Starsky: Looks like you just punched your last ticket, amigo.
I'm sorry, did you just tough-talk a dead body?
When the hero has just killed someone, often in a gruesome manner, they do a Bond One-Liner.
The classic Bond One-Liner is typically a bad Pun
or Obligatory Joke
on the manner in which the victim was dispatched. It may be a sign that the character has sociopathic tendencies
. Often works on the basis of Crosses the Line Twice
Alternately this may happen when the hero is discussing the victim with a third character often with the third character wondering why the victim is not present.
The Trope Namer
is James Bond
, who does this in every single one of his films.note
Ditto Arnold Schwarzenegger
, but Bond's have more pun
Alternately, a Bond One Liner can be a snarky response to the now-dead enemy's attempted Pre-Mortem One-Liner
, or an Ironic Echo
of something they said to the hero earlier.
Note that while William Peterson's one liners on CSI
, David Caruso's one liners on the Miami
sister show and Jerry Orbach's on Law & Order
are often similar in content, they fail the test for this trope, as Grissom and Briscoe were never the killers, only snarkers
. In general, see Quip to Black
for cheesy one-liners right before a cut.
Also, when said before
killing, it's a Pre-Mortem One-Liner
(which, for the record, James Bond
says just as often). If the character is making smartass quips about their own impending death then it's a Gallows Humor
version of a "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner
As a Death Trope, beware of unmarked spoilers.
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Anime and Manga
- In the first English dub of Dragon Ball Z, Frieza, on surviving the Spirit Bomb, killed Krillin by making him explode before snidely commenting "Pop goes the weasel".
- In Dragon Ball, Krillin himself gets a hilarious one when he defeats Chiaotzu in the World Martial Arts Tournament. At first, the latter's telekinesis has Krillin on the receiving end of a borderline Curb-Stomp Battle, but Krillin breaks his concentration by asking him basic math questions, including "What's 9 - 1?" After Chiaotzu lost, Krillin coolly says, "the answer is 8!"
- One Piece has its fair share.
- One notable one after Sanji savagely defeats Jabra with his new Diable Jambe technique goes something like this, depending on the translation:
Sanji: Food is a gift from God. Spices are a gift from the devil. I guess it was a little too spicy for you.
Sanji: God may have created food, but the devil created spices. If you think that kick was hot, my heart was burning even hotter.
- Usopp manages this in the Thriller Bark arc. One of the Co-Dragons, Gothic Lolita Perona, had a Devil Fruit that let her create ghosts, which would hollow out the spirit of anyone they passed through. That is, they would sink the victims into depression. Usopp's pessimism made him immune to that technique, which had never failed to disable an opponent. Then, after a chase, she fooled Usopp into thinking that she was invincible by displaying flight, intangibility, and size alteration. Usopp caught on that it was just another astral projection, and upon finding her real body, used his own lying skills to scare her into unconsciousness using only glue, toy cockroaches, and a balloon. Then we have this:
Usopp: Talk about a stupid move. NOBODY CHALLENGES USOPP IN THE ART OF NEGATIVITY AND LYING AND WINS!
Perona: (already unconscious, collapses)
- Sanji does this to another Co-Dragon in the Thriller Bark arc, Absalom, who had been attempting to make Nami his bride (against her will, but she was unconscious during Sanji's fight). He pummels him with a massive salvo of kicks, slamming him into the wall and leaving an imprint, before putting a cigarette in his mouth and saying:
Sanji: You wanted to get married? I now pronounce you man and wall.
Brook: Yes, I am nothing but bones, but that's only because I wanted…to drop a few pounds.
- Another Brook example from the Dressrosa arc. He's facing Jora, a demented woman whose Devil Fruit lets her turn anything into abstract art, and she's imprisoned Nami, Chopper, and a new ally of theirs named Momonosuke in a sculpture that will kill them in ten minutes' time. Brook only rejoices, claiming to see the beauty in her art, and volunteers to do a song for the occasion. Jora eagerly reverses her power over his violin and bow…but it turns out his bow was his cane, which was his sword. One You Are Already Dead later, he sheathes his sword, Jora falls unconscious, and her powers are reversed. Brook's reaction? Roughly translates to…
Brook: My apologies, but I don't think I 'see' the point in art after all! Because I…don't have any eyes!
- In YuYu Hakusho, Kurama defeats Roto by secretly planting a Death Plant seed in his chest. The plant sucks up Roto's body fluids and then sprouts from his corpse. Kuruma remarks, "What irony. Such beauty, sprung from such an ugly soil."
- In Speed Grapher, Tatsumi tapes up and gags Kagura's teacher, Ms. Wakaba, in order to take her place. When asked what happened to Ms. Wakaba, he replies "She got a bit tied up".
- In Fairy Tail, Natsu shouts "Checkmate!" after taking down the king of Edolas. His friends inform him he's supposed to say it before capturing the king in chess.
- In Bleach, Mask de Masculine calls himself "The Superstar", has star-themed attacks, and boasts that a Superstar can never die. Renji reduces him to a pile of ash and comments on how the Superstar finally burned out.
- In Megaman NT Warrior, during a battling tournament, Chaud is in a double-battle against an annoying teen who is constantly bragging about his Netnavi's "awesome moves", once the battle begins Protoman not only defeats the annoying teen's Netnavi, and the Netnavi's of their respective battling partners in one hit.
Chaud: (Sarcastically) Oh, that's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing your awesome moves.
- Batman: The Dark Knight Returns gives us this (somewhat infamous) gem:
Mutant Gang Member:(facing Batman and holding a child hostage) "Back off, man. I'll kill the kid."
(Batman takes a step closer)
Mutant Gang Member: "Believe me, man. I will!"
(Batman stops, his eyes narrow)
Mutant Gang Member: "Believe me!"
Batman: "I believe you."
- Comic/Amerimanga Lampshade Hanging: in Dirty Pair: A Plague of Angels, Kei and Yuri reveal that their employer, the 3WA, included a "Combat Quips" course teaching this trope along with the rest of their training.
- The final issue of The Ultimates vol 3 gives us the worst Bond One Liner imaginable. After a robot calls the Wasp "the mother" (It Makes Sense in Context), Ant-Man, her ex-husband, destroys it and shouts "If she's the mother...I'm the mother-fucker!" Do Not Want!
: Surrender? Do you think this A
on my head stands for FRANCE
- In Watchmen Rorschach kills a mook trying to arc weld his way into Rorschach's cell by standing on the bed and smashing his toilet with his foot so that the water would reach the poorly insulated arc welder and shock the guy. In The Film of the Book this was changed to him smashing the mooks head into the toilet and then shocking him, but the follow up line was the same.
Rorschach: Hrm. Never used toilet to dispose of sewage before. Obvious really.
- Also from this same issue, after Rorschach has just finished using a restroom to drown Big Figure:
"There. Did what had to be done. Can leave now."
Silk Spectre: You're sure? After all, we don't want to go diving headfirst into things!
Rorschach: Hrm. Good advice. Sure there are many who'd agree with you.
- The formula for a Midnighter line seems to be taking a well known saying and substituting the word "me."
Midnighter: It's not the fall that kills you. It's me.
Midnighter: Look both ways before you cross me.
Midnighter: Live by the sword, die by me.
- Greyshirt once fought a man suspected of beating his wife at the newspaper presses where he worked. Long story short, the guy falls into the machine, with hundreds of papers being covered in his blood. When asked for comment, Greyshirt said "I guess now we know what's black and white and red all over."
- In the final issue of Flashpoint, Batman who, in this universe, is actually Thomas Wayne ends up putting a sword through Zoom as he's boasting how the Flash could never kill him lest he breaks time again.
Batman: Doctor's advice: never stand still in the middle of a war.
- Planetary: John Stone, the books Bond Expy uses one of these in a Steranko-style '60s flashback story after shooting a hole in an enemy plane's refueling hose and blowing it up with a flame thrower.
John Stone: Got a light?
- In Blackest Night, Heatwave pumps out enough fire to melt Black Lantern Rainbow Raider's ring and destroy him. He quips, "Everything has a melting point."
- There's a funny subversion in Hawkeye when Barney Barton has helped his brother Clint fight off the Tracksuit Draculas.
: Sorry about that. Our guests didn't, uh... Guess you could say those guys really... They really
... Those two guys, they... I threw 'em off the fire escape.
- Alpha Flight #23 has Snowbird and Tanaraq fighting. Tanaraq says she doesn't "have the heart" for it. Her response is, "Neither have you!" while ripping his heart out of his chest.
- "We're having roasted cheese for dinner tonight!"
- The Secret Diary Of Cameron Baum chapter 6 where Cameron killed a thug by smashing his head with a door, but not before telling him a joke John told her earlier.
"When is a door not a door?"
"Please. The shakedown was Frank's idea. Keep the money. Please. I need a doctor..."
"When is a door not a door?"
(after killing him) "When it is a ajar, It is a joke. I'm a real hoot."
The man does not laugh. He lacks a mouth. But his brains are everywhere.
- Happens in White Devil of the Moon. Jadeite has just been obliterated by a Divine Buster after attacking Kyouya Takamachi's wedding in an attempt to assassinate Nanoha. Nanoha's sister Miyuki wipes her swords, which are covered in youma blood after the battle, off on her ruined bridesmaid's dress and says, "Does anyone else have a reason why these two should not be wed?"
- In Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, Neville gets a good one as he takes on Ron in the Three Armies Arc.
- Once More with Feeling: Shinji muses that one of the advantages to time travel is that he can finally use the snappy one-liners he thought up too late.
Anyone for fried squid?
- Deconstructed in Halo The Art Of War, where Spearhead's constant quip-throwing as they rack up a bodycount is a sign of them having Issues, in contrast with the quiet professionalism of the other Spartans.
- From the Fan Film Judge Minty, after Minty kills the last member of the gang of Cursed Earth outlaws, who tried to beg himself out of it.
Gang member: I had no choice!
Judge Minty: [shoots gang member] Me neither.
- Subverted in A Teachers Glory, but awesomely. Hinata quips "Are we having fun yet, cousin?" just before she collapses at the end of their fight. Awesome because it was almost played straight: Neji collapsed seconds after she did.
- In Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox, Itachi lets off this quip after having shot Kyusuke four times in the torso: "The gun is always mightier than the sword." Only it turns out Kyusuke is wearing a bulletproof vest.
Live Action Television
- 1000 Ways to Die. Just about every single death ends in a Bond One Liner
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer both used and subverted this trope, as Buffy would nearly always have a Bond One Liner after (or just before) killing a baddie, but occasionally she would be mocked for using a stupid-sounding one, or the vampire would interrupt her while she was saying one.
- Brought to the attention of the audience, when Willow tries to do a One-Liner in the first episode of season three ("Anne"), and when it doesn't work out, she explains that Buffy always says something clever, and she thinks it throws the bad guys off their guard.
- Also parodied in "The Zeppo", when Xander tries to pull off a Buffy-style one-liner.
Xander: You know, you gotta learn that if you're gonna play with fire then you'll have to be... ''(bad guy runs away) ... HEY! I wasn't finished!
- Tara gets one, but she doesn't go for humor.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl.
Buffy: (beat) Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.
- Played with in an episode of Angel, where Wesley, after impaling a demon which constantly laughs says, "Who's laughing now? ... Well, you. But I still win."
- In LOST: Fake Locke (who just murdered two people as the smoke monster): "Sorry you had to see me like that"
- In the Grand Finale, he receives one himself after Kate shoots him in the back (though he doesn't die right away): "I saved you a bullet!"
- Doctor Who:
- Parodied in an episode of She Spies, where D.D. and Shayne spend several minutes trying to guess what one-liner Cassie will use after dealing with the villain of the week.
- Dollhouse's Ms. De Witt, with British accent and deadpan delivery, was begging for one of these. She finally gets one in "Getting Closer", after Boyd shoots several of Rossum's men in De Witt's office. Her only comment? "I think we can both agree that that carpet is finally done for."
- Subverted in the MST3K episode Danger! Death Ray, which has the bots continuously chiding the Bond-esque hero of the movie for an inability to come up with any but the lamest of Bond One Liners (when he remembers to say anything at all).
[Mook dives to his death from hotel window.]
Bart Fargo: That's too bad.
Crow: Oh, COME ON! What about "He really fell for me"?! "His hopes are crushed"?!
- In Secret Agent Super Dragon, another lame spy film on MST, Joel explains how all spies have to go through a training regiment that includes a class on "Post-kill puns".
- And again in Agent for H.A.R.M., which features probably the wussiest Bond clone ever who fails to make a single quip throughout the entire movie, a fact which Mike and the Bots are quick to admonish him for (along with his generally being boring and smarmy).
- Both a Quip to Black and a Bond One Liner, Horatio Caine of CSI: Miami is told he is a dead man. He promptly kills the man who said that and replies "Join the club." Cue the theme music. (YEAAAAAAHHHH!)
- Occasionally used in the 60s spy series The Man from U.N.C.L.E., usually delivered by Napoleon Solo after he has dispatched a THRUSH mook. Given when the series aired and its premise, very possibly a deliberate Homage to James Bond.
- Ian Fleming , who created Bond, did concept work for the show.
- A rather dark example from the second season finale of V-2009 "Now that's how you kill your mother."
- A variant from Flashpoint's first-season episode "Planets Aligned". The bad guy has a six-shot revolver, and has spent five, each shot causing the two SRU members chasing him to count it off: "That's three..." Two SRU members are trying to get him to stand down. In desperation, the gunman turns the revolver on himself.
- Played with in The Middleman, after Wendy sneaks up behind a villain and injects him with tranquilizer:
Middleman: Like a Bengal elephant.
Wendy: The one who does the takedown gets to say the catchphrase.
Middleman: Oh. I'm sorry. Be my guest.
Wendy: Swift justice. (blows on tranquilizer gun)
Middleman: Swift justice? Really?
Wendy (defensively): It was in my delivery!
- In Farscape, Aeryn probably has the best one. Minutes after she gave birth to a baby whom was basically a MacGuffin for the villains, she shoots the commander of said villains (a commander who subjected her to no small amount of pain in efforts to discover the identity of the baby's father) squarely in the head and deadpans "It's a boy. In case you were wondering." Do. Not. Fuck. With Mama Bearyn.
- One of this sketches from Monty Python's Flying Circus is The Bishop, whose protagonist is a bishop (yes, with the crook and big hat and everything) whose attempts to thwart Mafia-type murders of the clergy always end in Bond One Liners.
- Another sketch features Atilla the Hun (John Cleese) as a dad in a typical cheesy sitcom, giving his delighted kids a present - a severed head. "I want you to get a-head!"
- In Heroes, after his twisted game of Russian Roulette, Claire smashes a chair over puppetmaster Doyle's head and tersely says "Show's over."
- Garak in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine loved these. After snidely berating then gunning down an old rival Cardassian, he quips "A pity. I rather liked him."
- Garak, after being introduced to Dr Bashir's very James Bond-like Holosuite adventure games, found himself wishing he'd been in that kind of intelligence service. Perhaps that's what gave him the idea to add the Bond One Liner to his repertoire. Whether or not that's the case, that type of one-liner certainly fit with his personality.
- In one episode of Hogan's Heroes, the Heroes have blown up a fuel truck. Hogan makes a comment, addressed to Klink, to the effect that the driver should have put up a "No Smoking" sign.
- In this That Mitchell and Webb Look sketch (at about 1:38) the two are discussing why they don't want to risk James Bond showing up - because he threw a guy who insulted him out the window onto a fence railing.
Mitchell: Everyone's in shock, except for James, who strolls over to the window, glances down, and says, "What a piercing bore."
Webb: "A piercing bore"? There's no such expression!
Mitchell: Well, right next to the railing was a rock crusher. It's pretty clear he'd wanted to say "what a crushing bore" but missed and was making the best of a bad job...
- A later episode reveals that Agent Suave's one-liners are provided courtesy of a couple of third-rate comedy writers in a van outside the mission location, who in turn get them from a big book called 1001 Super-Spy Quips. Unfortunately, this backfires on them when it's discovered they're also providing this service for the villain.
- In Community episode "Epidemiology" Troy gets out a few based on the costume of the person he just hit, before running out of ideas.
Troy (directed at Annie dressed as Little Red Riding Hood): "Hey Annie what nice fists you have....IN YOUR FACE!"
- Babylon 5: Marcus Cole, upon beating the snot out of every single patron in a bar because he wants answers:
Bugger. Now I have to wait for one of them to wake up.
- Conan O'Brien has a lot of fun with Arnold Schwarzenegger's tendency to do this. Once, when asked what The Schwarzenator would say if he killed someone with a knife at a wedding (part of the US citizenship exam), he stated "Ay Nhau Prounhaunz You Man... Ahnd Naif!"
- Person of Interest: Reese, although he's very soft-spoken and polite about it.
- Wizards of Waverly Place: Mason gets a great one in The Wizards Return, when he tells Alex that he'll handle Dominic.
Mason: "Go on, love. I'll just stay here - and have a snack."
- The Blue Bloods episode "Ties That Bind" has Danny in a gun battle against some cartel thugs. After dropping one, Danny hides behind his car and counts the bullets from thug #2, then pops out and orders him to drop it when the guy runs out. The guy tries to fire, it clicks, and he goes for a backup piece and Danny puts two in his chest.
Danny: Learn how to count.
- The Investigation Discovery program Deadly Women provides an example of this in a dramatization of the murder of Stanley Cumberbatch at the hands of his ex-wife, Millicent. After stabbing a sleeping Stanley multiple times with a knife, Millicent stares down at the corpse and blood soaked bed and says the following:
Millicent Cumberbatch: Rest in peace, Stanley!
- In Power Rangers Megaforce, whenever the team would destroy a monster, Troy would say "Mega Rangers, that's a mega win." When they upgraded to Super Megaforce, it was modified to be "Mega Rangers, that's a super mega win."
- In The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Weaver making a Bond One-Liner after killing an inconvenient employee is the first sign that she's much more complex and self-aware than the usual Terminator.
- Arrow: In "Unfinished Business", when Diggle goes to rescue Oliver at the mental institution, he manages to take down the doctor's assistant after some struggling with a defibrilator discharge at his head. Dig gets up and says a single word on the matter: "Clear".
- From Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels:
- Sorta played straight in Guards! Guards! After the Watch corner the villain, Captain Vimes orders Carrot to "throw the book at him". Carrot, who has trouble with metaphors, literally throws his copy of The Laws and Ordinances of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork at the villain, causing him to stumble backwards over a ledge and fall to his death. Sergeant Colon remarks "What a way to go. Killed by a wossname, a metaphor," which Nobby Nobbs follows up with "Looks more like it was the ground."
- Subverted/parodied in The Fifth Elephant when Samuel Vimes think of a few possible lines, then mutters "The hell with it" after killing the villain in self-defense, because if he had been able to joke about killing someone, then it would have been too much like murder.
- In a later novel, Going Postal, the narration indicates that if protagonist Moist von Lipwig had been "a hero," he would have thrown off a one-liner after tricking a monster into a gruesome death, but "since he wasn't a hero, he threw up."
- Sandy Mitchell's Ciaphas Cain novels are replete with these, some witty, some silly, all hilarious.
- Appears most frequently in the third book with current villains' battle cries:
- "Blood for the Blood God!" "Fine, he can have yours!"
- "Blood for the Blood God!" "Harriers for the cup!"
- "Blood for the Blood—" CRUNCH! Gurgling Sounds "Well he's not getting mine..."
- In the very first Animorphs book, Visser Three kills Elfangor by morphing into a monster and eating him.
Visser Three: <Nothing like a good Antarean Bogg morph for.. taking a bite out of your enemies.>
- Painfully subverted in the seventh book of Warhammer 40,000: Gaunt's Ghosts.
- If this Star Wars example doesn't count, it comes seriously close. In Luke Skywalker's fight with Lumiya, when she slips and falls, he grabs her arm. After saying "I'd never let you fall" he cuts her head off. Awesome!
- Parodied in Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones, when Alcatraz unleashes a Hurricane of Puns using the word soul after tricking the Villain of the Week into taking a book in the Library of Alexandria - which constitutes a contract to allow the Library's curators to claim your soul. All right, so it's not technically killing, but that's part of the joke.
- In John Dies at the End, John gets several (of varying quality) after he "introduces" some wig-monsters to a folding chair.
- "Have a seat, bitch!"
- "You've been sentenced to get the chair, motherfucker!"
- "You wants the committee, asshole, then you best meet with the chair!"
- "Anybody else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"
- "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top!"
- In the novelization for Revenge of the Sith, the newly fallen Darth Vader uses several of these while killing the Separatist leaders. For example, when one cries, "We surrender! Please — you're a Jedi!", he responds "You fought a war to destroy the Jedi. (Stab) Congratulations on your success."
- Averted in Black Dogs. After their first fight, Sadrao says "well, that was invigorating!". And the protagonist, Lyra, instead of some witty remark, just throws up.
- Summer Rowe the genius engineer in Lacuna wants a gun like all the rest of the crew so she can deliver an XKCD-inspired line.
Rowe: Because, you know, XKCD. They had this comic where they rated ‘potential action movie one liners’ from most-probable to least-probable, and when we find the Demons I’m dying to pull out my gun and just go... ‘Bangarang, motherfucker.’ Like, from Peter Pan, the original novel. … seriously, that’d be so awesome.
Rowe: (puts the rifle against the Toralii's chest) Bangarang, motherfucker.
- Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz uses this all the time:
- Dropping a snowmobile on Dr Grief in Point Blanc, "It looks like I sleighed him."
- In Skeleton Key when he uses a magnet-crane on Conrad, a villain with metal pins in his body, he remarks: "What an attractive man."
- Damien Cray the villain of, Eagle Strike, the fourth book gets thrown out of Air Force One while "riding" a food trolley: "He went off his trolley."
- In Crocodile Tears, Desmond gets one after killing Bulman and putting his cadaver into a bulldozer: "It looks like Bulman got what every journalist dreams of - a scoop."
- Nick Diamond from the Diamond Brothers Mysteries does this quite a lot.
- The Dresden Files "For my next trick, anvils!" - said after redirecting an entropy curse onto a vampire causing said vampire to be hit by a frozen turkey that fell out of a plane.
- Tamora Pierce's Lioness Rampant has one when after Alanna kills Alex she asks "Is this what it means to be best?"
- Averted in Mystery Team; Duncan seems more stunned about killing someone than anything, and Charlie's only quip is:
I hope those were baby teeth.
- In A Storm of Swords, Tyrion Lannister gets one after slaying his father, who sits on the privy.
The oft repeated jape about his father was just another lie. Lord Tywin did not, in the end, shit gold.
- In Artemis Fowl Mafia metal man "Loafers" keeps a notebook filled with these corresponding to the occupation of the target that he killed, including such gems as: "I'm just doing this because I knead the dough!" (After killing a baker, naturally)
- The War Against the Chtorr. In the short story Enterprise Fish, someone accuses the Jerk Ass protagonist McCarthy of being Not Himself after being changed into a Half-Human Hybrid, but changes his mind when McCarthy delivers a Bond One Liner after watching another Jerk Ass get swallowed whole for ignoring the Do Not Taunt Cthulhu trope.
- In The Short-Timers, a Vietnam War novel by Gustav Hasford, sociopathic Marine Animal Mother, after beheading (already dead) Viet Cong female sniper quips: "Rest in pieces, bitch."
- The magazine Slate features the results of a contest for reader-submitted Bond One Liners.
- The winner of that contest was "Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, pissant."
- Mad Magazine did a parody of the movie "Charade", focusing on its lighthearted tone in the face of mayhem. The glamorous leads trade quips as their adversaries die horribly, like when one is found drowned in a bathtub: "Too bad he died before he had a chance to come clean!" - "This crime has a familiar ring to it!"
- In LEGO's BIONICLE, Teridax eats/absorbs Nidhiki in order to gain more power for his fight with the Toa Metru. Apparently Nidhiki did not go down easily, because Teridax would later describe the event with, "I lost because I disagreed with something I ate."
- Also parodied in one of the "Party Planner" sketches on BBC Radio 4's That Mitchell and Webb Sound (and on the TV adaptation). When the two characters are trying to decide whether or not to invite James Bond to a party, one recounts an event from a previous party at which Bond threw somebody out of a window for saying that his cigarette case was "gay". The victim landed on a railing spike and was paralysed.
Webb: Everyone's in shock, apart from James, who strolls over to the window, looks down and says: "What a piercing bore."
Mitchell: "Piercing bore"? There's no such expression!
Webb: Well, the railing was next to a crusher. It was pretty clear that he'd meant to say "crushing bore", but had missed, and was making the best of a bad job.
Religion and Mythology
- Judges 15:16- Then Samson said, "With an ass's jawbone I have made asses of them. With an ass's jawbone I have killed a thousand men." (He had just used the jawbone of a donkey / wild ass as a weapon).
- One possible translation made to preserve the pun is something like "With the jawbone of an ass, I have heaped them in a mass."
- In the original Hebrew, the word for "donkey" sounds like the word for "heap" making a better pun.
- To quote the now legendary Old Man Henderson after running over Hastur with a gas tanker rigged with C4;
Old Man Henderson: "Henderson here. Figured out what the nasties are weak against."
Jimmy: "What's that, Mr. Henderson?"
Old Man Henderson: "Point blank annihilation."
- Ford Cruller gets his Moment Of Awesome in Psychonauts when he turns the Big Bad's main weapon (super-strength sneezing powder that makes the victim literally sneeze their brains out) on him in the climax. The one liner? Geshundheit. However, said villain survived.
- Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain:
Moebius: Aye, you have seen my plans, vampire, as I've seen your destiny; the future says you die.
Kain: But I am dead...
(Chops off Moebius's head)
Kain: As are you.
- Kain reverses this in Defiance, confronting Moebius after self-resurrecting sans his vampiric heart. Moebius tries to paralyze Kain, only to have his hand forcibly placed on Kain's chest. Kain follows with "I always was considered heartless."
- Many boss battles in The House of the Dead III and 4:
James: (after defeating Temperance, a several-stories-tall obese zombie) "Temper this, buddy!"
Kate: (after defeating the same boss) "How do you like my no-fat, all-lead diet?"
Lisa: (after defeating the Sun, a tree-like creature) "I never was any good at gardening."
(after beating Death, on the 2nd encounter
) "When a lady says no, she means it!"
Kate: (after defeating The Star, who had challenged Kate and James to a "test of strength") "Looks like you're the one who failed the test!"
Agent G: (after killing a clown in the carnival) "Stop clowning around."
- Lampshaded in Kingdom of Loathing, at the end of the level 12 quest. In fact, there are two versions, depending on which side you defeated:
After blowing up the hippy camp via gas leak: You stare open-mouthed at the carnage that used to be the hippy camp, then remember you're obligated to make a witty remark. "Thanks, guys," you say, as you strut off the battlefield, "it's been a gas."
After blowing up the frat house: You stare blankly at the destruction around you, then realize you're obligated to make a witty remark. "Remember, kids," you say as you strut off the field, "idiots and explosives don't mix."
- It is possible to both avert the lampshading and the trope itself in the third ending ( combining a flare-gun, 999 dead hippies and 999 dead frat orcs, defeating both sides). To replace it, there is a Pre-Mortem One-Liner, pointing out something both The Man and The Big Wisniewski have forgotten.
- The video game Gun uses this in Hoodoo Brown's death.
Hoodoo Brown: I'M HOODOO BROWN!
* BANG* * CRASH*
Colton: You were.
- In the original Metal Gear Solid, (meaning the PSX one), Snake uttered this after shooting down Liquid in his Hind:
- Interestingly, World of Warcraft contains a few of these. Pretty much any major Bosses will give some quips when they kill someone. While most are just general boasting, a few qualify. From Memory:
Ionar (Lightning Elemental): "Shocking, I know."
Durumu the Forgotten (A mutated demon with many eyes): "Do you see what I did there?"
- Team Fortress 2: The characters will drop their own Bond One Liners, independent of the player's input. This often happens when you kill the same player four times without being killed by them in response, earning a "Domination".
- The Demoman does this at the end of "Meet the Demoman," after blowing a bunch of BLU team mercenaries to bits with a massive sticky-bomb trap.
Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together - IN HELL.
Sniper "How many times have you died? I'm actually getting impressed!"
- Being styled after 1960's spy fiction, and possibly Bond himself, the Spy is naturally the king of this trope.
"Sorry to 'pop-in' unannounced."
(To Scout) "You died as you lived: running away!"
(To Pyro) "You look like death warmed over..."
(To Engineer) "Did I throw a wrench into your plans?"
- Parodied/lampshaded in the "Dashwood and Argyle" radio series in Fallout 3 after Argyle dispatches a traitorous Femme Fatale:
Dashwood: Good God Argyle, you- you ripped out her heart!
Argyle: I always knew this broad was heartless...get it boss? Heh-heh, heartless...
Dashwood: Your kung-fu skills are unparalleled old chum, but your comic delivery leaves something to be desired.
- In Fallout: New Vegas, Boone has one if you take him along to kill Caesar.
"Thumbs down, you son of a bitch."
- In the Mass Effect series, Renegade Shepard can have a few of these. The most famous comes in the second game, where a mook Shepard asked a question from responds, "I've got nothing more to say to you." Shepard pushes him off of a very tall building before saying, "How 'bout 'goodbye'?"
- The Citadel DLC closes out the series with one of the finest examples ever. After Shepard catches his/her clone and their accomplice, Maya Brooks, Shepard is obviously barely restraining him/herself as Brooks taunts them. If you play as a Renegade, you'll get this amazing exchange after Maya is already in cuffs:
Brooks: Admit it Commander. You'll miss me.
Brooks breaks out of her cuffs and starts running. Shepard pulls out their pistol and shoots her in the back.
- Ah, Snarky!Hawke, what would Dragon Age II be without you? S/he delivers this awesome one-liner to Duke Prosper after you kill him by throwing him off a clip:
Snarky!Hawke: It looks like the Duke... has fallen from grace.
- In Command & Conquer: Tiberian Dawn, Seth is Nod's Second in Command, giving the player briefings for the first half of the Brotherhood's campaign. He eventually plans to betray Kane and the player; in a briefing where he's about to send the player into a hopeless attack on the Pentagon, he claims "You see, power shifts quickly in the Brotherhood". Seth is shot by Kane about thirty seconds after this; shoving the corpse aside, Kane says "Yes... power shifts more quickly than some people think". Even more Badass because this the first line you ever hear Kane say. It's even funnier at the end when Kane quips "Oh, and congratulations on your promotion." looks down at the dead Seth and then back to you.
- Alternatively, ANYTHING said by the Commandos. "Real tough guy! Nice Faceplant! I've got a present for ya! Keep 'em commin!" etc, etc.
- The Navy SEALs in Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 have lines such as "That was left-handed!" and the classic "Lil' C4 knockin' at ya door!".
- Star Wars: Republic Commando has Trandoshans (bipedal fat, green ugly lizard aliens) with flammable-gas-laden backpacks. Shoot one in the back, and the backpack will ignite, lifting the unfortunate Trandoshan ten feet up like a jetpack before exploding. Quirky teammate Scorch will comment on this with lines like "Woo! Fireworks!" or "Hey, I didn't know Trandoshan could fly!"
- The original Resident Evil, with Chris's iconic line after killing Plant 42: "Looks like we got to the ROOT of the problem!"
- City of Heroes: When fighting bosses, if they
kill defeat you, many will say something witty.
- No More Heroes: "It's open mic night in hell, old man. Sing all you want down there."
- Dystopia: Players can use context-specific taunts after kills.
- In SWAT 4, some of your squadmates have some one liners after finding a dead/incapacitated suspect along with normal chatter
*after killing a female robber at a convenience store* "Guess her Bonnie and Clyde days are over."
*after killing a gang member at the A-bomb nightclub* "I'm not much of a dancer, but neither is this one now."
- The James Bond games are naturally full of these. One, in Agent Under Fire, if you choose to push The Jackal off instead of shooting her to death, M calls asking what happened. Bond's response? "She's fallen for me."
- In Splinter Cell Conviction, Sam Fisher will throw out one of these after a fight ends.
- Fisher gets a famous one in one of Blacklist's side-missions should you take out a guard dog:
Grim:"The file says he owns a prize winning showdog. Purebred."
Fisher:"Time to update the file."
- Fire Emblem Awakening: There are many of one-liners after a battle is won.
- Grand Theft Auto IV: Niko Bellic (after killing his job interviewer): "I guess I didn't get the job."
- In Borderlands each character will automatically taunt any elite opponent or any opponent that dies to a critical hit after getting a kill
- As a James Bond parody, naturally Clank has plenty of these in his Show Within a Show in Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal.
- Chuck Greene from Dead Rising 2 is pretty good at these.
*boss is killed by zombie in a bridal gown* You may now kiss the bride.
- In Off the Record, Frank West delivers even more of these than Chuck did.
*Boss is crushed by a falling platform* "Sorry. I'm not into flat chicks."
- JC Denton uses one in Deus Ex, after casually blowing up Gunther Herman with his killphrase "Laputan Machine".
JC: Sticks and stones...
- Rico Rodriguez from Just Cause 2.
(after blowing up a pipeline or other large structure) "Don't take it personally. It was a design problem. That's all."
(after blowing the hell out of a satellite broadcast facility and free-falling to the ground) "And that concludes our broadcast day."
(after completing any settlement by blowing stuff up or collecting pickups) "It's a tough job... But someone's gotta do it."
(blowing up a statue that the villain erected to himself) "Ouch! That's gonna hurt the big man's ego!"
- Caleb, of Blood. However, he only gets specific when defeating bosses, otherwise they're usually generic comments on how much pain he's dishing out, or an Evil Laugh.
"You kids shouldn't play so rough... somebody's gonna start crying."
- Everyone in the Unreal Tournament series excels at these: bots will automatically taunt after killing another character, and players can set it so they automatically taunt after a kill as well.
- Gears of War:
(After scoring a headshot) Marcus: "Look ma, no face."
- Vega Strike has a node in each Dialogue Tree for killing another unit. Mostly for flavour, but some are funny. Rlaan turn out to have a Warrior Poet streak.
- At the beginning of Batman: Arkham Asylum, Joker escapes from custody by strangling a guard with his handcuffs:
Joker: The choke's on you!
- Halo gets these for the player characters in Firefight mode, or for NPCs in Campaign and Firefight, sometimes preceded by a Pre-Mortem One-Liner.
- Tomb Raider has Lara Croft raining these. Some notable examples:
Mook: For some people, like yourself, we get a special bonus!
Lara: I'm flattered.
Mook: I mean, I could even retire early from you!
Lara: Then you'd might like to mind the bell.
Mook gets thrown off the rooftop from a swinging bell
Lara: Happy retirement.
- Pit delievers quite a few in Kid Icarus: Uprising, which, given the nature of the game are lampshaded more often than not.
Palutena: What a sucker.
Pit: Did you see that thunder!
Pit: In your rock face!
Pit: Your heart wasn't even in it!
Defeating the Space Kraken, again:
Pit: That's right, you tentafool!
- Brain Dead 13: In Vivi's Salon, when Vivi gets pushed into the Beautifier and gets defeated by it, but not killed, Lance makes a Badass Boast at her:
Lance: Hey, Viv! I'll take a rain check on that... bite!
- Of course, this will turn into a Sedgwick Speech if he doesn't avoid Fritz's attack and get out of the salon.
- Before that, she also delivers this Bond One-Liner to Lance after she has cut off his head or his hand:
- As an Affectionate Parody of 80's action movies, Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon has quite the collection of these for various actions.
- Final Fantasy X: Lulu of all people pulls these when she casts Black Magic, with such gems as:
) Care to share your thoughts?
- In Alpha Protocol, you have the option of giving Thorton several of these depending on how ruthless you are. The crown example probably comes from mob-boss Konstantin Brayko, if you take him with you to fight his treasonous ex-boss who is protected by an olympic boxing champion.
Your bodyguard is busy winning gold medal in dying. I gave him 6.4 on the dismount, but he did not stick the landing. But, you can talk to him soon.
- In Saints Row: The Third, you wind up crushing Phillipe Loren under a giant metal ornament. When the boss realizes this, he makes a Bond One-Liner, or depending on the voice you've chosen, comments on his lack of one.
Boss: Damnit. I should have thought of a "Belgian pancake" joke.
- Saints Row 2 has this at the end of the Brotherhood storyline.
Boss: (holding a gun to Maero's head) Any last words?
Maero: Go to hell.
Boss: (pulls the trigger) Sorry, didn't catch that.
- In Desperados after killing an enemy with a knife:
John Cooper: "Next please!"
- Saints Row: Gat Out of Hell: After crashing the wedding of Satan's daughter.
Johnny Gat: [shoots Satan in the face] I love weddings.
- Black Mage from 8-Bit Theater in this comic
Thief: I don't think he heard you, BM.
Black Mage: He got the message though.
- In this strip of Holiday Wars, April Fools' Day discusses one liners and then uses one as he defeats Labor Day in a fight.
- Subverted in this Dominic Deegan strip. "Aw man, I totally should've shouted that afterwards!"
- Also played with at the end of the War In Hell arc. After his enemy is dispatched by Stonewater using an ice attack on his earthly form, Karnak muses that this is the perfect time to deliver a line like, "Hell's frozen over," but Karnak's always hated those jokes.
- Rob and Elliot discuss the fact that James Bond must get depressed whenever he just shoots a guy.
- "I guess you... got... shot."
- Something witty.
- Similarly, one issue of Scud The Disposable Assassin has Scud stick his gun in a target's mouth and say "Something funny." before pulling the trigger.
- The Adventures of Dr. McNinja: Gordito kills a ghost wizard, then waits until the end of the chapter before delivering his quip. The Alt Text on the page lampshades this.
- A beautiful one from Breakfast of the Gods, after killing Count Chocula by summoning the sun:
Dig 'em: What was he?
Tony: Not much of a morning person, obviously.
- Gunnerkrigg Court: Not a death, but the same principle: after Antimony destroys the Enigmarons' Death Ray, Kat insists (over Annie's protests) that the situation calls for a witty quote. The best that Annie can manage on such short notice is "I hope you like your... smashed... death ray!"
- Zola of Girl Genius, when pulling her ass from the Death Trap of "the Other" note delivers one for each of the two she left behind:
Later, Tarvek. Oh, well, maybe not.
'bye, auntie! I'll tell your other note selves "hello" from you!
- After being struck with a medicine ball, El Chupacabre of Goodwill Heroes delivers a nice one, much to Jazz Man's dismay.
CHUPE "Have a taste of your own medicine... ball."
- Schlock Mercenary, when Kathryn fried the opponents' Powered Armor into flaking away.
Ennesby: Wow. They're like popcorn.
: (shoots them
before they recover) Weak simile. These have to be popped twice.
- Another particularly good example from an earlier arc:
Mook: I will die before I-
Ennesby: "-finish my sentence", I think that was going to be.
- Blade Bunny attempted this.
- In Commander Kitty, Fluffy attempts one of these. She quickly corrects herself, but the effect is lost.
- In MS Paint Masterpieces these are used by a lot of characters. Subverted on one occasion, when a badly-damaged Mega Man tries to do one after delivering the fatal blow, but passes out before he can finish.
- This xkcd strip has a few lines we're less likely to see as Bond One Liners.
- From Terra page page 247, as a comment on an attempted pre-mortem taunt:
Mook: (to Grey, whom he has by the throat)
That slave is coming with me. But not before I snap your—
isn't going anywhere
- In Homestuck, Spades Slick parodies this by failing repeatedly to come up with good time puns after killing Sawbuck about five times in a row.
- Survival of the Fittest has Eduardo Trinidad-Villa killed Tanya Bonneville by electrocution. His line?
Eddie: Original recipe or extra crispy?
- Bobby Jacks also pulls one out after setting off an unintentional chain reaction of events leading to the death of Michael Anders.
Bobby: Rube Goldberg would be proud.
- The Evil Overlord List, Number Seven, lists the only acceptable One Liner for villains:
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
- Newt exemplifies this trope amazingly in "How Aliens Should Have Ended".
- From Ninja The Mission Force, when the boombox ninja hits Gordon with a stone: "Guess you couldn't handle hard rock."
- In the third Season Finale of We're Alive Burt lures a behemoth into a pit formed by two gates. The behemoth is trapped by the inner gate and gets its arm ripped off and bleeds out. Burt's response: "He's unarmed!"
- In Chapter 26.1 of Worm, when Nice Guy's Jedi Mind Trick superpower is preventing the heroes from realizing he's an enemy they have to kill, Imp's Perception Filter superpower lets her through his defenses. She slits his throat, kicks him down the stairs into an acid trap, and tells his dying body: "My schtick."note
- This bizarre line from Bleach Ment:
- In Achievement Hunter's Let's Play Grand Theft Auto IV, one episode had the gang play Wanted Mode. At one point, a panicky Gavin attempts to get in what he thinks is a car, but realizes that what he found was some sort of metal box. When he goes to call that out, he remembers too late that he was being chased by Geoff, who hits him with a rocket launcher.
- In MoBrosStudios' Candace Opens an Interdimensional Portal, the RED Spy delivers one after saving Isabella from the BLU Spy.
Go to hell. And take your cheap jokes
- Happens Once an Episode in WWE Slam City.
- In Jerma985's 'The Lob Slobs', after Jerma and STAR__ managed to kill a sizeable amount of people in the vent using the grenade spam tactics, Jerma gave this trope out.
Jerma: Welcome to the Lob Slobs den!
- In Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Walter manages to pair this perfectly with a Pre-Mortem One-Liner when eliminating a group of traitors.
Who wants daddy's belt? [slaughters the traitors] Now, think about what you've done.
- The "Pistol of Armageddon" series of Hitler Rants videos often translates Burgdorf's "DAS REICHT!" as this every time he uses the eponymous superweapon on something.
- Archer, despite being spy fiction, regularly averts this, with the agents occasionally trying and failing to come up with a Bond One Liner when the time comes. However, one-off character Conway Stern has a knack for them, much to the others' annoyance.
Lana: Sorry, Conway! You're... awww, wait, I had something for this...
Conway: Is it something like, "You don't get off the hook this easy?"
Archer: Yeah, he's good at those.
- In Avatar: The Last Airbender, Wan Shi Tong, a knowledge spirit gone rogue, is bragging about all the fighting styles he knows. Sokka drops out of nowhere and knocks him out by hitting him in the head with a heavy tome, and quips "That's Sokka Style. Learn it."
- The Legend of Korra takes it Up to Eleven by having Mako of all people keeping an entire list on hand, just so he can say something cool whenever he captures a criminal at his job as a cop.
- Adam West from Family Guy: "Perhaps it was The Noid who should have avoided me".
- While technically a three-liner, in Justice League Unlimited Time villain Chronos executes a mook for treason by sending through time to one minute before the dinosaur-killing asteroid impact.
Chronos: Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? [...] Well, Chucko does.
- In the Looney Tunes short "The Unmentionables", a man tried to call the police from a phone booth while gang violence was going on, only to get cut in half by machine gun fire, with the operator quipping "I'm sorry, you've been disconnected."
- Scooby-Doo of all people gets to do this in an episode of Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated. After crushing an evil robotic double of himself, he says: "Play dead." This a is a follow-up to several dog-related puns Freddie unsuccessfully tried to use as Bond One Liners.
- The Simpsons:
Bart: (Austrian accent) "Hey mouse...say cheese." (snaps picture; an Itchy robot collapses) "With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero." (the family snaps more photos and kills more robots; Homer emerges from a pile of robots)
Homer: "Die, bad robots, die!" (laughs) "With a dry, cool wit like that, I could—"
Bart: "Who would have thought that our visit to Itchy and Scratchy Land would turn out to be our best vacation ever?"
- In American Dad!, Stan just made a killing in the shock market.
- Only to get one-upped by Duper's one-liner: "Lucy! You got some 'splodin to do!"
- Dan in Dan Vs. gets a couple in "Dan vs. the Dentist". After destroying the dentist's army of robots (It Makes Sense in Context ... sort of), he quips, "Rince that out and spit!" Then after causing his tooth-shaped Supervillain Lair to self-destruct: "Now that's what I call tooth decay!"
- In the Superjail! Season 2 episode "Lord Stingray Crash Party", Alice kills Mistress Kilda by grabbing her by the boobs and splitting her in half with her bare hands. She says this after she drops what's left of the body to the ground:
Alice: I knew it. *squishes water balloon* Fake! Euro-skank.
- Duck Dodgers has the titular character deliver one of these after dropping a giant ice boulder onto the Queen of Mars. She survives, but only due to Cartoon Physics.
Duck Dodgers: Giant rock takes Queen.
- In The Batman/Superman Movie:
Harley Quinn: [Watching the aircraft crashing with the Joker in it] Puddin!
Batman: At this point, he probably is.
- A non-lethal variant from Batman: The Animated Series, after watching Batman make a coin logo fall on Two Face (a villain who often flips a coin to make decisions), knocking him out:
Commissioner Gordon That's a first. A coin flips Two Face.
- A villainous example in The Snow Queen (2012). The Snow Queen jokes about Vergard and Una's frozen bodies after killing them.
- After the Utrom Shredder is defeated in Turtles Forever, Mirage Leonardo says, "The Shredder... Has been shredded."
- According to this New Yorker article, averted by the SEAL who shot Osama Bin Laden.
"For God and country—Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo." After a pause, he added, "Geronimo E.K.I.A."—"enemy killed in action."note .
- Following his assassination of Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped from Lincoln's stall onto the stage (where he twisted his leg) and declared "Sic semper tyrannis" to the audience before running off ("Thus always to tyrants", the Virginia state motto and a claimed statement of one of Julius Caesar's assassins). It's also said that he added: "I have done it, the South is avenged!"
- When Molotov was in Berlin for a conference sometime in late 1940 or early '41, the RAF bombed the city centre just to embarass the Germans. Quoth Churchill: "We were disappointed not to be invited to the proceedings, but decided to make sure we were not forgotten."
- It gets better. While they were waiting in their bomb-shelter, Joachim von Ribbetrop assured Molotov that Germany's war with The Commonwealth was going splendidly and that their enemies' military power had been destroyed. Molotov is reputed to have replied "...so why are we in here, then?"