Lord! Give Depp the cut, because he just leaves me bored!
    Johnny gave so few fucks when he performed, it's like my PG Porn!
  • Gunn closes the battle by establishing how far above his opponents he is:
    James Gunn: From Scooby-Doo to DC's fucking chancellor
    And redesigning timelines; went from cancelled to the canceler!
    I'll scrap you nerds as well, 'fore I'm driven off in the far front!
    Called shotgun, 'cause Gunn just called the shots on all y'all cunts!

Amelia Earhart vs. D.B. Cooper

• Amelia Earhart sets the tone for the battle with her opening lines:
  Amelia Earhart: Now I see you, Cooper, those sketches all seem redundant
  Coulda just said he looks like Agent Smith's uglier cousin! (Ha!)
  Uh, I fought for suffrage and supported equal rights (What?!)
  But you and I cannot be equal in this fight!
  • She then gets a Motor Mouth verse that quickly establishes the difference between her and her opponent:
    Amelia Earhart: I'm an American daredevil, tearing through various perilous aerial hells!
    My Hart is in the air; of course my books flew off the shelves!
    He's a civilian ex-militant irritant; he did a terrorist incident, since he was pissed off!
    Jumped outta the plane too early, like he's dishonorable discharge!
  • Her first verse closes with one more jab at her opponent's failure contrasted with her success.
    Amelia Earhart: You couldn't distinguish a good chute; I got the Distinguished Flying Cross!
    Your body most likely ended up like your whiskey: on the rocks!
• D.B. Cooper, voiced to perfection by RaccoonBroVA, starts off with a commanding presence:
  D.B. Cooper: Miss, you better listen; I've got bombs in my rhymes, hun.
  And I intend to join the 8-mile-high club.
  The fly jacket-wearing skyjacker ain't afraid of danger
  When my sunglasses make for greater aviators.
  • He then spends some lines deconstructing his opponent's hero status.
    D.B. Cooper: Heard you traveled the Atlantic, but not actually as pilot.
    Became the forefront of air travel, being a backseat flier.
    Even when your job was map reading, you were a novice.
    Amy, you couldn't navigate your way to a dentist's office.
• Taking to the skies behind the wheel of a commercial plane, Earhart continues to tear her opponent down magnificently.
  Amelia Earhart: Your case would've been brief if it weren't for clumsy investigators!
  You passed notes around to prevaricate, like you were grudging with second graders!
  You dined on airplane food before committing your crime.
  I dined with the man whose face was on your last dime!
• Having just burglarized a plane of his own, Cooper fires back.
  D.B. Cooper: Can't land a plane or a joke, oh; that must be tough.
  Your raps are like how I enact a robbery: "No funny stuff."
  Get your partner to chart 'ya some better flows to fly on.
  Send a feminist icon to the men she relied on.
• The battle closes with Earhart flying as close as she can to Cooper's plane just as he's about to jump out, the two Volleying Insults all the while.
  Amelia Earhart: The smoking and drinking and indecisiveness picking a flight plan
  Highlights precisely: You're just a guy in a mid-flight crisis!
  D.B. Cooper: Your legacy was buried when you crashed and got washed up.
  My legacy was buried when I got the job done.

Nathan Drake vs. Tintin

• As the 100th Rap Battle video, this one pulls out all the stops in terms of cinematography and visual effects. The on-location shots look beautiful and the green screen effects really heighten the verses effectively.
• Tintin's first lines waste no time in roasting Nathan, which is even accompanied by an animation of himself in his comic-book style.
  Tintin: Sir Drake's lineage has taken more than a hit.
  Gone from well-known explorer to fraudulent prick.
  His history's a grift; mine's always been rich.
  They would draw me solving mysteries before there was Inc.!
• Nathan Drake also doesn't miss a beat in dissecting Tintin's shortcomings on page and screen.
  Nathan: When Sully sailed to Belgium to rob treasuries,
  He failed to mention he dug up this Lost Legacy!
  A relic from the 20th century, to be precise.
  He's a fossil even Spielberg couldn't revive!
  I'm the greatest skydiver, bike rider ever known!
  Mountains, I climb at wild climates; wet or snow!
  While you might find your flight license gets revoked!
  You couldn't fly right inside your pilot episode!
• For his second verse, Tintin starts off with a quick Take That! at Nathan Drake's actor in Uncharted (2022).
  Tintin: Did Haddock switch my drink for his Loch Lomond?
  Either I'm shitfaced, or that's not Tom Holland!
• Nathan's second verse uses amazing repetition that rivals Darth Vader's "fired up" bars in Epic Rap Battles of History.
  Nathan: You've had a load of chances to fight, so then take a shot.
  Your lousy Captain loads a glass, and then he takes a shot.
  I'm in the action; load the gat, and then I take the shots.
  While you say action, load the camera, then you take a shot!
• All of this leads to epic third verses where Tintin and Nathan rap... on top of a moving train.
  • With Tintin, he drops his soft-spoken mannerisms and goes all out on verbally destroying Nathan with the knowledge of his family issues. He even quickly dodges Nathan's gunshots until he runs out of ammo!
    Tintin: Undermine me?! My accomplishments run deep!
    Your whole identity is stolen: no honor among thieves!
    Be a good dad and actually give two shits!
    Wouldn't want Cass to turn out just like you did, huh?!
  • Nathan is no slouch either, walking up to Tintin and grabbing Tintin by his jacket collar to make sure he hears every savage bar he belts out.
    Nathan: Well, you look like a toddler wearing his dad's uniform!
    Maybe when you're older, you can start to catch unicorns!
    If you won't use it, drop the luger and surrender,
    Or call Hergé in to write Tintin's last adventure!
• This is followed by Tintin and Nathan jumping off the train when it goes into a tunnel. They land in a forest, and who arrives on the scene to be the third rapper of this video? Indiana Jones, who drops a killer first line while his face is covered in shadows and mist.
  Indy: Are you both finished robbing my grave? I doubt it.
• After this, Indy casually catches a blowdart while this great line is used:
  Indy: This track's had a lethal dosage of both these phonies,
  And the antidote's Dr. Jones on a dope beat!
• He then proceeds to dissect Nathan and Tintin without breaking a sweat. And in the latter case, he even knocks the map Tintin is holding to the ground, and slaps Tintin too!
  Indy: Your fans are a bunch of ants! Tell all them freaks
  To crawl back into their hole with your relevancy!
  Drake, don't meddle with me, because I'm more than equipped!
  But with the way your miss treats you, you're already whipped!
  I'm not looking for a sidekick, Tintin; shoo!
  Especially not Short Round for the Hitler Youth!
  I'm the guy who smacks trenchcoat Nazis on my days off!
  Light that quiff like a wick and melt your face off!

Star-Lord vs. Captain Jack Sparrow

• For Captain Jack Sparrow's second verse, he and his crew rapped about Star-lord's childhood issues, while attacking a British Ships. It is both bad-ass and somewhat hilarious that there is a full-on battle while the crew raps like they're singing a tune of Wellerman.

Part 7

Huggy Wuggy vs. The Rolling Giant

• This Badass Boast from The Giant is a killer line and flows flawlessly:
  The Rolling Giant: Don't bother a monolith made to honor a botanist; or next time we're talking "Poppy's", your grave will have them on top of it!

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