Funny: ProJared

    Main Reviews 
  • In his review of the first Hydlide game, he sums up the story as follows: "There's a dragon, and there's a princess. And then the dragon hibdjvbudjdeba, and the princess explodes into fairies!"
  • His Virtual Hydlide review starts with footage of him playing it with a very pained expression on his face.
    • He gives the same speech about the dragon "hibdjvbudjdeba-ing" and the princess exploding into fairies before coming to the realization that it's a remake of the original Hydlide.
    • "BEEEES!! AAAAHAHAAH!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod RRAALGHGH... Jim/Portly Guy the Knight, killed by bees."
    • "Yes, that's enigmatic. Are you he? You're a pimp! (?)"
  • Jared's reaction to one of the characters in Two Worlds saying "They call him Ho." has to be seen to be believed, the line's hilarious enough on it's own but his reaction to it really sells it.
  • One of the Running Gag throughout Jared's videos:
  • His joke review scores:
  • In Two Worlds, Jared mocks the main character's captain obvious statements.
    Jared: Who does that? Who simply states whatever they're currently feeling out loud?
    *Cut to Jared standing in front of his refrigerator with the freezer door open.*
    Jared: Cold.
    *Cut to Jared running his hands through his sink's water.*
    Jared: Wet.
    *Cut to Jared reading Maxim.*
    Jared: Aroused.
  • A Running Gag in the Two Worlds II review has Jared come up with different names for Cassara based on her rather... pronounced chest. Names like "Underboob", "Nips McHooter", and "Mammary McLovebuttons".
    Jared: Everyone escapes through teleports, and you meat their prophet, Cassara breeeeeeeeeeeeasts.
  • His One Minute Review of SimCity, all seventeen seconds of it.
    Jared: (trying to log in) Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!" (game load glitches) Ah, what the hell?! (resumes logging in) Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!" (finally logs in) Ah, there we go. (game fails to load) F*** it, I'm going to bed.
  • Jared's thoughts on Day One: Garry's Incident in his Top 10 Worst Games of 2013
    (to the tune of "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves) Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One: Garry's Incident is really really bad. And I want to kill myself.
  • At the end of his Sim-Ant review, Jared reads a section of the game's ant glossary that encourages the player to go outside and observe ants. Jared does just that. And by that, we mean that he goes out and sprays the ground with bug spray and aims a magnifying glass at the ants.
  • His early reviews start with Jared playing a game, with shots of gameplay, and then saying "I'm playing [X]", with his tone foreshadowing his opinion of the game. In "Virtual Hydlide", he is collapsed back against the bookshelf in horror and only manages to let out a pained groan before the opening.
  • In regards to one of the Final Fantasy Mystic Quest bosses.
    Jared: Now I've heard of the headless horseman, but the headless horseman and the headless horse? do they know where they're going?
  • In his King's Knight review, Jared can't stop saying how much he hates Toby whenever he brings the character up.
    • One of his recorded video clips of him playing/dying in Toby's stage is named ROT IN HELL TOBY.
    • At one point, he dies in the final stage with a full party. It then cuts to him with a sour expression on his face while the game over jingle plays, followed by him wordlessly attaching a Game Genie to the cartridge and then saying "I don't care."
    • He gets trapped between a row of statues and the Advancing Wall of Doom and fails to destroy one of them, thus managing to die while completely invincible.
    Jared: (holds up his Game Genie) You Have Failed Me.
    • "We all know the story: Squaresoft was going bankrupt, so they created Final Fantasy as their last effort to be succesful in the video game industry. And they were going bankrupt because they kept releasing crap like this." <whimsically tosses game cartridge, which then clatters loudly> "Ow, my knee."
  • His one minute review of Sonic Boom which has him wearily singing the Sonic SatAM theme.
    Jared: (Slurred and over footage of Sonic's jog-like speed and the game's many many glitches.) "Blue streak, speeds by. Sonic the Hedgehog. Too fast, for the naked eye. Ssssssssonic the Hedgehog. Sanic, he can really move. Sanic, he's got an attitude. Dankey Kang, he's the fastest thing alive. He's the fastest thing Ali-ahveugh. He's the fastest thing, alighiavehhave! It has bounce pads. 2/10!
  • At the start of his Extended Thoughts video for Aliens: Colonial Marines, Jared holds up the game's case and then flings it to the side without a word.
  • In his Sonic Adventure 2 review, he's fighting the first boss, when he remembers;
    ProJared: "This game sucks."
  • In his Sonic Adventure 2 review, he notes the sexual tension between Knuckles and Rouge, anxiously asking, "They're gonna bang, right?" after the two split during the Hero's Story. Later on, during the game's credits...
    Rouge: Anyway, I've got something better than jewels that I'm thinking about right now.
    Jared: Yep! They're gonna bang. Enjoy, Rouge! (Jared puts on a poker face as a caption reading "Echidnas have four penises" appears.)
  • For his Tamagotchi review, he does an experiment where he cares for one of his Tamagotchi normally, overfeeds one of his Tamagotchi, and completely neglects the last one. What does he name the one he neglects? PBG
    • On top of that, PBG wasn't the first to die!
    • JumJum, the sole surviving Tamagotchi, ends up evolving into Nyorotchi - one of the worst possible characters that vaguely resembles a wriggling sperm. Then Jared accidentally sends him to space.
    Jared: I shot a sperm into space!
    • Flashing the toilet.
  • While reviewing "Mega Man X7", he puts down the game for including old enemies from the first "Mega Man X" game to play on gamers' nostalgia. To illustrate this, he holds up a "Mega Man X" cartridge in front of the CD case for "Mega Man X7" and makes them dance.
    Jared (sexy voice): Hey there baaaaby! Don't I look SEX-EEE? You wanna come over and plaaay? (Drops the "Mega Man X" cartridge, revealing "Mega Man X7") AAAAGH-GAH-GAH-GAH!!!
    Jared: And X is all like "MEH VIOLENCE..."
    • His Reaction to X's Legs armor in X7, which gives a slow as hell hover ability instead of soemthing cool like airdashing or flight.
    Jared *Tosses Controller in Rage* FUCK IT! If they Gave Up, So Do I!
    • It's rare for an annotation asking to like/subscribe to be funny, but Jared manages well.
  • His otherwise tender and heartwarming review of "Chrono Trigger" ends with him writing a letter to Square Enix bitching them out for not making another sequel.
  • CHECKPOINT ELEPHANT. It makes as much sense in context.
    • Also, the fact that he spends the entire review of Oscar lying down on his back, as the experience was so traumatic for him.
    • Also, at the beginning of the Oscar review, the first line ProJared says:
    ProJared: WHAT... the f**k?!
  • In the Donkey Kong Country cartoon, when Diddy refers to Dixie as Dix, Jared mishears it as Dicks and makes a Call Back to his Top 10 Dicks episode.
  • From his Super Bonk review: Blue Balls. That is all.
  • In High Seas Trader, Jared figures out the fastest way to make money is to sell copious amounts of Opium.
    "Oh my God, I've become a drug lord!... Nice."

    Conventions and Assorted Videos 
Magfest 12 - These Guys Are Sick
  • You'll never take my octopus powers, Megaman!
    • You'll never take my seal powers, Megaman!

    Nuzlocke Series 
Fire Red
  • The shorts cult.
    • When a member of the cult kills Beatrice:
    Jared: I should've worn shorts!

Pokemon Y