Random

Funny: ProJared

    Main Reviews 
  • In his review of the first Hydlide game, he sums up the story as follows: "There's a dragon, and there's a princess. And then the dragon hibdjvbudjdeba, and the princess explodes into fairies!"
  • His Virtual Hydlide review starts with footage of him playing it with a very pained expression on his face.
  • Jared's reaction to one of the characters in Two Worlds saying "They call him Ho." has to be seen to be believed, the line's hilarious enough on it's own but his reaction to it really sells it.
  • One of the Running Gag throughout Jared's videos:
    Jared: Gee, an epic RPG where you have to collect four treasures of the elements. Never heard that one before... (holds up copy of Final Fantasy I) ...WHOA, WAIT A SECOND!
  • His joke review scores:
  • "OH MY GOD THERE'S NO WORLD HERE, oh."
  • In Two Worlds, Jared mocks the main character's captain obvious statements.
    Jared: Who does that? Who simply states whatever they're currently feeling out loud?
    *Cut to Jared standing in front of his refrigerator with the freezer door open.*
    Jared: Cold.
    *Cut to Jared running his hands through his sink's water.*
    Jared: Wet.
    *Cut to Jared reading Maxim.*
    Jared: Aroused.
  • His One Minute Review of SimCity, all seventeen seconds of it.
    Jared: (trying to log in) Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!" (game load glitches) Ah, what the hell?! (resumes logging in) Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!" (finally logs in) Ah, there we go. (game fails to load) F*** it, I'm going to bed.
  • Jared's thoughts on Day One: Garry's Incident in his Top 10 Worst Games of 2013
    (to the tune of "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves) Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One: Garry's Incident is really really bad. And I want to kill myself.
  • At the end of his Sim-Ant review, Jared reads a section of the game's ant glossary that encourages the player to go outside and observe ants. Jared does just that. And by that, we mean that he goes out and sprays the ground with bug spray.
    Jared: DIE, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, DIIIIIIIIE!!!
  • ITS A JOKE!
  • Every review starts with Jared playing a game, with shots of gameplay, and then saying "I'm playing [X]", with his tone foreshadowing his opinion of the game. In "Virtual Hydlide", he is collapsed back against the bookshelf in horror and only manages to let out a pained groan before the opening.
  • In regards to one of the Final Fantasy Mystic Quest bosses.
    Jared: Now I've heard of the headless horseman, but the headless horseman and the headless horse? ...how do they know where they're going?
  • In his King's Knight review, Jared can't stop saying how much he hates Toby whenever he brings the character up. One of his recorded video clips of him playing/dying in Toby's stage is named ROT IN HELL TOBY.
    • At one point, he dies in the final stage with a full party. It then cuts to him with a sour expression on his face while the game over jingle plays, followed by him wordlessly attaching a Game Genie to the cartridge and then saying "I don't care."
    • "We all know the story: Squaresoft was going bankrupt, so they created Final Fantasy as their last effort to be succesful in the video game industry. And they were going bankrupt because they kept releasing crap like this." <whimsically tosses game cartridge, which then clatters loudly> "Ow, my knee."
  • His one minute review of Sonic Boom which has him wearily singing the Sonic Sat AM theme.
    Jared: (Slurred and over footage of Sonic's jog-like speed and the game's many many glitches.) "Blue streak, speeds by. Sonic the Hedgehog. Too fast, for the naked eye. Ssssssssonic the Hedgehog. Sanic, he can really move. Sanic, he's got an attitude. Dankey Kang, he's the fastest thing alive. He's the fastest thing Ali-ahveugh. He's the fastest thing, alighiavehhave! It has bounce pads. 2/10!
  • At the start of his Extended Thoughts video for Aliens: Colonial Marines, Jared holds up the game's case and then flings it to the side without a word.

    Conventions and Assorted Videos 
Magfest 12 - These Guys Are Sick
  • You'll never take my octopus powers, Megaman!
    • You'll never take my seal powers, Megaman!

    Nuzlocke Series 
Fire Red
  • The shorts cult.
    • When a member of the cult kills Beatrice:
    Jared: I should've worn shorts!

Pokemon Y