Web Video: ProJared

ProJared is a gaming review channel hosted, created and run by former Screwattack member Jared Knabenbauer. On his channel "Pro Jared" (previously DM Jared, still used as the user link), Jared does 3 main shows:

  • ProJared, the main show, is a show in which Jared reviews a game and plays it, giving a plot summary of the game he's playing and gives it a humorous take at it. These reviews are more for fun, usually featuring bad games and having humorous scores such as "A bucket of tears out of ten."
  • One Minute Reviews, his second show, is where Jared is only given a minute to review a game, normally a modern game, and usually in a more serious light than ProJared reviews.
  • Full reviews, in which he usually spends five to ten minutes more thoroughly reviewing games. These reviews are much more professional than the others, going in depth into the good and bad traits of a game.

Besides those main shows, he does several other kind of videos, such as short skits, guides, and Self-Imposed Challenge Let's Plays.

Jared's YouTube channel can be found here, and his page on the newly resurrected Normal Boots is right here (which is where he'll be uploading videos to first from now on, in order to avoid problems he started having with YouTube in late 2013). More recent Let's Plays (including newer Nuzlocke runs) are in his other YouTube channel, which can be found here.

    Games ProJared Has Done Videos On 

Tropes in his main content:

  • Actually Pretty Funny: Even though Jared spends most of his Two Worlds II review trashing the game, he admits at the end that he thought it was a decent game that actually had a few funny moments when its delves into Self-Parody.
  • Bad Boss: In "Animal Crossing New Leaf - Problem Solver" Jared plays a mayor who is too busy setting up pitfalls, fishing and hunting for butterflies to properly manage his town. He ultimately solves his problems by sending citizens gifts and letters.
  • Broke the Rating Scale:
    • His non-serious reviews always hand out a "Object relevant to the game/overall experience" out of 10.
    • invokedShows up occasionally in his One Minute Reviews. For example, Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate gets a 12 out of 10, and Sim City a "*Beep* it! I'm going to bed."
  • Call Back: Jared searching for a fairy in a cluster of trees, picking the wrong one, and getting killed by a swarm of bees in Hydlide gets a Call Back in the Virtual Hydlide video when the exact same scenario happens.
    • He also refers to the player character as "Portly Guy the Knight", a Call Back to "Jim the Knight" from the original Hydlide.
    • The line "Fuck you nature." (also from Hydlide) gets a more enthusiastic Call Back when Jared starts chopping down trees in Final Fantasy Mystic Quest.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: In his Nuzlocke of Pokémon FireRed Jared asks chat "how fucked would [he] be" if he entered a Gym with only four Pokemon. The crowd responds with "very fucked, super fucked, utterly and completely fucked, so fucking fucked, gee fucking gee" and so on.
  • Cross Over: With PeanutButterGamer for Pocky & Rocky.
  • Everything's Worse With BEEEEEES!: See Hydlide, Virtual Hydlide, and his list of "Top Ten Bees in Video Games".
  • Flat "What.": Lets one out during Two Worlds upon learning that one of the main quest line characters is named Ho.
  • Four Point Scale: Averted. Jared isn't afraid to give scores below a five out of ten to games he finds mediocre or bad. On the other hand, he also considers sevens and eights out of tens to be good scores and gives them to games he likes.
    • Unlike some examples, though, he's not afraid about using the very top end of the scale, having given out several nines and two tens despite being a fairly new reviewer.
    • He also makes the concession that his point-score of a game's quality doesn't necessarily map directly to entertainment value. Best demonstrated when he gave Project X Zone a 4/10 in a One Minute Review, but later uses it to pass time in his Haven And Hearth video.
  • Gushing About Games Jared Likes: His One Minute Review of Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate can be summed up as Jared trying to gush as much as he can in one minute or less, giving it a score of 12/10. His extended review released shortly after still has some gushing, but he was not afraid to acknowledge the game's flaws, giving it a "great but not perfect" score of 8/10.
  • I Know Mortal Kombat: "First Person Soldiers" mocks this.
  • It's Personal: Jared started the channel by posting a negative review of Two Worlds because he felt the game was massively over-hyped and horribly under-delivered, but somehow escaped any notoriety.
  • Jump Scare: PeanutButterGamer of all people pulls one on Jared in Pocky & Rocky.
  • Motor Mouth: Not usually, just when doing his One Minute Reviews.
    • He does use it in a few other videos, usually to sum up something quickly, such as a chain of busywork quests in Two Worlds II.
  • Nightmare Retardant: invokedHe created a guide to turn the game Slender into this.
  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer:
    • In his Two Worlds II video he adds one of these after stating that the developers of Two Worlds sent letters to game retailers apologising for how bad the first game was.
    • The protagonist of Hydlide really is called "Jim the Knight".
  • Offhand Backhand: Discovers he can pull this off in Blackthorne, much to his delight. With a friggin' automatic shotgun.
  • Railroading/Plot Armor: Specifically complains about these in his Beyond: Two Souls review, stating that it's hard to care about winning QTEs when the protagonist will get out of it alive anyway.
  • Running Gag: Whenever an RPG has a "collect four treasures of the elements" plot ProJared says, as deadpan as possible, "Gee, an epic RPG where I have to collect four treasures of the elements? I've never heard that one before." And then he holds up a copy of Final Fantasy I for the NES.
    • When he reviews Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, he starts to do the same gag, and then halfway through holding up the cartridge goes "WHOA WAIT A SECOND!"
  • Self-Imposed Challenge: His "Ganondorf Challenge" for Super Smash Bros. Melee.
  • Shaped Like Itself: His final score for Virtual Hydlide is a Hydlide out of 10.
  • Sound Effect Bleep: Used every time he curses on his scripted videos. His non-scripted series usually leave them uncensored, and as of his SimAnt review he seems to have dropped it.
  • Take That: In his One Minute Review of The Banner Saga, he says that the game is great, and then adds that one of the reasons you could buy it is because it'll "piss off everyone over at the Candy Crush Saga", referencing the fact that the games trademarked the words "Candy" and "Saga".

Tropes in his "Pokemon Nuzlocke" series:

  • Alas, Poor Scrappy: invoked
    • In Fire Red, this is his reaction to Jeflump the Golbat dying.
    "He wasn't my favorite, but I didn't want him to die."
    • Completely averted with Burden the Snorlax, whom he sends off with a cheerful "Bye!"
  • Badass: Nuptup the Vileplume was one of his best pokemon in Fire Red. It even survives to the end, though this is primarily due to Jared not sending Nuptup out.
  • Bittersweet Ending: Fire Red ends in his victory, but 2/3 of his then-current party died bringing him his victory. That's not counting the rest of his Pokemon who were KIA.
  • Boss in Mook Clothing: Dark Cry spoilers follow. Lass Crissy, a trainer who in the original games couldn't be fought until the player could Surf. However, in this game, through careless placement or perhaps as a deliberate cruel joke, she can be fought as soon as the player reaches that route (i.e. hasn't even beaten Misty yet). Jared found this out the hard way when her lv31 Paras — about a dozen levels higher than his entire team — effortlessly made mincemeat out of Ekrah, Tarp, and Bidumb even after three Attack nerfs. Jared's Kadabra, Ubagub, just managed to pull through and win a hard-earned victory... only for Crissy to pull out a second Paras. It's almost merciful that he didn't last longer or he would have gone up against her final Pokemon, a lv31 PARASECT.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Jared crosses it in Pokemon Y when Rathalos dies.
  • Downer Ending:
    • Pokemon Y ends with a premature game over.
    • Dark Cry ends with Jared's team absolutely destroyed by Lass Crissy, a trainer who in the original game wasn't able to be fought until the player learnt Surf. Thanks to terrible programming, Jared faces her early, and it ends in absolute failure.
    • Alpha Sapphire ends with a Total Party Kill against Winona's Altaria, he was unaware that it had Earthquake which lead to the death of Zimzy, and Cotton Guard which made Cordy's Rock moves wholly ineffective, which eventually led to no one in his party capable of damaging it enough given that it also knew Roost.
  • Interface Spoiler: It didn't start this way, but each Fire Red video has a picture of the current team he is using as of each video. Newcomers to his series will pretty much know who dies and who lives if their eyes wander. He did seem to realize that this was the case, and put up pictures of the Elite Four and Champion for his final videos. Although even that spoils that he makes it to the end of the game.
  • Kick the Dog: In Dark Cry Episode 7: After the massacre of his team in the previous episode, leaving him with three Pokemon left (after he picks up a Rattata), he hopes that he will be able to get another Pokemon through a hole in one of the houses. When he does so, the trainer he meets, whom wasn't even looking at him, kills Derlan, leaving him only with Bidumb and Tarp.
  • Oh, Crap: Jared's reaction to Winona's Altaria knowing Earthquake, which in part resulted in a Total Party Kill ending his Nuzlocke.
  • Rated M for Manly: Wepler the Cubone, for doing what no Pokemon before him has done (surviving a self destruct).
  • Rescued from the Scrappy Heap: Invoked with Bidumb in Dark Cry: Jared quickly realises that he's not a Bidoof, but a Badass Zigzagoon. This gets taken further as the series progresses and he becomes an Action Survivor, and eventually, in Episode 7, he becomes one of Jared's two surviving Pokemon:
    Jared: Really starting to regret calling him "Bidumb" now. "Bidumb"? More like... "Bi-OnlyHopeIHaveForThisNuzlocke".
  • Running Gag:
    • One of the best (and probably his favorite) Pokemon on his team in Fire Red is a Vileplume named Nuptup. Each time he says Nuptup's name, he edits in a brief picture of Nuptup with its name below it.
    • The Shorts Cult
  • Self-Imposed Challenge: The main premise of his Nuzlocke series. In Pokemon Y, he added the rule of turning off the Exp. Share, as well as not using healing items in Battle.
  • Series Mascot: Nuptup the soul-eating Vileplume has become this, by way of being an In-Universe Memetic Badass.
  • Stupid Sacrifice/Senseless Sacrifice: In Episode 6 of Dark Cry, Jefina and Pachifetch's deaths could easily have been avoided.
    • Alpha Sapphire spoilers follow: In Norman's gym battle, Jared mistook Retaliate for a Fighting-type move and so kept Cordy, his Graveler, on the bench when Cordy would have been in a great position to sweep Norman's whole team. This misunderstanding cost Jared his oldest two Pokemon, Ghim the Grovyle and Daybo the Dustox. (The latter is especially painful since Daybo took a few Retaliates throughout the fight, meaning Jared should've had the opportunity to notice that the game wasn't informing him "It's not very effective" as it would have if Retaliate were a Fighting move.) Needless to say, it's the most controversial episode of the playthrough so far.
  • That One Boss: In-Universe, the innocent Com Mon known as Rattata (across many different trainers) during his Fire Red Nuzlocke managed to take out a startling number of his Pokemon.
  • The Stinger: After the end of Jared's failed Pokemon Y Nuzlocke the screen fades the black, then shows an extra scene at the end, revealing that Dark Cry will be the next Nuzlocke series.
  • This Is Unforgivable!: After Burden the Snorlax kills Oh,he, his first caught Pokémon in Fire Red, he caught it, but even then, he couldn't forgive him about the incident. Even after Burden died against Blackbelt Koichi's Hitmonchan, the parting words he had for him was: "I never forgave you!". This became prominent in Part 8 of the Pokemon Y Nuzlocke when he rejected his Route 7 capture and fainted a potential Snorlax he could have caught because of the event that happened in the Fire Red Nuzlocke.
  • Took a Level in Badass: In Alpha Sapphire, Jared bemoaned catching a Plusle on route 110 (as an Electric-type, she was a welcome addition, but he would have preferred an Electrike). But the Plusle in question, Zimzy, proved instrumental against Wattson, whose Magnemite and Magneton she expertly baited into using inferior moves via Encore, laying out the path for Jared's other Pokemon to safely carry the day.
    • Zimzy puts in another glorious performance against Norman, neutering his threats with Charm to the point that they could barely even scratch Rolic and Daybo after she finished with them, let alone Cordy. A damn Plusle is turning into the MVP of Jared's run.
  • Wham Episode: The Guidjuk battle in Episode 6 of Dark Cry: Jared sacrifices Jefina to get an extra switch-out, and following that is a complete massacre: Fuhrdan is the next to go via Squirtle's water gun, Nokenil is killed in one hit, then Pachifetch is killed in his first turn in a useless attempt to get a critical hit, and Jared is only able to survive the battle by a Quick Attack from Derlin. In one battle, Jared went from six Pokemon to two.
  • Wham Line:
    • In Dark Cry Episode 9:
      Jared: Level thirty-one?!
    • And Alpha Sapphire Episode 18
      Jared: EARTHQUAKE?!

"That's why my final rating for this article... is a strand of Fast Eddie's beard out of ten."

Alternative Title(s):

Pro Jared